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A59456 The sullen lovers, or, The impertinents a comedy acted by His Highness the Duke of Yorkes servants / written by Tho. Shadwell. Shadwell, Thomas, 1642?-1692.; Molière, 1622-1673. Fâcheux. 1668 (1668) Wing S2878; ESTC R13843 68,693 144

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Ay pray Sir hear him he 's as pretty a Wit as any man in this Town except Sir Positive I assure you Stan. What are we condemn'd to Emil. To a worse condition then Gally-slaves Ninny I was with my Bookseller Madam with that Heroick Poem which I presented to your Ladyship as an earnest of the honour I have for you But by the way he 's an ignorant ingrateful Fellow for betwixt you and I he has got some hundreds of pounds by some Plays and Poems of mine which he has Printed And let me tell you some under the Names of Beaumont and Fletcher and Ben. Iohnson too but what do you think Madam I asked the Son of a Who●e for this Poem Emil. O Insufferable Ninn. What think you Stanford ●ayes hold of him Stan. Let me go I have no Judgment in these things Ninn. But I 'le you There are not above 10 or 12000 Lines in all the Poem and as I hope to be sav'd I ask'd him but twelve pence a line one line with another La. Vain And really Sir that 's as reasonable as he can possibly afford e'm take that from me Sta● O Devil this is worse then a Sheerness Ague that will give a Man some respit between the Fits Ninn. By my Soul Madam if he had been my Brother I wou'd not have abated him one penny for you must know there are many hundreds of Lines that in their Intrinsick value are worth ten shillings a Line between Father and Son and the greatest part of e'm are worth five shillings a line but before George very few or none but are worth three shillings a line to the veriest Iew in Christendome they have that salt thought imagination power spirit soul and flame in e'm ha Emil. What does this concern me Ninn. No but I 'le tell you Stanford prethee hear as I hope for mercy this Impudent Rogue told me he would not give me two shillings for the whole Poem an ignorant Puppy a fellow of all the World I design'd to make for he might have sold these Books for three shillings apiece and I would have help'd off with 10000 of e'm to ten thousand of my particular intimate Friends besides every one that had but heard of my name which are almost all the Kings Subjects would have bought some so that I should not have got above six or seven hundred pound and in a fortnights time have made this fellow an Alderman That such ignorant Rascalls should be Judges of VVit or Sence La. Vain VVell Sir we shall never have good VVorld unless the State Reformes these abuses Ninn. 'T is very true Madam for this is a thing is of Consequence to the whole Nation Stanford Stan. VVhat the Devil would you have Am I the cause of this 〈◊〉 No! Heav'n forbid I should say so but Madam I had forgot another Advantage he had had by this Emil. Heav'n defend me this puts me beyond all patience Ninn. I 'le tell you Stanford prethee mind me a little Stan. Oh now I am undone ruin'd for ever Sir Positive's here Emili. O intollerable enter Sir Positive Sir Pos. to La. Vain I heard your Ladiship was here and came to kiss your hand Oh Stanford art thou here well how dost Cozin I am glad I have found you all together I came to Present my Lady Vaine with a musique I have made Which his that Invention in 't I say no more but I have been this Moneth of making it And you must know musique is a thing I value my Self upon 't is a thing I have thought on and consider'd And made my business from my Cradle Lov. Come Madam now they are settl'd in their business let 's Leave e'm Car. With all my heart Sir Pos. Come you shall see it Emil. Cozen Pray let it be another time Sir Pos. Nay nay never talk of that you shall see 't now And let me tell you I have as much power of Invention In musique as any man in England Come in Stanf. O Heav'n when shall we be deliver'd from these fools Enter Fidlers and play a ridiculous piece of musique Sir Pos How do you like it Stanford is it not well what say you Cozin ha La. Va. Indeed Sir Positive it 's very agreeable Sir Pos. Upon my honour this honest fellow plaid it with a great deal of glo●y he is a most incomparable Bower he has the most luscious the most luxurious bow-hand of any man in Europe take that from me and let me tell you if any man gives you a better account of the Intrigue of the Violin then I do I am a● Owl a Puppy a Coxcomb a Logger-head or what you will Emil. Sure there is Magick in this never to be free Sir Pos. Magick why do you understand Magick Emil. No no no not I Cozen O intollerable Sir Pos. I do if you please talk of something else leave that to me why I will discover lost Spoons and Linnen resolve all horary questions nay raise a Devil with Doctor Faustus himself if he were alive Ninny to my Lady Vain Woodcock a Poet a pimp is he not Sir Pos. Whos 's that speaks of pimping there well though I say 't no man pretends to less then I do but I cannot pass this by without manifest Injury to my self Stanf. This Puppy rather then not be in at all will declare himself a pimp Lady Vaine But Sir are you such a manner of man Sir Pos. Why Madam did you never hear of me for this Lady Vaine No Sir if I had Sir Pos. If I had ha ha ha why Madam where have you liv'd all this while La. Vain O ●y upon him Madam I shall lose my reputation if I be seen in his Company Sir Pos. Well! the pimps in this Town are a Company of empty idle fellows they have no design in ' em La. Vain Sir I am sorry you are such a kind of Man but Sir Pos. Sorry well if I would bend my self to 't I would starve all these Pimps they should not eat bread but I am not thought fit La. Va. Sure you railly all this while Sir Pos. Railly ha ha ha Why there is not a Lady of Pleasure from Blackwall to Tuttle-Fields that I am not intimately acquainted with nay that I do not know the state of her Body from her first Entring into the Calling La. Vain O Madam I am undone ruin'd for ever by being in his Company Sir Pos. Besides for debauching of Women Madam I am the greatest son of a Whore in the World if any one comes near me La. Vain Out upon you if you be such a man I will have nothing to do with you see me no more I must look to my Honour my Reputation is dearer to me then all the VVorld I would not have a blemish in my Honour for all the riches of the Earth this makes me so covetous of your Ladiships Company a person of so much Vertue and Honour but for Sir Positive I
old Gentleman 's out of the House They are going out Enter Woodcock Stan. ' Slife Wo●dcock 's here I 'le cut his Throat Emil. Pray none of your Hectoring here to Alarm the House Wood. How now Dear Heart Why did not you come to me as you promis'd Emil. For Heavens sake go up into the Room two pair of Stairs and I 'le steal from hence and give you an Account make haste Lov. Come let 's in before we be interrupted agen Ex. Wood. Enter Ninny Ninn. Hi'st Madam before George 't was unkindly done not to remember your assignation just now Emil. You 'l spoil all I could not get loose run into the garden there 's a back door I 'le come to you immediately make haste we are observ'd Ninn. O ho this is something Stanf. This woman has a soul. Ex. omnes Enter Huffe drunk Huff I have pursu'd him into this house that has abus'd me so basely behind my back and by this Whiniard and by the spirit of Gun-powder I 'le sacrifice him to my fury Come out you son of a Whore Enter Stanford and the rest after him Stanford presses upon Huffe and he falls Stanf. That this Puppy shou'd provoke me to draw upon him that is so drunk he cannot stand Huff That 's a mistake not so drunk yet but if I had stood soberly to 't I should have been run through the Lungs before this to himself Enter Sir Positive and Lady Vaine Emil. Is there no end of our affliction Sir Posit Dear Cozen and Iack Stanford give me Joy I am marry'd to a Lady that is the greatest Pattern of Wit and the greatest Example of Vertue that this age hath produc'd and for her face look upon 't took upon it I say she 's a beauty take that from me what say you Stanford flourish within Stanf. Yes yes she 's cursedly hansome La. Va. If my glass does not flatter me you are not deceiv'd in your Judgment dear Sir Sir Posit Here I have brought Fiddles to rejoyce with you Iack and Cousin since I know you love mirth as well as I do Enter Woodcock Wood. I had waited for thee my dear Miss if this unexpected Musick had not brought me hither Enter Ninny Ninn. How now what Fiddles are these Sir Pos. You dogs are you here now Madam you shall see how I 'le chastise these fellows that wou'd be Wits Wood. Hold dear Rogue why should'st thou be angry upon my honour I did but droll with thee for by the Lord Harry I take thee to be one of the pillars of the Nation Dear Heart Sir Pos. O' do you so Ninn. Dear Sir Positive I beg your pardon a thousand times For my part I believe there never was a man of that prodigious understanding that you have Sir Pos. Do you so I knew it was impossible they shou'd be in Earnest but do you hear have a Care of being Positive another time a man wou'd think you might learn more Modesty of me Wood. Come Dear Heart art thou here prethee kiss me and let 's be friends for all our late Cuffing what need we care for a douce or two of the Chops Bully Rock Ninn. Nay for my part I value it as little as you do and you go to that Enter Father and Countrey Gentleman Fath. What Ryots this in my house at this time o' night Sir Pos. Riot do you understand what a Riot is in Law I 'le tell you for no man in this Nation has committed more then I have Fath. Tell me not of Law Sir what mean these Fiddles I say at this time o' night Sir Pos. Unckle they are mine I am marry'd to this Lady and resolve to be merry in your house before we go to Bed Fath. Is that it give you Joy your Cozin Emilia and this Gentleman will not be long after ye Stanf. Sir you are mistaken your daughter has dispos'd her self in another place Wood. How the devil did he know that Ninny Nin. He little thinks where she has bestow'd her self ha ha ha Wood. No no nor thee neither dear Rogue ha ha ha Ninn. Well! honest VVoodcock I think I may trust thee thou art my Friend I am the man she has made choice of and thou shalt be my Bride man Wood. Ha ha ha poor whelp how he will find himself bobb'd immediately that this Coxcomb should not find all this while that I am the man aside Fath. It cannot be what without my Knowledge or Consent Wood. Ay ay she 's dispos'd on Dear Heart Ninn. Ay Ay she 's dispos'd on Fath. To whom Stanf. To me Wood. To me Ninn. To me Fath. How now to all three Car. Sir she has taken Master Stanford and I Master Lovell as sure as a Parson can make us Fath. What do I hear Car. Sir I beseech you be not offended their Births and Fortunes are not unequal to ours and if they were 't were too late for it to be redrest Fath. Is this true Emil. Yes Sir perhaps too true to Stanford Wood. Am I fool'd after all this well I say no more Dear Hearts Ninn. Well let the Nation sink or swim an'it will for me henceforward instead of Heroick Verse hereafter I will shew all my power and soul and flame and mettle in Lampoon I durst have sworn she had lov'd me Fath. Well! Heaven bless you together since you have don 't Co. Gen. So Sir I see my Cakes dough as they say but I hope you 'l pay the Charges of my Journey d' ye see Sir Pos. Well Cozins I am glad of your good Fortunes and for my own part if I understand any thing in the world I am happy in this Lady La. Vain Sir you are pleas'd to Complement Enter Luce. Luce. Sir Positive here 's a Letter was left for you it comes out of the Countrey Sir Posit reads SIr Positive I am inform'd but know not how to believe it that you intend to marry one that calls her self my Lady Vaine The respect I have for your family urges me to tell you she is a Counterfeit Lady and is at present my Mistress by whom I have had one child and I believe she 's half gone of another all the Fortune she has is what I allow her I have seen enough how am I perplex'd read Lovell Fath. Come Master Woodcock and Master Ninny notwithstanding you are displeas'd let 's have your Company a little longer Wood. Nay for my part Dear Heart I do not care what becomes of me Ninn. Nor I neither as little as any man Lov. Don't betray your self to the Company to Sir Positive Sir Pos. Well! this is the first thing in the World that I have met with which I did not understand but I am resolv'd I 'le not acknowledge that Master Lovell I knew well enough what I did when I marry'd her He 's a wise man that marry's a harlot he 's on the surest side who butan Ass would marry at uncertainty Lov. What will not a Positive Coxcomb defend Car. Since we are all agreed in stead of a grand Dance according to the laudable Custome of Weddings I have found out a little Comical Gentleman to entertain you with Enter a boy in the habit of Pugenello and traverses the Stage takes his Chair and sits down then Dances a Iigg Emil. No Wedding day was ever so troublesome as this has been to me Stanf. Make haste and quit the Trouble Now to some distant desart let 's repair And there put off all ●ur unhappy Care There certainly that freedom we must find Which is deny'd to us among Mankind Exeunt omnes FINIS Epilogue PHysitians tell us that in every age Some one particular Disease does rage The Scurvy once and what you call the Gout But Heaven be prais'd their Reign is almost out Yet a worse malady then both is bred For Poetry now reigneth in their stead The Itch of writing Playes the more 's the pity At once has seis'd the Town the Court and City Amongst the rest the Poet of this day By meer infection has produc'd a Play Once his hot fit was strong when he was bold To write but while you judge hee 's in the Cold Yet pray consider few of you but may Be given up so farre to write a Play If not for his for your own sakes be kinde And give that mercy which you hope to finde THE END