wee remembring our selves of the humanity received from our friend and not allowed to reckon him in the number of thy Flock should be tortured with intolerable sorrow for him 2. Thankes unto thee O our God wee are now thine Thy inspirations and consolations tell us so Thou O faithfull promiser shalt repay Verecundus for his Countrey house of Cassiacum where from the troubles of the world we rested our selves in thee with the pleasantnesse of thy Paradise which is ever greene for that thou hast forgiven him his sinnes upon earth in that mountaine of spices thine owne mountaine that fruitfull mountaine Verecundus therefore was much perplexed but Nebridius was as joyfull as wee For although when as he was not yet a Christian hee had falne into the same pit of most pernicious error with us beleeving the flesh of thy Sonne to be fantasticall yet getting out from thence he beleeved as wee did not as yet entered into any sacraments of thy Church but a most zealous searcher out of the truth Whom not long after our conversion and regeneration by thy Baptisme being also baptized in the Catholike Faith serving thee in perfect chastity and continence amongst his owne friends in Africa having first converted his whole family unto Christianity didst thou take out of the flesh and now he lives in the bosome of Abraham 3. Whatsoever that estate be which is signified by that bosome there lives Nebridius my sweet friend thy child O Lord adopted of a freed-man lives there For what other place is there for such a soule In that place he lives concerning which hee sometimes demanded of me unskilfull man so many questions Now layes he his eare no longer unto my mouth but layes his spirituall mouth unto thy fountaine and drinketh as much of Wisedome as he is able to containe proportionable to his thirst now without end happy Nor doe I yet thinke that he is so inebriated with it as to forget me seeing thou O Lord of whom hee drinketh art still mindfull of us Thus fared it then with us sorrowfull Verecundus wee comforted reserving our friendship entire notwithstanding our conversion and exhorting him to continue in the fidelity of his degree namely of his married estate Nebridius we stayed for expecting when he would follow us which being so neere he might well doe and even now hee was about to doe it when behold those daies of Interim were at length come to an end For long and many they seemed unto me even for the love I bare to that easefull liberty that we might sing unto thee out of all our bowels My heart hath said unto thee I have sought thy face thy face Lord will I seeke CHAP. 4. What things he wrote with Nebridius 1. NOw was the day come wherein I was actually to be discharged of my Rhetoricke Professorship from which in my thoughts I was already discharged And done it was And thou deliveredst my tongue whence thou hadst before delivered my heart And I blessed thee for it rejoycing in my selfe I and mine going all into the Countrey What there in point of learning I did which was now wholly at thy service though yet sorely panting and out of breath as it were in following the Schoole of pride my bookes may witnesse both those which I disputed with my friends present and those which I composed alone with my selfe before thee and what intercourse I had with Nebridius now absent my Epistles can restifle And when shall I have time enough to make rehearsall of all the great benefits which thou at that time bestowedst upon me especially seeing I am now making hast to tell of greater matters For my remembrance now calls upon me and most pleasant it is to me O Lord to confesse unto thee by what inward prongs thou hast thus tamed mee and how thou hast taken mee downe by bringing low those mountaines and hils of my high imaginations and madest my crookednesse straight and my rough waies smooth And by what meanes thou also subduedst that brother of my love Alipius unto the name of thy onely begotten Sonne our Lord and Saviour Iesus Christ which he at first would not vouchsafe to have it put into our writings For rather would he have had them favour of the lofty Cedars of the Schooles which the Lord had now broken downe than of those wholesome hearbes of thy Church which are so powerfull against Serpents 2. Oh what passionate voyces sent I up unto thee my God when as I read the Psalmes of David those faithfull songs Oh what sounds of devotion quite excluding the swelling spirit of ostentation when namely I was yet but Rude in my kindly loving of thee as being â—uta Catechumenus as yet in the Country whither I had withdrawne my selfe together with Alipius a Catechumenus also and with my Mother likewise inseparably sticking unto us in a womans habit verily but with a masculine faith voyd of worldly care as a woman in her yeeres should be yet imploying a matronely charity and a Christian piety Oh what passionate expressions made I unto thee in the reading of those Psalmes Oh how was I inflamed towards thee by them yea I was on fire to have resounded them had I been able in the hearing of the whole world to the shame of the pride of mankind though verily they be already sung all the world over nor can any hide themselves from thy heate With what vehement and bitter sorrow was I angred at the Manichees whom yet againe I pittied for that they knew nothing of those Sacraments those Medicaments and for that they were so madde at that Antidote which had been able to recover them I heartily wished they had beene somewhere or other neere me I not knowing that they did then heare me or were then so neere me that they might have beheld my face and heard my words when as I read the fourth Psalme in that time of my leasure and how that Psalme wrought upon me 3. When I called upon thee thou heardest me O God of my righteousnesse thou hast enlarged mee in my distresse Have mercy upon mee O Lord and heare my prayer That they might heare I say what I uttered at the reading of these words I not knowing whether they heard me or no lest they should thinke I spake it purposely against them Because in good truth neither would I have spoken the same things nor in the same manner had I perceived them to have both heard and seene me But had I so spoken yet would not they so have understood how with my selfe and to my selfe before thee out of the familiar and ordinary affection of my soule I quaked for feare and boy led high againe with hope and with rejoycing in thy mercy O Father And all these expressions of my selfe passed forth both by mine eyes and voyce at what time as thy good Spirit turning himselfe towards us said O yee sonnes of men
bee lesse if my seruice should bee wanting nor so to ply thee with my seruice as a man does his land that vnlesse I tilld thee thou must lye faellow but made I am both to serue and worship thee that I might receiue a well-being from thee from whom it proceedes that I haue such a being as is capeable of a well-being CHAP. 2. Of the creatures dependancy vpon their Creator 1. FOr by the fulnesse of thy goodnesse doth thy creature subsist that the good which could no wayes profite thee nor though of thee no wayes equall vnto thee yet being of thee might not bee wanting For what did Heauen and Earth which thou madest in the beginning deserue of thee Let those spirituall and corporeall natures which thou madest in thy Wisedome say how they deserued thee that things both now begunne and vnformed as yet euery one in its owne kinde spirituall or corporeall yea now falling away into an immoderate liberty and farre-distant vnlikenesse vnto thee should still haue their dependance vpon thee The Spirituall nature euen without its due forme as yet is farre more noble then any corporeall nature though fully formed and a corporeall thing though not yet formed better then if at all it had no being And in this manner should all things haue for euer depended vpon thy Word vnformed were they not by the same Word reduced vnto thy Vnity indued with a forme and improued by Thee the onely Soueraigne Good to become very good What can these formelesse natures deserue a being of thee seeing they could not haue so much as a beeing vnlesse they had it from thee 2. What did that corporeall matter deserue of thee that it should be made so much as inuisible shapelesse seeing it could not be so much as so hadst not thou made it so and therefore because it was not at all it could not deserue of thee to bee made Or what could the spirituall creature euen now begun to bee created deserue of thee that it might at least all darkesomely flit vp and downe like vnto the Deepe but very vnlike thee vnlesse it had beene by the same word call'd backe vnto that by whom it was created and by the same also enlightened that it might bee made light some by it although not in any equality yet in some conformity vnto that forme which is equall vnto thee For like as to a body simply to be is nor all one with being beautifull for then it could no wayes bee deformed so likewise to a created spirit to line is not all one with lining wisely for then should it euer continue wise vnchangeably But good it is for it to sticke close vnto thee lest what light it hath obteyned by turning to thee it may lose againe by turning from thee and relapse into a state of life resembling the darkesome deepe For euen wee our selues who according to our soules are a spirituall creature when wee were sometimes turned away from the our Light were very darkenesse in that estate of life yea and still wee labour amidst the reliques of our old darkenesse vntill in thy onely One wee bee made thy Righteousnesse which is like the great mountaines For wee haue somtimes vnder gone thy Iudgements which are like vnto the great Deepe CHAP. 3. All is of the grace of Gods 1. BY that which thou saydest in the first creation Let there be light and there was light I doe not vnfitly vnderstand the Spirituall creature because euen then was there a kinde of life which thou mightest illuminate But yet as then it had done nothing whereby to deserue of thee that there might bee such a light euen so when already it was come to bee could it not deserue of thee to bee enlightned For neyther could its formelesse estate bee pleasing vnto thee vnlesse it might bee made light light not by an absolute existing of light in it selfe but by beholding thee the Light all-illuminating and by cleauing vnto it that so the life that is liued at all and the life that is liued thus happily it might owe to nothing but thy grace being now conuerted by a better change vnto That which can neuer bee changed eyther into worse or better and that is vnto thee thy selfe onely because thou onely Art simply vnto thee it being not one thing to liue and another thing to liue well seeing thy selfe art thine own happinesse CHAP. 4. God needs not the Creatures but they him 1. VVHAT therefore could haue been wanting vnto thy good which thou thy selfe art although all these creatures should neuer haue been or haue remained vtterly without forme which thou madest not out of any want but out of the fulnesse of thy goodnesse holding them in and conuerting them to forme with no thought as if thy ioy were to receiue any accomplishment thereby For vnto thee who art absolutely perfect is their imperfection displeasing that so they be perfected by thee and thereby please thee not as if thou wert imperfect or wert to receiue perfection from their being perfected Thy good spirit indeede mooued vpon the waters yet was not borne vp by the waters as if he staied vp himselfe vpon them for vpon what waters thy good Spirit is sayd to stay those did hee cause to be stayed vp in himselfe But thy uncorruptible vnchangeable Will which is in it selfe all-sufficient for it selfe moued vpon that life which thy selfe hadst before created vnto which lining is not all one with happy liuing seeing it does but liue flitting vp and downe in its owne obscurity and which yet remaineth to be conuerted vnto him by whom it was made and to liue more and more neere by the fountain of life yea and in his light to see light and to be perfected at last and enlightened and made happy CHAP. 5. His Confession of the blessed Trinity 1. LOe now the Trinity appeares vnto mee in a glasse aarkly which is Thou my God because thou O Father in the beginning that is in thy Wisedome borne of thy selfe equall and coeternall vnto thee that is to say in thy Sonne hast created Heauen and Earth Much now haue we said of the Heauen of heauens and of the inuisible and vnshapen earth and of the dark some Deepe according namely vnto the wayning of spirituall deformity which euer it should haue wandered in vnlesse it had beene conuerted vnto him from whom that life which already it had was receiued by whose enlightning it might be made a beauteous life and become the heauen of that heauen which was afterwards set betweene water and water And vnder the name of God I now vnderstood the person of the Father who made all and vnder the name of beginning the person of the Sonne in whom hee made all and thus beleeuing as I did the Trinity to be my God I searcht further into thy holy Word and lo his Spirit moued vpon the waters See here the Trinity my God the Father and Sonne and holy
Ghost the Creator of all thine owne creatures CHAP. 6. Of the Spirits mouing vpon the waters 1. BVt what was the cause O thou true-speaking light vnto thee lift I vp my heart let it not bee taught vanities dispell thou the darkenesse of it and tell mee by our mother charity I beseech thee tell mee the reason I beseech thee why after the mention of heauen and of the inuisible and shapelesse earth and darknesse vpon the Deepe thy Scriptures should euen then at length make the first mention of thy Spirit Was it because it was meete so to haue Him insinuated as that he should bee sayd to moue vpon and so much could not truely bee sayd vnlesse that were first mentioned vpon which thy Spirit may bee vnderstood to haue moued For verily neyther vpon the Father not vpon the Sonne was hee moued nor could he rightly be sayd to moue vpon if there were nothing yet for him to moue vpon First therefore was that to bee spoken of which He was sayd to moue vpon and then Hee whom it was requisite not to haue named otherwise then a Hee was sayd to moue vpon But wherefore yet was â—â— not fitting to haue Him insinuated otherwayes vnlesse Hee were sayd to moue vpon CHAP. 7. Of the effect or working of the Holy Ghost 1. FRom hence let him that is able follow with his vnderstanding thy Apostle where hee thus speakes Because thy loue is shed abroad in our hearts by the holy Ghost which is giuen vnto vs and where concerning spirituall gifts he teacheth and sheweth vnto vs a more excellent way of charity and where he bowes his knees vnto thee for vs that wee may come to learne that most excellent knowledge of the loue of Christ And therefore euen from the very beginning did the Spirit supereminently moue vpon the waters Whom shall I tell it vnto and in what termes shall I describe how the hugy weight of lustfull desires presses downe into the steepe pit and how charity rayses vs vp againe by thy Spirit which moued vpon the waters Vnto whom shall I speake it and in what language vtter it For they are no certaine places into which wee are plunged and out of which wee are againe lifted What can bee liker and yet what vnlikeer They bee Affections they be Loues they be the vncleannesse of our owne spirits that ouerflow our lower parts with the loue of cares and it is the holynesse of thy Spirit that rayseth vs vpwards againe by the loue of our safeties that wee may lift our harts vp vnto the Lord where thy Spirit is moued vpon the waters and that wee may come at length to that repose which is aboue all rests when namely our soules shall haue escaped ouer these waters where we can find no ground CHAP. 8. How Gods Spirit cherisheth feeble soules 1. THE Angels fell and mans soule fell and all thy Spirituall creatures in generall had shewne the way vnto the deepe which is in that most darkesome bottome hadst not thou sayd Let there be light and there was light and vnlesse euery spirituall creature of thy heauenly City had continued in obedience vnto thee and settled it selfe vpon thy Spirit which moues vnchangeably vpon euery thing that is changeable Otherwise had euen the heauen of heauens it selfe for euer continued a darkesome Deepe whereas now it is light in the Lord. And now by that miserable restlesnesse of the falling spirits and by their discouering of their owne darknesse the garment of thy light being pluckt off them doest thou sufficiently reueale how noble the reasonable creature is which thou hast created vnto which nothing will suffice to settle its happynesse and rest vpon that is any way inferior vnto thy selfe and therefore cannot herselfe giue satisfaction vnto herselfe For t is thou O Lord that shalt lighten our darknesse from thee must grow these our garments and then shall our darknesse be as the noone day 2. Giue thy selfe vnto me O my God yea restore thy selfe vnto me for I loue thee and if it be too little let mee now loue thee more affectionately I am not able to measure my loue that I may so come to know how much there wants of enough that my life may euen runne into thy embracements and not tnrne from them againe vntill I bee wholy hidden in the secret of thy presence This one thing am I sure of that woe is me if I be not in thee yea not so onely if I bee without my selfe but ill will it goe with mee though I be hidden within my selfe yea all other plenty besides my God is meere beggery vnto me CHAP. 9. Why the Spirit onely moued vpon the waters 1. BVT did not the Father also or the Sonne moue vpon the waters And if wee vnderstand mouing as it were in a place like a body then neyther did the Spirit moue But if the excellent highnesse of the diuinity aboue euery changeable creature bee vnderstood then did both Father Sonne and Holy Ghost moue vpon the waters Why therefore is this sayd of thy Spirit onely Why of him onely as if there had beene some place where indeede there is no place for it of which onely it is written that Hee is thy gift Let vs now take vp our rest in this thy gift there let vs enioy thee O our rest and our place 2. Loue preferres vs thither and thy good Spirit aduances our lowlynesse from the very gates of death In thy good pleasure lies our peace our body with his owne lumpishnesse swaies vs towards its owne place Weight makes not downeward onely but to his owne place also The fire mounts vpward a stone sinks downeward All things pressed by their owne weight goe towards their proper places Oyle powred in the bottome of the water yet will swimme on the toppe of it water powred vpon Oyle sinkes to the bottome of the Oyle They are weighed downe by their owne hea-luinesse they go to seeke their owne centers Things a little out of their places become vnquiet put them in their order agayne and they are quieted My weight is my loue that way am I carried whithersoeuer I bee carried Wee are inflamed by thy gift and are carried vpwards wee waxe hot within and we goe forwards Wee ascend thy waies that be in our heart and wee sing a song of degrees inwardly enflamed with thy fite with thy good fire and wee goe euen because we goe vpwards to the peace of Ierusalem for glad I was when as they sayd vnto me We will go vp into the house of God There let thy good pleasure settle vs that wee may desire no other thing but to dwell there for euer CHAP. 10. All is of Gods gift O Happy creature which knowes no other thing but that whenas it selfe was another thing euen by thy Gift which moueth vpon euery mutable thing it was so soone as created and no delay of time betweene taken vp in that
much said shee to me But to thee O Fountaine of mercies powred shee forth more frequent prayers teares that thou wouldest hasten thy helpe and enlighten my darknesse that I might more studiously runne unto the Church and settle my beleefe vpon Ambrose his Preaching and desire the Fountaine of that Water which springeth up into Life ever lasting For that man shee loved as an Angell of GOD because shee presumed most assuredly that I had beene brought by him in the meane time to that doubtfull state of faith I was now in by which I was to passe from sicknesse unto health some sharper conflict comming betweene in another Fit as it were which the Physicians call The Crisis CHAP. 2. His Mother is turned from her Countrey Superstition 1. VVHen as my Mother therefore had one time brought unto the Oratories erected in memory of the Saints as she was wont to doe in Africke certaine Cheese-cakes and Bread and VVine and had beene forbidden to doe it by the Sexton so soone as ever she knew that the Bishop had forbidden this shee did so piously and obediently embrace the motion that I my selfe wondred at it that she should so easily be brought rather to blame her owne Countrey custome than to call the present countermand in question For Wine-bibbing besotted not her spirit nor did the love of Wine provoke her to the hatred of the Truth as it doth too many both men and women who being a little whittled once turne the stomacke to a song of sobriety as they would doe at a draught of water But she when she had brought her basket of these solemne lunkets which she meant to eat a little of first and to give the rest away never used to allow herselfe above one small pot of Wine well allayed with water for her owne sober palate whence she would sippe a mannerly draught And if there were any more Oratories of the departed Saints that seemed to be honoured in like maner shee still carried the selfe-same pot about with her which she used every where which should not onely below allayed with water but very lukewarme with carrying about and this would shee distribute to those that were about her by small sups for she came to those places to seeke devotion and not pleasure 2. So soone therefore as shee found this custome to be countermanded by that famous Preacher and the most pious Prelate Ambrose yea forbidden even to those that would use it but soberly that so no occasion of ryot might thereby bee given to such as loved drinking too well and for that these funerall Anniversary Feasts as it were in honour of our dead Fathers did too neerely resemble the superstition of the Gentiles she most willingly forbare it ever after and in stead of a Basket filled with the fruits of the earth she now had learned to present a breast replenished with sinne-purging petitions at the Oratories of the Martyrs and to give away what shee could spare among the poore that so the Cōmunion of the Lords Body might in that place bee rightly celebrated where after the example of his Passion these Martyrs had bin sacrificed and crowned 3. But for all this it seemes to me O Lord my God and thus thinks my heart of it in thy sight That my Mother would not so easily have give way to the breaking of her Countrey custome had it bin forbidden her by some other man whom she had not loved so well as she did Ambrose who in regard of my salvation she very entirely affected and he bergaing as well for her most religious conversation whereby s◠full of good workes so servent in the spirit she frequented the Church Yea so well he affected 〈◊〉 that hee would very often when he saw mee breake forth into her praises congratulating with me in that I had such a Mother little knowing in the meane time what a sonne she had of me who doubted of all these things and least of all imagined the way to life could possibly be found out CHAP. 3. The employments and studies of S. Ambrose 1. NOr did I hitherto grone in my prayers that thou wouldest helpe me but my unquiet minde was altogether intentive to seeke for Learning and to dispute upon it As for Ambrose himselfe I esteemed him a very happy man according to the world whom personages of such authority so much honoured onely his remaining a 〈◊〉 seemed a painefull course unto mee But what hopes hee carried about him against the temptations his excellent parts were subject unto what struglings he felt and what comfort hee found in his adversities and how savourie joyes that mouth hidden in his heart fed upon in thy Bread I neither knew how to ghesse at nor had I yet any feeling of As little on the other side knew hee of my privie heats nor of the pit of my danger For I had not the opportunity to make my demands to him what I would or how I would for that multitudes of people full of businesse whose infirmities hee gave up himselfe unto debarred me both from hearing and speaking with him With whom when he was not taken up which was but a little time together hee either refreshed his body with necessary sustenance or his minde with reading But when he was reading hee drew his eyes along over the leaves and his heart searcht into the sense but his voice and tongue were altogether silent 2. Oft-times when we were present for no man was debarred of comming to him nor was it his fashion to be told of any body that came to speake with him we still saw him reading to himselfe and never otherwise so that having long sate in silence for who durst be so bold as to interrupt him so intentive to his study wee were faine to depart We conjectured that the small time which he gate for the repairing of his minde hee retyred himselfe from the clamour of other mens businesses being unwilling to be taken off for any other imployment and he was warie perchance too left some hearer being strucke into suspence and eager upon it if the Author he read should deliver any thing obscurely hee should be put to it to expound it or to discusse some of the harder questions so that spending away his time about this worke hee could not turne over so many Volumes as he desired although peradventure the preserving of his voice which a little speaking would weaken might bee a just reason for his reading to himselfe But with what intent soever he did it that man certainely had a good meaning in it 3. But verily no opportunity could I obtaine of propounding my demands as I desired to that so holy an Oracle of thine his breast unlesse the thing might be heard very briefly But those commorions in me required to finde him at his best leasure that I might powre them out before him but never could they finde him so Yet heard
call whereby thou saydest Let there be light and there was light Whereas in vs there is distance of time betweene our hauing beene darknesse and our making light but of that creature it is onely sayd what it would haue beene if it had not beene enlightened And this is spoken in that manner as if it had beene vnsetled and darkesome before that so the reason might now appeare for which it was made to bee otherwise that is to say that it being conuerted vnto the light that neuer faileth might it selfe bee made light Let him vnderstand this that is able and let him that is not aske it of God Why should he trouble mee with it as if I could enlighten any man that commeth into this world CHAP. 11. Of some Impressions or resemblances of the blessed Trinity that be in man 1. VVHich of vs does sufficiently comprehend the knowledge of the almighty Trinity and yet which of vs but talkes of it if at least it be that A rare soule it is which whilest it speakes of it knowes what it speakes of For men contend and striue about it and no man sees the vision of it in peace I could wish that men would consider vpon these three that are in themselues Which three be farre another thing indeede then the Trinity is but I doe but now tell them where they may exercise their meditations and examine and finde how farre they are from it Now the three that I spake of are To Be to Know and to Will For I both Am and Know and Will I Am Knowing and Willing and I Know my selfe to Be and to Will and I would both Be and Know. Betwixt these three let him discerne that can how vnseparable a life there is yea one life one mind and one essence yea finally how vnseparable a distinction there is and yet there is a distinction Surely a man hath it before him let him looke into himselfe and see and then tell mee 2. But when once hee comes to finde any thing in these three yet let him not for all this beleeue himselfe to haue found that vnchangeable which is farre aboue all these and which IS vnchangeably and Knowes vnchangeably and Willes vnchangeably But whether or no where these three bee there is also a Trinity or whether all three bee in each seuerall one or all three in euery of them or whether both wayes at once in admirable manner simply and yet manifoldly in its infinite selfe the and vnto it selfe by which end it is and is knowne vnto it selfe and that being vnchangebly euer the same by the abundant greatnesse of its Vnity it bee all-sufficient for it selfe what man can readily conceiue who is able in any termes to expresse it ◠who shall dare in any measure rashly to deliuer his opinion vpon it CHAP. 12. The water in Baptisme is effectuall by the Holy Spirit 1. PRoceede in with thy Confession of the Lord thy God O my faith O holy holy holy Lord my God in thy name haue we beene baptized O Father Sonne and Holy Ghost because that euen among vs also in Christ his Sonne did God make an heauen and earth namely the spirituall and carnall people of his Church Yea and our earth before it receiued the forme of doctrine was inuisible and vnformed and wee were couered ouer with the darknesse of ignorance For thou hast chastised man for his iniquity and thy Iudgements were like the great deepe vnto him 2 But because thy Spirit moued vpon the waters thy mercy forsooke not our misery for thou saydst Repent ye for the Kingdom of Heauen is at hand Repent Let there be light And because our soule was troubled within vs wee haue remembred thee O Lord concerning the land of Iordan and that hill which being equall vnto thy selfe was made little for our sakes and vpon our being displeased at our owne darkenesse wee turned vnto thee and were made light So that behold we hauing sometimes beene darknesse are now light in the Lord. CHAP. 13. His deuout longing after God 1. BVT yet we walke by faith still not by sight for we are saued by hope but hope that is soene is not hope And yet doeth one deepe call vnto another in the voyce of thy water-spoutes and so doeth hee that sayth I could not speake vnto you as vnto spirituall but as vnto carnall euen He who thought not himselfe to haue apprehended as yet and who forgot those things which are behynd and reacht foorth to those things which are before yea he groaned earnestly and his soule thirsted after God as the Hart after the water-brooks saying When shall I come desiring to be cloathed vpon with his house which is from heauen he calleth also vpon this lower deepe saying Be not conformed to this world but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind And Be not children in vnderstanding but in malice be ye children that in vnderstanding ye may be perfect and O foolish Galatians who hath bewitched you 2. But now speakes hee no longer in his own voice but in thine who sentest thy Spirit from aboue by his mediation who ascended vp on high and set open the flood-gates of his gifts that the force of his streames might make glad the City of God Him doeth this friend of the bridegroome sigh after though hauing the first fruites of the Spirit in himselfe alreadie yet groaneth he within himselfe as yet wayting for the adoption to wit the redemption of his body to him he sighes as being a mēber of his Bride towards him he burnes with zeale as being a friend of the Bridegroome towards him hee burneth not towards himselfe because that in the voyce of thy water-spowtes and not in his owne voyce doth hee call to that other deepe for whose sake hee is both iealous and fearefull lest that as the serpent beguiled Eue through his subtiltie so their minds should be corrupted from the simplicitie that is in our Bridegrome thy onely Sonne Oh what a light of beauty will that be when we shall see that Bridegrome as Hee is when all teares shall be wiped from our eyes which haue beene my meat day and night whilest they daily say vnto me Where is now thy God CHAP. 14. Our misery is comforted by faith and Hope 1. ANd so say I too Where art thou O my God see where art thou In thee take I comfort a little while whenas I powre out my soule by my selfe in the voyce of ioy and prayse which is the sound of him that keepes holyday And yet againe is it besadned euen because it relapseth againe and becomes a darkesome deepe or perceiues it selfe rather euen still to bee one Vnto it thus speakes my faith which thou hast kindled to enlighten my feete in this my night Why art thou so sad O my soule and why art thou so
how long will ye be dull of heart how long will yee love vanity and seeke after leasing For I my selfe had sometimes loved vanity and sought after leasing But thou O Lord hast magnified him that is godly raising him from the dead and placing him at thy Right hand whence from on high hee should send his promise the Comforter the Spirit of truth And he had sent him already but I knew it not 4. He had already sent him because he was now exalted by rising from the dead and ascending up into heaven For till then The Holy Ghost was not given because Iesus was not yet glorified And the Prophet cryes out How long O yee slow of heart Why will ye love vanity and seeke after leasing Know this that the Lord hath set apart his Holy one He cryes out How long he cryes out Know this whereas I so long ignorant have loved vanity and sought after leasing yea I both heard and trembled because it was spoken vnto such as I remeÌ„bred my selfe somtimes to haue beene For verily in those Phantasticall fictions which I once held for truths was there both vanity and leasing wherefore I roared out many things sorrow fully strangely whilst I grieued at what I now remembred All which I wish they had heard who yet loue vanity and seeke after leasing They would perchance haue beene troubled and haue vomitted vp their poyson and to Thou mightest haue heard them when they cryed vnto thee for Hee died a true death in the flesh for vs who now maketh intercession vnto thee for vs. I further reade 〈◊〉 angry and sinne not And how was I moued O my God I who had then learned to bee angry at my selfe for things passed that I might not sinne in time to come Yea to bee iustly angry for that it was not any other nature of a different kinde of darknesse without me which sinned as the Manichees affirme it to bee who are not angry at themselues and who treasure vp wrath against the day of wrath and of the renelation of the iust iudgement of God Nor indeede was my Good without me nor to be caught with the eyes of flesh vnder the Sunne seeing they that will take ioy in any thing without themselues doe easily become vayne and spill themselues vpon those things which are seene and are but temporally yea and with their hunger-starued thoughts like their very shadowes And oh that they were once wearied out with their hunger and come once to say Who will shew vs day good Let vs say so and let them heare The light of thy countenance is lifted vp vpon vs. For wee our selues are not that light which enlighteneth euery man that commeth into the world but wee are enlightened by thee as who hauing beene some times darknesse may now be light in thee 5. O that they might once 〈◊〉 that Eternall Eightâ—â— which for that my selfe had once tasted I guashed my â—â—th at them because I was not able to make them see it 〈◊〉 not though they should 〈◊〉 mee their heart in their 〈◊〉 eyes which are euer 〈◊〉 from thee that so 〈◊〉 might say Who will shew 〈◊〉 good 〈…〉 euen 〈◊〉 was 〈…〉 selfe in my chamber being inwardly pricked there offering my sacrifice there also my old man and the meditation of my newnesse of life now begunne in mee putting my trust in thee There begannest thou to grow sweete vnto me and to put gladnesse in my heart And I cryed out as I read this outwardly finding this gladnesse inwardly Nor would I bee any more encreased with worldly goods wasting away my time and being wasted by these temporall things whereas I had in thy eternall simplicity a store layd vp of Corne and Wine and Oyle 6. And with alowd cry of my heart called I out in the next verse O in peace O for that same peace O what sayd hee I will lay â—â—â— downe and sleeps 〈…〉 hinder vs when 〈…〉 saying shall be brought to passe which is written Death is swallowed vp in victory And thou surpassingly â—t that same Rest thou who art not changed and in thee is that Rest which forgets all 〈◊〉 labours nor is there any other besides thee no nor hast thou appointed mee to seeke after those many other things which art not the same that thou art but thou Lord after a speciall manner hast made mee dwell in hope These things I read and burnt againe nor could I tell what to do to those deafe and dead Manichees of whom my selfe was sometimes a pestilent member asnarling and a blind 〈◊〉 against thy Scriptures all behonyed ouer with the 〈◊〉 of heauen and all lightsome with thine owne light yea I consumed away with zeale at the enemies of these Scriptures when as I cald to minde euery thing that I had done in those dayes of my retirement 7. Nor haue I yet forgotten neyther will I passe in silence the smartnesse of thy scourge and the wonderfull swiftnesse of thy mercy Thou didst in those dayes torment me with the Tooth-ach which when it had growne so fierce vpon me that I was not able to speake it came into my heart to desire my friends present to pray for me vnto thee the God of all manner of health And this I wrote in waxe and gaue it to them to read Immediately so soone as with an humble deuotion wee had bowed our knees that payne went away But what payne or how went it away I was much affrayed O my Lord my God seeing from mine infancy I had neuer felt the like And thou gauest me a secret Item by this how powerfull thy Beck was for which I much reioycing in sayth gaue praise vnto thy name And that sayth suffered mee not to bee secure in the remembrance of my forepassed sinnes which hitherto were not for giuen mee by thy Baptisme CHAP. 5. Ambrose directs him what bookes to read 1. AT the end of the vintage I gaue the Citizens of Millane faire warning to prouide their schollers of another Master to sell words to them for that I had made choyce to serue thee and for that by reason of my difficulty of breathing and the paine in my brest I was not able to goe on in the Professorship And by letters I signified to that Prelate of thine the holy man Ambrose my former errors and presentresolution desiring him to aduise mee what part of thy Scriptures were best for my reading to make me readier and fitter for the receyuing of so great a grace He recommended Esaias the Prophet to mee for this reason I beleeue for that hee is a more cleare foreshewer of the Gospell and of the calling of the Gentiles then are the rest of the Prophets But I not vnderstanding the first part of him and imagining all the rest to bee like that layd it by intending to fall to it againe when I were better practized in our Lords