on_o his_o own_o term_n to_o save_v i_o from_o my_o sin_n to_o sanctisie_n i_o by_o his_o word_n and_o spirit_n to_o rule_v i_o by_o his_o law_n and_o so_o to_o justisie_n and_o save_v i_o from_o gild_n and_o punishment_n for_o ever_o i_o have_v be_v and_o be_o great_o trouble_v that_o i_o do_v not_o early_o return_v unto_o god_n the_o sin_n of_o my_o youth_n and_o my_o relapse_n since_o be_v the_o grief_n of_o my_o soul_n which_o i_o will_v wash_v away_o if_o possible_a with_o my_o own_o blood_n it_o cut_v my_o heart_n that_o i_o forsake_v they_o no_o soon_o and_o that_o my_o follow_a life_n have_v not_o be_v more_o fruitful_a yet_o i_o hope_v i_o have_v be_v and_o be_o sincere_a keep_v myself_o through_o grace_n from_o my_o own_o iniquity_n and_o live_v in_o the_o practice_n of_o the_o contrary_a duty_n i_o be_o hearty_o willing_a to_o comply_v with_o god_n in_o all_o thing_n and_o to_o live_v in_o the_o daily_a practice_n of_o all_o those_o holy_a heavenly_a spiritual_a duty_n of_o heart_n and_o life_n which_o my_o god_n require_v i_o be_o very_o sorry_a that_o i_o perform_v they_o no_o better_o and_o yet_o i_o hope_v i_o be_o not_o defile_v with_o great_a or_o reign_a sin_n but_o be_o prevail_o and_o faithful_a servant_n i_o long_o for_o nothing_o more_o than_o nothing_o so_o much_o as_o more_o fixedness_n of_o mind_n on_o god_n more_o constanoy_n cheerfulness_n and_o success_n in_o his_o bless_a service_n i_o unfeigned_o desire_v and_o through_o divine_a assistance_n resolve_v to_o persevere_v and_o grow_v still_o better_o notwithstanding_o all_o difficulty_n and_o against_o all_o temptation_n to_o think_v of_o and_o act_n according_a to_o matth._n 10.37_o 38_o etc._n etc._n and_o luke_n 14.26_o 33._o that_o whatever_o it_o cost_v i_o will_v so_o run_v that_o i_o may_v obtain_v the_o crown_n forget_v those_o thing_n that_o be_v behind_o and_o press_v forward_o towards_o the_o mark_n for_o the_o price_n of_o our_o high_a call_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n jesus_n but_o thou_o o_o lord_n forsake_v not_o i_o that_o i_o forsake_v not_o thou_o i_o be_o in_o love_n with_o that_o love_n which_o our_o lord_n set_v we_o such_o a_o example_n of_o and_o make_v the_o distinguish_a character_n of_o his_o disciple_n my_o charity_n i_o think_v be_v large_a and_o extensive_a according_a to_o his_o will_n but_o especial_o i_o have_v love_v and_o do_v love_v all_o good_a man_n as_o such_o prevail_o they_o be_v to_o i_o the_o excellent_a of_o the_o earth_n in_o who_o as_o to_o man_n be_v all_o my_o delight_n the_o divine_a image_n affect_v and_o draw_v i_o wherever_o i_o find_v it_o notwithstanding_o difference_n in_o little_a thing_n and_o my_o love_n be_v real_a and_o fruitful_a according_a to_o my_o ability_n my_o heart_n and_o hand_n be_v open_a as_o object_n and_o occasion_n offer_v i_o have_v be_v and_o be_o very_o careful_a to_o wrong_v none_o have_v long_o since_o right_v those_o i_o do_v i_o have_v soon_o forgive_v when_o provoke_v yea_o seldom_o very_o seldom_o retain_v any_o grudge_n against_o any_o i_o have_v return_v good_a for_o evil_a where_o i_o deserve_v well_o and_o yet_o suffer_v much_o ill_n and_o where_o i_o have_v deliberate_o refuse_v to_o comply_v with_o any_o it_o be_v because_o i_o think_v it_o my_o duty_n for_o their_o good_a i_o have_v be_v watchful_a self_n shall_v not_o prevail_v under_o shadow_n of_o be_v concern_v for_o god_n i_o have_v no_o enemy_n who_o i_o do_v not_o hearty_o pray_v for_o and_o be_o not_o ready_a to_o do_v good_a to_o praise_v be_v god_n these_o duty_n of_o love_v give_v and_o forgive_a be_v not_o and_o be_v not_o difficult_a i_o have_v be_v affect_v and_o desire_v to_o be_v more_o with_o the_o condition_n of_o the_o church_n of_o god_n the_o suffering_n of_o so_o great_a a_o part_n thereof_o and_o especial_o the_o sin_n that_o deserve_v they_o my_o prayer_n have_v be_v and_o be_v that_o god_n will_v refine_v and_o not_o destroy_v that_o he_o will_v diffuse_v that_o wisdom_n from_o above_o which_o be_v pure_a and_o peaceable_a that_o he_o will_v revive_v the_o power_n of_o godliness_n humble_v the_o guilty_a of_o our_o division_n and_o unite_n in_o christian_a catholic_n love_n i_o have_v conscientious_o consider_v my_o duty_n to_o the_o magistrate_n and_o according_o have_v be_v careful_a to_o obey_v all_o his_o law_n unless_o contrary_a to_o the_o law_n of_o god_n and_o i_o think_v it_o become_v i_o to_o understand_v his_o will_v not_o in_o the_o worst_a but_o in_o the_o best_a sense_n his_o word_n will_v bear_v remember_v that_o a_o err_a conscience_n will_v not_o clear_v i_o if_o i_o disobey_v any_o lawful_a command_n i_o have_v be_v little_a inquisitive_a about_o the_o magistrate_n duty_n but_o careful_a to_o know_v my_o own_o my_o enquiry_n be_v not_o whether_o he_o do_v well_o to_o command_v but_o whether_o i_o may_v lawful_o obey_v though_o he_o impose_v unnecessary_a burden_n beyond_o his_o authority_n which_o be_v for_o public_a good_a yet_o compliance_n may_v be_v my_o duty_n from_o humility_n love_n to_o peace_n and_o that_o i_o may_v not_o offend_v but_o respect_n god_n vicegerent_n i_o have_v consider_v the_o veneration_n due_a to_o those_o in_o authority_n by_o reason_n thereof_o however_o they_o be_v otherwise_o defective_a and_o the_o subjection_n that_o must_v be_v ever_o continue_v though_o the_o law_n of_o god_n forbid_v obedience_n and_o according_o resolve_v never_o to_o partake_v in_o rebellion_n though_o for_o the_o best_a religion_n and_o most_o valuable_a liberty_n but_o to_o be_v still_o subject_a not_o only_o for_o wrath_n but_o for_o conscience-sake_n i_o have_v often_o frequent_v the_o public_a authorize_v assembly_n and_o join_v in_o the_o establish_a way_n of_o worship_n not_o to_o avoid_v civil_a or_o ecclesiastical_a censure_n not_o for_o any_o worldly_a interest_n but_o from_o sense_n of_o duty_n and_o a_o just_a persuasion_n after_o many_o thought_n and_o prayer_n in_o which_o i_o be_o still_o more_o confirm_v that_o i_o be_v more_o oblige_v to_o do_v so_o by_o the_o law_n of_o god_n and_o abundant_o warrant_v by_o the_o example_n of_o our_o saviour_n and_o his_o apostle_n i_o have_v be_v still_o more_o confident_a as_o i_o consider_v the_o state_n and_o practice_n of_o the_o primitive_a and_o other_o church_n and_o look_v i_o think_v impartial_o into_o what_o be_v oppose_v by_o divider_n praise_v be_v god_n i_o be_o still_o well_o satisfy_v that_o i_o be_o not_o involve_v into_o so_o much_o as_o any_o consent_n to_o sin_n i_o reflect_v with_o comfort_n on_o my_o moderation_n about_o small_a or_o doubtful_a matter_n and_o on_o my_o warmth_n against_o the_o antichristian_a spirit_n of_o vncharitableness_n hatred_n rage_n and_o malice_n i_o admire_v god_n infinite_a goodness_n in_o the_o way_n of_o salvation_n and_o be_o great_o trouble_v that_o i_o be_o no_o more_o affect_v with_o the_o amaze_a mercy_n and_o benignity_n of_o my_o heavenly_a father_n with_o the_o stupendous_a charity_n condescension_n and_o suffering_n of_o the_o son_n and_o with_o the_o wonderful_a patience_n long-suffering_a and_o kindnoss_n of_o the_o holy_a spirit_n i_o desire_v and_o long_o to_o know_v and_o love_n admire_v and_o praise_v speak_v and_o act_v more_o and_o more_o to_o the_o utmost_a of_o my_o power_n for_o the_o glory_n of_o the_o incomprehensible_a trinity_n which_o have_v so_o condescend_v to_o save_o such_o a_o abominable_a wretched_a creature_n i_o find_v it_o most_o difficult_a to_o get_v and_o keep_v a_o heavenly_a frame_n without_o distraction_n i_o be_o oft_o discompose_v by_o worldly_a concern_v vex_v by_o the_o sin_n and_o weakness_n of_o other_o and_o too_o easy_o divert_v from_o my_o study_n meditation_n and_o prayer_n by_o vain_a impertinent_a unsuitable_a and_o unseasonable_a thought_n i_o labour_v and_o groan_v under_o they_o as_o my_o great_a burden_n and_o sin_n and_o strive_v alas_o too_o ineffectual_o against_o they_o what_o will_v i_o give_v yea_o what_o will_v i_o not_o give_v do_v or_o suffer_v that_o my_o soul_n be_v fix_v on_o god_n that_o i_o can_v serve_v he_o without_o distraction_n that_o my_o study_n meditation_n and_o converse_v with_o god_n in_o his_o word_n prayer_n and_o praise_v be_v more_o free_a from_o wander_v more_o affectionate_a spiritual_a and_o heavenly_a yet_o i_o be_o sure_a i_o long_o and_o desire_v to_o labour_v more_o effectual_o that_o god_n may_v sill_z and_o possess_v my_o soul_n that_o his_o holy_a enjoy_n service_n the_o perfect_a happiness_n of_o heaven_n may_v be_v more_o and_o more_o begin_v on_o earth_n i_o value_v and_o breath_n after_o the_o divine_a image_n as_o the_o great_a good_a esteem_v and_o desire_v to_o be_v rid_v of_o sin_n as_o the_o great_a evil_n and_o heaven_n be_v therefore_o most_o amiable_a because_o there_o i_o hope_v
to_o undertake_v so_o awful_a a_o trust_n as_o to_o watch_v over_o the_o soul_n of_o other_o who_o be_v diligent_o careful_a to_o observe_v and_o regulate_v their_o own_o in_o he_o there_o be_v a_o rare_a mixture_n of_o the_o grace_n that_o shall_v adorn_v both_o the_o contemplative_a and_o active_a part_n of_o a_o minister_n life_n and_o few_o have_v i_o know_v to_o who_o that_o character_n of_o minister_n which_o he_o use_v to_o draw_v from_o their_o be_v call_v angel_n do_v more_o exact_o agree_v for_o his_o time_n be_v true_o divide_v betwixt_o behold_v the_o face_n of_o his_o father_n in_o heaven_n and_o minister_a to_o the_o heir_n of_o salvation_n on_o earth_n there_o be_v no_o colour_n for_o tax_v he_o with_o those_o fault_n that_o be_v of_o late_o become_v the_o common_a reproach_n of_o too_o many_o of_o the_o clergy_n ambition_n and_o avarice_n he_o be_v so_o far_o from_o aspire_v to_o great_a preferment_n that_o he_o will_v thankful_o have_v accept_v of_o the_o mean_a cure_n wherein_o he_o may_v have_v have_v the_o opportunity_n of_o do_v good_a to_o soul_n in_o a_o public_a station_n which_o his_o strong_a inclination_n to_o peace_n make_v he_o perhaps_o too_o earnest_o desirous_a of_o indeed_o if_o ever_o humility_n incline_v to_o a_o culpable_a excess_n it_o be_v in_o he_o for_o to_o that_o we_o must_v impute_v it_o that_o so_o eminent_a a_o light_n be_v for_o so_o many_o year_n confine_v to_o a_o dark_a corner_n which_o be_v fit_a to_o shed_v its_o diffusive_a beam_n in_o a_o far_o large_a orb._n and_o so_o far_o be_v he_o from_o prostitute_v his_o profession_n to_o serve_v a_o secular_a interest_n that_o have_v enough_o of_o his_o own_o to_o subsist_v on_o hâ—_n never_o receive_v one_o farthing_n on_o the_o score_n of_o his_o unwearied_a labour_n but_o on_o thâ—_n contrary_a lay_v out_o a_o considerable_a sum_n yearly_o in_o good_a book_n and_o other_o way_n of_o charity_n among_o the_o people_n he_o preach_v to_o and_o contribute_v liberal_o out_o of_o his_o own_o purse_n tâ—_n such_o young_a minister_n as_o have_v but_o a_o scanty_a and_o discourage_a allowance_n i_o confess_v aâ—_n be_v not_o capable_a of_o imitate_v he_o herein_o â—â—_o but_o methinks_v such_o example_n shall_v upbraid_v those_o clergyman_n that_o not_o only_a seeâ—_n ecclesiastical_a dignity_n with_o the_o samâ—_n mean_v and_o sordid_a art_n that_o other_o do_v secular_a one_o but_o so_o often_o by_o plurality_n enrich_v themselves_o at_o no_o less_o cost_n than_o thâ—_n neglect_v betray_v soul_n of_o the_o people_n a_o abuse_n too_o foul_a for_o any_o specious_a colour_n to_o hide_v the_o deformity_n of_o it_o and_o so_o groâ—_n that_o it_o can_v not_o escape_v the_o complaint_n 〈◊〉_d the_o pack_v council_n of_o trent_n and_o it_o be_v â—_o shame_n that_o our_o convocation_n have_v never_o do_v any_o thing_n to_o reform_v it_o he_o on_o the_o contrary_n be_v as_o liberal_a of_o his_o purse_n as_o 〈◊〉_d his_o pain_n to_o promote_v that_o interest_n of_o his_o bless_a master_n which_o be_v far_o dear_a to_o he_o than_o any_o that_o he_o can_v call_v his_o own_o and_o indeed_o the_o admirable_a success_n which_o both_o his_o and_o worthy_a mr._n brand_n ministry_n who_o be_v for_o some_o year_n his_o neighbour_n in_o those_o part_n of_o kent_n meet_v with_o as_o endear_v by_o their_o large_a and_o generous_a chaâ—â—ty_n have_v often_o make_v i_o wish_v that_o more_o â—â—ous_a gentleman_n will_v devote_v their_o son_n to_o that_o sacred_a function_n who_o be_v able_a to_o give_v they_o such_o estate_n as_o shall_v free_v they_o from_o the_o necessity_n of_o dependence_n on_o their_o people_n and_o capacitate_v they_o to_o recommend_v their_o insiruction_n by_o their_o alms._n as_o â—ur_n saviour_n miracle_n of_o mercy_n in_o heal_a man_n disease_a body_n prepare_v they_o to_o receive_v he_o as_o the_o compassionate_a physician_n of_o soul_n so_o when_o his_o minister_n be_v capable_a to_o relieve_v the_o necessity_n of_o other_o their_o charity_n insinuate_v into_o the_o heart_n of_o their_o people_n that_o affectionate_a veneration_n for_o they_o as_o gives_z all_o their_o holy_a â—_z the_o great_a authority_n and_o efficacy_n there_o be_v but_o one_o thing_n more_o i_o shall_v take_v notice_n of_o concern_v he_o and_o that_o be_v â—is_n great_a temper_n and_o moderation_n in_o reâ—erence_n to_o those_o modern_a controversy_n that_o â—ive_a make_v so_o great_a a_o noise_n in_o the_o reform_a church_n and_o i_o do_v it_o the_o rather_o be_v cause_n the_o reader_n may_v wonder_v to_o find_v littâ—â—_n or_o no_o mention_n of_o they_o in_o the_o follow_a breviate_v of_o his_o life_n but_o though_o few_o perhaps_o dâ—_n more_o thorough_o understand_v they_o yet_o noâ—â—_n that_o ever_o i_o converse_v with_o speak_v more_o spare_o of_o they_o he_o look_v on_o that_o violet_n zeal_n which_o the_o most_o express_a about_o they_o as_o feavourish_a preternatural_a heat_n that_o onâ—â—_n prey_v on_o the_o vital_a fervour_n of_o practice_n religion_n but_o when_o he_o declare_v his_o judgement_n to_o his_o friend_n that_o desire_v it_o profess_v his_o concurrence_n with_o such_o as_o endeavour_v to_o reconcile_v the_o contend_a partiâ—_n by_o avoid_v the_o harsh_a extreme_n of_o either_o and_o particular_o his_o great_a esteem_n of_o the_o pâ—cisick_n write_n of_o that_o eminent_a ligh_v of_o his_o age_n mr._n baxter_n to_o who_o he_o own_v himself_o more_o indebt_v for_o solid_a and_o useâ—â—â—_n knowledge_n than_o any_o other_o whatsoever_o thâ—â—_n he_o have_v read_v the_o most_o celebrate_a of_o tâ—â—_n french_a as_o well_o as_o english_a divine_n anâ—_n have_v a_o particular_a value_n for_o the_o write_n monsieur_n daille_n and_o dr._n isaac_n barrow_n and_o now_o i_o shall_v no_o long_o detain_v the_o reâ—der_n from_o the_o perusal_n of_o his_o life_n than_o 〈◊〉_d desire_v he_o may_v read_v it_o with_o a_o serious_a desigâ—_n to_o transcribe_v into_o his_o own_o whatever_o he_o shâ—â—_n find_v in_o it_o worthy_a of_o his_o imitation_n edmund_n trench_n march_n 10._o 1684._o my_o father_n motto_n and_o my_o own_o 2_o cor._n 1.12_o in_o simplicity_n and_o godly_a sincerity_n phil._n 1.21_o to_o i_o to_o live_v be_v christ_n and_o to_o die_n be_v gain_n phil._n 3.8_o i_o count_v all_o thing_n but_o dung_n that_o i_o may_v win_v christ_n rarius_fw-la de_fw-la dogmatibus_fw-la christus_fw-la disseruit_fw-la saepiùs_fw-la immo_fw-la vero_fw-la ubique_fw-la &_o semper_fw-la de_fw-la vivendi_fw-la sinceritate_fw-la vivere_fw-la bis_fw-la vitâ_fw-la posse_fw-la priore_fw-la frui_fw-la ampliat_fw-la aetatis_fw-la spatium_fw-la sibi_fw-la vir_fw-la bone_fw-la the_o title_n of_o angel_n sometime_o give_v to_o minister_n shall_v mind_v they_o of_o imitate_v those_o glorious_a spirit_n as_o far_o as_o may_v consist_v with_o the_o frailty_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n divide_v their_o time_n betwixt_o behold_v the_o face_n of_o their_o father_n in_o heaven_n and_o minister_a to_o the_o heir_n of_o salvation_n about_o 15_o year_n ago_o i_o write_v some_o passage_n of_o my_o former_a life_n and_o have_v since_o occasional_o add_v more_o present_a affliction_n occasion_n many_o and_o frequent_a reflection_n on_o what_o i_o be_o and_o what_o i_o have_v be_v my_o paper_n afford_v i_o some_o help_n and_o may_v be_v more_o useful_a lay_v together_o therefore_o i_o design_v the_o sum_n of_o what_o i_o have_v write_v and_o what_o further_o shall_v occur_v fit_a to_o be_v remember_v the_o end_v i_o aim_v at_o as_o i_o former_o note_v they_o be_v the_o glory_n of_o god_n free_a grace_n in_o and_o through_o jesus_n christ_n my_o dear_a lord_n and_o saviour_n the_o sole_a foundation_n of_o my_o hope_n and_o comfort_n the_o shame_n and_o humble_v myself_o that_o have_v so_o often_o and_o do_v so_o heinous_o offend_v so_o good_a a_o god_n and_o so_o merciful_a a_o redeemer_n the_o prevention_n of_o future_a relapse_n by_o the_o remembrance_n of_o god_n great_a favour_n so_o undeserved_o multiply_v the_o promote_a of_o perseverance_n and_o growth_n in_o all_o manner_n of_o holy_a conversation_n and_o godliness_n by_o the_o meditation_n of_o my_o past_a folly_n and_o the_o review_n of_o my_o thought_n and_o resolve_v about_o my_o own_o duty_n and_o happiness_n in_o time_n of_o great_a affliction_n and_o the_o approach_n of_o death_n to_o other_o and_o seem_o to_o myself_o also_o the_o further_a of_o hope_n and_o peace_n and_o comfort_n and_o joy_n in_o such_o season_n as_o they_o may_v be_v most_o necessary_a and_o useful_a all_o through_o the_o assistance_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n which_o i_o most_o humble_o and_o earnest_o implore_v some_o thing_n of_o those_o from_o who_o i_o descend_v for_o my_o imitation_n and_o encouragement_n my_o grandfather_n be_v edmund_n trench_n a_o young_a son_n of_o john_n a_o norfolk_z gentleman_n convert_v about_o the_o 16_o year_n of_o his_o age_n to_o the_o faithful_a service_n of_o
have_v not_o be_v so_o constant_a nor_o my_o converse_n so_o useful_a as_o it_o shall_v lesle_n prositable_a discourse_n and_o book_n have_v take_v up_o too_o much_o time_n i_o be_o not_o prepare_v as_o i_o will_v for_o the_o lord's-day_n approach_v i_o need_v and_o beg_v pardon_n that_o i_o delight_v no_o more_o in_o the_o more_o spiritual_a heaqvenly_a duty_n and_o study_n and_o be_o as_o desirous_a o_o may_v i_o be_v as_o laborious_a to_o do_v better_a for_o etc._n etc._n brenchley_n aug._n 31._o i_o have_v not_o be_v what_o i_o will_v yet_o i_o hope_v i_o be_o in_o the_o way_n to_o be_v what_o i_o wish_v in_o heaven_n o_o may_v i_o be_v much_o better_a on_o earth_n to_o morrow_n i_o design_v to_o take_v a_o journey_n with_o my_o brother_n etc._n etc._n o_o may_v i_o be_v able_a to_o reflect_v with_o comfort_n at_o my_o return_n on_o what_o i_o be_v and_o do_v sept._n 21._o god_n goodness_n accompany_v i_o in_o my_o journey_n shine_v in_o relation_n loveliness_n and_o love_n preserve_v my_o family_n and_o have_v bring_v we_o together_o in_o safety_n may_v all_o be_v crown_v with_o increase_n of_o holiness_n and_o fruitful_a gratitude_n etc._n etc._n octob._n 16._o four_o fit_n of_o a_o tertian_n ague_n have_v much_o weaken_a and_o iudispose_v i_o god_n then_o take_v it_o off_o and_o i_o seem_v recover_v my_o former_a state_n of_o health_n i_o think_v of_o death_n with_o little_a or_o no_o fear_n and_o hope_v i_o shall_v have_v be_v happy_a if_o i_o have_v die_v though_o now_o my_o reflection_n be_v not_o so_o comfortable_a i_o have_v sometime_o think_v i_o be_v beyond_o what_o i_o write_v but_o now_o i_o be_o down_o again_o bodily_a indisposition_n dull_v i_o but_o why_o be_v not_o my_o soul_n more_o vigorous_a have_v i_o comply_v with_o the_o holy_a spirit_n and_o converse_v with_o god_n as_o i_o ought_v i_o may_v have_v have_v more_o of_o his_o comfort_v strengthen_v influence_n and_o help_n i_o desire_v to_o qualify_v myself_o for_o they_o by_o a_o far_o better_a improvement_n of_o all_o aid_n vouchsafe_v help_v heavenly_a father_n for_o thy_o son_n sake_n amen_n nou._n 8._o our_o seven_o son_n be_v baptise_a and_o name_v edmund_n may_v we_o and_o we_o be_v still_o more_o our_o god_n agnize_v his_o supreme_a right_n and_o live_v more_o in_o the_o lively_a sense_n and_o active_a acknowledgement_n thereof_o amen_n for_o etc._n etc._n decemb._n 11._o my_o god_n have_v continue_v to_o engage_v i_o by_o his_o kindness_n to_o my_o whole_a self_n and_o we_o and_o to_o our_o relation_n who_o be_v so_o pleasant_a and_o useful_a to_o we_o i_o have_v proceed_v in_o my_o course_n of_o duty_n but_o alas_o too_o heavy_o without_o such_o diligence_n life_n and_o cheerfulness_n as_o become_v so_o excellent_a a_o service_n i_o desire_v to_o be_v what_o i_o wish_v and_o to_o endeavour_v with_o all_o my_o might_n when_o shall_v i_o write_v that_o i_o be_o and_o do_v so_o lord_n help_v i_o to_o help_v myself_o and_o suffer_v i_o not_o to_o forfeit_v the_o aid_n thou_o vouchsafe_v may_v i_o improve_v '_o cm_o all_o with_o great_a watchfulness_n alacrity_n and_o success_n and_o may_v i_o do_v my_o utmost_a for_o all_o that_o i_o be_o concern_v to_o help_v for_o etc._n etc._n decem._n 31._o the_o 25_o i_o remember_v my_o saviour_n and_o renew_v my_o covenant_n at_o the_o holy_a table_n and_o before_o and_o after_o have_v take_v some_o pain_n in_o his_o service_n sincere_o i_o hope_v desire_v and_o endeavour_v to_o please_v he_o myself_o and_o to_o help_v other_o to_o join_v with_o yea_o exceed_v i_o may_v i_o still_o do_v better_o and_o in_o the_o revolution_n of_o time_n think_v more_o of_o and_o prepare_v better_o for_o eternity_n amen_n for_o etc._n etc._n brenchley_n jan._n 29._o 1687._o i_o hope_v i_o have_v be_v crawl_v upward_o though_o somewhat_o uneven_o and_o attempt_v to_o do_v good_a as_o i_o have_v occasion_n to_o converse_v with_o man_n and_o prepare_v myself_o at_o least_o sometime_o for_o visit_n that_o they_o may_v be_v useful_a and_o not_o as_o alas_o too_o often_o lose_v in_o impertinence_n many_o come_v and_o partake_v of_o what_o i_o customary_o do_v in_o my_o family_n on_o the_o lord_n day_n after_o public_a service_n i_o may_v not_o exclude_v they_o though_o uninvited_a i_o hope_v and_o pray_v and_o endeavour_v that_o god_n may_v honour_v i_o to_o do_v their_o soul_n some_o last_a good_a i_o be_o sensible_a of_o god_n goodness_n as_o to_o my_o private_a concern_v and_o public_a circumstance_n and_o desire_v heart_n and_o life_n may_v be_v answerable_a for_o my_o saviour_n sake_n amen_n i_o have_v be_v also_o disturb_v with_o the_o extreme_n of_o some_o censorious_a divider_n i_o have_v no_o enmity_n against_o the_o man_n but_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n approve_v their_o way_n nor_o concur_v as_o i_o be_o desire_v with_o '_o they_o apr._n 25._o 1687._o i_o have_v be_v do_v my_o duty_n to_o the_o weary_v and_o waste_v of_o my_o flesh_n i_o have_v be_v twice_o feast_v by_o my_o lord_n at_o his_o table_n i_o hope_v not_o without_o some_o advantage_n may_v 16._o the_o different_a opinion_n and_o especial_o the_o very_a indecent_a heat_n of_o good_a man_n to_o which_o the_o present_a liberty_n give_v vent_v be_v no_o small_a disturbance_n to_o i_o and_o july_n 2._o i_o desire_v to_o lay_v to_o heart_n the_o condition_n of_o the_o church_n of_o god_n the_o woeful_a neglect_n of_o christian_a love_n in_o all_o party_n and_o the_o strange_a furious_a heat_n that_o prey_n on_o the_o vital_a fervour_n of_o religion_n provoke_v god_n and_o threaten_v destruction_n pity_n and_o help_v o_o lord_n for_o vain_a be_v the_o help_n of_o man_n july_n 20._o speak_v of_o a_o very_a deep_a and_o cut_a affliction_n that_o have_v often_o return_v i_o be_o far_o from_o entertain_v hard_a thought_n of_o god_n i_o hearty_o submit_v to_o his_o sovereign_a pleasure_n i_o acknowledge_v his_o justice_n may_v be_v far_o severe_a and_o i_o be_o sensible_a of_o abundance_n of_o mercy_n and_o that_o i_o want_v thankfulness_n which_o i_o often_o beg_v of_o he_o i_o be_o still_o more_o consirm_v in_o the_o way_n of_o love_n that_o i_o have_v choose_v and_o abhor_v love-killing_a principle_n and_o practice_n in_o all_o party_n octob._n 6._o end_v the_o 44th_o year_n of_o my_o earthly_a pilgrimage_n i_o review_v what_o i_o write_v octob._n 7._o 1685._o and_o find_v my_o apprehension_n of_o my_o own_o condition_n much_o the_o same_o i_o have_v continue_v take_v pain_n in_o my_o study_n for_o the_o service_n of_o soul_n to_o the_o weary_v if_o not_o waste_v of_o the_o flesh_n yet_o my_o spirit_n have_v not_o attain_v the_o frame_n i_o wish_v impertinent_a thought_n wander_a imagination_n inordinate_a affection_n be_v my_o great_a and_o culpable_a trouble_n when_o shall_v i_o sin_v and_o be_v able_a to_o write_v better_o god_n grant_v that_o i_o may_v whatever_o i_o suffer_v for_o it_o decemb._n 31._o i_o have_v be_v much_o perplex_v between_o repeat_v message_n from_o hackney_n and_o other_o as_o unexpected_a from_o ashford_n and_o such_o consideration_n as_o reason_n and_o religion_n suggest_v about_o our_o design_a remove_n i_o be_v very_o faulty_a in_o suffer_v they_o to_o hinder_v in_o such_o a_o measure_n my_o converse_n with_o god_n and_o my_o comfort_n peace_n and_o joy_n therein_o that_o a_o sacramental_a communion_n 25_o afford_v so_o little_a sweetness_n and_o benefit_n that_o i_o receive_v no_o more_o from_o the_o infinite_a fountain_n ascend_v no_o high_a towards_o he_o and_o have_v not_o much_o large_a communication_n from_o he_o o_o lord_n forgive_v and_o help_v that_o my_o better_a obedience_n and_o far_a participation_n of_o a_o godlike_a nature_n may_v praise_v thy_o infinite_a benignity_n and_o sill_z my_o mouth_n and_o heart_n with_o a_o warm_a sense_n of_o all_o thy_o favour_n and_o with_o more_o suitable_a expression_n especial_o i_o pray_v that_o my_o thought_n may_v be_v content_v and_o labour_n fasten_v to_o present_a duty_n that_o without_o needless_a project_v for_o the_o future_a i_o may_v do_v what_o appear_v necessary_a now_o let_v the_o year_n that_o be_v now_o to_o begin_v be_v better_o improve_v than_o any_o past_a let_v i_o live_v as_o apprehend_v i_o may_v die_v before_o it_o end_v that_o if_o i_o shall_v survive_v it_o i_o may_v reflect_v how_o i_o sill_v it_o with_o god_n fruitful_a service_n and_o rejoice_v in_o hope_n that_o at_o length_n time_n will_v be_v end_v and_o therewith_o the_o too_o too_o many_o fail_n of_o my_o duty_n and_o comfort_n amen_n for_o my_o dear_a saviour_n sake_n trouble_n without_o and_o especial_o fail_n within_o have_v much_o indispose_v i_o for_o duty_n and_o the_o sweet_n thereof_o yet_o when_o late_o ill_a i_o have_v no_o great_a fear_n but_o can_v think_v