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A89072 Mercurius ecclesiasticus: or, Doctor Cozens his visitation at Warrington in Lancashire, with divers presentments and censures therein passed. Together with a true story of the reader of Liverpoole his twice over wronged breeches, brought before the said doctor there. Nedham, Marchamont, 1620-1678, attributed name. 1645 (1645) Wing M1765; Thomason E24_1; ESTC R11436 3,073 13

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Mercurius Ecclesiasticus OR DOCTOR COZENS HIS VISITATION At Warrington in Lancashire with divers PRESENTMENTS and CENSVRES therein passed TOGETHER With a true Story of the READER of LIVERPOOLE his twice over wronged Breeches brought before the said Doctor there nec scombros metuentia carmina Jan 7th 1644 Printed in the yeer 1645. Doctor COSENS his Visitation at Warington in Lancashire with a true story of the Reader of Liverpoole his double-wronged Breeches brought before him there THE plunder-Church yeer 't was whence Yorke Sent forth those Harpies of her Kirke Esdall Wickam and Cozens The last was he that then fate on The skorners Bench at Warington to sell sinne by the dozens Had you but heard this Dragon roare So farre 'bove that of Eglimore or seene this rampant Priest Ttample the Puritan you wou'd Have sworne him one of th'very brood come out o' the mouth o' th' Beast In the first place his long Oration Was spent o' th' Kings late Declaration that none should dare to Preach Against Arminian points but that They should presse Gospell truths whence flat he did enjoyne to teach All mens salvation that would will Graces receipt he shewd the ill of Lectures Repetitions Afternoone Sermons and the blame Of other forme then What 's your Name or on that Expositions All unbookd prayers he could not see To be ought else but blasphemy what on the spirit to father An abortive prayer whereunto The Canon was not Mid-wife no nor Holy Church the mother The Doctor the presentments all With fury tore in peeces small that brought in omnia bene Charg'd them to make a new report The reason was unto the Court they were not wotth a penny In the presentments that were brought One was so sawcy or ill taught at the Altar for to leane From the Church-yard hedge was one had pluk't A twig to still her child that suck'd ah sacrilegious Queane A Butcher his unhallowed Calfe To the Church-yard stile had tyed safe all must their pennance doe Another for adultery Escap'd much better for that he rapt out an oth or two A rich-nos'd Host appear'd being drunke He wisht all Puritans were sunke in their New-England passage The Doctor did conclude the man No Church imbroyling Puritan he knew it by his visage And so he scap'd paying his fees So did not he but lost a Fleece with 's Neighbour that durst pray A Minister call'd Sabath Clerke The Doctor re-baptiz'd took's marke and call'd him Saturday A Reader 'mong the rest he spyed Blew were his Breeches which the tyde o' the Doctors rage did sell He stampt and star'd and grew starke mad The adventure dyre and story sad I meane you here to tell It was a four-pound right Sir John That Service read at L'erpoole Towne His name was John Wain-wright Had that been too his occupation It had been better for the Nation with many a such like Wight His Master-piece and highest praise 'T was bidding right the Holy-dayes and chanting out procession Kersning burying marrying faire Giving good morrow to Master Mayor tho' in the midst o' th Lesson He passed for a quiet soule And no mans foe did not controule his parish'ners in their sports The Pipers faithfull advocate And Beare-heards too had no mans hate was free to all resorts Withall he deerly lov'd a cup And of it often deep would sup and then as oft besh him And now his thoughts were all upon The approaching Visitation and how there to acquit him Fraught with his Orders License Fees His Coat Canonicall tho' freeze a Church-Warden went too Who with a Wallet was so loaden Before that many a mile they 'd troden the Priest he gan to sue To beare the box of the presentments So on they went without resentments to Ranehill till they came An Ale●house there stood by the way Which soone invited them to stay the Ale was of good fame They call'd so oft for to'ther cup That all the Ale was quite drunk up save what untun'd remain'd To that they fell the night grew on Their thoughts were quench'd towards Warrington the Priests breech was ill staind Both soundly drunke to bed they 'l goe The Roomes o' th' house were ordered so that the good wife was faine In the same roome to coole her grout Where they both lay sans feare or doubt the chance was Master Waine Right laid his wronged breeches doewn Upon the very self-same Cowme wherein the working Ale was Doubtlesse he took it seeing th'froth For a round table and white cloth how'ere it came to passe The Breeches fitter much for Lee Grew steep'd in Ale for company and with the owner drunk So weighty were the boxes fees Sinfull presentments that to th' Lees no mervaile if they sunke The Ale in triumph o're such spoyles Swell'd high and mantl'd but those broyles 'tad quickly againe a laid No mervaile now 't was impossession Without abatement strife or question of the reckning not yet paid Besides hereby the streame i' th' breech Returnd unto its spring by which it was repaird againe And the presentments being drownd That to it a foe might have been found it needed not complaine The Curate and the Warden both Steept as they were in Barly broth felt neither ach nor stitches They 'd tune a medicine for the fleas Feard not the next dayes hard release but lay still as the Breeches The morning comes they both arise Say o're the Creed and rub their eyes meane quickly to be packing The Reader ready to put on His Breeches but he found anon woe worth him they were lacking He sought them all the roome about In every place save in the Grout who would them there suppose The Ale lookt just as did o're night Undrunk no secrets to the light would it all disclose The Constable was sent for soone The Priest cryed out he was undone the fees presentments lost Orders License all were gone Which many a yeere h' had liv'd upon and many a groat had cost He charg'd the Host t' have stolne them all It booted not to whine or braule at length it was concluded Rather then not to make apparance The Reader should put on Hodge Laurence his Breeches tho' th' were blew-died Laurence the presentments gone Lik'd not t' appeare at Warrington but was content to stay In soccage for the shot unpaid While the Curate with his breech arrayed would beare the heat o' th' day Which prov'd not small I can assure yee For why the Doctor grew in fury at the strange Breeches hew He ask'd what mot'ly gull it was That there did dare to shew his face in cloths thus black and blew Whether holy Orders h' had tane Where he officiated what lane or hedge-priest he might be The silly man being quite confounded With shame and horrour all surrounded fell downe upon his knee Told him the whole how h' came out Cloth'd all in black from head to foot but had been rob'd alas His Breeches Orders Fees were gone Presentments too not he alone but th' Court a looser was When of this sacrilegious charge The Doctor was inform'd at large he vow'd that he would make The Host a most example dread of justice as had ever head or hand in plot so black Immediately he sent a Somner The Catchpole was no sooner come neere to the suspected place But in the turning of her Grout The Wife had found the Breeches out howbeit in wofull case But when the whole was fully knowne And 'bout the Towne in rumour blowne the Doctor did assay The Stinking stirre to have referr'd By him and 's fellowes to be heard and cleanly made away The Host and Hostesse they cryed no But to the common Law they 'd goe at Derby Court they 'd try it Two Actions they had anent him Whereby they 'd make him to repent him and h' should dearly buy it One was of slander of their housing Th' other 't was the brewing loosing whereto the Priest did plead The house it had with many a curse Of many a guest oft pickt the purse by its large reckonings made And for the Ale he prov'd it cleere They'd sold it off as soone and deare as any other brewing And that it was more strong and stale And much the more canonicall by th' aforesaid Breeches stewings This doubled suit was often traversed Renew'd againe and againe reversed untill to one o' th Quorum It was referred as Umpire sage With other two Two belonging to the Court. it to asswage will Oufald and John Orum Who ended it with much adoe After both sides began to rue the Lawyers many Quiblets By turning as the Proverb sayes The Hares head as in such like frayes unto the Wild-goose Giblets FINIS