and turn to dust then after Death there is no Repentance this is the Opportunity of Life the Day of Grace and Salvation which if neglected I can never have another it is therefore of everlasting Concernment to improve the present Opportunity because it is appointed for all Men and Women once to dye and then to Judgment and as Death leaves Judgment will find as the Tree falls so it lies there is neither Desire nor Invention in the Grave where I am going O Lord thou hast been very merciful to preserve me in the Calamities of Fire and hast wonderfully Protected and Provided for me ever since and thou hast been merciful to me indeed to preserve me against my own Will. I am a Living Monument of thy Mercies a Brand snatcht out of the Burning Flame thou hast given me my Life for a Prey and I have not lived to thy Praise but like a Vile Wretched Vuworthy and most Vngrateful Creature I have sinned against thee both in Thought Word and Deed. The Sins of my Thoughts have been more than I can think those of my Words more than I am able to express and the Sins of my Deeds have been innumerable my Life hath been an Act of open Rebellion against thee I am guilty of Sins by Omission Commission Ignorance and Wilful Disobedience Having left undone those Things which I ought to have done and committed those Things whith I ought not to have done I have sinned against Heaven Thee my Relations and against the Motions of thy Blessed Spirit having made a Shew of Godliness I have denyed the Power of it and have called upon the Name of Christ but have not departed from Iniquity I have given evil example unto others by living conâ—rary to what I have Professed and have quenched and grieved the Mations of thy Holy Spirit which should have sealed me up unto the day of Redemption I have Committed all Impieties with Greediness and have aggravated my Transgressions with hanious Circumstances for I have sinned not only against the Law but against the Gospel not only Ignorantly but Wilfully and very presumptiously against the Checks of my Conscience and the Light of Nature insomuch that my own Heart doth condemn me and thou art greater knowing all Things I have abused thy Mercies despised thy Judgments and turned thy very Graces into Wantonness insomuch that my Iniquities are gone over my Head and my Sins have covered me I have nothing to plead for my self but Guilty Guilty Guilty of the Breach of all thy most Holy and Righteous Laws I have forfited my Right to all that is Good have made my self liable to all Evils both Temporal Spiritual and Eternal it is even a Miracle of Mercy that I had not long ago been taken off in my Sin and for my Sins and have been made so Hellfull as I have been sinful and have had my Portion given me with Hyppocrites Vnbelievers and those that loveth and maketh a Lye in that Lake which burns with Fire and Brimstone there to be tormented with Devils and Damned Spirits for evermore that instead of praying unto thee and calling on thy Nâ—â—e in Mercy I am not howling amongst the Damn'd in an irrecoverable State that thy Patience is not ended toward me and the Dâ—or of Grace shut everlastingly against me thou mightest justly long ago have said unto me I would have healed thee and thou wouldst not I would have Saved thy Soul but thou hast despised my Salvation I would have made thee happy and thou hast refused therefore thou that art filthy be filthy stâ—ll there remains no more Sacrifice for Sin but a fearful looking for of Judgment Fiery Indignation and the Fierce Anger of the Lord the Most Mighty God therefore go thou Cursed into Everlasting Fire prepared for the Devils and their Angels It had been but just with thee O Lord thus to have dealt by me and thou mightest have Glorified thy Justice in my Just Condemnation and Eternal Damnation but there is Mercy with thee that thou mayst be feared and thy tender Mercies are over all thy Works and Mercy pleaseth thee it is because thy Compassions fail not that I am not consumed O what shall I say unto thee thou Preserver of Men Whether shall I go or to whom shall I fly 'T is thou alone that hast the words of eternal Life and there is nâ— Name under Heaven by whom I can be Saved but by the Name of Jesus Christ and 't is against thee O Father thee O Holy Jesus thee O Holy Blessed Spirit that I have sin'd against the Holy and Blessed Trinity in Vnity and Vnity in Trinity Jesus Christ was wounded for my Transgressions that by his Stripes I 〈◊〉 be healed and I have wounded him afresh by my Sins Tâ—e Chast sement of my Peace hath been upon his Shoulders and he that knew no Sin was made a Curse unto Sin for me that I might be made the Righteonsness of God in him He was pierced thorow with many Sorrows and his precious Side was pierced with a Sphear and his most precious Blood was spilt that my Soul might be Eternally Saved and I have pierced him again by my Sins Jesus was Crucified and dyed the bitter and Cursed Death of the Cross that I might be Blessed and Everlastingly Saved and I have Crucified the Lord of Life afresh have put him to open shame O help me to look upon him whom I have pierced and mourn over him that I may be in bitterness of Spirit and gâ—ieve because I cannot grieve enough for my Sins and because I have grieved the Motions of thy Holy Spirit Oh work in me a hatred of all sin which is the cause of all Evil and help me to avoid the very Appearance of it O Lord thou hast given some Encouragement for poor penitent Sinners to come unto thee and graciously invited them saying Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy Laden and I will give you Rest seek and ye shall find knock and it shall be opened unto you call upon me in the Day of Trouble and I will hear thee and deliver thee and thou shalt glorifie me Oh Lord I come I seek I call I cry beseeching thee for Jesus Christ his sake to let me find rest unto my Soul Open unto me the Gates of Salvation and be ye opened ye Everlasting Gates that the King of Glory may come in and deliver me from the Intollerable Burthen of my Sins Help me to Glorifie thee here that I may be Glorified with thee to all Eternity Lord thou hast promised that Thou wilt not break the Bruised Reed nor quench the smoaking Flax nor despise the day of small Things but hast mercifully stiled thy self to be a God hearing Prayers and none of the Sons of Jacob ever sought thy Face in vain And thou hast graciously declared thy self to be the Lord Merciful Gratious of Patience and great Goodness who pardoneth Iniquity Transgressions and
of this Life is to meditate often upon Eternity It 's the great misfortune of man to desire those things which he should only use To have a desire not to be poor to receive the Inconveniences of it is too great Ambition for it is to desire the Honour of Poverty the Commodity of Wealth There is no way happily to end a true Spiritual Life better than dayly to begin it He that would have a Part with Jesus glorified must first take part with Christ crucified we should live in this present Evil World as if our Souls were in Heaven and our Bodies in the Grave In the death of our Passions consists the Life of our Souls It is not Humility to acknowledge our selves miserable that is only to be a Beast but it is Humility to desire that others should esteem us so There is no reason to be given for the Fault we commit in Sin for the Fault would not be Sin if it were not against Reason Vertues have not their full Growth but when they have Desires to bring forth Advantage which like Spiritual Seeds serve to bring forth and produce new degrees of Virtues We should never speak of God or the Things which concern his Service carelesly or by way of Common Discourse or Entertainment but always with a great respect and humble mind We should fear the Judgments of God without Discouragement and encourage our selves without Presumption The ready way for the Soul to have Peace with its self is to obtain his Peace with God we may perform many Holy Actions and yet not please God if we neglect to do what he requires of us no more than a Painter in representing an Eagle pleaseth him that desired a Bee Let us never look on our Crosses but through the Cross of Jesus Christ thereby we shall find them pleasant and have fresh Desires to be afflicted Desire to obtain the Love of God makes us to meditate but that Love once obtained makes us contemplate The Fear of the Lord is the Beginning of Wisdom and the Price of Wisdom is above Rubies Oh let my Prayers be set before thee as Incense and the lifting up of my Hands be as the Evening Sacrifice O Lord my Strength and most mighty Redeemer Oh my Soul What fearful tremblings are these that have seized upon thee now So that the Thoughts of God that have been and ought to be thy greatest Comforts are now become thy Amazement Whence is this miserable Altaration that thou must behold nothing but Judgment in the Father of Mercies and Anger in the Fountain of Love What hath provoked him that delights to spare to be resolved to punish Surely my Sins are very many for it is not a few that will insense him and they have more than ordinary Aggravations for he is not so highly displeased at small Offences and certainly I have often committed them and long continued in them for he begins not to frown upon the first Misdemeanour Alas Alas the Cause is too apparent my Sins are both very many and exceeding great frequently repeated with heynous Circumstances and of long continuance I have despised Mercy now am like to feel Judgment most miserable Wreth that I am I have tired out the Patience of a long-suffering Father and have run away from the Embraces of a Loving Saviour and have rejected the Offers of a most indulgent Holy Spirit so that now I fear I have stopt up the Fountain of his Mercy and unsealed the Treasure of his Vengeance and I ought to wonder how God could spare me so long then why he should strike me now since many have been cut off for fewer and lesser sins I see that I have deserved most justly to suffer the worst of Evils And therefore shall esteem it an incomparable Favour to be only corrected with Temporal Afflictions if I might be so excused but it is a fearful thing to fall into the Hands of the Living God Therefore O Lord my Flesh trembleth for very Fear of thee and I am afraid of thy most heavy Judgments yet I know no way to escape them To deny my Sins were great Impudence and to Excuse them will be Apparent Hypocrisy and to be concealed is impossible to be found intollerable I am miserably confounded but was never any in this sad Case before that I might receive some Advice and Comfort from them Yes surely the Church hath presented me with a King and a Prophet both dear to God whose Fears were greater though their Sins were less and their danger not so great as mine Yet these in the midst of their Fear considered their Sins as the only Cause of their Evils and accordingly they freely confessed them bitterly lamented and exceedingly humbled themselves for them not striving so much to avoid them in the Punishment as to obtain the Pardon of their Offences knowing that the guilt once removed thou wouldst totally spare them or gently chastise them for their good where they rendred themselves up into thy Hands rather aggravating than extenuating their Sins and yet humbly begging that they might be corrected in Mercy and they found the Benefit of it Go to then O my Soul and do thou likewise thou hast occasioned Gods Wrath by the Breach of his most holy Laws O do not increase it by mistrusting the blessed Gospel thou hast forsaken him by Sin do not run from him by Despair for the faster that thou runnest from his Mercy the sooner thou shalt be sure to meet with his Justice delay no longer but go in before he sends for thee accuse thy self before thou art Indicted and confess thy Sins freely before the Witnesses be called out against thee pass sentence on thy self before the Judge come to condemn thee I cannot expect wholly to escape but it will be a great Favour if I meet only with a Sickness instead of Death Losses in my Estate instead of loosing my God and my Soul both for ever I will not therefore desire my Heavenly Father altogether to lay aside his Rod but only to use it genâ—ly that I may by this smart be warn'd against those future sins that would bring me to utter Ruine O Lord rather chastise me than dis-inherit me and those Stripes shall be welcome which come in an exchange for Eternal Torments For thou who dost change thy Sword into a Rod I hope will be so compassionate in thy Afflictions that I shall only feel what my destempered Soul needs to recover it and my Flesh and Spirit cannot bear not what my Sins deserve and thy Justice might exact wherefore I will no longer hide my sins but by an humble hearty Confession will declare that I hate them more than I fear to fall into thy most merciful Hands and I hope hereafter that I shall so fear to offend that I shall be freed from those sad Expectations of thy heavy Wrath which Wisdom God grant me for my Saviour Jesus Christ's Sake He that hath
who is my Life shall appear I may also appear with him in Glory O help me to walk as an Adopted Son of the mighty Majesty of Heaven and Earth the Holy God as an Adopted Brother to the Holy Jesus my Loving Saviour Mighty Redeemer and the Captain of my Salvation as one that is in fellowship with God the Holy Ghast the Blessed Spirit my Mighty Comforter dayly Sanctifier and â—reserver Oh help me to walk as one that is in Communion with and related unto the most Holy and Blessed Trinity Let me never turn to Folly more nor dare to sin any more nor dishonour my Heavenly Relations but help me to walk worthy of the Price of my High-Calling pressing hard to the Mark adorning my Profession walking in all Well-pleasing daily growing in Grace from strength to strength til I shall appear in Zion in perfect beauty in Glory make me to persevere be constant and faithful to the death that so I may receive a Crown of Life Righteousness and Glory that fadeth not away To that end purpose O God wean me from the World take off my Affections from all perishing Vanities make me Heavenly Minded whil'st I am about Earthly Business let my Conversation be above where the Lord Jesus sitteth at thy Right-hand making Intercession for me let me be in earnest for thy Honour and Glory and the Salvation of my Immortal Soul O let me be upon the Wing Heavenward and carry me on upon Divine Principles help me to strive to enter into the Streight Gate Narrow is the Way that leads to Life and few there be that find it Broad is the Way that leads to Destruction and many there be that go in thereat and if the Righteous â—hall scarce be Saved where shall the Sinners and Vngodly appear Come Holy Ghost Eternal God Proceeding from the Father and Son take Possession of my Soul throw down all the Strong-holds of Sin and Satan bring me over unto a Universal Obedience in all Things to thy Heavenly Will O that my Ways were directed to keep thy Commandments then shall I not be ashamed when I have respect unto all thy Holy and most Righteous Laws which are not grievous as Flesh and Blood the World and Devils would perswade me thy Ways are Peace thy Paths Pleasantness in thy Presence is Fulness of Joy and at thy Right-hand are Rivers of Pleasures for evermore then let it be the joy of my Heart and rejoycing of my Soul to do thy Will help me to hate the Garment that is spotted with the Flesh shed abroad a Divine Love into my Heart and lay a Holy Constraint upon me to please thee in all Things O make me consider what great Things the Lord hath done for me who was once a Child of Wrath a Firebrand of Hell Heir to Eternal Death and Damnation but now by the Grace of God in Jesus Christ am become an Heir to an Eternal and Glorious Kingdom O let me be led unto it which way my Heavenly Father pleaseth it being assured to me by the great Charter of Heavenprecious Promises sealed by the Blood of Jesus the New Name and the White Stone O make me to know what the Lord hath done for my Soul and Body my Soul is Redeemed from Hell and my Body from the Grave and both Body and Soul from Eternal Damnation and all by the Blood of my Jesus and my Vile Body shall be made a Glorious Body and my Mortality shall put on Immortality be swallowed up in Life and I shall be a Co-heir with my Blessed Jesus O what shall I render unto the Lord for all his Benefits help me to take the Cup of Salvation and praise the Name of the Lord let me speak to thy Praise and live to thy Praise let my Heart be inlarged to shew it forth in my Generation and let it be Matter of Eternal Praises in the Heavenly Quire when I shall there be joyned with Saints Angels Arch-Angels Cherubiens Seraphims the Spirits of Just Men and Women made perfect all the Heavenly and Celestial Host to sing Hallelujahs and a New Song unto thy Divine Majesty for thy Love in Jesus Christ and in the mean time be pleased to accept of a Morning Sacrifice which thy poor Creature doth desire to offer up in Praise at this time with all humble sincerity most earnestly begging the Assistance of thy Grace blessed be thy Name for keeping me all my Days for my Creation Preservation and above all for ever ever ever blessed be thy Name for the Lord Jesus Christ the Fountain of all my Mercies and through whom I have comfortable Hope and Assurance of Eternal Salvation O let Christ be formed more and more in me and blessed be thy Name for all Temporal Favours for keeping me the Night past for refreshing me with the Comforts of Rest and Sleep and hast kept me from all sad Accidents when thou mightest have made my Bed my Grave and my Sleep my Death but blessed be thy Name whose Compassions never fail thy poor Creature who hast raised me this Morning in good Condition of Health Strength Mind and Memory and being thus brought to the beginning of this day defend me O Lord in the same by thy Almighty Power grant that I may fall into no Sin nor run into any kind of Danger but that all my Doings may be ordered by thy Governance to do that which is righteous in thy Sight through Jesus Christ O Lord have mercy upon thy whole Church inlarge the Kingdom of Grace hasten the Kingdom of Glory send forth thy Word with thy Power thorow the whole World propagate the Gospel and hasten the Kingdom of Glory remember thy Antient People the Jews bring in the Fulness of the Gentiles give the Heathen for thy Sons Inheritance and the utmost Parts of the Earth for his Possession let all Kingdoms of the World become the Lord Christs and let every Scepter submit to his Royal Scepter that the Earth may be filled with the Knowledge of the Lord as the Waters cover the Sea and be gâ—atiously pleased to bless this Sinful Nation of England pardon our Crying Sins heal our Breaches compose our Differences give us a true Repentance and Amendment of Life and be merciful unto us O Lord save the King pour down the choisest of thy Blessings upon his Head and Heart make his Life long his Reign prosperous keep him from the hands of his Enemies let his Life be prerious in thy Sight give him Wisdom and Courage from above make him as an Angel of God to go in and eut before the People over whom thou hast set him and when thou shalt put an end to his Mortal Life Crown him in thy Everlasting Kingdom in Glory Bless him in his Royal Relations our Gracious Queen Katherine James Duke of York and aâ—l â—he Royal Family endue them with thy holy Spirit inrich them with thy Heavenly 〈◊〉 prosper them with all Happiness and bring them to thy Everlasting Kingdom Bâ— pâ—easâ—â—â— to bless all our Privy-Councellors Rulers and Judges teach our Senators Wisdom and the true Fear of the Lord make them Zealous for thy Honour and Glory the Advancement of true Religion Piety and Vertue the Honour and Safety of the King and Kingdom Bless all the Magistrates of this Realm give them Grace to execute Justice and maintain Truth and be pleased to pour down a double Portion of thy Blessings upon the Ministers of thy Word and Sacraments the Clergy of this Land by what Names or Titles soever they are dignified or distinguished make them found in their Doctrine and Exemplar in their Lives let them shine like Stars in the Firmament and let their Light so shine besore Men that seeing their good Works others may glorifie thee the Heavenly Father and O Lord look down in much Mercy upon all Degrees of Men Women and Children of this Nation grant that we may all live in thy Faith and Fear in due Obedieuce and Loyalty to the King and his Laws and in Brotherly-Love and Affection to one another O Lord bless all my Relations especially my Wise and Child pardon their Sins and save their Souls make them near and dear unto thy self season their tender Years with thy Grace and Fear be their satiable good in every Condition and if it be thy blessed Will bring us together again that we may Serve thee better than sormerly we have done and if it shall seem good unto thee O Lord find out a way for my Deliverance out of Prison not mine but thy Will be done O God I have found that thy Service is perfect Freedom and thy Favour is better than Life help me to order my Conversation aright that I may see more of thy Salvation let my ways please thee that my Enemies may be at Peace with me however let all tend to the purging out of Sin making me more fit to enjoy Communion with thee here and eternally hereafter vouchsafe O Lord to keep me this day without Sin keep me in thy Fear diâ—ert me in thy Truth let thy Spirit lead me that I may not offend with my Tongue let me be silent rather than sin and never repine at thy Providence fit me for my future Being make me mindful of Death and let me always have the Assurance of thy Favour which is better than Life G God whose Nature and Property is ever to have Mercy and to forgive receive my humble Petitions and though I am tied and bound with the Chain of my Sin yet let the great pittifulness of thy Mercy loose me for the Honour of my Advocate and Mediator Jesus Christ to whom with thee O Father thy Holy and Blessed Spirit be ascrided and given from the bottom of my Heart and from all Creatures all possible Honour Glory Power Praise Might Majesty Adoration Dominion and what-ever can be Imagined or expressed from this time forth and for evermore Amen Our Father which art in Heaven Hallowed be thy Name Thy Kingdom come Thy Will be done in Earth as it is in Heaven c. FINIS
a Request to make that is considerable to an Earthly King must not approach without a Present in his Hand but my great Request is to the King of Kings to whose Laws I have been disobedient false to his Government refractory to his Summons and ungrateful to his former Favours and what can I offer him that needs nothing and what can I give him whose both my self and all that I have are His Favour inheed is so sweet so desirable and so universal a Comprehension of all happiness that I could freely give all I have or may procure for the Purchase of it But the whole World is Vanity to him neither can such Triffles blind his Eyes or bind his Hands buy his Mercy to the Unworthy or avert his Judgments from the Sinner I would methinks expose my Body to the sharpest Torments my Soul to the heaviest Sorrows and my Life to the cruellest of Tyrants and would account it a happy purchase if I were sure of his Everlasting Mercies afterwards But it cost more to redeem a Soul I can give nothing but what is his already and I can suffer nothing but what I have deserved What then O where shall I have a Peace-Offering which may not be despised I am told that there is nothing more acceptable than a Broken Heart 'T is strange Can a Heart polluted with the Guilt and inflamed with the Power of Sin slow to begin and unable to perform any thing that is good but vigorous to desire and unwearied to pursue all evil Can a Heart shaken with Fears torn to pieces with Terrours and even a Terrour to it self miserable and poor blind and naked can this Heart be a fit Sacrifice for so Glorious and All-seeing so Holy and Pure a God Can he like that whieh I abhor my self Alas it cannot be But let me recall that rash hasty word for he hath said it who best knows what will please himself and if he vallues it then it is worthy for the true worth of any thing is to be judged by his Esteemation of it who knows but such a broken Heart may be a greater Evidence of his Power and Mercy a fitter Instrument of his Praise and Glory a plainer Table to describe his Grace and draw his Image on than any other Such a Heart I have and if this will serve I am happy I will give it freely to thee O Lord who despisest not the meanest Gifts if there be sincerity in the Giver It was broken before with Fear but now it will be dissolved with Love I am ashamed it is no better but thy Mercy is the greater in accepting it and it will become better by being thine Oh how am I filled with Admiration on the Freeness and Fullness of thy Mercies in comparison of which the greatest humane Compassion is and seems to be Cruelty I dare proclaim it that in thee are all the Mercies in the World united and thou art Mercy it self in the highest Degree If my Disobedience and my Negligence Contempts and Ingratitudes could have seperated thee from thy Mercy I had now met thee in thy Fury taking Vengeance without Pitty for I have seemed to live as if I had designed to dare thee to turn thy self away from me and to try thy utmost Patience the least part of which business would have turned my best Friends in the World against me but behold the Mercies of my God continue still O let me have the shame of an ungrateful Sinner and let thy Name have the Glory of an inexpressable Pitty even to those who are almost ashamed to ask Pardon yea let me to whom thou hast shewed so much Compassion have the Honour to be an Instance of thy Goodness to all the World And have I such a Father Why then do I lye still with this Load of Guilt upon my Soul And with this heavy Burthen of Sorrow upon my Spirit What do I get by these Complaints but waste my Time and double my Misery by sad Reflections I can neither have Help from my self nor any Creature but my Father alone to whom Mercies are as proper as Miseries are to me and if I through Fear and Sorrow sit still here and starve I shew not so much Pitty to my self as he would have for me if he saw my distress Wherefore I will arise and go to him though I think that I shall scarce have the face to ask him more since I spent the last so ill I shall be ashamed to tell him how base I have been but as I was not ashamed when I did evil so I must have shame when I suffer the shame of its desert I will go bathed with Tears blushing for shame accusing my self and relying on the Bowels of a Father and will beg only so much Mercy as may banish despair and if I may have this will be content tho I be not entertained with assurance and certain Expectations for the least favourable Look is more than I have deserved yet behold upon the first sight of the returning Prodigal who came unsent for driven home by his own Miseries his tender Father runs to meet him takes the Words out of his Mouth and receives him with all the Demonstrations of his Love and the Carresses of his dear Affections and is my God less merciful he who hath invited me so often and promised me so largely I have done ill to stay so long but I will go now low in my Desires and high in my Expectations sorrowing for mine Offences and begging his Mercies and I hope though I carry no merits of my own to his Justice yet I carry miseâ—y enough to make his Bowels of Compassion yearn upon me then I cannot perish Is it possible I should be all this while deluded so grosly as to imagine my Eyes to be opened my Ways direct and full of Light when indeed my Eyes are shut my feet are wrong and my Mind is overspred with Aegyptian Darkness of a stupid Ignorance Thy Word O Lord is a Light to my Feet and a Lanthorn to my Pathes not only to shew me which is the right way but to let me know when I am in the wrong But I have given my self to false Guides who least I should enquire after the right way would never acquaint me that I was wandring from it had I followed them still I had stumbled ere this on the threshold of Hell whil'st I expected to have arrived at the Gates of Heaven O blessed be thy Name I now see that I have been straying from the Fountain of all true Happiness and have been in vain seeking Content where it is not to be found till the Disappointment drives me to seek it where it is to be had if I had not been a Stanger to my own Heart I had not been so far out of the right way but I have supposed my self to be clear only because I never considered wherein I was guilty and have flattered my self with the
Heart against them O Blessed Jesus that knowest the Necessities of all thy Vniversal Commands to Repentance to all men methinks seems to be peculiarly directed to me who have neglected this most necessary Duty hitherto thou O Lord seest my Danger and pittiest my Approaching Ruine I Bow my Head and Heart and neither can or dare disobey so gracious and loving Advice so useful and necessary a Warning thy bare Words hath been sufficient to command Obedience from me who do expect Eternal Salvation by thee but thou art pleased further to convince me I do believe dearest Jesus the Benefit is great if I shall turn now while thy Grace is offered so freely to all People I know the danger is dreadful if I delay any longer since 't is certain that thy Kingdom shall come but uncertain now soon either Death shall Arrest me or Judgment surprise me in such Delays I have great cause to bless thy Name that neither of these have happened yet unto me though I have even excluded thee out of my Heart and entertained my Sins there yet Lord thou callest on me still and now I am making what hast I can O remember not how long I have staid but consider how little time I have left and by the help of thy Grace make my Work short and easie proportionable to my Time and Strength I confess that I knew before but I never considered it till now and now I dare not stay but through thy help I come O do not cast me off for thy Mercies sake Oh my Soul thou art surely seized with a strange Distemper which resists the Efficacy of the choisest Remedies the Plaister which cures others doth not avail me I confess my Offences every day on my bended Knees but my Faith is Weak my Hope Wavering my sense of Gods Love very small so that I am almost tempted to live like those that are unconverted and unconcerned whether they sin or no because I find no Benefit by all my Humiliations and this Temptation had prevailed if I had not seen that since others receive some Advantage by these meanes the fault is in me and not in them nor in the God whom I Serve he cannot deny his Promises falsifie his Word nor reject those when they come who come upon his Courteous Invitation O where then is this accursed thing that restrains Gods Mercies blasts my Endeavours and puts me upon Injurious Thoughts against Heaven Atheistical Resolutions of totally neglecting those Holy Things the Matter of my Duty is good for God commands it the Benefit is great for many have found it to be so but Is it done in a right manner The failing may be there I have been more careful to kneel reverently look sadly sigh grievously and tell the Almighty a Story of my Sinful Life with Addresses becomming a Penitent but this comes far short of what God requires even a Broken Heart and a Contrite Spirit for I have been so concerned to seem sorrowful that I have not endeavoured really to be so O my God thou that searchest the Heart and tryest the Reins thou hast seen my Heart untouch't in the midst of these Pretences I have not been smitten with the Odiousuess of my Sins to thee nor the Danger to me and therefore I have not fully renounced them nor yet absolutely returned to thee and thy Ways and therefore thou hast not blessed my Confessions which have been rather looked upon by me as an Indulgence to go on since my former were so easily pardoned than an Ingagement to forsake mine Iniquities but now I see my Vileness in making so slight Addresses for so great a Favour I discern my Folly to cheat my self of so considerable a Blessing and my Sloath to slip so many fair Opportunities by my deceitful Behavior before thee O Lord I have deceived my self I am hugely ashamed that having offended so dear and loving a Father I have not been really concerned more and having so gracious a God to turn to I am yet so far distant from him if I want Pardon or Peace the blame must be upon my own Negligence for thou art apt to give and ready to forgive long before thou punishest Sinners but soon intreated to receive Presents dost most joyfully lay aside thy Resolutions of Judgments when we promise our Purpose of Amendment O my Soul will not this real Goodness of thy God shame thy Hyppocrisy Will it not pierce thine Heart to see whom thou hast offended and thaw thy Hopes to behold him whom thou art turning to his Holiness is mixed with Long-suffering his Justice with Mercy his Decrees allayed with Limitations and is it fit to approach him without Love or Fear Hopes or Desires Gratitude oâ— Admiration Or Is the Forgiveness too mean a Favour that it deserves no more Hearty Applications sure enough mine Hyppocrisy hath hindred my Pardon wherefore I begin to detest it and hereafter I will look more to the Disposition of my Heart than the Posture of my Body I will set him before me whose Love I have abused and whose Patience I have tried who is so gracious as to spare me and so willing to be Reconciled to a most ungrateful Wretch that when I come to him I may have my Eyes filled with Tears and my Cheeks with Blushes and my Heart with Sorrow I will remembeâ— who I am that go so that my Heart may be humâ—â—e and what I go for that I may be earnest and who I go to that I may be full of Faith and Hope so thaâ— my Addresses may not be in vain but that all these gracious Attributes may be made good unto me for Jesu Sake to whom be Glory for ever Thomas Brownings 's Prayer O Lord prepare my unprepared and sinful Heart by thy Holy and Blessed Spirit to Pray unto thee for Jesus Christ his Sake pour down into my Heart thy Spirit of â—race Supplication and Humiliation good God do away mine Iniquities and remember my Transgressens no more help me to pour out my Soul before thee under a deepsence of and a true sorrow for all my Sins which I have most wickedly and grieviously committed against thy Divine Majesty from time to time help me to pray with the Spirit and with Understanding let thy Spirit help my Infirmities with Sighs and Groans that cannot be expressed strike my Heart with an Awe and Dread of thy Maiesty help me to approach thy Presence with Reâ—erence a Godly Shame and Holy Trembling there is no secret Thoughts afar off help me to confess my Sins with a true Sorrow for the same help me to depart from all Iniquity that it may not be my Ruine let me hate all Sin with a perfect Hatred and avoid the very Appearance of Evil let me no longer regard any Iniquity in my Heart least it prove my undoing knowing that the very Hope of the Hyppocrite stall perish but work in me a Godly Sorrow for my sin which may cause a