through thy Grace I loath O blessed Lord and enter my solemn Protest against them Defiance and Detestation of them Good God I would not have an irreverent thought of thy sacred Being incomprehensible and most excellent Perfection and transcendent Glory which I would and do with my whole Heart Soul and all the Powers of my whole Man with all integrity acknowledge and subscribe to with mine own Hand to which O Lord I beg the Seal of thy Spirit as a Witness to my Soul that I am in Christ Jesus thy Child and Servant Elizabeth Walker Engaged I am O Lord by Covenant with thee in Baptism to fight thy Battels I beseech thee put on me that whole and compleat Armour that I may be able to resist my strong Enemies which war against my Soul and fight against thee Blessed Lord I desire to prostrate my self at thy Feet in the deepest sense of my own Unworthiness that thou shouldest look upon and help such a Miscreant and forlorn Sinner But for his sake that never sinned I beseech thee support me with thy compassionate Mercy to me a loathsome and defiled Sinner and give me not over to spiritual Judgments hardness of Heart blindness of Mind Impenitency an evil Heart of Unbelief departing from thee Give me not up into the Hands of them that hate me and would work my Ruine I beseech thee do not chuse my Delusions leaving me to a deceivable Heart to which I dare not trust without the Guards of thy Holy Spirit Leave me not O God to my own strength in which I cannot doe the least good and without thine shall fall into the greatest evils of Soul and Body and sink to the bottom of the bottomless Pit of Sin and eternal Misery from which O God I beseech thee let thy unfathomed Mercy in Christ Jesus speedily prevent me and give a mortal stab to all my Corruptions by what Course soever thou wilt take with me only let me fall into thy Compassionate Hands Good Lord bind up my Wounds and heal my Putrifying Soars I beseech thee forsake me not in the time of my older Age when Strength faileth and suffer not the defects of my Body to become the Sin of my Soul I beseech thee suffer no Tryal to be above my Strength but Blessed Lord thou that hast suffered being Tempted make a way for me that I may be able to bear it I beseech thee lay that Hand on me thou tookest hold on Peter with that I may not sink in the deep Waters in which there is no standing Good Lord suffer no Weapon formed against me to Prosper but bring me up out of my Astonishments and Confusions of Soul though the Enemy break in like a Flood let thy Holy Spirit in my Heart lift up a Standard against him Good Lord take a full Possession of my Soul and suffer no Rival with thee let me be guided governed and acted by thee Good Lord let no Sin have Dominion over me I beseech thee fill my Heart and Soul with the Graces of thy Blessed Spirit Deep Reverentialness of thee much Love Fervour and Zeal for thy Glory which I beseech thee cause to be ever very and exceeding dear and precious to me and suffer not the Envenomed Arrows of my Enemy to stick on me but I beseech thee quench all those Fiery Darts the Poison of them drinketh up my Spirits Good Lord apply to my Soul that healing Balsam made of the Blood of the Son of God and with an Indelible Character let thy Law be written on my Heart O Blessed God Father Saviour Sanctifier I beseech thee make this the transcript of my Soul in an Holy Life in Submission and Obedience to thee in all things with all possible Adoration Thanksgiving and Praise unto thee O Lord most due in Heaven and on Earth to which I say Amen Amen Amen She Read also all the good Books with intentest Diligence she could enquire out or be informed of on this Subject and wept Buckets of Tears to quench those Fiery Darts which though she had an Excellent Eye brought her many Years since to the use of Spectacles and caused her oft to use the Psalmist's Expression My Eye is Consumed because of Grief and waxeth Old because of my Enemy And would often Pray that her Bodily-Infirmities might not be her Souls Dis-advantages and say That though they were not her Sins they were the Effects of them Thus was her Life a continual Warfare in which she fought the good Fight of Faith and was more than Conqueror through him that loved her and helped her and I am comfortably upon good Grounds persuaded hath received a glorious Crown of Righteousness from him whose Appearance she so heartily Loved and so constantly and earnestly waited for Her Warfare is accomplished and she rests from these and all her Labours and as she overcame in his Strength who taught her Hands to War and Fingers to Fight and covered her Head in the Day of Battel so to him be all the Glory and Eternal Praises Amen Amen SECT XVIII Friends she used to Pray for I Subjoyn to the Precedent an Account of another Paper which as the last abovenamed I found in a distinct Sheet with this Title A Catalogue of Christian Friends whom I desire in a peculiar manner to present in my poor Prayers to God at the Throne of his Grace and that God would doe for them for Soul and Body above what I can ask Then follows this Prayer GRacious God thou hast commanded to Pray for all Men but especially for the Houshold of Faith Lord thou never saidst Seek my Face in vain but hast with great Condescention and Encouragement Invited thy People to make their Addresses to thee for themselves and others And hast joyned with the Command thy Promise to hear and grant agreeable to thy Will what is best for us Lord thou givest Liberally and dost not upbraid and wilt not send thy People away Empty seeing thou always hast it plentifully by thee I come unto thee in the Name and for the Sake and alone Righteousness Merits and Mediation of thy Son and my alone Saviour Jesus Christ in the behalf of my Self and Christian Friends Lord I beg of thee for thy Church and peculiar People and by name present before thee some known to me my Christian Friends them and their Joynt-Relations Good Lord shower down on them the Blessings of Prayer Gracious God I do beseech thee extend thy choicest Favours to my most near Relations my Dear Husband my Dear Grandson his Father and his Relations with my other near Relations Good Lord be very gracious to our Neighbouring Ministry Mr. Alchorne Mr. Hublon Mr. Loe Mr. Arrowsmith Doctor Fuller Mr. Siday with the rest Lord give them the Plentifull Encrease of their Labours the ingrafting many Souls into thy Kingdom And be very gracious to those who have known my Soul in Adversity and have been earnest Petitioners in my behalf at thy Throne of
but my Dear Wife's Pains and Trouble I told her we had now continued this Custom a great while and that I thought it too burthensome to her a Dinner signified not much to the Rich and for the Poor I would take Care they should be no losers She at present seem'd well pleased with what I said and acquiesced in it But upon second Thoughts she said My Dear I thank thee for thy Tenderness to me to prevent my Trouble but I am rather willing to undergo it were it greater than to discontinue a Practice so long used constantly and thereby occasion any mis-interpretation as if it proceeded from Parsimony or abatement of Kindness therefore I intreat thee let us continue to doe as we have hitherto done Yearly only let us try to have all in two Days we used to have in three and if our House will not contain them all at twice to some of the poorest I will send double as much as they could have eaten here And so it was agreed and performed and so her last Christmass was as kind and Charitable as those of former Years SECT XXII Of the Marriage of our onely Daughter and her Death in Childbirth the same Year yet leaving a Son IT is not to be wondred at that she should write so many Pages of this Come-Tragedy as I called another Providence mentioned before a Trage-Comedy whose Pious Kindness was so mindful in Holy Prayers and Praises not of her self alone but of her Honoured Friends I shall touch but one or two for Instance and I cannot single out any more suitable than of those Right Honourable Ladies whose sweet Condescension not only vouchsafed to give this our Dear Daughter frequently their kindest and familiar Conversation but borrowed and desired hers almost whole Summers divers Years Concerning these young Ladies thus her Pen speaks The Lady Ann the Lady Mary and the Lady Essex Rich had a Pious Education under â—he tender Care of the Right Honourable the Countess of Warwick their Aunt whose great Care of them and Kindness and Love to them supplied and over-shot the measures of what could be expressed to them by the tenderest Mother Of two of their Marriages she writes thus December the 11th 1673. The Vertuous and Right Honourable the Lady Mary Rich was Married to Mr. Henry St. John the Eldest Son of Sir Walter St. John a Pious good Family and an ancient Barronet and great Estate Blessed Lord thou hast abundantly enriched them with the Blessings of the Nether Springs full streams in the good things of this Life let it not be their all but turn these Waters into Wine give them the Blessings of the Vpper Springs the plentifull Effusions of thy Spirit flowing into their Hearts and Souls that they may build up each other in their most Holy Faith as Heirs together of the Grace of Life June 16. 1674. The Honourable Lady Essex Rich was Married to Mr. Daniel Finch Eldest Son to his Father then Lord Keeper of the Great Seal of England Good Lord give them the Blessings of thy Right-hand and continue to them the Blessings of thy Left-hand also But let not their Portion be only in this Life let thine own Prerogative have the Supremacy in their Hearts and accelerate and quicken them to thy Service that Glorifying thee on Earth they may be in Everlasting Glory with thee in Heaven Amen Amen I will mention no more like Instances and humbly beg Pardon if I have been too bold in touching these I now come to the Title of this Section and shall add nothing of my own only transcribe and that with Abbreviation what her Pious Pen hath left me not that one Word need to be retrenched upon other accounts but only to avoid Prolixity January 17. 1675. My Dear Husband and my Dear Child Margaret Walker went to London in reference to our great Concern her Marriage our onely one so dear to us She was Married February the 1st 1675. to Mr. John Cox Barrister of Grays-Inn His Father lived at Coggshall his Relations very honest good People and very well to live in the World God hath graciously provided for her a loving Husband a sober Person and I hope a good Man God consummated their Choice by Mr. Gifford a worthy good Man Minister of St. Dunstan's in the East in London whither she was accompanied by the Right Honourable the Countess of Warwick with the chief of the Family from Warwick-House and with many other manifestations of Kindness God shined upon her and in all respects gave her a comfortable Day I draw the Curtain of a modest c. over the rest lest the Thankfulness of her who was so truly humble should incurr the unkind censure or suspicion of Vanity and concluding what I have omitted with these Words And with many other Favours God hath honoured them She proceeds Lord I desire to own thy Goodness as the Fountain Head from whence flows all Good to be enjoyed in the things of this Life and concerns of a better and more endurable Estate for their Souls advantage For which I beseech thee give them a capacious Heart to know love serve and enjoy thy self and vouchsafe them of the good things of this World what thou seest convenient for them and help them to be contented to be without what in mercy thou deniest them Good Lord keep both them and theirs inoffensive in this World and when they shall go hence and be no more in this Life Lord grant that where thou art they may be also in Eternal Glory Amen Amen Thus far the pleasant and more lightsome part Now follows what 's more dark and dolefull I have now a very smarty afflictive Dispensation from God to record very pressing by his afflictive Hand on us I acknowledge very deservedly for my Sins the Lord hath taken from us out of this Life our onely One the most dearly Beloved Daughter and Child of my choice Aâ—fections Mrs. Margaret Cox she was mâ—â—ried February the first 1675. The 19th 〈◊〉 November following she was Delivered of a Son Lord's Day seven a Clock in the Morning She continued pretty well two or three Days Tuesday following sickned of a Fever and dyed December the 5th 1675. But God in the midst of his just Judgments remembred his Mercy to us hath spared the little one to us Blessed be God for it and received the Motherless Babe into Covenant with himself by Baptism I Bless God he is the Son of good Parents his Father a very sober and a good Man his dear deceased Mother was a fine lovely handsome well accomplished Woman both in Nature and Grace to God's Praise I do make my Acknowledgments let it have no other Censure She was of a quick Apprehension modest humble discreet and of a good Judgment and well fitted for Family-Government and Imployment She had a sweet amicable Deportment and gracefull Behaviour these Endowments through God's Kindness to her rendred her very desirable to all that knew
inlet to delusive Fancies and is a fore-runner of Apostacy if not seasonably reduced Such Religious Performances go out like the Snuff of a Candle It is not enough to chuse a fit time but you must allow sufficient time to Pray If you are straitned in your Time you will be straitned in your Prayer Also a great help in the well-performance of the Duty of Secret Prayer is to take Pains with your Heart by Meditation As the offering of sweet Incense was prepared and compounded of many costly Materials Exod. 30.34 so is a Spiritual Prayer not rudely and confusedly but deliberately advisedly preparedly and very particularly presented before the Lord. It is usually from want of preparation you find such deadness and indisposedness in Prayer a heedfull and deliberate reading of the Holy Scriptures before Prayer is also a great help for the well-performing of the Duty A farther help in the duty of Prayer is to have right conceptions of God conceive of him as he is and as he hath revealed himself in his Word to be an Omnipresent God Psal 139. that he is really though not visibly present in all Places and in that Place where you are Praying that he sees your Heart Whenever you set about this or any Holy Duty set God before your Eyes and represent him under the Notion of an Omnipresent all-seeing God Conceive of God as one full of Majesty and Greatness infinitely above any of his Creatures This Apprehension may much both quicken us and awe us in Prayer Conceive of God as one that is exceeding Gracious and Plenteous in Mercy to all that call upon him To apprehend God in his Greatness doth stir up Fear and Godly Reverence to apprehend God in his Goodness doth stir up Faith and Holy Boldness Conceive of God in Prayer as one God not divided in Essence yet distinguished into three Persons the Father the Son and Spirit all concurring to the Prayers of Believers and have a different office about them there is the Father Hearing the Son Interceeding the Spirit helping our Infirmities Conceive of God not absolutely but in Christ God in himself is a consuming Fire Heb. 12. But in Christ he is a Mercifull Father there is no coming unto God but by Jesus Christ Heb. 7.25 Entertain and maintain very honourable Thoughts of the Duty of Prayer it self this will both move you to the Duty and much quicken you in the Duty What the Psalmist says of the City of God Psal 87.3 that may be said of the duty of Prayer Great and Glorious things are spoken of it You may read of wonderfull effects of Faith the effects and fruits of Prayer are as many and great Heb. 11. It hath obtained Promises subdued Kingdoms turned away Enemies it hath raised the Dead stopp'd the Sun's Course yea made it go back it hath opened Prison-Doors and unlocked Secrets it hath opened Heaven and shut it again with much Reverence be it spoken it hath laid hold upon God himself and put him to a mercifull Retreat when he hath been marching in Anger against Persons or People God speaks as if his Hands were held and tied up by Prayer Let me go saith he to Jacob and Let me alone saith he to Moses as if the Lord would indent with Moses and offer him a Composition to hold his Peace Exod. 32.10 Wonderfull is that passage Isa 45.11 if read right God says Concerning the Works of my Hands command ye me The prevalency of fervent Prayer is very great it prevails much with God Jam. 5.15 16. Keep your Hearts close to the duty and suffer them not to stray or wander a straying Heart must needs be a straitned Heart in Prayer If you would have your Heart enlivened and enlarged in Prayer remember to repell every vain Thought that comes in to your disturbance resist it and call in help from Heaven against it Let the guilt of no one Sin lie upon your Conscience that will clog disquiet and check your Spirit in Prayer It is not amiss to observe a method in Prayer especially when you Pray with others as she would sometimes do when both my self and Curate were absent rather than Family-Worship should be wholly omitted though not tyed to Words but confused Repetitions and disorderly Digressions dis-affect those that join with you Though some prophane Scorners may mock and snear at this what real Evil scorn-worthy is there in it for a serious holy Mother to instruct her Daughters aforehand to Pray with their Maids and Children if God had spared them and given them those Relations I wish no Mothers would give their Children Counsels or Examples more liable to Exception Chuse such a Place to Pray in as is most convenient where you may not be disturbed by noise in your Ears nor be diverted by any Object before your Eyes shut also the Door lest the Wind of Vain-glory get in thereat Mat. 6.5 6. Be much in the use of Ejaculatory Prayer which is a short yet serious lifting up the Soul in desires to God Gen. 43.14 49.18 Neh. 2.4 2 Sam. 15.31 Luk. 23.42 John 12.27 Ejaculatory Prayer is a special means to keep our Hearts very Spiritual and Savoury when often in Heaven it is a special means to fit them for more solemn and continued Prayer You may find this way of Praying very famâ—â—â—â—r with the best of Men yea with Christ himself Also remember to set their Examples before your Eyes who have performed the Duty of Prayer with life-enlargement and importunity See Gen. 32.24 Matth. 26.26.39 Heb. 5.7 Hos 12.3 Examples sway us sometimes more than any Rules or Precepts For farther Encouragement to this Duty of Prayer consult with many other Promises That of our Saviour's where he saith Matth. 21.22 Whatever you ask in prayer believing you shall receive And in John 14.13 14. Whatsoever you shall ask in my Name I will doe it If ye shall ask any thing in my Name I will doe it And Matth. 7.7 8. Ask and it shall be given you seek and ye shall find knock and it shall be opened unto you For every one that asketh receiveth and he that seeketh findeth and to him that knocketh it shall be opened Call upon me and I will answer thee and shew thee great and mighty things which thou knowest not Jer. 33.3 Jam. 5.15 The prayer of faith shall save the sick and the Lord shall raise him up and if he hath committed sins they shall be forgiven him The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much Whosoever shall call upon the Name of the Lord shall be saved Rom. 10.3 If any man want Wisdom let him ask of God who giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not and it shall be given him But let him ask in faith nothing wavering for he that wavereth is like a wave of the Sea driven with the Wind and tossed Thus she concludes it may seem somewhat abruptly I can give no reason and will not guess only the
Introduction pag. 3 SECT I. Of her Birth and Parentage pag. 5 An Account of her Book out of which most is transcribed concerning our selves and Children Time and Place of her Birth pag. 9 Her Parents Her Father 's early Prudence and a strange over-ruling Providence which brought him to be a Citizen which was the spring and occasion of many consequent Mercies to her and others pag. 10 The tenderness of her Spirit when a Child pag. 13 A great fault she was guilty of when young which was turned to her benefit in future Caution pag. 14 Her Father 's great Care of her and Confidence in her pag. 15 SECT II. How she was first awakened to a deep Sense of Religion by Temptation pag. 17 The first Onset by a blasphemous suggestion pag. 18 How she overcame the Temptation to Atheism pag. 19 Her long struggling with Temptation and the first glimpse of Comfort pag. 20 Kept half a Year by it without sleep or very little pag. 22 Means of her Recovery and some gradual Relief of which she hath an excellent Passage pag. 24 Yet she suffered renewed Onsets pag. 25 SECT III. Of our Marriage remarkable Passages concerning it pag. 27 SECT IV. Her Life in concise Epitome pag. 30 SECT V. How she spent a Day pag. 32 Rose constantly at Four of the Clock Spent two hours with God in secret An account of the rest till bed-time pag. 41 SECT VII For the number Six is omitted by the Printer How she spent a Week ibid. Her exact circumspection in sanctifying the Lord's Day Her whole method in it to Page 44 Monday Mornings Prayers for the Church of God which she constantly observed with great Zeal and Charity both for all the Foreign Churches and our own for many years ever after she had been informed of that commendable Custom set up in so many Families quite through the Nation ibid. Constantly spent Friday the Passion-day in Fasting and Prayer or if she foresaw Diversion unavoidable on that day chose one before it pag. 48 SECT VIII How she spent a Year Where are set down the Heads of the following Sections pag. 49 SECT IX Her Character as a Wife pag. 51 In time of Health to Page 55 In times of being Sick to Page 61 SECT X. Of her Lyings-in in Child-bearing ibid. SECT XI Of the Baptising our Children Her very commendable Practice on that occasion pag. 64 SECT XII Her Care of the Education of her Children pag. 66 to pag. 82 I give no touch at the Particulars of this long Section because I arnestly recommend the reading of the whole often over as being very Exemplary and usefull SECT XIII Of monthly Sacraments Her constant Communicating and serious Preparation pag. 82 SECT XIV Of her Writings pag. 84 SECT XV. Discreet management of her Family pag. 86 SECT XVI Visitations by Sickness on our selves or some of our Children pag. 92 to pag. 115 This is so large and hath so many exemplary passages of indefatigable Watchings fervent Prayers gratious Answers humble Submission to God that I leave them to the Reader 's own Observation SECT XVII Renewed Assaults of her Enemy by Temptation pag. 115 The usual Seasons of which were Indispositions of Mind by Sorrow or of Body by Sickness pag. 116 Her Methods of Resisting 1. Conference with Experienced Christians 2. Reading suitable Books 3. Entring her solemn protest against them under her hand in appeal to God which you find Page 119. with this Title In time of Temptation writ by me Elizabeth Walker followed with a most devout pathetick Prayer SECT XVIII Friends she used to pray for by name and the form of Prayer in which pag. 123 I name those in the Body of the Prayer but omit to name them in the Margin above Thirty Heads of Families not being set down in order according to their Qualities SECT XIX Some trying Calamities on the Nation on Friends or Family and signal Deliverance from Dangers pag. 126 The great Plague and the number that died ibid. The Fire the number of Churches and Houses burnt pag. 127 Other Afflictions on particular Friends pag. 12â— On our selves pag. 129 to pag. 13â— SECT XX. Of our going to Tunbridge-Wells ibid My reasons of writing on it How she made that placâ— of Divertisment and Hurry a place of Retirement anâ— Vacancy to Devotion to pag. 14â— SECT XXI Of keeping our Wedding-day and Enteâ—tainment of our Friends ibid SECT XXII Of the Marriage of our only Daughter and her Death in Child-birth the same Year yet leaving a Son pag. 148. 'T is no wonder she wrote so much of heâ— own who used not to pass by what concerned others 〈◊〉 the Lady Mary Rich and the Lady Essex Rich theâ—â— Marriages with a devout Prayer for each pag. 149. Thâ—â— is a large Section most transcribed from her own Papers full of most excellent Devotion and humble Submission to God's smarty blow to pag. 161. And then 〈◊〉 most pathetick tenderness to the Dear Child pag. 16â— SECT XXIII Acts and Kinds of her great Charity ibid An account how it might be call'd her Charity though she were a Wife and great Charity by which shâ— gave though all she had to give were in truth but little I allowed her what my small Estate would afford all she gave of that was properly her own Charity and mine also in several respects might properly be called her's to pag. 171. She gave considerably more every Year out of her allowance than she spent upon herself She would buy Cloath from London by the whole piece to Clothe the Poor cause strong Linsey-woolsey to be made to give away imploy the Poor who wanted Work never buy any thing too cheap of the Poor People c. was bountifull to her poor Relations pag. 175 Yet never reproached her self or me by a sordid garb but secured her own decency with great Prudence while she relieved the Poor with great Charity pag. 176 Her Charity in Pains was next to that of her Purse in getting and using her skill in Physick and Chirurgery and Women labouring with Child pag. 180 Her forgiving Charity pag. 181 Her Moderation towards them who were not of the same Communion pag. 182 to pag. 185 SECT XXIV Of her care to promote God's Glory and the Salvation of Souls pag. 185 SECT XXV Several Graces in which she was most Eminent pag. 188. Knowledge Faith Charity Patience Sympathy with others pity to the Poor Repentance Reverential Fear of God Love Obedience Sincerity Modesty Courage Meekness Contentedness Thankfulness Tenderness of Conscience Improvement of Time Zeal Humility from pag. 188 to pag. 209 Her Sickness and Death pag. 210 The APPENDIX pag. 232 Directions to her Children concerning Prayer pag. 214 to pag. 223 Some Heads of Prayer formed according to those Directions pag. 224 Marks of a Regenerate Estate pag. 229 to pag. 233 A Consolatory Letter written to the Right Honourable Isabella Countess of Radnor upon the surprizing Death of her dearly-beloved Daughter the
other Blessed be my gracious God for his great Kindness to me in them both After Three Years continuance in that Family upon the Death of Dr. Read my Lord presented my Dear to Fyfield in Essex a competent good Living and Subsistence blessed be God for it Good Lord crown his Ministry there with the Success of the Conversion and Bringing in their Souls to the Obedience and Knowledge of Jesus Christ Give him abundance of the Graces of thy Holy Spirit and store his Heart with the Treasuries of thy heavenly Truths and continue my Dear Husband a faithfull painfull able Labourer in thy Vineyard If what I have thus far touch'd may savour of any Vanity the modesty of what I have past over may excuse the Errour at least to them who may see the Original Manuscript Now to return to her of whom I write she proceeds I was Born at London in Bucklersbury on Thursday the 12th of July in the Year of our Lord 1623 and Baptized the 20th Day of the same Month. The Lord vouchsafing me a reception into the visible Church of Jesus Christ when he most justly might have suffered no Eye to pity me but have cast me out to the loathing of my Person in my original Defilement and Stains of my sinfull Nature But to my first admittance good Lord enable me to ascend that being a Member of thy Church militant here on Earth I may attain to be one of thy Church triumphant in Heaven My Dear Father was Mr. John Sadler a very Eminent Citizen and of a most generous loving and charitable Disposition and a most tender Father to me and a kind Father-in-Law to my Husband He was born at Stratford upon Avon in Warwickshire where his Ancestors lived My Grandfather had a good Estate in and about the Town He was of a free and noble Spirit which somewhat out-reach'd his Estate but not given to any Debauchery I ever heard of My Father's Mother was a very wise pious and a good Woman and lived and died a good Christian My Father had no Brother but three Sisters who were all eminently Wise and good Women especially his youngest Sister who married my Father's Partner in Trade a religious good Man In process of time my Father was desired to change his single estate accordingly a Match was provided for him but he by God's Providence approved not of it His Father then provided him good Clothes good Horse and Money in his Purse and sent him to make his Addresses to a Gentlewoman in that Country But he considering well how difficult a married Condition was like to prove his Father having reduced his Estate from about 400 l. a Year to 80. His own Prudence but especially God's good Providence over-ruling his mind instead of going a Wooing he join'd himself to the Carrier and came to London where he had never been before and sold his Horse in Smithfield and having no Acquaintance in London to recommend him or assist him he went from Street to Street and House to House asking if they wanted an Apprentice and though he met with many discouraging Scorns and a thousand denials he went on till he light on Mr. Brokes bank a Grocer in Bucklersbury who though he long denied him for want of Sureties for his Fidelity and because the Money he had but Ten Pounds was so disproportionable to what he used to receive with Apprentices yet upon his discreet account he gave of himself and the Motives which put him upon that Course and promise to compensate with diligent and faithfull Service what ever else was short of his Expectation he ventured to receive him upon Trial in which he so well approved himself that he accepted him into his Service to which he bound him for Eight Years to which he willingly submitted though he was then full Twenty-one Years old and there he served a faithfull and laborious Apprenticeship but much liked of his Master and Mistress And after served him Five Years Journey-man they not being willing to part with him In which time he had his Master's leave to Trade for himself in Drugs and Tabacco by which he left Grocery and was by Trade a Druggist in London And by that Profession God bless'd my dear Father with a very plentifull and good Estate with which God gave him a bountifull Mind and liberal Heart to doe much good to his Relations and others My Dear Mother Mrs. Elizabeth Sadler was the Daughter of Mr. Dackum sometimes Minister of Portsmouth Also my Grandmother Dackum was a very wise and prudent Woman In my Infancy I was very sickly and of a weakly Constitution Blessed be God for the Love and Care of Parents and Friends in my Childhood Estate She was her Parents first Born after Five Years Marriage and despair of having Children which rendred them exceeding tender of her and yet was she well nigh starved at Nurse at Lusam in Kent For though her Parents sent so bountifully besides the Nurses Wages as might near maintain the Family yet have they found the Meat they sent ready to stink for want of dressing In my fuller Age I was of a pensive Nature God saw it good that I should bear the yoak in my Youth but I did not consider the hand that put it on When I was Young the Lord was pleased to deliver me from many Casualties After naming them she always concludes with Praises Blessed be his preventing Mercy Blessed be God that preserved me in that danger And such like If St. Augustin's confessing of his robbing an Orchard be so much approved why may not I touch so small a thing as I meet with here which shews the tenderness of her Spirit When I was a Child my Mother would send me where she less trusted my Sisters In what I might fail I cannot call to mind but I remember she sent me where she kept her Apples they suited my childish Appetite I took one I could not keep it but thought I had stole it I went back unlock'd the Door but with some regret laid down the Apple Blessed be restraining Grace But I must pass over a great many things for brevity which might be usefull unto others and are very pleasant to my self in reading for the savory sense of pious Gratitude which all along breaths in them yet I will not hide the greatest fault I ever knew her guilty of in my own observation or find her charge her self with either in her Book or Diary Having written many things which I pass by and last concerning the burning of her Father's House she thus proceeds About half a year after the Fire which was when she was about Thirteen or Fourteen years old my Father had a great fit of sickness which held him a quarter of a year and in great danger of Death In which time of his sickness I poor wretched Creature through a sudden surprise and provocation spoke a wicked word to a superior of which my Father was informed and most
hear Books and Ballads cried of me about the streets though I had not acquainted any with my trouble but only Mr. Watson My Father's Sister my dear Aunt Quiney a gratious good Woman taking notice of my dejected Spirit she way-laid me in my coming home from the Morning Exercise then in our Parish She surprized me with an inquisitive desire to know what I ailed but I not readily informing her she ask'd me if I were not troubled with Temptations I marvelled at the Question and then acquainted her with my Affliction She from her own experience in the like case advised me which for the present was a refreshment to me for before I was not acquainted with any in the like condition with my self Some little time after my dear Father taking notice of me that I was not well but not fully understanding what I ailed sent for a Physician to me Dr. Bathurst who I hope was a good Man but I was much troubled at his coming though I knew my Father sent for him in his great care and love to me The Physician came to me one Morning before I was out of Bed he perceived my Distemper to be most Dejectedness and Melancholly With other talk he discoursed very piously with me I took the freedom to tell him I thought I did not need a Physician and with the expression of my respects desired him to forbear coming to me which the good Man did not take ill but with good counsel left me It pleased the Lord sometimes to refresh me with those Words of the Psalmist Why art thou cast down O my Soul and why art thou disquieted within me Hope thou in God for thou shalt yet praise him who is thy help and health of thy countenance and thy God How sweet is this propriety my God! Lord where thou givest thy Self thou givest All and thou who hast shewed me great and sore troubles wilt revive me again Thou hast brought up my Soul from the brink of Hell Thou wilt keep me alive that I shall not go down to the pit of Destruction I desired to go from home into the Country to some private good Family where I had no acquaintance which when my Father knew he readily granted my request My good Aunt understanding my mind she acquainted Mrs. Watson our Minister's Wife a good Woman with my desire by which means I went to her Father Mr. John Beadle an honest worthy good Man He was Minister of Banston in Essex My dear Father hired a Coaeh and went with me to Mr. Beadle's and with the expression of his tender love said to me That I should not want any thing to doe me good to the one half of his Estate And he was very bountifull in the requital of my receipts in that Family God's goodness to be acknowledged my dear Mother then was very kind to me I lived at Mr. Beadle's half a Year where I had the fatherly Care and Counsel and Prayers of that good Man with the great love of his Wife a very good Woman and very kind to me and the manifestations of the respects and care of their Children and Servants in any thing that might tend to my satisfaction and comfort The Lord requite it to them in spiritual Blessings with the Mercies of this Life In my continuance at Mr. Beadle 's the Lord afforded me with other opportunities and helps much time in reading and secret Prayer which through Grace I strove to improve for spiritual advantage and humbly hope for the sake and merits of Christ remains upon the file of God's Mercy for fuller returns of Grace For half a Year I do not know that I slept if I did it was very little and yet I did not want either sleep or health Blessed be God for his sustaining and supporting Arm. If I desired any thing that was gratefull to my Appetite when it was brought me I durst not make use of it because I thought it to be the satisfaction of a base sensual Appetite I did eat very sparingly which with my much weeping occasioned me some little inconvenience which became habitual When I had been at Banston about four months by God's providence for me Mr. Beadle exchanged one Lord's-Day with Mr. Walker then Chaplain to my Lord of Warwick at Leez the first time I saw my dear Husband When I had been at Banston half a Year my Father writ to me as to my coming home to which I was inclinable though my Father gave me my liberty It was in my thoughts that I was without natural affection Mr. Watson and his Wife being at Mr. Beadle's and returning to London I came home in company with them enjoying more calm of Spirit than when I went from home I bless God My Troubles wearing off more gradually which to my satisfaction I desired if God had seen it good for me might have been more signal in the discovery and manifestation of his favour in my Victory and Conquest of my temptation It is not for me to prescribe or limit the Holy One of Israel If I may take leave to beg and wait on him in whom are all my fresh springs for supply of Grace and Comfort if the Lord will give to me his unworthy Creature in pence and half pence what in bigger summs he sees fit to bestow on others that my dependence may be continually on him I desire to be thankfull Lord if thou wilt not subdue my Enemies at once yet make them tributaries to thy Glory and my spiritual advantage that these Amorites may be hewers of Wood and drawers of Water usefull to me that I may see my own deficiency and thy strength in my weakness For if thy presence goe not with me I shall soon desert thy cause and though I may be assaulted let me not be overcome but seeing the quarrel is thy own Lord undertake for me in this my military life here where there is no cessation of Arms that I may war a good warfare that those my Enemies which now affright me I may see no more for ever So grant Lord Jesus Amen Amen This minds me of that apposite passage in Dan. x. 10 11. and very applicable to her Case vers 9. Daniel was asleep upon his face with his face toward the ground then vers 10 And behold an hand touched me which set me upon my knees and the palms of my hands and then vers 11. he saith to him Stand upright On which place I meet with this Note The Lord doth not at once restore his Servants from their frailties that they by gradual comforts may prize every drop of Mercy beings not quickned all at once when they are mortified but may be admonished by the remainders of fears and frailties to keep their hearts humble and in continual dependence upon God I shall have occasion more than once to touch this dolefull string again 'T is recorded of our Lord that when he was Baptized He was driven of the Spirit into the
Instrumental yet it was the Lord the Sovereign Lord of her and us who doth all things well Good Madam What you cannot see now you may know hereafter if not in this Life of all in it you shall have clear Manifestations in Heaven that all Dispensations in this World were for the best for you the most I can do is to pity your Ladiship with my poor worthless Prayers in themselves they are so But I would beg of God to uphold you in the Arms of his Mercy that you may not sink under any Tryal and that your Affliction which at present may be grievous may appear not to be the Wound of an Enemy but the Chastisement of a loving Father who deals with you as with his Children in his adopting Love to you in Faithfulness God corrects his People in his distinguishing Love from those which shall never see his Face with comfort Good Madam I know you do desire to be in subjection to the Father of Spirits The Lord will be King let the People be never so impatient God will not grieve nor correct for his own pleasure but for his Childrens profit that they may live God's own Vineyard needs pruning as well as manuring that the Branches thereof may not waste too much of the Life and Spirits and Affections in worldly Satisfactions Good Madam God hath taken away a Branch dear Lady Essex she is not withered but transplanted for his own pleasure and delight that the Fruits of your Love to God may more appear in your willing Resignation of her who was so dear to you not offering unto God that which costs you nought Good Madam You shall sustain no loss God will reimburse and this Breach his Hand hath made he will fill up and repair at his own Charge He will in exchange for a Daughter bestow on you his only Son and build you a House better than Leah and Rachel did Jacob's God will give you a Name better than of Sons and Daughters and make you one of his First-born in Heaven God took it exceeding well that Abraham did not with-hold his beloved Isaac from him and for his ready compliance in what God required of him he had God's Promise That in blessing he would bless him Good Madam God hath more Blessings than one when God proved Abraham he gave him back again his Isaac whom he loved and promised that in him all the Nations of the Earth should be blessed of which Promise Good Madam you do partake with an additional Favour God having ransomed dear Lady Essex out of a troublesome World with a better Sacrifice than that he then provided for Isaac a Ram caught in a Thicket with which Isaac was redeemed unto a transient Life Dear Lady Essex she is redeemed by Jesus Christ unto eternal Life Good Madam What cause of complaint Dear Lady Essex is freed from the many temptations she might have met with in this World Isaac's prolonged Life found it so in his unsetled Condition he met with Affliction in his Posterity with other Troubles of this Life the World is unquiet like the tumbling Ocean dear Lady Essex she hath found a resting Place got off the rough Seas of Sins and Sorrows God hath placed her in the serene Region above God knew what Sail she was able to bear in worldly Prosperity or Adversity he hath taken her from the boisterous Winds that might have disturbed the Coast of her even walking with God God hath steer'd her Course dear Lady Essex she is got safe to Harbour from the windy Storms and Tempests of this World God took Enoch in the midst of his days as they then lived in that Age he walked with God therefore God took him I do humbly hope so did she God bestowed on her a very sweet disposition which I hope God made susceptive of the best impression The best people want their grains of allowance Good Madam Do not drive your Comforters far from you God preserved dear Lady Essex from the great Soul-wasting Sins from all gross Enormities God kept her from ever falling into any scandalous Sins she is gone unspotted out of the World Good Madam better is a good Child dead than a wicked Child living Good Madam I am more than content God hath disposed of all mine I hope through Grace they are safe but I have found much affection much affliction Though Mary had chose the best part assured and confirmed to her by Christ's own Word should never be taken from her yet her Eyes were so filled with tears at the Death of her Lord that she could not see Christ. The two Angels that sate in Christ's Sepulchre could not pacifie her grief nor slue her tears till Christ dried her Eyes with that loving Rebuke Why weepest thou Then she said Raboni and made him Master of her Passion God hath placed all the affections of humane Nature for great advantage if kept in the right Chanel bounded with his Grace that of Grief though for Sin which hath the greatest use of it and needs the highest and fullest Tides God would not have it swell beyond the Bank of his Mercy If God would have his People easie to be entreated himself will not be inexorable or hard to be intreated as good People are prone to think in time of Affliction neither should they be unjust to God and themselves denying the Grace God hath bestowed on them It is best to judge our selves but not unjustly Good Madam Do not misconstrue God in his Dispensations to you Afflictions are oft more for Trial than Correction but how ready is God to receive repenting returning Sinners the Arms of his Mercy are open to embrace them and to cover their Imperfections with his best Robe sent by his Son from the great Wardrobe of Heaven Christ's Righteousness imputed to them and inherent in them adorning of them with the Graces of his Spirit rendring them acceptable to their spiritual Spouse Christ Jesus He is the good Shepherd which laid down his life for his sheep If he send Afflictions they are not to worry but to bring his People nearer to himself If God put his People into the Fornace it is to purifie them not to consume them Good Madam when you are tried that you may come forth as Gold a meet Vessel for God's own use in the fuller Measures of Heaven Though God hath taken from you the Delight of your Eye Dear Lady Essex he will not take away himself but dissipate and scatter your grief with the Light of his Countenance which is better than Life God knows our Frame and will debate in Measure He will not stir up all his Displeasure but will stay his rough Wind in the day of his East-Wind that no Temptation may be above your Strength Good Madam fain would I comfort you but I know your own Thoughts can better suggest to you than I where you may find Grace to help in a time of need God's Promises are supports for the