in giving in such sweet returus of prayer let him alone have the praise and be ye all incouraged and stirred up to pray continually and be very watchful that if at any time God do move you to do any thing do it with all your might according to the assistanco the Lord gives you for I have found it a great grieving of the spirit to put it of with delayes through carnal reasonings of the flesh which indeed vvould have hindreed mee in offering of these few experiences to the view of the vvorld but vvhen God vvas pleased to give me a heart to it and I set upon it vvith a resolution in his strength to go through it not with standing all opposition Oh! then was the Lord pleased to come in again and fill my soul with peace and joy unspeakable and full of glory which was to my great refreshment I being then in a strange Land Holand seperated from Country kindred and fathers house yea there and then did our good God according to what I had wont to have give into my spirit heavenly Allelujas both night and day with many sweet Instructions from him self when it was with us as it were a time of famine of the word our Teathers being removed into corners and thrown into prisons in the Year 1662. O! how was I then stirred up by the teachings of that good Spirit often to praising and often to very earnest prayer as for my self so for his poorasslicted persecuted people and then also I found my heart much enlarged to love and to do good and lay out my self for sa ints of all perswasions yea and all others also as I had opportunity And upon this ground because my dear Redeemer the Lord Jesus hath set mee a pattern to do good to all and what talent soever we do recieve we must lay it out to his praise if it be but one and it shall be increased this I have had experience of be not backward to improve thy talent because another may have more then thou that springs from a root of pride and negligence is the way to loose what thou hast but look up to God for a blessing upon the right use of what thou hast received and if he seeth it good that thou mayest better honnor him with more he will give in thee in his own way and time for then shall ye know if ye follow on to know the Lord. Hose 6. 3. It is also promised that they who be planted in the house of the Lord like a watered Gardin shall they grow and florish and bring forth fruit in their old age Psa 92 12 13. Further o let all the beloved of the Lord take a specialcare of every Gospel ordinance and commandment of our Lord to hold forth what light you have received for there is non of the ordinances of the Gospel to be slighted for they hold out unto us those choyce priviledges that vvere purchased for us vvith the precious blood of Jesus Christ I have found great peace and injoyed much of Gods presence in vvaiting upon him in the vvay of his appointments and I have found the Lord not leaving but teaching of mee vvhen I out of conscience have forborn vvhere they vvere not tobe injoyed according to the rule of the Gospel and expose my self to any suffring to injoy them in the purity of them and indeed God doth take special notice of them vvho they be and vvhere they dvvell Revel 2 13. that in sore persecuting and suffering times hold fast his truths and do not deny his name Mal. 3 16 and hath promised that they vvho keep the vvord of his patience shall be keept in the hour of temptation And vvhen he hath humbled us he vvill shevv us the pattern of his house the goings out and the comings in thereof and the fashions Lawes and ordinances thereof that we may do them Ezek. 43 11. And the time doth hasten that God will turn to the people a pure Language And all shall know the Lord from the least to the greatest And he will lead the blinde in a way that they know not he will make darkness become light and crooked things streight and bitter things sweet and hard things easy and this he will do and not forsake us Further let none be discouraged to do their duty though never so weak yet if thou beest acted by the Spirit of God weak meanes often times becomes effectual to accomplish great things for by experience also I know when some persons have been praying together that one being senceable of the state of the other and mourning over their sin before the Lord God have made use of those very mournings and breathings to convince the other of their sinful state with the danger of it and thereby have been caused to turn from sin unto the Lord whose eyes were never opened before One Maid who by this meanes was convinced and said nothing at present but after prayer retiring herself to her Bible with a purpose to see what word of comfort she could find there and it pleased God to hand to her that place Rom. 8 13. For if ye live after the flesh ye shall die but if ye through the Spirit do mortisy the deeds of the body ye shall live which word God did make very powerful and effectual to help forward his work upon her soul All these speak forth the freeness of Gods rich grace therefore who ever readeth and under standeth what is in this free workings of God good Spirit let him alone have all the praise and glory and the Lord inclined my heart every day more and more to praise him for his unchangeable love in Jesus Christ therefore let them that read this give God praise for this undeserved mercy and let me have a share in your prayers that I may be filled with a spirit of praise for none have more cause then I to speak well of his great and holy name and that I may honour God that little time that I have to live upon the earth and that in all changes For if God sees affliction to be good for mee I desire not to dispise his chastizements for I have found more strength in a great affliction then in a little one and my soul hath been filled with joy out of measure Therefore if we be brought to this take joyfully the spoiling of our goods knowing we have a better inheritance and the giving up all to the will of God who gave all to us we shall have all given to us with advantage oh the fulness of him that filleth all in all but I am nothing and can do nothing no longer then he doth assist therefore praise him for ever more And since I was taken of from my incumbrances in the world and had more time to spend in the wayes and work of God waiting on him for more of himself the Lord according to his promise hath revealed himself more abundantly and I have
I would have thee Courteous Reader to ponder in thy heart to vvit the gift of singing spiritual Songs and Hymnes whih she prâ—sents thee with some instances of in her Book here and there occasionally touching which Administration I am willing for thy â—dification to say 1. That singing of Psalmes Hymnes and Spiritual Songs bâ—ing an Ordinance of Gods vvorship ought to be performed by a gift and the assistance of the Spirit as well as prayer 1. Cor. 14 12 15. What is it then I vvill pray vvith the Spirit c. I vvilising vvith the Spirit c. Now as to take a book and râ—ad a prayer out of it or to say a prayer without the Book is not to pray in the Spirit so to read a Psalme in a Book and sing it or to sing the same Psalme without the Book is not to sing in the Spirit If the singing of Psalmes be a part of Gods worship as doubtless it is then it ought to be performed by assistance of the spirit for the true worshippers ought to worship God in spirit and truth John 4 23 24. 2. That Christians ought to sing Spiritual Songs and Hymnes as well as Psalmes unto the Lord And that with grace in their hearts Col. 3 16. for the melody which the Lord loveth iâ— in the heart rather then in the voyce Eph. 5 19. 3. They who performe this part of Gods worship whether they speak unto themselves in private or unto others more publickly ought to have the word of Christ to dwell richly in them yea and to be filled with the Spirit as the Apostle testifieth Ephes 5 vers 17 18 19 20 and Coloss 3 vers 16. I have known some other Godly and gracious Christians besides this grave and holy Matron who have this gift of Singing and I my self have some experience of this kinde of Anoynting of the Spirit of praise which will I hope ere long be powred forth upon the sons and daughters of Zion And then they will praise Jehovah singing to the Lord a new Song and his praise in the Congregation of Saints as is prophesied Psal 149 1 2 5. and Isai 51 11. and 52 1 8. c. The holy Spirit can dictate the Matter yea and words of praise and singing as well as the matter and words of prayer And why may not the Lord assist a poor gracious humble soul to sing in the Spirit as well as to pray in the Spirit seeing there nothing too hard for God to do It was by many and is still by some denyed that there is any such thing as a Spiritual gift of prayer save onely that vvhich is acquired And yet the gracious experience of many Godly persons doth testify that there is such a gift of the Spirit called a spirit of supplication which is powred forth upon the Lords people And although many nay most Godly Christians do not believe there is any such Spiritual gift of â—â—nging as I have here intimated yet some few poor gracious humble soules have good Experience that there is sometimes a measure of the holy Spirit powred upon them where by they are so filled with the Spirit that they break forth into singing Pray therefore that thou mayest sing and praise the Lord when the Redeemed of the Lord shall return and come with singing to Zion Isa 51 11. And the Children of Zion be joyful in their King Psal 149 1. Unto whom be glory and dominion for ever AMEN So prayeth he who waiteth for his Kingdome and Coming HANSERD KNOLLYS ERRATA PAg. 1. Line 8 9. read forbearance line 16. r. sinned l. 19. r. petty Pag. 3. line 1. r. I was stirred line 3. 4. r. to me towards Heaven Pag. 4. l. 7. r. stumblest Pag. 6. l. 1. r. heed Pag. 7. l. 6. r. Christening Pag. 8. l. 25. 26. r. unbelief Pag. 9. l. 12. read renewings These and some other litteral mistakes the Reader is desired to mend in the perusal of this Book Christian Womans experiences of the glorious working of Gods free Grace I Had once hard thoughts of the people of God yet being on a time perswaded to go to hear them I went though not out of love to them but to vvatch vvhat I could observe and being then over perswaded against them and the Ministers Text that then preacht was Rom. 2 4 5 6. or Dispisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbeacance and long suffering not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee unto repentance but after thy hardness and impenitent heart treasurest up to thy self wrath against the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous Judgment of God who will render to every man according to his deeds Verily at this opportunity the dread of God did much smite upon my heart that I had so long sinnend against his patience and goodnesz He had this passage that the sword of the Lord hung as in a twine threed to cut of all pitty swearers and I having been one that durst not swear great oathes but small ones I was addicted to I thought it met with my particular condition Then had I little acquaintance with any that feared the Lord unless it were one family and they were much afraid of me for a season because I had been so vain Then was I cast upon the Lord alone who did much support mee by his grace blessed be his name yet the very first night after he began to work upon my heart I fell under this temptation that I should not eat any more but rather die and then I should cease from sinning against the Lords goodness I then cast away my prayer-book for it did not reach my necessities and I cried unto the Lord alone to teach mee to pray Then did I endeavour to keep close to the best teaching ministery I could find I was very ignorant yet did search the Scriptures diligently but found them very dark to mee I dayly saw a more clear discovery of my sinful nature and then began to be sorely perplexed with feavs that I could not be a child of God because I knew not how to get victory over my sin and though I used all meanes I could yet my corruptions would sometimes break forth which made mee often times ready to dispare and to cast of all But one day amongst the rest the Lord made mee resolve though he kild mee yet I would trust in him he made mee also desire of him that if he would not save mee yet that he would not let mee go back again into sin for the sence of Gods goodness was much upon my heart Then in several Sermons God was pleased to speak peace to my poor soul yet after through the violence of temptations I often questioned my condition sometimes I was tempted to murder my self sometimes to starve my self yet the Lord upheld mee for I could not make my case known to any but God for the space of two years all which season I was wonderfully kept by
consulted what to do for mee But concluded there was no help but I must dye But when I heard that I said there is yet help in God and it was set upon me to believe that if I could but touch the hemm of the garment of Jesus Christ that is believingly go to him I should be healed being also put in minde of that promise that whosoever forsake any thing for his sake and the Gospels Mat. 19 29. should receive an hundredfold then I cryed Lord give me to be healed of this distemper by thee seing thou art pleased to deny help by man And one day our Pastor called in to visit me as he was going to the meeting whom I did desire to pray for me and to stirre up the bretheren to joyn with him and I much incouraged him that they should pray in faith believing for what they asked telling him that by faith and prayer he would assuredly heal me and verily according unto my faith it was done unto me for ever blessed be God for J. Christ for as they were praying in his name the distemper departed Next the Lord was pleased to lay his afflicting hand upon another of my children then did I much desire that all afflictions might be sanctified rather then removed and that by all I might be made more conformable unto Jesus Christ was I helped then to read and mind thad place in Job Job 34 32. That which I see not teach thou mee if I have done iniquâ—â—y I will do no more Then our Pastor coming again to visit me I asked him how we should know the mind of God in these many afflictions he answered mee that a man having an orchard or vineyard walkes therein and among all the trees he makes choyce it may be of some one tree whose standing is more pleasant and conveniâ—nt then others and that tree he chops hacks and makes an Arbour to sit in for his delight and said hee if God wil do so by you will you not there with be content Oh! yes said I if that be the good will of my heavenly father and blessed be God I did find it so for though I have sowed in tears I have reaped in joy and have found the times of greatest outward trouble and affliction have been the onely times of greatest inward and spiritual joy and soul consolation verily I cannot express with tongue nor pen the large experience I have had upon this account And this I have found that when a poor soul is faithful and single hearted for God walking up to the light id hath received this is the very way to injoy the presence of God and his blessing upon him in what state and condition so ever he is in for this I can declare from mine own experience that lose is the way to gain troublet is the way to peace sorrow is the way to joy and death is the way to life he that looseth his life for my sake saith Jesus Christ the same shall find it through the valey of tears lieth the way to the mountain of joy for whilst I set my self in good earnest to seek the Lord for instruction into the truth as it is in Jesus I met with many difficulties but yet out prayer hearing God was pleased to come in by degrees having through his grace given me faith in his son who was exalted as a Prince and a SÃ viour to give me repentance made mee also willing to be baptised for the remission of sins Now that which made me willing to obey the Lord in this Ordinance was the Command of Jesus Christ in Mat. 28 19. and Act. 10 48. and the example of Christ and the practise of the Apostles and pâ—imitive Saints together with the promise of the gift of the Holy Ghost anexed thereunto Acts 2 38. And indeed this truth a last was so set upon my heart by the Lord that though many difficulties lay in the way yet the Lord carried me through them all and after I had obeyed the Lord therein in very faithsulness I must declare that I did injoy the incomes of God in a more plentisul manner then before But Satan for some time laboured to hinder mee in obeying the Lord in this piece of service with this temptation that by this meanes a death in all likelyhood and in an eye of reason would fall upon my livelyhood but God made it a furtherance to mee and to others also so that many of us were at that time after waiting on God by fasting and prayer baptized together And after that the Lord was pleased to bless mee in my imployment that following year with more then ordinary success by which the Devil was proved a lyar But afterward I had some fears that my imployment might be a suare unto mâ—e as the world is to many and that I should bee too earthly in it for this Scripture did follow mee very much which I desire to give good heed unto Oh! Earth Earth hear the word of the Lord. And often in prayer I did cry unto God saying speak Lord for thy servant desires to hear and was very desirous to know what the Lord would have me to understand by this word and when I had considered I found some thing in my imployment sinsul and a hinderance unto my spiritual injoyments to convince mee of which the Lord waâ— pleased to with hold his blessing upon that imployment which before I had found therein to the convincing and converting of some to himself so finding something in it contrary to his will I was constreined to leave it of and after much seeking of the Lord for councel these Scriptures were much with mee Math. 7 7. Ask and it shall be given you seek and ye shall find knockâ— and it shall be opened unto you If ye then being evil know how to give good guifts unto your children how much more shall your father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him Math. 7 11. And on my servants and on my hand maidens will I pour out of my spirit and they shall prophesy Acts 2 18. These promises did dwell with mee for a long season so that I was much stirred up to pray to the Lord that he would please to accomplish them upon mee and pour out of his blessed Spirit upon mee And after long seeking espâ—cially one day being very earnest and importunate with the Lord after which I went out to walk and on a sudden I was indued with the gift of singing in such a way and manner as I had not been acquainted with before and immediately this following song came in as fast as I could sing as followeth it was in the year 1655. in the Moneth of February Come home come home thy work is done My glory thou shalt see Let all the meek ones of the earth Come home along with thee Cast of the world it is too base And low for thee to dwell I have redeem'd thee from
A CHRISTIAN WOMANS Experiences of the glorious working of Gods free grace Published for the Edification of others by KATHERINE SUTTON Luk. 24 24. And they found it even so as the VVomen had said AT ROTTERDAM Printed by HENRY GODDAEUS Printer in the Newstreet Anno 1663. COURTEOUS READER WHEN our Lord and Saviour JESUS CHRIST had fed many with a few Loves he commanded his Disciples to gather up the Fragments that nothing he lost Iohn 6. 12. And when God was pleased to poure out of his Spirit upon some of his faithful Servants in our Generation he had also some of his Handmaides who gathered up the Crumes of that spiritual Bread which the Lord blessed and distributed among his Disciples Of which Number this holy Marron was one Now there are three Arguments where by it may appear that God would not have these Fragments which she hath gathered into her Basket to be lost viz. First Because God made them by his Blâ—ssing food to her soul in the gathering and receiving them into her own heart and also to the soules of several young Virgins in her family unto whom the Lord made some of these Crumes the bead of eternal Life Secondly Because when she had lost the manuscript where in these and many other of her Experiences were written in a sea storme wherein she suffâ—â—ed Shipwrack yet God who preserved her life did also preserve these â—xperiences in her heart where it seemeth they were written not with ink but by his holy Spirit Thirdly Because she beiâ—g presled in Spirit to Communicate them more publikely the Spirit of the Lord did bring them agâ—in to her remembrance and she hath been made willing to publish them as her Testimony and witness of the free grace and fresh Anoyntings of the Lords Spirit whom he hath promised to poure forth upon his servants and Handmaides in the last dayes Ioel 2 28 29 31 32. Now for as much as this little Book is presented to thee CHRISTIAN READER as a Basket full of Fragments be not offended with the broakenness of any matter which thou mayest meet with in the Reading thereof considering that God who hath made them a blessing to others may bless them unto thee Thou mayest take notice of three Things in this little Book which I judge woâ—thy of every Christians observation to wit first Her extraordinary Teachings of God by his holy Spirit and Word when she could not enjoy the ordinary means of his own appointments This godly Woman after God hath begun the good work of grace in her soul would not loose any opportunity she could get either in publicke or private for her pâ—ecious soâ—l but would often break thorrow some difficulties and endure some hard hips to enjoy such opportunities and this she did at that time when many professors sleighted and neglected Ogrâ—evous Sin yea contemned the Ministry of the word Now obsâ—rve That aâ— she followed the Lord and waited upon him in the use of the means of Grace when she could enjoy it so the Lord was pleased of the exceeding Riches of his free Grace not onely to so her soul good by his pâ—esence and power therein But also when she could nâ—t â—njoy the 〈◊〉 memeâ— of grace the Lord waited to be graciouâ— unto her soul and followed her with the 〈◊〉 teachings of his holy Spirit and word as she hath witnessed in many particulars in this her Book And if thy experience COURTEOUS READER cannot seal unto the Testimony that she gives of those Spiritual Teachings Yet do not stâ—mble at them do not judge her for she hath received an Unction from the holy One and is taught of God In the Reading of her Book thou wilt meet with some suddain and unexspected Transition from one thing to another and thou mayest think it to be some what abruptly yet Censure not too rashly but rather consider that even this also may yea doth hold some proportion unto the course of Heaven and Heavenly communications The Husbandman will not wonder to see showers and shinings bright and dark Clouds succeed each other knowing that the Rain which comes from Heaven hath its seasons and its measure too Will the Marriner marvel to see the seas swell and rage in a great storme or admire the stilâ—ness and smoothness of the deep watters in a great calme Or will any who liv supon the sea coast think the frequent Ebbing flowing of the tyde a strange thing Neither will any experienced Christian marvel at the suddain Ebbing and flowing of joyes and sorrowes in the hearts of Saints The operations and Administrations of the Spirit are various 1. Cor. 12 4 5 6 7. Some times the Spirit is poured out upon the soules of Believers as floods upon the dry ground And those spiritual showers and shinings do make a spring of Grace in the wilderness of their hearts Where of the Lord hath spoaken by his Prophets Isa 51 3. and 44 3 4. and 32 15 16 17. Ier. 31 v. 12. But at other time the glory of the Saints comforts joyes and light is so clouded and eclipsed that they are under great desertions Isa 54 vers 7 8 11. Yea and may for some time walk in dakness and have no light Isa 50 10. Secondly Another thing I judge worthy the Readers observation in this Book is this Christian womans Experience of the presence and power of God accompanying her consciencious endeavours to do good unto the souls of others both in her own family especially and also in some other families where she so journed some time I mention not this for her praise who desires that God alone may have all the Glory of whatsoever he hath done for her or by her she needs no Epistâ—es of Commendation from men But seeing her Experiences are made so publicke my hearts desire is that Parents and Governours of families would follow her Example therein Endeavouring as she did the Conversion and sanctification of them whom God had committed to their charge by Instructions councel and reproose which she administred with so much love wisdome zeal and tenter heartâ—dness that they proved by Gods blessing an effectual means of the conversion of many some of whom are yet living witnesses of the truth hereof and also of many other her Experiences related in this her Book She was not onely a Governesse but as it were a Prophetess in her family for she prayed constantly with her children and Maidens she also read the holy Scriptures daily unto them and so spake from them that many of them who heard her in her family duties believed and turned to the Lord. She opened her mouth with wisdome and in her tongue was the Law of kindness a Solomon spake of the virtuous woman Pro. 31 26 27 28 29. She did so Chatechise the young children and instruct the elder maidens that they all learned to know and many of them to do their duty to God and man Thirdly there is yet one thing more which
book if any man shall adde unto these things God shall adde unto him the plagues that are written in this book and if any man shall take away from the words of the Book of this Prophesy God shall take away his part out of the Book of life and out of the holy Citty and from the things which are written in this book well still I was put upon it to continue seeking the Kingdom of God and the righteousness thereof and the promise that all other tâ—ingt should be added unto mee Then did I with some others seek the Lord by fasting and prayer for councel what we should do and wheter we should go to injoy communion with the Lord in the way of his pure worship and the Lord was pleased in love to answer my desirs in a wonderful manner for being then intangled with a house of which my Husband had a lease for some years and upon that account was unwilling to remove not knowing how to dispose of that house But yet the Lord was pleased in a short time to make him willing that I should remove if I could get of that lease and some goods I had which the Lord soon holp mee in by sending one unexpectedly the very next day after my Husband declared his willigness for my removal upon those conditions who took of the lease of the house of our hands with those goods and so I was made free So forth with I removed to a place where I did injoy the heating of a good man preach and had the sweet benefit of some private meetings which was much refreshing unto mee but yet two things I was very earnest with God for 1. One that I might be filled with the clear witness and full assurance of the eternal Spirit 2. And the other that I might injoy more full and close communion vvith God in all his blessed ordinances in both vvhich God vvas pleased to ansvver mee in some measure as to the first he did let mee see that I had sinned against him in that I again questioned that assurance vvhich before he had given mee in and then he brought vvith most vvonderful renevving povver those Scripturs vvhich many years before at several times under several ordinances vvere set vvith much povver and evidence upon my heart But first God vvas pleased to shevv mee that it vvas onely unbeief that had caused mee at the appearance of temptation and corruption to question his love and doubt about his kindness and so to conclude against my self But the Lord did shevv me that all this doubting vvas from my evil heart of unbelief the sence of vvhich one morning especially God did set upon my spirit to the breaking of my heart so that for three dayes together I vvas greatly afflicted in my spirit and continued crying unto God as one that could not be anij longer contented vvithout the Light of his countenance vvith a renevving seal of his Love long sought vvith sighes prayers and tears and in the third day morning he did send the comforther the Spirit vvhich vvith invvard light life and povver set upon my heart these follovving Scriptures 1 John 3 2. Now are wee the sons of God and it doth not yet appear what wee shall be But rather rejoyce because your names are written in heaven Luke 10 vers 20. And who soever will let him come and take of the watters of life freely Revel 22. 17. And my grace is sufficient for thee 2 Cor. 12 9. Oh! I cannot utter the joy that then was in my heart by the mighty operation of the spirit And then after that this word came upon my spirit and grieve not the holy Spirit whereby thou art sealed unto the day of redemption and then God did answer mee that there was sufficiency in his grace in Christ to pardon all my sins past present and to come Then as to my other desire which was aftet more communion with God in his ordinances After waiting the Lord was pleased to set it upon my heart to believe that my habitation should be removed and that I should injoy my desire by the time called Easter and so it was accordingly and I through mercy after I had gotten the renewigs of the seal and clear witness of the Spirit lived for about a quarter of a year as it were in Heaven upon earth but then began a cloud again to araise and I was under the buffetings of some sore temptations God with drawing in a great measure though not the witness of the Spirit yet the com forts of his Spirit which before I did injoy and I conceive this might be the cause of it which I wish all others may take heed of for it cost mee deare under that sweâ—t soul refreshing communion I had with our heavenly Father I gave way to some doubtings and questionnings whither there was not a delusion in the thing I then injoyed This temptation lasted some six dayes and I had no peace day nor night when I was awake to think that I should grieve so good a God and cause him to depart from mee And Satan not changing his weapons made mee think that there was something in mee that I did not so fully resist him for when our dear Lord Jesus was tempted he by his powerful resistance made him to change them So I lay mourning before the Lord but could not set to praying for the violence of this temptation Then mysleep dâ—puted and I grew sick then God gave mee to mind that Abrahams wâ—râ— lay before mee when he went to offer sacrifice he was to drive away the fowles Gen. 15. this work the Lord directed mee to do by laying hold upon Jesus Christ who had prayed for mee though I could not now pray for my self Jo. 15 v. 17 19. And so soon as my heart was brought to believe this I was presently delivered and in all this temptation the Lord hid not his face from mee blessed be his name And then as the Lord carried mee over the Sea where I did injoy further and fuller communion with himself in his ordinances he gave mee another occasion for the exercise of saith and Patience For whilst I was upon that voyage the vessel that I was in was pursued with enemies and troubled with contrary winds so that we were in great straits But God gave me to believe that he that delivered Paul out of his straits would also deliver us out of ours and so it was blessed be his name and so very safely was I carried unto that place that the Lord called mee unto But presently after I was there arrived the Lord was pleased to exercise mee with several afflictions First by taking away a child by death and then by laying upon my self such a distemper that my joynts and sinnews were by fits bound up that I could not stirre them nor take any rest while it lasted my pain was so great no Doctor could do mee any good though several physitians
removed again out of England into Holland and I brought the papers of my experiences with mee which the Ship being cast away were lost with the trunck in which they were Then was it much set upon my heart that God was displeased with mee for not putting them in print and then the guift of singing and praising was much ceased and I was troubled for the which I sought the Lord and did begg ' that if he were offended at mee for not printing and leaving them behind mee that he would pardon it unto mee and that if it were his good pleasure I should write them again I did pray that he would let his Spirit come to inable mee again in singing and prayer as it was wont to do and be my remembrancer to write again and indeed it did so not long after in the night both in song and in prayer But then I having not time was much hindered yet notwithstanding according to the time I had I set my self to do it and the Lord was pleased to assist mee in bringing again to my remembrance things of long standing Now before I departed from England I was satisfied in my spirit that I had a clear call from thee Lord so to do for indeed more then a year I had such a motion in my spirit backed with many Scriptures for its furtherance Yet nothwithstanding in this Voyage we met wich some diffciulty for the Ship I came over in was cast away but in the time of the greatest trouble the Lord gave mee in these promises that he would be with mee in six troubles and in the seventh he would not forsake mee Call upon mee in the day of trouble I will hear thee and deliver thee and thou shalt glorify mee With this sweet word also thou shalt not die but live to see the mercy I will shew unto thee It was in the night and after some time the Ship being a ground and in great danger and so were all the persons in it one asked mee if I were not afraid I answered the God of heaven my Father hath brought mee hither and if he may have more honour in drowning of mee then by preserving mee his will be done Then when the mast was cut down and the Master with some others said we are dead persons and like to loose our lives yet I had much hope in the Lord because of his promise and after that I and some others in the Ship with mee had committed our selves unto God by prayer I being in the Cabbon laid me down to sleep but I had not it seems lien half an hour but they called us and said there was Land not far of if wee would seek for help vvhich accordingly vve did But it being but about the break of the day vve did vvander over the sandâ— but could find no vvay out of the sea as it vvere compassing us aboue round then vve all returned to the Ship again and some concluded vve must go in an perish there so they vvent in again But vve said if vve must perish vve vvould be still seeking to save our lives And as our God to whom we had committed ourselves guided us we went another way on the sands and as I was going looking to God to be my Pilot not knowing whether vve vvent for the sea vvas one both sides of us and vvee had but a small vvay on the sands to vvalk in and as I vvas begging of the Lord to keep in the seastill vve found out a place not onely for our ovvn escape but that vve might see deliverance for our friends in the Ship also the Lord vvas pleased to set this upon my heart As thy deliverance is so shall Englands be vvhen they are brought to greatest streights then vvill deliverance be from God A hint of some night meditations and effects of prayer I being avvake one night and very full of trouble in my mind because I vvas no more spiritual for I had found my self very dead-hearted in prayer over night for the vvhich I vvas very sadly afflicted in spirit and indeed then vvanting place of retirement to send up strong cries unto the Lord did much deaden my spirit for I found it vvas the practice of Jesus Christ sometime to be in the vvilderness sometime in the mountain all night in prayer alone and sometimes alone in the gardin and I find prayer in secret much acceptâ—d vvith God according to that vvord Pray to thy â—ather in secret and he will reward thee opeâ—ly Math. 6 6. indeed so full of sorrovv vvas I that I uttered no vvords but sigâ—d and groaned to the Lord. Then this came in Vpon the 〈◊〉 thou shalt live 〈…〉 of â—oâ—e I will the 〈◊〉 〈…〉 be made all times to see 〈…〉 flowes in mee Then did I groaâ—e before the Lord that he vvould give in some promise the Lord cast in this that the grace or prayer vvas before the guist of prayer and that this vvas the grace of prayer to give up our selves in faith to the guidance of the spirit and so by â—aith to have communion vvith the Father and the Son in the Spirit for Christ tâ—ld the Woman John 4 v. 21 22 23. Neither in thus mountain noâ— in Ierusalem shaâ—l mâ—n worship the Father but the â—our is coming a now us when the true worshippâ—rs shall worship the Father in Spirit and iâ— truth sor the â—ather sâ—â—keth such to worship him God is a Spirit and they that worship him must worship him in Spirit and in truth This Woman then could say that Christ vvould teach all things vvhy should not vve look for the teachings of the Spirit novv seeing Christ hath not onely been vvith us in the flesh God and man but had also promised us the pourings out of the Spirit to teach us all things and to bring all things to our remembrance Then further I vvas mourning that I could not injoy the ordinances of God â—n their purity and the Lord shevved mee that I must offer up my 〈◊〉 And vvhen Abraham vvent to do that he left his servants belovv the hill and consulteâ— not vvith flesh and blood Also aftervvard I had such vvonderful experience of communion vvith God through the Spirit as I am not able to utter it I avvaking another night vvas greatly complaining that the flesh did so 〈◊〉 in the Spirits vvork that vvhen I vvorld do good evil is present â—â—en did the spirit put me upon uttering many heavenly complaints in a vvay of singing and after that vvith the help of the Spirit to pray vvith much enlargâ—dness And aâ—ter that there vvas by the same spirit vvith very much povver this vvord Be silent before mee all flesh Oh! and then follovved the vvonderful speakings of God by his blessed Spirit to my poor soul vvhich I cannot utter as to the manner of them bâ—t the nature of them vvas exceeding comforting to my self and also filled 〈◊〉 vvith great hopes to all the people of God
And now hereby do I know that it was the Spirit of God and of truth that did work at this time because it did lay mee low and flat before him that is holy and made me see my own insufficiency and his great al sufficiency which did much humble mee and broak and melted mee exceedingly then was this promise given in That they that waiton the Lord shall renew their strength they shall mount up with wings as Eagles they shall run and not be weary and they shall walk and not faint And my heart was very much drawn out to wait upon God in a way of believing both for my self and people of God having that word as it were whispered in my ear If thou canst believe all things are possible Another time I was considering that though I had been a Professor many years yet I though indeed I was but a babe in Christ then that word came upon mee Out of the mouthes of babes and sucklings thou hast ordâ—ined praise And indeed I can incourage the most simple and weak to wait on the Lord for his grace is sufficient At this time I was taught by the spirit that prayer was another thing then some take it to be it is of a divine nature and they onely whom God helpeth can pray for it is not words that is alwayes needfull for a soul may pray and utter no words and have sweet communion with God by faith yet words sometimes affect the heart and I have sometimes found the voyce cannot be kept in the heart may be so filled Therefore I blame none but desire to be tender of all for God accepts what himself gives outward performances is as the shell without the kernel if the spirit act not but what of his own spirit is in any duty that God doth accept And we read of the poor woman in the Gospel who met with some discouragements yet by the power of faith being inabled to hold on oh how greatly he commended her faith and answered her desire though her words were but few onely Lord help mee c. And Hannahs prayer was heard who did but move her lips And although she was a woman of a sorrowful spirit before yet she went away believing and also rejoycing that God had heard her prayer So the desires of them that fear him shall be answered and he will hear their cry Daniel before he made his supplication was answered the groaning of the spirit before the Lord is a loud cry the prayer of faith doth save the sick The Lord is a very present help in the time of need They that trust in him shall not be disappointed Nay he takes pleasure in them that fear him and that hopes in his mercy Therefore let them that call on the name of the Lord depart from iniquity Further my heart being carried out long to wait for and expect ther teachings of the spirit more fully to be given mee and therefore if any thing comes in further it is not of nor from my self but the Spirit of Gods working in and upon a poor weak creature who though I be very unfit to publish any thing of this nature to the world yet according to my measure I would with that poor woman do what I can with willingness and cheerfulness for God loves a cheerful heart in his work and the Apostle saith if there be first a willing mind it is accepted according to that a man hath and not according to that he hath not Yet I am much incouraged to believe that this work is of the Lord for I have found the flesh exceeding opposet thereunto and when I have neglected it God hath withdrawn himself from mee and when I set to it in good earnest then God returns and let mee injoy sweet communion with himself And the more the Lord appeared at the first comings in of these things upon my soul the more his love broake my heart that I was wonderfully affected to behold the freeness of his grace to such a one And verily the more watchful I was against sin and unto duty the more of his divine presence was affoarded which is so gloriously sweet to injoy that the more I had the more still I would have and still longed for not onely in the day but in the night also hearkening what God spake and in the night his vvay to my soul hath been to come in vvith many svveet seasonable and povverful instructions stirring me up to pray teaching me hovv to pray and vvhat to pray for encreasing my faith and considence to believe for that I have praied for both for my self and others and also stirring mee up to praysing him and I find that giving my self vvholy to the disposing of God in prayer is a very good thing also this fear hath been upon mee sometimes that I should offer unto God that vvhich cost mee nothing that is to lay on t the choisest and most of the day about the vvorld and then bring the sleepy head to God for a sacrifice I minding the spirituallity of true prayer and my unfitness for it I have found the councel of our Lord Jesus Christ very useful vvhere he saith VVatch and pray Math. 26 41. And the Apostle saith VVatch unto prayer Pet. 1 4 7. yet I have found often when I have been to pray unto God my heart have been very dead and I could not get it into so spiritual a forme as I would yet durst not neglect the dayly waiting upon God in that duty but even then made it my work to petition the Lord to compose my spirit and quicken me by his grace and holy Spirit that I might not offer the blind the halt and lame in sacrifice unto God And indeed then God hath so come in upon my spirit that I haâ—â— had more communion with him self yea more then at some other time when I have been apt to think my self more fit At other times when I have not found God coming in to help mee I have gone a way and waited his time for unless God enlarge our hearts it is not good for us to en large in words for God is in heaven and thou on the earth therefore let thy words befew thy words mark that and bodily exercise prositeth nothing my son give mee thy heart saith God Eccles 5 2. The poor man that said God be merciful unto mee a Sinner went a way more accepted or rather Justified then the Pharise in the time before the coming of Christ in the flesh if Gods people could not bring a lamb fo ra sacriffice if they brought but two pigeons or a little flower if it were brought to the Priest it was accepted so if we come to him that Justifies the ungodly and hath promised to do all our works in us and for us beholding his alsufficiency and submit to him and be content with that he will give us as well in spirit uals as in temperals the Lord will accept of
found that a chearfull watchful diligent spirit in ones general and particular calling is a great help to prevent mispending time for of idleness comes no good therefore it hath been my practice that if I can do no good nor receive good not to stay in that place long Oh! let us be wary how we spend our precious time for it hat a lock before but none behind I am of a fearful timerous spirit naturally but I find it a great help to dash Babilons brats in the first rice I was about 14 years in the pangs of the new birth before I received the witness of the spirit in which time I was exceeding troubled with my unbelieving heart through entertaining false fears and indeed some thing of Jesus Christ was in mee all that while Althoug sometimes I could not with comfort be hold him through that thick cloud of my many Iniquities and I never found Satan more foyled and my own corruptions more subdued then when I by faith could look up unto Gods unchangeable love in Jesus Christ though I be a poor changeable creature and verily I have found great gain in true Godliness And now friends give me leave to tell you these are mine experiences and I fear it would be burthen some to you if I should be larger which I could be but give me leave to tell you the conclusion of all what I endeavour after which is to press after the mark of the high calling to deny my self and look up to him that is perfect and who presents all his perfect without spot or wrinkle Not to him that worketh onely but to him that believeth for he is holy I desire to observe all the Commands of Christ as my rule of life but I am not here by justified but alone by a righteousness out of my self there fore I say none but Christ not by workes of rightcousness that we do but by faith are we saved that not of our selves it is the guift of God for he that kindleth a fire and composeth himself about with the sparks thereof he shall lie down in sorrow Isa 50 11. for a man may do much in outward performances and yet not have a heart right with God the foolish virgins had lamps of profession as well as the wise but they had not oyle so the young man in the Gospel said to Christ he had observed all the Commandments from his youth what lacked he yet but to deny himself and to part with what he had for Christ to take up the cross and to follow him which he could not do except Christ had given him a righteous heart for all his outward seeming righteousness So the Scribes and Pharisees blamed Câ—rist for all his righteous actions but could not see the Idol in thâ—r own hearts for all their righteousness sprung not from a right root nor was done by a right rule nor to a right end 1. First they had not grace in their hearts 2. Secondly neither did they do what they did by the rule of the word of God but by their own rule 3. What they did was for their own glory to get them praise from men and not to the glory of God Amos 4 4 5 6. the which is an abomination to the Lord this sacrifice God is weary of it is as the â—ffering of Swines blood and the cutting of a Dogs neck before the Lord this made Cains sacrifice to be unacceptable in the sight of God mans righteousness is as monstruous cloathes and filthy raggs that comes â—ot not from a heart sanctified where Christ dwels al though it be garnished with never so much parts and guifts the Lord looks upon the inward righteousness of the heart Parts and guifts may cease but the least measure of true grace shall hold out to the end And what soever is parts and not grace bear not these following Characters upon them such have not the spirit now the spirit is Truth light and love 1. First the spirit of truth joynes with the vvord of truth if an Angel from heaven should bring any other doctrine we are not to receive it and them that believe and trust in the promise it leads into all truth wait for the accomplishment of the promise of the spirit to teach you all things and bring all things to your remembrance which he hath promised shall remaine with us alwayes John 14 16. This is a good antidote against error this teaching for the most part abides and formes the soul into it self The more of this truth and light comes in the more a soul abhorres it self sees it's own emptiness and Christs fulness The more of this light comes into the soul the more it thirsteth after light The more knowledg it hath of God the more it loves God which conformes it into his image and the more it delights in God and loves them most that have most of God in them Ps 16. all my delight is in the Saints and them that are excellent in the earth The true spirit delights in all the commands of God which shews true love to God if you love me keep my Commandments Jo. 14 15 16. and I will pray the Father and he shall give you another Comforter that he may abide with you for ever It is a meek and a quiet spirit it hates pride and lifting up it sees enough in it self dayly to humble it It s full of love to all that God loves though differing from them by this shall all men knovv that you are my Disciples if you have love one to another Joh. 13 35 We know that vve are passed from death to life because we love the brethren 1. Joh. 3 14. Now the reason why we should cherish this grace of love to God his people and all men are these First because without love which is charity we are but as sounding brass or tinckeling Cymbals all we do without this is nothing 2 Cor. 13. Secondly because Christ hath said because Iniquity shall abound the love of many shall wax cold in the last dayes Mat. 24. 12. Thirdly because it is one of Christs last and great Commandments John 13 34. 1. of Joh. 2. 7. 8. Fourthly it renders us much like unto our Master Christ Jesus Acts. 10 38. who went about doing good to all let us labour to follow his example shevv pitty to them that God hath not yet shewed so much pitty to as he hath done unto us do good to them that hate you and pray for them that dispitefully use you Mat. 5. 44 45. These were Gods teachings to mee in the absence of faithful Teachers when they were removed into corners Which was a sore affliction to mee but I look at what mercy God afoards mee in all afflictions seing I am unvvorthy of the least mercy for it vvere a righteous thing vvith God to cut us of and I marvailed at his patience and long suffering vvith mee and all others I find by experience that reading