your bounds Place forceth no man They have their severall advantages and disadvantages like other things and are to be embraced as discretion and affection shall lead Certainly the travailing course used of late especially in the most spirituall and Academicall mindes breeds a great partiality to the equall conversation of Townes but not without danger of being aliened from the knowledge of your own and as much abused therein by others as of abusing your self in being carryed away with the City vanities and unfruitfull idlenesse The Country life is assuredly most naturall pleasant setled and profitable to the English breed and course Doe but you care for your self as I have cared for you and all shall with Gods blessing goe well with your minde and well with your fortune seek your happinesse from Gods grace and bounty he will not faile to give it you make Christ your Rock and you have a sure foundation December 19. 1637. QUos perdere vult Iupiter hos dementat was a true saying applyed to a false God but my God hath often deprived me in some particulars of the use of my ordinary reason and discourse to act things against my knowledge my ends my resolution and my self he hath raised oftentimes strange and independent combining constellations against me I have evidently discovered his footsteps therein and he hath thereby led me to my salvation there was no redemption to mankind but in Christ nor can the wounded and troubled soule finde any other sanctuary he alone is the horn of our salvation the Cornueopia of a perfect plenty and felicity unto us in this and the eternall life I have been Master of a dogge whom when I have threatned in stead of flying he hath appeased me by a submisse fawning upon me Thou my God art in like manner mercifull to such as seek thee and humble themselves unto thee Praise to thy blessed name for evermore Amen Amen Ianuary 21. 1637. OUr Faith is well alluded to a Rock and our Saviour to the Corner-stone of a building for without them we are all tottering and infirme nor doth the sweetnesse of any earthly pleasure make amends for an unstable wandring minde Good God why didst thou not to frailty give One life to learn another life to live Why so it is who here doth thee regard Eternall life and joyes are his reward Suave mari magno turbantibus aequora ventis Eterra alterius magnum spectare laborem Unexpressible is that tranquillity ease joy and peace which I finde by having freed my self from this worlds common interests and incumbrances my Soule is like a bird escaped from the Fowlers net and I am as a free spectatour beholding the busie burthened Actors of this worlds Tragedies Comedies Farcies and follies Good Lord confirm me more and more and make me thankfull in such my joy Once belonging to the Alphabet Sonnet of the Letter E. BUt we like false-bred Eagles fly the sight Of thy to humane sense confounding light Bartas and Herbert led but flew so high Our flowry waxen wings dare not come nigh OR T is hard to see them harder to come nigh Verses I confesse though such are best which most resemble Prose yet as I am now affected especially in that measure which I had lately chosen are not so fitting to my present subject There are divers kindes and degrees of Faith the generality of such as call and think themselves Christians go on in a course childish kinde of Faith which gives little tincture to their affections and lesse to their actions yet according to their nature in some things they make more in others lesse conscience in a farther proceeding and consideration of Religion they lay hold on Christ and use him as a salve for their sins and sinfull propensions but when the good Spirit of God by meanes of affliction or otherwise throughly awakeneth them and workes upon their Soule then and not till then are we truely converted then are our eyes opened to see and feel the uglinesse of sin with the sweetnesse of his saving grace and favour And thus Oh Lord hath it pleased thee in thy infinite mercy to work upon me Now I see and pity the worlds vanity and corruptions Now as thou hast dyed for me I will rather dye a thousand deaths then to grieve thy good Spirit by my least consent to sin As thou hast done to me so vouchsafe to extend thy extraordinary hand of mercy upon others with-hold them from sophisticating thy sincere Religion with their poore and rotten policies we may say of it as some use it as is said of Tilt and Tourney that it is too much for jest too little for earnest it cannot be expected that the people will follow except their Teachers lead and in the sincerity of their lives shew the way their Tithes are substance their shows and ceremonies alone in thy service deserve them not Magistrates when they obey thee may more justly and exactly expect our obedience A grosse affectation of policy in Religion ministers too much occasion to weak Christians to judge and conclude of Religion rather as a humane Policy then Divine Truth If any sins were veniall such appeare most pardonable as carry with them a kinde of warrant from Nature and a gratification to others and thou O God art least indulgent to such as offend of malitious wickednesse They are like the Planets and Starres in the Heavens to guide and comfort us by their sweet influence when they prove maligne which the Starres seldome doe they are our mischiefes and our Plagues and as the Starres have their shining and influence more for our then their own good so ought they to exercise their power It is a soule unhappy fancy that pleaseth it self in displeasing others I Have of late been urged to work and am at this time working upon a peece of ground which hath long been designed for Gardening and so imployed it hath had much cost and industry bestowed upon it but the nature of the soyle consists of so stiffe a Clay that it hath ever rendred an ill account and return of such feeds and Plants as have been intrusted unto it lusty and fruitfull it hath shewed it selfe in grasse and rank in weeds There is an evill Herb they call Twitch which hath over-run it of such nature that having once possessed a ground the soyle must be wholly altered and over-come or no good thing will thrive committed unto it My Gardener to work a cure hath not only digged and manured but hath brought a new and better earth upon it so that now with a due industry and watering observed it can hardly faile to yeeld a gratefull and faithfull fertility Some soyles are cured by much breaking some by fire some by inundation frosts and hard weather make a good preparation All is happy that confers a bettering and improvement In the diseases of our bodies where an evill habit prevailes and ill humours abound some are rectifyed by purgation some
Amen Amen Ianuary 29. 1637. THis house and staire resemble me no line Runs parallell nor due proportion held No Landing even by pre-engagement spil'd High low faire mean imperfect and what 's worst Anxious to fit succeeding to the first Full of crosse reason 't was our equall lot Casting our birth th'Ascendent was forgot Yet all in this are well and haply cast Leading to God and Heaven at the last The Verses above in their relations are not to bee understood but by him which knows and considers the house staire case and my fortune and condition The staire at last leads to a standing mounted for prospect which leads only to it self and Sky My Ash-wednesday Ashes No term or Metaphor can carry a more true full and lively expression then doth that of our regeneration we are in the womb of this world before our second spirituall birth such Embryons and imperfect Infants as can scarce admit to be affirmed of us that we are indued with life and sense It is more potentially then actually that we enjoy them We acquiesce in a stupid and corrupt condition we are fed and pleased in the impure nutriment of earthly and false delights we draw our nourishment by the Navill of our sensuality we are wrapped in our uncleannesse and of our selves we neither know nor affect any other being But when God of his great grace calls and urgeth us to our true and second birth in his Spirit he changeth our affections cloatheth us anew brings us to another light another Aire another condition He worketh in us a sight and feeling of our former infirmities and corruption he purifies refines and fits us for a more excellent life and knowledge He displayes unto us his farre more excellent beauties and glory we draw our nourishment by another roote more coelestiall more defecate we loathe and scorn our former being and become ravished in the joy of our change which is not without difficulty and cryes happy cryes happy distresse most gainfull change There we could not have lived ever nor ever been but blinde and miserable Our first life is vegetable sensuall common with beasts dark base cumbersome our regeneration is the only true and eternall life of the Soule There is no sincere pleasure content wisdome courage or peace without it Christ alone is the Man-midwife to bring us to such happinesse By thy grace Oh Lord am I born and without it better had I been unborn I was wildred in a Wood entangled in a dimme light amongst Bryers Thornes and wilde beasts but thou hast freed me and brought me into the faire open delightfull fields of thy grace I was engaged to a Sea of raging waves and stormes but thou hast instructed me to strike my greedy sailes to cast out my vaine lading and brought me to a most happy Port in thy most happy Climate I was an executor of the worlds trust but found the estate so entangled so subject to debts that thou hast taught me to renounce and free my self I will by thy Divine assistance avoid the Wood and be free from the Bryers the Sea and be free from Sea-sicknesse and stormes the worlds common courses and conversations and enjoy thee and my self exempt from troubles crying debts and importunate vanities The world does in Truth for the most part but magnas nugas magno conatu agere c. I have I thank God in honest sort paid every man his own and provided for my children It is not every mans case to be so disengaged I am free O God to live to thee and thee alone My Country needs me not nor doth it finde me fit for its service c. I am by Gods grace too rigid too straight a peece for such Ship-timber I grieve to see the world as it is nor can contribute ought but prayers to help it how can it be other then Cachecticall tainted with the licencious luxury of strangers intoxicate wantonnesse of Favorites dissolution of our Seminaries the Universities and Innes of Court Prevarication and corrupt example of Ecclesiastiques and sinister affections and illusions of Magistrates as one said Signa nostra sequentes prodimur nisi Christus se ipsum vindicet actum est The Church is compared to the Ark and I would it did not in some things too much resemble it It is full of various many unclean beasts and too floating and unsetled I would rather prove it a City built upon the Rock Christ Jesus firme and unchangeable he is the sole and all-sufficient fundamentall of our Salvation and whilest we confound our selves and seek for other let us take heed we lose not him and betray our selves not only to infinite uncharitable indiscreet fanaticall opinions and Schisms but even to Turcisme and Atheisme our wilde unsettled dissentions expose us too much to both Lord of thy great mercy teach thy Church and me to fix in a firmitude of thy saving Faith and Religion Banish undue policy banish will-worship and teach us to serve and honour thee in unity and truth of Spirit instruct and guide me in thy wayes and seeing thou hast made me a sociable creature and given me a working active spirit addresse me to the comfort of a sutable conversation to discourse and walk thy waies aright Thou must reveale such unto me for I finde it too hard to finde them Shall the Roman Religion afford so many and thy Truth so few who can perswade themselves to leave the world for thee If all other Company faile my desires be thou my guide be thou my comfort and I shall still happily subsist in thee and want nothing The world is a writing so full of fauks many corrections cannot mend it Una litura potest and that I have chosen Thus writing is troublesome and well nee possum vivere cumte nec sine te It is endlesse nor is it fit for me to write what I would or could May it please thee Oh God to turn to thy glory and my comfort these my weak endevours Amen Amen February 7. 1637. LIke to his joy who meets a sure guide to direct and conduct him in a faire way after he hath been long wildred and benighted in false soule and intricate wandrings such Oh Lord is my comfort in thy sweet exhibiting thy self and thy favour unto me I am now at ease I see and hate the solecismes of the times I am disentangled from a wildernesse of the worlds confused wayes and errors nor could any other guide have freed me Thy grace hath supported me in my writings in my health in my deliverance beyond expression Let vanity and sensuality delight themselves in trewand wantonnesse and wandrings but keep me Oh Lord in thy wayes and schoole and let me rather smart under the rod of thy Fatherly correction then become abandoned to an undue and licentious Liberty Perfection belongs to the one perdition to the other Accept my most humble thanks for thy infinite favours and bring me to the heavenly
hope will come and beare a part To hide my want of voyce my want of Art Corona Alphabeticall in imitation of the 119 Psalme AWay unhallowed spirits fleshly borne Unto the second birth these lines belong Your eyes are full of lust your hearts of scorn You cannot taste a supernatur'd song When in Gods furnace you shall prove refin'd Divinely transubstantiate from above Your Soules contrite your stony hearts calcin'd And him propound sole object of your love Then shall my inspirations finde applause And penetrate your soules as well as mine Then will you finde them both your meat and sauce And warm your spirits at such beams Divine God knows what preparations I have past Oft broken with this Plough to kill my weeds Down melted in a new mould to be cast Macerate fetter'd fitted for new seeds When his magnetique vertue draws you come Till then to what I write be blinde deaf dumb BLest Founder of this earthly Hospitall Sole daily Benefactor to mankinde Lord Paramount of Lords of Kings and all Soule of our Soules controller of the minde Transcendent Essence dazling more our sight Then Sun-beams Owles harder to comprehend Then 't is for Ants to judge and reason right Of men and know whereto their counsels tend Thou who giv'st Faith and Grace spirituall Hearts happiest Center food and notion Who truely art what falsely we doe call Instinct or Nature Father of motion Inspire my soule my spirit animate Thy working power and glory to expresse That these my lines may partly expiate My lives and pens past errors and impresse Thy stampe divine upon my readers heart Assisted by thy holy Spirits Art COntemne not Lord this humble sacrifice This Incense from the censor of my heart Heart which thy quickning Spirit mortifies To live and die to thee a true convert As in my heart so flow into my stile Untie tune cleare my soule that I may sing Thy saving grace and prove most happy while I may one sparkle to thy glory bring None but a power Almighty could create Yet greater wonder our redemption was Nor goes lesse mercy to regenerate That worke nor consummate nor Sabbath has To live fresh fishes in this briny Sea To swim by faith against strong natures streame Beyond our reason and our eyes to see And make thy soule transporting love our theame This Antedates the sweet fruition Of thy most beatifique vision DIspence O Lord that I polluted lame Presume thy power and mercies to display Thy Priest should perfect be and free from blame But thy projection workes on base allay The greatest graces thou hast summon'd all Thy creatures to thy praise their rent to pay Nor can I chuse but answer to thy call Accountable for mercies more then they But yet alas what fruite can I expect From these farre short of lines Apocryphall Since thine owne dictates finde so small effect And Isralites prov'd hypocriticall Yes thou hast wonders wrought on me and canst By thy assistance so my labours blesse Some one at least by me may be advanc'd To feele thy Spirits motion and redresse The course of sinne which flesh cannot withstand Without the succour of thy sacred hand ERect O Lord thy Trophees in my Verse Confound with shame th' Idolatrizing Muse Teach such with me thy praises to rehearse T is better write to save then to seduce Teach them thy beautie riches thou who art Riches and beauties donor cleare their eyes To admire the vertues which thou doest impart To the rich furnish'd earth and guilded skies Thou needst no strain'd conceits nor figures such As they imploy to shew wit and give grace Thou their Hyperbole's exceed'st so much They faint to see invention wants a place Oh that my Verse like Aarons rod had pow'r To overcharme what those inchanters sing And all their strong illusions to devour Or like the Brasen Serpent cure their sting Then might my Muse triumphant Lawrell weare Endu'd with grace no thunder blasts to feare FAther of beautie goodnesse power and love Vertue of vertues spring of eloquence By whom alone we are we live and move And exercise a happy confidence Whose love to us made thee evacuate Thy selfe and glory frailtie to put on Frailtie to hunger die degenerate To man in all but his corruption Oh let thy love like love in us procure And teach us to deny our selves for thee Change which to thee was losse will be our cure Thy hunger food thy death our life will bee Teach us to love and we shall learne to write In Characters of love our hearts will flow Love chafes benummed spirits to endite And ever carries light ' its flames to show Make mee Oh Lord to thee a perfect lover And love will both it selfe and thee discover No wonder else if we prove dull to write For 't is a wonder Lord to love thee right GRieve Oh my heart grieve that thou canst not grieve Grieve that thy streames flow counter to thy will Grieve that thy fraile propensions still survive And thy intemperate nature swayes thee still Shame oh my soule oh shame to see thy shame Shame that nor faith nor reason can prevaile Shame that thou knowest most savage things to came And that thy Art upon thy selfe doth faile Suffer thou doest and justly suffer too In selfe offending wilt thou still befoole Thy selfe in doing what thou should'st not doe And non-proficient prove in thy owne schoole Yes Lord it will be so except thy grace Continually prevent preside restraine In thy least absence nature will take place Nor can against it selfe it selfe containe Children from Nurses are nor safe nor quiet Without thee soule nor body can keepe diet Destroy Oh Lord what foments our annoy Or wild presumption will our health destroy HEaven wert thou no reward Hell but a tale Religion but a waking dreame begot Twixt policie and fancy to prevaile Over fraile flesh and hopes and feares besot Were conscience but a brat of Arts begetting As reall in ' its falshood as in truth A home-spun stuffe as false wrought as selfe fretting A brand impos'd upon our tender youth Yet hath it pleas'd my Lord to manifest So palpably his selfe and love to mee Were nature richer sweeter I le divest And strip my selfe of all for love of thee None more then I th'erroneous print can read Of melancholy and superstition Nor better all their subtile steps untread Distinguishing between Text and Tradition Beleeve me more hath gone me to convert Then either wit or nature can pervert HAbituate maladies are hardly cur'd Relaps proves often mortall worst in sinne To me relaps'd oft and to sinne inur'd Strange hath thy mercy Lord and patience been Insolvable I am for such great grace Yet I ambitious am to make returne What most is mine and others most embrace In gratefull sacrifice to thee I burne Obedience Temperance I here professe Worldly delights and wealth I abdicate No fetter'd votary yet ne're the lesse My selfe to thee I freely consecrate Power
the Irish Seas so troublesome and dangerous there is a proportion of bearing beyond which wee sink I was in my prime youth encountered with many unfavourable dysasters c. The great change of the Court and long greatnesse of them whom accident c. My absence in travaile hindering my falling in with those times my retirednesse by that course and over-exact study of language which certainly is proper only to children to whom it comes insensibly and is most troublesome to curious spirits these and much more conspired against me I would when my fortune was whole have matched my Sonne then very young and have assured my Lands upon him for a reasonable portion it could not bee My Predecessor after a long and desperate sicknesse lived just enough to marry me and many stranger things then these have befaln me in the Article of a Catastrophe to my fortune November 2. 1637. TO say something still of diverse ambiguities and perplexities incident to my condition and fortune which besides the accidentall melancholy bred in my body could hardly saile to work an alteration and disease upon a minde curious of avoiding inconveniencies and choosing the best my nature was bent to ordinary pleasures yet morally withdrawn to an observation of decency vertue moderation and improvement of knowledge with an acquisite affectation of Philosophicall Morall Civill and Christian perfection wherein as well for vogue fashion and reputation as truth I could not willingly consent to come short of the best When I grew towards manhood being of myself disposed to forbeare marriage untill I should be thirty yeares old and then not to marry without great choyce in fitting my self and obtaining a fulnesse of fortune to set my self at ease in my quality and that estate â— c I saw the inconvenience but Wife Children and my disease made me unfit for another mans house and though I wished yet I could not resolve a change which to me who could never easily admit a resolution with inconveniencies attending it was ever abhorrent my naturall curiosity whose minde was never quiet till all circumstances and conveniencies were run over and over and accommodated by me made all things especially in a seat of my own most troublesome To the melancholy tainted spirit nothing is more unfit then idlenesse nothing more troublesome then its curious discoursing upon resolutions nothing more unfit then confinement to one place yet nothing more hard then to resolve and digest change and alteration Once marryed I was set to seek how to live where to live my birth and breeding was in the City my affection and chiefe seat in Cambridgeshire but many strong considerations diverting mee from it The Court where I was young entred followed might have kept me from that depth of melancholy whereunto travaile study and retirednesse in care and fancy of what belonged to a house drowned mee but that also by accident was unfit for me yet at length for a strong diversion and under so brave a patronage as that of Prince Henry I readventured upon it but his immature death and much sicknesse of my own following upon it with other disproportions finally aliened me from that course Thus and much more hath my life been a conflict with disease and fortune I have formerly touched many more particulars yet not all nor the worst It is one of the greatest in satisfactions of writing to an ingenuous spirit in most important matters to have least freedome there are many Noli me tangere's The contrast of Gods grace and Religion against the impetuosity of naturall affections hath been many yeares my greatest combat I have fought resolutely but received many foiles yet by the infinite goodnesse of my Saviour I have received such most unexpected succour that to my unvaluable comfort I triumph c. I have dedicated my self next to God wholly to my Son and have many years endevoured his good beyond my own I have now made my self his Pensioner and I wish no worldly happinesse more then his prosperity thus with a running pen I ease my minde which though with no serious exactnesse yet with little prejudice to my health for otherwise the strength of my disease would not suffer me to beare the strength and curiosity of my own discourse He who is subject to melancholy let him shun as a Rock at Sea over-studying or tyring of his thoughts and when he finds conclusions come not off cleerly and that a restinesse of discourse grows upon him let him give over for the present not admitting the least tumultuation till such a good and fit time after as he may return new and fresh to work by this meanes shall hee avoid much hurt of his spirits and attain better to his ends In reading also little and little at once shall dispatch more and that without inconvenience of health then much together to the oppression of the soule Ne quid nimis in all things is an excellent instruction How many a man hath tyred his horse by riding a little too fast who might otherwise have come well to his journies end The like is seen in expence a very little contracting would often have given ease and thrist where a very small overspending hath bred continuall want and ruine By my miserable experience I could give many rules upon this worlds course and melancholy Moderation is good but Gods grace is above all and without it nothing can prosper How lustily doth the root feed a tree whose branches are few and small in respect To the all-seeing God be glory for with us but through him dwels nothing but darknesse errour frailty and ignorance November 4. 1637. MY gracious God the support and guide of us and all our actions since thou hast vouch safed to grant mee a firme and happy faith in Christ and love of thee with a contempt of all earthly and carnall joyes confirm unto me I most humbly beseech thee thy heavenly graces and the comfort of thy good Spirit for I abhorre my self whensoever that joy faileth me or any worldly affections assault me none more then I knows their vanity their unsoundnesse their emptinesse of all true and perfect satisfaction such as left mee ever to seek ever unquiet till such time as I wholly resigned my self unto thee The world is a wildernesse of ravenous beasts there is no path no safety no contentment or protection but through thy favour Sweet Lord impart it unto me and I shall finde that quiet and joy of heart which I have ever wanted Helpe me for I shall hate my self if through the infirmity of my flesh and blood I reap not more joy and complacence in my surrender to thee and in thy grace then ever I did or could finde in the most full and flattering pleasures which this instable world affords I have often found thy most mercifull and miraculous reliefe and support beyond expectation beyond naturall conceit Let thy mercy and grace continue with mee to my end and
my fortune and course where to dwell what to sell or keep what to disparke what and how to build at or to forbeare which to a neere consideration made no little anxiety whether to keep house or not finding my wife and self unfit for it and yet as unfit to sojourn what Physitian to use and course to take to recover health whether I should adventure to buy imployment which seemed necessary to my active spirits though my life in my conceit was desperate whether to adventure upon a strong diversion by a course in Court and how farre to comply with the times which little complyed with my discourse whether to keep or break a rash vow of importance that cost me deare This and much more might well oppresse a melancholy minde my diversions appeared as fruites of a vaine and prodigall disposition but alasse they were nothing lesse I hoped still to have recovered my self and then I could have thriven well enough I was not unknown nor wanted an easie way to preferment but it pleased God by weakning me by confounding me to bring me to him blessed be his name I reckon it a supreame happinesse c. November 8. 1637. TRuth exactnesse and perfection are Oare of a rich Mine but lye so deep that they often hardly recompence the labour of their extraction my end is not so much to vindicate as to give some true knowledge of my self and shake off the burthen of my minde to my pen and paper it is unfit for me and I for it and yet I cannot avoid it and this is one of the unreconcileable properties of my condition I write not to please I write not for oftentation and if I did Praetulerim scriptor delirus inersque videri Quam sapere ringi It is too true that the fine curious affected shooe often wrings the foot High seats are brave and Aiery but low ones quiet Romae Tibur amo ventosus Tibure Romam was a production of a fine but windy melancholy spirit Would I be an idolater I would sacrifice to quiet and dulnesse I will affect wit and curiosity in nothing but to repent my sinnes and please my God Gracious God it is thy infinite power and spirit that worketh in all things vegetable and sensible creatures in and at their first production without any discourse of theirs teaching them their nourishment their sustentation thou art omni-present omniscient omnipotent assist me good God in my discourse in my resolution of dedicating my self wholly unto thee c. November 9. 1637. GOe now presumptuous and over-weening man boast in thy prerogative of reason and nature confound thy self in thy own wayes and inventions nature may lead thee to pleasure and profit and so commonly it doth the most base and vulgar spirits but it must bee an extraordinary supernaturall spirit that can make thee thrive to this and a better world This the naturall man discerneth not and the foole cannot understand but this the Schoole of experience as well as of Faith teacheth us Thou Oh God art the God of nature but the wayes of nature and Religion are so diverse that it is a kinde of irreligion to seek or measure thee in natures course the course of thy Spirit and judgement run another way they thy decrees thy graces are all supernaturall and wonderfull to thee be ascribed all wisedome justice power and Majesty And here my most gracious God I humbly thank thee for thy mercifull and wonderfull support through my whole course to my body to my minde to my fortune for it equals any thing that I can call strange that I have subsisted through all my stormes and sufferings without having incurred utter scorn and ruine shipwrack is not ill escaped with losse and a good haven at last is not a little joy though thy storms have all past over me and seeing I have used this term of the Psalmes I cannot let passe how most apposit and accommodate I have found many of them to my condition as the 88. and divers others in my friends being removed farre from mee and sundry other passages Lord I humbly thank thee that thou hast so made my face ashamed as that I have got and found thee and found that of thy very mercy and faithfulnesse I have been troubled I can now call thee the God of my Salvation my countenance and confidence for I have found the beames of thy mercy so to comfort me in darknesse and misery as that I doubt not to apply to my self as well the Psalmes of consolation as I have done those of complaint and distresse I can now look upon all this worlds glories pleasures and vanities with contempt and pity continue thy mercies and I have heaven upon earth thou art perfection of Philosophy thou art the true Summum bonum in thee is all fulnesse all joy Humane discourse and resolution can doe much but first motions and surprises upon the minde disturb nature concoction and the spirits even in meere nullities of conceit in despight of a firm faith and reason it is from God alone to prevent them to allay them Tentations are often above the power of flesh and blood to resist the melancholy humour is most violent in hot and active spirits and constitutions There it estuates there it ferments and boyles how it suggests confounds resolves and then again forgets the circumstances of a former resolution and by forgetfulnesse or a new predominancy of humour relapses to a fresh rumination and confusion upon the same subject Melancholy at the first is a querulous humor but in extremity it wraps it self in silence and exceeds expression it dwels in inward conflicts hopes by Gods grace the best prepares for the worst November 9. 1637. HOw gracious and good O God art thou that wilt be found in trouble and become the relief of that calamitous Soule which had neglected thee in the times of seeming prosperity Thy wonders appeare in the deep and out of the deep thou art called upon the deep of distresse the deep of Melancholy discover the wonders of thy Judgements of thy power and mercy even as the Starres and glory of the heavens is discerned out of a deep well not otherwise appearing Lord with what a fulnesse doe I labour to expresse thy glory and my comfort even in that temper me or I shall be confounded Ipsa faelicitas se nisi temperat premit Vouchsafe to demonstrate in mee by my life and actions what my pen cannot expresse What was said of Fortune is true of God Occaecat hominum animos cum vim suam ingruentem refringi non vult According to Gods determinate counsell wee discern or are blind we judge resolve and execute aright or lose and confound our selves in errour and folly Thy decrees O Lord are irresistible November 11. 1637. HAd I been left a freedom in my self or been constant to my own Discourse and inclination in the ordering of my wayes it might have been wordly fortune enough unto
and what grace will beare and comport with it becomes so infeebled in health and fortune that there remaines nothing but to wish a happy return to our heavenly Country And as those Northern climates are found onely inhabited by wilde crafty and ravenous beasts so is the world incompatible to an honest sincere Religious disposition heaven is the proper spheare of goodnesse and perfect sanctification I am contented not to destroy these papers because they carry in them many great graces and good motions of Gods Spirit upon me and will or may like so many pictures hereafter serve to shew and witnesse me as well to my self as to others what then I was even through their crude unpremeditate unreviewed confusion which with the imployment of some more accurate labour and diligence I confesse I might correct but having satisfyed my self in their private production I am contented to let them passe lame and disordered as they are some also may make happy use of my unhappy observations and errors December 7. 1637. AS he that travelleth towards a mountainous Country climing one hill discovers still more and farther both in prospect and to be ascended or like Sisyphus his stone still begetting new labour so is there no end of writing Infinite have been the writings and might be upon the melancholy Subject and innumerable have been my sufferings and conflicts in it more then are fit to be revolved or related wherefore I must desist no humour is more eagerly set upon entertainment diversions and delight none more necessarily require and urgeth it but thus incident is it unto it to trouble and infest it self in its entertainments hardly moderated hardly contained and satisfyed they had need to be such as are of a nature to entertain the minde without over-busying the fancie idlenesse is pernicious and businesse cumbersome Gods good assistance and spirit must be the best and only support and guide How subtle and witty in farre fetcht and strained apprehensions and impressions is the melancholy tainted spirit to its own hurt and disturbance without Gods help and a firm faith and resolution to oppose it it were incapable to maintain it self There were no end in setting down incidences and conceits as they obtrude themselves It is best in this case to be abrupt crushing of this root affords inexhaustible juice but of importune malign and venemous effect Mans spirit is infinite and so our discourses November 29. 1637. ANd now most gracious God I render unto thy divine Majesty most humble thanks for thy wonderfull preservation to this day for as I have discerned thy extraordinary supereminent hand in humbling me I have no lesse participated of thy mercies in my relief even then when I have been brought so low that both in body and minde I have conceived my self incapable of all humane help or evasion this hath often transported me to an extasie and admiration of thy infinite goodnesse It hath taught me to be other then such as resent not thy wayes and judgements how thou art all in all the Author of all but especially good motion many who feel not the motion of their heart in ordinary doe yet in an extraordinary trouble and distemper of the spirits take notice how then it beateth within them and how by the motion of it they move and are glad to comfort and strengthen it so fareth it with men neglecting the motions of thy Spirit within them by which in their best prosperities they ought to move in tribulation they resent it they are glad to comfort it and seek their supream comfort from it Thy providence is the current in which wee all insensibly move all our sailes and oares cannot carry us out of it he is an ignorant Navigator who knows not this Thou Oh God art the Starre the Loadstone the Neptune of our voyage in this world be thou my current my guide and to thee be all my Sacrifice Flexanimity is thine alone and but for the favour of thy good spirit I had been shipwrackt upon a thousand Rocks I have been put to encounter crosse winds and waves the Leviathan of diseases and that like a Vessell without Mast Sailes Oares or Stern or at least tottered and disabled in all my naturall furniture my spirits wasted my blood consumed c. Yet through all these defects all these stormes thou hast appeared my mighty deliverer redeemed mee from the swallow of infinite threatning gulfes c. The Plant may attribute growth to its own vertue but what were it without the Sun or what motion hath the heart of man but by Gods grace c. December 2. 1637. THe Melancholy humour is of the nature of what is written of the Hectique Feaver in the beginning hardly discerned and easie of cure but in processe of time too manifestly discovering it self and hard to bee remedied From the upper regions of the Aire proceed the inundations and corruptions of the lowest It fareth so in the body of man the Head Heart and Stomach I might say principally the Minde breed the crudities impurities and obstructions of Liver Spleen Miseraiques and the lower belly which by their evill noxious vapours and effects revenge themselves upon their superiors offending and infesting them with great trouble and mischiefe insomuch as some have made a superstition in the bowelling of dead bodies for a perpetuall purity I have had experience of the truth of such discourse and have by Gods grace and great agitation of my inward parts wonderfully preserved my selfe it may be all in vain but whilest wee live we are to doe the uttermost and best we can for our selves OH the lamenesse oh the misery of mankinde having attained some principles and elements we presently presume we know all things then we doubt then we question and in conclusion our humane knowledge proves ignorance and cavill To know God is the onely true knowledge all else is vanity and confusion Good God teach me to subsist as well in thee as by thee and I am happy do thou support me and it is alacrity sufficient moderate my working spirit in my petty imployments and I will esteem it no small matter to spend my time well in Piety Charity and some worldly trifles I never affected any thing more then to doe good and be usefull in good wayes but to be imployed without power and freedome or in matters unsutable and unpleasing to my affections and discourse I have ever preferred a private quiet and exemption affecting rather to exercise a power of composing homebred inconveniencies within my self then to undergoe their imposition from others I could as well as another have been a busie man c. 1637. HAppy are they who according to this world desire little or moderate their desires even in the way of perfection knowledge and happinesse it self for our portion here is ignorance imperfection and losse of happinesse by over-seeking it in the true knowledge of God and his favour consists the onely true tranquillity
though the Melancholique patient hath a Wolfe by the eares of his disease trouble in holding and stirring and unsafe to let goe yet I esteem it a poore resolution to suffer a rooted mischiefe which is presently noxious and will more and more grow dangerous upon feare of adventure where there is any the least hope of delivering our selves in supportable evils admit and excite rather to any hazard then a miserable toleration a hopelesse condition is most calamitous a well-built body will indure and work out very much like a good Ship against soule weather at Sea mine I thank God is such that had not my minde like an evill Steers-man infinitely even of late been injurious unto it I had by Gods grace infallibly prevailed both against my Giant disease and infinite intervening unfriendly accidents but by Gods help I daily mend and hope to leap over the wall Nil desperandum in Christo nil aâ—spice Christo. L'industrie est de nous L'heâ—rex suceez de dieu December 11. 1637. TO give us courage in misfortunes it was well said of Fortune that her course is irregular and that we ought not to despaire of her for often when she appeares to threaten us with imminent ruine she is truely in the article and Catastrophe of our good and advantage It is more verifyed in the wayes of God nothing more ordinary with him then by humbling us to exalt us and to strew the path to Heaven with afflictions Caesar animated his Pilot by carrying him and his Fortunes it was a vain presumption but he who the Almighty is Pilot to cannot sink nor miscarry to demonstrate his power and awake the faith of his Favourites he permits as to his Disciples the stormes to rise and waves to threaten destruction and in his mighty and supernaturall rescues appeare his sweetest comforts his greatest glory Nec Deus intersit nisi dignus vindice nodus as the Divines affirm that tentations proceeding from the Devill may bee distinguished by their violent and suddain surprise So may Divine deliverances be infallibly known by the suddain and extraordinary help that we receive from them at such time as our condition appeares unto us most irremediable and desperate I have infinite matter and thanks to render to my Maker to my Saviour but in nothing more then that of his abundant mercy hee hath been pleased to lead me through Seas through Wildernesses of troubles and errour by a cloud by fire by the thunder of his voice by infinite wonders for neere forty yeares together to bring meat last to his happy Land of promise that is to peace joy and repose in him where alone flows all true happinesse and fixed contentment There can in truth be no constant courage without a firm Faith and assurance of Gods favour towards us that alone fortifies us against danger darknesse and death December 12. 1637. IT is truely said that wee know so much as we put in practice nor are the notions and floting impressions of the brain without a through tincture of the heart and soule any effectuall Science and so it is that vertue is constituted a habit and not only a babling scientificall discourse of the minde untill I considered this I often wondered to see the best Clerks often the worst men as well as none of wisest Men read and study commonly rather for curiosity to censure to learne language and the course and manner of the world to maintain a side to gain bread and knowledge like other men rather then truth vertue and piety to gather opinions and to appeare good rather then to be Propounding to our selves wrong objects no wonder if wee misse the right which makes so many Scholars who study to get the best Livings lesse vertuous in their lives then others who more vertuously and spiritually then worldly affected study rather to nourish then cloath to Dye then paint their mindes Corrupt nature like a depraved stomach turns and assimilates all nourishment it makes an alien of forain instruction and governs it selfe by its own Laws Nay ordinarily against our wills and resolutions nature relapses and ravisheth us from our Moralls from our Metaphysicals Sensuality prevailes and we prevaricate with our Consciences when I approached Gods Sanctuary this was yet lesse strange unto me there as Copernicus hath placed the Sun in the Center of this Universe whose influence and Magnetique vertue gives life and motion to all materiall creatures so is it cleare that the immateriall minde of man hath its life and motion only from the good Spirit of God and unlesse by his influence and inspiration he carry our instructions and informations to the root except he alter reform and season our hearts like hasty showers all passeth away whereas a sound heavenly dew worketh a better watering and fruitfulnesse want of that Divine irradiation makes us such Mungrills such half Christians as we ordinarily are acknowledging our Faith and Saviour in our tongues and denying him in our lives God of his great grace grant us his saving Spirit and we shall as well practice as seem to know and professe Amen Amen December 14. 1637. NO wonder that I search into the abstruse causes and proceedings of my disease for I am a wonder to my self that a Sanguine complection with a naturall strength of body and minde and none of the most impertinent in wit and discourse should fall into so great a confusion and consumption of minde body and fortune without some outward most apparent violence But besides what I have formerly expressed I consider that steeping my self in my beginnings in the study of Mountaynes Essayes which are full of Scepticisme and a kinde of Morall mortification in crying down the delights and presumptions of this world proved to a tainted and tender minde a great amatement and blunting with an anxious disposition of doubt in the ordinary course and pleasures of this life that and much adverse accident nipt me in my first Spring otherwise in all probability I who in that lownesse and oppression of spirits which hath possessed me could yet so beare up as in some measure to become sought and respected by the better sort might have been somewhat more then I have been in the eminency of this world but the great and good God hath otherwise ordained nor am I without hope that hee who hath to this day so wonderfully supported and converted me will thereby work his glory and my good It is true that my course hath been most improsperous yet never of a grossely irrationall or unthrifty election I have in truth been so farre from humouring my self in the impulsions of Nature or most delightfull objects of my fancy that I have mainly resisted my self therein It hath pleased God to make me an instrument of crossing and punishing my self in whatsoever I most placed my minde The obstinate continuance of my disease and the failings of those whom I have trusted and relyed upon have abused me I have lost much
he takes but thrives so ill therein His beast grows joylesse faint and famished He who depended much upon his beast Grew much dejected study care and thought To set all right and doe all for the best Brought him as low as first his Steed was brought After much time Art Cost the Beast became As vigorous and lusty as before Ill now they sorted th' one wilde th' other tame Zeale to his Master helpt to make him poore Jockey must ride the Beast would run away He strove and pul'd and us'd his best of Art To check his pride and force him to obey So long till both were sinking out of heart The Master now came in to this disorder And finding Jockeyes want of strength and skill By his all-taming art brought all in order And fashioned horse and man unto his will Thus right and each to other fitted well They are to run and cannot misse the bell You may call this to the world a fit of Melancholy but my hope and resolution is by Gods grace never to be other then my conclusions make me to appeare in the former peeces I shall be sorry for your patience if out of your good will to me you have troubled your self in running over any part hereof but happy if I may finde you recompensed by being taken with any one of them they disaffect publication and fame yet beleeve me I mean to live by my Book For though I avoid exemplification and enrolment yet I am contented to admit of some few honest witnesses whereby the more to oblige my self I know it is a wildernesse but even such are artificially and affectedly of use in none of the meanest Gardens and good Herbs and Simples are not rejected or contemned for growing wilde Though the fruit be harsh and grow upon a shrub you may finde it wholesome you may finde it usefull HAving by Gods great grace this present morning falne upon a design and rumination which I esteem the most perfect and happy of any that ever I entertained the notions and affections of the minde being ordinarily fleeting the memory infirme and unfaithfull and resolutions without a constant firmitude fruitlesse and ineffectuall I have thought good to Register such my discourse whereby the better to fix my self for the future in what I now approve and intend I have taken notice of many in all Religions possessed with an affectation and industry of converting others to their own Faith and tenets Generare sibi simile is a naturall propension and assimilation a common delightfull operation In-animate species naturally multiply themselves in the Aire and propagation of impressions effect a pleasing reflection Many Preach in the Pulpit few in their lives and fewer make it a businesse particularly to labor particular Reformations in their common conversation Christianity is taken up rather for outward fashion and profession then for any inward essentiall form and habit if we were really what we pretend to be we would not rest satisfyed in our perfunctory proceedings We would actuate and propagate our Faith and Charity upon others and improve our felicity in a spirituall way according to that rule which affirmes him to be born in vain and unprofitably per quem non nascitur alter We are all ordinarily charitable to such as we see out of the way by our directions and conductings we are apt to rectifie errors in any thing rather then piety and Religion It is a preposterous affection and modesty seeing there can be nothing so important both to Gods glory and our own good as a due observation of his will and our profession We love the children of our beds and of our braines and they are often happy unto us But certainly it must be an incomparable and superlative contentment if it hath pleased God to make us the children of his good Spirit to become happy instruments of raising up and begetting spirituall Children to him nothing conduceth more unto it then that our light so shine before men that they may see our good workes and glorifie our Father which is in Heaven Light is most diffusive and flame incentive if we be truely enflamed our selves we shall hardly faile at least we ought not to communicate and extend it to others who often consist of matter well disposed and combustible but want good kindled Coales of Devotion and blowing to be applyed and work upon them I have formerly lived in London with hurt to my self and no good to others I feare not now my own prejudice and am ambitious of others good could I meet as well with opportunity and conveniency of living in it with a society and seconding in my affected course as there is too much occasion and subject of corrupted times and matter to work upon I should be much the more happy But howsoever I intend the prosecution of what I propound to my selfe and that confidently we too frequently glory in our shame and are shame-faced in the exhibition of a true and glorious piety and devotion Blesse mee Oh God in this and all other thy good motions perpetuate them unto mee teach me to scorn the contempt and glory of the world to preferre and exalt the sincerity of thy truth and Religion above all earthly considerations let me be none of those who beleeve thee no farther then they see thee and their own imaginations before thee confirme and strengthen me in all good endevours and accept my most humble thanksgiving for thy wonderfull grace and mercy upon me and that for thy deare Son our Saviours sake to whom with thee and thy holy Spirit be all glory for ever Amen Amen March 20 1637. THis is the misery of writing and condition of matter if we passe things slightly over our short touches make little or no impression and if we inculcate them with long insistings and repetition we prove nauseous and tedious I am guilty of both My Sunne rose faire but soon was overcast Strong wanton Joviall active free and bold Morally good by nature I was cast Saturne and inexperience all control'd God I should say good only I remain'd And by his goodnesse better goodnesse gain'd The clouds are gone and I am over-blest A Fagots second fire is sometimes best POore busie fooles walk fairely to your Graves Live long you cannot you may dye to morrow Short stay a sutable decorum craves Temper your seriousnesse as well as sorrow THIRD PART Printed at London by Richard Cotes 1645. This still let me Preface to the faire Philosophicall Inclination PArdon the rather my inobservance to Method for farre more sublime and better Authours have discovered as little order and as much repetition witnesse the Collections of Marcus Aurelius St. Augustines Confessions and some of a higher Classe If my ayme and scope bee good and that I have with any force and energie pursu'd it out of the way of common and vulgar footsteps accept if I have fail'd excuse mee spare your labour read and consider the lesse it is
England and were now packing and posting for New-England and the Isle of Providence Some he saw upon French pads who came this Circuit only for Company to laugh make good cheer and advantage of the times but not to meddle till the cause became their own A greater number were mounted on the French great Saddle with Pistols at the Bow but my desires were peace and their word was Vive la guerre Then the Spanish Morocco men presented themselves to our view hopelesse to me for Warre was both naturall and profitable unto them Next I eyed a grave Gown-man fitting in Croop behinde a side Saddle I liked him for a good forward man but my Friend told me he was a Scotch Bishop and had too much to doe for himself Not farre from him rode a pretty pert luking man upon a lean bare horse back and I was informed he was a Scotch Recusant and could not speak good English Then I observed a Coach drawn by six Mules with well-stuffed provender bagges at their noses a long-Coated Postillion with Pistols upon the foremost a solemne robed personage in place of Coach-man the first a short whip in his hand the second a long one which was somewhat tangled in the carriage a company of Gown-men within concerning whom I enquired and found the fore-men were Church-men Militant and Triumphant and those in the Coach were High-Commissioners and the Kings learned Counsell who were not used to plead in common Causes After them came a company of plain fellows upon Pack-saddles who proved to be out of favour for the present yet followed on in hope of better Grace In this distresse I fastened on one of my New Englanders and prayed him for old Englands sake to stay his journey and speak for me he replyed his tale would not be heard and that he came this way only for his safety to defend himself and no body else Whereat in great despaire I asked if there were no conceit of a kinde of Parliament to be held here My Friend told mee no and that another Faux had long since blown up that hope with white Gun-powder One while he advised me to sue in Forma Pauperis and procure my self Counsell to be assigned other-while to suffer my selfe to be non-suited for this time pay charges and expect a better advantage But at last he encouraged me saying that counsell or not I needed not to be dismayed being my Judge was both good and wise and too much interested himself in the consequence of my cause not to relieve and compassionate me which gave me such a joy of heart that I awaked Aprill 1639. Newes from York THe world is full of expectation what will be the product of this early Spring The Sun no sooner cuts the Line but with him we march in the moneth of March towards the Cancred Tropick our Lady day and King Charles his Initiation inaugurate our expedition I should have said for us We travaile towards the little Beare exalting Charles Wayne ore our heads great cost great scot and lot we pay which may prove Englands joy or bane Mars is Lord of the Horoscope Saturn may grumble and eat his Children but Iupiter and his Lieutenant must rule the Roast Momus may goe whistle and the World dance whilst Mercury pipes and with his Caduceus charmes extracts conjures and transformes the Clouds There are ill Conjunctions abroad that threaten little good but if Iupiter prove not malevolent all may goe well Let Venus goe Retrograde and Diana raise the Clouds we will not feare but Sol at his heighth with a faire Northerly wind may disperse them and bring faire weather These late raines promise a good year and if Booker and his fellows may be credited the storm will fall where it was least looked for if you will be advised by me break not your braines with over-calculating for all this grew betwixt the pen and the paper Many spirits are conjured up and it must be the work of a good Exorcist to make them keep their circle and settle them again York was never fuller of businesse and idlenesse Feavors reign and ravings must be admitted Fancy Reasons old Ape will have his vagaries and since the invention of Gallileos Glasse men must discover farther into Moons and Milstones then they were wont in the mean time you that want work as I doe exercise your selves with this my Trol Madam To tell you the truth I must be thinking though I know not what and indeed who does These are times that would pose Oedipus or Solomon and make him fly to his Vanity of vanities and vexation of Spirit Vivere Laetari would be his Motto but it is hard to do at York where though Victuals are cheap Ale is deare The people drawn together are too much strangers to be over-familiar or confident Never more company never more solitarinesse men are so hard to finde and farre to seek that Diogenes would be troubled with his Lanthorn at noon day to finde an honest friends lodging Here is riddle me riddle me what is this A Courtier and no Courtier a Souldier and no Souldier Little Warre and lesse pay to a great many who finde great fault with the Translation that sayes No man warres at his own charge Many of the Court few of the Counsell Gentlemen want their Mistresses Lords their Ladies some have too much some too little to doe some expected to have been Actors or Counsellors at least that prove but lookers on and hangbies some finde themselves prisoners without conflict or knowing the crime and want the old comfort of the Warre which was wont to be quick death or victory Many wish Sir Arthur Ingram had been made Purveyor Generall for the whole yeare but he found it charge enough at York Every man roves at an end but many will misse their marks where men scarse know their own ends it is hard to know others where intentions are concealed wayes cannot be concluded yet from Cards played a good gamester will guesse at the game and from things appearing results may be forked out that either thus or thus and so I entertain my self and so do you every man hath businesse every man his thoughts such as they are The blinde man may hit the Crow some are not wise enough to divine others are divined wiser then they are This would I doe quoth I a wiser man of another mind sayes no For brevity sake I omit to tell you my thoughts I am wise enough yet for that Sauue qui pent Sweare what you will but say nothing This you may thanke me for when I could write but not read and wanted something else to doe Your Cousin and servant Iohn Nonsense May 1639. Postscript When the Children shall be drawne into the desert of Zim it is much feared that hors and man will have somewhat to do to keep their iron and flesh on their backs that murmuring will prove a great pastime Quayles and Manna would prove in great