witness to him The Widow the Fatherless the Stranger the Sick the Sufferers have all been refreshed from his compassions Though he offered to Preach freely at St James's Church in Colchester on Lords day Mornings as hath been before mentioned not desiring or expecting any reward yet the civility of the people did gratifie him for his pains The greatest part of which I am assured from an hand privy to it he distributed to charitable uses And this I read under his own hand Nov. 1. 1665. I made a Vow to God to give him the tenth of all that he should give unto me the ensuing year That which occasioned me to vow this Vow was the reading Gen. 28. which fell out that morning in my ordinary course where I observed that most of those blessings which Jacob mentions as his inducement to his Vow God had given me He had vouchsafed me his presence he had graciously preserved and kept me from my Enemies and the noysome pestilence he had given me bread and Raiment I added Pro. 3. 9. Honour the Lord with thy Substance and with the first fruits of all thine encrease I Considered also that what I gave to God should be fruit abounding to my account Phil. 4. 17. Math. 25. 34 35 36. I considered which way I should give it to God and I saw from Prov. 19. 17. that what was given to the poor was given to God Especially what was given to the poor Saints and members of Christ Math. 25. 35 40. And as to the Suffering Ministers of Christ I determined to bestow part of what I had dedicated to God on them and that though they were not brought to such extremities as not to know how to Subsist I was moved thereunto by Phil. 4. 10 11 14 18. The Apostle Paul was not in such want but that he knew how to live comfortably and contentedly yet he saith the Philippians did well in Communicating with his afflictions and tells them that their Charity towards him was an odour of a sweet smell a Sacrifice acceptable and well pleasing to God Towards the Church of God in General his indefatigable Labours in Preaching and Writing his frequent Fastings and Humiliations his fervent and wrestling Prayers for the peace of Jerusalem his affectionate sympathizing with her in her Sufferings are the undeniable Testimonies of his Love His own Liberality and stirring up of others thereunto for the Education of such poor Schollars as were hopeful for the work of the Ministry is the effect of the same Principle To which must be added his Last-will and Testament wherein out of pure zeal and Love to the Service and Enlargement of the Church he hath bequeathed the greatest part of his well furnished Library even the choicest and most valuable of his Books to Gonvile and Caius Colledge in Cambridge with five Hundred pounds to be laid out by his Executrix in purchasing a Free-hold Estate or Impropriation to be setled upon the said Colledge for the maintenance of a Schollar and Fellow there successively for ever Providing that such only be Elected thereto as are poor or Orphans or the Sons of poor Ministers of the best and most hopeful parts obliging them to the Study of Divinity and the Ministerial work taking special care that such be well grounded and established in the Orthodox Faith the true Reformed Protestant Religion and in case any such Elected shall become corrupt in Doctrine or Scandalous in life then after due admonition and Non-Reformation his place to be declared void and another to be chosen in his stead and none to enjoy it longer than twelve years Besides which he hath also bequeathed in Case his only Daughter shall die before she shall accomplish the Age of one and twenty years Twenty pounds per Annum to be setled upon the Colledge in New England for the Education of a Converted Indian or any other that will learn the Indian Language to be a Minister and go to Preach the Gospel to the poor Indians Nor was this the first expression of his pious regard to that remote part of the world for when he heard of that wasting Fire that laid so great a part of Boston in N. E. in Ashes he sent thither freely to be distributed among the Sufferers a considerable quantity of his Books Entituled Counsel to the Afflicted which he had wrote upon the occasion of the Burning of London Beyond which he hath also given Twenty five pound to Charitable uses Which bequests he hath made yet with all due respect to his Family not in the least declining from the kindness of an Husband or the tenderness of a Father so ordering his Charity to others as withal securing to his Widow and Fatherless Child not only a necessary and Competent but even a liberal and plentiful Subsistence reserving to them the Rent of what he hath bequeathed to the Colledge during their Natural lives Hitherto the Reader hath had an account of this Eminent Saint given him for the most part from those Acts and Exercises of his life by which he was visible to the discerning and judicious eyes of those that knew him We shall now proceed to give a further account of those his own observations and experiences of himself through which we may look into the very frame and temper the thoughts and affections of his heart some of which he hath thus recorded His Observations and Experiences Jan. 10. 1653. In reading of Calvins Institutions I met with that place in Isa 44. 3. Upon the reading whereof having been the the night before under Conviction of the emptiness and barrenness of my Soul and some despondency of Spirit thereupon I conceived some hope and found my Soul lifted up towards God to wait for and expect the shedding abroad of his Spirit in my Soul seeing he had said he would pour it out upon the dry ground but alas the lively sense of this was but momentany it was soon gone and my old deadness of heart returned upon me Hence I observe that it is of singular use both for the Establishment of true and discerning of false Comforts to see upon what grounds our Souls take in and upon what grounds they let go their Comforts The letting go of our Comforts oftimes proceed from our letting go of the promises When Satan can prevail to beat us off from the promise he will quickly rob us of our Comfort I find that at several times I have been kept under doubts and fears and jealousies and yet have had no Scripture grounds for them so that I perceive they proceedeâ— from Satan darkning my heart and keeping me in unbelief and trouble of Spirit Feb. 16. My Soul being dejected because after long wâ—iting upon God for the fulfilling of his Covenant in giving his Spirit and carrying on the work of Faith and Sanctification with power it had found no sensible in-comes when I was reading the Scripture according to my usual Custom the Lord did rebuke the despondency of
disunion and Separation of the Soul from the body so our spiritual life results from the Souls Union with Christ and spiritual death is our separation from him Now I feel my self as a poor withered branch cut off from this Vine unacquainted with the actings of this Spiritual life as living by faith Serving God in Spirit Mortifying Sin by the Spirit walking in the Spirit loving God above all things and seeking his Glory in all things I have sometimes Prayed against sin resolving against it striven with it avoided occasions thereto all which a natural man may do but sin hath returned upon me and overcome me How to fetch power from Christs death to mortifie sin how to believe in God for subduing it how to do it by the Spirit these have been mysteries to me Lord When shall the day dawn and the Day-Star arise in my heart When shall the Day-spring from on high visit my Soul to give light to him that sits in darkness and in the shadow of death Come Lord Jesus thou light of life Come quickly That which kept me a long time from resolving to give up my whole heart to God in Covenant was a fear that I should break my Covenant and so double my sin But I perceive since that this was but Satans policy to keep my heart from God and the true ground of my not doing this was not conscienciousness of sin as Satan once made me believe but a loathness to part with all sin and to serve God with all my heart A Strong encouragement thou hast O my Soul to enter Covenant with God to serve him with thy whole heart from that portion of his Word which thou didst read this morning May. 11. 1654. in Jer. 30. 21 22. Who is this that engaged his heart to approach unto me saith the Lord Ye shall be my people and I will be your God Since my Covenanting with God I come to see more fully the truth of that place Rom. 8. 7. The carnal mind is enmity against God is not subject to the Law of God neither indeed can be For I find a Loathness to walk closely with God yea under a profession of Religion my carnal heart hath been at enmity to the power and life of it and this enmity hath lyen hid under and been covered with a performance of some duties which have not been destructive to that evil principle that hath lived in me Yea I find my carnal heart is hungring after the flesh-pots of Egypt after its old delights and sinful pleasures is ready to murmur against God in the wilderness and speaks of returning into Egypt and being impatient of the cross it revolts from God many a time and seeks relief and contentment from the creature Since my Covenanting with God I see more of thee treachery and hypocrisie of my heart I found my Soul for a while more tender of Sin and my heart seemingly engaged to serve the Lord. but I soon forgot the covenant that I had made and in a short space I did not find that my Covenanting had any influence on my heart or life So that I see I did but flatter the Lord with my mouth and lyed unto him with my tongue for my heart was not right with him neither was I stedfast in his Covenant Ps 78. 36 37. My unstedfastness in my Covenant with the Lord did arise as far as I perceive from these two grounds 1. My heart was not right with God when I made it there was not that inward cordial full resolution to part with all Sin and that for ever from an antipathy to it and dislike of it neither that inward resolution of cleaving to God to have him my All in All to take all my contentment and joy in him and to seek it in nothing else which should have been 2. I neglected my watch and did not as I should renew my Covenant often and engage my heart to walk with God and while I was slothful and negligent my heart was stolen away by the Devil and the World and is now in league again with Sin Lord make me upright and clear up to me my Sincerity Search me and try me and let me know the bottom of my heart Keep me upon my watch and guard that I may keep my Covenant Jul. 23. The Lord did awaken my Consience to such a sense of my sin and lost estate in the reading and hearing of his Word that when I went to Prayer I was before him as a lost creature being under wrath and the sentence of death lying in my blood and pollution Now whereas before I found my heart carried out in begging Sanctification I did now cry to God for the blood of Christ to wash away the guilt of my sin I did not before prize Justifying Grace so as now in some weak measure I was made to doe But I soon found an accursed hard heart in a little time I did not tremble at the wrath of God I have laboured to work these convictions upon my heart but I found such a roving heart such a slighty heart so possest with vanity that nothing would abide with it Lord unless thou savest me for thy mercies sake I perish Aug. 6. being Sabbath day In meditation on 1 Joh. 3. 23. This is his commandment that we should believe on the Name of his Son Jesus Christ Considering with my self what this did imply viz. not only a relying upon God in Christ for the remission of Sin but for the pouring out of the Spirit Joh. 7. 38 39. which Spirit when it is given will shed abroad the love of God in our hearts Rom. 5. 5. and seal up the assurance of the remission of our sins and witness our addoption Rom. 8 16. will mortifie sin in us v. 13. and work all the works of God in us and for us all which I want and to which I haven been a long time convinced that I am unable And Considering further that this Spirit is the free gift of God Ps 51. 12. given not according to our works but of free mercy for the sake of Christ Tit. 3. 4. 5 6. And considering further that Jesus Christ had received Gifts of which the Gift of the Spirit is intended even for the rebellious that God might dwell among them Ps 68. 18. I found my heart encouraged to wait upon the Lord for the pouring forth of his Spirit upon me that I might have my heart renewed and sanctified and the remission of my sins sealed up to my Soul Afterwards considering further that the way whereby a poor soul that hath lost Gods image comes to be renewed in heart and mind and made partaker of the divine nature is by faith in the promises 2 Pet. 1. 4. and observing how Isaac who inherits the blessing was not born by the strength of Nature but by promise and as Isaac was born through the promise so are all believers Gal. 4. 28. not of the will of man
my Spirit from those words of the Prophet Isa 40. 27. Why sayest thou O Jacob and speakest O Israel my way is hid from the Lord and my judgment is passed over from my God And did encourage my Soul still to hope in God and wait for his strength from the following words v. 28 29. 31. Hast thou not known hast thou not heard if thou hast not known it by experience having found his everlasting Arms under thee for thy support yet hast thou not at least heard it that the everlasting God the Lord the Creator of the ends of the Earth fainteth not neither is weary He giveth power to the faint c. Continue thou therefore O my Soul to wait upon the Lord. Lord what an accursed hard heart have I that sin which grieves thee Gen. 6. 6. thy Son Mar. 3. 5. thy Spirit Eph. 4. 30. should not grieve me that sin which wearieth thee Isa 43. 24. should not be a burden to me that I should not be troubled for want of thy Presence when as the hiding of thy face made our Saviour cry out My God my God why hast thou forsaken me That Eternity and Judgment to come should make no impression upon me that I can hear yea speak of thy Word thy wrath c. and yet not fear thee not tremble at thy Word nor at this my Condition Feb. 19. Being Sabbath day Having formerly perceived a desperate hardness in my heart that that Word which works upon others should do me no good that no means no mercies did melt my Soul and almost despairing of ever having it softened After Prayer I was encouraged from the Lord in reading Mr. Hooker upon Act. 2. 37. who from those words When they heard these things they who had Crucified our Lord Christ were pricked at the heart raiseth this observation It is possible even for the most stubborn sinner to get a broken heart And now O my Soul Why art thou cast down Is not the Lord greater than thy heart Can Satan be more malicious to destroy thee than the Lord is merciful to save thee Yet the actings of my Faith hereupon are but faint Upon Examination of my self I have sometimes found that to mine own sense and feeling I have been altogether void of any love or fear of God and that I have been at such a time as unable to work up my heart into the Love and fear of God as to say to this Mountain Be thou removed and cast into the Sea Such wonderful deadness hath seised upon my Soul so greatly have I been enslaved and held captive by Satan that I have not been able truly to desire the Spirit of God O that my heart could bleed at the remembrance of this great evil that I should not only be cut off from Communion with God but be contented with this condition that I should have no groanings in Spirit to be delivered from this miserable bondage Be instructed hence O my Soul to ascribe every good motion to God if thou feelest any hungrings after Jesus Christ or any sorrow for want of Gods presence or the like own it as his work and bless him for it I have sometimes found my condition much like the man mentioned Joh. 5. who lay a long time by the pool of Bethesda but was not able to put himself in that he might be healed even so it is with my Soul Though God hath opened a Fountain for sin and for uncleanness to wash in and I find my Soul exceedingly polluted yet I am not able to step into this Fountain that I may be healed O my Soul the Lord seeth thy weakness and that thou hast been now a long time in this case wait thou on God Who can tell but that as the Bowels of Jesus Christ did yearn towards the poor man so may his Compassions be great towards thee and he may heal thee also Cease not to importune him saying Jesus thou Son of God have mercy on me O Lord heal my Soul Having at several times found diverse workings upon my heart as Convictions and thereupon some pantings and breathings after God but as yet nothing come to perfection I thought of and found that I had cause to take up the complaint of Hezekiah in another case It is a day of trouble and rebuke the Children are come to the Birth and there is no strength to bring forth Isa 37. 3. Some time after reading Isa 66. it seemed to me that that word v. 9. was suited to my Case Shall I bring to the Birth and not cause to bring forth saith the Lord Shall I cause to bring forth and shut the Womb saith thy God O my Soul wait thou on God who will perfect his own work in thee He hath said He will not break the bruised Reed nor quench the smoking Flax till he sent forth judgment unto Victory I have oftimes seen a Law in my Members warring against the Law of my mind and leading me into Captivity to the Law of sin and death So powerful and mighty have been the Actings of some inward corruptions that I have not been able to overcome them but have been hurried Captive by them Hereby I come to see that truth the heart of man is desperately wicked who can know it I cannot fathom the depth of iniquity which is in my heart Hereupon I am made to cry out with St. Paul O wretched man that I am who shall deliver me from this body of Death O Lord be not thou far from me but make hast to help me Let the sighing of the Prisoner come before thee proclaim liberty to thy Captive and the opening of the Prison door to him that is bound with the Chain of sin Isa 61. 1. Mar. 26. 1654. I find that though in my judgment and Profession I acknowledge Christ to be my Righteousness and Peace yet upon Examination I observe that my heart hath done quite another thing and that secretly I have gone about to Establish my own Righteousness and have derived my Comfort and Peace from my own Actings For when I have been disquieted by the Actings of my sin that which hath recovered me to my former Peace hath not been that I could find God speaking Peace through the blood of Christ but rather from the intermission of temptation and the cessation of those sins when I have been troubled at an evil frame of heart I do not find that the Righteousness of Christ hath been my Consolation but that which hath relieved me as far as I can find was that afterward I found my self in a better temper Having been in trouble and perplexity I have read the Scripture gone to Prayer and in doing these I have been relieved yet I do not find that at such times I had real true living Communion with God in such duties or that the Spirit of God did in those duties reveal to me my interest in Christ and so quiet my Conscience Hence I come to see
what great need I have and that it is of singular use to watch over my Soul in all its ways both in reference to sin that I fall not into it and when fallen what the Carriage and Actings of my Soul are at such a time Whether I flee for relief to God in Christ or to my own works And in reference to my duties to take heed lest those means which God hath appointed to be the conveyances of himself his Son and Spirit and all Spiritual blessings should prove to me a mean of Death and Separation from God by my formal use of them and resting in them For as Satan keeps some alienated from God by the gross pollutions of the world So others from Christ by their Establishing a Righteousness of their own O Lord break thou this snare for me and let my Soul escape as a bird from the Net that I may flee to thee and be at rest I have observed in my self that when God at any time is pleased to work any thing in my Soul I soon lose it if he quicken me I soon grow dead hearted again if he enliven my affections they soon grow cold and flat and my old hardness returns upon me Hence I come to see that it is infinite Wisdom and Goodness in God that he hath not put the stock of grace into our own hands but hath treasured it up in Christ that our life is now hid with Christ in God for so it becomes sure Rom. 4. 16. hereby also I come to see that I have need of continual recourse to Jesus Christ for new supplies of grace and strength The Lord God in his wisdom was pleased when he delivered his people out of Egypt before he brought them to Canaan to lead them 40 years in the wilderness when as he could have led them a nearer way to Canaan Exod. 13. 17. He chose rather to lead them through the great and terrible Wilderness Jer. 2. 6. where were fiery Serpents and Scorpions and drought where there was no water where he brought them forth water out of the Rock of Flint and fed them with Manna for this end that he might humble them prove them and do them good in the latter end Deut. 8. 15 16. Doest thou find it so O my Soul in thy travail towards the Heavenly Canaan Doest thou walk through much Spiritual drought a land of deserts and of the shadow of death Dost meet with a flinty heart and fiery temptations Know that the Lord doth this to humble thee which through his grace thou hast sometimes found and to prove thee i. e to discover thee to thy self for he himself knows thy thoughts afar off and this way of God through grace hath been a means of discovering much of thy corrupt heart to thee and that he may doe thee good in the latter end Therefore take heed O my Soul of Israel's sins of murmuring against God under thy wants of unbeleif and tempting God c. Read oft and weight well the 78th Psalm May 6. being Sabbath day The Lord was pleased in the hearing of his word to convince me of my sin and lost condition But Lord How unfaithful was I then and have I been since to the Convictions of thy Spirit How soon have I healed up the wound that was given by the word How soon hath an hard heart a secure careless Spirit taken possession of me Lord If ever thy word be effectual in me thou must not only speak it to my heart but write and engraff it there also Henceforth I desire to wait on thee as for the teachings of thy Spirit so for the writing of thy Law in my heart by thy Spirit I found a lothness in my Spirit to go to here this Sermon whereby I perceive Satan would have hindred me Be encouraged hence O my Soul to break through all difficulties thou meetest with in doing thy duty When thou findest any secret unwillingness to ordinances or duties then stir up thy self to wait upon God expecting that he hath some special mercy for thee which Satan would hinder thee off Jun. 1. This day the Lord did in the hearing of his word revive some convictions which have formerly been upon my Spirit though in a very languid manner I stood convinced before the Lord of unbelief and that I was a lost creature because thereof from the words of our Saviour Joh. 3. 18. He that believeth not is Condemned already Conscience tells me that I am yet in unbelief that I want that faith which is accompanied with the new birth Joh. 1. 12 13. that faith which should purge me from Atheism formality and resting in duties from hypocrisie and deadness from unclean affections and inordinate Love of the world from a vain mind and a light Spirit that faith which should purifie my heart from these and the like evils Act. 15. 9. that faith which should make Christ a greater Reality and more precious to me than any thing in the world 1 Pet. 2. 7. that faith which brings peace with God and joy in the Holy Ghost unspeakable and full of Glory Rom. 5. 1. 1 Pet. 1. 8. I find I have had a dead faith Jam. 2. 17 20. and presumed upon Gods Mercy in Christ although I have been estranged from God in my heart and Nature my Resting in duties and trusting in my own Righteousness as far as I can see hath been the deceit of my heart Lord lay this conviction upon my Conscience for I find my heart would put it off yea it hath already desperately hardned it self against thee I fear I shall out-grow this Conviction of thy word as at other times I feel a careless Spirit that would make light of Eternity and of Jesus Christ Lord break my heart under thy word for my unbelief and neglect of Christ Let me not heal my self but wait till thou shalt heal me Thou didst help the unbelief of thy Servant Thomas Oh that thou wouldest help mine also The Lord hath shewn me that I am dead in sin not only from the testimony of his word Eph. 2. 1. Col. 2. 13. but by inward experience For I feel my self alienated from the life of God cut off from communion with the Lord Jesus separate from God and his blessed Spirit My deceitful heart hath often gone about to repel this conviction and hath caused me sometimes to mistake a life of morality for Spiritual life and at other times a life of formality But now I find the Scripture speaks of dead works and calls for repentance from them Heb. 6. 1. and purging our consciences from them Heb. 9. 14. By dead works I understand not only the gross pollutions of the World but all works whatever that are done by a man void of the quickning Spirit of God Without Union to Christ there is no Spiritual life for as the natural life results from the Union of the Soul with the body and the State of death is nothing but the
an evident Answer of Prayer and a fulfilling of that promise Prov. 28. 27. He that giveth unto the poor shall not lack April 24. Being desired to go to a poor Christian I promised to go there being only two Maids in the house I considered whether it might not prove some scandal to go but considering also she was a Member of Christ and therefore I ought to Administer to her Soul I resolved to commit the taking care of my Name to the Lord and to do my duty I begged of him that he would secure me from reproach and as I went an honest poor man met me to whom I told whither I was going and asked him to go along with me he was willing and did so I looked upon him as sent by the Providence of God in Answer to my Prayer These were some of those observations and experiences which he recorded during his continuance at Cambridge Upon his removal from thence he intermitted this practice for some years but resumed it again Octob. 1662. God put it into my heart as at other times so especially on Wednesdays the day on which I was wont to Preach my Lecture when I was not diverted by some unexpected Providence to lament after the Lord who had cast me out of my employment in his Vineyard and to seek to him for a discovery of the cause for which he contends with me and that he would shew me for what sin or sins he hath sent this sad affliction and that he would give me a sanctified use thereof by purging out my sins and making me more holy and that he would restore me again to some employment in his Vineyard when and where it shall seem good in his sight Being sad and dejected because I had sinned now I was under the afflicting hand of God I was very much revived by Isa 57. 17 18. I smote him he went on in the way of his own heart I have seen his ways and will heal him Having afterward sinned again and been over-powred by a corruption which had oft prevailed over me I was caused to observe from that Scripture further that it was not only a single Act of sin which was committed but he went on in the way of his heart and God saith I have seen his ways and will heal him It was a stay to my Faith Here I observe what I have often found viz. 1. Dejection is a fore-runner of Consolation Seldom have I had trouble upon my Spirit but if I have eyed and followed after God he hath took it off by some word of promise 2. The observing and pondering of every word and Circumstance in a promise is of great use as it hath been to me 3. God openeth his promises gradually sometimes hinting and discovering one thing and then another in the promise Being foiled by sin I was raised to my former hope and affiance in God by Phil Children of God till the coming of Christ Being another time foiled with the same corruption and my heart sinking in a despondent frame I was much revived from Jam. 4. 5. 6. He giveth more grace Where I saw that even our strongest sins such as our corrupt natures are most prone to and are deeply rooted in our hearts and Spirits are conquerable by Gods grace Being troubled that I had sinned against God under his Correcting hand and having thereby lost my former Comfort which God had spoken to my Soul after my former backslidings I sighed over the great Treachery and unstedfastness of my heart and casting about in my thoughts where I should find a sutable word to fix on God brought to my remembrance Isa 48. 8 9. I knew that thou wouldest deal very Treacherously for my Names sake will I defer my Anger While I was musing and pondering hereon and had new hope put into me the Lord let in further Comfort and encouragement from vers 10 11. which is rendred by Piscat Behold I will refine thee and I will make thee a choice one in the furnace of affliction for mine own sake even for mine own sake will I do it Which gave me abundant refreshment and did marvellously strengthen my hope in God This was given me in when I had set apart some time to humble my Soul Apr. 5. 1665. I set apart that day for Fasting and Prayer on behalf of my Daughter Elianor that had been so long sick and in the Evening had my Faith revived from Isa 44. 3 I will pour my Spirit upon thy seed Apr. 7. I began the day with discourse with some Friends before I had been at my private Communion with God I met with a gentle Rebuke from the Providence of God in my Family Affairs and my heart was flat in Family duty and straitned in private I took this as an Item to begin with God before I converse with men In the Evening God came in graciously to me in my Family Exercise Apr. 9. Lords day I was much discomposed in my Spirit in the Morning by reason of a foil sin had given me the Evening before Satan would have boat me off from Preaching in my Family but I performed my Morning exercise and continued dejected till the Evening and then in Family Prayer God graciously revived me with that promise Hos 11. 10. They shall walk after the Lord in Connexion with vers 7. my people are bent to backsliding though they called them to the most high none at all would exalt him Where two things were a great relief to my Faith 1. God promiseth they should walk after him notwithstanding their habitual proness to backslide from God 2. Notwithstanding their refusing to exalt the Lord though called to it Yet within a little time I was again foiled by my corruption which made me see what a poor creature I was it left of God to my self May. 8. At eleven of the Clock at night my daughter Elianor died after a long Sickness God gave me several opportunities of recommending her Soul to him in prayer at some whereof my heart was much affected and my faith and hope acted on God for the eternal welfare of her Soul which made her departure easie to me My grounds were Gen. 17. I will establish my Covenant between me and thee and thy seed after thee for an everlasting Covenant to be a God to thee and thy seed after thee I considered that this Covenant is to give life Mal. 2. 5. And whereas the thoughts of the Child 's Original and actual Sins as frowardness c. might make me fearful of its estate It was brought to my mind that the Covenant is to give pardon of sin Heb. 8. 10 12. And whereas faith and regeneration are necessary to Salvation I considered further that the Covenant is to give all things necessary to Salvation 2 Sam. 23. 5. this is all my Salvation Besides the Consideration of the Covenant God gave me other encouragements to hope in reference to my Child as from Math. 19. 14.
strength of Adversaries Jan. 1. 1673. I awaked about four of the Clock in the morning and had many sweet meditations in my Bed for the space of about two hours I then resolved with my self to engage my heart afresh and to renew my Covenant with the Lord the beginning of this New year to be the Lords Servant to serve the Lord and his Son Jesus Christ all the remainder of the days I have to live in this world in such service as he should see meet to employ me The encouragements and inducements that were brought to my mind and drew out my heart willingly and cheerfully to give up my self to the Lord to serve him and his Son Jesus Christ were these 1. His promise of affording his Presence and Assistance to such as are his Servants and to be their God Isa 41. 8 9 10. 2. The great and precious promises made to his Servants Isa 54. per totum Which concludeth thus v. 17. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord. 3. We glorifie God when we serve him Isa 49. 3. Thou art my Servant O Israel in whom I will be glorified 4. God hath done great things for me both for my outward and inward man and the only thing that he requires of me is to serve him in truth and sincerity 1 Sam. 12. 24. 5. All Christs Servants shall assuredly be with him where he is and shall be honoured of the Father Joh. 12. 26. and shall enter into the joy of their Lord. Mat. 25. 21. May 19. 1676. Reading Levit. 22. 3. Whosoever of the Priests in their generations went unto the holy things which the Children of Israel did hallow unto the Lord having his uncleanness upon him that Soul should be cut off from the presence of the Lord And the ensuing Sabbath being Sacrament day I considered with my self 1 st That greater Reverence is due to the Lords Supper than to the holy things under the Law 2 ly Moral uncleanness is greater than Ceremonial 3 ly Therefore I considered how I might go to this Ordinance and Administer it to others without having my uncleanness upon me that is how I might be purged from my uncleanness To that end I determined 1. Humbly to acknowledge confess and bewail the uncleanness of my heart lips and life before the Lord. Isa 6. 5 6 7 8 9. When the Prophet bemoaned his uncleanness the Lord purged it away and sent him to do his Office 2. To go to the fountain set open for sin and for uncleanness Zech. 13. 1. that is to act my faith on the blood of Christ which cleanseth from all sin 1 Joh. 1. 7. 3. To rest upon God by faith for fulfilling his Covenant wherein he hath promised to cleanse me from all my filthiness and to save me from all my uncleanness Ezek. 36. 25 29. Act. 15. 9. 4. To plead earnestly with God to take away all iniquities Hos 14. 2. and to create in me a clean heart Ps 51. 10. and to succeed my prayers with endeavours to put away evil and uncleanness out of my heart and life Isa 1. 16. 18. 2 Cor. 7. 1. These are many of those judicious observations which this holy person made and those spiritual experiences he found and recorded for his own use that he might always have at hand before him the manner and method of Gods dealing with his Soul the workings of Corruption and grace his lapses and recoveries his combates and victories over world sin and Satan his perseverance and progress in holiness the secret intercourse between God and his soul the withdrawings and Returns of the Holy Spirit the faithfulness of Gods Covenant the truth of his word sensibly felt in his heart food for his faith encouragement to walk with God with experimental instruction how to comfort troubled Consciences In which part of the ministry he had a peculiar excellency beyond most part of his Brethren for partly by his diligent searching of the Holy Scripture partly by observing and recording the method of the Holy Ghost towards himself and partly by discoursing with troubled Consciences wherein as he was much exercised so he took much delight he was so acquainted with the various cases of Conscience and so well understood both Case and cure that it may be truly said of him The Lord God had given him the tongue of the learned that he might know how to speak a word in season to the weary On which account he might be sirnamed Barnabas a Son of Consolation It was his usual manner in preaching to foresee and raise such objections as troubled Souls are prone to make against themselves and to solve them with much clearness and satisfaction And many applications of such Souls were made to to him in private as to a Skillful Experienced Spiritual Physitian whose advice God succeeded with his blessing to the encouragement of the faith and hope of many doubting Christians that walked in darkness which are here published not only as Instances and demonstrations of that Spirit of Light and grace that power of Godliness which possessed and governed his heart and life and fitted him to be such a useful instrument for the Service of Christ and his Church on which account his memory is worthily honourable and precious to all good men But especially for the Instruction direction relief support and encouragement of others who are following him though at a great distance in that narrow way which leadeth to that life to which he is arrived They who labour and are heavy laden who are bowed down under the power and weight of their sin wrestling with Corruption and temptation exercised with darkness and doubtings with fears and faintings They who are called to difficult service which require much labour and diligence and self-denial and may expose them to the hazard and danger of this evil world may hence take Counsel and encouragement while they read the sense and workings of their own hearts in the experiences the method and practicablenesse of their duty in the example of this Eminent Saint We have hitherto seen somethings of his Conscience of Sin and duty his industry and zeal for the Service and glory of God his combates with the flesh and Satan his Love to Christ and his Church his Spirituality in Religion His longings and breathings after God His remembring God upon his bed and meditating on him in the night watches his wise improvement of the Holy Scriptures his due fulfilling of all Relations his Holy manner of Living to God From whence we may rationally conclude that surely he gave this diligence unto the full assurance of hope that he tasted the Consolation of God and received the earnest of Glory that he walked upon the top of Pisgah in the light of Gods countenance and in the sight of the Heavenly Canaan Which priviledge indeed the God of peace and comfort did not deny him He was a man as of much grace so of much peace an instance of that
God is a Spirit of truth and of life too Communicateth both grace and Gifts and teacheth as well 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 as 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Both which consisted together in this excellent person The word of God dwelt both in his Head and Heart and was effectually the Law of his Life He was a Burning as well as Shinning Light A man more than ordinarily mortified to the pleasures of the Flesh and vanities of the World freely and resolvedly devoted to the fear of God His Conversation was in Heaven his Communion with God his Delight in the Saints his Business Religion his Zeal for Holiness his main Design the glorifying of God and the Salvation of his own and others Souls Whereof the following Pages will I doubt not be an abundant Evidence not only to the Charitable but Rational judgment of the Christian Reader As for his practice of Mortification I shall not otherwise express it than in his own words as I read it in the records of the remarkable passages of his life by his own hand but after he had a family viz. Having been foiled by the lusts of my own Heart several times and considering what I should do to get rid of those lusts which had so often prevailed over me God directed me to three several means The one was suggested to me as I was walking in my garden and meditating on the affairs of my Soul and that was to be more frequent in Eyeing applying and meditating on the promises and the Scripture which the Holy Spirit of God set before me for this end was 2 Pet. 1. 4. By the precious promises given to us we escape the pollution that is in the world through lust The other was suggested to me as I was hearing a Sermon and that was to be daily applying the Lord Jesus to my soul grounded on Rom. 13. 13. 14. where the Apostle adviseth to put on the Lord Jesus Christ as an help against chambering and wantonness strife and envying The third was suggested to me as I was riding abroad and discoursing of the things of God which was Gal. 5. 16. Walk in the Spirit and ye shall not fulfill the lusts of the flesh In pursuance of these means for the mortifying of the lusts of the flesh I determined with my self to Eye the promises of God more frequently then I had done and to that end I chose out some promises of daily and continual use and determined by the help of God to salute and embrace them once a day and not only to take a view of them my self but in my meditations and soliloquies to spread them before God and to put the Lord in remembrance of them For supplying all the wants of the day I chose that promise Phil. 4. 19. for growth in grace Hos 14. 5. for subduing my sins Mic. 7. 19. Rom. 6. 14. for success in my undertakings Ps 1. 3. for turning all the events of the day for good to me Rom. 8. 28. for the conversion and sanctification of my children Isa 44. 3. for my yoke-fellow and servants and all others in my family that they might get good from me and return to God and grow in grace Hos 14. 7. for sanctifying of my afflictions Isa 27. 9. Zech. 13. 9. for audience of my prayers Mic. 7. 7. Joh. 14. 13. 14. for grace and strength to manage all the works of the day to the glory of God Zech. 10. 12. for protection from dangers and casualties Gen. 15. 1. for giving me eternal life in case the day should bring death to me Luk. 12. 32. Joh. 3. 16. for counsel and direction in all cases of difficulty and unexpected emergencies Isa 58. 11. Ps 32. 8. I judged it also very conducible to the Glory of God and my own soul's good to manage all my employments as much as may be with an eye to the promises and as to my calling when I am studying to compose Sermons Deut. 28. 8. when I go to preach Math. 28. 19. 20. for success in my preaching Isa 56. 8. 65. 23. I was the more confirmed in this frequent and familiar converse with the promises not only as it helps on our participation of the Divine nature and our escaping the pollution that is in the world through lust but because the Lord commands us to be alwaies mindful of his covenant 1 Chron. 16. 15. and it pleaseth God to see us taking hold of his Covenant Isa 56. 4. and it is for the Glory of God 2 Cor. 1. 20. I determined also when I should feel the workings of any lust presently to look up to Jesus Christ It being the remedy which the Holy Ghost prescribes against such sins as do most easily beset us Heb. 12. 1. 2. I have often been encouraged and helped in this practice of looking unto Jesus to subdue my sins from Act. 3. ult God sent his Son Jesus to bless us in turning us every one from his iniquities Beza's note upon that text is very good and hath been of use to me viz. that the great word for inquities signifies the roots and habits of Sin I saw it was my duty and concernment every day to be more frequent in applying my soul to Christ and Christ his benefits to my soul In pursuance of the 3d means of mortification viz. walking in the spirit I resolved to endeavour to do my works and duties both to God and men more spiritually and in order hereunto to reduce my actings to some word and as oft as I could to eye some word of God as I was entring on them as for instance If I be called out by others or stirred up in my own Spirit to visit the sick or any afflicted person to have my thoughts on Math. 25. 36. or Jam. 1. 27. when any poor people come to me for relief or any object of charity is presented to me to eye Gal. 6. 10. or Hebr. 13. 16. or Isa 58. 10. or Eccl. 11. 1. or prov 19. 17. when a poor man cometh to borrow Deut. 15. 7. 8. 10. When to write letters take a journey or be any ways employed for others Gal. 5. 13. Phil. 2. 4. when to visit out of courtesy or do any thing which courtesy requireth 1 Pet. 3. 8. when to instruct my Servants and Children Deut. 6. 7. Gen. 18. 19. when to Catechise the youth that come to my family Joh. 21. 15. Prov. 22. 6. when invited to exercise abroad among poor or rich Isa 32. ult when to administer a reproof Lev. 19. 17. when to confer about Spiritual things Mal. 3. 17. This was the wise and holy method which this faithful Servant and Souldier of Jesus Christ prescribed to himself by Divine direction whereby to manage the Spiritual War with the sin that dwelt in him that he might not be overcome with it According to which he moreover charged himself with the practice of universal positive Holiness which he thus records Being under the rebukes of Gods chastising
herein should be that he watereth me so much but that I should water others 2. I have found God owning me when I closed with the like motions at other times particularly in the Afternoon Exercise I have found God wonderfully gracious beyond expression and I heartily bless God that put it into my heart to undertake that work and seeing when I followed God formerly he was with me why should I not be obedient to his call in this also 3. It is the work I have been set apart to and solemnly given up my self to in the face of the Congregation at Black-Friers and therefore now there is a necessity lying upon me to preach the Gospel yea a woe if I preach not 1 Cor. 9. 16. 4. God hath made my service here accepted of the Saints and therefore it is likely my Ministry may be more effectual It may be elsewhere my Ministry may be as much despised as here t is embraced and therefore it is good to take the present season and to strike where and when the Iron is hot 5. The time is short that I have to live how soon God many take me hence I know not And there being no working in the grave I am commanded to do what my hand findeth to do with my might Eccl. 9. 10. the night cometh when no man can work and therefore as Christ said Joh. 9. 4. I must work the works of him that sent me while it is day So must I do learn this wisdom of him to do my work as fast as I can seeing I know not how short my day may be 6. The times are evil and I know not how soon we may be cut short of these opportunities and it 's an express Command that we should be wise and redeem time Eph. 5. 15. 16. And God commands as we have opportunity to do good to all Gal. 6. 10. preaching of the Gospel is doing good and here is an opportunity I must not let it slip 7. If I should preach once a fortnight on the week-day it will but be equivalent to preaching twice every Lords day Seeing now I preach but once every other Sabbath which must be my work when I come into the Country and yet my work here is far lighter than it will be there for here I am free from worldly cares family distractions and a pastoral charge 8. One Soul is more worth than the whole world and the preaching of the Gospel is the power of God to Salvation therefore we should not think any pains too great to preach the word seeing we may through God be a mean to convert and save souls thereby 9. Christ chargeth Peter as he loveth him to feed his sheep and lambs Joh. 21. 15 16 17. His repeating this 3 times argues 1. that he would have him very diligent in doing it 2. that he takes it as a real demonstration of love to him to feed his sheep Now I have wonderful cause to love Christ and good reason to demonstrate it that way which he would have me 10. If I enter upon preaching on week-day too I see it will make for the Glory of God Joh. 15. 8. God is glorified when we bear much fruit and for the good and edification of others for the body of Christ is Edified by the Ministry of the Word Eph. 4. 11 12. and why should I stand disputing that which may make for the glory of God and the good of those among whom I live 11. God would have every man observe his proper gifts and improve them and attend his proper work that he is called to with diligence Rom. 12. 6 7 8 11. 12. I have Naturally a slothful Spirit and one good way to Master it is to take up much imployment 13. God would have us alway to abound in his Work and be stedfast and he tells us our labour shall not be in vain 1 Cor. 15. ult 14. No excuse must hinder us now from doing good but what will serve turn at the day of judgment I consider further that the Word of God is to be the Rule by which we must walk Psal 119. 105. that is the light of our paths What the Word requires of us God requires of us What work the Word calls us to that God calls us to Now considering with my self the aforesaid particulars according to the Word of God I gather it is the mind of God I should close with this motion and that he calleth me to further work and so accordingly I am to obey his voice Now in regard that it is Gods presence with me his owning accepting and assisting me that must bear me up against all difficulties that I shall meet with I consulted further with the Word to see what grounds I had to expect that God would be with me in my undertaking and I saw great encouragement from these Scriptures Mat. 28. 19 20. Go teach lo I am with you alway Christ will not withdraw his presence at any time when we go about to teach in obedience to his Command but will be always with us 1 Chron. 28. 10 20. compared Whence I observe when God calls a man out to any work he would have him be strong and do it and not to fear or be dismayed for God will be with him and not fail him or forsake him till he hath finished it Josh 1. 9. Have not I Commanded thee The Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest The same presence and assistance may we expect from God when ever he calls us out to any Service which I gather from the Apostles applying to all Christians what God spake in particularto Josh Heb. 13. 5. Isa 42. 6. I the Lord have called thee I will hold thy hand It is spoken to Christ and shall be made good to all Christians when called by God to any work he will uphold them in it and he whom God upholds shall not fail or be discouraged till his work be done v. 1. 4 Judg. 6. 12. 14. The Lord is with thee thou mighty man Go in this thy might thou shalt save Israel Have not I sent thee In this thy might i. e. either in the strength of the promise The Lord is with thee or in the strength of thy Commission I have sent thee Doest thou doubt whether I will be with thee seeing I have sent thee Doest thou doubt whether thou shalt save Israel seeing I have sent thee I see hence the Call of God to any Service is a great encouragement to set upon it and to expect success in it ' Discouragements removed 1. Reproach of men What will men say or think that I am so forward They will impute it to Pride it c. and say I am imprudent and will may be laugh and jear at me Reply 1. I am not to be ashamed of the Gospel of Christ Rom. 1. 16. No not in an Adulterous generation Mar. 8. 38. If I cannot suffer shame for Christ how shall I
suffer greater persecutions 2. God can if he will hide me from the strife of Tongues yea he promiseth to do so for them that trust in him Psal 31. 19 20. he can make a mans Enemies to be at Peace with him and will if our ways please him Prov. 16. 7. However I shall not be solicitous of mans judgment in this matter but commit my way and Cause to the Lord and if I be reproached he will one day clear me Ps 37. 5 6. 3. If I do meet with shame and reproach for my diligence in Preaching the Word 't is no more than the Apostles met with 1 Cor. 4. 9 10 13. yea I Christ suffered great contradiction in his Preaching they said he was Mad and had a Devil and I am bidden to remember it as that which will keep me from fainting Heb. 12. 3. 4. If I Serve Christ the Lord will honour me and that is infinitely above the honour of the world Joh. 12. 26. I shall desire therefore to seek the praise that is of God and no matter what men say 5. It will be my happyness if I be reproached for Christs sake 1 Pet. 4. 14. and I should be so far from being troubled discouraged and dejected at it that I should rejoyce exceedingly that God counts me worthy to partake of the sufferings of Christ v. 13. 6. The thoughts of that Glory that shall be revealed hereafter 1 Pet. 5. 4. should cause me to despise the shame which I meet with here in the Service of God Heb. 12. 2. 2 d. Discouragement It may be the people will slight the Word I shall have but few hearers the Word growing common will be nauseated c. Reply 1. The hearts of all men are in Gods hand if he touch their hearts they shall come 1 Sam. 10. 26. I will leave that to the Lord whether he will encline many or but few to attend upon his Word 2. The Angels those glorious Creatures did not disdain to Preach Christ to a few poor Shepherds and therefore I should not think much to Preach Christ though to never such a thin Congregation Jesus Christ himself Preached the Gospel to one hearer only and that a poor sinful woman of Samaria Joh. 4. 3. Gods presence is not tied to a multitude if but two or three be gathered together in his Name he is in the midst of them and if God will bless his Word for the Conversion of but one Soul it is worth all our labour and pains Mark 8. 37. Jam. 5. 19 20. 4. I shall desire to do my work to God and not to men because God Commands me though men may slight my pains and do not gather together to hear the Word yet my work is before the Lord and my reward with him and I shall be glorious in his eyes however I appear before men Isa 49. 5. However men reckon of my labours though the more I love them and labour for them the less I beloved yet this should not be any hindrance to me in the work of God but I should gladly spend my self and be spent therein 2 Cor. 12. 13. Having Consulted God and seeing such good ground for my undertaking I set up a Lecture once a Fortnight on Thursday in the Afternoon at three of the Clock I began it on the first Thursday in June 1657. With such mature Deliberation such a resolved Conscience such a willing mind such a zealous Spirit such a laborious head and hand did this worthy Servant of God apply himself to the great Work wherein he was engaged Thus did he fortifie his heart with strongest Arguments against all temptations to sloth and negligence Thus searched he the Scriptures that he might fully know his Lords will Thus yielded he obedience to the Commands and acted Faith in the promises of God In this his might he went forth in the Name of the Lord to the work of the Lord and the pleasure of the Lord did prosper in his hand Though his constant weekly work at St. Andrews Church were enough to exercise more than ordinary strength both of mind and body yet he had many other occasions of Service which he attended not only in the Colledge as his place required especially as a Tutor which relation and trust he diligently and faithfully discharged towards his Pupils both as to Learning and Religion but in the Town as Preaching frequently Funeral Sermons and Trinity Lecture and in the Country also at several Lectures both in Cambridgeshire and Huntingdonshire For his Abilities and willingness were so well known as encouraged many invitations to be made to him from abroad All which he performed not after an extemporary rate as the manner of some is hastily to utter quicquid in buccam venerit but as a workman that needed not to be ashamed On which account the Ears of so many hanged upon him and he never wanted a full Auditory as well of Schollars as Town-people His Sermons were well studied and digested his matter Substantial and Spiritual his Arguments strong and convincing his utterance full clear deliberate and grave His words apt and natural to express the Conceptions of his mind he neither affected a strain of words which mans wisdom teacheth nor allowed himself a liberty of words which mans indiscretion poureth out but his Phrase was such as spake him to have an holy Reverence for the plainness and simplicity of the Gospel of Christ a due care that he exposed not the Ministry of the word to Contempt a Religious fear of that God in whose Name he spake and a serious regard to the Concernment of the Souls of men And in all his Applications to God by Prayer both in publick and private his behaviour words and manner of utterance were such as spake his solemn and affecting apprehensions of the Majesty and Holiness of God whom he Worshipped So as considering his years the multiplicity of his Ministerial work his manner of performing it and the holiness of his life wherewith he did adorn and commend it it may be truly said of him that however he was excelled by others in other respects yet in this he was Nulli secundus if not a None such in the University in his day But Cambridge is not a place for long continuance The University is the Church's Nursery from whence God is wont to remove and transplant his trees of Righteousness when once grown up to the Stature of Fruit-bearing that the various Congregations of his people may eat of the fruit thereof and live God having here trained up his Servant to his hand Instructed him with excellent Gifts and abundant Grace called him solemnly to the Office of the Ministry proved him an able and successful Instrument before many Witnesses and enlarged his heart not only to a willingness but zeal to discharge his Office with all his might quickly shewed him the place where with this resolved Industry and Integrity he should improve his Talents Scarce two Months were
expired after he had begun his Week-day Lecture when the Mayor and one of the Aldermen of Colchester in Essex whither his fame reached applied themselves to him at Cambridge desiring him to accept their Lecturers place then void With which motion he so far only then complied as to promise to come over to them and Preach a Sermon or two among them which he performed about three weeks after After his Preaching the House of Aldermen and Common Council met and unanimously agreed to choose him to be their Town-Lecturer to Preach on Lords days Afternoon and on the Wednesday every Week Which choice had also the general Suffrage of the Sober and Godly people in Town and Country thereabout Which being signified to him by some of the Aldermen and Common Council after six weeks deliberation for so long time he designed to give his Answer seeking God for direction as his constant manner was having no objections before him as to Conscience in the case nor any obligation to stay at Cambridge save only the peoples desire which he Answered from Luke 4. 42. 43. and Act. 18. 20. and considering the joynt unanimous agreement of persons different in Judgment for it was a divided place in calling him he consented to their Choice and undertook that Charge As he had experienced Gods owning and Sealing of his Ministry in his first Catechistical Exercise in the Colledge and his first Sermon after his Ordination with much happy success also in Cambridge so here he had the same encouragement God making his first Sermon effectual upon the heart of a Dutchman and his second or third upon another person noted for a Sinner who came out of Novelty to hear him Concerning whom he might say as St. Paul 1 Thess 1. 9. They shew of us what manner of entring we had to you But it fared with him here at Colchester as it did at Cambridge he thought he did not work enough and therefore asked leave and freely offered himself to preach also on the Lords day Mornings at St. James's Church not desiring any outward reward for it which was granted and accepted He was to this place a very great Blessing not only as to their Spiritual but Temporal concerns also It was observed that during his abode and the liberty of his Ministry there the Town prospered and exceedingly flourished in Trade For even the good things of this life doth the Gospel carry with it Here he laboured in the Word and Doctrine till by the Act of Uniformity he was with the rest of his Brethren debarred from the publick Exercise of his Ministry Yet not thinking himself bound to be his own Executioner and there being mutual obligations by Contract between the Town and him that the one should not eject nor the other desert without so long warning he did after the fatal Bartholomew continue his publick Preaching some time till having occasion to take a Journey into Cambridgeshire in his absence another was put into his place by the B. of L. From thenceforth with St. Paul Act. 28. 30 31. he dwelt three whole years in his own hired house and received all that came in unto him Preaching the Kingdom of God with all confidence till God sent the raging Pestilence into the Town An. 1665. at which Providence he was greatly affected and while he saw many and even the Shepherds of the flock hastening their flight from the pestilence that walked in darkness and the Destruction that wasted at noon day and others smitten with the Arrows of the Almighty daily passing into eternity Such compassion he had for perishing souls and Such Zealous desire of their salvation and Such hope that the word might be more effectuall in that day of Gods sore Judgment that he sent to the Magistrates and freely offered if they would indulge him the liberty of a publick Church to stay and preach to that poor distressed people till either God should take him away by death or cause the pestilence to cease Which being denied him he entertained thoughts of removing out of Town And having sought of God a right way for himself his little ones and his substance He received Satisfaction concerning the lawfulness of removing in time of Pestilence from Isa 26. 20. Hide thy self for a little moment until the Indignation be over past and encouragement to hope that the presence of God should go with him from Gen. 28. 15. I am with thee and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest c. adding thereto Gal. 3. 7 9. where he observed that all Believers have right to the promises made to Abraham Isaac and Jacob. Accordingly Aug. 25. 1665. He removed his Family to Chattisham â—n Suffolk about 12 miles distant from Colcheâ—â—er Being now come to a place where he was a perfect stranger having no acquaintance with the neighbour-hood and considering the evil and danger of the times He had many doubts and fears within himself concerning the comfort of his abiding there but quickly received satisfaction from the holy Scriptures his dailydelight and Counsellers which he thus recorded Aug. 27. Being the first Sabbath after I came to Chattisham In the morning as I was reading in my private devotions Ezek. 37. which was the Chapter that fell out in course in my private reading I was much affected with some passages in the beginning of the Chapter From whence I observed for my instruction 1. Not to question my call to Chattisham though it should be a dry place where I should want that communion of the Saints which I had at Colchester and my wonted opportunities of doing and receiving Good Ezekiel a prophet of the Lord fitted by his gifts and call to do God Service when he was carried into a valley where there was no living creature to converse withal but dead mens bones yet he was carried thither by the hand and spirit of the Lord. ver 1. 2. God may have Special Service for us to do in those places were we judging according to sense think there can be no opportunities of â—ervice at all Who would have thought there had been any work for Ezekiel as a prophet amongst dead mens bones yet even there he had Prophesying work and composed that Prophecy which raised up the dying faith and hope of the whole House of Israel 3. When God commands us to Prophesie or to preach his word the greatest improbabilities of Success imaginable should not discourage us from our work Though we should think there is no more hopes of doing good to them to whom we preach than there is by speaking to the wind or Preaching to dead mens bones yet we should go on with our work Ezekiel at Gods command Prophesies to dry and dead bones concerning which when he was asked whether they could live he replied that he could not tell God only knew v. 3. And they have the Spirit of life breathed into them He Prophesieth to the wind and that obeyeth v. 9. 10. This Scripture
to want nor how to abound apt to murmur and repine in Straits and to be lifted up and grow secure in Enlargements O Lord in every Condition I need thy grace to teach me how to behave my self O shew me thy way and lead me therein for thy Name-sake Also the Lord taught me hence that I ought to be patient under his hand when he hideth his Face and to resign up my will to his Will inasmuch as I do not know what is good for my self The Lord seeth I should be worse it may be if I enjoyed more than I do and therefore in wisdom and mercy he keeps me in a low Condition My confusion sometimes hath been so great that I have been so unsetled and at such a loss in my Soul that I knew not what to do all former workings have been questioned and judged as nothing In the hour of such temptation the Lord taught me besides Prayer and searching into my Soul to have recourse to former experiences Psal 77. 10 11. and Psal 85. Octob. 11. In the morning I bewailed it before God that I was still at a loss to know whether I loved him and after Prayer I read 1 Joh. 2 ch and I was made in a more special manner to take notice of v. 5. Whoso keepeth his word in him verily is the love of God perfected Me-thought I saw God Answering my Prayer and telling me out of this word that I loved him In him verily 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 it is a sure sign of Love to God we need not doubt of it if we keep his Word Now if I know my own heart I desire to do so if the Love of God be perfected in him that keeps his Word then surely it is begun in him that desires and endeavours to keep his Word Jan. 25. The Lord helped me with Tears to bewall mine abominations even my Original and actual sins my formality Earthliness alienation from him c. therein he did remember and fulfil that gracious promise Ezek. 36. 31. I found Godly sorrow sweet not only in the root and fountain thereof it being a Covenant blessing but in the very Actings of it Feb. 2. In the Evening upon my Bed the Lord did graciously melt my heart in the sight of sin under this Consideration that it was against infinite Love I was ashamed confounded and abashed because I had so long slighted neglected Rebelled against a God of Love My Soul even trembled at it Jan. 15. 1655. Having been the day before with one under great Temptations and hearing of another under a wounded Spirit my heart was melted in Prayer whilst I was praising God for his long patience in the days of my sinning and his tenderness and gentleness towards me in my Conversion Jan. 16. I found my heart drawn out to a recumbence on Jesus Christ The Spirit saith Come Rev. 22. 17. Christ saith Come Joh. 7. 37. And the Father saith Come Mat. 22. 4. And who am I O Lord that I should gainsay such Invitations Behold O Lord I come and put my trust in thee Jan. 26. I Preached twice and had very gracious assistance much beyond expectation in the week before I was much indisposed and could not get my heart to a setled meditation of what I was to speak I was under a great sense of my impotency and laboured in the fire till Saturday Afternoon when I cried to the Lord he was gracious to me and Answered me After my work was over I was much assaulted with Spiritual Pride I saw plainly the reason of Gods delaying his Assistance and giving me such sense of my weakness was to keep me humble Every way O Lord I see my own vileness when thou withdrawest from me then my heart dieth and my strength fails and I am ready to be froward When thou enlargest me then I am ready to be puffed up Oh pardon and purge away all my sin for thy Names sake Mar. 23. In Singing the 15 th Psalm I found Comfort my Conscience bearing me witness that I laboured after those things which are set down as Characters of a Citizen of the New Jerusalem Sept. 28. I had sweet Meditations upon my Bed I found God in my morning Prayer also in private and assistance in Preaching but not such an influence of the Spirit in publick Prayer as I have sometimes found Yet I had begged of God that he would give me his presence in publick as a token that he accepted of me and my work but he withdrew I feared hereupon that I had tempted God and sinned in begging new signs of his favour when I had had such great experience of his goodness many times before Lord forgive the sin of thy Servant Nov. 23. Examining my self about a work of Grace I had some Comfort from Ps 40. 8. Delight in doing the will of God is an Argument of the Law written in the heart Now I found that I had a delight especially in some duties as visiting the Sick comforting of distressed Consciences c. I was somewhat terrified from that word in Job ch 42. 7. I was afraid least in my Preaching I should sometimes speak those things of God that were not right and soon after going to Prayer I was in time of Prayer comforted from Joh. 16. 13. The Spirit shall guide you into all truth Dec. 7. I found the Lord very much Answering my Prayer in giving very gracious and powerful Assistance both in Prayer and Preaching at Trinity Lecture on Sabbath day I may say as Jaber 1 Chron. 4. 10. who said Oh that thou wouldest bless me indeed and be with me And God granted my request The next morning there came a woman to me and said she was troubled at the Sermon that she could scarce sleep all night for she bad not gone so far as the Scribes and Pharisees and that which added to the mercy was God kept me humble after this enlargement Mar. 31. 1657. I had a very evident Answer of Prayer I was at a pinch for some money I begged of God that I might be supplied and that Afternoon one to whom I had lent a little money brought it me which was enough for my present necessities the Circumstances were very remarkable I sought the Lord also to be with the Parish in the choice of their Church-Wardens and there were those two chosen whom if I had had the Nomination I should have chosen my self Apr. 21. I kept a day of Fast to the Lord. I found God graciously with me in Prayer the chief thing that I propounded was to seek direction as to my Preaching on Week-days Among other things I begged of God a supply of my wants being in some straits for want of money That very night one brought me 10 s. for Preaching a Funeral Sermon which I expected not and the next morning the Church-Wardens of St. Andrews Parish brought me 7 l. and upwards whereby I was sufficiently supplied I could not but take notice of
Suffer little Children to come unto me and from observing how prevalent faith and Prayer is with God for the remission of sins and salvation of others as well as our own souls Math. 9. 2. Jesus seeing their faith said Son be of good cheer thy sins be forgiven thee So 1 Joh. 5. 16. If a man see his Brother sin a sin which is not unto death he shall ask of God and he shall give him life Now I Considered that though my child had sins incident to Childhood yet it had not sinned the sin unto death and therefore I concluded that if I asked of God he would give it life Jam. 5. 15. The Prayer of faith shall save the sick and if he hath commited sins they shall be forgiven him Math. 15. 22 28. The woman of Canaan's faith and Prayer availed with Christ for the Casting the Devil out of her daughter Now God helping me to act faith for my child upon the account of his covenant and stiring me by his Spirit often to pray for my Child I was thereby encouraged to hope for its Salvation When my Child died the same day the small Pox began to appear upon my Sister I knew not what breaches God might be about to make in my family but as I was hearing the word the Ministers treating on Gods intention to glorifie himself by all afflictions that he laid upon his people from that Scripture Isa 5. 15 16. this word Satisfied me that whatever judgments God should bring upon me or my family he would exalt and glorifie his own Name by them hereupon I submitted and resigned up my self to God to do with me and mine what he pleased Yet I was then under the sense of sin which weakned my faith and made me fearful I should not bear up chearfully if I should be visited while under the sense of guilt But I was much encouraged in meditation from Mic. 7. 8 9. When I sit in darkness the Lord will be a light unto me This faith they held when their affliction was attended with the sense of sin for it followeth I will bear the indignation of the Lord because I have sinned against him I was also much encouraged by viewing the promises that I had collected to comfort my self with when I was in danger of contagious diseases Especially those two viz Ps 41. 12. As for me thou settest me before thy face for ever and this was when under an evil disease v. 8 which was the fruit of his sin ver 4. and Ps 38. 5 7. My wounds stink and are corrupt my loyns are filled with a loathsome disease c. though in this visitation he was afflicted with the sense of sin and of Gods displeasure v. 1 2 3 4 and was deprived of the Comfortable Society of his relations and friends v. 11. yet he kept up his hope in God v. 15. In a little time after I had the sense of guilt taken off while I was studying my Sermon to remove the fears of Death Jun. 12. As I was reading Act. 6. in my Evening course by my self I observed by comparing ver 4. 7. that upon the Apostles giving themselves Continually to prayer and to the ministry of the word the number of the disciples encreased greatly in Jerusalem and a great company of the Priests were obedient to the faith I was instructed and affected with it and saw it was necessary I should pray much as well as Preach much if I would convert many Souls and that upon giving my self to prayer and to the ministry of the word I was in the most likely way to convert many Souls to Christ The Priests were the chiefest opposers of the Gospel Act. 4. 1 2. the chiefest persecuters of Christ Math. 16. 21. and 20 18. the most active in putting Christ to death Mar. 15. 10 11. Luk. 19. 47. the multitude that came to apprehend Christ were sent by the Priests Joh. 18. 3. the false witnesses were suborned by the Priests Math 26. 59. yet by the power of prayer and the word these Priests were brought in by great numbers to the faith of Christ and the obedience of the Gosple Jun. 25. about three of the Clock in the morning being Lords day my Wife was delivered of a Daughter and that morning the Lord sent a very plentiful rain The Tuesday before we kept a day of humiliation for my Wifes safe delivery and to seek the Lord for rain and the Lord gave a gracious answer to the prayers of that day both at one time Jul. 31. I saw the plague of my heart breaking out I argued against my corruption yet it overcame me and led me captive it wounded me that I should still sin against God even while under his Correcting hand My faith was revived by that Scripture Isa 57. 17 18. I Smote him he went on frowardly in the way of his own heart I have seen his ways and will heal him I was much encouraged from that word I will heal him which imports the Subduing as well as the pardoning of sin Aug. 2. I was encouraged to write something that might be useful for my generation from Jer. 36. 1 2 3 4 5. Two things especially from that Scripture did put me forward to this 1. writing of the word of God is a means to Convert souls and to lead them to repentance 2. this Command for writing was given when Jeremiah was shut up and could not preach as usually and such was my case viz I was debarred from publick preaching hereupon I apprehended God called me to write Sept. 6. Being fast day As I came from Church I received a letter from Mr. J. which acquainted me that my Son Samuel was very ill that day I spent somewhat unprofitably I was not affected as I ought with publick judgments and the misery of others and therefore it was just with God to bring affliction into my family the next day my Wife and I went over to see our Child and after we had been with it about five or six hours it died very suddenly I was troubled that I did not pray with it before it died which was occasioned by being in anothers family and my not apprehending death to be near This stroak coming soon after my removal from Colchester I communed with my heart whether I had sinned in removing from that place and my conscience did not at that time charge me with sin in removing my habitation I was Comforted in calling to mind Gods dealing with Jacob who met with many afflictions in those removes which he made at the command of God He was pursued by his Uncle put into great fear by his Brother loseth Deborah his Mothers nurse and Rachel his beloved Wife His Sons Reuben Simeon and Levi fell into foul sins c. Hence I saw that God trieth his dear Servants with sudden and sore afflictions in those places to which they have removed at the call of God Sept. 24. I enjoyed the opportunity
met with in my course of private reading Ps 19. 13. Keep back thy servant from presumptuous sins let them not have dominion over me Where I considered 1. That David found in his heart a proness to presumptuous sins which made him cry out Keep back thy servant c. 2. He was not without fear or danger lest presumptuous sins should get the dominion over him for he Prays Let them not have dominion 3. When he found it thus with himself he calls himself Gods Servant Keep back thy servant This word coming when my heart had been upon the borders of a presumptuous sin did much affect me Febr. 6. Being a day of Humiliation I was much indisposed to the duties of the day I found my heart unfit to Pray in private and to perform Family exercise The sense of guilt had clouded and bowed down my Soul In the Evening God revived my Soul with Isa 64. 6 7 8. They complained they were all as an unclean thing their righteousness as filthy rags there was a flagging of the Spirit of prayer and this in a time of great Judgments as v. 10 11. Yet they say But now thou O Lord art our Father This suited my condition and encouraged me to believe my relation to God and his to me as my Father though I found my self under the foresaid Distempers I was also supported against my sins with 1 Joh. 2. 24. Let that abide in you which you have heard from the beginning if that which you have heard from the beginning shall remain in you ye shall continue in the Father and the Son By which I was encouraged to hold fast what Instructions Comforts and Supports I had formerly received from God That which ye have heard viz. from the teachings of the Spirit Joh. 6. 45. from the beginning viz. from the time they began to believe in Christ Heb. 3. 14. Nov. 28. 1669. Being Saturday I was visited with a Feaver When I was under the Visitation I looked over my Evidences for Heaven had comfortable hopes of my Salvation from several promises whereby the fear of Death was removed My Life was in hazard many Prayers were put up for me God directed to the timely use of proper means and gave his blessing and restored me to my work on the fourth Lords day as a return to Prayers In my sickness before the danger was probably past in the night season I had very clear and awful apprehensions of the Majesty of God as though I had heard God speaking to me out of Isa 57. 15. I who am the high and lofty one that inhabit Eternity c. and then methought it was said to me Surgite Ministri servi praedicate Evangelium ad Conversionem peccatorum Arise ye Ministers and Servants of God and Preach the Gospel for the Conversion of sinners And afterwards it was said to me You shall not die but live and declare the works of the Lord. Fear thou not thou hast born witness to my Name in this place thou shalt bear witness also to my Name where I shall call thee To which my Soul bowed down and I replied Lord I am willing to follow thee if thou shalt satisfie me that thou callest me I could not certainly tell whether I was awake or sleeping or slumbring but the matter being so affecting coherent and coming with some power I laid it up in my heart not knowing but it might be useful to me Jan. 30. 1671. My Treatise of Family Instruction being finished and Published I resolved after several times seeking God and Consulting with my own Soul to set upon composing a Treatise of glorifying God The grounds or reasons inducing me hereunto were 1. The Command given to all persons in all Nations to declare the glory of God 1 Chron. 16. 23 24. I saw here I might lawfully yea it was my duty to do what I could to set forth the glory of God And seeing I was taken off from my publick Preaching I might do it more beneficially by Writing and Printing 2. My Spirit hath been for several years put upon and stirred up to write on this Subject I made a little beginning in the year 1664. but laid it aside and in times of sickness I have found a lothness to die till that work were done and have met with many cross Providences as if sent with a tacit reproof for neglecting this work Now the stirring up the Spirit to a good work is of God and part of Gods call to the work Exod. 36. 2. Ezr. 1. 5. Hagg. 1. 14. 3. I was under many Engagements to glorifie God as 1 st The many and great mercies I have received for my Soul by the Teachings and Consolations of his Spirit and many outward mercies above my other Relations which are engagements to glorifie God Ps 86. 12 13. 2 ly The eminent deliverances I have had from sickness the Pestilence and other troubles Psal 50. 15. 3 ly The wonderful preservation I have had from mine Enemies notwithstanding all the hazards I have run of falling into their hands by Preaching the Gospel at home and abroad which should engage me to extol and glorifie God Psal 30. 1. 4. I did hope for benefit to my own Soul both by being further enlightened into the knowledge and excited to the practice of glorifying God while I was studying to instruct and excite others thereto July 17. 1672. God having opened a door for the free exercise of my Ministry by his Majesties most Gracious Declaration I was desired both at Ipswich and Colchester to Minister to them I had discouragements as from the uncertainty of the times not knowing whether this liberty would continue or a time of trouble and persecution arise the differences and animosities that are among Professors and the enmity that is on the part of the Adversaries I considered of it and had encouragement from the Word thereto as 1 Pet. 5. 2. 4. with vers 7. as also from Josh 1. 9. Joshua had difficult work before him potent Enemies that dwelt in fenced Cities the people with whom he had to do had so exasperated Moses his Spirit by their frequent murmurings that once he cried out to God to be killed out of hand that he might not see his own wretchedness Numb 11. 15. another time he spake so unadvisedly with his lips that he angred God and was shut out of Canaan Joshua might well fear when he was to enter on this work Therefore God speaks four times to him to encourage him Be strong be of good courage c. and gives him two Arguments to encourage him 1 st His Call Have not I Commanded thee 2 ly A promise of his Presence as his God Whence I Obs 1. God will be with his people in all places whithersoever they go 2. The promise of Gods presence may take off all fears arising either from the temper of the people with whom we shall have to do or the difficulty of our work or
this thing the Lord brought to my remembrance Rom. 7. ult With my mind I my self serve the Law of God but with my flesh the Law of sin This Scripture was a great stay and satisfaction to me and took off that which was my chief fear There is no doubt but Paul was the Servant of Christ yet he sayeth I my self with the flesh serve the Law of Sin Evidences of the pardon of my sin Aug. 12. 1666. being under the sense of many sins I considered with my self what grounds and evidences I had for the pardon of my sins And was satisfied from these Scriptures Acts. 10. 43. To him give all the prophets Witness that through his name whosoever believeth in him shall receive remission of sins I found that through grace I did believe in Christ 1 Joh. 1. 9. If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness I saw here that Gods justice and faithfulness stand engaged to forgive their Sins who make confession of them which God had given me an heart to do Isa 1. 16 17 18 19. These persons to whom this promise was made had sinned against great mercies ver 2. and great judgments v. 5. and other circumstances did aggravate their sins yet God promiseth to forgive their Scarlet and Crimson-sins if they were willing to repent and obey the Lord. If ye be willing and obedient And through grace I found I was willing to obey Gods voice to cease to do evil and to learn to do well Hebr. 8. 10. 12. The promise of remission of sins is part of the new Covenant and I find that God hath made this Covenant with me from Isa 55. 3. where the condition of the Covenant is coming unto Christ to which God hath enabled me Dec. 30. Having left the prevalency of sin and found sin not only Warring against but leading me Captive which made me question my pardon I was enabled to rest upon God for forgiveness of my sin from Ps 65. 3. Iniquities prevail against me As for our transgressions thou shalt purge them away By purging is meant 1. pardoning Heb. 1. 3. Ps 51. 7. 2. Subduing and Destroying sin Isa 27. 9. 2 Tim. 2. 21. So that David when he felt sin prevailing and not only one sin but several Iniquities in the plural number prevail did yet rest upon God both for the pardon and the Subduing of his sins and what David did I may and ought to do Rom. 7. 23 24 25. when the Apostle found sin working and warring and leading him captive yet he hangs upon Christ and blesseth God for Christ and believeth he should be delivered from the guilt and power of his sins by Jesus Christ When the filthiness of my sins made me afraid that God would not pardon because I had such vile affections and such filthy motions in my heart God comforted me with that word Ezek. 36. 25. I will sprinkle clean water upon you and ye shall be clean from all your filthiness and I will cleanse you v. 29. I will save you from all your uncleannesses And from Act. 13. 38 39. the promise is to all that believe and here is promised Justification from all things So as no sin no circumstance in any sin shall be charged upon any believer to his condemnation Jul. 14. 1667. Having found my heart departing from God in a very treacherous manner this did cloud my Evidence of pardon but after prayer I was confirmed in the belief of the forgiveness of my sin from Jer. 3. 2 20 22. Here I saw that though the Jews had voluntarily without any enticing Temptation prostituted themselves to sin v. 2. and though they had in a Treacherous manner departed from God after he had taken them into a Conjugal Relation with himself v. 20. Yet he promiseth upon their return to heal their backslidings My Faith was further established by considering that remission of sin was promised to me in the Covenant which Covenant should never be removed from me Isa 54. 9 10. Also Dan. 9. 9. When God had once and again cleared up to my Soul the Pardon of my sins I considered with my self what duties this mercy called for And I saw 1. This should make me thankful Psal 103. 1 2 3. 2. It should make me admire God Mic. 7. 18 19. 3. It should make me more fearful of offending God Ps 130. 4. 85. 8. 4. It should make me Love God much Luke 7. 42 43 47. 5. It should make me glorifie God and let him have the Dominion over my Soul Rev. 1. 5 6. 6. It should make me cheerful and encourage me in all the troubles of this present life Mat. 9. 2. Isa 33. ult 7. It should oblige me to forgive others Eph. 4 32. Col. 3. 13. 8. It should make me willing to be employed in any Service for God Isa 6. 7 8. Evidences of my Interest in and Vnion with Jesus Christ 1. Faith in Christ Joh. 17. 20 21. Christ prayeth that all that believe in him through the Word may be one in him and the Father always heareth him Joh. 11. 42. Now I find blessed be God that through the Word I do believe in Christ 2. Effectual Calling 1 Cor. 1. 9. 26. 30. God is faithful by whom ye were called Ye see your calling Ye are in Christ Jesus Now through mercy I find God hath called me out of darkness into his marvellous light he hath called me to the knowledge and Faith of Christ 3. Walking after the Spirit and not after the Flesh Rom. 8. 1. It is not said they that are in Christ have no flesh in them but they walk not after the flesh 4. Christs giving us his Spirit is an evidence that he abideth in us 1 Joh. 3. 24. Now I find by the fruits of the Spirit mentioned Gal. 5. 22 23. that God hath given me his Spirit and also by my being able to cry Abba Father Gal. 4. 6. 5. Crucifying the flesh with the affections and lusts thereof Gal. 5. 24. that is our corrupt nature with the works thereof mentioned v. 19 20 21. The flesh and lusts thereof is Crucified when so subdued that it doth not reign Rom. 6. 6. which I find blessed be God 6. Keeping Christs word 1 Joh. 2. 5. which I desire and endeavour The Comfort and Priviledge flowing from hence is that I am 1. Free from Condemnation Rom. 8. 1. 2. Assured of Glory Col. 1. 27. 1 Joh. 5. 12. 3. Interessed in Christs Wisdom Righteousness Sanctification and Redemption 1. Cor. 1. 30. 4. Interessed in all Spiritual and Heavenly blessings Eph. 1. 3. 5. Compleat in him though imperfect in my self Col. 2. 10. Evidences that God is my God 1. My being in Covenant with God Wherein the great blessing promised is that God will be our God Heb. 8. 10. and my being in Covenant is evidenced to my Soul by my coming to and closing with Christ the Mediator of