in respect of himself only would have done otherwise yet he did as their desires required Rom. 15. 3. The Apostle saith even Christ pleased not himself many times when he was hungry If any came to him that needed Instruction or if he were sleepy and any came to him that needed Consolation he would abstain from Meat and Sleep that he might do them good it is not so with great men but it was so with Christ who was the great God Affections and Resolutions 1. Admire the Excellencies of Christ O blessed Saviour Thou art the chiefest of ten thousand Thou art altogether lovely Thou hast a Name above all Names That at thy Name every knee should bow Thou Lord art set at the right hand of the Father in the heavenly places Far above all Principality Power and Might and Dominion and every Name that is named not only in this World but also in that which is to come Thou art the brightness of thy Fathers Glory and the express Image of his Person Consider O my Soul what can these words mean Surely if God commanded all the Angel to worship him when he brought him into the VVorld how much more should we for whom he hath done much more admire and adore him in Spirit and in Truth Be confounded and ashamed that thou art no more affected with these things Doubtless O my Soul It is not for want of excellency in Christ for he is the Lord of Glory but for want of a clearer Faith in thee to behold his Excellencies If the Scripture had not spoke the thousandth part of Christ as it doth how could thy thoughts have been lower of him then they are how could thy heart be more senceless It is a shame that every vanity should steal away our hearts from Christ much more abominable is it that our very sins that murthered him should ever prevail with us in the least Pray Blessed God 't is not in man by all his wisdom and industry to know or be affected with the Excellencies of Christ if thou dost not reveal them If I had a thousand worlds they were too small a price for so great a Mercy O shew me thy self and thy Son and it sufficeth And now O my Soul are the Excellencies of Christ nothing unto us Do we indeed admire them Surely all is but meer words and vain thoughts if we do not strive as far as we may to imitate him in those Excellencies for which we pretend to admire him Are we as patient as he was Meck Humble Holy who when he was reviled reviled not again c. We do but deceive our own souls in giving Glorious Titles and speaking high things of Christ and in the mean while not endeavour to transform into his Image It is impossible we should love him for his patience and holiness and not love patience and holiness nor yet never care to practise and get them Therefore for the time to come the Life of Christ shall be the Example whereby I shall endeavour to frame mine And that I may the better do so I will read over especially the New Testament and observe in every particular what Christ did how he spoke to his friends to his enemies how he demeaned himself in every action whether civil or natural or Religious how in all his Relations And when I have written them down I shall often peruse them and shall endeavour in every action that I do and word that I speak to remember if I can whâ—ther there be any parallel instance in the life of Christ if there be I shall make that my pattern and do likewise but if there be none that I can think of then I would do that which in my conscience I think Christ would have done in like case For the Conclusion I refer you to the Directions and Instances of former Meditations The Conclusion of the whole I Found a great deal of difficulty in Writing this small Treatise of Meditation not into the Doctrinal or Directory Part because Christian experience and study are things by which that party is managed but in the setting down of instances and examples therein I found the difficulty to lie For Meditation is an harder work then to give directions thereunto and I have generally found it easier to study a day then to Meditate an hour but of all the kinds of Meditation whereof Instances are set down in this Book I found the greatest difficulty in those of Solemn Meditations they consisting for the most part of Prayer which the devout Soul when it hath ended forgets so that if one might gain a world when the heart is overwhelmed with Grief or inflamed with Love or ravished with Joy one could not remember the powrings out of the Soul In such cases one may say of such Meditations as Saint Paul speaks of those Glorious things which he saw when he was wrapt into the third Heavens they are neither lawful nor possible to be uttered many times the secrets in our communion with God are of that nature that it is not lawful by reason of that scandal nor possible to utter because the affections being so intensly employ'd Invention Memory and intellectual actings of the Soul during that time do almost quite cease and indeed whosoever goes about to invent Instances of Meditation if it be only a Learned Man and not holy his Studies may exceed his Actings that way but if it be an holy experienced Christian as his inward thoughts of Love Joy Grief and admirings of God are above all that his Tongue doth or can utter so those secret expressions which he useth between God and his own Soul when his thoughts are full of heaven and of God are much beyond what he can invent or by study expresseth Therefore since those Meditations that are fullest of Devotion cannot be remembred to set down Instances of Meditations except one should take them from some Saint as he was powring out his soul before God in secret one can never set them fully down in secret I say For the Soul is never so free nor may be before others as with God alone and the truth is if I had not had these Instances of Solemn Meditation by me I think I should hardly have set down any of that kind I should only have referred him to the Psalms It was so that I wrote these from the mouth of one to whom these unseen I was oft-times so near that I could hear his secretest Devotions if uttered though but with an ordinary voice I am very confident for his part he thought that none but God and his own Soul were privy to his Prayers I have sometimes considered it as a case of Conscience whether it was lawful by stealth to hear and afterwards to publish the private Meditations of others but considering how much advantage it may bring to others and how the party himself can suffer nothing in it his Name being concealed by me I resove to publish them
man what injury soever he doth me Now I will so watch over my words that I will not offend with my Tongue And that by degrees I may attain some perfection herein I here vow every week between this and the next Communion to keep one day so strictly that I will not during that day speak so much as one idle word that day if I do I will give to the poor Lord how excellent is thy service so pure so sweet O that there were such a heart in me that I might for ever serve thee Meditat. XXVII When I read the Story of the Martyrs I do wish that I had lived in those dayes that I might also die as they did or methinks I could now willingly lay down my life rather then yield to the abominable Idolatry and Superstitions of the Sea of Rome but when I search try my heart I much fear that the reason of this my desire is because I think it easier to lay down my life for Christs sake then for his sake to overcome my corruptions for it being but one act though it hath more pain yet being but of small continuance it is less trouble then all my life long to fight against sin and thus I do ill even in my best wishes in divers respects For I chose Martyrdom not because thereby I might more honour God but that I might the sooner and easier come to heaven And again that I think I might content my self though I did not so much hate corruption if I died a Martyr all would be well whereas Though I give my body to be burnt and have not Charity it would profit nothing and to love God it is impossible for him that doth not hate and fight against his corruptions Alas O my Soul how weary are we of our Spiritual Fight and we would fain find some other way to Heaven then by the continuance of it O that I were dead to the World yet while we know something better we shal not think so We talk much of the Vanity of the World but who believes that the World is Vanity and vexation of Spirit Or who is sensible of this Truth Or if he were sensible of it and sometimes affected with it yet it soon wanisheth and we do not live accordingly How much easier is it to speak like an Angel then live like a Saints Meditat. XXVIII Lord that thou wouldest do it for me take my Soul and my Body what shall I do with them any longer I govern them so ill and indeed am so unable to govern them that they govern me Lord if thou shalt condemn me at the last Day I do now justifie thee and testifie to all the world that thou art just though then if such a time shall come I shall blaspheme thee My dear God I have yet a spark of thy love I will not leave that small hold of thee for ten thousand Worlds I know Lord there is no dallying with thee What if I spoke with the Tongue and writ with the Pen of Men and Angels it is nothing Lord take a poor soul at his word Lord I am thine and do now give my self and ten thousand Worlds if I had them to thee yet when thou dost take from me some poor part of my Estate I murmure Alas I have a poor weak heart Meditat. XXIX Lord my knowledge of thee is but small and that which is is but little Spiritual or Experimental To know thee by what others write and say of thee is sweet to them that can set their Seal to it from their own experience Lord what is it that hath kept me so long from thee or kept thee so long from me I know that I have been wanting to thee and to my self Lord take my heart I have too much love for any besides thee though I have too little for thee Oh how sweet are the thoughts of thee and would be sweeter if I thought oftner and longer and more attentively of thee Alas I am almost grown out of acquaintance with thee I do not perceive my corruptions in any thing more then in this that though to think of thee be a thing so easie and so profitable yet I think so seldom My dear God deliver me from the business of the World Suits of Law and such things they undo me they take up my thoughts that I cannot be rid of them I feel upon me the curse which thou threatnest upon the people of Israel If they would not serve thee with joy they should serve strangers with a great deal of hardship I was well while I was with thee then I had my Songs in the night now my dayes are turned into the shadow of Death Lord draw me draw me make the cords of thy love stronger or rather then I should perish make the cords of thine afflictions stronger and if I murmure scourge me while I leave murmuring How true do I finde that saying He that injures forgives not My wickedness I have committed against thee makes me not able to believe almost that thou art or canst be reconciled unto me When I should do more for thee and less against thee I shall easilier believe thy loves or rather when thy Spirit shall shed abroad thy love in my heart I shall know thou lovest me I sigh and Mourn and Weep over my poor Soul but cannot help it Dear Lord Let My Tears prevail with thee Pity pity have pity upon a poor languishing Soul that is even gasping out his last breath It grieves me to see what a sad condition I am in I am not yet in Hell and by thy Mercy I may never come thither but I am running thither Wo is me that I am constrained to live in Mesech and to have my habitation in the Tents of Kedar Meditat. XXX Lord I pray for Mercies and when I have them to see the unsuitableness of my Spirit to them and mine unthankfulness for them brings more sadness upon me then to want them All the things I begged of thee for temporal Mercies both in carrying me forth and bringing me home and concerning my business I went about not finding things in such a sad condition at home yet my poor heart is the same still and is as hard and as stony not willing to yield it self and all up to thee as if I were more able to order matters then thou Now my heart is subject to murmure that it is so hard when it should mourn Lord thou hast done enough to justifie thy love and thy tender compassions to me if thou shouldest never do more and not only thy justice could not be blamed but not thy Mercy Medit. XXXI Accept of my poor prayers and when at the last day when the secrets of all hearts shall be known the hypocrisie and cold and my Desires shall be known and thy goodness shall be admired in hearing such prayers as mine are For the light of thy Countenance to shine upon and the Breathings
of thy Spirit to blow upon a Garden of Spices is not so much for the advancement of thy Free grace as for thee to shine upon and thy Spirit to breath upon such a Dunghil as I am that sends forth such unisome savours as I do Lord if thou wilt be my God I have a body and a soul I will give thee them 'T is true they are thine already but alas if I had any thing to give that were not thine I would but I have not Meditat. XXXII Lord I wait to see the day of my Salvation and the hour when thou wilt shew me thy loves and when I shall lie in thy bosome and arms and hear the beatings of thy heart in love and the soundings of thy bowels towards me and know thy everlasting thoughts of love to me when thou shalt seal the pardon of my sinnes to me and make me read thee Counterpain of the Covenant of love between thee and me which thou reservest in Heaven and is fair and not blotted as mine is and when shall the day of the love and joyes of my Espousals return and my thoughts be swallowed up in love Lord why shouldest thou with-hold thy love the Manifestations of thy love Can thy love be concealed from thy Beloved I will wait for the Discoveries of thy love I am loth to do any thing before thou comest whom my soul loveth for fear thou shouldest come when I am not looking for thee and thou escapest me I look every Prayer to see thee come leaping on the Mountains and skipping upon the Hills as a Row or an Hinde But I see thee not Why dost thou put a Spark of Love into my heart If thou wilt leave me why didst thou cast thy Mantle upon me and when I low after thee say what hast thou done thy loves are better then Wine sweeter then honey even more to be desired then life it self Lord if the small Sparks and relishes of thy Love be so sweet to me what will the feeding on this heavenly Manna be If a drop of thy love be so sweet what will the overflowing be If thy smiles bring so much joy what will thy embraces do Lord I long till I am undone with thy love All my carnal and Worldly Joyes undone Lord it is not my unworthiness that should hinder me nor will hinder me from bestowing Lord help my unbelief VVell Lord if I must walk in darkness and see no light yet give me thy Grace that I may stay my self upon my God My life is but short and when the hour of my departure shall come then I shall enjoy him whom my Soul loveth and know as I am known then I shall forget the sorrows pains and throws of my travel for the joy that shall be revealed My Bride saith come and the Spirit saith Come Come Lord Jesus Come quickly Meditat. XXIII I wait for the appearing of the Lord Jesus Christ if thy love be as fire in straw or such like matter lie smoaking and makes ones eyes weep while one strives to find the fire at last it being able to hold no longer breaks forth into a great flame and the longer it is before it discovers it self the greatter is the flame and light when they do break forth Lord whilâ—st I am looking for thy love thou makest me weary let the length of thy stay be made up by the fulness of thy Presence and Greatness of thy Manifestations when thou comest I seek thee in my Prayers and I say O where art thou whom my soul loveth and yet thou sendest me away weeping and mourning I seek on my bed when I awake in the night but I find thee not I speak with those which have found thee and they tell me nay I know it by thy word that thou art near to every soul that seeks thee and when a poor soul cries thou wilt answer it then I multiply my prayers and call lowder and yet my prayers are as the wind that passeth away and returns no more O my Lord and my God thy love was strong enough to suffer and thou didst suffer and thou didst die that thou mightest make known and commend thy love unto the Sons of Men and now thou hast done all this to manifest thy love and wilt thou hide it from me Creature-love hath wrought strange in me I have never been weary of their discourses and humane learning how hath it made me ravisht with some learned saying and if thou wouldest discover thy love and shed that abroad in my heart certainly it would work wonders For the Creatures flames of love are but as a blaze that straw makes but is soon out it hath not substance enough to nourish and maintain what it begets For Creature-Excellencies are not strong enough to keep up the delight we take in them but thou Lord art love and thou art such a treasure of excellencies that the poor soul makes new discoveries of those treasures every day To all Eternity thou art enough to keep alive and in full strength all the love and joys and praises of Saints and Angels Lord thou art enough to answer thine own love but what am I that I should speak of thee thou art so glorious that I am afraid to speak of thee Meditat. XXXIV Lord I call and thou dost not answer I am even tired out if thou dost not support I sink under the burden I long and look to see thy beauty but I cannot behold nor perceive one glympse that thou art excellent I see by the eye of faith but excellencies do not affect me All my prayers are turned unto this Lord shew me Christ and him whom my soul loveth for I have heard of him and the same of his excellencies have come unto me yet mine eyes have not seen him I think with my self Surely Christ manifesting himself and to be filled with all the fulness of God and to have a conversation in Heaven must needs signifie more then ever I have experienced in my self For such poor things as I have found wrought in my soul cannot fill up those expressions Then I hear of those whose lives are spiritual and Christ-like not glorious in out ward mortifications Thou art blameless that way speaking of such things which God hath wrought for them and in them which I have not found but are the very same things which are in my view and I follow after to attain but cannot Then from their relation of the Lords dealings with them I perceive that God did humble them more before he did discover himself unto them then ever he hath as yet humbled me so that I find no rest day nor night in my spirit and yet though I am thus restless in seeking after something which I cannot know what is it I seek for I cannot discern any true sincere constant love to Christ. He neither lets me know that he lovesme nor that I love him so that I stand amazed and know not what
and joyes that God hath bestowed upon his people in this life they are unspeakable and glorious Some have cried out Lord either with-hold thy comforts or enlarge the Vessel for I am not able to bear my joys We read of Daniel that the Manifestations that God gave him drunk up his Spirit and made him sick some dayes after Dan. 8. 27. Such joyes have been so great that they have sweetned the bitterest persecutions they have made them clap their hands for joy in the mid'st of flames and cry out in the ravishment of their spirits O ye Papists you talk of miracles but here is a miracle I am in the midst of these flames as in a bed of Roses But alas what are the joyes that God communicates to his people in this life they are but as the drop of the bucket to the whole Ocean the Apostle tells us that it doth not appear what wâ— shall be We would give it we had it a thousand worlds one would give all to enjoy these spiritual sanctifying ravishments of spirit one day If these then are so sweet what are those things that thou hast laid up for them that love thee 4. Consider that God hath prepared these joyes on purpose to glorifie his goodness and power and wisdom in preparing joyes for his people worthy of his magnificence and love he doth it for that end that he may be glorified and admired in all his Saints and what cannot infinite power and wisdom and what will not infinite Love and Goodness do when they set themselves to prepare an entertainment and to bestow a reward that may set forth their greatness what do Kings do in such cases that which is accounted a Feast amongst poor people is a rich mans fast If the strength of this consideration were drawn forth it would wonderfully affect us 2. Consider wherein these joys consist for the negative part of them There will be no sickness no pain no death no temporal misery or imperfection nay there shall be no Sin no Temptations nor corruptions no Desertions no imperfections of Graces or Duties or Comforts What would a poor 〈…〉 from this body of Sin and Death there we shall see God clearly fully everlastingly there our enjoyments shall be incomprehensible our union wonderful and inseparable and all shall be eternal What a world of difference is there betwixt a dead Carcass and the same body when he liv'd when it is dead it is sensless gaâ—â—ly filthy how beautiful how active how many rare endowments had â—â— when it liv'd and all these prâ—ceeded from the union of the soâ—â— with it and if the soul which but a poor creature by its union doth communicate such rare things to the body what do we imagin will be communicated both to the body and the soul when God shall be more neerly united to them then they are one to another when they shall be made more capable of receiving and God will be more abundant in communicating Affections and Resolutions 1. Admire the love and goodness of God O blessed God from the beginning of the World men have not perceived by the hearing of the ear nor have they seen with their eyes nor have any understood save only thou O God what thou hast prepared for them that love thee how hast thou commended thy love to us that we are thy Sons but it doth not yet appear what we shall be O the length and breadth and hâ—igth and depth of thy love that cannot he known Lord what are our duties or what are our persons that thou shouldest so highly reward them and us our best righteousness is as filthy rags and for us we are worms nay a generation of Vipers Is it not enough that thou dost not shake us off from thine hand of providence into Hell fiâ—e but that thou shouldest lay such Vipers in thy bosome and warm us with thy love Is it not enough for thee to forgive us our rebellions but that thou shouldest give us such blessings were it not a miracle of bounty and goodness for thee to bid us seriously to consult and think what to ask of thee and thou wouldest give it us though it were to the half of thy Kingdom but that thou shouldest set thy wisdom on work in preparing and thy liberality in bestowing such incomprehensible reward that we could neither ask no think but as far as the heaven is above the earth so are thy thoughts of love above our thoughts For thee to give thy Kingdom thy Christ thy self these are acts of goodness that are infinitely above us yet worthy of thee that delightest to magnifie thy goodness that rejoycest over thy people as the Bridegroom rejoyceth over his Bride Despise the World What are the things of this World O my Soul what is there here to be desired but Sin and Misery Snares and Temptations Vanity of vanities and vexation of Spirit one hours communion with God and the joyes of the holy Ghost that he hath given to his people in this world are worth more then the world can know of Why do we spend our strength and money for that which is not bread and our labours for that which doth not satisfie O vain world God hath out bidden thee thou offerest trifles he offers me Heaven for my love and service though my love be unworthy too little for him yet it is too much too good for thee 3. Long for and breathe after Heaven As the Hartpanteth after the Water-books so panteth my Soul after thee O God My Soul thirsteth for God for the living God when shall I come and appear before God when shall I be delivered from my absence from thee and from mine ignorance of thee Make hast O my beloved and be thou like a Roe or a young Hart upon the Mountains of Spices The Spirit sath Come and the Bride saith Come and the Bridegroom sath Surely I Come quickly even so come Lord Jesus come quickly 4. Encourage and stir up thy felt to the love and service of God Come O my Soul Let us be steadfast and unmovable alwayes abounding in the work of the Lord forasmuch as we know that our labour is not in vain in the Lord Let us not be weary of well doing nor of the labour of love for we shall reap if we faint not We have known and in some measure endeavoured to serve God thus many years were it not a sad thing for the want of continuing one year one month it may be but one week or one day more I should lose all my hopes and expectations of glory God forbid O my Soul Let us encourage our selves in the Lord we are not kept by our own but by the mighty power of God through Faith to Salvation and be thou assured of this that the first minute thou art in Heaven thou shalt have such full measure pre'st down heapt up and running over that thou shalt break forth in the Songs of joy and praise to
besides I very well know as I said before that the Spiritual expressions between God and ones own Soul in secret are forgotten almost as soon as ended It is very unlikely that any should remember then ten years after as the most of these are I thought good to give an account of this matter lest I should be thought to have that holy frame of heart which many of the expressions in these Meditations argues that he had that used them and arrogate to my self that which is farre from me If any shall be offended at the brevity and shortnesse of my Directions of this great and weighty businesse of Meditation I shall onely say thus much as to that 1. That I am not willing to overcharge or affright New Beginners for for such I do very much intend this Treatise with too great a Number of Particulars 2. I would not have this swell above the bigness of a Manual for I have often observed that when one hath perswaded some to buy some Book and told them it hath been but a small price it hath been almost as strong a Motive the smallness of the price as the goodness of the Book and I would not be willing that both these Motives should be wanting to the buying of this Book As for the plainnesse of the Sâ—ile or Matter I shall thus excuse it if it ought to be excused I wrote this for the meanest and ignorantest sort of Christians that they might buy and understand it that they might buy it I have made it a Manaul that they might understand it I have made it plain and spoke to them in their own Language and to the Learned I say if any such shall read this Treatise Indocti rapiunt coelum and though I highly prize Learning yet I know that as to Prayer and Meditation and all other acts of Devotion wherein we keep a strict Communion with God and watch over our own Souls and experimental knowledge and acquaintance with and inflamed affections towards God will more avail us then all the Learning in the VVorld and doubtless it is not generally Ignorance in those that live under Ordinances but the Non-improvement of the Truths we know that will undo us if we do but improve these plain Truths viz that God is that there will be a Day of Judgement that we must die that we ought to love God with all our Heart with all our Soul with all our Mind with all our Strength that we should do as we would be done to I say if we did but improve these into practice we should attain to more holiness then if we knew a thousand times more and left those Truths as generally men do by them as things forgotten I doe very much think that the Truths of Religion have been spun into too fine a Thred of late dayes and some have observed that fewer have been converted of late years then formerly when fundamentals have been Plainly Powerfully and Practically prest upon the Conscience it is an Errour to think that Notions so they be Spiritual cannot be two accute or Speculative I have one thing to entreat of the Christian Reader and it was one end of publinging this Treatise that I might with it publish thâ—se my desires The thing that I am to request of you will neither be charge nor trouble It is your frequent serious servent Prayers that I desire of you I know it is used too much as a Complement among Christians to desire prayers of their Christian friends and they are too often Superficially promised and too seldom conscienciously performed Nor would I have thee whosoever thou art that fearest God account this my Request a thing of course and that it is at thy Liberty to grant it or no for suppose a poor Distressed Man overwhelmed almost swallowed up with the sense of his Miseries and wants should with Tears and strong importunities beg relief of thee Dost thou think it were an Arbitrary thing when it was in thy power to relieve him or not Mightest thou not justly expect that the next time thou wentest to pour out thy Soul before God that he should keep by him the denial that thou gavest that poor man and give it thee when thou in the distressed thoughts of thy heart makest thy prayer to him and dost thou think that the Lord will hold thee guiltless when one whose afflictions are many Corruptions strong Temptations to undergo shall in the anguish and bitterness of his Spirit desire thy prayers and thou refuse or neglect Consider whether at the day of Judgment thou wilt have any sufficient excuse to plead I have sometimes thought that the Bills that have publickly been put up for the prayers of the Congregation have been too little regarded it may be they have been too customarily and formally put up it may be â—o but it is not good for us to be Judges of evil thoughts little do we know what Terrours and Fears and Anguishes of Spirit overwhelm them while they are so little regarded by us O that we were sensible of others afflictions and sorrows whether spiritual or Temporal as they themselves are and as we would have them to be of ours were our Souls in their Souls stead And if the Lord should so by his providence order it as to bring us into those straits which we saw our brother in and would not afford him so much as our Prayers may we not justly expect that the next time that we our selves are in streights our consciences should take up a Parable and Taunting Proverb against us and say as Josephs brethren did we are verily guilty concerning our brother in that we saw the anguish of his soul when he besought us and we would not hear therefore is all this distress come upon us And that which I would desire thee to beg of God for me is That he would give me sincerely to aim at his Glory in all my actions but especially those that belong to my Ministry that I might not be as a broken vessel and that he would give me greater Discoveries of and love to himself and the Lord Jesus Christ and that he would give me gifts and strength and wisdom opportunity and a heart to serve him and mercies suitable to my wants that my afflictions may be sanctified my Temptations conquered and my Corruptions mortified One thing more I am to request of thee that is to do what I know is too much neglected by my self and I fear by others Thou art to pray for a blessing upon thy self when thou readest this Treatise and that God would make it a blessing unto others also into whose hands it shall come I desire you that you would help me with your prayers in this particular When we do but take our ordinary daily bread we crave a blessing how much more when we doe things that concern our eternal good When we take a Book to that end Spiritually to benefit by it do we
in my heart and sencelesness upon my Spirit I speak these things Ah Lord thou hast scourged me with scorpions for my sins do encrease as well as my afflictions these afflictions to me are scorpions to me they have poyson in them and at once I am scourged and stung with them a sad ease it is when my punishment is heavier than I can bear and yet notwithstanding I go from the presence of God too and that more and more My tears dry up in mine eyes and my love goes out of my heart as soon as kindled When the Candle of the Lord shined upon my Tabernacle in my first conversion when the fire of thy love was kindled in my heart I have had some discourses of devotion that I was not able to bear the ravishment that the remembrance and meditation of them brought to my soul now almost as full of sadness as then of joy after those times as those after the Flood my joyes and the acts and workings of my grace grace grew very short liv'd in comparison of what they were before then they were Methusalems for age and Sampsons for strength to what they are now before though I fell spiritually sick and my strength and comfort was gone yet I was sensible of my weakness it was a pain and a grief unto me that I could not walk into the delightful Garden of the Spouse and to the sweet bed of his Spices I could weep for want of tears if not I could mourn for sorrow but now like a man that groaned and strugled so long that he can struggle no longer but grown senceless can hardly be perceived to breathe or live If the sweetest Musick should be plaid by him or the dearest friend in the world should come and ask him with tears in his eyes Dear Husband or Dear Wife how do you the poor sick one doth not so much as open the eye to see who it is that speaks or if open them they being presently heavy with death fall down again and he dies So is it with my poor Soul sometimes I can hear my Saviour as it were saying unto me for sometimes methinks I see him about my sick Soul Ah poor Soul how dost thou do Is my Joseph yet living But alas Lord thou knowest I have scarce strength or life to lift up mine eye to thee Lord Can these dry bones live Can these dry eyes weep Can this frozen Heart be enflamed Meditat. IV. Lord I am ashamed to consider what I know of thee when I think what I do for thee Ah my God the cares of the world lie heavy upon me Resolutions though never so strong are too weak to overcome my corruptions Alas I can scarce say any more then I have said in the confessing and bewailing my sad spiritual condition though I have said nothing to what I should say Have I not told thee Lord with tears in mine eyes and with a sad heart that I found my Corruptions get ground of me my prayers my tears my resolutions and some endeavours do resist but cannot overcome them these keep them from prevailing so soon but not from prevailing I humbly confess or desire so to do that I may complain to thee but I should add to mine abominations exceedingly if I should complain of thee Mine heart doth alwayes tempt me to it when I consider what I was and what I am it is a Talent of lead upon my soul yet since my preaching thou art glorified and thy people edified more then if I should spend all my time in private Meditation I am willing to submit only I do humbly beseech thee with tears in mine eyes that though I have less time to spend in such private duties yet that my poor Soul may not lose her love to them and though I perform fewer duties I may not perform them worse then I did when I performed more Meditat. V. I do much wonder at my self and at many nay some what at all Christians upon dayes of humiliation but most at my self to hear the tongue of a poor Christian confessing and his eyes weeping for his sins and speaking of them with such expressions and such fighs that one would think Surely this Christian keeps a strict communion with God surely he would not sin for a world surely God is in all this mans thoughts And yet stay but whil'st he hath done his prayer and you find in him such strong thoughts words and actions that are almost incredible loose and idle words and vain thoughts I but too often experience it and makes it even past hope it should be otherwise with me If any Town that was straightly besieged with cruel enemies should send for aid to such or such and when they came they should send out most of the Town to joyn with the enemy against those that came to help them What should we say of such people Lord just thus are we We have a world of corruptions and temptations Sin and Hell and Satan all beset us and violently assault us we pray for the help of God against them day after day We send our prayers to heaven for assistance Well God doth send his holy Spirit to helpt his poor Soul in the Ministery of the Word tells us what we should do to overcome these enemies and sending many motions of the Spirit to bring into our souls grace to strengthen us we will not do what he adviseth us to do nay but we take part with our corruptions and resist and fight against the power of â—he world to come O thy patience is not to be understood I am weary to think before I go to prayer how little fruit I expect from them I pray and pray and weep and hear and sigh and confess these as well as other of my sins and yet as a Ship in the Sea they do divide my corruptions for the present but they presently return to their former course Lord do not the bowels of thy compassion yern within thee to see me thy poor Servant in such a miserable condition as I am in Dost not thou see how sin and corruption do as it were lye gnawing upon me and eating up my very flesh and destroying my soul and I have neither hand nor foot to move against them Lord who is it that must make me hate corruption is it not thy Spirit who must overcome my resisting of thy Spirit is it not thy Spirit Lord I do not know in the World what to do to leave off striving were not only to despair of thy goodness because thou dost not help as much and when I will and besides if I cannot get ground nay though notwithstanding I lose ground yet doubtless I shall not go so swiftly down the stream as if I strove not at all if I must be forsaken by thee to all eternity yet Lord let me not while I live so fall that I should be a scandal to Religion Alass is it come to this O my soul
that I must say if God will forsake me for ever Meditat. VI. Since our dear Lord Jesus Christ hath loved me and given himself for me Oh that my heart was ravisht with his love Oh that he was the beloved of my soul and that I were sick of his love who dyed for the love of me Oh that I could not be stayed but with his flaggons This my Jesus the chiefest of ten thousand hath told me that he that saw thee saw the Father whereby I understand that thou art just as he was as pittiful as gracious as willing to forgive as sweet and as easie to be entreated as my good Saviour and in all the things and passages that thy word hath made known to us of him I read not of one of all that came to him not one poor soul that ever begged any grace or any pardon nor never did any come to be healed of any bodily disease in vain Lord thou art as he was Lord Jesus thou art as thou wast thy being in Heaven makes thee not less like thy Father or thy self Blessed God I do beseech thee to give me thy poor hard-hearted servant a soft heart Lord Jesus I beseech thee thou seest mine heart my poor heart desire as imperfectly as coldly to make intercession for me me for whom thou hast paid a dear price as one that hath been so long from his Friend hath he can hardly call to remembrance what countenance he hath So I poor I that cannot chuse but pity the sad condition of mine own heart which though it doth not uncessantly and importunately desire grace as it should yet methinks it is a sad thing to see it in such a careless temper I am such a stranger to thee that I have much ado to make one thought of thy sweet love and excellencies that may affect my heart and bring the sweet apprehensions of thee to remembrance Thy tender mercies and former relishes of thy goodness are to me like the shadow of death they are as Christ walking upon the waters they terrifie me Lord let me weep thee to me again Oh my God I am undone undone undone a poor undone creature Those in desertion are in a thousand times better condition then I am they want the comforts but then indeed they have the graces of the Spirit but is not my poor soul that wants both in a sad condition that can sit down and fall asleep when I should seek my Saviour I have a soul of such a temper as makes me wonder at my self as in the Spring and sometimes there will come a cloud that will seem to overspread the Heavens and yet on the sudden all will be blown over and the day so fair that there will not be a cloud to be seen So am I sometimes my heart is full of sorrow and mine eyes full of tears and yet upon the sudden my heart loseth that sweet sad temper and all is blown over and not a cloud appears and these clouds of grief are not dispersed with the comforts and joyes of thy Spirit but with worldly business or company when I do grieve for my sins carnal grief bears a share in it and carnal joy abolisheth it Meditat. VII To confess my sins without any sense of them without any hatred of them to pray for grace and not to be sensible of the necessity or excellency of it to come to thine Ordinances without reaping any good from them to think and meditate of thee and neither admire nor love thee nor long and delight to be in thy company to what purpose are these things thou desirest of us our hearts and not our works words or thoughts without that Ah my Lord and my God shall all be in vain and wilt thou cast me off for ever Dost thou hate my soul and am I an abomination unto thee Must I be shut out for ever and never enjoy the sweetness of thy presence Thou wilt not O my God thou wilt not thou canst not O my God thou canst not for thou hast made a Covenant withme and I claim that Covenant for I have not any thing in world besides thy Covenant in the Lord Jesus Christ that I can so much as have the least hope that will do me any good if the Lord Jesus Christ did not sit at thy right hand to make intercession for me my sins continually daily hourly clamoring against me and accusing of me must needs prevail against me Alass my hear is far from that spiritual frame that thou requirest for the miseries that sin brings are more troublesome and heavy to me then the silthiness that is in fin thy blessings are more lovely in my eyes then thy self Every duty hardens me in my formality Lord thouart the father of mercies Oh have mercy upon me for my case is not the common case of thy people but few few of many may be found whose soul is like my poor soul for where is there any that can say so and yet be so little affected as I am Meditat. VIII Mine hopes are false and my fears are true the deadliest poysons do not make me sick nor the excellentest Cordials do not comfort me I am not sick of sin nor doth the Sacrament of the body and blood of Christ fill me with joy nay rather doth it not fill me with griefs and fears if my fears and griefs were not Carnal would they were more but my Carnal joyes eat out my Spiritual grief and my joyes also I am as it were like Absalom I hang between heaven and earth I would fain have heaven and yet would not part with earth Oh my Lord Jesus Christ art thou of no more excellency in mine eyes Doth thy love to me raise up no more love in me then to stand deliberating what to do when thou standest with stretched out arms to receive me to thy bosome Canst thou love one that loves thee so little as I do Thou didst love me when I loved thee not at all Why sittest thou so sad O my Soul Go cast thy self into the arms and bosome of the Lord Jesus Christ there lie and hear the beatings of his heart toward thee and it may be thou maiest be warmed with the heat of his love Christ pours out the boyling streams of his heart-blood upon thy poor soul for his hear boyled in love towards thee and can thine heart still be frozen Oh infidelity thou art the poyson of my Soul thou with thy cold blasts hast frozen mâ—ne heart and keep'st it so Lord give me faith or else all thy mercies are in vain Thy love is and hath been too great for me to believe Lord thou that lovest me so much as to give me Christ Oh love me so much as to give me saith to believe it There remains in mine heart no more then the first spark of thy love and the first Principle of grace that thou didst put into my soul when thou didst regenerate me All the flames
to do and still by the help of God I will not cease to cry and call upon him for whom my soul I doubt not but would love if he discover his beauties and love unto me and work them on my heart I seek for one who I cannot tell who he is before I find him then I shall know and shall tell to all who he is and set forth his excellencies though they shall as little understand me a I do them who declare the things that God hath wrought for them Medit. XXXV There is not such an one in the world as I am that I know Publicans and harlots I justifie them I in the midst of ordinanees and mercies in the midst of the flames of love nay when thou layest on me that affliction that is now fresh bleeding in mine eyes or rather despised and forgotten I should have learnt obedience by things I suffered and I have done as if I were to learn to sin by them Thou hast chastised me with rods and I have put the sting of sin into them and have made them scorpions Thou sendest them for Antidotes and I have turned them into poyson Lord teach me what it is wherein thou art so offended to leave me thus Lord I believe thou hast pardoned me but small is my comfort when thou pardonest sin but subduest it not Meditat. XXXVI Lord I do so evidently find my self unable to judge of truths or to resist temptations that I almost nay altogether lye at the mercy of every temptation and to be carried about with the wind of every vain doctrine if thou dost not stand by me what should I tell thee the secret puddle of my heart I am weary of the stench and filthiness of it there is not a prayer but they meet me at it and lye as a talent of lead upon me if my heart were all on fire with thy love these things could not be I sometimes have thoughts rising in my heart that are wicked proud and foolish thoughts I begin to be offended that I begging for the manifestations of thy love yet have them not but those thoughts no sooner begin to arise but I consider what am I that thou shouldest give me thy love sand how can I expect the manifestations of thy love when I will not give thee my love but let it run wast upon the creature How many times do I chuse to do anything rather then spend my time in Meditation and Prayer nay to do nothing and be idle for although thou lovest us first yet thou dost not usually discover thy thoughts of love to a Soul before she hath made over her love and her self unto thee then I think thou canst by the power of thy Spirit bring in my heart my Soul and my love and that usually ere thou dost ravish the soul with the discoveries of thy love this I know and let all the world know it that whatsoever wicked thoughts do arise in my weak heart which I cannot answer I know that all thy wayes are holy just and good Lord what shall I give for the sheddings abroad of love in my heart that which should be given for it were it at the utmost parts of the world I could fetch it thence But Lord the price of it already paid 't is near unto thee even at thy right hand O thou most High he hath paid for this Mercy by his blood long ago and my Prayers thou requirest not as a price Lord fill me with these Spiritual Supplications that I may give thee no rest nor take any rest my self until I have found him whom my soul loveth Come Lord Jesus Come quickly Meditat. XXXVII O Lord beat me and drive me with storms and Tempests I am come unto thee like the Prodigal Son for all but that which most of all I should have a Spiritual Sorrow ragged and tatter'd and undone My Sins and Misery are like his not my sorrow For me to see my self languishing my Graces daily grow weaker my love colder and even almost to be speechless in prayer Alas the Sorrow that I have is rather bewailing my Misery then my Sin I know not what it is Lord but thou dost Sure I am my condition is sad and I am sad and my sadness is all the poor remains of Comfort that I have and yet I no sooner begin to take any comfort in my grief but I perceive so much hypocrisie in my Grief that the poor Spark of Comfort that I have is put out Alas Tears of Blood were fitter for me then dry eyes O Lord must every trifle steal away my heart from thee Thine Excellencies are too high for me Wisdom is too high for Fools O that thou wouldest take me out of my own hands and deliver me from my self and howsoever my heart is not importunate enough now I shall thank and praise thee to all Eternity if thou wilt make me thine Thou hast done as much to draw me with the Cords of love even to wonder Lord do thou snatch me as a Fire brand out of the firâ— if thou shouldst stay till I am willing without thy making me so I am lost For I shall never part with these painted Vanities for all the glory in heaven except thou givest me the eye of Faith to see it and a Spiritual palat to relish it Meditat. XXXVIII O Lord wilt thou let a poor sinner lie gasping out his last breath at thy feet and die in thine arms I have aboundance of love for the world O that thou hadst it all I am sure I am not and shall never be at quiet untill thou hast it nor would I sleep until I am in thine arms of love My dearest God how comes it to pass that my heart cannot give it self to whom it will Had I a thousand worlds I would give all for thee that I might be thine O my soul why should we stand consulting and contriving what to do God is ten thousand times more then all things Why should we weigh a Talent of Lead and a Feather together to see which is heaviest O Lord My soul hath chosen thee long ago I have abundance of experience of the Truth of those things which I have believed I am thine and thou art my God Thou hast chosen me and I have chosen thee Is I should be so vain at any time as to leave thee thou art the same and thy choice fails not Thou Lord which mad'st me chuse thee whilest I had no experience of thy love wilt make me continue my choice Lord that any one should choose hell beforâ— thee It makes thee not to be less glorious Lord must my Blasphemies praise thee I find so much hell in my heart that it is not troubled in any proportionable Measure that there is so much hell in it When I set apart an hour for Meditation and Prayer then I kept my heart somewhat close But at other times I am little careful to improve what I read
or hear to enflame my heart I had better not set an hour apart and give thee all the day by thinking alwayes of thee Lord I do now acknowledge for then I shall not but if thou shouldest leave me I should be too much given to blaspheme thee Nay blâ—ssed God let that never be Lord it shall never be When I consider the desperate hypocrisie of my heart I may every Morning expect that thou shouldst give me up to a râ—probate sense to commit sin with greediness when I think of these things I pour out my soul within me To think with my self I shall lose my Estate a little troubles me to think I shall lose such a friend it affects me more but to think I shall lose my God and become an Apostate that 's a hell unto me I have begged of thee as for my life that thou wouldest not leave me and now I beg O forsake me not utterly To have such a heart that will neither inflame my words nor be inflamed by them is that which hath not been so Lord except thou wilt follow one that will not stay when thou callest and overtake one that runs from thee when thou followest I am lost Well I am sure my froward and careless carriage will justifie thy justice if thou condemn me and magnifie thy Mercy if thou savest me Meditat. XXXIX Lord this day is thine own and by being thine is the more mine I must now burn without coals about me The time hath been when if I had been cold and dull the Society Exprâ—ssions and Examples of others in dayes set apart to thee would have inâ—lamed me Now the company I have is water and snow Wo is me that I am constrained to have my habitation in the Tents of Kedar and yet Lord thou art never wanting Thou sendest forth thy beams of light and heat if I bring not Clouds over mine own head I may have enough light from thee Lord when will these dayes of sin be ended and the time of refreshing from the presence of the Lord come I come into thy presence but when I am come I am silent and deaf neither able to speak to thee nor hear the sweet whisperings of thy Spirit O that I had a heart to give my self unto thee or that thou wouldest take these poor longings of my Soul for a Gift and thereupon take possession of my Soul My dayes of leaping for joy to think of thee are gone and now my dayes of sorrow to see mine own vileness are come My tears are now my Meat and Drink O that I had more of them so they were more Spiritual I am a poor creature but thou art the rich God My poor heart why dost thou not speak why art thou silent what saist thou Is not God a good God what relish or sweetness is there in these words if thou dost not set to thy seal Lord to thy glory though not to my comfort be it spoken Thou hast been a good God to me but I have no comfort from this truth if I never relish it yet if mine heart will be so wicked and vile and base as not to acknowledge it yet my hand shall write that which shall witness for my God against my self Thou art good patient and Merciful unto me enough to make earth and heaven to wonder at thy goodness and my vileness Ah my God my God must my words go beyond my thoughts of love to thee Lord thou art enough for heaven enough for thy self and art thou not enough for me Try O my Soul try thou wilt never trust before thou knowest this by experience thou knowest abundantly that the creature hath told thee It is not in me this thou knowest by experience and by faith thou knowest it is in God Well then lay all thy weight and strength upon him and none upon the Creature Hold upon him with both hands or else thou wilt attribute the greatest failing unto God For as he that stands upon never so strong a place if he lean against a rotten wall he shall fall and one that is asleep when he falls will not know whether fail'd him and so if we do but lean to our own wisdom we shall happily think that God fails Lord I wait I long for thine appearance Thou art enough Lord I know not what to say I am undone without thee Lord I hear the poor fly oh how it flies up and down Now it is warmed and revived with the warmth of the Sun yesterday it lay still as dead surely Lord if thou wilt shine upon my Soul I should be active and chearful in thy service No marvel heaven is so full of thy praises when thou communicatest thy self so fully to them The Crumbs that fall from thy Table are too much for me these temporal blessings are more then I can challenge yet Lord I cannot be content with them give me thy self and it sufficeth for all is nothing and shares without thee Meditat. XL. Alas my God Pride and Despair divide my life When I find any thing I do in some manner as I should I begin to be pust up and think that I do more then some others of Gods people and when I look upon my failings these thoughts begin to arise It is in vain I shall never overcome such corruptions My Sinnes doe me more harm by discouraging me then in the commission Meditat. XLI Lord There is no peace until thou hast all our love while our heart is divided between the world and thee we can have no quiet Natural conscience draws one way and Natural Corruptions another way It is our ignorance that makes us think that there is not enough in thee to satisfie all our desires and supply our wants which makes us joyn the Creature with thee When Lord when shall all my thoughts be of thee I am weary of being thus divided Lord if I can dispose of my self I give my self wholly to thee O refuse not that gift which thou hast so often desired thou hast said give me thy heart Lord my heart longs whilest thou hast it If thou saist that I do not give my self freely and wholly enough alas nor never shall until thou take my heart and discoverest the secrets of thy love unto me when thou dost that I shall run after thee Lord heâ—e's my poor soul it lies at thy feet groveling and gasping for life the Creature hath left me and I have left the creature and would not that it should have any more of my love but it still woes me and follows me for my love unless thou overcomest these strong corruptions I shall never be at quiet Meditat. XLII Sometimes my heart begins to be fill'd with joy so that I am ready to cry out Thou art mine exceeding joy and then I consider what I shall do for I am afraid that my joy is false When I consider how I came by it whether my prayers have been more servent and frequent of
carnal motives is a poor thing Lord how am I distracted and torn in pieces with these thoughts Nay Lord if thou wilt have me go with these burthens on my soul do whatever seems good in thine eyes If I may but drudge in thy house though I lie among the pots yet to be a Skullion in thy house is better then to sit at the Table of Princes Lord I am undone except thou work a miracle of mercy yet if I am undone it may be before thou givest me over and discoverest me to the world thou wilt let me do something more that I may glorifie thee and edifie the people nay it may be thou maist suffer me as long as I live to do much of which thou maist have glory Lord if my heart be not upright yet O that my actions and my Preachings may be such that men seeing and hearing them may be stirred up to glorifie thee by doing those things sincerely which I it may be do out of hypocrisie I am sure too much hypocrisie Lord I have begged for such a heart as may not deceive me nor dishonour thee O my God What shall I doe Nay Lord what wilt thou doe I am undone unless thou dost work mightily above all that I can speak or think according to that mighty power wherewith thou didst raise the Lord from the dead O that I might be so raised that I might return no more to corruption Medit. XLVI By this I know and am sensible It is not for any man to live by his own strength by my knowing how impossible it is for a sick Man to recover without thee If a living man cannot speak how can a condemned man live without thee If living bones cannot move how can dry bones live Lord thou meetest me not at Duties thou speakest not to me there Thou speakest to me in mercies and I answer not in judgements and I carry my self as a sleepy man that is unwilling to be awaked What wilt thou do with me Lord when I will neither speak to thee nor answer thee when thou speakest O the weakness of my graces and the power of thy Mercies Those sins I have had a mind to commit thou hast taken from me the opportunity to commit It is a comfort to me that I had not opportunity but it would be a greater comfort not to have a mind An Instance according to the Rules given for Meditating on the Scripture A Meditation on these words Isa 66. 2. But to this man will I look even to him that is poor and of a contrite Spirit and trembleth at my Word LET us seriously consider O my Soul That if an Angel or God himself from Heaven had spoken these words in our hearing as once Christ did to Paul when he was going to Damascus surely I think they would have very much affected us Is the Word of God less his Word because it is written I read that the Apostle 2 Pet. 1. 17 18 19. speaking of a voice that he himself heard from Heaven saith that he had a more sure word of Prophecy that is as I conceive that he was no less sure that the words of the Prophets were the very words of God then those that he heard with his ears Then lâ—t us not be less affected with these words then if we our selves had heard God himsâ—lf speak them 2. Nor let us think that they less concern us then if we had earnestly begged of God to tell us what he would have us to be do and as an answer of our prayers we had heard him speak to us from heaven in particular To this man will I look that is of a poor and contrite Spirit and trembleth at my Word For doubtless God hath not caused his VVord to be Written in vain at a venture for whomsoever should read it but knew not who they were should read it but he knew every particular person to whose hand his VVord should come and knew his word should come to my hands and I should read these wery words and therefore caused them to be written in particular for my sake though not exclusively Christ died for all his people yet Paul saith that he loved me and gave himself for me and Christ did think particularly of Paul and so of every one else for whom he died and gave himself up as a Sacrifice and Ransome particularly thinking on and intending every one that should be saved by his Death If a Minister should go to one that is given to Swearing and tell him of the hainousness of that sin and lay it home to his Conscience in private it generally doth affect him more then to hear the same sin reproved in publick yet he should as particularly apply it then though he had not in this respect so much reason to apply it as I have to apply these words to mine own soul For the Minister doth not nor can actually and particularly intend every one that is guilty of the sins he reproves for he knows not every particular person that is guilty of the sin he reproves as God doth every one that reads his word Therefore let us take this and apply it to our selves as if God had sent these words written with his own hand to us in particular VVhen it is said that the Scripture is written for our Learning c. Rom. 15. 4. I conceive the meaning is not only by way of sufficiency but by way of intention efficacy decree in resgect of his people that is not only that there is a sufficient matter in Scripture to instruct us but that God did intend and decree that this place of Scripture should instruct every particular one of his people that is instructed by it 3. And indeed what is the reason that I now read these words and do now intend to Meditate on them Is it not or certainly it ought to be that I should try whether I am such or whether I have such an heart and Spirit as these words signifie and if I am not so much as I ought to be that I should humble my self and be as truly sensible and as much affected and much more then I am with those bodily infirmities that lie upon me and if so be there were a receit given me which I had a long time sought for and endeavoured to get being assured that if I had it it would cure me Surely I should not only read it because I might be able to tell others what would cure such a Disease or to enable my self to discourse of that matter but I should read it with abundance of joy and unquestionable resolution to take it Alas Lord why do I not read thy Word so also where the unquestionable remedies of all spiritual diseases are set down Surely it is my senselesness of the mischiefs of these Spiritual Distempers that makes me so little affected with grief for them and with joy that I have found out the remedies for them 4.
Worm nay a Viper why doth he let thee hang upon his hand of Providence and not shake thee off into Hell fire As we walk we do not step out of our way to avoid crushing a Worm to death If we see an Adder or such a venomous Creature we go out of out way to destroy it God hath not dealt so with thee but when thou hast run from God he hath called after thee and would not suffer thee to perish though thou wouldest and when thou hast come against him with thy sins and thy rebellions he hath stood with stretched out arms to imbrace thee Are not these Miracles of Mercy O my Soul how many mercies dost thou receive from God even at that very time when thou sinnest against him 5. Consider the innumerable multitude the infinite greatness of his Mercies and the wonderful love wherewithall he bestows them How precious are thy thoughts toward me O God saith David I am sure thou had just cause to say also O my Soul The Mercies that God hath bestowed are wonderful but those that he hath promised are far greater What manner of love hath the Father bestowed upon us that we should be called the Sons of God! Now we are the Sons of God and it doth not appear what we shall be That he should make us his Sons is very much but that he should not spare his own Son that he might spare us is beyond all admiration Affections Admire the goodness of God Lord what is man what is sinful man that thou shouldest so regard him What am I that am the worst of men Why art thou so good to me that have been and am so bad When I was in my blood to the loathing of my person thou said'st unto me in my blood Live nay not only when I was weltering in my own Blood but in the Blood of Christ thou said'st unto me Live What did I ever do to deserve those Mercies or what have I or can I do to require them As thy glorious Name so thy Metcies are extolled above all praises 2 Admire thine own ingratitude Have I so requited my God O my Soul as to return rebellious for mâ— Mercies Hath God heaped upon me many glowings coals of love mercy and is my heart still â—ozen Must God on y be a looser by his blessings If mâ—n who is bound to do me good when iâ— lies in his power â—eâ—â—o vs a small coâ—rtesie on me how do I thank him whensoever I meet him but though God who is no way engaged of his free grace bestows thousands of thousands of blessings how do I live in the midst of them without ever regarding of them Nay my ingratitude is such that I make God a looser by his mercies If thou Lord hadst made me to beg my bread I should have been more thankful for one dayes food then I am now for a years Are his Mercies less because they are continued Alas O my Soul how foolish are we We do even daily provoke God to take away his blessings because we will not prâ—ze them while we have them and thâ—â— there is another thing wherein we do wonderfully ill if God doth but lay any affliction up 〈◊〉 us and take away but one mercy in stead of being thankful we have enjoyed it so â—ong and that he hath not taken away all we murmure and repine and rob him of all the praise that is due for the rest of the Mercies we enjoy Alas what doth God require of us for all his Mercies but this that we should love him with all our Heart Soul and strength 3. Stir up thy heart to Praise and thansgiving Bless the Lord O my Soul and all that is within me bless his holy Name Forget not all his Benefits who forgiveth all thine iniquities who healeth all thy diseases who redeemeth thy life from destruction who crowneth thee with loving-kindness and tender mercies Not love God not not praise God O my Soul why what could God require less at thy hands then these I have heard of one that being delivered out of a great and long desertion had much ado to stay within doors and not run into the streets and stay every one she met that she might tell them what God had done for her soul How do the Angels love and praise God to all Eternity and why should the Angels love and praise God more then I He never forgave them one sin he hath forgiven me thousands 't is true they are in glory so shall I be too if I be not unthankful for the mercies I have received Resolutions I am resolved for the time to come to sing Psalms the oftner I have not enough delighted in that duty 'T is strange that that which is the happiness of heaven I should find so little delight in well for this next Moneth I will spend one hour a week in meditating upon the Mercies and Love of God His Mercies are enough and great enough surely to take up so much time for in heaven Eternity is little enough to admire them Conclusion 1. Pray desire God that he would by his Spirit blow these Coâ—ls of Mercies that he may enflame thy heart with love and joy and prase of him alas otherwise the judgements of God will not affect us nor the Mercies of God enflame us 't is the Spirit that quickneth else Mercies will not profit 2. Praise God Call upon thy Soul again and again awâ—ken thy heart let it not be so drowsie at a work of so great importance 3. Acknowledge that were thy heart ought thy â—outh and thy heart would be filled with the praises of God acknowledge that is no wâ—nt of mâ—ttâ—r and Motives of praise in the Truths which thou hast considered but thy heart is so dead that nothing almost will work upon it After the Meditation is ended think with thy self what Truths did most affect thee c. 2. Write down thy resolution c. 3. Go unwilingly from this Duty Meditat. III. Of Sin 1. BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God 2 Desire God to assist thee in this Meditation Considerations 1. Consider seriously how much God abhors Sin and how odious it is to him this you may see both by what God hath said and what God hath done to shew the abhorrence of it 2. Sinners it is said that God loatheth them and they loathe God Zec. 11. 8. and God by his Prophet cryeth out saying O do not this abominable thing which I hate How often doth God prosess his hatred of Sin if one should spit in a mans face or lay Toads or Serpents in his bosome or whatsoever you could imagine it could not be so abominable to him as Sin is to God he hates it more then we hate hel how can we know any ones hatred of any thing but by his expressions and his actions suppose you should see one take some curious costly or rare Dish of Meat which he loved