exile_n for_o the_o friendship_n of_o relation_n at_o norwell_n and_o southwell_n i_o be_o there_o beg_a pardon_n for_o sinful_a compliance_n as_o in_o sit_v late_o in_o a_o alehouse_n in_o southwell_n where_o the_o company_n be_v health_v it_o about_o though_o bless_v be_v the_o lord_n i_o drink_v not_o much_o yet_o i_o be_v a_o bad_a example_n in_o sit_v and_o sip_v with_o the_o wicked_a in_o waste_v my_o precious_a time_n my_o prayer_n therefore_o be_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v pardon_v that_o and_o continue_v mercy_n and_o give_v i_o a_o thankful_a heart_n in_o and_o a_o lively_a sense_n of_o divine_a goodness_n the_o 20_o be_v the_o sabbath-day_n through_o mercy_n i_o find_v myself_o in_o a_o pretty_a good_a frame_n of_o spirit_n and_o take_v particular_a notice_n in_o my_o diary_n of_o mr._n coats_n subject_n which_o be_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n etc._n etc._n i_o there_o find_v a_o desire_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v work_v those_o truth_n more_o and_o more_o upon_o my_o heart_n by_o his_o spirit_n that_o my_o sin_n may_v be_v pardon_v and_o my_o soul_n prosper_v the_o 21_o under_o some_o dulness_n occasion_v by_o slavish_a fear_n of_o man_n which_o i_o find_v bewail_v that_o day_n with_o this_o petition_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v enable_v i_o to_o live_v by_o faith_n and_o that_o i_o may_v encourage_v myself_o in_o the_o lord_n my_o god_n under_o all_o outward_a discouragement_n whatsoever_o who_o have_v deliver_v i_o do_v deliver_v and_o i_o trust_v will_v deliver_v i_o his_o poor_a creature_n o_o that_o my_o sin_n may_v not_o provoke_v the_o lord_n to_o turn_v away_o his_o face_n the_o 23d_o have_v this_o day_n be_v state_v account_n with_o my_o wife_n and_o several_a other_o with_o reference_n to_o disbursement_n the_o three_o month_n in_o the_o summer_n of_o my_o exile_n and_o trouble_v in_o the_o year_n 85_o though_o i_o find_v they_o extraordinary_a large_a yet_o through_o grace_n i_o find_v myself_o free_a from_o those_o passion_n that_o upon_o such_o account_n i_o use_v to_o be_v prone_a to_o my_o experience_n again_o there_o record_v of_o god_n gracious_a appearance_n for_o i_o 26_o mercy_n there_o again_o take_v notice_n of_o in_o the_o lord_n be_v deliver_v i_o from_o trouble_n and_o a_o petition_n that_o if_o it_o be_v the_o lord_n will_n i_o may_v be_v preserve_v from_o enter_v into_o bond_n which_o i_o and_o all_o my_o friend_n do_v believe_v will_v be_v very_o ensnare_a to_o i_o there_o i_o find_v sin_n bewail_v and_o lay_v heavy_a upon_o my_o conscience_n 27_o manifestation_n make_v of_o deliverance_n still_o from_o danger_n i_o there_o bless_v god_n i_o be_o still_o at_o liberty_n and_o hear_v nothing_o from_o the_o d._n of_o n._n of_o enter_v into_o those_o bond_n he_o require_v i_o then_o hear_v of_o dr._n temple_n execution_n and_o take_v notice_n of_o distinguish_a mercy_n that_o he_o shall_v be_v take_v and_o i_o leave_v who_o through_o man_n rage_n and_o wrath_n be_v in_o danger_n i_o 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that_o he_o will_v continue_v this_o mercy_n and_o give_v i_o to_o live_v a_o thankful_a holy_a humble_a and_o fruitful_a life_n and_o pardon_v the_o particular_a sin_n of_o this_o day_n and_o help_v i_o against_o it_o and_o to_o perform_v promise_v make_v under_o my_o affliction_n 9th_o i_o there_o bless_v god_n for_o the_o mercy_n of_o that_o day_n and_o beg_v pardon_n for_o my_o sin_n and_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v cause_v i_o to_o live_v better_o the_o next_o day_n 10_o my_o sin_n stare_v i_o in_o the_o face_n be_v many_o and_o great_a there_o i_o find_v myself_o beg_v that_o i_o may_v eye_v the_o blood_n of_o christ_n and_o might_n through_o grace_n be_v interest_v in_o it_o be_v the_o only_a sovereign_a remedy_n for_o a_o poor_a sinner_n yet_o i_o be_o preserve_v from_o enshare_a bond_n and_o enjoy_v through_o mercy_n comfortable_a liberty_n and_o sit_v under_o my_o own_o vine_n with_o delight_n 11_o this_o i_o find_v a_o comfortable_a sabbath_n when_o mr._n coat_n do_v most_o sweet_o call_v invite_v and_o encourage_v sinner_n to_o come_v to_o christ_n o_o that_o i_o may_v not_o stand_v out_o the_o lord_n bless_v the_o sermon_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n and_o pardon_v my_o sin_n 12_o no_o actual_a sin_n that_o i_o know_v of_o i_o this_o day_n beg_v direction_n from_o heaven_n about_o the_o oath_n of_o allegiance_n i_o and_o other_o in_o my_o family_n be_v call_v to_o take_v and_o next_o day_n i_o do_v take_v it_o have_v observe_v no_o intimation_n from_o the_o lord_n against_o it_o but_o be_v well_o satisfy_v about_o it_o beside_o i_o fear_v if_o i_o refuse_v it_o will_v be_v worse_o with_o we_o upon_o the_o account_n of_o our_o meeting_n which_o i_o do_v desire_v to_o keep_v up_o i_o beg_v the_o lord_n will_v enable_v i_o to_o keep_v the_o oath_n be_v take_v as_o a_o sacred_a thing_n i_o be_o yet_o at_o liberty_n and_o free_a from_o ensnare_a bond_n 15_o i_o that_o day_n beg_v the_o lord_n will_v humble_v i_o under_o any_o thing_n of_o sin_n that_o may_v be_v in_o my_o swear_v and_o take_v the_o oath_n the_o day_n before_o 16_o this_o day_n mr._n h._n acquaint_v i_o that_o one_o do_v say_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v lie_v heavy_a upon_o i_o that_o i_o be_v to_o give_v a_o security_n by_o bond_n of_o 7000_o l._n which_o will_v ask_v a_o great_a time_n for_o i_o to_o get_v and_o that_o i_o be_v only_a capt._n l_n prisoner_n at_o large_a well_o i_o find_v this_o hint_n in_o my_o diary_n that_o day_n that_o i_o can_v trust_v my_o god_n who_o have_v deliver_v i_o and_o that_o he_o will_v deliver_v i_o still_o from_o the_o fury_n and_o rage_n of_o man_n and_o the_o effect_n thereof_o 17_o this_o day_n i_o have_v a_o encourage_v letter_n from_o v._o l._n as_o if_o the_o duke_n have_v do_v with_o i_o which_o i_o beg_v then_o the_o lord_n will_v grant_v and_o enable_v i_o to_o live_v up_o to_o so_o great_a a_o mercy_n for_o several_a other_o day_n after_o i_o be_o blessing_n god_n for_o the_o comfortable_a and_o quiet_a abode_n in_o my_o house_n and_o petition_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v keep_v i_o from_o sin_v away_o such_o mercy_n 20_o waste_v time_n the_o great_a sin_n acknowledge_v this_o day_n and_o a_o petition_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v please_v to_o make_v i_o more_o active_a and_o diligent_a in_o soul-concerns_a every_o day_n as_o be_v every_o day_n near_o death_n 22d_o this_o day_n i_o observe_v from_o joh._n 7._o 44._o in_o my_o read_n this_o passage_n some_o of_o they_o will_v have_v take_v he_o but_o no_o man_n lay_v hand_n on_o he_o upon_o which_o mr._n baxter_n have_v this_o note_n god_n binder_n bad_a man_n from_o do_v what_o they_o will_v do_v and_o they_o know_v not_o how_o he_o do_v it_o i_o have_v have_v great_a experience_n of_o this_o myself_o the_o lord_n be_v praise_v 25_o this_o day_n god_n make_v a_o very_a comfortable_a sabbath_n to_o i_o and_o i_o trust_v will_v do_v my_o soul_n good_a by_o it_o and_o set_v home_o another_o sermon_n i_o then_o hear_v from_o mr._n cotes_n concern_v the_o ease_n of_o christ_n yoke_n i_o be_o yet_o through_o mercy_n continue_v in_o my_o family_n in_o peace_n and_o safety_n enjoy_v distinguish_a mercy_n and_o love_n god_n help_v i_o to_o make_v a_o right_a use_n of_o it_o and_o still_o restrain_v man_n that_o they_o do_v not_o hurt_v i_o and_o enable_v i_o to_o give_v thou_o the_o glory_n of_o that_o mercy_n thou_o please_v to_o give_v i_o the_o comfort_n of_o 26_o this_o day_n i_o be_v at_o cos_n r_n funeral_n the_o lord_n prepare_v i_o for_o my_o change_n i_o come_v from_o thence_o over_o a_o dangerous_a way_n in_o safety_n 27_o god_n have_v this_o day_n preserve_v
1690._o that_o i_o have_v particular_o mention_v the_o sin_n of_o my_o youth_n etc._n etc._n i_o must_v acquaint_v all_o peruser_n of_o this_o book_n that_o i_o be_o not_o asbamed_a to_o do_v it_o for_o the_o advance_v of_o free_a and_o rich_a grace_n some_o passage_n of_o the_o life_n of_o gervase_n disney_n from_o my_o first_o marriage_n especial_o with_o many_o particular_n before_o such_o as_o either_o occur_v to_o memory_n or_o by_o the_o help_n of_o my_o diary_n i_o be_v capable_a of_o take_v in_o which_o i_o have_v endeavour_v as_o impartial_o to_o view_v my_o dark_a side_n as_o bright_a and_o both_o for_o these_o reason_n by_o the_o former_a i_o discover_v the_o miserable_a corruption_n of_o my_o wretched_a nature_n the_o wiles_n and_o subtlety_n of_o a_o busy_a devil_n who_o go_v about_o like_o a_o roar_a lion_n seek_v who_o he_o may_v devour_v by_o the_o latter_a i_o will_v discover_v the_o wonderful_a free_a grace_n of_o god_n to_o i_o who_o be_v one_o of_o the_o worst_a and_o great_a of_o sinner_n in_o bring_v i_o from_o under_o satan_n slavery_n and_o dominion_n i_o the_o say_v gervase_n disney_n be_v bear_v birth_n the_o day_n of_o march_n 1641_o at_o of_o religious_a parent_n viz._n john_n disney_n of_o swinderby_n in_o the_o county_n of_o lincoln_n esq_n the_o elder_a son_n by_o a_o second_o venture_n of_o sir_n henry_n disney_n of_o norton-disney_n kt._n and_o barbara_n his_o wife_n who_o be_v the_o elder_a daughter_n of_o gervase_n lee_n of_o norwell-hall_n in_o the_o county_n of_o nottingham_n esq_n they_o have_v nine_o child_n lend_v they_o by_o the_o lord_n viz._n cornelius_n elizabeth_z gervase_n mary_n john_n sarah_n samuel_n dorcas_n daniel_n sarah_n and_o samuel_n die_v very_o young_a the_o former_a of_o the_o purple_n and_o though_o sarah_n very_o young_a yet_o have_v a_o good_a savour_n of_o spiritual_a thing_n upon_o her_o heart_n and_o in_o that_o sickness_n a_o long_a desire_n to_o be_v dissolve_v and_o to_o be_v with_o christ_n she_o be_v esteem_v one_o of_o the_o beautiful_a child_n that_o ever_o be_v see_v her_o hair_n be_v milk_n white_a and_o complexion_n pure_a white_a and_o red_a yet_o it_o be_v judge_v her_o great_a beauty_n lie_v within_o the_o lord_n have_v betimes_o adorn_v her_o soul_n with_o ornament_n of_o grace_n and_o from_o the_o abundance_n of_o her_o heart_n her_o mouth_n do_v often_o speak_v to_o the_o great_a comfort_n and_o refreshment_n of_o weep_a friend_n that_o stand_v about_o she_o she_o call_v much_o upon_o god_n as_o her_o father_n my_o father_n one_o day_n stand_v by_o her_o bedside_n and_o hear_v she_o frequent_o cry_v out_o o_o my_o father_n my_o father_n ask_v she_o who_o she_o mean_v do_v she_o mean_v he_o o_o no_o no_o say_v she_o it_o be_v my_o heavenly_a father_n i_o cry_v after_o you_o be_v my_o father_n on_o earth_n but_o it_o be_v my_o father_n in_o heaven_n i_o want_v you_o can_v help_v i_o but_o he_o can_v many_o such_o like_a passage_n i_o have_v hear_v my_o father_n disney_n report_n of_o she_o which_o show_v she_o to_o be_v more_o sit_v for_o heaven_n than_o earth_n samuel_n also_o die_v young_a of_o a_o lethargy_n samuel_n be_v remove_v from_o earth_n to_o heaven_n when_o about_o the_o age_n of_o 4_o year_n he_o be_v a_o child_n of_o most_o pregnant_a part_n and_o have_v a_o strange_a understanding_n in_o the_o best_a thing_n he_o be_v indeed_o a_o good_a young_a samuel_n and_o fear_v god_n from_o a_o child_n he_o be_v my_o father_n great_a favourite_n and_o darling_n in_o his_o company_n and_o with_o his_o pretty_a talk_n my_o father_n do_v much_o delight_n and_o will_v therefore_o usual_o at_o his_o walk_a hour_n which_o he_o do_v pretty_a much_o for_o exercise_n he_o must_v lead_v his_o young_a samuel_n by_o the_o hand_n and_o then_o can_v not_o but_o admire_v his_o pious_a talk_n his_o strange_a question_n in_o divinity_n which_o i_o have_v hear_v my_o father_n say_v sometime_o he_o be_v astonish_v at_o and_o sometime_o his_o question_n 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part_v with_o he_o for_o â—he_n do_v not_o believe_v he_o be_v long_o for_o this_o world_n and_o say_v he_o i_o ground_n my_o persuasion_n upon_o this_o when_o i_o pray_v for_o his_o recovery_n i_o find_v strange_a restraint_n upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o be_o much_o dampt_v &_o strain_v but_o when_o i_o pray_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v fit_v he_o for_o himself_o and_o crown_v he_o with_o happiness_n to_o eternity_n when_o i_o beg_v for_o the_o eternal_a welfare_n of_o his_o soul_n i_o be_o then_o much_o enlarge_v thus_o the_o secret_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v with_o that_o good_a man_n that_o true_o fear_v he_o for_o the_o child_n die_v at_o that_o time_n thâ—_n i_o suppose_v as_o likely_a to_o live_v according_a to_o haimâ—â—â—â—_n conjecture_n as_o any_o of_o we_o be_v all_o 〈…〉_z of_o the_o smallpox_n at_o that_o time_n but_o my_o brother_n cornelius_n who_o have_v that_o distemper_n young_a and_o my_o sister_n mâ—…y_n who_o through_o god_n goodness_n escape_v the_o infection_n by_o my_o mother_n remove_n she_o to_o sâ—â—inder_v by_o when_o we_o be_v drop_v down_o of_o they_o one_o after_o another_o my_o brother_n cornelius_n die_v of_o a_o consumption_n cornelius_n about_o the_o year_n 1664_o and_o in_o about_o the_o 28_o year_n of_o his_o age_n at_o my_o uncle_n thomas_n disney's_n at_o stoke-hammond_n he_o go_v to_o school_n at_o lincoln_n where_o his_o quick_a and_o ripe_a natural_a part_n be_v soon_o observe_v at_o school_n he_o be_v so_o extraordinary_a industrious_a and_o studious_a that_o in_o a_o short_a time_n such_o be_v his_o proficiency_n in_o humane_a learning_n the_o be_v account_v one_o of_o the_o â—…st_a scholar_n not_o only_o of_o that_o school_n but_o perhaps_o of_o that_o town_n and_o country_n as_o to_o grammar-learning_n his_o master_n mr._n clark_n be_v proud_a he_o have_v such_o a_o scholar_n to_o boast_v of_o be_v indeed_o the_o very_a credit_n of_o his_o school_n and_o will_v therefore_o usual_o put_v he_o upon_o the_o most_o difficult_a 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flame_n mr._n flavel_n himself_o die_v a_o martyr_n for_o christ_n the_o year_n before_o viz._n 1665_o remarkable_a in_o that_o dreadful_a mortality_n by_o the_o plague_n good_a man_n he_o dare_v not_o fly_v from_o it_o when_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n in_o that_o plague_n seem_v to_o be_v go_v out_o against_o the_o city_n he_o be_v willing_a be_v a_o minister_n to_o hazard_v his_o own_o body_n for_o the_o advantage_n of_o other_o soul_n and_o so_o true_o he_o do_v for_o be_v take_v at_o a_o religious_a meeting_n he_o be_v carry_v before_o some_o magistrate_n who_o after_o some_o debate_n with_o he_o plain_o tell_v he_o they_o will_v set_v before_o he_o life_n and_o death_n and_o leave_v he_o to_o make_v his_o choice_n they_o tell_v he_o he_o must_v either_o promise_n never_o to_o preach_v at_o a_o conventicle_n more_o or_o they_o must_v commit_v he_o to_o a_o prison_n at_o that_o time_n sore_o infect_v with_o the_o sickness_n he_o be_v too_o great_a a_o champion_n for_o christ_n and_o 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her_o weakness_n by_o asthma_n and_o fever_n increase_v and_o prevail_v upon_o she_o she_o have_v some_o disturbance_n by_o temptation_n from_o satan_n that_o grand_a adversary_n of_o soul_n to_o question_v her_o right_n to_o happiness_n etc._n etc._n and_o whether_o god_n will_v accept_v so_o vile_a a_o wretch_n yet_o bless_v be_v the_o lord_n through_o faith_n and_o prayer_n and_o the_o never-failing_a mercy_n of_o a_o good_a god_n she_o get_v over_o all_o baffled_z satan_n and_o be_v fill_v with_o unspeakable_a joy_n in_o the_o holy_a ghost_n the_o doctor_n pray_v with_o she_o and_o afterward_o she_o herself_o pray_v a_o considerable_a time_n distinct_o and_o aloud_o and_o for_o she_o then_o comfort_n and_o support_v many_o passage_n of_o sermon_n she_o have_v hear_v especial_o some_o from_o mr._n coates_n on_o that_o text_n come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n etc._n etc._n come_v fresh_a in_o her_o memory_n which_o the_o lord_n help_v she_o to_o improve_v to_o the_o 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that_o i_o be_v grow_v more_o calm_a under_o the_o lord_n be_v mighty_a hand_n and_o the_o loss_n of_o a_o dear_a wife_n but_o yet_o too_o full_a of_o miserable_a complaint_n and_o quarrel_v thought_n against_o my_o maker_n the_o lord_n forgive_v i_o and_o compose_v i_o for_o the_o duty_n of_o the_o sabbath_n follow_v june_n 6._o this_o day_n be_v a_o very_a comfortable_a sabbath_n with_o reference_n to_o my_o enjoyment_n but_o the_o want_n of_o my_o dear_a wife_n occasion_v flood_n of_o tear_n and_o violent_a passion_n the_o lord_n pardon_v my_o tumultuous_a thought_n and_o in_o the_o multitude_n of_o my_o thought_n within_o i_o let_v his_o comfort_n more_o refresh_v my_o spirit_n june_n 7._o this_o day_n my_o dear_a wife_n be_v inter_v at_o crich_n where_o if_o the_o lord_n please_v so_o to_o order_v it_o i_o desire_v and_o intend_v to_o lie_v by_o she_o the_o lord_n pardon_v sin_n while_o i_o have_v she_o and_o such_o as_o i_o have_v be_v most_o guilty_a of_o since_o i_o part_v 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13._o blessing_n and_o glory_n and_o renown_n to_o he_o we_o give_v therefore_o that_o sit_v of_o the_o throne_n and_o to_o the_o lamb_n of_o god_n for_o evermore_o psal_n 113._o turn_v into_o other_o verse_n and_o a_o more_o common_a tune_n april_n 1686._o oye_fw-fr the_o servant_n of_o the_o lord_n his_o holy_a name_n adore_v sing_v forth_o his_o praise_n with_o one_o accord_n and_o bless_v he_o evermore_o even_o from_o the_o rise_n of_o the_o sun_n unto_o its_o go_v down_o cease_v not_o this_o praise_a work_n begin_v give_v glory_n and_o renown_n above_o all_o nation_n god_n be_v high_a his_o glitter_a glory_n count_v do_v very_o much_o for_o majesty_n the_o heaven_n high_a
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against_o leave_v nottingham_n 64_o trouble_n i_o meet_v with_o upon_o account_n of_o nonconformity_n 66_o etc._n etc._n my_o come_n to_o ollercar_n providential_a 73_o my_o method_n for_o family-discipline_n and_o reason_n for_o it_o 74_o etc._n etc._n my_o great_a trouble_n on_o monmouth_n rise_v and_o the_o lord_n be_v gracious_a appearance_n for_o i_o 81_o etc._n etc._n advantage_n to_o my_o soul_n by_o those_o affliction_n 97_o etc._n etc._n evidence_n for_o heaven_n examine_v 100_o eminent_a and_o remarkable_a providence_n to_o myself_o wife_n etc._n etc._n 102_o etc._n etc._n good_a say_n of_o good_a man_n collect_v from_o sermon_n i_o have_v hear_v and_o mention_v in_o my_o diary_n 112_o the_o survive_a advice_n of_o a_o decease_a husband_n to_o a_o survive_a wife_n 118_o etc._n etc._n a_o continuation_n of_o the_o most_o remarkable_a passage_n of_o my_o life_n 132_o passage_n a_o little_a before_o the_o death_n of_o my_o dear_a wife_n 144_o a_o copy_n of_o my_o last_o letter_n to_o she_o 146_o a_o copy_n of_o my_o wife_n letter_n to_o i_o five_o day_n before_o her_o death_n 148_o copy_n of_o two_o letter_n of_o mr._n coat_n concern_v the_o death_n of_o my_o dear_a wife_n 149_o etc._n etc._n the_o surprise_n i_o be_v in_o on_o receipt_n of_o these_o letter_n 153_o etc._n etc._n a_o letter_n from_o mr._n j._n r._n date_a jun._n 4._o 1686._o 159_o a_o letter_n from_o cos_n m._n s._n june_n 17._o 1686._o 161_o a_o letter_n from_o my_o brother_n h._n june_n 5._o 1686._o 165_o a_o letter_n from_o madam_n l._n 166_o encouragement_n for_o continue_v at_o ollercar_n 170_o reason_n for_o my_o remove_n from_o ollercar_n 171_o letter_n to_o a_o relation_n invite_v he_o to_o for_o sake_n sin_n and_o pursue_v holiness_n apr._n 1685._o 174_o to_o my_o mother_n on_o the_o death_n of_o my_o sister_n stanyforth_o 180_o to_o my_o sister_n w._n on_o her_o husband_n death_n 189_o to_o a_o relation_n grow_v loose_a in_o conversation_n 191_o to_o my_o dear_a friend_n mr._n whitaker_n 194_o to_o mrs._n mary_n lavet_fw-la after_o her_o marriage_n decemb._n 1685._o 196_o to_o mr._n job_n at_o london_n jan._n 25._o 1683._o 198_o to_o mrs._n sarah_n reynor_n jan._n 1685._o 201_o some_o passage_n of_o a_o letter_n in_o answer_n to_o my_o mother_n disney_n complain_v of_o decay_n of_o her_o sight_n 203_o to_o mr._n whitaker_n jan._n 24._o 1683._o 206_o to_o madam_n l._n on_o the_o death_n of_o her_o kinsman_n and_o birth_n of_o her_o child_n 208_o to_o my_o mother_n on_o the_o death_n of_o my_o sister_n d._n may_v 24._o 90._o 210_o to_o brother_n d._n on_o the_o death_n of_o his_o wife_n may_v 24_o 90._o 212_o poem_n meditation_n in_o verse_n on_o the_o last_o great_a sentence_n at_o the_o
i_o i_o be_o out_o of_o hell_n i_o be_o out_o of_o a_o prison_n i_o be_o not_o as_o late_o fly_v before_o pursue_v enemy_n nor_o absent_v myself_o for_o security_n from_o my_o own_o house_n i_o be_o not_o make_v a_o prey_n to_o enemy_n but_o the_o lord_n have_v deal_v bountiful_o with_o i_o what_o shall_v i_o render_v unto_o the_o lord_n some_o follow_a day_n after_o i_o take_v notice_n of_o sinful_a thought_n idle_a word_n unbecoming_a action_n and_o of_o the_o lord_n goodness_n in_o spare_v mercy_n nou._n 7._o 1685._o i_o bless_v god_n then_o for_o return_v i_o in_o safety_n from_o my_o yorkshire_n journey_n and_o that_o i_o see_v my_o friend_n with_o comfort_n and_o find_v all_o well_o at_o my_o return_n home_o then_o i_o petition_v the_o lord_n to_o continue_v enjoyment_n to_o i_o and_o i_o 8_o this_o god_n make_v a_o comfortable_a sabbath_n mr._n coat_n preach_v excellent_o from_o this_o text_n remember_v now_o thy_o creator_n etc._n etc._n the_o lord_n do_v i_o and_o all_o that_o hear_v he_o good_a by_o his_o blessing_n upon_o that_o ordinance_n and_o pardon_v sin_n the_o morning_n as_o soon_o as_o i_o awaken_v i_o be_v full_a of_o project_v carnal_a melancholy_a thought_n o_o sad_a thought_n for_o a_o sabbath-day_n god_n seal_v a_o pardon_n to_o i_o 10_o this_o evening_n be_v tuesday_n by_o 7_o of_o the_o clock_n i_o set_v apart_o some_o hour_n for_o humiliation_n that_o night_n with_o the_o help_n of_o mr._n b._n mr._n c._n etc._n etc._n and_o about_o half_a a_o hour_n after_o 12_o a_o clock_n i_o end_v in_o that_o work_n in_o my_o closet_n the_o sin_n i_o bewail_v particular_o be_v my_o not_o keep_v covenant_n and_o promise_n with_o my_o god_n passion_n with_o my_o wife_n pride_n slightness_n in_o duty_n especial_o closet-duty_n etc._n etc._n 15_o i_o enjoy_v a_o most_o comfortable_a sabbath_n by_o mr._n coats_n help_n who_o preach_v from_o these_o word_n remember_v now_o thy_o creator_n etc._n etc._n and_o this_o passage_n i_o take_v particular_a notice_n of_o that_o where_o youth_n have_v be_v devote_v to_o god_n review_v of_o it_o in_o old_a age_n when_o person_n be_v less_o capacitate_v for_o duty-frames_a will_v afford_v sweet_a comfort_n and_o refresh_n 22d_o this_o a_o comfortable_a sabbath_n god_n bless_v it_o to_o i_o mr._n cl._n preach_v from_o these_o word_n ps_n 67._o that_o god_n even_o our_o own_o god_n shall_v bless_v we_o the_o doct._n be_v it_o be_v a_o most_o desirable_a thing_n for_o people_n to_o have_v a_o god_n of_o their_o own_o these_o mark_v he_o lay_v down_o which_o i_o desire_v often_o to_o peruse_v and_o examine_v my_o self_n by_o by_o which_o i_o may_v know_v whether_o god_n be_v my_o god_n or_o no._n 1._o if_o i_o have_v a_o god_n of_o my_o own_o i_o get_v what_o knowledge_n i_o can_v of_o my_o god_n 2._o i_o get_v what_o love_n i_o can_v to_o my_o god_n 3._o i_o will_v be_v loath_a to_o do_v that_o which_o this_o my_o god_n may_v take_v ill_a 4._o i_o will_v then_o serve_v no_o god_n but_o my_o own_o god_n and_o never_o fall_v down_o to_o graven-image_n 5._o i_o will_v take_v nothing_o ill_a from_o my_o own_o god_n 6._o i_o will_v love_v to_o think_v of_o he_o 7._o i_o will_v love_v to_o be_v speak_v of_o he_o 8._o i_o can_v love_v to_o have_v my_o own_o god_n well_o speak_v of_o 9_o i_o will_v often_o send_v to_o he_o and_o hear_v from_o he_o 10._o i_o desire_v nothing_o more_o than_o while_o i_o be_o absent_a from_o he_o that_o this_o god_n will_v visit_v i_o by_o his_o spirit_n 11._o i_o will_v not_o live_v always_o here_o but_o die_v to_o go_v to_o this_o my_o own_o god_n and_o to_o be_v with_o he_o for_o ever_o and_o these_o be_v the_o earnest_a request_n of_o my_o soul_n several_a day_n together_o i_o find_v a_o comfortable_a account_n both_o as_o to_o freedom_n from_o sin_n and_o great_a mercy_n but_o on_o the_o 28_o i_o find_v relapse_n into_o sin_n and_o that_o which_o aggravate_v it_o much_o be_v i_o be_v just_a write_v the_o account_n of_o my_o life_n and_o o_o what_o a_o mercy_n it_o be_v god_n have_v give_v i_o not_o only_a space_n for_o but_o the_o grace_n of_o repentance_n decemb._n 12._o hitherto_o much_o the_o like_a account_n the_o lord_n have_v preserve_v my_o liberty_n beyond_o expectation_n and_o prevent_v my_o enter_v into_o ensnare_a bond_n 14_o i_o take_v notice_n of_o mercy_n show_v my_o wife_n in_o deliver_v she_o from_o most_o acute_a pain_n in_o the_o toothache_a jan._n 2._o â—â—8â—_n i_o this_o day_n return_v from_o a_o great_a journey_n in_o which_o the_o lord_n wonderful_o succeed_v i_o in_o all_o my_o affair_n and_o preserve_v i_o from_o all_o dangeâ—…_n i_o experience_a mercy_n in_o the_o kind_a reception_n the_o d._n of_o n._n give_v i_o on_o monday_n to_o his_o house_n whither_o i_o go_v to_o return_v he_o thanks_o for_o his_o civility_n to_o i_o he_o tell_v i_o i_o come_v to_o he_o on_o a_o very_a proper_a day_n be_v innocents-day_n for_o that_o he_o believe_v i_o be_v so_o in_o the_o matter_n lay_v to_o my_o charge_n and_o that_o he_o have_v now_o do_v with_o i_o and_o shall_v as_o opportunity_n offer_v ready_o serve_v i_o in_o any_o thing_n he_o desire_v i_o to_o be_v kind_a to_o my_o uncle_n l_o who_o have_v take_v great_a pain_n on_o my_o behalf_n i_o give_v he_o thereupon_o over_o and_o above_o other_o kindness_n before_o here_o be_v now_o a_o return_n to_o prayer_n god_n help_v i_o to_o improve_v so_o great_a mercy_n passage_n a_o little_a before_o the_o death_n of_o my_o dear_a wife_n and_o about_o her_o sickness_n and_o death_n may_v 13_o 1686._o i_o meet_v with_o stop_v as_o to_o my_o london_n journey_n by_o business_n and_o my_o dear_a wife_n illness_n for_o this_o very_a day_n in_o the_o morning_n she_o be_v even_o spend_v with_o a_o conghing-fit_a i_o be_v call_v from_o prayer_n in_o my_o family_n find_v she_o very_o ill_a but_o bless_a be_v god_n soon_o grow_v better_a and_o tell_v i_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o be_o now_o pretty_a well_o now_o i_o be_v earnest_a with_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v enable_v i_o to_o observe_v the_o hint_n of_o providence_n in_o my_o be_v stop_v several_a time_n and_o my_o way_n to_o london_n as_o it_o be_v hedge_v up_o may_v 17_o 1686._o i_o set_v forward_o for_o london_n notwithstanding_o the_o cross_a providence_n i_o meet_v with_o a_o great_a change_n in_o the_o wether_n divers_a time_n a_o cold_a that_o i_o have_v upon_o i_o a_o grievous_a fit_a of_o the_o asthma_n my_o dear_a wife_n have_v insomuch_o as_o i_o plain_o observe_v providence_n against_o i_o as_o to_o that_o journey_n at_o that_o time_n but_o notwithstanding_o upon_o encouragement_n from_o my_o wife_n that_o if_o i_o must_v needs_o go_v this_o summer_n which_o she_o rather_o desire_v i_o will_v not_o because_o of_o soldier_n be_v much_o upon_o the_o road_n go_v to_o the_o camp_n i_o have_v as_o good_a go_v now_o as_o any_o other_o time_n i_o do_v set_v forward_o and_o part_n with_o my_o dear_a wife_n this_o day_n but_o never_o see_v she_o more_o the_o lord_n know_v my_o carriage_n at_o london_n be_v too_o light_a and_o vain_a i_o wonder_v i_o hear_v nothing_o from_o ollercarr_n wait_v a_o fortnight_n for_o letter_n and_o do_v myself_o write_v several_a but_o through_o their_o miscarriage_n and_o as_o the_o lord_n please_v to_o order_v it_o i_o receive_v four_o all_o of_o a_o day_n most_o of_o which_o bring_v i_o the_o sad_a tiding_n of_o my_o dear_a wife_n death_n which_o be_v aggravate_v great_o in_o that_o i_o have_v not_o hear_v of_o her_o illness_n till_o i_o hear_v of_o her_o death_n and_o all_o come_v in_o letter_n to_o i_o at_o london_n at_o which_o time_n i_o have_v one_o under_o my_o wife_n hand_n to_o acquaint_v i_o with_o her_o late_a illness_n but_o that_o bless_a be_v god_n she_o be_v better_o a_o account_n of_o which_o here_o follow_v after_o i_o have_v give_v first_o a_o account_n of_o i_o just_o send_v to_o the_o post_n direct_v to_o she_o at_o that_o very_a instant_n when_o i_o receive_v this_o that_o follow_v a_o copy_n of_o my_o letter_n the_o last_o i_o ever_o write_v or_o must_v write_v to_o my_o dear_a wife_n now_o i_o trust_v with_o god_n my_o dear_a i_o be_o in_o great_a expectation_n of_o nanny_n come_v up_o to_o london_n according_a to_o the_o desire_n of_o my_o last_o which_o business_n now_o only_o stay_v i_o in_o town_n thou_o can_v not_o imagine_v how_o much_o i_o be_o concern_v at_o thy_o silence_n or_o at_o least_o thy_o letter_n miscarriage_n i_o have_v not_o receive_v one_o letter_n from_o thou_o since_o i_o leave_v thou_o this_o be_v i_o think_v the_o four_o that_o i_o have_v
will_v not_o dispute_v a_o summons_n from_o a_o father_n make_v he_o mute_a the_o stroke_n surprise_v yet_o to_o such_o as_o he_o so_o well_o prepare_v it_o can_v not_o sudden_o be_v o_o dreadful_a stroke_n who_o can_v compute_v the_o loss_n that_o do_v not_o first_o consider_v what_o he_o be_v one_o of_o a_o thousand_o workman_n true_o great_a christian_n and_o pastor_n every_o way_n complete_a a_o friendly_a friend_n to_o all_o but_o yet_o most_o kind_a to_o pious_a soul_n yea_o those_o of_o different_a mind_n to_o he_o in_o lesser_a thing_n he_o can_v it_o bear_v when_o good_a in_o the_o main_n and_o honest_o sincere_a this_o gracious_a temper_n in_o he_o god_n have_v wrought_v to_o love_v his_o image_n wheresoev_a he_o see_v it_o his_o style_n tho'_o plain_a yet_o lofty_a matter_n such_o that_o none_o that_o hear_v he_o think_v they_o hear_v too_o much_o startle_v he_o be_v to_o sinner_n but_o to_o saint_n a_o helper_n always_o under_o sad_a complaint_n for_o temper_v generous_a 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not_o thou_o be_v get_v to_o heaven_n and_o be_v now_o above_o the_o reach_n of_o any_o mortal_n tender_a love_n above_o the_o malice_n and_o the_o rage_n of_o those_o who_o for_o thy_o goodness-sake_n be_v here_o thy_o foe_n out_o of_o the_o reach_n of_o tear_n and_o prayer_n and_o cry_v in_o better_a place_n with_o better_a company_n yet_o for_o the_o sake_n of_o those_o who_o do_v survive_v take_v follow_v counsel_n from_o his_o friend_n alive_a coun_n 1._o remember_v who_o have_v snatch_v your_o earthly_a treasure_n it_o be_v god_n who_o may_v do_v this_o and_o more_o at_o his_o pleasure_n it_o be_v he_o who_o have_v undoubted_a right_n to_o seize_v and_o take_v your_o comfort_n when_o and_o how_o he_o please_v he_o who_o first_o lend_v do_v now_o but_o take_v the_o same_o learn_v you_o to_o bless_v and_o praise_v his_o holy_a name_n god_n now_o have_v do_v his_o will_n have_v for_o he_o send_v do_v you_o your_o duty_n learn_v to_o be_v content_a this_o silence_a aaron_n that_o he_o nothing_o speak_v though_o two_o of_o his_o son_n be_v take_v at_o a_o stroke_n it_o be_v this_o make_v eli_n cheerful_o submit_v to_o that_o affliction_n which_o the_o lord_n think_v fit_a to_o bring_v on_o his_o house_n to_o say_v without_o repine_v let_v the_o lord_n do_v what_o he_o please_v with_o i_o and_o i_o coun_n 2._o nay_o further_o think_v your_o serrow_n to_o restrain_v your_o present_a loss_n turn_v to_o his_o last_a gain_n it_o be_v time_n to_o go_v when_o god_n the_o summons_n send_v to_o call_v from_o friend_n below_o to_o better_a friend_n his_o company_n to_o we_o be_v pleasant_a here_o but_o he_o be_v now_o with_o those_o to_o he_o more_o dear_a solace_v in_o the_o midst_n of_o joy_n and_o pleasure_n possess_v satisfy_a last_a treasure_n the_o glory_n be_v now_o enjoy_v by_o that_o dear_a saint_n which_o we_o poor_a heart_n but_o long_a for_o breath_n and_o pant_v and_o know_v will_v never_o true_o happy_a be_v till_o from_o the_o clog_n of_o sin_n we_o be_v 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