the Neapolitan disease otherwise termed the French poxe the buttons or pimples whereof breaking forth and making him looke firy red the people which saw him as he was caried to the graue for they caried him in his habit or cowle with his face vncouered were perswaded that this rednesse came frō hence in that he was become a Seraphin Sure I am that the death of a gentlewoman who died of the stinke of the feete of this venerable pockie villaine which she had kissed after his death being vnacquainted with such strong sauours was so interpreted that it did in like sort confirme men in the opinion which they had of his holinesse And those doubtlesse who made no more of the rednesse of his French poxe but the rednesse of a Seraphin such was their simplicitie if they had taken him in the fact by which he got them would haue perswaded themselues that they had seene some other thing then in truth they saw or as the Latine Poet speaketh would haue made their eyes beleeue they had seen something which they saw not Much like that good fellow who perceiuing two other feete by his maisters feete who to the end he might strictly obserue the Bishops rules had his pretie wench lying by his side went so simply to worke that he cried out at the window Come sirs and you shall see my master who hath foure feet See here how all Christendome in stead of proceeding and going forward in the knowledge of these abuses went backward through the iust iudgement of God 4 Neuerthelesse this great blindnesse was neuer so vniuersall but that there were some in all ages that did discouer part of their trumperies and perceiue the wicked course of life which these Church-men led S. Bernard also as hath bene said inueyed stoutly against it And as I remember a certaine passage taken out of a booke written by Gulielmus de sancto amore hath bene alleadged for this purpose And at the same time namely about the yeare 1260. one Nicholas Gallique borne in Narbonne generall of the order of the Carmelites being no longer able to endure the wicked life of his fellow Friers did not onely forsake them and vtterly renounce their order but also writ a booke against them called the fiery dart wherein he tels them to omit other particulars that they were reprobates citizens of Sodome contemners of the holy Testament seducers of those that then liued and of those which should come after the taile of the Dragon mentioned in the Reuelation As for the bookes of the foresaid Gulielmus de sancto Amore Pope Alexander the fourth did what he could to abolish them and that by expresse edicts and commandements who also as Platina recordeth burned a book which the begging Friers had published wherein they taught that the state of grace did not proceed from the law of the Gospell as they speake but from the law of the spirit which he burned not for any great conscience he had to see the simple world so abused but for feare lest this so absurd and impudent a lie should be a meanes to discouer their other villanies This booke was called the eternall Gospell or the Gospell of the spirit gathered out of the doctrine of Ioachim the Abbot and the visions of a Carmelite Frier called Cyril by the Iacobins and Franciscans who laboured by the authoritie thereof to make their parts good against the Waldenses otherwise called the poore men of Lyons and other their aduersaries which armed themselues against them with the sword of the spirit the word of God Of this booke the foresaid Gulielmus de sancto Amore writeth as followeth This accursed Gospel is already published in the Church and therefore the destruction of the Church is to be feared If this Gospell be compared with the Gospell of Christ say they it is so much more perfect and excellent then it by how much the Sunne is brighter then the Moone and the kernell better then the shell c. Moreouer he mentioneth other like detestable sayings there recorded And of these two cōparisons honorable mention is made in the Rōmant of the Rose where the author speaketh in detestation of this booke and censureth the hypocrisie of the begging Friers who published it Vous ne cognoistrez point aux robbes Les faux traistres tous pleins de lobbes Parquoi leurs faits faut regarder Si d'eux bien vous voulez garder That is For thou shalt neuer for nothing Con knowen aright by her clothing The traitors full of trechery But thou her werkes can espie And a little after Fut or baillé c'est chose voire Pour bailler commun exemplaire Vn liure de par le grand diable Dit L'Euangile perdurable Dont le sainct Esprit fut ministre Si comme il apparut au titre Ainsi est-i◠intitulé Bien est digne d'estre brulé A Paris n'eust homme ne femme Au paruis deuant nostre-Dame Qu◠lors bien auoir ne le peust Pour le doubler si bien luy pleust Là trouuast par grans mesprisons Maintes telles comparaisons Autant que par sa grand chaleur Soit de clarté soit de valeur Surmonte le Soleil la Lune Qui trop est plus trouble plus brune Et le noyau des noix la coque Ne cuidez pas que ie vous moque Cela di sans bourde ne quille Tant surmonte cest Euangile Ceux que les quatr Euangelistes Du Fils Dieu firent à leurs titres De tels comparaisons grand masse Là trouuoit on que ie trespasse That is They broughten a booke with sory grace To yeuen example in common place That said thus though it were fable This is the Gospell perdurable That fro the holy Ghost is sent Well were it worth to ben brent Intitled was in such manere This booke which I tell here There was no wight in all Paris Beforne our Lady at paruis That they ne might the booke buy The sentence pleased hem well truly There might he see by great treasoun Full many a false comparisoun As much as through his great might Be it of heate or of light The Sunne surmounteth the Moone That troubler is and changeth soone And the nut kirnell the shell I scorne nat that I you tell Right so withouten any guile Surmounteth this noble Euangile The word of any Euangelist And to her title they token Christ. And many such comparisoun Of which I make no mentioun Might men in that booke find Who so coud of hem haue mind The same Poet makes further mention of the bookes which Gulielmus de sancto Amore writ against the fained pouertie of the begging Friers For hauing after a long and large discourse shewed what sort of begging Friers were to be tollerated and what not and hauing alleadged the Sermons of the said S. Amore for confirmation of his assertion he addeth in the person of False semblance Qui groncer en
It is enough for me to haue seene it and hauing so said went backe againe leauing them to make an end of their sport And comming the next morning to his kinsmen and friends told them what had befallen him saying withall O Lord how may a man be transported with anger for when I saw the knaues shoes standing by the bed side I could haue found in my heart to haue pulled them in a thousand peeces But to returne to the argument in hand Albeit this discourse would serue for no other end yet it would serue to proue that those huswiues who because they can so easily plant hornes on their husbands heads are called gallant wenches quicke witted merry discreet wise well spoken sociable or at the worst good gossips should be termed as they were in old time theeues bitches and mastiue-whores to omit their common epithete of salt-bitches But it is now high time we proceed to the pranks which women haue playd so cunningly with their husbands that it is not without cause that both Latin and Greeke writers call them thefts for if adultery how euer it be committed may truly be called theft much more that which is accompanied with such subtilties and sleights 24 To prosecute therefore the examples of the fine fetches practised by our huswiues in such like thefts farre surpassing in my conceit the wiles and subtilties of our ancestors wiues I will begin with a sleight which I haue heard at Paris a thousand times and haue found it since among the narrations of the late Queen of Nauarre being so famous that it may well be the ring-leader of the dance A certaine groome of Charles last Duke of Alençon's chamber hauing intelligence that his wife much yonger then himselfe was very familiar with a yong gentleman being at the first very loth to credite the report yet at the last he resolued with himselfe to trie the truth thereof Whereupon he fained businesse abroad for two or three dayes where his wife being loth to let so good an oportunitie slip without hauing her louers companie sent for him straight after her husbands departure But he giuing them not so much time as to be one halfe houre together returned backe againe and knocked hard at the doore She knowing it was her husband told her louer who was presently stricken with such a bodily feare that he would haue giuen all the points at his hose to haue bene gone and could haue wished himselfe with the man in the Moone But she willing him to make himselfe ready in all hast bad him be of good cheare and let her alone for she knew a ready way to let him escape without danger In the meane time her husband continued knocking at the doore and calling to her as loud as he could But she turning the deafe eare made as though she heard nothing and to colour the matter the better called aloud to one of her men and said Why do you not rise to cause them to hold their peace that make such a noise at the doore Is this a fit houre to come to honest mens houses If my husband were at home they durst not be so bold Now albeit he cried as loud as he could Sweet wife open the doore yet she opened it not till she saw her louer ready watching fit oportunitie to slip away Then opening the doore to her husband who had but one eye and bidding him or dissembling rather to bid him welcome in the kindest melting manner she began in this sort Welcome home sweet heart O how glad am I of your comming for I had a strange dreame this night wherewith I was so delighted that I neuer tooke greater content in all my life for me thought you had recouered the sight of your eye Then embracing kissing him she tooke him gently by the head and closing his good eye with her hand Do you not see said she better now then you did before And whilest she thus welcomed him home blindfolding his good eye she gaue her louer oportunitie to slip away The said Princesse further reports how a husband-mans wife hearing that her husband was coming caused M. Curate her second husband to saue himselfe in an vpper loft by couering the trap doore with a fan who wearied with staying there so long looked through the trap doore where he espied the womans husband sleeping by the fire but the great Lout leaned so heauily on the fan as he stouped downe that both came tumbling downe together hard by the good man who awaking at the noise and asking his wife what it meant Sweet heart said she it is our Curate who borrowed our fan and hath now brought it home againe The simple sot tooke this as a sufficient answer yet said he he returnes it very churlishly for I was afraid the house would haue fallen vpon my head She further maketh mention of a maid who to the end she might more securely enioy the company of her louer who was seruant in the house with her which house the Princesse also mentioneth scared her mistris out of her house in the absence of her husband by making her afraid of a kind of spirit called a Hobgoblin But her husband coming home againe about two yeares after finding that his wife had remoued to another house vpon this occasion brought her backe to her old home telling her that he would not feare him a whit though it were the diuel himself And indeed he playd his part so well that albeit the spirit I meane the maide that counterfetted the spirit who also ouerthrew and tumbled boords tressels and stooles vp and downe the chamber buffeted him the first night yet he made the white diuell pay for it the night following catching hold of her hand as she began to deale her blowes Which puts me in mind of a like story which I haue often heard of my deceassed mother of a maid that serued Iocelin Badius her father who to scare all out of a certaine roome whither she vsed to resort to solace her selfe and spend the time in daliance with a seruing man of the house counterfetted a spirit which knauery had not bene detected but by means of the said Badius her master a man of excellent parts and great learning for those times as appeareth by his workes We reade also in Boccace that spirits hobgoblins and such like phantomes haue holpen women to play the wantons in celebrating these mysteries And verily since spirits and ghosts left walking by night women which followed the occupation haue lost much by the bargaine seeing this was their last and surest refuge I remember well that when I was but a child a Parisian cosined her husband by meanes of such a Robin good fellow which knauerie of hers was the argument of a play which many yeares after I saw acted by the Players of Roane See here gentle Reader how Monks and their mates I meane their kind Kates haue benefited themselues and made their trenchers fat
the feate to be done by one M. Peter des Serpens borne at Villantrois in Berry sent for his kinsfolks and hauing told them that though he durst neuer discouer vnto them his maladie yet he now found his case to stand in such tickle termes that he was constrained to take that course whereupon he made his will and hauing told M. Peter to colour his knauery the better that if he chanced to die he would forgiue him with all his heart albeit he had secretly agreed with him onely to make a flourish and for this end had giuen him foure French crownes he put himselfe into his hands suffering himselfe to be bound and in all points to be handled as one that desired to be cut indeed But it is to be noted that as the Priest had agreed with M. Peter onely to make a flourish as though he would do something so his host who had intelligence of this pageant had couenanted with him vnder hand to geld him indeed promising to giue him twise as much as he had receiued of the Priest to counterfet and do nothing so that being perswaded by him and hauing this silly sir Iohn at his mercie after he had strongly bound him with cords and thongs hand and foote he went roundly to worke and shewed him a cast of his office indeed telling him withall that he was not wont to make a mock of his occupation Lo here into what a pitifull plight this poore Priest was brought through the deuice of this wicked woman and how going about to deceiue her husband more cunningly then euer he had done before himself was ouerreached by a cunning deceit much more preiudiciall to his person This accident happened about 35. yeares ago Now this gelding of the Priest puts me in mind of another not vnlike caused also by a woman albeit vpō a farre different occasion For Poggius writeth that there was one in Eugubium a citie in Italy who being exceeding iealous of his wife and perceiuing that he could not learne whether she vsed the companie of some other or not threatned to do her a shrewd turne and therupon gelded himself that if afterwards she chanced to be with child she might be conuicted of adultery And as one narration draweth on another whilest I was penning the second example a third came to my mind caused likewise by a woman though vpon an occasion differing from both the former which I would not haue related it being so exceeding strange but that I heard it credibly reported by one who is a deadly enemie to lying and leuitie The story is this The bastard of the house of Campois neare to Rōmorantin hauing sollicited a gentlewoman for the space of two yeares and in the end won her good will finding himselfe not so disposed to execute his villanie when she yeelded her selfe as he desired departed to his lodging at Chabris in such a rage and fury that hauing got a barbers razor he cut off his priuities the indisposition whereof had frustrated him of his hope and of the fruite of that which he had so long desired and hauing so done locked them vp in a cupboord This accident as I was informed happened about fiue and twentie yeares ago And because it serues so notably to discouer vnto vs what moodie mad and furious spirits this age affoordeth I wold not omit it no more then the former Albeit they make mention of two sorts of gelding which appertaine not to the subtill sleights of women as the former 28 My purpose was here to haue ended the examples of womens stratagems but that one comes now to my mind which I cannot omit though tending to an other end Notwithstanding all of them proceed from that spirit which hath euer bene accustomed to make men the instruments of their owne destruction See then as fine and cunning a stratageme as can be deuised for I hope I may be bold to vse this Greeke word seeing of late it hath found such good entertainment amongst vs vsed by a woman of Orleans to come to the period of her purpose which was to draw a yong scholler to her lure with whom she was in loue For finding not how she might signifie vnto him the great affection which she bare him she came to seeke her Confessor in the Church and making as though she were in great perplexitie and distresse hauing told him vnder colour of confession that there was a yong scholler to whō she pointed as he walked by chance in the Church little suspecting such a matter who ceased not to sollicite her to folly and so to bring him selfe and her also into a pecke of troubles she earnestly intreated him to giue him such good counsell as he thought fit and requisite in such a case And hereupon as one who fained all this of her fingers to the end she might draw him to her bower and bed whom she had falsly accused to haunt her house she told him in particular what meanes the scholler had vsed viz. that his manner was to clime ouer the wall in the euening at such an houre as he knew her husband was abroad after that to clime vp into a tree and so to come in by the window to be short that he did thus and thus vsing these and these meanes so that she had much ado to saue her selfe The ghostly father failed not to tell the scholler hereof vsing such remonstrances as he thought meete The scholler albeit his conscience told him that there was not a word true of all that she had said and that he had not so much as once entertained any such thought yet made as though he tooke all in good part as one that stood in need of such reproofe and thanked the ghostly father But as the heart of man is prone to euil he was not such an asse but that he could imagine that she accused him of that which she desired he should put in practise considering she had shewed him the way which he was to go and the meanes he was to vse whereupon falling from euill to worse he failed not to go the way which was shewed him Not long after the ghostly father who had dealt in the matter in good earnest seeing himselfe so cunningly abused could not containe but cried out in the open pulpit There she is there she is that made me her bawd 29 But it were infinite to recount all their daintie deuices those especially which they vse in this behalfe yet one thing there is very worthy our consideration viz. that the false idolatrous religion compared in holy Scripture to whoredome or fornication hath alwayes bene the principall breeder and nourisher of this vice and therefore the Catholike Cleargie as they will needs be called haue not onely wrought their wits and employed their fiue senses to inuent sleights as well for themselues as for their paramours whom they meant to abuse but haue vsed for this purpose that which they call diuine seruice
And thus much touching the leudnesse of the Laitie In the next place we are to borrow a word or two with our good Catholickes of the Popish Cleargie CHAP. XX. Other examples of the wickednesse of this age especially of such as terme themselues Cleargy-men WE haue already heard what inuectiues the good Preacher Menot maketh against the Cleargie of his time and we know how S. Bernard long before cried out against them Let vs now see if they did repent at the last and turne from their wicked wayes making benefite of such reproofes What say I benefite Nay they were more obdurate and hardened thereby For as light huswiues before they haue put off their peticoates are as nice as a Nuns hen and shew some few sparks of shamefastnes and modesty but when they once perceiue that their licentious leudnesse is brought to light and that they are vpon the stage and their liues in euery childs mouth keepe open house for all comers and are more lauish both of their lips and lap yea ten times more exorbitant in spite of all that speake against them Euen so for all the world did Cleargy men at leastwise the greatest part when they once perceiued they could no longer conceale their symonies villanies whoredomes lecheries and such like loose and dissolute demeanour of all which I am now to intreate For as for their false iugling erroneous doctrine wherwith they haue so pestered the world I am to discourse hereafter apart towards the end of this booke 2 Neither wil I now busie my self with their haukes hounds as Menot doth nor with their whores and concubines nor yet with their crosier staues myters viz. how many they should haue I speake according to Menot who calleth two bishopricks two myters and two Abbayes two crosier staues neither with their election as whether the holy Ghost be president there or that spirit which had the greatest stroke in the election of Pope Syluester according to those historians who do not affirme that the diuell was chosen Pope called Syluester the second but that he obtained the Popedome by the helpe of the diuell to whom he had giuen himselfe body and soule long before But will briefly shew that which euery man that hath his eyes in his head may easily perceiue as well in these as in sundry other particulars how that since the time of this Preacher they haue in such sort made forcible entrance and taken possession of the things which they could not then peaceably enioy that if he were now liuing he would easily see it were but lost labour to dispute against them For it is not to be thought that a Popish Prelate will beate his braines now adayes to know whether his benefices be competible or incompetible how many liuings how many whores how many hounds and how many haukes he may keepe For suppose he haue three cart loades of benefices if it were possible fiue or six heards of whores and as many hounds as the Cardinal had whom the good Preacher Barelet mentioneth which were neare a thousand yea and as many hauks as all the Princes in Christendom prouided alwayes that he beware how he speake or do any thing for which the Pope his maker may be moued to depriue him he is in the meane time dispenced with as being an honest man and besides authorized to employ his fiue senses in whoredome and lechery in despite of the French pocks and the knaue-bald disease for excommunication hath no power ouer these Ladies and to keepe if need be a dozen of bawds for the purpose And when his stomacke will not serue him for these to seeke out daintie bits for his tooth in the very middest of Nunneries otherwise called monasteries of reformed women into which it is not lawfull for any secular man to set foote But if they chance to be weary with continuall change or through remorse of conscience betake themselues to one only and passe their promise to marry her then are they in danger forsooth to be depriued of their liuings seuerely to be punished Wherof we haue late fresh examples in two moderne Bishops both I take it yet liuing who had no better excuse for themselues then to say that she that was holden to be their wife was but their concubine or whore But whether this excuse will passe for paiment before Gods tribunall let themselues iudge Howsoeuer it is not much vnlike that which I heard frō the mouth of the late deceased Archdeacon of Hardas being at Padua with the Cardinall of Tournon who said The diuell take all those maried villains who are permitted to eate laced mutton their bellies full which he spake generally of all the Cleargie but it arose vpon speech had of a Bishop who was secretly maried as it was reported This was the sentence of this charitable Archdeacon Now whereas I haue so often called the Pope their maker be it knowne vnto them that in so speaking I vse but their owne phrase saue that they apply it rather to Cardinals then to Bishops as when they say Such or such a Cardinall is such a Popes creature as they know well who haue bene in place where such things haue bene debated True it is indeed that in a Councell where this question was propounded An sint Episcopi immediatè à Christo an medtatè à Pontifice a Bishop who was in a pelting chafe for that they had moued his patience cried aloud Parcat mihi Dominus Christus non sub abapso which I heard related by a Bishop who told me that he heard it from his owne mouth Howbeit I do not well remember whether he said it was in the last Councell or in the former But sure I am that in a Councell it was where as he further reporteth a certaine Doctor seeing himselfe encountred and foiled with certaine texts of Scripture alleadged for his excuse Ego non sum Theologus ego sum Canonista 3 Howbeit we are not so much to wonder at the Popes greater creatures who are now growne to such power credit and account that they scorne to seek for a dispensation of their creator to authorize them to liue in all wantonnesse riot and dissolutenesse as himselfe doth as at his lesser creatures who liuing in some sort vnder discipline and as it were vnder the rod ought in all reason to be more afraid to offend for feare of the whip But if I shall demonstrate and shew that euen they also runne with ful swing after their lusts and pleasures letting loose the raines to all licenciousnesse notwithstanding all restraint which ought to withhold them let the Reader iudge what will become of the rest By the Popes lesser creatures I vnderstand the single soled Priests both blacke and white Friers both Mendicants and Redituaries if I may vsurpe this goodly Latin word Redituarij and to be short all such as are but mushroms and baggage in respect of fat Abbots 4 But before I
digest it considering there are many things there ript vp farre worse without comparison then any of the former consider with me good Reader a little how the diuell hath openly mocked and plaied as it were with the nose of Christendome in publishing this booke blindfolding in the meane time the eies of the world For he vsed him as his instrument in the compiling and publishing thereof who laboured tooth and naile by word and writing to make a hotch-potch of these two religions if they may be called religions viz. Mahometizme and Iudaizme with Christian religion him I say he vsed as his Amanuensis who publikely preached and stifly maintained sundry grosse heresies not onely full of blasphemie but euen repugnant to ciuill honesty I meane that worshipfull writer master William Postell But how may some say was it euer possible that this booke being composed by such a vile monster was not suspected as it should haue bene had it bene deliuered by an Angell from heauen For answer whereunto we are to know that the diuell as I said hath exposed Christendome as a laughing-stocke and wonderment to the world and hath as it were with Mercuries pipe lulled our Argosses asleepe whose office is to stand Sentinel ouer the State True it is I confesse the villanies of these varlets were not so well detected in those dayes as they haue bene since notwithstanding so much was then discouered as was sufficient to giue warning thereof which I will leaue as being now God be thanked sufficiently well knowne and will come to the phrase and style of the booke I say then and will iustifie it to any skilfull Hebrician that he hath coyned sundry Hebraismes and fained them of his very fingers and foisted them among those which are vsuall and ordinary in the Scripture As for the phrase it is so affected that it doth plainely bewray it self The matter also of the booke was forged by such a spirite as Postels was if he were not the author thereof in scorne of Christian religion where the author to make a faire florish and colour the matter with some probabilitie hath inserted certaine sentences of the Euangelists in manner of a rhapsodie and shuffled in others to which he supposed he could giue some lustre by certaine texts of the old Testament as namely that of the water of Iealousie c. Thus thou seest gentle Reader to what impudencie some diuellish spirits are grown at this day But if any curious Athenian desire to heare more of this stuffe I meane of such counterfaite bookes foisted in by the craft and subtilty of Sathan he shall find a great lurry of them in a booke called Orthodoxographa Theologiae sacrosanctae and garnished with sundry other flanting titles which seemes to haue bene written of purpose in scorne and derision of Christian religion For if the doctrine therein contained be orthodoxall doubtlesse the doctrine of the Bible must needs be hereticall Necessary therefore it is we should haue a speciall regard to what writings we giue such glorious titles seeing that in giuing it to one we take it from another they being as coÌ„trary as day and darkenesse If any shall here say that some of them are translated out of Hebrew and others out of Greeke yet when he hath proued the point he may put the gaine in his eye For it is easily answered that the diuell can shew him selfe a diuell as well in Hebrew and Greeke as in any other language Now this Protoeuangelium I haue encountered rather then any of the rest for that it is fathered vpon Saint Iames cosingerman and brother to Christ as the title purporteth For in the first impression which is in a smal volume with the annotations it hath this title Proteuangelion siue de natalibus Iesu Christi ipsius matris virginis Mariâ— sermo historicus diui Iacobi minoris consobrini fratris Domini Iesu Apostoli primarij Episcopi Christianorum primi Hierosolymis Howbeit in the second impression where it is made a part of the foresaid booke intituled Orthodoxographa S. Iames is not called cosingerman but onely brother of Christ. I haue I say encountred this booke rather then any of that rable to the end the Reader by this may take a tast of the rest For if they durst publish such stuffe vnder the name of S. Iames what would they not dare to do vnder the name of Nicodemus and a number of such worshipfull writers as are there to be seene And thus much for a tast for the whole tunne is of the same liquor colour and tang There was likewise another damnable booke published since that time vnder the name of S. Iames. The Acts also of the Apostles haue bin dispensed abroad into many hands composed by one Abdias whose writings though altogether impious and prophane some haue not bin ashamed to glosse in sundry places as well in the preface as in the body of the booke and to affirme that he either tooke it out of S. Luke or S. Luke out of him Besides all these the Ecclesiasticall history it selfe hath bin published by a diuellish Monke called Nicephorus Calistus whom I call a cloister diuell not without cause For besides that he was a cloisterer by his profession he sheweth himselfe as ignorant as a Monk as impudent as a Monk as wicked and prophane as a Monk so ignorant that euen yong children may teach him his lesson so impudent that he is not ashamed to tell most shamefull lies and so prophane that he sticketh not to iest and gibe at God himselfe and his holy truth All which particulars shall one day God willing be manifested and layd open to the world 4 Now albeit the foresaid Preachers might finde in these and such like classicke writers prety store of trim tales euer ready at hand when they meant to step into the pulpit to giue their quarter blowes yet they were not negligent to furnish themselues with other maner of ware which they might mingle with the old and not euer cloy their auditory with stale stuffe Or if haply they alleadged any author they alleadged such as were â—picke and span new comming newly smoking from the presse Which puts me in mind of that which I once heard deliuered by one Bonauenture a Franciscan in a Sermon which he made at Ipre in Flanders where he affirmed that when Christ was growne a prety tall stripling able to take paines and to follow his occupation Ioseph employed him in his trade commaunding him to saw a peece of wood where he missing the marke which he had made him to saw by sawed it ouer short whereupon Ioseph being very angry would haue beaten him and he had lamskinned him indeed if he had not stept aside and taken vp a cudgell to defend himselfe which made Ioseph take vp another either of them weilding their weapon and keeping their standing And whence trow we said the Frier learned he this Out of S. Annes Gospell I warrant you And
Allez à la cháce où les châ—â—s des martyrs sont vous les trouuerez renuersez Adonc allerent fut ainsi â—â—ouué comme ils auoyent dit That is A certaine man possessed with many diuels was brought to S. Dominicke who tooke the stole and girded it fast about his necke commaunding them that from thencefoorth they should not torment him and foorthwith they were grieuously tormented within him and said Suffer vs to depart Why doest thou thus torment vs To whom he answered You shal not depart vntil you haue gotten some to be your sureties that ye wil neuer enter into him again They said What sureties The holy Martyrs said he which lie here in the Church Whereunto they answered Our merits do not deserue that Well you must procure theÌ„ said he to giue their words for you otherwise you shall not be set free They answered they would do their endeuour and returning againe not long after said Albeit we be vnworthy yet haue we gotten the holy Martyrs to be our sureties Then he demanded a signe of them If you go to the shrines said they where the sâ—uls of the Martyrs lie you shall find them ouerturned Whereupon he went and found it as they had said After which story or fable rather this other followeth which for the grace it hath deserues to go with it hand in hand It happened that as this holy father preached on a time certaine simple seduced women fell downe at his feet and said O thou man of God help vs. If this doctrine which thou hast taught be true an erroneous spirit hath this long time blinded our minds To whom he said Feare not stay a litle and you shall see what master you serue And immediatly they saw a blacke cat leaping in among them of the bignesse of a great curre with flaming eyes a long large and bloudy tongue reaching downe to her brest a crooked writhen taile turning vp on high shewing her posteriorums which way soeuer she went whence came a horrible stinch who hauing fisked this way and that way about these deuout dames a long time in the end went vp by the bel-ropes and left a filthy stinke behind her And so these women thanked God and turned to the Catholicke faith But because such stories as these are but Frier-like fables very harsh to all mens eares that are not Frierified I thinke it good whilest they are now listning and attentiue to let them heare at once the rest I do remember First then fol. 211. of the foresaid booke of Conformities we reade how S. Francis to shew that he was a pure virgin stripped himselfe naked before the Bishop of Assise and others and how he gaue his breeches to the foresaid father shewing that he was not defiled with women Thus much for the master Let vs now heare how well his schollers followed his example Fol. 62. Frier Leonard putting off his breeches at the gate of Viterbe put them vpon his head and binding his other apparell like a fardell about his necke went starke belly naked through the streets where he endured many villanies afterwards he went into the Friery where all the Friers cried shame vpon him but he was so holy a man that he respected not what they said telling them that he had done the like as he passed through two other cities There is also mention made of another of his disciples which tooke pleasure in playing the like pageant who whether he resemble the doggish Diogenes or not let the Reader iudge 4 And now I come to those examples which will not giue a man his breakefast as the former but onely his belly full of laughing cheare so as he may perhaps indanger that which I spake of And if you please to beginne with S. Francis let vs listen a little to his great wisedome recorded fol. 114. of the said booke how he saluted the birds spake vnto them and called them his brethren commanding them to hearken to the word of God and how they hearing him preach vnto them reioiced exceedingly thrusting out their necks and opening their beakes one vpon another maâ—king him all the while very attentiuely and how when the sermon was ended he walked through the middest of them and permitted them to depart Wherupon they flew all away with a great noise and deuided theÌ„selues into foure companies according to the foure quarters of the world therby signifying that the order of Saint Francis should be renoumed and dispersed throughout the earth Againe fol. 149. we reade that a Grashopper abode eight daies with him in stead of Saint Mary and that when he called her she flue vnto him and light vpon his head and so taking leaue of him departed As also how a Nightingale and he song Anthemes a whole day together by course Againe fol. 114. how he made the Swallows to cease their chattering calling theÌ„ sisters And in the same page how he cured a man-keene wolfe which had hurt many in the citty by making the signe of the crosse and how he made this agreement with him any brother wolfe thou must here promise me that thou wilt not rauen as heretofore thou hast done and then the citie will keepe thee Which the wolfe promised to do bowing downe his head euidently Then said Saint Francis sweare vnto me vpoÌ„ thine honesty and therwith put forth his hand where the wolf lifting vp his right foote laid it gently in Saint Francis his hand Who said my brother wolfe I charge thee in the name of our Lord Iesus Christ that thou follow me now presently which he did We read also of sundry Saints who tooke pleasure in talking with beasts but this brotherhood with wolues is peculiar I take it to Saint Francis 5 Further who can containe himselfe when he shall read how Saint Macarius did seuen yeares penance among thorns and bushes for killing of a flea Which verily was another manner of penance then that which Saint Francis did for eating Coquinam de â—ardone But I may not forget another pranke plaied by Saint Dominicke recorded towards the end of his legend which was the fact of a bon-companion indeed at leastwise so penned that it will make good fellowes sport and minister vnto them matter of merriment viz. that there was a holy Nun called Mary who had a sore thigh and had endured great paine of it for the space of fiue moneths and was past hope euer to haue it cured who thinking her selfe vnworthy to pray vnto God or to be heard of him besought Saint Dominick to be a mediator for her that she might be restored to her limmes again Where falling asleepe shortly after she thought she saw Saint Dominicke close by her and how he tooke from vnder his coape a strong smelling ointment wherewith he annointed her thigh And that when she asked him what it was he should answer that it was The ointment of loue Which riddle I leaue to the Reader to reade as
to proceed by false miracles it was agreed vpon that this pageant should be played by foure Iacobins of Berne whose names I will afterwards set downe To the end therefore they might come to the period of their purpose hauing first communicated with the diuell to whom one of them which was a Necromancer directed the rest and obtained a promise of ayd and furtherance they lay euer after in the wind to spie what occasion they might to aduantage their cause It happened not long after that a good fellow one Iohn Ietzer a tailor borne at Zurzacke was admitted and matriculated as one of their order who not long after he had taken the habit was visited in the night by one of these ghostly fathers who wrapped in a sheet went to his cell and began to counterfet a spirit making a great ratling noise by casting of stones c. Wherupon the poore nouice complaining to the 4. principal of the order the self same men who plotted this knauery one of which counterfetted the spirit he was comforted and encouraged by them and exhorted to patience And one night the spirit spake to this poore nouice charging him to do penance for him which when he had made the foresaid Friers acquainted with they thought it their best course to cause him to do penance openly for the deliuering of the said spirit Whereupon one of them began to preach of the spirit and to tel the people why he did this penance which was not done without extolling of their order which he had made choise of that he might be relieued by their merits and censuring that of the Franciscans Now the spirit on a time did highly extoll the order of the Iacobins to this nouice as well for the honest good men that were of it as for the good discipline that was obserued in it adding withall that he was not ignorant how it was hated of many by reason of their Doctor S. Thomas whoÌ„ they follow in affirming that the virgin Mary was conceiued in sin yet that many of these their maligners and euill willers were grieuously tormented by the iust iudgement of God yea that the towne of Berne should vtterly be destroyed if they expelled not the Franciscans from among them for teaching that she was conceiued without sinne and that Doctor Alexander of Hales and Iohn Scot the subtill Doctor both Franciscans suffered great paine in Purgatory for maintaining that opinion In the end he fained it of his fingers that the blessed Virgin her selfe did assure him of her polluted conception resoluing him of sundry other points greatly controuerted among the Doctors and that she printed in his right hand the signe of her sonnes passion by piercing it with a sharpe naile and after to asswage the paine of his wounds gaue him a little lint made of the swadling bands wherewith she swadled him in Aegypt Yet these foure Preachers not herewith content caused him to drinke inchanted water whereby they put him cleane out of the socket and made him as mad as a march Hare and hauing so done printed in his body foure other wounds of Christ. Where the poore soule comming to himselfe againe by meanes of another water which they gaue him wondered at his new wounds notwithstanding they made him beleeue it was the handy work of God After all this they layd him in a litle parlour apart by himselfe which was hung about with tapistry worke full of pictures wherein the passion of Christ was pourâ—raited by which he was to learne the countenances gestures and behauiors of Christ all which they did of purpose to delude the poore people who had already heard of these goodly miracles Besides they caused him to play the passion before them after they had made him serue out a long prentiship They gaue him moreouer a drinke which caused him to fome and froth at the mouth making him beleeue that he encountered death most valiantly as Christ had done To conclude they played so many prankes with this poore Frier that in the end he perceiued part of their knauery Notwithstanding they handled the matter so cunningly that they perswaded him all was Gospell and vsed him not long after as their instrument to counterfet a miracle But all their knauery which was before greatly suspected being at the last discouered and detected by this silly soule whom God had miraculously deliuered out of their hands they hauing attempted so many wayes to bring him to his end a round course was taken with these holy fathers For after that the Cleargy who had laboured long to saue their liues but all in vaine had committed them ouer to the secular power they were burned in the towne medow of Berne right ouer against the Couent of the Franciscans Their names were Iohn Vetter Priour Stephen Boltzhorst Preacher Francis Vlchi Subpriour who was a Necromancer and counterfetted the spirit and Henry Steniecker Receiuer I haue here omitted sundry like pageants played by these Iacobins which the Reader may find at large in the history written of this Tragedy See here gentle Reader how horne-mad these fond Friers were in being driuen to such extasies of deuices to defend their opinions and to hold counterpoise against their aduersaries Which doubtlesse they did not for any great zeale they had of the truth but in an ambitious humour which made them burst almost for anger to see the opinion of the Franciscans their vtter enemies in such request embraced and applauded of all 11 Let vs now heare how the iolly Preacher Barelete sends these Franciscans packing together with their opinion calling them aemulos of his order First therefore hauing affirmed that he had nine and forty Doctors of his opinion whereof he quoted the greatest part he beginneth in this sort Quid vobis videtur ciues mei super hoc Quare omnes religiones non pugnant pro doctoribus suis Ecce quot doctores quot sapientes hoc affirmant Sed dicunt aemuli nostri quòd fuit priuilegiata quia à peccato praeseruata Ostendant illud priuilegium eis fidem dabimus And he alleadges a passage out of Alexander of Hales where he setteth downe his opinion cleane coÌ„trary to that for the which the foresaid spirit suborned by the Iacobins of Berne gaue it out that he was tormented in Purgatory Si beata virgo Maria non fuisset concepta in peccato originali non fuisset obligata peccato nec poenae nec habuisset reatum peccati Sed qui non habet reatum peccati non indiget redemptione quia redemptio est solùm propter obligationem peccati vel poenae propter reatum peccati Ergo beata virgo non indiguisset redemptione quod non est secundum Catholicam fidem ponenduÌ„ Which being so the foresaid spirit suborned by these Iacobins had small reason to cause this poore soule to be so grieuously tormented in Purgatory considering he here yeeldeth vnto them what euer they desire But I leaue this
leaue it to those that haue more spare time and idle houres then my selfe Now as we begun to speake of the extollers of Antiquitie by the Latin phrase so will we begin with the contemners of it by the Greeke for as there are certaine Latine phrases which giue testimony of the reuerent opinion men were wont to haue of Antiquitie so are there Greeke words which shew the contempt and disgrace wherein it was For the professors of the Greeke tongue cannot at leastwise ought not to be ignorant that by 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 which in proper termes is as much as old and auncient is meant a simple soule or a nouice who is but newly crept as it were out of the shell The reason of this their opinion is very apparent and plaine for they called those 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 that is ancients which were very simple sottish grosse and blockish as being perswaded that men in old time especially in the golden Age were but simple swaines in comparison of those that came after Thus then we see how Antiquitie hath bene admired by some and contemned by others for diuers reasons as hereafter shall be declared more at large But here it shall not be amisse for the winding vp of this Chapter to examine a few ordinary French phrases appertaining to this argument First then when we speake of antique workes that is of works made after the old fashion we do it for the most part in scorne and contempt contrary to the Latins as if we should say Fait lourdement rudely done and as our criticall coiners of new French words speake at this day goffement grosly or absurdly the common people at Paris say grosso modo Contrarily we honor Antiquitie much in calling it Le bon temps the good time For when we say those that were du bon temps saw not the vanities which we see we meane the men of old time The like honour we giue to aged persons when we call an old man Bon homme and an old woman Bonne femme for a man shall heare them now and then when they are called Bons hommes bonnes femmes reply and say alluding to this second acception of the word that they go not yet with a staffe I obserued before that that which the Latins call Prisca fides we French-men call La bonne foy To which let me adde that the Grecians signifie the same by 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 which properly signifies a man of good behauiour and 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 that is ancient For by both these words they are wont to expresse and signifie a simple soule And the Greeke word 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 agreeth very fitly with our French phrase Qui va à la bonne foy or Qui va trop à la bonne foy that is one that is plaine Dunstable who hath neither welt nor gard but is as plaine as a pack-staffe without fraud couen or deceit Whereof we haue examples in Coridons of the countrey in whom we may see the simplicitie of ancient times in some sort shadowed out vnto vs. Albeit a man might find if need were enow such swaines euen in your chiefest cities Witnesse the Embassadour sent to the Pope by a Germaine Prince who taking his leaue of his Holinesse speaking vnto him in Latin and saying Tell our beloued sonne c. was in such a chafe that he had almost giuen him the lie telling him that his Master was no Priests sonne meaning that he was not a bastard He likewise was plaine simplicitie who being sent with a letter to the Queene of Nauarre and commaunded to kisse it before he deliuered it Because his Lord told him in words of doubtfull construction Carry this letter to her Highnesse and before you present her with it Baisez-la which may be vnderstood either of the Queene or of the letter He was no sooner come into the presence but he went to the Queene and kissed her not doubting but that he had courted it brauely and hauing so done deliuered her the letter without further complement We say also Aller à la bonne foy when a man speakes any thing in simplicitie which would be harsh or hardly taken being spoken by another as when a gentle Gillian told king Francis the first that when she saw him in such a sute she thought she saw one of the nine lepreux that is lepers as they are vsually painted whereas she would haue said One of the nine Preux that is worthies To these I may adde the example of the silly Sauoyard who taking the sentence of condemnation which passed vpon him whereby he was adiudged to be hanged verie vnkindly said Hela messiau ie vo priou per la pareille fade me pletou copa la teste that is O good sirs I beseech you if you will haue me requite it let me be beheaded For in saying if you will haue me requite it he meant simply It were easie to alledge sundry other examples of like simplicitie But we are to consider that though a sot and a swaine be very neare of kin euen cosingermans at the least yet we must distinguish them especially if we wil follow the Grecians who call the one 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and the other 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 For though euery sot be a simple soule yet euery simple fellow deserues not the name of a sot For example inciuilitie and rusticitie is not sottishnesse except it be accompanied with lurden-like loutishnesse although it come farre short of hers who being chid by her mother because she did not thanke her affianced louer when he dranke to her she telling her roundly of her fault and saying Canst thou not say the next time that he drinkes to thee I pledge you you great foole Thinking surely she had learned her lesson better forgat not the next time he dranke to her to say I pledge you you great foole He also meant not onely simply but plaid the foole in graine who ate the Phisitians prescript I meane the paper wherein it was written because he had bidden him take it And I doubt not but the Reader wil giue me good leaue to enrole a certaine Switzar in this register for I hope I shall do his worship no wrong who with great importunitie asked requitall and satisfaction for the French pockes which he had gotten in the Kings seruice And if I durst be so bold as to speake of the Scots who are all cosins to their King as they say I would here bring in a F. of this fraternitie who hauing heard none in his awne gude cuntrey but gentlemen of the better sort speake French wondred not a litle to heare the poore people in France beg their almes in French and little children speake it so readily But lest any man should say that I spare mine owne countri-men and spend my spirits vpon others I wil here bring the silly Limosin vpon the stage who hauing
seene a Spaniel gentle sold at Lions for foure French crownes highed him straight home againe for certain great mastiues which he had left behind him casting with himself what a dog of such a bignesse would affoord if such a little puppet were sold at so high a rate But a man had need to put on his considering cap if he would finde fit termes to expresse such fooleries For we dayly heare of sundry accidents which at the first a man wold think were sottish whereas they are rather to be counted foolish as being in a higher degree For though euery foole be a sot yet euery sot is not a foole which I might exemplifie in the Bishop who was not onely a sot but also a foole who after he had trounced his Chanons in a tedious and troublesome suite and tossed them from post to pillar tooke order by his will that his tombe should not lie along but stand vpright in the Church fearing lest after his death they should pisse on his head in way of reuenge As foolish was he who put out the candle that the fleas might not see him and so might not bite him He likewise deserued this name what country-man soeuer he was who burning his shins before a great fire had not the wit to go backe but sent for masons to remoue the chimney Who also hauing seene some spit vpon iron to trie whether it were hot spit in his pottage to know whether they were hot or not The same sot being hit on the back with a stone as he rode vpon his mule blamed the poore beast for kicking of him It were easie to alledge sundry like examples of such silly sots they being mo then a good many and in such plentie that they are not daintie But these shall suffice to exemplifie the former distinction which hath bene and ought to be made betweene a sot and a simple swaine which I was enforced to make easie passage for that which foloweth the better to prosecute my intended discourse Howbeit there are certaine particulars which will puzzle a man shrewdly to tell to which of these three heads or common places they ought to be referred those especially which seeme equally to participate of sottishnesse and simplicitie I alwayes take simplicitie in the sence that we vse it when we say He meaneth simply Wherefore leauing it to the Readers iudgement I will only adde this one thing that it is held in France a greater indignitie to be called sot then foole notwithstanding my former discourse The reason is because that when we call a man a sot we do it for the most part in earnest whereas when we call him foole we do it ironically and in iest and therefore it is not taken in so ill part And now that I am speaking of the French phrase let me adde one thing further which I shall desire the Reader to consider viz. that if my memory faile me not we cannot call a man foole in French but by the word fol whereas we haue sundry synonimes for a sot For Niais in old French Nice that is a nouice Fat that is a foole Badaut called in sundry places Badlori a cockneigh Nigaud a noddie Badin a boobie and such like are all sworne brethren at least cosingermans to a sot We also vse proper names in the same sence as when we say C'est vn Benest He is a simple cockscomb for in this phrase it is pronounced Benest and not as it is coÌ„monly Benoist Ioannes is vsed somwhat otherwise for when we say C'est vn Ioannes it is as much as if we should say He is a Pedant or a quaint QuanquaÌ„ for Epistles And when we say Vn bon Iannin the vulgar sort saith Genin we vnderstand a wittald who takes it patiently when his wife makes him a horned beast We further vse the word Gruë that is Crane to signifie a sot for C'est vn gruë is as much as Ce'st vn sot C'est vn niais He is a simple sot or a noddie True it is that a merry companion being sued for an action of trespas and brought into the Court for calling one Bel oiseau that is faire bird and then telling a tale of a Crane was not so mad as to expound his meaning but left it to the discretion of the Iudges For the plaintife accusing him for calling 〈◊〉 Bel oiseau said that he had called him cuckold by craft in calling him gosling My Lords quoth the defendant I confesse indeed I called him Bel oiseau that is faire bird but I denie that I meant a gosling neither is it probable I should so meane seeing there are as himselfe confesseth many birds fairer then a Gosling were it but a Crane Whereupon the Iudges hearing him fetch ouer his aduersary so finely and nettle him worse then before the simple noddie neuer perceiuing it brake forth into such a fit of laughter that they were glad to rise from the bench not knowing whether of them had won the day And thus much of a Sot If any shal here obiect that we cal a man foole in French and yet neuer vse the word and therfore that fol hath his fellow as wel as sot his synonime I answer that it followes not for my meaning was not that it could not be expressed by a periphrasis or circuÌ„locution but that it could not be expressed in one word for I grant indeed that wheÌ„ we wold delay the harshnes of this phrase Il tient du fol He is but a foole we say Il a le cerueau gaillard He is light headed or Il a le cerueau vn peu gaillard He is somewhat giddie headed whereas others say Il n'a pas le cerueaubien fait He is somewhat brainsick or Il n'a pas la teste bien faite He hath a crackt cranny or Il y a de la Lune He is lunatik or Il y a de l'heumeur he is humorous The word Innocent as when we say C'est vn poure innocent He is a poore innocent importeth not so much and Transporté incensé bestraught of his wits mad and such like imply more as comming nearer to the signification of fury Now the reason hereof viz. why we should haue such varietie of words to expresse a sot and but one if we speake properly to expresse a foole I leaue to be discussed by others except this perhaps be the reason that there are mo sots then fools wil here adde one thing more touching those phrases of which we spake in the first place viz. that if I haue rightly obserued we vse the word MoutoÌ„ that is sheepe tropically not so much to signifie a sot as a simple â—oule who suffers himself to be led by the nose as we say Which is common to vs with the Grecians as with Lucian among the rest saue that he vseth the word drawing not leading He hath also another prouerb to the same effect the meaning wherof is as if