quickly slips from good Meditations and Actions slides from honest purposes and proceedings vnlesse it bee sustained by thy Spirit But being quickned and enlyued by thy Spirit though otherwise dead I shal liue in thee by thee for thee all my thoughts words and workes shall breathe continually thy praise and glory Thy Spirit O Lord is the life of my soule as my spirit is the life of my body if my spirit faile my body perisheth if thy Spirit desert my soule my soule cannot but fall irrecouerably Wherefore vphold mee with thy Spirit Thy Spirit is free in it selfe As the winde bloweth so the Spirit breatheth where it listeth As it is a free so it is a freeing Spirit a Spirit of liberty which deliuereth me from the bondage of Sinne a Spirit of Adoption whereby I cry Abba Father As the Spirit is free so are those that are led by the Spirit free ingenuous bold and couragious it infranchizeth and naturalizeth me in the heauenly Hierusalem This Spirit hath power to helpe all my infirmities it hath skill and will to frame my Supplications within me to be expressed if not by tongue voyce yet by sighes and grones vnutterable but still intelligible to thee it can preserue mee from falling it can raise mee after I haue falne and then so establish mee that I shall neuer come againe into danger of relapse or recidiuation My spirit thus vpheld and established by thy free Spirit what is it else but a cheerefull alacrity and forward disposition to imbrace any thing that is good for it owne sake and for thy sake without any by or secondary respect whatsoeuer banisheth all drowzy dulnesse and vntoward listlesnesse in thy seruice that putteth wings to my obedience and maketh it not to walke slowly but to flye nimbly in the accomplishment of thy errands and directions that causeth me to doe ingenuously what becommeth me for loue of vertue and not for feare of the whip basely When thou hadst appointed that the first 〈◊〉 of euery beast should bee set apart to thee thou diddest specially ordaine that if it were the Foale of an Asse it should be redeemed with a Lambe if it were not the necke of it should bee broken thou wouldest not haue it sacrificed vnto thee at any hand Surely it may well seeme that this is alterius rei 〈◊〉 a kinde of riddle and that by this shaddow thou wouldest shew thy 〈◊〉 of slothfulnesse and 〈◊〉 want of life and cheerefulnesse in thy seruice that an Asse being one of thy dullest creatures Sloth is wont to bee pictured riding on an Asse thou wouldest not bee honoured by the sacrifice of such a beast Thou O Lord louest a swift hearer a cheerefull giuer a zealous Petitioner a voluntary Souldier and a diligent 〈◊〉 for all which purposes thy free and firme Spirit will strongly enable and support mee continually Wherefore establish mee with thy free Spirit O Lord. 13 Then will I teach transgressors thy wayes and sinners or impious persons shall be conuerted vnto thee WHen thou hast vouchsafed graciously to bestow vpon mee those graces whereof I haue gracelesly 〈◊〉 my selfe then will I 〈◊〉 my selfe gratefull vnto thee I will 〈◊〉 that dutie of thankefulnesse so sutable to humanity so agreeable to piety it being a thing good and commendable 〈◊〉 and profitable pleasant and dilectable 〈◊〉 gracefull to returne praises and thankes to thee for thy mercies duly to acknowledge and truly to 〈◊〉 thy singular fauours in such manner as I can and by such meanes as are within the reach of my weake and worthlesse ability I will not follow the common fashion of worldly men who like barrels sound when they are empty but are still when they are full who craue earnestly when they feele want but are dumbe and silent when their turne is serued I solemnely vow and will really performe thankfull acknowledgement for so great benefits when I haue receiued them Thou O God by difburthening man of his sin doest impose a burthen of gratitude vpon him A benefit is a burthen to an ingenuous minde that cannot rest quietly but lyeth shut vp as it were in prison straightly till it haue procured liberty by venting some kinde of retribution Although there can be no proportion betweene thy infinite goodnesse and my not onely finite but infinitely weake meanes of requitall yet inasmuch as for a more bountifull fauour a larger returne of 〈◊〉 is of congruence required and the greatest blessing that can bee bestowed vpon a mortall man in this life is peace of conscience intended by the ioy of thy saluation and implyed in the firme support of thy free Spirit I will indeauour in way of 〈◊〉 to doe thee the best seruice that any man can performe vpon earth that is I will teach thy wayes to Transgressors and cause as much as in me lyeth sinners to bee conuerted vnto thee I will teach such as wander and goe aftray how to come into the way Againe those that goe by-wayes I will teach thy wayes that is the wayes of thy directions which leade vs by a right line as it were through the maze of this miserable world to the land of Canaan that happy country which we should so loue and long for Conuerted sinners are the fittest conuerters of sinners The sickly Physician who hath not onely read in his Booke but felt in his body the maladies whereupon hee is consulted is the likeliest man to worke a cure vpon his patient Goodnesse of it owne nature is apt to spread and inlarge it selfe It is the most naturall and kindly worke of each liuing creature to engender a like vnto it selfe As in nature so is it in nurture also An honest well-disposed man will striue as much as hee can to make others good and godly A chast and sober man will endeauour to restrayne and reclayme others from wantonnesse and drunkennesse the like may bee said of all other vertues and vices The rule of Charity requires that he who hath beene raysed out of the dyrt and reskued out of the myre should lift vp others who lye wallowing therein If we be once inflamed with the loue of God and godlinesse wee shall labour to kindle the zeale of others set them on fire also Bad men are and why should not good men much more become Incendiaries This is the matter and effect of my gratitude which though it may seeme to be no great matter For my goodnesse extendeth not to thee neither art thou any whit the better for my being better any way the grace is thine the good is mine alone yet I know it to bee very aceptable and highly pleasing vnto thee being so louing and gracious so couetous of mans saluation as thou dost euen hunger and thirst after his conuersion Thou dost euen long for our returne home from out of those farre remote countries wherein wee haue wandred and spent our patrimony of thy gifts in wickednesse to
from our sence and sight I knew I had offended but I knew not that I had so highly offended I thought thou diddest see my sinnes but I did little thinke that thou haddest taken such speciall and exact notice of them as to send an Herald or extraordinary Ambassadour of purpose to challenge and reproue me for them and to rowze me out of my sound sleepe and snorting security in them It was thy great mercy O God to send a Prophet to check admonish and correct mee and it is of thy gracious goodnesse that crosses which are thy Messengers for that purpose afflictions of body or mind outward or inward one or other are ordinarily laid vpon thy children to make them know themselues and by knowing themselues to know thee and by knowing to loue thee and by louing thee to bee beloued of thee This is that golden chaine euery linke whereof is fastened within another whereby a man is tyed and nexed to thee this is that Ladder of Iacob by which thou descendest to him and hee ascends to thee None is so dangerously sicke as hee that doth not finde and feele himselfe to be sicke I know mine own maladies and therefore resort to thee the great Physicion to be eased and cured therof It is in vaine to seeke health and helpe vnlesse I lay open my wounds and discouer the malignity of my disease which is morbus complicatus as the Physicions terme it not a simple or single but a compound disease wherein many diseases are folded and wrapped together so as if there be not extraordinary care taken to apply somewhat to each ill affected part respectiuely I may soone come ad diliquium animae to the fainting and failing of my spirituall life I know my sinnes in the plurall number which albeit they flowed from one and the same fountaine yet ranne they into diuers streames for as much as to my adultery I added both trechery and murder neither did I betray and expose to slaughter one man alone or a few persons but a whole band and troope of men fighting in mine owne quarrell and in defence of thy Church Wherefore it is not without cause that in one grosse body of sinne I represent vnto my selfe many seuerall branches and kindes of sinne by multiplication and seuer it into sundry parts by diuision He that knowes his sin knowes himselfe which the Heathens held to be a diuine lesson and most profitable instruction For what can hee vnderstand that knowes himselfe but that the imaginations of his heart the words of his mouth the workes of his hands are euill onely and wicked continually On the other part he is not a sinner onely that is one that hath sinne in him and somewhat also besides sinne but hee is a great lumpe and intire masse of sinne nothing but sinne that doth not know himselfe to bee a sinner and that hee hath committed many and manifold sinnes Hee that knowes himselfe and his sinnes cannot but displease himselfe and thereby please thee as also he that neither knows himselfe nor his sins may haply please himselfe but he cannot possibly but displease thee Hee knowes his owne sinne as is fitting who is sorry for it and displeased with it he that is readie to abide Gods chastisement and mans reprofe for his amendmēt he that resolues for the time comming to auoid sin and all occasions of sinning who seriously considers what the malignity of sin is of what good things it bereaues him to what penalties it makes him liable how venemous 〈◊〉 poison of it is at home how contagious the example of it is abroade Thou hast giuen me O Lord the knowledge of thy Law and by the knowledge of thy Law the knowledge of my sinne For that which is right and straight doth both shew it selfe and that which is crooked also But if thy written Law were silent and dumbe and did conceale it selfe or my sinnes from me yet thy vnwritten Law grauen in euery mans heart both Iew and Gentile doth accuse me so oft as I transgresse the limits thereof and leaue me without excuse Mine owne conscience cryes alowde and layes wide open before mine eyes the Booke wherein my enormous sinnes are 〈◊〉 in capitall Characters so that I may runne and read them It stands Centinell in the watch-towre of my soule and doth keepe me waking when my sence or sensuality would faine be sleeping it doth restlesly rayse and rowze my dull and dead spirits out of the deepe dungeon and spirituall Lethargie of carnall security The true fence and full knowledge of my sinnes makes me so anxious and ardent in begging pardon because I cannot rest till I haue made my peace and wrought my reconciliation with thee The extremity of my danger and distresse doth cause mee incessantly to importune thee for reliefe and remedy and my strong hope is that this force will not be displeasing to thy tender mercy My sinne is euer before me I doe not onely know and vnderstand my sinnes and there leaue the matter I doe not vpon a bare enumeration and cogitation of them cast them carelesly behind my back but I muster them before my conscience daily I behold them as in a Table set before mine eyes continually that vpon sight of the vglines of them I may be humbled and cast downe of the terror and horror of them I may tremble and quake for feare of the basenesse and filthinesse of them I may loath them my selfe for them For sinnes committed being truly felt and liuely represented to the conscience like furies or ghosts of hell fright their beholders away with their vgly shapes deformed forms Sinne is of that ill nature and condition that it will cast him that hath done it in the teeth as they say it will lye vpon the conscience as vnsauory oyle floates vpon the stomacke it will neither bee disgorged nor digested Thou toldest Cain If thou dost euill sin lies at the dore it is restles it will not be stil it wil not keep house it wil not hide it selfe in a corner of the heart it will lye in the way so as thou canst neither come in nor goe forth but thou must needs stumble vpon it A sinner is fitly resembled to a dreamer not only because the pleasure of sinne doth quickly and lightly vanish away like a shadow or dreame but also because the shapes and formes of his day-sinnes doe represent themselues to him in the night the pleasurable actions thereof for the time doe beget hideous apparitions afterwards On the other part a sinners conscience is like a graue that casts vp the earth againe as fast as hee casteth it in It is a graue euer open though hee cloze it neuer so often It is reported of the Indian Bracmanni that to the end they might still be occasioned to thinke of their end they kept their graues ready digged and alwaies open before their
bee without this heate he that hath that Sun cannot be without this light When my great and enormous sinnes had plunged me into the sea of misery finding no other meane of helpe in that fearefull danger I catched vp and tooke hold of the planke or boordof Repentance to saue me from drowning Repentance hath two faces and so looketh two wayes backward and forward to sinnes past and holinesse to come I haue grieuously lamented my offences formerly done and importunately begged pardon for them accounting this remission because thou art pleased O God so to esteeme it my iustification I now earnestly craue a cleane heart and a new spirit that being clensed I may keep my selfe cleane that being renewed I may entertaine newnesse of life for my sanctification For if I fall againe vpon the same rock of presumption which caused my shipwracke before it will plainely appeare that I haue not really acted but formally counterfeited repentance in which case I must pronounce an heauie doome against my selfe for dissembled holinesse is double wickednesse wickednesse masking vnder the sinfull vayle and vizard of hypocrisie Repentance neuer attaines her Crowne and Garland till shee haue brought forth amendment of life after lamentation for sin to make some kind of reparation That which thou requirest of me O God is my heart and how can I deny thee one thing that hast giuen me all things for what haue I that I haue not receiued of thee Well then I resolue as it is meet to giue thee my heart But when I looke into my heart by the helpe of thy suruey for it is thou that declarest vnto man what and how ill his heart is I finde it so foule and full of corruption as I am ashamed to present it vnto thee in that plight Nay I tremble to thinke that thy Pure and Radiant Eyes should behold such a puddle and sincke of sinne as lurketh in my heart For alas euery imagination of the thoughts of my heart is onely euill continually Were my heart such as it should be I would cheerefully giue thee my heart O Lord therefore create in mee a cleane heart Thou madest my heart first in Adam hee marred it and I in him by disobedience from him to all his posterity the contagion of this pollution is spred and propagated wherefore create my heart againe create it a cleane heart either a cleane heart or no heart at all I affect purity of heart by thy grace for indeed I cannot so much as affect much lesse effect it without thee Vnlesse thou take the worke in hand it will be vndone My heart that is originally and totally vncleane by naturall generation and daily soiled by actuall transgression cannot become cleane and neate without spirituall washing and supernaturall regeneration and that is thy proper operation Seeke not to new make mould my defiled hart out of the forebeing matter thereof That may seeme a strange enterprize and fruitlesse worke But thou O God who by thy power madest the world of nothing by thy powerfull grace Create which is thy peculiar attribute a cleane heart within me To create is not to make a thing out of the power of any subiect or matter formerly being But to create is to make a thing of nothing and that is an act of diuine power that is a case excepted and a prerogatiue reserued to thee alone The production of grace in a gracelesse heart is a wonderfull and gracious creation Create in mee powerfully and of nothing without any 〈◊〉 matter create in me 〈◊〉 and for nothing without any precedent merit of mine a pure heart so 〈◊〉 thou crowne in mee not my deserts but thine 〈◊〉 gifts if ought proceed from my heart to my tongue or hand not displeasing vnto thee Worke this worke thy selfe and take the praise of it to thy selfe alone O God Not vnto mee not vnto me I doe iterate and ingeminate my disclaymer but vnto thy Name giue all the glory It is another manner of power to make the quality then the substance of the heart yea it is a harder taske to make a heart cleane that hath beene soiled with the filth and tainted with the putrifaction of sin then to make a pure and innocent heart at the first The more shall be my thankfulnesse if thou O Lord vouchsafe me so great a fauour I will not curiously enquire into the meanes or manner of atchieuing this worke Let me henceforth really finde by the imaginations and inclinations of it that it is a cleane heart conformed as it may be in the frailty of 〈◊〉 flesh 〈◊〉 thy holy 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 all is well As a woman 〈◊〉 by the stirring of the 〈◊〉 in her wombe that 〈◊〉 hath conceiued so 〈◊〉 me feele by the effectuall motions of thy good 〈◊〉 that I am begotten anew vnto a liuely 〈◊〉 by the resurrection of Christ according to his abundant mercy The summe of all is Giue me O Lord what thou enioynest and then enioyne mee what thou pleasest I am of no ability to do what thou commandest and therefore am enforced to beseech thee thy selfe to do in me what thou requirest to bee done of me Create a cleane heart in me If my heart as the spring and conduit head be pure and cleane the waters that flow thence though conueighed in earthen pipes will be cleare still my secret thoughts my open words my visible workes though they sauour somewhat of earth and flesh will not be altogether vncleane and vnsauoury A man must bee twice borne ere he can enter into the kingdome of heauen As he is made to the similitude of the first Adam so must he be made to the similitude of the second Adam and the regeneration is a more excellent worke then the generation the re-creation then the creation In the first man was wrought out of clay in the other God workes grace out of sinne In the former he breathed a soule into the dead body here he breatheth his holy Spirit into a dead heart In the creation he made man perfect in all his members In this re-creation not only all the members of the body but the faculties of the soule also must be framed anew It is a greater matter to raise a man dead in sinne then to raise a rotten carkasse out of the graue In the one birth and the other the heart is the first 〈◊〉 that is enlyued my 〈◊〉 must first take fire 〈◊〉 can I neuer bee 〈◊〉 with the true zeale of 〈◊〉 glory and mine owne saluation In the first creation this 〈◊〉 Chaos and darke 〈◊〉 was couered by thy 〈◊〉 without any contradiction or resistance Thou spakest but the word and all was readily done and perfectly framed But in my re-creation my flesh or my spirit or my fleshly spirit doth oppose and incounter thy holy Spirit grieueth and maketh it sad laboureth to quench it euen then when it striueth to reuiue repaire and reforme me This is notoriously verified
not onely in the aliens reprobates but euen in the domesticks of the houshold of faith in thy most inlightned and best disposed children euen in the Elect themselues and those that are sealed vp for the Day of Redemption Wherefore I must say freely as I may truly I am thy workemanship not onely of thy power as all other creatures are but of thy mercy also created in Christ vnto good workes whereof he is the sole Author and Actor working effecaciously in mee both the will and the deed according to his good pleasure O Lord giue me a liuely Faith thy Gift alone which hath power to quicken my dull to enlyue my dead to purifie my impure heart Giue me grace stedfastly to beleeue thy Word to take sure hold of thy promises euermore to cleaue and sticke fast to thy goodnesse Kindle this fire in my soule which will inflame my loue of all good duties on the one and on the other side waste and consume eate vp and de uoure my concupiscence and all my carnall desires and cause them to returne into that dead sea whence they were first exhaled Renew a right Spirit within me Hee whose spirit is deserted by Gods Spirit loseth the vigor and viuacity of his spirit his spirit waxeth old crooked in him Sinne where it inuades makes such spoile and hauocke of all goodnesse and vertue in the soule as it cannot subsist vnlesse it be timely repaired and truly renewed by repentance When a man lyes groueling vpon earthly and houering vpon fleshly desires his spirit which should directly 〈◊〉 vpward is bowed downe and made crooked A 〈◊〉 spirit then is a sincere and vpright heart raysed and lifted vp into heauen and heauenly things What is sinne else but an obliquity a depriuation or deprauation of that rectitude and vprightnesse which was originally and should be continually in the soule if it were throughly purged and purified I haue impayred this rectitude and vprightnesse which once I had in some measure by my heynous and enormous transgressions and therefore resort to thee for helpe who onely art able to renewe and repaire it againe Giue me O Lord a spirit rectified in it selfe directed by thy Spirit corrected by thy discipline and erected to thy glory a spirit firme without failing constant without varying and durable without decaying that I may happily choose new waies walke in them carefully and perseuere in them constantly giue me grace to turne ouer a new leafe as they say to abandon the old man with the lusts and affections thereof and to put on the new man and so to serue thee in holinesse and newnesse of liuing all the dayes of my life hereafter I doe wittingly and thankefully ascribe the purity of my heart to thy Creation the vprightnesse of my spirit to thy renouation alone as to giue thee thy due honour so to preuent and anticipate the proud and fond conceit of those men if any such there be or shall be hereafter who to grace thēselues wil abate the power diminish the lustre of thy grace who though they cannot but confesse that they neede the assistance of thy Spirit that they are holpen by thy both preuenting and following grace yet betweene those two graces for their own credit will needes vainely interpose or rather violētly intrude mans reason whereby he chuseth what is good and mans will whereby he assenteth to thy diuine power in the blessed worke of regeneration But hereby I take secret comfort in my selfe to preserue my perplexed soule from vtter despaire that I discerne the foulenesse of my heart feele the weaknes of my spirit and therefore pray earnestly for a purification of the one and a renouation of the other for I know I cannot craue either of those graces without some measure of grace As the sunne cannot be seene but by the Sunne nor the light be perceiued but by meanes of the light so neither can I begge a full cleansing of my heart without some cleanenesse in it nor a through-renouation without some newnesse in my decayed spirit at least in true affection and vnfaigned desire Cast me not away from thy presence and take not thy holy Spirit from me I feare and cannot but feare thy face and yet I feare withall to be cast from thy face 〈◊〉 presence Mine owne 〈◊〉 makes me on the one side to feare the face of a seuere Iudge and my worthlesse weaknesse on the other being not able to subsist at all without the light of thy countenance makes mee desire thy presence and sight What-euer thou doe with me while thou lookest vpon me I shall indure though not without feare and perplexity But if thou cast me quite away from thy presence I am vtterly vndone for euer The presence of the Physicion is a present if not helpe yet comfort to the sicke patient But thy presence Lord being the soueraigne Physicion ministers all comforts and cures all maladies both of soule and body Therefore I loue the habitations of thy house and the place where 〈◊〉 honour dwelleth As the hunted and chased Hart desireth the water brookes So longeth my soule after thee When shall I come and appeare before thee O how amiable are thy Tabernacles My soule euen longeth and fainteth for the courts of the Lord. One day in thy Courts where thou art present and resident is better then a thousand elsewhere I had rather bee a dorekeeper there then to dwell at liberty and in iollity in the tents of the vngodly The priuation of Gods presence is the position of all misery and the withdrawing of his countenance drawes with it all manner of discomforts Heauen it selfe were not heauen if thou wert not there present and Hell could not be hell if thou wert not absent thence To bee cast out of thy presence is to be cast out of ioy into sorrow out of light into darkenesse out of life into death not the first onely but the second also out of heauē into hel The very sight and vision of thee is of it selfe and in it selfe the height of happinesse In thy presence is the fulnesse of ioy and at thy right hand is plenty without satiety of pleasure and delight for euermore Wherefore though I haue multiplyed and increased my contumacie beyond all measure yet I beseech thee O Lord not to excommunicate me I submit my selfe with teares in mine eyes and anguish in my heart humbly and wholly to thy discipline I am content to endure any penance rather then to bee banished from thy presence What the want of this presence is none can know but he that feeleth and he that feeleth cannot make another know by any relation Hee may indeuour to shaddow it out slenderly but hee is not able fully to expresse it If the Master turne his seruant out of doores if the Father abandon his sonne from his fight if the King command his subiect from the Court that hee come not within the Vierge how