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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A50370 The old couple a comedy / by Thomas May, Esq. May, Thomas, 1595-1650. 1658 (1658) Wing M1412; ESTC R9133 36,332 54

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man would fawn Or to his belly fell his liberty There would be then no slaves no sycophants At great mens tables if the base Samentus Or that vile Galba had been thus content They had not born the scoffs of Caesar's board He whose cheap thirst the springs and brooks can quench How many cares is he exempted from Hee 's not indebted to the merchants toile Nor fears that Pyrates force or stormes should rob him Of rich Canatyes or sweet Candyan wines He smels nor seeks no feasts but in his own True strength contracted lives and there enjoyes A greater freedome then the Parthian King Ear Thou mak'st me more in love with my blest life The Besides pure cheerful health ever attends it Which made the former ages live so long With riotous banquets sicknesses came in When death 'gan muster all his dismal band Of pale diseases such as Poets fain Keep sentinel before the gates of hell And bad them wait about the gluttons tables Whom they like venom'd pills in sweetest wines Deceive swallow down and hasten on What most they would eschew untimely death But from our tables here no painful surfets No fed diseases grow to strangle nature And suffocate the active brain no feavers No apoplexies palsies or catarrhs Are here where nature not entic'd at all With such a dangerous bait as pleafant cates Takes in no more then she can govern well Ear But that which is the greatest comfort son Is to observe with pleasure our rich hoords Dayly increase and stuff the swelling bags Come thou art mine I see here take these keys Keyes These keyes can shew thee such amazing plenty Whose very sight would feed a famish'd country I durst not trust my servants The Me you may Who equal with my life do prize your profit Ear Well I le go in I feel my self half sleepy After the drinke I took The 'T will do you good Sir Exit Work sweetly gentle cordial and restore Those spirits again which pining avarice Has ' rest him of ay me how wondrous thin How lean and wan he looks how much alas Has he defrauded his poor Genius In raking wealth while the pale grisly sighs Of famine dwell upon his aged cheeks Oh avarice then thee a greater plague Did nere infest the life of wretched man Heaven ayd my work that rare extraction Which he has drunk beside the nourishment Will cast him in a safe and gentle sleep While I have liberty to work my ends And with his body's cure a means I le finde To cure his fame and which is more his minde Enter Jasper Jasper Jasp Sir Theod. Are those disguises ready Which I bespoke Jasp They are all sitted Sir Theod. Then at the hour which I appointed thee Invite those people Jasper but be true And secret to me Jasp As your own heart Sir The Take this I will reward thy service better Counters Assoon as these occasions are dispatch'd Jasp I thank you Sir I have a letter for you Letter Left here but now from Mr. Euphues Old Mr Freeman's nephew The Give it me I will anon peruse it but my hast Permits not now Eugeny waits my coming Exit Theod. Jasp I like this well yet if I should prove false To my old master for my young masters sake Who can accuse me for the reason 's plain And very palpable I feel it here This will buy ale so will not all the hoords Which my old master has his money serves For nothing but to look upon but this Knows what the common use of money is Well for my own part I 'm resolv'd to do Whatever he commands me hee 's too honest To wrong his father in it if he should The worst would be his own another day Exit Eugeny solus Eug. Just thus in woods and solitary caves The ancient hermits liv'd but they liv'd happy And in their quiet contemplations found More real comforts then society Of men could yeeld then cities could afford Or all the lustres of a court could give But I have no such sweet preservatives Against the sadness of this desert place I am my self a greater wilderness Then are these woods where honor and dismay Make Make their abodes while different passions By turns do reign in my distracted foul Fortune makes this conclusion general All things shall help th' unfortunate man to fall First sorrow comes and tells me I have done A crime whose foulness must deserve a sea Of poenitent tears to wash me clean again Then fear steps in and tels me if surpriz'd My wretched life is forfeit to the Law When these have done enters the Tyrant Love And sets before me the fair Artemia Displayes her vertues and perfections Tels me that all those graces all those beauties Suffer for me for my unhappiness And wounds me more in her then in my self Ah Theodore would I could ever sleep But when thou com'st for in my self I find No drop of comfort welcome deatest friend Enter Theodore The Pardon the slowness of my visit friend For such occasions have detain'd me hence As if thou knew'st I know thou would'st excuse Eug. I must confess I thought the hours too long But the fruition of thy presence now Makes me forget it all The Collect thy self Thou droop'st too much my dearest Eugeny And art too harsh and sour a censurer Of that unhappy crime which thou were forc'd Lately to act I did allow in thee That lawful sorrow that was fit but let Well grounded comforts cure thee nought extream Is safe in man Eug. 'T is time must work that cure The But why thy pardon is not yet obtain'd Let me be free in my conjectures to thee Eug. Speak friend as to thy self The Sir Argent Scrape Your old rich kinsman who to morrow morning Is to be married to the Lady Covet Eug. Is that match come about oh avarice What monsters thou begett'st in this vile age The Sr. Argent Scrape I say is next heir male On whom thy whole estate was long ago Entail'd Eug. 'T is true The He must inherit it Should thy life fail Eug. 'T is granted The Then friend hear What not a bare conjecture but strong grounds Move me to utter think upon that word Thou spok'st so lately thinke what avarice Can make her bondmen do that such a price As sifteen hundred pounds a year will make Him labor not thy pardon but thy death Eug. Can there be such a miscreant in nature The I should not thinke so if I weigh'd him only As hee 's thy kinsman I have been inform'd He labors under hand to apprehend thee Just at the assizes now and has layd plots To stop all pardons which in that short time Might be procur'd and then what bribes may do In hastening execution doe but consider If this be false some Courtiers have abus'd His fame And pardon me my dearest friend If I suspect the worst for fear of thee Eug. When I consi•er what accurst effects Proceed from wretched
And ten to one speed in his suit the fair And usual way should play the fool and lose His precious time in such a hopeless wooing Dot. Alas Sir what is a Gentlemans time Bar. Euphues he tels you true there are some brains Can never lose their time what ere they do Yet I can tell you he has read some books Dot. Doe not disparage me Bar. I warrant thee And in those books he says he findes examples Of greatest beauties that have so been won Euph. Oh! in Parismus and the Knight o' th Sun Are those your Authors Dot. Yes and those are good ones Why should a man of worth though but a shepherd Despair to get the love of a Kings daughter Euph I prethee Barnet how hast thou skrew'd up This fool to such a monstrous confidence Bar. He needs no skrewing up but let him have His swinge a little Euph He shall have it freely But you have seen your mistres Mr Dotterel How doe you finde her coming Dot. That 's all one I know what I know Bar. He has already got Some footing in her favor Euph. But I doubt Hee 'l play the tyrant make her doat too long Wear the green sickness as his livery And pine a yeer or two Dot. Shee 's not the first That has done so for me Euph. But if you use My Cozen so I shall not take it well Dot. Oh I protest I have no such meaning Sir See here she comes the Lady whimsey too nter Lady Whimsy Artemia Lad. I thought sweet heart th'had'st wanted company Art Why so I did yours Madam Lad. Had I known Your house had been so full of gallants now I would have spar'd my visit But 't is all one I have met a friend here Euph. Your poor servant Madam Lad. I was confessing of your cozen here About th' affairs of love Euph. Your Ladiship I hope will shrieve her gently Lad. But I tell her She shall not thank me now for seeing her For I have business hard by I am going A suitor to your old rich neighbor here Earthworm Euph. A suitor he is very hard In granting any thing especially If it be money Lad Yes my suit 's for money Nay all his money and I himself to boot Bar. His money would doe well without himself Lad. And with himself Bar. Alas your Ladiship Should too much wrong your beauty to bestow it Upon one that cannot use it and debar More able men their wishes Euph. That 's true Barnet If she should bar all other men but that Would be too great a cruelty Art Doe you hear My cozen Madam Lad. Yes he will be heard Rather then fail he 'll give himself the hearing But prethee Euphues tell me plainly now What thou dost think of me I love thy freeness Better then any flattery in the world Euph. I think you won drous wise Lad. In what Euph. In that That makes or mars a woman I mean love Lad. Why prethee Euph. I think you understand so well What the true use of man is that you 'll nere Trouble your thoughts with care or spoyl your beauty With the green sickness to obtain a thing Which you can purchase a discreeter way Art How doe you like this Madam Lad. Wondrous well 'T is that I look'd for But what entertainment Would old rich Earthworm give us do you thinke Bar. Unless your presence Madam could infuse A nobler soul into him 't is much fear'd 'T would be but mean Lad. Because you 'll say hee 's covetous Tut I can work a change in any man If I were married to him you should see What I would make him Euph. I beleeve we should aside If cuckolds horns were visible Art But could Your Ladyship be pleas'd with such a husband Lad. Who could not well be pleas'd with such a fortune Art Wealth cannot make a man Lad. But his wealth Lady Can make a woman Euph. Yet I doubt old Earthworm Would prove too subtle to be govern'd so You 'll finde him Madam an old crabbed piece Some gentle fool were better for a husband Art Fie cozen how thou talk'st Lad. Hee 's in the right Fools are the only husbands one may rule'um Why should not we desire to use men so As they would us I have heard men protest They would have their wives silly and not study'd In any thing but to dress themselves And not so much as able to write letters Just such a husband would I wish to have So qualify'd and not a jot beyond it He should not have the skill to write or read Art What could you get by that Lad. I should be sure He could not read my letters and for bonds When I should have occasion to use money His mark would serve Art I am not of your minde I would not have a fool for all the world Bar. No fairest Lady your perfections None but the wisest and the best of men Can truly finde and value Dot. And I protest Lady I honour you for not loving a fool Lad. You would love a wife it seems that loves not you Euph A tart jest Barnet Bar. But he feels it not Euph. Fie Mr. Dotterel 't is not nobly done In you to hate a fool a generous spirit Would take the weakest parts and fools you know Are weakest still Dot. Faith Mr. Euphues I must confess I have a generous spirit And do a little sympathize with fools I learn'd that word from a good honest man But hark you cozen Barnet this same Lady Is a brave woman Bar. Are you taken with her Dot. I love a wit with all my heart Bar. 'T is well He is already taken off I see Aside From fair Artemia or may be soon Upon this tother I may build a fortune Euph. But Madam if your Ladyship would marry Upon those terms 't were better that you took Old Earthworms son Lad. Has he a son I prethee Euph Yes lately come from travel as they say We have not seen him yet he has kept close Since his arrival people give him out To be his father's own Lad. Nay then I swear I le none of him if he be covetous And young I shall be troubled too long with him I had rather have the old one Art Here 's my father Enter Mr. Freeman Free Health to this good society I am sorry That my poor house must not to day enjoy The happiness to entertain you all We are invited to th' old Lady Covets And thither must our company remove Lad. Sir I le be govern'd by you I was bold To come and see Mrs. Artemia Free Shee 's much beholding to your Ladyship For doing her that honor Euph. Tell me Uncle I hear Sir Argent Scrape is at her house Free Nephew 't is true and which thou'lt wonder at That marriage which we talk'd of as a jest In earnest now 's concluded of and shall To morrow morning be solemnized Euph. Betwixt Sr. Argent and the Lady Covet I doe not thinke it