to want nor how to abound apt to murmur and repine in Straits and to be lifted up and grow secure in Enlargements O Lord in every Condition I need thy grace to teach me how to behave my self O shew me thy way and lead me therein for thy Name-sake Also the Lord taught me hence that I ought to be patient under his hand when he hideth his Face and to resign up my will to his Will inasmuch as I do not know what is good for my self The Lord seeth I should be worse it may be if I enjoyed more than I do and therefore in wisdom and mercy he keeps me in a low Condition My confusion sometimes hath been so great that I have been so unsetled and at such a loss in my Soul that I knew not what to do all former workings have been questioned and judged as nothing In the hour of such temptation the Lord taught me besides Prayer and searching into my Soul to have recourse to former experiences Psal 77. 10 11. and Psal 85. Octob. 11. In the morning I bewailed it before God that I was still at a loss to know whether I loved him and after Prayer I read 1 Joh. 2 ch and I was made in a more special manner to take notice of v. 5. Whoso keepeth his word in him verily is the love of God perfected Me-thought I saw God Answering my Prayer and telling me out of this word that I loved him In him verily 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 it is a sure sign of Love to God we need not doubt of it if we keep his Word Now if I know my own heart I desire to do so if the Love of God be perfected in him that keeps his Word then surely it is begun in him that desires and endeavours to keep his Word Jan. 25. The Lord helped me with Tears to bewall mine abominations even my Original and actual sins my formality Earthliness alienation from him c. therein he did remember and fulfil that gracious promise Ezek. 36. 31. I found Godly sorrow sweet not only in the root and fountain thereof it being a Covenant blessing but in the very Actings of it Feb. 2. In the Evening upon my Bed the Lord did graciously melt my heart in the sight of sin under this Consideration that it was against infinite Love I was ashamed confounded and abashed because I had so long slighted neglected Rebelled against a God of Love My Soul even trembled at it Jan. 15. 1655. Having been the day before with one under great Temptations and hearing of another under a wounded Spirit my heart was melted in Prayer whilst I was praising God for his long patience in the days of my sinning and his tenderness and gentleness towards me in my Conversion Jan. 16. I found my heart drawn out to a recumbence on Jesus Christ The Spirit saith Come Rev. 22. 17. Christ saith Come Joh. 7. 37. And the Father saith Come Mat. 22. 4. And who am I O Lord that I should gainsay such Invitations Behold O Lord I come and put my trust in thee Jan. 26. I Preached twice and had very gracious assistance much beyond expectation in the week before I was much indisposed and could not get my heart to a setled meditation of what I was to speak I was under a great sense of my impotency and laboured in the fire till Saturday Afternoon when I cried to the Lord he was gracious to me and Answered me After my work was over I was much assaulted with Spiritual Pride I saw plainly the reason of Gods delaying his Assistance and giving me such sense of my weakness was to keep me humble Every way O Lord I see my own vileness when thou withdrawest from me then my heart dieth and my strength fails and I am ready to be froward When thou enlargest me then I am ready to be puffed up Oh pardon and purge away all my sin for thy Names sake Mar. 23. In Singing the 15 th Psalm I found Comfort my Conscience bearing me witness that I laboured after those things which are set down as Characters of a Citizen of the New Jerusalem Sept. 28. I had sweet Meditations upon my Bed I found God in my morning Prayer also in private and assistance in Preaching but not such an influence of the Spirit in publick Prayer as I have sometimes found Yet I had begged of God that he would give me his presence in publick as a token that he accepted of me and my work but he withdrew I feared hereupon that I had tempted God and sinned in begging new signs of his favour when I had had such great experience of his goodness many times before Lord forgive the sin of thy Servant Nov. 23. Examining my self about a work of Grace I had some Comfort from Ps 40. 8. Delight in doing the will of God is an Argument of the Law written in the heart Now I found that I had a delight especially in some duties as visiting the Sick comforting of distressed Consciences c. I was somewhat terrified from that word in Job ch 42. 7. I was afraid least in my Preaching I should sometimes speak those things of God that were not right and soon after going to Prayer I was in time of Prayer comforted from Joh. 16. 13. The Spirit shall guide you into all truth Dec. 7. I found the Lord very much Answering my Prayer in giving very gracious and powerful Assistance both in Prayer and Preaching at Trinity Lecture on Sabbath day I may say as Jaber 1 Chron. 4. 10. who said Oh that thou wouldest bless me indeed and be with me And God granted my request The next morning there came a woman to me and said she was troubled at the Sermon that she could scarce sleep all night for she bad not gone so far as the Scribes and Pharisees and that which added to the mercy was God kept me humble after this enlargement Mar. 31. 1657. I had a very evident Answer of Prayer I was at a pinch for some money I begged of God that I might be supplied and that Afternoon one to whom I had lent a little money brought it me which was enough for my present necessities the Circumstances were very remarkable I sought the Lord also to be with the Parish in the choice of their Church-Wardens and there were those two chosen whom if I had had the Nomination I should have chosen my self Apr. 21. I kept a day of Fast to the Lord. I found God graciously with me in Prayer the chief thing that I propounded was to seek direction as to my Preaching on Week-days Among other things I begged of God a supply of my wants being in some straits for want of money That very night one brought me 10 s. for Preaching a Funeral Sermon which I expected not and the next morning the Church-Wardens of St. Andrews Parish brought me 7 l. and upwards whereby I was sufficiently supplied I could not but take notice of
School-fellows addicted themselves for some years he spent most of that time which he had vacant and could redeem from his obliged attendance upon the School His judicious Master discerning in him a ready natural capacity for learning and desire after it with industrious diligence in study for though he spent so great a part of his time out of School in reading History yet withal he so performed his part and offices in the School as he never gave occasion of correction or rebuke and observing moreover his Constant daily attendance on the worship of God according to the rules of the Schools He earnestly Commended him to his Mother and persuaded her to think of no other course or trade of life for him but that he be prepared and sent to the University in order to the Office and Work of the Ministry Accordingly not without his own inclination and choice being sufficiently instructed with Grammar Learning for Academical studies he was in the sixteenth year of his age viz. Jan. 2. 1645. admitted into Christs Colledge in Cambridge under the Tuition of the Learned Dr. Henry Moore His years were not many but his stature less Insomuch that for some time he could not pass the streets without special notice taken of him and expressed on that account Nor was this only a vulgar observation but such also as fell under the Remark of the late King Charles the first who being brought to a Gentlemans house by the Army night to Cambridge and many Schollars coming thither in their habits to see his Majesty was pleased to order that they should be admitted to his Royall presence and kiss his hand Among whom this Coming in his order His Majesty made special observation of of him and gave him his gracious benediction saying Here 's a little Schollar indeed God bless him His residence in the Colledge was so constant that during the whole time of his Undergraduacy he was not absent Communibus annis Conjunctim divisim one month in a year And his sobriety such that he abstained not only from publick Houses but in other Company and places from Wines and and strong Drink as judging Nature in his age to stand in no need of such kind of helps After he had taken his degree of Batchelor of Arts he resided still in the Colledge applying himself seriously to the Study of Divinity which he alwayes designed In pursuance whereof whether by his own or others advice I cannot say he went to London and spent some months there acquainting himself with the principal Booksellers from whom he took an account of the best writers in Divinity of that time frequenting the Library of Sion Colledge and the Lectures at Gresham Colledge applying himself to several Worthy Ministers of the City and attending on their exercises which were daily that he might observe the variety of mens Gifts and their several methods of Preaching By which he made so great an Improvement of himself that he hath often said since that if it should please God to give him a Son of his own disposed to the Ministery He should give it him as his particular advice before he entred upon the work of preaching to spend some months in London in attending on those learned Divines which excelled in the Gift of preaching wherewith that City is alwayes furnished Being much affected and pleased with this study Resolving to pursue it earnestly and prepare himself for the Work of the Ministry He did privately yet in a very solemn manner by fasting and prayer make as it were a dedication of himself to God for that service When he was middle Batchelor he was removed from Christs Colledge and made Iunior Fellow of Gonvile and Caius Colledge about the beginning of the year 1651. where after a years continuance and probation of of his worth he was translated from that to a Senior Fellowship which he enjoyed during the space of six years and upward In which time he discharged the office of Steward to the Temporal of Catechist and Conduct to the Spiritual advantage of that Society Here it was that the Lord Trained up this his Disciple to be a Scribe instructed for the Kingdom of God furnishing him so plentifully with Divine and Spiritual knowledg which he gained as well by experience and observation of Gods dealing with him and the operation of his Spirit upon his heart as by industrious Study and Meditation that he could readily bring forth out of his Treasure things new and old Was able to speak pertinently sutably and seasonably to the various Capacities Conditions and Cases of Saints and Sinners and became an happy powerful Instrument in the hand of God for the Conversion Edification Consolation and Salvation of many Souls His design and desire being to serve the Lord Jesus Christ in the Office and work of the Ministry he directed the course of his Studies with special respect to that Service And though his place and exercises in the University obliged him to the Study of Philosophy wherein he was equal to most yet the Study of Divinity was his 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Not satisfying himself with the reading of the elaborate Writings of the most learned Divines wherewith he furnished his Library at the Expence of some hundreds of pounds he especially addicted himself to the reading and study of the Holy Scriptures as containing the whole Counsel of God which as his Minister he was to declare to men Which course of his study God so succeeded with his Blessing that it may be truly said of him what St. Luke saith of Apollos Act. 18. 24. He was mighty in the Scriptures his Head Memory Heart and Tongue were full of the Scriptures whereof he hath given abundant Evidence by his Scriptural Catechism In the opening and applying whereof his Gift was excellent and peculiar All that knew him and were acquainted with his Discourse Ministry or Pen must bear him that Testimony with the holy Apostle St. Paul he preferred the Learning gotten at the feet of Christ above all he had got at the feet of Gamaliel and though he had the valuable accomplishments of other learning yet he determined not to know any thing save Jesus Christ and him crucified In which knowledge he was like Saul higher than most of his Brethren from the shoulders and upwards I know none I can better compare him with than that Eminent and Powerful servant and Instrument of Jesus Christ Mr. Arthur Hildershaw whom I am prone to believe he propounded to himself as a Pattern for imitation But knowledge alone is not sufficient instruction for a Minister of the Gospel It is no rare thing to find some great Schollars in the Theory of Scripture who yet are but very ordinary Christians whose light like that of the Moon hath very cold influences He is best accomplished whose knowing head effects his heart and governs his life who knows revealed truth as well by Spiritual sense and Experience as by Speculation The Spirit of
witness to him The Widow the Fatherless the Stranger the Sick the Sufferers have all been refreshed from his compassions Though he offered to Preach freely at St James's Church in Colchester on Lords day Mornings as hath been before mentioned not desiring or expecting any reward yet the civility of the people did gratifie him for his pains The greatest part of which I am assured from an hand privy to it he distributed to charitable uses And this I read under his own hand Nov. 1. 1665. I made a Vow to God to give him the tenth of all that he should give unto me the ensuing year That which occasioned me to vow this Vow was the reading Gen. 28. which fell out that morning in my ordinary course where I observed that most of those blessings which Jacob mentions as his inducement to his Vow God had given me He had vouchsafed me his presence he had graciously preserved and kept me from my Enemies and the noysome pestilence he had given me bread and Raiment I added Pro. 3. 9. Honour the Lord with thy Substance and with the first fruits of all thine encrease I Considered also that what I gave to God should be fruit abounding to my account Phil. 4. 17. Math. 25. 34 35 36. I considered which way I should give it to God and I saw from Prov. 19. 17. that what was given to the poor was given to God Especially what was given to the poor Saints and members of Christ Math. 25. 35 40. And as to the Suffering Ministers of Christ I determined to bestow part of what I had dedicated to God on them and that though they were not brought to such extremities as not to know how to Subsist I was moved thereunto by Phil. 4. 10 11 14 18. The Apostle Paul was not in such want but that he knew how to live comfortably and contentedly yet he saith the Philippians did well in Communicating with his afflictions and tells them that their Charity towards him was an odour of a sweet smell a Sacrifice acceptable and well pleasing to God Towards the Church of God in General his indefatigable Labours in Preaching and Writing his frequent Fastings and Humiliations his fervent and wrestling Prayers for the peace of Jerusalem his affectionate sympathizing with her in her Sufferings are the undeniable Testimonies of his Love His own Liberality and stirring up of others thereunto for the Education of such poor Schollars as were hopeful for the work of the Ministry is the effect of the same Principle To which must be added his Last-will and Testament wherein out of pure zeal and Love to the Service and Enlargement of the Church he hath bequeathed the greatest part of his well furnished Library even the choicest and most valuable of his Books to Gonvile and Caius Colledge in Cambridge with five Hundred pounds to be laid out by his Executrix in purchasing a Free-hold Estate or Impropriation to be setled upon the said Colledge for the maintenance of a Schollar and Fellow there successively for ever Providing that such only be Elected thereto as are poor or Orphans or the Sons of poor Ministers of the best and most hopeful parts obliging them to the Study of Divinity and the Ministerial work taking special care that such be well grounded and established in the Orthodox Faith the true Reformed Protestant Religion and in case any such Elected shall become corrupt in Doctrine or Scandalous in life then after due admonition and Non-Reformation his place to be declared void and another to be chosen in his stead and none to enjoy it longer than twelve years Besides which he hath also bequeathed in Case his only Daughter shall die before she shall accomplish the Age of one and twenty years Twenty pounds per Annum to be setled upon the Colledge in New England for the Education of a Converted Indian or any other that will learn the Indian Language to be a Minister and go to Preach the Gospel to the poor Indians Nor was this the first expression of his pious regard to that remote part of the world for when he heard of that wasting Fire that laid so great a part of Boston in N. E. in Ashes he sent thither freely to be distributed among the Sufferers a considerable quantity of his Books Entituled Counsel to the Afflicted which he had wrote upon the occasion of the Burning of London Beyond which he hath also given Twenty five pound to Charitable uses Which bequests he hath made yet with all due respect to his Family not in the least declining from the kindness of an Husband or the tenderness of a Father so ordering his Charity to others as withal securing to his Widow and Fatherless Child not only a necessary and Competent but even a liberal and plentiful Subsistence reserving to them the Rent of what he hath bequeathed to the Colledge during their Natural lives Hitherto the Reader hath had an account of this Eminent Saint given him for the most part from those Acts and Exercises of his life by which he was visible to the discerning and judicious eyes of those that knew him We shall now proceed to give a further account of those his own observations and experiences of himself through which we may look into the very frame and temper the thoughts and affections of his heart some of which he hath thus recorded His Observations and Experiences Jan. 10. 1653. In reading of Calvins Institutions I met with that place in Isa 44. 3. Upon the reading whereof having been the the night before under Conviction of the emptiness and barrenness of my Soul and some despondency of Spirit thereupon I conceived some hope and found my Soul lifted up towards God to wait for and expect the shedding abroad of his Spirit in my Soul seeing he had said he would pour it out upon the dry ground but alas the lively sense of this was but momentany it was soon gone and my old deadness of heart returned upon me Hence I observe that it is of singular use both for the Establishment of true and discerning of false Comforts to see upon what grounds our Souls take in and upon what grounds they let go their Comforts The letting go of our Comforts oftimes proceed from our letting go of the promises When Satan can prevail to beat us off from the promise he will quickly rob us of our Comfort I find that at several times I have been kept under doubts and fears and jealousies and yet have had no Scripture grounds for them so that I perceive they proceedeâ— from Satan darkning my heart and keeping me in unbelief and trouble of Spirit Feb. 16. My Soul being dejected because after long wâ—iting upon God for the fulfilling of his Covenant in giving his Spirit and carrying on the work of Faith and Sanctification with power it had found no sensible in-comes when I was reading the Scripture according to my usual Custom the Lord did rebuke the despondency of
but of God Joh. 1. 13. and that God giveth power to the faint and strength to them that have no might in a way of waiting Isa 40. 29 31. I saw from these considerations further ground of hope and waiting upon God notwithstanding I find my strength perished from me Neither shall the guilt of my Sin discourage me from waiting on God from expecting of his Holy Spirit from going to Christ The whole need not a Physitian Christ deales with Sinners Mar. 2. 17. He hath said he will in no wise cast out them that come to him Joh. 6. 37. why did he shed his blood to wash away our sins How is he the Lamb of God that taketh away the sins of the world if he should cast off guilty Souls when they come unto him Is there not a fountain opened for sin and for uncleanness to wash in Zach. 13. 1. What though I be in my blood yet if I go to Christ he will not loath me Ezek. 16. 6 8. but will sprinkle clean water upon me and wash me from my filthyness Ezek. 36. 25. When therefore I find guilt upon me I will look to Jesus Christ in such promises as these Isa 1. 18. 43. 25 26. 44. 21 22. I will cry unto him that I may have the pardon of my sin Sealed up to my Soul in these promises by his Holy Spirit Neither shall my rebellious heart the perverseness and corruption of my Nature discourage me but I will with David beg a new heart and a right Spirit Ps 51. 10. I will say as Ephraim Jer. 31. 18. Turn thou me and I shall be turned God hath sent Christ to bless us in turning us from our iniquities Act. 3. 26. and to destroy what Satan hath wrought in us 1. Joh. 3. 8. therefore when I feel sin prevail and lead me captive I will with Paul cry out of this body of death Rom. 7. 24. and go to God in Jesus Christ through such promises as these Mic. 7. 18 19. Rom. 6. 14. Math. 11. 28. Isa 45. 22. Jer. 31. 33. Ezek. 36. 26. When I feel my self graceless I will look to him who is full of grace Joh. 1. 14. 16. and hath promised to give grace Ps 84. 11 even an heart to love him Deut. 30. 6. and to put his fear into us Jer. 32. 40. and to withhold no good thing if we endeavour to walk uprightly before him Ps 84. 11. When I find the plague of an hard dead heart upon me I will look unto the Lord who quickens the dead Rom. 4. 17. and can raise Children to Abraham out of Stones Math. 3. 9. I will look unto him in his Covenant promising to take away the heart of Stone and to give an heart of flesh Ezek. 36. 26. In time of desertion when God withdraws the comfortable influences of his presence I will not be discouraged but I will search my heart and try my ways and see what cause I have given the Lord to depart from me Lam. 3. 40. Josh 7. 11. 12 13. Isa 59. 2. I will earnestly seek the Lord that he would return and shine upon me and lift up the light of his countenance upon my Soul Ps 80. 3. 89. 46. Hos 5. 15. I will not only pray but wait for his return Ps 130. 5 6. Isa 8. 17. Lam. 3. 2 3. c. with 26. and in waiting I will look unto the Lord in these or like promises Ps 103. 8 9. Isa 54. 6 7 8. 57. 16 17 18. Lam. 3. 31 32. Hos 6. 1 2 3. Joh. 14. 18. When I have neglected my watch and fallen and been unstedfast in Covenant with God I will not despair but look to God in Christ that he would pardon my sin grant me repentance and restore me The Covenant of grace admits of repentance after sin Levit. 26. 21. 40. 41 42. Yea God hath exalted Christ to give repentance Act. 5. 31. hath promised to heal back-slidings Hos 14. 4. invites backsliders to return Jer. 3. 1 12 13 14. How did David behave himself when Iniquities prevailed over him He goeth to God to purge away his transgression Ps 65. 3. he maketh Supplication to God that he would not cast him out of his presence Ps 51. 11. he confesseth his sin and God pardons him Ps 32. 5. which should encourage all the Godly when they have fallen to return to the Lord ver 6. St. John layeth strict charge upon Believers that they sin not but in case of Sin he would not have them despair 1 Joh. 2. 1 2. Solomon prayed to this purpose 1 Kings 8. and God accepted ch 9 3. When therefore thou hast fallen O my Soul by thine iniquity and God hid his face and withdraws his gracious presence let thy uncircumcised heart be humbled accept of the punishment of thy sin Turn unto the Lord and and say Take away all iniquity and receive me graciously So will I praise thee Lev. 26. 41. Hos 14. 2. Let not thy falls cause thee to depart from the Living God Though thou hast played the harlot with many Lovers yet the Lord calleth thee to return Jer. 3. 1. God commands us to forgive our Brother seven times a day if he return and repent Luk. 17. 4. yea not only seven times but seventy times seven Math. 18. 21 22. And will not God much more forgive us though we fall oft if we return and seek his face Seeing his ways are far above our ways Isa 55. 7 9. Dec. 9. 1655. Having found much formality in my duties on the Sabbath and seeing my self lost in them I put the question to my Soul what if thou die this night What is thy hope How wilt thou appear before God Righteousness of thine own thou hast none to trust to thou seest how thou sinnest every day and how full of sin thy best duties are Upon this enquiry the good Spirit of God brought to my remembrance 1 Cor. 1. 30. God hath made Christ Righteousness to us and Jer. 23. 6. This is the Name by which he shall be called The Lord our Righteousness which was comfort to me and enquiring what warrant I had to believe my self to be a sharer in this Righteousness and that I stand accepted of God by vertue of this Righteousness I saw from Rom. 3. 21 22. that this Righteousness is upon all that believe Now through the Lords goodness and to his Praise be it spoken I have oftimes found my heart not only to long after pardon and renovation but to trust in Christ and in God through him for pardoning mercy and renewing grace and all other good things Dec. 16. I found the Lord graciously present with me in my morning meditation on my Bed And my Soul was much refreshed with Mr. Simond's Sermon God spake a sutable word by him to my Soul from Mat. 15. 23. But he answered her not a word God may sometimes defer to give an Answer to a gracious and well qualified Prayer 1. To correct our
of the Lords Supper I found God gracious to me in preparation In the morning when I awaked God brought to my remembrance Jer. 2. 32. Can a maid forget her Ornaments or a Bride her attire I considered I was to meet and Sup with my Bridegroom the Lord Jesus and then considered what Ornaments and attire would best please him that I might put them on and these were presented to my thoughts some as I lay in bed and some afterwards as lovely and desirable in the sight of Christ which I determined to put on 1 st A meek and quiet Spirit 1 Pet. 3. 4. 2 ly Faith Cant. 4. 9. Thou hash ravished my heart my Sister my spouse with one of thine Eyes Faith hath the office of an Eye in the Soul Joh. 6. 40. Every one that seeth and believeth Looking unto Jesus Heb 12. 2. 3 ly Love Cant. 4. 10. How fair is thy Love my Sister c. 4 ly Humility Math. 11. 29. Learn of me for I am lowly in heart 5 ly Self-denial and forsaking of every thing that cometh in Competition with Christ Ps 45 10 11. Hearken O Daughter and consider forget thine own people and thy Fathers House So shall the King greatly desire thy beauty 6 ly An obediential frame of heart Math. 10. 20 21. All these have I observed from my youth Jesus beholding him Loved him 7 ly An heart resolved to hold and maintain frequent converse and communion with him Cant. 2. 14 Let me see thy countenance let me hear thy voice for sweet is thy voice and thy Countenance is Comely 8 ly Uprightness Prov. 11. 20. 9 ly An holy fear of God and hope in his mercy Ps 147. 11. 10 ly fruitfulness Cant. 4. 16 5. 1. But though God graciously assisted me in preparation yet in the time of receiving my heart was flat and dead As soon as the Sacrament was ended I retired to my Chamber to to pray and as I was praying that Scripture was brought to my remembrance Rom. 3. 3 4. shall their unbelief make the Faith of God of none effect God forbid I argued thence that the sins of my holy things my deadness and want of holy and due affections in time of receiving should not make void what God had promised in and by this ordinance but that the Cup was to me the Communion of the blood of Christ and the New Testament in his blood and the Bred the Communion of the body of Christ This did strengthen my faith to depend upon God for the benefits signified and sealed by that Ordinance notwithstanding the indisposition of my heart in the time of receiving Sept. 29. As I was musing on that rich promise made to Abraham Gen. 15. 1. Fear not Abraham I am thy shield and thy exceeding great reward Which is sufficient to bear up the Soul under the fear and danger of any Evil and against the loss and want of any good things I considered what warrant I had to apply that promise and presently that Scripture was hinted to me Gal. 3. 9. They which be of faith are blessed with faithful Abraham I was strengthened and Comforted by it Twice in this weak I observed that Setting upon worldly business which called hastily upon me before I had been at closet prayer and performed my usual meditations on the Covenant and promises of God my heart grew out of frame and unsavory and I was Successless on both days Oct. 1. Sabbath day At my Entrance on my morning meditation on Gods Covenant I had a great combate in my Spirit about my laying claim to God as my God having been lately foiled by my sins but God helped me and shewed me out of his word that I might and ought to keep my hold of God as my God Notwithstanding my often backslidings from him Jer. 3. 1 5 7 8. yet v. 19. saith God Thou shalt call me my Father Hos 2. 5. with 16. The same evening considering how often and greatly I had sinned and yet had been forgiven I pondered on that Scripture Luke 7 47. and saw that I had cause to love the Lord much because I had much forgiven and Considering how I should shew my Love to God and that much these Scriptures were hinted to me Ps 40. 16. Let such as love thy name say Continually let the Lord be Magnified Ps 97. 10. Ye that Love the Lord hate evil Joh. 14. 10. If ye Love me keep my Commandments Joh. 21. 15. Simon lovest thou me feed my sheep feed my Lambs Lord help me thus to shew much love to thee Oct. 8. Having been overtaken with the sin which easily besets me and hath often foiled me My Spirit fell and my faith flagg'd and I could not look upon God with any boldness was indisposed to prayer Yet in time of prayer God magnified his free grace to me and revived my Souls with that word 1 Joh. 2. 1 2. If any man sin we have an Advocate c. After I had ended my Supplications I pondered on that Scripture and was comforted against the sense of my sin by the Advocateship of Jesus Christ who pleadeth his propitiatory Sacrifice as a Satisfaction to his Fathers justice for the sins of believers as oft as they fall into them and querying with my self whether he would be an Advocate to me to plead for me I was satisfied from that word Joh. 6. 37. him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out I was also further encouraged from Heb. 7. 25. I considered that the Intercession of Christ answered all charges and accusations that could be brought against those for whom he interceded Rom. 8. 33. 34. and that the Intercession of Christ kept us â—o firmly in the love of God that nothing could be able to separate us from it Rom. 8. 34. 35 38 39. I considered further that the persons for whom he interceded were such as came to God by him and that he interceded for them at all times when they are fallen as well as when they stand when they are dead as well as when in a lively frame for He ever liveth to make intercession After these meditations my Spirit revived and notwithstanding I was before bowed down under the sense of guilt I went with boldness to God leaning upon the merits and Intercession of Jesus Christ Oct. 13. My Spirit being bowed down with the sense of guilt because I was foiled by a Sin against which I had prayed many years I was revived in reading in my course 2 Cor. 12. 7 8 9. Whence I observed 1 st God seeth it needful for some of his Servants to meet with buffeting 2 ly When God le ts loose any corruption a thorn in the flesh or a temptation a messenger of Satan to buffet us It is to keep us humble and from being exalted 3 ly God suffers his faithful Servants sometimes to pray long against corruption or temptation and yet cannot get it removed 4 ly Though my strength was not
and miserable to die in sin in a state of sin in the guilt of sin under the reign and power of sin in the arms and embraces of sin Sin being the transgression of a righteous Law the violation of infinite Holiness and Justice and rebellion against Divine Majesty and Authority it always hath demerit and guilt consequent upon it which obligeth and bindeth the sinner to undergoe that punishment which is naturally due to it Which punishment is Death Rom 1. 32. they which Commit such things are worthy of death Thus sin becomes the weapon or sting of Death by which it hath power to destroy Death cometh upon the Sinner as a bailiff or Sergeant from the Judge with warrant to apprehend and bring the Sinner to give account or as an executioner to take vengeance to pay the Sinner the just wages of his sin for the reparation of a broken Law for the satisfaction of offended Justice for the Declaration of Divine hatred and displeasure against sin and for the manifestation of Gods Glorious power and wrath against the guilty And what a terror must Death needs be when it appears in this shape and armed with this sting Know O presumptuous and secure Sinner Though wickedness be now sweet in thy mouth and thou hidest it under thy tongue Though thou swallowest down deliciously thy forbidden morsells of sensual pleasure and worldly gain yet this meat will soon be turned in thy bowels and become the gall of asps within thee At last at death it will bite as a serpent and sting like an adder What horrour will fill thy soul when approaching Death shall awaken thy sleepy Conscience as oft times it doth and thy awakened Conscience shall charge thee with thy inexcusable transgression of a Righteous Law thy gross neglect of Commanded duty thy industerious provision to satisfie the flesh thy ready compliance with the call of temptations thy irreparable loss of precious time Thy hypocritical dealing with God in Covenant the Stopping of thine eares at the voice of Conscience the shutting of thine eyes against the light of Scripture the hardening of thy heart against the motions of the Spirit thy unbelieving refusals of an offered Saviour thy unprofitable misimprovement of means of Grace thy unthankful abuse of the mercies of God and obstinate incorrigibleness under his Judgments with many other instances of multiplyed and aggravated sins through a long life Whence will arise dismal apprehensions of the wrath of an offended God a certain fearful expectation of Judgment to come and a pre-occupation of eternal torments and everlasting burnings This is that sting of Death the weapon wherewith it is armed against thee wherein Consists its power and by which it is so terrible 2. Add to this the strength which this sting hath from the Law For saith the Apostle The strength of sin is the Law and that two ways 1 st As the Law discovers and convinceth of sin Rom. 5. 13. Sin is not imputed where there is no Law Men are not prone to charge themselves with sin where there is no Law therefore Gal. 3. 19. the Law was added because of transgressions that is to make transgressions appear Hence we read Rom. 3. 20. By the Law is the knowledge of sin and Rom. 7. 9 13. I was alive without the Law once in my own opinion but when the Commandment came Sin revived and I died I was convinced I was in a state of Sin and death and v. 13. Sin by the Commandement becomes exceeding sinful Thus sin as the sting of Death is strengthned by the Law while men thereby are more cleerly and fully convinced of it and the greater the conviction is the sharper is the sting 2 ly As the Law Curseth and condemneth the sinner Gal. 3. 10. Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things which are written in the book of the Law to do them hence as before Rom. 7. 9. When the Commandment Came. I died and 2 Cor. 3. 7. The Law is called the Ministration of death The Law binds the sinner over to the Judgment of the great day It holds him fast under his guilt without hope of pardon passeth sentence of Condemnation upon him and begins the execution by wounding the Spirit terrifying the Soul with pre-apprehensions and foretasts of the wrath to come The sum of the terror of Death is this Approaching death awakeneth the secure Conscience Awakened Conscience charged with the guilt of sin This sin is strengthened with a Convincing cursing Law The dying wretch seeth his day of sensual delights and pleasures his day of worldly gains and purchases his day of Carnal fellowship with men and especially his day of Grace and mercy with God passing away finds his Spirit fainting his heart and flesh failing anguish and pangs taking hold of him and his soul forthwith to be Required Apprehended Arrested Summoned and haled out of his body from all freinds means helps and hopes to appear naked before God the Judge of all men to give an account of a sinful life and to receive a righteous doom viz. Depart from me ye Cursed into everlasting fire prepared for the Devil and his Angels and then to go away into everlasting punishment At this what heart of man can contain and possess himself without fear Who but must be appalled confounded amazed terrified Knowing the terror saith St. Paul 2 Cor. 5. 1. Speaking of this appearance and account Felix trembled saith St. Luke Act. 24. 25. When he heard of Judgment to come It is a fearful looking for of Judgment and fierie indignation saith the Author to the Hebrews chap. 10. 27. and a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the Living God ver 31. Thus have we represented the Enemy Death in its power and pomp as it reigneth over the fallen Sons and Daughters of Adam which appears so terrible that woe be to those that fall under the power of it 2. We will now shew you this Enemy fallen and overcome before Believers Believers are Victorious over Death Object But saith Natural Carnal reason Is not this a great Paradox who will believe it One Enoch indeed was translated that he should not see Death and Elijah went up to Heaven in a fiery Chariot But else the Patriarchs and Prophets and Apostles and all the Saints in their Successive generations have yielded up to Death And doth not every day bear witness Are we not all here this day lamenting a very holy and Eminent Saint and Servant of Jesus Christ fallen by the stroke of Death Where then is the Victory And How is Death overcome Answ Notwithstanding all this yet Verily Death is overcome Not ut ne sit but ut ne obsit Not that it should not be but that it should not be hurtful to believers and this Victory consists in four things 1. Death is disarmed to believers that it cannot sting them When death cometh it finds no sin in them unpardoned no guilt remaining as an obligation
Suffer little Children to come unto me and from observing how prevalent faith and Prayer is with God for the remission of sins and salvation of others as well as our own souls Math. 9. 2. Jesus seeing their faith said Son be of good cheer thy sins be forgiven thee So 1 Joh. 5. 16. If a man see his Brother sin a sin which is not unto death he shall ask of God and he shall give him life Now I Considered that though my child had sins incident to Childhood yet it had not sinned the sin unto death and therefore I concluded that if I asked of God he would give it life Jam. 5. 15. The Prayer of faith shall save the sick and if he hath commited sins they shall be forgiven him Math. 15. 22 28. The woman of Canaan's faith and Prayer availed with Christ for the Casting the Devil out of her daughter Now God helping me to act faith for my child upon the account of his covenant and stiring me by his Spirit often to pray for my Child I was thereby encouraged to hope for its Salvation When my Child died the same day the small Pox began to appear upon my Sister I knew not what breaches God might be about to make in my family but as I was hearing the word the Ministers treating on Gods intention to glorifie himself by all afflictions that he laid upon his people from that Scripture Isa 5. 15 16. this word Satisfied me that whatever judgments God should bring upon me or my family he would exalt and glorifie his own Name by them hereupon I submitted and resigned up my self to God to do with me and mine what he pleased Yet I was then under the sense of sin which weakned my faith and made me fearful I should not bear up chearfully if I should be visited while under the sense of guilt But I was much encouraged in meditation from Mic. 7. 8 9. When I sit in darkness the Lord will be a light unto me This faith they held when their affliction was attended with the sense of sin for it followeth I will bear the indignation of the Lord because I have sinned against him I was also much encouraged by viewing the promises that I had collected to comfort my self with when I was in danger of contagious diseases Especially those two viz Ps 41. 12. As for me thou settest me before thy face for ever and this was when under an evil disease v. 8 which was the fruit of his sin ver 4. and Ps 38. 5 7. My wounds stink and are corrupt my loyns are filled with a loathsome disease c. though in this visitation he was afflicted with the sense of sin and of Gods displeasure v. 1 2 3 4 and was deprived of the Comfortable Society of his relations and friends v. 11. yet he kept up his hope in God v. 15. In a little time after I had the sense of guilt taken off while I was studying my Sermon to remove the fears of Death Jun. 12. As I was reading Act. 6. in my Evening course by my self I observed by comparing ver 4. 7. that upon the Apostles giving themselves Continually to prayer and to the ministry of the word the number of the disciples encreased greatly in Jerusalem and a great company of the Priests were obedient to the faith I was instructed and affected with it and saw it was necessary I should pray much as well as Preach much if I would convert many Souls and that upon giving my self to prayer and to the ministry of the word I was in the most likely way to convert many Souls to Christ The Priests were the chiefest opposers of the Gospel Act. 4. 1 2. the chiefest persecuters of Christ Math. 16. 21. and 20 18. the most active in putting Christ to death Mar. 15. 10 11. Luk. 19. 47. the multitude that came to apprehend Christ were sent by the Priests Joh. 18. 3. the false witnesses were suborned by the Priests Math 26. 59. yet by the power of prayer and the word these Priests were brought in by great numbers to the faith of Christ and the obedience of the Gosple Jun. 25. about three of the Clock in the morning being Lords day my Wife was delivered of a Daughter and that morning the Lord sent a very plentiful rain The Tuesday before we kept a day of humiliation for my Wifes safe delivery and to seek the Lord for rain and the Lord gave a gracious answer to the prayers of that day both at one time Jul. 31. I saw the plague of my heart breaking out I argued against my corruption yet it overcame me and led me captive it wounded me that I should still sin against God even while under his Correcting hand My faith was revived by that Scripture Isa 57. 17 18. I Smote him he went on frowardly in the way of his own heart I have seen his ways and will heal him I was much encouraged from that word I will heal him which imports the Subduing as well as the pardoning of sin Aug. 2. I was encouraged to write something that might be useful for my generation from Jer. 36. 1 2 3 4 5. Two things especially from that Scripture did put me forward to this 1. writing of the word of God is a means to Convert souls and to lead them to repentance 2. this Command for writing was given when Jeremiah was shut up and could not preach as usually and such was my case viz I was debarred from publick preaching hereupon I apprehended God called me to write Sept. 6. Being fast day As I came from Church I received a letter from Mr. J. which acquainted me that my Son Samuel was very ill that day I spent somewhat unprofitably I was not affected as I ought with publick judgments and the misery of others and therefore it was just with God to bring affliction into my family the next day my Wife and I went over to see our Child and after we had been with it about five or six hours it died very suddenly I was troubled that I did not pray with it before it died which was occasioned by being in anothers family and my not apprehending death to be near This stroak coming soon after my removal from Colchester I communed with my heart whether I had sinned in removing from that place and my conscience did not at that time charge me with sin in removing my habitation I was Comforted in calling to mind Gods dealing with Jacob who met with many afflictions in those removes which he made at the command of God He was pursued by his Uncle put into great fear by his Brother loseth Deborah his Mothers nurse and Rachel his beloved Wife His Sons Reuben Simeon and Levi fell into foul sins c. Hence I saw that God trieth his dear Servants with sudden and sore afflictions in those places to which they have removed at the call of God Sept. 24. I enjoyed the opportunity
cure of the fear of Death All which he well understood not only by Speculation but by Experience He who had gained the best Interest and could upon good ground say My Beloved is mine and I am his He who aimed at the best End and industriously pursued it viz. the Glory of God was doubtless so fortified with the grace Consolation and Covenant of God as to triumph over the King of Terrors Having the testimony of his Conscience that in Integrity and Sincerity of heart he had fulfilled his general and particular calling and served his generation by the will of God and having the assurance of Gods Holy Word for his reward in a better World It was no difficulty to him to die He was so far above the fear of Death that he seemed altogether unconcerned at it as to the terror of it or danger after it both in sickness and in health In his perfect health Considering the evil of the day he lived in he would often say It is a good time to die I am content to live and willing to die To me to live is Christ I have no other design of life then to serve Christ He breathed out with Greg Turon Domine siad huc Populo tuo sim necessarius fiat Voluntas tua Desidero quietem non recuso laborem If God hath further Service for me to do I am content to live else I rather choose to die Such clear apprehensions he had of the Glory of Heaven and such full assurance of hope thereof that as he expressed himself to his Friend he looked upon all that this world can afford as dross and dung compared with it As death was not terrible so neither was it unexpected to him He presaged it long before it came He told his Friend conversing with him more than a year before he died that he had apprehensions that he should not long live and that for some time past God had inclined his heart to study how a Christian might get above the fear of death And what he found to be his strength and Consolation against that last enemy he had digested into method and for his own and others use Committed it to writing and had almost finished it and did then lay an obligation upon his friend in case he did Survive him to perform the last office for him and commended to him for his Subject 1 Cor. 15. 57. as the testimony of his affectionate and hearty thanksgiving unto God who gave him the Victory over the fear of Death through Jesus Christ our Lord. This was no vain presage though yet he had a Strong constitution of body which he had used with all temporance and Sobriety and was then in his full strength and the maturity of his age Scarce declining from his state of Consistency His natural temper did somewhat incline him to feaverish diseases A feaver having Commission from God seised on him Aug. 31. This Visitation of God as all former he accepted with all Patience and Submission Casting himself on the care and resigning himself up to the will of his Heavenly Father His disease encreasing and strength declining he told some about him that he had some apprehensions he should and desires also if God pleased to have died a Martyr but now he thought he should not Adding withal God is wiser than I and knoweth my weakness Discharging his dying office by grave exhortations and encouragement to Serious Religion and Suffering for it which he especially applied to his only Child Owning and professing his Nonconformity to the last as judging himself obliged thereto in Conscience towards God Blessing God for his invaluable Gift of Jesus Christ to the children of men Blessing God who had called him to the honourable employment of the Ministry of the Gospel and had enabled him to be faithful therein and encouraged him with his presence and blessing under all the difficulties thereof Blessing God who had lifted him up above the fear of Death Rejoycing in the peace and testimony of a good Conscience and hope of the Glory of God after 10 or 11 days conflict with his disease which after some hope of recovery very suddenly and unexpectedly seised his head He quietly slept in the Lord Sept. 10. 1680. in the one and fiftieth year of his age This being the blessed exit of this Eminent Saint methinks I hear him say to those he left behind as his dying Saviour to the daughters of Jerusalem Weep not for me I have died in peace am entred into peace am at rest in my bed have passed through Jordan and am come to Canaan I am beyond sin and sorrow and trouble and labour am come to the Heavenly Jerusalem to an innumerable company of Angels and the spirits of just men made perfect and to Jesus the Mediator of the New Covenant to that Eternal Sabbath that remains the people of God Weep not for me And doth he not also add weep for your selves You shall see my face no more you shall enjoy communion with me no more you shall hear my voice no more I shall despense the Gospel to you no more Ye shall come to me but I shall return to you no more O what is the meaning of this dark providence that in such a day as this God should call from his work one so fully instructed so willingly zealous to serve him and his Church in the Gospel of his Son Whether God hath done this in his just displeasure for the unprofitableness unthankfulness and itching ears of those that enjoyed so precious a blessing Or whether to warn us of some approaching dreadful judgment from which he hath hid this and other his holy Servants in their graves or whether both it concerns us seriously to consider and upon either account he may say to us Weep for your selves We read 2 King 13. 20 21. Elisha died and they buried him and the bands of the Moabites invaded the land at the Coming in of the year And it came to pass as they were burying a man that behold they Spied a band of men and they cast the man into the Sepulchre of Elisha and when the man was let down and touched the bones of Elisha he revived and stood upon his feet and Judg. 16. 30. The dead which Sampson slew at his death were more than them which he slew in his life In allusion to which I conclude with this wish God avert the bands of the Moabites but would to God the dead in sin would apply their dead hearts to the Sepulchre of this dead Prophet that at the touching of his bones they might live and that the providence of his death may be more effectual to the mortifying of sin in Survivers than all the labours of his life Mors Triumphata OR THE SAINTS VICTORY OVER DEATH Opened in a FUNERAL SERMON Preached upon the occasion of the Death of that Eminent Servant and Minister of Jesus Christ Mr. Owen Stockton M. A. Sometimes Fellow
and delusions that are in the hearts of sinners such instances would not be rare but it would be a wonder how any sinner could die in his sin and in his wits too from such a fear as this Believers are delivered Though they may and do experience some measure of fears yet God doth always support with some degree of hope that they let not go all their hold of the Covenant of God In a word Believers are so far victorious over the fear of death that if they understand their case aright they have no cause to be afraid of death when they are they are more afraid than hurt The Hornet having lost its sting may threaten with its humming noise but cannot prick the flesh so death where sin is pardoned which is itssting may afright with its horrid aspect but cannot hurt 3. Death is overcome to Believers in that it cannot hold them by its power It is indeed the unalterable Law of Heaven that all must die And accordingly Abraham Isaac and Jacob and all the Patriarchs Moses and Samuel and Isaiah and all the Prophets Peter and James and John and all the Apostles yea all the Saints from Adam to this generation are fallen asleep and shut up in their Graves But shall the Grave always contain them Are they there kept in an everlasting Prison under locks and bars that cannot be opened Did making the Sepulchre sure Sealing the stone and setting a Watch forbid Christs Resurrection No surely I went down saith Jonah a Type of the Resurrection to the bottoms of the Mountains the Earth with her bars was about me for ever yet hast thou brought up my life from corruption O Lord my God Jon. 2. 6. And though after my skin worms destroy this body yet in my flesh shall I see God whom I shall see for my self and mine eyes shall behold and not another though my reins be consumed within me saith Job ch 19. 26 27. Though the Saints be descended to the depths of the sea and hid in the bowels of the Earth and their bodies resolved into the farthest dust and that dust dispersed to the four Winds yet shall they be recovered and rise again The Sea shall not contain the dead that are in it nor the Graves the dead that are in them Their scattered atoms shall be recollected and reared up again to a goodly body Behold there shall be a shaking and their dry bones shall come together bone to his bone and lo the sinews and the flesh shall come up upon them and the skin shall cover them above And thus shall the Lord God say Come from the four Winds O breath and breath upon these slain that they may live and the breath shall come into them and they shall live and stand up upon their feet Ezek. 37. 7 8 10. This is it which the Apostle asserts here throughout the Chapter concluding that then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written Death is swallowed up in victory Object But what more victory is this than what unbelievers shall have for they also shall rise again Answ Yes it is more beyond all comparison Joh. 5. 28 29. All that are in the graves shall hear his voice and shall come forth they that have done good unto the Resurrection of life and they that have done evil to the Resurrection of damnation The wicked shall rise but from death Temporal to death Eternal to die the second death This is Death's Victory over them The Godly shall rise from Death temporal to Life eternal to die no more This is the Saints Victory over Death 4. Death is so overcome to Believers as to be made serviceable and advantageous to them And this is the fulness and perfection of Victory when the Enemy is brought in Subjection to serve the Conquerour The Apostle in this Epistle reckons Death to be part of the Saints Inventory ch 3. 21 22. All things are yours whether Paul or Apollos or Life or Death And elsewhere he calleth it gain Phil. 1. 21. to die is gain What gain Answ 1. In reference to the present state Death is 1 st The end of Sin With the body of Flesh the body of Sin is also put off from which St. Paul longed to be delivered Rom. 7. 24. Here the best of Saints have their corruptions infirmities imperfections but at Death the Spirits of just men are made perfect Heb. 12. 23. 2 ly The end of all Sorrows There are no Pains or Diseases or Griefs or Losses or Crosses or Persecutions in the Grave Job 3. 17 18 19. There the wicked cease from troubling and there the weary be at rest There the Prisoners rest together they hear not the voice of the Oppressor The small and great are there and the Servant is free from his Master 3. Rest from Labours It is no light burden of works that is upon a Christians hand no small labour to discharge the duties of his general and particular Calling What saith the Scripture Labour work watch run strive wrastle fight give diligence endure hardness press forward c. But blessed are the dead that die in the Lord for they rest from their labours Rev. 14. 13. The day of the Saints Death is his happy Jubilee when he is set at liberty and goeth out free from his Service Thus is Death gain in reference to the presence state 2. In reference to the future state for 1 st As for the Soul it being released from the body is admitted into the Heavenly Jerusalem to an innumerable company of Angels to the Spirits of just men made perfect and to Jesus the Mediator of the New Covenant Heb. 12. This day saith Christ to a dying Saint shalt thou be with me in Paradise Luk. 23. 43. St. Paul desires to depart that he might be with Christ which is far better Phil. 1. 23. 2 ly As for the body Death serves to refine it for 1 Cor. 15. 50. This I say that Flesh and Blood cannot inherit the Kingdom of God neither doth corruption inherit incorruption These bodies which we now carry are so gross and corruptible they are not meet for an heavenly state They die that they may be changed Phil. 3. 21. They are sown in corruption to be raised in incorruption sown in dishonour to be raised in Glory sown in weakness to be raised in power sown Natural bodies to be raised Spiritual The old decayed house is taken down to be built anew and these weak crasie bodies are laid in the Earth to rise afresh This corruptible is corrupted that it may put on incorruption and this Mortal dieth that it may put on Immortality Thus is this Enemy overcome and made to serve as a mean and advantage to the Believers happiness This indeed is a glorious Victory over a very mighty and formidable Enemy So great and wonderful that it far exceeds the hope of Nature Flesh and Blood cannot believe the report thereof Paul's discourse of the Resurrection