but also traiterously inclined The ioyning of Gods mercy and iustice together is thus First it pleased him to be mercifull vnto such and such Exod. 33.19 Secondly he appointed that they vnto whō he purposed to shew mercy should be ioyned by the holy Ghost vnto his onely Son who for that purpose was at such a time to take vnto him a body and a soule and so being both God and man after a most holy and guiltlesse life to suffer a cruell death to purchase for them the forgiuenesse of sinnes and cleansement from their wicked inclination Tit. 2.14 God is blessed fully blessed exceedingly blessed He that is fully blessed hath freedom from all manner of things which may giue him any discontent and not onely so but also wanteth nothing that may content or delight him Such is the blessednesse of Gods chosen seruants not in this world but in heauen for the Bible saith they are blessed which die in the faith and fauour of the Lord that so they may rest from their labours and their works follow them Reu. 14.13 Their resting from labours is their freedome from all causes of discontent Their works following them is the crown of euerlasting contentment giuen vnto them in regard of their workes and farre surpassing all possible merit in them This blessednes God giueth vnto his Saints The blessednes which he hath in himselfe differeth from this not onely as the cause from the effect but also in two other speciall points First God hath his blisse of himselfe and therefore it is said of him that he onely hath immortalitie that is absolute and necessarie freedome from death 1. Tim. 6.16 Also of him it is said that he hath the well of life Psal 36.9 that is to say hee is the very first cause of life and of all perfection Secondly the blessednes of God is beyond all measure most exceedingly exceeding for as his vnderstanding is infinit that is endlesse so are all his perfections If God be most exceedingly blessed why doe we oftentimes say Blessed be God as though wee wished blessednesse vnto him We doe praise and magnifie his blessednes in minde and in word by acknowledging and publishing the same yea and the party that heartily loueth God is so full of good will towards him that he cannot but wish that if it were possible God might bee a thousand thousand times more happie and blessed then he is And such is the most honourable and gracious kindnes of God that he taketh this wish in verie good part So the great men of this world accept the good will of their poore friends God is glorious Glorie is properly the goodly shewe seeming sight or appearance of any thing It also many times signifieth the famous report of some notable goodnesse In both these meanings glorie is a title most proper vnto God Touching goodly shew the glorie of God appeareth two wayes in himselfe and in his workes In God himselfe there is such a shining excellent maiestie that the very angels are not able to endure the full appearance thereof as we may perceiue by the vision of the Prophet Esay who did see certaine verie glorious angels before the face of God couering their faces Esa 6.2 In all and euery of Gods workes appeareth a shew of some one or more of his excellent properties as of wisedome power iustice mercy c. Esa 6.3 The whole earth is full of his glorie Therefore S. Paul saith the very heathen people knewe God by his works because his eternall power and diuine properties do in his works by the creation of the world euidently appeare Rom. 1. ver 20. Hee whose port is truely glorious is worthy of a glorious report and that principally is our Lord God of whose most stately port and royall behauiour there is a notable report Psal 104.1 Blesse thee Lord O my soule O Lord my God thou art verie great thou art cloathed with honour and maiestie c. God appearing in his works so gloriously our dutie is to take knowledge of his glorie and to do what we can to make the same knowne vnto others One great cause of vndeuotion and coldnes in religion is the not considering of Gods works specially that most admirable worke of redemption manifested in the Gospel Psal 107.43 Whosoeuer is wise and will marke these things euen they shall vnderstand the louing kindnes of the Lord. 2. Cor. 3.18 But we all with open face beholding as in a glasse the glorie of the Lord are changed into the same likenes from glory to glorie euen as by the spirit of the Lord. 2. Cor. 4.6 For God who commanded the light to shine out of darkenes hath shined in our hearts to giue the light of the knowledge of the glorie of God in the face of Iesus Christ How shall wee make the glorie of God knowne vnto others Two waies First by the holynesse of our life that so others may see the glorious working of Gods grace in vs Matth. 5.16 Secondly by the due praising of God that others may heare the report of his glorious acts and doings Psas 145.12 To make knowne vnto the sonnes of men his mightie acts and the glorious maiestie of his kingdome It is a question whether such professed Christians and specially Church-ministers as haue by open prophanenes or any vnholy behauiour blemished the glory of God be not bound to make open cōfession that so what in them is they may salue and remedie the wide wounds which they haue giuen vnto the doctrine and religion of God and Christ My iudgement in this point shall I trust in God appeare by my practise both in this booke and also in the residue of my life In the meane time this I professe my poore soule doth vehemently desire to giue glorie vnto God in the reuengefull abasing of my selfe for the greiuous displeasure great dishonour which I haue all my life long caused and done vnto his most holy maiestie Thus much of the name Iehouah the Lord. Thy God c. The language wherein God spake these words readeth thus thy Gods as speaking of more then one This whatsoeuer the poore Iewes say to the contrary sheweth that in God there are more persons then one which persons how many and who they are the good Lord Iesus beeing one of them doth plainly shew in saying vnto his disciples Matth. 28.19 teach all nations baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Sonne and of the holy Ghost The first person is the Father who begetteth the Sonne O most marueilous begetting the Sonne is as olde as the Father the Sonne hath the very selfe-same nature and substance with his Father yea Ioh. 14.10 hee is within his Father and his Father is within him The second person in the godhead is the Sonne who is begotten of the Father as a word is begotten of a mans mind and therfore he is sometime called the Word as also because he maketh the Father and the
c. God is a single spirit farre excelling the singlenes of any Angel for an Angel as also the soule of man or woman hath three wants of perfect singlenesse First in euery angel there is a beeing for it is a certain seuerall thing There is also in the same angel a possibilitie to bee changed into some other thing yea into nothing because the angel is vnder God and God can doe vnto it whatsoeuer hee will But there is no possibilitie of change in God because hee is vnder none Secondly euery angel is that which it is in seuerall and thereby he differeth and is knowne from all other angels And yet the same kinde of nature whereby hee is that which he is is also in other angels But the nature of God whereby hee is that which he is is wholly and onely in himselfe and therefore it is altogether one and the same with that which he is Thirdly in an Angell vnto his spirituall nature diuerse things are added and ioyned which may also be taken or put away as wisedome holynesse power c. But all perfections are in God as in the fountaine and though they seeme diuerse vnto vs yea some appeare to be quite contrary one to the other as most seuere iustice and most pitifull mercie yet all these things in God are but only one thing and that is his most single nature essence and beeing The truth of this we may in some sort perceiue by the shining sun for it appeareth vnto our eies to bee a very single pure thing all that we can see in it is nothing els but light most exceeding pure cleare and peircing light yet many sundry vertues are in this light It shineth it heateth it quickneth man beast foule fish fruit yea it seemeth to worke contraries as softning wax hardening clay These and many other things worketh the single light of the shining sunne Much more excellent is the God that made the Sunne In his most single nature is all vertue abilitie and efficacie His name be blessed Amen God is a durable spirit not onely without ending for so hath he made Angels and soules yea and so he will make the bodies of men women and children to be after the resurrectiō but also the Lord God is without beginning Therefore Dauid saith vnto him Psalm 19.2 From euerlasting to euerlasting thou art God God is vnmeasurable that is of such an exceeding infinitenes that he filleth yea surpasseth the whole compasse of heauen and earth Ier. 23.24 2. King 8.27 Yet not so that one part of him is one where and an other els where but God is wholly in all the whole world and wholly in euery part and place of the world Then why is it said that God is in heauen And why are we willed to lift vp our hearts towards heauen when we pray vnto him Because his pleasure is to manifest himselfe in glory cheifely in heauen and from heauen Why doth the Bible say that God is with good folke and not with bad Because he doth graciously acquaint himselfe with those that serue him but he will not be knowne that he is in the company of naughty people because he hateth their behauiour Yet he is where they are heedfully marketh all that they thinke say or doe purposing to call them to an account and to give iudgement vpon them accordding to the practise of their liues God is mightie most mighty almightie He is well able to doe any worke of power either by himselfe without meanes as hee made the world or by means as he drownd the world with water Sometime his pleasure is to worke by meanes but aboue the nature power of the meanes as when he clensed a man frō the leprosie by the water of the riuer Iordan 2. Kin. 5.14 Sometime he stoppeth the power of the meanes as when three of his seruants were by a tyrant cast into a most hot burning fierie furnace for hee tooke such order that the extreame burning heat had no power vpon them though it mischeiued those which put them into the furnace Dan. 3 God can work in what measure of power he will The least measure of his power is stronger then all the power of man 1. Cor. 1.25 Hee is able to make the least bit of bread to giue so much nourishment as a whole loafe It pleaseth him sometime to work more by one man then by another yea more by some one then by many other 1. Cor. 15.10 The power of God is endlesse limited onely by his owne will for whatsoeuer his pleasure is to doe that he doth Psal 135.6 This the poore leperous man beleeued when hee said vnto the sonne of God Matth. 8.2 Lord if thou wilt thou canst make me cleane whereunto he graciously answered saying I will be thou clean and presently the Lord touching him with his hand the foule disease was cleane gone God is wise he onely is wise Rom. 16.27 The wisedome of Angels and men is his gift It is hee that giueth wisedome to the wise and knowledge vnto them that know vnderstanding Dan. 2.21 There is no number of his vnderstanding it is endles Psal 147.5 From the beginning of the world he foreknew all things which should come to passe euen vntill the ende c. Act. 15.18 He knew what was the very best way to be takē in making continuing altering doing or suffering any thing Psal 104.24 Though he may doe what he will because he is the most high Soueraigne Lord of all things yet he doth nothing hee suffereth nothing without most excellent good reason and yet I must not thereupon presume to sinne for as hee hath reason to suffer a man to sinne so hee hath reason moouing him to punish the partie that sinneth yea such reason that S. Peter saith the righteous be scarcely saued 1. Pet. 4.18 God will beat sinne out of them before they die God is holy most holy altogether holy pure cleane and free from any staine of euill He cannot be tempted with euill Iam. 13. Then how came it to passe that so many angels sinned and turned to be deuils Also how came mā to be a sinner God made the Angels and the first man and woman very holy and well able to haue kept themselues so if they would Yea but why did he suffer them to sinne seeing that sinne is most contrarie vnto his holy nature Because he thereupon took occasiō to shew his dreadfull iustice in punishing some and the most wonderfull ioyning of mercy and iustice in sauing others The iustice of God requireth that euery Angel man woman and child be tried and iudged by that which is in them whether it be righteousnesse or sinne Rom. 2.11 the righteous to be saued and the sinner damned So hee condemned all the sinning Angels and so he will condemne a great many of Adams children He might haue cast them al away because they are a guiltie corrupted brood not only children of a traytor
had done enough and enough my heart being farre from God and not once assaying to come neere vnto him Here I would aske a question of the common sort of people young and old I would aske you for no harme Is not this your religion I meane to say your praiers to heare seruice I will not put in to say seruice without any special stirring of your heart not actually minding that you are in talke with God nor so affected as they who perceiue themselues to be so neere vnto euen before the face of that Almightie King who is terrible vnto the Kings of the earth they are his seruiters I take that blessed God to witnesse against my soule if I speake vncharitably or idlely I am perswaded that I haue good reason to feare that a great many of you haue little religion in your hearts but content your selues with saying and hearing and some outward ceremonies Then I can tell you what religion is the fittest for you Euen that which you call the old religion for that wil so furnish you with outward workes and ceremonies that you shall not dreame of medling with your heart You see the deuoutest of them can swallowe downe into their soules lying forswearing murther and treason They make no bones of such matters And why Because the ceremonie-law of Rome serueth their turne I speake vpon my conscience for the glorie of my Lord God and for the good of my countrey It pleased God that specially by the meanes of M. William Olney of Tachbrooke neere Warwicke who tooke me from my poore parents I was in some sort continued at schoole About foureteene or fifteene yeares of age I fell into acquaintance with diuerse that fauoured the Popes religion among whom one lent me a booke thus intituled A defence of the censure giuen vpon two bookes of William Charke and Meredith Hanmer ministers which they wrote against M. Edmund Campian priest of the societie of Iesus and against his offer of disputation This little booke beeing one of the most dangerous bookes that euer I read for they bee little ones that either doe good or harme vnto the greatest number of people did thoroughly distast me with the Protestant-religion before religion was in mine heart A principall case of my distast was the many euill reports which with great pretence of truth it signifieth touching the liues of Luther Caluin and Beza bringing in this reason withall that the authors and beginners of an extraordinary reformation in the Church of God should at the least be ordinarie honest men in life and conuersation which those men were not if that booke be true Here I humbly entreat all people to take knowledge of two things which I haue found true by experience First it is not safe for a man to betake himselfe to this or that side in controuersie of religion vntill his heart and life bee setled in some vprightnesse of obedience vnto God Can a man iudge of colours before he bee borne No. Then how can a man rightly discerne the truth in questions touching the mysterie or secret of godlines he not beeing renewed by the spirit of God Although he haue great learning or depēd vpon the iudgement of great learned men yet Sathan the deuill will haue an hand in him because they which doe not conscionably obey God are subiect to be wrought vpon by him Eph. 2.2 The second thing that I would desire you to take knowledge of is this When a man is well assured that he is entred into a conscionable course of obeying the commandements of God which is the practise of repentance to settle his iudgement touching this or that controuersie in religion hee must not bee lead by the sermons or books or liues of men but principally hee must apply himselfe vnto the grounds of his faith which are two God and Gods word How shall he apply himselfe vnto God By verie often humble and earnest prayer that he will vouchsafe for Iesus Christs sake to giue him the spirit of reuelation the inlightening of minde to perceiue the holy truth S. Paul telleth vs plainly that the secrets of God cannot be rightly known but by the spirit of God 1. Cor. 2.10.11 And our Lord Iesus hath giuen vs this assurance that if we doe earnestly pray vnto God for the holy Ghost hee will giue him vnto vs Luk. 11.5 6 7 8 c. How shall a man apply himselfe to the word of God In following the example of the Iewes that dwelt at Berea who when S. Paul preached vnto them receiued the word with all readinesse But how They searched the Scriptures dayly whether those things which S. Paul deliuered vnto them were so as he said yea or no Act. 17.11 And for your encouragement see what followed Act. 16.12 Therefore many of them beleeued If any say hee cannot vnderstand the word of God I answer he may bee sorrie and ashamed to say so for to what end hath God giuen his word but to be vnderstood euen of very simple folke for of all the books in the world there is none that hath more plainenesse in it then the booke of God hath Many fine schollers haue no minde to reade Gods word because it is so plaine It is certainely one of the maine drifts of Sathan the deuill to make people beleeue that Gods word is hard to bee vnderstood because he would not haue them to vnderstand it for he knoweth that nothing in all the world is so great an hinderance vnto him as Gods word beeing vnderstood Now I will goe forward in my confession I went first to Oxford and then to Cambridge At Oxford I was in Gloster Hall about foure yeares first and last at Cambridge I was in Emanuel Colledge not so long but to that Colledge I am singularly bound Afterward I tooke vpon me to be a schoolemaster and then entred into the ministerie in the yeare of our Lord one thousand fiue hundred nintie and sixe The next yeare after vpon the commendation of diuerse reuerend Ministers in Kent namely my fatherly friend Doctor Milborne of Seuenoke M. Bust of Penshurst M. Deiose of Chiddingstone M. Smith of Chelfield I obtained of Archbishop Whitegift a generall licence to preach I haue beene a minister eighteene yeares and so much more as since the sixeteenth day of May last for as vpon that day Doctor Young Bishop of Rochester gaue mee orders at Bromeley in Kent All this while vntill this verie yeare one thousand sixe hundred and foureteen my heart continued in that inward behauiour wherwith it was first possessed in my childhood Now let me goe backe againe and make report how the Father of mercie hath striuen with me from my youth yea and nowe in good and comfortable measure blessed be his name vanquished the setled wickednesse of mine heart Euer since I had any vnderstanding of Gods will something hath been working vpon my mind perswading me very earnestly to forsake sinne and wholly to submit my selfe
this most vgly sinne That I in heauen among thy Saints the lowest place may winne The last and lowest place of all O Lord of thee I craue Giue grace to wash and make me cleane that I that place may haue Forgiue me all my sinnes though they most grieuous be and great Forgiue me all for Christ his sake I humbly thee intreat Then I will sing to thee with ioy my song it shall be this No wight so wicked as I was hath place in heauenly blisse To Father Sonne and holy Ghost All glorie be therefore Yea honour worship praise and thanks henceforth for euermore ¶ About three of the clocke in the afternoone I must say the same prayer which I said about nine in the forenoone O Almightie Lord God who louest holinesse c. ¶ My afternoone Psalme to the Suffolke tune O Blessed and most glorious God whose throne is set on high I sinnfull and most wretched man to thee for mercy crie Confessing that thy great goodnesse thy patience wonderfull And long forbearance doe me mooue my sinnes to disanul But wo is me my naughtie heart to sinne is still so bent That in my selfe I finde no meanes entirely to repent This world also wherein I liue with sinne doth ouerflowe And meetes me with temptations which way soe'er I goe Satan that mighty euill spirit so full of subtiltie Doth practise all the meanes he can that I in sinne may die Therefore I crie to thee O Lord whose power is ouer all Beseeching thee to free me from this sinnefull deadly thrall With true repentance and right faith mine heart and soule fulfill That I may hate all wickednesse and cleane fast to thy will From all this worlds temptations and Satans practising Keepe thou me safe I humbly pray O gracious heauenly King Then will I praise with heart and voice and magnifie thy name When thou hast saued my poore soule from endlesse paine and shame All glorie honour praise and thankes be alwaies giuen to thee O Father Sonne and holy Ghost one God in persons three My prayer at night before I goe to bed O most mightie and most gracious Lord God I wretched man the worst of the world doe crie thee mercie for all the sinns which this day or at any time before haue come out of my heart by way of deede word or thought I heartily thanke thee for all the blessings which thou hast graciously and plentifully giuen me I humbly praise thine holy name for that it hath pleased thee to preserue mee from many euills to deliuer me out of great dangers I beseech thee to endue me with such a measure of thy grace that I may henceforth foreuermore bee acceptably thankefull vnto thee through Iesus Christ Be mercifull also I humbly pray thee vnto all those for whom I ought to pray giue them and vnto me I beseech thee all the graces which thine only sonne hath taught vs to pray for in his name saying O our father which art in heaaen hallowed be thy name c. When I lay me downe in my bed I will say O blessed Lord God here I lie downe not knowing what shall come vnto me this night I humbly betake both bodie and soule vnto thee beseeching thy most gracious goodnesse to receiue me into thy keeping through Iesus Christ thine onely Son my Lord and Sauiour Amen When I settle my selfe to sleepe I will say O good Lord God vouchsafe to be mercifull vnto this feeble bodie that it may haue a little comfortable rest and be thereby made the more seruiceable vnto thee through thine onely Sonne my deare Lord and Sauiour Amen If I cannot take rest I will say thus O most gracious Lord this body cannot take rest because I haue wickedly disordered it I beseech thee therefore to pardon me all my wickednesse and now teach my poore soule how it shal find euerlasting rest in thee thorough thine onely Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Iesus Christ Amen About midnight whether I haue slept or not I will pray thus O most glorious Lord God the Father of lights no darkenes can hide me from thee for thou seest so clearely at midnight as at mid-day yea thou beholdest all my thoughts Therefore I humbly present my selfe before thy blessed Maiestie beseeching thee to look graciously vpon me a most vngracious wretch and to saue me from the workes of darkenes that I may haue the lowest place within the kingdome of thy glorie Graunt this most mercifull Father for thine onely Sonnes sake in whose name I pray further for my selfe and for all other folke as he hath taught me saying O our Father which art in heauen hallowed bee thy name c. So often as I haue had any sleepe when I awake I will say thus O most mercifull Father God almightie I humbly thanke thee for the rest which thou hast now giuen vnto this naughty bodie I bequeath both it and my soule into thine hands to bee disposed of according vnto thy will to the glorie of thy name through Iesus Christ thine onely Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Amen When I arise in the morning I will say O good Lord God with all mine heart I thanke thy blessed maiestie for that it hath pleased thee mercifully to keep me all this night nowe I arise out of this bed in thy name O Father in thy name O Iesus Christ in thy name O holy Ghost O most holy vndiuided vnseparable three persons in one God one God in three persons for thy glorious names sake vouchsafe to be mercifull vnto me a sinner Amen This is my third rule My last rule Fourthly and lastly I must in the sight of God conscionably detest and resist my sinnes faithfully endeauouring that I may in very truth sa◠with Dauid Psalm 18.23 I was also vpright before him and I kept my selfe from mine iniquitie First therefore beeing alwaies mindfull of Gods presence I must carefully intend to know and to doe his will Secondly when any motion commeth vnto mine heart quietly vnpartially diligently consider whether it be good in the sight of God yea or no If it be good I must willingly yeeld vnto it But if it be euill I must steadfastly purpose to refuse it yea and remooue my selfe so farre as possible from all danger of beeing tempted vnto it If I be strongly tempted to yeeld vnto any sinne I must earnestly pray vnto God for deliuerance thus O most holy and blessed Lord God I the worst of all sinners being now as thou seest strongly tempted to sinne against thee and not able to resist the temptation by reason of the long setled wickednesse of my heart doe humbly beseech thee to be so mercifull vnto me as to saue me from this great danger thorough thy almightie grace in Iesus Christ thine onely Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Amen Hauing thus praied yea and praied againe and againe if need require I must with a good courage put on the mind that I wil
way sufficient for thee Most holy Lord this I verily beleeue therfore in the name of Iesus Christ hencefoorth I will wholly endeauour to please thee Amen The last day of Iulie beeing Sabbath though I was sore tormented I had no remedy but needs must preach my selfe for neither was I prouided of any supply and a Churchwarden came to tell me the parish tooke it in displeasure that I my selfe performed not my dutie That day I preached twise to the great hurt of my body which appeared by many little shreads of skinne which came from me in my water Monday the first of August such a drousie windie weakenes hung vpon me specially in my breast and head that many times I was ready to fall and had much adoe to stand a painfull sleepines was stil comming vpon mee whether I did read or write Monday night I beeing in bed and fallen into a slumber I was so strangely taken as neuer before Some thing seemed to be vpon my backe so to presse me downe that my face was held hard to the pillowe and much winde brake out at the right eare Being very troublously waked I called vpon my good Lord for mercy I perceiued a shiuering windines offering to arise out of my thighes I tooke this by ouerforcing my selfe in preaching vpon the Sabbath day if I be not much deceiued It pleased God that afterward I had some quiet rest but towards morning the cruel strangury came vpon me Alas that there is no remedy for such a filthy tormenting disease a Physitian writing vnto me among other words said thus Know that your disease is incurable The seauenth of August being Sabbath my disease still tormenting me I prayed and vowed thus O most holy and righteous good and gracious Lord God I the most foule and filthy sinner of all the world do here make a complaint of my selfe vnto thy glorious and blessed maiesty that I am not fit to liue in thy sight much lesse to serue thee in the gospel of thy Sonne because I do not walk with thee nor keep my selfe in thy companie as thy seruants doe O be mercifull vnto me I beseech thee I haue heretofore made many vowes that I would enforce my selfe to waite vpon thee But woe is me I haue not kept them now I most humbly pray thee that all my former vowes may be shut vp in this which I am minded to make vnto thee And this it is This day two seuerall preachers will supply my place I beseech thee to blesse them with holy matter hallowed affections powerfull vtterance good successe If I do not from this day forward very conscionably endeauour to hold my selfe to the practise of my foure Rules I wil the next Sabbath day quite put my selfe out of the ministerie yea and openly professe vnto the world that therefore I doe it because my conscience doth certainly iudge mee not to bee fit to preach the Gospell Good Lord this is my vowe If I either reforme my selfe from this day forward or for default thereof leaue the ministerie I breake not my vow If I do neither the one nor the other let me be euerlastingly â—â—rsaken of Iesus Christ If I conscionably reform my selfe by thy grace and so continue with thy fauour in the ministerie O that thou wilt be mercifull vnto me touching this horrible disease Then shall I holily and wholly betake my selfe to serue thee as mine hearts desire is to doe If I reforme not my selfe and therefore as my vow requireth leaue the ministerie I aske no more but the destruction of my sin to thy good pleasure and glorie Now blessed Lord I offer vp this vowe vnto thee for an euerlasting deed and thereunto vnchangeably say Amen Be it neuer changed but euer in force betweene thy blessed Maiestie and me Amen That day some came vnto me and what with one matter what with an other caused me to talke at randome as though I had not been in the companie of God When they were gone I cryed God mercy promised to be more mindefull of his presence and fearefull of his displeasure At night some came to me againe and talking of many things mooued me to passe my bounds but not so much as before yet all this while I was not entred into my vowed practise This I did fully perswade my selfe that if I could in companie be mindfull of God and shunne the displeasing of his maiestie I were in a verie faire forwardnes of reformation Mondaie the eight of August I held my selfe vnto my prayers and businesse carefully thinking how I should avoid the great danger of companie and talking I prayed vnto the Lord thus O good Lord thou seest that my disposition is hardened in sinne and most vntoward vnto thy seruice Thou seest also how apt other folke are to further mine vntowardnesse to hinder my repentance I beseech thee that for thine only Sonnes sake thou wilt powerfully breake me from mine vntowardnes prepare me in thy feare to shunne the manifold wickednesse which is one way or another caused by companying and talking Blessed Lord true it is as I take harme by others so they take harm by me for thy mercies sake be mercifull vnto vs and keepe vs from causing any harme one to another Amen Aman. Betweene tenne and eleuen of the clock there came some vnto me about a matter of vnkindnes between certain parties which had not then been called into question if I had concealed a report which in writing was giuen vnto me and which I was verie confidently willed to shewe vnto whome I would It is likely that many an one would haue thought himselfe well warranted to shew it specially if it had concerned him so neerely as it did me I shewed it not but onely told a certaine part of it which caused the comming of those men vnto me After that we had talked of the businesse and they were gone I confessed and prayed thus vnto God O most gracious Lord I did euill in receiuing that paper and worse in speaking of any thing written in it I beseech thee to pardon me and to giue grace that I may neuer hereafter speake any thing of that matter but onely my bounden thanks praise vnto thee through Iesus Christ thy Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Amen In the afternoone vpon occasion I praied thus O most gracious Lord thou seest that by thy goodnesse I goe not out to seeke company I perceiue it is great folly so to doe If any come vnto me and enter into friuolous talke I cannot tell what I should doe Thy spirit saith that in the multitude of words there wanteth not sinne Pro. 10.19 And what great losse of precious time commeth vnto men by vaine idle communication I know by experieÌ„ce to my great griefe Most mercifull Lord thou hauing brought me thus farre and broken me from seeking companie from ioyning in emptie words vouchsafe to magnifie thy mercy in making me to preuaile against this impediment
and all others that I may euerlastingly praise thy name therefore through Iesus Christ thine onely Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Amen Tuesdaie morning the strangury pained me verie grieuously and my feete were in such an extreame heate that I was forced to stand barefooted In this burning torment I prayed O most mightie and most mercifull Lord God my Maker and Sauiour of thy most tender compassion most excellent mercie vouchsafe I beseech thee to ease me of this filthy tormenting disease lay vpon me in stead thereof what crosse what iudgement thou wilt Me thinks thou saiest Thou foolish man put away thy folly drawe neere vnto me and I will draw neere vnto thee O good Lord blessed be thy name In the name of Iesus Christ I will drawe neere vnto thee I will henceforth be alwaies verie mindefull that I am before thy face nothing in the world no not any companie shall put me out of that thought Beeing in companie so often as I perceiue my minde to turne it selfe from waiting vpon thee I will presently breake out into these words Fie vpon me what a forgetfull foole am I Good Lord forgiue me and correct mee Then if any aske the reason why I spake those words I will very plainly tell it Most gracious Lord giue me grace thus to doe and blesse me in so doing through Iesus Christ thine onely Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Amen The staires to my chamber are the comming vp vnto three other chambers So oft as I heard the noise of any bodies feet comming vp the staires I was very fearefull that some or other were comming vnto me and as glad if I heard them goe by the doore to any of the other chambers How men may iudge of this I know not but my conscience doth assuredly certifie mee how the Lord God iudgeth of it That forenoon some company came to me staied long wherefore though I in some sort looked to my soule yet could I not auoide bodily hurt for I hauing to ease my paine taken much drinke before the companie came being forced painfully to hold my water when they were gone there came such things from out of my body as if many skinnes within were pilled off Wherefore I fully perswaded my selfe that I was possessed with a windie fretting inflammation which of necessitie must very shortly kill me and that as I thought most likely by the perishing of my bladder In the afternoone I praied thus Most blessed Lord very true it is that the doore of heauen is in comparison much lesse then the eie of a needle An entrance there is but most hardly to be gotten The beginning of an vnfained godly life is the hardest worke in all the world Then what meaneth Christ in saying that his yoake is easie and his burden light His meaning is that true repentance and right faith do ease and lighten a loaden conscience There is no remedy but sinne must needes be put off else there is no saluation no heauen to be had Woe is me How can a black-moore put off his blacknesse It is vnpossible Yea but thy Sonne hath told vs that all things are possible with thee True it is O Lord I beleeue it But the question is what thou wilt doe Therefore with the poor leper I say vnto thee O Lord if thou wilt thou canst make me cleane The Spirit answereth me saying To day if thou wilt heare his voice harden not thy heart I must striue to vnharden mine heart in obeying thy word which word thou hast graciously made knowne vnto mee to the end that I should obey it in putting off my sinne But if knowing thy will I continue disobedient to thee O what a most dreadfull measure of euerlasting vengeance shall speedily fall vpon me O Lord none can vnharden mine heart but onely thou Then how can I vnbarden it If thou euer vnharden it thou wilt make mee to vnharden it for thou workest the will and the deede in them that shall bee saued They must will and doe that which is pleasing vnto thee The power to will and doe it they must haue from thee Therefore thy seruant Paul aduiseth vs to work out our saluation with feare and trembling that is awfully and carefully to vse the meanes which thou hast appointed that so thy grace may work in vs obedience vnto thy will which is the only way of saluation Good Lord in thy Sonnes name I will striue to vse the meanes which thou hast appointed for the breaking of mine hard heart Blessed bee thy name I thinke no man or woman in all the world can haue more warning to deny himselfe and hasten repentance then I haue To thy mercie and good pleasure I wholly betake my selfe thorough Iesus Christ Amen Amen Wednesday morning I was very tormentingly pained in the water passage and therefore prayed thus O blessed Lord God this soule disease tormenteth me verie sore O that it may be pleasing vnto thy most glorious goodnes euen in such measure to ease me of this disease as by thy grace I will from this time forward deny my selfe and giue glory vnto thy truth Me thinkes thou sayest Goe to then See that thou conscionably deny thy selfe putting thy whole trust in me And for thy comfort thou shalt be sure to finde these my words true I am mercifull My mercie is vpon them that feare me Most gracious Lord blessed be thy name I beleeue thy words And nowe thorough the grace of Iesus Christ I will steadfastly set my selfe to deny my selfe O Lord be mercifull vnto mee that I may thoroughly doe it And then thy will be done Amem About an houre after I had so praied vnto God my paine of the spleene came vpon mee in such sort that mine eies were much dazled mine heart deadly vexed my limms faintly wearied Beeing in this state I praied thus O good Lord what shall I doe This my deathfull body cannot possibly hold out nor be seruiceable vnto thee in any good measure according to my calling O my good Lord what shall I doe I haue no warrant to expect any extraordinary releeuing of my body And this deadlines putteth my poore soule out of comfort Mee thinkes thou saiest Let thy soule be steadfastly vprightly bent to serue mee for so it shall receiue comfort from mee Touching thy bodie doe me what seruice thou canst and betake it vnto mee to dispose therof as I see good By greiuing at thy diseasednes thou makest it to be worse Therfore be only zealous againg thy sinnes the cause of all thy miserie But take heart of grace and sustaine thy weake spirit hath assured confidence of my mercy towards thee O my good Lord most wonderfull in mercy and Almightie in power with all humble thankefulnes I receiue these words from thee My soule is certenly perswaded that thy purpose towards mee is according to those words Blessed Lord it greiueth me that I hane so long displeased dishonoured thee and now