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say_v i_o i_o humble_o conceive_v that_o you_o be_v to_o pray_o according_a to_o the_o present_a condition_n of_o the_o soul_n of_o your_o family_n pray_v sir_n say_v my_o lord_n how_o be_v it_o possible_a for_o i_o to_o know_v the_o inward_a thought_n and_o condition_n of_o my_o family_n soul_n so_o as_o to_o order_n my_o prayer_n according_o my_o lord_n reply_v i_o albeit_o your_o lordship_n can_v possible_o acquaint_v yourself_o with_o all_o the_o secret_n of_o your_o family_n yet_o you_o may_v by_o catechizeing_n your_o family_n and_o frequent_o examine_v they_o about_o the_o state_n of_o their_o soul_n and_o god_n deal_v with_o they_o find_v matter_n enough_o to_o enlarge_v on_o in_o put_v up_o prayer_n to_o god_n for_o they_o in_o the_o general_n which_o be_v as_o much_o as_o the_o rule_n of_o duty_n direct_v or_o oblige_v to_o my_o lord_n find_v that_o the_o truth_n i_o be_v call_v to_o vindicate_v and_o the_o spirit_n by_o which_o i_o speak_v to_o be_v too_o powerful_a for_o 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new_a opinion_n i_o charge_v you_o to_o quit_v my_o lord_n house_n and_o provide_v another_o lodging_n and_o as_o for_o i_o i_o charge_v you_o that_o you_o come_v not_o near_o my_o door_n or_o any_o of_o your_o brethren_n or_o sister_n door_n i_o will_v see_v say_v he_o which_o of_o your_o holy_a brethren_n or_o sister_n will_v take_v you_o in_o to_o this_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o reply_v thus_o viz._n sir_n though_o you_o resolve_v according_a to_o your_o present_a declaration_n to_o cast_v i_o out_o of_o your_o paternal_a or_o fatherly_a affection_n and_o to_o disow_v i_o for_o your_o son_n mere_o for_o my_o conscience_n to_o god_n because_o i_o can_v without_o great_o offend_v against_o god_n and_o wound_v my_o
case_n to_o be_v altogether_o desperate_a and_o hopeless_a it_o be_v not_o to_o be_v tell_v by_o tongue_n or_o pen_n what_o soul_n conflict_n and_o agony_n accompany_v i_o wherever_o i_o go_v and_o whatever_o i_o set_v about_o insomuch_o that_o they_o become_v frequent_a and_o familiar_a to_o i_o in_o the_o very_a night_n vision_n the_o devil_n hell_n damnation_n with_o the_o manner_n how_o the_o wicked_a be_v handle_v in_o hell_n be_v thing_n very_o often_o present_v to_o my_o fancy_n in_o those_o short_a and_o torment_a slumber_n whereinto_o i_o fall_v yea_o i_o have_v sometime_o dream_v that_o i_o have_v see_v and_o feel_v myself_o in_o hell_n among_o the_o damn_a tumble_v and_o sink_v down_o deep_o and_o deep_o feel_v no_o bottom_n which_o have_v occasion_v i_o often_o to_o think_v of_o job_n case_n of_o which_o he_o bitter_o complain_v job_n 7._o 14._o then_o thou_o scare_v i_o with_o dream_n and_o terrify_v i_o with_o vision_n as_o it_o be_v with_o job_n so_o it_o be_v with_o i_o when_o i_o have_v be_v even_o spend_v with_o the_o conflict_n and_o temptation_n of_o the_o day_n i_o think_v sometime_o and_o hope_v at_o least_o that_o my_o bed_n and_o sleep_n will_v something_o ease_v and_o lessen_v my_o pain_n and_o inward_a horror_n of_o mind_n but_o woe_n and_o alas_o i_o be_v never_o weary_a of_o the_o fatigue_n of_o the_o day_n than_o i_o be_v of_o the_o restless_a toss_n of_o the_o night_n and_o that_o because_o of_o those_o dream_n and_o vision_n which_o do_v as_o it_o be_v realize_v the_o thing_n themselves_o to_o my_o mind_n the_o consternation_n into_o which_o those_o soul_n afflict_v vision_n do_v put_v i_o do_v often_o startle_v i_o out_o of_o my_o sleep_n and_o cause_v in_o i_o restless_a long_n for_o daylight_n and_o that_o because_o i_o can_v not_o employ_v my_o thought_n about_o any_o thing_n but_o what_o have_v a_o tendency_n to_o augment_v my_o despair_n and_o misery_n my_o thought_n run_v out_o and_o fix_v upon_o the_o sin_n of_o my_o youth_n think_v how_o many_o and_o black_a they_o be_v call_v to_o mind_n the_o advances_n i_o have_v former_o make_v in_o the_o way_n of_o strict_a and_o zealous_a religion_n and_o what_o method_n and_o way_n i_o have_v use_v to_o get_v healing_n and_o comfort_n and_o all_o in_o vain_a and_o to_o no_o purpose_n and_o that_o because_o as_o i_o conclude_v god_n have_v give_v i_o up_o to_o be_v a_o prey_n to_o the_o enemy_n sometime_o in_o the_o night_n when_o i_o can_v not_o seep_v i_o hear_v dog_n howl_v and_o cry_v piteous_o in_o the_o cold_a wether_n this_o i_o apprehend_v be_v a_o lively_a represent_v to_o the_o ear_n the_o skreeks_n and_o roar_n of_o the_o damn_a in_o hell_n thus_o be_v they_o in_o those_o eternal_a flame_n and_o so_o shall_v i_o ever_o long_o oh_o that_o i_o can_v but_o see_v one_o glimpse_n of_o the_o morning_n light_n but_o woe_n be_v i_o deserted_n and_o forsake_v of_o god_n i_o shall_v be_v with_o the_o damn_a in_o that_o place_n of_o torment_n before_o morning_n i_o shall_v never_o see_v light_n well_o when_o contrary_a to_o my_o foolish_a and_o wicked_a thought_n and_o expectation_n i_o have_v live_v to_o see_v the_o morning_n light_n i_o will_v then_o begin_v to_o reason_n and_o query_n with_o myself_o what_o i_o have_v so_o earnest_o desire_v the_o day_n for_o my_o day_n of_o grace_n be_v certain_o pass_v and_o go_v there_o be_v no_o mercy_n in_o store_n for_o such_o a_o one_o as_o i_o be_o all_o the_o help_n and_o mean_n of_o grace_n which_o have_v have_v a_o blessing_n attend_v they_o for_o special_a good_a to_o other_o be_v attend_v with_o a_o curse_n to_o i_o i_o be_o a_o reprobate_n in_o vain_a it_o be_v to_o pray_v any_o more_o or_o spend_v any_o more_o time_n in_o the_o duty_n of_o religion_n i_o have_v have_v sad_a experience_n of_o that_o under_o this_o weight_n will_v i_o lie_v in_o my_o bed_n conclude_v it_o altogether_o in_o vain_a to_o arise_v to_o engage_v in_o any_o duty_n this_o temptation_n so_o far_o prevail_v that_o i_o do_v for_o a_o time_n refrain_v prayer_n and_o neglect_v other_o duty_n of_o religion_n from_o my_o conclude_v that_o i_o belong_v not_o to_o god_n i_o find_v myself_o like_o a_o dead_a log_n as_o if_o i_o have_v neither_o life_n nor_o soul_n leave_v in_o i_o i_o expect_v certain_o every_o hour_n nay_o each_o minute_n nay_o every_o breath_n i_o fetch_v to_o be_v hurry_v away_o into_o the_o place_n and_o company_n of_o the_o damn_a which_o cause_v in_o i_o such_o amazement_n and_o unusual_a horror_n that_o i_o will_v creep_v like_o a_o condemn_a malefactor_n into_o the_o chimney_n corner_n among_o the_o company_n there_o resolve_v to_o stay_v while_o any_o stay_v there_o on_o purpose_n to_o avoid_v and_o shun_v those_o damn_a spirit_n who_o i_o expect_v every_o twinkle_a of_o a_o eye_n to_o see_v among_o my_o sad_a and_o despair_a thought_n concern_v the_o ineffectualness_n of_o all_o mean_n and_o duty_n to_o do_v i_o good_a there_o do_v come_v into_o my_o thought_n a_o passage_n which_o i_o have_v read_v in_o some_o author_n who_o name_n i_o have_v forget_v it_o be_v this_o viz._n that_o there_o be_v different_a degree_n of_o torment_n among_o the_o damn_a in_o hell_n this_o thing_n i_o fix_v my_o thought_n on_o so_o long_o till_o i_o do_v hence_o infer_v and_o conclude_v that_o see_v there_o be_v different_a degree_n of_o torment_n among_o the_o damn_a in_o hell_n and_o that_o the_o damn_a exceed_v each_o other_o in_o the_o degree_n of_o sin_n must_v necessary_o be_v the_o ground_n and_o foundation_n of_o such_o a_o difference_n i_o conclude_v that_o the_o less_o sin_n i_o commit_v the_o less_o will_v be_v my_o torment_n in_o hell_n now_o every_o omission_n of_o duty_n think_v i_o as_o well_o as_o do_v what_o be_v positive_o forbid_v in_o the_o moral_a law_n be_v a_o sin_n against_o god_n and_o therefore_o to_o make_v my_o chain_n the_o light_a in_o hell_n i_o be_o resolve_v against_o all_o know_a sin_n and_o according_o i_o fall_v to_o work_n again_o perceive_v in_o myself_o no_o other_o motive_n or_o inducement_n hereto_o but_o mere_o expect_v and_o hope_v that_o by_o this_o mean_n my_o be_v in_o hell_n will_v be_v make_v more_o tolerable_a and_o easy_a than_o that_o of_o other_o reprobate_n by_o this_o very_a thing_n it_o will_v easy_o be_v understand_v how_o near_o i_o be_v to_o final_a despair_n in_o my_o own_o thought_n and_o apprehension_n but_o among_o all_o the_o combat_n and_o conflict_n i_o meet_v with_o in_o the_o time_n of_o my_o bondage_n none_o more_o rack_v and_o torment_v my_o spirit_n than_o those_o hideous_a and_o abominable_a thought_n which_o by_o the_o devil_n be_v like_o fiery_n and_o poison_a arrow_n inject_v into_o my_o mind_n sometime_o against_o the_o holy_a scripture_n as_o that_o they_o be_v not_o the_o word_n of_o god_n but_o the_o cunning_a and_o politic_a invention_n of_o man_n devise_v and_o contrive_v by_o some_o to_o awe_n and_o keep_v other_o in_o subjection_n this_o temptation_n cause_v no_o small_a anguish_n and_o perturbation_n in_o my_o mind_n but_o do_v not_o continue_v long_o for_o though_o sad_a and_o desperate_a i_o think_v my_o case_n to_o be_v i_o be_v enable_v to_o consider_v what_o a_o mighty_a power_n go_v along_o with_o the_o scripture_n in_o discover_v my_o most_o secret_a corruption_n and_o put_v my_o conscience_n and_o spirit_n into_o such_o fear_n of_o what_o will_v ensue_v in_o case_n i_o do_v not_o cofess_v and_o forsake_v they_o this_o very_a consideration_n viz._n that_o the_o word_n which_o discover_v to_o i_o my_o vain_a and_o sinful_a thought_n and_o condemn_v the_o ill_a life_n i_o have_v lead_v and_o that_o lay_v i_o under_o such_o captivate_a horror_n and_o fear_n for_o the_o same_o must_v needs_o be_v the_o word_n of_o a_o infinite_a all-knowing_a and_o powerful_a god_n do_v foil_n and_o repel_v that_o temptation_n no_o soon_o have_v the_o first_o temptation_n be_v over_o but_o a_o second_o immediate_o ensue_v which_o be_v that_o there_o be_v no_o such_o thing_n as_o a_o god_n in_o nature_n and_o that_o man_n believe_v and_o profess_v the_o be_v of_o a_o god_n be_v more_o from_o use_n of_o custom_n and_o from_o the_o strong_a work_n of_o fancy_n than_o from_o any_o real_a truth_n ground_v on_o sensible_a experience_n oh_o the_o sad_a concussion_n this_o temptation_n give_v to_o the_o power_n of_o nature_n i_o be_v so_o strange_o influence_v by_o it_o that_o i_o solemn_o prosess_v i_o feel_v myself_o sink_v and_o and_o just_a totter_a to_o fall_v off_o my_o foot_n all_o over_o in_o a_o muck_n sweat_n with_o a_o strange_a shiver_a and_o tremble_v in_o all_o the_o power_n and_o part_n of_o soul_n and_o body_n but_o
make_v to_o a_o window_n look_v into_o a_o pleasant_a garden_n i_o lean_v on_o the_o window_n with_o my_o elbow_n and_o so_o bear_v up_o my_o body_n from_o fall_v which_o otherwise_o have_v undoubted_o sink_v down_o under_o its_o present_a load_n and_o weight_n occasion_v by_o that_o temptation_n remain_v for_o some_o little_a space_n in_o a_o horrible_a tremble_v and_o amaze_a consternation_n of_o spirit_n i_o look_v out_o into_o the_o garden_n begin_v begin_v to_o consider_v and_o reason_n with_o myself_o thus_o how_o come_v these_o tree_n to_o grow_v thus_o orderly_o in_o this_o place_n who_o rear_v or_o build_v these_o sumptuous_a building_n sure_o not_o themselves_o why_o then_o think_v i_o if_o not_o themselves_o then_o of_o necessity_n they_o must_v spring_n from_o some_o cause_n high_a and_o more_o noble_a than_o themselves_o viz_o man._n then_o from_o the_o consideration_n of_o the_o tree_n and_o the_o building_n i_o begin_v to_o exercise_n my_o thought_n about_o man_n and_o other_o live_a creature_n think_v thus_o and_o how_o come_v man_n and_o these_o other_o live_v creature_n to_o have_v a_o be_v sure_o think_v i_o they_o can_v neither_o form_n nor_o quicken_v themselves_o and_o if_o so_o then_o of_o necessity_n there_o must_v be_v some_o cause_n of_o their_o be_v and_o live_v which_o be_v high_a and_o more_o excellent_a than_o they_o which_o can_v think_v my_o reason_n be_v no_o other_o but_o a_o infinite_o glorious_a god_n and_o this_o say_v reason_n in_o i_o may_v be_v evince_v not_o only_o by_o consider_v the_o particular_n already_o mention_v but_o by_o consider_v the_o frame_n of_o the_o world_n and_o the_o strange_a preservation_n of_o all_o thing_n therein_o and_o the_o wonderful_a government_n of_o the_o second_o cause_n wherewith_o the_o world_n abound_v these_o and_o sundry_a other_o of_o the_o like_a argument_n prove_v so_o strong_a and_o nervous_a to_o convince_v i_o that_o of_o necessity_n there_o must_v be_v a_o god_n that_o that_o temptation_n vanish_v the_o devil_n perceive_v himself_o foil_v in_o this_o attempt_n he_o set_v furious_o on_o i_o with_o blasphemous_a thought_n represent_v god_n in_o such_o vile_a shape_n and_o hideous_a and_o base_a idea_n to_o my_o mind_n that_o be_v i_o to_o undergo_v the_o utmost_a of_o misery_n that_o creature_n be_v capable_a of_o inflict_v or_o i_o capable_a of_o suffer_v i_o do_v humble_o hope_v in_o christ_n strength_n i_o shall_v unspeakable_o choose_v rather_o to_o be_v rack_v to_o death_n than_o but_o once_o to_o name_v they_o so_o vile_a hideous_a and_o horrible_a be_v they_o proceed_v rather_o from_o the_o enrage_a and_o revengeful_a malice_n of_o the_o devil_n against_o the_o majesty_n of_o god_n than_o from_o the_o corruption_n and_o pravity_n of_o nature_n these_o thing_n i_o do_v but_o glance_v or_o touch_n at_o not_o from_o any_o delight_n i_o take_v in_o the_o remembrance_n of_o they_o but_o rather_o for_o the_o relief_n of_o some_o poor_a tempt_v despair_v soul_n who_o probable_o may_v be_v conflict_v with_o the_o same_o fiery_a assault_n conclude_v within_o themselves_o as_o i_o often_o do_v that_o none_o belong_v to_o god_n can_v ever_o be_v possess_v with_o such_o black_a and_o dismal_a thought_n oh_o the_o gastliness_n and_o fearful_a tremble_n oh_o the_o sweat_v and_o weariness_n of_o my_o very_a life_n which_o these_o satanical_a injection_n cause_v in_o i_o a_o sure_a and_o convince_a argument_n they_o be_v immediate_o from_o the_o devil_n and_o none_o else_o the_o sin_n flow_v from_o the_o pravity_n of_o nature_n be_v common_o rather_o please_a and_o delightful_a than_o amaze_a and_o terrify_v to_o nature_n in_o this_o sad_a condition_n i_o continue_v so_o long_o till_o my_o very_a animal_n spirit_n be_v even_o drink_v up_o and_o the_o radical_a moisture_n of_o my_o body_n waste_v by_o that_o burn_a inflammation_n which_o i_o sensible_o feel_v invade_v and_o possess_v my_o body_n the_o pitiful_a and_o deplorable_a state_n i_o be_v in_o both_o in_o respect_n of_o my_o soul_n which_o i_o find_v be_v invade_v by_o the_o terror_n of_o god_n for_o the_o breach_n of_o his_o royal_a law_n and_o as_o i_o very_o conclude_v give_v up_o to_o satan_n by_o god_n in_o a_o judicial_a way_n to_o be_v possess_v by_o he_o as_o also_o in_o respect_n of_o my_o body_n in_o which_o the_o sad_a symptom_n of_o my_o approach_a doom_n do_v as_o i_o very_o think_v hourly_o appear_v such_o as_o the_o grow_a and_o increase_n of_o that_o burn_a inflammation_n already_o mention_v decay_n of_o my_o sight_n which_o necessitate_v the_o use_n of_o spectacle_n at_o the_o age_n of_o 25_o year_n the_o loss_n of_o my_o smell_a and_o taste_v for_o about_o three_o month_n with_o a_o great_a decay_n of_o my_o hear_v so_o ghastly_a a_o sight_n be_v i_o to_o behold_v that_o i_o become_v a_o spectacle_n of_o wonderment_n to_o all_o the_o family_n where_o i_o live_v some_o conclude_v that_o i_o be_v starve_v by_o my_o frequent_a fast_n other_o very_o conclude_v that_o spirit_n haunt_v i_o which_o cause_v in_o i_o such_o ghastly_a look_n and_o cause_v my_o body_n to_o bend_v and_o bow_n towards_o crookedness_n so_o heavy_a and_o insupportable_a be_v the_o load_n i_o lay_v under_o chap._n iu._n discover_v how_o the_o spirit_n of_o adoption_n succeed_v the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n and_o what_o glorious_a effect_n ensue_v thereupon_o the_o last_o day_n of_o my_o bondage_n state_n when_o i_o look_v for_o nothing_o but_o a_o go_v down_o to_o the_o nethermost_a hell_n in_o the_o unconceivable_a horror_n and_o amaze_a consternation_n of_o my_o spirit_n there_o be_v a_o place_n of_o scripture_n which_o run_v in_o my_o thought_n from_o morning_n to_o bedtime_n the_o place_n of_o scripture_n be_v esa_n 43._o 25._o i_o even_o i_o be_o he_o that_o blot_v out_o thy_o transgression_n for_o my_o own_o sake_n and_o will_v not_o remember_v thy_o sin_n this_o scripture_n get_v such_o hold_n of_o my_o mind_n and_o thought_n that_o albeit_o i_o no_o more_o understand_v the_o sense_n or_o meaning_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n in_o it_o or_o how_o it_o come_v into_o my_o mind_n that_o day_n than_o a_o pagan_a that_o never_o know_v any_o thing_n of_o the_o true_a god_n i_o can_v not_o possible_o keep_v my_o thought_n fix_v on_o any_o thing_n all_o the_o day_n but_o on_o that_o very_a scripture_n roll_v and_o tumble_a the_o bare_a word_n in_o my_o thought_n incessant_o thus_o i_o even_o i_o be_o he_o that_o blot_v out_o thy_o transgression_n for_o my_o own_o sake_n and_o will_v not_o rememberthy_n sin_n ay_o even_o i_o be_o he_o that_o blot_v out_o thy_o transgression_n for_o my_o own_o sake_n and_o will_v not_o remember_v thy_o sin_n and_o so_o all_o the_o day_n till_o bedtime_n i_o be_v somewhat_o astonish_v at_o the_o change_n which_o i_o find_v in_o myself_o in_o reference_n to_o my_o thought_n about_o the_o scripture_n for_o whereas_o before_o during_o the_o state_n of_o my_o spiritual_a bondage_n which_o be_v between_o three_o and_o four_o year_n i_o can_v think_v of_o no_o scripture_n but_o such_o as_o treat_v of_o damnation_n of_o fall_v away_o and_o of_o sin_v against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n always_o apply_v the_o same_o to_o myself_o desperate_o conclude_v that_o my_o own_o doom_n be_v in_o those_o terrible_a scripture_n set_v forth_o and_o discover_v i_o that_o day_n forget_v those_o terrify_a scripture_n and_o can_v as_o i_o say_v think_v of_o nothing_o but_o that_o place_n in_o esa_n 43._o 25_o above_o mention_v and_o that_o without_o the_o least_o apprehension_n what_o the_o sense_n of_o the_o spirit_n in_o these_o word_n shall_v be_v or_o how_o or_o wherefore_o that_o scripture_n shall_v make_v such_o a_o forceable_a entry_n on_o my_o mind_n and_o thought_n as_o to_o eject_v and_o banish_v from_o my_o thought_n and_o remembrance_n the_o other_o terrible_a scripture_n by_o the_o wrong_a application_n of_o which_o my_o state_n and_o condition_n become_v as_o to_o my_o own_o sense_n and_o thought_n equal_a to_o that_o of_o the_o damn_a at_o night_n after_o my_o lord_n have_v supp_v and_o while_o the_o inferior_a of_o the_o family_n be_v actual_o at_o supper_n i_o steal_v my_o opportunity_n resolve_v in_o myself_o that_o none_o shall_v know_v where_o i_o be_v or_o suspect_v what_o i_o be_v about_o up_o stair_n i_o get_v without_o a_o candle_n the_o night_n be_v moonshine_a i_o be_v all_o of_o a_o sweat_n and_o a_o strange_a horror_n fall_v on_o i_o occasion_v by_o the_o conceit_n and_o apprehension_n i_o have_v that_o the_o devil_n accompany_v i_o as_o a_o man_n up_o stair_n who_o step_n along_o with_o i_o i_o strong_o imagine_v i_o hear_v which_o cause_v i_o to_o keep_v my_o eye_n close_v for_o fear_v i_o shall_v see_v the_o devil_n in_o a_o visible_a shape_n while_o i_o be_v unlock_v
the_o chamber_n door_n i_o find_v the_o horror_n and_o fright_v under_o which_o i_o labour_v great_o to_o increase_v the_o devil_n suggest_v that_o he_o will_v either_o pull_v i_o back_o from_o enter_v into_o the_o chamber_n or_o else_o that_o he_o will_v enter_v along_o with_o i_o to_o hinder_v or_o distract_v i_o in_o my_o intend_v devotion_n all_o this_o while_n the_o place_n of_o scripture_n above_o mention_v run_v still_o in_o my_o thought_n as_o before_o be_v enter_v into_o my_o chamber_n all_o in_o a_o sweat_n and_o unusual_a consternation_n of_o spirit_n i_o stand_v before_o the_o bedside_n where_o i_o use_v to_o kneel_v in_o pray_v and_o with_o my_o eye_n close_v as_o i_o be_v take_v myself_o to_o task_n endeavour_v to_o recollect_v my_o memory_n where_o i_o have_v be_v all_o that_o day_n with_o what_o company_n i_o have_v converse_v what_o duty_n i_o have_v know_o omit_v and_o what_o immorality_n i_o have_v any_o way_n consent_v to_o all_o on_o a_o sudden_a i_o find_v the_o eye_n of_o my_o understanding_n so_o clear_o enlighten_v that_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o know_v and_o understand_v the_o meaning_n of_o that_o place_n of_o scripture_n which_o run_v all_o that_o day_n in_o my_o thought_n a_o scripture_n than_o which_o the_o whole_a book_n of_o god_n can_v not_o afford_v a_o more_o suitable_a text_n for_o the_o design_n therein_o which_o be_v to_o debase_v the_o creature_n and_o to_o extol_v and_o to_o advance_v the_o grace_n and_o mercy_n of_o the_o most_o high_a jehovah_n who_o alone_o exclude_v all_o other_o be_v god_n over_o all_o bless_v for_o evermore_o i_o be_v from_o the_o time_n of_o my_o first_o awaken_n as_o above_o mention_v possess_v of_o a_o opinion_n that_o conversion_n consist_v in_o a_o external_n or_o outward_a reformation_n of_o the_o life_n and_o that_o it_o be_v in_o the_o power_n of_o the_o creature_n to_o effect_v the_o same_o and_o that_o by_o repent_v of_o the_o bypass_a folly_n of_o youth_n and_o by_o a_o strenuous_a and_o zealous_a constancy_n in_o walk_v strict_o according_a to_o the_o precept_n of_o the_o moral_a law_n both_o negative_o and_o positive_o for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v i_o be_v then_o under_o the_o predominancy_n of_o a_o legal_a spirit_n and_o act_v under_o the_o covenant_n of_o work_n look_v with_o the_o bond-womans_n child_n for_o justification_n and_o life_n eternal_a in_o the_o way_n of_o work_n reckon_v it_o the_o only_a sure_a and_o safe_a way_n to_o expect_v salvation_n by_o perform_v the_o conditinal_a covenant_n of_o work_n and_o abound_v in_o such_o personal_a qulification_n as_o may_v render_v i_o acceptable_a to_o god_n of_o which_o i_o have_v often_o think_v i_o have_v as_o great_a measure_n as_o any_o he_o i_o know_v live_v i_o shall_v not_o insist_v on_o the_o particular_n of_o those_o inherent_a qualification_n wherein_o i_o be_o apt_a to_o believe_v i_o do_v match_v if_o not_o out_o strip_v the_o strict_a moralist_n i_o know_v who_o be_v yet_o in_o his_o natural_a state_n in_o short_a i_o be_v exceed_v zealous_a in_o the_o law_n not_o in_o the_o least_o understand_v the_o spiritual_a meaning_n thereof_o or_o how_o miserable_o wretched_a i_o be_v by_o reason_n of_o its_o condemn_v sentence_n against_o not_o only_o my_o worst_a but_o also_o against_o my_o most_o refine_a act_n of_o morality_n i_o do_v then_o as_o too_o to_o many_o do_v at_o this_o day_n of_o gospel_n light_n viz._n set_v up_o the_o letter_n of_o the_o law_n in_o opposition_n to_o the_o spirit_n of_o the_o law_n but_o so_o it_o please_v god_n that_o by_o his_o enable_v i_o to_o understand_v the_o mind_n of_o his_o spirit_n in_o that_o text_n i_o soon_o become_v convince_v that_o i_o have_v take_v wrong_a method_n in_o order_n to_o get_v from_o under_o the_o law_n curse_v and_o to_o have_v a_o settle_a peace_n in_o myself_o the_o course_n i_o have_v take_v for_o relieve_v my_o wound_a and_o sink_a spirit_n i_o perceive_v to_o be_v direct_o contrary_a to_o the_o gospel_n way_n of_o save_a lose_v sinner_n i_o be_v all_o for_o do_v and_o work_v and_o the_o more_o work_v i_o do_v the_o far_o i_o find_v myself_o from_o true_a peace_n and_o comfort_n my_o chief_a and_o only_o work_v now_o be_v believe_v in_o the_o son_n of_o god_n in_o who_o alone_o that_o righteousness_n be_v to_o be_v find_v which_o reconcile_v a_o sinner_n to_o a_o offend_a god_n from_o that_o text_n above_o mention_v the_o covenant_n of_o god_n free_a grace_n in_o christ_n be_v explain_v and_o lay_v open_a before_o the_o eye_n of_o my_o enlighten_v understanding_n the_o term_n whereof_o i_o find_v be_v as_o far_o wide_a of_o or_o contrary_a to_o the_o way_n to_o which_o the_o covenant_n of_o work_n direct_v for_o attain_v life_n eternal_a as_o the_o east_n be_v from_o the_o west_n or_o as_o heaven_n be_v from_o hell_n the_o work_n of_o the_o spirit_n in_o discover_v christ_n to_o i_o from_o that_o text_n and_o his_o draw_v i_o to_o close_v with_o christ_n so_o discover_v be_v so_o full_a of_o amaze_a and_o astonish_a wonderment_n and_o surprise_v ravishment_n of_o soul_n that_o i_o be_o no_o mroe_n able_a to_o express_v or_o relate_v the_o same_o than_o i_o be_o able_a to_o find_v out_o the_o dimension_n of_o the_o sun_n or_o to_o give_v a_o exact_a account_n of_o the_o number_n of_o the_o star_n there_o be_v hold_v as_o it_o be_v a_o court_n of_o enquiry_n in_o my_o soul_n the_o holy_a ghost_n which_o before_o be_v the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n wound_v and_o kill_v i_o by_o the_o terrible_a sentence_n of_o the_o law_n he_o be_v become_v the_o spirit_n of_o adoption_n to_o consummate_v a_o sweet_a and_o bless_a marriage_n between_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n god_n only_a son_n by_o eternal_a and_o ineffable_a generation_n and_o a_o poor_a lose_v and_o undo_v prodigal_a who_o as_o adam_n child_n be_v bear_v heir_n of_o the_o curse_n partaker_n of_o a_o nature_n as_o vile_a and_o polute_v as_o hell_n itself_o can_v make_v it_o and_o who_o case_n and_o condition_n in_o respect_n of_o inward_a horror_n and_o despair_v of_o soul_n differ_v but_o little_a at_o least_o as_o i_o think_v and_o believe_v from_o that_o of_o the_o damn_a in_o hell_n six_o thing_n this_o bless_a spirit_n of_o adoption_n do_v effect_v in_o order_n to_o consummate_v this_o match_n first_o he_o discover_v and_o make_v know_v to_o i_o who_o the_o lord_n jesus_n hold_v forth_o in_o the_o gospel_n be_v from_o whence_o he_o come_v and_o to_o what_o end_n the_o father_n send_v he_o second_o he_o make_v plain_a discovery_n to_o i_o of_o christ_n almightiness_n to_o save_o and_o reconcile_v to_o god_n the_o worst_a and_o most_o wretched_a of_o sinner_n and_o that_o the_o righteousness_n which_o he_o as_o mediator_n between_o god_n and_o sinner_n have_v wrought_v be_v the_o alone_a righteousness_n by_o which_o a_o sinner_n be_v to_o be_v save_v and_o that_o in_o a_o way_n of_o believe_v though_o not_o for_o believe_v that_o god_n for_o the_o sake_n and_o merit_n of_o his_o son_n obedience_n to_o the_o law_n both_o active_a and_o passive_a do_v frank_o and_o free_o pardon_v and_o forgive_v the_o poor_a rebel_n transgression_n commit_v against_o the_o moral_a law_n as_o if_o he_o have_v never_o commit_v they_o and_o account_v the_o whole_a of_o that_o righteousness_n of_o christ_n both_o active_a and_o passive_a as_o true_o the_o sinner_n as_o if_o the_o sinner_n have_v personal_o perform_v the_o same_o himself_o and_o that_o in_o a_o way_n of_o free_a imputation_n three_o he_o persuade_v my_o heart_n that_o god_n the_o father_n against_o who_o law_n i_o have_v sin_v and_o who_o anger_n and_o curse_n for_o the_o same_o i_o fear_v be_v real_o willing_a and_o desirous_a that_o i_o shall_v be_v reconcile_v to_o himself_o by_o the_o virtue_n of_o his_o son_n mediation_n and_o that_o by_o my_o betake_v myself_o to_o he_o and_o cast_v my_o weary_a and_o sink_a soul_n on_o he_o to_o be_v introduce_v into_o his_o presence_n and_o by_o his_o spotless_a comeliness_n put_v on_o i_o i_o may_v be_v make_v amiable_a and_o acceptable_a in_o his_o sight_n four_o he_o discover_v to_o i_o and_o persuade_v my_o heart_n of_o the_o full_a and_o complete_a provision_n make_v by_o god_n and_o make_v know_v in_o the_o covenant_n of_o grace_n for_o the_o make_v complete_o and_o eternal_o happy_a those_o soul_n who_o be_v by_o christ_n his_o son_n believe_v and_o rely_v on_o for_o salvation_n reconcile_v to_o his_o majesty_n in_o respect_n of_o these_o and_o the_o like_a discovery_n which_o the_o holy_a ghost_n make_v to_o the_o elect_n in_o effectual_a call_v and_o between_o that_o and_o their_o arrive_v at_o glory_n he_o be_v style_v the_o spirit_n of_o manifestation_n and_o of_o revelation_n 1_o cor._n 12._o
i_o be_v one_o of_o that_o number_n who_o god_n the_o father_n elect_v and_o choose_v to_o himself_o in_o christ_n out_o of_o the_o corrupt_a mass_n of_o fall_v mankind_n and_o that_o before_o time_n begin_v and_o that_o my_o name_n be_v record_v in_o heaven_n in_o the_o lamb_n book_n of_o life_n 2._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o my_o sin_n and_o transgression_n commit_v against_o the_o law_n and_o majesty_n of_o heaven_n be_v all_o lay_v to_o the_o score_n of_o christ_n by_o god_n the_o father_n and_o by_o he_o as_o my_o vademony_n and_o surety_n bear_v and_o satisfy_v for_o 3._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o the_o debt_n which_o i_o have_v contract_v both_o in_o adam_n my_o natural_a and_o faederal_n head_n and_o in_o my_o own_o person_n be_v full_o pay_v and_o actual_o discharge_v by_o my_o sponsor_n and_o surety_n christ_n by_o his_o obey_v and_o keep_v the_o law_n perfect_o for_o i_o and_o his_o bear_n and_o undergo_a in_o my_o nature_n the_o curse_n and_o wrath_n of_o god_n to_o which_o by_o sin_n i_o become_v obnoxious_a 4._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o god_n the_o father_n be_v full_o satisfy_v with_o that_o obedience_n active_a and_o passive_a of_o his_o own_o son_n and_o that_o it_o be_v for_o the_o worth_n and_o merit_n of_o that_o obedience_n that_o god_n justify_v and_o accept_v as_o please_a to_o he_o both_v i_o and_o the_o rest_n of_o his_o elect_n for_o who_o alone_o that_o obedience_n be_v perform_v 5._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o all_o my_o sin_n how_o many_o and_o great_a soever_o be_v frank_o and_o free_o forgive_v and_o pardon_v as_o if_o they_o have_v never_o be_v commit_v and_o that_o not_o for_o any_o act_n do_v by_o i_o whether_o believe_v on_o christ_n or_o repent_v for_o sin_n nor_o yet_o for_o the_o sorrow_n and_o misery_n i_o undergo_v while_n under_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n or_o for_o any_o service_n to_o which_o i_o shall_v be_v call_v while_o in_o a_o militant_a state_n but_o for_o his_o own_o name_n and_o glory_n sake_n and_o on_o the_o account_n of_o what_o his_o son_n my_o mediator_n and_o surety_n have_v do_v and_o suffer_v in_o my_o behalf_n 6._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o god_n the_o father_n love_v i_o with_o a_o real_a and_o a_o endear_v love_n before_o i_o be_v call_v out_o of_o a_o state_n of_o nature_n and_o that_o the_o reason_n why_o he_o handle_v i_o so_o rough_o by_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n be_v not_o because_o he_o hate_v i_o as_o the_o devil_n and_o carnal_a reason_n suggest_v or_o that_o he_o may_v in_o any_o measure_n satisfy_v his_o vindicative_a justice_n for_o my_o sin_n that_o be_v do_v long_a before_o i_o have_v a_o personal_a be_v but_o that_o he_o may_v make_v i_o the_o more_o sensible_a how_o hateful_a sin_n be_v to_o he_o be_v so_o contrary_a to_o his_o pure_a spotless_a and_o bless_a nature_n and_o so_o repugnant_a and_o contradictory_n to_o his_o holy_a just_a and_o most_o righteous_a law_n as_o also_o so_o destructive_a to_o his_o elect_n who_o he_o so_o dear_o love_v also_o that_o i_o may_v know_v and_o become_v for_o ever_o sensible_a how_o unspeakable_o wretched_a and_o deplorable_a that_o state_n and_o condition_n be_v into_o which_o by_o sin_n man_n have_v bring_v himself_o and_o out_o of_o which_o no_o create_a power_n can_v possible_o save_v and_o deliver_v he_o that_o i_o may_v for_o ever_o hate_v and_o loath_a sin_n as_o the_o worst_a of_o evil_n and_o become_v for_o ever_o sensible_a of_o the_o greatness_n goodness_n love_n mercy_n wisdom_n and_o the_o unconceivable_a and_o infinite_a all-sufficiency_n of_o the_o glorious_a and_o tremendous_a jehovah_n father_n son_n and_o bless_a spirit_n who_o himself_n without_o the_o counsel_n or_o help_v of_o creature_n have_v contrive_v and_o find_v out_o such_o a_o way_n of_o restore_a to_o his_o lose_a favour_n his_o elect_n and_o choose_v in_o christ_n as_o neither_o they_o themselves_o nor_o the_o angel_n can_v ever_o think_v of_o and_o final_o that_o by_o his_o so_o sharp_o handle_v i_o way_n may_v be_v make_v into_o my_o soul_n for_o the_o manifestation_n of_o his_o great_a and_o unexpressible_a love_n wherewith_o he_o love_v i_o in_o christ_n to_o enter_v and_o make_v its_o abide_v for_o ever_o and_o that_o from_o the_o experience_n i_o have_v now_o get_v both_o by_o god_n wound_v i_o by_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n and_o his_o heal_n and_o comfort_v i_o by_o the_o spirit_n of_o adoption_n i_o may_v be_v fit_v to_o speak_v experimental_o both_o to_o the_o terrify_n and_o awaken_n secure_v and_o presumptuous_a sinner_n as_o also_o to_o heal_n and_o comfort_n instrumental_o poor_a wound_v and_o bleed_a sinner_n when_o sink_v into_o those_o depth_n of_o despondency_n and_o despair_n out_o of_o which_o the_o outstretched_n arm_n of_o god_n grace_n and_o almightiness_n have_v deliver_v and_o rescue_v poor_a sinful_a nothing_n i_o 7._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o i_o be_o now_o in_o a_o justify_v sanctify_a and_o adopt_a state_n the_o lose_a image_n of_o god_n be_v by_o his_o sanctify_a operation_n recover_v in_o my_o soul_n in_o measure_n 8._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o i_o shall_v be_v make_v to_o persevere_v and_o hold_v out_o in_o a_o state_n of_o grace_n and_o that_o i_o shall_v be_v continue_v in_o the_o love_n and_o favour_n of_o god_n for_o ever_o and_o ever_o in_o despite_n of_o all_o that_o the_o power_n of_o darkness_n can_v contrive_v or_o act_n against_o i_o 9_o he_o assure_v i_o that_o the_o eye_n of_o divine_a providence_n shall_v be_v everlasting_o fix_v on_o i_o and_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o god_n righteousness_n everlasting_o keep_v under_o i_o for_o my_o security_n from_o be_v in_o danger_n at_o any_o time_n of_o final_o miscarry_v or_o perish_v 10._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o the_o very_a indwelling_a corruption_n in_o my_o nature_n and_o whatever_a fall_n or_o miscarriage_n which_o shall_v at_o any_o time_n be_v occasion_v thereby_o in_o my_o life_n and_o conversation_n shall_v with_o all_o the_o affliction_n attend_v i_o for_o the_o say_a miscarriage_n most_o certain_o and_o infallible_o work_v for_o my_o eternal_a good_a and_o welfare_n whatever_o i_o myself_o or_o other_o shall_v judge_v to_o the_o contrary_a 11._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o i_o shall_v meet_v with_o great_a opposition_n and_o tribulation_n in_o the_o world_n but_o that_o all_o my_o enemy_n shall_v find_v they_o labour_v in_o vain_a for_o that_o god_n be_v on_o my_o side_n to_o take_v my_o part_n against_o they_o and_o who_o will_v most_o certain_o crown_v all_o my_o straits_n and_o trouble_n with_o a_o happy_a success_n 12._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o god_n special_a presence_n shall_v be_v so_o with_o i_o in_o every_o change_n of_o condition_n in_o this_o world_n as_o that_o nothing_o shall_v harm_v or_o spoil_v i_o yea_o that_o death_n it_o self_n the_o last_o enemy_n of_o nature_n shall_v neither_o terrify_v nor_o hurt_v i_o the_o mortal_a sting_n thereof_o be_v by_o the_o death_n of_o my_o redeemer_n unstung_a and_o divest_v of_o its_o power_n to_o harm_v i_o or_o any_o of_o christ_n redeem_a one_o these_o particular_n discover_v and_o set_v home_o by_o the_o holy_a ghost_n on_o my_o tremble_v pant_v soul_n he_o work_v i_o powerful_o to_o a_o believe_v each_o particular_a with_o application_n to_o myself_o i_o be_v immediate_o surprise_v with_o a_o more_o astonish_a and_o overcome_a rapture_n of_o inexpressible_a joy_n than_o before_o i_o have_v clear_a manifestation_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n to_o i_o in_o particular_a and_o of_o the_o great_a thing_n do_v and_o prepare_v for_o i_o to_o make_v i_o everlasting_o happy_a in_o the_o behold_v and_o enjoy_v himself_o as_o my_o god_n and_o my_o father_n and_o portion_n in_o christ_n for_o ever_o according_a to_o the_o unconditionate_n free_a covenant_n of_o his_o own_o grace_n make_v and_o establsh_v in_o and_o with_o christ_n his_o son_n in_o the_o behalf_n of_o i_o and_o the_o rest_n of_o his_o elect._n no_o soon_o do_v i_o look_v up_o to_o god_n and_o behold_v his_o reconcile_v face_n smile_v on_o i_o in_o the_o face_n of_o jesus_n his_o son_n but_o i_o feel_v such_o inward_a soul_n inebriate_v joy_n as_o i_o very_o think_v will_v cause_v my_o very_a soul_n to_o fly_v out_o of_o my_o body_n and_o my_o body_n to_o burst_v in_o sunder_o the_o hardness_n of_o my_o heart_n under_o which_o i_o labour_v all_o the_o time_n of_o my_o bondage_n state_n and_o which_o i_o sensible_o feel_v to_o grow_v and_o increase_v as_o i_o call_v to_o remembrance_n the_o many_o folly_n of_o youth_n and_o the_o holy_a law_n of_o god_n whereof_o those_o folly_n be_v so_o many_o breach_n each_o folly_n deserve_v if_o it_o be_v possible_a a_o thousand_o damnation_n be_v melt_v and_o thaw_v like_o a_o
of_o old_a unto_o i_o say_v yea_o i_o have_v love_v thou_o with_o a_o everlasting_a love_n therefore_o with_o love_v kindness_n have_v i_o draw_v thou_o here_o note_v that_o everlasting_a love_n in_o the_o hebrew_n signify_v a_o love_n of_o eternity_n from_o whence_o i_o make_v this_o observation_n viz._n that_o god_n love_v his_o elect_n from_o one_o eternity_n to_o another_o with_o this_o agree_v that_o of_o the_o apostle_n ephes_n 1._o 4._o according_a as_o he_o have_v choose_v we_o in_o he_o before_o the_o foundation_n of_o the_o world_n this_o discovery_n of_o god_n love_n to_o his_o elect_n be_v as_o a_o millstone_n lay_v on_o the_o back_n of_o that_o popish_a arminian_n doctrine_n of_o a_o temporary_a and_o conditional_a election_n to_o sink_v it_o into_o the_o bottomless_a depth_n of_o the_o eternal_a abhorrence_n and_o loathe_v of_o god_n the_o elect_a angel_n and_o all_o save_v sinner_n therefore_o from_o hence_o learn_v what_o to_o think_v and_o say_v when_o the_o devil_n and_o thy_o vain_a heart_n suggest_v unto_o thou_o upon_o thy_o do_v and_o perform_v any_o duty_n and_o service_n now_o the_o lord_n have_v elect_v or_o will_v elect_v i_o because_o i_o have_v do_v thus_o and_o thus_o reader_n the_o devil_n who_o seek_v thy_o ruin_n be_v cordial_o reconcile_v to_o such_o a_o election_n as_o this_o because_o he_o know_v it_o will_v end_v in_o thy_o eternal_a ruin_n if_o god_n leave_v thou_o here_o therefore_o repel_v and_o stave_v off_o this_o curse_a popish_a arminian_n dream_n by_o steadfast_o believe_v and_o affirm_v that_o god_n elect_v love_n embrace_v i_o in_o its_o arm_n and_o register_v or_o enrol_v my_o name_n in_o the_o lamb_n book_n of_o life_n before_o i_o have_v a_o personal_a be_v or_o any_o capacity_n to_o do_v or_o perform_v any_o duty_n which_o can_v move_v god_n to_o elect_a i_o then_o when_o the_o devil_n and_o thy_o remain_a unbelief_n suggest_v unto_o thou_o upon_o any_o personal_a miscarriage_n or_o fall_v into_o new_a provocation_n against_o god_n now_o god_n have_v cast_v i_o out_o of_o his_o love_n and_o reject_v i_o because_o i_o have_v break_v covenant_n with_o he_o repel_v this_o temptation_n by_o consider_v and_o steadfast_o believe_v that_o the_o elect_v love_n of_o god_n which_o embrace_v i_o and_o enrol_v my_o name_n in_o the_o lamb_n book_n before_o the_o foundation_n of_o the_o world_n it_o be_v a_o love_n like_o god_n himself_o as_o without_o begin_v of_o time_n so_o also_o without_o end_n or_o change_v mal._n 3._o 6._o observation_n ii_o see_v hence_o and_o observe_v the_o impossibility_n of_o frustrate_v god_n decree_n and_o his_o work_a providence_n the_o death_n and_o danger_n to_o which_o i_o have_v be_v so_o often_o expose_v have_v be_v so_o many_o and_o great_o dangerous_a that_o have_v not_o god_n love_n to_o i_o and_o his_o providence_n over_o i_o preserve_v i_o i_o have_v certain_o perish_v the_o snow_n in_o which_o i_o lie_v for_o four_o or_o five_o hour_n at_o so_o tender_a a_o age_n as_o but_o three_o month_n old_a be_v as_o powerful_a to_o have_v kill_v i_o by_o the_o extremity_n of_o its_o pierce_a cold_a as_o it_o be_v to_o destroy_v the_o vast_a number_n of_o man_n and_o cattle_n which_o have_v often_o perish_v by_o its_o strength_n the_o element_n of_o fire_n which_o surround_v i_o in_o my_o bed_n when_o bury_v in_o sleep_n and_o no_o way_n able_a to_o help_v myself_o it_o be_v of_o as_o devour_v a_o quality_n to_o destroy_v i_o as_o the_o fire_n that_o heat_n nebuchadnezzar_n furnace_n be_v to_o destroy_v those_o faithful_a worthy_n cast_v into_o it_o have_v not_o god_n providenc_n restrain_v it_o in_o my_o case_n as_o it_o do_v in_o they_o the_o feirceness_n and_o tooth_n of_o the_o great_a mastiff-dog_n which_o have_v my_o head_n in_o his_o mouth_n up_o to_o the_o throat_n be_v as_o ready_a and_o able_a to_o crush_v i_o to_o death_n as_o the_o lion_n in_o the_o den_n be_v to_o crush_v daniel_n have_v not_o the_o care_n and_o providence_n of_o daniel_n god_n which_o restrain_v his_o lion_n watch_v over_o i_o and_o restrain_v my_o dog_n the_o element_n of_o water_n in_o which_o i_o be_v several_a time_n a_o drown_v and_o to_o all_o appearance_n past_o recovery_n it_o be_v as_o powerful_a to_o swallow_v i_o up_o and_o to_o stop_v my_o breath_n as_o it_o be_v to_o over-whelm_a and_o choke_v pharaoh_n and_o his_o host_n have_v not_o god_n restrain_v it_o in_o my_o case_n the_o great_a boar_n how_o strong_a and_o ready_a be_v it_o to_o rend_v my_o bowel_n when_o on_o the_o top_n of_o i_o make_v search_n with_o his_o frightful_a tusk_n to_o come_v to_o my_o belly_n have_v not_o divine_a providence_n so_o strange_o and_o seasonable_o send_v the_o greyhound_n in_o to_o my_o rescue_n my_o clothes_n rend_v and_o carry_v away_o in_o his_o tusk_n my_o belly_n untouched_a oh_o amaze_a providence_n the_o two_o horse_n mention_v in_o the_o begin_n of_o the_o book_n how_o near_o be_v they_o to_o put_v a_o period_n to_o my_o life_n the_o one_o by_o his_o great_a strength_n in_o throw_v i_o and_o strike_v at_o my_o forehead_n with_o his_o frost_n nail_n leave_v the_o print_n of_o the_o nail_n in_o my_o cap_n within_o the_o thickness_n of_o half_a a_o crown_n piece_n to_o my_o scull_n and_o the_o other_o by_o run_v i_o for_n far_o out_o of_o breath_n that_o no_o motion_n of_o life_n conld_v be_v perceive_v in_o i_o for_o so_o long_a a_o time_n as_o cause_v all_o the_o spectator_n to_o cry_v out_o he_o be_v kill_v he_o be_v go_v have_v not_o the_o providence_n of_o heaven_n watch_v over_o i_o then_o where_o have_v i_o be_v when_o the_o bloody_a papist_n have_v lie_v in_o wait_n to_o murder_v i_o in_o dublin_n several_a time_n there_o be_v several_a party_n of_o their_o soldier_n appoint_v to_o way_n lay_v i_o to_o kill_v i_o of_o which_o design_n i_o know_v nothing_o till_o afterward_o who_o or_o what_o keep_v i_o from_o ruin_n then_o but_o the_o never_o fail_a providence_n of_o god_n when_o my_o life_n and_o reputation_n be_v both_o equal_o strike_v at_o by_o the_o hellish_a plot_n lay_v against_o i_o by_o that_o man_n who_o instead_o of_o hang_v i_o will_v have_v hang_v himself_o who_o wrought_v my_o escape_n and_o deliverance_n from_o that_o destroyer_n but_o the_o wonder_n work_v providence_n of_o jehovah_n such_o plot_n as_o the_o two_o last_v mention_v have_v prove_v successful_a to_o the_o destroy_v thousand_o of_o other_o men._n but_o i_o they_o can_v not_o reach_v because_o i_o be_v hide_v in_o the_o hollow_a of_o god_n providential_a hand_n that_o sinful_a desperation_n and_o unbelief_n while_o under_o the_o terror_n of_o the_o law_n which_o send_v cain_n judas_n and_o innumerable_a million_o of_o adam_n reprobate_a posterity_n to_o hell_n the_o place_n of_o the_o damn_a what_o hinder_v that_o it_o do_v not_o fix_v i_o in_o the_o same_o place_n and_o condition_n of_o misery_n when_o by_o the_o rage_a power_n thereof_o i_o be_v bring_v so_o near_a hell_n in_o my_o own_o apprehension_n as_o that_o i_o look_v on_o myself_o as_o a_o free_a denizon_n of_o that_o place_n what_o i_o say_v keep_v i_o back_o from_o descend_v into_o that_o place_n but_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n discover_v and_o apply_v to_o i_o by_o the_o save_v operation_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n the_o almighty_a saviour_n hold_v forth_o in_o the_o gospel_n observation_n iii_o see_v and_o learn_v hence_o how_o like_o a_o absolute_a and_o unlimmited_a sovereign_n the_o great_a god_n do_v work_n in_o my_o behalf_n and_o that_o in_o behalf_n of_o my_o soul_n as_o well_o as_o of_o my_o body_n he_o who_o by_o the_o ministry_n of_o man_n have_v by_o his_o own_o blessing_n accompany_v that_o his_o own_o ordinance_n convert_v innumerable_a thousand_o of_o the_o elect_n it_o please_v he_o convert_n and_o call_v i_o out_o of_o my_o natural_a state_n to_o a_o state_n of_o grace_n without_o the_o ministry_n of_o man._n and_o that_o both_o by_o awaken_n and_o wound_v i_o by_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n set_v home_o by_o the_o law_n the_o sight_n and_o sense_n of_o my_o lose_a estate_n and_o by_o healing_n and_o cure_v the_o bleed_a wound_n of_o my_o despair_v soul_n by_o the_o spirit_n of_o adoption_n discover_v and_o apply_v to_o i_o the_o merit_n and_o save_v virtue_n of_o christ_n mediatoral_a righteousness_n which_o have_v occasion_v my_o often_o think_v of_o what_o be_v story_v of_o achilles_n a_o notable_a archer_n among_o the_o heathen_a who_o give_v such_o wound_n by_o the_o arrow_n he_o shoot_v as_o no_o hand_n but_o his_o own_o can_v cure_n una_fw-la eademque_fw-la manus_fw-la vulnus_fw-la opemque_fw-la tulit_fw-la the_o self_n same_o hand_n which_o give_v the_o wound_n bring_v the_o cure_n how_o true_a this_o be_v of_o
achilles_n i_o be_o uncertain_a but_o in_o this_o of_o the_o wound_v and_o heal_v of_o my_o soul_n i_o be_o not_o more_o certain_a of_o any_o thing_n in_o nature_n than_o i_o be_o that_o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n which_o wound_v i_o by_o the_o law_n do_v also_o heal_n i_o by_o the_o gospel_n job_n 5._o 18._o for_o he_o make_v sore_a and_o bind_v up_o he_o wound_v and_o his_o hand_n make_v whole_a observation_n iu._n see_v and_o learn_v hence_o how_o steadfast_a and_o faithful_a god_n be_v to_o his_o word_n of_o promise_n when_o for_o christ_n and_o the_o gospel_n be_v forsake_v and_o cast_v off_o by_o my_o father_n and_o all_o other_o fleshly_a relation_n be_v turn_v out_o empty_z handed_z to_o the_o wide_a world_n and_o not_o know_v whether_o to_o go_v or_o what_o to_o do_v god_n take_v care_n of_o i_o and_o provide_v a_o lodging_n and_o friend_n for_o i_o which_o with_o the_o peace_n of_o my_o conscience_n give_v i_o more_o satisfaction_n and_o comfortable_a content_n than_o all_o the_o gallantry_n and_o greatness_n of_o my_o fleshly_a relation_n those_o sweet_a promise_n record_v in_o the_o scripture_n and_o make_v good_a by_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n have_v oftentimes_o refresh_v and_o ravish_v my_o pensive_a and_o weary_a soul_n psal_n 27._o 10._o when_o my_o father_n and_o my_o mother_n forsake_v i_o than_o the_o lord_n will_v take_v i_o up_o mat._n 19_o 29._o and_o every_o one_o that_o have_v forsake_v house_n or_o brethren_n or_o sister_n or_o father_n or_o mother_n or_o wife_n or_o child_n or_o land_n for_o my_o name_n be_v sake_n shall_v receive_v a_o hundred_o fold_n and_o shall_v inherit_v everlasting_a life_n heb._n 13._o 5._o let_v your_o conversation_n be_v without_o covetousness_n and_o be_v content_a with_o such_o thing_n as_o you_o have_v for_o he_o have_v say_v i_o will_v never_o never_o never_o never_o never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o the_o greek_a have_v no_o less_o than_o five_o negative_n in_o this_o one_o scripture_n to_o assure_v the_o true_a believer_n that_o god_n will_v in_o no_o wise_n forget_v or_o forsake_v he_o i_o have_v be_v forsake_v of_o my_o nurse_n when_o but_o three_o month_n old_a but_o i_o be_v take_v into_o the_o nursery_n of_o god_n providential_a care_n which_o cause_v in_o i_o often_o to_o think_v with_o comfort_n of_o that_o in_o psal_n 22._o 10._o i_o be_v cast_v upon_o thou_o from_o the_o womb_n thou_o be_v my_o god_n from_o my_o mother_n belly_n the_o same_o providence_n which_o take_v care_n of_o the_o head_n takes_z care_n also_o of_o the_o member_n i_o be_v forsake_v of_o my_o bodily_a physician_n but_o the_o great_a physician_n of_o soul_n and_o body_n cure_a i_o by_o poor_a contemptible_a snail_n i_o be_v forsake_v of_o my_o earthly_a father_n and_o all_o fleshly_a relation_n but_o god_n be_v become_v by_o grace_n and_o free_a adoption_n my_o father_n who_o will_v never_o forske_v i_o total_o or_o final_o i_o be_v forsake_v by_o my_o brethren_n and_o sister_n but_o those_o who_o be_v the_o son_n and_o daughter_n of_o god_n they_o be_v become_v my_o brethren_n and_o sister_n and_o albeit_o many_o of_o they_o who_o know_v i_o not_o be_v on_o malicious_a report_n prejudice_v against_o i_o yet_o other_o of_o they_o who_o know_v i_o and_o god_n deal_v with_o i_o they_o love_v i_o dear_o i_o have_v be_v forsake_v by_o several_a of_o my_o church_n member_n in_o ireland_n and_o england_n christ_n my_o lord_n and_o master_n have_v be_v so_o before_o i_o jo._n 6._o 66._o from_o that_o time_n many_o of_o his_o disciple_n go_v back_o and_o walk_v no_o more_o with_o he_o yet_o god_n be_v my_o god_n still_o i_o have_v be_v forsake_v of_o my_o brethren_n in_o the_o sacred_a office_n and_o left_a to_o stand_v alone_o when_o popery_n and_o quakerism_n be_v come_v in_o like_o a_o flood_n none_o step_v in_o to_o help_v or_o encourage_v i_o against_o those_o adversary_n of_o god_n religion_n but_o he_o that_o stand_v by_o paul_n when_o all_o other_o preacher_n in_o his_o day_n forsake_v he_o stand_v by_o i_o and_o embolden_v i_o against_o their_o threat_n and_o malice_n i_o have_v thought_n of_o print_v the_o most_o material_a objection_n bring_v in_o by_o satan_n to_o distress_n and_o distract_v a_o poor_a sinner_n to_o keep_v he_o from_o christ_n and_o how_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n teach_v and_o enable_v i_o to_o answer_v they_o all_o but_o my_o intend_a brevity_n have_v prevent_v i_o therein_o all_o glory_n honour_n and_o eternal_a praise_n to_o the_o only_a wise_a and_o glorious_a god_n father_n son_n and_o holy_a ghost_n amen_n amen_n postscript_n je_v satan_n shall_v get_v a_o advantage_n by_o this_o relation_n of_o god_n strange_a and_o wonderful_a deal_n with_o i_o in_o bring_v i_o home_o to_o christ_n in_o such_o a_o unusual_a manner_n and_o his_o handle_v i_o so_o sharp_o by_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n as_o also_o his_o bountiful_a deal_n with_o i_o in_o make_v my_o soul_n the_o receptacle_n of_o such_o ravish_a joy_n and_o unutterable_a consolation_n upon_o believe_v in_o christ_n in_o effectual_a call_v i_o think_v it_o may_v be_v seasonable_a to_o give_v the_o present_a caution_n to_o the_o poor_a doubt_v tempt_v believer_n who_o through_o satan_n subtlety_n tempt_v will_v find_v he_o or_o her_z self_n wretched_o prone_a to_o conclude_v from_o what_o they_o read_v of_o my_o conversion_n that_o the_o work_n of_o true_a conversion_n be_v never_o yet_o effectual_o wrought_v in_o themselves_o and_o that_o because_o they_o be_v never_o under_o such_o terrible_a bondage_n of_o soul_n neither_o ever_o yet_o be_v lift_v up_o so_o near_a heaven_n as_o i_o be_v such_o poor_a tempt_v believer_n be_v to_o consider_v the_o particular_n follow_v for_o their_o help_n and_o relief_n against_o the_o tempter_n in_o this_o case_n first_o consider_v that_o as_o in_o nature_n there_o be_v a_o vast_a disparity_n or_o difference_n between_o person_n in_o the_o natural_a birth_n so_o there_o be_v as_o vast_a a_o difference_n in_o the_o spiritual_a birth_n some_o woman_n go_v through_o abundant_o more_o and_o sharp_a pain_n and_o throw_v in_o travel_n than_o other_o meet_v with_o some_o babe_n meet_v with_o great_a difficulty_n and_o danger_n in_o the_o birth_n than_o do_v other_o the_o cause_n whereof_o in_o nature_n though_o they_o appear_v not_o to_o we_o yet_o it_o be_v most_o certain_a that_o so_o it_o be_v so_o in_o conversion_n some_o soul_n pass_v through_o great_a horror_n and_o bondage_n in_o the_o conscience_n than_o other_o do_v some_o be_v bring_v as_o it_o be_v through_o the_o very_a jaw_n of_o hell_n and_o desperation_n as_o i_o be_v other_o be_v deal_v more_o easy_o and_o gentle_o with_o be_v sweet_o allure_v and_o as_o it_o be_v insensible_o transplant_v into_o christ_n they_o not_o well_o know_v what_o be_v do_v to_o they_o paul_n and_o the_o rugged_a jailor_n be_v handle_v more_o rough_o their_o conscience_n be_v more_o deep_o wound_v with_o the_o frightning_n terror_n of_o god_n law_n set_v home_n by_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n than_o lydia_n who_o heart_n the_o lord_n open_v with_o more_o gentle_a touch_v of_o his_o spirit_n act_n 9_o 6._o act_n 16._o 15_o 29._o that_o woman_n who_o be_v safe_o deliver_v without_o any_o danger_n or_o great_a difficulty_n to_o herself_o or_o her_o babe_n have_v no_o reason_n to_o question_n whether_o she_o be_v indeed_o deliver_v because_o she_o go_v not_o through_o such_o danger_n and_o difficulty_n as_o her_o neighbour_n do_v who_o narrow_o escape_v with_o her_o life_n neither_o have_v she_o any_o cause_n of_o be_v jealous_a with_o her_o neighbour_n because_o her_o case_n or_o condition_n be_v more_o dangerous_a and_o desperate_a in_o travel_n than_o be_v she_o own_o thou_o who_o be_v bring_v to_o christ_n by_o the_o gentle_a drawing_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n and_o not_o bring_v so_o nigh_o to_o the_o affrightning_n sight_n of_o hell_n and_o to_o such_o a_o sense_n and_o feeling_n of_o the_o pain_n of_o the_o damn_a as_o have_v cause_v some_o to_o think_v themselves_o actual_o in_o hell_n admire_v at_o and_o bless_v god_n for_o his_o condescension_n towards_o thou_o in_o bring_v thou_o through_o the_o new_a birth_n so_o easy_o second_o consider_v that_o albeit_o the_o truth_n of_o thy_o conversion_n be_v not_o so_o sensible_o discern_v as_o the_o conversion_n of_o that_o person_n be_v who_o be_v bring_v home_o in_o the_o way_n of_o legal_a terror_n yet_o thou_o be_v bind_v to_o bless_n god_n for_o the_o small_a measure_n of_o grace_n bestow_v on_o thou_o as_o the_o small_a spark_n of_o fire_n though_o it_o be_v hide_v under_o a_o great_a heap_n of_o ash_n be_v as_o true_o fire_n as_o the_o great_a fire_n in_o nature_n so_o thy_o small_a grace_n which_o in_o comparison_n of_o some_o other_o grace_n may_v be_v so_o weak_a and_o little_a that_o it_o can_v scarce_o be_v discern_v yet_o grace_v it_o be_v though_o thou_o know_v it_o not_o to_o be_v so_o and_o he_o who_o bestow_v it_o on_o thou_o and_o wrought_v it_o in_o thou_o he_o will_v never_o reject_v or_o neglect_v thou_o because_o of_o thy_o little_a grace_n while_o he_o see_v thou_o constant_a and_o diligent_a in_o the_o use_n of_o mean_n labour_v to_o grow_v in_o grace_n esa_n 42._o 3._o mat._n 5._o 6._o esa_n 41._o 17._o phil._n 1._o 6._o oh_o but_o i_o do_v not_o find_v that_o i_o be_o bring_v to_o christ_n and_o which_o be_v far_o worse_a i_o fear_v i_o never_o shall_v to_o this_o i_o answer_v in_o two_o particular_n first_o thy_o very_a fear_n about_o this_o great_a of_n concern_v be_v a_o argument_n of_o thy_o translation_n from_o the_o first_o adam_n to_o the_o second_o adam_n christ_n jesus_n the_o lord_n if_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n have_v not_o give_v thou_o some_o sight_n and_o taste_n of_o the_o excellency_n and_o sweetness_n of_o christ_n thou_o can_v never_o prize_v or_o desire_v after_o he_o it_o be_v only_o the_o child_n that_o have_v taste_v the_o honey_n or_o sugar_n that_o long_v and_o cry_v for_o more_o second_o if_o thou_o find_v a_o fix_a resolution_n in_o thy_o soul_n in_o go_v on_o to_o seek_v the_o lord_n and_o his_o strength_n by_o prayer_n and_o supplication_n and_o other_o mean_n of_o grace_n not_o rest_v in_o or_o depend_v upon_o they_o but_o on_o christ_n alone_o for_o life_n and_o salvation_n my_o life_n for_o thou_o come_v death_n when_o god_n please_v to_o send_v it_o it_o will_v end_v all_o thy_o fear_n and_o put_v thou_o beyond_o the_o reach_n of_o all_o thy_o enemy_n thy_o frequent_a cry_v to_o god_n in_o prayer_n for_o christ_n and_o save_v grace_n be_v the_o echo_n of_o christ_n pray_v for_o thea_fw-mi at_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n and_o thy_o go_v on_o and_o continue_v to_o watch_n at_o wisdom_n gate_n can_v not_o possible_o be_v without_o invisible_a supply_n of_o spiritual_a strength_n communicate_v to_o thy_o soul_n by_o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n the_o end_n