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ID	Title	Author	Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication)	STC	Words	Pages
A57001	The works of the famous Mr. Francis Rabelais, doctor in physick treating of the lives, heroick deeds, and sayings of Gargantua and his son Pantagruel : to which is newly added the life of the author / written originally in French, and translated into English by Sr. Thomas Urchard.; Works. English. 1664	Rabelais, François, ca. 1490-1553?; Urquhart, Thomas, Sir, 1611-1660.	1664 (1664)	Wing R103; ESTC R24488	220,658	520

O my pretty little waggish boy said Grangousier what an excellent wit thou hast I will make thee very shortly proceed Doctor in the jovial quirks of gay learning and that by G for thou hast more wit then age now I prethie go on in this torcheculaife orw ipe-bummatory discourse and by my beard I swear for one punche on thou shalt have threescore pipes I mean of the good Breton wine not that which growes in Britain but in the good countrey of Verron Afterwards I wiped my bum said Gargantua with a kerchief with a pillow with a pantoufle with a pouch with a pannier but that was a wicked and unpleasant torchecul then with a hat of hats note that some are shorne and others shaggie some velveted others covered with taffitie's and others with sattin the best of all these is the shaggie hat for it makes a very neat abstersion of the fecal matter Afterwards I wiped my taile with a hen with a cock with a pullet with a calves skin with a hare with a pigeon with a cormorant with an Atturneyes bag with a montero with a coife with a faulconers lure but to conclude I say and maintain that of all torcheculs arsewisps bumfodders tail-napkins bunghole-cleansers and wipe-breeches there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose that is well douned if you hold her head betwixt your legs and beleeve me therein upon mine honour for you will thereby feele in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure both in regard of the softnesse of the said doune and of the temperate heat of the goose which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest of the inwards insofarre as to come even to the regions of the heart and braines and think not that the felicity of the heroes and demigods in the Elysian fields consisteth either in their Asphodele Ambrosia or Nectar as our old women here use to say but in this according to my judgement that they wipe their tailes with the neck of a goose holding her head betwixt their legs and such is the opinion of Master Iohn of Scotland alias Scotus CHAP. XIV How Gargantua was taught Latine by a Sophister THe good man Grangousier having heard this discourse was ravished with admiration considering the high reach and marvellous understanding of his sonne Gargantua and said to his governesses Philip King of Macedon knew the great wit of his sonne Alexander by his skilful managing of a horse for his horse Bucephalus was so fierce and unruly that none durst adventure to ride him after that he had given to his Riders such devillish falls breaking the neck of this man the other mans leg braining one and putting another out of his jaw-bone This by Alexander being considered one day in the hippodrome which was a place appointed for the breaking and managing of great horses he perceived that the fury of the horse proceeded meerly from the feare he had of his own shadow whereupon getting on his back he run him against the Sun so that the shadow fell behinde and by that meanes tamed the horse and brought him to his hand whereby his father knowing the divine judgement that was in him caused him most carefully to be instructed by Aristotle who at that time was highly renowned above all the Philosophers of Greece after the same manner I tell you that by this only discourse which now I have here had before you with my sonne Gargantua I know that his understanding doth participate of some divinity and that if he be well taught and have that education which is fitting he will attain to a supreme degree of wisdome Therefore will I commit him to some learned man to have him indoctrinated according to his capacity and will spare no cost Presently they appointed him a great Sophister-Doctor called Master Tubal Holophernes who taught him his A B C so well that he could say it by heart backwards and about this he was five yeares and three moneths Then read he to him Donat facet theodolet and Alanus in parabolis About this he was thirteen years six moneths and two weeks but you must remark that in the mean time he did learn to write in Gottish characters and that he wrote all his books for the Art of printing was not then in use and did ordinarily carry a great pen and inkhorne weighing above seven thousand quintals that is 700000 pound weight the penner whereof was as big and as long as the great pillar of Enay and the horne was hanged to it in great iron chaines it being of the widenesse of a tun of merchand ware After that he read unto him the book de modis significandi with the Commentaries of Hurtbise of Fasquin of Tropifeu of Gualhaut of Ihon Calf of Billonio of Berlinguandus and a rabble of others and herein he spent more then eighteen yeares and eleven monethes and was so well versed in it that to try masteries in School-disputes with his condisciples he would recite it by heart backwards and did sometimes prove on his fingers ends to his mother quod de modis significandi non erat scientia Then did he reade to him the compost for knowing the age of the Moon the seasons of the year and tides of the sea on which he spent sixteen yeares and two moneths and that justly at the time that his said Praeceptor died of the French Pox which was in the yeare one thousand foure hundred and twenty Afterwards he got an old coughing fellow to teach him named Master Iobelin Bride or muzled doult who read unto him Hugotio Flebard Grecisme the doctrinal the parts the quid est the supplementum Marmoretus de moribus in mensa servandis Seneca de quatuor virtutibus cardinalibus Passavantus cum commentar and dormi securè for the holy days and some other of such like mealie stuffe by reading whereof he became as wise as any we ever since baked in an Oven CHAP. XV. How Gargantua was put under other School-masters AT the last his father perceived that indeed he studied hard and that although he spent all his time in it did neverthelesse profit nothing but which is worse grew thereby foolish simple doted and blockish whereof making a heavie regret to Don Philip of Marays Viceroy or deputie-King of Papeligosse he found that it were better for him to learne nothing at all then to be taught such like books under such Schoolmasters because their knowledge was nothing but brutishnesse and their wisdome but blunt foppish toyes serving only to bastardize good and noble spirits and to corrupt all the flower of youth That it is so take said he any young boy of this time who hath only studied two yeares if he have not a better judgement a better discourse and that expressed in better termes then your sonne with a compleater carriage and civility to all manner of persons account me for ever hereafter a very clounch and baconslicer of Brene This pleased Grangousier very

Gentleman and that however Providence dispose of him no misfortune shall be able to induce his minde to any complacency in the disparagement of another Again The Pentateuch of Rabelais mentioned in the title page of the first book of this Translation being written Originally in the French Tongue as it comprehendeth some of its bruskest dialects with so much ingeniositie and wit that more impressions have been sold thereof in that language then of any other book that hath been set forth at any time within these fifteen hundred yeares so difficult neverthelesse to be turned into any other speech that many prime spirits in most of the Nations of Europe fince the yeare 1573. which was fourescore yeares ago after having attempted it were constrained with no small regret to give it over as a thing impossible to be done is now in its Translation thus farre advanced and the remainder faithfully undertaken with the same hand to be rendered into English by a Person of quality who though his lands be sequestred his house garrisoned his other goods sold and himself detained a Prisoner of warre at London for his having been at Worcester fight hath at the most earnest intreaty of some of his especial friends well acquainted with his inclination to the performance of conducible singularities promised besides his version of these two already published very speedily to offer up unto this Isle of Britaine the virginity of the Translation of the other three most admirable books of the aforesaid Author provided that by the plurality of judicious and understanding men it be not declared he hath already proceeded too farre or that the continuation of the rigour whereby he is dispossest of all his both real and personal estate by pressing too hard upon him be not an impediment thereto and to other more eminent undertakings of his as hath beene oftentimes very fully mentioned by the said Translatour in several original Treatises of his own penning lately by him so numerously dispersed that there is scarce any who being skilful in the English Idiome or curious of any new ingenious invention hath not either read them or heard of them The ERRATAES of the First Book Upon the margin of the first eight verses IXLX GPX PAge 13. line 11. for pray read pray'y p. 26. marg for fermele r. fermee p. 36. l. 22. for monocorsing r. monocordising p. 37. l. 19. for Seamsters r. Seamstresses for●orne ●orne r. carried p. 15. l. 25. for arswer●ie r. arsiversie p. 79. l. 18. for hoparymated r. hopurymated p. 90. l. 29. for pursley r. parsley p. 92. l. 5. for kiriele r. kiriels p. 107. l. 28. for sore r. fore p. 113. l. 21. for charantou r. charanton p. 123. l. 5. for Suedevede r. gue de vede p. 123. l. 16. for stussed r. stuffed p. 127. l. 5. for blade r. blades p. 149. l. 24. for entrance r. entrance there p. 157. l. 19. for marousle r. maroufle p. 159. l. 7. for feet r. foot p. 161. l. 25. for in ran him r. ran him in p. 176 l. 9. for elder tree r. alder-tree p. 177. l. 21. for mae vi r. ma vie p. 184. l. 22. for ough r. cough p. 186. l. 19. for sable r. shable p. 192. l. 8. for five r. six p. 196. l. 18. for vertebrae r. verteber p. 200. l. 15. for five r. six p. 201. l. 2. for argy and r. Argy this of St. Nazarand p. 224. l 16. for gnaw r. grow p. 242. l. 9. for sparrow-hawks r. sparhawks p. 251. l. 20. for they r. they 'l p. 253. l. 15. for lest r. lost The EKRATA of the Second Book PAge 4. of the Prologue line 17. for roll-book r. jollie book p. 2. l. 19. for their regular r. the irregular p. 18. l. 3. for be the r. be they p. 26. l. 31. for bury r. burne p. 49. l. 14. for bumsquicbraker r. bumsquibcraker p. 77. l. 27. for thirst r. thrust p. 80. l. 22. for patains r. patins Mr. HUGH SALEL TO Rabelais IF profit mix'd with pleasure may suffice T' extoll an Authors worth above the skies Thou certainly for both must praised be I know it for thy judgement hath in the Contexture of this book set down such high Contentments mingled with utility That as I think I see Democritus Laughing at men as things ridiculous Insist in thy designe for though we prove Ungrate on earth thy merit is above THE AUTHORS Prologue MOst Illustrious and thrice valourous Champions Gentlemen and others who willingly apply your mindes to the entertainment of pretty conceits and honest harmlesse knacks of wit You have not long ago seen read and understood the great and inestimable Chronicle of the huge and mighty Gyant Gargantua and like upright Faithfullists have firmly beleeved all to be true that is contained in them and have very often past your time with them amongst Honourable Ladies and Gentlewomen telling them faire long stories when you were out of all other talk for which you are worthy of great praise and sempiternal memory and I do heartily wish that every man would lay aside his own businesse meddle no more with his Profession nor Trade and throw all affaires concerning himself behinde his back to attend this wholly without distracting or troubling his minde with any thing else until he have learned them without book that if by chance the Art of printing should cease or in case that in time to come all books should perish every man might truly teach them unto his children and deliver them over to his successors and survivors from hand to hand as a religious Cabal for there is in it more profit then a rabble of great pockie Loggerheads are able to discern who surely understand far lesse in these little merriments then the foole Raclet did in the institutions of Justinian I have known great and mighty Lords and of those not a few who going a Deer-hunting or a hawking after wilde Ducks when the chase had not encountred with the blinks that were cast in her way to retard her course or that the Hawk did but plaine and smoothly fly without moving her wings perceiving the prey by force of flight to have gained bounds of her have been much chafed and vexed as you understand well enough but the comfort unto which they had refuge and that they might not take cold was to relate the inestimable deeds of the said Gargantua There are others in the world These are no flimflam stories nor tales of a tub who being much troubled with the tooth-ache after they had spent their goods upon Physicians without receiving at all any ease of their pain have found no more ready remedy then to put the said Chronicles betwixt two pieces of linnen cloth made somewhat hot and so apply them to the place that smarteth synapising them with a little powder of projection otherwayes called doribus But what shall I say of those poor men that are plagued with the Pox and the Gowt O

to learn of thee then thou of me but as thou hast protested we will conferre of these doubts together and will seek out the resolution even unto the bottom of that undrainable Well where Heraclitus sayes the truth lies hidden and I do highly commend the manner of arguing which thou hast proposed to wit by signes without speaking for by this means thou and I shall understand one another well enough and yet shall be free from this clapping of hands which these blockish Sophisters make when any of the Arguers hath gotten the better of the Argument Now to morrow I will not faile to meet thee at the place and houre that thou hast appointed but let me intreat thee that there be not any strife or uproare between us and that we seek not the honour and applause of men but the truth only to which Thaumast answered The Lord God maintain you in his favour and grace and instead of my thankfulnesse to you poure down his blessings upon you for that your Highnesse and magnificent greatnesse hath not disdained to descend to the grant of the request of my poor basenesse so farewel till to morrow Farewel said Pantagruel Gentlemen you that read this present discourse think not that ever men were more elevated and transported in their thoughts then all this night were both Thaumast and Pantagruel for the said Thaumast said to the Keeper of the house of Cluny where he was lodged that in all his life he had never known himself so dry as he was that night I think said he that Pantagruel held me by the throat Give order I pray you that we may have some drink and see that some fresh water be brought to us to gargle my palat on the other side Pantagruel stretched his wits as high as he could entring into very deep and serious meditations and did nothing all that night but dote upon and turn over the book of Beda de numeris signis Plotius book de inenarrabilibus the book of Proclus de magia the book of Artemidorus 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 of Anaxagaras 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Dinatius 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the books of Philistion Hipponax 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and a rabble of others so long that Panurge said unto him My Lord leave all these thoughts and go to bed for I perceive your spirits to be so troubled by a too intensive bending of them that you may easily fall into some Quotidian Fever with this so excessive thinking and plodding but having first drunk five and twenty o● thirty good draughts retire your self and sleep your fill for in the morning I will argue against and answer my Master the Englishman and if I drive him not ad metam non loqui then call me Knave Yea but said he my friend Panurge he is marvellously learned how wilt thou be able to answer him Very well answered Panurge I pray you talk no more of it but let me alone is any man so learned as the devils are No indeed said Pantagruel withont Gods especial grace Yet for all that said Panurge I have argued against them gravelled and blanked them in disputation and laid them so squat upon their tailes that I have made them look like Monkies therefore be assured that to morrow I will make this vain-glorious Englishman to skite vineger before all the world So Panurge spent the night with tipling amongst the Pages and played away all the points of his breeches at primus secundus and at peck point in French called Lavergette Yet when the condescended on time was come he failed not to conduct his Master Pantagruel to the appointed place unto which beleeve me there was neither great nor small in Paris but came thinking with themselves that this devillish Pantagruel who had overthrown and vanquished in dispute all these doting fresh-water Sophisters would now get full payment and be tickled to some purpose for this Englishman is a terrible bustler and horrible coyle-keeper we will see who will be Conquerour for he never met with his match before Thus all being assembled Thaumast stayed for them and then when Pantagruel and Panurge came into the Hall all the School-boyes Professors of Arts Senior-Sophisters and Batchelors began to clap their hands as their scurvie custome is But Pantagruel cried out with a loud voice as if it had been the sound of a double canon saying Peace with a devil to you peace by G you rogues if you trouble me here I will cut off the heads of every one of your at which words they remained all daunted and astonished like so many ducks and durst not do so much as cough although they had swallowed fifteen pounds of feathers withal they grew so dry with this only voice that they laid our their tongues a full half foot beyond their mouthes as if Pantagruel had salted all their throats Then began Panurge to speak saying to the Englishman Sir are you come hither to dispute contentiously in those Propositions you have set down or otherwayes but to learn and know the truth To which answered Thaumast Sir no other thing bronght me hither but the great desire I had to learn and to kuow that of which I have doubted all my life long and have neither found book nor man able to content me in the resolution of those doubts which I have proposed and as for disputing contentiously I will not do it for it is too base a thing and therefore leave it to those sottish Sophisters who in their disputes do not search for the truth but for contradiction only and debate Then said Panurge if I who am but a mean and inconsiderable disciple of my Master my Lord Pantagruel content and satisfie you in all and every thing it were a thing below my said Master wherewith to trouble him therefore is it fitter that he be Chair-man and sit as a Judge and Moderator of our discourse and purpose and give you satisfaction in many things wherein perhaps I shall be wanting to your expectation Truly said Thaumast it is very well said begin then Now you must note that Panurge had set at the end of his long Codpiece a pretty tuft of red silk as also of white green and blew and within it had put a faire orange CHAP. XIX How Panurge put to a non-plus the Englishman that argued by signes EVery body then taking heed and hearkening with great silence the Englishman lift up on high into the aire his two hands severally clunching in all the tops of his fingers together after the manner which alachinonnese they call the hens arse and struck the one hand on the other by the nailes foure several times then he opening them struck the one with the flat of the other till it yielded a clashing noise and that only once again in joyning them as before he struck twice ●nd afterwards foure times in opening them then did he lay them joyned and extended the one towards the other as if he