to day are and to morrow are cast into the oven extend thy mercy to thy distressed servant O my God thou seest the nakednesse which I suffer and thou feelest the cold which my body endures for of thee ô Christ I am a part of thy mysticall body I am a member These meane and ragged coverings doe speake at once both my wants and my desires What shall I doe ô father Shall I noe longer believe thy providence Or shall I despaire of thy power O I dare not doe either for I know that thou canst and wilt relieve mee when thou in thy wisedome shalt see it requisite Blessed Lord subdue my heart as thou hast humbled my body and forgive the sinnes of pride and discontent which harbour therein Many of thy Saints have wanted the things of the outward man yet hast thou enriched their soules with the graces of thy Spirit I know Lord that thou delightest not in the ornaments of the body Thou canst give what thou wilt and withhold what thou pleasest Lu 16.22 Distressed Lazarus who for a while did lye at the gate of gorgeous Dives was caried by Angells into Abraham's bosome Enable mee with patience to suffer my wants and willingly to submitt to thy heavenly pleasure Ps 104 1. O thou that art cloathed with Majestie and honour vouchsafe to cover my naked soule Through the merits of thy Christ let it be presented to thee both cleane and unspotted Make mee to labour the purifying thereof with a flood of my teares Io. 11.33 and accept of my groanes through the righteousnesse of him who groaned in spirit when hee beheld the teares of lamenting Marie Holy father adorne thou my inward man with righteousnesse and holinesse that it may be acceptable unto thee when it shall come to thy tribunall Nothing can hide it from thy wrath ô father but the garment of the righteousnesse of Christ my brother Wrappe mee ô Iesus in that sacred mantle that I may be hid from the wrath of the reveng-full judg Is 50 3 O thou that cloathest the heavens with blacknesse and makest sack-cloth their covering doe thou apparell my soule with the blacknesse of sorrow and the sackcloth of mourning for my crying offences And so accept of my contrition that I may hereafter appeare in a long white robe with thy holy Saints Reu 7.9 and be admitted a member of thy church tryumphant there to reigne with thee world without end through Iesus Christ my onely Lord and Saviour Amen subject 8 THE EIGHTH SUBJECT A Virgin 's teares The Soliloquie Treating of the virginitie both of the body and the soule THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray THe un-maried woman saith the faithfull Apostle careth for the things of the Lord 1. Cor. 7.25 vers 34 that shee may be holy both in body and spirit Such a one am I unmaried I am but am I such a one allso in my care Doe I care for the things of the Lord that I may be holy both in body and spirit This is a question not easily resolved it is a duety not ordinarily performed The externall forme doeth commonly borrow the howers of virgins the dresses and the ornaments of the fading body imploy our minuits and our care is generally more for the day of our mariage then the time of our account Seldome doe wee vallew religion above our dresses or the service of God above the ornaments of our selves But neither is the beauty of the countenance prevalent with the All-mighty nor the neatenesse of attire vallewed in his eyes Hee love's not that care which ariseth from pride but that which discovereth a zeale for his honour The most admired beauty shall be shriveled in the flames of eternall horrour unlesse the soule be more comely by farre then the countenance The exactest features of the outward man doe illest suite with a lascivious tongue or an immodest thought Devoutest virgins are allways fairest and borrow so much of the flowers of the spring as to weare a maidens blush in the seate of beauty My God hath given mee the honour of virginitie and expecteth to be honoured both in it and by it If my soule be as un-spotted as my body is un-defiled I may hope for a seate with the tryumphant virgins Reu 14.1 With the Lamb saith Saint Iohn were a hundred fortie and foure thousand having his fathers name written in their fore-heads vers 4. These are they which were not defiled with women for they are virgins these are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever hee goeth That Lamb is Christ those hundred fortie and foure thousand virgins are the elect his name in their foreheads is their adoption by grace they follow the Lamb in the puritie of their soules and in their chast spirituall virginitie they are preserved from the pollutions and uncleanesse of the seducing tempter With these virgins I desire to sing my part for my sexe cannot hinder the hope of immortalitie With those saints which defiled not themselves with women shall accord those women not defiled with men It was an honour to our sexe and my present condition that my Saviour was borne of the virgin Mary But I must know that virginitie consisteth not so much in the chastitie of the body as the puritie of the soule Even those that are maried may have virgin soules and wee that are virgins may be spirituall adulteresses 1. Thes 4.4 Shee that preserve's her vessell in holinesse performeth a duety required by our maker but unlesse to this be added the chastitie of the soule both body and soule may suffer eternally The purest virgin is the loyallest wife for though wee never were engaged by mariage to a man yet all of us ought to be maried to Christ 2. Cor 11.2 Saint Paul saith that hee had espoused the Corinthians to one husband that hee might present them as a chast virgin unto Christ This husband is mine for to him am I espoused to him am I wedded But am I a loyall wife to this indulgent husband Doe I love him Doe I honour him Doe I obey him Have I beene allways true and faithfull unto him If every sinne be a spirituall adulterie if every transgression be a dishonour unto him ô then my conscience will write mee guilty O my sweete husband ô my Iesus what shall I say or pleade for my selfe I have forsaken my redeemer to sinne with the tempter I have declined my husband to committ un-cleanesse with that ugly serpent for hee enticed and I consented Lev 20.10 By the ould law an adulteresse was to suffer death That law doeth still remaine in force for death eternall is decreed as a punishment for those that dishonour my patient husband O what then shall I doe when hee shall question my disloyaltie
must be subject in every thing Tit. 2.4 Eph. 5.24 1 Cor 7.34 Eph. 5.33 1 Pet. 3.6 1 Cor. 14.35 c. 7.10 Tit. 2.5 Col. 3.18 1 Pet. 3.1 I must care how to please him I must reverence him I must obey him as Sara obeyed Abraham calling him Lord I must be instructed by him I must not depart from him but must be discreete chast a keeper at home good obedient unto him that the word of God be not blasphemed To hin indeede I must submitt my selfe as unto the Lord but this submission must not be servile for it must be onely so as it is fitt in the Lord. Him I must love for hee is my selfe To him I must be subject as the inferiour parts are unto the head I must care how to please him both for the performance of my duety and for the quietnesse and content which will ensue upon it I must reverence him for hee is my superiour I must obey him for hee is my Lord I must be instructed by him for hee is my teacher I must not depart from him 1 Cor. 7.4 because the power which formerly I had over my selfe is resigned up to his will and pleasure I must be discreete because I am a wife chast because I must be a loyall wife a keeper at home because a house-wife good and obedient that the word of God be not blasphemed Submission is required joyned with love to avoyd anger and contention Prov. 21.19 for Solomon hath decreed that It it better to dwell in the wildernesse then with a contentious and an angrie woman Subjection and reverenceare arguments of a meeke 1 Pet 3.4 Prov. 9.13 and quiet spirit which in the sight of God is of great price for a clamorous woman is styled foolish Obedience is due to those that are our instructers seeing therfore our sexe is guiltie of ignorance 1 Tim. 2.11 wee are commanded to learne in silence with all subjection for if wee are wise in our owne conceits Prov. 26.12 the wise man saith there is more hope of a foole then of such Discretion is allso required in our sexe for long agoe did Solomon say c. 11.22 As a jewell of gold in a swine's snowt so is a faire woman which is without discretion Certainly those who submitt to their husbands who love them are subject to them carefull to please them reverence them obey them are willing to be instructed by them depart not from them and are truely discreete conscience will preserve them chast civilitie will keepe them at home and religion will make them good Ps 119.5 O that our wayes were made so direct that wee might keepe these statutes When I consider of this bond which unite's mee to my husband how can I choose but blesse my God for his ordinance When I looke upon the pledges of our mutuall love those children which God doeth send for our comfort how can I choose but magnifie his blessing Though many are the infirmities of a woman many dueties belong to a wife many cares and pangs belong to a mother yet our infirmities are aften redressed by mariage our dueties are our delight being guided and comforted by our carefull Lords and our cares and pangs are richly rewarded in our obedient children O how gracious is our God unto us who governeth us by those who are made our selves and to increase our love and obedience to our husbands giveth us the lively resemblance of both in our tender off-spring These children whom I would have obedient unto mee doe put mee in mind of that obedience which I owe to my husband and much more of that which all of us owe to our bountifull God That sacred tye of holy wedlock putteth mee in mind of the infinite love of Christ to his church Hee hath blessed mee with the first and shall I not labour to be a worthy and a thankfull partaker of his love in the last The first I enjoy though I deserve it not the last I am offered yet zealously and religiously enough I embrace it not If I neglect my love and duety to my husband I cannot expect the love of Christ Alasse by sexe I am fraile and not willing to obey by paines I am froward and not fitt for advice by sinne I am haughtie and not apt for submission Nature enclineth us to love but unlesse that love be regulated by religion it often either is sullied with impuritie or clegenerateth into hatred O what shall I provide to answer my God when hee shall stricktly examine mee concerning my duety first to himselfe next to him whom hee hath made my Lord and lastly to them who are my tender and parcelled selfe Certainly obedient enough I cannot be to God dutifull enough I can scarcely be to my husband loving and carefull enough I can hardly be of my children All of us faile in some thing or other and I feare that I am the weakest of all Every sinne displeaseth my God o what shall I doe to appease his wrath Wherewithall shall I come before the Lord Mic. 6.6 and bow myselfe before the high God Shall I come before him with Burnt offerings with calves of a yeere old vers 7. Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rammes or with ten thousand rivers of oyle Shall I give my first-borne for my transgressions Ps 51.16 vers 17 the fruite of my body for the sinne of my soule Alasse hee desireth not sacrifice hee delighteth not in burnt offering The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit a broken and a contrite heart hee will not despise To my Lord therfore will I hasten whom I have offended to my God will I addresse my selfe whom I have displeased by my manifold neglects and insteede of rivers of oyle I will swimme unto him in rivers of my teares My heart I will teach to groane so lowde that it shall be heard to heaven Each teare which I shed shall proceede from a heart so humbly sorrowfull that they shall seeme to have the faces of Angells in reflexion and I will pray that those teares may be accepted by the Angel of the covenant Mal 3.1 If through my indiscretion contentions have arisen betweene my head and the members I will meekely justifie the words of the King Solomon and not onely resemble but have even the same to which hee compareth mee Pro 27.15 I will have a continuall dropping in a very rainie day Mine eyes shall droppe and my heart shall droppe and from them both shall issue as it were water and blood that with my teares I may wash the sacrifice of my God and my heart may be made an accepted offering Mat 7.25 Yet shall not the raine descend onely and the floods come but the winds allso shall blow From mine eyes shall the raine descend and the floods of my teares shall come and then from my heart the winds shall blow From my heart I will
then the great Lord of heaven and Earth and to worship them It is a quarrellsome a fighting heart a heart that like Davids hath often struck often smitten mee It is a double heart a dissembling heart a double minded heart It is a heart like a beasts like Nebuchadnezars when hee was driven from the sonnes of men and his heart was made like the beasts It is a hard heart hardened like Pharao's like the Israelites in the day of provocation a hard and impenitent heart that treasured up unto it selfe wrath against the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God a heart that was hardened and fell into mischiefe a hard and unbelieving heart a heart alienated from the life of God through ignorance by reason of the hardnesse there of and like that of the Israelites it is both a hard Eze. 3.7 Iob 41 24. Ier. 5.3 Ez 3.9 and an impudent heart It is a heart harder then the nether mill-stone as firme as a stone as hard as a rock yea 't is as hard as an adamant even harder then the flint Oh what a heart was this and yet 't is runne away from mee 't is gone what shall I doe I faine would weepe for the losse of it but I cannot weepe without it c 24.23 The curse which was threatned to the Iewes is fallen upon mee I cannot mourne nor weepe I doe onely pine away for the losse thereof But why should I grieve for the departure of a heart so dry so dead so fatt and so blind Of a heart so hidden so plagued so wicked and so condemning Of a heart so deceitfull so deluding so trouble some so deepe Of a heart so froward so evill so reproaching and so troubled Of a heart so trembling so idolatrous so smiting and so double Of a heart so beast-like so hard so unbelieving and so inpudent I consider and acknowledge how wicked it is yet I am sorrie mee think's that 't is gone But am I sure that this sinfull heart is gone indeede Or doe I but seeme to goe heart-lesse up downe seeking for that which hath bred this disturbance Ah I feare that I have it still with in my bosome and yet I am fondly possessed with a feare that I have lost it I may find it againe too soone to my sorrow and upon a strickt enquiry woe is mee I shall find it a bout me at every turne I may find it at my table in every dish and there 't is gluttonous in a glasse of wine and there 't is drunken in filthy muck and there 't is coveteous in my bed and there 't is lascivious in mine apparell there 't is proud in the wellfare of my neighbours there 't is envious in a quarrell and there 't is contentious in the synagogues of Sathan and there 't is idolatrous Where can I looke what can I behould that 's naught that 's wicked and not find my heart there And why then all this complaining All this seeking and searching for it Alas Alas t is too bad to leave mee 't is too wicked to runne from mee From hence shall grow my teares even because I understand not my heart It is with mee but I know it not it is within mee but I understand it not it torment's mee and yet I am so stupid that I feele it not it is ready to bring mee to ruine yet I seeke not to prevent the danger Lord how mad am I thus to possesse yet not to believe that I possesse a heart thus wicked and yet not to believe that it is so wicked What shall I doe Nay what wilt thou doe with such a heart as this It dishonoureth thee it corrupteth mee From goodnesse it drive's mee to wickednesse it leades mee Whither soever I goe whatsoëver I doe it induceth mee to sin by consequence without thine infinite mercies to eternall damnation In this desperate condition what shall I doe Amend it I cannot correct it I cannot and yet be quit of it be rid of it I cannot But why doe I give over the hope of its amendment as if noe means were left to prevent my ruine I must not distrust of the goodnesse of my God My heart is dry but by his assistance I will water it with my teares It is dead I will re-vive it with my teares it is fatt I will make it pine with my teares it is blind I will open it's eyes with my teares it is hidden I will reveale it in my teares it is infected I will cure it with my teares it is wicked I will correct it with my teares it is deceitfull I will punish it with my teares it is troublesome I will quiet it with my teares it is froward I will still it with my teares it is evill I will better it with my teares it trembleth I will comfort it with my teares it is idolatrous I will rectifie it with my teares it is quarelsome I will tame it with my teares it is double I will single it againe with my teares it is beast-like I will new baptize it in my teares it is hard I will mollifie it with my teares it is incredulous I will make it faithfull by my teares it is impudent I will make it blush with my teares Or if these eyes be drie or these teares but sew or these few teares of too litle vallew to effect my desires O thou who once in the fervency of thy devotion in the depth of thine agouy didst seate as it were greate drops of blood Luc 22.44 which fell from thy body for the sinns of he world o thou who in thy tender compassion seeing Mary at thy feete weeping the Iewes about thee weeping for the deoeased Lazarus didst groane in spirit Io 11.33 weepe with the mourners increase thou the teares of mine eyes for the sinns of my heart give them vertue by those teares which fell from thine that I may weepe and lament and be sorrowfull for my corrupted heart Io 16.20 that so my sorrow may be turned into joy Amen The second part Of the Soliloquie A lamentation for the losse of an honest heart NOe paine can be compared to the paine of the heart and cerrainly noe losse can be so great as the losse of the heart What comfort then can I expect can I find in any thing who have lost my first my best my dearest heart Once I had one and wâ—e is to this time where in I must say I bad Yes I had indeede I had a heart such a heart so plyable a heart to all goodnesse that I am enforced now to my cost to vallew it onely by the losse thereof I was theÌ„ a field Ps 107 37. Io 15.1 Luc 8.21 a pleasant field that yeelded my fruit with increase Yea I was manured ploughed sowed and harrowed by the best of husband-men by God him self The seede was the word of God vers
healeth Ex 15.26 Psl 6.2 Have mercy therfore upon mee ô Lord for I am weake ô Lord heale mee for my bones are vexed Ps 41.3 Ier 17.14 Strengthen mee now upon my bed of languishing make thou all my bed in my sicknesse Heale mee o Lord and I shall be healed save mee and I shall be saved for thou art my praise c 30.12 O let not my bruise be incurable though my wound be grievous Let mee have one to pleade my cause vers 13 even that Holy One thine onely begotten Sonne that hee may bind mee up and give mee healing medicines Thou art hee who didst promise Iacob to correct him in measure vers 11 though not to leave him altogether unpunished Thou rebukest mee for my sinne Ps 39.11 and makest my beauty to consume away like as it were a moath fretting a garment These Markes in my flesh doe cause a trembling even in my spirit Rev 13.17 Ps 86.16 Lord graunt that upon my soule be not found the marke of the beast but the marke of thy sonne that hee may owne mee for his O turne thou unto mee and have mercy upon mee give thy strength unto thy servant and save thy distressed hand-mayd Shew now some good token for good vers 17 that it may appeare unto the world that thou Lord doest helpe mee and comfort mee But if in thy secret purpose thou hast decreed at this time to gather mee unto my fathers make mee with joy comfort to render mine account unto thee the Lord of heaven earth Looke not upon the sinnes and offences of my misse-led life but rather looke upon my Redeemer's death Is 53.5 who was wounded for my transgressions bruised for mine iniquites the chastisement of my peace was layed upon him by his stripes therfore let mee be healed In the midst of the streete of thy throne ô God Reu 22.2 of either side of the river of life there is a tree of life bearing twelve manner of fruits and the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations O my God let mee but come to tast of those fruits let mee but be shaded under the leaves of that tree of life Ps 41.4 Ps 103 1. Be mercifull unto mee heale my soule for I have sinned against thee Then shall my soule blesse thee O my Lord and all that is within mee shall praise thy holy name who forgivest all mine iniquities vers 3. and canst heale my diseases Into thine hands I commend my spirit Ps 31.5 for thou hast redeemed mee ô Lord thou God of trueth The Spirit and the bride say Come Reu 22.17 therfore let mee who now heare it say Come Let mee heare thy voyce ô God Gen 3.8 in the coole of the day not in the heate of thy displeasure And thou ô my Iesus who for such sinners wert made a sacrifice on the altar of the crosse how downe thine eare as thou didst upon the tree and heare and fullfill the desires of thy wounded supplicant Come ô Iesus and embrace mee in thine armes hide mee in thy wounded side from the wrath of thy father In thee alone doe I trust to thee alone doe I flee succour mee helpe mee save mee O Christ The world I leave to thee I come At the doore of thy mercy doe I knock I call I cry Lord protect mee Iesus comfort mee Strengthen my faith and confirme my hope As my earthly body draweth neerer to the earth so doe thou draw my soule up neerer unto thee who art the father of spirits Heb 12 9. O God make speede to save mee O Lord make hast to helpe mee Finish soone these dayes of sinne and then let mee enter into thy celestiall paradice and that for his sake in whom alone thou art well pleased even Iesus Christ my onely Mediatour and Redeemer Amen subject 16 THE SIXTEENTH SUBjECT Teares of a Mother for the sicknesse of her child The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray IT shall come to passe saith Moses to the house of Israel if thou wilt not hearken to the voyce of the Lord thy God Deut 28.15 to observe to doe all his commandements and his statutes which I command thee this day that all these curses shall come upon thee and overtake thee vers 16 Cursed shalt thou be in the citty and cursed shalt thou be in the field Cursed shall be thy basket and thy store vers 17 yea Cursed shall be the fruit of thy body c. vers 18 What all these curses from heaven for the sins of poore distressed mortalls O what a multitude of evills doe our sinnes deserve What punishment doeth not iniquitie cry for It cryeth for the curse of the citty the decay of trading the curse of the field whole rivers of blood in furious battailes the curse of the basket and the store the dearth of provisions Yet all these are but outward punishments and reflect onely upon the baser the worse part of our selves the body but Cursed shall be the fruit of the body oh this biteth like a Serpent stingeth like a Cockatrice Prov 23.32 The fruit of my body Is afflicted with sicknesse but is the sinne of the parent the cause of his affliction Yes yes my conscience acknowledgeth the guilt let my tongue be as ready to confesse it and my heart to repent of it But how standeth this with the justice of the Creatour Gen 18.25 Shall not the judg of all the earth doe right The Prophet Ezekiel telleth mee from God that The sonne shall not beare the iniquity of the father Eze 18 20. Mich 7 6. Ier 9.20 neither shall the father beare the iniquity of the sonne but the soule that sinneth it shall dye Else the daughter might rise up against her mother as saith the Prophet and the women by reason of the vengeance due for their sinnes might teach their daughters wayling c 31.29 Rom 3 4. if the sowre grapes which the parents have eaten should set their childrens teeth on edge But let God be true and every man a lyar that hee may be justified in his sayings and may over-come when hee is judged Hee it is who hath threatned to visit the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate him The sinne is mine Ex 20.5 but the punishment is mine infant's againe the sinne is mine infant's and the punishment is mine And yet farther The sinne is of and from both and the punishment is inflicted upon both His sufferance is my sorrow and his paines my distresse Lord what a due reward of sinne is punishment My child as yet it may be knoweth not sinne and yet is hee punished
and rent my heart and amend my life Ioël 2.13 and faithfully rely upon the passion of my Redeemer I may then assure my selfe that hee will correct mee with judgment Ier 10 24. and not in his anger I know that dye I must but in him I earnestly desire to dye When I was in health I thought not of mortalitie and therfore now I am in sicknesse I can skarce so much as hope for immortalitie But I will beseech him to spare mee a litle that I may repent Ps 39.13 before I goe hence and be noe more seene I faine would live not that I might adde to my sinnes but that I might be sorrie for my sinnes I would faine continue here a litle longer that so I might make my peace the surer Long I have continued in wickednesse ô my God spare mee a litle time to spend in contrition If I may enjoy my life but for a litle longer space I will resolve by the grace of my God to dedicate it wholly to the service of him and that I may in some measure make up my repentance before my departure I will beseech him if it may stand with his immutable decree to lend mee a litle more time wherein by his grace I may labour my reconciliation with him My time of death indeede seemeth to draw nigh and yet I doe not consider or at least I have not considered that all this time which I have lived I have beene truely dead Surely thus I have beene for so saith King Solomon Prov. 21.16 The man that wandereth out of the way of understanding shall remaine in the congregation of the dead Thus have I beene dead even in trespasses and sinnes justly therfore now my life doeth hasten away Eph 2.1 and my death approacheth I am now layed upon my bed of sorrow Not as the un-chast Amnon was 2. Sam. 13.5 who lingered after an un-cleane enjoying of his sister Tamar onely counterfeiting a sicknesse Nor like the coveteous Ahab 1. King 21.4 who vexed himselfe because Naboth had denyed to sell him his vine-yard 2. Sam. 4.7 Nor like Ishbosheth ready to be slaine by a Rechab and a Baanah unlesse my sinnes and my sicknesse the effect of my sinnes be that Rechab and that Baanah But languishing I lye allmost despairing of recoverie by reason of the weakenesse of my neere consumed body and spirits through the sharpnesse of my disease Is 14.11 My pompe is even brought downe to the grave and the noise of my violls the worme is spread under mee and the wormes are ready to cover mee But let mee say with holy Iob Iob 10 20. Are not my dayes few Cease then ô my God and let mee alone that I may take comfort a litle vers 21 Before I goe whence I shall not returne even to the land of darknesse and the shadow of death A land of darknesse vers 22 as darknesse it selfe and the shadow of death without any order and where the light is as darknesse There is noe worke nor device Eccl. 9.10 Ps 6.5 knowledg nor wisedome in the grave whither I am goeing In death there is noe remembrance of thee ô my God in the grave who shall give thee thank 's Ps 115.17 Is 38.18 The dead praise not thee ô Lord neither any that goe downeinto silence The grave cannot praise thee death cannot celebrate thee they that goe downe into the pit cannot hope for thy trueth vers 19 The living onely the living hee shall praise thee the father to the children shall make knowne thy trueth Thou thy selfe hast professed that thou art not a God of the dead Matt 22.32 Ps 88.10 vers 11 but of the living wilt thou then shew wonders to the dead Shall the dead arise and praife thee Shall thy loving kindnesse be declared in the grave Or thy faithfullnesse in destruction vers 12 Shall thy wonders be knowne in the darke And thy righteousnesse in the land of forgetfullnesse Consider then Ps 13.3 Ps 69.15 and heare mee ô Lord my God lighten mine eyes that I sleepe not in death Let not the water-flood over-flow mee neither let the deepe swallow mee up and let not the pit shut her mouth upon mee Heare mee ô Lord vers 16 for thy loving kindnesse is good turne unto mee according to the multitude of thy tender mercies 1. Sam 2.6 Thou art hee who doest both kill and make alive who bringest downe to the grave 2. King 4.20 bringest up againe When the Shunamite's child had sate on his mother's knees untill noone vers 21 it then departed but shee went up and layed him on the bed of the man of God vers 32 and shut the doore upon him and went out And when Elisha was come into the house behold the child was dead and laid upon his bed vers 33 hee went in therfore and shut the doore upon them twaine and prayed unto thee my greate and powerfull God vers 35 And the child neezed seaven times and the child opened his eyes Mat 9.18 When the ruler of the Synagogue worshipped my Saviour and sayd My daughter is even now dead but come and lay thine hand upon her and shee shall live vers 25 Then hee went in and tooke her by the hand and the mayd arose O my God to thee I submit my selfe doe with mee as thou pleasest In thy power it is to spare mee for a while It will not be harder for thee to restore mee to health then it was to restore the dead unto life Faine I would live longer that I may repent more Lord if it be thy pleasure adde yet some more dayes unto my life restore mee to health and make mee praise thee for thy mercies Longer I would not live unlesse thou shalt be pleased with my life to renew mine obedience and yet dye I would not unlesse thou shalt first be pleased to give mee a sense of my sinnes and a sorrow upon that sense and a comfortable and contenting joy upon that sorrow Thou art the potter and I am the clay allready thou hast made mee and it is now in thy power either to breake mee into sheards or to preserve mee whole I who have cryed so much in the extreamitie of mine anguish doe now beseech thee with my teares to spare mee Mat. 8.8 O speake the word onely and thy servant shall be healed But yet howsoëver I submit to thine owne good pleasure Lord if it may be thy will let the skill of my Phisitians and the power of my medicines and whatsoëver shall be administred unto mee take a blessing from thee if thou shalt restore mee againe to thee and to thy service will I devote my life My time shall be thine my dayes thine my thoughts my words and mine actions thine So shall thy mercy be magnified and thy praise I will be for ever singing and will
provoked him to wrath But what though in Eden hee was not heard but â—n the coole of the day Gen 18.1 I am sure that hee appeared to Abraham in the heate of the day aâ—â—hee sate in the tent doore in the plaines of Mamâ—re And so hee doeth to mee now too inwardly by his Spirit if I find his grace working in my soule a desire of his glorie I will therfore besiech him now while hee is with mee Ps 42.8 Ps 22.2 to command his loving kindnesse in this day time to visit mee that so I may not justly complaine with David O my God I cry in the day time and thou hearest not but rather that I may heare a Phinehas saying unto mee as once hee did to the children of Reuben Gad and Manasseh This day wee perceave Ios 22.31 that the Lord is among us Alasse poore Iacob how did hee endure the sweate and the burning of this time of the day Gen 31.40 In the day the drought consumed him and the frost in the night and his sleepe departed from him Assuredly in those fourteene yeeres which hee spent in the service of Laban for his two wives and in those sixe yeeres which hee served for the flocks and the cattell hee could not choose but loose a whole river of sweate that dropped from his face Lord how should every droppe of sweate that fall's from my browes put mee in mind of the fall of Adam which produced this punishment Gen 3.19 Yea how should my teares too out-vye my sweate when I consider the number of my fowle transgressions They oh they have so increased within mee that they enforce the sweate to fly to my face and in this heate of the day to tell mee of a punishment in the flames of the damned But there was once a day of deliverance of the Israelites from the Egyptian bondage Ex 13.3 and Moses commanded the people saying Remember this day And what day of my life hath not beene to mee a day of deliverance So many diseases and accidents assayle the body so many discontents the mind so many casualties and chances the estate yea and which is worst of all so many sinnes the soule that if I should attempt but once to number them I could not easily determine where to beginne Lord make mee this day remember thy deliverances in a gratefull manner and magnifie thee for thy mercies There will bee a day too a day of death but when it shall come God onely knoweth This for ought I know may prove the day Ould Ifaak tould his sonne Esau saying Gen 27.2 Behould now I am ould I know not the day of my death Neither indeede doe I know mine What know I to the contrarie but that anone at the table I may entertaine my death in a dish or a cup Lord make mee allways provided for thee and then at all times thou art well-come to mee But how shall I be sure to have my petition graunted and that God will afford mee such mercy as to save mee I reade of a day that was threatned to the Iewes even when the Chaldaeans should become their conquerours This the Lord fore-tould unto them when hee sayd Ioel 2.1 Blow yee the trumpet in Sion and sound an all-arme in my holy mountaine Let all the inhabitants of the land tremble for the day of the Lord cometh for it is nigh at hand A day of darknesse vers 2. and of gloominesse a day of clowdes and of thick darknesse as the morning spread upon the mountaines Their death was to approach by the sword of their enemies and their miseries to increase by the furie of their tormentours My death may be neerer hastening unto mee then was the destruction of the Iewes at the time of the prophesie and in what manner it shall come I cannot assure my selfe God is not confined to time or meanes otherwise then hee hath decreed himselfe This very day may happen to be mine and another day may be appointed for another Yea and my day too may prove a day of horrour for wicked I am and I reade what is spoken by the mouth of Iob Iob 21.30 The wicked is reserved to the day of destruction they shall be brought forth to the day of wrath I poore I am one of the wicked and have deserved the greatest severest judgments from the hand of the revenger O if this day should prove so terrible insteede of pampering my body with delightfull foode I might cry out with the Prophet Cursed be the day wherein I was borne Ior 20.14 let not the day wherein my mother bare mee be blessed But I have a better confidence in the mercies of my Redeemer Yet I cannot hope for mercy from him if I doe not expresse some mercy to my selfe The chiefest act of mercy to my selfe consisteth in a serious afflicting and tormenting of my selfe for my sinnes which would ruine mee With my teares I must therfore wash away my sinnes I must purge them with my teares I must cure the sinnes of mine eyes with the teares of mine eyes And yet since my teares are not free from pollution even those must be purified and made effectuall by the blood of the Lamb. The stomack is commonly prepared for meate by the blood of the grape Therfore before I will goe to my foode I will prepare my selfe with a glasse of wine but that wine shall be high and excellent it shall be the wine of Angells It shall have the savour of life in it it shall have the race of mercy in it the sweetenesse of reconciliation the heate of grace This wine shall be my teares a leane sower eager wine of it selfe but it shall be sugered by the hand of my Redeemer it shall be deepe drawne and well dashed with the blood of the innocent This is such as the Angells delight in This wine shall prove an excellent restorative it shall be even like blood yea it shall be blood it selfe even the blood of my drooping my wounded and my deiected soule This will exceede all the Frontiniak or the Greeke or the Palerma wines for the grapes thereof doe not grow upon the smooth and twisting branches of common vines but they grow like the rose upon a thornie bough and yeeld whole clusters of joy and content This wine hath such an in-bred vertue in it that it giveth courage to the drinker and that good effect I seriously hope it shall worke in mee For I must fight though I am but a woman I must fight and warre and combate with mine enemies with my corruptions Ios 10.13 I trust that hee who made the Sun stand still in the middest of heaven that it hasted not to goe downe about a whole day when the five Kings fought against Gibeon and all this onely at the prayer of Ioshua even hee will assist mee in this holy warre that I may destroy the Kings the greatest the
heads of my sinnes make them flye and hide themselves in a cave as those enemies of Israel in the cave of Mackedah And if it so fall out that they take up their cave in the hollownesse of of my heart their wonted place to hide themselves I will either drowne them up with sorrow or smother them with my groanes or fire them with my Zeale Or if none of these will effect my desires even as Ioshua did to those Kings so will I to these I will open the mouth of the cave in my heart and bring out these Kings by a true confession yea I will sett my feete upon the very necks of them in a serious contempt and then will I smite them and slay them and hang them up in a holy revenge because they would have destroy'd my soule for which my Saviour suffered on the crosse This ô this is the way to prevaile with my Iesus to say unto mee as hee did to Zacheus Luc 19 9. Ps 56.4 Is 49.8 This day is salvation come to this house So shall I with comfort and thanksgiving acknowledg that Now is the accepted time now is the day of salvation Thus I shall not feare what flesh can doe unto mee no devills nor the world nor any thing else that seeketh my destruction Ps 12◠6 Rom. 8 28. The Sun shall not smite mee by day nor the Moone by night but all things shall worke together for good if I thus love God and be called according to his purpose And now mee think's this storme of teares hath produced a calme of content and peace I am now ready for my dinner But stay a while What all for the body Nothing for the soule Shall I pamper the flesh and starve the spirit This will not be a feast but a fast and insteed of satisfaction I shall rise with disturbance Act 17 11. I reade that the Bereans are styled more noble then those in Thessalonica in that they receaved the word with all readinesse of mind and searched the Scriptures dayly whether those things were so More noble There 's a title of honour O that I might gaine such a Berean nobility that all mine honour might be in searching the Scriptures the word of him who is the fountaine of honour Every thing is sanctified by the word of God 1. Tim. 4.5 prayer Common civility teacheth mee to pray for a blessing on the creatures But I must yet goe farther and pray with the heart as well as the lipps then reade with reverence Iam 1.21 and receave with meekenesse the ingrafted Word which is able to save my soule Grant blessed God that my first and best care may be for the nourishment and preservation of my soule and next to that Col 4.6 the sustenance of my body And to this purpose let my discourse at my meate be gratious seasoned with salt that I may know how I ought to answer every man And because thou hast commanded mee to use thy creatures for the preservation of my body Lord graunt mee a moderate appetite to my meate and give vertue to the meate that it may be fire for my nourishment Make it good and wholesome for mee and mee obedient and serviceable unto thee Let mee eate with moderation content and thanks giving allways observing the rule of Saint Paul 1. Cor. 10.31 that whether I eate or drinke or whatsoever I doe I may doe all to the glory of thee my God subject 6 THE SIXTH SUBjECT Teares of compassion in the time of prosperitie The Soliloquie treating of The vanitie of earthly riches and the reward of Charitie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray THe Apostle command's us to Beare one another's burdens Gal 6.2 and so to fullfill the lawe of Christ This law is Charitie and friendly affection which differeth from the law in the former Testament because that was a law of feare but this of love This law my Redeemer gave as a cognizance unto his disciples saying Io 13.35 By this shall all men know that yee are my disciples if yee love one another This hee prescribed as a rule vers 34 when hee sayd A new commandement I give unto you That yee love one another And this hee commended to our imitation even by the example of himselfe for what the Prophet fore-tould Ps 53.4 and sayd Surely hee hath borne our griefes and caried our sorrows even the very same his Apostle assure's us hee fullfilled 1. Pet 2 24. who his owne selfe bare our sins in his owne body on the tree This law of love which wee owe to our brethren is expressed chiefely in our giving and forgiving Wee must beare with their infirmities Rom 12.15 and forgive their offences Wee must rejoyce with them that rejoyce and weepe with them that weepe being of the same mind one towards another vers 16 Wee must rejoyce both with them and for them but this joy must arise from their good not their hurt Prov 2.14 There are some say's Solomon who rejoyce to doe evill This proceede's not from love but hatred for the Apostle tell 's mee that Charitie rejoyceth not in iniquity but rejoyceth in the trueth 1. Cor 13.6 Our mirth must joyne in concord with the joyfull and our rejoycing must be grounded on the good of our neighbours And as wee must have joy at their prosperitie so must wee likewise accord with them in their sorrowes for our very teares may be the ground of comfort unto mourners when by these wee discover the trueth of our affection and our readinesse to share in the burden of their afflictions Such a disciple as Christ delight 's in wee may certainly believe Saint Paul to have beene for wee find him rejoycing with the Philipians Phil 2.17 when hee saith If I be offered upon the sacrifice and service of your faith I joy and rejoyce with you all For the same cause allso doe yee joy vers 18 and rejoyce with mee And againe wee find him grieving for the Iewes Rom ◠2. for hee hath greate heavinesse and continuall sorrow in his heart for them Vnto the Iewes hee became as a Iew 1. Cor 9.20 to them that were under the law as under the law to them that were without law as without law vers 21 to the weake hee became as weake vers 22 2. Cor 11.29 and hee was made all things to all men Who was weake hee was not weake Who was offended and hee burned not The fire of his compassion gave light to his brethren in the darknesse of their tribulations by which hee fullfilled that lawe of our Redeemer Hee fullfilled it why then should not I I confesse my ignorance my many imperfections make mee Infinitly unequall
And Moses lifted up his hand and with his rod hee smote the rock twice and the water came out aboundantly and the congregation dranke and their beastes allso Well might this rod flouriâ—h with blossomes c 17.8 which had power to command water out of the rocks Thus was Israël watered by miracle and the thirst of the people was slacked by the waters which issued even from the stones But Moses is dead and the rod is not heard of the rock I find not Ps 18.2 Ps 23.2 yet will I not despaire The Lord shall be my rock and hee shall leade mee to waters of comfort When Samson had slaine a thousand Philistines with the jaw-bone of an asse Iud. 15.18 hee was sore a thirst and called on the Lord and said Thou hast given this greate deliverance into the hand of thy servant and now shall I dye for thirst and fall into the hand of the uncircumcised vers 19 But God clave an hollow place that was in the jaw and there came water thereout and when hee had drunke his spirit came againe Mat. 19 26. and hee revived Thus with God are all things possible Since then I know it exceedeth not his power to helpe mee in this miserie I will certainly relie upon the hope of his goodnesse When Mesha rebelled Iehoram with Iehoshaphat and the King of Edom fetched a compasse of seaven dayes journie and there was noe water for the hoast 2. King 3.9 vers 15 and for the cattell that followed them Then Elisha said Bring mee a minstrell And it came to passe when the minstrell played that the hand of the Lord came upon him And hee said vers 16 Thus saith the Lord Make this valley full of ditches for thus saith the Lord vers 17 Yee shall not see wind neither shall yee see raine yet that valley shall be filled with water that yee may drinke both yee and your cattell and your beastes vers 18 And this is but a litle thing in the sight of the Lord hee will deliver the Moabites allso into your hand vers 20 And it came to passe in the morning when the meate-offering was offered that behold there came water by the way of Edom and the countrie was filled with water Lord I am one of the valleys I am the lowest the meanest the worst of thy people ô send thy waters into the lowest valley that I may rejoyce in thy mercy and praise thee for thy liberality But while I complaine of the drought of my body mee think's I forget that spirituall thirst which should make mee blessed Those my Redeemer pronunceth blessed Mat 5.6 who doe hunger and thirst after righteousnesse for they shall be filled If I have not a thirst more spirituall then corporall I may justly suspect my selfe to be of the number of those Wicked ones of whom the Prophet speaketh saying Thus saith the Lord God Is 65.13 Behold my servants shall eate but yee shall be hungrie behold my servants shall drinke but yee shall be thirstie behold my servants shall rejoyce but yee shall be ashamed My Saviour tould the woman of Samaria at Iacobs well Io 4.13 vers 14 saying Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst againe But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life Here is noe Iacobs well to coole my tongue Ps 36.9 but the well of life is present and open True it is that this well is deepe and I have nothing to draw I have noe goodnesse to merit it and scarce have I a heart to desire it yet Lord such as I am I come unto thee My selfe I renounce I fly to the worthinesse of Christ my Redeemer For his sake ô my God give mee that water that I thirst not againe For that water doe I long more theÌ„ for the rivers of waters which incompasse the earth 2. King 5.12 Neither Abanah nor Pharpar the rivers of Damascus noe nor Iordane it selfe is comparable unto this Thou ô Christ art this well Io 6.35 thou art this water Thou hast promised that hee which cometh to thee shall never hunger hee which believeth in thee shall never thirst For thee Ps 42.1 ô Saviour I thirst for thy salvation I cry and intreate As the Hart panteth for the water brookes so panteth my soule after thee ô God vers 2. My soule thirsteth for God for the living God When shall I come appeare before God O God my soule thirsteth for thee Ps 63.1 my flesh longeth for thee in a drie and thirstie land where noe water is Noe more will I mind this body of earth or howsoëver not so wholly bend my thoughts upon the quenching the thirst of this parched clay This will I referre to the disposall of my God pray for comfort but onely conditionally If hee shall account it fitt for mee to die by this present thirst that my moisture shall be turned into the drought of summer Ps 32.4 I shall willingly submitt Howsoëver since his will is yet kept secret from mee I will pray for that which may yeeld mee comfort but onely conditionally if it may stand with his liking But as touching my poore dry thirstie soule I will pray directly peremptorily and absolutely besieching him to refresh it with the deaw of his grace Hee promised by his Prophet Is 35.7 that The parched ground should become a poole the thirstie land springs of waters I am that parched ground my languishing soule is that thirstie land Lord send mee that poole and those springs of waters By the same Prophet againe hee promised to his Church and said I will powre water upon him that is thirstie and floods upon the drie ground c 44.3 I will powre my spirit upon thy seede and my blessing upon thy off-spring This is his promise indeede but may I be so bould as to put him in mind of it Yes yes doe so ô my soule Hee loveth it hee delighteth in it Bashfullnesse in these cases is but dull stupiditie seeing thou hast authoritie to speake with confidence Wee must come boldly unto the throne of grace Heb 4.16 that wee may obtaine mercy and find grace to help in time of neede I will not leave him therfore I will not forsake him I will hang upon him I will follow him for those onely speede who are earnest in their suites Hee keepeth us off onely to heighten our desires not to deny our requests Hee seemeth to be angry when wee beginne to petition but wee misse-take the cause Hee 's displeased because wee came noe sooner or because wee come on noe faster Whatsoever hee hath promised hee will undoubtedly make good if wee are not wearie and slack in solliciting It is his delight to see us earnest and our reward
shall be greater if wee continue in our industrie This is my way and thus I will follow him Hee who sate upon the throne Reu 21 6. and said It is done I am Alpha and Omega the beginning and the end even the same Lord said I will give unto him that is a thirst of the fountaine of the water of life freely Hee inviteth mee by his Prophet and speaketh to mee among the rest when hee saith Is 55.1 Ho every one that thirsteth come yee to the waters and hee that hath noe money come and buy and eate yea come and buy wine and milke without money Reu 22 17. without price The Spirit and the Bride saith Saint Iohn say Come and let him that heareth say Come and let him that is a thirst Come and whosoever will let him take of the water of life freely I am thirstie hee hath promised therfore to mee the fountaines of the water of life I am thirstie and yet I am poore and have not wherewith to buy what I neede My deedes are wicked and of noe validitie my words are idle and deserve noe good my thoughts are sinfull cannot merit What then Shall I starve for want because I have not price to give Noe noe mee it is hee calleth unto that I may buy without money mee hee meaneth to make partaker of his promise I will buy what I want but I can give nothing but teares or at most which indeede is the best even the blood of him who was slaine for my peace But why doe I call that blood mine owne May I safely doe it Yes it was his but it is mine Because hee needed not that price as a ransome for himselfe hee gave it to mee and all the faithfull to purchase our redemption This ô father I offer unto thee upon my knees I tender it with a lowly heart and a bleeding soule and a submissive speech praying unto thee and saying The Prayer GRacious father Ps 123.1 Mat 5.45 thou that dwellest in the heavens and from heaven doest send the raine both on the just and the unjust take pitty and compassion on the meanest of thy servants who cryeth unto thee out of the depth of miserie O my God thou seest how I am dryed up with thirst and am wearie of my life for want of thy comforts I know that thou hast power to breake a clowd and canst command it to water my parched body Thou canst give mee drinke out of the windowes of heaven Gen 7.11 or canst cause the earth to answer my desires Ps 6 1. Lord rebuke mee not in thine anger neither chasten mee in thy heavy displeasure I must confesse that I have worthily deserved thy severest punishments and most justly therfore doe I feele the heate of thine anger in my burning thirst Ps 79.5 But Lord shall thy displeasure burne like fire for ever Shall it never be allayed with the shewers of my teares or with that which infinitely exceede's them both in vallew and power even the dropps of blood which fell from my Redeemer O thou who with a stroake of a rod diddest make the relenting rocks to relieve the thirstie doe thou be pleased to pittie the complaint of a fainting sinner Coole my body which burneth with heate and refresh mee now in this extreamest anguish if it may stand with thy gracious will and pleasure If thou seest it fitting that my life should be prolonged afford mee the meanes for the preservation thereof On thee alone doe I depend and to thee alone doe I addresse my supplication To thee I referre the disposing of this parched and dryed earth humbly besieching thee to bend my will to submit unto thine O let mee never utter any words of despaire or discontent but in all my groanes let mee acknowledg thy justice Holy Father be pleased to fixe my thoughts upon my inward man that my care may be greater for the spirit them the flesh I want that spirituall desire which thou requirest I thirst for that thirst My soule is drie for want of thy grace and so seered is my conscience that I know not my miseries Lord open mine eyes that I may see my wants that so my thirst may be turned into a thirst for thy mercy Thou ô God art rich but I am poore thou art filled with blessings but I am not yet so much as sensible of my want of them O give mee both a sight of my povertie and a desire of thy grace and then graunt unto thy servant according to my desires I thirst Lord I thirst after thee the well-spring yea the ocean of mercy O send mee but a drop of thy heavenly ocean that it may increase in mee a desire of enjoying thy selfe Ps 36.8 Give mee to drinke of thy pleasures as of a river that so I may referre my body to thy holy will willingly yeeld this dust to thy disposall Gen 3.19 This dust shall returne to the dust whence it came but ô let my soule be vallewed so deare in thy sight that it may here have a tast of thy bottomelesse bountie hereafter be admitted to the paradise of thee my God Reu 2.7 Heare mee ô father and graunt my requests Zech 13.1 for the worthinesse of him who opened unto mee a fountaine for sin even Iesus Christ my onely Lord and Saviour Amen soliloquy 4 THE FOURTH SOLILOQUIE Treating of Nakednesse both of the out-ward and in-ward man THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray WHen Noah was over-come with the wine which hee had dranke sleeping hee lay un-covered in his tent Gen 9.21 vers 22 Accursed Ham saw the nakednesse of his father and tould his brethren but Shem and Iaphet tooke a garment vers 23 and laid it on both their shoulders and went back-ward and covered the nakednesse of their father and their faces were back-ward and they saw not their father's nakednesse All these were the sonnes of one and the selfe-same father but they differed in conditions as if they had not beene hrothers One was so unnaturall that hee seemed to boast in the folly of his parent and when wine had disturbed the braine of his father and the heate of the drinke had layed him naked the wicked sonne as rejoycing at his weakenesse tould his brethren the effect of the drunkennesse But the other two blushing at the effect as well as the cause modestly hid what ought to be concealed Such a Ham have I it is my poverty Onely in this it differeth from the sonne of Naoh that it first inebriateth mee and then uncovereth mee I am so intoxicated with want that it bereave's mee of my senses and being thus poore it leave 's mee naked O where shall I find a Shem or a Iaphet to cover my nakednesse I
at that instant when they first beginne Why then doe I vexe and repine at my want of that which is so vaine In all these brave and borrowed habits what can I discover but sinne in the necessitie and pride in the superfluitie What an idoll doe people make of this wandering earth imploying their time in tricking up but a dung-hill The Spanish woolls and the softer siskes have not Rhetotick enough to silence death nor can they barre the worme from preying on the carkeise I will therfore resolve to content my selfe with the meanenesse of my condition and to desire noe other covering or apparell then what may preserve mee from cold and nakednesse Necessitie and modestie pleade for these and my Saviour reckoneth it among the acts of charitie to cloath the naked Matt 25.36 When Iudah was taken captive by Israel and thousands of them slaine their cruëlty was so greate that the Prophet checked them for their violence to their brethren saying 2. Chr 28.10 Are there not with you even with you sinnes against the Lord Now heare mee therfore vers 1.1 and deliver the captives againe which yee have taken captive of your brethren for the fierce wrath of God is upon you vers 15 And the men which were expressed by name rose up and tooke the captives and with the spoyle cloathed all that were naked among them and arayed them shod them c. It appeareth then that God doeth not like the nakednesse of a sinner Gen 3.21 who first did cloath the sinners with skinnes I may therfore lawfully besiech him to send mee what necessitie and modestie shall require mee to weare more I dare not importune him for But whence ariseth this my indigency Is not my new punishment sent unto mee for some ould sinne In my prosperitie peradventure I was guilly of pride and therfore am humbled Heb. 12 10. but I am chastised for my greater profit If my God will be pleased to humble my heart then my outward condition and that will be suitable If hee vouchsafe mee a serious sight of my pride noe earthly punishment shall I thinke too much for so high an offence If by this my want hee bring to my remembrance how I sought the creature more then the Creatour I shall thankfully acknowledg that I deserve this affliction O my God doe thou send mee the light of thy countenance Ps 4.6 and I shall contemne the obloquie and scorne of the world All these discontents arise from the want of ornaments for the body but what care doe I take for my naked soule There is another garment more earnestly to be sought for besides that which should cover this outward skinne This in modestie I desire to hide but alas I care not how naked my soule appeares That is layed open to stormes and tempests it is ever exposed to heates and colds it is viewed by a spectatour whose purest eyes abhorre the filth and pollution of sinne The stormes of temptations howerly beate upon it yet I take noe care to cloath it for defence The heates of passions and the cold of despaire doe dayly assaile it yet I neither hide it from the heate nor cloth it for warmth It is foule and deformed yet I neither cleanse nor adorne it that it might please the spectatour All my care and complaint is for the body but I never mind nor provide for the spirit Alasse this body is of short continuance upon which I fasten my cares and disturbances It shall shortly moulder in the grave where it shall speedily be converted againe into dust yea and the richest robes shall there be soone turned into ragges and the vallew and account of them both shall be equall But my soule shall not sleepe in the dust with my body but appeare at the tribunall of the judg of the world O what shall I doe when I stand before him If mine impenitency and infidellitie doe present mee naked before him hee will turne mee aside in greate disdaine Those that are naked shall be judged and condemned but those which are cloathed shall be crowned with blisse Why then have I so long neglected the trimming of my wretched soule 'T is that wich shall goe to torments or happinesse so soone as ever it leaveth this tabernacle of flesh I was sent into the world to make warre upon the tempter When I shall be called to account how I fought the battell if I pleade that my garments pinioned mine armes and manacled my hands my very excuse will adde to my punishment I was not sent to doate upon the creature but to glorifie my Creatour If I prowdly boast of my out-ward ornaments that which covereth the body layeth naked the soule O my poore soule how art thou covered How art thou adorned I have so long forgotten thee that thou art quite out of fashion I suffered thee to wander so long without robes that now I feare I shall have none to fitt ther. There is nothing I know can truely cover her but onely the merits and righteousnesse of Christ Where ô where shall I find this covering Of whom shall I begge this desired garment There 's none that can give it but hee that owne's it To thee therfore ô Christ must I addresse my selfe to thee will I cry on thee will I call of thee will I begge for Gods sake that so hee my be honoured for pittie 's sake that so I may not be damned for charitie's sake that so I may not be rejected yea for thine owne sake ô Iesus who here requirest the cloathing of thy naked members doe thou cover mee doe thou hide mee doe thou adorne mee with the robes of thy righteousnesse Why should I be cast out from the mariage of the Lamb for want of a garment since thou canst spare one Why should I forbeare petitioning my Iesus to furnish mee to supply my wants since hee hath promised helpe to them that aske Mat 7.7 I must have it or I dye and therefore have it I will or else I 'll fight for it Yea and fight I must and conquer I must and then I know what shall be my reward My God hath promised that hee which over-cometh Reu 3.5 the same shall be cloathed in white raiment I shall be taken into the number and fellowship of them which noe man could number c 7.9 of all nations and kindreds and people and tongues and with them shall I be cloathed with a long white robe and a palme shall be in my hand Wher-fore that neither the want of necessaries for the out-ward man may take off my courage nor the want of grace may hinder the conquest I will sue for both at the hands of my Creatour I will worship Ps 95.6 and fall downe and kneele before the Lord my maker and on my knees will I pray unto him and say The prayer MErcifull Lord Mat 6.30 thou who cloathest the lillies of the field which
Yet can hee be so loving as to forbeare my punishment and can hee not be so mercifull as freely to forgive it O yes hee can if hee please but which way shall I endeavour thus to please him O my Iesus vouchsafe to mee thy grace as thou did'st once to an adulteresse and then with her I will weepe and lament Be reconciled unto mee as thou wast unto her Lu 7.38 and then will I wash thy feete with my teares and will wipe them with the haires of my head I will not spare the costliest spicknard though it drop from the wounds of my sorrowfull heart I will kisse thy feete and anoint them with the ointment O say of mee as thou diddest of her vers 47 Her sinnes which are many are forgiven for shee loveth much Her soule was polluted so is mine Her body was likewise uncleane but so is not mine yet even so had mine allso beene had not hee preserved mee who is the husband of my soule Of my selfe I am fraile and apt to be shaken by every temptation to him alone therfore must I render the thanks who hath kept mee from dis-honour and to him must I pray for the continuance of his protection But is every sinne accounted adulterie Is the breach of every command an act of disloyaltie Then virginity it selfe seemeth to be adulterie and the chastitie of the body to violate the bond of wed-lock with Christ for Saint Pauls words are peremptorie saying I will that the younger women marry 1. Tim. 5.14 beare children and guide the house c. Never was I yet the mother of a child nor the guide of a house for never was I married though the Apostle requireth it Is it therfore an offence because I am not a wife Thus indeede they are apt to pleade who un-willingly submitt to my present condition Saint Paul if rightly understood seemes but to allow it rather then command it for when hee decreeth mariage to be an ordinance of God hee doth not thereby determine virginitie a crime So farre is hee from that 1. Cor 7.28 that though hee saith If a virgin marry shee hath not sinned yet hee concludeth saying vers 38 Hee that giveth her in marriage doth well but hee that giveth her not in marriage doth better Heb. 13.4 It is true that mariage is honourable in all and the bed undefiled but onely wee that are virgins Mat. 22 30. who neither marry nor are given in marriage are as the Angells of God in heaven Thus is our honour as greate as theirs in the bed un-defiled yea and more honourable are wee in that our condition resembleth the Angells of God So long as I remaine in this state of virginitie Gen. 3.16 Eph. 5.22 neither are my desires subject to a husband nor am I tyed to submission nor yet are my sorrowes multiplyed as are theirs who in conception are severely sensible of an hereditarie punishment True it is that I am bound to obedience yet not to a husband whose conditions I know not but to my parents Ex. 20.12 of whose love I am certaine This is a knot which nothing but death can ever untye Mariage is then but an honourable bondage accompanied with sorrowes making us subject to him that 's our head yet not freeing us from obedience to those that are our parents But Virginitie hath fewer sorrowes and lesse subjection yet lesse too are the comforts and fewer the blessings It is my duety therfore to submitt to the pleasure of my God and strive to honour him in what condition soëver I shall live Should all decree to continue virgins the number of saints should not be increased nor the world remaine above the space of an age Wherfore I will not so love virginitie as contemning mariage nor so honour mariage as undervallewing virginitie In each condition those are most honourable who most doe endeavour for the honour of God In ancient times so greate was the submission of virgins to their parents that even their vowes to God were subject to alteration at the discretion of the earthly father So saith the law If a woman vow a vow unto the Lord Num. 30.3 vers 4. and bind herselfe by a bond being in her father's house in her youth And her father heare her vow and her bond wherwith shee hath bound her soule and her father hold his peace at her then all her vowes shall stand and every bond wherewith shee hath bound her soule shall stand vers 5. But if her father dis-allow her in the day that hee heareth not any of her vowes or of her bonds wherewith shee hath bound her soule shall stand and the Lord shall forgive her because her father disallowed her If a vow to God which was made by a virgin did thus depend upon the pleasure of her father assuredly then the vow of mariage ought not to passe without the parents consent If by their indiscretion our choyce be amisse though the sufferance be ours yet the blame is theirs if it prove successefull our joy shall be doubled by our willing obedience In those weighty affaires concerning wedlock there is greatest neede of a vigilant eye It is but justice that the parent should leade her by advice whose eye is darkned by the violence of affection Shee that wed 's not without counsell lives not without comfort for shee judgeth not by the event but rejoyceth in her obedience Thus if I doe obey the commands of my parents I manifest my selfe to be a child of my God If I willingly submitt to their discretion I may undoubtedly hope for the blessing of my maker yea and peradventure it may succeed beyond expectation God hath beene ever a father to those virgins who have beene faithfully obedient to his commands In mariage there is allways a hand of providence happie are those that marrie in the Lord. Hee was a father to the virgin Rebeckah Gen. 24 16. Est 2.17 when hee gave her unto Isaak Hee was a father to the virgin Esther whom Ahasuerus the King so fervently loved that hee not onely wedded her but allso crown'e her yet was shee alasse but a poore Iewesse taken into the charitable care of her uncle Mordecai vers 7. after her father's and mothers decease Thus doeth the Allmighty provide for those who submitt to his pleasure and labour to espouse a virgin soule to Christ the bride-groome O my God doe thou be for ever my father and thy sonne my loving and affectionate husband that my soule may be adorned with the graces of thy spirit and be allways acceptable to my deerest Lord. Can a maide forgett her ornaments Ier. 2.32 saith God by his Prophet or a bride her attire Yet my people have forgotten mee dayes without number My soule was a virgin but shee forgot her ornaments shee was a bride espoused to Christ but shee forgott her attire shee hath forgotten her husband dayes without number The
King's daughter Ps 45.13 vers 14 which is all glorious with in hath virgins for her companians when shee is brought unto the King Such a virgin should my soule have beene but alasse shee dare's not appeare in the sight of the King because shee hath left off the ornaments of her virginitie Ier. 13.23 Can the Ethiopian change his skinne or the Leopard his spotts Can my soule which is deflowred with the filthinesse of sinne ever hope to be reckoned among the number of virgins Can shee which hath assumed the impudencie of an harlot ever expect to be accounted modest Can shee which is deformed with the staines of iniquitie ever hope to be deemed faire and beautifull Alasse what shall I doe Unlesse my husband be reconciled unto mee it is impossible I should escape the torments of hell Some that have offended have found him gratious why may not I hope for a tast of his mercy Could I but appeare in his sight with beauty and comelinesse hee would presently renew his love and affection O but my soule is full of deformitie and for want of care shee is loathsome and uglie But is there noe recoverie of a decayed forme Is there noe way to restore a declined beauty Though shee be not beautifull yet let her be comely for thus shee may bee allthough shee is black To worke then will I goe Cant 1.5 Is 1.6 and wholly will I labour to make her amiable in the sight of her Lord. Alasse this state and condition which shee is in is full of horrour and disconsolate torments From the sole of the foote even unto the head there is noe foundnesse in her but wounds and bruises and putrifying sores they have not beene closed neither bound up neither mollified with oyntment Ps 38.5 Thus doe her wounds stinke and are corrupt because of my foolishnesse Thus through the stench of her wounds and the loathsomenesse of her sores and the deformitie of her scarrs and the impudencie of her lookes and the foulenesse of her face I know not what to doe to restore her to his favour Is 1.16 But I will endeavour to wash her to make her cleane and to put away the evill of her doeings from before his eyes With my teares I will wash her with my teares I will cleanse her For every spot of sin which hath defiled her I will shed a whole fountaine a river of teares Yet sooner can I drowne my selfe in my teares then they of them selves can recover her beauty It must be thou ô my Iesus that must assist mee it must be thy blood ô my husband wich must cleanse my pollutions Lord accept yet of my teares which are all that I can offer and wash this thy sinfull spouse in the larer of thy blood This must be the way to regaine his love from whose affectionate bosome my soule is divorced By this meanes onely shall shee once againe be receaved as a virgin though shee hath played the harlot with many lovers Ier 3.1 Thus therfore will I come and humbly will I crave his pardon and forgivenesse I will besiech him to preserve my vessel in honour and my soule in sinceritie I will begge I will intreate I will pray and begging and intreating and praying I will say The Prayer BLessed Lord Sonne of a virgin who didst honour virginitie when thou tookest our nature hearken to the cryes of a lamenting maide Mat 8.8 Lord I am not worthy to come unto thee I am not worthy to receave any favour from thee for I have forsaken thee my most indulgent husband Ier 3.1 and played the herlot with many lovers My soule is too foule to be called thine too often hath shee broken her vowes and promises to hope for thy love or thy gratious pardon But Lord what now shall I doe If yet I should fall into a despaire of thy mercies I should increase my disloyaltie and either deny or despise the power of thy passion So greate was thy love to the Church thy Spouse that thou gavest thy selfe to sanctifie and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word Eph 5.25.26 My soule ô Christ is a member of thy Spouse be pleased ô Iesus so to sanctifie and wash her that thou mayest present her to thy felfe without spot or wrinkle both holy and blamelesse vers 27 Zech 13.1 O thou who hast opened a fountaine to the house of David and to the inhabitants of Ierusalem Ps 51.2 for sinne and for uncleanesse doe thou wash mee throughly from mine iniquity and cleanse mee from my sinne Lord as in mercy thou hast given mee chastitie of body so give mee likewise the chastitie of mind and the puritie of soule Suffer not either the flesh or the Devill by their wicked suggestions to seduce mee to uncleanesse Though I am a weake 1 Pet 3.7 2 Cor 4.7 Act. 9.15 Rom 9.23 1 Thes 4.4 vers 5. though but an earthen vessell yet be thou pleased to make mee a chosen vessell a vessell of mercy Cause mee to keepe the vessell of my body and to possesse it in sanctification and honour and not in the lust of concupiscence like the Gentiles which know thee not O be thou my father in the grace of adoption be thou my brother in thy pitty and compassion be thou my husband in thy love and affection and be thou my Iesus in the salvation of my sick and sinfull soule Arme mee with constancy against all assaults of carnall imaginations Give mee modestie in my countenance decency in my apparell civilitie in my behaviour sobrietie in my discourse and contentednesse in my condition Make mee obedient to my parents respective to my superiours courteous to my inferiours and loving unto all Let not my adorning be outward 1 Pet 3.3 Iam 3.17 Prov 1.9 of putting on of apparell but give mee that wisedome which is from above to be as an ornament of grace unto my head and as chaines about my neck Preserve ô Christ both my body and soule in chastitie and honour while I am here upon earth as becometh a virgin espoused to thy selfe Eccl 12.7 Reu 14.3 and when my dust shall returne to the earth as it was let my spirit returne unto thy selfe who gavest it and to thee let it sing that new song with the quire of virgins before thy throne for ever and ever Amen subject 8 THE NINETH SUBJECT Teares of a woman in the state of mariage The Soliloquie Treating of the dueties of a wife to her husband THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray MAn was created in the image of God Gen 1 27. c 2.18 vers 21 vers 22 yet because it was not good that hee should be alone the Lord did make him an helpe that was meete for him A
desert Peraduenture to corect my pride this thorne in my flesh may be a messenger of Satan sent to buffet mee 2 Cor. 12.7 as once Saint Paul had one sent unto him for who of all our sexe is not guilty of this follie Among us are the tender and the delicate women such as were among the Israelites who will not aduenture to set the sole of the foote upon the ground Deut. 28.56 for delicatenesse and tendernesse and not to flatter or deceave my selfe I may peradventure be one of them Or if I have not had power to put in practise what I desired yet it may be that my desire hath beene to be as delicate as the chiefest and finest of our sexe Satan is sayd to have gone forth from the presence of the Lord Iob 2.7 and to have smote Iob with sore boyles from the sole of the foote to the crowne of his head O that I were but halfe so righteous as was holy Iob of whom God himselfe beareth witnesse that There was none like him in the earth c. 1.8 a perfect and an upright man one that feared God and eschewed evill But alas I am noe such person for I have by my wickednesse as it were taught the serpent to goe forth from the presence of the Lord and to smite mee with this sicknesse this rising this swelling worse then those boyles which infested Iob. David had a sore too 1 Sam. 13.14 a running sore allithough hee was a man after God's owne heart Psa 77.2 for so hee complained saying My sore ranne in the night and ceased not my soule refused comfort But his Sore was not like unto mine for his was in the fierce combat which hee had with distrust and it may as well be meant that his hand by night reached out in prayer and ceased not or by that sore may be meant the running of his eyes which dropped in the night for his grievous crimes and ceased not as well as an impostume or ulceration But mine is not such it is a sore indeede a carbuncle a pestilentiall sore allthough as yet it is not come to such maturitie as to doe as David spake of his It is yet but a swelling a hard swelling a rising and for its swelling and for its hardnesse it may either be my very heart removed from the seate appointed it by nature or else it may be sent to put mee in mind of the proud swelling and the malitious hardnesse of mine impenitent heart Alas if I doe but seriously consider of that litle morsell of proude flesh or rather stone hard stone then flesh that Adamantine heart what have I not deserved for that wicked heart which others were ever punished with Worse farre worse doe I deserve then ever did Iudah I onely want a Prophet to lament mine estate as Isaiah did hers for the judgements of God inflicted upon her for her rebellion Is 1.5 and to cry The whole head is sick and the whole heart is faint from the sole of the foote even to the head there is noe soundnesse in it vers 6. but wounds and bruises and putrifying sores they have not beene closed neither bound up neither mollified with oyntment But what shall I doe in this distresse May not these poisoned humours that have conspired together in this present tumour as well be some other disease as the infectious Pestelence Lord how faine would sinners live in ignorance and never either understand the offences which they have committed or know the manner and the kind of their punishments How faine would the sick delude themselves with a conceipt of health and hoping for life cozen their knowledg with the falsehood of opinion I cannot deny but it is the sicknesse which I am stricken with the infectious sicknesse the dreadfull Pestilence and I can have noe hope of life if once it seizeth on my trembling heart To prevent that danger therfore since my heart hath hitherto beene so stonie so hard to entertaine the motions of the blessed Spirit I will request it now to continue its obduracie not against my greate God but against this sad and deadly sicknesse What it hath usually reteined allmost to the utter un-doeing and destruction of my soule I will intreate it to continue now for the preservation of my body Or if that will not doe if it resolue to yeeld in this time of distresse farre rather then I will seeke to that I will humbly besiech my offended Lord to take possession of my heart and if hee will vouchsafe to graunt my petition then come what can come I am sure I shall have comfort because I shal have the societie of my God But what if my heart be preserved from these malignant humours Have I â—hen any assurance that my disease is not mortall Alas noe but I must use the meanes and besiech my God to give them his blessing I must apply those things which will mollifie this swelling it must be softened be broken be drawne before it can be healed Thus even thus must I deale with my heart too The malitious humours of sinne and corruption have allready assembled there and caused it to swell I will hasten therfore to Iob 's Physitian Iob. 23.16 who softened his heart and troubled him and I will besiech him for Christ's sake to mollifie mine for there are more then the seaven abominations of a dissembler in it Prov. 26.25 Ioël 2.13 Hos 10.12 Psa 69.20 Ier. 4.4 I will pray him to rent it to breake it to breake up the fallow ground of it for hee better can breake mine then the miserie of repreach could breake the heart of the Prophet David I will intreate him to take away the foreskinne of it and to wash it from wickednesse that so I may be saved and that noe vaine thought may lodge in it vers 14. c. 17.10 I will request him to search it that hee will lay some-thing to it Is 47.7 Ps 147 3. even all the wickednesses that ever I have committed Then when hee hath broken it I know that hee will heale it and bind up the Wounds of it for to this purpose hee sent his sonne his onely-begotten sonne my Redeemer my Iesus even to bind up the broken hearted Is 61.1 But when this greate cure shall be wrought for mee what have I to render unto him by way of thankfullnesse Alas nothing even just nothing at all unlesse hee will accept of that broken yet therein that whole and cured heart That then shall be his and I know that hee wil accept of it for so saith David that man after his owne heart A broken Act. 13.22 Ps 51.17 and a contrite heart ô God thou wilt not despise from the mallice of this heart doeth proceede the malignitie of this my disease for sinne is the cause of every sicknesse But all this while I doe but talke of this maladie I sieke not for a remedie Alas
to whom shall I goe To what physitian or Chyrurgion shall I repaire Lev. 13.2 I reade that if any man of the house of Israël had in the skinne of his flesh a rising or a swelling or a bright spott and if it were in the skinne of the flesh like the plague of Leprosie then hee was to be brought to Aaron the Priest or unto one of his sonnes the Priests vers 3. and the Priest was to looke on the plague in the skinne of the flesh and then to proceede according to order Thus under the Law the Priests were the Physitians both for the body and the soule where upon the Prophet Ieremiah complained and accounted it as a greate judgment upon the people for their sinnes that From the Prophet even to the Priest every one dealt falsely Ier. 6.13 vers 14 they healed allso the hurt of the people sleightly Hence allso another Prophet reproved them Eze. 34.4 because The diseased they had not strengthened neither had they healed that which was sick neither had they bound up that which was broken Under the Gospel allso the Apostles were likewise Physitians for both Mat. 10.1 for when Christ had called unto him his twelve Disciples hee not onely gave them power against un-cleane Spirits to cast them out but allso to heale all manner of sicknesses and all manner of diseases Doubtlesse by this I am likewise taught into whatsoëver sicknesse I fall Psa 110.4 Mal. 4.2 Make use of the prayer which followeth the next Meditation whatsoëver disease I am visited with first of all to goe to the Priest to the Minister of God first to examine my soule before I looke for the cure of my body To the Priest will I therfore goe to the chiefe Priest to the high Priest to the chiefest and highest that ever was even to him who is a Priest for ever after the order of Melchizedek and humbly will I besiech him to teach mee to feare his name and then I know that hee who is the Sunne of righteousnesse will arise with healing in his wings and will make mee goe forth and grow up as calves of the stall 2. Teares of the visited being marked with the Tokens The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray THere is a time to kill saith Solomon and a time to heale Eccl. 3.3 O that time to kill is now come upon mee but I know not how so much as to hope for the time of healing for here I find the tokens of death the markes of my mortalitie This flesh this sinfull flesh of mine which hath beene so washed so unguented so smoothed and coloured according to the choycest witt of art and industrie hath now the staines in it of a contagious sicknesse Where are now those admirers of comelinesse those idolatrous doaters upon the beawtie of women Let them come and learne the vanitie of their opinions chide their simplicitie by these tokens of vengeance O what a fraile thing is woman easily deluded into a beliefe of her beawty and as easily stricken with her owne deformitie But what doe these spotts meane to die my flesh and strike such a deepe tinture in a smoothed sknne Are diseases blind that thus they fasten every where without either choyce or exception Vaine woman as I am why doe I spend these minuits these few and winged minuits alotted unto mee in such impertinent quaeres These blewish staines tell mee that I must provide to answer for my sinnes yea shortly speedily before him who dispatched them hither unto mee Death approacheth mortalitie knocketh at my burdened heart Lord how heavie is my soule Even as if it were allready at the greate tribunall and pleaded guiltie of millions of enormities They have corrupted themselves saith Moses by the Israëlites Deut 32.5 their spot is not the spot of God's children they are a perverse and crooked generation Is there a spot then which even the children of God may be subject unto Why then may not these be some of those spotts and my selfe be one of those children of God Lord how willingly how greedily doeth every one strive to dye the death of the righteous How easilie are wee apt through ignorance to dwell in the letter of the text when wee should rather prie into a farther intent of the blessed Spirit That spot of the children of God is not seated in the body but in the soule and that spot in the soules of the Israelites was chiefely Idolatrie True it is that even the righteous have their stainei too vers 15 16.17 but not such bloaches not such greate and fowle spots or howsoever not of such a deepe tincture not dyed so in graine as are those of the wicked for they are washed out with the teares of sorrow through the blood of the Lamb. O that my spotts were onely in my skinne and not in my soule and that I could truely justifie my selfe in the language of Iob. Iob. 31.6 vers 7. Let mee be weighed in an even ballance that God may know mine integritie If any blott hath cleaved to my hands But alas I cannot I dare not Yet if I could but come to a sight of my sinnes and be truely humbled for them then am I sure that hee who taught Iacob how to increase his flock of the speckled and the spotted Gen. 30.39 Is 1.18 would easily make mee white as wooll But how or upon what grounds can I expect his mercy feeing all that I can suffer is not punishment enough for all that I have trespassed Heb. 9.22 Without shedding of blood is noe remission sayth the blessed Apostle What comfort then can I expect or what mercy can I hope for seeing that my blood my life is not of vallew enough to suffer what my sinnes have merited much lesse to purchase remission of my sinnes What now shall I doe What hope can I have that my body should be freed from these spots of my disease when I know not how to be freed from the pollutions of my soule By the Mosaicall law If any one of the common people sinned against any of the commandements of God concerning things which ought not to be done Lev 4.27 vers 32 A Lamb without blemish was to be his offering and so the atonement was made for the sinne vers 35 and it was forgiven Here yet was some ease for a distressed soule the sinne was forgiven through the blood of the Lamb. But what hope have I of remission That Law doeth noe longer stand in force nor will the blood of a common Lamb be accepted for the least the smallest offence Yet Cheere up O my drooping soule Let my fainting spirits and my sorrowfull heart take comfort in the middest of my deepe distresse for there is
I climb up into a tree for it Yea I doe climb and into a tree too O it is the tree of mine owne pride and vanitie which beareth leaves goodly broade shadowing leaves but it beareth noe fruit at all nothing but keyes and those keyes are fitted onely for the wide gate that leadeth to destruction Mat. 7.13 they will never un-lock the gates of heaven This child is young hee is a babe a babe in age a babe in growth I am a babe not in age not in growth but such a one as the Corinthians were to whom the Apostle wrote 1. Cor. 3.1 and sayd that hee could not speake unto them as unto spirituall but as unto carnall even as unto babes in Christ My child is young and tender and simple apt to be led with trifles to stragle abroad with children to be caried any whither at the pleasure of her to whose charge hee is left I am a child too a verier child then mine owne apt to be tossed to and fro Eph. 4.14 and caried about with every wind of doctrine by the sleight of men and cunning craftinesse whereby they lye in wayt to deceave And now what shall I doe I am the verier child of the two the most sinfull of the two and yet my child is afflicted with sicknesse and to mee noe other punishment is at present alotted but the griefe which I have for the sicknesse of my child Hee still cryeth still must I therfore cry Hee groaneth and I must allso groane Yea I doe groane I groane in spirit that my Iesus may cure the diseases of my soule I groane too for my child my prettie sweete babe that my Iesus may howsoever cure the infirmities of his soule and if hee so pleaseth recover allso the health of his body This must be the way to him I must thus goe Io. 14.6 Ps 30.8 for hee himselfe hath styled himselfe the way I will therfore cry unto the Lord and get mee unto my Lord right humbly I will goe to the gate of the physitian the gate of mercy and there I will knock and call and cry for entrance I will fall upon my knees and wring my hands and smite my breast Is 38.14 and weepe and mourne like a Crane and chatter like a Swallow even untill mine eyes faile with looking upward and thus will I say unto him The Prayer GReate God whose power is irresistable and whose pleasure is the rule of thy servant's obedience bow downe thine eare to my sad intreaties Thou hast stricken mee with sorrow who have not mourned for the cause and by the sicknesse of mine infant thou hast taught mee the frailtie of our mortall bodyes I see that all flesh is as grasse 1. Pet. 1.24 and the glory thereof but as the flowre of the field Mine impenitent heart I must confesse deserveth thy justice and my sinfull life this punishment of my tender infant But thou ô Lord art mercifull though I am sinfull and art apt to forgive those that truely repent O my God I desire to be sorrowfull for mine offences and earnestly I besiech thee to give mee true contrition for all my sinnes Iob. 7.20 O thou preserver of men remitt both my sinnes and the punishment which is justly due unto mee for them that I may rejoyce in thy mercy and magnifie thee for thy goodnesse Looke gratiously upon this child who feeleth the scourge though gently of thy justice due both for his and for my transgressions O let not thy wrathfull displeasure continue upon him nor my greater crimes cause an addition unto his torments Thy servant David confessed his sinnes and submitted to thy rod but yet hee cryed concerning his people 2. Sam. 24.19 and sayd These sheepe what have they done I dare not justifie this thy patient but I must needes acknowledg that for mine iniquities as well as for his thou thus doest wound him But ô thou who didst once command Mat. 19 14. that litle children should be brought unto thee didst prefer them for patternes both of innocency and humilitie shew now thy power in the weakenesse of this child Enable him with patience to endure thy visitation and direct mee to the meanes which may conduce to his recoverie if thou in thy secret decree hast so determined it Ps 6.2 Have mercy upon him ô Lord for hee is weake ô Lord heale him and free him from his sufferings Thou art hee that tookest him out of my wombe Ps 22.9 Ps 9.13 Ps 41.2 and canst as easily if thou pleasest lift him up now from the gates of death Preserve him ô God if it may be thy heavenly pleasure and keepe him alive that hee may be blessed upon earth ô heale his soule and raise him up againe Give a blessing to the meanes which shall be used for his recovery Ps 119 91. Ps 56.8 that all things in their order may be knowne to serve thee O let the teares of mee thine afflicted supplicant be put into thy botle and let the cryes of mee thy mournefull hand-mayd who beg for this infant be heard in the eares of thee the Lord of hosts Thou thy selfe didst weepe ô Christ Io. 11.35 for the death of Lazarus take compassion therfore on the weeping mother of this diseased child O let not my teares be shed in vaine but mercifully free this infant from his anguish and sufferings Yet howsoëver thou hast decreed righteous father not my will Mat 26.39 Ier 10.24 but thy will be done Onely let mee besiech thee to visit him in mercy and not in thy fury lest he be consumed and brought to nought Make him able to beare what thou determinest to send and in thy good time raise him out of this miserie Lord give mee allso a willing submission to thy holy pleasure that so I may neither discover too much fondnesse of affection to this my beloved issue when I see him subject to frailtie and mortalitie nor too immoderately grieve if thou receavest him to thy selfe Forgive whatsoëver is amisse in him and let his soule de deare and pretious in thy sight O Let thy mercy pleade against thy severitie let thy gratious promises be had in thy remembrance and let thy Christ be heard in his intercession both for mee and mine To thy will ô Lord make mee readily submitt to thy holy pleasure make mee willingly yeeld Thine is this infant Ps 39.13 and thou lentest him mee ô spare him a litle that hee may recover his strength before hee goe hence and be noe more seene To thy pleasure ô heavenly father I willingly refer him besieching thee to send him thy grace while hee shall remaine upon earth and after that receave him into glory for the worthinesse of thine onely begotten Sonne Iesus Christ our onely Lord and Saviour Amen subject 17 THE SEAVENTEENTH SUBjECT Teares of a Mother for the death of her child The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5.
vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray WHen all wept Luc 8.52 and bewayled the litle daughter of Iairus my Iesus forbad their teares saying Shee is not dead but sleepeth O sweete comfort to the lamenting mother whose onely daughter should returne from the dead Shee that had shed the teares of sorrow for the losse of her joy was then to shed teares of joy for the recoverie of the deceased But I weepe and weepe Lam 1.2 and continually weepe the teares are on my cheekes for my child is dead I have noe hope of receaving him againe to life I alas am not the wife of a ruler of the temple I have noe Iesus here in the flesh to worke such a miracle for mee My poore child is dead and hopelesse and helplesse as I am there is noe recovering there is noe recalling him Yet stay howsoever I will call I will cry mee think's hee should not be dead who knoweth but my sweete babe may heare mee Who knoweth but my Redeemer may awake him againe The daughter of Iairus was dead to her parents but shee was not dead to the Messias Hee who will one day awake the dead and rowze them from the graves can now if hee pleaseth speake as powerfully to my babe My Saviour can for hee himselfe is neither dead nor sleepeth True it is that once hee dyed yea hee dyed for mee and so for mine infant too but hee rose againe and from thence-forth can die noe more Rom 6 9. death hath noe more dominion over him This living Saviour of mine may if hee please restore my dead child I will call him peradventure hee may awake Sonne ô my sonne my child my love my joy my dearest infant where art thou Where strayest thou Whither wanderest thou Returne returne litle Saint and cheere up the drooping spirits of thy fainting mother What noe answer Noe speech Not so much as a groane or a sigh Will this frozen clod of earth be noe more â—he carkenet of his immortall soule Oh hee s fled hee 's gone hee 's past re-call alas what shall I doe Is this the blessing of the womb â—o enjoy a child for a yeere or two and then â—o have it hasten to the womb of the earth Is this the joy the delight that women have in the fruit of their bodies Gen 3.16 onely to conceave in sorrow to travell in anguish and when they are delivered after a yeare or two to be bereft of them in a moment Could not thousands of kisses and dandlings and dauncings nay could not sckreeches and groanes and cryes call back my child Alas noe I see they could not all was in â—aine Hee who called Lazarus from the grave hath called my litle one to the grave His soule is with him and nothing now but his body is left with mee From him I would not pluck him mee think's if I might for hee 's at peace with him From mee mee thinks I would not have had him call him for hee knoweth how I loved him and yet his will not mine must be fullfilled O that I could so rest satisfied with the rest of my sweete infant But why doe I onely wish so I must likewise practise it Act. 5.29 lest happily as Gamaliel sayd unto the Iewes I be found even to fight against God I will therfore resolve with David and say 2 Sam. 12.23 Now hee is dead wherfore should I fast Can I bring him back againe I shall goe to him but hee shall not returne to mee I shall goe when hee who keepeth my child in his armes shall be pleased so to embrace mee likewise and to seate mee in his Kingdome by my dearest child Why then should I enuy my litle one the joyes of eternitie If I weepe too much I may discover a discontent at his highest preferement If I truely loved him I shall never enuy him allthough I shall desire that to those heavenly mansions I may certainly follow him Young hee was while mine hee was very young tender weake and yet as young as hee was hee now is suddenly growne older then my selfe hee is my better hee is my senior and hath gotten before mee into glory Yea and his passage thither was fayre and gentle too if I consider his sinnes which hee suffered for onely in his sicknesse His rich soule espied a crevise a chinke a flaw in his muddie earth made by his disease and so escaped flew away even with the wings of that dove that blessed Spirit Ps 55.6 which David panted for and wished for and cryed for saying O that I had the wings of a dove Gen. 7.1 King 13.24 2. King 2.24 Num 21 6. Gen 19 24. for then would I flee away and be at rest Had my child beene drowned as was the ould world or torne in pieces by Lyons as was the disobedient Prophet or by Beares as were the fortie and two children that mocked Elisha or stung with Serpents as were the murmuring Israëlites or burnt with fire and brimstone as were Sodome and Gomorrha or swallowed up quick by the yawning num 16.33 act 12 23. gaping devouring earth as were Corah Dathan and Abiram or had hee beene smitten by the Angel of God and eaten up of wormes of vermine as was Herod Agrippa then my griefe indeede might have beene increased my sorrowes might have beene multiplyed yet at length if it had beene so I ought to have beene contented at length if I belong unto him to whom my child is gone I must have taken up the resolution of patient of holy of devout Iob and have sayd The Lord gave Iob. 1.21 and the Lord hath taken away blessed be the name of the Lord. But my God hath beene more mercifull both to mee and mine for hee made much of my child and finding him a litle froward a litle wayward a litle unquiet hee gently layed him downe to sleepe Hee sent a gentle disease to rock him to sing him to sleepe And seing that hee thus gently thus securely sleepe's in God even in that God who never sleepeth surely whilest I awake I will sing and give praise My glory shall awake Ps 57.8 my Lute and Harpe shall awake all my joyes all my pleasures all my contents shall awake and praise him and magnifie him for ever And yet for all this my resolution for all my serious purpose thus to doe I find that in my musick I stop upon a fret That sudden sigh stole from my heart unawares It may be that it was ashamed to stay there and so slanke away What another Nay this is too much King Solomon telleth mee that there is a time to weepe Ecc 3.4 but hee doeth not tell mee that that time must continue so long as I continue here upon earth What though I am a traveller I
him yea and on mee allso that I may not be drowned in the flouds of sorrow Mat. 8.14 vers 15 When Iesus came into Peter's house hee saw his wive's mother laid and sick of a feaver And hee did but touch her hand and the feaver left her and shee arose and ministred unto them My Iesus doeth still reteine both his mercy and his power Though his body be absent yet his spirit is present Hee can if hee please reach downe from heaven Deut 4 34. for hee hath a mighty hand and a stretched-out arme O that hee would but touch his patient that so his disease might leave him and that hee might arise and serre the Lord The Prophet David did highly extoll the goodnesse of the Lord when hee acknowledged saying Ps 30.3 O Lord thou hast brought up my soule from the grave thou hast kept mee alive that I should not goe downe to the pitt Doe thou the same ô my God for thine afflicted servant My Redeemer was pleased to tell the Pharisees that the husband and the wife are noe more twaine but one flesh and therfore hee concluded saying What God hath joyned together let not man put asunder Mat â—9 6. My husband and my selfe are joyned together by the sacred institution of holy wedlock which maketh us one for wee have but one God one body one mind one affection wherfore then should any thing attempt to seperate us Yet wee may be Seperated and if this divorce be not wrought by man it infringeth not the law of God Sicknesse may make yea and at this time it doeth make an un-wellcome seperation yet though wee are seperated wee are not divided But I must find out more in this seperation then barely the sicknesse I must looke up unto him who sent this sicknesse and that is God Hee may seperate us indeede whensoever hee pleaseth Hee may send his executioner that pale and grimme death with his sharpest Sickle and give him power to reape downe either one or both of us That is the effect of sinne and I cannot deny but I have deserved to be deprived of my husband because I have many wayes offended him who sent him unto mee In the time of his health did I expect his sicknesse Did I provide for this evill day Nay did I not rather pride my selfe as Babylon did Reu 18 7. and say in mine heart I sit as a Queene and am noe widow and shall see noe sorrow Certainly his sicknesse is allso sent as a scourge unto mee for being flesh of his flesh and bone of his bone I cannot choose but be sensible of the anguish which hee suffer's Yet allthough it is just with God to deprive mee of my husband because of my rebellions I have hope in his mercy if I can but confesse my wickednesses Ps 38.18 Eze. 34 16. and be sorrie for my sinnes Hee promised once by the mouth of his Prophet saying I will seeke that which was lost and bring againe that which was driven away and will bind up that which was broken will strengthen that which was sick O my God make good this promise now to thy languishing servant Hee is one of thy flock hee is one of thy weake and tender Lambs True it is that hee was lost when hee went astray after his owne inventions but now as thou hast found him in this thy visitation so let him find thee in the gentlnesse of his correction Seeke him ô my God who was lost bring him againe unto thee who was driven from thee by the suggestions of the tempter bind him up for hee is broken Ps 41.3 and strengthen him now upon the bed of languishing make thou all his bed in this his sicknesse Moses did assure the children of Israel that If they would hearken to the judgments of God Deut. 7 12. vers 15 and keepe and doe them Then the Lord would take away from them all sicknesse and would put none of the evill diseases of Egypt upon them O my Lord be pleased to make thy feeble servant willing to hearken to thy judgments and ready to keepe them and then in thy good time release him from his sicknesse Againe the Lord at another time did comfort his people Ex. 23.25 and sayd unto them Yee shall serve the Lord your God and I will take sicknesse away from the midst of thee O that my God would be pleased to draw this languishing patient to his holy service and accept of that service and then free him from this sicknesse Hee who hath woundded him even the same can cure him and hee expecteth noe reward onely hee requireth the heart But alas the very heart of my husband is tormented with sicknesse hee is sick at the heart and the Lord doeth say Mal. 1.8 If yee offer the lame and the sick is it not evill But what then shall hee doe Hee can offer noe other then what hee hath Let it be thy goodnesse ô God to ture him of his lamenesse to ease him of his sicknesse and then accept of the whole man for hee is wholly thine Hee who so friendly speaketh to the house of Israël and justifieth himselfe unto them saying O my people what have I done unto thee Mich. 6.3 and wherein have I wearied thee Even the same God notwithstanding threatneth the wicked that hee will make them sick in smiting vers 13 them My poore husband now is sensible of his wrath because hee had formerly refused his mercy Even hee and my selfe have beene apt to forget our good God when hee did not weary us and therfore now hee doeth make us sick in this smiting us Yet there is hope for even the same God is ours who was the God of Daniel and that Prophet saith Dan 8.27 I Daniel fainted and was sick certaine dayes afterward I rose up and did the King's businesse My poore husband fainteth too oh hee is sick too but I will pray unto my God to raise him up againe that so hee may doe the King's businesse even the businesse of him who is King of Kings Reu 17.14 and Lord of Lords For this I will besiech him and I will begge of him that in the bowells of his compassion hee will open his eares to the cry of his hand-mayd whilest I powre out my prayer and supplication unto him and say The Prayer INcomprehensible God whose workes are deepe and whose wayes are past finding out who smitest in thy wrath and yet in thy wrath remembrest mercy Hab. 3.2 be pleased to stretch forth thine hand and visit in mercy thine afflicted patient Thou art the good Samaritane from whom alone wee can expect the oyle of gladnesse Lu 10.33 Ps 45.7 and the wine of consolation O remember not the iniquities either of my sick Lord or my sinfull selfe for wee know that in thy justice thou mayst teare us in pieces Ps 50.22 Is 53.5 when there can
him who is emnipotent Hee did worke many wonders by his Apostles Act 19 11. even upon the living and speciall miracles by the hand of Saint Paul vers 12 so that from his body were brought unto the sick handkercheifs or aprons the diseases departed from them the evill spirits went out of them And hee who wrought cure of the people without meanes can give such a blessing to the meanes that I may thereby be restored againe many diseases my Redeemer himselfe did cure while hee was upon earth It is true that hee is now not here in the flesh hee is ascended into heaven But what of that Though his humanitie be there yet his divinitie is every where I will therfore submit to his pleasure and I will hope for my health While hee was upon earth hee delighted in cures and his mercie remaineth still the same readily will I therfore submit to his pleasure Mar. 2.3 Once was a man so weake with the palsie that hee was borne by fower vers 4. and when by reason of the preasse they could not come neere the doores of the house where my Saviour was they un-covered the roofe and let him downe in his bed When Iesus saw their faith vers 5. hee said unto the sick of the palsie Sonne thy sinnes be forgiven thee Mat 8.14 When Peter's wive's mother was sick of a feaver vers 15 my Saviour did but onely touch her hand and the feaver left her and shee arose and ministred unto them c. 4.24 The people brought unto him all sick folke that were taken with diverse diseases and torments and those that were possessed with devills and those that were lunatick and those that had the palsy and hee healed them It is hee alone that can heale and therfore to him alone will I pray that I may be healed Were my disease as ould as my body my body as ancient as time it selfe yet hee that can remit my sinnes can restore my health But my disease is not so ancient and therfore the cure doeth not seeme to be so hard Suppose that I have languished a moneth a quarter a whole yeare What if three What if sixe What if a dozen yeares It exceedeth not either his power Mat. 9.20 or skill to make mee whole Hee cured a woman who for twelve yeares together had beene diseased of an issue of blood in her body Mar 5.26 Shee poore woman had suffered many things of many physitians and had spent al that shee had and yet was nothing bettered but rather grew worse Thus despairing of any helpe from man shee addressed herselfe to him who is both God and man To him that cure was so easie that shee did but onely touch the hemme of his garment strait way the fountaine of her blood was dryed up vers 29 and shee felt in her body that shee was healed of that plague There was a miracle indeede that with the touch of a garment the disease should be cured If such power did lye in the hemne of his garment what vertue must I needes believe did lie in his body But what comfort can I receave from this which I reade when I know that that body is ascended into heaven Fond woman as I am why doe I thus waver Though his flesh be from mee yet his spirit is with mee Yea and his flesh and his blood is offered still unto Christians upon earth Hee giveth not onely his garment to touch but allso his flesh and that not to touch onely but even to eate to seede upon in the blessed sacrament That woman was cured by the touch of his garment and shall not I hope for his mercy who feede upon his flesh and blood in the Eucharist Yes yes I must I will believe that hee for his owne sake will remitt my sinnes and that if it may advantage the glory of his name hee â—an and may recover my health Yet all this while I thinke but of a disease of twelve yeares standing What if I had beene sick for eighteene yeares together Might I therfore despaire of his power Noe noe I might not I durst not Lu 13.11 Doe not I reade of a woman who had a spirit of insirmitie eighteene yeares and was bowed together and could in noe wise lift up herselfe A disease shee had which in effect was not alltogether unlike unto mine for I stoope too and am allmost bowed together through the weakenesse and infirmitie of my body and cannot lift up my selfe but am enforced to require the aide of my friends and attendance to raise mee and to support mee Yet I reade that when Iesus saw her vers 12 hee called her unto him and said unto her Woman thou art loosed from thine infirmitie vers 13 And hee layd his hands on her and immediately shee was made straite and glorified God It may be his pleasure to speake such comfort allso unto mee for I have not beene sick so many yeares as was shee and I seeke my Saviour which shee did not allthough I must acknowledge it is his grace which worketh in mee this my seeking of him yea and I begge the cure whereas shee was asked if shee would be cured Why then should I not hope that hee will lay his hands upon mee and make mee straite and restore mee whole as hee did that woman that I may glorifie him for it But suppose that my disease had continued above twentie yeares suppose above thirtie should the long continuance make mee determine the cure impossible Nothing lesse for I reade that a certaine man was at the poole of Bethesda Io. 5.5 who had an infirmitie thirtie and eight yeares vers 6. and when my Iesus sam him lye there and knew that hee had beene now a long time in that case hee said unto him Wilt thou be whole vers 7. The impotent man answered him Sir I have noe man when the water is troubled to put mee into the poole but while I am coming another steppeth downe before mee vers 8. vers 9. Iesus saith unto him Rise take up thy bed and walke and immediately the man was made whole and tooke up his bed and walked Loe here is some comfort still thirtie and eight yeares continuance was nothing to Christ Hee who is eternall seeth all things at once and doeth all things without difficultie Surely that man was intended for a patterne of patience and that I might learne contentedly to suffer what my God shall lay upon mee Hee despaired not of health though his disease was inveterate but hee lay â—… the poole and expected still the hand of mercy â—o lift him into the water nothing doubting â—f the cure if hee could in due time but get â—…to the poole Nor may I despaire of what â—y God can doe but I must continue in my â—pplications enduring mine affliction with â—tience and referring all to his holy pleasure 〈◊〉 must
meete thee my God and my mercifull Redeemer O God comfort mee O Christ strengthen mee O Iesus save mee Prepare mee for the happie hower of my deliverance from this world and then bring mee out of this valley of teares to those waters of comfort where I may sing tryumphantly to the honour of thy name through Iesus Christ my Lord and my Redeemer Amen subject 25 THE TWENTIE-FIFTH SUBjECT Teares of a mother on her death-bed blessing her children The Soliloquie Consisting of two parts viz 1 Her preparation to blesse them 2 The blessing it selfe ending in a prayer part 1 The First part of the Soliloquie being her preparation to blesse them THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray CHildren are an heritage of the Lord saith the Psalmist Ps 127.3 and the fruit of the wombe is his reward True indeede they come from the Lord and happy are they if they returne unto him Gracious hath my God beene to mee in the loane of my issue but unlesse hee shall be pleased to adde grace unto nature his blessing will be fearfully converted into a curse Weakenesse possesseth my body faintnesse my spirits 2. Tim. 4.6 and the time of my departure is neere at hand Goe I must yea and I am willing and joyfull to meete my God but oh the thought of my children disturbeth my mind and the consideration of what may become of them filleth my dying heart with cares and anxjeties If they live not in the feare of him who lent them unto mee my poore issue may become the fewell of hell What shall I doe If I should live I would take such care by the blessing of my God as that I might be a meanes to nurture them up in the feare of the most high but if I am taken away from them who can tell what their education may prove Strangers may governe them and such people for ought I know may undertake their tuition as may neglect the care of religious instructions and suffer them to runne head-long to the gulfe of perdition O what a curse would it prove beyond expression if that part of my selfe which is divided into litle ones if those which cost mee so many pangs and throwes should be disobedient to my God and so be sentenced to the flames of eternall horrour Alas I can doe noe more then what the Lord will permit mee While I am here I am bound both by nature and grace to endeavour my utmost for their holy advantage but when I shall be dissolved lye in the cold clods of my mother earth then can noe more care be expected from mee Ah my poore infants litle doe they thinke how they will misse their mother and wish mee alive againe as if they envyed my happinesse Hither and thither they may be tossed and tumbled and which is worst of all they may be brought up in ignorance or in lewdnesse and sensualitie Mee think's I see the frownes of a stepmother and the knitted browes menacing nothing but crueltie and tyrannie and then mee think's they weepe in one corner and lament in another bemoane their hard happ in the losse of my selfe Their hungrie bellies may be pinched with famine their bodies with cold and their backs with stripes when I shall not either heare or see or know it my head being layed in the low and silent grave Helpe they may call for when none will have the pittie to render them helpe So they may want and cry and be beaten and cry and be turned out of doores and cry when yet neither mercy will heare nor charitie hearken to the complaints of the motherlesse But why doe I spend so many of these swift minuits of my short continuance in such pensive melancholick and distrustfull thoughts and feares of what may happen True it is that these and others yea and worse inconveniences may happen to their bodies and yet they may prove the children of the Most high That ô that is all that I aime at for though I would not willingly have them suffer in their bodies yet I would not for a thousand worlds that they should suffer in their soules Hunger and thirst and stripes and nakednesse may be endured and in time either age or wealth or friends may free them from these out-ward sufferances but ignorance and ungodlinesse without the infinite mercies and goodnesse of my Redeemer will be punished with torments that shall never have end O what shall I doe then for my poore distressed children Grieve I doe but I feare that I offend in it mourne I doe but I doubt it is more then indeede I ought God is not weake or ignorant or impotent Hee hath beene a father to mee from the time of my conception and shall I yet distrust in his providence and protection of my children This were either to suspect his power or to deny his mercie I know it is his desire that they should be heires of salvation and I know that hee can effect whatsoever hee desireth To him therfore I will leave them to his care and tuition I will referre my tender and beloved plants And that hee may the more willingly become their guardiaen when I shall leave them while I live I will beseech him with abundance of my teares to admitt them his servants The wife of Zebideus made a bolder request to my gracious Redeemer Mat 20.21 for shee be sought him that those her two sonnes might sit the one on his right hand and the other on his left in his Kingdome vers 22 Shee poore woman as Christ replyed did not know what shee asked Shee knew not that the Kingdome of Christ was celestiall but dreamed of an earthly diademe and glory Her request was therfore the fuller both of boldnesse and ambition whom noe place would serve for those her children but what was highest and next to supreamest majestie Yet mee thinks I cannot much blame her for her love to them whom so dearely shee had bought There is noe earthly love to be compared to the love of a woman nor is any womans love to be compared to the love of a mother Surely David did not know how strong this passion of love is in the weaker vessells when hee said The love of Ionathan to him was wonderfull 2. Sam. 1.26 passing the love of women Wee mothers are like unto the charet of King Solomon whereof though the pillars were of silver Cant 3 10. and the bottome of gold and the covering of purple yet the midst thereof was paved with love for the daughters of Ierusalem Is 49.15 Can a woman saith God forget her sucking child that shee should not have compassion on the sonne of her wombe 'T is very rare indeede and yet it is possible for hee himselfe doeth say that they may forget Yet
set it forth from day to day Ps 96.2 part 2 The Second part of the Soliloquie wherein is set forth the certaintie of Death A Braham is dead the Prophets are dead and my Saviour Christ sayd Io 8.52 If a man keepe my sayings hee shall never tast of death At this the Iewes were very much stumbled and mee think 's they had some collour for their contention about it For if Abraham were dead Rom. 4 11. Iam 2.23 Gen 22 18. Lu 1.70 who was the father of the faithfull who was the friend of God hee in whose seede all the nations of the earth were promised a blessing because hee obeyed the voyce of the Lord And if the Prophets were allso dead those holy Prophets which have beene since the world began and by whom the Lord did reveale his pleasure unto the people If all these were dead well might the Iewes wonder when our Saviour said If a man keepe my saying hee shall never tast of death Well indeede they might wonder for ignorance is the cause of all our merveiles Did wee but know a certaine reason for every event wee should never wonder at that which happeneth but wee should magnifie the first greatest cause which is God The Iewes wondered because they were ignorant and supposed that our Saviour had spoken of a temporall death whereas hee meant that which is eternall True it is that the temporall death is an effect and fruit of the first sinne but eternall death is the punishment of impenitencie and infidelitie for those who both can and truely doe repent neither can nor shall be lyable to an eternall death Nay dye they cannot in any kind for this which wee call a death shall be to them but a deliverance and that death which is a perpetuall living death in the land of darknesse they shall be certainly freed from by the blood of the Sonne of God Yet this passage this sweete change in the godly and allso this gate which openeth to the ungodly the way to eternall woe the Scripture doeth commonly tearme a death this death cannot possibly be avoyded by the children of Adam Heb. 9.27 for it is appointed unto men once to dye 'T is true 't is true indeede I am ready to find it verefied in my selfe for the harbingers of this death have taken up my body where it intendeth to lodg The weakenesse of my limbs and the faintnesse of my spirits and the shortnesse of my breath and the lownesse of my voyce and the palenesse of my cheekes and the hollownesse of mine eyes all these doe but assure mee of the approaches of this death But is there noe resistance Is there noe reversing of the decree Noe repealing of the statute Alas noe none at all This body which hath beene pampered with the delicacie of meates must now be slaughtered and make a feast for the wormes These bones which have layen upon the beds of ease must become as tables for the loathsome vermine And this skinne this prowde skinne which hath stollen so much time to imploy in the suppling and colouring and smoothing and covering of it must serve like a cloath spread on these tables whereon must be presented this collation for the wormes Short is my life fleeting are my dayes and my winged minuits fly with such speede that I caâ— hardly count them so fast as they consume Wheâ— I enjoyed the most sound and beloved health even then the shortnesse of my life was discovered in my breath for I was intrusted onely with a litle ayer which neither was in my power long to keepe nor long without it could I possiblie continue I was so false in my promises which I made unto my God that hee would not trust mee long with the keepng but of a litle of that element I have allways lâ—ved at the brinke of death and yet never seriously enough thought of that which now is ready to approach I never thought indeede of the hower of my death by a due preparation to entertaine it when it should come Nay I fondly imagined that it must of necessitie keepe the roade of diseases sicknesse whereas it might have hastened by wayes un-expected When I was healthfull I grew so proude that I imagined certainly it either could not or durst not assayle my body and yet when I was afflicted with the smallest paine then againe I was so cowardly dejected that I was afraid it hastened by each part and member When I smarted I was taken off from my pride but the cure of that sinne was an immoderate and a slavish feare But now I am well assured that neither strength nor youth nor beauty nor physick nor any thing else can secure our bodies from returning to the earth True it is that the dead know not any thing Eccl 6.5 neither have they any more a reward for the memorie of them is forgotten but the living know that they shall dye c 8.8 There is noe man that hath power over the spirit to reteine the spirit neither hath hee power in the day of death Wherfore then have 〈◊〉 so long lived in ignorance or forgetfullnesse of mine end If I had remembred it I would have fitted and prepared mine accounts against the time it should come If I had knowne it I would have laboured to have made the judge my friend But ô I forgot it for I increased my sinnes and thought not of the debt I was ignorant too and knew not the terribloesse of the Iudg. Now mee think's these cold and clammie sweats doe chiefely arise from my chiding conscience and from the convulsions which there I suffer through the guilt of my sinnes I never was so carelesse or ignorant of death as I now am certaine of it yet afraid to dye Eccl 12.7 Iob. 30.23 Now I am sensible that my dust shall returne to the earth as it was I know that the Lord will bring mee to death to the house appointed for all the living Die say I Yes But must I dye Yes But when That I know not many dayes or howers I cannot expect to live who am allready pined into the leanenesse of an Anatomie But where must I dye That I know not neither even in this bed it is most likely where I now lye languishing in the torments of my disease But how or by what meanes must I dye Nor can I tell that allthough this sicknesse seemeth to be dispatched hither for this very purpose But if it be so sure that dye I must is it likewise as sure to what place I shall goe O this question is the common troubler of the dying There are but two havens where soules can arrive the one is the holy land the new Ierusalem the haven of eternall happinesse the other is a land too but it is a land of darknesse a land of smoakes and stinkes a place of eternall horrour To the former the godly are wafted by a convoy of
â—ever leave it 'till I have chased it away 'till 〈◊〉 have done my best to wash off the staine with my sorrowfull teares Gen 32 25. I will struggle with my God for the help of his grace and will not leave him untill hee assureth mee that my sinne is blotted out by the blood of the Lamb. For every offence that I can remember I will arise and goe to my father Lu. 15.18 with the teares standing in mine eyes and with dropps of blood falling from my heart in an earnest sharpe compunction In a loathing and detestation of my selfe for offending his Majestie I will humble my selfe and fall at his feete and with bashfullnesse and shame I will besiech him saying vers 18 vers 19 Father I have sinned against heaven and before thee and am noe more worthy to be called thy child make mee as one of thy hired servants I know hee will heare mee for so hee hath promised and sayd Call upon mee in the day of trouble Ps 50.15 I will deliver thee and thou shalt glorifie mee And when hee heareth I am sure hee will helpe too Ps 46.1 for hee is my refuge and strength a very present help in trouble And leave him I will not leave crying I will not leave weeping and begging I will not untill I find that heâ— espyeth mee comeing Lu 15.20 O now I blesse him I find that hee cometh to mee and armeth mee with this resolution I find that I am comeing unto him too by the small sparkes of graâ—… which warme my resolution But here I must not stay on I must follow him I will and never leave him untill hee takes compassion of mee and runne's and fall's upon my neck and kisseth mee vers 22 I will not leave following him untill hee bringeth forth the best robe even the robe of his Sonne 's righteousnesse putteth it upon mee I must have a ring too put upon my hand Rom 4 11. Lu 15. vers 23 a sealed ring even the seale of the righteousnesse of faith in the meritts of my Redeemer I must allso feede upon the fatted Calfe upon him who was sacrificed for my transgressions even the Sonne of his bosome who is fatt as it were and full of all divine vertues and abundance of grace able to satisfie for the sinns of the whole world I will feede upon him in the participation of the holy sacrament and communion of his owne most blessed body and blood vers 24 And when I eate I will be merry for through faith I shall have an assurance that hereafter I shall be entertained at the supper of the Lamb in the Kingdome of my God Reu 19 9. Thus my ômissions and thus my commissions thus mine infirmities and thus my presumptions shall be layed to his charge who is the Lamb of God that taketh away the sinnes of the world Io 1.29 Unto him I will acknowledg my sinnes Ps 32.5 and mine iniquities I will not hide I will confesse my transgressions unto the Lord and hee shall forgive the iniquitie of my sinnes when I say unto him with a sorrowfull Spirit Ps 41.4 Lord be mercifull unto mee heale my soule for I have sinned against thee When I have thus confessed Iob. 42 6. and abhorred my selfe in dust and asbes I will then resolve for the time to come by the grace of my God and I will promise that I will take heede to my wayes that I sinne not against him Ps 39.1 or not willingly or not continually or howsoever not impenitently Thus will I sweepe and sweeping I will weepe and weeping I will pray that for every uncleane spirit which hath dwelt in my soule I may now have this soule garnished with the divine and excellent graces of the Spirit of my God By faith I will come unto thee ô Christ and call thee my Iesus By hope I will come unto you ô yee blessed quire of Saints and Angells and with you I will sing those ravishing Halelujahs By charitie I will reconcile my selfe to my offended brother I will as much as in mee lyeth requite and satisfie my injured neighbour I will freely freely remit the injuries I have receaved certainly assuring my selfe that the offences which have beene offered mee though never so high in mine owne esteeme are not bad enough to be compared to the least trespasse which I have committed against my God And as I am taught by the rules of charitie I will not onely love my friends to which I am prompted both by nature and civility but mine enemies likewise I will love as I am commanded by God Yet lest I missetake in my charitie my God a bove all I will both love and obey and that for noe other cause but onely for himselfe Next and in order unto him I will love my neighbour as my selfe I will love the Lord for his power I will love God for his wisedome and I will love the Lord my God for his goodnesse I will love the Lord who created mee by his power I will love God who instructeth mee by his wisedome I will love the Lord my God who hath communicated his goodnesse to a creature so despicable I will not onely know my God but I will allso love him I will not onely feare him but I will allso love him I will not onely feare him as hee is an omnipotent Lord or honour him as hee is God but I will allso love him as hee is Mine Yea I will love him with all my heart because hee gave mee a Beeing at my creation I will love him with all my soule because hee preserveth mee in this my beeing I will love him with all my mind because hee hath created mee a new and given mee a well-being by regeneration and I will love him with all my strength because I know assuredly that hee will glorifie mee in the most excellent Beeing I will lore him with all my heart understandingly without errour I will love him with all my soule willingly without contradiction and I will love him with all my mind treasuring him up in my memorie without forgetfulnesse I will love him with all my heart wisely lest I be seduced by the suggestions of the devill I will love him with all my soule sweetely and delightfully lest I be tempted by allurements of the flesh and I will love him with all my strength couragiously lest I sinke under the pressures and heavy burdens of the world I will love him with all my heart for all my cogitations shall reflect upon him I will love him with all my soule for all my affections shall be directed to him and I will love him with all my mind for all my senses shall be obedient unto him I will love him with all my heart devoutly with all my soule discreetely and with all my Mind perseveringly And when thus I have endeavoured to love my God ' then next in
speaketh better things then that of Abel Rev. 2.10 1. Cor 3.21 vers 22 vers 23 I know that if I am faithfull unto death hee will give unto mee a crowne of life I know that all things are ours so long as wee are his whether the world or life or death or things present or things to come all are ours and wee are Christ's Christ is God's Why the doe I crie out upon my paines Is any paine which I can suffer either so much as I deserve by offending my Iesus or comparable to his torments which hee suffered for mee Flesh thou hast disturbed mee all my life with thy sweete and sugered baites hast allured mee to sinne but I will drowne thee therfore in my teares Thou art allready drawen low by my sicknesse and yet because this punishment is not enough thou who wert kept from staines with curious though simple art shalt now be tumbled into the dirt from whence thou camest For the beds of downe on which thou hast stretched thy selfe thou shalt lye downe in the hard and stonie earth for the greate and spatious chamber◠which thou didst pride thy selfe in thou shalt be confined to the skantnesse narrownesse of a coffin for the curious hangings which adorned thy roomes were the costly adventures and labours of forreiners thou shalt be closely wrapped bound in thy grave-clothes and for the gallant societie which thou so cheerefully delightedst in thou shalt have the companie of nothing but wormes yea and such wormes too as thou didst loath in thy seeming prosperitie shall be at once both thine associates thy greedie devourers World thou art an imposter hast treacherously deluded mee with hopes of vanitie but now I find that thy braverie is but follie thy riches but fumes smoakes that vanish thy friendship but hatred thy pride but madnesse thy beautie but uglinesse and all thy temtations are but leaders to destruction I hate thee therfore thou vaine world and leave thee behind mee as contemning the societie of trifles so un worthy and though for a time thou mayst foole the un wise and bewitch them with the false glasses of thy seeming glory yet know thou that the time shall come when thou shalt consume in thy flames and shalt burne in a heape at the day of revenge And as for you ô yee black and uglie slaves of perdition yee hellish-criew of infernall fiends goe seeke some other to delude with your suggestions in mee yee have neither share nor hope for neither should your torments be lessened if yee could seduce mee nor shall nor can your madnesse prevaile against thy redeemed soule to increase the number of your schreeches and howlings And now ô my Iesus come come away for I am thine and thou art mine Why stayest thou so long Why delayest thou the time The longer I live I doe but the more offend thee and the more I offend thee the more doe my sorrowes burden mee for these mine offences O would it not be more for thy glory to free mee from corruption that I might sing praises to thy name without any feare of displeasing thee How long Lord how long wilt thou keepe mee from thy tryumphant quire Ps 42.2 My soule is a thirst for thee my heart panteth after thee ô when shall I come and appeare in thy presence ô my God O how truely and eagerly doe I long for death that I may live with thee who art the truth and the life Io 14.6 I know that one day dye I must but my death shall be nothing but a passage unto life for though in Adam all dye yet in thee ô Christ 1. Cor. 15.22 shall all be made a live I cry Lord I cry to thee I cry because thee I have offended to thee onely I cry because thou onely doest heare and wilt helpe to thee onely I cry because thou onely hast redeemed mee to thee ô to thee I cry to hasten to come with speede O God make speede to save mee O Lord make hast to helpe mee Dan. 9.19 Rom 7 24. Ps 22.17 O Lord heare ô Lord forgive ô Lord deliver mee from the body of this death These pale cheekes and these hollow eyes and these staring bones and this sbrivell'd skinne are now mee think's adorned with beautie because they bring mee the glad tidings of the approaches of my Redeemer This bed is hard to what I shall find in the grave these sheetes are course and un-easie to that which I shall be wound in Come ô Christ ô stay noe longer I feare thou art angrie with mee or else ere now I should have seene thy face but if thou art angry Ps 30.5 I am well assured that thy wrath endureth but the twinkling of an eye and in thy presence is life My spirit cryes come and my wearied soule cryes come and my weake limbs cry come Come therfore ô my Redeemer Come Lord Iesus Come quickly exercise 5 5. The resignation of the Soule into the hands of God THe Prophet Ieremiah admonished the house of Israel saying Give glory to the Lord your God before hee cause darknesse and before your feete stumble upon the darke mountaines and while yee looke for light and hee turne it into the shadow of death and make it grosse darknesse That glory I have given and now I doe render to the Lord my God so farre as hee in his goodnesse is pleased to enable mee And now that time is come that happy moment O Well-come blessed hower so long expected so long desired How rebellious hath beene my flesh that it held put so long and now hides it selfe under my dryed skinne and shrink's it selfe up as unwilling to yeeld Away proud dust thou canst have noe hope of a freedome from putrefaction allthough the time shall come when the Lord will glorifie thee That time I know will come indeede yea I know it assuredly Ps 56.9 Iob. 19.25 vers 26 for the Lord is on my side I know that my Redeemer liveth and that hee shall stand at the latter day upon the earth and though after my skinne wormes destroy this body vers 27 yet in my flesh I shall see God whom I shall see for my selfe and mine eyes shall behold and not other though my reines be consumed within mee I have though weakely and imperfectly endeavoured to glorifie my God before this hower approached both in the confesion to him of my grievous sinnes ah those uglie sinnes which I still grieve for am sorry for them and yet not without a certaine confidence and assurance of his mercy Lord I thanke thee for this happy hower Now I find that though the wicked is driven away in his wickednesse Pro 14 32. yet I am filled with hope in my death Wicked alas I was and woe is mee wicked I am if considered in my felfe but in thee ô Iesus I am holy in thy righteousnesse I am righteous therfore
destruction nor the threatned fall nor thy resisting us nor Sodom's ruine Lord forgive this iniquity amongst us and give us now such humble hearts Ps 75.6 that wee may noe more set our hornes on high nor speake with stiffe necks for why Thou ô God art the judg vers 8. thou puttest downe one and settest up another Wee are taught ô thou just God of truth Prov. 11.1 that a false ballance is abhomination unto thee but a just weight is thy delight and wee know that thou didst question by thy Prophet saying Mic 6.11 Shall I count them pure with the wicked ballances and with the bagg of deceitfull weights vers 10 Are there not in Ierusalem and Samaria the treasures of wickednesse in the house of the wicked and the skant measure which is aboâ—minable Yea and wee know that thou doâ—… stricktly forbid Deut 25.14 vers 13 vers 15 saying Thou shalt not have iâ— thine house diverse measures a greate and 〈◊〉 small thou shalt not have in thy bagge diversâ— weights a greate and a small but thou shalâ— have a perfect and just weight a perfect and just measure shalt thou have that thy dayes may be lengthened in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee And yet for all this the same complaint may be made against many of us Ier 6.13 which was against Iudah wee are given to coveteousnesse and wee dealt falsly Iustly therfore ô most righteous judg thou mayst question us as thou didst the Iewes and say c 7.9 vers 10 will yee steale murder commâ— adulterie and sweare falsly and come and stand before mee in my house which is called by my name and say wee are delivered 〈◊〉 doe all these abominations O thou that art the easer of the oppressed thou God of compassionate bowells to thee are allso knowne both the deceaver and the oppressour walking hand in hand among us Surely thou hast seene it Ps 10.15 for thou behouldest ungodlinesse and wrong therfore thou callest Amos. 8.4 vers 5 saying Heare this ô yee that swallow up the needy even to make the poore of the land to faile saying when will the Sabbath be gone that wee may set forth wheate making the Ephah small and the Shekel greate and falsifying the ballance by deceit vers 6. that wee may buy the poore for silver and the needy for a paire of shooes Yea ô thou that makest inquisition for blood and forgettest not the complaint of the poore to thee wee must confesse that with the deceitfull is joyned allso among us even the bloody murderer allthough wee are well assured that the blood-thirstie and deceitfull man shall not live out halfe his dayes Ps 55.25 Yea Lord thou God of justice thou mayest allso complaine of us as thou didst of the Iewes Is 59.4 and say that few or none among us calleth for justice or pleadeth for truth wee trust in vanity and speake lyes wee conceave mischiefe and bring forth iniquity Hos 4.2 By swearing and lying and killing and stealing and committing adulterie the people breake out and blood toucheth blood Therfore doth our land mourne vers 3. and every one that dwelleth therein doth languish Thus ô thus wickedly thus contemptuously Iud 10 15. thus outragiously yea and many more and worse though closer wayes have wee sinned o Lord doe thou unto us whatsoever in thy mercy seemeth good unto thee For these Ier. 50.4 and for all other our private and publike our secret and our open our particular and our generall crimes I besiech thee o father of mercies to graunt that I and all the people of the land may goe weeping as once did the children of Israel and of Iudah Lord be reconciled unto us in the blood of that Lamb of thine who taketh away the sinns of the world Cause us all now in this time of our visitation to learne vers 5. and aske the way to Sion with our faces thitherward saying Come let us joyne our selves unto the Lord in a perpetuall covenant that shall not be broken Amos. 7.2 Dan. 9.19 Ioel. 2.21 vers 26 O Lord God forgive us I beseech thee by whom Shall Iacob arise For hee is small O Lord heare ô Lord forgive o Lord hearken and doe it so shall wee be sure that thou wilt doe greate things Cause us once againe to eate in plenty be satisfied praise thy name o Lord our God when thou hast dealt thus wonderously with us and wee shall never be ashamed Ier. 29.11 O let thy thoughts be thoughts of peace towards us and not of evill Wee should o my God 1. Pet. 3 8. wee should have loved one another as brethren and should have beene pittyfull and courteous but to our shame I must acknowledg with a sad and a broken heart that wee have beene more ready to bite and devoure one another Gal. 5.15 and therfore now are wee justly consumed one of another It is most just with thee o thou sin-revenging God thus to visit our offences with the rod Ps 89.32 our sinns with scourges Vnnaturall have beene our crimes therfore unnaturall are likewise our punishments Ps 37.15 for our swords doe goe thorow our owne hearts and wee our selves are become the destroyers of our selves O eternall mercy O eternall goodnesse be thou gratiously pleased I beseech thee to give us a true sight sense and feeling of these and all other our faylings and back-slidings give us hearty remorse contrition and sorrow for them all together with a stedfast resolution of new obedience yea and so strengthen us in these our pious resolutions and so enable us to the performance of the same yea so sanctifie us throughout that our whole spirits and soules bodies may be kept blamelesse unto the comeing of our Lord and Saviour Iesus Christ Thou hast threatned that If a man will not turne Ps 7.13 thou will whet thy sword this long time thou hast bent thy bowe thou hast prepared for us vers 14 and brought among us the instruments of death and hast ordained thine arrowes against thy persecuters Yet Lord thou art yesterday and to day and the same for ever The same father of mercies and God of all consolation Remember therfore I beseech thee how gratious thou wert to the people of Iudah to whom thou sentest thy Prophet to speake Ier. 26.3 If so be they would hearken and turne every man from his evill way that thou mightest repent thee of the evill which thou didst purpose to doe unto them because of the evill of their doeings O Lord doe thou rent our hearts in thy mercy and make us turne from our evill wayes that thou mayst repent thee of the evill of our punishments Make us turne unto thee with 〈◊〉 our hearts Ioel 2.12 with fasting and with weeping and with mourning Ex 32.12 and then turne thou from thy