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A27966 The Bachelor's directory being a treatise of the excellence of marriage, of its necessity, and the means to live happy in it : together with an apology for the women against the calumnies of the men. 1696 (1696) Wing B261; ESTC R40746 88,169 301

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them Which made Virgil to observe Ah! hodiè laus est non ultima fingere vultum Alas None of the least Praises now adays is to dissemble So much is Vertue despised and Sincerity out of use in the world To enter into the bottom of the dispute I make a proposition directly contrary to that of my Adveriaries Marriage say they is not agreeable to man It is for his glory not to marry And I affirm that Marriage doth agree with Man It is necessary for him He cannot well forbear it The first part of this work very clearly proves the truth of my Proposition since God has instituted Marriage since our Saviour has confirm'd it since the Apostles have recommended it since all Nations of the World have practised it since it conveys to man such great advantages can one doubt of its agreement with him and if it is thus excellently good as I have maintain'd it all along can one assert that it is unworthy of man But let us see the Reasons upon which it's Adversaries rely in order to cry it down They all return to these three First It is repugnant to the Empire of Reason over the Senses and Passions Secondly It puts man in the rank of Beasts Lastly it hinders him from resembling the Angels One may reply to all this in few words What Logick is this Reason is in man what the King is in the State It ought to subject all to it self and to submit it self to nothing All the passions should condescend to it but it should never yield it self to any of them Therefore Marriage doth not agree with Man Therefore man ought not to marry Can there be more miserable arguing One grants the Principle Reason ought to govern the passions It ought to be the Mistress But where have these men learnt that Marriage is contrary to its Sovereignty One may from this principle infer conclusions absoluetly opposite to theirs Reason ought to govern the passions by consequence Marriage is necessary for Man Why because the Passions are much stronger in Celibacy than in Marriage because Marriage is it self a means to tame the Passions because Reason governs them consequently with more easiness But say they it ought to triumph over them It ought to captivate them Reason ought that I may so speak to swallow up the passions This is an evil Doctrine equally unknown in the School of God and that of Men. The passions are good in themselves They are become criminal only by the pollution of Sin which has disorder'd them Man must not be absolutely dispossess'd of them they are essential to him He cannot even live with integrity according to St. Austin without their assistance Affectus animi qui non habent recte non vivunt The Indolence of the Stoicks has been at all times condemned Man neither can nor ought ever to be without Passion The simple Question is to rectify it by reducing it into that happy Limit above or beneath which vertue cannot subsist Est modus in rebus sunt certi denique fines Hor. Serm. lib. 1. sat 1. Quos ultra citraque nequit consistere rectum There are certain means and limits of things which bound right on either side One ought to place it under the just law of Reason without which it ceases to be legitimate For appetitus lege naturae subjectus est rationi as St. Ambrose says And without that St. Austin tells us that Passion is nothing but the motion of the Beast Affectio sine ratione motus est bestialis Now of all things that are able to father his Empire of Reason upon the passions I affirm that there is nothing more efficacious than Marriage St. Paul sees nothing fitter to dispose men to wisdom By consequence I have reason to say and my adversaries are in the wrong to deny it that Marriage is very worthy of man and absolutely necessary for him even according to their own principle As animal as the action of Marriage is it is notwithstanding very conformable to right Reason and the Nature of man One may say that man is a mixt animal He is neither all Flesh nor all Spirit he is a compositum of both He has a Body he has a Soul Each of these two parts of this Being applies it self to those objects which are suitable to it and agreeable to its Nature As the Soul is of a coelestial and immaterial Original its single prospect is to exalt it self above sensible things But the body which is terrestrial follows its natural destination All it's motions tend downward It proposes to it self nothing but the enjoyment of Creatures Man by his Soul has the honour to be the Image of God and the Companion of Angels But indeed by his Body he enters in some sort in communion of Nature and Society with Beasts He doth in this regard what they do The same accidents happen to him He has the same desires He is touched with the same Objects ans has no priviledge over them in this respect Those ancient Heroes who gave terror and admiration to the whole world by the force of their judgments and the excellency of their Genius have not fail'd to be subject to the concupiscible appetites as well as the vilest of animals After having equal'd themselves to the Gods in the superior part of their being they must resemble beasts by the insurmountable Law of the inferior part I confess that it is very mortifying for the King of Animals not to be distinguish'd herein from his Subjects and to encrease after the same manner and by the same ways as they But be not surprized at it This was necessary for the design of their common Creator He has of a sudden and without distinction of Sex form'd that innumerable multitude of Spirits which compose the Hierarchy of Angels and Devils because being incorruptible intelligences they were by consequence incapable of generation But God having been pleased to make all human-kind of one blood as the Apostle says and by way of generation it was necessary to give to Man an Organized body It was necessary to render him capable of multiplying It was expedient for him to make two Sexes In a word it was convenient to give them that natural desire of uniting together which makes the propagation of the kind but which is never lawful without Marriage Can one assert after this that it is unworthy of man with relation to this Union of Sexes As despicable as it is in it self is it not sufficient that it is the design of Nature and the very order of God who has commanded us to encrease and multiply in order to rase all the Scandal which the most scrupulous persons might receive from thence As I have already said it is as conformable to reason as agreeable to the nature of man Reason it self disposes men to it In general it approves of all that is design'd by Providence And in particular it suffers man to practise
You may well be astonished at what I have told you replies Sosia but it is a manifest truth Sum profecto hic illic I am both here and there Nothing I confess is more Theatral than these ways of speaking but it must be granted also that nothing better explains the nature of this strict union that Marriage makes There are no words that can exactly represent it One ought for that end to compose a new Grammar One cannot speak of it but in making Solecisms and in confounding the plural with the singular and the singular with the plural They are no more two but one flesh says God himself of Man and Woman They are one in two persons They are but one person in two bodies Animae duae two Souls Animus unus one mind Idem Velle idem nolle and one will There happens nothing to one but what arrives to t'other The Husband and the Wife feel the same things They suffer the same evils They enjoy the same good things Grief and joy make the same impressions in each of them Morbo detinetur unus Detinentur duo Adversa premunt unum Sensus in utroque est utrumque risus utrumque lachrymae Prospera laetaque tenent unum tenent utrumque As the Phylopher so well expresses in Seneca The same distempers and misfortunes reach both If one laugh so doth the other their tears are the same c. This is too strong for a simple friendship Such a one as this never appeared Or if such a one has been found one must necessarily suppose it to be more than a union of Spirits You know that another was practised frequently enough amongst the Pagans which might much contribute to the making of such friends but which is so scandalous to nature that you must be contented to read it in the first Chapter of St. Paul to the Romans without hearing it named But Sir if you would be perfectly convinced that there is nothing in nature more excellent than Marriage you are only to look upon it with relation to the great mysteries it represents The holy Spirit has made use of in a thousand places in our Divine Scriptures to testifie to us the tenderness of the Father under the Law and of the charity of the Son under the Gospel I will espouse thee to me for ever Hosea 2. I will espouse thee to me in justice in judgment in mercy and in compassion I will espouse thee with constancy and thou shalt call me thy Husband said God himself to his ancient Israel I have appropriated you 2. Cor. 11. Eph. 5.23.32 said also St. Paul to the new People to one single Husband to present you as a chast Virgin to Jesus Christ Besides the Church is called the Body of Christ and the Spouse of the Lamb the Song of Songs is nothing else but the Epithalamium of this Divine Marriage Thus God was Married with the Jewish Church Jesus Christ is also Married with the Christian Church 'T is thus the Sacred Authors represent to us that intimate union of the Faithful with the Divinity and Flesh of Christ 'T is thus they insinuate to us that profoundness of love we find in his heart 'T is thus they instru●● us how dear we are to him and it as we ought to make our interests of his so he never fails to make ours his own The ancient Doctors have carried yet further the perfection of Marriage when they considered it as the natural Image of the Hypostatick union of the two Natures in Christ One must acknowledge in effect that nothing discovers to us better the bottom of this adorable mystery As we have seen of one Man and one Woman Marriage makes but one and the same person they are no more two but one flesh From thence proceeds this reasoning of St. Paul that he who loves his Wife loves himself The Son of God being also united to our Flesh is become the Son of Man He doth not think it a point of usurpation to make himself equal to God and notwithstanding in uniting himself to us by the Incarnation he is become flesh of our flesh and bone of our bone By the incomprehensible force of this union he has ceased to be simply God neither is 〈◊〉 become simply Man He has reun●●ed 〈◊〉 one and the same person those two opposite Natures which make him to be our Emanuel God with us He is not only Man he is Man-God He is not only God he is God-Man but as in Marriage the union which is made as intimate as it is yet destroys not the substance of the two parties which compose it each preserving its own with its essential qualities So the Hypostatick union of the two Natures in Christ confounds them not The one is not absolv'd by the other The both subsist in him after a distinct and inexpressible manner without any alteration of their essential qualities Do not imagine with the Nestorians two persons there is but one Do not fancy to your self with the Eutichians a single Nature there are two In a word the Ancients affirm of Marriage that it is the Symbol of the union of regenerate Souls with God They are all in him and he in all them As he who joyns himself to a Wife becomes one and the same body with her So says St. Paul Cor. 6.16 17. John 17.21 He who is joyned to the Lord is made one and the same Spirit with him It is by the efficacy of this mystical union that Jesus Christ said of the whole body of his elect Gal. 2.20 That they are but one with him and with his Father That his Apostle says He lives no more but that it is Jesus Christ who lives in him And that the holy Spouse says That her well-beloved appertains to her Cant. 2.16 and she to her well-beloved It is the divine Love that is the efficient cause of this mystical union 'T is that which produces in us this holy metamorphosis 'T is that which transforms us into God himself Solus amor est quo convirtimur ad Deum transformamur in Deum ad hearemus Deo ut simus unus Spiritus cum eo Said a learned man T is love alone by which we are turn'd to God transform'd into God we stick to God that we may be one Spirit with him O Love that always burns and is never extinguished Inflame me all over with thy fire to the end that being consumed by the sweet f●●●es of thy affection I may be never ●●●ble of any other love said also the same holy Soul How much I beseech you ought one to determine in all these prospects for the perfection and excellency of Marriage All other Societies are transitory unfertile made up of nothing or of a pure temporal interest This of Marriage is only eternal Death it self that puts an end to all doth not always conclude this because it doth not only unite the Bodies It unites also
after death Harbour not an opinion Sir that my Adversaries are better grounded in the Second than in the first part of their Criticks They reason equally amiss in both You have seen the weakness of their objections in relation to women I hope to perswade you that they have not more reason in those which they prefer against Marriage it self First say they Marriage is unworthy of Man It puts him in some measure in the rank of Beasts Secondly it is repugnant to his happiness because deprives him of liberty without which he can never be happy What propositions are here Is it not formally to contradict St. Paul who says of Marriage That it is honourable for all Men ' Is it not a pretending to be wiser than God who has pronounced that it was advantagious for man not to be alone and to have a wise like him But let us observe what arguments these Persons bring to support such erroneous opinions Man say they is born not so much for the actions of the body as for those of the mind That proper figure that erected head which he has received from Nature incites him to despise all sensual things and to apply himself to the meditation of coelestial ones Os homini sublime dedit Ovid. Metam L. 1. Fab. 2. coelumque tueri Jussit erectos ad Sydera tollere vultus As his Soul is the most noble part of himself he ought likewise chiefly to discharge those Functions which are agreeable to it How opposite are those of Marriage to the excellency of his Original what is more inferiour what more animal Is it not the order of Justice that the weakest should submit to the strongest and what can any one approve that so precious and divine a thing as the Soul should condescend so far as to pursue the brutal appetites of the flesh that it should renounce the right of commanding to put it self under a necessity of obeying and that it should descend from the Throne of Reason to confine it self under the Empire of the Senses ought not this reason to hold the Reins against the concupiscible appetite as well as the irascible Is it fit that to satisfy the custom of a Countrey or private interests or the Transports of an inconsiderate youth it should yield it's right of Sovereignty to this simple passion Domina omnium Regina Ratio Reason is the Queen and Mistress of all things and ought to command the passions as Cicero observes Velut servo Dominus velut Imperator militi velut Parens filio In Marriage this order is overthrown Here the passions command and draw Reason away in spite of it self in order to obtain those things which it doth not approve of because it esteems them contrary to that real wisdom which consists in the subduction of all the Motions of the inferior part of the Soul Let the Brutes accompany as long as they will Let them enter if they please into that filthy commerce of the Union of both Sexes necessary to generation pursuant to a blind Instinct But what ought not Man that noble Creature who descended from the blood of Heroes and Gods to entertertain higher thoughts and to apply himself to somewhat more worthy of his Original In a word as much as the Spirit exceeds the flesh and an Angel Man so much ought Celibacy to be more excellent than Marriage Those who live therein resemble in some sort the happy Souls and anticipate the Time of that Life which is to come What can be more glorious for Man than to do upon Earth what is done in Paradice To imitate Angels and Saints who live in the Virginity of an eternal Celibacy Jesus Christ himself lived in that condition He was never married It is said of those priviledged Persons who in the Revelations follow the Lamb wheresoever he goes that they are Virgins and were never defiled with women If one may believe an Author of a great Character we ought to refer to Marriage these words of the Apostle Rom. 8. Those who are in the flesh can never please God For he has employed this Text to celebrate the Praises and Necessity of the Batchellors State especially in regard of Ecclesiasticks Behold what the Enemies of Marriage alledge for the support of their first Proposition Nothing doubtless could be finer than this reasoning if the effects answered the words But Sir most unhappily they do not These persons represent to us a Man of the other world and not of this we live in They alledge what it is to be wish'd we were but what we shall never really be till we are dispossess'd of this infirm body wherewith our Souls are cloath'd We are by nature too far engaged in the Empire of the Senses to be able to break off our correspondence with them nothing 't is true can be of more advantage to us Nothing more worthy of our desire But what Homo sum humani à me nihil alienum puto Terent. Heaut I 'm a Man and therefore I 'm not ashamed to own the consequence of humanity Where is the Man that is not subject to make this confession Who likewise do you imagine these ill declaimers are who would pass for Wits and be distinguish'd from the vulgar I am perswaded that if one examined their conduct one should find that Marriage is more necessary for them than for an infinite number of others in whom they condemn it This precept of a true Orator Doce facienda doce faciendo has no relation to them They teach but they don't act They shew the way that ought to be pursued but they do not march in it themselves as our Saviour reproach'd the Pharisees Where is the advantage of knowing Vertue if one leaves it unpractised Non est beatus qui scit illa sed qui facit says Seneea How contrary is man to himself how different how various Had not Ovid reason to say Pectoribus mores tot sunt Ovid. de Arte. Am. quot in orbe figurae In my second part I have shewn you persons so possessed with the love of Women that they declare themselves incapable of withstanding them They argue for nothing but their necessity Behold now some who are directly opposite to them They are for dispensing with their absence They maintain that they are not necessary What contrariety A man needs only to consult with himself in order to judge that these last are even more unreasonable than the first For these are at least more sincere They speak according to their Sentiments Concordat Sermo cum vitâ They talk as they live But those are Impostors who feel not what they speak but would be taken for persons much exalted above the passions when they are oftentimes enslaved to them Their dissimultation doth not cease to procure them praises Men who examine but the outside and who only judge of things by appearances imagine that there are heroical and very extraordinary Qualities in