World and by the Riches of his free Grace drew me out of those Wayes in which many Children were walking to their Destruction so that in the Feeling of the Movings and Strivings of his Spirit which I plainly remember from the sixth and seventh years of my Age I often left my Companions and Recreations that I was engaged with to seek some Place for Prayer and for the easing of my Heart unto him fearing that if I answered not his Call at that time I should not feel the same drawing afterward which sometimes I found to my Sorrow and the same Power constrained me to cry to him To acquaint me with himself and to convert me from every Evil Way and Work which I was prone to that I might gain others unto him and if he called me to it Dye for him as I read many of the Martyrs who were weak in themselves he enabled to do And being devoted to the Ministry from my Birth by my Parents who were zealous Professors of the Independant-Way they spared no Pains to instruct me in the Principles of that Religion nor any Cost for the Educating of me in the Knowledge of that Learning that was esteemed requisite for that Work So that about the twelfth year of my Age I was placed abroad with other Children at the School by whose Example and Importunity I was drawn to spend my Leisure-Hours in those Sports and Pastimes which were accounted harmless and by Reason of my Earnestness therein I neglected to answer the Movings of the Spirit of God which was near me and would often have kept me back from going with them whose Vain Words and Actions were a Burthen to me or else would have taken me off sometimes in the midst of my Play and called me to seek the Lord for my Soul the Motions of which were day after day quenched by my Disobedience until as to my Feeling it had ceased to strive with me so that when I went to pray or seek the Lord my Heart was shut up and my Words returned unto me again and I stood as one smitten before the Lord not being able many times to utter or bring forth a word because of the Guilt and Condemnation that was upon me when I came to be retired from my Companions which Guilt I heaped up for some years until the Reckoning was high between me and the Lord whose Judgments and Indignation so seized upon me at last as that I knew not but I was forsaken forever and had sinned out the Day of my Visitation and would have bowed to any Terms for the Heast Hopes of Mercy or escaping the Torments of Hell that were before me or for the obtaining the Stirring and Strivings of the Spirit of God with me as formerly I had felt it but my Cry seemed to be shut out so that my Life became a Burthen to me and all that I enjoyed was imbittered by the Wrath and Judgments of the Lord which followed me wheresoever I went or whatsoever I did so that there was no strugling with it or diverting of it which brought a Wasting and Consumption upon my Body which I never fully recover'd to this time this continu'd for many Moneths in which I scarcely open'd my heart to any but the Lord who through his Chastizements and Rebukes in which I did partake in Measure with Christ in his Suffering Baptism brought me by his Word of Power to some hope of Mercy and escaping of his Wrath not by justifying of me in my Sin but clensing me in Measure from Sin and the Love of it which Tidings was more precious to me then the Gain of the whole World though my Body was left very weak and my Strength decayed which in time was by the same Word restored to the Admiration of my Relations and Acquaintance that knew me in my Sickness And now my Fears and Distrusts were Banished by the Risings of the Life Spirit of God in me which wrought more frequently and powerfully then before drawing me into greater Watchfulness over my Thoughts Words and Actions and into an higher Abstinence from the Pleasure and Delights of this World moving Me to reprove such as dishonoured the Name of the Lord or did offend grieve his Spirit by the Mis-spending Time in Vanity in which I spared no Relations or others and oftentimes I was constrained to Warn and Reprove prophane and wanton People upon the Road and to ease my self in Evil Company by crying to the Lord which brought a Fear and Dread upon them and none durst to with-stand the Power that was with me in any Reproof Prayer or Exhortation which was administred in the Denyal of my own Will in which I never went without a certain Reward of Peace in my Bosome which were the best Times that ever I knew before the Truth was clearly manifested to me when I was not yet setled in any Form or Profession or observed any stinted Times or Way of Praying or seeking the Lord but as by his Spirit he moved upon my Heart at Home or Abroad to cry unto him I obeyed wondering and admiring what that was which was so sweet and pleasant in its Incomes and drew me into a daily waiting for it as my Life and by which I was broken and tendered in the receiving of every Mercy and Blessing as from the Lord and burdened and wounded with what was dead and unsavoury After which I was stirred up to seek after a People with whom I might have Unity in the Feeling of the same Life and Experience of the same work which I had pass'd through And in the Zeal of my Heart as one raised from the Dead that diligently minded the Improvement of the Time that I was intrusted with I neglected no Oportunities in all Seasons and Weathers without regarding the Health of my Body to go to hear such as were esteemed Lively Awakening Preachers first of the Presbyterians and then of the Independants unto whom I joyned my self as a Member among whom I felt a Measure of the Stirrings of the Power of God which brought Terror upon the Ungodly and seized many that were loose and vain with a Sense of their Iniquity and made them cry out under it and raised those Hungerings and Thirstings after Righteousness which caused many to break forth in earnest Cryes and Supplications unto God for Deliverance from the Bonds of Sin and Iniquity which was become burdensom unto them for the obtaining of that righteousness which was more precious in their Eye then the Glories and Pleasures of the World which they seemed dead unto for a time And with this Work I had Unity and delighted to be with this People in the dayes of their Tenderness and to spend Time in Prayer and Conference with them After which as we came to settle in the Form and to stint and limit the Spirit of God so I perceived a dying to the Life that moved and bubled up in us and caused us
Testimonies and Declarations and was a Witness of the Life and Power that accompanied Mean Illiterate Persons such as the first that I heard was I was the more joyned unto them whose Prayers and Supplications were more prevalent to bring me unto and keep me in the Light then all the Prayers and Fasts of those that deny its Guidance were to keep me from it Thus according to my earnest Desires to the Lord to bring forth the Work which he would establish in the room of that which he had pulled down before I went out of that Family I was for about 2 weeks among them in a testimony to the truth in the Risings of which I felt more and more freedom to be witnessed from my Soul's enemies and a drawing me again into a watchfulness over my own thoughts words and actions that nothing might arise or work in my Heart but what was of God who was now come to judge down every Evil Thought and Inclination in the first Motion and Rise of it so that though there was an Abatement of that Bodily Exercise which profiteth not yet there was an Increase of Inward Exercise to keep a Conscience void of Offence not only in the Sight of Man who lookt at the Outward Appearance but also in the Sight of God that searched the Heart And in that Family I met with much Christian-like Forbearance Tenderness not out of any Respect to the People and Principle which they esteemed too mean and low but out of Respect to that Uprightness which they believed to be in me And now the time of our parting being come in which I must leave them which because of that Love and Endearedness that had been between us it was hard to do but that my Heart was taken up with Christ's being come to receive me to himself and to dwell and walk in me as his house and temple for which End he had separated called me out from all that was defiled And since I could no longer perform the Office of a Chaplain as it was expected of me which if I could they desired no other they were willing to give me Satisfaction according to our Agreement for the time that I had been among them upon a double Account viz. of Tutouring their Children and of Preaching As to the Teaching the Children I was free to take Consideration but as for Preaching notwithstanding the Money was told out and I was urged and pressed to receive it I was forbidden by the Lord to take any and so left it But to clear the Family of all Suspitions Jealousies that might arise in any touching the Ground of my leaving them I consented upon the first Motion thereof to leave a Certificate signifying to all that might be concerned That I left the Family only upon the Account of some higher Discovery of Truth on my part not apprehending it to be the Will of the Lord to be worshipped any otherwise then in Spirit and Truth and that as to Outward Encouragements they rather exceeded then came short of my Expectation And thus in pure Love and Desires of the Spiritual Welfare of every one I left that Family which next to my own Relations were dear to me who had a full Sight and Experience of my Conversation as to the Work and Dealings of the Lord with me in that Day This was about the 7th Moneth of the Year 1673. After which I came forward to my Relations among whom I knew not one that was inclined to the Truth who might stand with me in a Testimony for it but all Opposed it and joyned with their Teachers against it with whom notwithstanding as I stood innocently in the Counsel of God which led me to yield true Submission and Honour to them next to himself I found way made for my Reception and also opened the Hearts of his People unto me to whom I was a Stranger but as the Lord gave them a sense of that Upright Desire of Truth and Righteousness which only brought me among them in whose Meetings I waited as one of the Meanest and Lowest of them for about twelve Moneths sitting under the Droppings and Distillings of that Life and Power which the Lord was pleased to sill others with in the Meeting to grow daily more and more as it is daily my Endeavour in the inward Experience of the Redeeming Purifying and Quickening Virtue of the Truth which in the sense of that Love of God in bringing me among this People to eat of the Bread of Life when so many Wise and Prudent were left behind feeding upon Husks often broke my Heart and caused Desires in me That I might never more appear out of the living Stirrings and movings of the Spirit Life of Christ nor stay behind it when it did move After which it pleased the Lord in his own time according to my own and others Travail and Supplication to cause his Life to break forth in me sometimes in a few words of Prayer sometimes of Exhortation in which the Lord gave me Power and Faithfulness to ease my self and my Words returned not to me again but had entrance and as I kept low and humble giving Honour and Glory to Christ alone in his Appearance so I selt the Increase of that Authority and Life which made way in the Hearts of them to whom I was sent in whose Consciences it is my desire to stand recommended and to be felt of them who are in Life as a Savour of Life unto Life And thus the Lord having raised me up and spared me through much Weakness and Labour unto this Day to see the Desire of my Soul accomplished in great Measure according to my Faith when I first laid down my Ministry I do still wait in Submission to the Will of the Lord for the Day when that breathing Seed of God which is yet left in the dead and lifeless Professions may become ripe for the Harvest then shall there be no Want of Reapers who shall put in their Sickles and gather them into the House which God hath provided for to receive all that are low and poor in their own Eyes for want of Power and Strength to overcome that which letteth hindereth their perfect Redemption into which House God hath called me as a Fore-Runner of Thousands that are yet ungathered unto which being come up I can't go back or down unto them but can freely serve the lowest of them by living Supplications to the Great Shepherd of the Sheep for the bringing them into that Fold where he makes his Flocks that were wearied and driven from Mountain to Hill to rest at Noon in the Bosome of their Beloved whose Tents they need no longer enquire after or go to the Watch men of the Night for Direction but by the Light of the Lord are they brought up to Bethel the House of the God of Jacob where they desire forever to dwell and offer unto the God of their Redemption Victories
to breath and cry to the Lord so that when we came together we were full of Complaints of Dryness Barrenness and Lukewarmness that we were come unto and for want of those living Breathings which once we felt which we were ready to believe that we should never come out of these Complaints to know perfect Victory over our Corruptions here below and here in the Integrity of my Heart I rather blamed and judged my self even when I knew no real Neglect by my self then to blame the Ministry and Way that was preached until the Lord shewed me the true Reason and Cause not to be from my own Carelesness in the Neglect of any prescribed Means which I followed but because of the Shortness and Defect of that Gospel in which there was no Power declared of that might free from Sin in this Life nor Faith to believe in the Manifestation of Christ who was come not only to bind the Strong Man which some of us knew for a time until he came to break his Bonds and get loose again but to destroy the seed of the Serpent and his Works in us which being destroy'd so as not to remain longer in us we might come to be born of God so as not to commit Sin because of the Seed of God which is Christ Jesus remaining alone in us in full Power and perfect Dominion over the seed of the Serpent and his Works But instead thereof they declared of a Justification and Salvation by Christ which was consistent with the remaining of the Enemy and of his Works of Darkness and Defilement in them unto the Life's End when the time of Redemption was past So that after they had brought the People to a sense of sin and iniquity and Desire of Deliverance which was good and precious in its day they could bring them to no further Perfection in this Life then the laying again and again as often as they performed any Duties or Services the Foundation of Repentance from Dead Works wherewith their best Services were poluted and the laying again of the Foundation of Faith towards God whom they professed still to be going towards but could not come to him having not their Consciences purged from Dead Works which all must have that would offer up living Sacrifices and work the Works of God which are never to be repented of And since according to their Gospel a through clensing from sin was not to be effected in this Life nor could not be after this Life in which the Redemption of the Soul ceaseth they should have shewed some Middle Place for the Accomplishment of this necessary Work without which there could be no Admission into the Kingdom of God And in the Sense of that Decay of Life and Spiritualness and that Earthliness that was got up among Professors who by their fashioning themselves according to the World had lost their Testimony for God I eased my self in the first publick Oportunity that was offered me in London the Place of my Nativity from these Words of Paul All seek their own things and not the things of Jesus Christ and another time at a Fast from the Testimony of Jeremiah Though Moses and Samuel stood before me yet â—ould not my Heart be towards this People cast them out of my Sight let them go forth Which things were uttered not to please man but to discharge my Conscience in the manifesting those Provocations which was a Grief to see in such as professed Salvation and Redemption by Christ Jesus and yet were not to be distinguished from them who made no Profession of him for my plain Dealing I met with much Love and soliciting to come oftner among them Thus having sought into the highest Professions I could hear of in which I was uprightly desirous to know the utmost of what was to be found of Life and Purity which did not amount to that Spiritualness and Victory over Sin which I looked for in a People and for which I was raised up wherefore in Refusal of more publick Imployments I accepted of a private Place in Dorset-shire where I was to tutor their Children and pray and preach in the Family for such a yearly Stipend which when it came to be paid I was not suffered to take any thing for preaching which also I denyed in London And in this Family where there were many of a seeking enquiring Spirit I kept up the Family-Worship according to the Practice and Example of the best reputed Christians which I walkt strictly by and the Meeting on the First Dayes unto which many People came until that I came to preach from those Words Heb. 4. v. 12. For the Word of God is Quick and Powerful and Sharper then any Two edged Sword Piercing even to the Dividing asunder the Joynts and the Marrow at the finishing of which Scripture after I was retired into my Chamber the Word of the Lord came to me after this manner bring no more vain Oblations before me but wait upon the living Motions of my Spirit to bring forth that Sacrifice which is accepted with me out of which I could see no Offerings accepted of God or prest by Christ or his Apostles upon any withal reminding me of what I had formerly felt of the Quickness and Sharpness of this Word to cut me down from my vain Pleasures and Pastimes which was the same that was now come to cut me down from my vain Oblations by which the Spirit of God was again quencht limited to bring me to that which was more pure spiritual and that the Issue of withstanding this Counsel of God would be the casting me under Despair again which Words as I was required so I declared them to one of the Heads of the Family desiring the Prayer Bell might not ring for me for that I now felt the Word of the Lord to be really as I had preacht it as a Sword to cut me down from all vain Oblations so that there was struggling or resisting or kicking against the Pricks of this living Word or satisfying of it but by coming out of all that which I had taken up by Tradition or Imitation of any out of its Leadings which was not out of any Disrespect to that spiritual Prayer Supplication which was exhorted unto in the Scriptures which I did the more earnestly watch unto but for Fear of offending God by offering that which was become Sin and Iniquity to him even the Solemn Assembly as it is called Isa 1.13 But all this while no man stopt me uor did any Persecution stop me but I was the more enlarged by it neither did I act from any Counsel or president of any of the people called Quakers from whose Converse I kept my self so as to be acquainted with none of them in that Country or in any other place where I had lived and also from reading their Books or going to their Meetings because of the Danger of Infection that was reported of them
Hills up to the House of God where the God of Jacob teacheth and giveth forth his Word and Law which is not the Light of man's Dictates or Examples but the Light of the God of Jacob by which Jacob walked and was taught to supplant overcome so that as this Mountain came to be established on the Top of all the Mountains and Hills so the Light also should be established and exalted on the Top of all the Foundations Rules and Principles of the Mountains that walked by Tradition The Sufficiency of which Light should not be only manifested by the Benefit of them that walk therein but by the Forsaking of those that should reject and despise it the Cause of which should be their being filled and replenisht with something else Read ver 6. to the end so that there should be no more room to receive Christ in his spiritual Appearance as a Light then there was room in the Inn which was filled and replenisht with other Guests to receive him in his outward Appearance because of which God would cause his Judgments and Rebukes to pass upon the Treasures and Idols and Glory of the Mountains which had replenisht and filled up their hearts so as to stain their Glory until he had left them not a Staff or a Stay to lean upon had caused the Mark of his Displeasure to pass upon the Mighty Man the Man of War the Captain of fifty the Judge the Prophet the Prudent the Counsellor the Cunning Artificer and Eloquent Orator so that no Rank or Degree of men that had despised this Mountain or Light should be able by all their Power Prudence Art or Cunning to escape the Stroke of the God of Jacob who is come forth in his spiritual Host Army to Supplant and overturn until the Lofty Looks of Man that looks scornfully upon this People and Light as Esau did upon Jacob be brought low and his Haughtiness be abased and he made of no account that so the God of Jacob may alone be Reverenced and exalted in his own House and People and there be no Mountain House or Principle left to stand in Competition with him Thus being the second time ransomed through Judgment and the Way of the Lord so plainly opened unto me I could no longer delay seeking out some of the People here described whom I was convinced were come but I knew not where to find but as the Lord put it into my Heart to go to such a Professor's House and desire him to send for one of the People called Quakers which I did and when I came to him and enquired of him concerning that People he told me There were in that Village but Three or Four Families of Poor Inconsiderable People that were mean in Ability and that the Men were at Harvest but their Wives were at Home So I sent for one of them whom when she came I took strict notice of her Carriage and Words and when I had discoursed with her about the Light of Christ which they professed in them and what Benefit they reaped by walking in it to overcome their Spiritual Enemies and to work Salvation for them her Testimony so suited to what the Lord had before shew'd unto me and the Gravity and Saviour of her Language and Deportment was such counselling me To mind the Truth in me which would bring me further as I kept low and obedient to the Cross of Christ Jesus for that the Lord had a further Work in his due time to do in me and by me which Advice was of God so that I could not but confess to the Wisdom she was guided by which I esteemed the more for her outward Meanness and Plainness and afterwards as I discoursed with her Husband a plain Man in his Return from Labour I found that their whole Stay and Support was in the Spirit of the Lord whose Teachings and Leadings they waited for at all times to guide them out of all Evil Thoughts Words and Works into all Truth in which God alone is worshipped which Testimony best reached my Conscience and answered the Spirit of Truth in my own Heart the manner of whose stirring movings from a Child and of its being quenched and coming to be raised again I have before declared of concerning which I never met with any that testified so feelingly and experimentally of the inward Work of Redemption and Regeneration by Christ Jesus in the Sense of which my Heart was upon the first Meeting firmly united to them so as from that time not to look back any more unto any thing the Lord had called me out of but resolved to take up my Lot with them which I signified to my Relations And when I returned in the Evening from this plain people and came in before the Counsellor and his Wife with my usual Language and Deportment which was out of the Cross of Christ which I knew was unlike to the plain Language of the Scriptures and Behaviour of Christ and his Apostles I was soon reproved for Respect of Persons and lost my Peace and Life that was raised in me and so went to my Bed under Judgment crying unto the Lord Not to withhold his Peace and Comfort from me nor to let this put any stop to what he intented further to make known unto me promising to obey him if he would spare me to the Morning which when I was risen and had seated my self the Counsellour's Wife whom I well esteemed and respected came into the Chamber unto whom because of the Fear of the Lord I used that plain Language and Department which I was convinced of in which though it may seem as a small thing I had great Joy and Peace and when I was asked the Occasion of that Change and Alteration that was in me I told her to this effect That I was now confirmed by Converse that the People which I preached of to be the House of Jacob the Plain Man were come the Way of whose Supplanting should be by that which seemed Foelishness and Simplicity unto the Nations After which it went forth into the Family and Country That I was become a Quaker And the next First Day being alone at Home I was required To go to the Place where I first spake with the Woman and to seek out their Meeting which I did and when I came I found a few People met together in a serious manner waiting upon the Lord among whom though few if any words were utter'd I felt that Presence and Power of God in which I had more Satisfaction then in my own Preaching and Praying and such a room and place this People had with me as still they have that I thought no time too long which I spent with them or Pains too much to go to their Meetings which was far distant from that Place and the more I was acquainted with them the more I was united to them especially after that I had heard their