Self-Imployment IN SECRET CONTAINING I. Evidences upon Self-Examination II. Thoughts upon Painful Afflictions III. Memorials for Practice Left under the Hand-Writing of that Learned Reverend Divine Mr. Iohn Corbet Late of CHICHESTER With a Prefatory Epistle of Mr. Iohn Howe LONDON Printed for Thomas Parkhurst at the Bible Three Crowns in Cheapside near Mercers-Chappel 1681 THE PREFACE THE Character of this Holy Servant of Christ is already given by an every-way sutable Hand in what Part it lay open to the Observation of others His more Interiour Portraiâ—ture which is contained in these Papers was as it could only be drawn by Himself Why it is now exposed to publick view there is no need to be scrupulously careful in giving an Account It must be acknowledg'd there is usually with the Holiest Men a modest shyness of Communicating these privacies of their own Souls Their Inner Man doth shew its own Face with the more difficulty by how much it is more beautiful and worthy to be beheld And so it was with this excellent Person as his Inscriptions upon these Papers shew The State of my Own Soul and Qotes for my Self signifying their intended Use was that of a Mirrour to represent himself to his own Eye not to other Mens Yet this Aversion though great hath not been always Invincible or such as no Reasons to the contrary could oversway What are the Psalms of David and sundry Memoires of Holy Men in Scripture that were remotest from Ostentation and vain Glory but records of the most secret Dispositions and Motions of the hidden man of the Heart made publick for the instruction of their own and succeeding Ages As also the other published Meditations and Soliloquies of some of the greatest Worthies in the Christian Church must be understood to have had the same Pious Design Nor hath a generous Benignity in some Heathens permitted them to Ingross to themselves or envy to the World those pleasant Sensations of their own Minds which they thought might be some way Instructive and Useful to other Men. As that Renowned Philosopher and Emperour is instance that scrupled not to Write and leave behind him for this purpose Twelve Books concerning his own Life The thing cannot be Culpable if the Design be Innocent which will in great part be discernable in the manner of doing it when it is with unaffected simplicity and without studied Disguise As we commend a Picture not so much for its being Specious as that it is like the Face So have good Men in giving Accounts of themselves not spared to put in the Distempers and Disaffections of their Spirits that are as great Blemishes and Deformities as a Wart or Mole on the Face which the faithful Pencil must as curiously Express as the greatest Decencies However if this Publication be Praise-worthy nothing is to be Arrogated to the Author as if it be thought Blameable nothing is to be Derogated For though the Work it self which carries its sufficient Praise with it be owing entirely to him or rather to the Grace of God in him the making it publick is from the advice and desire of some Friends willing to impart what was once most private for a publick Good It is but the Dissection of his Soul less to be regretted by Friends when he is now cut of Sight and much more Useful than that of his lately Pained Body And as Anatomy discovers all the curious Contexture of our Bodily Fabrick Here are â—â—ived Representations of Faith Love an Heavenly Mind of Humility Meekness Self-denyal Entire Resignedness to the will of God in their First and Continued Motions with whatever Parts and Principles besides Compose the whole Frame of the New Creature as if we could perceive with our Eyes how the Blood in an Humane Body Circulates through all the Vains and Arteries how the Heart Beats the Spirits Fly to and fro and how each Nerve Tendon Fibre and Muscle perform their several Operations Here it may be seen how an Heart toucht from above Works and Tends thitherward how it depresses it self in Humiliation Dilates it self in Love Exalts it self in Praise Submits it self under Chastenings how it Draws in its Refreshings and Succours as there is need To many who have seen so Steady Uniform and Amiable a Course and Tenour of of Life How grateful is it to behold the secret Motions of those inward latent Principles from whence all proceeded Though Some others would look no further than the Advantages in external Respects that accrue by it As though Some content themselves to know by a Clock the Hour of the Day or partake the beneficial use of some rarer Engine The more curious especially any that design Imitation and to Compose Some like thing would be much more Gratify'd if through some pellucid Inclosure they could behold all the inward Work and observe how every Wheel Spring or Movement perform their several Parts and Offices towards that Common Use. What is here Presented as it may be of great Usefulness to all that seriously design the Christian Life so it hath a special Use for such as design it not and who think there is no such thing It may peculiarly serve to Convince such as are willing to think as Ill as they can of the Calling and Office of the Ministry that there are Some that serve the Lord in that Work who do not Study such Subjects as are here Exemplify'd only to frame Discourses of them wherewith to entertain the People for an Hour but for their own Use and Practice too That do Live the things they Teach And Eat of the Food they prepare for others That are in good earnest and most intent to Save themselves and them that hear them And do really venture their own Souls upon the same Bottom upon which they would perswade their Hearers to venture theirs taking all possible Care Left when they Preach to others they should themselves be Cast-awayes The very Opinion that we Preach only for Forms sake and to keep up the Custom and believe or regard not what we our selves say as well as the thing it self is no small nor perhaps uncommon hinderance to the success of Preaching at this Day It is hard to be serious in Hearing what I think he is not serious in himself who Preaches it If I Apprehend he Trifles 't is a great Temptation to me to do so too You may see this Worthy Man considered the Gospel as a Gospel of Salvation and not only Taught but Used it accordingly How Sollicitous was he to ground Substantially and Strongly his Hope of Eternal Life How warily did he feel his Way and Labour to Understand and Know Practically upon what Terms he might safely appear before his Judge To them who do not so this ought to be taken for a Reprehensive Example and may be very Directive to them that do That it may attain its proper Ends is the serious Prayer of One desirous to promote the Common
Servant O Lord but Remember me and Spare me according to thy great Mercy in Christ Jesus the great Propitiation for Sin in whom I desire to be found and under the Covert of whose Wing I stand that I may be Saved from thy Wrath and injoy thy Peace and live in thy Presence where is fulness of Joy and Pleasures for evermore Feb. 22. 1678 9 GOd will never Damn in Hell any Soul that hath the habitual predominant Love of God though culpably Remiss and otherwise Sinful while he remaineth such yea Hell and such Love of God are inconsistent I Love the Holy Will of God with all my Heart and hate all Disconformity to it Nothing is more Grievous to me than to displease God and nothing is more Pleasant to me than to please him I strive after Christian perfection I labour to be unbottomed of Self to dye to Self-advancement to Self-gloriation and to all selfish joys and to live wholly in and to God and to have Self swallowed up in the Love of Him I labour in the work of Self-resignation that my Will may be confined to and included in the Will of God I strive after Patience in its perfect Work and do find a willingness to yield to Gods Will in my Chastisements I still Justify God and do not entertain an hard Thought of his Dealing with me but conclude that it is altogether Holy Just and Good and for the best I feel my Sin a greater burden to me than my Affliction I had rather have Health of Soul in a Body full of Pain than Health and Ease of Body with a Distempered Soul And the Sense of my great Sinfulness disposeth me to Patience under my Afflicting Infirmities of Body I narrowly watch my Heart that it may not lodge or admit a vain Thought When I am surprized with Vanity I suppress it as soon as I observe it I am very fearful of offending in a Word When on the Sudden and by Incogitancy I have spoken a Word which upon Second Thoughts is doubtful to me though I had not such doubt in the speaking of it I have been much perplexed about it and have engaged my self to a greater Watchfulness Aug. 1680. SUrely Christ hath my Heart Whensoever I swerve from Christ in a Thought Word or Deed it is by inadvertency and surprizal against my fixed Principle and I have great Regret at it and Loath my self for it If I were out of all fear o damnation I had rather be holy then unholy and I take pains and use Gods means to be holy in opposition to the flesh and I make it my chief care And I do this because I make the enjoying of God my chief good and rather than lose the hope thereof I would willingly undergo the sufferings of this Life which lead to that blessed fruition not excepting the fiery-trial it self Aug. 1680. I Hope when the end cometh my God will say to me dear Child thy warfare is accompilshed thine iniquity is pardoned enter thou into my Rest. Therefore I will both hope and quietly wait for the Salvation of God I will hope to the end Strengthen me O my God that I faint not October the 4. 1680. I Have no design I pursue nothing contrary to God's interest but all my designes and pursuits are for God and Holiness I think I am sure of this if I be sure of any thing My great aim and care and labour is to cleanse my self from all filthyness of Flesh and Spirit and to perfect Holyness in the fear of God To whom I yield my self a Servant to obey his Servant I am But I do not yield my self a Servant to sin to obey it but I do yield my self a Servant to God to obey Him The design and business of my life is to do his Will THE WORKINGS OF MY HEART IN MY AFFLICTION Aug. the 5th 1680. THe Will of God in laying this affliction upon me I unfeignedly approve as Holy Just and Good And I am unfeignedly willing to bear the Affliction as it is an Evil laid upon me by his Will till the time come in which he thinks fit to remove it I watch and pray and strive that I may not give way to a repining thought against his holy Hand In this point thē Spirit is willing but the Flesh is weak My mind doth really consent to Gods dispensation and to my submission and being most agreeable to his wise and gracious Government and most conducing to my Salvation But my sensitive part and my mind also as it is in part unrenewed weak and sinful doth greatly reluctate so that I am put hard to it and I must say I am willing Lord help my unwillingness I have not observed in the several dayes that a thought of direct or positive discontentment or vexatious commotion of mind hath been admitted by me nevertheless I see to my grief that I fall exceeding short of that quietness contentation and cheerfulness in my condition and of that sreeness of Self Resignation to Gods Will that I desire and his goodness calls for I wrestle with God by importunate prayer that this thorn in the flesh might depart from me that this distemper might be removed or so mitigated that I might be in some comfortable ease and get a more cheerful freedom in doing my duty Yet I would not wrest this relief out of his hands unseasonably and without his good Will and his Blessing I would wait his time and desire to have it with his love and favour and with a saving benefit And so my earnest desire thereof is limited with submission to his holy Will Yet I find that this submission is no easy matter but that I must take pains with my own heart and that it is God who must work my heart to it and keep under the flesh which is alwaies ready to rebel It is hard to be willing to bear my wearisom condition And O how weak is my heart and ready to sink if it be not upheld by a strength above my own O let His Grace be sufficient for me and let His Power be made perfect in my weakness I feel my self bettered in the inner man by this chastening It hath furthered Mortification and Self-denyal and done much to the breaking of the heart of Pride and to bring me on towards that more perfect Self-Examination for which I labour It hath much deadned the World to me and my desire to the World It makes me know in earnest the Emptiness of all creatures and how great my concern is in God It drives me close to him and makes me to fetch all my comforts from him I see of how little value all outward contentments are and not only in my present afflicted state but if I were at ease and in full prosperity The sense of this benefit to my soul is the great means of bringing my Will to that weak degree of submission to God's Will to which I have atatined O that I
whatsoever good is done by them as in what is done by thy self and own it before Men. Use not Animosity and Contention in any Matter that may be brought to a good Issue in the way of Peace Engage not hastily as a Party in a Difference between others but reserve thy self impartial and uningaged that thou mayest moderate between them Whil'st thou lamentest thy Weakness in some Cases and seekest more Strength be sure to use that greater Strength in all other Cases whereunto thou hast attained and be not remiss or forgetful in any Duty that is more facil to thee So shalt thou have Comfort in thy willing Mind and honest Care and do much towards the Attainment of that which thou yet wantest and reachest after In the Time of Prayer let no Business divert thee from it that is not of present Necessity When thou hast an Opportunity of speaking a Word for the Good of anothers Soul defer not the doing of it till another time Watch against all bitter and over-passionate Speeches against malignant Opposers of the Truth For Meckness of Spirit and Behaviour is more according to Christ than wrathful Zeal Be not transported with Passion against those Conformists who are more sober than many others yet manifest too little Compassion to their suffering Brethren For even in the Regenerate there is a Remainder of the Spirit of Envy Partiality and Selfishness and too much of Wrath and Bitterness and other Parts of the Serpentine Nature though in a mortifyed Degree And we are to yield Grains of Allowance for the Temptations of Prejudice Interest c. to which good Men as well as others are obnoxious In thy Zeal against the Sins of others be mindful of thine own exceeding Sinfulness Call to remembrance thy great Offences which though they be unfeignedly repented of give thee to understand what cause thou hast to be meek and humble and patient towards all Men. Watch against the Motions of Pride and Hypocrisie in the Presence of any Person whose Favour and Opinion thou much esteemest What is Man that thou shouldst pass to be judged by Man's Judgment or seek Applause from Man Be not discomposed about some petty Absurdities of Behaviour or little Indecorums or Over-sights For so to be is Pusillanimity When thou hast conceived a dislike of any Person his Wayes or Actions or dost ill resent his Carriage towards thee take heed thou do not take any secret Pleasure in the Fore-sight of Evil coming upon him or in hearing or observing any such Folly of his as tends to his Reproach or Ruin or notable Dammage If thou hast fore-spoken the Calamity or any Evil that in Reason is like to befal one who doth unadvisedly manage himself and his Affairs take heed of wishing or willing that the Evil should come to pass lest thy Judgment or Fore-sight should seem to be disparaged yea take heed of any Motion rising towards such a Wish or Will My own exceeding Faultiness ingages me in seeing and hearing the Faults and Follies of others to pitty them rather than to rejoyce or glory over them and to cover or lessen those Faults rather than to aggravate or display them The Mercy and Forgiveness that I have found and hope for at the Lord's Hand ingages and disposes me to forgive Injuries and Abuses done to me And I should not think it much that I who am so sinful should bear some Contumelies or Abuses from Men. It is displeasing to me to hear the Faults of others insisted on whether they be Matters of Folly and Inconsiderateness or of Perverseness and Malice but especially if the Matter be not evident I find that petty Dammages and Injuries are apt to be Vexatious especially in a matter the Whole whereof is but Little as in a litile Farm or Living Wherefore I endeavour that I be not surprized with a troublesom Appearance and consider the Moment of a thing how light it is Abhor every Thought Word and Deed which is contrary to Love and tends to the Hurt of others The more Men wrong thee the more watchfully maintain thy Love towards them After thy publick Ministrations in Prayer and Preaching be not thoughtful or much concerned how Men like thy Performance but be concerned for this how acceptable it is to God and how effectual and successful to holy saving Means If God single me out for special great Suffering I have no reason to judge amiss of it For such is the state of things in the World to come that some Individuals must of necessity suffer for the good of the People And Why not I as well as another God is my Owner and he may do with me as with any other even as he pleaseth and he is my Father and he will use me well and make me sufficient Amends for all my Suffering and I shall be no Loser but an exceeding Gainer thereby in the End In this present State of Tryal it is requisite that there be a sufficient Difficulty and Hardship for all those that shall be saved to grapple with For all our Boasts of Free-will unless there were some heavy Weights of Sufferings cast by Providence into the Ballance to poise against our Propensions to follow Lusts and Pleasures and Worldly Allurements we should never seriously set our selves to the severe and self-denying Duties which belong to true Godliness To avoid Inconveniences to thy self expose not any to Danger whose Safety thou art bound to provide for In all Accusations whether publick or private when thou hast made a sufficient Defence enter not into needless Matters for Ostentation or such further Vindication as is not necessary if thou stand in a slippery Place but lye at a close Guard lest thou be entangled or in some point circumvented I will never wittingly and wilfully do amiss by Commission or Omission in a greater or lesser Matter because I shall too often do amiss at least in smaller Matters through Ignorance or Inadvertency or Surprizal of Passion do what I can Watch every Opportunity to put in a savoury Word for the good of a Soul with whom thou hast occasion of Converse Remember thou hast nothing of thine own but all is the Lords and accordingly use all that thou hast to no Carnal Interest but to serve Him as being wholly devoted to Him Be as serious and hearty in thy Prayers to God for the Concerns of others as for thine own Watch against Selfishness lest it work unto great Uncharitableness When thou hast Evidences of thy Sincerity which cannot in reason be gain-said hold to them and take Comfort in them yet still endeavour by Reviews and further Searchings to clear it more and more We keep our Evidences by keeping our Graces in their Lively Exercise Fetch thy Comforts from Heaven and not from Pleasures or Hopes here below Do not overvalue any Worth that is in thy self but think it rather less than more than it is indeed If any slight thee be neither dejected nor provoked