the_o chamber_n door_n i_o find_v the_o horror_n and_o fright_v under_o which_o i_o labour_v great_o to_o increase_v the_o devil_n suggest_v that_o he_o will_v either_o pull_v i_o back_o from_o enter_v into_o the_o chamber_n or_o else_o that_o he_o will_v enter_v along_o with_o i_o to_o hinder_v or_o distract_v i_o in_o my_o intend_v devotion_n all_o this_o while_n the_o place_n of_o scripture_n above_o mention_v run_v still_o in_o my_o thought_n as_o before_o be_v enter_v into_o my_o chamber_n all_o in_o a_o sweat_n and_o unusual_a consternation_n of_o spirit_n i_o stand_v before_o the_o bedside_n where_o i_o use_v to_o kneel_v in_o pray_v and_o with_o my_o eye_n close_v as_o i_o be_v take_v myself_o to_o task_n endeavour_v to_o recollect_v my_o memory_n where_o i_o have_v be_v all_o that_o day_n with_o what_o company_n i_o have_v converse_v what_o duty_n i_o have_v know_o omit_v and_o what_o immorality_n i_o have_v any_o way_n consent_v to_o all_o on_o a_o sudden_a i_o find_v the_o eye_n of_o my_o understanding_n so_o clear_o enlighten_v that_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o know_v and_o understand_v the_o meaning_n of_o that_o place_n of_o scripture_n which_o run_v all_o that_o day_n in_o my_o thought_n a_o scripture_n than_o which_o the_o whole_a book_n of_o god_n can_v not_o afford_v a_o more_o suitable_a text_n for_o the_o design_n therein_o which_o be_v to_o debase_v the_o creature_n and_o to_o extol_v and_o to_o advance_v the_o grace_n and_o mercy_n of_o the_o most_o high_a jehovah_n who_o alone_o exclude_v all_o other_o be_v god_n over_o all_o bless_v for_o evermore_o i_o be_v from_o the_o time_n of_o my_o first_o awaken_n as_o above_o mention_v possess_v of_o a_o opinion_n that_o conversion_n consist_v in_o a_o external_n or_o outward_a reformation_n of_o the_o life_n and_o that_o it_o be_v in_o the_o power_n of_o the_o creature_n to_o effect_v the_o same_o and_o that_o by_o repent_v of_o the_o bypass_a folly_n of_o youth_n and_o by_o a_o strenuous_a and_o zealous_a constancy_n in_o walk_v strict_o according_a to_o the_o precept_n of_o the_o moral_a law_n both_o negative_o and_o positive_o for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v i_o be_v then_o under_o the_o predominancy_n of_o a_o legal_a spirit_n and_o act_v under_o the_o covenant_n of_o work_n look_v with_o the_o bond-womans_n child_n for_o justification_n and_o life_n eternal_a in_o the_o way_n of_o work_n reckon_v it_o the_o only_a sure_a and_o safe_a way_n to_o expect_v salvation_n by_o perform_v the_o conditinal_a covenant_n of_o work_n and_o abound_v in_o such_o personal_a qulification_n as_o may_v render_v i_o acceptable_a to_o god_n of_o which_o i_o have_v often_o think_v i_o have_v as_o great_a measure_n as_o any_o he_o i_o know_v live_v i_o shall_v not_o insist_v on_o the_o particular_n of_o those_o inherent_a qualification_n wherein_o i_o be_o apt_a to_o believe_v i_o do_v match_v if_o not_o out_o strip_v the_o strict_a moralist_n i_o know_v who_o be_v yet_o in_o his_o natural_a state_n in_o short_a i_o be_v exceed_v zealous_a in_o the_o law_n not_o in_o the_o least_o understand_v the_o spiritual_a meaning_n thereof_o or_o how_o miserable_o wretched_a i_o be_v by_o reason_n of_o its_o condemn_v sentence_n against_o not_o only_o my_o worst_a but_o also_o against_o my_o most_o refine_a act_n of_o morality_n i_o do_v then_o as_o too_o to_o many_o do_v at_o this_o day_n of_o gospel_n light_n viz._n set_v up_o the_o letter_n of_o the_o law_n in_o opposition_n to_o the_o spirit_n of_o the_o law_n but_o so_o it_o please_v god_n that_o by_o his_o enable_v i_o to_o understand_v the_o mind_n of_o his_o spirit_n in_o that_o text_n i_o soon_o become_v convince_v that_o i_o have_v take_v wrong_a method_n in_o order_n to_o get_v from_o under_o the_o law_n curse_v and_o to_o have_v a_o settle_a peace_n in_o myself_o the_o course_n i_o have_v take_v for_o relieve_v my_o wound_a and_o sink_a spirit_n i_o perceive_v to_o be_v direct_o contrary_a to_o the_o gospel_n way_n of_o save_a lose_v sinner_n i_o be_v all_o for_o do_v and_o work_v and_o the_o more_o work_v i_o do_v the_o far_o i_o find_v myself_o from_o true_a peace_n and_o comfort_n my_o chief_a and_o only_o work_v now_o be_v believe_v in_o the_o son_n of_o god_n in_o who_o alone_o that_o righteousness_n be_v to_o be_v find_v which_o reconcile_v a_o sinner_n to_o a_o offend_a god_n from_o that_o text_n above_o mention_v the_o covenant_n of_o god_n free_a grace_n in_o christ_n be_v explain_v and_o lay_v open_a before_o the_o eye_n of_o my_o enlighten_v understanding_n the_o term_n whereof_o i_o find_v be_v as_o far_o wide_a of_o or_o contrary_a to_o the_o way_n to_o which_o the_o covenant_n of_o work_n direct_v for_o attain_v life_n eternal_a as_o the_o east_n be_v from_o the_o west_n or_o as_o heaven_n be_v from_o hell_n the_o work_n of_o the_o spirit_n in_o discover_v christ_n to_o i_o from_o that_o text_n and_o his_o draw_v i_o to_o close_v with_o christ_n so_o discover_v be_v so_o full_a of_o amaze_a and_o astonish_a wonderment_n and_o surprise_v ravishment_n of_o soul_n that_o i_o be_o no_o mroe_n able_a to_o express_v or_o relate_v the_o same_o than_o i_o be_o able_a to_o find_v out_o the_o dimension_n of_o the_o sun_n or_o to_o give_v a_o exact_a account_n of_o the_o number_n of_o the_o star_n there_o be_v hold_v as_o it_o be_v a_o court_n of_o enquiry_n in_o my_o soul_n the_o holy_a ghost_n which_o before_o be_v the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n wound_v and_o kill_v i_o by_o the_o terrible_a sentence_n of_o the_o law_n he_o be_v become_v the_o spirit_n of_o adoption_n to_o consummate_v a_o sweet_a and_o bless_a marriage_n between_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n god_n only_a son_n by_o eternal_a and_o ineffable_a generation_n and_o a_o poor_a lose_v and_o undo_v prodigal_a who_o as_o adam_n child_n be_v bear_v heir_n of_o the_o curse_n partaker_n of_o a_o nature_n as_o vile_a and_o polute_v as_o hell_n itself_o can_v make_v it_o and_o who_o case_n and_o condition_n in_o respect_n of_o inward_a horror_n and_o despair_v of_o soul_n differ_v but_o little_a at_o least_o as_o i_o think_v and_o believe_v from_o that_o of_o the_o damn_a in_o hell_n six_o thing_n this_o bless_a spirit_n of_o adoption_n do_v effect_v in_o order_n to_o consummate_v this_o match_n first_o he_o discover_v and_o make_v know_v to_o i_o who_o the_o lord_n jesus_n hold_v forth_o in_o the_o gospel_n be_v from_o whence_o he_o come_v and_o to_o what_o end_n the_o father_n send_v he_o second_o he_o make_v plain_a discovery_n to_o i_o of_o christ_n almightiness_n to_o save_o and_o reconcile_v to_o god_n the_o worst_a and_o most_o wretched_a of_o sinner_n and_o that_o the_o righteousness_n which_o he_o as_o mediator_n between_o god_n and_o sinner_n have_v wrought_v be_v the_o alone_a righteousness_n by_o which_o a_o sinner_n be_v to_o be_v save_v and_o that_o in_o a_o way_n of_o believe_v though_o not_o for_o believe_v that_o god_n for_o the_o sake_n and_o merit_n of_o his_o son_n obedience_n to_o the_o law_n both_o active_a and_o passive_a do_v frank_o and_o free_o pardon_v and_o forgive_v the_o poor_a rebel_n transgression_n commit_v against_o the_o moral_a law_n as_o if_o he_o have_v never_o commit_v they_o and_o account_v the_o whole_a of_o that_o righteousness_n of_o christ_n both_o active_a and_o passive_a as_o true_o the_o sinner_n as_o if_o the_o sinner_n have_v personal_o perform_v the_o same_o himself_o and_o that_o in_o a_o way_n of_o free_a imputation_n three_o he_o persuade_v my_o heart_n that_o god_n the_o father_n against_o who_o law_n i_o have_v sin_v and_o who_o anger_n and_o curse_n for_o the_o same_o i_o fear_v be_v real_o willing_a and_o desirous_a that_o i_o shall_v be_v reconcile_v to_o himself_o by_o the_o virtue_n of_o his_o son_n mediation_n and_o that_o by_o my_o betake_v myself_o to_o he_o and_o cast_v my_o weary_a and_o sink_a soul_n on_o he_o to_o be_v introduce_v into_o his_o presence_n and_o by_o his_o spotless_a comeliness_n put_v on_o i_o i_o may_v be_v make_v amiable_a and_o acceptable_a in_o his_o sight_n four_o he_o discover_v to_o i_o and_o persuade_v my_o heart_n of_o the_o full_a and_o complete_a provision_n make_v by_o god_n and_o make_v know_v in_o the_o covenant_n of_o grace_n for_o the_o make_v complete_o and_o eternal_o happy_a those_o soul_n who_o be_v by_o christ_n his_o son_n believe_v and_o rely_v on_o for_o salvation_n reconcile_v to_o his_o majesty_n in_o respect_n of_o these_o and_o the_o like_a discovery_n which_o the_o holy_a ghost_n make_v to_o the_o elect_n in_o effectual_a call_v and_o between_o that_o and_o their_o arrive_v at_o glory_n he_o be_v style_v the_o spirit_n of_o manifestation_n and_o of_o revelation_n 1_o cor._n 12._o
a_o revive_v cordial_a for_o a_o sinsick_a despair_v soul_n in_o the_o time_n of_o temptation_n the_o same_o be_v a_o extract_n of_o the_o unworthy_a author_n experience_n of_o the_o particular_a follow_v i._o the_o miraculous_a preservation_n of_o his_o bodily_a life_n from_o the_o many_o death_n and_o eminent_a danger_n which_o threaten_v it_o while_o in_o a_o state_n of_o nature_n ii_o the_o method_n god_n take_v with_o he_o in_o awaken_n he_o to_o look_v into_o and_o to_o mind_n soul_n concern_v when_o about_o fourteen_o year_n of_o age._n iii_o how_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n take_v he_o and_o what_o fearful_a work_v it_o make_v in_o his_o soul_n iu._n how_o the_o spirit_n of_o adoption_n succeed_v the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n heal_v and_o bind_v up_o the_o deep_a wound_n cause_v in_o his_o soul_n thereby_o câ—â—â—_n and_o hear_v all_o you_o that_o fear_v god_n and_o i_o will_v declare_v that_o he_o have_v do_v for_o my_o soul_n psal_n 66._o 16._o i_o will_v praise_v thou_o for_o i_o be_o fearful_o and_o wonderful_o make_v marvellous_a be_v thy_o work_n and_o that_o my_o soul_n know_v right_a well_o psal_n 139._o 14._o by_o ja._n barry_n a_o unworthy_a minister_n of_o the_o gospel_n london_n print_v for_o the_o author_n 1699._o to_o his_o very_a much_o respect_v and_o high_o honour_a friend_n mr._n nicholas_n skinner_n merchant_n of_o london_n worthy_a and_o honour_a sir_n the_o laudable_a character_n give_v you_o by_o some_o minister_n of_o christ_n and_o other_o good_a soul_n now_o i_o charitable_o hope_v and_o believe_v praising_n god_n in_o glory_n especial_o the_o experimental_a taste_n i_o myself_o have_v have_v of_o your_o goodness_n since_o providence_n make_v i_o so_o happy_a in_o your_o acquaintance_n have_v encourage_v i_o to_o prefix_v your_o worthy_a and_o deserve_a name_n to_o this_o small_a tract_n who_o design_n and_o chief_a tendency_n be_v to_o encourage_v poor_a deject_a soul_n under_o the_o hiding_n of_o god_n face_n to_o cast_v themselves_o on_o that_o never_o fail_v goodnss_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n until_o god_n set_a time_n for_o deliverance_n come_v and_o also_o to_o stir_v up_o experience_v and_o grow_v believer_n to_o a_o become_a adoration_n and_o praise_v of_o that_o adorable_a name_n and_o wonder_v work_a providence_n of_o the_o glorious_a and_o tremendous_a jehovah_n which_o have_v so_o conspicuous_o appear_v in_o the_o deliverance_n wrought_v for_o i_o his_o poor_a nothing_o creature_n both_o for_o soul_n and_o body_n and_o who_o be_o to_o this_o very_a day_n keep_v alive_a and_o uphold_v by_o that_o divine_a manutenency_n of_o his_o own_o to_o the_o great_a admiration_n both_o of_o myself_o and_o those_o godly_a soul_n who_o know_v my_o present_a circumstance_n and_o god_n deal_v with_o i_o i_o have_v be_v for_o several_a year_n pass_v more_o than_o ordinary_o importune_v both_o by_o godly_a divine_n and_o such_o zealous_a work_a christian_n as_o yourself_o to_o publish_v what_o now_o i_o have_v presume_v to_o dedicate_v to_o so_o dear_a and_o well_o deserve_v a_o friend_n as_o you_o be_v well_o know_v to_o be_v both_o to_o god_n truth_n and_o such_o as_o in_o any_o measure_n bear_v the_o bless_a image_n of_o his_o son_n the_o principal_a motive_n of_o their_o importune_v i_o to_o publish_v this_o be_v the_o strange_a influence_n the_o relation_n hereof_o from_o my_o own_o mouth_n have_v upon_o their_o own_o spirit_n the_o effect_n whereof_o they_o be_v not_o able_a to_o hide_v the_o tear_n of_o joy_n gush_v out_o surprise_o from_o their_o eye_n with_o both_o eye_n and_o hand_n lift_v up_o to_o heaven_n wonder_v at_o and_o adore_v the_o wonder_n of_o god_n in_o my_o case_n profess_v and_o declare_v that_o in_o all_o their_o time_n they_o have_v neither_o hear_v nor_o know_v so_o much_o of_o the_o goodness_n and_o grace_n of_o god_n vouchsase_v to_o a_o poor_a lose_v and_o undo_v sinner_n as_o be_v show_v and_o vouchsafe_v to_o unworthy_a i_o which_o occasion_v several_a of_o the_o godly_a minister_n especial_o mr._n noah_n bryan_n mr._n timothy_n taylor_n mr._n samuel_n mather_n and_o the_o dear_a mr._n nathaniel_n mather_n all_o now_o with_o christ_n to_o profess_v that_o they_o never_o hear_v of_o or_o know_v any_o sinner_n come_v so_o near_o to_o paul_n as_o touch_v god_n method_n and_o way_n of_o work_v upon_o and_o deal_v with_o he_o in_o and_o after_o his_o conversion_n as_o i_o do_v and_o therefore_o they_o unanimous_o agree_v in_o judge_v that_o to_o publish_v the_o same_o be_v my_o duty_n the_o which_o they_o doubt_v not_o will_v be_v great_o useful_a and_o that_o both_o to_o saint_n and_o sinner_n on_o sundry_a account_n the_o sincere_a and_o upright_o heart_a nathaniel_n mather_n late_o of_o pinners-hall_n have_v several_a time_n chide_v i_o for_o my_o backwardness_n to_o so_o necessary_a and_o useful_a a_o work_n and_o a_o little_a before_o his_o death_n he_o at_o i_o again_o about_o it_o examine_v into_o the_o ground_n of_o my_o backwardness_n herein_o to_o who_o i_o reply_v sir_n there_o be_v two_o thing_n which_o hitherto_o have_v keep_v i_o back_o from_o publish_v this_o my_o experience_n and_o how_o much_o of_o satan_n there_o may_v be_v in_o it_o i_o can_v determine_v the_o first_o be_v the_o difficulty_n which_o attend_v my_o set_n down_o in_o write_v the_o work_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o adoption_n in_o doscover_v and_o apply_v christ_n unto_o i_o the_o remembrance_n whereof_o do_v so_o swallow_v i_o up_o and_o melt_v i_o that_o i_o be_o not_o able_a to_o see_v my_o paper_n for_o the_o tear_n of_o joy_n which_o obstruct_v my_o visive_n faculty_n to_o which_o he_o reply_v that_o it_o be_v pity_v any_o thing_n shall_v hinder_v i_o in_o so_o good_a and_o useful_a asleep_o work_n the_o second_o be_v the_o fear_n lodge_v within_o i_o of_o people_n not_o credit_v the_o relation_n i_o shall_v give_v hereof_o in_o case_n it_o be_v print_v for_o say_v i_o the_o great_a part_n of_o professor_n be_v so_o great_a stranger_n to_o the_o nature_n of_o true_a regeneration_n especial_o when_o wrought_v in_o a_o sinner_n in_o the_o way_n and_o method_n god_n take_v with_o i_o that_o they_o will_v rather_o suspect_v and_o question_v the_o truth_n of_o what_o i_o relate_v than_o praise_n god_n or_o improve_v the_o same_o for_o their_o own_o good_a or_o spiritual_a advantage_n for_o the_o same_o to_o which_o reply_n be_v make_v that_o satan_n be_v always_o ready_a to_o obstruct_v any_o good_a work_n which_o have_v the_o least_o tendency_n to_o god_n praise_n or_o the_o good_a of_o soul_n since_o his_o departure_n the_o fresh_a remembrance_n of_o the_o importunity_n of_o the_o worthy_n above_o name_v together_o with_o the_o repeat_v solicitation_n of_o several_a godly_a zealous_a christian_n yet_o live_v have_v prevail_v with_o i_o to_o beat_v my_o way_n through_o those_o difficulty_n which_o lay_v before_o i_o leave_v the_o issue_n of_o my_o present_a undertake_n to_o the_o powerful_a providence_n of_o god_n to_o make_v the_o same_o successful_a in_o what_o it_o be_v design_v for_o and_o beg_v most_o hearty_o your_o pardon_n for_o the_o method_n i_o have_v take_v in_o acknowledge_v the_o great_a kindness_n and_o respect_v show_v by_o your_o religious_a and_o true_o generous_a self_n to_o the_o mean_a and_o most_o unworthy_a of_o christ_n despise_a ambassador_n the_o which_o i_o doubt_v not_o you_o will_v find_v record_v in_o heaven_n by_o my_o lord_n and_o master_n as_o a_o evident_a proof_n of_o your_o faith_n in_o and_o unfeigned_a love_n to_o he_o and_o his_o cause_n and_o interest_n here_o on_o earth_n let_v not_o dear_a sir_n the_o disadvantage_n under_o which_o i_o lie_v on_o account_n of_o the_o slanderous_a reproach_n heap_v on_o i_o by_o malicious_a spirit_n lessen_v your_o hope_n of_o the_o glorious_a recompense_n of_o reward_n promise_v by_o he_o that_o can_v lie_v to_o all_o your_o work_n and_o labour_n of_o love_n express_v to_o i_o and_o other_o of_o god_n child_n for_o the_o sake_n of_o christ_n he_o that_o will_v take_v notice_n of_o a_o cup_n of_o cold_a water_n give_v to_o a_o disciple_n in_o the_o name_n of_o his_o disciple_n will_v i_o question_v not_o record_v in_o heaven_n the_o refresh_a wine_n i_o have_v drink_v at_o your_o table_n more_o than_o once_o and_o the_o silver_n and_o gold_n send_v i_o and_o give_v i_o by_o yourself_o whereby_o both_o i_o and_o my_o distress_a family_n have_v be_v keep_v from_o sink_v into_o the_o dust_n and_o albeit_o i_o shall_v at_o the_o great_a day_n of_o judgement_n appear_v to_o be_v a_o cast_n away_o from_o christ_n of_o which_o through_o infinite_a grace_n i_o be_o no_o more_o afraid_a than_o i_o be_o afraid_a that_o god_n can_v cease_v to_o be_v what_o he_o be_v yet_o your_o integrity_n and_o uprightness_n in_o what_o you_o
improve_v that_o action_n to_o the_o utmost_a to_o the_o reproach_n of_o dissenter_n the_o which_o afterward_o fall_v out_o as_o i_o fear_v the_o alderman_n refuse_v to_o comply_v with_o that_o my_o but_o reasonable_a request_v he_o allege_v for_o his_o noncompliance_n with_o i_o that_o he_o have_v none_o but_o i_o who_o he_o can_v trust_v in_o a_o affair_n of_o that_o nature_n find_v the_o ineffectualness_n of_o my_o endeavour_n to_o prevail_v with_o the_o alderman_n to_o excuse_v or_o exempt_a i_o from_o that_o service_n and_o his_o strict_a command_n be_v instant_a upon_o i_o a_o writ_n be_v take_v out_o of_o which_o the_o say_a grundy_n have_v notice_n he_o abscond_v for_o a_o time_n on_o this_o i_o take_v the_o two_o special_a bailiff_n who_o be_v to_o execute_v the_o writ_n with_o nine_o or_o ten_o of_o the_o village_n he_o live_v in_o into_o the_o house_n along_o with_o i_o to_o witness_v that_o i_o seize_v those_o good_n which_o be_v visible_a in_o the_o house_n for_o the_o use_n of_o alderman_n preston_n and_o that_o for_o the_o nonpayment_n of_o rent_n i_o move_v no_o good_n but_o leave_v they_o where_o i_o find_v they_o leave_v they_o to_o the_o disposal_n of_o the_o alderman_n immediate_o on_o this_o the_o wretched_a man_n contrive_v with_o some_o papist_n russian_n to_o lay_v a_o plot_n against_o i_o the_o substance_n of_o which_o be_v that_o on_o a_o day_n i_o enter_v his_o house_n to_o distrain_v for_o such_o a_o man_n name_v alderman_n preston_n and_o meet_v with_o a_o cabinet_n i_o force_v the_o lock_n and_o steal_v three_o pound_n fifteen_o shilling_n which_o he_o say_v his_o witness_n will_v positive_o swear_v they_o see_v i_o to_o reckon_v and_o put_v into_o my_o pocket_n forthwith_o he_o ride_v to_o a_o justice_n of_o peace_n for_o a_o warrant_n to_o bind_v i_o over_o acquaint_v the_o justice_n with_o the_o whole_a of_o the_o concern_v in_o all_o its_o circumstance_n the_o justice_n though_o enemy_n enough_o on_o the_o account_n of_o religion_n tell_v he_o plain_o that_o he_o will_v not_o grant_v a_o warrant_n against_o i_o if_o he_o will_v give_v he_o five_o hundred_o pound_n he_o go_v to_o a_o second_o to_o a_o three_o and_o to_o a_o four_o about_o the_o same_o errand_n but_o from_o none_o of_o they_o can_v he_o get_v a_o warrant_n to_o bind_v i_o over_o they_o be_v all_o afraid_a to_o meddle_v at_o that_o time_n with_o i_o whether_o for_o fear_n of_o my_o uncle_n who_o be_v at_o that_o time_n lord_n chief_a justice_n of_o the_o kingdom_n of_o ireland_n or_o from_o any_o restraint_n from_o god_n on_o their_o spirit_n i_o do_v not_o know_v he_o find_v all_o his_o hope_n of_o have_v i_o for_o ever_o disgrace_v if_o not_o arraign_v for_o my_o life_n frustrate_v prepare_v a_o bill_n of_o indictment_n to_o arraign_v i_o at_o my_o uncle_n bar_n the_o term_n next_o ensue_v this_o assault_n i_o confess_v be_v a_o great_a trial_n of_o the_o little_a faith_n and_o patience_n which_o the_o gift_n of_o god_n hand_v out_o to_o my_o poor_a soul_n in_o the_o instant_n of_o regeneration_n as_o ever_o i_o have_v since_o meet_v with_o i_o have_v sometime_o with_o holy_a david_n think_v that_o my_o mountain_n in_o respect_n of_o inward_a and_o settle_a peace_n of_o conscience_n shall_v never_o be_v shake_v or_o move_v till_o this_o storm_n arise_v and_o albeit_o it_o do_v not_o influence_n my_o soul_n inward_o to_o shake_v my_o comfort_n and_o confidence_n in_o god_n god_n and_o my_o own_o conscience_n know_v my_o integrity_n and_o innocency_n in_o the_o thing_n lay_v to_o my_o charge_n yet_o consider_v the_o reproach_n which_o i_o apprehend_v will_v hence_o arise_v to_o the_o name_n gospel_n and_o people_n of_o god_n the_o stain_n and_o scandal_n it_o will_v be_v to_o my_o whole_a family_n no_o man_n can_v full_o conceive_v the_o disquietude_n and_o shame_n which_o take_v up_o its_o lodging_n in_o my_o breast_n oh_o the_o toss_n and_o work_n of_o my_o spirit_n lord_n think_v i_o what_o will_v this_o come_v to_o thou_o know_v my_o innocency_n in_o this_o matter_n but_o the_o world_n will_v ready_o believe_v i_o be_o guilty_a blasphemy_n and_o sad_a reproach_n will_v hence_o redound_v to_o thy_o most_o holy_a and_o tremendous_a name_n and_o gospel_n which_o i_o value_v unspeakable_o more_o than_o my_o life_n and_o all_o the_o world_n the_o true_o godly_a and_o religious_a the_o only_a man_n of_o my_o delight_n will_v with_o sad_a heart_n often_o think_v how_o sad_o they_o be_v mistake_v in_o i_o what_o to_o apprehend_v this_o storm_n will_v issue_v in_o any_o other_o than_o what_o i_o have_v already_o express_v i_o can_v not_o imagine_v the_o guiltless_a blush_n which_o daily_o on_o this_o occasion_n appear_v in_o my_o countenance_n i_o conclude_v will_v be_v to_o all_o that_o see_v i_o a_o argument_n of_o my_o gild_n the_o thought_n of_o the_o term_n approach_v increase_v the_o inward_a perturbation_n of_o my_o mind_n and_o the_o blush_n of_o my_o face_n to_o think_v i_o must_v stand_v arraign_v for_o felony_n before_o a_o judge_n and_o all_o my_o other_o relation_n who_o but_o a_o few_o year_n before_o have_v unanimous_o censure_v condemn_v and_o cast_v i_o out_o of_o their_o favour_n and_o affection_n for_o be_v a_o fanatic_a as_o they_o term_v true_a and_o gospel_n religion_n oh_o how_o close_o this_o go_v secret_o wish_v but_o still_o with_o humble_a submission_n to_o god_n that_o he_o will_v please_v either_o to_o break_v that_o horrid_a plot_n before_o i_o come_v to_o be_v public_o arraign_v as_o a_o malefactor_n or_o else_o call_v i_o off_o by_o death_n which_o i_o do_v unspeakable_o prefer_v before_o live_v to_o be_v a_o cause_n of_o reproach_n and_o blasphemy_n to_o the_o name_n and_o religion_n of_o the_o most_o high_a god_n as_o the_o term_n draw_v very_o near_o and_o the_o various_a and_o restless_a toss_n of_o my_o mind_n on_o that_o account_n increase_v god_n infinite_o wise_a and_o ever_o faithful_a to_o his_o word_n who_o best_o know_v how_o to_o time_n deliverance_n and_o break_v those_o net_n in_o which_o the_o enemy_n hope_v to_o catch_v the_o innocent_a he_o a_o very_a short_a space_n before_o the_o term_n le_fw-fr we_o loose_v the_o reins_o to_o this_o wicked_a man_n guilty_a conscience_n which_o wrought_v so_o violent_o with_o he_o that_o all_o the_o strength_n of_o reason_n in_o he_o yea_o the_o hope_n he_o inward_o cherish_v of_o see_v i_o bring_v to_o perpetual_a disgrace_n if_o not_o cut_v off_o be_v not_o able_a to_o restrain_v he_o from_o tread_v the_o foot_n step_v of_o judas_n a_o rope_n he_o get_v out_o he_o go_v to_o his_o own_o garden_n in_o the_o dusk_n of_o the_o evening_n and_o have_v fasten_v the_o rope_n about_o his_o neck_n just_a as_o he_o be_v draw_v the_o end_n of_o the_o rope_n through_o the_o arm_n of_o a_o tree_n on_o which_o he_o design_v to_o hang_v himself_o his_o wife_n and_o his_o man_n happen_v to_o discover_v what_o he_o be_v about_o on_o this_o the_o shout_z be_v up_o and_o such_o a_o cry_v make_v as_o do_v present_o bring_v about_o he_o all_o the_o neighbour_n who_o over_o pour_a he_o prevent_v his_o intend_a design_n but_o notwithstanding_o their_o cut_v the_o rope_n yet_o can_v they_o have_v no_o access_n to_o that_o guilty_a conscience_n of_o he_o to_o assuage_v or_o allay_v the_o horrible_a and_o self_n condemn_v agony_n which_o like_o restless_a wave_n and_o billow_n do_v distract_v and_o torment_v his_o soul_n he_o be_v by_o force_n stretch_v on_o his_o bed_n and_o with_o the_o same_o rope_n he_o attempt_v to_o hand_n himself_o be_v fast_o bind_v to_o the_o bed_n he_o fall_v into_o rage_v and_o desperate_a fit_n like_v to_o a_o demoniac_a dash_v his_o head_n with_o all_o his_o force_n against_o the_o bed-stock_n foam_v at_o the_o mouth_n utter_v these_o word_n as_o fast_o and_o with_o a_o strange_a vehemency_n which_o fright_v all_o the_o bystander_n as_o he_o can_v viz._n i_o drive_v away_o cow_n i_o sell_v cow_n no_o i_o drive_v away_o no_o cow_n i_o sell_v no_o cow_n roger_n eckersley_n and_o captain_n stopford_n will_v give_v under_o their_o hand_n that_o i_o be_o a_o honest_a man_n and_o so_o in_o rage_a madness_n expire_v his_o last_o breath_n with_o these_o word_n in_o his_o die_a mouth_n i_o drive_v no_o cow_n away_o i_o sell_v no_o cow_n which_o be_v the_o last_o word_n he_o speak_v the_o reader_n must_v know_v that_o before_o this_o plot_n design_v against_o my_o life_n and_o reputation_n the_o same_o poor_a wretch_n commence_v a_o law_n suit_n against_o i_o or_o which_o he_o have_v not_o the_o least_o appearance_n of_o reason_n save_v what_o he_o and_o some_z other_o as_o desperate_o wicked_a as_o himself_o have_v contrive_v and_o which_o be_v stout_o swear_v
by_o a_o irish_a papist_n witness_n for_o but_o one_o poor_a quart_n of_o ale_n against_o i_o at_o the_o assize_n hold_v in_o the_o county_n where_o he_o and_o i_o live_v god_n know_v i_o no_o more_o know_v any_o thing_n of_o what_o he_o charge_v against_o i_o in_o his_o civil_a bill_n than_o i_o know_v of_o the_o three_o pound_n fifteen_o shilling_n for_o which_o he_o design_v to_o arraign_v i_o but_o so_o it_o be_v that_o upon_o the_o evidence_n positive_o swear_v a_o decree_n be_v grant_v for_o seven_o pound_n which_o be_v the_o sum_n mention_v in_o his_o bill_n the_o decree_n contrary_a to_o promise_v be_v on_o a_o sudden_a while_o i_o be_v from_o home_n about_o business_n execute_v seven_o prime_a milch_n cow_n of_o my_o stock_n where_o take_v away_o and_o in_o half_a a_o hour_n time_n appraise_v and_o sell_v for_o seven_o pound_n though_o the_o cow_n in_o the_o judgement_n of_o all_o that_o know_v they_o and_o who_o understand_v cattle_n be_v real_o worth_a thirty_o pound_n between_o brother_n and_o brother_n and_o thus_o it_o please_v god_n in_o the_o wonder_n work_v providence_n of_o he_o to_o break_v these_o net_n which_o the_o devil_n by_o his_o instrument_n lay_v not_o only_o for_o my_o life_n but_o also_o for_o my_o credit_n and_o reputation_n i_o do_v not_o in_o the_o least_o doubt_n but_o the_o great_a advantage_n which_o the_o devil_n propose_v to_o himself_o by_o put_v those_o miscreant_n on_o work_n to_o bring_v my_o name_n and_o person_n into_o the_o black_a contempt_n be_v to_o overthrow_v the_o efficacy_n of_o my_o ministry_n when_o i_o shall_v be_v thereto_o call_v for_o the_o devil_n know_v very_o well_o how_o importunate_a godly_a minister_n and_o other_o be_v with_o i_o to_o take_v on_o i_o that_o great_a work_n of_o the_o ministry_n and_o sore_o guess_v no_o doubt_n he_o have_v how_o great_o i_o shall_v be_v employ_v in_o disturb_v his_o kingdom_n be_v in_o a_o great_a measure_n make_v acquaint_v with_o his_o lion_n and_o fox_n like_o device_n several_a year_n before_o i_o be_v prevail_v with_o to_o adventure_v on_o so_o great_a and_o sacred_a a_o work_n many_o more_o strange_a deliverance_n have_v the_o providence_n of_o god_n wrought_v for_o i_o his_o poor_a unworthy_a creature_n the_o which_o i_o be_o necessitate_v to_o omit_v fear_v my_o book_n shall_v swell_v to_o too_o great_a a_o bulk_n i_o hearty_o wish_v that_o both_o myself_o and_o other_o who_o read_v what_o i_o have_v faithful_o and_o impartial_o relate_v of_o the_o wonder_n of_o divine_a providence_n towards_o i_o may_v be_v so_o right_o affect_v with_o what_o i_o have_v relate_v as_o to_o give_v god_n the_o glory_n and_o praise_n of_o his_o own_o work_n and_o be_v by_o read_v these_o thing_n stir_v up_o and_o encourage_v for_o ever_o to_o trust_v in_o that_o adorable_a providence_n of_o heaven_n which_o never_o fail_v they_o who_o belong_v to_o christ_n chap._n ii_o a_o account_n of_o god_n woderful_a deal_n with_o i_o about_o the_o concern_v of_o my_o soul_n some_o year_n before_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n take_v i_o when_o i_o be_v between_o fourteen_o and_o fifteen_o year_n of_o age_n or_o thereabouts_o as_o near_o as_o i_o can_v remember_v the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o dart_v some_o beginning_n of_o conviction_n into_o my_o soul_n which_o be_v after_o this_o manner_n one_o lord_n day_n as_o i_o be_v in_o the_o height_n of_o vigour_n in_o profane_v god_n holy_a day_n with_o the_o rude_a and_o ignorant_a papist_n there_o be_v dart_v into_o my_o conscience_n like_o a_o affrightning_n flash_n of_o lightning_n from_o above_o this_o apprehension_n and_o thought_n viz._n that_o i_o must_v be_v either_o convert_v or_o else_o send_v to_o hell_n to_o be_v damn_v this_o arrow_n be_v shoot_v out_o of_o his_o bow_n who_o never_o miss_v the_o mark_n at_o which_o he_o shoot_v take_v up_o its_o lodging_n within_o i_o but_o what_o to_o make_v of_o it_o or_o what_o the_o meaning_n of_o it_o shall_v be_v i_o be_v as_o far_o to_o seek_v as_o a_o beast_n so_o ignorant_a and_o brutish_a be_v i_o the_o lord_n know_v but_o though_o i_o know_v not_o from_o whence_o it_o come_v or_o what_o its_o tendency_n will_v be_v yet_o be_v a_o messenger_n from_o god_n it_o maintain_v its_o ground_n stick_v close_o by_o i_o accompany_v i_o wherever_o i_o go_v put_v i_o sometime_o into_o a_o sweat_n sometime_o into_o inward_a shivering_n of_o soul_n sometime_o into_o distract_n and_o perplex_v cogitation_n and_o thought_n what_o it_o shall_v be_v be_v send_v to_o hell_n think_v i_o lord_n what_o be_v that_o and_o be_v damn_a bless_v i_o think_v i_o what_o be_v this_o to_o be_v damn_a dear_a reader_n believe_v i_o i_o have_v read_v in_o scripture_n the_o word_n hell_n and_o damn_a with_o the_o term_n convert_v but_o no_o more_o do_v i_o understand_v the_o sense_n or_o the_o meaning_n of_o the_o one_o or_o the_o other_o of_o those_o three_o word_n than_o a_o beast_n at_o length_n i_o begin_v in_o my_o thought_n to_o fix_v on_o something_o what_o this_o strange_a thing_n shall_v be_v or_o mean_v and_o the_o result_n come_v to_o this_o i_o do_v conceive_v and_o strong_o apprehend_v that_o hell_n and_o damn_a be_v some_o ugly_a frightful_a and_o dangerous_a thing_n to_o the_o which_o shall_v i_o be_v bring_v i_o shall_v be_v a_o sad_a and_o undo_v creature_n for_o ever_o as_o for_o the_o other_o viz._n convert_v i_o do_v very_o think_v it_o mean_v no_o more_o than_o the_o leave_v off_o or_o cease_v from_o those_o mad_a and_o youthful_a prank_n of_o profane_v the_o sunday_n as_o i_o then_o call_v the_o lord_n day_n with_o several_a other_o immorality_n to_o which_o i_o be_v exceed_o and_o wretched_o addict_v and_o in_o the_o stead_n or_o room_n of_o those_o vain_a and_o wretched_a practice_n to_o fall_v upon_o a_o serious_a and_o sober_a live_n both_o of_o which_o i_o full_o conclude_v lie_v within_o the_o compass_n of_o my_o own_o freewill_n and_o natural_a power_n to_o effect_v according_o i_o fall_v to_o work_n desert_v and_o throw_v off_o both_o my_o wicked_a companion_n and_o also_o my_o dear_o belove_a sport_n and_o sinful_a pastime_n to_o the_o bible_n and_o practice_n of_o piety_n a_o book_n i_o dear_o love_v i_o address_v myself_o with_o all_o imaginable_a devotion_n and_o seriousness_n and_o be_v full_o resolve_v on_o a_o thorough_a work_n of_o conversion_n that_o so_o i_o may_v shun_v and_o escape_v hell_n and_o be_v damn_a i_o become_v very_o bookish_a look_v into_o almost_o every_o book_n where_o ever_o i_o come_v to_o try_v whether_o i_o can_v meet_v with_o any_o help_n which_o may_v forward_o i_o in_o my_o new_a trade_n of_o religion_n among_o other_o book_n wherewith_o i_o meet_v mr._n baxter_n call_v to_o the_o vnconverted_n come_v into_o my_o hand_n the_o which_o i_o do_v no_o soon_o open_v but_o its_o title_n page_n invite_v my_o fancy_n to_o make_v choice_n of_o it_o for_o my_o chief_a companion_n the_o which_o i_o also_o do_v bless_v myself_o in_o that_o book_n more_o than_o with_o any_o other_o wherewith_o i_o have_v meet_v the_o more_o and_o often_o i_o read_v it_o the_o more_o be_v i_o enamour_v with_o it_o even_o to_o a_o prefer_v it_o before_o god_n own_o sacred_a book_n so_o suit_v be_v it_o to_o the_o purpose_n i_o have_v then_o engage_v in_o viz._n to_o work_v out_o of_o myself_o and_o in_o my_o own_o strength_n that_o great_a work_n of_o conversion_n to_o my_o course_n of_o read_v and_o pray_v by_o those_o form_n of_o prayer_n in_o the_o common-prayer-book_n and_o practice_n of_o piety_n i_o join_v very_o strict_a and_o severe_a fast_n take_v up_o a_o resolution_n that_o i_o will_v in_o a_o most_o solemn_a manner_n observe_v two_o day_n in_o every_o week_n viz._n wednesday_n and_o friday_n for_o my_o fast_a day_n the_o which_o i_o also_o do_v even_o to_o such_o a_o degree_n of_o pharisaical_a severity_n that_o i_o almost_o render_v my_o body_n unfit_a for_o any_o service_n but_o convert_v i_o must_v be_v and_o convert_v i_o be_v resolve_v to_o be_v whatever_o it_o cost_v i_o in_o order_n whereto_o i_o keep_v my_o religious_a do_n of_o duty_n both_o negative_o and_o positive_o with_o such_o a_o constant_a and_o zealous_a elaborateness_n that_o i_o very_o believe_v it_o will_v be_v hard_a to_o find_v one_o among_o the_o romish_a monk_n who_o can_v in_o all_o respect_n match_v i_o or_o out_o do_v i_o at_o the_o trade_n of_o serve_v god_n in_o that_o way_n i_o fall_v in_o with_o it_o can_v hardly_o be_v tell_v much_o less_o believe_v how_o great_a zeal_n i_o have_v for_o god_n and_o how_o restless_a my_o active_a and_o work_v spirit_n be_v to_o be_v with_o he_o in_o heaven_n though_o i_o neither_o know_v god_n according_a
shall_v be_v a_o honour_n to_o the_o family_n and_o a_o man_n of_o no_o ordinary_a figure_n in_o the_o orb_n of_o the_o church_n chap._n iii_o set_v forth_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n seize_v i_o in_o the_o very_a height_n of_o my_o confidence_n of_o be_v in_o a_o good_a and_o sure_a state_n of_o salvation_n what_o sad_a work_n it_o make_v with_o i_o and_o what_o mean_v i_o use_v for_o help_n and_o relief_n under_o its_o kill_n and_o sink_a weight_n when_o i_o be_v about_o twenty_o one_o year_n of_o age_n in_o the_o very_a heat_n and_o height_n of_o my_o zeal_n in_o prosecute_a that_o righteousness_n consist_v of_o that_o negative_a and_o positive_a obedience_n which_o the_o law_n moral_n enjoin_v and_o require_v as_o the_o condition_n of_o life_n and_o salvation_n it_o please_v god_n to_o send_v forth_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n to_o seize_v i_o to_o the_o end_n i_o may_v be_v instruct_v and_o full_o convince_v how_o vain_a my_o confidence_n of_o be_v save_v and_o go_v to_o heaven_n in_o that_o self_n please_a way_n of_o legal_a righteousness_n be_v the_o manner_n of_o it_o be_v thus_o be_v on_o the_o day_n call_v easter_n monday_n at_o my_o cathedral_n devotion_n in_o the_o place_n call_v christ_n church_n in_o dublin_n a_o place_n i_o constant_o frequent_v to_o morning_n and_o evening_n service_n and_o a_o place_n which_o i_o more_o zaelous_o love_v and_o venerate_v than_o any_o place_n in_o the_o world_n beside_o for_o that_o i_o very_o conceit_v in_o myself_o it_o be_v as_o the_o very_a entrance_n into_o heaven_n itself_o after_o the_o service_n be_v end_v one_o dr._n golborn_n preach_v his_o text_n be_v in_o ephes_n 5._o 14._o wherefore_o he_o say_v awake_v thou_o that_o sleep_v and_o arise_v from_o the_o dead_a and_o christ_n shall_v give_v thou_o light_n a_o good_a and_o choice_a text_n but_o how_o well_o or_o ill_o handle_v i_o must_v acknowledge_v myself_o to_o have_v be_v at_o that_o time_n a_o very_a incompetent_a judge_n to_o say_v or_o determine_v about_o the_o middle_n of_o the_o sermon_n as_o near_o as_o i_o can_v guess_v there_o be_v dart_v into_o my_o mind_n this_o sad_a and_o kill_a thought_n viz._n that_o i_o have_v the_o day_n before_o receive_v the_o sacrament_n unworthy_o which_o sad_a thought_n be_v back_v with_o that_o of_o 1_o cor._n 11._o 29_o for_o he_o that_o eat_v and_o drink_v unworthy_o eat_v and_o drink_v damnation_n to_o himself_o not_o descern_v the_o lord_n body_n this_o sad_a and_o dismal_a thought_n back_v as_o i_o say_v with_o that_o scripture_n just_a now_o quote_v not_o any_o word_n speak_v by_o the_o preacher_n be_v that_o which_o seize_v my_o mind_n and_o let_v in_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n upon_o i_o no_o soon_o have_v i_o look_v this_o 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d oâ—_n forerunner_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n in_o the_o face_n compare_v it_o with_o the_o place_n already_o mention_v but_o i_o conclude_v myself_o a_o lose_a and_o a_o undo_v man_n my_o spirit_n be_v in_o such_o a_o amaze_a fright_v and_o over_o whelming_a consternation_n to_o think_v that_o i_o be_v most_o certain_o damn_a to_o all_o intent_n and_o purpose_n that_o indeed_o i_o very_o think_v all_o the_o people_n in_o the_o place_n be_v a_o swarm_n or_o a_o legion_n of_o devil_n which_o god_n in_o revengeful_a wrath_n have_v send_v from_o the_o bottomless_a pit_n to_o guard_v and_o attend_v my_o guilty_a soul_n thither_o the_o apprehension_n i_o have_v of_o be_v damn_a and_o send_v to_o hell_n so_o rack_v and_o torment_v my_o spirit_n that_o i_o find_v myself_o unable_a to_o stay_v till_o sermon_n be_v end_v away_o i_o run_v out_o of_o that_o place_n to_o shun_v as_o i_o then_o think_v those_o swarm_n of_o devil_n which_o i_o strong_o conceive_v be_v to_o guard_v i_o to_o hell_n as_o soon_o as_o i_o come_v to_o my_o lord_n of_o santry_n where_o i_o than_o live_v i_o enter_v my_o chamber_n with_o a_o sad_a and_o heavy_a heart_n god_n know_v to_o my_o knee_n i_o go_v with_o a_o intent_n to_o pray_v if_o so_o be_v there_o may_v be_v any_o scrap_n of_o hope_n of_o my_o escape_v being_n eternal_o damn_a but_o alas_o what_o tongue_n or_o pen_n can_v relate_v the_o pass_n and_o condition_n i_o be_v then_o at_o my_o reason_n my_o conscience_n and_o my_o very_a speech_n be_v as_o it_o be_v plunge_v and_o drown_v in_o the_o gulf_n of_o despair_n so_o that_o i_o can_v neither_o utter_v a_o word_n in_o prayer_n nor_o yet_o consider_v what_o i_o shall_v do_v to_o relieve_v my_o bleed_a soul_n in_o that_o sore_a distress_n i_o dare_v not_o abide_v in_o my_o chamber_n fear_v to_o see_v and_o feel_v the_o devil_n actual_o to_o seize_v i_o to_o the_o minister_n of_o the_o parish_n i_o go_v from_o who_o hand_n i_o receive_v the_o sacrament_n but_o the_o day_n before_o not_o know_v but_o that_o he_o may_v administer_v some_o kind_n of_o relief_n to_o one_o in_o my_o condition_n he_o observe_v the_o gastliness_n of_o my_o look_n and_o take_v notice_n that_o somewhat_o ail_v i_o he_o ask_v i_o how_o i_o do_v to_o which_o i_o can_v not_o reply_v he_o press_v to_o know_v what_o the_o matter_n be_v i_o at_o length_n in_o a_o very_a abrupt_a and_o break_a manner_n tell_v he_o that_o i_o be_v full_a of_o the_o apprehension_n and_o fear_n that_o i_o be_v a_o damn_a man_n and_o that_o there_o be_v no_o hope_n of_o mercy_n for_o such_o a_o one_o as_o i_o be_v the_o minister_n somewhat_o surprise_v at_o so_o sudden_a and_o so_o great_a a_o change_n since_o but_o the_o day_n before_o he_o begin_v to_o examine_v what_o great_a and_o heinous_a sin_n one_o of_o my_o age_n and_o one_o in_o so_o encourage_v circumstance_n as_o i_o be_v in_o can_v be_v guilty_a of_o which_o shall_v occasion_v such_o sad_a despair_n he_o mention_v some_o text_n of_o scripture_n thereby_o hope_v to_o have_v give_v some_o relief_n to_o my_o weary_a gasp_a soul_n but_o all_o in_o vain_a god_n time_n of_o heal_v i_o be_v not_o yet_o come_v and_o find_v by_o my_o frequent_a come_n to_o he_o for_o ease_n and_o comfort_n to_o how_o little_a purpose_n he_o have_v labour_v with_o i_o he_o at_o length_n advise_v i_o to_o ride_v into_o the_o country_n to_o visit_v my_o father_n and_o other_o relation_n and_o by_o that_o mean_n as_o also_o by_o exercise_v myself_o with_o such_o exercise_n as_o i_o former_o delight_v in_o as_o shoot_v with_o the_o gun_n and_o angle_a to_o divert_v my_o melancholy_a thought_n this_o i_o be_v glad_a to_o hear_v of_o my_o own_o inclination_n lead_v so_o strong_o to_o it_o in_o order_n to_o the_o effect_n of_o which_o i_o address_v myself_o to_o my_o lord_n housekeeper_n entreat_v she_o to_o acquaint_v my_o lord_n that_o in_o regard_n of_o some_o present_a indisposition_n under_o which_o i_o labour_v and_o in_o order_n to_o my_o health_n i_o have_v not_o only_o a_o inclination_n but_o be_v advise_v to_o visit_v my_o father_n in_o the_o country_n in_o order_n whereto_o i_o think_v it_o convenient_a to_o acquaint_v his_o lordship_n therewith_o to_o the_o end_n i_o may_v obtain_v not_o only_o his_o lordship_n free_a consent_n but_o also_o the_o liberty_n of_o a_o horse_n to_o perform_v my_o intend_a journey_n the_o housekeeper_n no_o soon_o deliver_v my_o request_n to_o my_o lord_n but_o my_o lord_n command_v she_o to_o call_v i_o up_o into_o his_o chamber_n as_o soon_o as_o i_o receive_v the_o command_n i_o fall_v immediate_o into_o a_o great_a sweat_n and_o sore_o tremble_v up_o i_o go_v and_o be_v enter_v into_o the_o chamber_n my_o lord_n lock_v the_o chamber_n door_n and_o lay_v his_o hat_n on_o a_o cabinet_n sit_v down_o in_o his_o chair_n and_o with_o a_o earnest_n and_o pierce_a eye_n look_v on_o a_o pretty_a while_n before_o he_o speak_v i_o all_o the_o while_n sweat_v and_o quake_v at_o length_n my_o lord_n begin_v with_o james_n what_o ail_v you_o what_o be_v the_o matter_n i_o hear_v you_o go_v private_o to_o minister_n there_o be_v somewhat_o ail_v you_o what_o be_v it_o i_o perceive_v by_o my_o lord_n discourse_n that_o the_o minister_n of_o the_o parish_n have_v acquaint_v my_o lord_n with_o my_o case_n i_o find_v myself_o far_o more_o uneasy_a than_o before_o my_o sweat_n and_o trembleing_n of_o soul_n increase_a upon_o i_o my_o lord_n continue_v query_v what_o ail_v you_o james_n tell_v i_o what_o be_v the_o matter_n i_o be_v so_o overwhelm_v in_o my_o spirit_n that_o my_o speech_n be_v swallow_v up_o as_o job_n say_v job_n 6._o 3._o but_o my_o lord_n not_o let_v i_o alone_o but_o with_o earnest_a importunity_n press_v to_o know_v what_o i_o ail_v i_o at_o length_n as_o a_o poor_a condemn_a caitiff_n hang_v by_o a_o
i_o be_v one_o of_o that_o number_n who_o god_n the_o father_n elect_v and_o choose_v to_o himself_o in_o christ_n out_o of_o the_o corrupt_a mass_n of_o fall_v mankind_n and_o that_o before_o time_n begin_v and_o that_o my_o name_n be_v record_v in_o heaven_n in_o the_o lamb_n book_n of_o life_n 2._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o my_o sin_n and_o transgression_n commit_v against_o the_o law_n and_o majesty_n of_o heaven_n be_v all_o lay_v to_o the_o score_n of_o christ_n by_o god_n the_o father_n and_o by_o he_o as_o my_o vademony_n and_o surety_n bear_v and_o satisfy_v for_o 3._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o the_o debt_n which_o i_o have_v contract_v both_o in_o adam_n my_o natural_a and_o faederal_n head_n and_o in_o my_o own_o person_n be_v full_o pay_v and_o actual_o discharge_v by_o my_o sponsor_n and_o surety_n christ_n by_o his_o obey_v and_o keep_v the_o law_n perfect_o for_o i_o and_o his_o bear_n and_o undergo_a in_o my_o nature_n the_o curse_n and_o wrath_n of_o god_n to_o which_o by_o sin_n i_o become_v obnoxious_a 4._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o god_n the_o father_n be_v full_o satisfy_v with_o that_o obedience_n active_a and_o passive_a of_o his_o own_o son_n and_o that_o it_o be_v for_o the_o worth_n and_o merit_n of_o that_o obedience_n that_o god_n justify_v and_o accept_v as_o please_a to_o he_o both_v i_o and_o the_o rest_n of_o his_o elect_n for_o who_o alone_o that_o obedience_n be_v perform_v 5._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o all_o my_o sin_n how_o many_o and_o great_a soever_o be_v frank_o and_o free_o forgive_v and_o pardon_v as_o if_o they_o have_v never_o be_v commit_v and_o that_o not_o for_o any_o act_n do_v by_o i_o whether_o believe_v on_o christ_n or_o repent_v for_o sin_n nor_o yet_o for_o the_o sorrow_n and_o misery_n i_o undergo_v while_n under_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n or_o for_o any_o service_n to_o which_o i_o shall_v be_v call_v while_o in_o a_o militant_a state_n but_o for_o his_o own_o name_n and_o glory_n sake_n and_o on_o the_o account_n of_o what_o his_o son_n my_o mediator_n and_o surety_n have_v do_v and_o suffer_v in_o my_o behalf_n 6._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o god_n the_o father_n love_v i_o with_o a_o real_a and_o a_o endear_v love_n before_o i_o be_v call_v out_o of_o a_o state_n of_o nature_n and_o that_o the_o reason_n why_o he_o handle_v i_o so_o rough_o by_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n be_v not_o because_o he_o hate_v i_o as_o the_o devil_n and_o carnal_a reason_n suggest_v or_o that_o he_o may_v in_o any_o measure_n satisfy_v his_o vindicative_a justice_n for_o my_o sin_n that_o be_v do_v long_a before_o i_o have_v a_o personal_a be_v but_o that_o he_o may_v make_v i_o the_o more_o sensible_a how_o hateful_a sin_n be_v to_o he_o be_v so_o contrary_a to_o his_o pure_a spotless_a and_o bless_a nature_n and_o so_o repugnant_a and_o contradictory_n to_o his_o holy_a just_a and_o most_o righteous_a law_n as_o also_o so_o destructive_a to_o his_o elect_n who_o he_o so_o dear_o love_v also_o that_o i_o may_v know_v and_o become_v for_o ever_o sensible_a how_o unspeakable_o wretched_a and_o deplorable_a that_o state_n and_o condition_n be_v into_o which_o by_o sin_n man_n have_v bring_v himself_o and_o out_o of_o which_o no_o create_a power_n can_v possible_o save_v and_o deliver_v he_o that_o i_o may_v for_o ever_o hate_v and_o loath_a sin_n as_o the_o worst_a of_o evil_n and_o become_v for_o ever_o sensible_a of_o the_o greatness_n goodness_n love_n mercy_n wisdom_n and_o the_o unconceivable_a and_o infinite_a all-sufficiency_n of_o the_o glorious_a and_o tremendous_a jehovah_n father_n son_n and_o bless_a spirit_n who_o himself_n without_o the_o counsel_n or_o help_v of_o creature_n have_v contrive_v and_o find_v out_o such_o a_o way_n of_o restore_a to_o his_o lose_a favour_n his_o elect_n and_o choose_v in_o christ_n as_o neither_o they_o themselves_o nor_o the_o angel_n can_v ever_o think_v of_o and_o final_o that_o by_o his_o so_o sharp_o handle_v i_o way_n may_v be_v make_v into_o my_o soul_n for_o the_o manifestation_n of_o his_o great_a and_o unexpressible_a love_n wherewith_o he_o love_v i_o in_o christ_n to_o enter_v and_o make_v its_o abide_v for_o ever_o and_o that_o from_o the_o experience_n i_o have_v now_o get_v both_o by_o god_n wound_v i_o by_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n and_o his_o heal_n and_o comfort_v i_o by_o the_o spirit_n of_o adoption_n i_o may_v be_v fit_v to_o speak_v experimental_o both_o to_o the_o terrify_n and_o awaken_n secure_v and_o presumptuous_a sinner_n as_o also_o to_o heal_n and_o comfort_n instrumental_o poor_a wound_v and_o bleed_a sinner_n when_o sink_v into_o those_o depth_n of_o despondency_n and_o despair_n out_o of_o which_o the_o outstretched_n arm_n of_o god_n grace_n and_o almightiness_n have_v deliver_v and_o rescue_v poor_a sinful_a nothing_n i_o 7._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o i_o be_o now_o in_o a_o justify_v sanctify_a and_o adopt_a state_n the_o lose_a image_n of_o god_n be_v by_o his_o sanctify_a operation_n recover_v in_o my_o soul_n in_o measure_n 8._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o i_o shall_v be_v make_v to_o persevere_v and_o hold_v out_o in_o a_o state_n of_o grace_n and_o that_o i_o shall_v be_v continue_v in_o the_o love_n and_o favour_n of_o god_n for_o ever_o and_o ever_o in_o despite_n of_o all_o that_o the_o power_n of_o darkness_n can_v contrive_v or_o act_n against_o i_o 9_o he_o assure_v i_o that_o the_o eye_n of_o divine_a providence_n shall_v be_v everlasting_o fix_v on_o i_o and_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o god_n righteousness_n everlasting_o keep_v under_o i_o for_o my_o security_n from_o be_v in_o danger_n at_o any_o time_n of_o final_o miscarry_v or_o perish_v 10._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o the_o very_a indwelling_a corruption_n in_o my_o nature_n and_o whatever_a fall_n or_o miscarriage_n which_o shall_v at_o any_o time_n be_v occasion_v thereby_o in_o my_o life_n and_o conversation_n shall_v with_o all_o the_o affliction_n attend_v i_o for_o the_o say_a miscarriage_n most_o certain_o and_o infallible_o work_v for_o my_o eternal_a good_a and_o welfare_n whatever_o i_o myself_o or_o other_o shall_v judge_v to_o the_o contrary_a 11._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o i_o shall_v meet_v with_o great_a opposition_n and_o tribulation_n in_o the_o world_n but_o that_o all_o my_o enemy_n shall_v find_v they_o labour_v in_o vain_a for_o that_o god_n be_v on_o my_o side_n to_o take_v my_o part_n against_o they_o and_o who_o will_v most_o certain_o crown_v all_o my_o straits_n and_o trouble_n with_o a_o happy_a success_n 12._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o god_n special_a presence_n shall_v be_v so_o with_o i_o in_o every_o change_n of_o condition_n in_o this_o world_n as_o that_o nothing_o shall_v harm_v or_o spoil_v i_o yea_o that_o death_n it_o self_n the_o last_o enemy_n of_o nature_n shall_v neither_o terrify_v nor_o hurt_v i_o the_o mortal_a sting_n thereof_o be_v by_o the_o death_n of_o my_o redeemer_n unstung_a and_o divest_v of_o its_o power_n to_o harm_v i_o or_o any_o of_o christ_n redeem_a one_o these_o particular_n discover_v and_o set_v home_o by_o the_o holy_a ghost_n on_o my_o tremble_v pant_v soul_n he_o work_v i_o powerful_o to_o a_o believe_v each_o particular_a with_o application_n to_o myself_o i_o be_v immediate_o surprise_v with_o a_o more_o astonish_a and_o overcome_a rapture_n of_o inexpressible_a joy_n than_o before_o i_o have_v clear_a manifestation_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n to_o i_o in_o particular_a and_o of_o the_o great_a thing_n do_v and_o prepare_v for_o i_o to_o make_v i_o everlasting_o happy_a in_o the_o behold_v and_o enjoy_v himself_o as_o my_o god_n and_o my_o father_n and_o portion_n in_o christ_n for_o ever_o according_a to_o the_o unconditionate_n free_a covenant_n of_o his_o own_o grace_n make_v and_o establsh_v in_o and_o with_o christ_n his_o son_n in_o the_o behalf_n of_o i_o and_o the_o rest_n of_o his_o elect._n no_o soon_o do_v i_o look_v up_o to_o god_n and_o behold_v his_o reconcile_v face_n smile_v on_o i_o in_o the_o face_n of_o jesus_n his_o son_n but_o i_o feel_v such_o inward_a soul_n inebriate_v joy_n as_o i_o very_o think_v will_v cause_v my_o very_a soul_n to_o fly_v out_o of_o my_o body_n and_o my_o body_n to_o burst_v in_o sunder_o the_o hardness_n of_o my_o heart_n under_o which_o i_o labour_v all_o the_o time_n of_o my_o bondage_n state_n and_o which_o i_o sensible_o feel_v to_o grow_v and_o increase_v as_o i_o call_v to_o remembrance_n the_o many_o folly_n of_o youth_n and_o the_o holy_a law_n of_o god_n whereof_o those_o folly_n be_v so_o many_o breach_n each_o folly_n deserve_v if_o it_o be_v possible_a a_o thousand_o damnation_n be_v melt_v and_o thaw_v like_o a_o
be_v communicate_v to_o i_o in_o such_o a_o manner_n and_o measure_n as_o unspeakable_o pass_v my_o frail_a capacity_n to_o tell_v forth_o or_o express_v which_o occasion_v i_o to_o call_v to_o mind_n my_o former_a wonder_v and_o muse_v while_o go_v on_o in_o the_o way_n of_o my_o ignorant_a and_o blind_a zeal_n in_o serve_a god_n before_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n visit_v i_o to_o think_v what_o the_o joy_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n shall_v mean_v whenever_o i_o do_v read_v of_o the_o joy_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n or_o do_v hear_v any_o mention_n thereof_o joy_n of_o the_o holy_a think_v i_o lord_n what_o be_v that_o what_o be_v the_o meaning_n of_o it_o i_o can_v tell_v or_o apprehend_v what_o this_o joy_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n shall_v be_v six_o the_o spirit_n of_o adoption_n be_v give_v i_o whereby_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o come_v to_o god_n throne_n of_o grace_n and_o with_o a_o holy_a and_o humble_a boldness_n to_o call_v he_o my_o god_n and_o my_o father_n the_o instinct_n in_o the_o new_a creation_n wrought_v by_o the_o god_n of_o all_o grace_n in_o i_o lead_v i_o to_o god_n as_o the_o fountain_n of_o all_o good_n the_o spirit_n give_v i_o put_v into_o my_o mouth_n word_n of_o solemn_a thanks_o and_o praise_n for_o the_o greatness_n and_o strangeness_n of_o my_o salvation_n to_o my_o knee_n i_o betake_v i_o adore_v and_o worship_v with_o my_o spirit_n that_o holy_a jehovah_n trinity_n in_o unity_n and_o unity_n in_o trinity_n father_n son_n and_o holy_a ghost_n the_o true_a and_o eternal_a god_n who_o all_o the_o time_n of_o my_o blind_a zeal_n and_o during_o the_o time_n of_o my_o bondage_n state_n i_o have_v so_o ignorant_o worship_v i_o be_v now_o and_o never_o before_o enable_v jacob_n like_v to_o catch_v hold_n of_o and_o to_o wrestle_v with_o a_o reconcile_v god_n the_o greatness_n holiness_n and_o infiniteness_n of_o his_o majesty_n which_o before_o i_o know_v he_o in_o christ_n terrify_v and_o affrightn_v i_o with_o a_o witness_n animate_v and_o encourage_v i_o in_o pray_v to_o he_o it_o be_v not_o to_o be_v express_v in_o word_n with_o what_o alacrity_n and_o cheerfulness_n of_o spirit_n i_o approach_v the_o throne_n of_o grace_n and_o with_o what_o enlargedness_n and_o inward_a melt_n of_o heart_n and_o soul_n i_o call_v on_o god_n when_o i_o do_v but_o mention_v this_o my_o god_n and_o my_o father_n oh_o what_o ravishment_n of_o soul_n do_v i_o experimental_o feel_v overflow_a and_o drown_v my_o very_a spirit_n to_o my_o bed_n i_o go_v with_o a_o glad_a &_o ravish_v heart_n christ_n know_v the_o burn_a inflammation_n which_o the_o horror_n and_o bondage_n of_o my_o wound_a despair_v conscience_n cause_v in_o my_o body_n be_v go_v and_o my_o body_n disposition_n to_o crookedness_n think_v the_o sink_a weight_n which_o lie_v on_o my_o spirit_n within_o be_v instant_o rebuke_v and_o cause_v to_o retreat_n by_o the_o glad_a and_o joyful_a tideing_n of_o gospel_n peace_n which_o that_o night_n take_v up_o its_o lodging_n within_o i_o succeed_v and_o powerful_o supplant_n that_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n which_o make_v i_o so_o hopeless_a and_o as_o i_o think_v past_o all_o possibility_n of_o escape_v hell_n no_o soon_o be_v i_o stretch_v in_o my_o bed_n but_o swoon_a and_o faint_v fit_n of_o love_n sickness_n seize_v i_o i_o be_v inward_o and_o spiritual_o so_o apprehensive_a of_o the_o mysteriousness_n of_o christ_n incarnation_n his_o humble_v himself_o even_o to_o death_n his_o lie_v confine_v as_o a_o prisoner_n in_o the_o grave_a and_o his_o be_v raise_v therefrom_o again_o his_o ascend_v to_o heaven_n from_o whence_o he_o come_v and_o his_o sit_v down_o at_o the_o father_n right_a hand_n to_o enter_v on_o the_o work_n of_o intercession_n with_o god_n and_o that_o as_o my_o surety_n and_o mediator_n and_o all_o for_o i_o that_o i_o very_o think_v my_o body_n be_v near_o its_o dissolution_n a_o thing_n which_o the_o clear_a and_o certain_a assurance_n give_v i_o of_o my_o be_v a_o adopt_a son_n of_o god_n make_v i_o even_o long_a and_o pant_v after_o my_o thought_n and_o meditation_n be_v now_o whole_o employ_v about_o christ_n and_o that_o bless_a change_n which_o i_o sensible_o feel_v be_v past_a on_o i_o the_o sweet_a and_o soul_n ravish_v communion_n i_o have_v with_o father_n son_n and_o holy_a ghost_n be_v to_o i_o instead_o of_o meat_n drink_v and_o sleep_n and_o that_o the_o most_o please_a and_o satisfactory_a that_o i_o ever_o enjoy_v the_o act_n and_o suffering_n of_o christ_n in_o the_o assume_v nature_n for_o i_o be_v so_o realize_v and_o the_o virtue_n and_o reconcile_a efficacy_n of_o the_o same_o so_o sensible_o set_v home_n on_o my_o wound_a and_o bleed_a soul_n by_o the_o spirit_n of_o adoption_n that_o i_o think_v i_o have_v the_o person_n of_o christ_n clasp_v in_o my_o arm_n in_o the_o bed_n oh_o the_o sweet_a intercourse_n which_o by_o the_o operation_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n pass_v between_o precious_a jesus_n and_o my_o languid_a soul_n then_o be_v i_o make_v to_o know_v experimental_o the_o meaning_n of_o rev._n 3._o 20._o while_o i_o be_v wake_v i_o be_v entertain_v with_o strange_a variety_n of_o interlocution_n or_o discourse_n which_o pass_v between_o christ_n and_o i_o which_o do_v explain_v and_o unfold_v to_o i_o that_o in_o prov._n 6._o 22._o during_o this_o i_o continue_v in_o such_o a_o melt_a frame_n that_o the_o very_a pillow-beer_n under_o my_o head_n be_v as_o if_o dip_v in_o a_o river_n through_o the_o great_a abundance_n of_o tear_n of_o unconceivable_a joy_n which_o the_o sense_n and_o feel_v of_o christ_n love_n constrain_v i_o to_o shed_v when_o i_o find_v a_o necessity_n of_o turn_v in_o my_o bed_n i_o can_v not_o turn_v without_o my_o dear_o belove_a and_o incomparable_o loving_n jesus_n in_o my_o arm_n with_o i_o when_o i_o slumber_v and_o sleep_v i_o be_v soon_o visit_v with_o most_o joyful_a and_o ravish_a dream_n of_o god_n christ_n holy_a ghost_n the_o glory_n of_o heaven_n and_o the_o unutterable_a bliss_n and_o felicity_n of_o those_o soul_n who_o be_v reconcile_v to_o god_n by_o christ_n this_o be_v very_o frequent_a and_o common_a when_o sleep_n come_v on_o i_o after_o i_o have_v be_v seal_v in_o believe_v and_o albeit_o i_o never_o dare_v to_o heed_n or_o mind_n nocturnal_a dream_n yet_o they_o have_v sometime_o have_v such_o a_o strange_a influence_n on_o i_o that_o i_o have_v feel_v such_o delightful_a joy_n and_o comfort_n in_o my_o spirit_n that_o sometime_o i_o have_v be_v at_o a_o stand_n to_o think_v whether_o i_o have_v be_v asleep_o or_o awake_v it_o be_v a_o frequent_a practice_n with_o i_o for_o some_o considerable_a time_n how_o long_o i_o can_v now_o remember_v to_o arise_v in_o my_o bed_n when_o i_o awake_v out_o of_o my_o sleep_n to_o bend_v my_o knee_n and_o lift_v up_o my_o eye_n hand_n and_o heart_n to_o heaven_n to_o land_n praise_n and_o magnify_v father_n son_n and_o holy_a ghost_n for_o the_o greatness_n and_o strangeness_n of_o my_o so_o unexpected_a and_o unlooked_a for_o salvation_n be_v but_o the_o night_n before_o yea_o and_o every_o morning_n ready_a to_o drop_n into_o final_a desperation_n of_o ever_o be_v save_v oh_o what_o a_o loss_n be_v i_o at_o in_o myself_o not_o know_v how_o sufficient_o to_o extol_v and_o bless_v god_n for_o what_o have_v now_o befall_v i_o i_o be_v even_o ready_a to_o quarrel_v with_o myself_o because_o of_o the_o narrowness_n and_o straightness_n of_o my_o soul_n which_o hinder_v that_o i_o can_v not_o take_v in_o more_o of_o god_n and_o go_v out_o in_o more_o enlarge_v expression_n of_o love_n and_o praise_n to_o he_o for_o above_o six_o month_n together_o i_o can_v neither_o lie_v down_o nor_o arise_v go_v down_o or_o come_v up_o stair_n pass_v in_o or_o out_o from_o one_o place_n to_o another_o but_o i_o strong_o conceit_a that_o i_o perceive_v a_o guard_n of_o angel_n attend_v my_o person_n it_o can_v be_v express_v with_o what_o scorn_n and_o abhorrence_n i_o look_v on_o the_o pride_n and_o gallantry_n of_o the_o family_n where_o i_o live_v their_o changeable_a suit_n of_o rich_a and_o glitter_v apparel_n with_o their_o choice_a meat_n and_o sweet_a music_n with_o other_o delightful_a pastime_n i_o look_v on_o and_o account_v they_o but_o as_o smoak_n and_o dust_n the_o title_n of_o worldly_a honour_n wherein_o the_o rest_n of_o my_o relation_n do_v not_o a_o little_a glory_n i_o account_v the_o same_o but_o a_o mere_a empty_a vanity_n oh_o think_v i_o that_o my_o poor_a relation_n can_v see_v taste_n and_o feel_v what_o i_o do_v how_o will_v they_o disrelish_v and_o be_v ashamed_a and_o weary_a of_o these_o poor_a perish_v sensual_a delight_n wherein_o they_o place_v their_o delight_n and_o
say_v i_o i_o humble_o conceive_v that_o you_o be_v to_o pray_o according_a to_o the_o present_a condition_n of_o the_o soul_n of_o your_o family_n pray_v sir_n say_v my_o lord_n how_o be_v it_o possible_a for_o i_o to_o know_v the_o inward_a thought_n and_o condition_n of_o my_o family_n soul_n so_o as_o to_o order_n my_o prayer_n according_o my_o lord_n reply_v i_o albeit_o your_o lordship_n can_v possible_o acquaint_v yourself_o with_o all_o the_o secret_n of_o your_o family_n yet_o you_o may_v by_o catechizeing_n your_o family_n and_o frequent_o examine_v they_o about_o the_o state_n of_o their_o soul_n and_o god_n deal_v with_o they_o find_v matter_n enough_o to_o enlarge_v on_o in_o put_v up_o prayer_n to_o god_n for_o they_o in_o the_o general_n which_o be_v as_o much_o as_o the_o rule_n of_o duty_n direct_v or_o oblige_v to_o my_o lord_n find_v that_o the_o truth_n i_o be_v call_v to_o vindicate_v and_o the_o spirit_n by_o which_o i_o speak_v to_o be_v too_o powerful_a for_o his_o great_a learning_n he_o let_v fall_v the_o dispute_n which_o i_o be_o very_o sure_o be_v his_o wisdom_n and_o his_o best_a advantage_n so_o to_o do_v consider_v that_o none_o ever_o yer_z prosper_v who_o continue_v to_o fight_v against_o god_n my_o lord_n by_o this_o mean_n find_v how_o i_o stand_v affect_v in_o religion_n and_o according_o communicate_v to_o my_o father_n his_o judgement_n and_o apprehension_n of_o i_o immediate_o a_o consultation_n be_v hold_v about_o i_o to_o consider_v what_o method_n be_v most_o proper_a to_o take_v not_o only_o to_o prevent_v my_o far_a advance_v in_o that_o way_n of_o religion_n which_o they_o account_v phanaticism_n but_o also_o to_o bring_v i_o back_o to_o the_o church_n of_o england_n whereon_o i_o have_v turn_v the_o back_n the_o result_n of_o their_o consultation_n as_o soon_o afterward_o appear_v issue_v in_o a_o fix_a resolution_n to_o carry_v it_o towards_o i_o with_o all_o the_o urbanity_n and_o gentleness_n imaginable_a my_o relation_n consider_v and_o know_v full_a well_o that_o my_o temper_n and_o spirit_n be_v to_o be_v draw_v and_o win_v by_o fair_a and_o gentle_a mean_n not_o to_o be_v force_v by_o violence_n according_a to_o the_o method_n agree_v on_o i_o be_v at_o a_o strange_a and_o unusual_a rate_n treat_v by_o my_o father_n my_o lord_n my_o grandmothers_n my_o uncle_n and_o aunt_n with_o the_o rest_n of_o my_o relation_n in_o such_o way_n of_o kindness_n and_o love_n as_o cause_v in_o i_o some_o hope_n that_o the_o love_n and_o kindness_n they_o show_v and_o express_v in_o their_o deal_v with_o i_o have_v spring_v from_o a_o apprehension_n or_o conviction_n in_o they_o that_o the_o principle_n in_o religion_n which_o i_o have_v embrace_v in_o opposition_n to_o they_o be_v the_o truth_n but_o i_o soon_o find_v that_o i_o be_v herein_o mistake_v for_o it_o be_v not_o long_o before_o great_a offer_n be_v make_v i_o of_o make_v a_o purse_n to_o set_v i_o up_o in_o the_o world_n on_o condition_n i_o will_v desist_v go_v to_o meeting_n and_o return_v apain_n to_o the_o church_n wherein_o i_o be_v bear_v and_o baptise_a and_o not_o bring_v such_o disgrace_n on_o the_o holy_a church_n of_o which_o my_o ancestor_n be_v such_o note_a and_o eminent_a member_n and_o beside_o that_o i_o may_v not_o stain_v my_o family_n by_o occasion_v peoples_n say_v that_o a_o b_o and_o one_o who_o be_v son_n to_o a_o father_n in_o the_o church_n be_v turn_v fanatic_a to_o which_o they_o add_v the_o consideration_n of_o what_o a_o hopeful_a prospect_n there_o be_v before_o i_o of_o advancement_n to_o worldly_a greatness_n in_o case_n i_o do_v not_o hinder_v myself_o by_o continue_v a_o dissenter_n from_o the_o church_n and_o what_o hardship_n and_o poverty_n i_o must_v expect_v to_o wrestle_v with_o to_o my_o own_o ruin_n and_o the_o great_a disgrace_n of_o the_o whole_a family_n in_o case_n i_o refuse_v the_o offer_v make_v i_o and_o the_o advice_n and_o counsel_n give_v for_o my_o own_o good_a to_o all_o which_o i_o be_v enable_v with_o a_o holy_a magnanimity_n and_o become_a fortitude_n to_o reply_v that_o the_o sight_n and_o sense_n i_o have_v of_o a_o future_a happiness_n with_o god_n in_o heaven_n have_v blunt_v the_o edge_n of_o my_o appetite_n to_o these_o poor_a low_a and_o empty_a vanity_n which_o i_o question_v not_o will_v prove_v unspeakable_o more_o vain_a empty_a and_o torment_a to_o i_o than_o they_o be_v in_o themselves_o shall_v i_o for_o the_o love_n of_o they_o lose_v my_o soul_n in_o case_n say_v i_o my_o friend_n and_o relation_n who_o seem_v so_o great_o concern_v for_o my_o good_a can_v procure_v from_o heaven_n a_o infallible_a certificate_n that_o my_o close_v with_o the_o present_a offer_n on_o such_o a_o condition_n as_o be_v now_o lay_v before_o i_o will_v not_o provoke_v the_o holy_a trinity_n and_o prove_v a_o snare_n to_o my_o immortal_a soul_n i_o shall_v ready_o comply_v but_o if_o they_o can_v it_o will_v say_v i_o prove_v your_o wisdom_n to_o let_v i_o alone_o to_o rejoice_v in_o the_o choice_n i_o have_v make_v have_v my_o relation_n feel_v what_o i_o have_v feel_v for_o sin_v against_o god_n and_o can_v they_o taste_v the_o joy_n and_o sweet_a comfort_n of_o god_n which_o have_v put_v i_o out_o of_o conceit_n and_o love_n with_o the_o present_a world_n they_o will_v i_o question_v not_o be_v not_o only_o unwilling_a to_o blame_v and_o censure_v i_o for_o the_o choice_n i_o have_v make_v but_o they_o themselves_o will_v ready_o and_o hearty_o make_v the_o same_o choice_n for_o which_o i_o be_o now_o slight_v and_o judge_v to_o be_v miserable_a my_o relation_n find_v how_o ineffectual_a their_o method_n prove_v to_o gain_v i_o they_o soon_o turn_v their_o smile_n into_o frown_n and_o their_o kind_a speech_n into_o discourage_a menace_n what_o severe_a course_n shall_v be_v take_v with_o i_o to_o reclaim_v and_o reduce_v i_o to_o obedience_n my_o lord_n threaten_v severe_o that_o he_o will_v have_v i_o bind_v with_o rope_n on_o a_o porter_n back_o and_o bring_v into_o the_o church_n in_o the_o time_n of_o divine_a service_n to_o this_o i_o reply_v that_o if_o his_o lordship_n do_v not_o as_o well_o gag_v my_o mouth_n as_o bind_v my_o hand_n and_o foot_n i_o will_v certain_o roar_v out_o and_o disturb_v all_o the_o people_n at_o their_o devotion_n for_o fear_v of_o which_o no_o force_n of_o that_o kind_a be_v offer_v i_o after_o some_o considerable_a time_n my_o father_n and_o lord_n find_v that_o neither_o fair_a and_o gentle_a mean_n will_v allure_v and_o draw_v i_o to_o the_o lyturgy_n in_o their_o church_n and_o that_o no_o severity_n wherewith_o they_o threaten_v i_o can_v drive_v i_o from_o the_o pure_a worship_n of_o god_n in_o the_o meeting_n i_o be_v soon_o attack_v with_o great_a and_o sharp_a opposition_n than_o i_o have_v before_o meet_v with_o from_o they_o first_o by_o my_o father_n who_o in_o the_o presence_n and_o hear_v of_o at_o least_o forty_o of_o our_o family_n take_v i_o to_o task_n about_o my_o principle_n and_o in_o regard_n of_o the_o small_a hope_n he_o have_v of_o convince_v i_o by_o the_o argument_n he_o use_v he_o open_o declare_v his_o resolution_n never_o to_o own_v i_o for_o his_o son_n unless_o i_o forsake_v the_o meeting_n and_o come_v to_o the_o church_n and_o service_n again_o as_o formerly_z and_o this_o sir_n say_v my_o father_n i_o think_v fit_a to_o tell_v you_o before_o all_o these_o friend_n to_o the_o end_n you_o may_v take_v it_o into_o serious_a consideration_n whether_o of_o the_o twain_n you_o judge_v more_o eligible_a to_o forsake_v your_o fanatic_a opinion_n and_o schismatical_a companion_n or_o to_o be_v deprive_v of_o the_o love_n and_o affection_n of_o a_o father_n and_o know_v it_o sir_n say_v he_o that_o i_o do_v by_o the_o authority_n of_o a_o father_n command_v and_o require_v you_o to_o fix_v on_o whether_o of_o these_o two_o you_o intend_v to_o choose_v and_o that_o within_o a_o week_n if_o you_o resolve_v to_o hold_v your_o new_a opinion_n i_o charge_v you_o to_o quit_v my_o lord_n house_n and_o provide_v another_o lodging_n and_o as_o for_o i_o i_o charge_v you_o that_o you_o come_v not_o near_o my_o door_n or_o any_o of_o your_o brethren_n or_o sister_n door_n i_o will_v see_v say_v he_o which_o of_o your_o holy_a brethren_n or_o sister_n will_v take_v you_o in_o to_o this_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o reply_v thus_o viz._n sir_n though_o you_o resolve_v according_a to_o your_o present_a declaration_n to_o cast_v i_o out_o of_o your_o paternal_a or_o fatherly_a affection_n and_o to_o disow_v i_o for_o your_o son_n mere_o for_o my_o conscience_n to_o god_n because_o i_o can_v without_o great_o offend_v against_o god_n and_o wound_v my_o
achilles_n i_o be_o uncertain_a but_o in_o this_o of_o the_o wound_v and_o heal_v of_o my_o soul_n i_o be_o not_o more_o certain_a of_o any_o thing_n in_o nature_n than_o i_o be_o that_o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n which_o wound_v i_o by_o the_o law_n do_v also_o heal_n i_o by_o the_o gospel_n job_n 5._o 18._o for_o he_o make_v sore_a and_o bind_v up_o he_o wound_v and_o his_o hand_n make_v whole_a observation_n iu._n see_v and_o learn_v hence_o how_o steadfast_a and_o faithful_a god_n be_v to_o his_o word_n of_o promise_n when_o for_o christ_n and_o the_o gospel_n be_v forsake_v and_o cast_v off_o by_o my_o father_n and_o all_o other_o fleshly_a relation_n be_v turn_v out_o empty_z handed_z to_o the_o wide_a world_n and_o not_o know_v whether_o to_o go_v or_o what_o to_o do_v god_n take_v care_n of_o i_o and_o provide_v a_o lodging_n and_o friend_n for_o i_o which_o with_o the_o peace_n of_o my_o conscience_n give_v i_o more_o satisfaction_n and_o comfortable_a content_n than_o all_o the_o gallantry_n and_o greatness_n of_o my_o fleshly_a relation_n those_o sweet_a promise_n record_v in_o the_o scripture_n and_o make_v good_a by_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n have_v oftentimes_o refresh_v and_o ravish_v my_o pensive_a and_o weary_a soul_n psal_n 27._o 10._o when_o my_o father_n and_o my_o mother_n forsake_v i_o than_o the_o lord_n will_v take_v i_o up_o mat._n 19_o 29._o and_o every_o one_o that_o have_v forsake_v house_n or_o brethren_n or_o sister_n or_o father_n or_o mother_n or_o wife_n or_o child_n or_o land_n for_o my_o name_n be_v sake_n shall_v receive_v a_o hundred_o fold_n and_o shall_v inherit_v everlasting_a life_n heb._n 13._o 5._o let_v your_o conversation_n be_v without_o covetousness_n and_o be_v content_a with_o such_o thing_n as_o you_o have_v for_o he_o have_v say_v i_o will_v never_o never_o never_o never_o never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o the_o greek_a have_v no_o less_o than_o five_o negative_n in_o this_o one_o scripture_n to_o assure_v the_o true_a believer_n that_o god_n will_v in_o no_o wise_n forget_v or_o forsake_v he_o i_o have_v be_v forsake_v of_o my_o nurse_n when_o but_o three_o month_n old_a but_o i_o be_v take_v into_o the_o nursery_n of_o god_n providential_a care_n which_o cause_v in_o i_o often_o to_o think_v with_o comfort_n of_o that_o in_o psal_n 22._o 10._o i_o be_v cast_v upon_o thou_o from_o the_o womb_n thou_o be_v my_o god_n from_o my_o mother_n belly_n the_o same_o providence_n which_o take_v care_n of_o the_o head_n takes_z care_n also_o of_o the_o member_n i_o be_v forsake_v of_o my_o bodily_a physician_n but_o the_o great_a physician_n of_o soul_n and_o body_n cure_a i_o by_o poor_a contemptible_a snail_n i_o be_v forsake_v of_o my_o earthly_a father_n and_o all_o fleshly_a relation_n but_o god_n be_v become_v by_o grace_n and_o free_a adoption_n my_o father_n who_o will_v never_o forske_v i_o total_o or_o final_o i_o be_v forsake_v by_o my_o brethren_n and_o sister_n but_o those_o who_o be_v the_o son_n and_o daughter_n of_o god_n they_o be_v become_v my_o brethren_n and_o sister_n and_o albeit_o many_o of_o they_o who_o know_v i_o not_o be_v on_o malicious_a report_n prejudice_v against_o i_o yet_o other_o of_o they_o who_o know_v i_o and_o god_n deal_v with_o i_o they_o love_v i_o dear_o i_o have_v be_v forsake_v by_o several_a of_o my_o church_n member_n in_o ireland_n and_o england_n christ_n my_o lord_n and_o master_n have_v be_v so_o before_o i_o jo._n 6._o 66._o from_o that_o time_n many_o of_o his_o disciple_n go_v back_o and_o walk_v no_o more_o with_o he_o yet_o god_n be_v my_o god_n still_o i_o have_v be_v forsake_v of_o my_o brethren_n in_o the_o sacred_a office_n and_o left_a to_o stand_v alone_o when_o popery_n and_o quakerism_n be_v come_v in_o like_o a_o flood_n none_o step_v in_o to_o help_v or_o encourage_v i_o against_o those_o adversary_n of_o god_n religion_n but_o he_o that_o stand_v by_o paul_n when_o all_o other_o preacher_n in_o his_o day_n forsake_v he_o stand_v by_o i_o and_o embolden_v i_o against_o their_o threat_n and_o malice_n i_o have_v thought_n of_o print_v the_o most_o material_a objection_n bring_v in_o by_o satan_n to_o distress_n and_o distract_v a_o poor_a sinner_n to_o keep_v he_o from_o christ_n and_o how_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n teach_v and_o enable_v i_o to_o answer_v they_o all_o but_o my_o intend_a brevity_n have_v prevent_v i_o therein_o all_o glory_n honour_n and_o eternal_a praise_n to_o the_o only_a wise_a and_o glorious_a god_n father_n son_n and_o holy_a ghost_n amen_n amen_n postscript_n je_v satan_n shall_v get_v a_o advantage_n by_o this_o relation_n of_o god_n strange_a and_o wonderful_a deal_n with_o i_o in_o bring_v i_o home_o to_o christ_n in_o such_o a_o unusual_a manner_n and_o his_o handle_v i_o so_o sharp_o by_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n as_o also_o his_o bountiful_a deal_n with_o i_o in_o make_v my_o soul_n the_o receptacle_n of_o such_o ravish_a joy_n and_o unutterable_a consolation_n upon_o believe_v in_o christ_n in_o effectual_a call_v i_o think_v it_o may_v be_v seasonable_a to_o give_v the_o present_a caution_n to_o the_o poor_a doubt_v tempt_v believer_n who_o through_o satan_n subtlety_n tempt_v will_v find_v he_o or_o her_z self_n wretched_o prone_a to_o conclude_v from_o what_o they_o read_v of_o my_o conversion_n that_o the_o work_n of_o true_a conversion_n be_v never_o yet_o effectual_o wrought_v in_o themselves_o and_o that_o because_o they_o be_v never_o under_o such_o terrible_a bondage_n of_o soul_n neither_o ever_o yet_o be_v lift_v up_o so_o near_a heaven_n as_o i_o be_v such_o poor_a tempt_v believer_n be_v to_o consider_v the_o particular_n follow_v for_o their_o help_n and_o relief_n against_o the_o tempter_n in_o this_o case_n first_o consider_v that_o as_o in_o nature_n there_o be_v a_o vast_a disparity_n or_o difference_n between_o person_n in_o the_o natural_a birth_n so_o there_o be_v as_o vast_a a_o difference_n in_o the_o spiritual_a birth_n some_o woman_n go_v through_o abundant_o more_o and_o sharp_a pain_n and_o throw_v in_o travel_n than_o other_o meet_v with_o some_o babe_n meet_v with_o great_a difficulty_n and_o danger_n in_o the_o birth_n than_o do_v other_o the_o cause_n whereof_o in_o nature_n though_o they_o appear_v not_o to_o we_o yet_o it_o be_v most_o certain_a that_o so_o it_o be_v so_o in_o conversion_n some_o soul_n pass_v through_o great_a horror_n and_o bondage_n in_o the_o conscience_n than_o other_o do_v some_o be_v bring_v as_o it_o be_v through_o the_o very_a jaw_n of_o hell_n and_o desperation_n as_o i_o be_v other_o be_v deal_v more_o easy_o and_o gentle_o with_o be_v sweet_o allure_v and_o as_o it_o be_v insensible_o transplant_v into_o christ_n they_o not_o well_o know_v what_o be_v do_v to_o they_o paul_n and_o the_o rugged_a jailor_n be_v handle_v more_o rough_o their_o conscience_n be_v more_o deep_o wound_v with_o the_o frightning_n terror_n of_o god_n law_n set_v home_n by_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n than_o lydia_n who_o heart_n the_o lord_n open_v with_o more_o gentle_a touch_v of_o his_o spirit_n act_n 9_o 6._o act_n 16._o 15_o 29._o that_o woman_n who_o be_v safe_o deliver_v without_o any_o danger_n or_o great_a difficulty_n to_o herself_o or_o her_o babe_n have_v no_o reason_n to_o question_n whether_o she_o be_v indeed_o deliver_v because_o she_o go_v not_o through_o such_o danger_n and_o difficulty_n as_o her_o neighbour_n do_v who_o narrow_o escape_v with_o her_o life_n neither_o have_v she_o any_o cause_n of_o be_v jealous_a with_o her_o neighbour_n because_o her_o case_n or_o condition_n be_v more_o dangerous_a and_o desperate_a in_o travel_n than_o be_v she_o own_o thou_o who_o be_v bring_v to_o christ_n by_o the_o gentle_a drawing_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n and_o not_o bring_v so_o nigh_o to_o the_o affrightning_n sight_n of_o hell_n and_o to_o such_o a_o sense_n and_o feeling_n of_o the_o pain_n of_o the_o damn_a as_o have_v cause_v some_o to_o think_v themselves_o actual_o in_o hell_n admire_v at_o and_o bless_v god_n for_o his_o condescension_n towards_o thou_o in_o bring_v thou_o through_o the_o new_a birth_n so_o easy_o second_o consider_v that_o albeit_o the_o truth_n of_o thy_o conversion_n be_v not_o so_o sensible_o discern_v as_o the_o conversion_n of_o that_o person_n be_v who_o be_v bring_v home_o in_o the_o way_n of_o legal_a terror_n yet_o thou_o be_v bind_v to_o bless_n god_n for_o the_o small_a measure_n of_o grace_n bestow_v on_o thou_o as_o the_o small_a spark_n of_o fire_n though_o it_o be_v hide_v under_o a_o great_a heap_n of_o ash_n be_v as_o true_o fire_n as_o the_o great_a fire_n in_o nature_n so_o thy_o small_a grace_n which_o in_o comparison_n of_o some_o other_o grace_n may_v be_v so_o weak_a and_o little_a that_o it_o can_v scarce_o be_v discern_v yet_o grace_v it_o be_v though_o thou_o know_v it_o not_o to_o be_v so_o and_o he_o who_o bestow_v it_o on_o thou_o and_o wrought_v it_o in_o thou_o he_o will_v never_o reject_v or_o neglect_v thou_o because_o of_o thy_o little_a grace_n while_o he_o see_v thou_o constant_a and_o diligent_a in_o the_o use_n of_o mean_n labour_v to_o grow_v in_o grace_n esa_n 42._o 3._o mat._n 5._o 6._o esa_n 41._o 17._o phil._n 1._o 6._o oh_o but_o i_o do_v not_o find_v that_o i_o be_o bring_v to_o christ_n and_o which_o be_v far_o worse_a i_o fear_v i_o never_o shall_v to_o this_o i_o answer_v in_o two_o particular_n first_o thy_o very_a fear_n about_o this_o great_a of_n concern_v be_v a_o argument_n of_o thy_o translation_n from_o the_o first_o adam_n to_o the_o second_o adam_n christ_n jesus_n the_o lord_n if_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n have_v not_o give_v thou_o some_o sight_n and_o taste_n of_o the_o excellency_n and_o sweetness_n of_o christ_n thou_o can_v never_o prize_v or_o desire_v after_o he_o it_o be_v only_o the_o child_n that_o have_v taste_v the_o honey_n or_o sugar_n that_o long_v and_o cry_v for_o more_o second_o if_o thou_o find_v a_o fix_a resolution_n in_o thy_o soul_n in_o go_v on_o to_o seek_v the_o lord_n and_o his_o strength_n by_o prayer_n and_o supplication_n and_o other_o mean_n of_o grace_n not_o rest_v in_o or_o depend_v upon_o they_o but_o on_o christ_n alone_o for_o life_n and_o salvation_n my_o life_n for_o thou_o come_v death_n when_o god_n please_v to_o send_v it_o it_o will_v end_v all_o thy_o fear_n and_o put_v thou_o beyond_o the_o reach_n of_o all_o thy_o enemy_n thy_o frequent_a cry_v to_o god_n in_o prayer_n for_o christ_n and_o save_v grace_n be_v the_o echo_n of_o christ_n pray_v for_o thea_fw-mi at_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n and_o thy_o go_v on_o and_o continue_v to_o watch_n at_o wisdom_n gate_n can_v not_o possible_o be_v without_o invisible_a supply_n of_o spiritual_a strength_n communicate_v to_o thy_o soul_n by_o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n the_o end_n