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often_o i_o have_v not_o enough_o delight_v in_o that_o duty_n it_o be_v strange_a that_o that_o which_o be_v the_o happiness_n of_o heaven_n i_o shall_v find_v so_o little_a delight_n in_o well_o for_o this_o next_o month_n i_o will_v spend_v one_o hour_n a_o week_n in_o meditate_v upon_o the_o mercy_n and_o love_n of_o god_n his_o mercy_n be_v enough_o and_o great_a enough_o sure_o to_o take_v up_o so_o much_o time_n for_o in_o heaven_n eternity_n be_v little_a enough_o to_o admire_v they_o conclusion_n 1._o pray_v desire_v god_n that_o he_o will_v by_o his_o spirit_n blow_v these_o coal_n of_o mercy_n that_o he_o may_v inflame_v thy_o heart_n with_o love_n and_o joy_n and_o praise_n of_o he_o alas_o otherwise_o the_o judgement_n of_o god_n will_v not_o affect_v we_o nor_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n inflame_v we_o it_o be_v the_o spirit_n that_o quicken_v else_o mercy_n will_v not_o profit_v 2._o praise_v god_n call_v upon_o thy_o soul_n again_o and_o again_o awaken_v thy_o heart_n 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antipathy_n against_o he_o shall_v fling_v all_o with_o violence_n and_o detestation_n away_o be_v not_o this_o enough_o to_o satisfy_v you_o that_o he_o abhor_v that_o meat_n a_o crumb_n whereof_o make_v he_o abhor_v that_o which_o he_o so_o much_o love_v suppose_v you_o shall_v see_v one_o take_v a_o watch_n who_o wheel_n and_o all_o the_o rest_n be_v cut_v out_o of_o entire_a diamond_n and_o spy_v some_o little_a small_a and_o almost_o indiscernible_a spider_n in_o it_o shall_v fling_v it_o to_o the_o ground_n with_o so_o much_o violence_n that_o he_o shall_v break_v it_o all_o to_o piece_n it_o will_v evident_o argue_v how_o much_o he_o detest_v a_o spider_n what_o excellent_a creature_n be_v angel_n and_o yet_o because_o a_o sin_n though_o but_o of_o thought_n be_v find_v in_o they_o how_o do_v it_o cast_v they_o like_o lightning_n into_o hell_n suppose_v further_o thou_o shall_v see_v the_o meek_a wise_a man_n and_z love_a father_n in_o the_o world_n take_v his_o son_n and_o scourge_v of_o he_o with_o rod_n after_o rod_n until_o that_o he_o wereall_a of_o gore_n blood_n from_o head_n to_o foot_n and_o though_o he_o cry_v out_o and_o beg_v of_o his_o father_n to_o spare_v yet_o he_o will_v not_o spare_v he_o but_o scourge_v he_o to_o death_n will_v you_o not_o say_v that_o the_o son_n have_v do_v somewhat_o that_o the_o father_n do_v wonderful_o abhor_v have_v not_o god_n deal_v thus_o with_o christ_n do_v he_o not_o chastise_v he_o until_o he_o shed_v blood_n from_o the_o crown_n of_o the_o head_n to_o the_o sole_a of_o the_o foot_n do_v not_o christ_n die_v under_o his_o correct_a hand_n do_v not_o christ_n cry_v out_o again_o and_o again_o father_n if_o it_o be_v possible_a let_v this_o cup_n pass_v from_o i_o and_o do_v he_o not_o love_n christ_n more_o than_o any_o father_n love_v his_o son_n and_o all_o this_o because_o christ_n be_v guilty_a of_o sin_n though_o but_o as_o a_o surety_n these_o thing_n be_v not_o invention_n of_o wit_n or_o rhetoric_n but_o real_a truth_n if_o the_o destroy_n of_o sodom_n gomorrha_n jerusalem_n angel_n and_o the_o most_o part_n of_o adam_n posterity_n and_o the_o whole_a world_n save_o eight_o person_n if_o the_o suffering_n of_o christ_n be_v not_o enough_o to_o satisfy_v thou_o of_o god_n hatred_n of_o sin_n than_o thou_o may_v go_v on_o to_o thy_o own_o destruction_n but_o know_v this_o that_o it_o will_v be_v bitterness_n at_o the_o last_o 2._o consider_v what_o thou_o do_v when_o thou_o sin_v every_o sinner_n do_v virtual_o put_v heaven_n and_o christ_n and_o god_n and_o his_o favour_n and_o love_a kindness_n and_o all_o his_o promise_n in_o one_o scale_n and_o that_o pleasure_n profit_n or_o honour_v which_o sin_n promise_v with_o a_o wound_a conscience_n the_o torment_n of_o hell_n the_o wrath_n of_o god_n in_o the_o other_o scale_n and_o doubtless_o virtual_o a_o sinner_n choosech_v sin_n with_o all_o these_o mischief_n before_o the_o service_n of_o god_n with_o all_o his_o mercy_n it_o be_v as_o if_o a_o sinner_n shall_v say_v rather_o than_o i_o will_v not_o satisfy_v my_o base_a lust_n i_o will_v part_v with_o god_n with_o christ_n with_o heaven_n and_o all_o i_o will_v suffer_v his_o wrath_n let_v god_n do_v his_o worst_a i_o will_v have_v my_o will_n every_o obstinate_a sinner_n do_v in_o his_o heart_n say_v thus_o and_o though_o now_o thou_o little_o imagine_v it_o yet_o at_o the_o day_n of_o judgement_n this_o will_v be_v make_v as_o manifest_v to_o thou_o as_o if_o it_o be_v write_v with_o a_o beam_n of_o the_o sun_n thing_n that_o now_o seem_v less_o consequent_a shall_v then_o be_v make_v evident_a a_o wicked_a wretch_n that_o see_v one_o of_o god_n people_n hungry_a naked_a imprison_v and_o do_v not_o relieve_v he_o he_o little_o think_v that_o be_v all_o one_o as_o if_o he_o have_v see_v christ_n so_o and_o not_o relieve_v he_o but_o at_o the_o day_n of_o judgement_n christ_n will_v make_v it_o manifest_a unto_o he_o 3._o consider_v how_o often_o thou_o have_v sin_v against_o god_n every_o unconverted_a man_n do_v nothing_o else_o his_o plow_a be_v a_o abomination_n all_o his_o imagination_n be_v only_o evil_a and_o that_o continual_o nay_o though_o thou_o be_v one_o of_o god_n people_n yet_o david_n cry_v out_o that_o his_o sin_n be_v more_o in_o number_n then_o the_o hair_n of_o his_o head_n and_o do_v thou_o think_v thy_o sin_n be_v few_o than_o david_n how_o many_o year_n have_v thou_o live_v how_o many_o day_n hour_n minute_n thy_o sin_n be_v more_o the_o hourglass_n that_o run_v have_v not_o so_o many_o sand_n in_o it_o as_o the_o sin_n that_o thou_o commit_v in_o that_o hour_n if_o thou_o do_v not_o believe_v this_o consider_v that_o there_o be_v not_o one_o of_o thy_o thought_n word_n action_n but_o be_v pollute_v with_o abundance_n of_o sin_n if_o thou_o say_v our_o father_n since_o thou_o do_v not_o speak_v it_o with_o that_o reverence_n attention_n fervency_n faith_n love_n joy_n confidence_n admiration_n of_o his_o goodness_n and_o many_o other_o which_o we_o be_v engage_v to_o have_v when_o we_o call_v god_n by_o the_o name_n of_o father_n thou_o become_v guilty_a of_o all_o the_o contrary_a sin_n and_o many_o more_o that_o be_v not_o name_v in_o speak_v that_o one_o word_n in_o thy_o prayer_n not_o as_o thou_o ought_v fear_v not_o make_v thy_o sin_n seem_v great_a or_o more_o than_o they_o be_v 4._o consider_v further_o for_o what_o trifle_a vanity_n nay_o for_o what_o base_a thing_n that_o thou_o will_v be_v ashamed_a to_o own_o before_o man_n thou_o have_v lose_v god_n lose_v thy_o own_o soul_n if_o thou_o return_v not_o and_o have_v bring_v on_o thyself_o more_o misery_n than_o
thought_n of_o they_o have_v thou_o such_o a_o full_a assurance_n or_o be_v thy_o life_n such_o that_o thou_o need_v not_o fear_v be_v not_o moses_n and_o john_n as_o holy_a as_o thou_o be_v not_o john_n the_o belove_a disciple_n and_o moses_n one_o with_o who_o god_n speak_v face_n to_o face_n and_o yet_o they_o tremble_v o_o my_o soul_n it_o be_v much_o to_o be_v fear_v that_o it_o be_v ignorance_n and_o infidelity_n not_o a_o gospel-assurance_n that_o make_v thou_o so_o senseless_a nay_o it_o be_v infallible_o certain_a that_o whosoever_o live_v wicked_o and_o tremble_v not_o at_o the_o thought_n of_o judgement_n it_o proceed_v from_o a_o conscience_n sear_v with_o a_o hot_a iron_n 2._o admire_v and_o be_v astonish_v at_o the_o miserable_a condition_n of_o all_o those_o that_o live_v without_o god_n in_o the_o world_n such_o be_v all_o they_o that_o repent_v not_o and_o believe_v not_o the_o gospel_n 3._o examine_v and_o try_v thyself_o o_o my_o soul_n let_v we_o judge_v ourselves_o that_o we_o be_v not_o judge_v we_o may_v easy_o know_v what_o question_n shall_v be_v put_v to_o we_o that_o day_n we_o must_v be_v judge_v by_o the_o word_n of_o god_n then_o let_v we_o judge_v ourselves_o by_o it_o now_o do_v we_o indeed_o strive_v to_o enter_v in_o at_o the_o straight_a gate_n may_v that_o which_o we_o do_v in_o the_o service_n of_o god_n be_v true_o call_v strive_v or_o not_o can_v a_o saint_n prayer_n be_v call_v strive_v or_o not_o when_o every_o temptation_n at_o the_o first_o assault_n overcome_v thou_o and_o thou_o fight_v not_o a_o stroke_n be_v this_o strive_n be_v this_o to_o fight_v a_o good_a fight_n and_o resist_n unto_o blood_n do_v we_o think_v that_o god_n at_o the_o day_n of_o judgement_n will_v avouch_v this_o strive_n nay_o can_v our_o own_o conscience_n think_v it_o so_o now_o be_v not_o deceive_v god_n be_v not_o mock_v 4._o pray_v o_o bless_a god_n thou_o that_o be_v the_o great_a and_o just_a judge_n of_o all_o man_n be_v please_v to_o fit_v and_o prepare_v i_o for_o that_o that_o that_o day_n may_v not_o come_v so_o as_o a_o thief_n in_o the_o night_n as_o to_o rob_v i_o of_o all_o my_o comfort_n deal_v with_o i_o how_o it_o seem_v good_a in_o thy_o eye_n afflict_v i_o chastise_v i_o only_o let_v i_o be_v save_v in_o the_o day_n of_o the_o lord_n 5._o o_o my_o soul_n let_v we_o true_o consider_v what_o we_o be_v to_o do_v and_o how_o we_o be_v to_o live_v that_o when_o other_o at_o that_o day_n shall_v call_v to_o the_o hill_n and_o to_o the_o mountain_n to_o fall_v upon_o they_o and_o to_o hide_v they_o from_o the_o wrath_n of_o the_o lamb_n we_o may_v lift_v up_o our_o head_n because_o our_o salvation_n draw_v near_o well_o o_o my_o soul_n i_o read_v in_o the_o word_n of_o god_n that_o the_o neglect_v to_o judge_v ourselves_o and_o the_o judge_n of_o other_o be_v two_o sin_n that_o will_v cause_v all_o those_o to_o be_v judge_v and_o condemn_v that_o live_v in_o they_o therefore_o i_o be_o resolve_v by_o the_o gracious_a assistance_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v never_o to_o censure_v or_o judge_v any_o one_o as_o i_o have_v do_v and_o frequent_o to_o examine_v myself_o and_o as_o frequent_o and_o severe_o to_o judge_v myself_o as_o former_o i_o have_v use_v to_o censure_n and_o judge_v other_o and_o to_o use_v as_o much_o lenity_n mildness_n in_o judge_v and_o censure_v other_o as_o ever_o i_o do_v in_o censure_v my_o own_o way_n and_o if_o i_o do_v speak_v ill_a of_o any_o one_o i_o will_v if_o i_o remember_v it_o when_o i_o be_o before_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n not_o only_o beg_v pardon_n of_o my_o sin_n in_o rash_a judge_n but_o as_o much_o as_o in_o i_o lie_v make_v he_o some_o restitution_n by_o put_v up_o as_o many_o prayer_n for_o he_o as_o i_o have_v speak_v evil_a thing_n of_o he_o and_o let_v we_o further_o resolve_v of_o my_o soul_n and_o by_o thy_o bless_a assistance_n o_o god_n i_o be_o resolve_v and_o do_v promise_n before_o thou_o for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v frequent_o and_o i_o beseech_v thou_o that_o i_o may_v always_o do_v it_o before_o i_o do_v or_o speak_v any_o thing_n consider_v whether_o i_o dare_v own_o that_o action_n or_o that_o word_n at_o the_o day_n of_o judgement_n and_o if_o i_o dare_v not_o own_v it_o i_o will_v not_o dare_v to_o do_v or_o speak_v it_o and_o when_o at_o any_o time_n i_o think_v of_o omit_v of_o any_o holy_a duty_n and_o think_v that_o such_o or_o such_o a_o excuse_n will_v serve_v i_o will_v bring_v it_o before_o the_o judgement_n seat_n of_o god_n by_o serious_o consider_v with_o myself_o whether_o in_o my_o conscience_n i_o think_v that_o god_n will_v take_v that_o for_o a_o sufficient_a excuse_n at_o that_o great_a day_n for_o the_o conclusion_n of_o this_o exercise_n i_o refer_v you_o to_o the_o conclusion_n of_o the_o former_a meditation_n for_o i_o be_o loath_a that_o this_o manual_a shall_v swell_v too_o much_o meditat_fw-la vi_o of_o hell_n be_v convince_v of_o and_o affect_v with_o the_o presence_n of_o god_n consideration_n 1._o consider_v o_o my_o soul_n the_o greatness_n of_o these_o torment_n certain_o if_o god_n so_o heavy_o afflict_v his_o own_o people_n as_o he_o do_v job_n heman_n and_o divers_a of_o his_o people_n who_o have_v be_v in_o dissertion_n many_o year_n how_o sad_a be_v the_o expression_n of_o david_n he_o say_v he_o roar_v for_o the_o disquietness_n of_o his_o soul_n and_o how_o many_o sad_a expression_n have_v job_n that_o he_o have_v not_o time_n to_o swallow_v his_o spittle_n and_o how_o that_o he_o choose_v rather_o a_o strangle_a then_o life_n and_o many_o other_o exceed_v sad_a expression_n which_o can_v never_o have_v proceed_v from_o a_o holy_a man_n who_o be_v set_v before_o we_o as_o a_o pattern_n of_o patience_n if_o his_o affliction_n have_v not_o be_v very_o great_a and_o heman_n say_v that_o the_o terror_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v so_o great_a that_o he_o be_v almost_o distract_v with_o they_o and_o so_o from_o his_o youth_n up_o until_o that_o time_n that_o he_o write_v that_o psalm_n psal_n 88_o if_o this_o be_v do_v to_o the_o green_a tree_n what_o shall_v be_v do_v to_o the_o dry_a and_o if_o god_n chastise_v his_o people_n with_o such_o rod_n what_o scorpion_n shall_v the_o damn_a be_v scourge_v with_o and_o if_o the_o righteous_a have_v be_v thus_o afflict_v toss_v with_o tempest_n and_o not_o comfort_v where_o shall_v the_o wicked_a and_o ungodly_a appear_v what_o shall_v the_o portion_n of_o their_o cup_n be_v even_o the_o dregs_o of_o the_o vial_n of_o god_n wrath_n for_o upon_o the_o wicked_a he_o shall_v rain_v snare_n fire_n and_o brimstone_n and_o a_o horrible_a tempest_n 2._o consider_v what_o the_o suffering_n of_o christ_n be_v if_o we_o do_v true_o and_o serious_o consider_v how_o much_o those_o word_n signify_v when_o our_o saviour_n say_v my_o soul_n be_v heavy_a to_o the_o death_n we_o shall_v be_v help_v to_o understand_v what_o our_o saviour_n sorrow_n be_v if_o the_o wise_a holy_a and_o patient_a man_n in_o the_o world_n who_o be_v not_o oppress_v or_o distemper_v at_o all_o by_o reason_n of_o any_o bodily_a distemper_n of_o melancholy_n i_o say_v if_o such_o a_o man_n shall_v come_v to_o a_o intimate_a bosom_n friend_n and_o with_o a_o sad_a countenance_n shall_v tell_v he_o that_o he_o be_v even_o ready_a to_o die_v because_o of_o the_o abundance_n of_o grief_n and_o sadness_n that_o lie_v upon_o his_o spirit_n will_v not_o this_o argue_v that_o his_o sorrow_n be_v exceed_o great_a especial_o when_o his_o friend_n never_o hear_v he_o to_o complain_v in_o all_o his_o life_n though_o the_o injury_n and_o suffering_n have_v be_v very_o great_a all_o along_o if_o he_o shall_v further_o say_v unto_o his_o friend_n i_o beseech_v you_o to_o watch_v with_o i_o sure_o it_o will_v argue_v a_o heart_n overwhelm_v with_o grief_n now_o i_o say_v for_o our_o saviour_n to_o say_v so_o to_o his_o disciple_n and_o afterward_o to_o sweat_v blood_n o_o what_o unknown_a sorrow_n do_v our_o saviour_n feel_v how_o then_o be_v it_o possible_a for_o the_o wicked_a to_o escape_v when_o god_n spare_v not_o his_o own_o son_n though_o he_o be_v but_o a_o surety_n and_o those_o sorrow_n that_o make_v he_o groan_v will_v crush_v thou_o to_o piece_n woe_n be_v to_o that_o man_n that_o be_v to_o satisfy_v the_o justice_n of_o god_n in_o his_o own_o person_n 3._o consider_v o_o my_o soul_n the_o sad_a aggravate_v concommitant_n of_o these_o torment_n every_o member_n and_o faculty_n both_o of_o body_n and_o soul_n shall_v be_v torment_v here_o if_o our_o head_n ache_v may_v be_v our_o heart_n
spirit_n but_o with_o worldly_a business_n or_o company_n when_o i_o do_v grieve_v for_o my_o sin_n carnal_a grief_n bear_v a_o share_n in_o it_o and_o carnal_a joy_n abolish_v it_o meditat._v viii_o to_o confess_v my_o sin_n without_o any_o sense_n of_o they_o without_o any_o hatred_n of_o they_o to_o pray_v for_o grace_n and_o not_o to_o be_v sensible_a of_o the_o necessity_n or_o excellency_n of_o it_o to_o come_v to_o thy_o ordinance_n without_o reap_v any_o good_a from_o they_o to_o think_v and_o meditate_v of_o thou_o and_o neither_o admire_v nor_o love_v thou_o nor_o long_o and_o delight_v to_o be_v in_o thy_o company_n to_o what_o purpose_n be_v these_o thing_n thou_o desire_v of_o we_o our_o heart_n and_o not_o our_o work_n word_n or_o thought_n without_o that_o ah_o my_o lord_n and_o my_o god_n shall_v all_o be_v in_o vain_a and_o will_v thou_o cast_v i_o off_o for_o ever_o do_v thou_o hate_v my_o soul_n and_o be_o i_o a_o abomination_n unto_o thou_o must_v i_o be_v shut_v out_o for_o ever_o and_o never_o enjoy_v the_o sweetness_n of_o thy_o presence_n thou_o will_v not_o o_o my_o god_n thou_o will_v not_o thou_o can_v not_o o_o my_o god_n thou_o can_v not_o for_o thou_o have_v make_v a_o covenant_n with_o i_o and_o i_o claim_v that_o covenant_n for_o i_o have_v not_o any_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n beside_o thy_o covenant_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n that_o i_o can_v so_o much_o as_o have_v the_o least_o hope_n that_o will_v do_v i_o any_o good_a if_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n do_v not_o sit_v at_o thy_o right_a hand_n to_o make_v intercession_n for_o i_o my_o sin_n continual_o daily_o hourly_o clamor_v against_o i_o and_o accuse_v of_o i_o must_v needs_o prevail_v against_o i_o alas_o my_o heart_n be_v far_o from_o that_o spiritual_a frame_n that_o thou_o require_v for_o the_o misery_n that_o sin_n bring_v be_v more_o troublesome_a and_o heavy_a to_o i_o then_o the_o filthiness_n that_o be_v in_o sin_n thy_o blessing_n be_v more_o lovely_a in_o our_o eye_n then_o thyself_o every_o duty_n harden_v i_o in_o my_o formality_n lord_n thou_o be_v the_o father_n of_o mercy_n oh_o have_v mercy_n upon_o i_o for_o my_o case_n be_v not_o the_o common_a case_n of_o thy_o people_n but_o few_o few_o of_o many_o may_v be_v find_v who_o soul_n be_v like_o my_o poor_a soul_n for_o where_o be_v there_o any_o that_o can_v say_v so_o and_o yet_o be_v so_o little_o affect_v as_o i_o be_o meditat._n ix_o my_o hope_n be_v false_a and_o my_o fear_n be_v true_a the_o deadly_a poison_n do_v not_o make_v i_o sick_a nor_o the_o excellent_a cordial_n do_v not_o comfort_v i_o i_o be_o not_o sick_a of_o sin_n nor_o do_v the_o sacrament_n of_o the_o body_n and_o blood_n of_o christ_n fill_v i_o with_o joy_n nay_o rather_o do_v it_o not_o fill_v i_o with_o grief_n and_o fear_n if_o my_o sear_n and_o grief_n be_v not_o carnal_a will_v they_o be_v more_o but_o my_o carnal_a joy_n eat_v out_o my_o spiritual_a grief_n and_o my_o joy_n also_o i_o be_o as_o it_o be_v like_o absalon_n i_o hang_v between_o heaven_n and_o earth_n i_o will_v fain_o have_v heaven_n and_o yet_o will_v not_o part_v with_o earth_n oh_o my_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n be_v thou_o of_o no_o more_o excellency_n in_o my_o eye_n do_v thy_o love_n to_o i_o raise_v up_o no_o more_o love_n in_o i_o then_o to_o stand_v deliberate_v what_o to_o do_v when_o thou_o stand_v with_o stretch_v out_o arm_n to_o receive_v i_o to_o thy_o bosom_n can_v thou_o love_v one_o that_o love_v thou_o so_o little_a as_o i_o do_v thou_o do_v love_v i_o when_o i_o love_v thou_o not_o at_o all_o why_o sit_v thou_o so_o sad_a o_o my_o soul_n go_v cast_v thyself_o into_o the_o arm_n and_o bosom_n of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n there_o lie_v and_o hear_v the_o beat_n of_o his_o heart_n towards_o thou_o and_o it_o may_v be_v thou_o may_v be_v warm_v with_o the_o heat_n of_o his_o love_n christ_n pour_v out_o the_o boil_a stream_n of_o his_o heartblood_n upon_o thy_o poor_a soul_n for_o his_o heart_n boil_a in_o love_n towards_o thou_o and_o can_v thy_o heart_n still_o be_v freeze_v oh_o infidelity_n thou_o be_v the_o poison_n of_o my_o soul_n thou_o with_o thy_o cold_a blast_n haste_v freeze_v my_o heart_n and_o keep_v it_o so_o lord_n give_v i_o faith_n or_o else_o all_o thy_o mercy_n be_v in_o vain_a thy_o love_n be_v and_o have_v be_v too_o great_a for_o i_o to_o believe_v lord_n thou_o that_o love_v i_o so_o much_o as_o to_o give_v i_o christ_n oh_o love_v i_o so_o much_o as_o to_o give_v i_o faith_n to_o believe_v it_o there_o remain_v in_o my_o heart_n no_o more_o than_o the_o first_o spark_n of_o thy_o love_n and_o the_o first_o principle_n of_o grace_n that_o thou_o do_v put_v into_o my_o soul_n when_o thou_o do_v regenerate_v i_o all_o the_o flame_n be_v go_v out_o that_o be_v once_o kindle_v in_o i_o all_o the_o fruit_n and_o leaf_n and_o bough_n be_v strip_v from_o i_o there_o be_v all_o thing_n to_o do_v beside_o bare_a regeneration_n i_o be_o as_o a_o arm_n cut_v off_o so_o that_o it_o hang_v only_o by_o a_o little_a skin_n a_o slender_a thread_n lord_n this_o be_v my_o hope_n that_o my_o corruption_n and_o satan_n that_o have_v quench_v these_o flame_n that_o i_o have_v have_v shall_v never_o be_v able_a to_o quench_v this_o spark_n but_o alas_o that_o be_v a_o poor_a comfort_n that_o this_o be_v all_o my_o comfort_n that_o i_o shall_v not_o lose_v heaven_n though_o it_o be_v a_o thousand_o time_n too_o great_a a_o comfort_n for_o such_o a_o wretched_a sinner_n as_o i_o be_o to_o have_v be_v it_o nothing_o to_o lose_v all_o my_o comfort_n all_o my_o duty_n all_o my_o sweet_a communion_n with_o thou_o or_o at_o least_o only_o so_o much_o of_o these_o remain_v as_o to_o keep_v i_o from_o be_v utter_o cast_v off_o for_o one_o that_o have_v fare_v delicious_o every_o day_n to_o come_v to_o have_v no_o more_o bread_n then_o to_o keep_v life_n and_o soul_n together_o though_o he_o die_v not_o yet_o he_o have_v a_o miserable_a life_n thus_o thus_o and_o far_o worse_a it_o be_v with_o i_o meditat._n x._o if_o i_o stand_v clear_a before_o thou_o o_o my_o god_n of_o those_o many_o sin_n of_o sencelesnesse_n under_o judgement_n fruitlessness_n under_o ordinance_n mispend_v of_o time_n want_v of_o watchfulness_n of_o mien_n own_o way_n and_o for_o the_o appear_v of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n only_o my_o sin_n of_o unkindenesse_n to_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n be_v enough_o to_o cause_v thou_o to_o take_v away_o thy_o mercy_n from_o i_o i_o have_v hear_v and_o read_v the_o great_a mystery_n of_o my_o redemption_n of_o his_o be_v scourge_v and_o crown_v and_o nail_v of_o his_o bleed_a and_o die_v for_o i_o of_o his_o great_a love_n and_o such_o thing_n that_o if_o a_o friend_n of_o this_o world_n have_v do_v or_o suffer_v the_o thousand_o part_n so_o much_o his_o memory_n will_v have_v be_v precious_a meditat._n xi_o ah_o my_o dear_a god_n thou_o have_v be_v my_o god_n and_o therefore_o thou_o be_v my_o god_n how_o little_o can_v my_o soul_n know_v by_o any_o thing_n that_o i_o now_o either_o do_v or_o feel_v i_o be_o fain_a to_o fetch_v evidence_n and_o sign_n from_o action_n do_v many_o year_n since_o my_o prayer_n and_o other_o holy_a duty_n be_v matter_n of_o more_o joy_n when_o i_o do_v they_o then_o now_o they_o have_v terror_n in_o they_o now_o i_o think_v i_o do_v they_o not_o as_o heretofore_o i_o have_v be_v assist_v by_o thy_o grace_n oh_o my_o lose_a joy_n and_o my_o lose_a duty_n where_o i_o shall_v find_v you_o i_o know_v not_o the_o joy_n i_o have_v former_o and_o the_o great_a zeal_n of_o my_o heart_n make_v i_o pray_v but_o now_o not_o out_o of_o feeling_n and_o zeal_n but_o for_o zeal_n and_o joy_n and_o i_o go_v from_o prayer_n with_o a_o sad_a heart_n and_o a_o hard_a heart_n my_o prayer_n come_v neither_o from_o my_o heart_n nor_o reach_n to_o my_o heart_n oh_o my_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n where_o be_v thy_o motion_n and_o the_o joy_n of_o thy_o spirit_n to_o work_v thy_o own_o work_n in_o i_o why_o do_v i_o walk_v in_o this_o valley_n of_o tear_n not_o only_o without_o comfort_n but_o without_o grace_n i_o do_v even_o stand_v astonish_v at_o myself_o to_o see_v the_o vast_a difference_n between_o myself_o now_o and_o when_o i_o be_v thou_o when_o the_o candle_n of_o the_o almighty_a shine_v upon_o my_o soul_n and_o the_o spirit_n of_o my_o god_n dwell_v in_o i_o than_o sorrow_n and_o weep_v fly_v away_o alas_o i_o now_o have_v scarce_o any_o thing_n leave_v i_o but_o
carnal_a tear_n and_o one_o great_a cause_n of_o my_o grief_n and_o part_n of_o my_o misery_n be_v that_o i_o can_v weep_v no_o more_o sometime_o indeed_o tear_n stand_v in_o my_o eye_n when_o i_o consider_v these_o thing_n lord_n give_v i_o faith_n o_o give_v i_o faith_n i_o feel_v a_o deal_n of_o atheism_n in_o my_o heart_n my_o heart_n be_v so_o full_a of_o corruption_n of_o all_o kind_n and_o all_o degree_n that_o i_o can_v feel_v no_o bottom_n of_o this_o stink_a ditch_n my_o imagination_n be_v divers_a time_n a_o thoroughfare_a for_o satan_n blasphemous_a thought_n which_o my_o soul_n abhor_v i_o may_v even_o sit_v down_o and_o spend_v the_o remainder_n of_o my_o wicked_a life_n in_o weep_v and_o wail_v and_o wring_v of_o my_o hand_n and_o tear_v off_o the_o hair_n of_o my_o head_n my_o sad_a soul_n may_v say_v to_o my_o god_n be_v thou_o quite_o go_v from_o i_o have_v all_o my_o hope_n of_o thou_o be_v as_o dream_n and_o empty_a shadow_n unto_o i_o and_o have_v thou_o show_v i_o so_o much_o of_o heaven_n and_o will_v thou_o make_v hell_n more_o terrible_a and_o bitter_a to_o i_o shall_v thy_o sweet_a mercy_n be_v turn_v into_o the_o gall_n of_o asp_n to_o i_o not_o only_o to_o be_v bitter_a but_o deadly_a i_o have_v cause_n i_o have_v cause_n lord_n to_o mingle_v my_o drink_n with_o my_o tear_n to_o water_v my_o couch_n with_o weep_v thou_o be_v too_o great_a a_o god_n to_o be_v dally_v withal_o and_o what_o do_v i_o else_o as_o our_o dear_a friend_n though_o we_o never_o so_o much_o delight_v in_o their_o company_n while_o they_o be_v live_v yet_o we_o be_v afraid_a to_o be_v alone_o with_o they_o they_o be_v a_o terronr_n to_o we_o after_o the_o soul_n have_v leave_v their_o earthly_a tabernacle_n so_o my_o prayer_n while_o they_o be_v live_v prayer_n be_v a_o great_a comfort_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n but_o now_o my_o prayer_n be_v without_o life_n and_o my_o supplication_n be_v dead_a they_o be_v a_o terror_n to_o i_o they_o look_v ghastly_a upon_o i_o and_o i_o upon_o they_o meditat._v xii_o my_o dear_a god_n thovart_n not_o move_v with_o word_n if_o we_o have_v the_o tongue_n of_o man_n and_o angel_n if_o we_o can_v speak_v as_o never_o man_n speak_v if_o our_o heart_n mean_v no_o more_o than_o they_o do_v what_o will_v our_o vain_a word_n do_v i_o be_o ever_o weary_a of_o my_o life_n because_o of_o my_o corruption_n i_o can_v go_v no_o where_o nor_o do_v any_o thing_n but_o my_o corruption_n follow_v i_o and_o tire_v i_o even_o out_o of_o my_o patience_n o_o that_o i_o can_v weep_v over_o my_o soul_n and_o weep_v over_o my_o prayer_n to_o see_v how_o dead_a they_o be_v which_o way_n to_o turn_v i_o know_v not_o i_o have_v pray_v a_o thousand_o time_n for_o another_o heart_n and_o yet_o my_o heart_n be_v as_o hard_a as_o a_o stone_n and_o so_o full_a of_o hypocrisy_n that_o there_o be_v a_o world_n of_o hypocrisy_n in_o my_o confession_n of_o hypocrisy_n lord_n shall_v i_o cast_v away_o my_o confidence_n and_o lay_v down_o my_o weapon_n and_o put_v off_o my_o armour_n because_o my_o corruption_n be_v so_o strong_a and_o impetuous_a and_o deaden_a my_o very_a soul_n but_o alas_o what_o be_o i_o weary_a of_o not_o of_o my_o sin_n but_o of_o the_o accusation_n of_o my_o conscience_n that_o will_v not_o let_v i_o alone_o bless_v be_v thy_o name_n that_o i_o be_o trouble_v that_o i_o do_v not_o live_v holy_o and_o yet_o i_o will_v strive_v to_o live_v holy_o lord_n my_o heart_n be_v ertangle_v in_o the_o snare_n of_o the_o world_n bless_a saviour_n thou_o which_o have_v overcome_v the_o world_n deliver_v i_o from_o the_o care_n and_o love_n of_o the_o world_n alas_o what_o good_a do_v my_o tear_n do_v i_o do_v thou_o bottle_n up_o such_o tear_n such_o puddle_n water_n in_o thy_o bottle_n let_v the_o bowel_n of_o thy_o compassion_n yern_v within_o the_o towards_o my_o poor_a soul_n it_o be_v full_a of_o sin_n but_o my_o sin_n be_v my_o sorrow_n though_o my_o sorrow_n itself_o be_v sinful_a if_o thou_o stand_v as_o a_o stranger_n to_o i_o i_o must_v give_v over_o myself_o for_o lose_v than_o i_o may_v say_v farewell_n prayer_n better_a to_o say_v farewell_n then_o to_o add_v to_o my_o former_a sin_n a_o great_a guilt_n by_o defile_v my_o prayer_n that_o be_v as_o the_o chariot_n to_o carry_v out_o my_o soul_n into_o the_o bosom_n of_o god_n what_o be_o i_o to_o stand_v against_o corruption_n or_o temptation_n i_o be_o no_o more_o able_a to_o overcome_v nay_o to_o resist_v they_o then_o to_o remove_v mountain_n i_o have_v sin_v away_o my_o comfort_n and_o sin_v away_o my_o joy_n and_o sin_v away_o my_o hope_n and_o even_o my_o god_n if_o thy_o mercy_n be_v not_o great_a and_o what_o remain_v for_o my_o poor_a soul_n to_o do_v but_o to_o sit_v down_o in_o sorrow_n and_o even_o to_o mourn_v until_o my_o soul_n be_v heavy_a unto_o death_n it_o have_v be_v better_a for_o i_o that_o i_o have_v not_o be_v one_o to_o show_v the_o way_n to_o other_o nay_o but_o oh_o my_o god_n that_o be_v best_a for_o i_o that_o thou_o have_v do_v for_o i_o bless_a god_n do_v but_o make_v i_o thy_o meditat._n xiii_o alas_o oh_o my_o soul_n may_v not_o i_o just_o spend_v the_o remainder_n of_o my_o day_n in_o sigh_v to_o perceive_v my_o good_a god_n from_o who_o sweet_a presence_n i_o have_v in_o former_a time_n have_v so_o much_o grace_n and_o comfort_n to_o be_v such_o a_o stranger_n now_o to_o man_n and_o what_o be_v worse_o my_o heart_n so_o senseless_a of_o his_o absence_n the_o time_n have_v be_v when_o myheart_n have_v almost_o bleed_v within_o i_o to_o think_v what_o a_o miserable_a condition_n i_o shall_v be_v in_o if_o ever_o it_o shall_v come_v to_o pass_v that_o it_o shall_v be_v thus_o lord_n why_o do_v thou_o absent_v thyself_o from_o my_o poor_a soul_n if_o i_o be_v in_o a_o desertion_n of_o comfort_n i_o be_v in_o a_o far_o better_a condition_n but_o to_o be_v in_o a_o desertion_n of_o grace_n and_o not_o to_o be_v trouble_v be_v a_o sad_a condition_n me_n think_v i_o see_v my_o stock_n of_o grace_n grow_v weak_a and_o weak_a and_o more_o and_o more_o to_o languish_v as_o one_o that_o be_v die_v the_o pulse_n grow_v weak_a and_o weak_a until_o at_o last_o it_o be_v not_o moee_v o_o lord_n what_o to_o say_v i_o do_v not_o know_v alas_o i_o can_v but_o call_v and_o cry_v and_o pray_v lord_n if_o ever_o thou_o will_v take_v pity_n upon_o a_o poor_a miserable_a speechless_a sinner_n lord_n if_o thou_o will_v that_o i_o may_v overcome_v lord_n i_o can_v get_v my_o heart_n to_o be_v content_a to_o be_v damn_v and_o indeed_o since_o then_o i_o must_v eternal_o be_v separate_v from_o thou_o i_o do_v not_o desire_v to_o get_v my_o heart_n to_o be_v content_a but_o to_o struggle_v against_o it_o as_o long_o as_o i_o be_o able_a meditat._n fourteen_o to_o have_v satan_n and_o corruption_n come_v and_o beset_v i_o as_o soon_o as_o i_o awake_v and_o to_o follow_v i_o all_o the_o day_n long_o and_o to_o go_v to_o bed_n with_o i_o and_o to_o keep_v i_o wake_v to_o have_v no_o respite_n be_v a_o sad_a condition_n when_o i_o shall_v awake_v with_o my_o god_n my_o good_a god_n who_o keep_v i_o and_o watch_v over_o i_o whilst_o i_o sleep_v to_o have_v satan_n stand_v ready_a and_o hold_v his_o temptation_n before_o my_o eye_n which_o way_n soever_o i_o look_v and_o to_o prevail_v so_o far_o with_o i_o as_o at_o last_o to_o make_v i_o scarce_o to_o hate_v the_o sin_n he_o tempt_v i_o to_o i_o feel_v in_o my_o spiritual_a part_n a_o utter_a abhor_v of_o the_o sin_n i_o will_v give_v ten_o thousand_o world_n rather_o than_o commit_v the_o sin_n and_o yet_o i_o have_v much_o ado_n to_o refrain_v alas_o can_v my_o secure_a soul_n live_v meditat._n xv._o i_o be_o in_o such_o a_o wretched_a temper_n as_o to_o be_v willing_a to_o offend_v my_o god_n and_o when_o i_o go_v about_o to_o grieve_v sorrow_n be_v far_o from_o i_o nay_o the_o grief_n which_o sometime_o i_o feel_v be_v not_o strong_a enough_o to_o conquer_v the_o temptation_n when_o tear_n stand_v in_o my_o eye_n to_o consider_v the_o miserable_a condition_n of_o my_o soul_n in_o be_v so_o prone_a to_o sin_n the_o temptation_n increase_v to_o hear_v one_o of_o thy_o servant_n groan_v under_o thy_o hand_n and_o then_o to_o stand_v parly_v with_o temptation_n and_o not_o rather_o be_v afraid_a that_o the_o same_o affliction_n etc._n etc._n lord_n i_o be_o in_o thy_o hand_n for_o affliction_n lie_v what_o thou_o will_v upon_o i_o i_o must_v bear_v it_o and_o i_o will_v bear_v it_o patient_o