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A48148 Lady Alimony, or, The alimony lady an excellent, pleasant, new comedy, duly authorized, daily acted and frequently followed. Lodge, Thomas, 1558?-1625.; Greene, Robert, 1558?-1592. 1659 (1659) Wing L162A 41,423 80

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a poor nifling toy that 's worse then nothing 'T is this that nettleth me I must confess Tinder that light-skirt with impetuous heat Sometimes pursu'd me till that quenchless fire Burst into flames of boundless jealousie Which crost mine humour for variety Relisht my pallat Phoenix brains be rare But if our dishes had no other fare They would offend the stomach and so sate it As grosser meats would give a better taste Such was my surfet to a Marriage-bed My Fortunes I prefer before her beauty Or what may most content the appetite Money will purchase wenches but this want This roguish thing call'd want makes wanton thoughts Look much unlike themselves 't is this white mettal Enliveneth spirits knits our arteries Firm as Alcides He that bindes himself Apprentice to his wife meerly for love May he pen-feather'd widgeon forfeit's freedom With whatsoe're is dearest to the vogue Of his affections she were a rare piece That could ingage me or oblige me hers With all those Ceremonial rites which Flamins use To Hymens honour Beauty still stay I Will breed a surfeit be it ne're so choice Nor eye-attractive I should chuse a Grave Before one Mistress all mine Interest have O my Alimony Alimony this is the goad that onely prickels me Platon Those be your Husbands Ladies how pittifully they look Ladies Alas poor Cuckolds These Platonicks discover the Knights and scornfully eye them Knights Ladies we were sometimes your Husbands Ladies True You were so but your known defects have raz'd That style of Wedlock and infranchis'd us From that tyrannick yoke We 'r now our own Nor shall our Beds by you be henceforth known Sir Amadin What have I done Fricase Nothing Sir Amadin And that 's sufficient to divide us two Your puny years must grow in strength and sinews To prove you man before you can partake In my enjoyments th' Court has so decreed And by resentment of that injury Your blooming youth unripened for delight Has done to me your hapless Virgin Bride Held fit to number me amongst these Ladies All different sufferers and for supportance As every thing you know would gladly live Allots us Alimony Florello So his score 's paid Aside Sir Iasper Madam look on Sir Iasper Caveare Honest Simpleton And so I will just as the Fowler is wont On a catcht Dotrell till your wasted brains Rise to more growth I from my widdow'd Bed Will rise untoucht these brests shall never give Their nursing teats unto a Brood of Fools Caranto So good Sir Iasper you 've your Doom in Folio Aside Sir Arthur Receive me dear Iulippe Iulippe For what end Have you stoln from your Colours Oh I hate A Coward worser then a Maidenhead Basely bestow'd these Paphlagonian Birds These Heartless Partridges shall never nestle Under my feathers till your spirit revive And look like man disclaim your interest And injur'd title in Iulippe Palisado So He must first learn to fight e're she to love Aside Ioculette What would Sir Gregory Sir Greg. That you would love me Iocul No you must cast your slough first can you see Ought in your self worth loving have you ever Since our unhappy meeting us'd a Glass And not been startled in the sad perusal Of your affrightful Physnomy Sir hear me And let me beg your patience if you hear Ought may dis-relish you when th' Camel shall Transhape himself into a nimble Wesil Or such like active Creature and this Bunch Which Nemesis has on your shoulders pitcht This Bunch of Grapes I mean shall levell'd be She lies her hand upon his Shoulders And brought into proportion by a Press Equally squeezing till it shall retain Adonis feature I shall value you And hug you for my Consort But till then Excuse my strangeness Salibrand So his Cause is heard He must unshape himself to gain her love Medler Sir Tristram Shorttool have you ought to do In this pursuit of fancy Sir Tristram Something Madam Med. But small to purpose Sir Tristram you have been A man of Reading and on Winter Nights You told me tales for that was all you did What strange adventures and what gallant acts Redoubted Knights did for their Ladies sakes But what did you for Medler all the while Did you e're toss a Pike or brandish Blade For her dear sake Go to I shall conceal And with a modest bashful veil in-shroud What Sense bids me discover Let me Sir Advise you as a Friend for other styles Relating to an Husband I shall never Henceforth resent them with a free comply Love suits not well with your decrepit age Let it be your chief care t' intend your health Use Caudels Cordials Julips Pectorals Keep your Feet warm binde up your nape o th' neck Close against chilling ayres that you may live An old man long but take especial care You button on your night-cap Morisco After th' new fashion Aside With his loave Ears without it Medler This is all Onely your absence Morisco So good night Sir Tristram Aside Sir Reuben Sweet Madam Tinder Sir Reuben offers to kiss her Tinder Keep your distance Sir I love not to be toucht Sir Reuben Are you so hot My tender Tinder Tinder No Sir look to the Clime Where you inhabit there 's the Torrid Zone Tilly Yes there goes the hair away Aside Sir Reuben Can you not love Tinder Not One that loves so many Sir Reuben 'Las pretty Peat Tinder Pray Sir hold off your hand Truck with your low-priz'd Traders I must tell you Mine honour's higher rated Sir Reuben Be it so I wish you would disclaim your Alimony With that indiff'rent touch as you do Love You should not need a Dispensation Madam It should be granted unpetitioned Tinder I 'm confident it would nor shall the coolness Of your affection bring me to an ebbe Of favour with my self Plant where you please I le henceforth scorn to hugg my own disease Tilly So Sir Reuben 's dispatcht and like a Ranger may tappice where he likes Aside Sir Reuben But hark you Madam what be these brave Blades That thus accouter you are they your Platonicks Hectors or Champion-Haxters Pimps or Paliards Or your choice Cabinet-Confidents Tinder You may Exact accompt from them Sir Reuben No but I will not Long since I 've heard a Proverb made me wise And arm'd me Cap a Pe pe 'gainst such accounts Whos'ere he be that tuggs with durty foes He must be foil'd admit he win or lose Tin Shall I acquaint them with your Adage Sir Sir Reuben Do if you please Tinder No Sir I am too tender Of your indanger'd Honour Should a baffle Ingage your fame and I the instrument It would disgust me Sir Reuben You are wondrous kinde But pray you tell me is this Favourite Or Turn-key of your Councel in the rank Of generous Hectors I would be resolv'd For it concerns me Tinder Pray good Sir as how Sir Reuben Since 't is my fate I would be branched nobly Lest mine adulterate Line degenerate And raze
Argiers good Captain it suits best with our voyage Captain To 't then my Hectors and keep your Close as you do your march The Syrens will not relish you if you sing out a tune The Sea-Song Capt. To Tunis and to Argiers Boyes Great is our want small be our joyes Let 's then some voyage take in hand They joyn in the close To get us means by Sea or Land Come follow me my Boyes come follow me And if thou dye I 'le dye with thee Hast thou a Wife I have one too And Children some as well as thou Yet who can see his Brats to starve So long as he has strength to serve Come follow me my Cubbs come follow me And if thou dye I 'le dye with thee Methinks my Boyes I see the store He fixeth his eyes as upon Objects in a Landskip Of precious Gems and golden Ore Arabian Silks and Sables pure Would make an Haggard stoop to th' lure Come follow me c. No worthless minde e're honour sought Let 's fight as if we feared nought If Bullets fly about our ears Let 's laugh at death and banish fears Come follow me c. And if thou canst not live so stench But thou must needs enjoy thy Wench If thou my Boy such pleasure crave A dainty Doxie thou shalt have Come follow me c. Courage my Sparks my Knights o th' Sun Let Sivil fame what we have done Wee 'd better ten times fight a Foe Then once for all to Tyburn go Come follow me c. Come let 's away mount march away This Calm portends a prosperous day When we return it shall be said That by our voyage we are made Come follow me c. But if we ne're again return Inclose our ashes in an urn And with them spice a Wassal-Cup And to Good Fellows drink it up Come follow me c. Which Health when it is gone about And stoutly set their foot unto 't No doubt they shall enrolled be i th' Book of Fame as well as we Come follow me spruce Sprigs come follow me And if thou fall I 'le fall with thee Enter a Rank of Tar-paulins prest for the same Adventure ☞ marching over the Stage and joyning in the Catch An Health-Cup in the Leaders hand Tar-paulin When this Grand Health is gone about Where you as sloutly stood unto 't Doubt not you shall recorded be i th' Book of Fame as well as we March after me c. And when this Bowl shall run so round Your Legs can stand upon no ground Fear not Brave Blades but you shall be Sworn Brothers made as well as we March after me c. No other Obsequies we crave Nor quaint Inscriptions on our Grave A simple Shroud 's a Souldiers share Which if He want he needs not care March after me c. Such vails are all we wish at last Which if we want the Care is past This done to think of us were just Who drink not yet as dry as dust March after me c. While you act what we did before Discharge with Chalk the Hoastess Score And if the Hussy challenge more Charm th' maundring Gossip with your •ore March after me wee 'l frolick be And if thou dye I le dye with thee Act. 3. Scen. 4. Benhadad furiously accoasts them Benhadad I proclaim you all Edomites Dragooners of Dagon Ding-dongs of Dathan A generation of Vipers 1. Tripan No Father Benhadad your gravity is mistaken grosly we are rather A generation of Smoaking Tobacco Pipers 2. Tripan Go to Holy Benhadad stand you to your Calling as we to our Arms Thou art for converting the Great Turk and we for lining our Pockets with Tunis gold Where if we get our design hold to thy Principles but no farther then thou canst maintain them and we shall create thee our Houshold Chaplain Enter Mariner To Sea to Sea the Winds are prosperous Captain And may we prosper with them So farewell Sivil and her dainty Doxes All Ran tan hey for Tunis and Argiers Exeunt Colours displaid with Fifes and Drums 1. Cit. Such was the Dukes care to remove these Weeds Whose fatal growth might choak maturer Seeds 2. Cit. Good Governors wise Gard'ners imitate These chear their Plants those steer a planted State Exeunt Trillo from the high Gallery I cannot Gentlemen contain my self Timon thy Genius has surpast it self Thy Sceane is richly various preaze on still These Galleries applaud thy Comick skill He takes his Seat again Act 3. Scen. 4. Enter Constable and Watch in •ug Gowns Bills and Dark Lanthorns Constable Come along with your horns my Lads of metal It was the Dukes pleasure before his departure that we should be appointed the Sinks and Sentinels of the City and that none should have ingress egress or regress but by our especial authority and favour But harm watch harm catch for my part since I crept into this office I am woven into such a knot of good fellowship as I can watch no more then a Dormouse nay I am verily perswaded if I hold Constable long the Deputy of the Ward will return me one of the seven Sleepers But let me advise you my Birds of the Capital that you walk not after my Example be it your care to watch while I sleep Many eyes are upon you but my eyes grow heavy my dayes society bids me take a nap Watch But one word good Master before you drop into your slumber Report goes that there be Spirits that petroul familiarly in this Century what shall we say to them if they pass by Constable Bid them stand Watch But what if they either cannot or will not Constable Let them then take themselves to their heels and thank God you are so well rid of them Watch One word more good Constable and then good night Be these the Spirits that allure our Children with spice and trinckets to their Skippers and so convey them to th' Barmoudes Constable In no wise Neighbours these Spirits come from the Low Countreys and though at the first sight very frightful yet appearing unaim'd they become less fearful 1. Watch Nay if these pretty Familiars come to our Guard naked we shall prove hard enough for them 2. Watch Well Neighbour Rugweed let us not presume too far on our strength These Spirits be a dangerous kinde of Whifflers and like our Robin Good Fellows will play their Legerdemain tricks scudding here and there in a trice and nimbly snap you when least suspected Act. 3. Scen. 5. Enter Gallerius Ghost From the Cinnerian depth here am I come Leaving an ERRA PATER in my Tomb To take a view which of my Fellows be The thrivingst Artists in Astronomy Rank one by one in Astrologick row And dying see whom thou didst living know He makes his Figure Mount gainful CRINON for to thee we give As thou deserv'st the sole Prerogative For thy divining lines have purchas'd more Then all our prime Professors got before Iason won much at Colchos but thy
buy neither I have no property in such a rich penniworth For if I had I should wish Medler I know what Madam Ioculette Good now thy conceipt Medler Shall I freely unbosome me All Pray thee Madam do Madam Medler You would wish that his puny Baker• legs had more Essex growth in them for else they would make ill Butchers ware Iocul•tte Thou art a shrude Wench trust me Tinder Well Ladies I know a new minted Lord that can act the Spanish Don with a peakt beard and a starcht look to an hair Fricase O Madam Tinder I guess where you are but he wants a little of your spirit He can cringe and caress better then he dare fight A Ladies honour might perish under such a feverish Champion Caranto For loves sake let 's make haste Nothing will be done till we come Enter Cristobel with a Crutch Cristobel Good Madam Land-lady take lame Cristobel along with you She means to have about for her Alemony Ioculette We shall not want then for handsome Attendance Exeunt Act. 5. Scen. 6 Enter Gentleman Vsher. Give way make present way for his Excellence and his Consuls Enter Duke Eugenio and his Consuls After them the deserted Knights the Platonick Confidents the Alimony Ladies the Tunis ingagers Duke As we have view'd and clear'd our forreign coasts Wee 'r now to prune those wild luxurious Sprayes Which give impede unto this spreading Vine Our flowry Sivel whose succeeding Fame Acquir'd by Civil Discipline exacts Our care and yours grave Counsellours of State 'T is not enough with Balms to close the skin And leave the wound t' exulcerate within For He whose care 's to cure the Core without And searcheth not the bottom spoils the Root Let 's first then look on Vices which put on The face of vertue and where modesty Meerly dissembled cloath'd with taking Beauty Arms it self strongly 'gainst all Opposition Nay what retains ofttimes such influence On reverend Scarlet as it darks the light Of Judgement and makes Elders fix their eyes On rare-light Objects which so strangely takes As they make Judges vices Advocates But here 's none such I hope Our State is free And so our Patriots and State-Consuls bee Complaints inform us and we wondred much At th' first perusal how a Feminine Nature So sweetly pleasing should be so deprav'd Fricase What means the Duke Caranto I relish not th' discourse Duke Have we not here some Ladies o th' New-dress So newly styl'd and in their Honour soil'd Who have deserted whom they ought to love Ladies Is this the Court-Mask and the Ball we look't for Aside Duke Be you those Ladies Cristobel I am one of them forsooth Ladies We are the same so like your Excellence And now redrest Duke We understand no less Your Alimonies signed by our Court Cristobel They have not signed mine if 't please your Dukeship Truly I am a very impudent lame Woman and my Husband a feeble weak-doing man your Grace must needs grant me Alemony Duke See what Examples Ladies you have given To simple Women I shall here propose Two tenders to your choice either receive And with a Conjugal Indeerment too Your late deserted Husbands or prepare Th' Remainder of your dayes to entertain A strict Monastick life your Sentence 's past Chuse which you please Ioculette I never shall endure A closter'd life unless I had a Frier Sir Gregory Shapeless shall be my Platonick Medler Rather then none I le take Sir Tristram Shorttool Iulippe I for Sir Arthur Heartless Caveare I must put on my Night-gown for Sir Iasper Simpleton Fricase Sir Amadin Pu•y then must be my joy Who will be still I think a Puny Boy Imatr Well since we are to this condition grown 'T is better far to use our own then none While I of youthful Favourites bereft Will live with Scattergood if ought be left Sir Reuben Nay Madam but it were not amiss if you knew first whether Scattergood will live with you or no Release your Alimony and I 'le resign my right in your propriety and in my widdow'd life mourn in sack lo infinitely Duke This Iuncto must be fixt on firmer grounds Coolness of Fancy acts not on the Object Which it pretends to love Joyn hearts to hands And in this second Contract reunite What was so long divided Love's a Cement Admits no other Allay but it self To work upon th' aff•ections be it yours For virile spirits should be so demean'd With pleasing candor to remit what 's past And with milde glosses to interpret thus In their defence still to the better sense Their frailties in your Ladies wrought these failings Which pious pitty should commiserate And seal it with Indulgence Then intend Your Office Madams which is to redeem Your late-abused time which may be deem'd Richly recover'd being once redeem'd Ladies May all our actions close with discontent When we oppose their humours Knights Say and hold They salute take hands And this Act of Oblivion shall be sign'd Duke This does content us highly Powers above Makes Lovers breach renual of their love Cristobel And must Cristobel too pack home to her Husband without her Alemony Duke Or to thy death an aged Prioress Cristobel Nay but by your good favour I le meddle with none of your Priorities I le rather go mumble a crust at home and chuck my old Iosalin Duke Nor is this all our sentence must extend Unto those Ladies Favorites whose hours Strangely debaucht made spoil of womens honours Ladies We hate them worse then Hell Favourites Good your Grace we are reclaim'd Duke That 's but an ayry Note When Practical wee 'l hold it Cordial Mean time we do adjudge you to the Quarries Where you shall toil till a relation give Test of your reformation Look on those Tunis-ingagers who were timely drawn From their Trapanning Course and by their hazard Secur'd through valour rais'd their ruin'd Fortunes Above Expectance when your work is done We shall finde like Adventurers for your spirits To graple with and rear your blanch'd repute Leave interceding for we are resolv'd Now Conscript Consuls whose direction gives Life to our Laws we cannot chuse but wonder How your impartial judgements should submit As if they had been byassed to grant These Alimonies to their loose demands Sure such Decrees would not have relish'd well Your jealous Palats had you so been us'd Wives to desert your Beds impeach your Fames In Publick Courts discover your defects Nay to bely your weakness and recover For all these scandals Alimonious wayes To feed their boundless riot Consul They 'r annull'd Our Courts will not admit them Duke 'T is well done For Gentlemen t' engage their State and Fame And Beds of Honour were a jugling Game So we dismiss you may the Palms of Peace Crown Sivils State with safety and increase Whereto when our reluctant actions give The least impede may we no longer live Exeunt omnes Trumpets sounding Epilogue YOu see our Ladies now are vanished And gone perchance unto their Husbands Bed Convinc'd of guilt where if they cannot tame Their loose desires but still retain the Name Of ALIMONY LADIES you shall hear They will not forfeit what they hold so dear Prohibited delights and in that stain With blushless dalliance visit you again Nor shall we build on these our confidence Who give less reins to Reason then to Sense Yet for redemption of their Husbands Lands Seal our Acquittance with your graceful hands Navitèr incumbens Cal•mo sine merce laboro Merce carens Vates nomine verus ero Haec thalami Socias Alimonia fecit iniquas Haud Aries uni sufficit unus Ovi Arnold FINIS