upon_o i_o that_o i_o can_v read_v the_o promise_n but_o i_o find_v none_o of_o they_o to_o belong_v to_o i_o i_o can_v not_o say_v god_n be_v i_o or_o have_v discover_v himself_o to_o i_o in_o pardon_v my_o sin_n yet_o this_o i_o have_v often_o thought_n of_o that_o i_o will_v throw_v myself_o upon_o christ_n and_o if_o i_o perish_v i_o perish_v and_o since_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v find_v some_o satisfaction_n in_o several_a place_n of_o scripture_n as_o first_o in_o matth._n 11.28_o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n and_o feel_v such_o a_o burden_n then_o upon_o my_o soul_n i_o rely_v upon_o that_o true_a rest_n another_o be_v in_o 1_o john_n 2.2_o and_o he_o be_v the_o reconciliation_n for_o our_o sin_n and_o not_o for_o we_o only_o but_o for_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o whole_a world_n i_o be_v one_o in_o the_o world_n i_o apply_v this_o to_o myself_o and_o in_o 1_o john_n 1_o 14._o the_o father_n send_v the_o son_n to_o be_v the_o saviour_n of_o the_o world_n another_o place_n of_o scripture_n be_v john_n 3.17_o for_o god_n send_v not_o his_o son_n into_o the_o world_n to_o condemn_v the_o world_n but_o that_o the_o world_n through_o he_o may_v be_v save_v and_o in_o verse_n 35._o he_o that_o believe_v on_o the_o son_n have_v everlasting_a life_n upon_o this_o account_n i_o say_v i_o believe_v lord_n help_v my_o unbelief_n and_o in_o the_o six_o chapter_n of_o john_n and_o 67_o and_o 68_o verse_n jesus_n say_v unto_o his_o discipe_n will_v you_o go_v from_o i_o also_o peter_n say_v unto_o he_o lord_n whither_o shall_v we_o go_v for_o thou_o have_v the_o word_n of_o eternal_a life_n so_o that_o i_o will_v now_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n for_o a_o further_a manifestation_n of_o himself_o unto_o my_o soul_n in_o the_o use_n of_o his_o ordinance_n although_o i_o have_v not_o in_o time_n past_o be_v feed_v with_o the_o child_n bread_n yet_o now_o i_o do_v believe_v i_o shall_v not_o be_v deny_v those_o crumb_n of_o spiritual_a comfort_n to_o nourish_v and_o refresh_v my_o weary_a spirit_n for_o god_n say_v isa_n 55.1_o ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v you_o to_o the_o water_n and_o he_o that_o have_v no_o money_n come_v you_o buy_v and_o eat_v yea_o come_v buy_v wine_n and_o milk_n without_o money_n and_o without_o price_n and_o i_o praise_v god_n i_o have_v find_v of_o late_a a_o very_a great_a manifestation_n of_o god_n work_v a_o change_n upon_o my_o heart_n and_o draw_v i_o by_o true_a faith_n to_o himself_o 1._o about_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n since_o i_o hear_v mr._n b._n on_o the_o lukewarmness_n of_o the_o church_n of_o laodicea_n show_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v refuse_v none_o that_o come_v to_o he_o in_o humbleness_n of_o spirit_n and_o sincerity_n of_o heart_n then_o i_o think_v sure_o i_o may_v make_v use_n of_o these_o full_a promise_n make_v to_o those_o that_o come_v to_o he_o and_o it_o put_v i_o to_o search_v the_o scripture_n which_o i_o do_v and_o find_v a_o great_a influence_n upon_o my_o spirit_n in_o the_o understanding_n of_o the_o word_n than_o before_o 2._o i_o be_o in_o all_o thing_n that_o i_o do_v fearful_a of_o offend_v god_n and_o my_o desire_n be_v to_o do_v all_o thing_n to_o his_o glory_n 3._o my_o love_n to_o god_n be_v so_o hearty_a that_o i_o delight_v to_o be_v meditate_v of_o god_n and_o to_o have_v communion_n with_o he_o and_o can_v wish_v that_o i_o may_v be_v whole_o if_o it_o be_v possible_a with_o god_n and_o my_o heart_n be_v never_o so_o at_o rest_n as_o when_o i_o be_o read_v of_o his_o truth_n and_o hear_v other_o speak_v of_o they_o 4._o i_o be_o so_o little_o affect_v to_o the_o world_n that_o i_o account_v it_o nothing_o i_o can_v willing_o leave_v all_o for_o god_n and_o i_o hope_v suffer_v any_o thing_n for_o god_n if_o he_o shall_v please_v to_o call_v i_o to_o it_o so_o far_o as_o i_o can_v judge_v of_o my_o own_o heart_n but_o herein_o trust_v in_o the_o power_n of_o christ_n 5._o sin_n be_v loathsome_a to_o i_o so_o that_o the_o affection_n that_o i_o do_v bear_v to_o some_o evil_n be_v go_v and_o i_o now_o loathe_v they_o more_o than_o before_o i_o love_v they_o 6._o i_o have_v many_o constict_n between_o the_o flesh_n and_o the_o spirit_n but_o i_o find_v in_o those_o strive_n my_o heart_n most_o cleave_v to_o follow_v the_o mind_n of_o god_n know_v that_o if_o i_o give_v way_n to_o sin_n satan_n enter_v and_o with_o all_o my_o soul_n i_o desire_v and_o delight_n to_o follow_v the_o leading_n of_o god_n spirit_n 7._o in_o all_o thing_n the_o resolution_n of_o my_o heart_n be_v for_o do_v those_o thing_n that_o may_v please_v god_n and_o that_o without_o delay_n be_v fearful_a to_o offend_v god_n which_o through_o infirmity_n i_o do_v i_o have_v great_a trouble_n in_o spirit_n for_o it_o and_o my_o resolution_n aae_v always_o against_o every_o thing_n that_o may_v hinder_v my_o peace_n with_o god_n 8._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n so_o great_a a_o peace_n between_o god_n and_o my_o conscience_n that_o shall_v god_n now_o call_v i_o i_o shall_v be_v very_o well_o content_v to_o go_v to_o my_o saviour_n 9_o i_o do_v not_o doubt_v of_o god_n love_n to_o i_o because_o he_o have_v draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n sincere_o to_o love_v he_o 10._o my_o love_n have_v be_v always_o from_o a_o child_n to_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o my_o heart_n have_v be_v ever_o trouble_v when_o i_o have_v hear_v they_o evil_n speak_v of_o 11._o my_o affection_n be_v great_a to_o the_o ordinance_n and_o my_o heart_n long_v after_o they_o and_o when_o at_o any_o time_n i_o come_v with_o a_o cold_a heart_n to_o duty_n yet_o my_o heart_n be_v frequent_o warm_v and_o enlarge_v in_o those_o duty_n e._n c._n xviii_o experience_n of_o d._n m._n some_o year_n since_o through_o many_o cross_n increase_v upon_o i_o like_o a_o arm_a man_n i_o fly_v unto_o god_n to_o seek_v his_o mind_n by_o prayer_n and_o he_o discover_v to_o i_o that_o it_o be_v for_o my_o sin_n which_o be_v then_o set_v before_o i_o which_o cause_v m_o to_o feel_v the_o hand_n of_o god_n by_o affliction_n upon_o i_o that_o fin_n be_v the_o cause_n of_o my_o suffering_n which_o lie_v very_o heavy_a upon_o i_o and_o terrify_v i_o so_o that_o i_o think_v i_o have_v be_v in_o the_o way_n to_o damnation_n and_o that_o if_o it_o have_v be_v in_o the_o way_n to_o salvation_n every_o affliction_n will_v not_o come_v so_o upon_o i_o great_a than_o i_o think_v i_o can_v be_v able_a to_o bear_v in_o particular_a the_o lord_n discover_v to_o i_o that_o i_o have_v too_o much_o love_v my_o husband_n in_o make_v a_o idol_n of_o he_o and_o therefore_o he_o just_o become_v a_o great_a terror_n to_o my_o spirit_n for_o he_o grow_v a_o enemy_n to_o goodness_n and_o so_o a_o hindrance_n to_o i_o in_o come_v to_o christ_n and_o while_o i_o thus_o dote_v on_o he_o he_o go_v away_o from_o i_o i_o fear_v through_o the_o sense_n of_o that_o and_o other_o sin_n together_o with_o the_o aggravation_n of_o my_o affliction_n that_o god_n do_v not_o love_v i_o yet_o it_o strike_v into_o my_o heart_n that_o god_n do_v not_o strike_v willing_o and_o therefore_o i_o endeavour_v to_o see_v what_o be_v the_o mind_n of_o god_n in_o it_o who_o have_v take_v away_o my_o husband_n good_n and_o all_o from_o i_o namely_o that_o he_o have_v do_v it_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o hang_v upon_o husk_n but_o shall_v love_v he_o and_o i_o find_v that_o i_o have_v love_v the_o world_n too_o much_o and_o set_v my_o heart_n too_o much_o upon_o these_o creature-comfort_n and_o therefore_o the_o lord_n take_v they_o away_o from_o i_o this_o wrought_v upon_o i_o great_a trouble_n and_o deipair_n so_o that_o i_o cry_v till_o i_o be_v almost_o blind_a and_o i_o have_v great_a fear_n and_o tremble_a upon_o i_o that_o i_o can_v not_o pray_v not_o hear_v with_o profit_n but_o think_v it_o be_v in_o vain_a for_o i_o to_o pray_v who_o god_n love_v not_o and_o who_o i_o have_v so_o offend_v about_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n after_o i_o have_v a_o temptation_n by_o satan_n to_o drown_v myself_o in_o a_o pond_n near_o leeds_n in_o yorkshire_n whither_o the_o devil_n lead_v i_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o may_v do_v it_o there_o it_o be_v a_o private_a place_n where_o no_o body_n can_v see_v i_o and_o i_o come_v to_o the_o pond_n side_n but_o by_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n have_v a_o great_a love_n to_o a_o young_a infant_n i_o have_v i_o take_v that_o child_n in_o my_o arm_n and_o
feel_v what_o until_o then_o i_o be_v ignorant_a of_o and_o the_o blackness_n of_o my_o spirit_n be_v such_o with_o the_o burden_n of_o my_o trouble_a and_o afflict_a soul_n that_o i_o can_v not_o at_o that_o time_n take_v comfort_n in_o any_o thing_n and_o have_v i_o not_o be_v with_o child_n &_o affect_v with_o natural_a inclination_n to_o the_o babe_n in_o my_o womb_n i_o have_v be_v in_o danger_n have_v not_o god_n prevent_v i_o to_o have_v destroy_v myself_o for_o i_o have_v some_o temptation_n that_o way_n but_o my_o god_n strengthen_v i_o yet_o before_o i_o be_v bring_v to_o bed_n i_o find_v peace_n and_o comfort_n and_o through_o grace_n have_v such_o settlement_n in_o my_o spirit_n that_o i_o can_v with_o joy_n night_n and_o day_n call_v upon_o my_o god_n believe_o but_o before_o i_o attain_v to_o this_o i_o have_v many_o sore_a conflict_n until_o after_o some_o consideration_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v put_v into_o my_o mind_n as_o first_o touch_v the_o child_n that_o i_o go_v with_o because_o god_n have_v say_v the_o just_a and_o innocent_a slay_n thou_o not_o and_o then_o consider_v the_o innocency_n of_o the_o child_n it_o become_v a_o mean_n to_o stay_v my_o hand_n from_o lay_v violence_n upon_o myself_o yet_o for_o a_o time_n i_o be_v much_o trouble_v in_o spirit_n till_o god_n give_v i_o peace_n from_o these_o and_o other_o scripture_n promise_n where_o the_o lord_n say_v call_v upon_o i_o in_o the_o day_n of_o trouble_n and_o i_o will_v deliver_v thou_o &_o thou_o shall_v glorify_v i_o psal_n 50.15_o sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n 〈◊〉_d you_o for_o you_o be_v not_o under_o the_o law_n but_o under_o grace_n rom._n 6.14_o now_o the_o testimony_n of_o my_o conversion_n and_o true_a believe_v in_o which_o i_o hope_v i_o have_v a_o seal_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n be_v these_o 1._o my_o love_n to_o god_n which_o be_v real_a sincere_a and_o hearty_a desire_v he_o above_o any_o thing_n else_o whatsoever_o 2._o my_o rely_v upon_o jesus_n christ_n have_v nothing_o of_o my_o own_o to_o rest_v upon_o i_o fly_v to_o he_o and_o rest_n on_o he_o for_o all_o as_o my_o alone_a saviour_n and_o redeemer_n 3_o i_o delight_v to_o read_v the_o holy_a word_n of_o god_n and_o to_o hear_v or_o otherwise_o to_o partake_v thereof_o in_o which_o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n 4._o the_o comfort_n which_o i_o find_v by_o enlargement_n of_o my_o soul_n when_o god_n come_v in_o under_o the_o mean_n in_o duty_n and_o the_o loathnesse_n i_o have_v to_o be_v deprive_v of_o the_o ordinance_n 5._o the_o peace_n i_o find_v with_o my_o god_n in_o my_o soul_n which_o be_v sweet_a though_o not_o without_o much_o heaviness_n of_o spirit_n for_o my_o fail_n i_o do_v not_o live_v without_o wane_v and_o change_v in_o my_o spiritual_a life_n and_o faith_n towards_o the_o lord_n for_o sometime_o i_o trust_v god_n with_o all_o and_o at_o other_o time_n i_o meet_v with_o some_o doubt_n yet_o bless_v be_v god_n i_o find_v they_o more_o and_o more_o assuage_v and_o my_o communion_n with_o christ_n every_o day_n more_o sweet_a and_o full_a 6._o i_o doubt_v not_o but_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n my_o redeemer_n will_v so_o support_v i_o through_o his_o grace_n that_o what_o ever_o my_o condition_n have_v be_v or_o shall_v be_v here_o i_o shall_v not_o fail_v of_o salvation_n through_o christ_n in_o heaven_n for_o ever_o l._n p._n xxxv_o experience_n of_o f._n p._n i_o have_v be_v trouble_v at_o the_o thought_n of_o my_o corruption_n and_o wretched_a condition_n i_o have_v former_o have_v some_o doubt_n touching_n the_o scripture_n whether_o they_o be_v truth_n or_o not_o but_o have_v be_v since_o trouble_v that_o i_o make_v those_o foolish_a doubt_n to_o question_n god_n word_n and_o be_v so_o wound_v in_o my_o conscience_n for_o my_o sin_n therein_o that_o i_o fear_v i_o shall_v be_v damn_v for_o it_o because_o i_o think_v it_o be_v a_o sin_n that_o god_n will_v not_o pardon_v i_o have_v also_o strange_a thought_n about_o the_o sinful_a way_n of_o ungodly_a people_n and_o consider_v how_o loose_o people_n live_v i_o and_o temptation_n to_o persuade_v i_o that_o sure_o there_o be_v some_o easy_a way_n to_o heaven_n then_o the_o scripture_n have_v lay_v down_o or_o then_o i_o have_v learn_v but_o for_o these_o evil_a thought_n of_o i_o i_o have_v be_v so_o afflict_v in_o my_o spirit_n that_o i_o think_v i_o be_v a_o damn_a wretch_n i_o have_v be_v tempt_v by_o these_o blasphemous_a thought_n against_o the_o lord_n which_o have_v so_o afflict_v i_o that_o sometime_o i_o fear_v the_o devil_n will_v fetch_v i_o away_o and_o carry_v i_o to_o hell_n and_o i_o have_v think_v sometime_o that_o sure_o god_n can_v not_o in_o justice_n pardon_v such_o sin_n as_o i_o have_v commit_v i_o have_v also_o be_v tempt_v to_o make_v away_o myself_o but_o the_o lord_n god_n put_v i_o in_o mind_n to_o consider_v that_o it_o will_v not_o give_v i_o ease_v or_o comfort_n but_o be_v the_o way_n to_o enter_v into_o endless_a misery_n and_o thus_o i_o lay_v afflict_v with_o a_o most_o sad_a &_o trouble_v some_o spirit_n for_o about_o a_o year_n yet_o though_o with_o little_a hope_n from_o my_o present_a sense_n i_o have_v desire_n that_o god_n will_v save_v i_o and_o some_o groan_n i_o have_v after_o he_o and_o in_o his_o time_n which_o be_v best_a i_o begin_v to_o find_v enlargement_n of_o heart_n from_o god_n and_o a_o great_a longing_n for_o christ_n which_o increase_v through_o the_o work_n of_o his_o glorious_a power_n so_o that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v have_v be_v content_a to_o have_v go_v through_o all_o the_o misery_n in_o the_o world_n to_o have_v enjoy_v he_o and_o in_o my_o sleep_n i_o dream_v that_o i_o see_v my_o saviour_n lie_v in_o a_o grave_a and_o after_o again_o i_o see_v he_o rise_v from_o death_n when_o i_o awake_v and_o have_v some_o thought_n about_o my_o dream_n i_o find_v comfort_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o begin_v more_o sweet_o to_o hope_n that_o christ_n jesus_n die_v for_o my_o sin_n and_o be_v rise_v again_o for_o my_o justification_n but_o the_o devil_n who_o go_v about_o like_o a_o roar_a lion_n do_v still_o tempt_v i_o so_o that_o i_o be_v again_o ready_a to_o despair_v for_o my_o former_a evil_a thought_n and_o i_o be_v afraid_a that_o satan_n will_v have_v i_o and_o i_o doubt_v that_o god_n have_v no_o part_n in_o i_o which_o cause_v i_o to_o weep_v much_o and_o i_o be_v exceed_o trouble_v and_o sometime_o think_v that_o very_o i_o hear_v the_o devil_n come_v in_o a_o whirlwind_n for_o i_o and_o so_o terrify_v be_v my_o conscience_n that_o from_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o wrath_n which_o i_o fear_v i_o can_v have_v wish_v myself_o a_o beast_n a_o dog_n or_o any_o thing_n because_o their_o misery_n will_v have_v a_o end_n but_o after_o many_o comfortable_a discourse_n with_o friend_n and_o read_v some_o godly_a book_n that_o come_v to_o my_o hand_n the_o lord_n god_n in_o time_n deliver_v i_o from_o those_o temptation_n and_o have_v since_o comfort_v i_o with_o these_o promise_n to_o the_o great_a joy_n of_o my_o heart_n though_o some_o time_n i_o have_v not_o be_v without_o some_o doubt_n the_o lord_n have_v say_v be_v content_a with_o such_o thing_n as_o you_o have_v for_o he_o have_v say_v i_o will_v never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o so_o that_o i_o may_v bold_o say_v the_o lord_n be_v my_o helper_n heb._n 13.5_o 6._o the_o lord_n say_v sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n over_o you_o rom._n 6.14_o this_o have_v often_o give_v i_o much_o comfort_n and_o keep_v up_o my_o soul_n when_o i_o have_v be_v ready_a to_o despair_v and_o christ_n say_v i_o will_v pray_v the_o father_n and_o he_o shall_v give_v you_o another_o comforter_n that_o he_o may_v abide_v with_o you_o for_o ever_o even_o the_o spirit_n of_o truth_n john_n 14.16_o 17._o and_o i_o have_v this_o testimony_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n by_o faith_n wrought_v by_o his_o blesstd_a spirit_n in_o i_o 1_o i_o see_v such_o a_o frailty_n in_o my_o flesh_n that_o except_o the_o lord_n send_v his_o holy_a spirit_n to_o enable_v i_o i_o can_v do_v any_o thing_n of_o my_o duty_n to_o god_n of_o myself_o it_o be_v the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o not_o any_o thing_n in_o i_o that_o be_v the_o foundation_n of_o my_o comfort_n 2._o i_o have_v have_v many_o time_n if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o clear_a testimony_n and_o evidence_n that_o i_o love_v god_n more_o than_o any_o thing_n else_o and_o desire_v he_o above_o all_o 3._o i_o desire_v much_o to_o hear_v the_o word_n and_o be_o trouble_v that_o sometime_o it_o do_v not_o so_o
his_o grace_n and_o mercy_n be_v please_v to_o snatch_v as_o a_o brand_n out_o of_o the_o fire_n and_o as_o the_o apostle_n though_o before_o a_o blasphemer_n a_o persecutor_n and_o injurious_a yet_o obtain_v mercy_n that_o in_o he_o christ_n jesus_n may_v show_v forth_o all_o long-suffering_a for_o a_o pattern_n to_o they_o that_o shall_v after_o believe_v on_o he_o to_o eternal_a life_n 1_o tim._n 1.13_o 16._o so_o god_n strike_v he_o to_o the_o ground_n as_o it_o be_v by_o a_o light_n from_o heaven_n and_o a_o voice_n of_o thunder_n round_o about_o he_o insomuch_o that_o now_o the_o scale_n fall_v from_o his_o eye_n as_o they_o do_v from_o the_o apostle_n paul_n his_o stony_a heart_n be_v open_v and_o stream_n of_o tear_n gush_v out_o the_o bitter_a but_o wholesome_a rear_v of_o true_a repentance_n the_o mean_n which_o prepare_v the_o way_n for_o this_o wonderful_a change_n be_v a_o sharp_a and_o painful_a sickness_n with_o which_o he_o be_v visit_v which_o the_o almighty_a often_o make_v use_n of_o to_o reduce_v the_o wander_a sinner_n to_o the_o knowledge_n of_o god_n and_o of_o himself_o and_o though_o to_o forsake_v our_o sin_n then_o when_o we_o can_v no_o long_o commit_v they_o seem_v to_o be_v rather_o necessity_n than_o choice_n yet_o we_o often_o find_v that_o god_n use_v one_o to_o bring_v about_o the_o other_o and_o improve_v a_o force_a abstinence_n from_o sin_n into_o a_o settle_a loathe_v and_o a_o true_a detestation_n of_o it_o as_o in_o the_o case_n of_o manasseh_n in_o 2_o chron._n and_o of_o the_o prodigal_a son_n luke_n 20._o and_o god_n say_v of_o ephraim_n i_o will_v be_v unto_o ephraim_n as_o a_o lion_n i_o will_v tear_v and_o go_v away_o and_o none_o shall_v relieve_v he_o till_o they_o acknowledge_v their_o offence_n and_o seek_v my_o face_n and_o in_o their_o affliction_n they_o will_v seek_v i_o early_o hos_fw-la 5.14_o 15._o though_o some_o stubborn_a nature_n fly_n in_o the_o face_n of_o their_o heavenly_a father_n while_o he_o be_v correct_v they_o and_o other_o be_v like_a to_o those_o child_n who_o while_o under_o the_o rod_n promise_v wonder_n and_o present_o forget_v all_o as_o the_o psalmist_n say_v when_o he_o slay_v they_o than_o they_o seek_v he_o and_o they_o return_v and_o inquire_v early_o after_o god_n nevertheless_o they_o do_v but_o flatter_v he_o with_o their_o mouth_n and_o lie_v unto_o he_o with_o their_o tongue_n for_o their_o heart_n be_v not_o right_a with_o he_o nor_o continue_v they_o steadfast_a in_o his_o covenant_n psal_n 78.34_o etc._n etc._n and_o probable_o this_o have_v be_v this_o penitent_n case_v former_o but_o there_o be_v a_o evident_a difference_n betwixt_o the_o effect_n of_o this_o last_o sickness_n upon_o he_o and_o many_o other_o before_o for_o he_o tell_v the_o minister_n that_o he_o have_v now_o other_o sentiment_n and_o thought_n of_o thing_n and_o act_v upon_o quite_o different_a principle_n he_o be_v not_o vex_v that_o his_o sickness_n be_v painful_a or_o that_o it_o hinder_v he_o from_o his_o sin_n which_o he_o long_v again_o to_o be_v at_o but_o submit_v patient_o to_o it_o accept_v it_o as_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n and_o be_v thankful_a blessing_n and_o praise_v god_n not_o only_o in_o his_o extremity_n but_o for_o they_o also_o and_o whereas_o former_o he_o have_v so_o habituate_v himself_o to_o curse_v and_o swear_v that_o he_o use_v it_o almost_o every_o minute_n there_o be_v now_o no_o curse_n no_o rail_n nor_o reproach_n to_o his_o servant_n or_o those_o about_o he_o which_o in_o other_o sickness_n be_v their_o usual_a entertainment_n but_o he_o treat_v they_o with_o all_o the_o meekness_n and_o patience_n in_o the_o world_n beg_v pardon_n frequent_o of_o the_o mean_a of_o his_o attendant_n but_o for_o a_o hasty_a word_n which_o the_o extremity_n of_o his_o sickness_n and_o sharpness_n of_o his_o disease_n proceed_v from_o a_o ulcer_n in_o his_o bladder_n which_o cause_v his_o urine_n to_o pass_v from_o he_o with_o intolerable_a pain_n may_v easy_o force_v from_o he_o of_o which_o one_o instance_n be_v relate_v that_o call_v for_o something_o which_o he_o think_v be_v not_o bring_v he_o soon_o enough_o he_o cry_v that_o damn_a fellow_n but_o be_v gentle_o admonish_v instant_o recollect_v himself_o complain_v of_o that_o language_n of_o hell_n or_o fiend_n which_o he_o say_v have_v be_v former_o so_o familiar_a to_o he_o that_o it_o still_o hang_v about_o he_o whereas_o none_o deserve_v to_o be_v damn_v more_o than_o he_o have_v do_v and_o desire_v to_o ask_v his_o servant_n pardon_v for_o that_o rash_a say_n his_o prayer_n be_v not_o now_o so_o much_o for_o ease_n or_o health_n or_o a_o continuance_n of_o his_o life_n as_o for_o grace_n and_o faith_n and_o perfect_a resignation_n to_o the_o will_n of_o god_n so_o that_o it_o may_v be_v charitable_o and_o just_o conclude_v that_o his_o sickness_n be_v not_o the_o chief_a ingredient_n but_o through_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n a_o effectual_a mean_n of_o true_a though_o late_a repentance_n for_o though_o it_o be_v a_o deathbed_n repentance_n and_o therefore_o full_a of_o danger_n and_o the_o utmost_a hazard_n yet_o it_o be_v not_o whole_o impossible_a to_o be_v true_a nor_o absolute_o desperate_a since_o that_o god_n who_o be_v a_o god_n of_o infinite_a compassion_n and_o forbearance_n allow_v he_o leisure_n and_o opportunity_n for_o repentance_n by_o a_o long_a and_o linger_a sickness_n that_o he_o awaken_v he_o out_o of_o his_o spiritual_a slumber_n by_o a_o pungent_a distemper_n as_o to_o provide_v prudent_o for_o his_o worldly_a affair_n and_o yet_o not_o to_o be_v distract_v nor_o divert_v by_o they_o from_o the_o thought_n of_o a_o better_a world_n that_o god_n lengthen_v out_o his_o day_n of_o grace_n and_o accompany_v the_o ordinary_a mean_n of_o salvation_n and_o the_o weak_a ministry_n of_o his_o word_n with_o the_o convince_a and_o overrule_a power_n of_o his_o spirit_n to_o his_o conscience_n which_o word_n of_o god_n become_v to_o he_o quick_a and_o powerful_a sharp_a than_o any_o two-edged_a sword_n pierce_v even_o to_o the_o divide_v asunder_o of_o his_o soul_n and_o spirit_n and_o at_o last_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n witness_v to_o his_o spirit_n that_o now_o he_o be_v become_v one_o of_o the_o child_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o first_o visit_n to_o he_o say_v the_o minister_n at_o his_o return_n from_o a_o journey_n out_o of_o the_o west_n he_o most_o glad_o receive_v i_o show_v i_o extraordinary_a respect_n upon_o the_o score_n of_o my_o office_n and_o thank_v god_n who_o have_v in_o mercy_n and_o good_a providence_n send_v i_o to_o he_o who_o so_o much_o need_v my_o prayer_n and_o counsel_n acknowledge_v how_o unworthy_o heretofore_o he_o have_v treat_v minister_n of_o the_o gospel_n reproach_v they_o that_o they_o be_v proud_a and_o prophesy_v only_o for_o reward_n but_o now_o he_o have_v learn_v how_o to_o value_v they_o that_o he_o esteem_v they_o the_o servant_n of_o the_o most_o high_a god_n who_o be_v to_o show_v to_o he_o the_o way_n to_o everlasting_a life_n at_o the_o same_o time_n i_o find_v he_o labour_v under_o strange_a trouble_n and_o conflict_n of_o mind_n his_o spirit_n wound_v and_o his_o conscience_n full_a of_o terror_n upon_o rhis_fw-la journey_n he_o tell_v i_o he_o have_v be_v argue_v with_o great_a vigour_n against_o god_n and_o religion_n than_o ever_o he_o have_v do_v in_o his_o life-time_n before_o and_o that_o he_o be_v resolve_v to_o run_v they_o down_o with_o all_o the_o argument_n and_o spite_n in_o the_o world_n but_o like_o the_o great_a convert_n st._n paul_n he_o find_v it_o hard_o to_o kick_v against_o the_o prick_n for_o god_n at_o that_o time_n have_v so_o strike_v his_o heart_n by_o his_o immediate_a hand_n that_o present_o he_o argue_v as_o strong_o for_o god_n and_o virtue_n as_o before_o he_o have_v do_v against_o it_o he_o declare_v that_o god_n strange_o open_v his_o heart_n create_v in_o his_o mind_n most_o awful_a and_o tremendous_a thought_n and_o apprehension_n of_o the_o divine_a majesty_n with_o a_o delightful_a contemplation_n of_o the_o divine_a nature_n and_o attribute_n and_o of_o the_o loveliness_n of_o religion_n and_o virtue_n i_o never_o say_v he_o be_v advance_v thus_o far_o towards_o happiness_n in_o my_o life_n before_o for_o though_o upon_o the_o commission_n of_o some_o sin_n extraordinary_a i_o have_v have_v some_o check_n and_o warning_n considerable_a from_o within_o yet_o i_o still_o struggle_v with_o they_o and_o so_o wear_v they_o off_o again_o the_o most_o observable_a i_o remember_v say_v he_o be_v this_o one_o day_n at_o a_o atheistical_a meeting_n at_o a_o person_n of_o quality_n i_o undertake_v to_o manage_v the_o cause_n and_o be_v the_o principal_a disputant_n against_o god_n and_o piety_n and_o for_o my_o performance_n
headstrong_a and_o refuse_v to_o hearken_v to_o my_o father_n advice_n which_o he_o often_o give_v i_o but_o i_o regard_v it_o not_o which_o be_v afterward_o a_o veay_n great_a grief_n to_o i_o for_o i_o can_v not_o endure_v to_o be_v curb_v nor_o keep_v in_o but_o at_o length_n to_o avoid_v the_o continual_a reproof_n which_o 〈◊〉_d just_o give_v i_o for_o my_o ill_a course_n and_o company_n i_o resolve_v not_o to_o stay_v at_o home_o any_o long_o but_o to_o go_v into_o flanders_n according_o i_o put_v out_o to_o sea_n but_o by_o storm_n and_o contrary_a wind_n be_v drive_v back_o again_o yet_o i_o can_v not_o see_v the_o hand_n of_o god_n in_o this_o but_o still_o hold_v on_o my_o purpose_n and_o take_v the_o first_o opportunity_n to_o get_v away_o out_o of_o ireland_n into_o england_n where_o my_o friend_n use_v many_o argument_n to_o persuade_v i_o to_o return_v home_o again_o whilst_o i_o continue_v in_o england_n i_o begin_v to_o be_v convince_v by_o hear_v several_a good_a man_n of_o the_o heinousness_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o wicked_a disobedience_n and_o be_v thereupon_o sad_o afflict_v and_o disconsolate_a so_o that_o i_o can_v have_v no_o quiet_a nor_o rest_n in_o this_o time_n my_o father_n hear_v where_o i_o be_v not_o know_v before_o what_o be_v become_v of_o i_o doubt_v i_o may_v be_v dead_a or_o drown_v write_v a_o letter_n to_o i_o wherein_o i_o be_v admonish_v to_o beware_v of_o such_o as_o run_v headlong_o to_o perdition_n with_o many_o other_o good_a advice_n he_o seem_v like_o old_a jacob_n to_o rejoice_v that_o his_o son_n be_v yet_o alive_a etc._n etc._n all_o these_o thing_n strike_v i_o heavy_o to_o the_o heart_n so_o that_o i_o lie_v long_o under_o the_o fearful_a sentence_n of_o my_o iniquity_n and_o disobedience_n and_o can_v receive_v no_o comfort_n nor_o satisfaction_n i_o conceal_v this_o my_o inward_a grief_n and_o torment_n till_o my_o heart_n be_v ready_a to_o burst_v but_o at_o length_n acquaint_v my_o friend_n therewith_o who_o endeavour_v to_o comfort_v i_o and_o i_o have_v some_o quiet_n for_o a_o short_a space_n but_o this_o last_v not_o so_o that_o i_o soon_o fall_v again_o into_o my_o old_a malady_n and_o trouble_n as_o before_o be_v so_o exceed_o disturb_v that_o i_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n obtain_v any_o peace_n till_o that_o scripture_n come_v into_o my_o mind_n isa_n 50.10_o he_o that_o sit_v in_o darkness_n and_o see_v no_o light_n shall_v trust_v in_o the_o name_n bf_o the_o lord_n and_o stay_v himself_o upon_o his_o god_n this_o do_v much_o support_v and_o encourage_v i_o to_o depend_v upon_o god_n whereby_o i_o have_v abundance_n of_o consolation_n yet_o i_o be_v seldom_o free_a from_o many_o temptation_n fear_n and_o doubt_n and_o such_o sometime_o as_o do_v much_o disquiet_v i_o until_o once_o that_o i_o have_v a_o divine_a dream_n which_o have_v be_v very_o sweet_a to_o my_o soul_n ever_o since_o for_o in_o my_o dream_n i_o think_v i_o be_v tell_v that_o god_n love_n be_v free_a in_o jesus_n christ_n and_o bestow_v upon_o poor_a sinner_n through_o his_o merit_n and_o that_o he_o put_v none_o by_o neither_o turn_v any_o away_o that_o come_v to_o he_o in_o and_o through_o his_o dear_a son_n and_o that_o i_o need_v not_o fear_v but_o i_o be_v one_o of_o they_o that_o shall_v be_v accept_v and_o receive_v to_o mercy_n this_o bring_v much_o joy_n to_o my_o heart_n and_o the_o sense_n of_o it_o remain_v to_o this_o very_a day_n afterward_o i_o go_v to_o new-england_n and_o have_v much_o comfort_n from_o they_o and_o from_o their_o minister_n and_o since_o my_o return_n i_o have_v have_v great_a peace_n of_o mind_n and_o desire_v to_o live_v in_o union_n with_o christ_n and_o communion_n with_o his_o servant_n as_o long_o as_o i_o be_o upon_o earth_n and_o i_o have_v ground_v hope_n of_o live_v with_o he_o when_o i_o die_v and_o with_o all_o his_o saint_n to_o enjoy_v his_o blissful_a presence_n to_o eternal_a age_n r._n w._n iii_o experience_n of_o maj._n a.m._n i_o be_v well_o educate_v by_o my_o parent_n who_o be_v account_v puritan_n till_o about_o sixteen_o year_n of_o age_n after_o which_o i_o be_v put_v a_o apprentice_n to_o london_n but_o ill_a company_n draw_v i_o away_o and_o i_o take_v ill_a course_n till_o i_o be_v about_o 24_o year_n old_a then_o i_o come_v into_o ireland_n in_o the_o begin_n of_o the_o rebellion_n 1641._o and_o travel_v towards_o the_o north_n pass_v through_o great_a danger_n and_o many_o death_n as_o i_o may_v say_v for_o there_o my_o father_n be_v kill_v my_o wife_n wound_v and_o i_o myself_o with_o much_o difficulty_n escape_v from_o the_o bloody_a rebel_n after_o this_o i_o be_v in_o the_o fight_n at_o drogheda_n oa_o tredah_n when_o it_o be_v take_v and_o be_v lay_v in_o the_o field_n of_o battle_n among_o the_o slay_a i_o be_v give_v over_o for_o one_o of_o the_o dead_a but_o it_o please_v god_n that_o i_o recover_v and_o then_o go_v into_o england_n i_o have_v not_o be_v there_o long_o but_o i_o begin_v to_o look_v about_o i_o and_o to_o have_v some_o conviction_n of_o mind_n and_o thereupon_o i_o be_v diligent_a to_o follow_v the_o mean_n and_o hear_v the_o word_n of_o god_n preach_v by_o good_a man_n be_v sensible_a of_o my_o sin_n and_o former_a forgetfulness_n of_o god_n or_o any_o thing_n that_o be_v good_a i_o hear_v one_o mr._n owen_n with_o who_o i_o be_v much_o affect_v and_o convince_v of_o my_o misery_n in_o the_o want_n of_o christ_n and_o afterward_o receive_v great_a comfort_n and_o assure_v hope_n of_o salvation_n from_o mr._n r._n and_o now_o i_o do_v very_o believe_v i_o have_v fellowship_n with_o the_o father_n and_o with_o his_o son_n jesus_n christ_n and_o find_v a_o wonderful_a change_n in_o my_o soul_n abhor_v all_o ill_a company_n and_o course_n and_o desire_v to_o walk_v in_o all_o well_o please_v towards_o god_n and_o though_o i_o meet_v with_o many_o temptation_n yet_o i_o bless_v the_o lord_n he_o carry_v i_o on_o in_o his_o good_a way_n so_o that_o i_o can_v now_o pray_v to_o he_o by_o the_o assistance_n of_o his_o spirit_n and_o have_v a_o earnest_a love_n to_o his_o word_n and_o ordinance_n bless_v be_v god_n for_o his_o free_a grace_n in_o christ_n jesus_n who_o before_o i_o have_v any_o knowledge_n of_o hlm_n speak_v to_o my_o heart_n by_o the_o mean_n of_o a_o honest_a man_n about_o thirteen_o year_n ago_o after_o which_o i_o follow_v all_o the_o mean_n i_o can_v meet_v with_o and_o be_v wont_a to_o hear_v mr._n cradock_n and_o mr._n symson_n in_o london_n the_o first_o of_o who_o in_o a_o sermon_n upon_o isaiah_n we_o be_v i_o i_o be_o a_o unclean_a creature_n etc._n etc._n speak_v so_o home_o to_o my_o condition_n that_o i_o imagine_v his_o discourse_n be_v direct_v to_o i_o particular_o this_o so_o wrought_v upon_o my_o conscience_n that_o i_o be_v extreme_o afflict_v for_o a_o time_n and_o give_v myself_o much_o to_o prayer_n and_o at_o length_n i_o become_v in_o love_n with_o truth_n and_o true_a christian_n and_o have_v find_v and_o do_v yet_o find_v those_o thing_n true_a in_o i_o which_o be_v speak_v by_o mr._n n._n of_o that_o oneness_n of_o love_n and_o unity_n of_o the_o spirit_n which_o ought_v to_o be_v among_o all_o god_n people_n i_o have_v see_v my_o sad_a condition_n by_o nature_n and_o be_o sensible_a of_o the_o happy_a change_n that_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n have_v make_v in_o i_o and_o now_o oh_o how_o do_v i_o love_v the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o holiness_n and_o duty_n and_o mean_n of_o grace_n and_o the_o thing_n of_o god_n which_o before_o i_o slight_v disregard_v and_o loathe_v and_o last_o i_o now_o desire_n and_o long_o after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o care_v not_o how_o soon_o i_o be_v take_v out_o of_o this_o sinful_a world_n that_o i_o may_v live_v with_o he_o in_o eternal_a glory_n a._n m._n iu_o experience_n of_o f._n b._n my_o experience_n of_o the_o mercy_n and_o love_n of_o god_n be_v more_o than_o i_o can_v express_v the_o first_o main_a work_n upon_o my_o spirit_n be_v on_o a_o sudden_a upon_o a_o alarm_n give_v to_o our_o troop_n while_o i_o be_v a_o soldier_n which_o have_v such_o a_o convince_a effect_n upon_o i_o that_o i_o lie_v long_o under_o the_o apprehension_n of_o god_n wrath_n and_o be_v much_o disquiet_v so_o that_o though_o i_o pray_v and_o pray_v yet_o i_o can_v take_v no_o comfort_n and_o have_v no_o confidence_n in_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n but_o confusion_n be_v before_o my_o face_n afterward_o i_o come_v to_o dublin_n where_o i_o be_v impeach_v for_o break_v a_o article_n of_o war_n and_o be_v condemn_v to_o lose_v my_o life_n for_o the_o same_o whilst_o i_o be_v
the_o shape_n of_o it_o i_o declare_v unto_o they_o as_o before_o and_o they_o tell_v i_o that_o it_o be_v jesus_n christ_n that_o have_v appear_v in_o the_o shape_n of_o a_o child_n and_o that_o he_o have_v overcome_v death_n and_o hell_n for_o i_o then_o i_o cry_v out_o and_o say_v bless_a be_v jesus_n christ_n for_o evermore_o and_o do_v entreat_v those_o people_n that_o be_v there_o with_o my_o father_n that_o they_o will_v go_v to_o prayer_n for_o i_o that_o those_o comfortable_a revelation_n which_o i_o have_v see_v and_o my_o faith_n in_o christ_n may_v never_o depart_v from_o i_o yet_o for_o three_o year_n after_o i_o have_v many_o ebbing_n and_o flow_n and_o much_o fear_v possess_v i_o so_o that_o satan_n will_v tell_v i_o i_o be_v more_o afraid_a of_o hell_n than_o of_o offend_a god_n but_o i_o bold_o sit_v up_o in_o my_o bed_n and_o tell_v satan_n he_o be_v a_o liar_n and_o that_o i_o will_v rather_o be_v damn_v than_o deny_v jesus_n christ_n and_o so_o christ_n do_v appear_v very_o comfortable_o to_o i_o and_o have_v and_o do_v deliver_v i_o out_o of_o many_o trouble_v very_o often_o and_o how_o to_o speak_v of_o they_o i_o know_v no_o end_n yet_o satan_n like_o a_o cunning_a sophister_n have_v be_v tamper_n with_o i_o to_o despair_v of_o christ_n but_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o bring_v many_o promise_n into_o my_o mind_n and_o the_o example_n also_o of_o mary_n magdalen_n and_o of_o the_o woman_n of_o canaan_n believe_v that_o as_o jesus_n christ_n be_v gracious_a to_o they_o so_o he_o will_v also_o be_v to_o i_o and_o christ_n have_v often_o time_n reveal_v unto_o i_o that_o his_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o i_o as_o he_o say_v unto_o paul_n i_o can_v speak_v but_o little_a of_o jesus_n christ_n but_o yet_o i_o be_o full_o persuade_v in_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o shall_v think_v myself_o very_o happy_a even_o to_o give_v my_o life_n for_o the_o glory_n and_o honour_n of_o his_o name_n if_o the_o lord_n will_v count_v i_o but_o worthy_a of_o such_o a_o favour_n and_o i_o will_v not_o for_o all_o the_o kingdom_n in_o the_o world_n and_o the_o pomp_n thereof_o be_v in_o such_o a_o condition_n again_o and_o now_o my_o soul_n do_v desire_v to_o give_v up_o itself_o unto_o god_n and_o to_o walk_v in_o the_o strict_a course_n that_o his_o word_n do_v prescribe_v e._n r._n xii_o experience_n of_o t._n m._n about_o the_o fourteen_o year_n of_o my_o age_n i_o be_v put_v out_o to_o be_v a_o aprentice_n but_o be_v place_v with_o a_o master_n in_o who_o i_o see_v little_a of_o god_n his_o way_n be_v contrary_a to_o the_o way_n of_o god_n which_o be_v a_o great_a trouble_n to_o my_o spirit_n and_o the_o more_o because_o some_o rude_a people_n drink_v swear_v and_o be_v very_a debauch_a with_o he_o three_o or_o four_o year_n after_o there_o grow_v great_a dispute_n among_o some_o person_n about_o episcopacy_n presbytery_n independency_n and_o the_o like_a which_o make_v i_o question_n with_o my_o own_o thought_n which_o be_v the_o true_a way_n to_o worship_n god_n i_o apply_v myself_o to_o mr._n t._n the_o minister_n and_o other_o yet_o be_v not_o satisfy_v but_o after_o great_a perplexity_n of_o spirit_n i_o meditate_a with_o myself_o and_o wonder_v what_o will_v be_v the_o end_n of_o my_o trouble_n for_o they_o have_v be_v many_o especial_o temptation_n to_o despair_v of_o salvation_n but_o afterward_o be_v return_v back_o from_o my_o master_n to_o my_o father_n house_n lie_v down_o once_o upon_o a_o bench_n i_o fall_v asleep_a and_o dream_v that_o i_o be_v in_o a_o green_a meadow_n where_o i_o see_v various_a form_n of_o creature_n some_o furious_a other_o very_a please_a yet_o all_o of_o they_o seem_v monstruous_a and_o change_v their_o shape_n often_o and_o behold_v myself_o alone_a in_o the_o midst_n of_o they_o i_o be_v grievous_o trouble_v and_o then_o there_o seem_v to_o appear_v a_o great_a red_a dragon_n before_o it_o come_v at_o i_o i_o think_v a_o little_a child_n be_v put_v in_o my_o arm_n which_o be_v so_o beautiful_a and_o comely_a that_o i_o admire_v it_o and_o be_v so_o take_v with_o behold_v it_o that_o it_o put_v the_o fear_n of_o the_o dragon_n for_o the_o present_a out_o of_o mind_n but_o the_o dragon_n afterward_o draw_v near_o and_o sore_o affright_v i_o but_o both_o myself_o and_o the_o child_n be_v take_v away_o and_o carry_v up_o a_o hill_n and_o the_o dragon_n pursue_v we_o and_o be_v often_o ready_a to_o fall_v in_o run_v up_o the_o hill_n i_o fear_v that_o the_o dragon_n will_v catch_v i_o but_o my_o strength_n be_v come_v to_o i_o i_o get_v up_o to_o the_o top_n of_o the_o hill_n and_o the_o dragon_n make_v up_o after_o i_o when_o i_o be_v get_v up_o to_o the_o top_n there_o appear_v a_o brightness_n from_o heaven_n which_o gush_v forth_o like_o a_o stash_n of_o lightning_n and_o split_v the_o dragon_n in_o piece_n at_o which_o i_o rejoice_v exceed_o then_o the_o child_n be_v put_v into_o my_o arm_n again_o and_o i_o ask_v it_o what_o be_v its_o name_n it_o iay_v emanuel_n i_o ask_v who_o be_v its_o father_n it_o say_v i_o be_o i_o ask_v who_o be_v its_o mother_n it_o say_v eternity_n i_o ask_v from_o whence_o he_o come_v he_o say_v from_o my_o father_n out_o of_o heaven_n i_o ask_v to_o who_o he_o come_v and_o what_o be_v his_o errand_n here_o he_o say_v to_o save_v that_o which_o be_v lose_v and_o return_v again_o i_o ask_v he_o if_o he_o will_v dwell_v with_o i_o while_o he_o stay_v he_o say_v he_o can_v not_o be_v detain_v according_a to_o that_o frame_n and_o figure_n he_o be_v in_o but_o after_o death_n he_o will_v dwell_v with_o i_o in_o another_o frame_n the_o thought_n of_o death_n grieve_v i_o but_o the_o child_n bid_v i_o not_o to_o weep_v at_o it_o for_o in_o this_o world_n that_o which_o be_v beauty_n must_v be_v destroy_v and_o that_o which_o be_v contemptible_a must_v be_v exalt_v i_o than_o see_v myself_o very_o contemptible_a and_o poor_a and_o trouble_v and_o in_o these_o thought_n the_o child_n be_v take_v away_o from_o i_o then_o my_o father_n come_v into_o the_o room_n make_v a_o noise_n whereat_o i_o awake_v much_o distract_v and_o trouble_v in_o my_o thought_n and_o so_o perplex_v that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v and_o the_o more_o by_o seek_v to_o understand_v what_o i_o have_v see_v because_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o be_v satisfy_v in_o some_o doubt_n that_o lay_v very_o sad_a and_o heavy_a upon_o my_o soul_n but_o i_o have_v since_o find_v much_o comfort_n out_o of_o god_n word_n where_o christ_n say_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o be_v weary_a and_o heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n and_o the_o lord_n say_v i_o have_v call_v thou_o by_o name_n and_o again_o he_o say_v in_o another_o place_n i_o will_v bear_v in_o thou_o a_o poor_a and_o afflict_a people_n and_o they_o shall_v serve_v i_o and_o in_o esay_n he_o say_v i_o will_v gather_v my_o lamb_n with_o my_o arm_n and_o gentle_o lead_v those_o that_o be_v with_o young_a and_o then_o he_o have_v promise_v that_o he_o will_v never_o lay_v more_o upon_o his_o people_n than_o he_o will_v enable_v they_o to_o bear_v and_o i_o have_v these_o effect_n of_o my_o faith_n 1._o my_o heart_n be_v lead_v out_o to_o love_n god_n who_o be_v eternal_a and_o invisible_a and_o incomprehensible_a i_o love_v he_o in_o all_o his_o dispensation_n towards_o i_o and_o in_o the_o mean_a creature_n though_o never_o so_o despise_v i_o desire_v to_o own_o god_n where_o ever_o i_o see_v he_o 2._o i_o find_v my_o heart_n very_o full_a in_o duty_n yet_o i_o have_v be_v sometime_o trouble_v by_o some_o choleric_a distemper_n that_o have_v transport_v i_o in_o some_o dispute_n which_o i_o be_o very_o sorry_a for_o and_o resolve_v to_o leave_v 3._o i_o love_v the_o lord_n who_o have_v hear_v my_o prayer_n and_o now_o at_o last_o satisfy_v i_o in_o every_o scruple_n of_o my_o conscience_n 4._o my_o desire_n be_v to_o walk_v according_a to_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n all_o the_o day_n of_o my_o life_n t._n m._n xiii_o experience_n of_o j._n h._n many_o year_n ago_o i_o have_v some_o yerning_n after_o the_o truth_n of_o jesus_n christ_n and_o be_v in_o the_o country_n and_o hear_v mr._n young_a a_o minister_n in_o leicestershire_n preach_v twice_o a_o day_n the_o word_n wrought_v so_o on_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o take_v great_a delight_n to_o hear_v he_o but_o be_v jeer_v by_o the_o people_n for_o a_o puritan_n i_o do_v leave_v off_o hear_v for_o a_o time_n and_o be_v in_o the_o town_n near_o mr._n young_a sometime_o as_o i_o go_v abroad_o i_o
indeed_o there_o have_v be_v no_o real_a conversion_n though_o i_o have_v often_o thought_n towards_o god_n and_o especial_o i_o be_v give_v much_o to_o impatiency_n for_o which_o my_o husband_n have_v often_o reprove_v i_o but_o still_o i_o go_v on_o in_o my_o sin_n be_v not_o sensible_a of_o my_o sad_a condition_n therein_o until_o i_o come_v into_o england_n after_o which_o this_o sermon_n of_o mr._n t._n do_v much_o humble_v i_o and_o wrought_v upon_o my_o heart_n a_o very_a great_a sense_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o i_o be_v afraid_a that_o i_o have_v commit_v the_o sin_n of_o blasphemy_n against_o god_n as_o job_n say_v his_o child_n perhaps_o have_v do_v some_o way_n or_o other_o because_o i_o have_v sometime_o curse_v some_o body_n or_o something_o that_o have_v anger_v i_o and_o in_o passion_n rapt_v out_o sometime_o at_o oath_n many_o night_n i_o water_v my_o bed_n with_o my_o tear_n about_o it_o and_o go_v to_o mr._n west_n a_o minister_n near_o liverpoole_n and_o other_o godly_a people_n who_o use_v such_o mean_n as_o god_n lead_v they_o forth_o to_o for_o my_o comfort_n but_o i_o be_v still_o afflict_v in_o my_o soul_n about_o the_o space_n of_o three_o week_n and_o then_o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n be_v persuade_v by_o good_a counsel_n to_o trust_v in_o god_n which_o i_o do_v and_o be_v hearty_o sorry_a for_o my_o sin_n and_o then_o my_o husband_n be_v trouble_v in_o mind_n himself_o and_o the_o lord_n make_v i_o a_o instrument_n to_o comfort_v he_o as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v but_o about_o five_o month_n after_o he_o have_v abundance_n of_o joy_n and_o comfort_n and_o expect_a death_n say_v that_o he_o be_v persuade_v he_o shall_v be_v kill_v and_o so_o present_o after_o he_o be_v settle_v in_o his_o mind_n it_o fall_v sad_o out_o for_o the_o enemy_n take_v liverpool_n and_o kill_v my_o husband_n and_o a_o child_n both_o before_o my_o face_n and_o strip_v and_o wound_v i_o and_o a_o child_n of_o five_o year_n old_a and_o it_o be_v think_v i_o can_v not_o live_v and_o this_o be_v a_o strong_a trial_n and_o i_o be_v much_o tempt_v my_o sense_n i_o think_v be_v go_v from_o i_o and_o my_o heart_n i_o think_v will_v have_v rend_v in_o piece_n yet_o i_o pray_v and_o the_o lord_n hear_v i_o i_o think_v it_o be_v too_o much_o for_o i_o to_o bear_v but_o i_o remember_v my_o saviour_n word_n he_o that_o will_v not_o forsake_v father_n or_o mother_n or_o sister_n or_o brother_n or_o husband_n or_o child_n for_o christ_n be_v not_o worthy_a of_o he_o and_o i_o desire_v to_o give_v glory_n to_o his_o name_n i_o consider_v that_o i_o must_v part_v with_o all_o for_o christ_n i_o strive_v hard_o against_o my_o own_o weakness_n and_o my_o heart_n say_v that_o god_n be_v just_a in_o all_o his_o deal_n with_o i_o i_o think_v when_o i_o have_v consider_v of_o it_o that_o i_o do_v but_o suffer_v as_o a_o evil_a doer_n myself_o but_o our_o cause_n be_v god_n and_o our_o enemy_n popish_a rebel_n paul_n be_v ready_a not_o only_o to_o suffer_v but_o to_o die_v at_o jerusalem_n for_o the_o name_n of_o christ_n so_o i_o take_v it_o patient_o give_v glory_n to_o god_n and_o believe_v that_o god_n who_o wus_fw-mi come_v so_o near_o i_o will_v not_o forsake_v i_o i_o be_v assure_v with_o much_o joy_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v bring_v i_o to_o himself_o and_o in_o this_o confidence_n do_v rejoice_v with_o my_o wound_a child_n and_o a_o little_a daughter_n a_o barn_n where_o we_o be_v put_v have_v get_v a_o piece_n of_o a_o old_a bible_n and_o then_o and_o since_o i_o have_v find_v much_o settledness_n in_o my_o faith_n from_o several_a promise_n of_o the_o lord_n reveal_v in_o his_o holy_a word_n some_o of_o which_o follow_v john_n 15.7_o if_o you_o abide_v in_o i_o and_o my_o word_n abide_v in_o you_o you_o shall_v ask_v what_o you_o will_v and_o it_o shall_v be_v do_v unto_o you_o i_o trust_v in_o god_n never_o to_o depart_v from_o his_o word_n and_o therefore_o hope_v to_o find_v comfort_n in_o the_o end_n and_o do_v find_v comfort_n in_o the_o way_n in_o that_o christ_n abide_v with_o i_o matth._n 5.6_o bless_a be_v they_o which_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n for_o they_o shall_v be_v fill_v though_o the_o lord_n have_v thus_o empty_v i_o of_o some_o worldly_a comfort_n yet_o he_o have_v give_v i_o a_o hunger_a and_o thirst_a soul_n after_o himself_o and_o therefore_o i_o lay_v hold_v of_o this_o promise_n of_o blessedness_n as_o make_v to_o i_o matth._n 11.28_o where_o christ_n say_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n it_o this_o i_o have_v be_v and_o still_o be_o much_o comfort_v in_o the_o great_a affliction_n that_o god_n have_v lay_v upon_o i_o in_o who_o alone_o be_v true_a rest_n and_o as_o further_a testimony_n of_o my_o love_n to_o god_n and_o evidence_n of_o my_o faith_n i_o have_v these_o comfortable_a inference_n which_o speak_v much_o peace_n to_o my_o soul_n 1._o my_o love_n to_o god_n and_o christ_n be_v more_o than_o to_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n 2._o i_o find_v a_o great_a difference_n in_o my_o affection_n to_o god_n and_o to_o the_o world_n and_o the_o thing_n thereof_o so_o that_o my_o child_n which_o of_o all_o worldly_a thing_n be_v most_o near_o and_o dear_a to_o i_o yet_o if_o god_n shall_v take_v they_o from_o i_o i_o can_v free_o give_v they_o 3._o i_o find_v the_o spirit_n strive_v against_o the_o flesh_n so_o that_o when_o i_o hear_v dr._n holmes_n speak_v of_o that_o still_a voice_n which_o a_o believer_n hear_v as_o it_o be_v from_o the_o spirit_n it_o do_v so_o enlarge_v my_o heart_n that_o for_o joy_n and_o great_a comfort_n it_o make_v i_o weep_v through_o the_o influence_n of_o the_o spirit_n sensible_o then_o upon_o my_o heart_n and_o so_o at_o other_o time_n also_o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n in_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n which_o be_v my_o great_a joy_n 4._o i_o do_v rejoice_v mighty_o in_o the_o ordinance_n and_o apply_v what_o i_o hear_v to_o myself_o as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v and_o when_o i_o hear_v any_o thing_n against_o any_o evil_n that_o i_o can_v apply_v to_o myself_o the_o lord_n draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n frequent_o to_o pray_v to_o god_n that_o i_o may_v do_v nothing_o that_o may_v displease_v he_o and_o i_o thank_v my_o god_n i_o find_v a_o full_a willingness_n in_o desire_n and_o affection_n to_o submit_v to_o every_o truth_n of_o jesus_n christ_n 5._o when_o i_o hear_v comfort_n speak_v of_o that_o concern_v i_o i_o be_o so_o joyful_a that_o it_o fill_v my_o heart_n and_o sometime_o fetch_v tear_n from_o my_o eye_n as_o particular_o when_o master_n m._n say_v that_o affliction_n be_v a_o testimony_n of_o god_n love_n to_o his_o people_n as_o lazarus_n be_v sore_o afflict_v and_o dear_o belove_v 6._o since_o i_o hear_v mr._n b._n and_o other_o as_o also_o suitable_a to_o my_o condition_n seucral_a thing_n lay_v open_a by_o mr._n w._n in_o some_o case_n of_o conscience_n i_o have_v be_v much_o affect_v to_o settle_v myself_o so_o by_o the_o power_n of_o christ_n that_o i_o may_v find_v peace_n in_o my_o conscience_n in_o all_o thing_n before_o i_o die_v and_o have_v make_v it_o my_o chief_a business_n and_o have_v find_v comfort_n in_o the_o meeting_n of_o godly_a people_n 7._o i_o bless_v the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n my_o affection_n be_v love_v to_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o i_o know_v i_o love_v they_o dear_o and_o my_o heart_n rise_v to_o hear_v they_o speak_v against_o i_o have_v rather_o bear_v reproach_n myself_o than_o than_o see_v any_o one_o of_o they_o wrong_v or_o suffer_v 8._o i_o desire_v as_o to_o live_v with_o god_n in_o glory_n in_o heaven_n so_o to_o lead_v my_o life_n to_o his_o glory_n here_o on_o earth_n in_o grace_n according_a to_o the_o rule_n of_o his_o holy_a word_n and_o the_o example_n of_o the_o saint_n therein_o express_v and_o i_o can_v hearty_o wish_v be_v it_o possible_a that_o i_o may_v never_o sin_v more_o and_o i_o have_v i_o bless_v god_n a_o clear_a discern_a through_o the_o power_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n that_o the_o gospel_n be_v the_o word_n of_o truth_n to_o salvation_n 9_o when_o i_o come_v before_o the_o lord_n i_o see_v nothing_o but_o emptiness_n in_o myself_o and_o therefore_o trust_v in_o the_o fullness_n of_o christ_n in_o who_o power_n and_o spirit_n i_o find_v much_o comfort_n and_o desire_v always_o that_o i_o may_v come_v prepare_v with_o that_o wedding_n garment_n that_o may_v never_o be_v take_v away_o from_o i_o for_o of_o myself_o i_o can_v do_v nothing_o but_o through_o
christ_n if_o he_o abide_v in_o i_o and_o i_o in_o he_o i_o shall_v do_v all_o thing_n m._n w._n xvi_o experience_n of_o i._o i._n when_o i_o be_v in_o the_o midst_n of_o my_o wealth_n and_o worldly_a enjoyment_n i_o be_v vain_a covetous_a and_o whole_o have_v my_o heart_n take_v up_o with_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n little_a or_o nothing_o mind_v the_o thing_n of_o god_n or_o think_v of_o a_o change_n but_o go_v on_o in_o presumption_n put_v the_o evil_a day_n far_o off_o minidng_v only_o for_o the_o present_a what_o please_v the_o flesh_n until_o about_o eight_o year_n since_o i_o have_v many_o outward_a cross_n befall_v i_o and_o be_v in_o some_o want_n and_o then_o be_v under_o that_o dispensation_n i_o be_v much_o trouble_v and_o full_a of_o grief_n i_o seek_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o beg_v deliverance_n from_o my_o affliction_n and_o distress_n as_o to_o outward_a want_n but_o have_v not_o a_o heart_n to_o consider_v what_o be_v the_o cause_n or_o to_o seek_v out_o the_o mind_n of_o god_n in_o it_o until_o i_o hear_v dr._n holmes_n show_v sin_n to_o be_v the_o cause_n of_o all_o our_o cross_n the_o consideration_n hereof_o do_v come_v close_o unto_o my_o spirit_n and_o i_o have_v a_o clear_a conviction_n of_o my_o vanity_n and_o foolish_a dote_a on_o worldly_a thing_n which_o have_v just_o provoke_v the_o lord_n i_o hope_v for_o my_o good_a to_o lay_v those_o cross_n upon_o i_o which_o though_o they_o be_v for_o a_o time_n bitter_a yet_o god_n have_v since_o sweeten_v but_o my_o sorrow_n be_v then_o double_v and_o i_o be_v deject_v not_o only_o for_o my_o outward_a cross_n but_o more_o especial_o for_o my_o carnal_a heart_n and_o vain_a conversation_n whereby_o i_o have_v stir_v up_o the_o anger_n of_o the_o lord_n against_o i_o i_o go_v to_o the_o ordinance_n hope_v to_o find_v comfort_n from_o the_o word_n but_o the_o weight_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o my_o suffering_n so_o press_v i_o down_o that_o i_o find_v much_o heaviness_n my_o sin_n especial_o lay_v heavy_a upon_o i_o and_o i_o see_v little_a hope_n of_o comfort_n yet_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o work_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o loathe_n of_o sin_n as_o well_o as_o trouble_v for_o the_o affliction_n it_o have_v bring_v upon_o i_o but_o about_o a_o year_n since_o i_o hear_v master_n w._n prove_v by_o scripture_n in_o a_o sermon_n very_o effectual_a to_o my_o comfort_n that_o those_o who_o have_v be_v the_o great_a of_o sinner_n if_o they_o do_v hearty_o and_o real_o repent_v and_o turn_v to_o god_n by_o faith_n in_o christ_n and_o lead_v a_o new_a life_n the_o lord_n will_v receive_v they_o to_o mercy_n hereupon_o i_o argue_v with_o my_o soul_n that_o though_o i_o have_v be_v a_o great_a sinner_n yet_o the_o lord_n have_v bring_v my_o heart_n to_o a_o loathe_n of_o those_o sin_n i_o love_v and_o of_o all_o sin_n and_o to_o turn_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o sincere_o to_o desire_v to_o serve_v he_o that_o therefore_o there_o be_v hope_n of_o mercy_n for_o i_o i_o hear_v mr._n w._n mr._n m._n and_o other_o and_o frequent_v divers_a meeting_n where_o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n those_o several_a place_n of_o scripture_n in_o which_o i_o chief_o find_v comfort_n from_o the_o promise_v of_o god_n be_v matth._n 11.28_o 29_o 30._o where_o christ_n say_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n take_v my_o yoke_n upon_o you_o and_o learn_v of_o i_o for_o i_o be_o meek_a and_o lowly_a in_o heart_n and_o you_o shall_v find_v rest_n unto_o your_o soul_n for_o my_o yoke_n be_v easy_a and_o my_o burden_n light_n this_o make_v i_o to_o hope_n that_o as_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o a_o heavy_a heart_n lade_v with_o the_o sense_n of_o sin_n so_o christ_n jesus_n will_v give_v i_o comfort_n for_o in_o the_o 12_o verse_n of_o the_o same_o chapter_n it_o be_v say_v a_o hruised_a reed_n shall_v he_o not_o break_v and_o and_o smoke_a flax_n shall_v he_o not_o quench_v and_o though_o i_o have_v dishonour_v christ_n yet_o i_o have_v not_o blaspheme_v the_o holyghost_n and_o therefore_o have_v encouragement_n to_o believe_v from_o the_o word_n of_o christ_n luke_n 12.10_o whosoever_o shall_v speak_v a_o word_n against_o the_o son_n of_o man_n it_o shall_v be_v forgive_v he_o but_o unto_o he_o that_o blaspheme_v against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n it_o shall_v not_o be_v forgive_v i_o be_v comfort_v to_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n in_o hope_n because_o he_o have_v humble_v my_o soul_n and_o open_v my_o eye_n to_o see_v mercy_n offer_v to_o i_o and_o this_o be_v strengthen_v from_o that_o example_n lament_v 30.20_o to_o verse_n 26._o my_o soul_n have_v they_o still_o in_o remembrance_n and_o be_v humble_v in_o i_o this_o i_o recall_v to_o mind_n theresore_n have_v i_o hope_v it_o be_v the_o lord_n mercy_n that_o we_o be_v not_o consume_v because_o his_o compassion_n fail_v not_o they_o be_v new_a every_o morning_n great_a be_v thy_o faithfulness_n the_o lord_n be_v my_o portion_n say_v my_o soul_n therefore_o will_v i_o hope_v in_o he_o the_o lord_n be_v good_a unto_o they_o that_o wait_v for_o he_o to_o the_o soul_n that_o seek_v he_o i_o be_v much_o encourage_v from_o hence_o to_o seek_v the_o lord_n and_o hope_v in_o his_o mercy_n my_o conscience_n tell_v i_o i_o be_v a_o great_a sinner_n and_o deserve_a death_n and_o hell_n but_o my_o hope_n be_v in_o god_n and_o strengthen_v from_o that_o promise_n ezek._n 18.21_o 22_o 23._o if_o the_o wicked_a will_v turn_v from_o his_o sin_n that_o he_o have_v commit_v and_o keep_v all_o my_o statute_n and_o do_v that_o which_o be_v lawful_a and_o right_a he_o shall_v sure_o live_v he_o shall_v not_o die_v all_o his_o transgression_n that_o he_o have_v commit_v they_o shall_v not_o be_v mention_v unto_o he_o in_o the_o righteousness_n that_o he_o have_v do_v he_o shall_v live_v have_v i_o any_o pleasure_n at_o all_o that_o the_o wicked_a shall_v die_v say_v the_o lord_n god_n and_o not_o that_o he_o shall_v turn_v from_o his_o way_n and_o live_v and_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o put_v into_o my_o spirit_n a_o very_a great_a resolution_n to_o serve_v he_o for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v and_o i_o praise_v my_o god_n i_o have_v have_v since_o much_o joy_n in_o duty_n of_o piety_n and_o much_o sweetness_n from_o the_o word_n of_o god_n and_o gold_o minister_n i_o have_v no_o desire_n to_o enjoy_v the_o pleasure_n and_o vanity_n of_o the_o world_n as_o i_o have_v do_v but_o my_o heart_n now_o take_v delight_n in_o god_n and_o communion_n with_o his_o people_n and_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o a_o heart_n io_o discern_v a_o beauty_n and_o desirableness_n in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n which_o be_v more_o joyful_a to_o i_o now_o than_o ever_o sin_n be_v former_o and_o when_o i_o come_v at_o the_o ordinance_n i_o often_o find_v and_o feel_v such_o heavenly_a refreshment_n from_o the_o lord_n upon_o my_o heart_n that_o it_o make_v i_o exceed_o full_a of_o joy_n there_o be_v such_o a_o love_n upon_o my_o heart_n to_o god_n that_o i_o dare_v not_o willing_o offend_v he_o in_o any_o thing_n i_o rejoice_v to_o hear_v his_o name_n speak_v of_o and_o his_o glory_n exalt_v and_o i_o find_v a_o very_a great_a affection_n draw_v by_o the_o power_n of_o god_n from_o my_o heart_n to_o such_o as_o seem_v to_o be_v his_o people_n j._n j._n xvii_o experience_n of_o e._n c._n about_o nine_o year_n ago_o at_o the_o birth_n of_o a_o child_n i_o have_v very_o great_a temptation_n of_o destroy_v myself_o and_o have_v have_v oftentimes_o a_o knife_n put_v into_o my_o hand_n to_o do_v it_o so_o that_o i_o dare_v not_o be_v leave_v by_o myself_o alone_o and_o when_o i_o have_v consider_v what_o the_o cause_n may_v be_v my_o conscience_n do_v hint_n most_o my_o neglect_v of_o duty_n which_o i_o have_v many_o opportunity_n to_o have_v perform_v they_o be_v the_o ordinance_n of_o god_n thus_o i_o continue_v till_o two_o year_n ago_o i_o bury_v a_o child_n which_o be_v a_o very_a great_a trouble_n to_o i_o to_o part_v with_o and_o then_o be_v i_o more_o full_o convince_v of_o sin_n which_o cause_v my_o burden_n to_o be_v the_o great_a so_o that_o i_o can_v seldom_o have_v any_o other_o thought_n but_o of_o desperation_n but_o the_o lord_n keep_v i_o by_o his_o great_a mercy_n so_o that_o sometime_o i_o can_v pray_v with_o devotion_n and_o discern_v the_o lord_n to_o remove_v this_o great_a trouble_n from_o i_o i_o do_v plain_o find_v that_o those_o great_a temptation_n be_v very_o much_o lessen_v which_o be_v a_o very_a great_a comfort_n unto_o my_o spirit_n but_o yet_o this_o still_o be_v
when_o i_o come_v to_o the_o place_n i_o look_v upon_o the_o child_n and_o consider_v with_o myself_o what_o shall_v i_o destroy_v myself_o and_o my_o poor_a child_n and_o cry_v out_o unto_o god_n lord_n what_o will_v thou_o have_v i_o to_o do_v and_o have_v a_o sore_a conflict_n at_o that_o time_n with_o the_o devil_n but_o i_o think_v at_o last_o i_o hear_v the_o lord_n say_v to_o my_o soul_n as_o he_o do_v to_o paul_n trust_v in_o i_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o and_o then_o i_o find_v some_o comfort_n which_o enlarge_v my_o heart_n through_o the_o assistance_n of_o god_n spirit_n to_o call_v upon_o the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n for_o further_a assistance_n and_o comfort_n and_o so_o i_o go_v back_o again_o with_o much_o joy_n believe_v that_o i_o shall_v have_v the_o favour_n of_o god_n and_o the_o lord_n put_v it_o into_o my_o mind_n to_o go_v to_o one_o e._n b._n that_o dwell_v by_o a_o moor_n side_n near_o leeds_n who_o i_o know_v be_v a_o godly_a woman_n and_o she_o open_v to_o i_o the_o trouble_n of_o david_n and_o job_n and_o give_v i_o sweet_a comfort_n say_v god_n be_v by_o i_o and_o i_o do_v not_o see_v he_o and_o as_o job_n wish_v so_o she_o wrought_v upon_o my_o heart_n to_o wish_v o_o that_o i_o can_v see_v he_o o_o that_o i_o can_v behold_v he_o and_o my_o heart_n be_v full_a of_o joy_n and_o i_o cry_v and_o be_v much_o grieve_v with_o very_o great_a repentance_n that_o i_o have_v be_v so_o seduce_v and_o do_v so_o despair_v of_o god_n mercy_n and_o have_v be_v so_o blind_v and_o the_o lord_n set_v it_o upon_o my_o spirit_n that_o though_o i_o have_v lay_v all_o aside_o yet_o now_o i_o shall_v come_v out_o of_o the_o wilderness_n lean_v on_o my_o belove_a and_o i_o have_v a_o great_a affection_n to_o the_o way_n of_o god_n than_o ever_o and_o delight_v in_o they_o more_o than_o ever_o before_o they_o be_v a_o burden_n to_o i_o now_o they_o be_v easy_a and_o sweet_a be_v at_o york_n i_o hear_v a_o minister_n there_o out_o of_o hosea_n 2._o preach_v that_o which_o wrought_v much_o comfort_n in_o i_o and_o that_o christ_n have_v promise_v to_o betrothe_v himself_o to_o every_o believer_n and_o then_o and_o since_o i_o have_v much_o joy_n in_o the_o promise_n of_o god_n and_o can_v through_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n which_o i_o find_v and_o feel_v in_o my_o heart_n lay_v hold_v by_o faith_n on_o they_o as_o my_o particular_a interest_n as_o rom._n 10.4_o christ_n be_v the_o end_n of_o the_o law_n for_o righteousness_n to_o every_o one_o that_o believe_v christ_n by_o hss_a spirit_n have_v wrought_v belief_n in_o i_o both_o in_o his_o promise_n and_o threaten_n and_o to_o live_v according_a to_o his_o word_n therefore_o i_o conclude_v that_o i_o shall_v be_v save_v by_o the_o righteousness_n of_o my_o saviour_n rom._n 9.4_o who_o be_v israelites_n to_o who_o pertain_v the_o adoption_n and_o the_o glory_n and_o the_o covenant_n and_o the_o give_v of_o the_o law_n and_o the_o service_n of_o god_n and_o the_o promise_n i_o know_v that_o every_o believer_n be_v a_o true_a israelite_n and_o bring_v under_o the_o covenant_n of_o grace_n by_o jesus_n christ_n and_o that_o therefore_o the_o promise_n of_o grace_n and_o salvation_n belong_v to_o i_o rom._n 3.21_o 22._o but_o now_o the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n without_o the_o law_n be_v manifest_v be_v witness_v by_o the_o law_n and_o the_o prophet_n even_o the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n which_o be_v by_o faith_n of_o jesus_n unto_o all_o and_o upon_o all_o they_o that_o believe_v for_o there_o be_v no_o difference_n i_o be_v one_o who_o god_n have_v draw_v to_o believe_v it_o be_v manifest_v unto_o i_o that_o i_o have_v a_o interest_n in_o the_o righteousness_n of_o jesus_n christ_n to_o justify_v i_o before_o god_n by_o his_o merit_n which_o be_v make_v i_o by_o faith_n hosea_n 2.19_o 20._o i_o will_v betrothe_v thou_o unto_o i_o sore_o ever_o yea_o i_o will_v betrothe_v thou_o unto_o i_o in_o righteousness_n and_o in_o judgement_n and_o in_o love_a kindness_n and_o in_o mercy_n i_o will_v even_o betrothe_v thou_o unto_o i_o in_o saithsulness_n and_o thou_o shall_v know_v the_o lord_n i_o find_v great_a comfort_n from_o this_o promise_n in_o that_o the_o lord_n double_v and_o treble_v his_o promise_n and_o enlarge_v himself_o so_o free_o to_o the_o soul_n and_o as_o testimony_n of_o my_o real_a conversion_n to_o god_n and_o union_n with_o jesus_n christ_n and_o that_o reconciliaon_n be_v make_v between_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n i_o find_v these_o real_a evidence_n wrought_v by_o god_n bless_a spirit_n in_o i_o 1._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n great_a love_n to_o god_n that_o when_o god_n say_v seek_v my_o face_n my_o heart_n rejoin_v again_o say_v thy_o face_n lord_n will_v i_o seek_v and_o i_o find_v nothing_o so_o dear_a to_o i_o as_o the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o i_o can_v bear_v and_o suffer_v any_o thing_n to_o bring_v glory_n to_o god_n account_v all_o thing_n but_o dung_n and_o dross_n below_o christ_n 2._o when_o any_o thing_n of_o the_o flesh_n arise_v against_o the_o motion_n of_o god_n spirit_n to_o draw_v i_o from_o good_a or_o to_o do_v evil_a i_o find_v frequent_o the_o power_n of_o the_o spirit_n to_o subdue_v my_o heart_n not_o to_o submit_v to_o the_o flesh_n but_o to_o walk_v in_o his_o way_n and_o yet_o i_o be_o so_o sensible_a of_o my_o infirmity_n that_o all_o that_o i_o do_v or_o can_v do_v be_v nothing_o but_o as_o filthy_a rag_n but_o i_o know_v jesus_n christ_n be_v my_o saviour_n and_o stand_v engage_v for_o i_o and_o when_o the_o flesh_n be_v weak_a i_o find_v the_o spirit_n thirst_v after_o god_n 3._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o very_a great_a thirst_v after_o the_o ordinance_n and_o a_o great_a enlargement_n of_o heart_n and_o comfort_n in_o they_o my_o heart_n be_v delight_v to_o be_v among_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o full_a of_o joy_n in_o they_o 4._o when_o thought_n of_o want_n at_o any_o time_n arise_v i_o find_v full_a satisfaction_n in_o the_o better_a part_n which_o never_o can_v be_v take_v from_o i_o which_o be_v my_o interest_n in_o jesus_n christ_n and_o i_o find_v in_o my_o conscience_n a_o great_a testimony_n of_o my_o spiritual_a union_n with_o god_n and_o that_o i_o be_o so_o separate_v from_o the_o world_n in_o my_o affection_n that_o god_n have_v draw_v i_o to_o himself_o 5._o god_n who_o search_v the_o heart_n know_v what_o be_v the_o mind_n of_o the_o spirit_n because_o he_o make_v intercession_n for_o the_o saint_n according_a to_o the_o will_n of_o god_n which_o will_v of_o god_n i_o find_v a_o free_a submission_n to_o in_o my_o heart_n with_o joy_n know_v that_o all_o thing_n shall_v work_v together_o for_o good_a to_o they_o that_o love_n god_n 6._o it_o be_v the_o chief_a desire_n of_o my_o heart_n that_o god_n will_v keep_v i_o close_o to_o my_o duty_n and_o i_o have_v abundance_n of_o joy_n in_o communion_n with_o the_o lord_n which_o be_v more_o sweet_a to_o i_o than_o my_o joy_n in_o any_o thing_n else_o 7._o i_o delight_v much_o to_o speak_v of_o god_n and_o of_o his_o way_n and_o to_o use_v what_o mean_v i_o can_v to_o comfort_v the_o saint_n who_o i_o love_v dear_o and_o if_o possible_a to_o convert_v sinner_n d._n m._n xix_o expertence_n of_o ae._n l._n i_o have_v late_o great_a grief_n upon_o my_o spirit_n about_o a_o daughter_n which_o be_v bring_v to_o great_a suffering_n and_o by_o reason_n of_o she_o go_v away_o in_o her_o affliction_n i_o think_v she_o have_v make_v away_o herself_o god_n put_v it_o into_o my_o thought_n to_o remember_v my_o sin_n and_o that_o he_o have_v lay_v this_o affliction_n upon_o i_o for_o neglect_v my_o duty_n to_o he_o and_o not_o serve_v he_o as_o i_o ought_v this_o cause_v great_a sorrow_n in_o i_o and_o make_v i_o abundant_o shed_v tear_n my_o sin_n i_o think_v be_v the_o occasion_n that_o the_o lord_n make_v she_o so_o great_a a_o cross_n to_o i_o for_o which_o i_o have_v deserve_v it_o so_o that_o both_o become_v a_o great_a grief_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o thus_o i_o lie_v languish_v in_o very_o great_a sorrow_n then_o i_o begin_v to_o think_v with_o myself_o that_o there_o be_v no_o refuge_n but_o only_o in_o christ_n and_o i_o consult_v my_o thought_n how_o to_o go_v to_o good_a company_n and_o meeting_n where_o i_o may_v find_v comfort_n from_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o about_o two_o year_n since_o one_o morning_n i_o come_v to_o mr._n s._n to_o join_v with_o godly_a people_n that_o come_v thither_o to_o prayer_n though_o with_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o
distraction_n in_o my_o mind_n and_o i_o show_v my_o discontent_n and_o condition_n to_o he_o and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o if_o i_o have_v but_o a_o mind_n to_o seek_v god_n and_o to_o repent_v he_o be_v gracious_a and_o will_v receive_v i_o to_o mercy_n the_o thing_n that_o i_o do_v earnest_o beg_v of_o god_n be_v to_o know_v christ_n crucify_v for_o i_o and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o indeed_o be_v best_a of_o all_o and_o after_o some_o good_a instruction_n from_o he_o and_o other_o i_o be_v much_o delight_v to_o frequent_v the_o meeting_n of_o god_n servant_n and_o good_a sermon_n and_o i_o find_v many_o good_a operation_n upon_o my_o heart_n after_o very_o strong_a conflict_n whicn_o i_o have_v thus_o for_o about_o three_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n lie_v in_o my_o bed_n wake_v all_o the_o night_n and_o call_v upon_o god_n to_o direct_v i_o to_o ask_v at_o his_o hand_n those_o thing_n which_o may_v be_v for_o his_o glory_n and_o my_o comfort_n and_o beg_v that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o a_o settle_a heart_n that_o may_v not_o be_v distract_v with_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n in_o the_o morning_n i_o fall_v tnto_o a_o slumber_n with_o god_n still_o in_o my_o thought_n in_o which_o i_o hear_v as_o it_o be_v a_o voice_n from_o heaven_n speak_v to_o my_o heart_n and_o say_v thus_o ask_v of_o god_n a_o perfect_a upright_a heart_n to_o walk_v in_o his_o presence_n which_o when_o i_o be_v full_o awake_a i_o take_v to_o be_v the_o motion_n of_o god_n spirit_n upon_o my_o conscience_n which_o do_v fill_v i_o with_o much_o joy_n provoke_v i_o to_o pray_v to_o the_o lord_n to_o grant_v i_o that_o grace_n and_o about_o two_o year_n since_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o a_o sense_n of_o my_o sin_n in_o a_o great_a measure_n than_o before_o and_o my_o repentance_n be_v more_o spiritual_a and_o my_o hatred_n of_o sin_n more_o real_a and_o i_o find_v a_o sore_a combat_n betwixt_o the_o flesh_n and_o the_o spirit_n be_v more_o sensible_a how_o i_o have_v stray_v from_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n and_o do_v yet_o come_v short_a of_o my_o duty_n therein_o and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a grief_n to_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o can_v not_o live_v according_a to_o that_o which_o god_n have_v reveal_v of_o his_o will_n to_o i_o whilst_o i_o be_v thus_o trouble_v in_o spirit_n i_o hear_v some_o thing_n in_o several_a sermon_n preach_v by_o master_n b._n touch_v the_o sin_n of_o our_o natural_a corruption_n and_o what_o holiness_n god_n repuire_v of_o we_o and_o i_o hear_v mr._n c._n show_v that_o we_o shall_v strive_v to_o enter_v in_o at_o the_o narrow_a gate_n which_o wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o very_a great_a sense_n of_o my_o sin_n in_o these_o conflict_n i_o meet_v with_o many_o discouragement_n and_o satan_n tempt_v i_o to_o despair_n but_o the_o lord_n sustain_v i_o i_o consider_v that_o as_o a_o sinner_n i_o deserve_v nothing_o but_o damnation_n but_o my_o comfort_n be_v in_o christ_n and_o my_o grief_n be_v interlace_v with_o comfort_n sometime_o i_o be_v in_o sorrow_n two_o or_o three_o day_n and_o then_o again_o find_v comfort_n and_o often_o pray_v unto_o the_o lord_n to_o lay_v no_o more_o weight_n upon_o i_o than_o he_o will_v give_v i_o strength_n to_o bear_v and_o i_o find_v the_o lord_n to_o be_v my_o shield_n and_o buckler_n and_o remember_v many_o promise_n from_o the_o lord_n in_o which_o to_o this_o day_n i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v and_o still_o do_v find_v much_o comfort_n as_o psal_n 34.19_o many_o be_v the_o affliction_n of_o the_o righteous_a but_o the_o lord_n deliver_v he_o out_o of_o they_o all_o i_o have_v have_v many_o affliction_n for_o my_o sin_n but_o none_o but_o christ_n righteousness_n be_v my_o comfort_n in_o who_o i_o trust_v for_o deliverance_n ezekiel_n 33.11_o as_o i_o live_v say_v the_o lord_n god_n i_o have_v no_o pleasure_n in_o the_o death_n of_o the_o wicked_a but_o that_o the_o wicked_a turn_n from_o his_o evil_a way_n and_o live_v turn_v you_o turn_v you_o from_o your_o evil_a way_n for_o why_o will_v you_o die_v o_o you_o house_n of_o israel_n matth._n 11.28_o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n ezekiel_n 18.30_o repent_v and_o turn_v yourselves_o from_o all_o your_o transgression_n so_o iniquity_n shall_v not_o be_v your_o ruin_n isaiah_n 43.25_o ay_o even_o i_o be_o he_o that_o blot_v out_o thy_o transgression_n for_o my_o own_o sake_n and_o will_v not_o remember_v thy_o sin_n these_o and_o divers_a other_o promise_n i_o praise_v god_n i_o have_v have_v comfort_n from_o and_o as_o the_o fruit_n of_o my_o faith_n and_o my_o love_n to_o god_n i_o have_v these_o evidence_n wrought_v by_o his_o spirit_n through_o faith_n in_o my_o heart_n as_o a_o further_a manifestation_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n 1._o i_o believe_v in_o the_o promise_v of_o the_o free_a mercy_n of_o god_n in_o the_o merit_n of_o christ_n and_o can_v apply_v they_o with_o comfort_n to_o my_o own_o soul_n as_o i_o by_o faith_n 2._o my_o heart_n and_o my_o mind_n affect_v god_n above_o all_o the_o pleasure_n and_o joy_n in_o the_o world_n and_o when_o i_o think_v of_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n in_o relation_n to_o god_n i_o think_v that_o without_o god_n all_o be_v but_o vain_a and_o vanity_n 3._o when_o i_o think_v of_o my_o cross_n and_o affliction_n in_o the_o world_n than_o i_o lift_v up_o my_o heart_n to_o god_n in_o christ_n and_o can_v say_v have_v thou_o i_o have_v all_o thing_n if_o i_o have_v christ_n i_o have_v enough_o 4._o my_o heart_n rejoice_v in_o duty_n and_o my_o soul_n do_v more_o rejoice_v in_o hear_v the_o word_n than_o in_o worldly_a pleasure_n 5._o i_o have_v the_o peace_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o conscience_n which_o be_v more_o to_o i_o than_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n and_o make_v i_o set_v the_o world_n at_o naught_o and_o it_o be_v my_o prayer_n that_o i_o may_v never_o be_v without_o that_o peace_n of_o god_n whatever_o befall_v i_o 6._o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o a_o content_a mind_n in_o what_o condition_n soever_o he_o bring_v i_o to_o and_o his_o spirit_n work_v upon_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o do_v not_o repine_v against_o his_o will_n e._n l._n xx._n experience_n of_o j._n b._n some_o time_n ago_o a_o child_n of_o i_o about_o six_o year_n of_o age_n when_o i_o have_v bid_v he_o go_v forth_o to_o play_v he_o have_v come_v in_o again_o very_o solitary_a because_o other_o child_n will_v swear_v and_o be_v rude_a i_o will_v ask_v he_o robert_z what_o ail_v you_o why_o do_v you_o not_o go_v to_o play_v he_o will_v answer_v that_o he_o have_v no_o fellow_n to_o play_v withal_o but_o such_o as_o will_v swear_v and_o the_o like_a and_o they_o can_v be_v say_v he_o god_n child_n i_o will_v say_v why_o not_o child_n then_o he_o will_v say_v no_o mother_n though_o i_o be_o but_o a_o little_a way_n in_o my_o book_n yet_o i_o have_v learn_v that_o god_n will_v not_o pardon_v such_o sin_n as_o swear_v i_o have_v sometime_o say_v yes_o child_n i_o hope_v god_n will_v pardon_v they_o else_o god_n help_v thy_o father_n and_o god_n help_v we_o all_o then_o he_o have_v reply_v mother_n with_o great_a repentance_n god_n can_v forgive_v for_o his_o mercy_n be_v great_a but_o good_a mother_n let_v we_o forbear_v that_o which_o be_v evil_a and_o many_o time_n i_o have_v such_o conference_n with_o that_o child_n that_o see_v i_o trouble_v about_o it_o he_o have_v say_v good_a mother_n be_v content_a their_o parent_n be_v such_o and_o they_o must_v needs_o learn_v after_o they_o i_o think_v upon_o my_o child_n word_n and_o have_v before_o often_o offend_v god_n on_o the_o lord_n day_n and_o the_o thought_n of_o other_o fail_n in_o my_o conversation_n it_o wrought_v great_a trouble_n upon_o my_o heart_n so_o that_o i_o be_v much_o afflict_v in_o soul_n consider_v that_o my_o child_n so_o young_a shall_v give_v i_o such_o instruction_n which_o have_v prove_v a_o blessing_n to_o bring_v i_o home_o to_o he_o i_o do_v then_o make_v some_o doubt_n whether_o god_n will_v forgive_v i_o those_o sin_n and_o about_o that_o time_n hear_v dr._n usher_n preach_v several_a sermon_n and_o particular_o upon_o that_o text_n that_o we_o be_v but_o sojourner_n and_o traveller_n here_o and_o show_v that_o we_o be_v not_o at_o home_n therefore_o we_o must_v keep_v on_o in_o the_o straight_a way_n to_o heaven_n and_o take_v heed_n of_o the_o broad_a way_n which_o lead_v to_o hell_n this_o and_o other_o mean_v since_o do_v throw_v i_o down_o low_o under_o the_o sense_n of_o sin_n yet_o not_o without_o sometime_o some_o
refreshment_n and_o from_o a_o sermon_n preach_v by_o dr._n â—sher_n that_o the_o lord_n be_v the_o shield_n and_o defence_n of_o those_o that_o trust_v in_o he_o i_o have_v some_o comfortable_a hope_n in_o the_o lord_n mercy_n but_o i_o find_v many_o doubt_n still_o yet_o about_o seven_o year_n since_o master_n tompson_n make_v a_o sermon_n at_o liverpoole_n then_o besiege_v show_v that_o we_o must_v lay_v hold_v on_o the_o lord_n and_o hold_v fast_o and_o he_o will_v lead_v we_o through_o all_o trouble_n and_o soon_o after_o it_o be_v lose_v and_o many_o be_v kill_v but_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v no_o hurt_n at_o all_o which_o do_v much_o comfort_v i_o that_o the_o lord_n of_o his_o mercy_n have_v deliver_v i_o i_o do_v and_o still_o do_v hope_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v a_o mind_n to_o save_v i_o and_o to_o draw_v i_o near_o to_o himself_o which_o together_o with_o some_o other_o deliverance_n of_o the_o lord_n great_a mercy_n i_o take_v great_a comfort_n in_o so_o that_o when_o i_o have_v scarce_o bread_n and_o water_n and_o i_o have_v be_v straighten_v since_o yet_o i_o find_v still_o comfort_n from_o the_o lord_n for_o myself_o and_o to_o be_v a_o instrument_n to_o help_v other_o who_o be_v prisoner_n and_o the_o lord_n then_o and_o since_o have_v by_o his_o spirit_n comfort_v i_o with_o several_a promise_n which_o i_o praise_v god_n i_o can_v apply_v to_o myself_o by_o which_o i_o have_v a_o testimony_n of_o my_o true_a belief_n some_o of_o which_o be_v these_o which_o follow_v gen._n 15.1_o the_o word_n of_o the_o lord_n come_v unto_o abraham_n in_o a_o vision_n say_v fear_v not_o abraham_n i_o be_o thy_o shield_n and_o thy_o exceed_a great_a reward_n i_o have_v find_v the_o lord_n to_o be_v my_o shield_n in_o those_o many_o deliverance_n he_o have_v wrought_v for_o i_o and_o have_v take_v away_o that_o distrustful_a fear_n which_o before_o be_v upon_o i_o and_o therefore_o i_o be_v and_o still_o be_o confident_a he_o will_v be_v my_o exceed_a great_a reward_n psal_n 119.57_o thou_o be_v my_o portion_n o_o lord_n i_o have_v say_v that_o i_o will_v keep_v thy_o word_n the_o same_o god_n wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n to_o say_v with_o david_n that_o i_o will_v keep_v thy_o word_n o_o lord_n and_o though_o i_o can_v as_o i_o shall_v yet_o my_o desire_n be_v to_o keep_v it_o my_o mind_n be_v to_o keep_v it_o therefore_o i_o presume_v with_o david_n to_o say_v thou_o be_v my_o portion_n o_o lord_n john_n 15.5_o christ_n say_v i_o be_o the_o vine_n you_o be_v the_o branch_n he_o that_o abide_v in_o i_o and_o i_o in_o he_o the_o same_o bring_v forth_o much_o fruit_n for_o without_o i_o you_o can_v do_v nothing_o i_o know_v myself_o to_o be_v nothing_o without_o christ_n and_o though_o i_o have_v infirmity_n yet_o my_o heart_n abide_v in_o christ_n and_o therefore_o i_o hope_v to_o find_v righteousness_n and_o salvation_n not_o in_o myself_o but_o in_o christ_n desire_v also_o that_o i_o may_v bring_v forth_o fruit_n as_o a_o branch_n in_o he_o rom._n 8.1_o there_o be_v therefore_o now_o no_o condemnation_n to_o they_o that_o be_v in_o christ_n jesus_n who_o walk_v not_o after_o the_o flesh_n but_o after_o the_o spirit_n i_o find_v myself_o to_o be_v one_o of_o those_o who_o walk_v in_o my_o heart_n in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n to_o which_o i_o be_o lead_v by_o his_o spirit_n and_o not_o after_o the_o flesh_n and_o though_o i_o can_v serve_v god_n so_o well_o as_o i_o will_v i_o do_v as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v and_o be_o trouble_v in_o my_o spirit_n for_o my_o fail_n and_o therefore_o i_o believe_v i_o shall_v never_o be_v condemn_v and_o i_o have_v these_o testimony_n of_o my_o conversion_n and_o sincere_a love_n to_o god_n as_o the_o fruit_n of_o my_o faith_n 1._o the_o lord_n have_v by_o his_o spirit_n manifest_v to_o my_o soul_n that_o the_o wisdom_n of_o the_o spirit_n be_v life_n and_o peace_n and_o have_v wrought_v that_o peace_n in_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o do_v not_o desire_v any_o way_n to_o break_v from_o it_o for_o any_o other_o enjoyment_n whatsoever_o 2._o this_o i_o desire_v to_o be_v build_v upon_o that_o i_o may_v find_v christ_n to_o be_v my_o life_n and_o peace_n 3._o i_o find_v that_o the_o lord_n have_v great_o wrought_v upon_o i_o and_o my_o mind_n be_v full_o affect_v with_o the_o lord_n out_o of_o who_o i_o do_v not_o care_n for_o any_o thing_n that_o be_v in_o the_o world_n 4._o my_o desire_n be_v whole_o to_o serve_v god_n and_o leave_v all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n as_o vain_a trifle_n for_o the_o enjoyment_n of_o he_o 5._o my_o love_n be_v so_o much_o to_o god_n in_o christ_n that_o have_v he_o i_o know_v i_o have_v all_o thing_n and_o without_o he_o i_o have_v nothing_o 6._o i_o find_v that_o i_o have_v great_a comfort_n and_o be_o much_o refresh_v by_o ordinance_n a_o sense_n of_o the_o spirit_n be_v frequent_o bring_v upon_o my_o heart_n and_o i_o have_v receive_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o comfort_n therein_o when_o i_o have_v be_v weak_a and_o it_o have_v be_v a_o refresh_n to_o i_o when_o food_n have_v be_v scant_o and_o particular_o from_o several_a sermon_n preach_v by_o mr._n whitaker_n mr._n marshal_n mr._n carter_n and_o other_o as_o also_o mr._n p._n dr._n homes_n mr._n w._n and_o at_o other_o meeting_n of_o godly_a people_n 7._o i_o find_v that_o the_o comfort_n of_o the_o ordinance_n be_v more_o sweet_a to_o i_o than_o all_o the_o pleasure_n riches_n or_o friend_n in_o the_o world_n for_o they_o be_v content_v comfort_n and_o so_o be_v not_o worldly_a thing_n 8._o i_o can_v find_v in_o my_o heart_n willing_o to_o die_v and_o leave_v child_n brother_n sister_n and_o all_o the_o world_n beside_o to_o go_v to_o my_o christ_n j.b._n xxi_o experience_n of_o a._n j._n when_o it_o please_v god_n to_o call_v my_o husband_n from_o i_o i_o be_v for_o a_o time_n as_o exceed_o cast_v down_o and_o trouble_v as_o i_o think_v any_o poor_a creature_n can_v be_v in_o which_o i_o be_v so_o overwhelm_v that_o i_o do_v not_o know_v which_o way_n to_o turn_v myself_o nor_o what_o to_o do_v yet_o be_v seek_v the_o lord_n to_o find_v out_o what_o be_v his_o mind_n in_o the_o thing_n i_o have_v lose_v a_o good_a estate_n have_v no_o body_n to_o look_v after_o my_o business_n have_v many_o injure_v i_o and_o have_v lose_v above_o the_o rest_n a_o pious_a husband_n who_o i_o entire_o love_v yet_o the_o lord_n put_v it_o into_o my_o heart_n that_o all_o this_o be_v to_o wean_v i_o from_o my_o sin_n and_o too_o much_o dote_v upon_o a_o husband_n and_o other_o worldly_a enjoyment_n which_o my_o heart_n be_v too_o much_o take_v up_o with_o therefore_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o strip_v i_o of_o they_o in_o a_o great_a measure_n to_o bring_v i_o near_o to_o himself_o i_o go_v to_o divers_a place_n to_o hear_v several_a minister_n and_o by_o wait_v upon_o the_o ordinance_n to_o seek_v after_o the_o lord_n if_o possible_a i_o may_v find_v comfort_n and_o satisfaction_n to_o my_o soul_n herein_o but_o continue_v in_o much_o affliction_n upon_o my_o spirit_n for_o near_o a_o year_n time_n at_o last_o i_o hear_v master_n jenkins_n preach_v out_o of_o the_o 21._o chapter_n of_o john_n the_o 18._o and_o 19_o verse_n very_o very_o i_o say_v unto_o thou_o when_o thou_o be_v young_a thou_o gird_v thyself_o and_o walkedst_a whether_o thou_o will_v but_o when_o thou_o shall_v be_v old_a thou_o shall_v stretch_v forth_o thy_o hand_n and_o another_o shall_v gird_v thou_o and_o carry_v thou_o whither_o thou_o will_v not_o this_o speak_v he_o signify_v by_o what_o death_n he_o shall_v glorify_v god_n the_o consideration_n of_o which_o dispensation_n from_o god_n to_o he_o draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o be_v content_v with_o whatsoever_o the_o lord_n shall_v be_v please_v to_o lay_v upon_o i_o and_o i_o be_v satisfy_v to_o suffer_v or_o bear_v any_o thing_n in_o that_o it_o be_v the_o lord_n will_v to_o glorify_v himself_o by_o such_o dispensation_n towards_o the_o saint_n and_o the_o lord_n have_v since_o make_v i_o as_o he_o do_v david_n to_o be_v content_v as_o well_o with_o his_o rod_n as_o with_o his_o staff_n and_o then_o and_o since_o i_o praise_v the_o lord_n i_o can_v say_v with_o david_n it_o be_v well_o for_o i_o that_o i_o be_v afflict_v i_o be_v comfort_v with_o that_o example_n of_o ahe_fw-la woman_n in_o the_o gospel_n to_o who_o it_o be_v say_v by_o christ_n that_o it_o be_v not_o lawful_a to_o take_v the_o child_n bread_n and_o cast_v it_o to_o dog_n in_o that_o i_o can_v say_v with_o she_o truth_n lord_n but_o the_o dog_n may_v lick_v the_o crumb_n that_o
fall_v from_o their_o master_n table_n i_o remember_v god_n dispensation_n towards_o job_n and_o david_n and_o resolve_v with_o joshua_n that_o i_o and_o my_o house_n will_v serve_v the_o lord_n and_o although_o it_o be_v a_o bitter_a pill_n to_o i_o to_o bear_v the_o cross_n before_o yet_o now_o my_o god_n have_v make_v it_o easy_a and_o i_o praise_v the_o lord_n through_o his_o grace_n i_o can_v go_v under_o it_o with_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o comfort_n and_o he_o have_v now_o discover_v to_o i_o the_o way_n of_o his_o work_n in_o those_o thing_n which_o before_o be_v wonderful_a strange_a to_o i_o many_o special_a promise_n i_o find_v great_a comfort_n in_o some_o that_o i_o remember_v be_v these_o that_o follow_v viz._n 1_o pet._n 5.6_o 7._o humble_a yourselves_o therefore_o under_o the_o mighty_a hand_n of_o god_n that_o he_o may_v exalt_v you_o in_o due_a time_n cast_v all_o your_o care_n on_o he_o for_o he_o care_v for_o you_o this_o promise_n i_o have_v find_v of_o a_o truth_n make_v good_a to_o i_o in_o some_o measure_n i_o have_v apply_v it_o often_o and_o have_v find_v the_o comfort_n of_o it_o 2_o cor._n 1.29_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o from_o this_o place_n i_o find_v much_o comfort_n know_v the_o fullness_n of_o so_o glorious_a a_o portion_n jam._n 1.2_o 3_o 4._o count_v it_o all_o joy_n when_o you_o fall_v into_o divers_a temptation_n know_v this_o that_o the_o trial_n of_o your_o faith_n work_v patience_n but_o let_v patience_n have_v her_o perfect_a work_n that_o you_o may_v be_v perfect_a and_o entire_a want_v nothing_o this_o administer_v great_a joy_n to_o i_o against_o all_o temptation_n isa_n 55.1_o ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v you_o to_o the_o water_n of_o life_n and_o he_o that_o have_v no_o money_n come_v you_o buy_v and_o eat_v this_o give_v great_a comfort_n to_o my_o soul_n at_o several_a time_n though_o it_o be_v so_o much_o cast_v down_o and_o that_o which_o give_v i_o great_a content_n and_o comfort_n be_v the_o seal_n of_o god_n spirit_n in_o my_o heart_n give_v evidence_n of_o peace_n in_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n between_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n by_o these_o testimony_n 1._o my_o love_n to_o god_n be_v so_o that_o i_o be_o confident_a if_o the_o lord_n keep_v i_o with_o his_o spirit_n which_o at_o this_o time_n he_o have_v bestow_v upon_o i_o i_o can_v be_v content_a to_o part_v with_o any_o thing_n or_o lay_v down_o my_o life_n for_o his_o glory_n if_o he_o will_v call_v i_o to_o it_o 2._o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v so_o to_o enrich_v my_o soul_n with_o his_o spirit_n that_o i_o loathe_v the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n when_o they_o will_v draw_v i_o in_o any_o thing_n from_o submit_v to_o the_o motion_n of_o god_n spirit_n in_o my_o heart_n i_o once_o think_v nothing_o can_v have_v draw_v i_o from_o the_o love_n of_o the_o vain_a thing_n of_o the_o world_n but_o now_o i_o do_v as_o much_o disdain_v they_o for_o god_n and_o more_o than_o then_o i_o love_v they_o 3._o i_o desire_v to_o follow_v god_n ordinance_n and_o find_v great_a enlargment_n of_o my_o heart_n to_o god_n both_o to_o and_o in_o the_o ordinance_n and_o particular_o from_o mr._n s._n mr._n w._n and_o other_o from_o who_o many_o thing_n have_v fall_v that_o have_v much_o refresh_v my_o soul_n and_o i_o find_v my_o heart_n in_o duty_n to_o god_n more_o refresh_v than_o in_o any_o thing_n 4._o i_o find_v much_o peace_n in_o my_o conscience_n because_o of_o a_o free_a submission_n which_o his_o spirit_n have_v wrought_v in_o my_o soul_n to_o all_o the_o command_n of_o jesus_n christ_n and_o i_o find_v comfort_n in_o that_o true_a circumcision_n which_o be_v in_o my_o heart_n wrought_v by_o his_o spirit_n 5._o i_o find_v every_o every_o day_n so_o great_a a_o peace_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o such_o comfort_n in_o god_n that_o i_o can_v be_v willing_a and_o i_o bless_v god_n find_v in_o myself_o a_o readiness_n to_o die_v every_o moment_n xxii_o experience_n of_o a._n a._n about_o two_o year_n since_o my_o husband_n be_v sore_o wound_v which_o i_o take_v as_o a_o great_a trial_n not_o have_v above_o a_o month_n to_o go_v with_o child_n and_o i_o be_v trouble_v at_o it_o and_o about_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n after_o i_o be_v up_o all_o my_o child_n be_v sick_a together_o of_o the_o small_a pox._n yet_o all_o this_o do_v not_o work_v upon_o i_o inward_o so_o sensible_o as_o about_o a_o month_n afterward_o that_o one_o of_o my_o child_n die_v sudden_o when_o i_o think_v he_o have_v be_v near_o well_o than_o i_o say_v the_o wage_n of_o sin_n be_v death_n think_v that_o the_o lord_n have_v warn_v i_o by_o fatherly_a threaten_n before_o but_o i_o do_v not_o hearken_v to_o he_o and_o therefore_o i_o think_v he_o smite_v i_o now_o by_o the_o death_n of_o my_o child_n but_o yet_o i_o can_v not_o enter_v into_o any_o particular_a sin_n that_o god_n shall_v strike_v at_o only_o in_o general_n i_o seek_v the_o lord_n to_o lay_v open_a my_o sin_n to_o i_o i_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v that_o the_o lord_n take_v my_o child_n so_o sudden_o from_o i_o but_o be_v comfort_v by_o mr._n strong_a in_o some_o sermon_n preach_v from_o the_o word_n the_o church_n to_o paul_n go_v to_o suffer_v at_o jerusalem_n act_v 21.14_o when_o he_o will_v not_o be_v persuade_v we_o cease_v say_v the_o will_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v do_v so_o i_o be_v settle_v pretty_a well_o in_o my_o thought_n till_o sudden_o the_o lord_n strike_v the_o elder_a of_o my_o two_o child_n then_o live_v which_o be_v a_o boy_n my_o other_o which_o be_v a_o girl_n i_o do_v not_o so_o much_o value_n but_o now_o i_o do_v and_o know_v god_n mercy_n in_o spare_v she_o but_o my_o child_n that_o then_o dye_v be_v the_o chief_a comfort_n that_o my_o heart_n be_v fix_v upon_o in_o this_o world_n which_o be_v so_o great_a a_o grief_n to_o i_o that_o i_o have_v sleep_v few_o night_n quiet_a i_o desire_v to_o know_v the_o mind_n of_o god_n what_o he_o will_v do_v with_o i_o sometime_o i_o shall_v have_v difpair_v through_o great_a buffet_n inward_o but_o that_o the_o lord_n sustain_v i_o sometime_o i_o think_v that_o the_o wrath_n of_o god_n be_v kindle_v against_o i_o think_v never_o to_o have_v comfort_n in_o this_o world_n again_o but_o bless_v be_v the_o lord_n for_o it_o he_o have_v often_o comfort_v i_o in_o this_o that_o i_o have_v think_v he_o do_v it_o in_o love_n to_o i_o yet_o sometime_o i_o have_v fear_v that_o i_o shall_v despair_v and_o that_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n be_v against_o i_o in_o it_o have_v be_v trouble_v with_o thought_n that_o i_o be_v the_o death_n of_o my_o child_n thus_o i_o have_v be_v between_o hope_n and_o despair_v and_o can_v not_o find_v what_o the_o will_n of_o god_n be_v in_o it_o towards_o i_o and_o i_o have_v fear_n that_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n be_v still_o against_o i_o for_o further_a punishment_n because_o i_o have_v have_v many_o temptation_n upon_o i_o in_o low_a thought_n of_o god_n but_o i_o have_v go_v to_o prayer_n and_o desire_v the_o lord_n to_o deliver_v i_o and_o discover_v his_o mind_n to_o i_o in_o every_o thing_n that_o i_o do_v and_o have_v find_v a_o willingness_n to_o part_v with_o any_o thing_n even_o to_o cut_v off_o a_o limb_n or_o any_o thing_n if_o i_o can_v find_v out_o what_o it_o be_v and_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v find_v a_o good_a spirit_n resist_v the_o bad_a yet_o i_o have_v be_v under_o much_o fear_n that_o i_o be_v not_o a_o child_n of_o god_n but_o it_o have_v please_v god_n to_o comfort_v i_o in_o this_o that_o paul_n life_n be_v subject_a to_o temptation_n therefore_o i_o have_v hope_n and_o cast_v myself_o upon_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n resolve_v that_o if_o i_o perish_v i_o perish_v never_o dare_v to_o offend_v willing_o in_o any_o thing_n that_o i_o know_v to_o be_v a_o sin_n yet_o i_o know_v i_o be_o a_o wretched_a sinner_n but_o i_o humble_o desire_v to_o do_v the_o will_n of_o god_n so_o far_o as_o i_o be_o able_a and_o in_o that_o i_o can_v say_v with_o david_n psal_n 42.1_o as_o the_o heart_n pant_v after_o the_o water-brook_n so_o pant_v my_o soul_n after_o thou_o o_o god_n i_o find_v comfort_n with_o he_o to_o say_v why_o be_v thou_o cast_v down_o o_o my_o soul_n and_o why_o be_v thou_o disquiet_v within_o i_o hope_v thou_o in_o god_n for_o i_o shall_v yet_o praise_v he_o for_o the_o help_n of_o his_o countenance_n verse_n 5._o and_o i_o will_v look_v unto_o the_o lord_n with_o the_o prophet_n micha_n i_o will_v wait_v for_o the_o god_n of_o my_o salvation_n
my_o god_n will_v hear_v i_o mich._n 7.7_o and_o i_o have_v find_v much_o comfort_n in_o apply_v several_a promise_n to_o my_o soul_n as_o matth._n 5.4_o christ_n say_v bless_a be_v they_o that_o mourn_v for_o they_o shall_v be_v comfort_v as_o god_n have_v give_v i_o a_o mourn_a spirit_n for_o my_o sin_n so_o i_o believe_v that_o in_o his_o time_n i_o shall_v be_v comfort_v and_o i_o have_v taste_v i_o bless_v god_n of_o the_o comfort_n of_o his_o spirit_n in_o my_o soul_n isaiah_n 55.1_o the_o lord_n say_v ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v you_o to_o the_o water_n and_o he_o that_o have_v no_o money_n come_v you_o buy_v and_o eat_v yea_o come_v buy_v wine_n and_o milk_n without_o money_n and_o without_o price_n as_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v my_o soul_n to_o thirst_v for_o he_o so_o i_o doubt_v not_o but_o to_o find_v he_o and_o the_o lord_n say_v ezek._n 33.11_o as_o i_o live_v i_o have_v no_o pleasure_n in_o the_o death_n of_o the_o wicked_a but_o that_o the_o wicked_a turn_n from_o his_o way_n and_o live_v i_o thank_v god_n my_o heart_n and_o soul_n be_v turn_v from_o all_o thing_n and_o be_v only_o after_o the_o lord_n and_o in_o a_o special_a manner_n i_o have_v find_v sweet_a evidence_n of_o my_o faith_n and_o interest_n in_o god_n through_o christ_n i_o have_v late_o much_o comfort_n from_o a_o sermon_n preach_v by_o mr._n strong_a who_o show_v that_o affliction_n do_v not_o make_v we_o low_o in_o the_o sight_n of_o god_n though_o before_o man_n as_o also_o from_o the_o word_n at_o a_o conference_n by_o mr._n v._o that_o in_o the_o world_n we_o shall_v have_v tribulation_n but_o in_o god_n rest_n and_o 1._o i_o do_v clear_o find_v that_o my_o love_n be_v more_o set_v upon_o god_n than_o upon_o any_o thing_n 2._o i_o can_v more_o willing_o leave_v the_o world_n now_o than_o ever_o before_o and_o i_o can_v willing_o die_v if_o god_n see_v it_o good_a in_o the_o mind_n i_o be_o 3._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o do_v so_o cast_v myself_o upon_o god_n that_o i_o have_v peace_n with_o he_o 4._o in_o time_n of_o doubt_n i_o find_v comfort_n that_o i_o have_v a_o god_n to_o call_v upon_o and_o i_o find_v much_o peace_n in_o my_o mind_n in_o return_n from_o god_n 5._o i_o do_v always_o find_v when_o any_o evil_a thought_n arise_v a_o power_n from_o god_n which_o subdue_v they_o so_o that_o i_o never_o willing_o give_v way_n to_o they_o 6._o i_o find_v my_o affection_n ready_a to_o go_v forth_o both_o to_o duty_n and_o in_o duty_n to_o god_n and_o when_o i_o come_v to_o they_o with_o little_a affection_n yet_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o find_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o comfort_n usual_o before_o i_o go_v away_o 7._o i_o find_v the_o most_o comfort_n to_o my_o spirit_n be_v when_o i_o be_o weep_v for_o my_o infirmity_n or_o at_o prayer_n or_o duty_n in_o public_a or_o private_a and_o methinks_v i_o find_v such_o joy_n in_o they_o that_o i_o can_v dwell_v there_o have_v no_o comfort_n in_o the_o world_n like_o that_o 8._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o real_a love_n to_o all_o if_o any_o have_v wrong_v i_o i_o desire_v no_o revenge_n but_o that_o i_o may_v be_v at_o peace_n with_o all_o 9_o whatsoever_o i_o find_v to_o be_v a_o truth_n from_o god_n and_o a_o motion_n of_o his_o spirit_n i_o find_v in_o my_o soul_n a_o willingn_fw-mi submit_v to_o it_o a._n a._n xxiii_o experience_n of_o e._n c._n about_o 16._o year_n of_o age_n though_o i_o do_v not_o understand_v the_o word_n yet_o i_o have_v a_o great_a desire_n to_o go_v to_o hear_v because_o they_o serve_v god_n therein_o that_o do_v sâ—_n know_v that_o there_o be_v a_o god_n that_o ought_v to_o be_v serve_v and_o i_o sit_v in_o corner_n study_v what_o way_n i_o may_v come_v to_o god_n if_o i_o shall_v die_v have_v a_o very_a great_a affection_n wrought_v by_o the_o lord_n upon_o my_o spirit_n pray_v as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v that_o myself_o and_o my_o father_n and_o mother_n and_o friend_n may_v go_v to_o god_n when_o we_o die_v and_o i_o be_v very_o much_o set_v upon_o duty_n think_v to_o find_v god_n there_o but_o afterward_o live_v in_o a_o family_n where_o i_o be_v much_o hinder_v from_o the_o ordinance_n or_o partake_v of_o any_o thing_n of_o god_n which_o be_v a_o great_a grief_n unto_o i_o yet_o sometime_o i_o have_v thought_n towards_o worldly_a thing_n ponder_v how_o to_o be_v rich_a or_o fine_a as_o other_o but_o god_n wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o remorse_n to_o check_v those_o temptation_n and_o frequent_o the_o lord_n lay_v some_o affliction_n or_o other_o upon_o i_o to_o wean_v i_o the_o more_o from_o such_o vain_a thought_n which_o bring_v my_o heart_n into_o a_o very_a sad_a condition_n many_o time_n and_o sometime_o i_o have_v weep_v day_n and_o night_n and_o at_o other_o time_n through_o grief_n that_o i_o can_v not_o sorrow_n enough_o i_o have_v fall_v into_o a_o great_a measure_n of_o weep_v after_o i_o have_v live_v in_o several_a other_o family_n where_o i_o have_v little_a comfort_n about_o twenty_o year_n since_o hear_v mr._n f._n and_o mr._n p._n on_o lords-day_n i_o be_v much_o comfort_v and_o also_o by_o mr._n martial_n and_o other_o and_o from_o the_o consideration_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n and_o the_o suffering_n of_o christ_n for_o we_o as_o also_o of_o the_o woman_n that_o do_v but_o by_o faith_n touch_v the_o hem_n of_o christ_n garment_n how_o she_o be_v comfort_v and_o heal_v and_o i_o have_v much_o comfort_n in_o private_a meeting_n but_o about_o five_o year_n since_o see_v my_o other_o neighbour_n many_o of_o they_o flourish_v and_o prosper_v in_o the_o world_n more_o than_o i_o i_o begin_v to_o doubt_v that_o i_o do_v but_o play_v the_o hypocrite_n and_o that_o perhaps_o they_o do_v pray_v more_o at_o home_n than_o i_o though_o i_o know_v some_o of_o they_o go_v less_o to_o the_o public_a ordinance_n i_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v at_o this_o and_o think_v with_o myself_o lord_n shall_v i_o still_o lie_v at_o the_o pool_n and_o find_v no_o body_n to_o put_v i_o in_o that_o i_o may_v be_v heal_v and_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v because_o many_o of_o my_o neighbour_n hate_v i_o for_o frequent_v private_a meeting_n and_o for_o above_o a_o month_n i_o spend_v much_o time_n in_o private_a prayer_n and_o often_o in_o the_o night_n upon_o my_o bed_n and_o go_v to_o hear_v only_o on_o the_o lords-day_n but_o then_o i_o have_v thought_n upon_o i_o that_o it_o be_v not_o please_v to_o god_n to_o pray_v unto_o he_o upon_o a_o soft_a bed_n then_o the_o lord_n put_v it_o in_o my_o heart_n that_o he_o have_v promise_v that_o where_o two_o or_o three_o be_v meet_v together_o in_o my_o name_n that_o i_o will_v be_v in_o the_o midst_n of_o they_o this_o cause_v i_o to_o go_v again_o as_o i_o have_v do_v before_o to_o hear_v of_o sermon_n on_o weekday_n but_o still_o i_o find_v many_o reason_n and_o doubting_n upon_o my_o spirit_n whether_o i_o be_v elect_v or_o not_o and_o be_v much_o cast_v down_o many_o time_n about_o it_o and_o have_v some_o temptation_n to_o despair_n fear_v that_o such_o a_o sinner_n as_o i_o can_v not_o be_v save_v yet_o i_o have_v comfort_n in_o this_o that_o though_o i_o be_v a_o sinner_n god_n by_o his_o spirit_n have_v mortify_v i_o and_o though_o i_o be_o not_o so_o good_a as_o i_o shall_v be_v yet_o through_o the_o power_n of_o grace_n i_o be_o not_o so_o bad_a as_o the_o flesh_n will_v be_v and_o find_v much_o of_o the_o testimony_n of_o god_n spirit_n upon_o my_o heart_n i_o have_v great_a hope_n that_o i_o have_v mark_n and_o token_n of_o my_o believe_v one_o night_n have_v for_o about_o half_a a_o year_n time_n before_o use_v to_o go_v to_o bed_n before_o i_o pray_v be_v in_o bed_n and_o think_v to_o pray_v to_o god_n i_o have_v strange_a temptation_n upon_o i_o to_o put_v god_n out_o of_o my_o mind_n and_o i_o can_v not_o speak_v a_o word_n nor_o scarce_o think_v of_o god_n and_o if_o i_o do_v in_o some_o interval_n i_o can_v not_o name_n god_n or_o christ_n nor_o speak_v a_o word_n to_o god_n for_o the_o present_a and_o satan_n then_o seem_v to_o appear_v to_o i_o in_o a_o most_o ugly_a shape_n laugh_v and_o jeer_v at_o i_o which_o do_v much_o affright_v i_o and_o i_o fear_v that_o i_o have_v play_v the_o hypocrite_n with_o god_n and_o now_o shall_v run_v mad_a to_o make_v good_a what_o some_o haâ—_n reproachful_o cast_v upon_o i_o that_o i_o be_v a_o hypocrite_n and_o i_o be_v rise_v out_o of_o my_o bed_n but_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o
put_v it_o into_o my_o mind_n that_o christ_n jesus_n have_v not_o give_v so_o much_o for_o soul_n as_o he_o have_v do_v to_o let_v the_o devil_n have_v they_o for_o nothing_o and_o in_o the_o strength_n of_o the_o lord_n i_o repulse_v the_o devil_n say_v satan_n when_o thou_o in_o tempt_a christ_n show_v he_o the_o whole_a world_n thou_o promise_v he_o that_o which_o be_v none_o of_o thou_o own_o nor_o be_o i_o thou_o and_o therefore_o avoid_v satan_n for_o thou_o have_v nothing_o to_o do_v with_o i_o and_o then_o the_o devil_n depart_v from_o i_o then_o my_o heart_n be_v much_o fill_v with_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n and_o with_o a_o mixture_n of_o tear_n and_o joy_n i_o have_v sweet_a comfort_n from_o the_o lord_n and_o though_o i_o have_v have_v many_o doubt_n upon_o my_o spirit_n sometime_o yet_o i_o have_v since_o find_v very_o great_a consolation_n through_o faith_n in_o the_o promise_n of_o god_n as_o in_o these_o and_z divers_z other_o matth._n 11.28_o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n i_o thank_v god_n i_o have_v find_v much_o rest_n and_o refreshment_n by_o come_v to_o christ_n and_o that_o his_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o i_o matth._n 5.6_o bless_a be_v they_o which_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n for_o they_o shall_v be_v fill_v i_o have_v often_o lay_v hold_v on_o this_o promise_n with_o a_o thirst_a desire_n after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o he_o have_v fill_v i_o with_o comfort_n and_o the_o comfort_n wherewith_o christ_n do_v comfort_n peter_n bid_v he_o not_o to_o fear_v for_o he_o have_v pray_v for_o he_o have_v be_v upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o give_v i_o great_a consolation_n in_o that_o i_o know_v christ_n be_v hear_v in_o all_o that_o he_o pray_v to_o the_o father_n and_o i_o find_v the_o testimony_n of_o my_o conversion_n to_o god_n which_o give_v satisfaction_n to_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o be_o a_o true_a believer_n 1._o though_o i_o do_v all_o that_o i_o can_v to_o serve_v god_n as_o he_o have_v command_v i_o yet_o i_o find_v great_a imperfection_n and_o utter_a unworthiness_n in_o myself_o to_o deserve_v any_o thing_n of_o god_n but_o my_o whole_a dependence_n and_o hope_n of_o salvation_n be_v in_o god_n free_a grace_n in_o the_o blood_n and_o merit_n of_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n chrsst_n 2._o i_o do_v find_v that_o the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n constrain_v i_o to_o love_n god_n again_o above_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n and_o whatever_o i_o be_o about_o my_o soul_n be_v delight_v with_o god_n above_o all_o 3._o i_o find_v that_o the_o lord_n draw_v my_o heart_n to_o hate_v all_o evil_a communication_n and_o evil_a thing_n and_o not_o so_o much_o to_o fear_v the_o punishment_n of_o the_o world_n for_o any_o thing_n as_o to_o sin_n against_o god_n 4._o i_o be_o much_o delight_v in_o the_o working_n of_o god_n spirit_n and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a joy_n and_o comfort_n to_o my_o soul_n when_o my_o heart_n be_v enlarge_v towards_o god_n 5._o my_o heart_n be_v much_o affect_v unto_o ordinance_n and_o if_o satan_n suggest_v worldly_a thought_n to_o hinder_v i_o from_o duty_n i_o have_v call_v upon_o god_n and_o find_v comfort_n and_o when_o i_o have_v come_v to_o duty_n with_o cold_a affection_n i_o have_v be_v much_o refresh_v in_o the_o duty_n &_o though_o sometime_o i_o have_v feel_v pain_n and_o distemper_n in_o my_o body_n which_o i_o have_v thought_n satan_n have_v do_v to_o make_v i_o weary_a in_o duty_n yet_o i_o have_v call_v on_o the_o lord_n and_o find_v comfort_n 6._o i_o find_v great_a peace_n and_o much_o comfort_n in_o the_o lord_n so_o that_o i_o can_v be_v willing_a to_o die_v and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a joy_n to_o i_o in_o that_o i_o expect_v to_o die_v that_o i_o may_v be_v deliver_v from_o the_o affliction_n of_o the_o world_n to_o enter_v into_o eternal_a joy_n with_o christ_n for_o ever_o e._n o._n xxiv_o expeience_n of_o a._n g._n i_o have_v be_v many_o year_n since_o very_o sensible_a of_o my_o natural_a estate_n and_o do_v lie_v long_o under_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o sin_n which_o be_v so_o great_a a_o burden_n to_o i_o that_o they_o make_v i_o almost_o despair_v insomuch_o that_o i_o can_v scarce_o either_o eat_v or_o drink_v but_o have_v my_o spirit_n dry_v up_o with_o the_o anguish_n thereof_o for_o i_o be_v bring_v up_o under_o the_o mean_n and_o from_o a_o child_n frequent_v the_o hear_n of_o the_o word_n and_o the_o first_o cause_n of_o my_o great_a torment_n be_v for_o that_o i_o once_o tell_v a_o lie_n against_o my_o conscience_n which_o so_o lie_v upon_o my_o spirit_n afterward_o that_o i_o can_v receive_v no_o comfort_n i_o go_v to_o hear_v the_o word_n and_o read_v the_o scripture_n yet_o all_o do_v but_o increase_v my_o horror_n several_a minister_n and_o godly_a people_n use_v great_a mean_n to_o comfort_v i_o but_o all_o in_o vain_a for_o a_o time_n and_o when_o i_o read_v the_o scripture_n i_o find_v every_o threaten_n and_o judgement_n therein_o that_o i_o fix_v my_o thought_n upon_o to_o speak_v terror_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o my_o distraction_n be_v so_o great_a that_o my_o friend_n say_v i_o be_v mad_a and_o keep_v the_o bible_n from_o i_o for_o so_o often_o as_o i_o read_v in_o it_o i_o pore_v most_o upon_o that_o dreadful_a place_n matth._n 12.31_o all_o manner_n of_o sin_n and_o blasphemy_n shall_v be_v forgive_v unto_o man_n but_o the_o blasphemy_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n shall_v not_o be_v forgive_v unto_o man_n i_o do_v not_o know_v what_o the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n be_v but_o i_o have_v a_o persuasion_n i_o have_v commit_v that_o sin_n and_o fear_v that_o my_o sin_n can_v not_o be_v pardon_v and_o that_o i_o shall_v never_o go_v to_o heaven_n but_o be_v cast_v off_o to_o the_o damn_a yet_o this_o the_o lord_n wrought_v for_o i_o and_o in_o i_o by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n to_o draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o be_v often_o pray_v in_o that_o poor_a doubt_a way_n my_o spirit_n can_v by_o the_o lord_n assistance_n vouchsafe_v to_o i_o attain_v unto_o for_o though_o i_o think_v it_o in_o vain_a and_o that_o god_n will_v not_o hear_v i_o yet_o i_o continue_v pray_v and_o often_o cry_v to_o god_n not_o only_o in_o the_o day_n time_n but_o frequent_o in_o the_o night_n and_o rise_v out_o of_o my_o bed_n to_o pray_v to_o god_n to_o have_v mercy_n upon_o i_o and_o i_o be_v sometime_o a_o little_a comfort_v in_o that_o i_o be_v persuade_v to_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n but_o yet_o it_o be_v dash_v again_o through_o fear_n that_o i_o have_v commit_v the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n and_o i_o think_v that_o all_o victual_n and_o every_o thing_n be_v too_o good_a for_o i_o and_o that_o i_o be_v unworthy_a of_o all_o en_fw-fr oyment_n thus_o i_o lay_v for_o some_o month_n in_o a_o sad_a agony_n wrestle_v with_o temptation_n perplex_v between_o hope_n and_o despair_n but_o at_o last_o in_o hear_v mr._n w._n minister_n of_o b._n and_o read_v a_o book_n call_v the_o new_a birth_n i_o find_v comfort_n be_v better_o satisfy_v what_o the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n be_v than_o before_o since_o which_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v for_o some_o year_n past_a find_v much_o comfort_n from_o the_o promise_v of_o god_n reveal_v in_o his_o holy_a word_n some_o of_o which_o follow_v matth._n 5.6_o bless_a be_v they_o which_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n for_o they_o shall_v be_v fill_v my_o chief_a desire_n be_v after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o to_o follow_v he_o by_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n not_o doubt_v but_o that_o i_o shall_v be_v bless_v in_o that_o grace_n which_o he_o communicate_v to_o i_o from_o his_o fullness_n matth._n 11.28_o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n this_o promise_n be_v to_o soul_n lade_v with_o dejection_n and_o universal_a to_o all_o that_o come_v to_o christ_n have_v much_o comfort_v my_o heart_n in_o that_o by_o his_o spirit_n he_o have_v draw_v forth_o my_o soul_n to_o come_v to_o he_o and_o as_o a_o testimony_n of_o my_o love_n to_o god_n and_o evidence_n of_o my_o faith_n i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v these_o comfortable_a fruit_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n in_o my_o soul_n 1._o though_o i_o do_v all_o that_o i_o can_v to_o serve_v god_n yet_o in_o all_o thing_n i_o find_v infirmity_n in_o i_o so_o that_o all_o my_o trust_n be_v only_o in_o the_o merit_n of_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n 2._o though_o i_o can_v be_v so_o holy_a as_o
be_o guilty_a before_o god_n justice_n in_o myself_o both_o by_o original_a sin_n which_o come_v by_o the_o fall_n of_o adam_n and_o much_o more_o by_o those_o many_o actual_a sin_n which_o i_o have_v personal_o commit_v but_o i_o be_o justify_v by_o christ_n 14._o i_o desire_v to_o show_v my_o dutiful_a love_n in_o obedience_n to_o my_o father_n command_n and_o my_o affection_n according_a to_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n to_o christ_n my_o husband_n with_o who_o i_o be_o spiritual_o marry_v 15._o the_o lord_n say_v come_v out_o from_o among_o they_o all_o you_o my_o people_n and_o be_v you_o separate_v and_o touch_v no_o unclean_a thing_n and_o i_o will_v be_v your_o god_n and_o you_o shall_v be_v my_o people_n and_o if_o i_o regard_v iniquity_n in_o my_o heart_n the_o lord_n will_v not_o hear_v my_o prayer_n i_o take_v god_n to_o witness_v who_o know_v the_o secret_n of_o all_o heart_n that_o i_o desire_v to_o join_v in_o duty_n not_o to_o the_o end_n that_o other_o shall_v have_v a_o good_a opinion_n of_o i_o i_o know_v i_o must_v leave_v all_o worldly_a relation_n how_o soon_o i_o know_v not_o but_o herein_o i_o shall_v have_v peace_n that_o i_o do_v as_o my_o father_n have_v command_v i_o and_o i_o rejoice_v in_o christ_n jesus_n put_v no_o confidence_n in_o the_o flesh_n but_o only_o in_o the_o merit_n of_o my_o saviour_n m._n m._n xxvi_o experience_n of_o h._n w._n when_o my_o god_n appear_v through_o his_o grace_n to_o shine_v by_o his_o sacred_a spirit_n into_o my_o dark_a soul_n my_o thought_n be_v much_o take_v up_o in_o consideration_n of_o my_o sad_a and_o deplorable_a condition_n under_o â—â—e_z curse_n by_o nature_n yet_o so_o that_o i_o do_v withal_o see_v enough_o in_o christ_n to_o deliver_v i_o from_o all_o if_o i_o do_v attain_v to_o a_o true_a belief_n but_o my_o perplex_a soul_n drink_v deep_a of_o the_o bitter_a dregs_n of_o a_o sorrowful_a cup_n before_o i_o can_v taste_v of_o the_o sweet_a cordial_n my_o bless_a saviour_n have_v prepare_v for_o i_o wherewith_o i_o have_v since_o be_v often_o refresh_v my_o conscience_n tell_v i_o that_o if_o i_o ever_o expect_v deliverance_n from_o sin_n death_n and_o hell_n and_o to_o have_v favour_n with_o god_n i_o must_v devote_v my_o heart_n to_o he_o alone_o but_o yet_o i_o find_v the_o love_n of_o some_o worldly_a vanity_n root_v so_o fast_o in_o my_o affection_n that_o i_o do_v often_o put_v god_n off_o and_o have_v a_o eye_n to_o some_o worldly_a content_n which_o deprive_v i_o for_o that_o time_n of_o enjoy_v peace_n in_o his_o presence_n i_o often_o say_v lord_n such_o a_o day_n i_o will_v leave_v all_o and_o never_o seek_v myself_o but_o thy_o glory_n in_o all_o thing_n and_o then_o again_o lord_n after_o such_o a_o merry_a meeting_n than_o i_o will_v shake_v hand_n with_o all_o temporal_a delight_n and_o again_o now_o lord_n once_o more_o i_o will_v have_v but_o one_o day_n of_o pleasure_n and_o then_o i_o will_v part_v with_o all_o that_o offend_v thou_o and_o not_o seek_v after_o any_o thing_n out_o of_o thou_o more_o but_o for_o a_o time_n all_o this_o prove_v but_o unfaithfulness_n to_o my_o saviour_n and_o wound_n to_o my_o own_o spirit_n the_o sense_n whereof_o do_v sad_o terrify_v my_o conscience_n my_o soul_n be_v much_o cast_v down_o and_o i_o sit_v up_o a_o great_a part_n of_o many_o night_n when_o all_o the_o family_n where_o i_o than_o live_v be_v in_o bed_n and_o with_o a_o heavy_a heart_n and_o flood_n of_o tear_n gush_v from_o my_o sorrowful_a eye_n i_o be_v exceed_o disquiet_v pour_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o my_o god_n and_o beg_a mercy_n at_o the_o footstool_n of_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n and_o that_o which_o be_v the_o great_a horror_n upon_o my_o spirit_n be_v that_o i_o can_v not_o manifest_v my_o believe_v by_o a_o pious_a spiritual_a conversation_n in_o a_o faithful_a obedience_n according_a to_o the_o sacred_a rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n when_o i_o have_v have_v resolution_n for_o worldly_a pleasure_n to_o satisfy_v the_o desire_n of_o nature_n it_o have_v take_v away_o the_o comfort_n of_o my_o heart_n from_o spiritual_a duty_n in_o the_o interim_n but_o i_o find_v in_o my_o soul_n a_o great_a conffict_n in_o wrestle_v against_o those_o sad_a temptation_n my_o conscience_n convince_a i_o how_o great_a a_o enemy_n i_o be_v to_o my_o soul_n therein_o and_o testify_v that_o it_o will_v be_v infinite_o better_a to_o leave_v all_o the_o vain_a thing_n of_o the_o world_n than_o to_o live_v without_o the_o love_n of_o my_o saviour_n but_o when_o my_o god_n be_v please_v to_o bring_v my_o heart_n to_o a_o frame_n to_o resolve_v serious_o never_o to_o delay_v with_o god_n a_o moment_n more_o my_o heart_n be_v so_o fix_v on_o my_o saviour_n that_o i_o see_v a_o sufficiency_n in_o he_o under_o any_o dispensation_n i_o taste_v a_o great_a sweetness_n in_o the_o grace_n of_o his_o spirit_n than_o in_o any_o temporal_a pleasure_n and_o i_o find_v much_o of_o the_o love_n grace_n spirit_n and_o power_n of_o my_o dear_a saviour_n appear_v to_o refresh_v my_o trouble_a soul_n and_o i_o have_v find_v much_o comfort_n from_o divers_a promise_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o particular_o isa_n 49.8_o 8._o i_o will_v preserve_v thou_o and_o give_v thou_o for_o a_o covenant_n of_o the_o people_n to_o establish_v the_o earth_n and_o to_o cause_n to_o inherit_v the_o desolate_a heritage_n that_o thou_o may_v say_v to_o the_o prisoner_n go_v forth_o to_o they_o that_o be_v in_o darkness_n show_v yourselves_o though_o i_o be_v before_o a_o prisoner_n to_o worldly_a vanity_n and_o shut_v up_o in_o darkness_n yet_o christ_n be_v send_v to_o declare_v the_o covenant_n to_o such_o i_o find_v good_a warrant_n to_o apply_v it_o to_o myself_o ezek._n 34.22_o therefore_o will_v i_o save_v my_o flock_n and_o they_o shall_v be_v no_o more_o a_o prey_n this_o salvation_n i_o apply_v as_o promise_v to_o i_o consider_v that_o though_o i_o be_v a_o sinful_a man_n yet_o it_o be_v my_o comfort_n that_o the_o lord_n be_v my_o god_n vers_fw-la 31._o and_o you_o my_o flock_n the_o flock_n of_o my_o pasture_n be_v man_n and_o i_o be_o your_o god_n mat._n 5.6_o bless_a be_v they_o which_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n for_o they_o shall_v be_v fill_v god_n have_v give_v i_o a_o heart_n to_o hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o my_o saviour_n and_o my_o god_n above_o all_o thing_n i_o believe_v this_o promise_n be_v make_v to_o i_o with_o many_o more_o which_o give_v much_o sweet_a comfort_n and_o consolation_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o be_v justify_v by_o faith_n i_o have_v peace_n with_o god_n through_o our_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n the_o testimony_n of_o which_o faith_n be_v seal_v to_o my_o soul_n by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n in_o these_o demonstration_n 1._o i_o find_v many_o evident_a testimony_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n to_o i_o which_o have_v draw_v forth_o my_o soul_n to_o a_o high_a esteem_n of_o he_o and_o to_o love_v he_o above_o all_o thing_n 2._o i_o see_v nothing_o but_o sin_n in_o myself_o and_o my_o trust_n be_v in_o my_o saviour_n merit_n for_o justification_n 3._o i_o feel_v glorious_a refreshment_n from_o the_o heavenly_a gale_n of_o god_n bless_a spirit_n breathe_v his_o grace_n into_o my_o soul_n which_o be_v the_o high_a bliss_n i_o can_v desire_v on_o this_o side_n heaven_n 4._o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n from_o the_o word_n and_o ordinance_n 5._o my_o chief_a desire_n in_o all_o thsng_n be_v to_o glorify_v god_n 6._o i_o find_v a_o very_a great_a affection_n in_o my_o heart_n to_o the_o people_n of_o god_n or_o any_o that_o i_o judge_v so_o to_o be_v 7._o i_o desire_v to_o be_v at_o peace_n with_o and_o do_v all_o the_o good_a i_o can_v to_o all_o especial_o those_o of_o the_o household_n of_o faith_n 8._o i_o can_v hearty_o beg_v of_o the_o lord_n to_o give_v i_o deliverance_n from_o and_o strength_n against_o every_o sin_n though_o never_o so_o please_v to_o my_o nature_n or_o which_o i_o be_o most_o prone_a to_o 9_o i_o find_v no_o such_o full_a joy_n in_o any_o thing_n as_o i_o do_v in_o communion_n with_o my_o god_n 10._o i_o see_v a_o purity_n and_o glory_n in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o gospel-duty_n above_o all_o thing_n 11._o i_o desire_v no_o long_o to_o live_v than_o to_o glorify_v god_n 12._o all_o the_o day_n of_o my_o appoint_a time_n i_o wait_v till_o my_o change_n shall_v come_v h._n w._n xxvii_o experience_n of_o d._n r._n it_o have_v please_v the_o lord_n ever_o since_o i_o know_v a_o difference_n between_o good_a and_o evil_n to_o give_v i_o a_o heart_n to_o seek_v after_o those_o thing_n which_o savour_v most_o of_o god_n and_o it_o be_v
everlasting_a life_n this_o very_a word_n whosoever_o do_v work_v so_o kind_o and_o with_o such_o a_o sweet_a efficacy_n upon_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o be_v constrain_v to_o submit_v have_v not_o any_o objection_n against_o it_o for_o it_o comprehend_v all_o sort_n of_o sinner_n although_o never_o so_o great_a yet_o whosoever_o believe_v in_o this_o son_n of_o god_n shall_v enjoy_v such_o a_o sweet_a promise_n no_o less_o than_o eternal_a life_n in_o the_o 16._o verse_n god_n so_o love_v the_o world_n that_o he_o give_v his_o only_a beget_v son_n that_o whosoever_o believe_v in_o he_o shall_v not_o perish_v but_o have_v everlasting_a life_n and_o in_o act_n 10.43_o that_o whosoever_o believe_v in_o he_o shall_v receive_v remission_n of_o sin_n then_o in_o gal._n 2.20_o i_o live_v by_o the_o faith_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n who_o love_v i_o and_o give_v himself_o for_o i_o and_o christ_n jesus_n die_v for_o sinner_n of_o who_o i_o be_o chief_a see_v this_o application_n of_o christ_n that_o paul_n make_v in_o particular_a to_o himself_o who_o be_v a_o very_a great_a sinner_n it_o do_v much_o embolden_v i_o in_o the_o like_a rom._n 5.8_o 9_o god_n commend_v his_o love_n towards_o we_o in_o that_o while_o we_o be_v yet_o sinner_n christ_n die_v for_o the_o ungodly_a and_o i_o be_v ungodly_a therefore_o i_o believe_v christ_n dye_v for_o i_o and_o when_o we_o be_v yet_o without_o strength_n in_o due_a time_n christ_n die_v for_o sinner_n i_o be_o a_o sinner_n and_o therefore_o christ_n die_v for_o i_o and_o he_o be_v reconcile_v unto_o we_o while_o we_o be_v enemy_n for_o the_o lord_n to_o be_v thus_o reconcile_v to_o ungodly_a to_o sinner_n to_o enemy_n this_o be_v more_o love_n indeed_o than_o ever_o i_o expect_v especial_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v have_v be_v half_o so_o gracious_a to_o i_o this_o turn_v all_o my_o former_a sorrow_n into_o joy_n cry_v out_o what_o shall_v i_o render_v unto_o the_o lord_n for_o all_o his_o benefit_n that_o he_o have_v bestow_v upon_o i_o for_o what_o be_v i_o or_o any_o of_o my_o father_n house_n that_o the_o lord_n shall_v be_v so_o merciful_a unto_o i_o and_o i_o have_v these_o testimonis_fw-la of_o my_o real_a conversion_n to_o god_n 1._o the_o testimony_n of_o his_o spirit_n adopt_v i_o to_o be_v his_o child_n gal._n 3.4_o 5._o god_n send_v forth_o his_o son_n to_o redeem_v those_o that_o be_v under_o the_o law_n that_o they_o may_v receive_v the_o adoption_n of_o son_n and_o because_o you_o be_v son_n god_n have_v send_v forth_o the_o spirit_n of_o his_o son_n into_o your_o heart_n cry_v abba_n father_n wherefore_o thou_o be_v no_o more_o a_o servant_n but_o a_o son_n i_o be_v once_o under_o the_o law_n dead_a i_o be_o now_o by_o christ_n redeem_v and_o i_o bless_v god_n for_o this_o precious_a privilege_n that_o i_o can_v call_v god_n my_o father_n 2._o christ_n have_v fulfil_v the_o law_n therefore_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v condemn_v by_o the_o law_n but_o justify_v by_o jesus_n christ_n without_o the_o deed_n of_o the_o law_n there_o be_v a_o time_n when_o i_o be_v dead_a in_o sin_n and_o in_o ungodliness_n be_v alienate_v from_o the_o commonwealth_n of_o israel_n and_o a_o stranger_n to_o the_o covenant_n of_o grace_n have_v no_o hope_n and_o without_o god_n in_o the_o world_n but_o be_v make_v alive_a by_o jesus_n christ_n i_o see_v my_o sin_n do_v away_o and_o do_v believe_v that_o christ_n have_v bear_v on_o his_o body_n all_o my_o sin_n he_o be_v bruise_v for_o our_o transgression_n isa_n 53._o and_o the_o lord_n lay_v on_o he_o the_o iniquity_n of_o we_o all_o by_o who_o stripe_n we_o be_v heal_v so_o that_o i_o do_v believe_v that_o by_o one_o offering_n he_o have_v perfect_v for_o ever_o all_o those_o that_o be_v sanctify_v heb._n 10._o and_o that_o christ_n jesus_n be_v become_v a_o full_a and_o perfect_a satisfaction_n for_o my_o sin_n and_o that_o the_o lord_n be_v well_o please_v with_o and_o content_v in_o this_o satisfaction_n mat._n 3._o that_o be_v my_o well-beloved_a son_n in_o who_o i_o be_o well_o please_v 3._o i_o be_o in_o and_o through_o god_n free_a grace_n what_o i_o be_o not_o for_o any_o thing_n in_o i_o or_o that_o i_o can_v do_v but_o as_o in_o titus_n 4.5_o we_o ourselves_o be_v sometime_o foolish_a disobedient_a serve_v divers_a lust_n but_o when_o the_o kindness_n and_o love_n of_o god_n our_o saviour_n appear_v towards_o man_n not_o by_o work_n of_o righteousness_n which_o we_o have_v do_v but_o according_a to_o his_o mercy_n he_o save_v we_o that_o be_v justify_v free_o by_o his_o grace_n we_o shall_v be_v make_v heir_n according_a to_o the_o hope_n of_o eternal_a life_n and_o in_o another_o place_n 1_o tim._n 1.9_o who_o have_v save_v we_o and_o call_v we_o with_o a_o holy_a call_n not_o according_a to_o our_o work_n but_o according_a to_o his_o own_o purpose_n and_o grace_n in_o christ_n jesus_n before_o the_o world_n begin_v therefore_o i_o believe_v that_o god_n the_o father_n love_v i_o in_o jesus_n christ_n 1_o john_n 4.19_o we_o love_v he_o because_o he_o love_v we_o first_o john_n 14.14_o you_o have_v not_o choose_v i_o but_o i_o have_v choose_v you_o that_o you_o shall_v bring_v forth_o much_o fruit_n isa_n 43.25_o ay_o even_o i_o be_o he_o that_o blot_v out_o all_o thy_o transgression_n for_o my_o own_o sake_n and_o will_v not_o remember_v thy_o iniquity_n and_o he_o will_v have_v mercy_n even_o because_o he_o will_v have_v mercy_n the_o blood_n of_o jesus_n christ_n cleanse_v we_o from_o all_o sin_n i_o plain_o see_v it_o be_v the_o lord_n do_n and_o it_o be_v marvellous_a in_o my_o eye_n as_o in_o ephes_n 2._o you_o who_o be_v dead_a in_o trespass_n and_o sin_n have_v he_o quicken_v together_o with_o he_o by_o grace_n you_o be_v save_v and_o that_o not_o of_o yourselves_o it_o be_v the_o gift_n of_o god_n i_o find_v as_o christ_n jesus_n be_v a_o free_a gift_n to_o i_o and_o for_o i_o so_o be_v this_o save_a grace_n of_o faith_n a_o free_a gift_n also_o from_o the_o lord_n to_o my_o soul_n rom._n 3.24_o be_v justify_v free_o by_o his_o grace_n through_o the_o redemption_n that_o be_v in_o christ_n jesus_n to_o declare_v his_o righteousness_n for_o the_o remission_n of_o sin_n that_o he_o may_v be_v just_a and_o the_o justifier_n of_o he_o that_o believe_v in_o jesus_n so_o that_o all_o boast_n of_o the_o creature_n be_v exclude_v by_o the_o law_n of_o faith_n as_o by_o the_o disobedience_n of_o one_o many_o be_v make_v sinner_n so_o by_o the_o obedience_n of_o one_o shall_v many_o be_v make_v righteous_a 4._o i_o believe_v that_o as_o there_o be_v no_o sin_n find_v in_o christ_n and_o yet_o a_o sinner_n by_o imputation_n so_o i_o be_v a_o sinner_n indeed_o shall_v be_v make_v righteous_a by_o god_n imputation_n for_o it_o please_v god_n to_o make_v he_o become_v sin_n for_o we_o who_o know_v no_o sin_n that_o we_o may_v be_v make_v the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n in_o he_o 5._o i_o have_v the_o seal_n of_o the_o spirit_n as_o paul_n say_v the_o spirit_n of_o god_n bear_v witness_n with_o our_o spirit_n that_o we_o be_v the_o child_n of_o god_n and_o if_o child_n than_o heir_n of_o god_n and_o joint_a heir_n with_o christ_n in_o this_o our_o freedom_n 6._o i_o do_v believe_v that_o god_n the_o father_n love_v i_o and_o elect_v i_o for_o the_o son_n to_o redeem_v and_o that_o jesus_n christ_n love_v i_o as_o give_v of_o the_o father_n for_o he_o to_o redeem_v and_o manifest_v it_o to_o i_o and_o the_o holy_a ghost_n love_v i_o as_o elect_v of_o the_o father_n and_o redeem_v by_o the_o son_n and_o do_v evidence_n it_o in_o i_o which_o be_v the_o earnest_n of_o my_o inheritance_n and_o there_o be_v a_o expression_n in_o john_n 3._o last_o he_o that_o believe_v in_o the_o son_n have_v everlasting_a life_n 7._o i_o do_v believe_v that_o i_o have_v everlasting_a life_n already_o in_o possession_n 1._o by_o the_o promise_n fear_v not_o little_a flock_n for_o it_o be_v your_o father_n good_a pleasure_n to_o give_v you_o a_o kingdom_n 2._o in_o the_o first_o fruit_n for_o what_o be_v heaven_n hereafter_o but_o a_o more_o full_a enjoyment_n of_o what_o be_v begin_v here_o what_o we_o receive_v now_o be_v but_o a_o taste_n of_o what_o we_o shall_v receive_v as_o 1_o john_n 4.2_o belove_a now_o be_v we_o the_o son_n of_o god_n and_o it_o do_v not_o yet_o appear_v what_o we_o shall_v be_v but_o we_o know_v that_o when_o we_o shall_v appear_v we_o shall_v be_v like_o he_o for_o we_o shall_v see_v he_o as_o he_o be_v 3._o i_o do_v enjoy_v it_o by_o my_o head_n christ_n who_o have_v take_v full_a possession_n of_o it_o already_o for_o i_o
therefore_o see_v i_o be_o not_o my_o own_o i_o be_o buy_v with_o a_o price_n therefore_o i_o desire_v to_o glorify_v god_n with_o my_o soul_n and_o body_n which_o be_v the_o lord_n say_v with_o mary_n in_o luke_n 1._o my_o soul_n do_v magnify_v the_o lord_n and_o my_o spirit_n do_v rejoice_v in_o god_n my_o saviour_n who_o have_v regard_v the_o low_a estate_n of_o his_o handmaid_n 8._o though_o former_o my_o soundation_n be_v build_v upon_o the_o sand_n and_o therefore_o easy_o overthrow_v yet_o now_o i_o trust_v in_o the_o lord_n i_o be_o establish_v by_o faith_n build_v upon_o that_o rock_n which_o be_v the_o love_n of_o god_n my_o saviour_n christ_n be_v the_o corner_n stone_n isa_n 28.16_o behold_v i_o lie_v in_o zion_n a_o stone_n a_o try_a stone_n he_o that_o believe_v shall_v not_o make_v haste_n 9_o i_o wait_v upon_o the_o will_n of_o my_o heavenly_a father_n in_o all_o his_o dispensation_n for_o a_o more_o full_a enjoyment_n of_o jesus_n christ_n in_o my_o soul_n which_o i_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o and_o i_o have_v the_o promise_n of_o my_o god_n that_o i_o shall_v be_v fill_v and_o have_v taste_v i_o have_v find_v the_o lord_n be_v gracious_a and_o more_o to_o be_v desire_v than_o thousand_o of_o world_n 10._o i_o believe_v not_o upon_o other_o word_n but_o as_o in_o john_n 4.42_o as_o some_o say_v to_o the_o woman_n of_o samaria_n now_o we_o believe_v not_o because_o of_o thy_o say_n for_o we_o have_v hear_v he_o ourselves_o and_o know_v that_o this_o be_v indeed_o the_o christ_n the_o saviour_n of_o the_o world_n 11._o as_o david_n say_v i_o have_v faint_v unless_o i_o have_v believe_v to_o see_v the_o goodness_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o i_o believe_v therefore_o have_v i_o speak_v for_o i_o be_v great_o afflict_v as_o the_o apostle_n say_v you_o be_v complete_a in_o christ_n therefore_o i_o reckon_v myself_o in_o he_o 12._o the_o lord_n have_v clear_v it_o to_o i_o that_o i_o be_o a_o believer_n i_o be_o confident_a that_o christ_n jesus_n do_v pray_v to_o his_o father_n for_o i_o in_o the_o 17._o of_o john_n say_v i_o pray_v not_o for_o these_o only_a hut_a for_o they_o that_o shall_v believe_v through_o their_o word_n that_o they_o may_v be_v one_o even_o as_o we_o be_v one_o therefore_o thou_o be_v my_o god_n and_o i_o will_v praise_v thou_o for_o thou_o have_v hear_v i_o and_o be_v become_v my_o salvation_n thus_o in_o some_o measure_n i_o have_v weak_o hint_v out_o a_o reason_n of_o the_o hope_n that_o be_v in_o i_o trust_v in_o my_o god_n that_o as_o he_o have_v take_v away_o the_o guilt_n of_o sin_n out_o of_o my_o conscience_n so_o in_o his_o due_a time_n he_o will_v take_v away_o all_o sin_n from_o my_o conversation_n as_o he_o have_v give_v i_o a_o pardon_n for_o sin_n so_o he_o will_v overpower_v all_o my_o corruption_n that_o i_o may_v live_v more_o to_o the_o praise_n of_o the_o glory_n of_o his_o grace_n wherein_o he_o have_v make_v i_o accept_v in_o the_o belove_a and_o that_o i_o shall_v become_v over_o sin_n satan_n self_n and_o all_o thing_n opposite_a to_o grace_n more_o than_o a_o conqueror_n through_o he_o that_o have_v love_v i_o and_o wash_v i_o from_o my_o sin_n in_o his_o blood_n for_o to_o he_o be_v all_o thing_n possible_a and_o he_o be_v the_o wise_a masterbuilder_n who_o will_v not_o only_o begin_v but_o will_v go_v on_o to_o accomplish_v his_o own_o work_n d._n r._n xxviii_o experience_n of_o a._n o._n i_o have_v undergo_v sad_a trouble_n of_o spirit_n for_o my_o sin_n which_o i_o have_v have_v a_o great_a fight_n and_o sense_n of_o and_o shed_v many_o tear_n for_o and_o desire_v to_o be_v true_o sorry_a for_o they_o and_o hate_v they_o and_o to_o have_v no_o more_o communion_n with_o they_o about_o two_o year_n i_o lay_v under_o very_o great_a temptation_n and_o be_v ready_a to_o despair_v and_o for_o several_a night_n can_v not_o take_v any_o rest_n in_o my_o bed_n but_o be_v very_o weak_a with_o weep_v and_o much_o grieve_v for_o my_o evil_a thought_n yet_o the_o lord_n draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o call_v upon_o he_o and_o hope_v in_o he_o for_o mercy_n but_o i_o have_v many_o sore_a conflict_n insomuch_o that_o i_o can_v not_o lie_v in_o the_o chamber_n alone_o i_o make_v what_o use_n i_o can_v of_o opportunity_n to_o desire_v comfort_n from_o such_o godly_a christian_n as_o i_o can_v meet_v withal_o to_o counsel_v i_o in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o i_o labour_v to_o hearken_v to_o they_o but_o find_v my_o heart_n very_o dull_a and_o heavy_a for_o a_o time_n until_o about_o three_o year_n since_o i_o begin_v to_o find_v comfort_n from_o some_o sermon_n that_o i_o hear_v and_o book_n that_o i_o read_v and_o some_o thought_n that_o the_o lord_n settle_v upon_o my_o heart_n by_o his_o spirit_n hope_v that_o there_o be_v mercy_n for_o i_o and_o i_o do_v believe_v that_o i_o have_v all_o the_o prayer_n of_o all_o the_o saint_n in_o the_o world_n put_v up_o to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n for_o i_o and_o that_o my_o saviour_n have_v satisfy_v for_o my_o sin_n and_o through_o he_o god_n be_v reconcile_v to_o i_o and_o in_o particular_a i_o find_v comfort_n from_o these_o and_o some_o other_o promise_n john_n 16.35_o jesus_n say_v unto_o they_o i_o be_o the_o bread_n of_o life_n he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o shall_v never_o hunger_n and_o he_o that_o believe_v on_o i_o shall_v never_o thirst_v verse_n 37._o all_o that_o the_o father_n give_v i_o shall_v come_v to_o i_o and_o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o john_n 14.1_o let_v not_o your_o heart_n be_v trouble_v you_o believe_v in_o god_n believe_v also_o in_o i_o jerem._n 31.23_o but_o this_o shall_v be_v the_o covenant_n that_o i_o will_v make_v with_o the_o house_n of_o israel_n after_o those_o day_n say_v the_o lord_n i_o will_v put_v my_o law_n in_o their_o inward_a part_n and_o write_v it_o in_o their_o heart_n and_o i_o will_v be_v their_o god_n and_o they_o shall_v be_v my_o people_n and_o i_o do_v find_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o testimony_n of_o my_o believe_v &_o that_o i_o do_v love_n god_n wrought_v in_o i_o by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n by_o these_o particular_n 1._o i_o love_v god_n not_o through_o slavish_a fear_n but_o for_o his_o name_n and_o glory_n so_o that_o i_o can_v leave_v all_o for_o he_o and_o nothing_o be_v so_o dear_a and_o precious_a unto_o i_o as_o the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o nothing_o so_o great_a a_o joy_n to_o i_o as_o that_o christ_n who_o die_v for_o i_o have_v not_o leave_v i_o 2._o i_o find_v such_o comfort_n from_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o by_o his_o spirit_n revive_v my_o droop_a heart_n and_o fill_v my_o empty_a soul_n and_o when_o my_o poor_a spirit_n be_v even_o faint_v away_o i_o find_v comfort_n from_o his_o glorious_a power_n and_o presence_n 3._o when_o i_o can_v come_v to_o ordinance_n it_o be_v a_o grief_n to_o i_o and_o when_o i_o be_o in_o duty_n it_o be_v a_o grief_n to_o i_o that_o i_o be_o so_o dull_a and_o find_v no_o more_o enlargement_n yet_o my_o affection_n be_v groan_v after_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n in_o duty_n and_o i_o have_v a_o great_a longing_n to_o receive_v more_o of_o christ_n and_o i_o find_v more_o comfort_n when_o my_o heart_n be_v enlarge_v in_o duty_n than_o in_o any_o other_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n and_o i_o know_v that_o all_o my_o comfort_n be_v from_o jesus_n christ_n 4._o what_o i_o desire_v to_o enjoy_v i_o seek_v to_o enjoy_v it_o in_o god_n through_o peace_n of_o conscience_n that_o it_o may_v be_v to_o the_o comfort_n of_o my_o faith_n for_o god_n be_v pure_a and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a grief_n to_o i_o that_o i_o câ—n_v serve_v my_o god_n no_o better_o 5._o i_o do_v not_o fear_v death_n for_o my_o faith_n be_v so_o settle_a in_o god_n that_o i_o long_o to_o be_v with_o my_o saviour_n when_o he_o shall_v be_v please_v to_o call_v i_o to_o he_o christ_n have_v dye_v for_o i_o to_o take_v away_o the_o fear_n of_o the_o second_o death_n a._n o._n xxix_o experience_n of_o m._n w._n i_o have_v from_o my_o childhood_n desire_v to_o serve_v the_o lord_n and_o to_o make_v his_o commandment_n my_o rule_n to_o walk_v by_o and_o i_o think_v once_o that_o i_o can_v have_v say_v with_o the_o young_a man_n in_o the_o gospel_n all_o these_o have_v i_o keep_v from_o my_o youth_n but_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o visit_v i_o with_o a_o grievous_a sickness_n even_o unto_o death_n and_o then_o my_o heart_n tell_v i_o that_o i_o be_v a_o great_a sinner_n and_o my_o conscience_n accuse_v i_o that_o i_o have_v
love_v the_o world_n more_o than_o i_o have_v love_v jesus_n christ_n then_o i_o be_v afflict_v in_o my_o spirit_n with_o fear_n because_o i_o can_v not_o believe_v that_o jesus_n christ_n have_v dye_v for_o i_o i_o beseech_v the_o lord_n by_o earnest_a prayer_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o spare_v i_o for_o i_o find_v myself_o to_o be_v very_o unfit_a for_o death_n i_o make_v promise_n to_o the_o lord_n that_o if_o he_o do_v please_v to_o spare_v i_o i_o will_v lead_v a_o new_a life_n and_o do_v resolve_v to_o walk_v more_o close_o to_o my_o god_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v in_o mercy_n to_o hear_v my_o prayer_n and_o grant_v this_o request_n and_o spare_v i_o a_o while_n long_o to_o serve_v he_o in_o the_o land_n of_o the_o live_n but_o notwithstanding_o my_o promise_n and_o the_o great_a deliverance_n the_o lord_n have_v wrought_v for_o i_o in_o keep_v i_o back_o from_o hell_n and_o the_o grave_a i_o have_v soon_o forget_v all_o i_o begin_v to_o love_v the_o world_n again_o and_o live_v as_o vain_o as_o before_o but_o the_o lord_n smite_v my_o conscience_n and_o sore_o trouble_v my_o spirit_n for_o this_o backslide_n put_v i_o in_o mind_n of_o the_o promise_n i_o have_v make_v to_o he_o in_o my_o sickness_n with_o great_a bitterness_n of_o heart_n and_o grief_n of_o soul_n i_o mourn_v for_o my_o fail_n and_o do_v again_o resolve_v for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v to_o keep_v more_o close_o to_o god_n and_o set_v a_o watch_n over_o my_o heart_n but_o the_o more_o i_o look_v into_o my_o heart_n the_o more_o vile_a i_o see_v myself_o to_o be_v and_o be_v great_o trouble_v that_o i_o have_v so_o often_o play_v the_o hypocrite_n with_o my_o god_n i_o again_o beseech_v the_o lord_n by_o prayer_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v for_o jesus_n christ_n his_o sake_n to_o forgive_v all_o my_o sin_n and_o backslide_n which_o i_o then_o be_v grieve_v for_o with_o loathe_v more_o than_o ever_o before_o my_o conscience_n be_v so_o wound_v and_o my_o soul_n cast_v down_o in_o so_o great_a a_o conflict_n that_o my_o spirit_n be_v almost_o dry_v up_o and_o my_o heart_n begin_v to_o grow_v weary_a and_o faint_a with_o cry_v and_o groan_v after_o my_o saviour_n yet_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o humble_v i_o still_o more_o and_o more_o and_o to_o try_v i_o further_o as_o gold_n be_v try_v in_o the_o fire_n and_o my_o affliction_n be_v double_v upon_o i_o by_o satan_n malice_n who_o tempt_v i_o with_o evil_a thought_n which_o be_v grievous_a to_o my_o soul_n when_o i_o have_v pray_v with_o a_o trouble_a spirit_n as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v the_o devil_n put_v thought_n into_o my_o mind_n quite_o contrary_a to_o the_o frame_n of_o a_o pray_a spirit_n when_o i_o have_v read_v the_o word_n of_o god_n he_o tempt_v i_o with_o doubt_n and_o question_n touch_v some_o thing_n therein_o whether_o it_o be_v truth_n or_o not_o and_o satan_n follow_v his_o temptation_n so_o close_o upon_o i_o that_o as_o soon_o as_o the_o lord_n have_v enable_v i_o to_o repulse_v one_o temptation_n the_o devil_n assault_v i_o with_o another_o so_o that_o i_o have_v scarce_o time_n to_o fetch_v my_o breath_n one_o temptation_n follow_v so_o close_o upon_o another_o be_v trouble_v much_o in_o my_o spirit_n in_o this_o condition_n i_o be_v tempt_v to_o discontent_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v not_o take_v away_o these_o temptation_n from_o i_o and_o in_o anger_n fall_v into_o some_o great_a passion_n even_o near_o unto_o desperation_n and_o i_o be_v sore_o buffet_v by_o the_o devil_n in_o this_o my_o low_a extremity_n who_o assault_v i_o with_o fresh_a temptation_n of_o blasphemous_a thought_n touch_v god_n so_o that_o when_o in_o the_o bitterness_n of_o my_o soul_n i_o be_v seek_v after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o have_v name_v god_n he_o will_v put_v into_o my_o mind_n the_o object_n of_o the_o brute_n creature_n and_o even_o whilst_o i_o be_v pour_v out_o my_o soul_n to_o the_o creator_n and_o be_v plead_v a_o promise_n he_o bring_v a_o curse_n to_o my_o thought_n thus_o be_v i_o repulse_v in_o all_o duty_n by_o satan_n terrify_n my_o soul_n to_o persuade_v i_o that_o it_o be_v in_o vain_a for_o i_o to_o seek_v for_o salvation_n because_o i_o have_v commit_v the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n which_o god_n by_o his_o word_n have_v declare_v shall_v never_o be_v forgive_v neither_o in_o this_o world_n nor_o in_o the_o world_n to_o come_v because_o i_o be_v discontent_v that_o the_o lord_n after_o all_o my_o address_n to_o he_o have_v not_o deliver_v i_o from_o all_o my_o trouble_n but_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o strength_n to_o resist_v satan_n and_o say_v in_o the_o bitterness_n of_o my_o soul_n to_o my_o god_n far_o be_v it_o from_o i_o o_o lord_n to_o be_v offend_v with_o thou_o and_o the_o lord_n wrought_v this_o resolution_n in_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o do_v protest_v before_o the_o lord_n that_o although_o i_o shall_v see_v nothing_o but_o hell_n before_o i_o yet_o i_o will_v trust_v in_o he_o and_o stay_v myself_o upon_o my_o god_n until_o he_o please_v to_o send_v i_o deliverance_n i_o make_v my_o case_n know_v to_o a_o dear_a friend_n who_o give_v i_o some_o comfort_n he_o tell_v i_o that_o the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n be_v to_o sin_v wilful_o by_o perpetual_a despite_n against_o god_n i_o find_v a_o clear_a testimony_n in_o my_o conscience_n that_o i_o be_v so_o far_o from_o despit_v the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n that_o i_o have_v not_o sin_v willing_o against_o god_n for_o i_o find_v it_o to_o be_v a_o affliction_n to_o i_o to_o be_v tempt_v with_o evil_a thought_n touch_v the_o lord_n though_o i_o consent_v not_o to_o they_o and_o i_o find_v my_o soul_n grieve_v that_o i_o can_v not_o be_v free_v from_o they_o and_o then_o with_o abundance_n of_o tear_n by_o often_o prayer_n and_o supplication_n to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n i_o pour_v forth_o my_o sinful_a soul_n at_o the_o footstool_n of_o god_n mercy_n exalt_v free_a grace_n and_o plead_v the_o unspeakable_a riches_n of_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n that_o will_v appear_v in_o the_o conversion_n of_o such_o a_o sinner_n as_o i_o have_v be_v methinks_v it_o seem_v to_o exalt_v god_n mercy_n and_o to_o be_v one_o of_o the_o great_a manifestation_n of_o free_a grace_n in_o the_o world_n to_o be_v to_o the_o great_a glory_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o unspeakable_a comfort_n of_o my_o poor_a soul_n if_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o bring_v i_o to_o himself_o now_o when_o by_o the_o divine_a power_n of_o god_n my_o heart_n be_v thus_o resolve_v to_o trust_v in_o he_o and_o to_o wait_v upon_o he_o than_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o to_o my_o comfort_n the_o example_n of_o jesus_n christ_n who_o have_v no_o sin_n in_o himself_o yet_o he_o be_v tempt_v of_o the_o devil_n and_o likewise_o of_o paul_n how_o satan_n send_v send_v a_o messenger_n to_o buffet_v he_o who_o then_o pray_v unto_o god_n and_o the_o lord_n say_v my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o my_o power_n be_v make_v know_v in_o thy_o weakness_n then_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v comfort_v and_o to_o think_v if_o christ_n himself_o be_v tempt_v if_o the_o child_n of_o god_n who_o have_v be_v eminent_a example_n have_v lie_v under_o temptation_n and_o the_o lord_n according_a to_o his_o promise_n have_v strengthen_v and_o deliver_v they_o there_o be_v hope_n for_o i_o and_o the_o lord_n wrought_v faith_n in_o my_o heart_n to_o believe_v that_o he_o will_v strengthen_v i_o and_o keep_v i_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o perish_v for_o ever_o and_o i_o have_v since_o find_v great_a consolation_n in_o many_o promise_n which_o the_o lord_n have_v reveal_v in_o his_o word_n which_o i_o have_v plead_v before_o he_o some_o of_o which_o follow_v isaiah_n 50.10_o who_o be_v among_o you_o that_o fear_v the_o lord_n and_o obey_v the_o voice_n of_o his_o servant_n that_o walk_v in_o darkness_n and_o have_v no_o light_n let_v he_o trust_v in_o the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o stay_v upon_o his_o god_n i_o apply_v this_o promise_n thus_o i_o have_v walk_v in_o darkness_n and_o see_v no_o light_n but_o god_n have_v wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n to_o fear_v he_o and_o a_o willingness_n to_o obey_v my_o saviour_n and_o a_o resolution_n to_o trust_v in_o the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n therefore_o i_o know_v it_o be_v not_o in_o vain_a to_o stay_v myself_o upon_o my_o god_n and_o matth._n 12.20_o it_o be_v say_v by_o christ_n a_o bruise_a reed_n shall_v he_o not_o break_v and_o smoke_a flax_n shall_v he_o not_o quench_v till_o he_o send_v forth_o judgement_n unto_o victory_n the_o lord_n have_v break_v and_o bruise_v i_o in_o
have_v conference_n with_o many_o of_o the_o people_n of_o god_n both_o preacher_n and_o other_o i_o be_v very_o much_o strengthen_v in_o faith_n and_o have_v a_o assurance_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n jesus_n whereby_o i_o do_v find_v much_o comfort_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o since_o hear_v some_o able_a minister_n of_o the_o gospel_n hold_v forth_o most_o precious_a truth_n i_o find_v much_o comfort_n and_o more_o particular_o mr._n bridges_n of_o yarmouth_n open_v that_o comfortable_a scripture_n psal_n 41.11_o why_o be_v thou_o cast_v down_o o_o my_o soul_n why_o be_v thou_o disquiet_v within_o i_o trust_v in_o god_n etc._n etc._n his_o doctrine_n be_v that_o a_o godly_a man_n have_v no_o just_a cause_n to_o be_v discourage_v whatsoever_o his_o condition_n be_v either_o the_o sense_n of_o sin_n or_o the_o temptation_n of_o satan_n or_o trouble_v or_o affliction_n that_o a_o man_n have_v cause_n to_o be_v humble_v for_o the_o least_o sin_n but_o not_o to_o be_v discourage_v at_o the_o great_a from_o trust_v in_o god_n but_o to_o rely_v upon_o the_o lord_n by_o faith_n in_o christ_n whatsoever_o his_o disincouragement_n be_v which_o have_v since_o cause_v i_o to_o walk_v in_o a_o thankful_a posture_n towards_o god_n for_o his_o unspeakable_a mercy_n and_o it_o be_v my_o great_a grief_n that_o i_o can_v be_v no_o more_o thankful_a see_v i_o have_v receive_v so_o much_o mercy_n from_o god_n who_o i_o do_v daily_o offend_v which_o have_v make_v i_o with_o paul_n to_o cry_v out_o o_o wretched_a man_n that_o i_o be_o who_o shall_v deliver_v i_o from_o this_o body_n of_o death_n but_o that_o the_o next_o word_n produce_v comfort_n bless_a be_v god_n through_o jesus_n christ_n yet_o after_o this_o it_o please_v god_n to_o suffer_v i_o to_o fall_v into_o a_o sinful_a condition_n by_o be_v too_o confident_a in_o my_o own_o strength_n which_o fall_v cost_v i_o abundance_n of_o tear_n sigh_n and_o sobbing_n of_o heart_n even_o as_o david_n say_v to_o the_o break_n and_o dry_v of_o my_o bone_n it_o make_v i_o walk_v sad_o for_o many_o month_n together_o &_o even_o to_o despair_v of_o any_o help_n and_o see_v i_o have_v bring_v so_o much_o dishonour_n to_o god_n and_o scandal_n to_o the_o gospel_n and_o reproach_n to_o the_o professor_n thereof_o this_o do_v much_o press_v my_o soul_n consider_v what_o a_o professor_n i_o be_v before_o in_o stand_v for_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n and_o oppose_v all_o gainsayer_n and_o for_o i_o to_o fall_v oh_o this_o do_v make_v such_o gash_n in_o my_o soul_n that_o the_o consideration_n thereof_o cause_v i_o to_o walk_v sad_o and_o sorrowful_o and_o with_o so_o much_o shame_n that_o i_o can_v not_o endure_v to_o go_v in_o the_o street_n but_o that_o urgent_a ncessity_n force_v i_o to_o go_v out_o for_o comfort_n then_o it_o please_v god_n by_o special_a providence_n to_o cast_v i_o under_o dr._n homes_n his_o ministry_n and_o he_o treat_v on_o that_o subject_n concern_v backsliding_a out_o of_o jer._n 14_o v._n 7._o o_o lord_n though_o our_o iniquity_n testify_v against_o we_o yet_o do_v thou_o it_o for_o thy_o name_n sake_n for_o our_o back_n sliding_n be_v many_o etc._n etc._n which_o sermon_n be_v by_o the_o work_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n effectual_a unto_o i_o for_o i_o be_v almost_o under_o despair_n before_o but_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o much_o comfort_n from_o this_o doctrine_n that_o saint_n may_v be_v guilty_a of_o many_o backslide_n yet_o they_o shall_v not_o despair_v for_o that_o be_v a_o great_a sin_n the_o doctor_n make_v this_o use_n that_o if_o saint_n may_v break_v their_o peace_n wicked_a and_o unregenerate_a man_n may_v break_v their_o neck_n a_o second_o use_n be_v that_o a_o saint_n shall_v beware_v of_o backslide_v and_o make_v all_o speed_n to_o go_v to_o jesus_n christ_n for_o more_o strength_n to_o keep_v and_o uphold_v he_o for_o the_o future_a this_o do_v give_v i_o some_o comfort_n and_o cause_v i_o to_o set_v upon_o the_o work_n of_o seek_v to_o jesus_n christ_n more_o earnest_o because_o christ_n tell_v paul_n that_o his_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o he_o i_o have_v rest_v in_o that_o little_a mustard-seed-faith_n i_o have_v before_o but_o now_o it_o do_v begin_v to_o spring_v and_o blossom_n to_o the_o praise_n and_o glory_n of_o jesus_n christ_n that_o he_o shall_v as_o it_o be_v snatch_v i_o as_o a_o brand_n out_o of_o those_o burn_n of_o hell_n and_o establish_v my_o poor_a soul_n by_o his_o free_a grace_n to_o see_v all_o my_o iniquity_n lay_v to_o the_o charge_n of_o christ_n as_o isa_n 53._o v._n 5._o all_o we_o like_v sheep_n have_v go_v astray_o we_o have_v turn_v every_o one_o to_o his_o own_o way_n and_o the_o lord_n have_v lay_v on_o he_o the_o iniquity_n of_o we_o all_o which_o scripture_n be_v open_v by_o a_o worthy_a member_n of_o that_o church_n mr._n f._n it_o do_v much_o strengthen_v my_o faith_n in_o the_o application_n when_o i_o come_v to_o consider_v first_o that_o it_o be_v iniquity_n that_o the_o lord_n jehovah_n lay_v on_o christ_n second_o that_o it_o be_v my_o iniquity_n that_o be_v thus_o lay_v on_o he_o three_o that_o it_o be_v the_o lord_n himself_o that_o do_v lay_v it_o on_o he_o and_o four_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v do_v it_o already_o it_o be_v not_o now_o to_o do_v all_o these_o point_n do_v much_o comfort_v i_o see_v they_o be_v back_v by_o scripture_n and_o such_o a_o caution_n give_v by_o the_o apostle_n paul_n heb._n 3.12_o say_n take_v heed_n lest_o there_o be_v find_v in_o you_o a_o evil_a heart_n of_o unbelief_n etc._n etc._n which_o be_v a_o great_a sin_n and_o plague_n to_o any_o poor_a soul_n this_o wrought_v much_o with_o i_o but_o then_o apply_v several_a other_o scripture_n to_o the_o everlasting_a praise_n of_o jehovah_n and_o to_o jesus_n christ_n my_o saviour_n this_o scripture_n be_v produce_v in_o psal_n 68.16_o compare_v with_o the_o apostle_n word_n speak_v of_o christ_n thou_o have_v ascend_v up_o on_o high_a and_o lead_v captivity_n captive_a and_o receive_v gift_n for_o man_n even_o rebellious_a one_o that_o the_o lord_n god_n may_v dwell_v among_o they_o and_o that_o of_o ezek._n 16.7_o 8_o 9_o 10._o a_o precious_a scripture_n for_o trouble_a soul_n to_o be_v meditate_a on_o for_o comfort_n that_o a_o man_n be_v in_o his_o filth_n and_o guilt_n and_o all_o over_o with_o blood_n nay_o when_o no_o eye_n will_v pity_v he_o that_o then_o be_v a_o time_n of_o love_n to_o his_o soul_n oh_o mercy_n and_o free_a grace_n indeed_o then_o again_o consider_v the_o new_a covenant_n to_o open_v blind_a eye_n and_o to_o bring_v prisoner_n out_o of_o prison_n to_o the_o glorious_a light_n and_o liberty_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n and_o his_o proclamation_n isa_n 55._o ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v and_o in_o that_o of_o joh._n 6._o five_o 37._o he_o that_o come_v to_o christ_n he_o have_v promise_v in_o no_o wise_a to_o cast_v out_o though_o thy_o sin_n he_o as_o crimson_a and_o scarlet_a yea_o of_o such_o a_o deep_a dye_n as_o that_o with_o paul_n i_o may_v say_v to_o be_v chief_a of_o sinner_n yet_o it_o please_v god_n to_o give_v i_o in_o refreshment_n from_o he_o same_o scripture_n about_o two_o year_n since_o providence_n cast_v my_o lot_n at_o westminster_n where_o i_o hear_v mr._n w._n and_o have_v observe_v many_o honest_a people_n at_o hear_v of_o the_o word_n i_o then_o seek_v to_o the_o lord_n by_o earnest_a prayer_n so_o to_o direct_v i_o by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n that_o my_o only_a aim_n may_v be_v for_o his_o glory_n the_o good_a of_o other_o and_o with_o comfort_n to_o my_o own_o soul_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o direct_v my_o heart_n notwithstanding_o all_o opposition_n of_o satan_n and_o the_o persuasion_n of_o some_o other_o to_o resolve_v and_o to_o break_v through_o all_o opposition_n and_o difficulty_n and_o to_o join_v in_o the_o worship_n of_o the_o lord_n god_n of_o our_o father_n and_o to_o walk_v in_o his_o way_n according_a to_o the_o strict_a rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n of_o jesus_n christ_n hold_v forth_o in_o his_o word_n m._n h._n xxxiv_o experience_n of_o l._n p._n about_o twenty_o year_n since_o i_o be_v then_o with_o child_n be_v much_o trouble_v at_o some_o thought_n which_o god_n put_v into_o my_o mind_n touch_v my_o conversation_n which_o lie_v so_o sore_a and_o heavy_a upon_o i_o that_o i_o can_v not_o tell_v what_o to_o do_v because_o i_o see_v though_o i_o endeavour_v as_o much_o as_o i_o can_v to_o do_v my_o duty_n to_o my_o god_n yet_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o live_v as_o i_o shall_v and_o then_o i_o begin_v to_o know_v what_o the_o worm_n of_o conscience_n mean_v i_o
success_n and_o glorious_a deliverance_n i_o have_v oft_o resolve_v never_o to_o distrust_v god_n again_o and_o yet_o my_o naughty_a heart_n have_v deceive_v i_o and_o make_v i_o ready_a to_o faint_v but_o this_o i_o find_v by_o experience_n to_o the_o praise_n of_o my_o god_n free_a grace_n that_o as_o trouble_n have_v abound_v my_o consolation_n have_v abound_v much_o more_o for_o god_n bring_v seasonable_o into_o my_o mind_n many_o precious_a promise_n which_o be_v as_o so_o many_o sweet_a cordial_n which_o much_o support_v and_o comfort_v my_o heart_n and_o uphold_v my_o spirit_n when_o new_a storm_n have_v arisen_a and_o unexpected_a deliverance_n have_v follow_v and_o i_o have_v and_o do_v resolve_v by_o god_n grace_n not_o to_o distrust_v he_o any_o more_o yer_z though_o more_o and_o great_a daâ—gers_n shall_v arise_v yet_o i_o will_v trust_v in_o he_o and_o stay_v myself_o upon_o he_o though_o as_o job_n say_v he_o shall_v slay_v i_o the_o good_a lord_n establish_v my_o heart_n in_o this_o good_a and_o holy_a resolution_n who_o be_v able_a to_o keep_v we_o to_o the_o end_n and_o have_v promise_v that_o he_o will_v preserve_v we_o by_o his_o power_n through_o faith_n to_o the_o salvation_n of_o our_o soul_n in_o regard_n of_o satan_n temptation_n especial_o concern_v my_o come_n to_o the_o sacrament_n of_o the_o lord_n supper_n my_o experience_n have_v be_v these_o find_v often_o that_o i_o be_v very_o unable_a to_o fit_v and_o prepare_v myself_o for_o a_o comfortable_a approach_n to_o that_o sacred_a ordinance_n i_o use_v to_o desire_v the_o prayer_n of_o the_o congregation_n unto_o god_n in_o my_o behalf_n and_o use_v the_o best_a endeavour_n i_o can_v in_o private_a as_o god_n enable_v i_o though_o i_o come_v far_o short_a of_o what_o be_v require_v and_o of_o what_o i_o desire_v so_o that_o i_o do_v trust_v and_o hope_n through_o god_n mercy_n to_o find_v a_o comfortable_a day_n of_o it_o and_o to_o have_v it_o a_o seal_a ordinance_n to_o my_o soul_n but_o on_o the_o contrary_a i_o find_v much_o deadness_n and_o little_a spiritual_a taste_n relish_n and_o comfort_n in_o the_o use_n of_o it_o so_o that_o my_o spirit_n be_v oft_o much_o trouble_v and_o cast_v down_o in_o i_o fear_v lest_o i_o have_v some_o secret_a sin_n undiscovered_a and_o unrepented_a of_o which_o cause_v the_o lord_n thus_o to_o hide_v his_o face_n from_o i_o but_o then_o my_o gracious_a god_n bring_v this_o into_o my_o mind_n that_o the_o lord_n do_v sometime_o afflict_v we_o for_o the_o exercise_n and_o improvement_n of_o our_o grace_n as_o well_o as_o to_o humble_v we_o for_o our_o sin_n i_o also_o consider_v that_o as_o the_o lord_n do_v tender_a great_a mercy_n to_o we_o in_o this_o sacrament_n renew_v his_o covenant_n of_o grace_n and_o seal_v to_o we_o the_o pardon_n of_o our_o sin_n in_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n so_o he_o give_v we_o leave_v to_o engage_v ourselves_o by_o renew_v our_o covenant_n with_o he_o to_o believe_v in_o he_o and_o to_o trust_v upon_o christ_n for_o life_n and_o salvation_n and_o it_o please_v god_n to_o give_v i_o faith_n to_o apply_v this_o to_o my_o own_o particular_a soul_n and_o a_o while_n after_o to_o show_v i_o and_o to_o make_v good_a to_o my_o soul_n that_o precious_a and_o comfortable_a promise_n that_o though_o he_o hide_v his_o face_n from_o we_o for_o a_o little_a moment_n yet_o with_o mercy_n and_o love_a kindness_n he_o will_v return_v to_o we_o again_o this_o be_v a_o wonderful_a comfort_n and_o support_v to_o my_o deject_a heart_n bless_a be_v the_o lord_n for_o ever_o i_o desire_v to_o treasure_n up_o these_o experience_n that_o for_o the_o future_a i_o may_v in_o the_o like_a case_n resolve_v to_o put_v my_o whole_a trust_n and_o confidence_n in_o he_o that_o so_o satan_n may_v not_o entrap_v i_o in_o his_o snare_n through_o unbelief_n but_o that_o i_o may_v resist_v he_o steadfast_a in_o the_o faith_n for_o i_o be_o not_o altogether_o ignorant_a of_o his_o device_n god_n promise_n be_v that_o 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open_a enemy_n to_o jesus_n christ_n do_v the_o utmost_a despite_n to_o the_o holy_a spirit_n of_o grace_n and_o that_o the_o great_a testimony_n of_o my_o charity_n to_o such_o be_v to_o warn_v they_o in_o the_o name_n of_o god_n and_o as_o they_o regard_v the_o welfare_n of_o their_o immortal_a soul_n no_o more_o to_o deny_v his_o be_v or_o his_o providence_n or_o despise_v his_o goodness_n no_o more_o to_o make_v a_o mock_n of_o sin_n or_o contemn_v the_o pure_a and_o excellent_a religion_n of_o my_o ever_o bless_a redeemer_n through_o who_o merit_n alone_o i_o one_o of_o the_o great_a of_o sinner_n do_v yet_o hope_v for_o mercy_n and_o forgiveness_n amen_n declare_v and_o sign_v june_n 19_o 1680._o in_o the_o presence_n of_o j._n rochester_n