again endeavouring by his old way to carry on his former designs and as I have declared his fore-laying the way for the catching of poor sinners before sin committed I shall now speak a word or two of his methods and devices in the pursuing the servants of God after the Lord hath shewed great mercies and hath appeared unto them To the intent that I may further discover his wiles and temptations whose mallice is great against God and the Sons and Daughters of men but especially against the Saints and by reason of his great power being an Angel though of darkness he not only acts his own servants and slaves as he is the Prince of the air that ruleth in the Children of dissobedience but acteth upon Gods own Children and servants that fear the Lord. As I shall give you several instances as namely upon Jobes three friends though godly men how he did act them to have perswaded Job to confess himself an Hypocrite put it â—nto the heart of Judas to betray his Master â—eâ— and Peter 100 to perswade his Lord and Master that none of those things should beâ—â—ll him at Jerusalem which Christ himself had foretold should come to pass yea how did he prevail with the Scribes and pharisees to complot and agree with the Souldiers to say his Disciples came by night and stole him away endeavouring thereby to have concealed the Resurrection and so to have blasted the work of mans Redemption I shall now speak a word or two more of hingeneral practise upon the world for it is said the world lyeth in wickedness therefore must needs be acted by that wicked one who ruieth in the Children of disobedience that is upon the generality of the men of the world The gate of Heaven being strait and few of the Sons and Daughters of men go thither in comparison of the world God Almighty all along from the begining for the carrying on of his glory and building up his Church hath powred out his spirit upon the Sons of men making some Prophets and some Apostles and that upon the meanest of men as you see the Prophets Herdsmen and men of mean occupations and the Apostles Fisher men for you know it is said not many noble not many great nor many wise after the wisdome of the world for by such mean men the Lord doth make his glory and wisdom to be more conspicious when these that are illiterate and not bred up at the feat Gamaliel when such as these shall confound the wisdom of the world his glory shines more illusterously though without humanâ— learning for having received the wisdom of the spirit are made wise to salvation discoruing not only the misteries of mans redemption but their own particular salvation through Christ which the wisdom of the world knew not And so the Prophets and Apostles have had the honour of being Pen men of the Scripture by the holy Ghrist so that the words which they spake shall be the standing word by which the world shall be judged But such is the present condition of these times that the Lord hath given his spirit and excellent gifts to be improved for his glory O how duth the men of this world actâ—d by Satan being indeed his main master piece sets his own Instruments upon the servants of God by reproachful terms and all other ways of mischief and in a taunting deriding way of scorn crying our O you have the Spirit O you are Saints and you can preach Whereas surely it may be replyed unto them if they have not the spirit they are none of Christs and if none of his servants then you know what you are if not Saints then Davils and without holyness you shall never see the Kingdom of God And to others in a taunting manner you are Preachers surely if God hath given out such gifts though they do noâ— take upon them the ministry yet such gifts may be imployed to edification and to build up themselves and others in the faith of the Gospel why then should this be offensive doth not the Apostles say if any may hath a word of exhortation let him speak Suppose that God hath given such parts for from him cometh every good and perfect gift Will you reproach the spirit of the living God or obscure the graces of God O this indeed is a mighty Stratagem of Sathan whereby he doth much hinder the glory of God what if God hath given grace and gifts to mean Persons as mean as Fisher men I say to Glovers Shoomakers Taylors Weavers and other Tradesmen and why not as well as Fisher men Herds men and Tent-makers shall not their gifts be improved It is true the Prophets and Apostles had the spirit given them in great measure and shall not God give unto such as before mentioned in their measure Alas I would ask you by what spirit do these men act who are so industerous to improve all their knowledge and utmost endeavors to walk exactly in all the Commandments of God having respect thereunto shall such be reproached But it may be objected that these men have not humanâ— learning they have not been at the Universities well then It is grace that makes a man more excellent then his Neighbour I do not speak against humanâ— learning it may be a good handmaid to Divinity but grace must be in the Chayre she must be Mistriss grace is the glorious Ornament that makes the poor Saints shine in their conversations and glorifie their Father which is in Heaven when the men of great humanâ— learning oftentimes drown themselves in the ways of the world and make their condemnation to be the greater by it And by their scandelous lives bring dishonour to God and the Gospel of Jesus Christ but the day draweth near when the Dragon Beast and false Prophet with the Locusts of Hell shall be bound up together and cast into that fire which burneth with fire brimstone for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it when the feet of him shall be beautiful upon the mountains that publisheth peace and salvation saying unto Zyon thy God reigneth then shall the voice of thy watchmen be heard and lift up their voice and shout together for they shall see him eye to eye when the Lord shall give deliverance to Zyon I shall give you one instance more and that is of my self sines the Lord came into my soul witnessing he had given me eternal sife as I have declared and set forth in my blesphemous thoughts and when we shall take in hand the performance of the duties of Gods worship as singing of Psalms reading the word and in Prayer when we give the Lord his glorious titles he is ready to thrust the contrary unto our hearts and plays the Devil indeed to contradict what we say and by the assistance of that unregenerate proceeding lines He I say Sathan hath so endeavoured to do me all the mischief that possible he could not leaving a stone unturned
GODS Wonderful MERCY IN THE MOUNT of woful EXTREMITY OR The Recovered Captive BEING A plain Relation of Gods unspeakable goodness in rescuing one of the meanest of his flock from the paw of the roaring Lyon and pangs of unconceivable horror through long and strong temptations and spiritual desertions Published 1. For the encouragement of poor distressed consciences worried with temptations and almost quite wearied with waiting 2. For a caution to secure sinners lest they also come into such or sorer torment 3. For a call of all in whose hearts are the ways of God to bear a part in the high praises of him whose wonders are in the deep By Charles Langford I will sing of the mercies of the Lord for ever Ps 89.1.17 Knowing the terrours of the Lord we perswade men 1 Cor. 5.11 Thou hast turnea for me Ps 30.11.12 London Printed for Anna Brewster at the Golden bellows in Fore-street at Moor-lanâ—â—end 1672. To the Reader THe ensuing Narrative is intended for the good of all and therefore may well expect freedom from the scornfull censures of any But 't is primarily published for the benefit of such who are apt to think feeling the weight of their own sin as of an heavy burden Psal â—8 4 or the wounds of their own Spirit made by the Arrows of the Almighty sent â—rom the Devils bow and poysoned so that â—hey become fiery darts drinking up the â—pirit Job 6.4 that never any man was in â—uch a case as they none ever went so far â—nto the Valley of the shadow of death and â—eturned alive as they are gone for the â—roken in Spirit those whom the terrours â—f God have to use Hemans words distracâ—d and cut off Ps 88.15.16 for the good of these are the ensuing pages penned and therefore from these may they expect the choâ—â—est entertainment 't is no small favour Heaven shews that besides those fixed monuments of mercy erected in the word oâ— truth such as David Job Heâ—â—an yea and the blessed Jesus all which as they were plunged in the depths of Terrors so were they delivered from their fears every agâ— of the Church should have some living test monies of deep calling unto deep and that as Sathans malice so Gods mercy enduâ—eth for ever that some have deep gashes made upon their peace and those unhealed so long till hope seemeth to be cut off and tâ—e cuâ—ed at the last I am sure will be thy meâ—cy O thou afflicted tossed with Tempest and not comforted however others look upon it Examples in this as in other cases make the deepest impression the understanding here being ever annoyed by the loud and hasty clamours of a misgiving conscience may not be able to make so long a stand as to hear all that the tongue of the Learned have to say for the relief of their weary Souls the judgement must needs be weak when passions are strong Now for such a one to hear that others hunted by the terrors of the Almighty set in array against them to the very brink of desperation and hope even just ready to quit the field have yet through the mercy of the Most High put Sathan to flight won the day recovered their peace and lived in the sweet possession of the Spirit of a sound mind and all this after many a doubtful combate and in a time they looked not for it I say to hear of this exemplefyed in the case of others will at least do thus much service for tottering spirits as to perswade not to make too much hast to run away to hide themselves and that yet there is hope in Israel concerning this thing If in every circumstance of the following Narrative thou find not thy self concerned yet thou wilt in many if thou be one that hast had any experience of the Spirit of Bondage yea and in the main of all thou art troubled in Spirit thy everlasting welfare fare stands bleeding thy hope is giving up the Ghost blasphemous injections the very spirit and humour of hopeless damned Souls haunt and affrighten thy wracked mind thy flesh trembleth for fear of Gods wrathful Judgements all his waves and his billowes pass over thee thou art weary of thy life and yet tormented at the thoughts of death this was the case of the Authour of these following lines 't is hard to conceive a more dangerous condition or that the God of his Salvation should suffer his Faithfulness to thee to fail Wait on the Lord be of good courage Let Satans suggâ—stions be what they will hold this for a certain truth established in the very heavens and irreversible by the gates of Hell Blessed are all they that wait for him Isaiah 30.18 That any should look upon discourses of this kind as matter of scorn and reproachful contempt is matter of sorrow and lamentation that the common enemy to the Race of Adam should find so much Friendship and Folly in the hearts of men yet such there are men that side with their greatest Foe accounting all experiences of this sort as meer Fictions and the issue of a melancholly brain But poor Souls the hour of trembling will come to you at last when you have slept out your sleep upon the lap of lust the Philistines will be upon you and your pleasant dreams of security shall bring you to the King of Terrors let the ensuing narrative be your preservative happy they can discern the vileness of sin and devices of Satan in the clear glass of another Mans Soul confounding terrours one main end of this is thy warning if unhappily thou shalt despise it and thy Faithful Monitor seem to thee as one that mocketh it is no new thing thus it was in the days of Lot Gen. 19.14 even those whose Office should oblige them to better things have been sometimes ignorant in the case of Gods withdrawings Cant. 5.2 smiting and wounding and taking away the Vail have been their work when sympathizing hath been their duty However to be of the Family of Abraham to inherite the blessing is more then sufficient Armour against the persecuting scoffs of Ishmael As for such as truly fear God 't is hoped they will not be offended to see that done by any which is incumbent upon all to declare the works of God with rejoycing and to tell what great things he hath done for our Souls Mark 5.14 is a Law shall stand in Force when the Heavens and Earth shall reel into a change nor will they stumble at the plainness of delivery all have not alike abilities to express themselves Exod. 18.5 gaudy paints of eloquence may sometimes be taken for Ornaments but they are best put off when we have so nearly to do with God Goats Hair and Badgers Skins Exod. 25.45 where there are no better are a good offering for the Sanctuary And to speak truly 't is not in well set words and sentences but in clear experiences true learning doth consist To say any thing
of the Authour is needless read him a man he is of long standing in profession a Follower of God both up-hill and down-hill for many years one who hath not liv'd so ill as to have all men speak well of him nor common frailties excepted as to deserve the contrary If his zeal for God hath expos'd him to the reproach of some well may he bear it He desires to let the World see nothing in him but his infirmities the rest is God's and not his A man whom long diseases of Soul and many Paroxcisms or heights of distemper have annoyed but not left by the great Physitian How he came at first to any sence of Religion in truth and with how much difficulty through the strong temptations of Sathan he attained to a comfortable hope of the love of God what was the course taken by him for his relief how Faith in the promises and submission to all Gods dealings were and are to be exercised are the cheif things here spoken of The Lord make it as profitable to thee in reading as he testifies they were to him in the experiencing who after many weak fits of Faith and Faithfulness in weakness rejoyceth in hope of the glory of God That thou maist be bettered by this publication is the Authours design and the hearty prayer of To the Saints of the Most High God especially the afflicted in Conscience lying under sad desertions and groaning for deliverance Grace Peace and Victory be given to you from the Lord Jesus Christ our Saviour HAving received so glorious a mercy as to be delivered from many delusions and temptations of Sathan under which I lay for many years I look upon it as my great duty to manifest Gods gratious dealings with me to the Sons and Daughters of Men and so much the rather do I thus judge because the wayes of God to me have not been common or ordinary wayes they are but a few of Gods Children as the Authour of the book entituled Dr. Tho. Goodwin A Child of Light walking in darkness witnesseth whom their Father casts into the belly of Hell deep Waters where they feel no bottom letting out Sathan upon them and the manifestation of his glorious grace in saving such to the utmost is the main end one of them he aimeth at in dealing thus with any 't is no wonder Satan should have an access to and converse with the spirits of men and many times when they know it not for he is a Spirit or that with so much vigour and terrour his temptations in times of desertion should be accompanyed for by the evidence of Gods word ana his own ways 't is certain that his work and business is to drink up and devour his nature is not only that of a Roaring Lyon for power and terrour but also of a subtle Serpent for pollicy and poison his season and opportunity is when we are weakest and at the worst and night and day doth he keep watch and ward for taking all the advantage that may be if God for needful ends turns but his back upon his child hides his face from him forsakes him but for a little moment the enemy waiteth at the door to break in as a mighty flood If by Feavor Melancholly or other bodily distempers the natural spirits which are the â—ursitors between the body and the Soul are made uncapable of performing their Office aright then is he sure to be up and doing every affiction is an hour of temptation the dark is his delight now is the time for him to lay his delusions upon the fantasie and to charge sin upon the Soul when he findeth it most unable to resist and ready to embrace and believe it To bring the Soul in to inextricable troubles is his design to accomplish with more then conceiveable pollicy cruelty and mallice are set at work for he is the red Dragon who hath all along traded in persecution of the woman and her seed Christ and his Church For the space of fourty years or thereabouts hath it pleased the hand that took me out of my Mothers Womb to train me up and lead me along in this uncomfortable Wilderness of temptation though I cannot say that in all these years he hath left me to the violence of spiritual conflicts for then the burthen had been too heavy for flesh to stand under so long yet must I needs say my clearest day all that time was but dark and however I seemed to others in point of comfort outwardly sure I am my soul enjoyed not her rest nor could I ever say I was all that while any more then a Prisoner of hope still subject unto bondage and not discharged of the debt nor delivered from my fears 'T was but an hard shift I made to hold up my head when I was at best my worst cannot be expressed until now at last that God for whom I wâ—ited in the way of his Judgements and from whom were my expectations in the use of appointed means all this while came and was found of me when I looked not for him delivered me from my strong Enemy set my Feet upon a Rock and established my goings The same God that was my stay in the day of calamity is now my Glory and the lifter up of my head he is my strength and song and is now become my Salvation Upon the whole I may truly say as once Job said I have heard of God by the hearing of the Ear but now mine Eye hath seen him now hath he made known himself to me by his sweet Spirit and by the manifestation and operation of his glorious power in giving me deliverance And I can say by experience more then ever that now I know there is a God so also now I know there is a Devill such have been the delusions cursed injections of blasphemous thoughts and dreadful temptations wherewith he hath endeavoured to fill my Soul till the day the Lord by his great power delivered me out of his hands that I have cause to know him and to make him known as far as I am able to the World which is the endeavour of this ensuing Relation Every Child of God I am perswaded is somewhat acquainted with the wounds of conscience but God who best knows the frame of his people and what they can bear and for what work they are intended measures not to all alike Some are made to sip onely of the Cup of Trembling while others are made to drink down larger draughts every Soul hath his tast To much as will serve to make an experiment of the evil and bitter nature of sin but some have more then others and though every man is apt to magnifie his own miseries into a Non such because the heart knows his own bitterness and a wounded Conscience who can bear yet without breach of modesty I think I may bolaly affirm that few of the Sons of Men have been in greater danger or more beholden
that heavy hand of temptation which lyeth upon them to draw the natural principle of self-love to a composition and rather then remain a close prisoner in such bondage to change it for a Vassallage to one of these common principles of Hell 1. That there is no such thing as Heaven nor Hell 't is a meer fixion and therefore but a meer folly to trouble our selves about them Or else 2. T is better for a Man to take his share in the pleasures of the flesh allowing God and our selves so much service and care as our Forefathers and others have done And not concern himself so deeply in the affairs of eternity If I am elected I cannot be damned if reprobated not saved To these or some such prisons the Devil shifts souls wearied with terrors And it matters not him much in which they are may he but be the keeper 4. Or lastly if all these fail yet Satan hath a further design If he find that the Garrison cannot be won by storm that still there is a resistance made against all his attempts He cannot drive the soul to utter despair of mercy or to yeild its members servants to divers lusts and pleasures Yet nevertheless he hopes that the breaches the wide gashes that he now makes may be a way for entrance in times to come That a long life shall not be able to make them up again he knows that upon every falling into sin he shall have a fâ—ll blow at the soul thus troubled and that the greatness of the doubts now raised may prove a mighty impediment to the hearts closing with Christ by faith This last have I found most true in my own case This first delusion ministred much strength to every following temptation 3. Satan the great enemy intended nothing but my final overthrow not the least good but the greatest evil and yet shall I here make bold to tell the world how much I stand bound to fear the Lord for his goodness in delivering me and disposing my fears for good For. 1. As soon as it pleased God that my body recovered out of its distemper I lay under much trouble by reason of the great fears before menâ—â—oâ—ed and this made me seek out for some advice now for my wracked mind And acquainting that blessed Man of God Dr. 〈◊〉 with my trouble he gave me to understand that iâ— was a meer delusion of Satan 2. I found iâ— my self serious thoughts of my eternal state of Heaven and Hell attended with endeavours to seek the one and avoid the other 3. And I sound not only the Lord comming iâ— by his bâ—essed spirit with conviction of sin but also reâ—sing in my soul an high estimation of his love and favour 4. I found my self stirred up to pray God enabling me by his blessed spirit therein so that now it might be said as once of Paul behold he prayeth I could then have spoken to God as one speaketh to his friend 5. Open profession of the truth of the Gospel followed hereon Gladly bearing the reproachful name of Puritan which was the name in fashion in those dayes to revile professors withall 6. Prayer in my Family was set up also by me when young and unmarried 7. Former sins did not only dislike me but also former pleasures and pastimes As Bowling and Cocking c. And. 8. Association with the godly was my delight the Men that feared God were the Men of my choice but especially with much content did I embrace acquaintance with and was much helped by one Mr. The. Hibben of Rowton above others a Gentleman eminently worthy for profession of the Gospel 9. Frequent was my attendance upon the word preached Often went I to Brompton Brrian to hear that holy Man of God Mr. Peirson So that by this time methoughts I could discern a work of God wrought in me whereby I found the new Man as well as the old 10. Going to Brompton I not only founâ— much help for my Soul by the Ministry of the word but it pleased God also to bring me into acquaintance with a noble Family eminent in those dayes for Religion Sr. Robert Harleigh Out of which he gave me a meet helper both for body and Soul Here was the first conflict wherein Satans malice was over matched by the super-abundant grace of God CHAP. II. Victory in and over temptation matter of admiration Satan disappointed in particular temptations Doth not cease them but suspend them Security the unbeseeming consequent of spiritual deliverance The Mother of more and greater miseries Satans Art may vary but his Aime that same the writers experience herein WHo can but admire the Wisdom Might and Mercy of God clearly manifesting it self in holding up poor weak and worthless Man under any one of all those heavy conflicts he hath with the powers of darkness Oh what policy what power what poison is every stratagem of the Devil managed with all how doth that evil one set his All at work that poor Man might be caught kept and confounded by him at once And that temptation might not rise up a second time But such is the heart of God towards Man in misery that he stands not by as an idle spectator of our sufferings but teacheth our hands to war and our singers to fight He makes us to understand what we could hardly believe 2 Pet. 2.9 That he knows how to deliver out off temptation That there is no desperate case with him That our unbelief cannot render the faith of God of none effect 2 Tim. 2.13 That though we believe not yet he abideth faithful and cannot deny himself such may be the anguish of spirit and cruel Bondage under disertion that as the Children of Israel could not hearken to the words of promise spoken to them by Moses Exod. 6.9 Though no condition more needing it so faith of Adoption may be much decayed the Breasts of promise may not let down their wonted consolations The Soul seemeth to be in a languishing condition by reason of its dissability to imbrace the promises 'T is brought to its wits end come to the utmost of faith and patience And yet for all this our God abideth faithful he cannot deny himself he is the only wise God And a Saviour of such as are gone to the utmost end of faith ready to drop away into total unbelief He that can but place Affiance in God the Saviour though God hath not planted Assurance of Salvation in him may yet abide confident of deliverance Dwell in stay thy self upon God by this faith and thou shalt find the want of Assurance may damnifie but cannot damne thee Mark well that passage of the Psalmist Ps 91.1 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most high shall ledge under the shadow of the Almighty Give him the honour of his being The most high And Almightiness shall be thy defence Trust in his mercy and thou shalt not need to tremble at his power But remember
him in the way of his judgements And now publick assemblies which were wont to be a great solace to me in my distress being not to be enjoyed in that purity I expected and the practise of the publique ministers being so contrary to my judgement and conscience I neither could nor would upon any terms become a hearer of them and thereupon did rather choose to expose my self to the scorn and displeasure of men in keeping meetings every Lords day in my Family Spending that day in prayer and praises and as occasion was offered dayes of humiliation These duties having most of them been my practise for many years wherein I served the Lord withall my might though sometimes under much dejection about the beginning of April my good God through the purchase made by the bloud of his Son that blessed seed of the Woman through whom he had covenanted with out first Parents immediately after the fall to give eternal life having by earnest prayer and intercession I humbly claiming this from the Lord that he would account and make me righteous through that purchase and redemption made by Christ now resolved to take up and put an end to the quarrel which he had against me for all my sins yet to let me know my deserving and to manifest a further work upon me did suffer the enemy to break in again upon me in most dreadful manner Charging upon me that one sin as formerly named above others with such violence and power That I believe I was in as great despair for the time as ever man was My soul by that malicious enemy to mankind being stuffed with all abominations of hellish thoughts injections cursed instigations with other base and abominable vile immaginations he at last infused into me as much malice against my blessed God as possibly he could I thought now I was utterly forsaken living in expectation of nothing but the lower most hell and brought now again almost to blaspheme When I saw that I was in this most dreadful case fearing I should I have wilfully blasphemed I could have been well content that God should have damned me and thrown mâ— into hell fear of being over tempted and thereby to blaspheme God made me weary of life When my Wife would put me on to pray for a blessing upon my meat I did it feignedly being willing to be starved if I could And now in this dreadful condition so dreadful that I believe few Sons of Adam were ever in a worse that did not do the things that I feared i. e. blaspheme God and destroy himself I say being in such a condition and the sin so often spoken of lying still heavy upon me and shame withholding me from revealing it for many years it pleased God to over-rule my spirit that I sent for a worthy Minister of Jesus Christ who coming to me the day before my deliverance I acquainted him with that sin which did so lye upon my Conscience and never was revealed before Well remembring how holy David Ps 32.3.5 who while he kept silence his waxed old through his roaring all the day long did but say he would confess his sin and the Lord forgave his iniquity So the Lord the very next day came and set my soul at rest The comfort and help that I found from my natural relations and friends this woful condition was none at all but instead of pitty I met with reproach from many only my dear yoke fellow was my fellow sufferer of whom I can say the Lord gave her to me for such a day as this to be his blessed instrument of my deliverance for when I was even distracted she laid the glory of the Lord deeply to her heart and did daily bring the word of God to my soul reading with great dilligence the holy Scriptures Which being done then powring forth her soul to the Lord with ardent affections and with a mighty faith in our gratious God who had manifested his great love to her in former troubles the experience of which encouraged her to go on still in earnest and frequent prayer and expectation that the Lord would accomplish the work of deliverance And upon the sixteenth day of April 1669. a day for ever to be solemnized as glorious and honourable to the Lord by me his poor creature she going on in her constant course of prayer after she had given the Lord his holy and reverend titles using Moses his arguments brake forth into these words My Father my Father what wilt thou do with mine husband he hath been speaking and acting still in thy cause oh destroy him not for thine own glory Oh! what dishonor will come to thy great name if thou do it Oh! rather do with me what thou wilt oh do with me what thou wilt but spare my Husband c. Thus laying hold of that word of God in the Prophet With a lively faith concerning your Sons and your Daughters command you me and striving mightily in prayer the duty being eâ—ded the Lord immediately appeared and then that Lyon of the tribe of Judah that blessed seed of the Woman that second Adam that promised Messiah the Son of the living God who had formerly broke the Serpents head he who in a single duel had disarmed the Devil in the Wilderness tâ—od the Wine press of his Fathers wrath alone this Jesus the Saviour who knew how to succour tempred souls made hare his holy arm and his own right hand brought dâ—liverance he delivered me from my strong enemy and saved mâ— from him that hated me He that is pleased to stile himself a God hearing prayer and in most of his great works delights to advance his own power by using small and unlikely means after long tarrying and in a time when I looked not for him came now and owned his own ordinance crowned the cryes and faith and patience of a poor Woman with such success that my praise shall be continually of him The proud mâ—y scorn but the humble shall hear ther of and be glad That roaring Lyon mine adversary the Devil that old Serpent that red-Dragon that unclean Spirit that Lyar Accuser Murtherer from the beginning that Apollion to the Geeckâ— Abbaddon to the Jews and destroyer to all for as are the names given him by the word of truth so is his nature and so hath he laboured mightily for a long season to shew himself in me even now when he thought himself almost seated in the pâ—ssâ—ssion of his long sought Dominion and that there was no casting of him out of my soul which â—e abused making it his dunghil whereon he laid all the filth of hellish thoughts and abominations that he could wanting nothing but my will that Fort-royal to have put me under an eternal vassalage to his long laid desigâ—s now I say was that accursed enemy to God and me his poor creature sent to his own place by my dear Lord Christ that holy Son of the blessed God who took
upon him my nature that he might become my Lord and King Saviour and Redeemer who brake the doors of Brass rescued me from the Rape of Hellish furies cast them out delivered my darling soul from the power of the Dog and barred the Gate that he could enter no more to stuff my thoughts with his detestable injections although he attempted a return Thou hast thrust fore at me oh mine enemy that I might fall but the Lord helped me many a time may I now say have these things afflicted me from my youth many a time have they afflicted me from my youth yet they have not prevailed against me The Plowers plowed upon my back they made long their furrows but the righteous Lord he hath cut asunder the cords of the weeked one I was brought low and the Lord helped me He hath delivered my soul from death mine eyes from tears and my feet from falling Oh Lord my God I will give thanks to thee for ever CHAP. V. Concluding the whole experiment with an account of the unconceivable sweetness of divine consolations the usual consequent of long and sort temptations a more then abundant reason to abide Gods leisure under the heavy load of dâ—sertions Of the cause of writing ANd now at last when the Lord my Lord of whom the Father said sit thou at my right hand until I make thy enemies thy foot-stoolâ— had set my soul at freedom by his mighty power he sent his blessed spirit the holy Ghost that most glorious self evidencing and sweet comforter whose sweetness no heart can conceive but he who hath tasted how good he is who shewed me from the Father and his blessed Son that all the miseries afore mentioned pressing me down were the delusions of Satan and whereas he intended to have made me a shame and reproach to all that should know or hear of my overthrow that now my God hath taken advantage of the greatness of my sins thereby to magnifie his mercy in pardoning thereof according to my cry in the day of my distress and that now I was of Abrahams Family numbred among the spiritual Children of Abraham a priviledge which I often especially under my troubles prized highly and desired earnestly to be partaker off The blessed spirit bearing witness of these things wrought in my soul such unconceiveable joy that in the words of Thomas I cryed out my Lord and my God so ravishing were the kisses of those divine lips of love that my heart was silled with joy unspeakable and glorious my mouth with laughter my body much weakened by the anguish and horror of my soul so that I kept my Chamber for many dayes together was now revived and my youth renewed as the Eagle that casteth her Beak so that I became as lightsome as if I had not known sorrow to the great admiration of my Friends who had known my long confinement to my Chamber by reason of sorrow and heavyness My heart my sorrowful heart of which I was wont to cry out None so fad none so disquieted as thou was now through the joy of the Lord quite altered The spirit of my God now covering me with the glorious robes of his Sons righteousness turned my mourning into dancing put off my Sackcloath and girded me with gladness gave me a garment of praise for the spirit of heavyness so that then and since being upheld by the same hand I could say I carry about me a chearful heart and a much more healthy body notwithstanding the great disappointments I in my worldly condition then met with and still lye under Being now enabled by faith to apprehend my self justified through the righteousness of God even the righteousness of Jesus Christ imputeth to poor sinners the guilt the obligation of my sins to punishment being taken away I can now through the tender mercy of God whereby the day spring from on high hath visited me comfortably give a challenge to Death and the Grave Oh Death where is thy sting oh Grave where is thy victory my dear Lord having ransomed me from the power and fear of the grave and helping me in despight of him that hath the power of death that is the Devil to look upon my self as one of those whom God the Father hath given to the Son as part of the travaile of his soul so that the Lord Christ delights in me as the gift of his Father and the purchase of his own bloud And my God loveth me with the same love wherewith he loveth his Son and all the promises of grace made to sinners in the holy word through Jesus Christ I have an interest in and expect to have fulfilled to me as far as it shall tend to his glory and my good He that gave me his Son will freely also give me all good things Well may I therefore take up the words of the Prophet Oh Lord I will praise thee for though thou wast angry with me thine anger is turned away and thou comfortedst me For the iniquity of my soul thou wast wroth with me and smotâ—st me but now thou hast healed me and restored comforts to me the Lord Jehovah is my strength and song he also is become my salâ—ation I waited patiently for the Lord and he encâ—â—ned his ear to me and heard my cry he drew my feet out of an horrible pit out of the miry clay and hath set me upon a Rock and established my goings What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits I will call upon him as long as I live I will pay my vows unto the Lord now in the presence of all his people When the Lord Jesus is pleased to go away to withdraw the comfortable warm beams of his love and presence from the sight and sence of his poor people Joh. 16.6 like the Apostles their hearts are filled with heavyness they think every day a week and every week a month and every month a year the time seemeth tedious till he return till he lifteth up the light of his countenance till he restores comforts to them like the mother of Sisera they are putting forth their heads crying why are his Chariot wheels so long in coming But oh that such would remember what I now find that it is expedient for them that he should sometimes go away from them withholding his consolations for the holy Ghost the Comforter shall one time or other come to such as wait for it with such joy and peace that passeth all understanding of eye ear and heart of man And then long time spent in waiting shall seem but a little moment Is 40 2. and they shall receive double pay for all the punishments of their iniquities The Children of this world in this are wiser in their generation then the Children of light no discouragement of wind or rain can make them forbear their seasons of sowing in hope nor can the interposition of many perillous months delay work a dissolution of the hope that
particulars would be long In a word thou thinkest possibly as once good David in another case that all men are liars thy temptations may beget such hasty expressions as to say the case hath not been with others as they represent it or to doubt their deliverance to be but feigned at the best or else a short parrole a meet reprieve not a discharge from the like or worse enthrallment Or if things have been truly related it only proves what God can do not what Hell will do as if the mercy of God did not bear an equal proportion with his power Think of what thou wilt or canst that may make against thee and yet I shall continue to beg Give not up your hopes hold on seeking after God you have not yet waited forty years he will come in a time when you look not for him Your case is not yet desperate 'T is not so bad with you but 't was as bad with me 2. My earnest suite is also that in stead of regarding dreams visions voices and other delusions you give credit to the un-erring word of God and oppose that against them all The generall drift design and scope of the book of God is to perswade man unbelieving man that God is mercyful That sin never damned any man yet simply and of it self but as qualified by wilfulness and unbelief That though God be a consuming fire a jealous God yet fury is not in him Is 27.4 His jealousie he puts upon him as a Cloak a meer covering a loose garment and this he never puts on till provoked by the obstinate refusals of love and mercy Even under the dark and terrible administrations of the Law how clearly did this doctrine shine forth Exod. 34 6 7. The Lord the Lord gratious and merciful long suffering and abundant in goodness and truth Keeping mercy for thousands forgiving iniquity transgressions and sin This is his name for ever this his memoriall to all generations This the strong tower of souls hungring and thirsting after righteousness Oh le ts not be beaten out of this perswasion by any Hellish suggestion What great advantage the Devil makes of dreams visions and the like now under the Gospel wherein God speaketh to us only by his Son Heb. 1.1 2. the woful experience I have doth in some measure manifest The overmuch credit I gave to the delusion laid upon me in my first sickness was the root of all the rest This is my second request oppose the word of God against all such Hell-hatcht conceipts as would put you upon the wrack of affrighting doubts Fly from these to that least you suffer as I have done 3. Moreover let me begg this that you stand not to hear what every one saith about Religion but fall thou upon the profession and practise of real Godliness with all the speed thou canst He that is a professor in truth and not in hypocrisy to which conscience it self is able most commonly to bear witness hath the name and glory of the Lord engaged for his relief He that beareth his testimony for Gâ—d and his truths in sincerity God cannot find in his heart to do by him what in justice he might The sins of such as these strike high at the honour of God and therefore well might the Lord destroy and blot out their names for ever But yet he will not Dan 9 18 19. They bear his name upon them what would the more wicked part of the world say if God should arm himself with fury against his own would they not say where is now your God what is become of all your prayers and all your services which you pretend were done for his glory The merciful Lord foreseeth this and his own glory restraineth the hands of the destroyer Deut. 32.26 27. I said I would scatter them into corners and blot out their remembrance from among men were it not that I feared the wrath of the enemy God will not doe against the Professors of his name as much as he can for fear least the enemy should say and do more then he ought Our God is seldom employed in long and wrathful rebukes of his own when they are exposed to the outward rage of their enemieâ— He spareth them then however they escape at another time Oh! then let me intreat thee to make choice of the wayes of holiness as the best and safeest wayes to walk in Run not to seek for shelter from your fears and sorrows amidst the prophane rout of merry worldlings Their sparks of joy cast but little light and how soon shall that be put out alas poor souls the way of peace have they not known City of refuge The horns of the Alter is the likeliest place for security against the Avenger of bloud Consort thy self with those that walk in the truths of practical piety according to the mind of God plainly revealed in his holy word My deliverance God wrought for his own name sake There were sins enough in me fuel enough to maintain the fire of divine displeasure for ever But the name and glory of God are pretious to him If thou hast made profession in sincerity and truth thou maist expect deliverance more then others A sincere professor under teoubles hath more reason to hope then others for the glory of the Lord is engaged for his defence 4. I have this further to add from my own experience That though thing expectation of deliverance must be from God yet not without the use of means 'T is the God of peace alone that can make peace in thy troubled soul or else all thy labour will amount to nothing The lips and labours of the most learned are but fruitless Is 57.19 till the Lord create the fruits of them both and make them yeild peace Cent. 1.18 And yet 't is good to feed by the Shepherds tents A faithful Gospel ministry is an unvalluable mercy Their gifts in preaching and writing are the purchase of the bloud of Christ From the fountain of sacred truths are these Buckets filled And all for the use of poor weak souls that want skill and strength of their own God hath crowned the labours of such and made them men of renown for conversion of souls their labours are the issue of the blessed spirit Ob then lets not rob the Lord of his glory in raising up such lights who have spant themselves in guiding our feet in the ways of peace by their pretious labours the word of God hath been so unfolded and the glorious attributeâ— so explained and sweetly applyed that if poor souls have not been much advantaged the fault hath been too much their own Let me begg of you then to praise the Lord for and to make use of and shew all the due respect you can to these they are the horsemen and the Chariots of the Gospel-Israel the best visible assistance that Earth can afford for management of our spiritual war against the powers of Hell By the
tels you nay Luke 13.3 but except you repent you shall all likewise perish And moreover let me tell you that if gross grievous and scandalous open sinners or secret falsehearted hypocrites were the only sufferers in this kind the whole book of Job the 73. Psalm and other places of Scripture might have well been spared out of our Bibles Oh no! I for my own part must needs say my sins my unthankfulness my unprofitableness the great unsuitableness of my heart and life to the purity required by the Law and love of my blessed Redeemer are such as that I have had and still have abundant cause to lay my mouth in the dust and to cry out unclean unclean my spot in regard of these hath been very grievouâ— my grapes have had too too much sowerness in them to put my teeth an edge as indeed they have done but yet to the glory of the free-grace of God my spot hath not been the spot of the wicked Your Vine hath been the Vine of Sodom and your Grapes are Grapes of Gall their clusters are bitter Your drunkenness Whoredoms hellish Oaths Cursings and the like sins have been such as make it wonderful that the Almighty should spare you and punish such as mourn under their far lesser sins I do not justifie my self thereby though I must declare I know none of those things by my self Only I repeat the question to thee again Canst thou think God will always pass by thee unpunished seeing be hath not spared such as desire to fear his name oh no he will not be confident he will not If he distribute sorrows in anger if he puts his own willing people on the rack of an accusing tormenting Conscience Where oh where shall the ungodly and the sinners appear 5. Or do you think that it is not sin nor the Devil that are the cause of all those sad things that are here related but a meer mellancholly distemper of body do you think they are but the issue of a mellancholly brain and no more Briefly to this give me leave poor sinner to say 1. For my self if these two things speak any thing in the case then surely thou arâ— quite out in thy conjectures For. 1. When I had my troubles of mind growing upon me I often used the means appointed for prevention or correction of that distemper and yet my condition was the same still 2. When deliverance came it came suddenly Such changes as I have felt from midnight to mid-day without any interposal of twi-light demonstrates my distemper to have been occasioned by another hand and for other causes then that of mellancholly 2. For others I go not about to deny but that 't is possible and ordinary to meet with persons whom the hand of mellancholly hath marvellously dejected Learned experienced men have said so And to say otherwise in me may well pass for presumptions folly Only I would express my fears least it should prove in the ears of carnal men a Doctrine provoking to unwarrantable mirth and in the ears of weak troubled believers an impediment to faith I fear while good men ascribe so much of the troubles of our souls to the humours of our bodies the care of the body should exceed that of the soul and thereby the glory of God and quiet of our own hearts should at once be dangerously assaulted Sure it is not for nothing that a deep silence lyeth over all the holy Scriptures as to this matter that many are the troubles of righteous and that those troubles lye most about the heart one design of the Holy-Ghost in those writings is to set forth examples of which are abundant there but not the least hint at any time as if the black and bitter waters of a disturbed mind sprang from the jarring humours of the flesh Gods anger for sin either by way of dissertion of comfort or infliction of temptation by permission of Satan to tyranize over the soul are the only causes of every trouble the hiding of his face begets trouble Ps 30.7 the causing of that to shine again is the only remedy Job 34.29 This is all the wisdom of God hath thought fit to publish Ps 4 6 7. If we must needs say more le ts look to our inferences Whatever hand this gross and heavy humour may have in the troubles of the soul let the finner willing to hold fast his iniquity by refusing to entertain hard thoughts of it but plainly answer these things thou thinkest that melancholly is the cause of troubles 1. What is the cause why any man is thus troubled with melancholy is it not because of fin is it not the conceived anger of an all-powerful God or if the party troubled find no sense of divine displeasure within himself yet who but an Atheist will deny the wounds made upon the natural spirits or those made upon the spirit to be both of them a punishment for sin as nothing proves a Deity more plainly then the argument which prophane Atheists most urge against it so nothing more sets forth the deadly nature of sin or the dangerous condition of the sinner then that very thing which is so much in use for their extenuation Atheists tell us there had been no talk of a God in the world if it had not been for fear 't was fear say they that found out and founded the notion of a Deity whereas there had been to speak truly no such thing as fear if first there had not been a God In like manner argue poor sinful sinners there had been no talk of spiritual malladies had it not been for melancholly spirits no distress of the mind but by distemper of the humours and who begat this blackness of distempered humours is not the hand of sin in all this sure 't wil be granted and if so I 'le speak a word to thee anon 2. Thou thinkest a wounded Conscience is but a melancholly conceit sure thou dost not think that it is so in all Give me leave to enquire what do you think was that which troubled Adam in she day that he eat of the forbidden Fruit what was that which un-Paradiced him so soon he hastâ—es away to the thickets for an hiding-place Gen. 3.7 8. lays hold on the broadest Leaves he could meet with for a covering of his nakedness What aileth him now is he not in Paradice still as he was before what makes this suddain alteration why so fearful in the cool of the evening who in the dawning of the past morning knew not what did belong to such a state some mighty chance must needs be in him for there was none without him All things about him were the same but he himself was not No external abatement of the pleasures of sense was here as yet to be found The ear had the same melody of the Choristers of the Woods for delight as it had before The mouth the same rarity and variety of pleasant Fruits to feed upon as