he hath not run before the Lord sent him let him produce his warrant to Excommunicate before ever he proved the Crime or admonished me of the Evills for which he saies I am Excommunicated He addes that there are some full of evill surmises about this matter as if the Church would never have proceeded against her but upon a designe to hinder others from deserting us Resol It is no surmise for 1 One of their own Officers Mr. Slade by name talking with an Alderman of this City about this Excommunication told him that if they had proceeded against me sooner Mris. Allen would not have left them 2 Mr. Stucley doth not in plain termes deny it And though that which follows concerning the unquietnesse of his spirit about my not Repenting may imply a deniall yet 3 It is that which he hath in a manner acknowledged in pag. 10. of the True Account in these words If we had discharged our duty sooner on the lyar we might have prevented the others fall her disobedience and perversenesse of spirit As for that he professeth he had no quiet in his Spirit that a Person should lie so long suspended and give no Evidence of Repentance but the Contrarie c. Resol The Suspension vvas tvvo moneths after I had left them the messenger that vvas sent to give me notice thereof sayd it vvas in order to my Returne a Returne to them this is the Repentance they expected and I resolved against unlesse as I told the Elder I might have communion with them and not to separate from others that vvere godly But vvhat quiet can Mr Stucley have novv that he hath passed a Sentence of Excommunication vvithout admonition seeing I so earnestly desired it vwhat comfort can he have in passing this Censure three yeares wanting a few daies after I had left them when as in all probability by reason of forgetfulnesse there could not be a charging of sin so as to convince and work a kindly Repentance If his conscience had troubled him because of my lying in Sin without evidencing Repentance then his conscience is either blind or baffled else why had not his conscience checkt him when he discovered no zeale against lying when he was so often prest unto it by me why had not his conscience troubled him when there was a lye affirmed with so much Confidence by John Whitehorne when he offered to depose it upon Oath and yet there was clear Testimony brought by some of their members to prove it to be a lye this person is under his charge yet here his conscience hath not disquieted him And for what he addes That to quiet his conscience he tooke advice with severall Ministers and so concluded the matter by them and his own Conscience Resol 1. Why did he go so farre away had he desired to have the truth brought to light then why should he refuse to advise with those Ministers that he himselfe acquainted with the businesse and when I so often desired them to bring it to a new tryall before them with a promise to submit unto their determinations without expecting any favour from them 2. How could those Ministers whoever they be perswade him to such a censure without advising him to bring the businesse to a Triall without hearing both parties speake will not Festus rise up in judgement against them Did these Ministers in their advice duly weigh the weight of this Ordinance and the pretiousnesse of soules for which Christ did Sweat Bleed and died for which hee ever lives to make intercession Durst they upon the Report of one partie without Examination give such advice in a corner the Lord lay not this sin to their charge 'T is not the first time that Satan hath made use of such instruments Christ saw him in a Peter c. I confesse it would have been more easily borne if they had been such as have not knowne the Father nor the Lord Jesus that had given this wicked advice but that it should come from them who have or at least pretend to more acquaintance with Christ then others this is as the Vineger and the Gall. Charg p. 47. In the last place hee gives the world a Catalogue of lying defamations spoken by mee since my Suspension Resol As for those lying defamations I answer briefly That many of those Reports are no lying Defamations but manifest truths as I have made it already to appeare in my Narrative and Vindication and make no question but shall be able to do the like of the rest if called unto it even as many of them as he shall prove to proceed from mee farre better then Mr Stucley will be able to make good in a regular and orderly proceeding those slanderous reports concerning mee with which he hath filled the world notvvithstanding he boasts so much of witnesses at the end almost of every Charge And novv I suppose the Reader is sufficiently tired vvith perusing an unpleasing and broken History I shall therefore now hasten to an End If the Gospell be the great Salvation that is delivered by Christ himselfe and the Revelation of it compleated and it be once delivered to the Saints and no other Revelation to be expected till Christ come and this Salvation being so glorious as that the Angels desire to look into it and there being such a Curse by Christ pronounced on such as shall adde to it or take from it then let it serve as an Apology for me in my learning of them This was that which I did desire and aime at that I might be instructed in the mystery of this great Salvation God manifest in the flesh c. T is that was in my eye and that I still follow after although I have not yet attained to comprehend with all Saints what is the bredth and length and depth and heighth and to know the love of Christ which passeth knowledge yet through grace this was and is that one thing that I may know Christ and him crucified and that I may with the Apostle Phil. 3.12 13 14. know him and the power of his Resurrection and the fellowship of his Sufferings so as to be made conformable to his death that I may know this great mystery which hath been hid from other ages but is now revealed unto us by the holy Apostles and Prophets by the Spirit Eph. 3.1 Know him so as to bear about in my body the dying of the Lord Jesus that the life of Jesus may be made manifest in this mortall flesh that the old man may be Crucified with him that the body of Sin might be destroyed that I might not serve sin This was that which to the glory of free grace I can say in some measure if my heart do not deceive me was my desire in Joyning with them and in my withdrawing from them I finding not a Sufficiency in their Ministry for edification and building up and being disapointed of my expectation in the ministry and continuing my
the undeceiving of those who by his two Books may be perswaded to thinke that Mris Allen and my selfe are indeed children of hell and fitter for fellowship with damned spirits then to be associates of the Lords people p. 11. True Acc And that they on the other side are a selfe denying people trampling the world under their feet keeping judgement and doing righteousnesse at all times having their hands filled with both the Tables and an equall respect to all Gods Commandements pag. 13. To this end I shall declare First the ground of my joyning with them and here I cannot but take shame to my selfe for being so rash as because of their specious pretences to forsake the societie of Gods people and joine with them before I saw what worke they woul make Secondly the manner of our joining together and my coming in unto them Thirdly some remarkable passages I observed whiles I was with them together with my behaviour in reproofe admonition and admission of members Fourthly declare the grounds of the difference between us and of my leaving them and also how I left them Lastly wipe off the reproaches they have cast upon mee since my leaving them All which I shall set upon in the strength of Christ who is able to make the foolish things of the world to confound the wise and the weake things of the world to confound the mighty And never had a poore creature greater cause to flie for refuge to the hope set before mee in the Gospel to get within the vaile and shrowd my selfe under the wings of the Almighty till these calamities be overpast then I have my enemies are many and I am single they wise or rather crafty I simple they mighty I weake they have witnesses as Mr Stucley affirmes I none and which is worst of all by accusing mee of lying by making me a notorious lyar they have endeavoured to stop the eares of the people and take them off from believing and giving credit to what I write so that if the Lord doth not bring forth my righteousnesse as the light and my judgement as the noone day I can looke for none other then to become a Prey by my writing unto those who wait for my halting who have as farre as I can perceive taken up a resolution according to the Elders threatning to make my going away cost mee dearer then my coming among them its true I have not yet resisted unto blood yet I know not how soon I may they have endeavoured to deprive mee of my good name which is of more worth then riches and the next in esteeme to life it selfe And what they will do next had they power in their hands the Lord knowes it is to be feared that they who have beene so forward to Smite with the Tongue will not be backward to strike with the hand when occasion shall serve The Papists when they had put a Cap upon the head of John Husse on which were painted severall ugly devils presently after cast him into the fire if that which was his lot and the lot of other servants of God be mine the will of the Lord be done It is my resolution to part with all rather then returne to such a backsliding and selfe seeking people And therefore my request is unto you the Ministers of Christ in this Nation that you would take my case into your serious consideration and call Mr Stucley to an account for his disorderly smiting his fellow-servants That you who have so openly declared against Separation and charged it as a duty on strayers to returne into the fold of Christ would encourage others to follow our example by defending us against the assaults and endeavours of those who have dealt so outragiously with us upon no other account then our leaving them and returning unto you as it will appeare in the following Narrative and Vindication from which I shall no longer detaine you but conclude and shut up all with this request that you would in the examination of what I have said not looke to words or expressions which may not be so fitly placed but to the things themselves and the truth of them which was the chiefe ayme in writing of her who still professeth herselfe to be an engaged servant to Jesus Christ in Gospel bonds SUSANNA PARR NARRATIVE WEe were told in the time of the Warres that when the Lord did turne our Captivity there must be a thorough Reformation every thing must be brought to the patterne in the Mount and by some that rather no Reformation then a partiall Reformation and in speciall the last warre by many was stiled a Sacramentall warre Considerations of this nature made me willing to engage where was most purity as to the Ordinances and the great affection and good opinion I had of the New-England Churches made mee in liking with the Congregationall way Besides it is well knowne Explicit Cov. how much was spoken of a Church State and the priviledges thereof A greater effusion of the Spirit more purity and holinesse more union and communion more liberty of Conscience and freedome from that yoke of being servants unto men in this Church State then could be found elsewhere Many such considerations made me engage in this way which we did after this manner Mr Stucley being at Torrington and coming often to this City speaking very much in commendation of Mr Bartlets Church at Brideford and the order therein and also exhorting mee and others to meet together telling us that we did not live like Christians because we had not communion one with another and that we must come together so that we might be in a capacity of having the ordinances we thereupon met very often the time was spent in praying and speaking one to another what God had done for our soules And to this we were enjoyned secrecie the reason was given because we might be put upon such tēptations if it were knowne as wee could not resist This practise wee continued once or twice a weeke for a long time M. Stucley promising to be at our meetings which he accordingly performed sometimes At length some of us desired to have the Sacrament of the Lords Supper and because of that confusion which was among us in that we wanted abilities for the right managing of our weekly Exercises wee desired likewise to have a Minister M. Hanmer was pitcht upon by some but opposed by others in the end wee agreed to leave it to M. Barlet of Brideford whether M. Hanmer or M. Stucley was the fittest for us hereupon wee sent messengers to M. Bartlet who when they came to his house found M. Stucley himselfe there M. Bartlet told the messengers he conceived M. Stucley was fittest for the present but however hee would acquaint M. Hanmer with the businesse which he did but M. Hanmer refused it After this M. Stucley came to continue in this City yet not quitting Torrington till the meanes was setled on him
meetings so that it is not to be wondred at if in them there were much strange fire both in prayer and exposition of the Scriptures they being meere Novices and in the entrance of Christianity and many of them scarce well principled I feared that the name of God was often taken in vain in prayer sure I am that much ignorance pride and selfe confidence and a Diotrephes spirit strongly working appeared in many of them N.E. One of them affirmed that there was no iniquity of the holy things c. this being delivered without any caution when the meeting was publique I told him of it in private the same day Owen Another who had formerly beene an Anabaptist then a Seeker next as I was informed a Papist or little better very much addicted to the study of their bookes the most conviction that he had as was reported was by Jonas Ware since a Roman Catholique who went to Rome and then turning to prelacy and the booke of Common-prayer and afterward an Independent the same person was very forward at our meetings and did often put forth himselfe in the duty of prayer which was a great trouble to mee to heare how the name of God was taken in vaine by him insomuch as that I earnestly desired Master Stucley to hinder him from engaging in that duty till he understood the nature of it better I acquainted him likewise of other disorders and miscarriages very frequent at our meetings declaring how much I was troubled at them for redresse of which I intreated him to be constantly with us But he endeavoured to quiet me with this that they were honest though weak and further perswaded me to be constant at the meetings to be faithfull unto them in minding them of what was amisse I told him it was more fit for me to be in private meditation to be gathering rather then scattering but he replyed that the time was now not to be Closet-Professors but to say come let us go up to the house of the Lord to seek the Lord together with our faces Zion-ward And though I pleaded my Sex my naturall and sinfull infirmities which made me unfit to speak unto others yet he pressed it on me as my duty And when there was any Jarring between them and my selfe he desired me not to be troubled though I met with opposition that one was of a Souldierly spirit another of a dull Spirit that it was meere Envy promising to speak with them about it himselfe Yea when I resolved to be silent at some meetings Mr. Stucley himselfe would single me out and even constraine me to speak As concerning my Carriage at the Admission of members I shall give a briefe account of it as followeth They who desired admission into the Society were sometimes desired in a private meeting to speak what experience they had of the worke of grace upon their Soules after which we were every one of us both men and women to declare our thoughts of what was spoken it being laid down as a ground that we must have an account of a change from a naturall and legall estate into an estate of grace and believing of those whom we admitted into communion with us I among the rest did according to my weak measure declare my selfe against that which I thought would not stand for grace I was so far from delighting in this work as that it was a trouble to me an Imployment from which I would willingly have been freed I conceived it more needfull for my selfe to study the worrd and compare my own heart with the rule then to be so taken up about the condition of others But this was our principle we were to keep the house of God pure we were set as Porters at the door it was our duty we were not to be wanting at such times yea it was our liberty that we who were to have communion with those vvho came to be admitted should give in our assent or dissent in reference to their admission I did therefore at such times declare my thoughts asvvell as the rest but left the determination to themselves as it appeares in Ganicle vvho vvas admitted though I vvas at the first against his admission I mention him because he vvas brought by Mr. Eveleigh as an Instance of my censoriousnesse I vvas blamed for disliking him vvhom they said vvas one of the most eminent among them and yet it vvas not long after before he discovered himselfe by Renouncing the principles of Christianity and turning Quaker He in speaking out his Experiences pretended unto much Joy and ravishment of Spirit but the Lord knovves vvhen he spake of such enjoyments he spake as a stranger that never intermedled vvith this Joy never declaring any povverfull effect thereof but only that vvhich vvas only but a Balaams vvish I the rather instance in him because he was the first that kindled the fire of Contention which then brake out in that manner as it is not quenched to this day here began the Quarrell on their part When I was called by the Elder to give in my thoughts concerning a Person proposed he most disorderly intercepted me for which there vvas not the least admonition given him but not long after his folly was made manifest by his Casting off the very forme of godlinesse This is one and the Cheife one of those persons whom I disliked though approved of by the Church If I be contentious for opposing such a one let me be contentious still though none among them will witnesse for me yet he doth he stands to this day as a sad witnesse between me and them whether I were contentious in my oppositions or they infallible in their determinations Besides as for some who continue among them if you look for distinguishing Characters they are scarcely visible much lesse easy to be discerned Thus I did from time to time whilst we were without Officers and Ordinances partly through the great desire I had to promote the worke of Reformation among us partly through Mr Stucley's instigation reprove them for their indifferency of Spirit stir them up to that which I conceived vvas their duty for vvhich I alvvaies gave them my grounds and reasons But after the officers vvere chosen I never medled to my remembrance vvith Church affaires nor spake in the meetings after I heard by Mr. Stucley my speaking vvas disrelisht unlesse a Question vvas proposed and I vvas desired to give my Ansvver unto it Not long after the Officers vvere chosen I being at Mr. Stucley's house desired him to resolve me concerning a true Church he then confessed that the Churches of New England did acknovvledge the Churches of old England from vvhence we had separated to be true Churches I told him thereupon that vve could not justifie our Separation At length vve falling into discourse of other things he said my speaking vvas disrelisht by some I ansvvered that I did not like it my selfe and therefore vvould be from
thenceforth silent though I looked on it as my duty formerly he told me no he vvould have me speak but it must be by a Brother for a stander by may see more then he that plaies the game promising likewise if I did speak by him to deliver my words in the same manner as I spake them After this it pleased the Lord to exercise me with a smarting affliction the death of a dear child the suddennesse of the stroke and some other circumstances made it a very melting affliction When my Bovvels vvere yerning towards my child I called to remembrance the Lords tender bowels towards his children for whom he had given his only Son when I considered the breach that the Lord had made in my family I beheld how terrible it was to make a breach in his family Then the worke I was ingaged in this Sin of Separation appeared nakedly unto me to be no other then a vvounding of Christs body vvhich is his Church the Church vvhich he hath purchased vvith his ovvn blood I then looked on Separation to be a dividing of Christ Truly I beheld it vvith terror this sin of vvounding of Christ it made a vvound in my soule vvhich vvas kept open in a terrible manner the Lord bringing to my remembrance his Justice and severity and vvrath revealed from heaven on families and nations yea on his ovvn people ever since the beginning of the vvorld as also his Judgments vvhich are in the earth to this day from Genesis to the Revelation vvas brought to my remembrance and kept hard upon me Having these Impressions on my Spirit I vvas almost overwhelmed and in mine ovvn apprehension upon the Borders of Hell vvhere the Lord made me to behold the Execution of his vvrath upon sinners I could then have told vvhat hel vvas I felt the flashings of helfire in my soule the vvrath of God that lay hard upon me the effects vvhereof vvere very terrible insomuch as I was even swallowed up only the Lord was pleased to keep me following after him resolving to lie at his feet though he should spurne me to hell Having thus been under a sentence of death with the very terrors of hell in my soule providence so ordering it I came by following the people where Mr. FORD preached I no sooner came into the Congregation but I was so exceedingly troubled as that I vented my selfe in Passionate teares fearing lest I might be unfit to hear but in prayer recovered my selfe His text was in John 16 last Be of good cheere I have overcome the world He instanced in all the enemies of the new creature the World the God of this world Sin Death and Hell the Lord setting it home every sentence was to me as the rivetting of the nailes set on by the great master of Assemblies and in prayer afterward the Lord so providing those very particulars which were the burden of my soule were put up unto God I went out of the congregation with another frame of spirit then when I came in blessing the Lord for giving his Son Jesus Christ who hath loved us and washed us from our sins in his own blood and hath made us Kings and Priests unto God But afterwards I began to question whether I had not taken that which did not belong unto me Christ then speaking comfort to his disciples in reference to that hardship they were to meet with in the world among the rest of their sufferings this was one that they should be put out of the Synagogues yea the time would come that whosoever killed them would think he did God good service which things Christ told them that they might not be offended But yet the Sermon being in generall of all the Enemies of the new Creature I could not put it off Furthermore the appearance of God was so remarkable in the change of my spirit as that I could not but take it home that Sins of the right hand and left hand and separation also and death and hell should be cast into the lake that burneth with fire and brimstone that in the meane time Christ hath overcome the world the Prince of this world is judged condemned already only the execution is deferred till the time appointed by the father And as for sufferings that we must look for them having such provision so remarkably laid in before I cannot but take notice of it at present But then I could not conceive how it was likely for me to suffer in that kind there being then so much love pretended But now the time is come and therefore I mention it Christ saieth these things have I spoken unto you that when the time shall come you may remember that I told you of them Now I can make application of all the Sermon which is food for my faith to live upon although I suffer as an evill doer I mention it with admiration that the Lord even then when he spake peace unto me after my being convinced of Separation should lay also provision against Excommunication But now after my conviction of Separation it troubled me very much because I knew not how to avoid it my fear was lest I should be constrained to live in it had I presently come off I should have made a breach there They pretended so much love unto me as I knew not which way to break this bond which the Apostle calls the bond of perfectnesse wherefore I resolved to wait upon the Lord for the opening a way unto me which he did afterwards in manner following The Lord was making such abundant Provision for me in Mr. Ford's ministry I did constantly attend thereon hearing him once a Lords day for the most part unlesse it were when we had the Sacrament of the Lords Supper administred among us This was my practice ever since he came to this City of which Mr. Stucley took no great notice before he was in office but afterward both he and the people were displeased with me for it on which began the quarrell on my part between us Mr. Stoneham being a stranger was employed to take me off from this practice who at first pretended that it did very much trouble him but since he hath told me that he wished that he had never been put upon it He sent a Messenger unto me to perswade me to leave Mr. Ford's ministry I then shewed my grounds for that practice what provision I found there and how the Lord had made that ministry effectuall unto me and withall that when I came among them I took up a resolution to attend upon that ministry The same day in a publique meeting they accused me first of Contention and secondly for my hearing Mr. Ford which as the Elder said the Church neither could nor would bear however they would not medle with it for that time As to the Article of Contention I appealed to the Church and charged them to be faithfull as they would answer it another day in making it known
also for as many of the Saints as had not seene his face in the flesh And in Chap 1.4 where he commends them for their love to all the Saints I did in the conclusion tell some of thē privately There was that deliver'd which could not be prov'd by the word The Sacrament of the Lords Supper had beene about this time omitted for neer halfe a yeare sure I am it was very long I enquired of some the reason thereof who told me because I could not sit downe with Master Stoneham's ministry whereupon I went to Master Stoneham to know the reason why the Sacrament was kept from us at the first he gave me no answer but when I was earnest with him to give me satisfaction he said that he did not know what use I would make of it I then told him hee looked upon me as under a temptation when I was in an ordinance of Jesus Christ but I had cause to feare that he was under a temptation in neglecting such an ordinance of Jesus Christ which he had a command often to make use of and then intreated him that if he thought me unworthy to partake of it that I onely might be kept off that the ordinance might not upon that account be laid aside to this he replied that the prayers they had put up would be answered which was all the satisfaction I could get from him at that time A weeke after I pressed him againe for the Sacrament he then told me that if I would not sit downe under his ministry he would be no officer unto mee and for a close told mee there was one who had somewhat against mee whereupon the same day I went to Master Stucley to know what it was that some body had against mee what the evill was they could charge me with I told him that it was my desire and endeavour to keep a good conscience void of offence both towards God and towards men that if there were any evill with which they could charge mee upon information what it was I would not continue in the practice thereof and therefore desired him to tell mee what it was that one had against mee to which Master Stoneham then being at Master Stucleys house answered that I must first resolve to sit down under their ministry and then they would conferre about that I replyed that I did not separate but in distinguishing ordinances unto which this answer was returned that there was as much reason for a woman to goe after another man because of fruitfulnesse as to make use of another Ministry because of more benefit At which grosse discovery of themselves I resolved with my selfe to take my leave of them Master Stucley at my going forth came with mee to the doore and then desired me to deny my selfe-holinesse for God and look for a reward in heaven This was the last time that ever I was in his house After this two or three times I went to Mr. Eveleigh the Elder to know what it was they had against me but I could never speak with him untill I met him at the meeting where I desired to speak with him and went to his house and desired him to informe me what they had to Charge mee with who insteed of answering directly to my question sayd there would bee a Sacrament the next Lords day which as I remember was putt of and that some body did desire mee to forbeare my Answer was that I should not giue offence to any he then told mee what a doe they had to please mee instancing in his wife dead and buried long before This being all I could learne of him I went about to seuerall persons att their houses to know what it was that they had against mee but they told mee there was nothinge but my goeing to heare others then I asked whether the Church had any thinge against mee they did assure mee the Church had nothing against mee Having done this I beheld the doore standing so wide open as that I might fairely take my leave which yet I did not before I had for a while seriously and sadly considered of these following particulars 1. The strangenesse of their opinions and practises in reference to the ordinances of Jesus Christ Preaching was affirmed to be no Church Ordinance as also Catechizing The ordinance of Fasting exceedingly perverted in which they walked in the wayes of Ahab and statutes of Omry Making it like Ismaels weeping to fall on poore soules when they go to worship the Lord like the tumultuous concourse of people Act. 19.32 by concealing the perticular occasions and ends of their fastings fasting rather for strife and debate then to keepe the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace with Gods people The Sacrament of the Lords Supper was for a long time detained not only from my selfe in particular without giving any reason but from the whole Congregation in generall new and unheard of and unscripturall qualifications were required of those who would pertake thereof They must subscribe and engage not to heare any but their owne Officers at such times as the Officers did preach and must believe that a greater blessing was to be expected on their Ministry then on the Ministry of others when as the Apostle saith He that planteth and he that watereth are all one 1 Cor. 3.7 8. To come out from among them upon this account I was very much encouraged by Master Burroughs who in his heart divisions p. 174. sayeth If Gouernors enjoyne any thing vppon the Church or any member thereof that is Sin or if they shall mingle Euill in the Publique worship so that there can be noe Ioyning with their worship but there must be Ioyning likewise with their Sin In this case they are the Schismaticks not those who withdrawe from them Yea farther If they impose that which is not necessary though in it selfe not sinful and will not beare with the weaknes of such as thinke it Evill If upon that they are forced to withdrawe in this the governors are the Schismaticks the cause of the Rent is in them they ought in such things to beare with the weaknesses of their brethren and not imperiously require of them those things of which there is no necessity if such things be Sinne to their Brethrens consciences if they will stand upon it to enjoyne them they lay a necessity on them to withdraw God will not lay the Indictment of Schisme thus such a one departed from the Communion of such a church because he would not doe what was lawfull to be done But thus you imposed that upon your brother which there was no necessity of and would not forbeare him in what I would have you to forbeare him but caused him by your imperiousnesse and stifnesse to depart from communion with you It 's true God saith the things might have been done but it was not necessary it was out of conscience to me that they forbore the weaknesse is theirs but
the Schisme is yours 2. From the ordinances I turned my thoughts unto the Churches both that from which I had separated as also that whereof I was then a member as to the Churches of England I considered that they were right in respect of Doctrine and worship and not onely so but that they were united likewise by an implicit covenant which upon enquiry that they of New-England make to be the same for substance with that which is explicit contrarie to what I believed at the first viz. That an Explicit Covenant was necessary to the Constituting of a visible Church and therefore upon this account there was no reason to separate from them I considered that the work of this generation was not the Constituting but the reforming of Churches which I conceived separation did hinder It made my heart bleed within me to think that I should have a hand in the hindering of Reformation for which so much precious blood had been spilt in the late Warre As to the Church whereof I was then a member I feared what it would come to in the end there being in so short a time such a visible difference between our first Ingagements and the present state thereof At the first liberty of conscience and freedome from the Intolerable yoke of being Servants unto men was pretended But now we were in greater bondage then ever all liberty of dissenting from them being denyed Our officers were swayed by such a Prelaticall Spirit as that every one must rest satisfied with their determinations otherwise it would be lookt upon as a non-conformity contention and the Lords Supper forthwith denyed them At the first we were not to rest in the light we had allready received but engaged to study the minde and will of God and live up unto it to have Christ for our Judge our Lawgiver and King but now the voice of the Church two or three of them carries all before it he that did not hearken unto this he that was not obedient unto this must be presently accounted contentious censorious a Rebell against Jesus Christ and dealt withall as such When I demanded whether that which they said to be the voice of the Church were the voice of Christ Answer was returned that the voice of the Church was the voice of Christ If this be true then we must believe as the Church believes we must believe that the Church cannot erre contrary to that in Rev. 3. where we read that the Church of Laodicea said one thing and Christ another where every one is commanded to heare what the spirit saith unto the Churches And as for the people the generalitie of them I plainly perceived that they made it their businesse to study conformity without the least heeding what they had formerly engaged or enquiring what for the time to come this might grow unto Isacher-like they bowed their shoulders to beare and became Servants unto whatsoever tribute was imposed In the last place I took a briefe view of their behaviour abroad in the world where they were striving who should be foremost in getting of offices and places of profit so imployed they were in enriching themselves and building their own houses as that they little minded the house of God And as for Mr Stucley he was so entangled with the world as that it took up a great part of his time every week which should have been spent in the worke of the ministry contrary to that of the Apostle 2 Tim. 2.4 So troubled he was about many things as that he very much neglected that one thing needfull the feeding of the flock He seemed to me to be led captive by ambition and covetousnesse which made him more crafty and politick then could in my Judgment stand with the Simplicity of the Gospell So that I questioned whether or no he had not applied himselfe to the studie of wisedome onely for her left hand blessings of riches and honor I cald to mind his subtilty in the manageing of many busienesses his setting Mr Stonham a worke about that which he durst not appeare in himselfe but especially his trecherousnesse and deceitfull dealing in useing means for the opening reading and Coppying of postletters the letters of the chiefe magestrate of this Citty this I was enformed of by one of their members and since hath been confirmed by others And his appointing a day of thanksgiving for the Succesfulnesse of his designes furthered by such unlawfull meanes whether this were not a bringing of Thanksgiving with leaven I leave it to others to Judge I could not but withdraw from that thanksgiving I considered with my selfe how unlike it was that he should be a faithfull minister of Christ who dealt so unfaithfully with men and therefore that it could not be safe for me to continue any longer under his pastorall charge especially seeing I could not be faithfull to them because of their crafty seeking advantages to ensnare All the remedy I had left was to withdrawe from them Thus being convinced of Separation and the evill thereof and having pondred a while of their Unchristian or rather Antichristian practises I went on the 24 of March 1654. to Mr Eveleigh the Elder whom I desired to acquaint the Church that I should continue no longer with them for severall reasons which I then gave him And that I would willingly if they desired it give them farther Satisfaction he replyed that there was nothing but would be made up I know that very well said I but for severall reasons I am resolved to withdraw from your society About foureteen daies after being sent for I went to their meeting according to my promise supposing they would require an account of my leaving of them but Mr Stucley altogether waved that and insteed thereof having questioned me a little concerning Mr Stoneham demanded how long I had used to heare Mr Ford I answered a year at the least the truth of which assertion when he seemed to question I added farther that my writing books would make it appeare that I had heard him much longer Then he asked me concerning Mris Eveleigh whether I did not speak against her To this I returned Answer 1 by asking him whether he did not say to Mr Eveleigh in his own house within a few daies after that she was admitted that I was so farre from speaking against her as that I had spoken for her and therefore would cleare me To this he answered never a word but was silent 1ly by acknowledging that I had Spoken against her but not to have her kept off as Mr Eveleigh had charged me Why did you then Speake against her said Mr Stucley I answered because she had gone contrary to the law of Charity in that she did partake of the ordinance of the lords Supper with the Presbyterians which we did not If she looked on this as her duty she could not but looke on the neglect thereof as our Sin and so she walked vncharitably she being in
it let others judge they having dealt so basely with mee as to accuse me of lying when I went unto them a little before to give them a reason why I left them A burnd child we say dreads the fire I had been burnd once by adventuring singly among them therefore I durst not do it againe the second time So that Mr Stucley needed not here to insert this parenthesis if my memory faile me not it would have done better in all the other Articles of his accusation in which if his memory did not faile him he will never be able to free himselfe from that for which he pretends he hath Excommunicated mee But that I did not refuse to heare the Church the severall answers I gave to the messengers sent me can witnesse Besides when M. Eveleigh came to acquaint mee with the Fast in order to Excōmunication I desired that the businesse my might be referred to Mr Forde and Mr Bartlet who had formerly heard it and after the Fast I told two other of their members that they should bring it to a new tryall before the Ministers of Exeter with whom I was in Communion promising to stand to their determination The letter likewise Mris Allen and my selfe sent the Church doth witnesse sufficiently that neither of us refused to heare the Church Unto this Charge he addes that of separation Charge And though shee had lifted up her right hand to heaven to walk in fellowship with us yet hath she separated from us and to this day sought not reconciliation neither hath shee expressed Repentance for her Sinne c. Resol This is likewise confest and acknowledged that I Seperated from them The grounds of my Separation are layed downe in my narrative To which I shall farther adde 1. That there was a clause in our first Engagement binding every one of us not to rest in the light then received but to Studie to knowe the minde of God and live up to it and so accordingly haveing Studied the minde of God concerning our separation from other Churches of Christ I founde it to be Sinfull and therefore durst no longer to continue therein 2. If I engaged so to walke in fellowship with you as to deny it to others of Gods people of which there are many I hope in this Citty I am Sorry for it and to shew my Repentance I have reformed by leaveing your Society in which I could not continue without the guilt of Sin If a man should promise yea Sweare to that which is Sin he had better to break then to keepe his oath yea we were likewise engaged to hold communion with other Churches of Christ But this is now denyed unlesse it be with those that are Congregationall As for what he addes concerning my not expressing repentance for my sin c. Resol I shall answer with Job c. 27. God forbid that I should justify you by confessing that which I am not guilty of till I die I will not remove my integrity from me My righteousnesse as to your impeachment I hold fast and will not let it goe my heart shall not reproach me for basely submitting to any thing against my conscience so long as I live In pag. 23. He speaks of my undervaluing Excommunication slighting it in these words viz. The other meaning me as little valued this Institution of Christ for as I am informed she said Excommunication was but as the breaking of a horse over the hedge c. Resol I have been heretofore and am at present so far from slighting excommunication rightly administred as that it makes me tremble to behold my selfe accused thereof as if I slighted the ordinance it selfe I look on it as an ordinance of Jesus Christ as that Sword which he hath given his Church for the cutting off contagious members as that which he hath appointed and ordained to as high an end for ought I know as any other ordinance viz the destruction of the flesh that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus And as for the slighting expression concerning this ordinance with which he chargeth me I say it is a notorious slander as he hath laid it down the truth is that to some who spake about excommunication I told them how it had been formerly abused in this nation by many who as it was reported would excommunicate for such a Trespasse as a horse to break over a hedge and farther added that I valued an unjust excommunication no more then I did that and because I look on Mr Stucleys late excommunication as such therefore do I set light by it as Luther did by the Popes bull for which he was never charged by any Protestant in doing of which I am no more to be condemned for slighting this ordinance in generall then he It will be found upon triall that Mr Stucley hath a farre lower esteeme of this ordinance then my selfe otherwise he would never have so abused it as he hath for the promoting his own interest and carnall designes which is the ready way to make it contemptible in the Judgment and opinion of those who are not well acquainted with it Thus I have done with the true account and now returne to what he saith farther concerning me in his answer to Mr Toby Allen pag. 45. Her Crimes and contumacy being very great the Church thought themselves obliged to suspend her from Communion before ever she joyned in the Sacrament with any other Resol That this Suspension was for no other crimes or contumacy then my leaving them and my refuseing to returne unto them And therefore it was not thought sufficient to debarre me from communion with others of Gods people in this City by those who heard the whole businesse and throughly examined the Circumstances thereof Char. In the next place he chargeth Mr Allen with a lye for affirming That the Quarrell between the Church and me began because I had a mind to heare some other ministers which he saith is abominably false and farther that this was no particular for which I was ever admonished by the Church in pag. 45.46 And again he saith That the Quarrell began in my contentious Spirit and sowing Divisions and was increased by lying Res 1 That I was admonished for hearing other ministers by the Church it is manifest by what is allready set down 2 That the quarrell did not begin in my contentious Spirit and sowing divisions nor was encreased by lying it is also apparent as for lying I was never charged with it till I left them and as for contention c. I never medled with Church affaires after the officers were chosen unlesse it were once in reference to a person proposed when Ganicle interrupted me The Qurarell Brake out at a Tuesdayes meeting Mr. Stucley was absent from that meeting and so knowes nothing of it but by the report of others it so much concerning mee I have reason to know it better then others The account whereof
according to my best Remembrance is this On the day before being munday after dynner Mr. Stonham and his wife came to visit me Before I could come to them my husband in discoursing with them sayed that I had heard Mr. Ford the day before when I came into the Roome Mr Stonham looked on me with an Angry countenance and would scarce Speak whereupon I asked his wife what did aile him who ansvvered that he vvas not vvell pleased vvith me for my goeing avvay to heare she told me likevvise that he did not like Mr Eveleighs maide and farther added that she heard that I had somewhat against her she is said I a stranger unto me and therefore it is my desire that she may be kept off one week longer untill I have informed my selfe concerning her Then said she do you be present at the meeting to speak to have her kept off this she desired with much earnestnesse On the Tuesdaie following after dinner Mr Spraigue the younger came to me frō Mr Stoneham as he said who had been with him the day before and desired him to take me off from hearing Mr Ford. To this end among other things he told me that those sheep which had been used to meane feeding were not fit for fat pasture it was the way to bring them to the scab he likewise spake something about Mr Eveleighs maid and earnestly desired me to be at the meeting I told him that I then lay under some trouble of spirit and so could not be fit for such an Imployment however upon his earnest intreaty I fitted my selfe to goe When I was come they began contrarie to their usuall practice to talke of the maid before ever the Lord had been sought unto in prayer Mr Owen sitting at the table neer me I willed him to acquaint them that it was my desire she might be kept off a week longer as I remember untill I had informed my selfe concerning her Mr Eveleigh presently replyed that he would give Testimony for her I told him that a master or superior was not so fit to give Testimony for a servant or inferior and withall instanced in Gehazi who carried himselfe fairly in his masters presence After this one Ambrose a shoomaker was proposed who it seemes wrought with Ganicle concerning whom Mr Eveleigh asked me whether I had any thing against him I answered that I had nothing and also that though he were a stranger unto me yet I had heard a good report of him upon which Ganicle said that I would take his Testimony for his man and not Mr Eveleighs for his maid yea said Mr Eveleigh that is the very thing because it is my Testimony therefore she will not take it adding farther that it was scandalous and that I was offensive or contentious and had hindred their proceedings for many yeares insomuch as he could not partake with me in the Ordinances untill he was satisfied I replyed that this would not be borne and that if my carriage had bin so offensive I should have heard of it in some other place and in some other manner and then I presently appealed to all the Congregation desiring them to be faithfull unto me as they would Answer it another day by declaring wherein my carriage had been offensive and what evils they had seen in me And when I perceived they were unwilling to meddle in it I told them plainly that I would come no more among them unless they would satisfie me herein At length Mr Stoneham began his prayer after this manner Lord we have waited for a prayer and now thou hast given us in a prayer it may be the returne of many prayers and then bewailed that the serpent was gotten into the garden After the prayer Mr. Eveleigh and my selfe were to withdraw but Mr Eveleigh before he went out told them he left it to the Church to determine whether I were not contentious Two things said he I have against her Contention and her going away to hear Mr Ford which the Church neither can nor will bear And he farther charged John Whitehorne the chiefest then in this businesse that he should insist upon Contention and if he wanted an Instance that he should name Agnes Pullen When we were withdrawne the generality of them said they did believe I was a good woman c. But then they were asked againe whether through a mixture of Corruption it might not tend to Contention to which this reply was made That they did not know but it might Mr. Stoneham told me that they would not for a world charge me with contention but did fear lest through a mixture of Corruption it might tend thereunto Many of them were offended with the Elders dealing so disorderly with me but knew not how to help it and desired me to take no notice of it By all which it appeares 1 That they were very much displeased with me for hearing others besides our own Officers though they were unwilling to quarrell with me openly about it Mr. Eveleigh t is true accused me thereof at this meeting but as I am informed some of them did very much dislike his mentioning of that particular and refused to medle with it because they thought it fitter to be concealed then that it should be publickly taken notice of 2 That it is very probable they had a resolution some of them to quarrell with me about Mr. Eveleigh's maid in case I could not be prevailed with to leave off hearing of other ministers why else should they be so earnest with me after I had given a sufficient Excuse for my absence to be present at the meeting why else should Mr. Stoneham use such expressions in his prayer 3 That although Mr Eveleigh at this time when the Quarrell brake out accused me of Contention yet that the Quarrell did not begin in my contentious spirit and sowing divisions is apparent 1 Because I did no more then Mr. Stoneham approved of and Mris. Stoneham desired me to do so that I could be no more contentious in opposing Mr. Eveleighs mayd then they 2. This businesse was ended in three daies they had nothing after this against me but my hearing other ministers as Mr. Eveleigh himselfe told me 4 And therefore notwithstanding the quarrell brake out at the time when I opposed Mr. Eveleigh's maid yet it is very apparent that it began was continued carried on and increased even to a breach only for my hearing of another minister for as to the charge of lying I never heard of it till my coming off as I have already declared In the next place he takes shame to himselfe that he did not sooner excite the church to their duty as to the last Remedy for the healing of this woman c. Resol I believe in the end he will see more cause to take shame to unto himselfe in that he hath so rashly excited them to this censure before he ever discharged the duty of admonition Let him consider whether