yea_o it_o be_v so_o fix_v on_o eternity_n and_o on_o the_o thing_n about_o the_o kingdom_n of_o heaven_n that_o be_v so_o far_o as_o i_o know_v though_o as_o yet_o god_n know_v i_o know_v but_o little_a that_o neither_o pleasure_n nor_o profit_n nor_o persuasion_n nor_o threat_n can_v loosen_v it_o or_o make_v it_o let_v go_v its_o hold_n and_o though_o i_o may_v speak_v it_o with_o shame_n yet_o it_o be_v in_o very_a deed_n a_o certain_a truth_n it_o will_v then_o have_v be_v as_o difficult_a for_o i_o to_o have_v take_v my_o mind_n from_o heaven_n to_o earth_n as_o i_o have_v find_v it_o often_o since_o to_o get_v it_o again_o from_o earth_n to_o heaven_n 34._o and_o now_o i_o think_v i_o begin_v to_o look_v into_o the_o bible_n with_o new_a eye_n and_o read_v as_o i_o never_o do_v before_o and_o especial_o the_o epistle_n of_o the_o apostle_n paul_n be_v sweet_a and_o pleasant_a to_o i_o and_o indeed_o i_o be_v then_o never_o out_o of_o the_o bible_n either_o by_o read_v or_o meditation_n still_o cry_v out_o to_o god_n that_o i_o may_v know_v the_o truth_n and_o way_n to_o heaven_n and_o glory_n 35._o and_o as_o i_o go_v on_o and_o read_v i_o light_v on_o that_o passage_n to_o one_o be_v give_v by_o the_o spirit_n the_o word_n of_o wisdom_n to_o another_o the_o word_n of_o knowledge_n by_o the_o same_o spirit_n and_o to_o another_o faith_n etc._n etc._n 1_o cor._n 12._o and_o though_o as_o i_o have_v since_o see_v that_o by_o this_o scripture_n the_o holy_a ghost_n intend_v in_o special_a thing_n extraordinary_a yet_o on_o i_o it_o then_o do_v fasten_v with_o conviction_n that_o i_o do_v want_v thing_n ordinary_a even_o that_o understanding_n and_o wisdom_n that_o other_o christian_n have_v on_o this_o word_n i_o muse_v and_o can_v not_o tell_v what_o to_o do_v for_o i_o fear_v it_o shut_v i_o out_o of_o all_o the_o blessing_n that_o other_o good_a people_n have_v give_v they_o of_o god_n but_o i_o be_v loath_a to_o conclude_v i_o have_v no_o faith_n in_o my_o soul_n for_o if_o i_o do_v so_o think_v i_o than_o i_o shall_v count_v myself_o a_o very_a castaway_n indeed_o 36._o no_o say_v i_o with_o myself_o though_o i_o be_o convince_v that_o i_o be_o a_o ignorant_a sot_n and_o that_o i_o want_v those_o bless_a gift_n of_o knowledge_n and_o understanding_n that_o other_o good_a people_n have_v yet_o at_o a_o venture_n i_o will_v conclude_v i_o be_o not_o altogether_o faithless_a though_o i_o know_v not_o what_o faith_n be_v for_o it_o be_v show_v i_o and_o that_o too_o as_o i_o have_v since_o see_v by_o satan_n that_o those_o who_o conclude_v themselves_o in_o a_o faithless_a state_n have_v neither_o rest_n nor_o quiet_a in_o their_o soul_n and_o â—_o be_v loath_a to_o fall_v quite_o into_o despair_n 37._o wherefore_o by_o this_o suggestion_n i_o be_v for_o a_o while_o make_v afraid_a to_o see_v my_o want_n of_o faith_n but_o god_n will_v not_o suffer_v i_o thus_o to_o undo_v and_o destroy_v my_o soul_n but_o do_v continual_o against_o this_o my_o blind_a and_o sad_a conclusion_n create_v still_o within_o i_o such_o supposition_n that_o i_o may_v in_o this_o deceive_v myself_o that_o i_o can_v not_o rest_v conâ—ent_a until_o i_o do_v now_o come_v to_o some_o certain_a knowledge_n whether_o i_o have_v faith_n or_o no_o this_o always_o run_v in_o my_o mind_n but_o how_o if_o you_o want_v faith_n indeed_o but_o how_o can_v you_o tell_v you_o have_v faith_n 38._o so_o that_o though_o i_o endeavour_v at_o the_o first_o to_o look_v over_o the_o business_n of_o faith_n yet_o in_o a_o little_a time_n i_o better_o consider_v the_o matter_n be_v willing_a to_o put_v myself_o upon_o the_o trial_n whether_o i_o have_v faith_n or_o no._n but_o alas_o poor_a wretch_n so_o ignorant_a and_o brutish_a be_v i_o that_o i_o know_v to_o this_o day_n no_o more_o how_o to_o do_v it_o than_o i_o know_v how_o to_o begin_v and_o accomplish_v that_o rare_a and_o curious_a piece_n of_o art_n which_o i_o never_o yet_o see_v nor_o consider_v 39_o wherefore_o while_o i_o be_v thus_o consider_v and_o be_v put_v to_o my_o plunge_n about_o it_o for_o you_o must_v know_v that_o as_o yet_o i_o have_v in_o this_o matter_n break_v my_o mind_n to_o no_o man_n only_o do_v hear_v and_o consider_v the_o tempter_n come_v in_o with_o this_o delusion_n that_o there_o be_v no_o way_n for_o i_o to_o know_v i_o have_v faith_n but_o by_o try_v to_o work_v some_o miracle_n urge_v those_o scripture_n that_o seem_v to_o look_v that_o way_n for_o the_o enforce_a and_o strengthen_v his_o temptation_n nay_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v betwixt_o elstow_n and_o bedford_n the_o temptation_n be_v hot_a upon_o i_o to_o try_v if_o i_o have_v faith_n by_o do_v of_o some_o miracle_n which_o miracle_n at_o that_o time_n be_v this_o i_o must_v say_v to_o the_o puddle_n that_o be_v in_o the_o horse_n pad_n be_v dry_a and_o to_o the_o dry_a place_n be_v you_o the_o puddle_n and_o true_o one_o time_n i_o be_v a_o go_v to_o say_v so_o indeed_o but_o just_a as_o i_o be_v about_o to_o speak_v this_o thought_n come_v into_o my_o mind_n but_o go_v under_o yonder_o hedge_n and_o pray_v first_o that_o god_n will_v make_v you_o able_a but_o when_o i_o have_v conclude_v to_o pray_v this_o come_v hot_a upon_o i_o that_o if_o i_o pray_v and_o come_v again_o and_o try_v to_o do_v it_o and_o yet_o do_v nothing_o notwithstanding_o than_o besure_n i_o have_v no_o faith_n but_o be_v a_o castaway_n and_o lose_v nay_o think_v i_o if_o it_o be_v so_o i_o will_v never_o try_v yet_o but_o will_v stay_v a_o little_a long_o 40._o so_o i_o continue_v at_o a_o great_a loss_n for_o i_o think_v if_o they_o only_o have_v faith_n which_o can_v do_v such_o wonderful_a thing_n than_o i_o conclude_v that_o for_o the_o present_a i_o neither_o have_v it_o nor_o yet_o for_o time_n to_o come_v be_v ever_o like_a to_o have_v it_o thus_o i_o be_v toss_v betwixt_o the_o devil_n and_o my_o own_o ignorance_n and_o so_o perplex_v especial_o at_o some_o time_n that_o i_o can_v not_o tell_v what_o to_o do_v 41._o about_o this_o time_n the_o state_n and_o happiness_n of_o these_o poor_a people_n at_o bedford_n be_v thus_o in_o a_o dream_n or_o vision_n represent_v to_o i_o i_o see_v as_o if_o they_o be_v set_v on_o the_o sunny_a side_n of_o some_o high_a mountain_n there_o refresh_v themselves_o with_o the_o pleasant_a beam_n of_o the_o sun_n while_o i_o be_v shiver_v and_o shrink_v in_o the_o cold_a afflict_v with_o frost_n snow_n and_o dark_a cloud_n methinks_v also_o betwixt_o i_o and_o they_o i_o see_v a_o wall_n that_o do_v compass_v about_o this_o mountain_n now_o through_o this_o wall_n my_o soul_n do_v great_o desire_v to_o pass_v conclude_v that_o if_o i_o can_v i_o will_v go_v even_o into_o the_o very_a midst_n of_o they_o and_o there_o also_o comfort_v myself_o with_o the_o heat_n of_o their_o sun_n 42._o about_o this_o wall_n i_o think_v myself_o to_o go_v again_o and_o again_o still_o pry_v as_o i_o go_v to_o see_v if_o i_o can_v find_v some_o way_n or_o passage_n by_o which_o i_o may_v enter_v therein_o but_o none_o can_v i_o find_v for_o some_o time_n at_o the_o last_o i_o see_v as_o it_o be_v a_o narrow_a gap_n like_o a_o little_a door-way_n in_o the_o wall_n through_o which_o i_o attempt_v to_o pass_v but_o the_o passage_n be_v very_o straight_o and_o narrow_a i_o make_v many_o offer_n to_o get_v in_o but_o all_o in_o vain_a even_o until_o i_o be_v well_o nigh_o quite_o beat_v out_o by_o strive_v to_o get_v in_o at_o last_o with_o great_a strive_v i_o think_v i_o at_o first_o do_v get_v in_o my_o head_n &_o after_o that_o by_o a_o side-ling_n strive_v my_o shoulder_n and_o my_o whole_a body_n then_o be_v i_o exceed_o glad_a and_o go_v and_o sit_v down_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o they_o and_o so_o be_v comfort_v with_o the_o light_n and_o heat_n of_o their_o sun_n 43._o now_o this_o mountain_n and_o wall_n etc._n etc._n be_v thus_o make_v out_o to_o i_o the_o mountain_n signify_v the_o church_n of_o the_o live_a god_n the_o sun_n that_o shine_v thereon_o the_o comfortable_a shine_a of_o his_o merciful_a face_n on_o they_o â—hat_n be_v therein_o the_o wall_n i_o think_v be_v the_o word_n â—hat_n do_v make_v separation_n between_o the_o christian_n â—nd_v the_o world_n and_o the_o gap_n which_o be_v in_o this_o wall_n i_o think_v be_v jesus_n christ_n who_o be_v the_o way_n â—o_o god_n the_o father_n but_o for_o as_o much_o as_o the_o passage_n be_v wonderful_a narrow_a even_o so_o narrow_a that_o iâ—ould_v â—ould_z not_o but_o with_o great_a difficulty_n enter_v in_o thereâ—t_fw-la it_o
with_o such_o conceit_n as_o these_o i_o shall_v think_v that_o god_n do_v mock_v at_o these_o my_o prayer_n say_v and_o that_o in_o the_o audience_n of_o the_o holy_a angel_n this_o poor_a simple_a wretch_n do_v hanker_v after_o i_o as_o if_o i_o have_v nothing_o to_o do_v with_o my_o mercy_n but_o to_o bestow_v it_o on_o such_o as_o he_o alas_o poor_a fool_n how_o be_v thou_o deceive_v it_o be_v not_o for_o such_o as_o thou_o to_o have_v favour_n with_o the_o high_a 90._o then_o have_v the_o tempter_n come_v upon_o i_o also_o with_o such_o discouragement_n as_o these_o you_o be_v very_o hot_a for_o mercy_n but_o i_o will_v cool_v you_o this_o frame_n shall_v not_o last_v always_o many_o have_v be_v as_o hot_a as_o you_o for_o a_o spirit_n but_o i_o have_v quench_v their_o zeal_n and_o with_o this_o such_o and_o such_o who_o be_v fall_v off_o will_v be_v set_v before_o my_o eye_n than_o i_o shall_v be_v afraid_a that_o i_o shall_v do_v so_o too_o but_o think_v i_o i_o be_o glad_a this_o come_v into_o my_o mind_n well_o i_o will_v watch_v and_o take_v what_o heed_n i_o can_v though_o you_o do_v say_v satan_n i_o shall_v be_v too_o hard_a for_o you_o i_o will_v cool_v you_o insensible_o by_o degree_n by_o little_a and_o little_a what_o care_v i_o say_v he_o though_o i_o be_v seven_o year_n in_o chill_v your_o heart_n if_o i_o can_v do_v it_o at_o last_o continual_a rock_n will_v lull_v a_o cry_a child_n asleep_o i_o will_v ply_v it_o close_o but_o i_o will_v have_v my_o end_n accomplish_v though_o you_o be_v burn_v hot_a at_o present_a yet_o if_o i_o can_v pull_v you_o from_o this_o fire_n i_o shall_v have_v you_o cold_a before_o it_o be_v long_o these_o thing_n bring_v i_o into_o great_a straits_n for_o as_o i_o at_o present_a can_v not_o find_v myself_o fit_a for_o present_a death_n so_o i_o think_v to_o live_v long_o will_v make_v i_o yet_o more_o unfit_a for_o time_n will_v make_v i_o forget_v all_o and_o wear_v even_o the_o remembrance_n of_o the_o evil_a of_o sin_n the_o worth_n of_o heaven_n and_o the_o need_v i_o have_v of_o the_o blood_n of_o châ—ist_n to_o wash_v i_o both_o out_o of_o mind_n and_o thought_n but_o i_o thank_v christ_n jesus_n these_o thing_n do_v not_o at_o present_a make_v i_o slack_v my_o cry_n but_o rather_o do_v put_v i_o more_o upon_o it_o like_o she_o who_o meet_v with_o the_o adulterer_n deut._n 22.25_o in_o which_o day_n that_o be_v a_o good_a word_n to_o i_o after_o i_o have_v suffer_v these_o thing_n a_o while_n i_o be_o persuade_v that_o neither_o death_n nor_o life_n etc._n etc._n shall_v separate_v we_o from_o the_o love_n of_o god_n which_o be_v in_o christ_n jesus_n rom._n 8.38_o and_o now_o i_o hope_v long_a life_n shall_v not_o destroy_v i_o nor_o make_v i_o miss_v of_o heaven_n 91._o yet_o i_o have_v some_o support_n in_o this_o temptation_n though_o they_o be_v then_o all_o question_v by_o i_o that_o in_o the_o three_o of_o jeremiah_n at_o the_o fiâ—st_n be_v something_o to_o i_o and_o so_o be_v the_o consideration_n of_o the_o five_o verse_n of_o that_o chapter_n that_o though_o we_o have_v speak_v and_o do_v evil_a thing_n as_o we_o can_v yet_o we_o shall_v cry_v unto_o god_n my_o father_n thou_o be_v the_o guide_n of_o my_o youth_n and_o shall_v return_v unto_o he_o 92._o i_o have_v also_o once_o a_o sweet_a glance_n from_o that_o in_o â—_o cor._n 5.21_o for_o he_o have_v make_v he_o to_o be_v sin_n for_o we_o who_o know_v no_o sin_n that_o we_o may_v be_v make_v the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n in_o he_o i_o remember_v also_o that_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v sit_v in_o a_o neighbour_n house_n and_o there_o very_o sad_a at_o the_o consideration_n of_o my_o many_o blasphemy_n and_o as_o i_o be_v say_v in_o my_o mind_n what_o ground_n have_v i_o to_o think_v that_o i_o who_o have_v be_v so_o vile_a and_o abominable_a shall_v ever_o inherit_v eternal_a life_n that_o word_n come_v sudden_o upon_o i_o what_o shall_v we_o say_v to_o these_o thing_n if_o god_n be_v for_o we_o who_o can_v be_v against_o we_o rom._n 8.31_o that_o also_o be_v a_o help_n unto_o i_o because_o i_o live_v you_o shall_v live_v also_o joh._n 14.19_o but_o these_o be_v but_o hint_n touch_n and_o short_a visit_n though_o very_o sweet_a when_o present_a only_o they_o last_v not_o but_o like_a to_o peter_n sheet_n of_o a_o sudden_a be_v catch_v up_o from_o i_o to_o heaven_n again_o act._n 10.16_o 93._o but_o afterward_o the_o lord_n do_v more_o full_o and_o gracious_o discover_v himself_o unto_o i_o and_o indeed_o do_v quite_o not_o only_o deliver_v i_o from_o the_o guilt_n that_o by_o these_o thing_n be_v lay_v upon_o my_o conscience_n but_o also_o from_o the_o very_a filth_n thereof_o for_o the_o temptation_n be_v remove_v and_o i_o be_v put_v into_o my_o right_a mind_n again_o as_o other_o christian_n be_v 94._o i_o remember_v that_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v travel_v into_o the_o country_n and_o muse_v on_o the_o wickedness_n and_o blasphemy_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o consider_v of_o the_o enmity_n that_o be_v in_o i_o to_o god_n that_o scripture_n come_v in_o my_o mind_n he_o have_v make_v peace_n by_o the_o blood_n of_o his_o cross_n col._n 1.20_o by_o which_o i_o be_v make_v to_o see_v both_o again_o and_o again_o and_o again_o that_o day_n that_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n be_v friend_n by_o this_o blood_n yea_o i_o see_v that_o the_o justice_n of_o god_n and_o my_o sinful_a soul_n can_v embrace_v and_o kiss_v each_o other_o through_o this_o blood_n thiâ—_n be_v a_o good_a day_n to_o i_o i_o hope_v i_o shall_v not_o forget_v it_o 95._o at_o another_o time_n as_o i_o be_v set_v by_o the_o fiâ—e_n in_o my_o house_n and_o muse_v on_o my_o wretchedness_n the_o lord_n make_v that_o also_o a_o precious_a word_n unto_o i_o for_o as_o much_o then_o as_o the_o child_n be_v partaker_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n he_o also_o himself_o likewise_o take_v part_n of_o thâ—_n same_o that_o through_o death_n he_o may_v destroy_v he_o that_o have_v the_o power_n of_o death_n that_o be_v the_o devil_n and_o deliver_v those_o who_o through_o the_o fear_n of_o death_n be_v all_o their_o life_n time_n subject_a to_o bondage_n heb._n 2.14_o 15._o i_o think_v that_o the_o glory_n of_o these_o word_n be_v then_o so_o weighty_a on_o i_o that_o i_o be_v both_o once_o and_o twice_o ready_a to_o swoon_v as_o i_o sit_v yet_o not_o with_o grief_n and_o trouble_n but_o with_o solid_a joy_n and_o peace_n 96._o at_o this_o time_n also_o i_o sit_v under_o the_o ministry_n of_o holy_a mr._n gifford_n who_o doctrine_n by_o god_n grace_n be_v much_o for_o my_o stability_n this_o man_n make_v it_o much_o his_o business_n to_o deliver_v the_o people_n of_o god_n from_o all_o those_o false_a and_o unsound_a rest_n that_o by_o nature_n we_o be_v prone_a to_o take_v and_o make_v to_o our_o soul_n he_o press_v we_o to_o take_v special_a heed_n that_o we_o take_v not_o up_o any_o truth_n upon_o trust_n as_o from_o this_o or_o that_o or_o another_o man_n or_o man_n but_o to_o cry_v mighty_o to_o god_n that_o he_o will_v convince_v we_o of_o the_o reality_n thereof_o and_o set_v we_o down_o therein_o by_o his_o own_o spirit_n in_o the_o holy_a word_n for_o say_v he_o if_o you_o do_v otherwise_o when_o temptation_n come_v if_o strong_o you_o not_o have_v receive_v they_o with_o evidence_n from_o heaven_n will_v find_v you_o want_v that_o help_n and_o strength_n now_o to_o resist_v as_o once_o you_o think_v you_o have_v 97._o this_o be_v as_o seasonable_a to_o my_o soul_n as_o the_o former_a and_o latter_a rain_n in_o their_o season_n for_o i_o have_v find_v and_o that_o by_o sad_a experience_n the_o truth_n of_o these_o his_o word_n for_o i_o have_v feel_v no_o man_n can_v say_v especial_o when_o tempt_v of_o the_o devil_n that_o jesus_n christ_n be_v lord_n but_o by_o the_o holy_a ghost_n wherefore_o i_o find_v my_o soul_n through_o grace_n very_o apt_a to_o drink_v in_o this_o doctrine_n and_o to_o incline_v to_o pray_v to_o god_n that_o in_o nothing_o that_o pertain_v to_o god_n glory_n and_o my_o own_o eternal_a happiness_n he_o will_v suffer_v i_o to_o be_v without_o the_o confirmation_n thereof_o from_o heaven_n for_o now_o i_o see_v clear_o there_o be_v a_o exceed_a difference_n betwixt_o the_o notion_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n and_o the_o revelation_n of_o god_n in_o heaven_n also_o a_o great_a difference_n between_o that_o faith_n that_o be_v feign_v and_o according_a to_o man_n wisdom_n and_o of_o that_o which_o come_v by_o a_o man_n be_v bear_v thereto_o of_o god_n mat._n 16.15_o 16._o 1_o john_n 5.1_o 98._o
but_o oh_o now_o how_o be_v my_o soul_n lead_v from_o truth_n to_o truth_n by_o god_n even_o from_o the_o birth_n and_o cradle_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n to_o his_o ascension_n and_o second_o come_v from_o heaven_n to_o judge_v the_o world_n 99_o true_o i_o then_o find_v upon_o this_o account_n the_o great_a god_n be_v very_o good_a unto_o i_o for_o to_o my_o remembrance_n there_o be_v not_o any_o thing_n that_o then_o i_o cry_v to_o god_n to_o make_v know_v and_o reveal_v unto_o i_o but_o he_o be_v please_v to_o do_v it_o for_o i_o i_o mean_v not_o one_o part_n of_o the_o gospel_n of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n but_o i_o be_v orderly_o lead_v into_o it_o i_o think_v i_o see_v with_o great_a evidence_n from_o the_o relation_n of_o the_o four_o evangelist_n the_o wonderful_a work_n of_o god_n in_o give_v jesus_n christ_n to_o save_v we_o from_o his_o conception_n and_o birth_n even_o to_o his_o second_o come_v to_o judgement_n i_o think_v i_o be_v as_o if_o i_o have_v see_v he_o bear_v as_o if_o i_o have_v see_v he_o grow_v up_o as_o if_o i_o have_v see_v he_o walk_v through_o this_o world_n from_o the_o cradle_n to_o his_o cross_n to_o which_o also_o when_o he_o come_v i_o see_v how_o gentle_o he_o give_v himself_o to_o be_v hang_v and_o nail_v on_o it_o for_o my_o sin_n and_o wicked_a do_n also_o as_o i_o be_v muse_v on_o this_o his_o progress_n that_o drope_v on_o my_o spirit_n he_o be_v ordain_v for_o the_o slaughter_n 1_o pet._n 1.19_o 20._o 100_o when_o i_o have_v consider_v also_o the_o truth_n of_o his_o resurrection_n and_o have_v remember_v that_o word_n touch_v i_o not_o mary_n etc._n etc._n i_o have_v see_v as_o if_o he_o leap_v at_o the_o grave_n mouth_n for_o joy_n that_o he_o be_v rise_v again_o and_o have_v get_v the_o conquest_n over_o our_o dreadful_a foe_n john_n 20.17_o i_o have_v also_o in_o the_o spirit_n see_v he_o a_o man_n on_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o god_n the_o father_n for_o i_o and_o have_v see_v the_o manner_n of_o his_o come_n from_o heaven_n to_o judge_v the_o world_n with_o glory_n and_o have_v be_v confirm_v in_o these_o thing_n by_o these_o scripture_n follow_v act_v 1.9_o 10._o acts._n 7._o 56._o actâ—_n 10.42_o heb._n 7.24_o heb._n 8.38_o rev._n 1.18_o 1_o thes._n 4.17_o 18._o once_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v to_o know_v whether_o the_o lord_n jesus_n be_v both_o man_n as_o well_o as_o god_n and_o god_n as_o well_o as_o man_n and_o true_o in_o those_o day_n let_v man_n say_v what_o they_o will_v unless_o i_o have_v it_o with_o evidence_n from_o heaven_n all_o be_v as_o nothing_o to_o i_o i_o count_v not_o myself_o set_v down_o in_o any_o truth_n of_o god_n well_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v about_o this_o point_n and_o can_v not_o tell_v how_o to_o be_v resolve_v at_o last_o that_o in_o the_o five_o of_o the_o revelation_n come_v into_o my_o mind_n and_o i_o behold_v and_o lo_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o throne_n and_o of_o the_o four_o beast_n and_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o elder_n stand_v a_o lamb_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o throne_n there_o be_v his_o godhead_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o elder_n there_o be_v his_o man_n hood_n but_o o_o i_o think_v this_o do_v glister_n it_o be_v a_o goodly_a touch_n and_o give_v i_o sweet_a satisfaction_n that_o other_o scripture_n also_o do_v help_v i_o much_o in_o this_o to_o we_o a_o child_n be_v bear_v to_o we_o a_o son_n be_v give_v and_o the_o government_n shall_v be_v upon_o his_o shoulder_n and_o his_o name_n shall_v be_v call_v wonderful_a counsellor_n the_o mighty_a god_n the_o everlasting_a father_n the_o prince_n of_o peace_n etc._n etc._n isa._n 9.6_o 101._o also_o beside_o these_o teach_n of_o god_n in_o his_o word_n the_o lord_n make_v use_v of_o two_o thing_n to_o confirm_v i_o in_o these_o thing_n the_o one_o be_v the_o error_n of_o the_o quaker_n and_o the_o other_o be_v the_o guilt_n of_o sin_n for_o as_o the_o quaker_n do_v oppose_v his_o truth_n so_o god_n do_v the_o more_o confirm_v i_o in_o it_o by_o lead_v i_o into_o the_o scripture_n that_o do_v wonderful_o maintain_v it_o and_o as_o i_o say_v the_o guilt_n of_o sin_n do_v help_v i_o much_o for_o still_o as_o that_o will_v come_v upon_o i_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n do_v take_v it_o off_o again_o and_o again_o and_o again_o and_o that_o too_o sweet_o according_a to_o the_o scripture_n o_o friend_n cry_v to_o god_n to_o reveal_v jesus_n christ_n unto_o you_o there_o be_v none_o teach_v like_o he_o 102._o it_o will_v be_v too_o long_o for_o i_o here_o to_o stay_v to_o tell_v you_o in_o particular_a how_o god_n do_v set_v i_o down_o in_o all_o the_o thing_n of_o christ_n and_o how_o he_o do_v that_o he_o may_v so_o do_v lead_v i_o into_o his_o word_n yea_o and_o also_o how_o he_o do_v open_v they_o unto_o i_o make_v they_o shine_v before_o i_o and_o cause_v they_o to_o dwell_v with_o i_o talk_v with_o i_o and_o comfort_v i_o over_o and_o over_o both_o of_o his_o own_o be_v and_o the_o be_v of_o his_o son_n and_o spirit_n and_o word_n and_o gospel_n 103._o only_o this_o as_o i_o say_v before_o i_o will_v say_v unto_o you_o again_o that_o in_o general_n he_o be_v please_v to_o take_v this_o course_n with_o i_o first_o to_o suffer_v i_o to_o be_v afflict_v with_o temptation_n concern_v they_o and_o then_o reveal_v they_o to_o i_o as_o sometime_o i_o shall_v lie_v under_o great_a guilt_n for_o sin_n even_o crush_v to_o the_o ground_n therewith_o and_o then_o the_o lord_n will_v show_v i_o the_o death_n of_o christ_n yea_o and_o so_o sprinkle_v my_o conscience_n with_o his_o blood_n that_o i_o shall_v find_v and_o that_o before_o i_o be_v aware_a that_o in_o that_o conscience_n where_o but_o just_a now_o do_v reign_n and_o â—age_n the_o law_n even_o there_o will_v rest_v and_o abide_v the_o peace_n and_o love_n of_o god_n through_o christ._n 104._o now_o have_v i_o a_o evidence_n for_o heaven_n with_o many_o golden_a seal_n thereon_o all_o hang_n in_o my_o sight_n now_o can_v i_o remember_v this_o manifestation_n and_o the_o other_o discovery_n of_o grace_n with_o comfort_n and_o shall_v often_o long_o and_o desire_v that_o the_o last_o day_n be_v come_v that_o i_o may_v for_o ever_o be_v inflame_v with_o the_o sight_n and_o joy_n and_o communion_n of_o he_o who_o head_n be_v crown_v with_o thorn_n who_o face_n be_v spit_v on_o and_o body_n break_v and_o soul_n make_v a_o offering_n for_o my_o sin_n for_o whereas_o before_o â—_o lie_v continual_o tremble_v at_o the_o mouth_n of_o hell_n now_o i_o think_v i_o be_v get_v so_o far_o therefrom_o thaâ—_n i_o can_v not_o when_o i_o look_v back_o scarce_o discern_v it_o 〈◊〉_d and_o o_o think_v i_o that_o i_o be_v fourscore_o year_n old_a now_o that_o i_o may_v die_v quick_o that_o my_o soul_n may_v be_v go_v to_o rest_v 105._o but_o after_o the_o lord_n have_v in_o this_o manner_n 〈◊〉_d gracious_o deliver_v i_o from_o this_o great_a and_o sorâ—_n temptation_n and_o have_v set_v i_o down_o so_o sweet_o in_o the_o faith_n of_o his_o holy_a gospel_n and_o have_v give_v i_o such_o strong_a consolation_n and_o bless_a evidence_n from_o heaven_n touch_v my_o interest_n in_o his_o love_n through_o christ_n the_o tempter_n come_v upon_o i_o again_o and_o that_o with_o a_o more_o grievous_a and_o dreadful_a temptation_n then_o before_o 106._o and_o that_o be_v to_o sell_v and_o part_n with_o this_o most_o bless_a christ_n to_o exchange_v he_o for_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o life_n for_o any_o thing_n the_o temptation_n lie_v upon_o i_o for_o the_o space_n of_o a_o year_n and_o do_v follow_v i_o so_o continual_o that_o i_o be_v not_o rid_v of_o it_o one_o day_n iâ—_n a_o month_n no_o not_o sometime_o one_o hour_n in_o many_o day_n together_o unless_o i_o be_v asleep_a 107._o and_o though_o in_o my_o judgement_n i_o be_v persuade_v that_o those_o who_o be_v once_o effectual_o in_o christ_n as_o i_o hope_v through_o his_o grace_n i_o have_v see_v myself_o can_v never_o lose_v he_o for_o ever_o for_o the_o land_n shall_v not_o be_v sell_v for_o ever_o for_o the_o land_n be_v i_o say_v god_n levit._n 25.23_o yet_o it_o be_v a_o continual_a vexation_n to_o i_o to_o think_v that_o i_o shall_v have_v so_o much_o as_o one_o such_o thought_n within_o i_o against_o a_o christ_n a_o jesus_n that_o have_v do_v for_o i_o as_o he_o have_v do_v 108._o but_o it_o be_v neither_o my_o dislike_n of_o the_o thought_n nor_o yet_o any_o desire_n and_o endeavour_v to_o resist_v it_o that_o in_o the_o least_o do_v shake_v or_o abate_v the_o continuation_n or_o force_n and_o strength_n
thereof_o for_o it_o do_v always_o in_o almost_o whatever_o i_o think_v intermix_v itself_o therewith_o in_o such_o sort_n that_o i_o can_v neither_o eat_v my_o food_n stoop_v for_o a_o pin_n chap_v a_o stick_n or_o cast_v my_o eye_n to_o look_v on_o this_o or_o that_o but_o still_o the_o temptation_n will_v come_v sell_v christ_n for_o this_o or_o sell_v christ_n for_o that_o 109._o sometime_o it_o will_v run_v in_o my_o thought_n not_o so_o little_a as_o a_o hundred_o time_n together_o sell_v he_o sell_v he_o sell_v he_o against_o which_o i_o may_v say_v for_o whole_a hour_n together_o i_o have_v be_v force_v to_o stand_v as_o continual_o lean_v and_o force_v my_o spirit_n against_o it_o lest_o haply_o before_o i_o be_v aware_a some_o wicked_a thought_n may_v arise_v in_o my_o heart_n that_o may_v consent_v thereto_o and_o sometime_o also_o the_o tempter_n will_v make_v i_o believe_v i_o have_v consent_v to_o it_o than_o shall_v i_o be_v as_o torture_v on_o a_o rack_n for_o whole_a day_n together_o 110._o this_o temptation_n do_v put_v i_o to_o such_o scare_n lest_o i_o shall_v at_o some_o time_n i_o say_v consent_v thereto_o and_o be_v overcome_v therewith_o that_o by_o the_o very_a force_n of_o my_o mind_n in_o labour_v to_o gainsay_v and_o resist_v this_o wickedness_n my_o very_a body_n also_o will_v be_v put_v into_o action_n or_o motion_n by_o way_n of_o push_v or_o thrust_v still_o answer_v as_o fast_o as_o the_o destroyer_n say_v fall_v he_o i_o will_v not_o i_o will_v not_o i_o will_v not_o i_o will_v not_o no_o not_o for_o thousand_o thousand_o thousand_o of_o world_n this_o reckon_n lest_o i_o shall_v in_o the_o midst_n of_o these_o assault_n set_v too_o low_a a_o value_n of_o he_o even_o until_o i_o scarce_o well_o know_v where_o i_o be_v or_o how_o to_o be_v compose_v again_o 111._o but_o to_o be_v brief_a one_o morning_n as_o i_o do_v lie_v in_o my_o bed_n i_o be_v as_o at_o other_o time_n most_o fierce_o assault_v with_o this_o temptation_n to_o sell_v and_o part_n with_o christ_n the_o wicked_a suggestion_n still_o run_v in_o my_o mind_n sell_v he_o sell_v he_o sell_v he_o sell_v he_o as_o fast_o as_o a_o man_n can_v speak_v against_o which_o also_o in_o my_o mind_n as_o at_o other_o time_n i_o answer_v no_o no_o not_o for_o thousand_o thousand_o thousand_o at_o least_o twenty_o time_n together_o but_o at_o last_o after_o much_o strive_v even_o until_o i_o be_v almost_o out_o of_o breath_n i_o feel_v the_o thought_n pass_v through_o my_o heart_n let_v he_o go_v if_o he_o will_v and_o i_o think_v also_o that_o i_o feel_v my_o heart_n consent_v thereto_o 112._o now_o be_v the_o battle_n win_v and_o down_o felâ—_n i_o as_o a_o bird_n that_o be_v shoot_v from_o the_o top_n of_o a_o tree_n in_o to_o great_a guilt_n and_o fearful_a despair_n thus_o get_v out_o of_o my_o bed_n i_o go_v mope_v into_o the_o field_n but_o god_n know_v with_o as_o heavy_a a_o heart_n as_o mortal_a man_n i_o think_v can_v bear_v where_o for_o the_o space_n of_o two_o hour_n i_o be_v like_o a_o man_n bere_v of_o life_n and_o as_o now_o past_a all_o recovery_n and_o bind_v over_o to_o eternal_a punishment_n 113._o and_o withal_o that_o scripture_n do_v seize_v upon_o my_o soul_n or_o profane_a person_n as_o esau_n who_o for_o one_o morsel_n of_o meat_n sell_v his_o birthright_n for_o you_o know_v how_o that_o afterward_o when_o he_o will_v have_v inherit_v the_o blessing_n he_o be_v reject_v for_o he_o find_v no_o place_n of_o repentance_n though_o he_o seek_v it_o careful_o with_o tear_n heb._n 12.16_o 17._o 114._o these_o word_n be_v to_o my_o soul_n like_o fetter_n of_o brass_n to_o my_o leg_n in_o the_o continual_a sound_n of_o which_o i_o go_v for_o several_a month_n together_o but_o about_o ten_o or_o eleven_o a_o clock_n one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v walk_v under_o a_o hedge_n full_a of_o sorrow_n and_o guilt_n god_n know_v and_o bemoan_v myself_o for_o this_o hard_a hap_n that_o such_o a_o thought_n shall_v arise_v within_o i_o sudden_o this_o sentence_n bolt_v in_o upon_o i_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n remit_v all_o guilt_n at_o this_o i_o make_v a_o stand_n in_o my_o spirit_n with_o that_o this_o word_n take_v hold_v upon_o i_o the_o blood_n of_o jesus_n christ_n his_o son_n cleanse_v â—s_a from_o all_o sin_n now_o i_o begin_v to_o conceive_v peace_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o methinks_v i_o see_v as_o if_o the_o tempter_n do_v hear_v and_o steaâ—_n away_o from_o i_o as_o be_v ashamed_a of_o what_o he_o have_v do_v at_o the_o same_o time_n also_o i_o have_v my_o sin_n and_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n thus_o represent_v to_o i_o that_o my_o sin_n when_o compare_v to_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n be_v no_o more_o to_o it_o than_o this_o little_a clot_n or_o stone_n before_o i_o be_v to_o this_o vast_a and_o wide_a field_n that_o here_o i_o see_v this_o give_v i_o good_a encouragement_n for_o the_o space_n of_o too_o or_o three_o hour_n in_o which_o time_n also_o i_o think_v i_o see_v by_o faith_n the_o son_n of_o god_n as_o suffer_v for_o my_o sin_n but_o because_o it_o tarry_v not_o i_o therefore_o sink_v 〈◊〉_d my_o spirit_n under_o exceed_a guilt_n again_o 115._o sometime_o also_o i_o shall_v have_v a_o touch_n from_o â—hat_n in_o luk._n 22.31_o i_o have_v pray_v for_o thou_o that_o thy_o faith_n fail_v not_o but_o it_o will_v not_o abide_v upon_o i_o neither_o can_v i_o indeed_o when_o i_o consider_v my_o state_n find_v ground_n to_o conceive_v in_o the_o least_o that_o there_o shall_v be_v the_o root_n of_o that_o grace_n within_o i_o have_v sâ—nned_v as_o i_o have_v do_v now_o be_v i_o tear_v and_o rend_v in_o heavy_a case_n for_o many_o day_n together_o 116._o then_o begin_v i_o with_o sad_a and_o careful_a heart_n to_o consider_v of_o the_o nature_n and_o largeness_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o to_o search_v in_o the_o word_n of_o god_n if_o i_o can_v in_o any_o place_n espy_v a_o word_n of_o promise_n or_o any_o encourage_n sentence_n by_o which_o i_o may_v take_v relief_n wherefore_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v that_o three_o of_o mark_n aâ—l_o manner_n of_o sin_n and_o blasphemy_n shall_v be_v forgive_v unto_o the_o son_n of_o man_n wherewith_o soever_o they_o shall_v blaspheme_v which_o place_n i_o thought_n at_o a_o blush_n do_v contain_v a_o large_a and_o glorious_a promise_n for_o the_o pardon_n of_o high_a offence_n but_o consider_v the_o place_n more_o full_o i_o think_v it_o be_v rather_o to_o be_v understand_v as_o relate_v more_o chief_o to_o those_o who_o have_v while_o in_o a_o natural_a estate_n commit_v such_o thing_n as_o there_o mention_v but_o not_o to_o i_o who_o have_v not_o only_o receive_v light_n and_o mercy_n but_o that_o have_v both_o after_o and_o also_o contrary_a to_o that_o so_o slight_v christ_n as_o i_o have_v do_v 117._o i_o fear_v therefore_o that_o this_o wicked_a sin_n of_o i_o may_v be_v that_o sin_n unpardonable_a of_o which_o he_o there_o thus_o speak_v but_o he_o that_o shall_v blaspheme_v against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n have_v never_o forgiveness_n but_o be_v in_o danger_n of_o eternal_a damnation_n and_o i_o do_v the_o rather_o give_v credit_n to_o this_o because_o of_o that_o sentence_n in_o the_o hebrew_n for_o yâ—u_o know_v how_o that_o afterward_o when_o he_o will_v have_v inherit_v the_o blessing_n he_o be_v reject_v for_o he_o find_v no_o place_n of_o repentance_n though_o he_o seek_v it_o careful_o with_o tear_n 118._o and_o now_o begin_v i_o to_o labour_v to_o call_v again_o time_n that_o be_v past_a wish_v a_o thousand_o time_n twice_o tell_v that_o the_o day_n be_v yet_o to_o come_v when_o i_o shall_v be_v tempt_v to_o such_o a_o sin_n conclude_v with_o great_a indignation_n both_o against_o my_o heart_n and_o all_o assault_n how_o i_o will_v rather_o have_v be_v tear_v in_o piece_n than_o find_v a_o consenter_n thereto_o but_o alas_o these_o thought_n and_o wish_n and_o resolving_n be_v now_o too_o late_o to_o help_v i_o the_o thought_n have_v pass_v my_o heart_n god_n have_v let_v i_o go_v and_o i_o be_o fall_v o_o think_v i_o that_o it_o be_v with_o i_o as_o in_o month_n past_a as_o in_o the_o day_n when_o god_n preserve_v i_o job_n 29.2_o 119._o then_o again_o be_v loath_a and_o unwilling_a to_o perish_v i_o begin_v to_o compare_v my_o sin_n with_o other_o to_o see_v if_o i_o can_v find_v that_o any_o of_o those_o that_o be_v save_v have_v do_v as_o i_o have_v do_v so_o i_o consider_v david_n adultery_n and_o murder_n and_o find_v they_o most_o heinous_a crime_n and_o those_o too_o commit_v after_o light_n and_o grace_v receive_v but_o yet_o by_o consider_v i_o perceive_v that_o
scripture_n forenamed_a in_o thâ—_n hebrew_n will_v be_v set_v before_o i_o as_o the_o only_a sentence_n that_o will_v keep_v i_o out_o of_o heaven_n theâ—_n again_o i_o shall_v begin_v to_o repent_v that_o ever_o that_o thought_n go_v through_o i_o i_o shall_v also_o think_v thus_o with_o myself_o why_o how_o many_o scripture_n be_v there_o against_o i_o there_o be_v but_o three_o or_o four_o and_o can_v god_n miss_v they_o and_o save_v i_o for_o all_o they_o sometime_o again_o i_o shall_v think_v o_o if_o it_o weâ—e_v not_o for_o these_o three_o or_o four_o word_n now_o how_o may_v i_o be_v comfort_v and_o i_o can_v hardly_o forbear_v at_o sometime_o but_o to_o wish_v they_o out_o of_o the_o book_n 164._o then_o methinks_v i_o shall_v see_v as_o if_o both_o peter_n and_o paul_n and_o john_n and_o all_o the_o writer_n do_v look_v with_o scorn_n upon_o i_o and_o hold_v i_o in_o derision_n and_o as_o if_o they_o say_v unto_o i_o all_z our_o word_n be_v truth_n one_o of_o as_o much_o force_n â—s_v another_o it_o be_v not_o we_o that_o have_v cut_v you_o off_o but_o you_o have_v cast_v away_o yourself_o there_o be_v none_o of_o our_o sentence_n that_o you_o must_v take_v hold_v upon_o but_o these_o and_o such_o as_o these_o it_o be_v impossible_a there_o remain_v no_o more_o sacrifice_n for_o sin_n heb._n 6._o and_o it_o have_v be_v better_a for_o they_o not_o to_o have_v know_v the_o will_n of_o god_n than_o after_o they_o have_v know_v it_o to_o turn_v from_o the_o holy_a commandment_n deliver_v unto_o they_o heb._n 10._o for_o the_o scripture_n can_v be_v break_v 2_o pet._n 2.21_o 165._o thus_o be_v i_o confound_v not_o know_v what_o to_o do_v nor_o how_o to_o be_v satisfy_v in_o this_o question_n whether_o the_o scripture_n can_v agree_v in_o the_o salvation_n of_o my_o soul_n i_o quake_v at_o the_o apostle_n i_o know_v their_o word_n be_v true_a and_o that_o they_o must_v stand_v for_o ever_o 166._o and_o i_o remember_v one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v in_o divers_a frame_n of_o spirit_n and_o consider_v that_o these_o frame_n be_v still_o accord_v to_o the_o nature_n of_o the_o several_a scripture_n that_o come_v in_o upon_o my_o mind_n 〈◊〉_d this_o of_o grace_n than_o i_o be_v quiet_a but_o if_o that_o of_o esaâ—_n then_o torment_v lord_n think_v i_o if_o both_o these_o scripture_n will_v meet_v in_o my_o heart_n at_o once_o i_o wonder_v which_o of_o they_o will_v get_v the_o better_a of_o i_o so_o methinks_v i_o have_v a_o long_a mind_n that_o they_o may_v come_v both_o together_o upon_o i_o yea_o i_o desire_v of_o god_n they_o may_v 167._o well_o about_o two_o or_o three_o day_n after_o so_o they_o do_v indeed_o they_o boulteâ—_n both_o upon_o i_o at_o a_o time_n and_o do_v work_v and_o struggle_v strange_o in_o i_o for_o a_o while_n at_o last_o that_o about_o esau_n birthright_n begin_v to_o wax_v weak_a and_o withdraw_v and_o vanish_v and_o this_o about_o the_o sufficiency_n of_o grace_n prevail_v with_o peace_n and_o joy_n and_o as_o i_o be_v in_o a_o muse_n about_o this_o thing_n that_o scripture_n come_v home_o upon_o i_o mercy_n rejoice_v against_o judgement_n 168._o this_o be_v a_o wonderment_n to_o i_o yet_o true_o i_o be_o apt_a to_o think_v it_o be_v of_o god_n for_o the_o word_n of_o the_o law_n and_o wrath_n must_v give_v place_n to_o the_o word_n of_o life_n and_o grace_n because_o though_o the_o word_n of_o condemnation_n be_v glorious_a yet_o the_o word_n of_o life_n and_o salvation_n do_v far_o exceed_v in_o glory_n 2_o cor._n 3.8_o 9_o 10_o 11._o mar._n 9.5_o 6_o 7._o john_n 6.37_o also_o that_o moses_n and_o elias_n must_v both_o vanish_v and_o leave_v christ_n and_o his_o saint_n alone_o 169._o this_o scripture_n also_o do_v now_o most_o sweet_o visit_v my_o soul_n and_o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o o_o the_o comfort_n that_o i_o have_v have_v from_o this_o word_n in_o no_o wise_a as_o who_o shall_v say_v by_o no_o mean_n for_o no_o thing_n whatever_o he_o have_v do_v but_o satan_n will_v great_o labour_v â—o_o pull_v this_o promise_n from_o i_o tell_v of_o i_o that_o christ_n do_v not_o mean_v i_o and_o such_o as_o i_o but_o sinner_n of_o a_o low_a rank_n that_o have_v not_o do_v as_o i_o have_v do_v but_o i_o shall_v answer_v he_o again_o satan_n here_o be_v in_o this_o word_n no_o such_o exception_n but_o he_o that_o come_v he_o â—â—ny_v he_o him_z that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o and_o this_o i_o well_o remember_v still_o that_o of_o all_o the_o slight_n that_o satan_n use_v to_o take_v this_o scripture_n from_o i_o yet_o he_o never_o do_v so_o much_o as_o put_v this_o question_n but_o do_v you_o come_v aright_o and_o i_o have_v think_v the_o reason_n be_v because_o he_o think_v i_o know_v full_a well_o what_o come_v be_v for_o i_o see_v that_o to_o come_v aright_o be_v to_o come_v as_o i_o be_v a_o vile_a and_o ungodly_a sinner_n and_o to_o cast_v myself_o at_o the_o foot_n of_o mercy_n condemn_v myself_o for_o sin_n if_o ever_o sataâ—_n and_o i_o do_v strive_v for_o any_o word_n it_o be_v for_o this_o in_o john_n he_o pull_v and_o i_o pull_v but_o god_n be_v praise_v i_o get_v some_o sweetness_n from_o it_o 170._o but_o notwithstanding_o all_o these_o help_n and_o bless_a word_n of_o grace_n yet_o that_o of_o esau_n sell_v of_o his_o birthright_n will_v still_o at_o time_n distress_v my_o conscience_n for_o though_o i_o have_v be_v most_o sweet_o comfort_v and_o that_o but_o just_a before_o yet_o when_o that_o come_v into_o mind_n it_o will_v make_v i_o fear_v again_o i_o can_v not_o be_v quite_o rid_v thereof_o it_o will_v every_v day_n be_v with_o i_o wherefore_o now_o i_o go_v another_o way_n to_o woâ—k_v even_o to_o consider_v the_o nature_n of_o this_o blashemous_a thought_n i_o mean_v if_o i_o shall_v take_v the_o word_n at_o the_o large_a and_o give_v they_o their_o own_o natural_a force_n and_o scope_n even_o every_o word_n therein_o so_o when_o i_o have_v thus_o consider_v i_o find_v that_o if_o they_o be_v fair_o take_v they_o will_v amount_v to_o this_o that_o i_o have_v free_o leave_v the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n to_o his_o choice_n whether_o he_o will_v be_v my_o saviour_n or_o no_o for_o the_o wicked_a word_n be_v these_o let_v he_o go_v if_o he_o will_n then_o that_o scripture_n give_v i_o hope_n i_o will_v never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o heb._n 13.5_o o_o lord_n say_v i_o but_o i_o have_v leave_v thou_o than_o it_o answer_v again_o but_o i_o will_v not_o leave_v thou_o for_o this_o i_o thank_v god_n alâ—o_o 171._o yet_o i_o be_v grievous_a afraid_a he_o shall_v and_o find_v it_o exceed_v hard_o to_o trust_v he_o see_v i_o hâ—d_v so_o offend_v he_o i_o can_v have_v be_v excee_v glad_a that_o this_o thought_n have_v never_o be_v fall_v foâ—_n than_o i_o think_v i_o can_v with_o more_o ease_n and_o freedom_n abundance_n have_v lean_v upon_o his_o grace_n i_o see_v it_o be_v with_o i_o as_o it_o be_v with_o joseph_n brother_n the_o guilt_n of_o their_o own_o wickedness_n do_v often_o fill_v they_o with_o fear_n that_o their_o brother_n will_v at_o last_o despise_v they_o gen._n 50.15_o 16_o 17_o 18._o 172._o but_o above_o all_o the_o scripture_n that_o yet_o i_o do_v meet_v with_o that_o in_o the_o twenty_o of_o joshua_n be_v the_o great_a comfort_n to_o i_o which_o speak_v of_o the_o slayer_n that_o be_v to_o fly_v for_o refuge_n and_o if_o the_o avenger_n of_o blood_n pursue_v the_o slayer_n then_o say_v moses_n they_o that_o be_v the_o elder_n of_o the_o city_n of_o refuge_n shall_v not_o deliver_v he_o into_o his_o hand_n because_o he_o smite_v his_o neighbour_n unwitting_o and_o hate_v he_o not_o afore-time_o o_o bless_a be_v god_n for_o this_o word_n i_o be_v convince_v that_o i_o be_v the_o slayer_n and_o tâ—at_v the_o avenger_n of_o blood_n pursue_v i_o that_o i_o feel_v with_o great_a terror_n only_o now_o it_o remain_v that_o i_o inquire_v whether_o i_o have_v â—ight_a to_o enter_v the_o city_n of_o refuge_n so_o i_o find_v that_o he_o must_v not_o who_o lie_v in_o wait_n to_o shed_v blood_n but_o he_o who_o unwitting_o or_o that_o do_v unawar_n shed_v blood_n even_o he_o who_o do_v not_o hate_v his_o neighbour_n before_o wherefore_o 173._o i_o think_v very_o i_o be_v the_o man_n that_o must_v enter_v for_o because_o i_o have_v smite_v my_o neighbour_n unwitting_o and_o hate_v he_o not_o afore-time_o i_o hate_v he_o not_o afore-time_o no_o i_o pray_v unto_o he_o be_v tender_a of_o sin_v against_o he_o yea_o and_o against_o this_o wicked_a temptation_n i_o
time_n my_o wife_n be_v great_a with_o child_n and_o before_o her_o full_a time_n be_v come_v her_o pang_n as_o of_o a_o woman_n in_o travel_n be_v fierce_a and_o sâ—rong_a upon_o she_o even_o as_o if_o sâ—e_n will_v immediate_o have_v fall_v in_o labour_n and_o be_v deliver_v of_o a_o untimely_a birth_n now_o at_o this_o very_a time_n it_o be_v that_o i_o have_v be_v so_o strong_o tempt_v to_o question_v the_o â—eing_v of_o god_n wherefore_o as_o my_o wife_n lie_v cry_v by_o i_o i_o say_v but_o with_o all_o secrecy_n immaginable_a even_o think_v in_o my_o heart_n lord_n if_o thou_o will_v now_o remove_v this_o sad_a affliction_n from_o my_o wife_n and_o cause_n that_o she_o be_v trouble_v no_o more_o therewith_o this_o night_n and_o now_o weâ—e_v her_o pang_n just_a upon_o she_o then_o shall_v know_v that_o thou_o can_v discern_v the_o most_o secret_a thought_n of_o the_o heart_n 195._o i_o have_v no_o soon_o say_v it_o in_o my_o â—eaâ—t_n but_o her_o pang_n be_v take_v fâ—om_v she_o and_o she_o be_v cast_v into_o a_o deep_a sleep_n and_o so_o she_o continue_v till_o morning_n at_o this_o i_o great_o marvel_v not_o know_v what_o to_o think_v but_o after_o i_o have_v be_v awake_a a_o good_a while_n and_o hear_v she_o câ—y_v no_o more_o i_o fall_v to_o sleep_v alâ—o_o so_o when_o i_o wake_v in_o the_o morning_n it_o come_v upon_o i_o again_o even_o what_o i_o have_v say_v in_o my_o heart_n the_o last_o night_n and_o how_o the_o loâ—d_n have_v sâ—ewed_v i_o that_o he_o know_v my_o secret_a thought_n which_o be_v a_o great_a astonishment_n unto_o i_o for_o several_a week_n after_o 196._o well_o about_o a_o year_n and_o a_o half_a afterward_o that_o wicked_a sinful_a thought_n of_o which_o i_o have_v speak_v before_o go_v through_o my_o wicked_a heart_n even_o this_o thought_n let_v christ_n go_v if_o he_o will_v so_o when_o i_o be_v fall_v under_o guilt_n for_o this_o the_o remembrance_n of_o my_o other_o thought_n and_o of_o the_o effect_n thereof_o will_v also_o come_v upon_o i_o with_o this_o retort_n which_o carry_v also_o rebuke_v along_o with_o it_o now_o you_o may_v see_v that_o god_n do_v know_v the_o most_o secret_a thought_n of_o the_o heart_n now_o you_o may_v see_v that_o god_n do_v know_v the_o most_o secret_a thought_n of_o the_o heart_n 197._o and_o with_o this_o that_o of_o the_o passage_n that_o be_v betwixt_o the_o lord_n and_o his_o servant_n gideon_n fall_v upon_o my_o spirit_n how_o because_o that_o gideon_n tempt_v god_n with_o his_o fleece_n both_o wet_n and_o dry_a when_o he_o shall_v have_v believe_v and_o venture_v upon_o his_o word_n therefore_o the_o lord_n do_v afterwards_o so_o try_v he_o as_o to_o send_v he_o against_o a_o innumerable_a company_n of_o enemy_n and_o that_o too_o as_o to_o outward_a appearance_n without_o any_o strength_n or_o help_n judg._n chap._n 6_o 7._o thus_o he_o seâ—ved_v i_o and_o that_o just_o for_o i_o shall_v have_v believe_v his_o word_n and_o not_o have_v put_v a_o if_o upon_o the_o all-seeingness_a of_o god_n 198._o and_o now_o to_o show_v you_o something_o of_o the_o advantage_n that_o i_o also_o gain_v by_o this_o temptation_n and_o first_o by_o this_o i_o be_v make_v continual_o to_o possess_v in_o my_o soul_n a_o very_a wondered_a sense_n both_o of_o the_o be_v and_o glory_n of_o god_n and_o of_o his_o belove_a son_n in_o the_o temptation_n before_o my_o soul_n be_v perplex_v with_o atheism_n but_o now_o the_o case_n be_v otherwise_o now_o be_v god_n and_o christ_n continual_o before_o my_o face_n though_o not_o in_o a_o way_n of_o comfort_n but_o in_o a_o way_n of_o exceed_a dread_n and_o terror_n the_o glory_n of_o the_o holiness_n of_o god_n do_v at_o this_o time_n break_v i_o to_o piece_n and_o the_o bowel_n and_o compassion_n of_o christ_n do_v break_v i_o as_o on_o the_o wheel_n for_o i_o coulâ—_n not_o consider_v he_o but_o as_o a_o lose_a and_o reject_v christ_n the_o remembrance_n of_o which_o be_v as_o the_o continual_a break_n of_o my_o bone_n 199._o the_o scripture_n now_o also_o be_v wonderful_a thing_n unto_o i_o i_o see_v that_o the_o truth_n and_o verity_n of_o they_o weâ—e_v the_o key_n of_o the_o kingdom_n of_o heaven_n those_o the_o scripture_n favour_n they_o must_v inherit_v bliss_n but_o those_o they_o oppose_v and_o condemn_v must_v perish_v for_o evermore_o o_o this_o word_n for_o the_o scripture_n can_v be_v break_v will_v â—end_n the_o cawl_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o so_o will_v that_o other_o who_o sin_n you_o remit_v they_o be_v remit_v but_o who_o sin_n you_o retain_v they_o be_v retain_v now_o i_o see_v the_o apostle_n to_o be_v the_o elder_n of_o the_o city_n of_o refuge_n josh._n 20.4_o those_o they_o be_v to_o receive_v in_o be_v receive_v to_o life_n but_o those_o that_o they_o shut_v out_o be_v to_o be_v slay_v by_o the_o avenger_n of_o blood_n 200._o o_o one_o sentence_n of_o the_o scripture_n do_v more_o afflict_v and_o terrify_v my_o mind_n i_o mean_v those_o sentence_n that_o stand_v against_o i_o as_o sometime_o i_o think_v they_o every_o one_o do_v more_o i_o say_v than_o a_o army_n of_o forty_o thousand_o man_n that_o may_v have_v come_v against_o i_o woe_n be_v to_o he_o against_o who_o the_o scripture_n bend_v themselves_o 201._o by_o this_o temptation_n i_o be_v make_v see_v more_o into_o the_o nature_n of_o the_o promise_n then_o ever_o i_o be_v before_o for_o i_o lie_v now_o tremble_v under_o the_o mighty_a hand_n of_o god_n continual_o tear_v and_o rend_v by_o the_o thundering_n of_o his_o justice_n this_o make_v i_o with_o careful_a heart_n and_o watchful_a eye_n with_o great_a seriousness_n to_o turn_v over_o every_o leaf_n and_o with_o much_o diligence_n mix_v with_o tremble_v to_o consider_v every_o sentence_n together_o with_o its_o natural_a force_n and_o latitude_n 202._o by_o this_o temptation_n also_o i_o be_v great_o beaâ—en_v oft_o my_o former_a foolish_a practice_n of_o put_v by_o the_o word_n of_o promise_n when_o it_o come_v into_o my_o mind_n for_o now_o though_o i_o can_v not_o suck_v that_o comfort_n and_o sweetness_n from_o the_o promise_n as_o i_o have_v do_v at_o other_o time_n yet_o like_v to_o a_o man_n a_o sink_v i_o shall_v catch_v at_o all_o i_o see_v former_o i_o think_v i_o may_v not_o meddle_v with_o the_o promise_n unless_o i_o feel_v its_o comfort_n but_o now_o it_o be_v no_o time_n thus_o to_o do_v the_o avenger_n of_o blood_n too_o hardly_o do_v pursue_v i_o 203._o now_o therefore_o i_o be_v glad_a to_o catch_v at_o that_o word_n which_o yet_o i_o fear_v i_o have_v no_o ground_n nor_o right_a to_o own_o and_o even_o to_o leap_v into_o the_o bosom_n of_o that_o promise_n that_o yet_o i_o fear_v do_v shut_v its_o heart_n against_o i_o now_o also_o i_o shall_v labour_v to_o take_v the_o woâ—d_n as_o god_n have_v lay_v it_o down_o without_o restrain_v the_o natural_a force_n of_o one_o syllable_n thereof_o o_o what_o do_v i_o now_o see_v in_o that_o bless_a six_o of_o john_n and_o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o now_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v with_o myself_o that_o god_n have_v a_o big_a mouth_n to_o speak_v with_o than_o i_o have_v heart_n to_o conceive_v with_o i_o think_v also_o with_o myself_o that_o he_o speak_v not_o his_o word_n in_o haste_n or_o in_o a_o unadvised_a hear_v but_o with_o infinite_a wisdom_n and_o judgement_n and_o in_o very_a truth_n and_o faithfulness_n 2_o sam._n 3.28_o 204._o i_o shall_v in_o these_o day_n often_o in_o my_o great_a agony_n even_o flounce_v towards_o the_o promise_n as_o the_o horse_n do_v towards_o sound_a ground_n that_o yet_o stick_v in_o the_o mire_n conclude_v though_o as_o one_o almost_o bereave_v of_o his_o wit_n through_o fear_n on_o this_o i_o will_v rest_v and_o stay_v and_o leave_v the_o fulfil_n of_o it_o to_o the_o god_n of_o heaven_n that_o make_v it_o o_o many_o a_o pull_n have_v my_o heart_n have_v with_o saâ—an_n for_o that_o bless_a six_o of_o john_n i_o do_v not_o now_o as_o at_o other_o time_n look_v principal_o for_o comfort_n though_o o_o how_o welcome_a will_v it_o have_v be_v unto_o i_o but_o now_o a_o word_n a_o word_n to_o lean_v a_o weary_a soul_n upon_o that_o i_o may_v not_o sink_v for_o ever_o 205._o yea_o often_o when_o i_o have_v be_v make_v to_o the_o promise_n i_o have_v see_v as_o if_o the_o lord_n will_v â—efuse_v my_o soul_n for_o ever_o i_o be_v often_o as_o if_o i_o have_v run_v upon_o the_o pike_n and_o as_o if_o the_o lord_n have_v thrust_v at_o i_o to_o keep_v i_o from_o he_o as_o with_o a_o flame_a sword_n then_o i_o shall_v think_v of_o esther_n who_o go_v to_o petition_v
the_o king_n contrary_a to_o the_o law_n esth._n 4.16_o i_o think_v also_o of_o benhadad_n servant_n who_o go_v with_o rope_n upon_o their_o head_n to_o their_o enemy_n for_o mercy_n 1_o kin._n 20.31_o etc._n etc._n the_o woman_n of_o canaan_n also_o that_o will_v not_o be_v daunt_v though_o call_v dog_n by_o christ_n mat._n 15.22_o etc._n etc._n and_o the_o man_n that_o go_v to_o borrow_v bread_n at_o midnight_n luk._n 11.5_o 6_o 7_o 8_o etc._n etc._n be_v great_a encouragement_n unto_o i_o 206._o i_o never_o see_v those_o height_n and_o depth_n in_o grace_n and_o love_n and_o mercy_n as_o i_o see_v after_o this_o temptation_n great_a sin_n do_v draw_v out_o great_a grace_n and_o where_o guilt_n be_v most_o terrible_a and_o fierce_a there_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n when_o show_v to_o the_o soul_n appear_v most_o high_a and_o mighty_a when_o job_n have_v pass_v through_o his_o captivity_n he_o have_v twice_o as_o much_o as_o he_o have_v before_o job_n 42.10_o bless_a be_v god_n for_o jesus_n christ_n our_o lord_n many_o other_o thing_n i_o may_v here_o make_v observation_n of_o but_o i_o will_v be_v brief_a and_o therefore_o shall_v at_o this_o time_n omit_v they_o and_o do_v pray_v god_n that_o my_o harm_n may_v make_v other_o fear_v to_o offend_v lest_o they_o also_o be_v make_v to_o bear_v the_o iron_n yoke_v as_o i_o 207._o now_o i_o shall_v go_v forward_o to_o give_v you_o a_o relation_n of_o other_o of_o the_o lord_n deal_n with_o i_o of_o his_o deal_n with_o i_o at_o sundâ—y_a other_o season_n and_o of_o the_o temptation_n i_o then_o do_v meet_v withal_o i_o shall_v begin_v with_o what_o i_o meet_v with_o when_o i_o first_o do_v join_v in_o fellowship_n with_o the_o people_n of_o god_n in_o bedford_n after_o i_o have_v propound_v to_o the_o church_n that_o my_o desire_n be_v to_o walk_v in_o the_o order_n and_o ordinance_n of_o christ_n with_o they_o and_o be_v also_o admit_v by_o they_o while_o i_o think_v of_o that_o bless_a ordinance_n of_o christ_n which_o be_v his_o last_o supper_n with_o his_o disciple_n before_o his_o death_n that_o scripture_n do_v this_o in_o remembrance_n of_o i_o luk._n 22.19_o be_v make_v a_o very_a precious_a word_n unto_o i_o for_o by_o it_o the_o lord_n do_v come_v down_o upon_o my_o conscience_n with_o the_o discovery_n of_o his_o death_n for_o my_o sin_n and_o as_o i_o then_o feel_v do_v as_o if_o he_o plunge_v i_o in_o the_o virtue_n of_o the_o same_o but_o behold_v i_o have_v not_o be_v long_o a_o partaker_n at_o that_o ordinance_n but_o such_o fierce_a and_o sad_a temptation_n do_v attend_v i_o at_o all_o time_n therein_o both_o to_o blaspheme_v the_o ordinance_n and_o to_o wish_v some_o deadly_a thing_n to_o those_o that_o then_o do_v eat_v thereof_o that_o lest_o i_o shall_v at_o any_o time_n be_v guilty_a of_o consent_v to_o these_o wicked_a and_o fearful_a thought_n i_o be_v force_v to_o bend_v myself_o all_o the_o while_n to_o pray_v to_o god_n to_o keep_v i_o from_o such_o blasphemy_n and_o also_o to_o cry_v to_o god_n to_o bless_v the_o bread_n and_o cup_n to_o they_o as_o it_o go_v from_o mouth_n to_o mouth_n the_o reason_n of_o this_o temptation_n i_o have_v think_v since_o be_v because_o i_o do_v not_o with_o that_o reverence_n at_o first_o approach_n to_o partake_v thereof_o 208._o thus_o i_o continue_v for_o three_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n and_o can_v never_o have_v rest_n nor_o ease_n but_o at_o last_o the_o lord_n come_v in_o upon_o my_o soul_n with_o that_o same_o scripture_n by_o which_o my_o soul_n be_v visit_v before_o and_o after_o that_o i_o have_v be_v usual_o very_o well_o and_o comfortable_a in_o the_o partake_n of_o that_o bless_a ordinance_n and_o have_v i_o trust_v therein_o discern_v the_o lord_n body_n as_o break_v for_o my_o sin_n and_o that_o his_o precious_a blood_n have_v be_v shed_v for_o my_o transgression_n 209._o upon_o a_o time_n i_o be_v somewhat_o incline_v to_o a_o consumption_n wherefore_o about_o the_o spring_n i_o be_v sudden_o and_o violent_o seize_v with_o much_o weakness_n in_o my_o outward_a man_n insomuch_o that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v not_o live_v now_o begin_v i_o afresh_o to_o give_v myself_o up_o to_o a_o serious_a examination_n after_o my_o state_n and_o condition_n for_o the_o future_a and_o of_o my_o evidence_n for_o that_o bless_a world_n to_o come_v for_o it_o have_v i_o bless_v the_o name_n of_o god_n be_v my_o usual_a course_n as_o always_o so_o especial_o in_o the_o day_n of_o affliction_n to_o endeavour_v to_o keep_v my_o interest_n in_o life_n to_o come_v clear_a before_o my_o eye_n 210._o but_o i_o have_v no_o soon_o begin_v to_o recall_v to_o mind_v my_o former_a experience_n of_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n to_o my_o soul_n but_o there_o come_v flock_v into_o my_o mind_n a_o innumerable_a company_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o transgression_n among_o which_o these_o be_v at_o this_o time_n most_o to_o my_o affliction_n namely_o my_o deadness_n dulness_n and_o coldness_n in_o holy_a duty_n my_o wander_n of_o heart_n my_o wearisomeness_n in_o all_o good_a thing_n my_o want_n of_o love_n to_o god_n his_o way_n and_o people_n with_o this_o at_o the_o end_n of_o all_o be_v these_o the_o fruit_n of_o christianity_n be_v these_o the_o token_n of_o a_o bless_a man_n 211._o at_o the_o apprehension_n of_o these_o thing_n my_o sickness_n be_v double_v upon_o i_o for_o now_o be_v i_o sick_a in_o my_o inward_a man_n my_o soul_n be_v clog_v with_o guilt_n now_o also_o be_v all_o my_o former_a experience_n of_o god_n goodness_n to_o i_o quite_o take_v out_o of_o my_o mind_n and_o hide_v as_o if_o it_o have_v never_o be_v nor_o see_v now_o be_v my_o soul_n great_o pinch_v between_o these_o two_o consideration_n live_v i_o must_v not_o die_v i_o dare_v not_o now_o i_o sink_v and_o fall_v in_o my_o spirit_n and_o be_v give_v up_o all_o for_o lose_v but_o as_o i_o be_v walk_v up_o and_o down_o in_o the_o house_n as_o a_o man_n in_o a_o most_o woeful_a state_n that_o word_n of_o god_n take_v hold_v of_o my_o heart_n you_o be_v justify_v free_o by_o his_o grace_n through_o the_o redemption_n that_o be_v in_o christ_n jesus_n rom._n 3.24_o 212._o now_o be_v i_o as_o one_o awaken_v out_o of_o some_o troublesome_a sleep_n and_o dream_n and_o listen_v to_o this_o heavenly_a sentence_n i_o be_v as_o if_o i_o hear_v it_o thus_o expound_v to_o i_o sinner_n thou_o think_v that_o because_o of_o thy_o sin_n and_o infirmity_n i_o can_v save_v thy_o soul_n but_o behold_v my_o son_n be_v by_o i_o and_o upon_o he_o i_o look_v and_o not_o on_o tâ—ree_n and_o will_v deal_v with_o thou_o according_a as_o i_o be_o please_v with_o he_o at_o this_o i_o be_v great_o lighten_v in_o my_o mind_n and_o make_v to_o understand_v that_o god_n can_v justify_v a_o sinner_n at_o any_o time_n it_o be_v but_o look_v upon_o christ_n and_o impute_v of_o his_o benefit_n to_o we_o and_o the_o work_n be_v forthwith_o do_v 213._o and_o as_o i_o be_v thus_o in_o a_o muse_n that_o scripture_n come_v with_o great_a power_n upon_o my_o spirit_n not_o by_o work_n of_o righteousness_n that_o we_o have_v do_v but_o according_a to_o his_o mercy_n he_o save_v we_o etc._n etc._n 2_o tim._n 1_o 9_o tit._n 3.5_o now_o be_v i_o get_v on_o high_a i_o see_v myself_o within_o the_o arm_n of_o grace_n and_o mercy_n and_o though_o i_o be_v before_o afraid_a to_o think_v of_o a_o die_a hour_n yet_o now_o i_o cry_v let_v i_o die_v now_o death_n be_v lovely_a and_o beautiful_a in_o my_o sight_n for_o i_o see_v we_o shall_v never_o live_v indeed_o till_o we_o be_v go_v to_o the_o other_o world_n o_o methinks_v this_o life_n be_v but_o a_o slumber_n in_o comparison_n of_o that_o above_o at_o this_o time_n also_o i_o see_v more_o in_o those_o word_n heir_n of_o god_n rom._n 8.17_o then_o ever_o i_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o express_v while_o i_o live_v in_o this_o world_n heir_n of_o god_n god_n himself_o be_v the_o portion_n of_o the_o saint_n this_o i_o see_v and_o wonder_v at_o but_o can_v tell_v you_o what_o i_o see_v 214._o at_o another_o time_n though_o just_a before_o i_o be_v pretty_a well_o and_o savoury_a in_o my_o spirit_n yet_o sudden_o there_o fall_v upon_o i_o a_o great_a cloud_n of_o darkness_n which_o do_v so_o hide_v from_o i_o the_o thing_n of_o god_n and_o christ_n that_o i_o be_v as_o if_o i_o have_v never_o see_v or_o know_v they_o in_o my_o life_n i_o be_v also_o so_o overrun_v in_o my_o soul_n with_o a_o senseless_a heartless_a frame_n of_o spirit_n that_o i_o can_v not_o feel_v my_o soul_n to_o move_v or_o stir_v after_o grace_n and_o life_n
by_o christ_n i_o be_v as_o if_o my_o joyns_n be_v break_v or_o as_o if_o my_o hand_n and_o foot_n have_v be_v tie_v or_o bind_v with_o chain_n at_o this_o time_n also_o i_o feel_v some_o weakness_n to_o seize_v my_o outward_a man_n which_o make_v still_o the_o other_o affliction_n the_o more_o heavy_a and_o uncomfortable_a 215._o afr_o i_o have_v be_v in_o this_o condition_n some_o three_o or_o four_o day_n as_o i_o be_v sit_v by_o the_o fire_n i_o sudden_o feel_v this_o word_n to_o sound_v in_o my_o heart_n i_o must_v go_v to_o jesus_n at_o this_o my_o former_a darkness_n and_o atheism_n flee_v away_o and_o the_o bless_a thing_n of_o heaven_n be_v set_v within_o my_o view_n while_o i_o be_v on_o this_o sudden_a thus_o overtake_v with_o surprise_n wife_n say_v i_o be_v there_o ever_o a_o such_o scripture_n i_o must_v go_v to_o jesus_n she_o say_v she_o can_v not_o tell_v therefore_o i_o sit_v muse_v still_o to_o see_v if_o i_o can_v remember_v such_o a_o place_n i_o have_v not_o sit_v above_o two_o or_o three_o minute_n but_o that_o come_v bolt_v in_o upon_o i_o and_o to_o a_o innumerable_a company_n of_o angel_n and_o withal_o hebrew_n the_o twelve_o about_o the_o mount_n zion_n be_v set_v before_o my_o eye_n 216._o then_o with_o joy_n i_o tell_v my_o wife_n o_o now_o i_o know_v i_o know_v but_o that_o night_n be_v a_o good_a night_n to_o i_o i_o never_o have_v but_o few_o better_a i_o long_v for_o the_o company_n of_o some_o of_o god_n people_n that_o i_o may_v have_v impart_v unto_o they_o what_o god_n have_v show_v i_o christ_n be_v a_o precious_a christ_n to_o my_o soul_n that_o night_n i_o can_v scarce_o lie_v in_o my_o bed_n for_o joy_n and_o peace_n and_o triumph_n through_o christ_n this_o great_a glory_n do_v not_o continue_v upon_o i_o until_o morning_n yet_o that_o twelve_o of_o the_o author_n to_o the_o hebrews_n heb._n 12.21_o 22_o 23._o be_v a_o bless_a scripture_n to_o i_o for_o many_o day_n together_o after_o this_o 217._o the_o word_n be_v these_o you_o be_v come_v to_o mount_v zion_n to_o the_o city_n of_o the_o live_a god_n to_o the_o heavenly_a jerusalem_n and_o to_o a_o innumerable_a company_n of_o angel_n to_o the_o general_a assembly_n and_o church_n of_o the_o first-born_a which_o be_v write_v in_o heaven_n to_o god_n the_o judge_n of_o all_o and_o to_o the_o spirit_n of_o just_a man_n make_v perfect_a and_o to_o jesus_n the_o mediator_n of_o the_o new_a testament_n and_o to_o the_o blood_n of_o sprinkle_v that_o speak_v better_a thing_n than_o that_o of_o abel_n through_o this_o bless_a sentence_n the_o lord_n lead_v i_o over_o and_o over_o first_o to_o this_o word_n and_o then_o to_o that_o and_o show_v i_o wonderful_a glory_n in_o every_o one_o of_o they_o these_o word_n also_o have_v oft_o â—â—nce_v this_o time_n be_v great_a refreshment_n to_o my_o spirit_n bless_a be_v god_n for_o have_v mercy_n on_o i_o a_o brief_a account_n of_o the_o author_n call_v to_o the_o work_n of_o the_o ministry_n 218._o and_o now_o i_o be_o speak_v my_o experience_n i_o will_v in_o this_o place_n thrust_v in_o a_o word_n or_o two_o concern_v my_o preach_v the_o word_n and_o of_o god_n deal_v with_o i_o in_o that_o particular_a also_o for_o after_o i_o have_v be_v about_o five_o oâ—_n six_o year_n awaken_v and_o help_v to_o see_v both_o the_o want_n and_o worth_a of_o jesus_n christ_n our_o lord_n and_o enable_v to_o venture_v my_o soul_n upon_o he_o some_o of_o the_o most_o able_a among_o the_o saint_n with_o we_o i_o say_v the_o most_o able_a for_o judgement_n and_o holiness_n of_o life_n as_o they_o conceive_v do_v perceive_v that_o god_n have_v count_v i_o worthy_a to_o understand_v something_o of_o his_o will_n in_o his_o holy_a and_o bless_a word_n and_o have_v give_v i_o utterance_n in_o some_o measure_n to_o express_v what_o i_o see_v to_o other_o for_o edification_n they_o desire_v i_o and_o tâ—at_a with_o much_o earnestness_n that_o i_o will_v be_v willing_a at_o sometime_o to_o take_v in_o hand_n in_o one_o of_o the_o meeting_n to_o speak_v a_o word_n of_o exhortation_n unto_o they_o 219._o the_o which_o though_o at_o the_o first_o it_o do_v much_o dash_n and_o abash_v my_o spirit_n yet_o be_v still_o by_o they_o desire_v and_o entreat_v i_o consent_v to_o their_o request_n and_o do_v twice_o at_o two_o several_a assembly_n but_o in_o private_a though_o with_o much_o weakness_n and_o infirmity_n discover_v my_o gift_n among_o they_o at_o which_o they_o not_o only_o seem_v to_o be_v but_o do_v solemn_o protest_v as_o in_o the_o sight_n of_o the_o great_a god_n they_o be_v both_o affect_v and_o comfort_v and_o give_v thanks_o to_o the_o father_n of_o mercy_n for_o the_o grace_n bestow_v on_o i_o 220._o after_o this_o sometime_o when_o some_o of_o they_o do_v go_v into_o the_o country_n to_o teach_v tâ—ey_n will_v also_o that_o i_o shall_v go_v with_o they_o where_o though_o as_o yet_o i_o do_v not_o nor_o dare_v not_o make_v use_n of_o my_o gift_n in_o a_o open_a way_n yet_o moâ—e_n private_o still_o as_o i_o come_v among_o the_o good_a people_n in_o those_o place_n i_o do_v sometime_o speak_v a_o word_n of_o admonition_n unto_o they_o also_o the_o which_o they_o as_o the_o other_o receive_v with_o rejoice_v at_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n to_o me-ward_n profess_v their_o soul_n be_v edify_v thereby_o 221._o wherefore_o to_o be_v brief_a at_o last_o be_v still_o desire_v by_o the_o church_n after_o some_o solemn_a prayer_n to_o the_o lord_n with_o fast_v i_o be_v more_o particular_o call_v forth_o and_o appoint_v to_o a_o more_o ordinary_a and_o public_a preach_v the_o word_n not_o only_o to_o and_o among_o they_o that_o believe_v but_o also_o to_o offer_v the_o gospel_n â—o_o those_o that_o have_v not_o yet_o â—eceived_v the_o faith_n thereof_o about_o which_o time_n i_o do_v evident_o find_v in_o my_o mind_n a_o secret_a prick_n forward_o thereto_o though_o i_o bless_v god_n not_o for_o desire_v of_o vain_a glory_n for_o at_o that_o time_n i_o be_v most_o sore_o afflict_v with_o â—he_n fiery_a dart_n of_o the_o devil_n concern_v my_o eternal_a state_n 222._o but_o yet_o can_v not_o be_v content_a unless_o i_o be_v find_v in_o the_o exercise_n of_o my_o gift_n unto_o which_o also_o i_o be_v great_o animate_v not_o only_o by_o the_o continual_a desire_n of_o the_o godly_a but_o also_o by_o that_o say_n of_o paul_n to_o the_o corinthian_n i_o beseech_v you_o brethren_n you_o know_v the_o household_n of_o stephanas_n that_o it_o be_v the_o firsâ—_o fruit_n of_o achaia_n and_o that_o they_o have_v addict_v themselves_o to_o the_o ministry_n of_o the_o saint_n that_o you_o submit_v yourselves_o unto_o such_o and_o to_o every_o one_o that_o help_v with_o we_o and_o labour_v 1_o cor._n 16.15_o 16._o 223._o by_o this_o text_n i_o be_v make_v to_o see_v that_o the_o holy_a ghost_n never_o intend_v that_o man_n who_o have_v gift_n and_o ability_n shall_v bury_v they_o in_o the_o earth_n but_o rather_o do_v command_n and_o stir_v up_o such_o to_o the_o exercise_n of_o their_o gift_n and_o also_o do_v commend_v those_o that_o be_v apt_a and_o ready_a so_o to_o do_v they_o have_v addict_v themselves_o to_o the_o ministry_n of_o the_o saint_n this_o scripture_n in_o these_o day_n do_v continual_o run_v in_o my_o mind_n to_o encourage_v i_o and_o strengthen_v i_o in_o this_o my_o work_n foâ—_n god_n i_o have_v be_v also_o encourage_v from_o several_a other_o scripture_n and_o example_n of_o the_o godly_a both_o specify_v in_o the_o word_n and_o other_o ancient_a history_n act._n 8.4_o &_o 18·24_n 25_o etc._n etc._n 1_o pet._n 4.10_o rom._n 12.6_o fox_n act_n and_o mon._n 224._o wherefore_o though_o of_o myself_o of_o all_o the_o saint_n the_o most_o unworthy_a yet_o i_o but_o with_o great_a fear_n and_o tremble_a at_o the_o sight_n of_o my_o own_o weakness_n do_v set_v upon_o the_o work_n and_o do_v according_a to_o my_o gift_n and_o the_o proportion_n of_o my_o faith_n preach_v that_o bless_a gospel_n that_o god_n have_v show_v i_o in_o the_o holy_a word_n of_o truth_n which_o when_o the_o country_n understand_v they_o come_v in_o to_o hear_v the_o word_n by_o hundred_o and_o that_o from_o all_o part_n though_o upon_o sundry_a and_o divers_a account_n 225._o and_o i_o thank_v god_n he_o give_v unto_o i_o some_o measure_n of_o bowel_n and_o pity_n for_o their_o soul_n which_o also_o do_v put_v i_o forward_o to_o labour_v with_o great_a diligence_n and_o earnestness_n to_o find_v out_o such_o a_o word_n as_o might_n if_o god_n will_v bless_v lay_v hold_v of_o and_o awaken_v the_o conscience_n in_o which_o also_o the_o good_a lord_n have_v respect_n to_o the_o desire_n of_o his_o
i_o shall_v let_v they_o alone_o because_o i_o see_v they_o engender_v strife_n and_o because_o i_o see_v that_o they_o neither_o in_o do_v nor_o in_o leave_v undo_v do_v commend_v we_o to_o god_n to_o be_v his_o beside_o i_o see_v my_o work_n before_o i_o do_v run_v in_o another_o channel_n even_o to_o carry_v a_o awakening-word_n to_o that_o therefore_o do_v i_o stick_v and_o adhere_v 238._o i_o never_o endeavour_v to_o nor_o dare_v make_v use_n of_o other_o man_n line_n rom._n 15.18_o though_o i_o condemn_v not_o all_o that_o do_v for_o i_o very_o think_v and_o find_v by_o expeâ—ience_n that_o what_o be_v teach_v i_o by_o the_o word_n and_o spirit_n of_o christ_n can_v be_v speak_v maintain_v and_o stand_v â—o_o by_o sound_a and_o best_a establish_a conscience_n and_o though_o i_o will_v not_o now_o speak_v all_o that_o i_o know_v in_o this_o matter_n yet_o my_o experience_n have_v more_o interest_n in_o that_o text_n of_o scripture_n gal._n 1.11_o 12._o than_o many_o among_o man_n be_v aware_a 239._o if_o any_o of_o those_o who_o be_v awaken_v by_o my_o ministry_n do_v after_o that_o fall_n back_o as_o sometime_o too_o many_o do_v i_o can_v true_o say_v their_o loss_n have_v be_v more_o to_o i_o then_o if_o one_o of_o my_o own_o child_n beget_v of_o my_o body_n have_v be_v go_v to_o its_o grave_n i_o think_v very_o i_o may_v speak_v it_o without_o a_o offence_n to_o the_o lord_n nothing_o have_v go_v so_o near_o i_o as_o that_o unless_o it_o be_v the_o fear_n of_o the_o loss_n of_o the_o salvation_n of_o my_o own_o soul_n i_o have_v count_v as_o if_o i_o have_v goodly_a building_n and_o lordship_n in_o those_o place_n my_o child_n be_v bear_v my_o heart_n have_v be_v so_o wrap_v up_o in_o the_o gloâ—y_n of_o this_o excellent_a work_n that_o i_o count_v myself_o more_o bless_v and_o honour_v of_o god_n by_o this_o than_o if_o he_o have_v make_v i_o the_o emperor_n of_o the_o christian_a world_n or_o the_o lord_n of_o all_o the_o glory_n of_o earth_n without_o it_o o_o tâ—at_a woâ—d_n he_o that_o convert_v a_o sinner_n from_o the_o error_n of_o his_o way_n do_v save_o a_o soul_n from_o death_n 240._o i_o have_v observe_v that_o where_o i_o have_v have_v a_o work_n to_o do_v for_o god_n i_o have_v have_v first_o as_o it_o be_v the_o go_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o spirit_n to_o desire_v i_o may_v preach_v there_o i_o have_v also_o observe_v that_o such_o and_o such_o soul_n in_o particular_a have_v be_v strong_o set_v upon_o my_o heart_n and_o i_o stir_v up_o to_o wish_v for_o their_o salvation_n and_o that_o these_o very_a soul_n have_v after_o this_o be_v give_v in_o as_o the_o fruit_n of_o my_o ministry_n i_o have_v also_o observe_v that_o a_o word_n cast_v in_o by_o the_o by_o have_v do_v more_o execution_n in_o a_o seâ—mon_a then_o all_o that_o be_v speak_v beside_o sometimes_o also_o when_o i_o have_v think_v i_o do_v no_o good_a than_o i_o do_v most_o of_o all_o and_o at_o other_o time_n when_o i_o think_v i_o shall_v catch_v they_o i_o have_v fish_v for_o nothing_o 241._o my_o great_a desire_n in_o my_o fulfil_n my_o ministry_n be_v to_o get_v into_o the_o dark_a place_n in_o the_o country_n even_o among_o those_o people_n that_o be_v farthest_o off_o of_o profession_n yet_o not_o because_o i_o can_v not_o endure_v the_o light_n for_o i_o fear_v not_o to_o show_v my_o gospel_n to_o any_o but_o because_o i_o find_v my_o spirit_n do_v lean_a most_o after_o awaken_n and_o conveâ—ting_v work_n and_o the_o word_n that_o i_o carry_v do_v lead_v itself_o most_o that_o way_n yea_o so_o have_v i_o strive_v to_o preach_v the_o gospel_n not_o where_o christ_n be_v name_v lest_o i_o shall_v build_v upon_o another_o man_n foundation_n rom._n 15.20_o 242._o in_o my_o preach_n i_o have_v real_o be_v in_o pain_n and_o have_v as_o it_o be_v travel_v to_o bâ—ing_v forth_o child_n to_o god_n neither_o can_v i_o be_v satisfy_v unless_o some_o fruit_n do_v appear_v in_o my_o work_n if_o i_o be_v fruitless_a it_o matter_v nor_o who_o commend_v i_o but_o if_o i_o be_v fruitful_a i_o care_v not_o who_o do_v condemn_v i_o have_v think_v of_o that_o he_o that_o win_v soul_n be_v wise_a pro._n 11.30_o and_o again_o lo_o child_n be_v a_o heritage_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o the_o fruit_n of_o the_o womb_n be_v his_o reward_n as_o arrow_n in_o the_o hand_n of_o a_o mighty_a man_n so_o be_v child_n of_o the_o youth_n happy_a be_v the_o man_n that_o have_v fill_v his_o quiver_n with_o they_o they_o shall_v not_o be_v ashamed_a but_o they_o shall_v speak_v with_o the_o enemy_n in_o the_o gate_n psal._n 127.3_o 4_o 5._o 243._o but_o in_o this_o work_n as_o in_o all_o other_o i_o have_v my_o temptation_n attend_v i_o and_o that_o of_o diveâ—s_a kinâ—s_n as_o sometime_o i_o shall_v be_v assault_v with_o great_a discouragement_n therein_o fear_v that_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v able_a to_o speak_v the_o woâ—d_n at_o all_o to_o edification_n nay_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v able_a to_o speak_v sense_n unto_o the_o people_n at_o which_o time_n i_o shall_v have_v such_o a_o strange_a taintness_n and_o strengthlesness_n seize_v upon_o my_o body_n that_o my_o leg_n have_v scarce_o be_v able_a to_o carry_v i_o to_o the_o place_n of_o exercise_n 244._o sometime_o again_o when_o i_o have_v be_v preach_v i_o have_v be_v violent_o assault_v with_o thought_n of_o blasphemy_n and_o strong_o tempt_v to_o speak_v they_o with_o my_o mouth_n before_o the_o congregation_n i_o have_v also_o at_o some_o time_n even_o when_o i_o have_v begin_v to_o speak_v the_o word_n with_o much_o clearness_n evidence_n and_o liberty_n of_o speech_n yet_o be_v before_o the_o end_n of_o that_o opportunity_n so_o blind_v and_o so_o estrange_v from_o the_o thing_n i_o have_v be_v speak_v and_o have_v also_o be_v so_o straighten_a in_o my_o speech_n as_o to_o utterance_n before_o the_o people_n that_o i_o have_v be_v as_o if_o have_v not_o know_v or_o remember_v what_o i_o have_v be_v about_o or_o as_o if_o my_o head_n have_v be_v in_o a_o bag_n all_o the_o time_n of_o the_o exercise_n 245._o again_o when_o at_o sometime_o i_o have_v be_v about_o to_o preah_a upon_o some_o smart_n and_o scorch_a portion_n of_o the_o word_n i_o have_v find_v the_o tempter_n suggest_v what!_o will_v you_o preach_v this_o this_o condemn_v yourself_o of_o this_o your_o own_o soul_n be_v guilty_a wherefore_o preach_v not_o of_o it_o at_o all_o or_o if_o you_o do_v yet_o so_o mince_v it_o as_o to_o make_v way_n for_o your_o own_o escape_n â—est_v instead_o of_o awaken_n other_o you_o lay_v that_o guilt_n upon_o your_o own_o soul_n as_o you_o will_v never_o get_v from_o under_z 246._o i_o have_v also_o while_o find_v in_o this_o bless_a work_n of_o christ_n be_v often_o tempt_v to_o pride_n and_o lifting_n up_o of_o heart_n and_o though_o i_o dare_v not_o say_v i_o have_v not_o be_v infect_v with_o this_o yet_o true_o the_o lord_n of_o his_o precious_a mercy_n have_v so_o carry_v it_o towards_o i_o that_o for_o the_o most_o part_n i_o have_v have_v but_o small_a joy_n to_o give_v way_n to_o such_o a_o thing_n for_o it_o have_v be_v my_o every-day_n portion_n to_o be_v let_v into_o the_o evil_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n and_o still_o make_v to_o see_v such_o a_o multitude_n of_o corruption_n and_o infirmity_n therein_o that_o it_o have_v cause_v hang_v down_o of_o the_o head_n under_o all_o my_o gift_n and_o attainment_n i_o have_v feel_v this_o thorn_n in_o the_o flesh_n two_o cor._n 12.8_o 9_o the_o veâ—y_a mercy_n of_o god_n to_o i_o 247._o i_o have_v have_v also_o together_o with_o this_o some_o notable_a place_n or_o other_o of_o the_o word_n present_v before_o i_o which_o word_n haâ—h_v contain_v in_o it_o some_o sharp_a and_o pierce_a sentence_n concern_v the_o perish_v of_o the_o soul_n notwithstanding_o gift_n and_o part_n as_o for_o instance_n that_o have_v be_v of_o great_a use_n unto_o i_o though_o i_o speak_v with_o the_o tongue_n of_o man_n and_o angel_n and_o have_v not_o charity_n i_o be_o become_v as_o sounding-brass_n and_o a_o tinkle_a cymbal_n 1_o cor._n 13.1_o 2._o 248._o a_o tinkle_a cymbal_n be_v a_o instrument_n of_o music_n with_o which_o a_o skilful_a plaâ—er_n can_v make_v such_o melodious_a and_o heart-inflaming_a music_n that_o all_o who_o hear_v he_o play_v can_v scarce_o hold_v from_o dance_v and_o yet_o behold_v the_o cymbal_n have_v not_o life_n neither_o come_v the_o music_n fâ—om_fw-mi it_o but_o because_o of_o the_o art_n of_o he_o that_o playeâ—_n therewith_o so_o than_o the_o instrument_n at_o last_o may_v come_v to_o naught_o and_o perish_v though_o in_o time_n past_o such_o music_n