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A34632 Burlesque upon burlesque, or, The scoffer scoft being some of Lucians dialogues, newly put into English fustian for the consolation of those who had rather laugh and be merry, then be merry and wise. Cotton, Charles, 1630-1687.; Lucian, of Samosata. Dialogi. 1675 (1675) Wing C6380A; ESTC R355 59,158 210

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Did ever man see such a Girle Oh what a lovely face is there What crisped locks of Amber hair What a white neck what Breasts what shoulders Belly and Back to catch beholders What hips what haunches what care thighs Enough to make the dead to rise To which in love I 'me not so simple But to observe she has a dimple And such a one as who would not Put all his flesh into the Pot In fine as good Sir Martyn sayes I have not wit enough to praise The several Beauties and the Graces Adorn them all in all their places The sight whereof's a happiness Too great for tongue or pen t' express Nay any one of them would be Too much for mortal eye to see Yet since the mighty Jupiter Has my poor Judgment priz'd so far As simple me a Judge to make That in my choice I mayn't mistake And thrust like over-greedy Sot My Spoon into th'wrong Porridge-pot Better to manifest my Art I 'le study every one apart And view 'um one by one at leasure Which also will prolong my pleasure For in beholding them in Muster They do confound me so with lustre I shall my reputation loose And ne're know rightly how to choose Venus Content my cause I nothing doubt And stare till both thy eyes start out Paris Why then let Madam Juno stay She 's the best Woman by my fah And whilst her beauties I admire I 'le have the other two retire Juno Come on Sir Paris now survey me And turn me round as thou wouldst ha ' me I 'le stand or lye as thou dost pray me And moppe too if thou 'lt not betray me But when thou round about hast ey'd-me High low between and ev'ry side me Young Paris I would thee advise In loving and in courteous wise To think that thy preserment lies In thy awarding me the prize And though I need not bribe nor sue For that I know to be my due Yet if thou 'lt favour me this day I 'le make thee King of Asia Paris Troth I am not ambitious Madam And as for Kingdoms if I had 'um To King-it passes my poor skill And I should be a Shepheard still But this the short is and the long I 'le do your Majesty no wrong And now I 've seen what I desire Be pleas'd I pray you to retire And send me Lady Pallas hither For I can't deal with two together Pallas Here thou best Judge of best deserts Contemplate on Minerva's parts I hope or thou deservest whipping Thou wilt give me the golden Pippin Which if thou dost Youth mark me well I 'le render thee invincible And whether thou with doughty Knight Arm'd or unarm'd shalt enter flight Nay with a Gyait or an Ettin Thou ever shalt be sure to beat him Paris Lady I never did delight in This scurvy dang'rous thing call'd fighting And therefore shall not be a dealer In the commodity call'd valour Besides my Fathers Kingdoms are Quiet thanks be to Jove from War I with a Taylor play'd indeed At Cudgels but he broke my head And have such scurvy luck in Battle I rather had by half tend Cattle But though I 'me but a Country peasant I 'le not be brib'd with gift nor present And yet I can't but thank you still Fine Madam for your great good will Which I so kindly take I swear My Equity you need not fear For I 'le do Justice right or wrong And there 's an end of an old Song But to advise you I 'le be bold Pray d'on your cloths for taking cold And your steel Cap will do no harm To keep your learned Headpiece warm And pray as hence you do go from me Send Madam Venus hither to me Venus Here 's Venus that you call for so Survey me now from top to toe And if thou find'st when thou hast view'd me Any one wrinckle more than shoo'd be Or if my Bumm have any flawes in 't I l'e give thee leave to put thy nose in 't I 'le tell thee without fraud or guile I have and for no little while Having tane note of thy desert And what a pretty fellow th' art Thy youth thy feature shape and fashion Had on thee very great compassion To see thee tending rotten flocks Amongst these solitary rocks Great Cities nor Assemblies heeding Where young men use to get their breeding But wasting here thy time in Caverns Which would be better spent in Taverns What 's to be learn't amongst these Groves By still conversing with thy Droves I prethee say and do not lye But ignorance and clownery What pleasure 's in this rural life 'T is time that thou had'st got a wife Or which is better a fine Miss Not some course Sun-burnt Frull I wis But of fam'd Argos some rare piece Of Corinth or some Town in Greece Such as the Spartan Helen is Her Sexes pride and Masterpiece As handsome Paris is of his And who I know it is as free Buxome and amorous as he And if the little wanton Tit But saw thee once I 'me sure of it She would both home and Husband quit To follow thee for dainty Bit She would both love and long so sore Did'st never hear of her before Paris No never syllable I vow But very fain would hear it now Venus Why she is daughter to that fair For whom our am'rous Jupiter Transform'd himself into a Swan Her Maiden-head for to trapan Paris And is she wonderfully fair Venus Why what a Country question 's there How should she canst thou think be other Having a Swan unto her Mother Nor is she gross you may suppose Whom an egg-shell did once enclose Had'st seen her once wrestle a prize Naked as 't is her Country guise I dare most confidently swear thou 'dst long to try a fall with her Already they 'r at wars about her For Theseus like a boistrous suiter To Spirit her away made bold When she was but poor ten years old A little snotty Chitterling But now she 's quite another thing A Miracle I do protest Her Beauty with her Age's increast That she is now the only Miss Of all the spruce young blades of Greece A thousand Suitors all have sought her But Menelaus now has got her Yet for all that shew me but favour And say the word and thou shalt have her Par. How can I have her that 's a Jeast When she is married thou sayst Venus Is that a thing to be so wondred 'T is the least matter of a hundred For that Man never scratch thy pate I can do greater Feats than that In the mean time Sir by your leave You 'r a meer Novice I perceive Paris But which way you intend to go About it Madam I would know Venus Why the design of it is this Thou shalt go travel into Greece Wherein thy main pretence shall be Only for curiosity To see what thou hast heard the Fame on And when thou com'st to Lacedemon Ere thou' rt well got into
to lay by The Ensigns of my Deity That 's pleasant counsel faith but yet I think I shall not follow it No sirrah I shall more prefer The Dignity of Jupiter Cupid Then thou must women let alone Jupit. No I shall wench still ten to one And yet for all thy haste not bate One inch or tittle of my state Howe're since thou so well hast prated My anger is for once abated And I forgive thee all old grutches Cupid I 'me glad I 'me got out of his clutches DIALOGUE Mercury and Jupiter Jupit. DOst thou know Iô Mercury Merc. Iô yes surely let me see Oh Inachus his pretty Daughter her Jup. The same thou know'st I long have sought And now at last that I have caught her Do'st think but Juno my curst Froe Has turn'd the Girl into a Cow Out of pure Jealousie to cheat me And of my pleasure to defeat me And has deliver'd her to keep T' a Monster that does never sleep But having eyes in every place Even in his arse as well as face A hundred spread all o're his parts Both where he speaks and where he farts Whilst some of them a nap do take Others are evermore awake So that unless I had a spell To Bull my Cow invisible I ne're can think to take him napping And from his sight there 's no escaping But thou I know a way canst tell To rid me of this Centinel Thou wit and courage hast enough Prethee now put them both to proof Go then to the Nemean Grove Where the soul Monster guards my love And for my sake take so much pains As fairly to knock out his brains When having batter'd his thick skull To Aegypt drive my lovely Mull Where they shall pay her Sacrifices Under th'adored name of Isis. There she shall sway the winds and waves And be the Queen of Galley-slaves Merc. I go and if I find him once With my Battoon I 'le bang his sconce So pretty well as shall suffice To put out all his hundred eyes DIALOGUE Jupiter and Ganimede Jup. COme kiss me pretty little stranger Now that we are got clear from dan And that to please my pretty Boy ger I 've laid my Beak and Talons by Ganim What are become of them I trow Thou had'st them on but even now Did'st thou not come where I did keep Thinking no harm my Fathers Sheep In Eagles shape and with a swoop Like a small Chicken truss me up And art thou now turn'd Man this change Is very wonderfully strange Sure thou art one of those same folk-as I 've heard 'um call a Hocus-pocus Jupit. No my sweet Boy thou tell'st a flam Nor Eagle I nor Jugler am But Soveraign of the Gods who have Transform'd my self my pretty Knave Into these Man and Eagles shapes To snap my little Jack-anapes Ganim Sure thou art our God Pan and yet Thou hast no horns nor cloven feet Nor yet a Pipe that I do see The marks of that great Deity Jupit. Know'st thou no other Gods but he Ganim No but to him I know that we Ev'ry year Sacrifice a Goat Before the Entry of his Grot And as for thee although with trembling I tell thee plain without dissembling I judge thee for to be no better Than that bad thing some call a Setter Others a Spirit that doth lye In wait to catch up Infantry Who give them plums and fine tales tell 'um To steal them first and after sell ' um Jup. But heark thee Child did'st never hear Of a great God call'd Jupiter Did'st never see upon a high-day An Altar drest upon Mount Ida Where folks come crowding far and near To offer to the Thunderer Ganim What art thou he that makes the rattle I' th' air which frights both Men and Cattle Sowers all the Milk and doth so clatter Both above ground and under water That men not dare to shew their heads Nor Eeles lye quiet in their beds If thou be that same Jupiter To thee my Father every Year Does Sacrifice a Tup a good one Then speak in truth and conscience would one Be so ungrateful a Curmudgel To steal away his Age's Cudgel Besides what have I done I pray Should make thee Spirit me away Who knows but now whil'st I 'me in Heaven My flock being left at Six and Seaven The Wolf 's amongst them breaking 's fast Nay perhaps worry'ng up the last Jupit. Why let the Wolf e'en play the Glutton 'T is but a little rotten mutton Fie what a whimp'ring do'st thou keep For a few mangy lowsie Sheep Thou must forget such things my Lad Why thou art now immortal made Fellow t'th ' Gods and therefore now Must think no more of things below Ganim What then I warrant Jupiter Thou dost intend to keep me here And wilt not deign to make a stoop To set me where thou took'st me up Jupit. I think I shall not my small friend For if I do I loose my end And all that I by that should gain Would be my labour for my pain Ganim I but my Sire will angry be So angry when he misses me That he will soundly firk my dock For thus abandoning his flock Jupit. For that my pretty Boy ne're fear For thou shalt alwayes tarry here Ganim Nay but I wonnot so I wonnot Nor you shan't keep me no you shannot Spite of your Nose and will-ye will-ye I will go home again that will I But if thou would'st so far befriend me As set me down where thou did'st find me I 'le sacrifice I do not mock To thee the fairest Tup i' th' flock Jupit. Thou' rt simple and a Child indeed To think that I such Off●…rings need Tup mutton's t' me the worst of meat And thou too must such things forget Thou' rt now in Heav'n fit to do Thy Father Good and Country too Nor need'st thou now his anger fear His arm 's too short to reach thee here Nor shalt thou henceforth dread the Rod Thou no more Boy art but a God Far better fare thou shalt find here Than that same sower-sawc't whipping Chear Far better here thou shalt be fed Than with hard crusts of dry brown-bread Sowre milk salt butter and hard cheese No thou shalt feed instead of these Or your slip-slap of Curds and Whey On Nectar and Ambrosia And if thou 'lt do as thou should'st do Shalt see thy Constellation too Shine brighter and in higher place Than all the rest the Sky that grace Ganim I but when I 've a mind to play What play fellows are here I pray For every day excepting Friday I 'de play-fellows ding-dong on Ida. Jupit. Why Cupid shall attend thy call To play at Cat at Trap or Ball Dust-point Span-counter Skittle-pins And thou no more shall play for pins But have a care the little Guts Will be too hard for thee at Butts Thou 'st have thy belly full of sport I give thee here my promise for 't And brave sport too but then I trow Thou must forget the