everlasting life This very word whosoever did work so kindly and with such a sweet efficacy upon my heart that I was constrained to submit having not any objection against it for it comprehended all sorts of sinners although never so great yet whosoever believeth in this Son of God shall injoy such a sweet promise no less than eternal life In the 16. verse God so loved the World that he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life And in Acts 10.43 That whosoever believeth in him shall receive remission of sins Then in Gal. 2.20 I live by the faith of the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me and Christ Jesus dyed for sinners of whom I am chief Seeing this application of Christ that Paul made in particular to himself who was a very great sinner it did much imbolden me in the like Rom. 5.8 9. God commendeth his love towards us in that while we were yet sinners Christ dyed for the ungodly and I was ungodly therefore I believed Christ dyed for me and when we were yet without strength in due time Christ dyed for sinners I am a sinner and therefore Christ dyed for me and he was reconciled unto us while we were enemies For the Lord to be thus reconciled to ungodly to sinners to enemies this was more love indeed than ever I expected Especially that the Lord would have been half so gracious to me This turned all my former sorrows into joy crying out what shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits that he hath bestowed upon me For what was I or any of my Fathers house that the Lord should be so merciful unto me And I have these testimonis of my real conversion to God 1. The testimony of his spirit adopting me to be his child Gal. 3.4 5. God sent forth his Son to redeem those that are under the law that they may receive the adoption of Sons And because you are Sons God hath sent sorth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts crying Abba Father wherefore thou art no more a servant but a Son I was once under the law dead I am now by Christ redeemed And I bless God for this precious priviledge that I can call God my Father 2. Christ hath fulfilled the law therefore I shall not be condemned by the Law but justified by Jesus Christ without the deeds of the Law there was a time when I was dead in sin and in ungodliness being alienated from the Common-wealth of Israel and a stranger to the Covenant of grace having no hope and without God in the world But being made alive by Jesus Christ I see my sins done away and do believe that Christ hath born on his body all my sins he being bruised for our transgressions Isa 53. And the Lord laid on him the iniquity of us all by whose stripes we are healed So that I do believe that by one offering he hath perfected for ever all those that are sâ—nctified Heb. 10. And that Christ Jesus is become a full and perfect satisfaction for my sins and that the Lord is well pleased with and contented in this satisfaction Mat. 3. That is my well-beloved Son in whom I am well pleased 3. I am in and through Gods free grace what I am not for any thing in me or that I could do but as in Titus 4.5 We our selves were sometimes foolish disobedient serving divers lusts but when the kindness and love of God our Saviour appeared towards man not by works of righteousness which we have done but according to his mercy he saved us That being justified freely by his grace we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life And in another place 1 Tim. 1.9 Who hath saved us and called us with an holy calling not according to our works but according to his own purpose and grace in Christ Jesus before the world began Therefore I believe that God the Father loveth me in Jesus Christ 1 John 4.19 We love him because he loved us first John 14.14 Ye have not chosen me but I have chosen you that you should bring forth much fruit Isa 43.25 I even I am he that blotteth out all thy transgressions for my own sake and will not remember thy iniquities and he will have mercy even because he will have mercy The blood of Jesus Christ cleanseth us from all sins I plainly see it is the Lords doings and it is marvellous in my eyes As in Ephes 2. You who were dead in trespasses and sins hath he quickned together with him by Grace ye are saved and that not of your selves it is the gift of God I find as Christ Jesus was a free gift to me and for me so was this saving grace of faith a free gift also from the Lord to my Soul Rom. 3.24 Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus to declare his righteousness for the remission of sins that he might be just and the justifier of him that believeth in Jesus so that all boasting of the creature is excluded by the law of faith As by the disobedience of one many were made sinners so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous 4. I believe that as there was no sin found in Christ and yet a sinner by imputation so I being a sinner indeed shall be made righteous by Gods imputation For it pleased God to make him become sin for us who knew no sin that we might be made the righteousness of God in him 5. I have the seal of the spirit as Paul saith The spirit of God beareth witness with our spirits that we are the children of God and if children then Heirs of God and joynt heirs with Christ in this our freedom 6. I do believe that God the Father loved me and elected me for the Son to redeem and that Jesus Christ loves me as given of the Father for him to redeem and manifests it to me And the Holy Ghost loves me as elected of the Father and redeemed by the Son and doth evidence it in me which is the earnest of my inheritance and there is an expression in John 3. last He that believeth in the Son hath everlasting life 7. I do believe that I have everlasting life already in possession 1. By the Promise Fear not little flock for it is your Fathers good pleasure to give you a Kingdom 2. In the first fruits for what is heaven hereafter but a more full injoyment of what is begun here What we receive now is but a tast of what we shall receive As 1 John 4.2 Beloved now are we the Sons of God and it doth not yet appear what we shall be but we know that when we shall appear we shall be like him for we shall see him as he is 3. I do injoy it by my head Christ who hath taken full possession of it already for me
the sense of sin and drawn forth my heart to rely upon him I believed that he would in the end give me victory through Christ and Isa 40.29 He giveth power to the faint and to them that have no might he increaseth strength This promise I laid hold on because Christ saith Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest Mat. 11.28 When I had refreshed my spirit by applying these and some other Promises to my own Soul by faith in the Lord Jesus I found an effect of my faith by that love to God which by his holy Spirit he had wrought in my Soul which appeareth by these particular Evidences 1. I am grieved that I have been so unbelieving towards God and so impatient in my afflictions 2. I am troubled to think that whilst I live here in this mortal flesh I cannot be quite freed from sin but must live to offend so good a God who hath wrought so great a deliverance for me 3. I bless the Lord I can through Divine goodness from the testimony of the blessed Spirit say with comfort the Lord is my God whereby I can cry Abba Father 4. I can I hope willingly deny my self in all things and should the Lord call me to it take up the Cross of my Saviour Jesus to follow him and bless God in all dispensations whatsoever 5. I find a total desire and willingness in my heart to surrender my self to be led by Gods blessed Spirit in all holiness and piety with perseverance that I may live all my days to the glory of my God 6. My affections are more firmly and really knit to God than to any thing so that I can part with any thing for God and I value my interest in God above all things and I find more joy in him than in all things 7. I am not now afraid to dye should God call me that I may go to be with my Saviour for ever 8. I desire to be in love and charity with all men but in an especial manner I do love the godly because in appearance they are the children of God and I desire to feed upon Christ by faith in his Ordinances M. W. XXX Experiences of H. C. AT the beginning of the Civil Wars I as well as others was much frighted and when it was said that such a day the City should be destroyed I was amazed I had been a hearer a great while of very eminent Ministers in the City of London yet profited very little by what I heard For if they preached the mercies of God I feared they did not belong to me because I could not find those qualifications in me which I thought I ought to have if I expected to receive mercy I could rejoyce in hearing of the promises but could not lay hold on them as belonging to me but still I went to hear though with much trouble of mind That day wherein it was said the City should be destroyed I began to call my self to account what would become of my Soul if it should be so I was almost amazed but did much desire of God that he would give me faith and with the Publican I said Lord I believe help my unbelief I then resolved with my self well I will cast my Soul into the arms of God If I perish I perish And through belief in him I was quieted in my spirit at that time But my sense of peace was soon vailed And I was afterward sore afflicted with the fight of my sin and was fully perswaded that I was an Hypocrite and that all that I did was but for fear of Hell then durst I not be any where alone for fear of the sight of the Devil and if I had been at prayer by my self I durst not open my eyes Thus was I perplexed with fear and perswaded my self I should perish my condition was very bitter to me and I did much labour for a resting place for my Soul And being one day at a Funeral the Minister that preached the Sermon shewed the sufficiency of God and the insufficiency of man and that all good came from God He said that it was as possible for that dead man to put life into himself as for any man to gain the least drop of grace of himself for Faith is the gift of God Then I began to consider with my self and to take notice of the promises of God and I would write them to keep them about me I then being a Hearer at St. M. the Minister was much upon the affairs of the times and I was much troubled about what I heard for I found not my Soul satisfied with that matter When I came home I found that my Soul was not able to live with that food and it pleased the Lord to direct me to hear Mr. Sympson at All-hollows Thames Street and he was setting forth the free grace of God to poor sinners And then I began to reason with my self that surely in putting all mercy from me I did dishonour God for he inviteth all to believe his promises And I read that he saith As I live I desire not the death of a sinner And Christ saith he came to save sinners and that the whole need not a Physitian but those that are sick And God hath promised not to break the bruised reed nor quench the smoaking flax and Christ dyed for the ungodly and God is no respecter of persons And Christ promiseth That whosoever comes unto him he will in no wise cast off When I had considered these and other promises And that place where it is said that without Faith it is impossible to please God then I was earnest with God that he would give me faith and sincerity of Heart And that place did much refresh me I will never leave thee nor forsake thee Yet again after all this the sense of mine own unworthiness did much trouble me and I was greatly grieved that I was so cumbred in the world and began to doubt saying sure I have not chosen the better part For sometimes I should rejoyce and praise God being much satisfied from those places of Scripture which say He hath laid our iniquities on him and he hath laid help on him that is mighty And in another place Ye are saved by grace not of your selves it is the gift of God And We have an Advocate with the Father even Jesus Christ the Righteous And he was made sin for us that keew no sin that we might be made the righteousness of God in him And behold the Lamb of God that taketh away the sins of the World But in a short time I should lose all my sense of comfort and than I had sad thoughts musing what God would do with me In the depth of these conflicts at last that place refreshed me where God saith I the Lord change not therefore ye Sons of Jacob are not consumed Though before I was not satisfied that
the shape of it I declared unto them as before and they told me That it was Jesus Christ that had appeared in the shape of a Child and that he had overcome Death and Hell for me then I cryed out and said blessed be Jesus Christ for evermore and did intreat those people that were there with my Father that they would go to prayers for me that those comfortable revelations which I had seen and my Faith in Christ might never depart from me yet for three years after I had many ebbings and flowings and much fear possessed me so that Satan would tell me I was more afraid of Hell than of offending God but I boldly sat up in my bed and told Satan He was a Lyer and that I would rather be damned than deny Jesus Christ and so Christ did appear very comfortably to me and hath and doth deliver me out of many troubles very often and how to speak of them I know no end yet Satan like a cunning Sophister hath been tampering with me to despair of Christ but it pleased the Lord to bring many promises into my mind and the example also of Mary Magdalen and of the woman of Canaan believing that as Jesus Christ was gracious to them so he would also be to me and Christ hath often times revealed unto me that his grace was sufficient for me as he said unto Paul I can speak but little of Jesus Christ but yet I am fully perswaded in my Soul that I should think my self very happy even to give my life for the glory and honour of his name if the Lord would count me but worthy of such a favour and I would not for all the Kingdoms in the world and the pomp thereof be in such a condition again and now my soul doth desire to give up it self unto God and to walk in the strictest course that his Word doth prescribe E. R. XII Experiences of T. M. ABout the fourteenth year of my age I was put out to be an Aprentice but was placed with a Master in whom I saw little of God his ways were contrary to the ways of God which was a great trouble to my Spirit and the more because some rude people Drink Swear and be very deboyst with him Three or four years after there grew great disputes amongst some persons about Episcopacy Presbytery Independency and the like which made me question with my own thoughts which was the true way to worship God I applyed my self to Mr. T. the Minister and others yet was not satisfied but after great perplexity of spirit I meditated with my self and wondred what would be the end of my troubles for they had been many especially temptations to despair of salvation But afterwards being returned back from my Master to my Fathers house lying down once upon a bench I fell asleep and dreamed that I was in a green Meddow where I saw various forms of Creatures some furious others very pleasing yet all of them seemed monstruous and changed their shapes often And beholding my self alone in the middest of them I was grievously troubled and then there seemed to appear a great red Dragon before it came at me I thought a little Child was put in my arms which was so beautiful and comely that I admired it and was so taken with beholding it that it put the fear of the Dragon for the present out of mind But the Dragon afterwards drew near and sorely affrighted me but both my self and the child were taken away and carried up an hill and the Dragon pursued us and being often ready to fall in running up the hill I feared that the Dragon would catch me but my strength being come to me I got up to the top of the hill and the Dragon made up after me When I was got up to the top there appeared a brightness from Heaven which gushed forth like a stash of Lightning and split the Dragon in pieces at which I rejoyced exceedingly Then the Child was put into my Arms again and I asked it what was its name it iaid Emanuel I asked who was its Father it said I am I asked who was its Mother it said Eternity I asked from whence he came he said from my Father out of Heaven I asked to whom he came and what was his errand here he said to save that which was lost and return again I asked him if he would dwell with me while he stayed he said he could not be detained according to that frame and figure he was in but after death he would dwell with me in another frame the thought of death grieved me but the child bid me not to weep at it for in this World that which is beauty must be destroyed and that which is contemptible must be exalted I then saw my self very contemptible and poor and troubled and in these thoughts the child was taken away from me Then my Father coming into the room made a noise whereat I awaked much distracted and troubled in my thoughts and so perplexed that I knew not what to do and the more by seeking to understand what I had seen because I knew not how to be satisfied in some doubts that lay very sad and heavy upon my Soul But I have since found much comfort out of Gods word where Christ saith Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest And the Lord saith I have called thee by name And again he saith in another place I will bear in thee a poor and afflicted people and they shall serve me And in Esay he saith I will gather my Lambs with my Arms and gently lead those that are with young and then he hath promised That he will never lay more upon his people then he will enable them to bear And I have these effects of my faith 1. My heart is led out to love God who is eternal and invisible and incomprehensible I love him in all his dispensations towards me and in the meanest Creature though never so despised I desire to own God where ever I see him 2. I find my heart very full in duty yet I have been sometimes troubled by some cholerick distempers that have transported me in some disputes which I am very sorry for and resolve to leave 3. I love the Lord who hath heard my Prayer and now at last satisfied me in every scruple of my conscience 4. My desire is to walk according to the rules of the Gospel all the days of my life T. M. XIII Experiences of J. H. MAny years ago I had some yernings after the truths of Jesus Christ and being in the Country and hearing Mr. Young a Minister in Leicestershire preach twice a day the Word wrought so on my heart that I took great delight to hear him but being jeered by the people for a Puritan I did leave off hearing for a time And being in the Town near Mr. Young sometimes as I went abroad I
my God will hear me Mich. 7.7 And I have found much comfort in applying several promises to my Soul As Matth. 5.4 Christ saith Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted As God hath given me a mourning Spirit for my sins so I believe that in his time I shall be comforted and I have tasted I bless God of the comforts of his Spirit in my Soul Isaiah 55.1 The Lord saith Ho! every one that thirsteth come ye to the waters and he that hath no mony come ye buy and eat yea come buy wine and milk without mony and without price As the Lord hath made my Soul to thirst for him so I doubt not but to find him And the Lord says Ezek. 33.11 As I live I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked but that the wicked turn from his way and live I thank God my heart and soul is turned from all things and is only after the Lord. And in a special manner I have found sweet evidences of my faith and interest in God through Christ I had lately much comfort from a Sermon preached by Mr. Strong who shewed that afflictions did not make us low in the sight of God though before men as also from the words at a conference by Mr. V. That in the World we shall have tribulations but in God rest And 1. I do clearly find that my love is more set upon God than upon any thing 2. I could more willingly leave the world now than ever before and I could willingly dye if God saw it good in the mind I am 3. I find in my heart that I do so cast my self upon God that I have peace with him 4. In times of doubtings I find comfort that I have a God to call upon and I find much peace in my mind in returns from God 5. I do always find when any evil thoughts arise a power from God which subdues them so that I never willingly give way to them 6. I find my affections ready to go forth both to duties and in duties to God and when I come to them with little affection yet I bless God I find a great deal of comfort usually before I go away 7. I find the most comfort to my spirit is when I am weeping for my infirmities or at prayer or duties in publick or private and methinks I find such joy in them that I could dwell there having no comfort in the world like that 8. I find in my heart a real love to all if any have wronged me I desire no revenge but that I may be at peace with all 9. Whatsoever I find to be a truth from God and a motion of his Spirit I find in my soul a willingn submitting to it A. A. XXIII Experiences of E. C. ABout 16. years of Age though I did not understand the Word yet I had a great desire to go to hear because they served God therin that did sâ— knowing that there is a God that ought to be served And I sat in corners studying what way I might come to God if I should dye having a very grear affection wrought by the Lord upon my spirit praying as well as I could that my self and my Father and Mother and Friends might go to God when we dye And I was very much set upon duties thinking to find God there but afterwards lived in a Family where I was much hindred from the Ordinances or partaking of any thing of God which was a great grief unto me Yet sometimes I had thoughts towards worldly things pondering how to be rich or fine as others but God wrought in my heart a remorse to check those temptations And frequently the Lord laid some affliction or other upon me to wean me the more from such vain thoughts which brought my heart into a very sad condition many times and sometimes I have wept day and night And at other times through grief that I could not sorrow enough I have fallen into a great measure of weeping After I had lived in several other Families where I had little comfort About twenty years since hearing Mr. F. and Mr. P. on Lords-days I was much comforted and also by Mr. Marshall and others and from the consideration of the Love of God in Christ and the sufferings of Christ for us as also of the Woman that did but by Faith touch the hem of Christs garment how she was comforted and healed and I had much comfort in private meetings But about five years since seeing my other Neighbours many of them flourish and prosper in the World more than I I began to doubt that I did but play the Hypocrite and that perhaps they did pray more at home than I though I knew some of them went less to the publick Ordinances I was very much troubled at this and thought with my self Lord shall I still lye at the Pool and find no body to put me in that I may be healed and I was much troubled because many of my Neighbours hated me for frequenting private meetings And for above a month I spent much time in private prayer and often in the night upon my Bed and went to hear only on the Lords-days But then I had thoughts upon me that it was not pleasing to God to pray unto him upon a soft Bed Then the Lord put it in my heart that he had promised That where two or three are met together in my name that I will be in the midst of them This caused me to go again as I had done before to hearing of Sermons on week-days But still I found many reasonings and doubtings upon my spirit whether I was elected or not and was much cast down many times about it and had some temptations to despair fearing that such a sinner as I could not be saved Yet I had comfort in this that though I was a sinner God by his Spirit had mortified me And though I am not so good as I should be yet through the power of grace I am not so bad as the flesh would be and finding much of the testimony of Gods Spirit upon my heart I had great hope that I had marks and tokens of my believing One night having for about half a years time before used to go to Bed before I prayed being in Bed and thinking to pray to God I had strange temptations upon me to put God out of my mind and I could not speak a word nor scarce think of God and if I did in some intervals I could not name God or Christ nor speak a word to God for the present And Satan then seemed to appear to me in a most ugly shape laughing and jeering at me which did much affright me and I feared that I had played the Hypocrite with God and now should run mad to make good what some haâ— reproachfully cast upon me that I was an Hypocrite and I was rising out of my Bed but it pleased the Lord to
put it into my mind that Christ Jesus hath not given so much for Souls as he hath done to let the Devil have them for nothing And in the strength of the Lord I repulsed the Devil saying Satan when thou in tempting Christ shewedst him the whole World thou promisedst him that which was none of thine own nor am I thine and therefore avoid Satan for thou hast nothing to do with me and then the Devil departed from me Then my heart was much filled with the thoughts of the goodness of God and with a mixture of tears and joy I had sweet comforts from the Lord. And though I have had many doubts upon my spirit sometimes yet I have since found very great consolation through Faith in the promises of God as in these and divers others Matth. 11.28 Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest I thank God I have found much rest and refreshment by coming to Christ and that his grace is sufficient for me Matth. 5.6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness for they shall be filled I have often laid hold on this promise with a thirsting desire after Jesus Christ and he hath filled me with comfort And the comfort wherewith Christ did comfort Peter bidding him not to fear for he had prayed for him hath been upon my spirit and given me great consolation in that I know Christ is heard in all that he prayeth to the Father And I find the Testimonies of my Conversion to God which give satisfaction to my Soul that I am a true Believer 1. Though I do all that I can to serve God as he hath commanded me yet I find great imperfection and utter unworthiness in my self to deserve any thing of God But my whole dependance and hope of Salvation is in Gods free grace in the blood and merits of my Saviour Jesus Chrsst 2. I do find that the Love of God in Christ constrains me to love God again above all things in the World and whatever I am about my Soul is delighted with God above all 3. I find that the Lord draws my heart to hate all evil communication and evil things and not so much to fear the punishment of the World for any thing as to sin against God 4. I am much delighted in the workings of Gods Spirit and it is a great joy and comfort to my Soul when my heart is inlarged towards God 5. My heart is much affected unto Ordinances and if Satan suggested worldly thoughts to hinder me from duties I have called upon God and found comfort and when I have come to duties with cold affections I have been much refreshed in the duties though sometimes I have felt pain and distemper in my body which I have thought Satan hath done to make me weary in duties yet I have called on the Lord and found comfort 6. I find great peace and much comfort in the Lord so that I could be willing to dye and it is a great joy to me in that I expect to dye that I may be delivered from the afflictions of the World to enter into eternal joy with Christ for ever E. O. XXIV Expeiences of A. G. I Have been many years since very sensible of my Natural Estate and did lye long under the sence of my sins which were so great a burden to me that they made me almost despair insomuch that I could scarce either eat or driâ—k but had my spirits dried up with the anguish thereof For I was brought up under the Means and from a Child frequented the hearing of the Word And the first cause of my great torment was for that I once told a Lye against my Conscience which so lay upon my spirit afterwards that I could receive no comfort I went to hear the Word and read the Scriptures yet all did but increase my horrour Several Ministers and godly People used great means to comfort me but all in vain for a time and when I read the Scriptures I found every threatning and judgment therein that I fixed my thoughts upon to speak terrour to my Soul and my distraction was so great that my Friends said I was mad and kept the Bible from me For so often as I read in it I pored most upon that dreadful place Matth. 12.31 All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men I did not know what the sin against the Holy Ghost was but I had a perswasion I had committed that sin and feared that my sins could not be pardoned and that I should never go to Heaven but was cast off to the damned Yet this the Lord wrought for me and in me by his blessed Spirit to draw forth my heart to be often praying in that poor doubting way my spirit could by the Lords assistance vouchsafed to me attain unto for though I thought it in vain and that God would not hear me yet I continued praying and often cryed to God not only in the day time but frequently in the night and rise out of my Bed to pray to God to have mercy upon me And I was sometimes a little comforted in that I was perswaded to hope in the Lord but yet it was dashed again through fear that I had committed the sin against the Holy Ghost And I thought that all victuals and every thing was too good for me and that I was unwâ—rthy of all en oyments Thus I lay for some months in a sad Agony wrastling with temptations perplexed between hope and despair But at last in hearing Mr. W. Minister of B. and reading a Book called The New Birth I found comfort being better satisfied what the sin against the Holy Ghost was than before since which I bless God I have for some years past found much comfort from the Promises of God revealed in his holy Word some of which follow Matth. 5.6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness for they shall be filled My chief desires are after Jesus Christ and to follow him by the Rule of the Gospel not doubting but that I shall be blessed in that grace which he communicates to me from his fulness Matth. 11.28 Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest This promise being to Souls laden with dejections and universal to all that come to Christ hath much comforted my heart in that by his Spirit he hath drawn forth my Soul to come to him And as a testimony of my love to God and evidences of my faith I bless God I have these comfortable fruits of the Spirit of grace in my Soul 1. Though I do all that I can to serve God yet in all things I find infirmities in me so that all my trust is only in the merits of my Saviour Jesus Christ 2. Though I cannot be so holy as