according to their various Apprehensions and Inclinations the Vain and Carnal ones thought she was in Love and upon that Theam the Spicket of their Tongues were loosned to vent the Froth of their Hearts Indeed their thoughts about Love was not amiss only they were miserably mistaken both in the Nature and in the Object of it the Byass of her Affections ran towards an unseen Jesus whom the World never knew and as a Chaos of Darkness cannot comprehend Her deep Care and Concern was for her Immortal Soul which all that are in the Gall of Bitterness and in the Bond of Iniquity and all of the World are so have no Thought or Anxiety about 'T is present not future Happiness that they are in the eager pursuit of But the People of God in these Parts who had passed through the Pangs of the New Birth themselves and therefore capable of judging her Condition very well knew the Nature of her Distemper and the unexpressibleness of her Woe according to Sol mon's Apothegm The Spirit of a Man may sustain his Infirmity but a wounded Spirit who can bear These I say pittied her and heartily sympathized with her in her Spiritual Dolours and they arose every one from his own place like Job's Friends and came to bemoan her and to comfort her for they saw the Grief of her Soul was very great And indeed she had a very large room beyond whatever I knew of one under her Circumstances in the Hearts and Affections of the best Saints amongst us abundantly manifested in their frequent Visiting her and inviting her to their Houses taking no small Pains with her to strengthen her feeble Knees to support her fainting Spirits and to refresh her wearied Soul pined away almost to Death by communicating their Experiences of God's working upon their Hearts in the day of his first appearing to them when he opened their Eyes and turned them from Darkness unto Light and from the Power of Satan unto God and gave them a joyful Sense of the Forgiveness of their Sins and a comfortable Taste of the Inheritance which they shall for ever have among them that are Sanctified by Faith which is in Christ Jesus And what Refreshments after many sad and sore Conflicts they particularly found from the Presence of the Lord reflecting on them with the Rays of his Beauty and the Beams of his Glory and what Comfortable Dawnings yea Ravishing Shinings they very often had after a dark stormy night And this every one did according to the Measure of their Attainment and Experience They all as Fliphaz Bildad and Zophaz spake unto her by turns and then they all return'd to speak unto her but though in their reiterated speaking they said all this yea more than this yet it had little or no Effect upon her she remain'd notwithstanding all possible Endeavours used and unwearied Pains taken by many Precious Sons and Daughters of Zion in a very distressed and disconsolate State even Mourning as one without hope She seem'd in her mournful Gesture and doleful Behaviour to speak in the Sad and Melancholy Language of the Church Is it nothing to you all ye that pass by Behold and see if there be any Sorrow like unto my Sorrow which is done unto me wherewith the Lord hath afflicted me in the day of his fierce Anger From above hath he sent Fire into my Bones and it prevailed against them He hath spread a Net for my Feet he hath turned me back he hath made me Desolate and Faint all the day For these things I Weep mine Eye runneth down with Water because the Comforter that should relieve my Soul is far from me And again I am that Maid that hath seen Affliction by the Rod of his Wrath. He hath led me and brought me into Darkness but not into Light Surely against me is he turned he hath turned his Hand against me all the day My Flesh and my Skin hath he made old he hath broken my Bones He hath budded against me and compassed me with Gall and Travel He hath set me in dark places as they that be dead of old He hath hedged me about that I cannot get out he hath made my Chain heavy Also when I cry and shout he shutteth out my Prayer These Oh! these were the Hierogliphick Bemoanings of her Soul in every minute Circumstance of her Carriage Indeed her watry Eyes her pale Cheeks her ghastly Countenance her trembling Joynts the great Disorder and Confusion of her outward and inward Man mournfully spoke in a silent yet pathetical Dialect what Job spoke with his Lips Have pitty upon me O ye my Friends have pitty upon me for the Hand of God hath touched me Though this was the Language of her mournful Gesture to all that were near her yet was not her Mouth closed she articulately spoke many bitter and doleful things Truly it would have melted an Heart of Stone I am sure it did mine to have heard her daily Bemoanings and her nightly Lamentations And that in a Tone as I have sometimes verily thought scarcely Humane She had no delight in any thing no ease in her Spirit no Satisfaction in her Mind no Comfort alone or in Company Her Harp was turned into Mourning and her Organ into the Voice of them that Weep She was made to possess Months of Vanity and wearisome nights were appointed for her She was full of tossings to and fro to the dawning of the day Hence it was she could not refrain her Mouth but did grievously speak in the Anguish of her Spirit and lamentably complain in the Bitterness of her Soul How often would she cry out there was none in the World so bad as she my Heart is harder than any Body can conceive or possibly imagine I do not I cannot love Christ or have any desire after him I am as dry as a Stick as Sapless as a Stone I cannot believe I cannot repent I cannot Pray I have not one good thought and therefore it cannot otherwise be but I must Perish for ever In these dolorous Bemoanings she even wasted and pined away She was weary with her Groaning all the night she made her Bed to swim yea she water'd her Couch with her Tears Her Eye was consumed because of Grief it waxed old because of the Enemy of her Salvation who provoked her to Despondency and to a roaring out for Sorrow because the Lord had hid his Face from her and left her to struggle with those Temptations of Horror that like the Sons of Zerviah were too hard for her And though many excellent Saints and experienced Christians as the Sons and Daughters of Jacob upon Joseph's supposed Death arose to comfort her and left no means unessay'd in order thereunto yet she like Jacob refused to be comforted and seemed with him resolved to go to the Grave Mourning Thus he wept thus she mourn'd as one that had no hope and that continually Her Chamber was a perfect Rama where no
she imparted the Secrets of her Soul more fully more freely than to any one in the World besides I say in this respect 't is true none can be more fit because none knew so much of her as I did but for the proper and methodical wording it and making it palatable for this nice Age we live in none is or can be more unfit For besides as at best I always was far from an Orator the many Troubles I have met with in the Series of my Life some of which are not unknown to you to whom I have been for many Years so well known have so blunted the edge of my Fancy that I am scarce capable of Writing in a common Stile However to let you see what power you have over me I will expose my Weakness and lay my Breast open to every carping Zoilus and there be more than a few of them in every Corner to give you what Satisfaction I can in what you so passionately desire I had it in my Thoughts at the time of her Expiring to do something of this kind as far as my Abilities would reach for Publick Good but a very Melancholy Affair happening in my Church of which I have given you an account so took up my Time and Thoughts and had such an Ascendant on my Genius as quite damp'd my Spirit for this or indeed any other Work so I laid it aside and should have meddled no more in it had not your pathetical Letter awakened me out of the deep Slumber of Indifferency and Laodicean Temper that Tragical Business had cast me into And no sooner was I awake as I instantly was upon reading your Serious Lines but I took Pen in Hand and hastily drew up what you will see in the subsequent Leaves in which as you will find no Flourishes of Wanton Rhetorick to make this Tract look fine and gawdy so I promise you you shall meet with no Additions or Luxuriant Excressencies that may justly subject it to the odious Name of Romantick You may depend on my word as a Christian as a Minister every Passage recorded in the following Narrative relating to this Heavenly Creature is really true and that to my own knowledge as I shall answer it at the Great Day And therefore I shall make bold to use the Apostle's words That which we have seen with our Eyes that which we have look'd upon that which we have both seen and heard declare we unto you I have this great Advantage amongst many Disadvantages and it is such an Encouragement without which I think I should not have dared to undertake the Task you enjoyn me Most of the People of God in these Parts very well knew the Person of whom I write and frequently discoursed with her and much admir'd the great Work of God in her To them I can and do chearfully appeal concerning my Faithfulness and Integrity in this Work and I dare say they will blame me for under not over-speaking and accuse me for being too low in the Character I give of her And that I fall short of what might honestly and with Truth be said on this subject And it is on this hand that I desire always to be found erring Many things have slip'd my Memory for I kept no Diary and some things that to many would appear incredible I have purposely omitted If therefore diminutive Truth without straining or indeed using an Hyperbole if naked Truth without any Ornamental Imbroidery will satisfie you I have no reason to despair your accepting my Performance notwithstanding it is accompanied and clogg'd with so much obvious Weakness As to the Person of Mrs. Mary Harrison which you seem in the first place inquisitive about she was one of an amiable Countenance though something pale very slender of a middle Stature neither too tall nor short curiously shap'd in the Proportion of her Body but Sickly and Weekly in her Constitution The Earthly Tabernacle her Soul so-journ'd in was very brittle and infirm and quickly with a little Fit of Sickness dissolv'd to her unspeakable gain for now she has a far better a much stronger Building of God an House not made with hands Eternal in the Heavens She was of a quick Understanding and had excellent Parts both Natural and Acquir'd fit almost for any Business proper to her Sex of a mild and sweet Nature exceeding Courteous and Obliging in her Carriage But for the Frame of her Spirit before Conversion which you also desire some account of I should in this wholly disobey you and draw a shadowing Curtain over it But for the magnifying of Free-Grace extended to so Poor a Creature I will tell you the Truth and the whole Truth of her without hiding any part of her dark side or extenuating that Deformity too obvious to all that knew her She was a meer lump of Pride and Vanity very Carnal and Ignorant as to any thing of Soul-concerns delighting in nothing more than to satisfie the Pride of the Eye the Lust of the Flesh and to uphold the Pride of a Vain Life Hence she affected with too great an eagerness fine Cloaths and the newest Fashions and being Heiress of a competent Estate she never thought she was Gawdy enough in her Attire of which her Mother often and with great Sadness of Heart complained to me Her chiefest Diversion was to be in vain and frothy Company at Weddings and Merry-meetings or going to Feasts as young People use to do 'T is true she was a constant Hearer ever since I came to the Place but 't was only in a formal customary way or because her Parents came or to see who was finest or to be seen in her finery her self It could not be out of any love to the Word for alas she never relish'd it nor tasted the Savor of it nor for any regard to her poor Soul for alas she had no sense of its Worth and Preciousness nor for any desire to be brought unto Christ for alas she was wholly Ignorant of him and might say truly what Peter said falsly She knew not the Man She was in the Flesh and did mind the things of the Flesh and not at all the things of the Spirit She looked not at the things that are not seen but only at the things that are seen She knew no higher End than the pleasing a wanton Fancy nor desired any greater Good than the sinful Pleasures that a vain World affords In a word She walked as other Gentiles yea as all the Unconverted walk in the Vanity of their mind Having her Vnderstanding darkened being alienated from the Life of God through the Ignorance that was in her because of the Blindness of her Heart On this account she was a perfect Stranger to me for though I had liv'd in the Town many Years I had no manner of Knowledge of her or Acquaintance with her any farther than seeing her at Meeting or being sometimes accidentally in her company among others She never
this Maiden-Gentlewoman another was awaken'd by it who is since joyn'd to our Church But I told Mrs. Mary she argued wrongly against her self for if the Gospel were indeed hid from her she would have no manner of Sense of that judgment for all that are Reprobates and so in a lost State the Gospel being hid from them are past feeling having their Consciences seared as with an hot Iron But you said I having thorough Mercy such a quick Feeling and being so awfully apprehensive of the Dreadfulness of the Judgment are so far from having the Gospel hid from you that you may be assured God is Graciously coming towards you to reveal the Beauty and Glory of it unto you This did not satisfie her but persisting in her Despairing Language told me she was in a Perishing Condition and should be Damn'd I asking a Reason of this Desperate Conclusion she with a Ghastly Look and Mournful Accent answered I have been a great Sinner and there is no Mercy or Pardon for me What shall I do What will become of me for ever At the pronouncing of these words she Trembled wrung her Hands and wept bitterly Upon which I applied my self to her in the following Terms Mrs. Mary You through Ignorance as yet of the Gospel are guilty of a great Mistake in inferring an Impossibility of Pardon from the Greatness of your Sins For this is to argue against the Nature of Free-Grace which overtakes and fastens hold on the very Greatest and Worst of Sinners And against the Compact of the Father and the Son in the Covenant of Redemption For as in that Covenant the Father on his part promiseth the sending down of his Spirit to bow and bend the Wills and incline the Hearts of the most Obstinate and Rebellious Sinners to lay hold upon a Saviour by a true and lively Faith So the Son on his part promised to give himself a Propitiatory Sacrifice upon the Cross sufficient to atone the greatest Sins any of the Posterity of Adam could possibly be guilty of whereby to the Amazement of Men and Angels Pardon is not only a Gracious but a Righteous Act in God and the Sinner may plead for it upon account of that Everlasting Atonement made by the Son of God This the Apostle John who lean'd on Christ's Bosom and thereby knew the Secrets of his Heart and the Wonders of Redeeming Grace flowing from his Lips I say he even he plainly declares and clearly holds forth this adorable Truth in that Gospel-Apothegm 1 Epist 1.9 If we confess our Sins he is Faithful and Just mark that to forgive us our Sins and to cleanse us from all Vnrighteousness Moreover I farther told her this arguing is against the very literal meaning of many Sweet and Precious Promises made by the Lord himself on purpose to put such Poor Distressed Creatures as you are out of Doubt of his Grace and Mercy As that in Isa 1.18 Come now and let us reason together saith the Lord though your Sins be as Scarlet they shall be as white as Snow though they be red like Crimson they shall be as Wool Come Mrs. Mary said I What do you think of this Reasoning from the Richness of the Covenant of Grace and from the Infiniteness of that Satisfaction made for Sin by the Lord Jesus Christ the Mediator of the New Covenant Her answer was This Promise belongs to those that are in Christ but I am far enough from him and have no mind to him nor no Heart to believe in him nor can I do any thing that is good I told her she spoke as a Legalist not yet acquainted with the Way and Mystery of the Gospel which calls Persons from themselves and shews them their utter Inability and Incapacity to do any thing of themselves Then I turn'd her to another Promise Isa 43.24 Thou hast bought me no sweet Cane with Money neither hast thou filled me with the Fat of thy Sacrifices but thou hast made me to serve with thy Sins thou hast wearied me with thine Iniquities I ask'd her what she could say worse of her self than God said of this People so full of all manner of Abominations But yet said I Pray observe the two next Verses 25 26. I even I am he that blotted out thy Transgressions for my own sake and will not remember thy Sins Put me in remembrance let us plead together Declare thou that thou mayest be Justified I told her from these words that a putting God in remembrance of his Gracious Promise to pardon and forgive Sin any Sin all Sins how great soever and to blot out all Iniquities let their Magnitude or Multitude be what it will upon the account of Christ's infinite Satisfaction which he has given to Divine Justice and an humble yet earnest Pleading the avail of it at the Throne of Grace would be more pleasing and acceptable to God and far more Comfortable and Beneficial for her than thus in Diffidence and Despair to lye down under the Sense of Guilt and give up her self as lost precluding thereby the Operation of the Spirit of God which would work a saving Repentance unto Life in her The answer she made was This Promise how Sweet soever in it self it was could be of no use nor afford any Comfort to her in her present Condition for that she could not Pray or Plead at all and her Heart was quite barr'd and bolted against any good Motion or Inclination and she was as one wholly destitute of the Spirit and forsaken of God And then lamentably cry'd out My Day is past and I am Undone Undone I ask'd her if ever she was in the like Condition before She answered No never in her Life Then I told her What she had said was not could not be true if God's Word may be believ'd for according to that none but those who were Once enlightned which she never was before and have tasted of the Heavenly Gift which she never before did and were made Partakers of the Holy Ghost which did never stir in her before and have tasted the good Word of God the relish and savor of which she never before understood and the Powers of the World to come to which she had been hitherto altogether a Stranger can possibly be in danger of having their Day past And therefore this being the first time of God's coming towards her in an awakening manner alarming her Soul with the Sense of a Future State though her Sins were so terribly set in order before her yet her distracting and terrifying Fears were without any Scriptural Ground For as I farther alledg'd this was God's common way of dealing with those whom he design'd special Love and Mercy to first to shew them their lost and undone Condition by Nature as they are the wretched Off-spring of Fallen Adam and to shake them over the Scorching Flames of Hell and make them tremblingly apprehensive of his deserved Wrath and Indignation that so the Redemption
wrought out by and made most secure in the Lord Jesus Christ might be the more precious and valuable to them when they are made to see it and have a joyful Sense of it by the enlightning Efficacy of God's Spirit which she was now believingly to be expecting of for I assured her in the Name of the Great God it was not far from her urging for her Support under the Burthen of her present Calamity that sweet Promise Hab. 2.3 For the Vision is yet for an appointed time but at the end it shall speak and not lie Though it tarry wait for it because it will surely come it will not tarry By Vision here I told her is meant the Manifestation of the Light of God's Countenance and the Glory of his Presence and there is a secret appointed time in the Breast of the Father for reviving the drooping Spirit and ravishing the sadned Heart of every Elect Son and Daughter of Adam with this great and glorious Mercy But she must patiently wait this appointed time for it and this plain Word of God assures her she would not be deceived in her Expectation I also for her Incouragement instanced the bitter Passion of Sorrow poor Mary Magdalen was in from the Sense of her horrid Sins and most vile and filthy Pollutions And the great and Soul-amazing Shakings the Gaoler had from the dreadful Apprehensions of his miserable State and the doleful Agonies of his Soul in the Sense of Hell and Damnation And yet what Comfort both of them met with what abundant Satisfaction both of them had by the Lord 's speaking effectual Peace to their Souls But whatever I could say and much more through the good Hand of my God upon me to this purpose I did say she still continued in a lamentable manner under the Power of Despair hideously crying out she was sure there was no Mercy for her By which I perceiving that no words how right soever were at present forcible so as to have any Effect upon her It growing late and I much wearied with travelling and speaking after solemn seeking the Lord for her I at that time left her I cannot tell you whether with more Joy or Sorrow Joy that there was so eminent a Work begun in her which plainly appear'd to me to be of God for I saw a thorough Work of Conviction wrought by the mighty Power of Jehovah in her Soul and I doubted not but design'd by him who brings forth Meat out of the Eater and Sweet out of the Strong for her Eternal Good though the Tempter for the present had such an ascendant upon her Or Sorrow that she was groveling in such hideous Darkness and left to struggle with the Horrors of a wounded Spirit which as the wise Man implicitly tells us is far more deplorable and much less tolerable than any Sickness or Infirmity how great or sore soever of the Body can be It was not long before I gave her another Visit and then found her under dreadful Consternation of Mind through the violent and malicious Assaults of Satan who as a roaring Lyon was seeking to devour or rather swallow up this distressed Damsel by the multitude of vain wicked yea blasphemous Thoughts he cast into her whereof she wofully complained and that in a lamentable and heart-melting Accent to me Oh Sir says she with dismal black Clouds in the Horizon of her Countenance you little think what a prodigious vile wicked and abominable Wretch I am my Heart is full of most horrid blasphemous Thoughts against God my Mind is running upon nothing but what is Evil and that of the deepest dye Surely there is none there can be no such grosly wicked Person as I in the World as there is no Sorrow so there is no Wickedness like mine To which I replied Mrs. Mary As for the Thoughts you complain of with so much Bitterness of Heart they are not yours neither are you chargeable with them God will not impute them to you they are thrown into you by the evil one who is doing you all the spite he can and trying all means to make your Life every way uncomfortable and therefore I would have you and Oh! that you would harken unto me to cast Satan's Brats with an Holy Scorn at his own Door bidding Defiance to him and all his Cursed Suggestions For I tell you as from the Lord what is your Grief or Burthen now will not be charg'd upon you as your Sin hereafter Then I commended to her Serious Consideration that pathetical Scripture 1 Joâ—n 3.20 For if our Heart condemn us God is greater than our Heart and knoweth all things From whence I told her yea thus argued with her Though your trembling Heart does indeed condemn you and your very Soul is perplexed in the abhorring Sense of these horrid Thoughts and you are in extream Bitterness and Sorrow therefore yet God who is greater than your Heart and who knows all things very well knows the Source and Spring from whence these abominable evil Thoughts flow and the Power by which they are injected into you and though you are laying your self so low even as Hell abhorring your self in Dust and Ashes and condemning your self so grievously for them this Righteous this All-seeing this All-knowing God is so far from Condemning you that he is pittying you in this great Distress and Anguish you are You in this your deep Affliction Jehovah the Lord of your Righteousness is afflicted and the Angel of his Presence shall save you And in his Love and in his Pitty he will I question not in his own way which you must submit to and in his own time which you must wait for redeem you from the Snares of the Deceiver and he will bare you and carry you as he did all his Tempted ones in the Days of Old even as upon Eagles Wings above the reach of this or any other Delusion whatsoever But whatever I said of this nature took no hold upon her so as to administer any Comfort or Satisfaction to her for the Ephah of her Sorrow was not yet filled up No she was to be plunged yet deeper in the Furnace of Tribulation she was yet to pass thorough hotter and more scorching Fiery Tryals she was yet to drink a much larger Draught of that bitter Cup her Redeemer drank of before her and in a more dolorous manner to be Baptized with that Baptism he was Baptized with She was yet to be more dreadfully and terribly shaken and to be exempted from Vessel to Vessel that she might at last know the Righteousness of the Lord And therefore after a little more Conference with her and going to the Throne of Grace for her I again took leave of her with an akeing Heart for her and yearning Bowels towards her By this time her Fame began to spread abroad and she was talk'd of far and near the general Subject of most Peoples Discourse and their Discourse about her was
Heart with Compunction in my bleeding Soul that she would compose her self and fix her mind to look up to the Lord and with her Eyes to have respect to the Holy one of Israel who would help her and that with the saving Aid of his right hand if she would believe in him who would comfort her and that with the ravishing Comforts of his blessed Spirit if she would cast her self upon him Minding her in way of Paraphrase what Moses said to Israel There is none like unto the God of Jeshurun who rideth upon the Heaven in thy help and in his Excellency on the Sky The Eternal God is thy refuse and underneath are the everlasting Arms and he shall thrust out the Enemy from before thee and shall say destroy them That Enemy said I who is now so exceeding rampant in you who is now so maliciously affrightning and terrifying you with the Sense of Hell and Wrath which yet will never be your Portion this very Enemy God will thrust out from you yea this envious Satan that does you now so much Mischief the God of Peace will most assuredly bruise under your Feet shortly and then you shall dwell in Safety alone the Enemy shall no more trouble you nor be perplexing of you And your Fountain shall be upon a Land of Corn and Wine Also his Heavens shall drop down Dew that is the Doctrine and Graces of the Gospel the Spirit of the Lord Jesus breathing therein shall drop down in a Soul-reviving Soul-refreshing yea in a Soul-ravishing manner upon you And then You shall grow as the Lilly and cast forth your Root as Lebanon your Branches shall spread and your Beauty shall be as the Olive-tree and your Smell as Lebanon And then thus dwelling under his Shadow you shall return you shall revive as the Corn and grow as the Vine and your Scent shall be as the Wine of Lebanon And then Oh then you will be an happy a thrice happy Virgin in our Israel And who will be like unto you though now a distressed Maid yet then Saved by the Lord. Who will awake for you as one awaketh out of sleep and as a mighty Man that shouteth by reason of Wine And will deliver you out of the hand of your present Tormentor who will be the Shield of your help and the Sword of your Excellency And the Enemy of your Salvation who is now Suggesting many uncomfortable and most false things to you whereby you are so lamentably disquieted in your Spirit even to Distraction will then be found as he is and as from the beginning he has been a Liar to you And you shall tread upon high places and so be infinitely above the reach of all his fiery Darts that not one of them shall sting or hurt you any more for ever But alas all that I spake or all that any could speak to this purpose was but like the weak Trajans casting their feeble Arrows at the Conquering Grecians wholly in vain I could not in the least allay her Grief or asswage the Torrent of her violent Passion which was at the greatest height I ever beheld in any Creature before I knew not how to leave her in the horrible Pit in the miry Clay of such Soul-tormenting Distress and yet I plainly discern'd it was to no purpose to stay with her so outragious was her Grief and so beyond all bounds of Moderation was her Sorrow Horror and most dreadful Despair had such a powerful Ascendant on her that her poor Heart was like to break yea she was even ready to dye for fear of Eternal dying Oh! how was this tender Lamb in Zion rufully afraid because of her Sins which were set in order before her and continually staring her in the Face How did amazing Fearfulness lamentably surprize her in the awful sense of dwelling with the devouring Fire that can never be put out and in the doleful Apprehension of rowling upon those Pillars of everlasting Flames that never will cease burning Verily had she seen with her Eyes the Sulphurous Torches had she heard with her Ears the dismal Groans of the Damned yea had she actually felt the very Torments those endure who are surrounded with horrid Mists of Darkness in the Eternal Shades below she could hardly express her self in a more dolorous in a more grievous manner than she did such Heart-melting such Soul-piercing Complaints such a mournful crying our of a lost State of a barren Mind of a Certainty of being Damned never sounded at least in my Ears before I had much ado to perswade her to a Composedness till I went to Prayer with her in which Duty I pleaded with the Lord according to the measure of the Spirit given me for her that the sounding of his Bowels of Pitty and Compassion might be moved towards her that he would Graciously hear this Dejected Creature as he did Ephraim bemoaning of her self in his very words I am ashamed yea even Confounded to bear the Reproach of my Youth And that he would say of her as he did of him Is Ephraim my dear Son is he a pleasant Child for since I spake against him I do earnestly remember him still therefore my Bowels are troubled for him and I will surely have Mercy upon him saith the Lord. When I concluded Prayer I took a very sorrowful leave of her being towards Morning 'T is said For the Divisions of Reuben there were great thoughts of heart And again For the Divisions of Reuben there were great Searchings of heart I am sure for the Spiritual Troubles for the Despairing Sorrow of this young Gentlewoman there were great Thoughts and Searchings of Heart great Distress and Anxiety of Mind both by me and many others And truly we were and we could not but be between Hope and Fear about her We would fain hope the Lord design'd Love and Mercy to her precious Soul notwithstanding the many bitter and grievous things he wrote against her and the great and fearful Trials she was exercised with but then the strangeness the unparallell'dness of her Grief the intollerable Heaviness and Weight of that Burthen she groaned under the apparent Prevalency of the Tempter over her for she seemed to be wholly in his Clutches and above all the woful and most horrible uninterrupted Despairingness of her Language for I know not how long time together gave a little Check to those Hopes we were willing to retain and made too much room for Fear and Doubts in our Thoughts concerning her Indeed we were all at our Wits end and could not tell what to think or say of her For my part I can truly say her Case took up my whole time I could hardly mind any thing else Day and Night were my Thoughts busily imploy'd what course to take for her or what means to use that might be of avail to her And after many Wrestlings with Sighs and Groans unto God in her behalf and revolving many things in my perplexed
more such extream Fits of Agony after this day or that she broke forth into such direful Exclamations and Lamentations as she did before Which made me heartily bless God both publickly and privately for the beginning of his Appearance though it was but in a restraining way that though she had not that solid Comfort and inward Peace which I did unfeignedly wish her and sincerely without ceasing begg'd for her yet she had much greater ease with respect to her Burthen under which she had so long a time groaned and was not tortured with those griping and Soul-tormenting Pangs as frequently in days and months past she had been In this middle State as I may say which as to her was neither clear nor dark neither day nor night but something between both she remain'd several Weeks in which time I frequently went to her as my other occasions would admit but she very often came to me earnestly desiring me to pitty her and pray for her but would never go away till I had pray'd with her Her Discourse was grave and moderate yet always in a complaining Strain Lamenting 〈◊〉 absence of God and bitterly crying out of her hard deceitful Heart As Winter came on she grew more and more Melancholy yet the Fire of her Sorrow was confin'd to and pent up in the Hearth of her own Breast and burned inwardly to the great decaying both of her outward and inward Man and manifested it self only by the Sparkles of some woful Sighs and Sobs arising from her Heart that could not possibly be kept down Oh! With what languishing and pitty-bespeaking Eyes did she look upon me How mournfully and in a low still Voice would she say to me Ah! Sir you know not how it is with me I am a great deal worse and in a much sadder Condition than you can imagine This doubled my Concernedness for her and put my Spirit upon the Rack in musing for her What thought I come into the Harbor ready to drop Anchor and yet forced again to Sea upon the main Ocean to be tossed with these impetuous Waves I spoke as the Lord inabled me whatever words he put in my Mouth unto â—er I pray'd again and again from time to time with her I Wept and made Supplication to my God for her but no Alteration for the better could I see in her for the Comforter was not yet come Therefore was she again Weeping and her Eyes running down with Tears therefore was she crying in the Morning and bemoaning her self in the Evening because he that alone could relieve her Soul was far from her and because the things that belong'd to her Peace were as yet hid from her Eyes Two things I confess in this interim run in my mind that were a great Support to me under my unfeigned Trouble and Anxiety for her The one was that the Holy God who is above the reach of Angels in his doings who giveth no account to Creatures in Heaven or Earth of any of his Matters for Reasons and Ends best known to himself would convey Comfort to her from some other hand I was not to be the Person The other was That this might be the last Effort of the Tempter and that he was come down in the greater Wrath because he knew he had but a short time to be Disquieting and Perplexing the Soul of this tender Lamb. And I was not deceived in either of them as the sequel will shew For my Occasions calling me about that time to London where as soon as I came meeting with that truly eminent and excellent Servant of the Lord Jesus Mr. Richard Robins he told me he had received a pressing Invitation to begin the Work of God in the new Erected Meeting-house at Chichester and was accordingly preparing for his Journey and earnestly importun'd me to supply his place in his absence I yielded on this Condition that he would go one Sabbath to Havant that so my own dear People might not be wholly destitute during my stay at London which I foresaw would be two or three Weeks to which he consenting on these terms we parted And after he had been one Lord's-day at Chichester he according to his Promise went the next to Havant and a blessed going it was for now no longer poor but rich Mrs. Mary Harrison For then by his Ministry through the Gracious Concurrence of the Spirit of God what was said of old to Israel was abundantly made good to her in full measure yea running over Ezek. 16.6 And when I passed by thee and saw thee polluted in thy own Blood I said unto thee when thou wast in thy Blood Live Yea I said unto thee when thou wast in thy Blood Live God now so saw her as to pitty her and so pittied her as to speak yea he spake loud and home by his Servant to her and by the Power of that Word not only sounding in her Ears but through the mighty Efficacy of it reaching her Heart and piercing into her very Soul he made her Live He at that time For the time to favour this Captive Daughter of Zion yea the set time was come breath'd into her that Life which in the Inchoation of it was Spiritual and in the Perfection of it is now Eternal So again v. 7. I have caused thee to multiply as the bud of the Field and thou hast increased and waxen great and thou art come to excellent Ornaments thy Breasts are fashioned and thy Hair is grown whereas thou wast naked and bare Oh! verily she that was as a dry Plant as a withered and dead Tree began now to bring forth Fruit as A Tree planted by the Rivers of Waters even the Tree that is full of Sap one of those Cedars of Lebanon which God hath planted She that was so little so nothing in her own Eyes received now thorough the Golden Pipes of Grace emptying themselves into her Soul some Life and Strength and began to increase in that Strength She that before could not in the least taste or savor any word that one and another of the Servants of the living God was continually speaking to her had now her Breasts fashioned to receive and let in the sincere Milk of the Word which now was precious to her and more esteemed by her than her necessary food She whose Thoughts before were desperate being of nothing but Destruction and Perdition and of being miserable for ever could now joyfully think of the Love of God in Christ and apply it to her self Thus through the infinite Riches of Free Grace to her her Hair began to grovv she vvho before savv and could see nothing else and therefore deeply bevvail'd her self as naked and bare novv began the Scales falling from her Eyes to apprehend the Righteousness of a Mediator and to have a comfortable Sense thereof as most excellent Ornaments for her reviving Soul And novv she savv and seeing believed that being Cloathed upon with that House which is from
Heaven she should not be found naked Yet again V. 8. Now when I passed by thee and looked upon thee Behold thy time was the time of Love and I spread my skirt over thee and covered thy nakedness Yea I sware unto thee and entred into a Covenant with thee saith the Lord God and thou becamest mine Oh! verily Novv vvas the time of Love as to her Soul Novv vvas the Holy Jesus coming tovvards her his Face shining vvith the resplendent Beauty of Gospel-Grace and Love saying to her I am thy Saviour and thou art in the number of my Redeemed ones I vvill cover thee vvith the Glorious Robe of my Everlasting Righteousness and thou shalt appear therein without Spot or Wrinkle before my Father and before the Holy Angels Therefore cease thy Grief dry up thy Tears For though thou hast lien among the Pots yet now thou shalt be as the Wings of a Dove covered with Silver and her Feathers with yellow Gold And novv thou shalt knovv that I have loved thee with an everlasting Love for with loving-kindness will I draw thee Mr. Robins as though he had been as I doubt not but he vvas specially directed from above preached that day from these vvords Luke 22.31 32. And the Lord said Simon Simon Behold Satan hath desired to have you that he may sift you as Wheat But I have prayed for thee that thy Faith fail not Which he so managed through the assistance of God's Spirit and brought so many Gospel-Cordials and Comforts from it as gave abundant satisfaction to this languishing Mourner insomuch that her Sorrovvs like the Waters of the Flood apparently vvere abated and her long Captivity seem'd to be turning about as the Rivers of the South She vvas so sensible that this Holy Man vvas a Messenger sent of God to her an Interpreter one among a thousand to shew unto her the Ransom God has found and accepted for poor Sinners and for her in particular and to declare the glad Tidings of Salvation to her Soul resulting from therein that she immediately repaired to Chichester and attended upon the Word dropping from Mr. Robins his Lips during his stay there Mr. Robins after a little time planted a Church there such an amazing Change was wrought on many by the mighty Power of God accompanying his Ministerial Labours and this Plant God has since abundantly water'd with the Dew of his Blessing so that 't is now as the Garden of God the pleasant Field which the Lord of Hosts delights to bless Mrs. Mary Harrison after frequent Conferences with Mr. Robins and being enlightned by him in the Mystery of Gospel-Grace and Love joyn'd her self with the Church and sate down at the Table with them at their first Solemnity of breaking Bread yet on this Condition to be redismiss'd to the Church at Havant when they were Organically compleated and so in a Capacity to do it But before this could be effected she was translated to a better Church than either even To the General Assembly and Church of the First-born which are in Possession of the Glorious Mansions of Heaven And to the Spirits of Just Men made Perfect among whom she is and ever will be with her God In whose presence there is fulness of Joy and at whose right-hand there are Pleasures for evermore Glad was I yea my very Soul rejoyced at my return from London to find such an amazing Change in her for now she could speak in the Language of Canaan now she could discourse in the Dialect of the new Jerusalem praising the Lord for his Redeeming Goodness Now she could tell her Lips being opened in a wonderful manner the delightful Stories of God's marvelous Dispensations towards her in a way of special Grace and Favour for now she saw in part and that part filled her with inexpressible Comfort The Good of God's Chosen Now in spite of all Satan's Suggestions and Hellish Machinations she could rejoyce in the Gladness of God's Nation And now notwithstanding the late Cloud that was upon her the late darkening Eclipse that quite overspread her she could Glory with God's Inheritance For now she heard the Voice of her Beloved speaking to her Cant. 2.10 11 12. Rise up my Love my fair one and come away For lo the Winter is past the Rain is over and gone The Flowers appear on the Earth the time of the singing of Birds is come and the voice of the Turtle is heard in our Land Oh! then Arise my Love my fair one and come away Again Verse 14. O my Dove that art in the Clefts of the Rock that is hid in the Eternal Electing Love of God in the secret places of the Stairs that is kept secretly from sinking though wofully tossed with the Waves and Billows of Temptation Let me see thy Countenance let me hear thy Voice for sweet is thy Voice and thy Countenance is comely And therefore Now we that were mournfully bemoaning of her rejoyced with her yea with loud Peals of Joy blessed and praised God for her Yet she had her Ebbings as well as Flowings and Fears as well as Comforts after this And her Discourses were very often mixed with Mistrustings and Doubtings of her self She had now and then the dark side as well as the bright side of the Cloud to shew that she was not yet beyond the reach of Satan's Snarlings though above the force of his rampant Power Hence to her dying hour she serv'd the Lord with Fear and rejoyced before him with Trembling She always had a Dread upon her Spirit of miscarrying under which I laboured what I could to support her A little after Mr. Robins left Chichester came down that Sweet and most Spiritual Preacher Mr. Hammond to the new Meeting-house at which juncture of time I was confined to my Bed by a severe Fit of Sickness which I and so did others thought had been unto Death But my Gracious God in whose Hands our times are order'd it otherwise Now by reason I was wholly uncapable of Preaching most of my People that had Horses went to Chichester to hear Mr. Hammond among whom precious Mrs. Mary Harrison was none of the backwardest But Oh! with what wonderful Refreshing and enlivening in her Inward Man did she return She presently come to my Bed-side and told me what a rich Cordial she had that day which was so Comforting so Ravishing to her she was even ready to break forth into the Virgin Mary's Extasie My Soul doth magnifie the Lord and my Spirit hath rejoyced in God my Saviour For verily Jehovah regarded the low Estate of this Hand-maiden and he that is mighty did great things to her that day in putting such a Word of Comfort and Support in the Mouth of his dear Servant for her Oh! Holy is his Name Mr. Hammond was upon that Text Jer. 31.3 The Lord hath appeared of old unto me saying yea I have loved thee with an Everlasting Love therefore with Loving-kindness have I drawn thee
to day Now was her Head anointed with the Oyl of Joy and Gladness above most of her Fellow-Saints in such a State Now she was made to lye down in green Pastures and led beside the still Waters And now Oh! now after so much Fearfulness and Trembling had come upon her after such great and dreadful Horror had so long overwhelmed her her Soul was fully and perfectly restored and she set at liberty and that not only from the Suggestions of Satan whereby she was plunged for a time into a Gulph of Misery but from all the Evils Perils and Dangers in the Regions of Mortality which she had been so long burthened and lamentably afflicted with For Now was given to her the Wings of a Dove wherewith in a wonderful Swiftness and Celerity she flew up into the Mansions of Everlasting Glory At night when the Room was clear'd her Relations departed leaving her to her Repose little thinking or imagining her end had been so near she said to a sober Maid that staid and watch'd with her in an Extasie of Joy though with a quivering Voice I see my Saviour I have him in my Arms I know that my Redeemer Lives With which words she sweetly closed her Life and so shall I the Account of it with this earnest and unfeigned Wish Sic mihi contingat vivere Sicque mori Lord lett me live in this Saints high degree And let my Death like hers Triumphant be I will now give you her Picture drawn according to my weak Ability with a Sacred regard to Truth as to every Feature in it and though Strangers may not I am sure all the Houshold of Faith hereabouts will believe me because they knew her and therefore know that every thing I say of her is really true First She was under a thorough and most effectual Conviction her Wound was not Skin-deep but reach'd and pierc'd her very Heart yea her whole Heart was deeply afflicted I have rational Grounds for my Confidence in a erting that the Gaoler when He called for a Light and sprang in and came trembling and fell down before Paul and Silas Acts 16.29 Nor Mary Magdalen when she lay prostrate at her Saviour's Feet bitterly Weeping and Lamenting her self in the woful Sense of her Sinful State Luke 7.37 No nor Manasseh when his proud Heart was broken and his Soul bowed down with Pain and Anguish so that He humbled himself greatly before the God of his Fathers 2 Chron. 33.12 Were either of them for surely they could not be more thoroughly more effectually struck than this young Maiden was I have been with many very many in my time under very sharp Convictions in dreadful Soul-pain and Anguish under the woful Apprehension of their Lost State But I must leave this Solemn Testimony upon Record I never saw the like of her before She was and that for many Months together in the same Passion of Sorrow as Peter was at his Master's looking upon him on the Cock's Crowing when he went out and wept bitterly Luke 22.62 That is Abundantly out of great Grief and Anguish of Spirit God's look like Lightning terrify'd as Thunder His Voice did roar and broke her Heart in sunder Temptations great a long time she lay under Till Grace that Conquest made which truly was a Wonder Secondly Her Conviction was Operative and very effective to the gracious end God design'd it She was in the Fire in the scorching flaming Fire but God for his Names-sake did defer his Anger yea for his Praise he did refrain for her that he might not cut her off but Behâ—ld he refined her but not with Silver he chose her in the Furnace of Affliction Isa 48.19 The heavy Rod upon her had a Voice laudable and intelligible to some round about her though not at present to her self And it spoke the Language we find V. 17. Thus saith the Lord thy Redeemer the holy one of Israel I am the Lord thy God which teacheth thee to profit which leadeth thee by the way that thou shouldest go Oh! this way of Temptation of Soul tribulation was the way the very way she must go God had so appointed and determined for her and he wonderfully made her to profit in and by this way 'T is true she too often and too much whilst she was in this way spake in the despairing Language of Cain My Punishment is greater than I can bear Gen. 4.13 And as Judas I have sinned Matt. 27.4 And lamentably roaring out with Francis Spira that she was a lost Creature and must perish for ever Yet God secretly upheld her and kept her from sinking to the bottom Though her Pangs and Pains were very violent even beyond what most ever knew yet they were kindly and in the Judgment of the Judicious helping forward the Birth which was last happily effected to the Praise of God her Comfort and the exceeding Joy of all that knew her Ah happy Damsel though thy Pains were great Angels were waiting to whipe off the Sweat Whilst that their Greatness did the Cure compleat Thy wounded Soul was healing in the burning Heat Thirdly Her Conviction was lasting and abiding there was no occasion as to her of that Complaint which God made of Ephraim and of Judah Hos 6.4 5. O Ephraim what shall I do unto thee O Judah what shall I do unto thee for your Goodness is as a morning Cloud and as the early dew it goeth away Therefore have I hewed them by the words of my mouth and thy Judgments are as the light that goeth forth After her first Throws came upon her they never left her till she had passed the New Birth and therefore there was no need of the Prophets hewing No we vvere forced to use and apply all the Comforts and Cordials vve could to support her under her continued and uninterrupted Agonies She never like Lot's Wife gave one look back after her alarming call to come out of the Streets of Sodom Above tvventy Months she remained day and night vvithout Intermission in a very disconsolate and mournful Condition yet in all this time she never went to the Assyrian or sent to King Jareb for help though she saw her Sickness and her Wound vvas very smarting she never sought Comfort by any indirect vvays according to the Inclination of the Flesh But did patiently though vvofully lamenting her self vvith a broken Heart and vvounded Soul abide at the Pool of Bethesda John 5.2 That is attended upon God's Word discourse vvith God's People vvholly sequestring her self from the World and all vain Company till the blessed Angel vvas sent to stir the Waters for her Poor Mourning Dove thy Grief did never cease From Sorrow's Bondage thou hadst no release Till Heaven was pleas'd to speak effectual Peace Oh! then and not before thy tortur'd Soul had ease Fourthly As she was a constant Mourner under Conviction so she was a secret Mourner always bemoaning her self by her self She would not Sit in any
To give him Satisfaction next time I preach'd on the Week-day several Members coming into my House after Sermon as also Mrs. Mary Harrison I then broke the business to them and desired them to give me their Thoughts upon it Every one spoke his Mind some were violent against it others more moderate on the foregoing Considerations but in short they went away without coming to any Result After they were gone precious Mrs. Mary I shall never forget it took me by the Hand and with Tears in her Eyes very earnestly spoke the following words Good Dear Sir beat off my Brother Betsworth from going to the Wedding and I will do what I can to make up his loss These were her very words but the manner of speaking them and the Agony of her Spirit in speaking them is above the power of a far better Pen than mine lively to set forth The other Story is In the days of her Vanity before God touch'd her Heart seeing the Key in her Father's Desk or Trunk she took thence some Money under twenty Shillings to buy her some fine things on which her Mind was wholly set with the greatest eagerness that could be But Oh! what an unspeakable Horror had she in her Conscience for this in the day of her Conviction she often complain'd or rather roar'd about it to me that she was a Thief and had stolen Money from her Father The Devil was not wanting to aggravate the matter for the farther perplexing her already too much disturbed Soul At last she told me she must tell her Father of it and ask him Forgiveness for it I confess I laboured to disswade her from it fearing he being her Father-in-Law it might be of bad Consequence Telling her that though it was very ill done yet being several Years since and she one of the Family I thought a thorough Sense of the Evil of it which 't was plain she had and seeking Pardon oâ— God in the Blood of Christ was sufficient for though Confession of Wrong done in other cases was necessary yet Prudence forbade it in this case under her Circumstances and the state of the Family Several knowing Christians to whom she communicated this Affair concur'd with my Judgment but this did not Satisfy her she still persisted in her Resolution of confessing it to her Father And one Night as I was with her late after Prayer being about to leave her she told me she would not nor could not keep this thing any longer from her Father's Knowledge she had such a Fire burning in her Conscience which was not to be quenched till she did it I reply'd If that was her absolute Determination I desir'd I might be by to back it not knowing how her Father might resent it To which she consenting we sent down for him but he was either Busie with Company or at Supper and I not being willing to stay longer it was defer'd till next day But after I was gone and the Family with her self also in Bed about Midnight so powerful and influential was her terrifying Conscience she rose up and as I think slipping on her Night-gown ran to her Father's Chamber and approaching his Bedside in a penitential heart-moving Tone confess'd her Guilt to him upon hearing of it He to his honour like a generous honest tender-hearted Man freely forgave her to her no small Comfort The next day after Dinner at the Hour appointed I went to her expecting the performance of what she had been so long harping upon but when she told me she had already done it and where and in what manner Oh! how was my Soul struck with Amazement I presently thought on Solomon's words Prov. 14.10 The heart knoweth his own Bitterness and a Stranger doth not intermeddle with his Joy O blessed God thought I how does this young Convert outstrip those of the highest Form in thy House I confess I had much higher thoughts of her and much lower thoughts of my self ever after that Day But stay I am call'd to Hearken and Oh! that you and all that read this Tract would Hearken with me to what John heard Rev. 14.17 And I heard a Voice from Heaven saying unto me Write Blessed are the Dead which dye in the Lord from henceforth yea saith the Spirit that they may rest from their Labours and their Works do follow them Ah! this holy Virgin is One of the blessed Dead that do rest from her Labours of Sorrow and Anguish for Sin and her Works of Faith Repentance and Love do follow her This heavenly Lamb when she escap'd the Gin That Satan laid and after was let in Jehovah's Courts Oh! how she dreaded Sin Its Fear did pierce her Soul and made her Body thin Seventhly As after Conviction she had a dread of Sin of any Sin so more especially of her own Sin of her former beloved Sin Pride Certainly never was any Creature below a Glorify'd State more Mortify'd to that particular Sin than she was Oh with what Loathing Abhorrence and Disdain would She speak of it David accounted it an undeceivable mark of Sincerity that he was got above his darling Lust Psalm 18.23 I was also upright before him and I kept my self from mine Iniquity What David's Iniquity was I may Guess but not Conclude but this I am sure Pride was hers And she through the mighty power of Grace kept her self from it It was her right Eye and she was enabled to pluck it out it was her right Hand and she had power from God to cut it off that she might be fit for the Kingdom of God Mat. 5.29 30. From the day of her Conviction when the terrors of the Almighty took hold of her off went her Top-Knots and all superfluous Finery and never put on more what was her Glory before was her Shame now Her adorning was no longer the outward adorning of plaiting the hair the wearing of Gold or putting on of Apparel but the hidden Man of the heart in that which is not Corruptible even the Ornament of a meek and quiet Spirit which is in the sight of God of great Price Oh that all the young Ladies and Gentlewomen in England had seen her ghastly Looks and heard how dolefully she bemoan'd her self for her horrid Pride which was once so Rampant in her It could not I think but be an effectual Antidote against their staying so long at the Glass and being so curiously exact in decking and adorning the outside of their decaying Bodies Oh! if they had beheld as I and many others did how dear and costly this Sin was to this young Damsel they would sure be more afraid of it She was weeping and Crying and continually Lamenting the pride of her vain heart But as it is said of the Church she had the Moon that is the World under her feet so this precious Saint had at last the Sin of Pride under her feet and Oh! how did she trample upon it how did she contemn and despise it In
musing on this matchless Saint I cry'd Thou being so wholly dreined from all Pride As one not fit here longer to abide Go to thy Bridegroom go thou true coelestial Bride Eighthly As after Conviction she was Mortify'd to all Pride so she did in a wonderful manner beyond any President I ever saw shine forth in the contrary Grace Humility She had learned of her Saviour to be meek and lowly in heart Mat. 11.29 And so excellent well she learned that none tabernacled in a Body of Flesh could have a more Debasing thought of Self than she had She sate with Job in the Ashes and with Hezekiah counted all her Prayers and the best of her Performances but as the chattering of a Crane or Swallow Isa 38.14 The Vilest of Creatures was her constant Motto That no body was Worse that every body was better than she was the undissembled Thought of her Heart When she was most Lovely in the Eyes of others she was even then most Mean in her own she could not bear to be in the least praised nor endure that any should speak well of her though she was enabled to Sing the Lord's Song on the Borders of Canaan after her return from a long Captivity Indeed in her languishing Condition she was made Humble by God's Providence but when she was Healed she was kept Humble by his blessed Spirit This Saint beholding great Jehovah's Face Her self as low as Hell she did debase Hence 't was she flourish'd so and grew apace She was the humble one replenish'd with all Grace Ninthly After Conviction she was in a Gospel Frame wholly moulded into the Spirit of the Gospel These Two eminent Servants of the Lord Jesus Mr. Robins and Mr. Hammond led her into the Paths of Gospel Light and Truth in which she was extreamly delighted so that the extolled and muâ—h magnified Mountain of Man's Righteousness and Legal Performances became 〈◊〉 a Plain and by their Ministry the Heâ—â—â—â—stone the Lord Jesus Christ was presented to her and she was inabled by the Spirit 's Breathing in her to cry out Grace Grace unto it Zech. 4.7 Hence though Interest and Relation with some other Obligations had intangled her with another sort of Men yet after her Acquaintance with those ' foresaid great Gospel Luminaries they were very little in her Eye for She was convinced not Doing but Believing was the way of the Gospel and that not by any Works of Righteousness she had done or could do but by the Free Grace of God in Christ she was made what she was And therefore the breathing of her Soul was to be found in him not having her own Righteousness which is of the Law but that which is through the Faith of Christ the Righteousness which is of God by Faith That thereby she might know Christ and the Power of his Resurrection and the Fellowship of his Sufferings being made conformable to his death Phil. 3.9.10 Oh! how her very Soul rejoyced in the glad Tidings of the Gospel This glorious Saint admiring Gospel Light Whose most corruscant Beams did shine so Bright Whereby her Darkness was expelled quite The Gospel brought a Day a Day that had no Night Tenthly After Conviction she was inflamed with Love to her dearest Jesus yea with the Spouse she was Sick of Love Cant. 5.8 As she had a Sense of the Forgiveness of Sins as Mary had she verily Loved much as Mary did Luke 7.47 She had a large Share of Gospel Grace as the choice Blessing of Heaven for she loved the Lord Jesus Christ in Sincerity Ephes 6.24 Tho she saw not Jesus with her Bodily Eyes yet she dearly Loved him and that Love has brought her to him so that now She sees Him and is Glorifyed with him Rejoycing with Joy unspeakable and full of Glory for she has now received the end of her Faith even the Salvation of her Soul 1 Pet. 1.8 9. What things were formerly her Gain those she counted Loss for Christ yea doubtless she counted all things but Loss for the excellency of the Knowledge of Christ Jesus her Lord for whom she suffered the Loss of all things and did count them but Dung or Dog's-meat that she might win Christ. 3 Phil. 7.8 Oh Love was the ruling Star in the Firmament of her Soul Though Satan for a while did cast a Mist Over this Saint at length she saw the Christ And seeing lov'd him as her precious Priest Now with his glorious Mouth her precious Soul is Kist. Eleventhly As after Conviction she Loved Christ so she lov'd the Ways of Christ the Ordinances of Christ the Members of Christ the Ministers of Christ and that with a pure Heart fervently If our Saviour's Character of a true Disciple holds good John 13.35 By this shall all men know that ye are my Disciples if ye have Love one to another And if John's Evidence of the new Birth be any thing valid 1 Epist 3.14 We know that we are passed from Death unto Life because we love the Brethren She was as visible a Disciple as real a Regenerate Person and that to the apparent view of all as 't was possible for any Creature to be For I sincerely think never any especially in these last days possest more of the Grace of Love than she did Her very Soul was wrapt up in the Saints Society with them was her greatest yea her only Delight She had David's Spirit and therefore could say with him Psalm 26.8 Lord I have loved the habitation of thy house and the place where thine honour dwelleth I the least and most unworthy of Saints may say of her as David did of Jonathan Her love to me was wonderful passing the love of Women This Saint who Heaven ward so fast did move That She a Saint in every thing might prove As actuated from a Spirit above Most gloriously did shine within the Sphere of Love Twelfthly After her Conviction that she had tasted of the Love of Christ she was extraordinarily Solicitous even with a burning Zeal for the Conversion of Sinners especially of her own carnal Relations Her warm Discourses on this Subject put me in mind of our Lord's Charge to Peter Luke 22.32 When thou art converted strengthen thy Brethren She was wholly of Paul's Spirit when he spoke so affectionately of the Jews Rom. 10.1 Brethren my Hearts desire and prayer to God for Israel is that they might be Saved Her Soul pittied such as were running head-long to Hell her Bowels yearned towards those that had no Sense of their own Condition She could not speak of any of her near Acquaintance in an Unconverted State without Weeping for them as our Saviour did for Jerusalem and with the same Pathetical Wish Oh! that they did truly know in this their day the things that belong unto their peace The Night before She Dyed or rather Translated she express'd her self to a Godly Woman passionately Concern'd for the Soul of her only Surviving Sister with these and more
to you that are now Mourning To you that are now Weeping To you that are now so full of Sadness for this great and irreparable loss and that in the words of the same Apostle in the same Chapter verse 18. Wherefore comfort one another with these words 3dly To you also of this Society my Brethren and Sisters of this Church I would next address my self on this awful Occasion And it is to beg you to have a deep sense of the Lords hand upon us in diminishing our number in Housing our little Flock apace But the last night we were in this place Solemnizing the Funeral of a precious and beloved Sister and now we are here at the Funeral of this triumphant Damsel 'T is true she was not actually a Member of ours but virtually and intentionally she was she walk'd with us sate down vvith us and really design'd if the Lord had spared her life to be dismiss'd to us and so to be wholly ours She extreamly delighted in this Society and dearly loved every one of you But we have now left her with several others of emminent use and worth which calls for no small Lamentation and therefore I may here justly make use of the Prophets words by way of Exhortation to you Jerem. 9. v. 17 18. Thus saith the Lord of Hosts Consider ye and call for the Mourning-women that they may come and send for Cunning Women that they may come And let them make haste and take up a wailing for us that our Eyes may run down with Tears and our Eye-lids gush out with Waters Why what 's the matter What is it that calls for so much Mourning verse 21. For death is come up into our Windows and is entred into our palaces to cut off the Children from without and the young Men in the Streets Oh! How many lovely Children of God have of late been cut off in this place and now this young Flourishing Branch is so suddenly and so unexpectedly cut down from amongst us and we shall never see her more Oh How then for this sad and irreparable loss should we lament with Tears how should our Eyes be gushing out with Water for the Immature fading of so sweet a Flower Oh! Therefore from the sense of Gods displeasure in taking such Unvaluable Jewels from us Be afflicted mourn and Weep let your Laughter be turned into Mourning and your Joy into heaviness Though as to this Saint her self there is no need of it death is to her an unspeakable Gain And therefore Christs words to the Bewailing Women are applicable unto you Ye daughters of Jerusalem Weep not for me but for your selves and the Miseries that are coming upon You. Oh Methinks I hear her speaking aloud to all and every one of us in Davids Language Psal 34. v. 2.3.4 My Soul shall make her Boast in the Lord The humble shall hear thereof and be glad O Magnifie the Lord with me and let us exalt his name together I sought the Lord and he heard me and delivered me from all my Fears But for our own sakes there 's cause enough of Mourning especially from this awful consideration Accession to us does not answer the decession from us 4thly and lastly A word to all of you in this Congregation the Inhabitants of this Town and the parts adjacent And I will Preface what I have to say to you in the Words of Jotham to the Men of Shechem Judg. 9.7 Hearken I beseech you unto me that God may hearken unto you Some of you have seen all of you have heard what this deceased young Gentlewoman underwent for Heaven What Oceans of Troubles she vvas plunged in and what Fires of Soul-tribulations she was a long time burning in Now as Christ said to his Disciples Math. 18.2.3 And Jesus called a little Child unto him and set him in the midst of them And said verily I say unto you except ye be Converted and become as little Children ye shall not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven So say I to all and every one here Old and Young Rich and Poor High and Low except ye go thorough the Pangs of the New-birth as this young Damsel did I do not say in that same degree of Horror and Agony for that few do but except you be as really Converted Changed Renewed and Born again as she was you will not nay you cannot enter into the Joys of Heaven when you Die for they are our Lord 's own Words and spoke as plain as plain can be Joh. 3.3 Except a Man any Man every Man be Born again he cannot see the Kingdom of God Now this deserves your most deep and serious Consideration for there is a Kingdom of God to be enjoyed and a kingdom of darkness to be avoided And believe it Sirs Heaven is no Feigned Elizium Hell and Eternty is no dream the worm that never dies is no fond Conceit And you will shortly know what the one or the other means You will er'e long be summon'd to spend the Ages of Eternity amongst the blessed or damned and that in a very little time And so I shall close the whole alluding to the words of my Lord and Master with an earnest Exhortation to and fervent Supplication for each and every Soul of you here present Oh! That you would therefore know even you in this your day the things that belong to your everlasting peace before even before they be hid from your eyes And that for ever Two Hymns composed for her Funeral the former of which was publickly sung at the close of her Funeral I Sought the Lord and him I found He did regard my Tears When I lay prostrate on the Ground He freed me from my fears I wept with Sorrow Grief and Woe 'T is God that Mercy gives God made me cry out Oh! I know That my Redeemer Lives And lives to comfort my poor Heart Who did my State condole As finding such an horrid smart Within my wounded Soul But now I 'm eas'd I feel no pain Oh! then rejoyce with me That have found Death so sweet a Gain My Saviour now I see When I through Weakness pin'd away And fetch'd my latest Groan Christ sent his Angels to convey My Soul unto his Throne Oh! Halelujah Lord I am Ravish'd with Joy and Love In Bosome of blest Abraham With all the Saints above The other A Person young late dwelt among Vs Militants below Oppress'd with Fears immerg'd in Tears Which from her Eyes did flow Her Spirit sad with Sable clad To think upon her Soul The Storm was great the Billows beat And Deeps did on her roul So fierce the Stroke her Heart was broke Her inward Man deprest Both Night and Day she pin'd away And had not any Rest. Till God did please t' afford her ease 'T is he that Comfort gives Then in her Woe she cry'd I know My dear Redeemer Lives With this sweet Breath in view of Death She did her Life resign Now wrapt in Love with those above She gloriously does shine Rest holy Saint where no complaint Shall vex thee any more Possess that Peace which ne'er will cease On Canaan's blessed shore Oh! Halelu-Jah he is true At length he 'll surely come He 'll come away without delay And take his Mourners home FINIS