need also of such considerations as these And there are times when Almightie God will try them nay it will seem as if this Diuine Maiestie would forsake them For as I haue sayd already and I would faine not haue it be forgotten the Soule in this life which we liue encreases not as the Bodie doth though yet we say it doe and really it doth encrease but yet a Child after he is growne and become tall and proues to be already a man returnes not to decrease againe and to haue a little bodie Yet now in the point of a Soule our Lord will haue it be otherwise by what I haue seen of my self for I know it not in respect of others and it ought to humble vs for our owne greater good and to the end also that we may not be negligent as long as we shall be in this bannishment since he who is highest in vertue shall doe well to feare himself most and to trust himself least The times perhaps may come when euen they who haue their Will so conforme to the Holie Will of Almightie God that they would rather be tormented and endure a thousand deaths then swarue from it shall doe well to be in doubt that euen they may grow to fall into some great offence of his Diuine Maiestie And so there are certaine times when they shall see themselues so assaulted by temptations and persecutions that to the end they may not commit grosse sinnes they will haue need to serue themselues of the First Defensiue weapons of Prayer and returne to remember and consider that all the world is finally to end and that there is a Heauen and a Hell and to vse such considerations as these But now returning to what I was saying a great foundation it is for being freed from the subtle enterprises and gusts which the Diuel is wont to giue to beginne with a firme purpose at the verie first to walke in the way of the Crosse and to desire no such thing as gusts since our Lord himself shewed this way of perfection by saying Take thou vp thy Crosse and follovv me For he is to be our Patterne and whosoeuer shall follow his counsels and that for no other reason then to content him may be sure that he shall haue nothing to feare And by the spirituall profit which they shall finde in themselues they will easily come to know that the Diuel had no hand therein and though they should euen returne to fall againe there will yet remaine one signe that our Lord had been there which is That they will quickly rise againe besides these others which I shall now declare When it is the Spirit of Almightie God there will be no need at all to goe in Quest and Sent after certaine reasons to draw humilitie and confusion from thence For our Blessed Lord himself is wont to impart it in those cases after a very different manner from that which our selues can procure by anie prettie little considerations of our owne all which are nothing in comparison of a certaine true Humilitie that comes along with a light which our Lord instructs vs in heer and which breeds such a reall confusion in vs as euen doth ētirely defeat vs. And the knowledge which Almightie God is wont to giue vs to the end that we may perfectly vnderstand that we haue no good at all of our selues is a thing very sufficiently perceaued and still so much the more as we receaue the higher Fauours from his hands It also imparts to a man a very great desire to proceed in Prayer and he will not giue it ouer for anie trouble which may possibly succeed to him He offers himself and is readie to endure all things He hath also a kind of assured hope that he shall be saued though yet still not without humilitie and feare By this time he also instantly forsakes all kind of seruile feare of his Soule and it giues a great deale of growth to a Filiall feare in stead thereof He sees that now he beginns to beare a certaine loue towards Almightie God which is farre from anie interest of his owne he couets to get times for Solitude that so he may haue the better oportunitie to enioy that good In fine that I may not wearie my self too much this is a direct beginning of all good things a State wherein the Flowers are now vpon the verie point to blossome And all this the Soule sees very clearly and can by no meanes at that time conceaue but that God was and will be with her till such time as she shall returne to find her self guiltie of faylings and imperfections towards him for in that case she feares all things and it is fitt that she doe so Though yet there are Soules in the world to which it proues more vsefull to beleiue for a most certaine truth that they are well with Almightie God then all the feares of the world are able to giue them For if the Soule in her self be apt to be enamoured and gratefull the memorie of that great Fauour which God did her will be of more power to make her returne to his Diuine Maiestie then all the torments of Hell which they can possibly be euer able to represent At least as wicked as I am it hapned after this manner to me Now as for the signes of a good Spirit I will speake of them heerafter more at large for now I cannot doe it since it costs me so much trouble of manie kindes to get them written our faire and I belieue that with the fauour of our Lord I may be able to hitt right in this kinde for besides the experience which I haue whereby I came to vnderstand manie things I know somewhat by meanes of some learned men who indeed are very learned and of some person 's also who are very holie to whome it is great reason to giue beleif And therefore let not other Soules be so very much afflicted and vexed as I haue been when once through the goodnes of Almightie God they shall be come on so farre as to find themselues in this State THE SIXTEENTH CHAPTER She treats of the Third Degree of Prayer and goes declaring some very high points and vvhat a Soule vvhich ariues thus farre may be able to doe and vvhat effects these so great Fauours of our Lord are accustomed to vvorke The sense heerof is very fitt to raise the Spirit high in the praises of Almightie God and it is also of great consolation for the Soule vvhich ariues to this State LEt vs now come to speake of the Third Water wherewith this Garden is watered for this is a running Water of a Riuer or Spring and it waters it with much lesse labour though yet the distribution thereof causes some Our Lord will heer so help the Gardner that in some sort he will be as it were the Gardner himself and in effect the Doer of all This is
haue already shewed that there is then no power at all to doe anie thing that I expresse my self to his Diuine Maiestie much after this manner O Lord consider well what thou dost forget not my so very greiuous Sinnes so very soone and though thou haue forgotten them so farre as to vouchsafe to forgiue them yet remember them also I humbly beseech thee so farre as to make thee put some limits vpon those Fauours which thou art pleased to bestow vpon me Powre not O my Creatour so pretious a liquour as that into so broken a vessell as this since already thou hast seen how often I haue scattered and spilt it O lodge not and trust not such a treasure as this where the appetite and affection to all the consolations of this life is not yet so totally lost and spent as it ought to be for if thou doe it will be vtterly wasted How canst thou find in thy hart to deliuer the strength of this Cittie and euen the verie keyes of the Fort into the hands of such a cowardlie Commander who is likelie not to faile to giue the Enemie entrance vpon the first Assault which he shall make Let not O my Eternal King thy loue to me be so great as that it should make thee put such pretious Iewels as these into hazard And to me it seemes O my Lord that thou mayst giue the world occasion heerby to vndervalue these great Fauours of thine since thou puttest them into the custodie and power of a Creature who is so wicked so base so weake so miserable and of so little worth in anie kinde Who though I now beginne to labour that I may not vtterly loose them through thy fauour which also hath no need to be little considering what kind of thing I am shall yet be neuer able to gaine anie other Creature to thee by meanes thereof In fine I am a woeman and no good woeman but a very wicked one and it seemes that these Talents of thine are thus not only to be hidden by this meanes but euen to be quite buried vp since thou puttest them into so vngratious and vnluckie a Soyle Thou art not wont O Lord to impart such Fauours and Greatnesses as these to anie Soule but when there may be hope that she will be able to gaine manie others to thy Seruice And thou knowest O my God already that I haue sometimes begged this Fauour and still I begg it of thee with my whole hart and with the entire affection thereof and I am resolued to thinke it fitt to be content to loose the highest blessing which can possibly be enioyed vpon earth to the end that thou maist vouchsafe it to some other who will profit more by it that so thine owne glorie may be encreased Both these and such other things as these hath it occurred to me to vtter manie times but yet afterward I perceaued mine owne great follie heerin togeather with my little humilitie for our Lord knowes very well what is fittest for euerie Creature and that there was not to be strength enough in my Soule whereby she might euer grow to be saued if his Diuine Maiestie had not enriched her with so great Fauours But I also now pretend to declare the graces and effects which remaine by this Prayer in the Soule and what that is which she may be able to doe of her self and if she may anie way conduce towards the bringing her self to this high State It happens that this Eleuation of the Spirit or Vnion come both of them with a Celestiall kind of Loue. For according to my way of vnderstanding this Vnion is a different things from Eleuation though yet the Soule be eleuated in this verie Vnion Whosoeuer hath not tried and felt this last will be of a different conceipt but yet in my opinion though euen it should be all one yet our Lord workes therin after a different manner And by the encrease which the Soule hath of being able to vntye her self from the loue of all Creatures she seemes to be very much greater in that Flight and Eleuation of the Spirit And I haue clearly seen that this is a distinct and particular Fauour although the things themselues may be all one as I say or at least may seem so But a small fire is as truly and really Fire as a great one and yet still we see difference enough between the one and the other for before a little iron can be able to be made red hot in a small fire a good space of time will be spent but now if the fire be great the iron though it be also great will loose the apparance of iron very quickly Iust so doth it seem to me to happen in these two sorts of Fauours from our Blessed Lord and I know that whosoeuer may euer haue ariued to be in Rapt will vnderstand me well but such as haue had no experience therin will hold all that to be impertinent which I haue sayd Perhaps also it is so indeed and so as he will haue had reason who beleiues it For how shall such a thing as I presume to speake of such a thing as this and to giue some part of that to be vnderstood which it seemes impossible euen to beginne to declare with anie words So that it is not strange a whitt if I talke idly But yet I beleiue this of our Blessed Lord because his Diuine Maiestie knowes that next to this act of Obedience my intention is no other then to make Soules euen as it were gluttonous after the obtaining of so high a good that he will be pleased to assist me heerin and I am sure I will say nothing whereof I haue not had much experience And it is a reall truth that when I beganne to write of this Water I conceaued it to be a more impossible thing for me to treat of it then to speake Greeke so very hard did I finde it Vpon this I gaue it ouer and went to receaue the Blessed Sacrament But our Lord be euer praised who doth so great Fauours to ignorant persons O vertue of Obedience which art able to doe all things For Almightie God did illuminate my vnderstanding sometimes by helping me to the verie expresse words which I was to vse and at other times by representing the manner to me how I should declare the thing So that as his Diuine Maiestie was pleased to doe in the former Degree of Prayer it seemes that he will also heer declare what I neither can nor know how to expresse But that which now I say is a most literall truth and so that which shall be good is his instruction and doctrine and whatsoeuer falls-out to be ill it is cleare that it proceeds and flowes from this deep Sea of mischeif and Sinne which is my self And therefore I heer affirme that if anie haue ariued to these points and particulars of Prayer wherein our Lord hath done so great Fauour
our Lord seemes to haue forwarded much in the way of Spirit for he makes them runne-on apace and not goe foot by foot And his manner is to vntye them soundly and totally from all Creatures and to put them to the exercise and practise of Mortification for in this our Blessed Lord hath imparted a most particular talent to him as he hath also done in manie other things Now as soone as I beganne to communicate my affaires with him I instantly vnderstood his stile and way of proceeding and I found that he had a holie and pure Soule and that our Lord had giuen him a particular tallent in the trying and knowing of Spirits So that I was comforted both much and very soone after I had once communicated with him and our Blessed Lord beganne againe to presse me towards a treating of the Busines of the Monasterie and that I should declare both to my Ghostlie Father and to this Rectour the manie grounds and reasons why they were not to disswade and diuert me from it and some of them made them hartily afrayd to doe it For this Father Rectour neuer did so much as doubt but that it was the Spirit of Almightie God because he had beheld and considered the effects with very great studie and care In fine after the consideration of manie things they durst not presume to diuert me and my Ghostlie Father did againe giue me leaue to vse all the endeauour I could and yet I was able to see very well what a great deale of trouble it would giue me in regard I was so vtterly alone and had very little power to effect anie thing But we agreed that it should be carried with great priuacy and therefore I procured that a certaine Sister of mine who liued els-where should buy and build the House as if it were for her self and that it should be done with monie which our Lord found meanes by certaine wayes wherewith to pay for it But it would be a long busines to tell you how his Diuine Maiestie went prouiding it for as for me I desired to be very sure to doe nothing which might be against Obedience But I was not then to learne that if I told anie thing to the Superiours of my Order the whole Busines would be lost as it was before yea and that if I did so now it would fall-out to be worse In the point of getting monie for making the bargaine for a Seate and for building also the House I endured manie troubles and some of them all alone though yet my Companion and freind did also the best she could But in fine she could doe little and indeed so very little that vpon the matter it was a kind of nothing but only to take vpon her the name and to lend it her countenance for all the rest of the trouble I was mine and it came vpon me so very manie wayes that I doe euen wonder now how I was able to endure it then Sometimes when I was full of affliction I would be vttering my self to Almightie God after this manner O my deare Lord how comest thou to command me things which seem impossible For though I be a woeman yet if I had libertie perhaps something might be done but being tyed vp in all respects without monie and without knowing where to get anie whereby either the Breue or anie thing els may be had what can I doe O Lord But being once in a certaine necessitie and not knowing which way to turne my self and not being able to pay the workmen S. Ioseph my true Father and Patron appeared to me and told me that monie would not be wanting to me and therefore that I should make the agreement and so I did euen when I had no monie at all and afterward our Blessed Lord prouided it by so strange wayes that they who heard of it were amazed But now me thought the House shewed to be very little and indeed it was so and in that extremitie that it seemed not capable of being euer able to be a Monasterie and I had a good minde to buy another House but neither had I wherewithall to doe it nor otherwise anie meanes to procure it though there were yet a very little one ioyning to it whereof a Church might be made But after I had Communicated one day our Lord sayd thus to me I haue already vvilled thee to beginne as thou mayest And then after the manner of exclamation he sayd thus also to me O the touetousues of the race of mankinde vvhich thinkes that it shall vvant euen earth vpon vvhich to tread Hovv often haue I slept in the open ayre as not knovving vvhere to lay my head Vpon this I was amazed and found that he had reason and so I went to that little House and ordered it And though it were very little yet it was iust fitt to make such a kind of Monasterie and I made it no more my busines to compasse a larger Seate but procured to build vpon that in such sort as it might be fitt to be inhabited all course and rude and without anie other misterye but only that it might not be hurtfull in point of health and so it shall euer remaine Vpon the day of S. Clare I going to receaue the B. Sacrament she appeared to me in very great beautie and bad me be of a good courage and goe on in the worke which I had begunne and that she would assist me And this hath proued so true that a Monasterie of Religious woemen of her Order which is neer this doth help to sustaine and feed vs and which yet is more she hath by little and little brought this desire of mine to such perfection that the self-same pouertie which that Blessed Saint established in her House is exercised also in this and we liue of Almes which point hath cost me no small trouble in getting it confirmed by His Holines and to be further also established in such sort as that no innouation may be made not the House be euer capable of Rent And now doth our Blessed Lord euen more then this and perhaps the same may grow by the intercession of this Blessed Saint for his Diuine Maiestie prouides vs with all things necessarie in most compleat manner without our euer asking anie thing of anie Creature Let him be Blessed for all things Amen But I being about that time vpon the Day of the Assumption of our B. Ladie in a certaine Monasterie of the Glorious S. Dominick's Order I was considering the manie Sinnes of my former time which I had Confessed in that House and the accidents of my wicked life and suddainly there came so great a Rapt vpon me that it tooke me in effect wholy out of my self I then sat downe and yet it seemed to me that I was not able either to heare Masse or so much as to see the Eleuation for which I remained afterward with some scruple Now it seemed to me that
considering whether they were not those of the Euangelists But yet I neither saw how the Throne was seated nor who was sitting in it but only a great multitude of Angells about it which seemed to me of much more beautie beyond comparison then those others which I had seen in Heauen before And I haue been thinking whether they might not haue been Seraphins or Cherubins for they are very different in point of glorie and they seemed to be mightily inflamed And as for the glorie which then I felt in my self it can neither be written nor spoken nor is anie one able euen to thinke it but such as had been made partakers of it by seeing it But I vnderstood that absolutly all that which possibly can be desired was there and that all togeather I there saw nothing at all distinctly but they told me yet I know not euen who they were that the thing which I might there be able to doe was to vnderstand that I could vnderstand nothing but that I might see from thence the direct Nothingnes of all things in comparison of that And really it is very true that my Soule from that time forward hath found it self as if it were extreamly affronted and confounded to obserue that it was able to pause at all vpon anie thing created and how much more then to be affected either by it or to it For all things seem to me euer since to be neither better nor more then the verie nest of an Ant. But I Communicated and was at Masse though yet I knew not how I could be so I conceiued that the time had been very short and wondered when the Clock struck and so found that it was two howers wherein I had remained in Rapt and glorie I was amazed after this to know how by approaching so neer to this Fire which seemed to come from aboue out of the true loue of Almightie God it was yet in no power of mine at all to get the least sparke thereof but only when his Diuine Maiestie was pleased to impart it For how much soeuer I desire it and how earnestly soeuer I procure it and would defeate and euen destroy my self for it there is yet no meanes at all to obtaine it But now this Rapt of mine seemes euen to haue consumed the faults and lukewarmnesse and miseries of the old man as the Phenix is sayd to doe her self out of whose ashes when she is burnt springs another Phenix For iust so doth a Soule become absolutly an other kind of thing with desires wholy different and with a courage so encreased that now she seemes not to be what she was before but now beginnes to walke with a new kind of puritie in the way of our Lord. And I iust then beseeching his Diuine Maiestie that it might proue to be so in my case and that I might now at least beginne as vpon a new account to doe him seruice he spake these words to me Thou hast made a good Comparison and see that thou forget it not that so thou maist euer procure to improue thy self And being once in the self-same doubt whereof I spake euen now whether these Visions were of God or no our Lord appeared and spake these words to me with some rigour Hovv long O yee Sonnes of men vvill yee continue to be hard of hart And he also willed me then to examine my self well vpon this one Interrogatorie VVhether I vvere entirely giuen to him for his or no and that if I vvere giuen so and vvas so I should beleiue that he vvould not suffer me to be lost And whereas I afflicted my self much vpon his vttering that exclamation aforesayd he returned with great tendernes and Regalo and told me that he would not haue me afflict my self and that he knew already that I for my part would not faile to apply my self wholy to that which might be for his Seruice and that so he would also doe all that which I desired of him against Illusions and so he was pleased to doe that thing in particular which then I humbly begged at his hands For he willed me to looke in vpon the Loue which went encreasing daily in me for thereby I might best vnderstand that the Diuel had no part in it and that I must not thinke Almightie God would consent that the Diuel should haue so much power ouer the Soules of his Seruants as to be able to giue me such a claritie of vnderstanding togeather with such a depth of repose of minde as I possessed And he gaue me also further to vnderstand that such and so manie men hauing told me that these Visitations were of Almightie God I should doe ill if I did not beleiue them Being also another time in Prayer vpon S. Athanasius's Creed of Quicumque vult c I was giuen to vnderstand the manner how there was one onlie God and three Persons and this in so perspicuous and cleare a kind that I was no lesse comforted by it then amazed at it This also did me very much good towards the giuing me encrease of knowledge concerning the greatnes of Almightie God and of his wonders and for all such occasions also as wherein I thinke of the Blessed Trinitie or heare speech thereof And now me thinkes I conceaue how all that Mysterie stands very well and it contents me much One day vpon the Assumption of our B. Ladie the Queen of the Angells our Lord was pleased to doe me the Fauour in a certaine Rapt that her rising vp into Heauen was represented to me togeather with the solemnitie and ioy of that Celestiall Court wherewith she was receiued as also the place which she held To tell what kind of thing this was I am no way able The glorie which euen my Spirit had to see that hers is so great was euen extreame and I remained with great effects and improuements by it towards a wish of vndergoing yet greater afflictions for the loue of our Lord. And so it also gaue me encrease of desires to serue our B. Ladie since both her dignitie and merit was so great And being one day in a Colledge of the Societie of IESVS and the Brothers of that House being then in act of receauing the B. Sacrament I saw a very rich Canopie ouer their heads and this at two seuerall times but yet when others Communicated there I saw it not THE FOVRTIETH CHAPTER She proceeds in the same Discourse by relating the great Fauours vvhich our Lord shevved her vvhereby good instruction is to be gotten And vvith the end of this Chapter she ends also the Discourse of her Life BEing once in Prayer the delight and gust which I felt within my self was so great and I found my self so vnworthie of so high a Fauour that I beganne vpon that occasion to consider how much better I had deserued to possesse that place in Hell which was prepared for me for I could neuer forget in what manner I had seen my self
imports to conuerse in Childhood vvith vertuous persons 3. CHAP. She treats hovv her falling into vertuous company vvas the occasion of her returning to avvake good desires in her selfe And hovv our Lord began to giue her some light of the errour vvherein she had formerly been 4. CHAP. She relates hovv our Lord assisted her to force her selfe to take the Habit of Religion and of the many infirmityes vvhich our Lord began to bring vpon her 5. CHAP. She prosecutes the relation of the great infirmityes vvhich she had and of the patience vvhich our Lord gaue her in them and hovv benefits are dravvne out of mischeifes as vvill be seen by a certaine particular vvhich happened to her in the place vvhither she vvent to be cured 6. CHAP. She treates of hovv much she ovved our Lord for his giueing her conformity to his holy vvill in so great afflictions And hovv she tooke the Glorious Saint Ioseph for her Intercessour and hovv aduantagious that Deuotion proued to be 7. CHAP. She shevves by vvhat degrees and meanes she vvent looseing the Fauour vvhich our Lord had done her and hovv ill she began to liue And she also declares the harme there is in not maintaining Clausure in the Monasteryes of Religious vvoemen 8. CHAP. She treates of the great good it did her tovvards the not looseing her Soule not to haue vvholy giuen ouer her Prayer As also vvhat an excellent remedy that is tovvards the gaining of vvhatsoeuer good thing vvhich is lost She persvvades all Creatures to vse it and declares the great benefit thereof and although vvee should aftervvard leaue it yet still it vvould proue a great good to haue vsed so great a helpe for some time 9. CHAP. She declares by vvhat meanes our Lord began to avvake her Soule and giue her light in so great darknes and to strengthen also her vertues that so she might offend him no more 10. CHAP. She beginnes to declare the Fauours vvhich our Lord did her in Prayer and speakes of that vvherein vvee may be able to helpe our selues And hovv much it also imports vs to vnderstand the said Fauours vvhich our Lord is pleased to doe vs. She humbly desires of him to vvhome she sends this account of her selfe that vvhatsoeuer she shall declare from hence forvvard may remaine in secret vvith him since he had commanded her to set dovvne in so particular a manner the Fauours vvhich our Lord vvas pleased to doe her CHAP. 11. She declares in vvhat the fault consists of not obtaining to loue God vvith perfection in short time She beginns to deliuer it by a Comparison vvhich containes Fovvre Degrees of Prayer And she treats heer of the first vvhich is very profitable for beginners for those also vvho haue no sensible delight or gust in Prayer 12. CHAP. She prosecutes her Discourse of the first State or Degree of Prayer and declares hovv farre vvee may ariue of our Selues by the Fauour of our Lord And of the hurt it brings to desire that our Spirit may rise to Supernaturall and Extraordinary things till our Lord himselfe be pleased to ordaine it 13. CHAP. She proceeds in this First Degree and State of Prayer and giues aduise against some temptations vvhich the Deuill is sometimes vvont to bring This Discourse is very profitable 14. CHAP. She beginns to declare the Second Degree of Prayer vvherein our Lord is already pleased to giue the Soule more particular gusts vvhich she declares to the end that she may make them be vnderstood to be Supernaturall This Discourse is very much to be noted 15. CHAP. She prosecutes her Discourse of the same matter and giues some aduise hovv persons are to carry themselues in this kind of Quiet Prayer She treates hovv many Soules come to ariue to this Degree of Prayer and that fevv passe beyond it The particulars vvhich are touched beer are not only very profitable but very necessary 16. CHAP. She treates of the Third Degree of Prayer and goes declareing some very high points and vvhat a Soule vvhich ariues thus farre may be able to doe and vvhat effects these so great Fauours of our Lord are accustomed to vvorke The sense heerof is very fitt to raise the Spirit high in the praises of Almighty God and it is also of great consolation for the Soule vvhich ariues to this State 17. CHAP. She prosecutes the same Argument about this Third Degree of Prayer and finishes the declaration of the Effects vvhich vvorkes and declares also the disaduantage vvhich the Memory and Imagination are vvont to bring in this case 18. CHAP. She treates of the Fourth Degree of Prayer She beginnes heer to declare in excellent manner the great dignity to vvhich our Lord aduances that Soule vvhich is exalted to this State It serues to animate men much to endeauour that they may ariue to so high a condition since it may be obtained in this vvorld through the goodnes of our Lord though it cannot be deserued Let this be read vvith consideration and care 19. CHAP. She prosecutes the same Discourse and beginns to declare the effects vvhich this degree of Prayer vvorkes in the Soule She persvvades men earnestly not to turne back nor to giue-ouer their Prayer though they should happen to fall euen after they had receiued these Fauours She speakes of the great harme vvhich vvill ariue to them if they doe othervvise This Discourse is much to be noted and it is of great consolation for vveake persons and Sinners 20. CHAP. She treates of the difference betvveen Vnion and Rapt and declares vvhat kind of thing a Rapt is She speakes also of the blessing vvhich that Soule hath vvhich our Lord through his goodnes brings thither and of the effects vvhich Rapts vse to produce This Discourse is of much admiration 21. CHAP. She prosecutes and finishes this last Degree of Prayer She declares vvhat the Soule findes therein vvhen she returnes to liue againe in the vvorld and the light also vvhich our Lord giues concerning the deceipts and errours of the same vvorld This Chapter deliuers excellent Doctrine 22. CHAP. She treats of hovv secure a vvay it is for persons vvho giue themselues to Contemplation not to raise-vp their Spirit to high things vnlesse our Lord raise them vp and that the Humanity of Christ our Lord is indeed to be the meanes tovvards the highest Contemplation of all others She speakes also of an errour vvherein once she vvas This Chapter containes matter of much profit 23. CHAP. She returnes to declare the course of her Life and hovv she first beganne to thinke of grovving to greater perfection and by vvhat meanes she did it This Chapter is very profitable for such as are to gouerne Soules in order to Prayer and to make them knovv hovv they are to behaue themselues in their beginnings and of the benefit she reaped by knovving it her selfe 24. CHAP. She prosecutes the former Discourse and shevves hovv her Soule vvent profiting vvhen once she
anie because then our Lord is pleased to multiply our vertues by that meanes THE TWELFTH CHAPTER She prosecutes her Discourse of the First State or Degree of Prayer and declares hovv farre vve may ariue of our selues by the Fauour of our Lord And of the hurt it brings to desire that our Spirit may rise to Supernaturall and Extraordinarie things till our Lord himself be pleased to ordaine it THat which I pretended to giue to be vnderstood in the last Chapter though yet I diuerted my self much vpon other things in regard that I thought them very necessarie was to declare how much we might be able to acquire and how in this First part of our deuotions we might to some proportion help our selues because the considering and ruminating vpon that which our Lord suffered for vs is wont to moue vs to compassion and the sorrow and teares which grow from thence is a very sauourie and delightfull kind of thing And so to thinke of the Glorie for which we hope and of the Loue which our Lord bore vs as also of his Resurrection moues vs to ioy which is neither wholy Spirituall nor wholy Sensuall but this is a vertuous kind of ioy on the one side as on the other that former paine is very meritorious And of this sort are all those things which cause anie such deuotion as is acquired in part by the Vnderstanding though yet there be no merit nor gaine therein vnlesse Almightie God be pleased to giue it But now it will be very fitt for a Soule which our Lord hath not raised anie higher not to procure to exalt her self and let this be very well noted for the contrarie course will help her to nothing but losse In this Degree or State she may performe manie good acts by way of resoluing to doe great things for Almighty God and to awake and stirr-vp her loue and others also by way of assisting her self to grow-vp in seuerall vertues according to what is contained in a certaine Booke called The Art of seruing God which is a very good one and very proper for such as finde themselues in this State because the Vnderstanding doth act and exercise it self heer She may also represent her self as in the presence of Christ our Lord and accustome her self to be greatly enamoured with his most Sacred Humanitie and to be euer carrying that along in her companie and to be often speaking to it and to beg his continuall assistance in all her necessities and euen to complaine to him of her afflictions and to ioy with him for her contentments and gusts but yet not to forget him vpon occasion thereof And all this without procuring to expresse her self in anie sett kind of Prayers but to make vse of such words alone as may haue conformitie with her owne necessities and desires This is an excellent way of finding profit and that in a very short time and whosoeuer shall earnestly labour to carrie this pretious companie with himself and shall haue proceeded well therein and shall haue found the way of louing in very good earnest this Lord of ours to whome we owe so much I will giue and passe my word that this person is a very good Proficient For this purpose let it not trouble vs a whitt not to finde our selues with sensible deuotion as I haue sayd but let vs giue thankes to our Lord for giuing vs so good desires to please him though our workes be weake This way of carrying Christ our Lord in our companie is very vsefull in all the Fowre States and Degrees of Prayer It is a most secure and safe meanes to goe profiting in the First Degree and that we shall gett quickly to the Second and then to be free also in the two last from those dangers which the Diuel may prouide for vs. For this in fine is that which we may be able to doe and for anie bodie to passe-vp from hence and to exalt his Spirit towards the feeling of certaine gusts which are not allowed him is but in my opinion to loose both the one and the other because in fine that is all Supernaturall and so the Vnderstanding being at a Stand and lost the Soule remaines all desolate and with great drynes And since this whole Building is grounded vpon Humilitie the neerer we grow to Almightie God the more shall we proceed and profit in this Vertue and if we doe not this all is lost And it seemes to be no better then a kind of pride if we desire to get-vp to a higher ranke since God doth vs but too much honour and fauour considering how vnworthie we are in suffering vs to be so neer to himself But now it must not be so vnderstood as if I spoke all this against raising-vp our thoughts to consider the high things of Heauen or of God or of the greatnesses which are there aboue as also of his Incomparable Wisdome For though I neuer did this because I had no abilitie for this purpose as I haue sayd and I found my self so miserable and so meane that God did me particular fauour to enable me to thinke of earthlie things by meanes whereof I might come afterward to vnderstand this truth for euen this was no small aduenture for me and how much more was it so to consider Celestiall things yet others may take benefit heerby and especially if they haue Learning and Knowledge which is in my opinion a great treasure towards this exercise of Prayer if it be accompanied with Humilitie I haue seen the truth of this very lately by occasion of some learned men who begunne not long agoe and yet haue proceeded and profited very much which makes me haue an earnest and euen a kind of impatient desire that manie such as are learned would grow to be very Spirituall men whereof I shall giue the reason heerafter But now that which I haue sayd Namely That men must not exalt themselues to rise higher then God doth raise them is a certaine kinde of Language of Spirit and he will vnderstand me who hath experience of it but as for me I know not how to expresse it if he know not how to vnderstand me by what I haue sayd In Mysticall Theologie whereof I beganne to speake the Vnderstanding ceases from working because Almightie God suspends it as I will declare heerafter if I be able and if he giue me grace for that purpose But as for vs to presume yea or so much as to thinke of suspending it is that which I am saying we should not doe Nor must we leaue to act and worke thereby and therewith for if we doe we shall be stupid and sottish and cold and we shall effect neither the one nor the other But when our Lord suspends and stopps it he furnishes it with matter vpon which the Partie may employ himself and at which he may be amazed and he makes him vnderstand more in the time and space of saying one
continued to remaine in a very inferiour degree in this way nor neuer also anie one cowardlie Soule though yet withall it had the safegarde of Humilitie which was able to make so much way in manie yeares as I haue found those others doe in very few I am euen amazed when I consider how much it workes in this kinde for one to animate himself towards the doing of great things though instantly he may perhaps not haue force where with to performe For the Soule puts herself to make a Flight and ariues to be in a high place though yet like some young Bird she be not so well feathered yet and therefore as being wearie she can but pause and houer In former time I often remembred and considered what S. Paul affirmes of himself Namely That he could doe all things in God vvho comforted him for as for me I knew well that I could doe nothing of my self But that Saying of his did me very much good so also did this other of S. Augustin Giue me O Lord vvhat thou commandest and then command me vvhat thou vvilt And for my part I thought also manie times that S. Peter had lost nothing by the bargaine when he cast himselfe headlōg into the Sea though yet he were afrayd afterward In a word these first strong purposes and resolutions are a great matter though yet in this First Degree and State it is fitt that we goe detaining our selues and hold our selues fast tyed to the discretion and disposing of a Directour but then we must procure that he may be such an one as will not teach vs to leape heauily and dully like certaine Toades nor be content that our Soules dispose themselues to hunt those little weake beasts called Lizards Only Humilitie must euer goe before that so we may besure to vnderstand that this strength doth not grow from our selues But heer it will be necessarie for vs to know what kinde of Humilitie this of ours must be and I am very apt to thinke that the Diuel does much hurt towards the making such as exercise Prayer not to aduance themselues very much in their way by causing them to mis-vnderstand Humilitie and by procuring to make vs belieue that it is but a kinde of pride to haue Heroicall desires and to pretend to imitate Saints and to desire to be Martyrs For vpon this he tells vs and makes vs thinke that the actions of Saints are fitt to be admired but not to be imitated by vs who are Sinners This doe I also say as well as he only we must consider what in particular is fitt for admiration and what for imitation For it would be no way conuenient that a person who were sick and weake should put himself vpon great Fasts and sharp Pennances or should betake himself to the Wildernes where he might neither be able to sleep nor yet could get what to eate or the like But yet we ought to thinke that we may well endeauour earnestly by God's Fauour to hold the world in great contempt and not to esteem earthlie honour and not to remaine tyed-vp to the care of riches But we really haue harts so very poore and straight that it seemes to vs as if we could not haue ground enough to goe vpon if once we should lay the care of our Bodie neuer so little aside to giue it to the Soule It seemes therefore heer already that euen for the better enioying of Recollection it will be good that we be in no want of necessarie things for anie kinde of care will be able to disquiet men in Prayer And I am hartily sorry that we should haue so little confidence in God and so much loue of our selues as that we should be disquieted by this thought But the truth is that wheresoeuer men haue made so small progresse as this in the way of Spirit certaine fooleries will trouble some as much as greater and more substantiall matters will doe others and yet still in our way of vnderstanding we will needs presume our selues to be Spirituall persons It seemes to me that this kinde of way of proceeding shewes a desire in them to put the Bodie and Minde into such a concurrence and correspondence as that we would faine finde meanes to take our ease in this world and yet enioy God in the next and that conceipt will proue to be true if we liue according to Iustice and continue to stick close to Vertue but yet still this is but the pace of a Henn and it will neuer be able to bring vs on to enioy true Libertie of Spirit This seemes indeed to be a good way of proceeding for such as are in state of Marriage who are to carrie themselues according to their Vocation but for anie other state then that I doe by no meanes desire anie such kinde of profiting in Spirit as this nor shall they euer make me beleiue that it is a good one for I haue tryed it long enough and I had euer continued in that way if our Lord through his infinit goodnes had not shewed me another and a shorter cutt though yet withall it be true that I had euer great desires but I procured as I haue sayd to vse Prayer though yet still to liue withall at my pleasure But really I conceaue that if anie bodie would haue encouraged me to flye a higher pitch I should haue striuen hard to make those desires proue deeds But alas it is true that through our Sinnes there are so very few and may so quickly be counted who haue anie more discretion then is necessarie for such occurrences as these that I belieue it is a great part of the cause why such as are beginners can get no faster on towards great perfection for our Lord doth neuer faile on his part but it is we who are still the faultie and miserable Creatures They may also be able to imitate the Saints in procuring to vse Solitude and keep Silence and to exercise manie other vertues which will yet by no meanes murder this miserable Bodie which they desire to preserue with such curiositie care though it should turne to the disorder of the Soule And now the Diuel is carefull enough to helpe to render vs the more vnable for when he sees but a little inordinate feare he desires no more then to make vs apprehend that euerie thing will be apt to kill vs or at least to depriue vs of our health yea and if we be accustomed to haue teares he will put vs into a feare that we shall be blinde My self haue passed by this Walke therefore I know it and I know withall that I cannot tell what better kinde of life or health we can possibly desire then to loose them both vpon such an occasion My self being so sicklie as I was till I resolued to make no account at all of my health and of my bodie was euer tyed vp and was good for nothing and euen now it is
she doth not well consider that she hath not yet mewed all her owne sick-feathers She may well stepp out of her Nest yea and Almightie God himself will perhaps take her now and then out from thence But she is not yet fitt for a Flight because her vertues are not yet growne to be of full strength nor hath she yet experience for the knowledge of dangers nor doth she yet vnderstand the mischeif which growes by putting too much trust in her owne forces And now this is that which destroyed me and both for this and for all things there will be great necessitie of a Directour and of conuersation with persons who are spirituall indeed It is true I am fully perswaded that when Almightie God doth once bring a Soule to this state he will not leaue to fauour her nor suffer her to perish if she doe not very shamefully and entirely forsake and forbeare to serue his Diuine Maiestie But yet if it should so happen that she fall let her consider and consider againe euen for the loue of our Blessed Lord and take heed that the Diuel deceaue her not so farre as to make her giue-ouer her Prayer as he did me vnder the pretence of false Humilitie as I haue declared and as I would fayne repeat very often But let her trust in the goodnes of Almightie God which is greater then all the sinnes which we can commit and let her hope that he will not remember our ingratitude when once we reflecting duly vpon our selues desire to returne againe to his friendship nor euen so farre consider the Fauours which he hath done vs as to make vs be punished for them but that rather they will help to obtaine pardon for vs so much the sooner as for persons who haue belonged to his House and haue had the honour to eat as men vse to say of his bread Let them remember his words and consider how he hath proceeded with me who euen wearied my self with offending his Diuine Maiestie before he would forbeare or faile to pardon me For he neuer growes vnwilling to giue nor is it euer possible to draw his Mercies dry and so let not vs be wearie of euer receauing Fauour at his hands Let him be blessed for euer Amen and let all creatures praise him THE TWENTIETH CHAPTER VVherein she treats of the difference betvveen Vnion and Rapt and declares vvhat kind of thing a Rapt is She speakes also of the blessing vvhich that Soule hath vvhich our Lord through his goodnes brings thither and of the Effects vvhich Rapts vse to produce This Discourse is of much admiration I Would be glad to know how to declare through the Fauour of Almightie God the difference which there is between Vnion on the one side and Rapt and Flight as they are wont to call it of Spirit on the other for these two latter doe signifye in substance but one thing and it is also called Extasis The aduantage is very great which belongs to Rapt beyond Vnion and the effects also which it produces are much greater and it hath also manie other operations For meer Vnion seemes to be alwaies after the same manner both in the beginning in the middle and in the end and it is alwaies in the interiour part But now as Rapts are Visitations of the Soule which vse to be of a higher Straine they are wont to produce their Effects not only interiourly but exteriourly also I humbly beseech our Blessed Lord that as he hath vouchsafed to declare the rest so he will also vouchsafe to doe this for certainly if his Diuine Maiestie had not been pleased to giue me to vnderstand by what meanes in what manner it might be done I should not possibly haue knowne which way to turne my hand Let vs therefore now consider that this last Water whereof we haue spoken is so very plentifull and abundant that if it were not because the Soyle of the Garden cannot consent to receaue it we might beleiue that the verie Clowd it self of that great Maiestie were heer rayning it self downe vpon this earth And so when we are gratefull to our Lord for this great blessing acknowledging the same by our good workes according to the vttermost of our power our Lord catches-vp that Soule as a man may say euen iust so as the clowdes snatch vp the vapours from the earth and so taking her wholy vp from the same earth the clowd rises vp to Heauen and carries the same along with it self and shewes her certaine things belonging to that Kingdome which is prepared for her I know not whether this Comparison will be thought to suite well with that whereof I am speaking but I am sure that in realitie of truth it passes thus In these Rapts it doth not seem that the Soule doth euen animate the Bodie and so the Bodie it self remaines with a kind of trouble and defect through the want of that naturall heat which belongs to it and it goes all cooling it self though yet with an excessiue sweetnes and delight There is heer no meanes at all to resist though in Vnion we being then as in our owne Countrie there is some remedie and so though it be not without suffering a kind of paine and vsing some force it may alwaies in effect be employed But heer for the most part there is no remedie at all nor anie helpe but manie times the thing ariues without our being so much as able to preuent the coming of it euen by our very thought And there growes to be such a speedie and strong kind of impetuositie that you feele and find this Clowd to raise it self instantly vp or rather that this strong Eagle takes you and carries you quite away between her wings And I say it is vnderstood and you find your self to be carried away though you know not whither For howsoeuer the thing happen to be with delight yet so great is the weaknes of our naturall condition that it puts vs into some feare in the beginning And therefore it will be necessarie in this case for the Soule to be much more couragious and resolute then for all those occasions which were precedent For heer she must be content to hazard all and to leaue her self wholy in the hands of Almightie God and to goe whithersoeuer she shall be carried and this with a very good will for in fine they will be sure to carrie her whether she will or no and that with so great extremitie of strength and speed that howsoeuer I had a minde very very often to resist it yea and that I employed all the strength I had to that purpose and especially at some particular times when things fell out to happen in publique yea and at manie other times also when they were priuate for I was then in doubt and feare least I might be abused and deceiued it was yet but seldome that I was able to preuaile to some small proportion But it cost
of the Minde and not suffer it to passe on and out so farre like some Pott which doth first so boile vp and then so boile-ouer as that the broth or water is quite spent and lost because no discretion was vsed in the quantitie of wood or coales which was put vnder it And thus let them procure to appease and slake the flame which is fed by that vehement fire with sweet and gentle teares but not with such as are forced or painefull as they are wont to be which proceed from such a vehement kind of sense as I haue formerly expressed for such are wont to be of very great inconuenience to the Partie My self vsed to haue such as these in my beginnings and they would euer leaué my head in such disorder and my Spirit in such a wearines and weaknes that I was not able sometimes for a day yea and sometimes for more dayes then one to returne to the exercise of Prayer So that we are to vse great discretion in those beginnings of ours to the end that all may goe on with much sweetnes and that the Spirit may be taught the way of operating and exercising it self inwardly and we must diligently procure that the exteriour may be auoided as much as we can But now these other impetuosities and impulses are of a most different kind and condition for heer it is not we who bring-in the wood but the fire seemes to be made already to our hands and instantly we are readie to cast our selues into it that so we may be wholy consumed The Soule doth not heer procure to make her self feele the wound which growes to be made in her by the absence of our Lord but they driue sometimes a sharp Arrow into the verie liueliest part of the hart in such sort as that the Soule her self is not able to tell distinctly either what she ayles or euen what she desires only she knowes very well that she desires and loues our Lord and that the sayd Arrow seemes to be toucht and rubbed-ouer with some bitter hearbe or other to make her euen hate her self through the loue of this Lord and to wish with all her hart that she might loose her verie life for his sake It is not in our power to expresse and much lesse to relate with aduantage the manner how God approaches and ariues to such a Soule as this or the excessiue paine that he giues which makes her not to know euen what to doe with her self But yet this verie paine is such a sauourie kind of thing withall that there is no delight in this whole world which is able to giue her more gust For the Soule as I was saying would alwaies be very glad if she might be euer dying of this Disease This paine and glorie togeather did carrie my Vnderstanding into such such distraction and disorder that I knew not how they both could possibly consist togeather O what a thing it is to see a Soule so wounded for it is iust in such sort as that one may very well affirme it to be wounded and that for a most excellent cause for now she sees very clearly that she her self did contribute no part of the reason why this Loue should grow but only it seemes that some little Sparke fell downe vpon her from that immense Loue of our Lord which set her so totally on fire O how often doe I remember that Verse of Dauid whensoeuer I find my self in this case Quem admodum desider at ceruus ad fontes aquarum ita desiderat anima mea ad te Deus meus As the Hart desires to plunge himself into the Springs of vvater so doth my Soule desire thee O my God For really me thinkes that this is euen litterally fulfilled then vpon my self Whensoeuer this comes not vpon me with great violence me thinkes I can a little appease my Soule and at least she is prouing to find some remedie For as for the performing of certaine Pennances she findes not almost in that case for what they serue for they all are felt by her no more nor puts it her to anie more paine to shed her bloud then it would if she were directly dead But in that case she is in earnest search after the finding-out some new wayes or meanes how she may be able to suffer much for the loue of our Lord but so great is that other former greif of minde that I know not what Corporall torment can possibly be able to drowne it for the remedie thereof consists not in such things as these since these medecines are of too inferiour a kind for the perfect cure of so deeply-rooted a Disease We receaue indeed some little ease and the affliction passes away to some small proportion by this meanes and by begging also the remedie of her miserie at the hands of our Blessed Lord though yet for her part she knowes not how to find anie at all but only in death for by that meanes she hopes entirely to enioy her Soueraigne Good At other times this paine falls vpon a Soule so feircely that neither this nor anie thing els can be done for it peirces the whole bodie through and through and neither can the hands or feet be stirred nay if we chance to be on foot and may happen sometimes to sit downe we doe it like a kind of transported Creatures Nor can the Soule so much as breath but only vtter certaine profound lamenting sighes which yet are not great in shew because she is not able to expresse them though yet they be very great in themselues It pleased our Blessed Lord that I should haue sometimes this following Vision I saw an Angell very neer me towards my left side and he appeared to me in a Corporeall forme though yet I am not wont to see anie thing of that kind but very rarely For though Angells be represented often to me it is yet without my seeing them but only according to that other kind of Vision whereof I spake before But in this Vision our Lord was pleased that I should see this Angell after this other manner He was not great but rather little yet withall he was of very much beautie His face was so inflamed that he appeared to be of those most Superiour Angells who seem to be all in a fire and he well might be of them whome we call Seraphins but as for me they neuer tell me their names or rankes yet howsoeuer I see thereby that there is so great a difference in Heauen between one Angell and another as I am no way able to expresse I saw that he had a long Dart of gold in his hand and at the end of the iron below me thought there was a little fire and I conceaued that he thrust it some seuerall times through my verie Hart after such a manner as that it passed the verie inwards of my Bowells and when he drew it back me thought it carried
too much if anie such thing could be found in it as might put me into anie feare of the Inquisition That if I thought there were anie ground or cause my self would be the first to goe thither and that if it were a slaunder raised vp against me our Lord would deliuer me from it and I should proue the Gainer by that Bargaine Now I treated of this matter with the Dominican Father who as I sayd was so very learned a man that I might well assure my self vpon whatsoeuer he should declare to me heerin And I told him then vpon this occasion with the greatest clearnes that I could possibly vse of all the Visions which I had had and of the manner of Prayer which I had vsed and of the great Fauours which our Blessed Lord had been pleased to doe me and I humbly prayed him to consider all these things very well and to let me vnderstand if there were anie thing at all in anie of them against Holie Scripture and that also he would acquaint me with the iudgement which he made thereof Now all this he did and so setled and secured me very much and I grow to be also of opinion that this accident was of much aduantage euen to him For though he were formerly very good yet he gaue himself much more to Prayer from that time forward and withdrew himself to a certaine retired Monasterie of his owne Order which was a place of great Solitude and silence to the end that so he might exercise himself the better in Prayer He remained there aboue two yeares and then Obedience to his Order tooke him from thence for which he was sorrie enough But they had need of such a man as he was I was no lesse greiued when he went from me through the great want which I was sure I should haue of him though yet I knew withall that he would be a gainer by it And whilst I was in paine about his iourney our Lord bad me be comforted and not troubled for that he went away to good purpose And indeed he came back againe afterward with his Soule so well improued and aduanced in the way of Spirit that himself told me at his returne how he would not for anie thing of this world but that he had gone And I also could say the same for whereas he had formerly giuen me assurances and comforts but only by his Letters he was now growne able to doe it also through the great experience which he was come to haue in Spirit and of Supernaturall things And it also pleased Almightie God to bring him back to vs at such a time as when his Diuine Maiestie saw that there would be need of him for assisting his worke concerning this Monasterie which his will was should goe forward But in the meane time I remained in silence for a matter of some fiue or six moneths not hearing or saying anie thing of this businesse nor did our Blessed Lord command me anie thing about it nor vnderstood I the reason thereof but yet still I could not part with the beleif but that the busines would be done sooner or later But at the end of that time aforesayd the Rectour of the Colledge of the Societie of IESVS who had been there till then being now to remoue from hence his Diuine Maiestie brought another to be in his place who was a very Spirituall person and of great courage and vnderstanding and Learning and he came at a certaine time when I was in very great need of helpe For in regard that he who was my Ghostlie Father had a Superiour ouer himself and by reason that they haue this vertue in perfection not so much as once to stirre but in conformitie to the will of their Superiours and though this Ghostlie Father of mine had a very good vnderstanding of my Spirit and desired that I might profit proceed he yet aduentured not to conclude some things with a firme resolution for diuers reasons which he had for it And on the other side my Spirit did presse already to passe on with certaine impulses and impetuosities which were so great that I found it a very troublesome thing to be tyed short and yet for all this I resolued not to exceed those bounds at all which he had prescribed And being one day in much affliction as conceauing that my Ghostlie Father did not beleiue me it pleased our B. Lord to require me not to trouble my self affirming that that difficultie would be soone at an end For my part I was much ioyed by this as conceauing that I was quickly to dye and I was wont particularly to reioyce when I remembred it But afterward I saw clearly that his Speech concerned the coming of this new Rectour of whome I spake and afterward I neuer had anie occasion to be in paine in regard that this sayd new Rectour contradicted not the Sub-Rectour who was my Confessarius but rather directed him to giue me comfort and scope and that there was no cause of feare and that he should not conduct my Soule by such straight narrow wayes and with such restrictions but should permit the Spirit of our Lord to worke in me For indeed at some times it seemed that by reason of those great impetuosities of Spirit the Soule had scarce roome for so much as to breath I went then to visit this Rectour and my Ghostlie Father required me to treat with him with all libertie and clearnes As for me I was wont to find very great difficultie to declare my self in that kind but yet really it is very true that euen at my verie first entrance into the Confessionarie I felt a kind of I cannot tell what to call it in my Spirit which I remember not my self to haue euer found by occasion of anie Creature either before or after nor can I distinctly tell how it was nor yet am I able to expresse it fully by anie way of Comparison But it was a certaine Spirituall ioy and a kind of vnderstanding which my Soule had that the Soule of that man would be able to vnderstand me and that there would be a kind of conformitie in iudgement between vs two although as I was saying I vnderstood not how If indeed I had euer spoken with him before or if others had peraduenture giuen me anie great newes of the man it had not been very strange that it should ioy me when I came to vnderstand that he was to heare me But neither he nor I had euer spoken word to one another nor was there anie one by whose meanes I had euer had anie notice at all of him and yet since that time I haue seen very well that my Spirit deceaued me not because it hath been of great aduantage in all kinds both to my Soule and me to treat with him For his kind of conuersation and way of conference and communication is a thing of great importance for such persons as
which howsoeuer I vnderstood them not my self did yet fall out so fitly for him that he was euen amazed And our Lord disposed him to beleiue that they came from his Diuine Maiestie and I on the other side though I be that poore miserable Creature which I am did humbly and earnestly beseech our Lord that he would perfectly and entirely conuert that man to himself and make him abhorre all the contentments and Creatures of this life And so for which let him be Blessed for euer he hath been pleased to doe it and that in so very perfect a manner that whensoeuer this Seruant of his is speaking to me it makes me in effect turne half foole and if I had not seen it with my verie eyes I should hold it for a doubtfull thing how Fauours could possibly be heaped-vp so very high vpon a Creature in so short a time and should hold him so busily and continually employed vpon Almightie God that already he seemes not to liue for the vse of anie thing of this world I humbly beseech his Diuine Maiestie to keep him in his protection still for certainly if he proceed after this rate as I hope in our Lord he will his Spirit being so deeply rooted in the knowledge of himself he will grow to be of the most eminent Seruants he hath and will be able to doe good to manie Soules For he hath gotten great experience concerning things of Spirit in a very short time and these are guifts which Almightie God imparts when and how he will without anie precise respect either to the time which hath been spent or els to the qualitie of the Seruice I say not yet but that this may also import much but that our Lord forbeares sometimes to giue that to a person in twentie yeares of Contemplation which yet he forbeares not to bestow vpon some other in one Our Lord knowes the reason of this And it is also a deceiptfull errour which abuses vs when it seemes we may vnderstand and obtaine that by account of yeates which can by no meanes be had without experience of the verie things as they are And so manie err as I haue sayd in thinking that they are fitt to iudge of Spirits without hauing anie themselues I say not but that a learned man though he haue no great knowledge of Spirit may gouerne another man who hath Spirit But this is to be vnderstood both in the exteriour and in the interiour way so farre as it may carrie a conformitie with the Naturall Powers by the worke of his Vnderstanding and as for those things which are Supernaturall he must be carefull that all goe on with consent to Holie Scripture And for the rest let him not vex himself nor conceaue that he vnderstands that whereof indeed he knowes nothing nor stifle and choake those Spirits which forasmuch as concernes these things are gouerned by another and a higher Lord for in fine they are not without a Superiour of their owne Be not amazed at this nor let these things seem impossible to you for all is very possible to our Lord but procure you to re-inforce your Faith and to humble your self when you see that our Blessed Lord knowes how to make a poore old ignorant woeman become a more knowing Creature perhaps in this Science then he who may be otherwise a very learned man For by meanes of this Humilitie one shall be able to doe more good both to the Soules of others and his owne then if he grow to be Contemplatiue without that Vertue And I say and say againe that if he be not a man of experience or if at least he haue not very abundantly of Humilitie wherewith to vnderstand that he vnderstands not the busines and that yet it is not impossible but that the thing in question may be true he shall both gaine little himself and enable him also lesse to gaine with whome he deales But on the other side if he haue Humilitie he may be well out of feare that our Lord will euer permit that either the one or the other shall be deceaued But now concerning this Father of whome I speake as our Lord hath giuen him experience in manie things so hath he also endeauoured to acquire all that which may be gotten by studie in this kind And whēsoeuer his owne experience falls short he informes himself by their meanes who haue more And heer our Lord comes to assist him by giuing him a great proportion of Faith and by this meanes he hath done very much good both to his owne Soule and those also of others and mine is one of them For our B. Lord considering the manie afflictions which I was to endure it seemes would prouide that sice some of them would be brought vpon me by such as were to gouerne my Soule there yet might be others found who would helpe me to goe through with those troubles and assist me much But as for this Religious man of whome I haue spoken so much our Lord hath so entirely changed him that vpon the matter he is no longer to be knowne for the man he was He hath now also giuen him much corporall strēgth whereby he is now enabled to doe Pennance which was impossible for him before for he was euer sicklie And he is also full of courage towards the performing of anie thing which is good and besides he hath varietie of other excellent things which make it well appeare that his Vocation came most particularly from our Lord And let him be Blessed for euer For my part I beleiue that all this good is come to him by the Fauours which our Lord hath done him in Prayer for they are not painted things or put loosely on but our Lord hath been pleased to haue him brought to the Touch and he hath proued therein as one who vnderstands very well the true value of that merit which is gotten by the well suffering of persecutions And I trust in the greatnes of our Lord that much good will accrue to some of his Order by his meanes yea and euen to the whole Order it self Already this beginnes to be vnderstood and my self haue seen great Visions and our Lord hath told me some particulars both of him and of the Rectour of the Colledge of the Societie of IESVS of whome I spake and they are things of great admiration as also of two other Religious men of S. Dominick's Order but especially of one for whose proceeding and profit in the way of Spirit our Lord hath already manifested some things to the world by reall proofe I had also heard formerly of him but they are manie instances which concerne the person of whome I spake before and one of them I will heer recount I was once with him in a Locutorie or Speaking-place of a Monasterie and so very great was the loue of Almightie God which my Soule and Spirit vnderstood to be euen burning in his that I was euen as it were
with a great Clowde and so to become very darke and that so though our Blessed Lord be euer present with vs yea so very present as that he giues vs our verie Being thereby yet then he is not so represented as to be seen by vs And that when the Case concernes Heretiques the Looking-Glasse is directly broken which is farre worse then to be obscured But now there is a very great deale of difference between my seeing it and my relating it for it is no easie thing to giue it well to be vnderstood Yet this hath done me a great deale of good and hath affected me with much pittie and greif for those times wherein my self did obscure my Soule in such sort as that I was not able to behold and see this Blessed Lord of mine It seemes also to me that this kind of Vision is very vsefull to persons who are of much recollection to teach them a way of thinking of our Blessed Lord as in the most interiour part of their Soules which is a consideration that will stick closest to then and will be of much more benefit then if they were considered as anie way our of the Soule according to what I haue sayd els where and it is contained also in some Bookes which are written of Prayer about the way how wee are to seeke Almighty God In particular the Glorious S. Augustin speakes much of how Almightie God is not to be sought either in pleasures or externall places and that he could be no way found so well as in our selues and this is certainly the best way nor haue we need to goe further off then to our verie selues and much lesse to clime-vp as high as Heauen for this purpose for this will but distract the Soule and wearie the Spirit and doe vs nothing neer so much good I will also giue an aduertisment heer to the end that if anie bodie haue anie such thing as that he may know the better how to carrie himself It happens in some very great Rapts when the time is past wherein the Soule remaines in Vnion and when all the Faculties and Powers thereof are absorpt and which lasts as I haue sayd but a little while that the Soule remaines recollected and is not able in the exteriour way to returne to it self but those two Powers and Faculties namely the Vnderstanding and Memorie remaine as with a kind of frensie in great disorder This I say happens sometimes and especially with Beginners And I haue been thinking whether it may not proceed from this That our condition is naturally very weake and not able to admit and endure so great a strength of Spirit and that the Imagination is weakned also much and I know that this happens to some Now for my part I am apt to thinke that it were not ill to oblige them in such cases as this to leaue-off their Prayer for that time and to goe recouering that afterward which they loose then that so all come not on togeather for it may chance proue an occasion of much inconuenience And of this we haue experience and that it will fall out to be of better proofe to consider very well how much our state of health and strength is able to endure But in all things there will be need of good experience and of a good Directour for when once the Soule is growne to be in these tearmes manie things will come to offer themselues wherein there will be need enough of some bodie with whome it may be fitt to consider them And if anie such man can not be found when he is sought our Blessed Lord himselfe will not be wanting to him since he would not be wanting to me I being the wicked Creature I am For I beleiue there are very few who are come to haue experience of so manie things and if there be not experience it is in vaine to thinke of anie remedie which will not rather serue to disquiet and afflict the Soule But the best is that our Blessed Lord will take euen that trouble of ours in account for some satisfaction of himself and therefore it will fall-out to be better done to conferr thereof as I haue formerly sayd and so will it also be to proceed after this manner in all those things whereof I am speaking now For I see that this imports very much especially if they be woemen who are concerned and that they doe it with their Ghostlie Father and that he also be such as is fitt At least there vse to be more woemen then men to whome our Lord imparts these Fauours and this I vnderstood first from the holie man Fray Pedro de Alcantara and I haue also seen my self that they proceeded and profited more in this way of Spirit then men doe But he gaue excellent reasons for his opinion which need not be inserted heer for they all are in fauour of woemen Being one day in Prayer there was suddainly represented to me but it was without my seeing anie thing formed and yet it was with a very extraordinarie kind of claritie how all things are seen in Almightie God and how he hath them all in himself To know how to set this downe is in no power of mine but it remained deeply imprinted in my Soule and it was one of the greatest Fauours that euer had been done me by our Blessed Lord yea and of those also which put me to greatest confusion shame when I considered the manie sinnes which I had committed against him I well beleiue that if our Blessed Lord had been pleased to let me see this Vision at some other time of my life or if they could see him now who are sinning against him they would neuer haue the hart and courage to doe as they doe It appeared to me as I sayd but yet so as that I cannot expresly affirme that I saw anie thing distinctly but yet somewhat me thinkes must needs haue been seen by me since I am able to make this verie comparison but that it fell out to be signifyed by so delicate and subtile a way as that the vnderstanding is not able to reach it or els that I haue no skill of all those kinds of Visions which seem not to be Imaginarie but yet in some of these I verily thinke that perhaps there may be somewhat of the Imaginarie or formed apparance and that only the Powers of the Soule being then in Rapt they are not able afterward to assigne anie Forme in what manner our Lord represents himself to them there and how he is pleased that they shall enioy him But yet supposing it to be the Diuinitie in the forme of some bright Diamond which were bigger then the whole world or els of some Looking-Glasse after the manner of what I sayd before concerning the Soule in that other Vision saue that this is in so superiour a kind of manner that I am not able to expresse it and that all that which we doe is seen
Hovv manie yeares she had continued in that dangerous state And in fine hovv she conceiued that her proper place and particular torments vvere prepared for her in Hell it self for the euerlasting punishmēt of her Sinnes which she faith she felt in Spirit Whereas yet in realitie and sinceritie of truth it may be cleer enough to such as vvill vnpartiallie consider vvhat they are to iudge and not looke through the mist or clovvde of that too great insatisfaction and seueritie vvhich she vvould be sure to carrie tovvards her self that she vvas alvvaies farre from committing anie Mortall Sinne in all the course of her Life Now the difference in point of Iudgement betvveen our Saint and others may well seem to haue proceeded from this occasion vvhich follovves They looked vpon her vvhole life vvith the eyes of a Religious kind of reason And she vvith those euen of a kind of inordinate passion as a man may say of deuotion They looked vpon her as men vvho being informed euen by her self of the Case are most fitt through their indifferēcie to be the Iudge Whereas she looked vpon her self as a meer Partie vvho must not in her ovvne Case be trusted by anie meanes so vvell as her Iudge especially vvhen that Iudge knovves all things as vvell as her self since she declares them to him Besides that she expresses cleerly hovv diuerse vvho vvere her Ghostlie Fathers at the times of her greatest imperfection declared to her in very positiue tearmes that she vvas farre from commiting Mortall Sinne. And note that they passed such a Iudgement vpon her at times vvhen her self professes that she Confessed all her Sinnes so entirely as not to omitt so much as euen all those Veniall Sinnes vpon vvhich she could reflect So that clearly by the verie vvorst of her case if anie such thing as she had euer done vvere doubtfull if her Ghostlie Fathers assured her then that it vvas not Mortall as indeed they did what reason could she haue to be so very highly and irreconciliably vnsatisfyed vvith her self But the truth is she pearced so deeply by meanes of Celestiall grace into that endlesse spotlesse Mine of the Puritie of Almightie God and the vnlimited Excellentie of his High Maiestie and the vnspeakable deformitie of the least Imperfection or frailtie when once it should be brought to appeare before that incomparable Claritie of the King of Glorie And on the other side she vvas endued vvith such a strange internall kind of knovvledge of her self that it made as I vvas saying before those Moates of her Imperfections seem Mountaines vvhen once they vvere to appeare as in God's presence She vvas also of so very sensible a nature vvhich I must needs touch againe aftervvard and so easily obliged and so inseparably engaged vpon the receauing euen of poore vveake little seruices from mortall Creatures much more vvhen Celestiall Fauours distilled dovvne so very fast tovvards her from that neuer-failing Fountaine of Diuine Mercies that for her to find her self anie vvay vngratefull yea or so much as euen vnmindfull thereof and yet much more if she should proue so inhumanly vnkind as in stead of paying seruices to commit faults hovv light soeuer they might be such errours vvould seem in those eyes of hers vvhich still vvere fed from that inflamed hart to be really not very much lesse then almost as so manie halfe Sinnes against the Holie-Ghost And from this composition of her Minde both in the Naturall and Supernaturall vvay did grovv those profound detestations of her self those high exaggerations of her Imperfections and Frailties those lovvde exclamations against her supposed ingratitudes and vnkindnesses tovvards Almightie God vvhich broke as it vvere euen her ovvne verie hart vvhilst she vvas thinking and deliuered ouer such feeling arguments of her sad remorse vvhilst she vvas vvriting as are able to strike the vvater of teares out of the stonie harts of her Readers like the Rod of Moyses vvhich droue vvater out of the Rock vvhen once they lend their sight though neuer so little to behold that svveet Obiect of her enamoured thoughts and expostulations against her selfe From hence it is I say that she accused her self after a kind of obstinate manner vvhensoeuer she reflected vpon God her self in order to his Bounties on the one side her discorrespondences on the other Whilst yet vvhen her thoughts vvere bent but to expresse the plaine order of things after a manner meerly abstracted from those superiour Considerations she deliuers such truths concerning her self as makes all these imputations vvhich fell so fiercely vpon her Soule out of her ovvne mouth appeare to be farre different from that vvhich she would desire that they might be thought And so in conformitie vvith this you my Reader shall doe vvell to consider in serious manner how she vvho spoke after a sort erroneously vvhen she vvould partially iudge of her actions in order to the spotlesse Puritie of Almightie God and his strict Iudgement did yet vnfold her self most litterally truly vvhen she expressed her self Viâ facti and related her affections and actions as it were in the Historicall way Obserue therefore hovv in this vvay she saith of her self That she vvas euer very carefull not to commit anie Mortall Sinne That she had great care of her Conscience still forasmuch as cōcerned anie thing of that kind and that if euer she would be so vnhappie as to commit anie such sinne that she should neuer be in quiet till she vvas disburthened of it That she seldome receaued the B. Sacrament but vvith abundance of teares That after she had once tasted of the Regalo's of that Celestiall Banquet vvhich she beganne to doe vvhen she vvas young she neuer omitted to Confesse anie thing vvhich she might conceaue to be a Sinne though it vvere but Venial That she had euer great remorse whensoeuer she committed anie offence against Almightie God That she did naturally detest all dishonestie and that she conceaued not that there was either anie occasion or anie person in the whole vvorld vvho could possibly ouercome that resolution in her That difficulties grew after-vvard vpon her by occasion of some Conuersations vvhich she had vvhereof yet she Confessing her self by way of doubt as I haue insinuated before her Ghostlie Father made her know that she did not offend God therein For the truth of the case vvas this She vvas then a Secular vvoeman and the inclinations vvhich she had to the person vvere capable of being concluded in a Marriage besides that really on her part there vvas neuer so much as one impure thought That another Spirituall man vvith vvhome she also consulted shortly after about matter of her Soule by occasion of some feares into vvhich she grevv then to fall declared to her that though she vvere in the state of neuer so high Contemplation yet such conferences and conuersations as those vvere not to be inconuenient for her That she also vnderstood by
in the exercise of bounty Her compassion vvas most eminent to vvards the releife of all Creatures in miserye so especially vvas her sollicitude to consolate regale all such in all occasions as vvere intrusted to her care vvhilst yet she vvould needs be vnkind and euen as it vvere cruell to her selfe alone Aboue all things she was a most perfect Louer of Truth so full of matchless candour sincerity in all expressions vpon all occasions that she vvould no more haue euen so much as but disguised it and much lesse varyed from it in the least kind especially vvhen the question had any vvay concerned her owne aduantage then she vvould haue sold her selfe for a Slaue These I say vvere the conditions of this admirable Creature and these were the parts of her Minde vvhich yet I consider but in the nature of Fruits But they grew from these Roots vvhich follow A most profound Humility A most inuiolable Chastity A most strict loue of Pouerty A most vnshaken and inuincible Patience in despight of sharpe Sicknesses tormenting paines and endlesse persecutions A most ardent and inflamed Charity both towards God man which bred an eager and insatiable appetite to winne Soules An vndaunted Fortitude high Courage and that no less in the endeauouring great things then in the suffering hard things A constant continuall Supernaturall most Eleuated course of Prayer and Contemplation Such a kind of excellent Creature was this But yet whē I ouerlooked the little vvhich I had heer set downe I confess it seemed at the first euē in mine owne eye to be a very extraordinary Elogium of her Vertues and parts and as if it might perhaps haue had more in it of the Panegerick then of a iust Praise And therefore before I vvould giue it passage to the Print I looked attentiuely back vpon vvhat I had read of her concerning her resolutions and heroicall actions recorded in authenticall manner by diuerse graue and vvise Authours and in seuerall places also of her owne Workes and particularly vpon what is deliuered by Father Ribera in the Historicall Relation of her vvhole Life But when I came back from thence compared that kind of Descant vvith my Plaine-Song concerning the Saint I found my selfe to haue rather falne much too short then to haue any way ouer-short in this kind and that the particulars recounted with great authority els vvhere for the proofe of how she professed her selfe after a high most Heroicall manner in the practise pursuite of Vertue in order to all sanctity perfection to vvhich she aspired where by God's great mercy she ariued vvould haue no less auowed then encouraged my Penn to haue done her much more honour that is more right if it had not been employed by so vveake a hand as mine But in the meane time I haue considered the Example of the holy S. Hierome vvho vvriting of his S. Paula to Eustochium her Daughter hath these vvords I take Iesus and his Saints to vvitnes as also that particular Angell vvho vvas the Guardian and Companion of this admirable vvoeman That I vvill say nothing of her for fauour nothing after the custome of Flatterers but that vvhatsoeuer I am to deliaer shall be as if it vvere vpon mine Oath and yet still it vvill fall short of her merits And now this shall authorise mee also to take our Blessed Lord to witnesse that to the best of my poore vnderstanding I haue not mistaken my selfe about the celebration vvhich heer I make of our Saint in the point of haueing praised her too much but rather that I am growne to be her Debtour then her Creditour heerin For if euer there haue been in the whole vvorld many vvoemen of more admirable parts perfections both in their Intellectualls their Moralls which I account to be as the Simples of a Soule in the vse also thereof whereby those Simples grow to be mixed and whether wee shall consider them in the Naturall or Supernaturall way it is more then I haue been able to know either by reading or els by Discourse yet I haue been carefull enough to enquire But now the certainty of this truth will yet euen further appeare when I shall tell you that which followes And it is That when the Saint made obseruation had experience of the world 's great frailtie and lesse perfection and that the Religious Order and House vvhere she had entred had obtained certaine Relaxations and Dispensations from diuerse strict Clauses and Conditions of the first Institute and when she had also mett with some Customes through which euen her self had receiued disaduantage by dissipation and diminution of Spirit as namely in regard of great publique resort to the House and a multitude of vnnecessarie Conuersations and especially for that they were not bound to continuall Clausure but had libertie to goe abroad though yet only by leaue of their Superiours to visit their Parents and neer kinred at some times she grew into a full resolution That if euer it should be in her power to free her self from that course and to set more limited bounds vpon her wayes and to inuite others also by her example to expresse their great desire to gaine and perfect Soules she would not faile to put that purpose of hers in execution And so after the expiring of some time the encountring of manie impedimēts and the ouercoming a vvorld of difficulties she grew to expresse her loue to our B Lord but in the person of such Creatures as for whome he dyed to such a proportion and in so high a kind as to proiect and perfect so great and hard a vvorke as that perhaps no Woeman will be seen to haue euer procured and performed the like For to reforme a Religious Order and to reduce it to the first strict Institute is a matter of much more difficultie then to Found one And for a Woeman vvho vvas of no absolute power to command to passe through so manie impediments and to vvinne the Prize and to adorne euen that Originall Rule it self vvith so manie holie and wise Documents and Constitutions of her owne for the raising and true refining of Spirit according to the necessities and exigēces of those present most depraued times makes the busines become yet more hard and strange on the one side and more vsefull also more excellent on the other For as I conceaue it to be a truth that there is no one approued Order of Religious people in the Holie Catholique Church vvhich is not of the best of all others in that vvay of Spirit for which it was cheifly instituted by Almightie God and especially for those times in which it was instituted So is it not only pietie but euen prudēce also to beleiue that since this Blessed Woeman was stirred-vp by God's holie Spirit in this Age of ours for the redresse of our moderne great disorders that his Diuine Maiestie
I still desired to recouer my health though yet I endured my sicknes with great alacritie And I would be thinking and considering sometimes that if by enioying my health I might chance be damned it would be better for me to remaine still as sick as I was but howsoeuer I conceiued that I should be able to serue Almightie God much better if I could enioy my health Now this is the abuse and errour which deceaues vs not to resigne ourselues entirely to the disposition and good pleasure of our Lord who knowes best what is fitt for vs. But in the meane time I got manie Masses sayd for this purpose and I resorted also to the vse of other solid and approued Prayers for I was neuer a friend of certaine odd deuotiōs which are vsed by diuers persons and especially by woemen with some odd Ceremonies which I could neuer endure since I vnderstood that they sauoured of Superstition howsoeuer other folkes were moued by them And so I tooke for my Aduocate and Lord the Glorious S. Ioseph and I recommended my self much to him and I haue seen clearly that this Father and Lord of mine hath drawne me as well out of this necessitie as out of other greater when there was question of Honour and Losse of the Soule and that with more benefit and aduantage then euen my self could tell how to desire Nay I cannot remember that hitherto I euer desired anie thing by his meanes which he hath failed to obtaine for me and it is able euen to amaze me when I consider the great Fauours which Almightie God hath donne me by meanes of this Blessed Saint and the dangers both of Bodie and Soule out of which he hath deliuered me In such sort as that it seemes our Lord hath giuen the grace and power to other Saints to succour men in some one kinde of necessitie of theirs but I finde by good experience that this glorious Saint succours vs in them all and that our Lord will make vs vnderstand that as he would be subiect to S. Ioseph vpon earth and that by enioying the name of his Father and by being as it were his Directour and Tutour he might command him so also he would now in Heauen grant whatsoeuer this Saint should desire This truth hath also been seen by the experience of others whome I haue desired to recommend themselues to this Saint and now manie are growne to be deuoted to him and my self also haue fresh experience of this truth For my part I procured to celebrate his Festiuitie with all the solemnitie I was able to vse but yet with more vanitie then true spirit desiring that it might be performed with much curiositie and exactnes though yet still with good intention But I euer had this of ill That if our Lord enabled me at anie time to doe anie thing which was good it would be full of imperfections and faults whereas towards the doing anie thing amiss and for the exercising of curiositie and vanitie I vsed much diligence and dexteritie and cunning our Lord pardon me for it And now I would faine perswade all the world to be deuoted to this glorious Saint for the great experience which I haue had of the blessings that he obtaines for vs of Almightie God nay I haue neuer knowne anie one who is seriously deuoted to him and performes him particular seruices whome I finde not also to goe proceeding on in vertue for really he assists those soules much which recommend themselues to him And to my best remembrance there are diuers yeares wherein I haue desired somewhat of him vpon his Festiuall Day and I haue euer found it granted and if peraduenture my petition had some little of the indirect belonging to it he redressed it and set it streight for my greater good If I were anie such person as had authoritie to write I would gladly enlarge my self heer to make particular relation of the Fauours which this glorious Saint hath obtained both for me and others but to the end that I may doe no more then I am commanded I must be shorter in manie things then I would and more large in others then is needfull like one in fine who hath little discretion for the doing of anie thing which is good Only I begg for the loue of Almightie God that whosoeuer can belieue me will try the truth of what I say for he shall find by experience how greatly a good thing it is to recommend himself to this glorious Patriarch and to be deuoted to him Especially such as giue themselues to Prayer should alwaies be affectionate to this Saint for I know not how one can thinke of the Queen of the Angells at those times when she suffered so much during the Infancie of our Lord Iesus and not giue thankes to S. Ioseph for the great assistance which he gaue them at that time Whosoeuer wants a Maister who might instruct him to pray let him take this glorious Saint for his guide and he shall neuer loose his way I beseech our Lord that I may haue committed no errour in presuming to speake of this Saint for though I thus professe and publish my self to be deuoted to him yet haue I been euer faultie in the not doing him reall seruices and in not imitating his vertues But now he did like himself by procuring that I might be able to rise and walke and be no longer a Cripple and so I did also like my self in making so ill vse of this fauour But now who would euer haue imagined that I could so soone fall back againe after my receiuing so manie regalo's at the hands of Almightie God and after his Diuine Maiestie had vouchsafed to giue me some Vertues which euen as it were of themselues did awake and stirr me vp to his seruice and after I had seen my self euen as it were dead and in so imminent danger to be condemned to Hell and after he had raised me againe both in Bodie and Soule in such sort that all they who saw me were euen amazed to finde that I could so long be aliue But what is this O my Lord and my God Is this life to be still so dangerous which we are to liue Euen now whilst I am writing this me thinkes that by this fauour and mercie I might be able to say with S. Paul though yet not with such perfection as he sayd it that now It is not I vvho liue but thou O my Creatour vvho liuest in me according to the experience which I haue had some yeares by that little which I am able to vnderstand of my self and still thou holdest and keepest thy hand ouer me and I find my self full of desires and good purposes and in some sort I haue proued also euen by experience of manie things in these late yeares that I would by no meanes doe anie thing which should contradict or cross thy will how little soeuer it might be though yet I well belieue that I
a firme Foundation So that the true Loue of God consists not in hauing teares or tendernes or Spirituall gusts which we are wont for the most part to desire and to take comfort in but to serue his Diuine Maiestie with Iustice and Fortitude and Humilitie For in that other course me thinkes we are rather on the taking hand then on the giuing anie thing of our owne As for poore weake sillie woemen and who are of little courage like me me thinks I could find it fitt that our Lord should carrie them on with Regalo that so they might be the better induced to suffer those afflictions which it hath pleased his Diuine Maiestie that they should beare But for the true Seruants of God men of Substance and solid wayes men of Learning and Vnderstanding to make so much reflection vpon God 's not giueing them tendernes of Deuotion as I see they doe I confesse it giues me disgust euen to heare it I say not but that they should receaue these Spirituall delights when God giues them yea and that they should esteem them very much because in that case his Diuine Maiestie will haue seen that they were conuenient for them but only that when they haue them not they should not vex themselues and that they should also vnderstand that when God giues them not they are not conuenient for them but that they ought to be and remaine the Lords of themselues in all things Let them belieue that this is a defect and fault in them for I haue seen and tryed it Let them belieue that this is an imperfection and that it is not to walke on with Libertie of Spirit but rather like weake and cowardlie people who dare not set vpon difficulties And I say not this so much for them who are but beginners though yet I presse it so farr because it imports very much that they beginne with this Libertie of Spirit and resolution but euen for others also For there are manie who haue already begunne and yet who neuer in fine resolue vpon doing heerin home what they ought and I belieue that this proceeds in great part from their not resoluing to take vp and carrie this Crosse from the verie beginning For such shall goe on still afflicted as conceauing that all that is nothing which they doe because when the Vnderstanding giues-ouer to worke and act they vse not to be able to endure it and yet perhaps they will grow euen fatt and strong at the verie self same time though themselues vnderstand it not to be so We are to thinke and know that our Lord doth not consider and care for these things for howsoeuer our selues may thinke that they are faults yet they are not so indeed and his Diuine Maiestie knowes our miserie and base condition much better then our selues and considers that these Soules desire to be thinking alwaies vpon him and that they desire to loue him And this is that firme purpose which he values and expects at our hands But that other is but an affliction which we bring vpon our selues for it serues but to disquiet the Soule and to giue occasion that if before it were vnable to take anie benefit by seruing God for one hower it may now be so for fowre And manie times for I haue very great experience of this case and know it to be true because I haue both considered it with care and haue also treated about it with Spirituall persons this growes euen from our corporall indisposition for we are so very totally infirme that this poore little wretched Soule of ours participates in the miseries of the Bodie and euen the alteration of the weather and the reuolution of their owne naturall humours are many times the occasion why without euen anie fault of their owne they cannot well doe euen what they would but are faine to suffer thus in all kindes And when they striue to force themselues in these coniunctures of time it proues to be so much the worse with them and the inconuenience will last so much the longer But discretion must be vsed heerin to weigh when this Effect proceeds from this Cause and they must not oppress and stifle this poore Soule but vnderstand and consider that it is sick Let the hower of Prayer in God's name be changed yea and manie times it will be fitt to doe so for some dayes and let them passe through this bannishment of theirs as well as they can since it is misfortune and miserie enough for a Soule which doth indeed loue Almightie God to see that she liues in so great miserie and that she is no way able to doe euen what her self desires in regard that she is lodged with so vntoward and ill an Host as this Bodie is I sayd this was to be done with discretion because sometimes the Diuel will be a cause of these things and therefore it is good neither alwaies to leaue the vsuall set time of Prayer whensoeuer there may be great disturbance and distraction in the Vnderstanding nor yet alwaies to stand tormenting the Soule towards the making it doe more then it can There are also other exteriour workes of Charitie of reading also which may be vsed though yet sometimes the Soule will not be so much as fitt euen for that but in that case let the Minde be euen subiect as it were to the Bodie for the loue of Almighty God since manie other times the Bodie serues the Soule and let the Partie in such cases take the entertainment and pastime of conuersation with others so that it be holie or diuert himself with going a little abroad to take the Ayre as the Ghostlie Father shall aduise For Experience is a great Schoole-Mistris in all things towards the giuing anie one to vnderstand what may be fitt and Almightie God is serued in all this busines for his Yoake is sweet and it is a thing of much importance that the Soule be not seruilely dragged as one may say but that it be carried sweetly on towards the receauing of more benefit and profit So that I aduise againe and againe for though I say it often it will doe no hurt because the matter imports so much that no bodie is to afflict nor oppress himself either through drynesses or disquiets or distraction of thoughts nor yet to goe vp and downe with anie such kind of tribulation if they pretend to gaine Libertie of Spirit But let him once beginne not to be in such a fright vpon the sight of the Crosse and he shall see how our Blessed Lord will help him to beare it and what contentment he will grow to haue and how he will be able to make his profit of all things For already we may sufficiently perceaue that if there be no Spring of Water in the Well we know not how to put anie there True it is that we must by no meanes be negligent and careless but endeauour to draw it out if there be
but as for Beginners learned men if they possesse not the vse of Prayer can be of little profit to them Yet I say not that they should not treat and conferr with such men as are learned for as for hauing a Spirit which should not be first setled in a way of truth for my part I had rather haue it without Prayer For Learning is a great matter since it instructs vs who know little and brings vs light and when we approach neer to the truths of Holie Scripture we beginne to doe that which we ought but as for sillie and foolish deuotions our Lord deliuer vs from them I will declare my self yet better for I feare I put my self vpon too manie things at once though I euer wanted meanes to know how to giue my self to be well vnderstood as I haue sayd but vpon the expence of manie words A Religious Woeman for examples sake will beginne to vse Prayer and in case some sillie kinde of man direct and gouerne her he will if the toy take him in the head giue her to vnderstand that it is better for her to obey him then her Superiour yea and he will doe it without anie malice at all as conceauing that he is in the right And now she being a Religious woeman will be likelie enough to thinke that he sayes true And if she be a married woeman he will tell her that it is best for her euen when she ought to be about her House-hold businesses to exercise her self in Prayer though it were to be to the disgust of her husband So that she knowes not how to dispose of her time nor of her businesses in such sort as that all may goe according to reason and truth because in fine that Directour wants light and not hauing any himself he cannot giue it to others though he would neuer so faine And though in order to this end it seem that there is no great need of Learning yet as for me my opinion both is and euer will be that all Christians shall doe well to treat with such men about their Soules as are well learned and so much the more so much the better and they who goe by the way of Prayer haue yet more need then others to meet with such men and so the more they shall be also Spirituall the better will it be for them still And let not folkes deceaue themselues with saying That learned men without the exercise of Prayer are not to the purpose for them who vse Prayer for I haue dealt with manie and for some of these latter yeares I haue endeauoured it the more because then I found my self in more necessitie But I was euer much a freind of learned men for though some of them haue not experience yet they hate not Spirituall people nor are not ignorant what these things meane because they euer find this truth that there is such a thing as a good Spirit by holie Scripture wherein they are continually versed And as for me I hold that a person who exercises Prayer and will treat with learned men shall neuer be deceaued by illusions of the Diuel if he haue not a minde to deceaue himself For I belieue that the Diuel is mightily afrayd of Learning whensoeuer it is accompanied with Humilitie and Vertue for he knowes that he shall be discouered in the end and that so he shall come to loose by the bargaine And now I haue sayd thus much because I know there are opinions that learned men are not fitt for persons of Prayer vnlesse they be also of Spirit Already I haue signifyed that it would be necessarie to haue a Spirituall Directour but if he proue not to be learned the inconuenience will be great yet it will be of much help to treat with learned men so that they be vertuous for though they be not Spirituall as in this case we vnderstād Spirituall they will yet be able to benefit vs and God will vouchsafe to enable them to teach vs yea and so may perhaps by degrees grow euen to make them also become Spirituall to the end that they may be able to instruct vs the better And I speake not this without some tryall for the occasion hath hapned to me with more then two I say therefore that if a Soule resolue to render it self to be entirely subiect to the order of anie one Directour she shall err very much vnlesse she procure in particular manner that he be learned especially if he be a Religious man of anie Order Because such an one is to be subiect to his Prelate or Superiour and in that case peraduenture all those three aforesayd parts which were sayd to be so necessarie for a Directour will be wanting to him which will be no little crosse to the Partie besides that he may perhaps find himself to haue voluntarily submitted his Vnderstanding to that of another man who hath no very good one himself At least forasmuch as concernes me I was neuer able to bring my self to it nor indeed doe I hold it conuenient But now if the Partie of whome we speake be a Secular person let him blesse Almightie God that himself may make choice of that man to whome he will resolue to subiect himself and let him take care not to loose this vertuous libertie Nay let him euen stay without anie Directour at all till he find a fitt one for our Lord will not faile to prouide him such an one if he goe wholy grounded in Humilitie and with desire to make a fitt choice For my part I praise a fitt Directour very much and woemen and such men also as are not learned were alwaies to giue God infinit thankes for that there are some in the world who take so great paines and trouble to obtaine the knowledge of truth whereof such as be not learned are ignorant And it amazes me manie times to see Religious men who are learned and particularly to consider with how much trouble they grew to gaine all that knowledge which is to bring me so much profit without anie more trouble of mine then only to aske them the question and yet that we should not benefit our selues by it But let not God permit that still it should continue to be so For I see them subiect to the troubles and mortifications of a Religious Life which are very great with Pennances with ill Diet with hard Lodging with being subiect in all things to Obedience and in fine I so perceaue that all is affliction and all Crosse that really the thought thereof doth cast me sometimes into confusion and me thinkes it must be a great miserie that anie bodie should loose so important a benefit by his owne fault It is possible that some of vs who are free from these austerities whereof I speake or at least if we feed vpon them we will needs haue them finely dressed after our owne fancie and so will liue as we list ourselues conceaue that
heer of what it might import if such persons were to preach or teach others for then it would be fitt to serue themselues of that aduantage towards the assisting of their neighbours to that good and to help also poore people who know very little like me For Charitie is a very great matter and so is this helping soules forward so that alwaies it be done purely for God But now in these times of possessing this great Quiet let the Soule be suffered to remaine in rest with her true repose and let Learning be layd aside for time will come afterward when it will fall-out to be held in so high account that they would by no meanes haue missed that treasure of knowledge if it were but only for the power it giues them to doe more and better seruice to his Diuine Maiestie for it assists very much in order to that excellent end But yet belieue me still that in the presence of that Infinit Wisdome a very little attention to exercise Humilitie one single act of that vertue is more worth then all the knowledge of the whole world For heer there is no roome for disputing of Questions or arguing Cases but only to know with truth and plainenes what we are to represent our selues with great simplicitie in the sight of Almightie God who desires that the Soule should make her self as very ignorant and sillie as in verie deed she is when once she comes to appeare in his presence since his Diuine Maiestie descends so much below himself as to endure her neer his owne person all we being that which we are The Vnderstanding will also moue it self heer to giue certaine thankes to Almightie God which may be handsomely ordered and composed but the Will with a certaine kinde of Quiet and peace and with a not daring like the Publican of the Gospell so much as lift-vp her eyes payes yet more retribution of thankes then the Vnderstanding perhaps knowes how to doe with reuoluing all the Rhetorick in the world But in fine we are not totally in this case to forbeare to make Mentall Prayer no nor yet sometimes to vse some Vocall Words if we will and can And I say can because if the Quiet be great and deep they will hardly enough be able to speake without making it cost them much paine In my opinion we may well vnderstand when this is of the Spirit of Almightie God and when it happens to be procured by our selues though it be vpon a beginning of that deuotion which God giues vs. For when as I haue sayd wee will needs resolue our selues of our selues to procure to passe on to this possessing the Quiet of the Will it vses to worke no good effect at all but quickly ends and leaues nothing but drynes behind it And if it chance to proceed from the Diuel a Soule which is exercised in this kind will I belieue grow easily to vnderstand it for in that case it will leaue a certaine kind of disquiet and little affection to Humilitie and an vntoward disposition in order to the producing of those effects which the Spirit of Almightie God is wont to breed nor doth it also leaue either light in the Vnderstanding or a constant loue of truth in the Will And this will doe a Soule either very little hurt or none at all if she direct and addresse the suauitie and delight which then she feeles to the glorie of Almightie God and if she lodge her thoughts and desires vpon him as I haue formerly aduised the Diuel will gaine little by the bargaine Nay rather Almightie God will so dispose of things that he shall loose much euen by that verie delight which he causes in her Soule for this verie delight shall be a meanes to make that Soule which conceaues that it proceeds from God to come againe often to Prayer with desire to receaue more delight Or els if the Soule be very humble and not withall very curious nor very much interessed in taking delights though euen they be spirituall but be indeed a true friend to the Crosse she will make very little account of anie gust which the Diuel can giue her which yet she shall neuer be able to doe if indeed it be the Spirit of God for in that case she will euer be sure to hold it in verie high account Now when the Diuel propounds such a busines since he is all made of Lyes whensoeuer he sees a Soule abase and humble her self by meanes of that delight and gust which she receaues for indeed we are to haue very great care to procure to proue very humble vpon all the occasions of Prayer and gusts the Diuel will not returne to tempt vs very often when he cōsiders how much he looses by the endeauour For this reason and vpon manie other considerations did I aduertise in the First Degree and State of Prayer which answers to the First way of drawing Water in the Garden that it is a principall busines when the Soule is entring first vpon Prayer to beginne to vntye her self from the desyre of all kinde of sensible contentment and to enter vpon this onlie resolution to help our Lord IESVS to carrie his Crosse like good Caualliers who are resolued to serue their King without wages since they are so sure of him as they are And we are also still to carrie our eyes vpon that true and euerlasting Kingdome which we procure to acquire It is a very great point to haue this euer in view and especially in the beginnings for afterwards it is seen so very clearly that it may rather be fitt to forget it to the end that we may be able euen to liue then procure to be remembring that the world is to last very little and that all in fine is nothing and that heer the ease and rest which we can haue is to be esteemed for nothing This may seem to be a very poore and base consideration and so indeed it is for they who haue proceeded to more perfection would take it for an affront and would euen blush and be ashamed amongst thēselues if they thought they forsooke the goods of this world because they must come once to haue an end For although those goods were to last alwaies they would yet reioyce to leaue them for the loue of our Lord and still the more perfect they were they would reioyce so much the more yea the more also would they reioyce the longer they belieued they were to last In these men this Loue is already growne-vp to strength and it is this which workes most but for such as are but Beginners it is a point of highest importance and they must by no meanes hold it for low to be content to leaue all gusts for God For the benefits which are gained by this cōsideration are great and therefore doe I aduise it so much Nay euen those others who are most eleuated and accomplished in Prayer will haue
a sweet repose or sleep of all the Powers which are yet neither totally lost nor yet doe they know how they worke This gust and delight and suauitie is greater beyond all comparison then the former for the Water of this grace gets-vp to the verie throat of the Soule in such sort that now it cannot goe forward nor knowes how to doe it nor yet would by anie meanes returne backward but enioyes an excessiue kinde of glorie It is as when a man is already with the Holie Candle in his hand so that now there wants very little of dying but it is of that verie death which is desired for she is enioying the greatest delight that can be imagined in that agonie of hers and me thinkes it is no other thing then euen to dye as it were entirely to all the things of this world and to be enioying Almightie God For my part I can thinke of no other tearmes wherewith to expresse it or declare it nor knowes the Soule at that time what to doe nor whether she should speake or be silent or laugh or weep It is a glorious kinde of Frensie and a Celestiall kinde of Follie where yet true wisdome is learnt and it is a most delightfull manner of enioying for the Soule in a Superlatiue Degree It is true that it may be about some fiue or six yeares since first our Lord vouchsafed to allow me this kinde of Prayer often and in great abundance and that I neither did either perfectly vnderstand it nor yet can exactly declare it and for my part I made account when I was come hither that I could say either little or nothing And yet I well vnderstood that this was not an entire Vnion of all the Powers of the Soule and yet still that it was clearly more then might be found in the former Degree of Prayer and yet withall I must euer confesse that I could not tell how to know and much lesse exactly determine what this differēce was But I well belieue that for the humilitie which your Reuerence hath shewed in being desirous to help your self by so great a simplicitie as mine our Lord gaue me this Prayer this day immediatly after my receauing the B. Sacrament yet without my being able to goe forward And he put these Comparisons into my head and taught me the manner how to expresse them and what the Soule is to doe in these cases and really I was amazed at it for I vnderstood all this busines at an instant Manie times I was as it were out of my self and as if I had been euen inebriated with this loue and yet I could neuer vnderstand how it was Only I knew very well that it was God but I could not tell the manner how he wrought in me at that time For it is the verie truth that the Powers are as it were all vnited though yet not so ingulfed but that still they worke and I haue been extreamly ioyed that at length I am come to vnderstand it and Blessed be our Lord for euer who hath regaled me in so high a degree These Powers haue only now abilitie to busie themselues totally vpon Almightie God nor doth it seem that anie of them now euen dares so much as houer or stirre not as it were breath if we doe not diuert our selues then with great endeauour yea and euen so me thinkes we can scarce doe it entirely at that time A multitude of words are conceaued heer by the Soule in praise of our Lord but yet so as that they are without anie order vnlesse our Lord himself be pleased to order them for at least the Vnderstanding serues heer for nothing The Soule would faine cry out in praise of Almightie God she is then in such condition as that she knowes not how to cōtaine her self This is now a very fauourie kinde of disquiet and now yea euen very now the Flowers open themselues to blossome and already doe they beginne to yeild their odour And heer the Soule would be glad that all the world might be able to see and vnderstand her glorie that so Almightie God might be praised and that they might be able to assist her therein and that she might giue them part of her ioy as not knowing how to enioy it all her self Me thinkes she is now to be like her of the Ghospel who had a minde to call-in all her Neighbours Or els like the admirable Spirit of the Royall Prophet Dauid who might feele some such thing in himself as this when he played vpon his Harpe and sung in honour and praise of Almightie God I find my self very much deuoted to this Glorious King and I wish that all the world were so especially all we who are Sinners O my deare Lord what kind of thing is a Soule when she findes her self in such a condition as this She would faine become all Toung to praise our Lord. She vtters a thousand holie impertinencies but yet she doth euer endeauour to hitt right in pleasing him who holds her there in that manner I know of a certaine person who though she were no Poet yet instantly did she happen to make certaine Verses all extempore which were very significant in the way of complaint declared her paine very well though they were not made by her owne Vnderstanding alone but for the better enioying that glorie which gaue her so delightfull a paine she complained thereof to her God She wishes that she might be all torne in pieces both in Bodie and Soule to shew the ioy she findes to feele this paine What tormēts could then be set before her which then she would not be glad to endure for the loue of our Lord She clearly sees that the Martyrs did very little on their parts when they suffered torments for the Soule knowes then very well that her strength comes to her by some other way then from her self But now what will she feele when she comes back to employ her witts vpon knowing how to liue againe in this world and to returne both to the cares and complements thereof And certainly me thinkes I am farre from hauing exaggerated anie thing concerning this manner of ioy which our Lord is pleased to make a Soule possesse euen in this place of bannishment for all that which I haue sayd of it is very poore and meane in comparison of what it is in it self Blessed be thou for euer O Lord and let all things praise thee for euer And be pleased O my King I most humbly beseech and begg at thy hands that since when euen now I am not wholy out of this holie Celestiall Frensie or follie which through thy goodnes and mercie and so wholy without anie merit of mine thou dost me the great Fauour to impart either all such persons as with whome I shall haue occasion to conuerse may be euen as it were madd fooles for thy loue or els dispose thou so of me as that
And now it seemes to me that our Lord hath declared these States of Prayer wherein the Soule may discerne her self as farre as she can be giuen to be vnderstood heer And your Reuerence shall doe well to conferr about it with some such Spirituall person who may be learned as shall haue ariued thus farre And if he tell you that all is well you may conceaue that God hath sayd it to you and esteem it as a great benefit from his Diuine Maiestie for you will in tract of time reioyce as I haue sayd very much to vnderstand in cleare manner what it is though now whilst you haue the grace to enioy it he allowes you not the Fauour to vnderstand it so But as his Diuine Maiestie hath giuen you the first part which is the enioying so you will afterward perhaps by your knowledge and learning come also to vnderstand it by this meanes Let him be adored and praised for the eternitie of all eternities Amen THE EIGHTEENTH CHAPTER She treats of the Fourth Degree of Prayer She beginnes heer to declare in excellent manner the great dignitie to vvhich our Lord aduances that Soule vvhich is exalted to this State It serues to animate men much to endeauour that they may ariue to so high a condition since it may be obtained in this vvorld through the goodnes of our Lord though it cannot be deserued Let this be read vvith consideration and care I Beseech our Lord that he will teach me how to vse some words and way of speech which may enable me to say somewhat of this Fourth Water for I well discerne that I haue need enough of his Fauour heerin euen yet more then I had in that of the last because in that the Soule doth find her selfe not to be wholy dead and so we may very well say that she is not dead because she remaines still in the world but still as I affirmed she hath sufficient vnderstanding to know that she is still heer and that she findes the Solitude wherein she is serues her self to some proportion of the exteriour at least so farre as by outward signes to giue that which she feeles to be vnderstood In all that kind of Prayer and in the manner also of it which hath been described the Gardner labours to some proportion though yet in the Prayer of these latter kindes his labour goes accompanied with so much ioy and such a happie kind of ease as that for his part he findes no trouble at all in it for he considers it not as Trouble but as Glorie and he would be glad that it might neuer end But in this Fourth Degree or kind of Prayer there is no suffering left at all but only enioying though yet without anie distinct particular vnderstanding of what is enioyed He knowes well enough that a certaine Good is enioyed wherein all good things are contained and shut-vp but yet this Good is not totally comprehended by him All the Senses are taken vp vpon the finding and feeling of this ioy in such sort as no one of them is so dis-employed as that it can possibly attend to anie thing els either in the exteriour or interiour way Before a certaine leaue or libertie was giuen to these Powers that they might be able to make some kind of demonstration of the great ioy they felt but heer the Soule enioyes much more beyond comparison and can giue her self also to be vnderstood much lesse Because there is no meanes left in the Bodie nor yet hath the Soule anie at all wherewith to communicate that ioy but all things would then be disturbance and euen torment to her yea and distraction from the entirenes of her sweet repose I say the Soule is no way able to communicate the ioy she hath if indeed there be an absolute and entire Vnion of all the three Powers togeather for as long as that Vnion lasts and that also if she be able to communicate it I say there is no absolute Vnion In what manner this thing happens which they call Vnion and what the thing also is I am not able to giue to be vnderstood It is declared in that which they call Mysticall Theologie but as for me I am not able so much as to name euen the tearmes Nor doe I know what that is which is called Minde nor the difference between Minde and Soule nor what also is Spirit for to me all these seuerall things seem to be but one though yet the Soule now and then spring-vp euen out of her self as if it were a kind of fire which is burning vp in a flame and sometimes this fire encreases with a kind of impetuositie Now this flame rises very much higher then doth the fire but yet still notwithstanding all that it is no distinct thing from the verie fire but it is the flame it self which still is in the fire Your Reuerence will vnderstand this matter by your learning but as for me I know not how to declare it better For my part the thing which I pretend to declare is what the Soule finds and feeles when it is in this Diuine Vnion for as for the knowing what an Vnion in generall is it is euerie where vnderstood well enough to be when two seuerall things become one O my deare Lord and how good art thou Blessed be thou for euer and let all things praise thee O my God who hast been pleased to loue vs in such sort as that we may be able to speake with truth of this kind of communication which thou vouchsafest to hold with Soules euen in this bannishment of ours which although they were neuer so holie and good yet this latitude of liberalitie and magnificence of thine were great in proceeding with them after this manner But in fine it is all thine owne Maiestie and Greatnes who giuest after the rate of what thou art O infinit latitude of Bountie and how magnificent are thy workes They are able euen to amaze anie such person as hath not his Vnderstanding wholy employed vpon the things of this world and who hath left himself no roome both for the knowing and considering such things as are reall truths But now that thou shouldst be pleased to fasten such Soueraine Fauours vpon Soules which haue offended thee so much doth really euen make an end of my verie Vnderstanding and when once I come to consider of this proceeding of thine I am euen vnable to passe on anie further But indeed how can anie Creature goe anie whither in this case which shall not be a meer comeing back againe since no Soule can euer know how to giue thee anie tolerable thankes for so incomparable Fauours As for me I help my self sometimes with speaking certaine impertinencies which haue neither head nor foot and it often happens to me both when I come from receauing these Fauours and when also our Lord is beginning to impart them for as for the verie time when I am enioying them I
mee a very great deale of harrassing wearines to my self iust so as if some ordinarie person had been fighting with some strong Giant afterward I should finde my self very weary But at other times it was altogeather impossible for me to hinder it for my Soule would be carried absolutly away and ordinarily euen my head as it were after it yea this sometimes so farre as that my whole Bodie would be transported so as to be raised-vp from the ground This last hath happened rarely to me but once it was vpon the very point to ariue whilst we all were assembled togeather in the Quire and I being then vpon my knees as at the point of going to receaue the Blessed Sacrament it put me to an extremitie of trouble because it seemed to be a very extraordinarie thing and that instantly there would be much note of it and so I commanded my Religious-woemen for at that time I was growne to be Prioresse that they should not speake of it to anie creature But at other times when I beganne to discerne that our Lord was going about to doe the same againe and once in particular when diuers principall Ladies were present and it was vpon the Feast of our Vocation when there was a Sermon I did euen spread my self all along vpon the ground and though the Religious woemen came then about me to keep my Bodie downe yet the thing was easily perceiued Vpon this I humbly prayed our Lord in most particular manner that by no meanes he would doe me anie such Fauours as might carrie anie of these exteriour demonstrations with them for already I was very wearie of being necessarily so wary and watchfull ouer my self for that such kind of Fauours could not possibly be done me by his Diuine Maiestie but so that euerie bodie would come to know it And it seemes that through his goodnes he hath been pleased to heare my Prayer for since that time I neuer had anie Rapts of that kinde and to that proportion but it is true that it is notlong since I had the last But yet now so it is that when I had a minde to resist these Rapts there seemed to be somewhat of so mightie force vnder my feet which raised me vp that I know not to what to compare it but it came with much more impetuositie then anie of these other things of Spirit and so I was euen torne as it were to peices for the combat and strife is great but in fine all helped little for when our Lord hath a minde to doe anie thing no power is able to stand against it At other times he is pleased to content himself with letting vs see that he is disposed to doe vs that Fauour and that there is no auersion in his Diuine Maiestie and that we opposing our selues for Humility's sake there follow yet the self-same Effects as if we had wholy consented Now these Effects are great For first the mightie power of our Blessed Lord is made apparant thereby and that when his Diuine Maiestie is pleased to dispose of things otherwise we are no more able to detaine our Bodies then our Soules nor are we Lords therof but we must in despight of our harts acknowledge that there is a Superiour and that these Fauours come from him and that of our selues we can doe nothing in nothing and so a great impression of Humilitie is made vpon the Soule by this meanes And further I confesse that it bred also a great feare in me and at the first an extreame great one to see that a massie Bodie should be taken-vp from the earth For though the Spirit be that which drawes it after it and though it be with great suauitie and delight if it be not resisted yet our Senses are not lost thereby at least I for my part was so perfectly in my Senses that I was able to vnderstand that I was raised There doth also heerby appeare so great a Maiestie in him who can doe this that it makes euen the verie haire of the head stand on end and there remaines a mightie feare to offend so great a God but yet so as that it is wrapped vp in an excessiue kind of loue which she beginns to conceaue euen newly and freshly againe towards him whome she finds to carrie so great a loue to such rotten wormes as we are For now he seemes not content with drawing the Soule only to himself in so particular and so certaine a manner but that he will needs also draw the verie Bodie too euen whilst it is so very mortall and composed of so filthie earth as we haue made it by our Sinnes This also leaues in the Soule a very strange kind of loosning and casting it self off from all the things of this world whereof I know not how to expresse well what it is but me thinkes I may well say that it is not only in some sort a different but also a greater kind of thing then those others which worke vpon the onlie Spirit import For though in those other Visitations also there be a kind of totall vntying and loosning it self from all things for as much as concernes the Spirit yet heer it seemes our Lord is pleased that euen the Bodie also it self shall put this point in practise And it breeds in anie Creature such a new kind of shynesse and mislike in order to the things of this world that it makes euen our verie life much the more painefull to vs. It giues also such another paine as we can neither tell how to procure when we haue it not nor free our selues from the same when we haue it And I would be extreamly glad to be able to giue this to be vnderstood but I belieue I shall not know how to doe it though yet I will say somewhat if I be able But now it is to be noted that these things come vpon me when I am as it were in the verie Euening of the day after all those Visions and Reuelations whereof I will write after the time when I vsed to hold that Prayer wherein our Lord was wont to allow me so great Regalo's and gusts And though yet these things doe not cease with me at some times yet doth this Paine more often and more vsually seaze vpon me which I will now declare It hath sometimes of the more and sometimes of the lesse and now I will apply my self to speake of it as when it hath of the more For though I will treat heerafter of those great impetuosities which they vsed to bring vpon me before our Lord was pleased to giue me those Rapts yet they had in my opinion no more to doe by way of Comparison one with another then there is between things Corporall and Spirituall And I beleiue that I doe not exaggerate the matter a whitt by saying so because that Paine seemes to be such as that although the Soule doe feele it yet it feeles it
will of our Blessed Lord and for his glorie Now really and with effect all these things are wont to passe in this manner if the Rapts be true and the Soule is vested with those aduantages and benefits which are related and if these doe not follow I should be apt to doubt very much that they were not Rapts on the part of God but should rather be inclined to feare that they were of that kind of Rauings whereof S. Vincent speakes At least this is what I vnderstand and I haue seen by experience it self that the Soule is wont in these cases to become a Ladie and Queen ouer all Creatures and to acquire so much Libertie of Spirit in lesse then an hower that she cannot euen know her self but yet she well vnderstands that all this is none of her owne nor doth she know how she could come to obtaine so great a blessing but yet still she vnderstands withall the extreame great benefit and aduantage which euerie one of these Rapts bring vpon her There is no Creature who can credit all this but such an one as hath learnt it by experience and therefore men beleiue not the poore Soule which they haue seen to be wicked and now find so very soone to pretend to doe certaine things of so high importance for instantly she resolues not to be content to serue our Lord in small matters but in the very greatest she can Now the world is apt to conceaue that such endeauours are but impertinencies and temptations and yet if men would but vnderstand and consider that they are not things which grow from themselues but from our Blessed Lord to whome they had already deliuered-vp the keyes of their Will they would not so much wonder at it For my part I am of opinion that a Soule which comes once to this state doth already neither doe nor euen say anie thing of her self but that this Soueraigne King hath care of all that which is to occurr O my deare God! and how clearly doth a Soule see heer the sense and signification of that Verse and how it is to be vnderstood that both he had reason and that all the world should also haue it to desire the vvings of a Doue For it is easily and clearly to be vnderstood of that Flight which the Spirit makes whereby to raise it self aboue all Creatures and in the first place from and aboue her self But this is a sweet Flight a gustfull and pleasant Flight and a Flight without noise What kinde of dominion doth such a Soule possesse which our Lord doth once conduct to this pitch that she may be able to looke downe vpon all things without being once intangled by anie of them and how full of confusion will she be for that time wherein she was intangled before And how much will she be amazed to looke-back vpon that blindnes of hers How full will she be of compassion for such as doe yet remaine therin especially if they be persons of Prayer and such as it pleases God to regale She will heer be glad to cry out very lowd that so she may make men vnderstand how mightily they are abused and deceiued yea and so she also doth sometimes And then men are apt to rayne downe euen whole showers of persecutions vpon her head and they treat her as one who wants Humilitie and who employes her self to teach those persons of whome she might doe well to learne and especially if she be a woeman for then come they in to condemne her yea and perhaps they may haue reason because they know not by what impulse she is moued But yet as she knowes not how to helpe her self on the one side so also can she not forbeare on the other to vnbeguile those persons whome she loues whome she desires to see vnfettered from the Prison of this life for that state wherein she was neither seemes lesse nor is lesse then a Prison She is also much afflicted and tired out with the thought of that time wherein she tooke anie care of points of Honour and for the grosse false errour wherein she was to haue beleiued that to be Honour which the world calls Honour for she sees that it was an abominable lye and yet that euer ie bodie liues in practise of that false Doctrine But now this Soule vnderstands and knowes That right Honour is not false but true esteeming that to be worth somewhat which indeed is so and holding that which indeed is nothing in no account at all since all is nothing and lesse then nothing which once comes to haue an end and in the meane time doth not please Almightie God She despises also and laughes at her self for the time wherein she made anie account of Monie and of the couetous desires thereof though yet in this particular I doe not beleiue and certainly it is very true that I euer had anie fault to confesse but it will haue been fault enough to haue held them in anie manner of account If with them I had been able to buy these blessings which now I find in my self I might haue esteemed them very much But now the Soule perceaues that this blessing is gotten best by leauing all things But what in fine is that which can be bought with this Monie which we so much desire Is it anie thing of true worth Is it anie thing which is durable Or to what end doe we desire it A miserable kind of supply and repose doe we procure by that which costs vs so deare for we often goe with it to Hell and we buy no other thing by meanes therof then endlesse torment in euerlasting fire O that all men would at length resolue to hold it but for earth which is good for nothing How orderly would the world then proceed How free would all places be from vniust contracts how sincerely would all men performe acts of freindship if once there raigned no interest either of Honour or monie in the mindes of men For my part I conceiue that the world would be reduced to good order This Soule sees also then that there is a great blindnes in the conceipt which men frame about the delights of this world and how we buy nothing by their meanes euen for this very life which we leade heer but affliction and disquiet How great disquiet and how little contentment and in fine what a deale of labouring in vaine And heer is the Soule able to discerne not only grosse Cobwebs and great faults but euen anie poore graine of dust how little soeuer it may be and so how much soeuer she may haue laboured to perfect her self if once the Sunne shine bright and if the same Sunne strike it through with those beames in good earnest she will find it to be dustie enough It is like a Glasse full of water which you will hold to be very cleare and pure vnlesse the Sunne shine vpon it but if you see it once falne vpon
choose for the helping of others though yet still it must be considered that this strength proceeds not from themselues But when once our Blessed Lord brings a Soule so neer himself as I haue shewed he goes by little and little communicating very great secrets to her And heer come the true Reuelations in this kind of Extasis and other great Fauours and Visions And all these things serue to make this Soule both more humble and more strong and to giue her grace to hold all kind of worldlie things in no account as also to know more clearly the greatnes of that reward which our Blessed Lord hath prouided for such as serue him I humbly befeech his Diuine Maiestie that the excessiue bountie which he hath vouchsafed to shew towards this miserable sinnefull Creature may proue some part of a motiue to make them who shall read this Discourse encourage and animate themselues to leaue all things yea euen absolutly all for Almightie God since his Diuine Maiestie is pleased to giue so compleat rewards For we see and that clearly enough what aduantages and Fauours and retributions he is pleased to allow euen in this life to such as serue him and what then will he be sure to doe for them in the next THE TWO AND TWENTIETH CHAPTER In vvhich she treats of hovv secure a vvay it is for persons vvho giue themselues to Contemplation not to raise-vp their Spirit to high things vnlesse our Lord raise them vp and that the Humanitie of Christ our Lord is in deed to be the meanes tovvards the highest Contemplation of all others She speakes also of an errour vvherein once she vvas This Chapter containes matter of much profit I Will heer declare a certaine thing which is in my opinion very important and if your Reuerence thinke fitt it may serue you for a word of aduise yea and perhaps you may grow euen to haue need therof I haue read in some Bookes written of Prayer which affirme that how soeuer the Soule is not able of it self to ariue to that State whereof I spake before because all that is Supernaturall which our Lord workes there yet she may be able forsooth to help her self therin by raising-vp her Spirit aboue all things created and that so she hauing raised it vp manie yeares togeather with humilitie and hauing first passed through the Purgatiue way and after that through the Illuminatiue they aduise in particular manner that men should separate and abstract themselues from all kind of imagination or reflection vpon corporeall things and that so they should be able to approach and reach the contemplation of the Diuinitie For they say that although it be euen the verie Humanitie it self of Christ our Lord yet is it of some impediment to such as proceed thus farre yea and that it hinders men from the most perfect kind of Contemplation For the making this Opinion good they alleadge that which our Lord sayd to his Apostles when himself was ascending-vp to Heauen of the coming of the Holie-Ghost downe vpon them which would not be accomplished till himself were retired out of their sight But for my part I am apt to conceaue that if they had then had that Liuelie Faith of our Lord 's being both God and Man which they had after the coming of the Holie Ghost his Corporall Presence would haue done them no hurt at all For he held no such discourse to his Blessed Mother though she loued him much more then they all But these men vse to alleadge this passage or place of Scripture because it seemes to them in regard that all this action of Prayer is a worke of Spirit that euerie Corporeall Obiect will be able to diuert and hinder it and that forsooth they must consider themselues after a manner which is totally independent vpon Creatures and that God is alike neer them on all sides and so to see themselues ingulfed in him is the thing which they should endeauour to obtaine Now this doth not displease me to be vsed at sometimes and in some cases but yet to denide our selues wholy from the person of Christ our Lord and to bring that Diuine Bodie of his into the account and companie of these miseries of ours or euen with all the rest of the whole created world I can by no meanes ondure and I humbly begg of his Diuine Maiestie that I may be able to giue my self to be vnderstood I will not yet put my self to contradict them because they are learned men and spirituall persons who faile not to know well what they say and it is also very true that it pleases Almightie God to carrie and conduct Soules by seuerall walkes and wayes as he did mine And now I will declare some particulars thereof for in the rest I will not interpose my self but only speake of the danger wherein I found I was because I conformed my self to what I had read I well beleiue that whosoeuer shall find himself to haue ariued to the State of Vnion and not to haue passed further on so farre as to haue Rapts and Visions togeather with such other Fauours as our Lord is wont to impart to Soules may hold that which is spoken of to be better as I also did But yet if I had continued therein I beleiue I should neuer haue ariued to that pitch wherein now I am For in my opinion it is an errour and deceipt though yet perhaps it may be my self who am the person deceiued yet I will relate what hapned to me Whilst I was in want of a Directour and the while went reading the Bookes afforesayd whereby I thought I grew to vnderstand somewhat by little and little I came indeed to find afterward that if our Lord had not been my teacher I should haue learnt very little by those Bookes For really it was nothing which I vnderstood till his Diuine Maiestie was pleased to make me know it by experience nor indeed did I know what I did But when afterward I came so farre as to haue some kind of Prayer which was Supernaturall I meane the Prayer of Quiet I procured to dismisse my self of all kind of Corporeall Obiects though yet I durst not goe raising and exalting my Soule For considering that I was alwaies so very wicked I saw that this was to be a great presumption in me But then I came to thinke that I felt a kind of Presence of Almightie God in me after a particular manner as indeed I did and I procured to recollect my self with him And this is a very sauourie and gustfull kind of Prayer if our Lord assist a Soule particularly therein and the delight of it is great and when both the profit and pleasure which it giues is once obserued by the Soule there could be then no meanes to make me returne againe to the Humanitie of Christ our Lord because in realitie of truth I conceiued that it was an impediment to me Othou Lord
Benedictions and he will addresse your life by your Meditation vpon his for he is the best Originall and Patterne which we can possibly haue And indeed what can we desire more then to haue so perfect a Freind at hand who will neuer giue vs ouer in our afflictions and tribalations as they of this world are wont to doe Most Blessed is that man who loues him with all sinceritie of truth and who is alwaies carrying him close to himself Let vs looke vpon the Glorious S. Paul who seemes as if he could not suffer that euer the name of Iesus should be able to fall often enough from his mouth as one who did not faile to carrie it well imprinted vpon his hart And since I vnderstood of that other abstracted course whereof I spoke I haue reflected vpon diuerse great Contemplatiue Saints with much care and I find that they went no other way then this S. Francis she wes it plainly by the Wounds S. Anthonie of Padua by the Infant S. Bernard delighted himself much in the Humanitie of our Blessed Lord and so also did S. Katherine of Sienna togeather with manie other Saints as your Reuerence knowes better then I. This departing and abstracting ones self from all Corporeall Obiects should as it seemes be good since persons who are so Spirituall affirme it but yet in my opinion this must be vnderstood of Soules who are very Proficient in Spirit for till then it is euident enough that the Creatour is to be sought by meanes of the Creatures But yet I will vndertake nothing in this case since all depends vpon the Fauour which our Lord is pleased to shew to anie Soule That which I would faine giue to be vnderstood is that the most Sacred Humanitie of Christ our Lord must not be made to come into that account and let this point be well vnderstood wherein I would faine know how to declare my self When God is pleased to suspend all the Powers of the Soule in those kindes of Prayer which are related we haue seen plainly that this Presence of Christ our Lord is taken from vs whether we will or no and let it then be gone in a good hower for that kind of losse is a happie one whereby we come to enioy more of that which we conceiue our selues to haue lost for then the Soule employes her self wholy vpon louing him whome the Vnderstanding hath already endeauoured to know and she loues that which she did not fully comprehend and now ioyes in that wherein she could not also haue ioyed but only by loosing her self for her greater gaine But now that we should by tricks and of sett-purpose accustome our selues not to procure with our whole power to carrie alwaies in our eyes and I would to God it were alwaies this most Sacred Humanitie of Christ our Lord this I say is that which I like not since it is a way of making the Soule walke in the Ayre as we vse to say For it seemes that she hath no firme and stable resting-place howsoeuer she may make her self beleiue that she is full of God It is a great matter whilst we liue and are humane to procure to bring God to our selues Humane for this is that other inconuenience which I say there is for the first I beganne to say was a little want of humilitie in presuming to raise the Soule before our Lord raised her and not to content her self with meditating vpon a thing so pretious but that she will needs be a Marie before she haue taken the paines of Martha If our Lord himself be pleased that we be Marie there will be nothing to be feared though it should be vpon the verie first day of our doing him Seruice But yet let vs consider well of the matter as I thinke I was saying before for this small moate of little humilitie will make a shift to doe a great deale of hurt against profiting in the way of Contemplation But to returne now to the Second point We are no Angells but we haue Bodies and to desire to make our selues Angells whilst yet we are vpon earth and especially if they be so earthlie as I was is a kinde of follie or madnes But our thoughts in the ordinarie way haue need of a kind of leaning or resting-place though yet sometimes the Soule may goe so out of her self yea and manie times may be so full of Almightie God that perhaps she hath no neęd to recollect her self by meanes of anie thing created But this is not a thing so ordinarie and in businesses and persecutions and troubles when she cannot enioy so much Quiet and in the times also of Drynesse and dulnesse Christ our Lord is wont to be a very good freind For we consider him as man and we behold him full of weaknesses and afflictions and he is companie fitt for all good occasions and when once we are a little accustomed we shall finde him very easily kept close to vs though yet some such times will occurr as that we shall not be able to doe neither the one nor the other Vpon this reason it will be well to doe that whereof I haue spoken already namely not to pretend and procure any sensible consolation of Spirit but let anie thing ariue that will for it is no toy or trifle to embrace the Crosse of our Lord. This Lord of ours was forsaken by all manner of comfort and they left him all alone in his afflictions but yet let not vs doe so For he will reach vs his hand which can raise vs better vp then all our owne diligences would haue been able to doe and yet he will absent himself also when he shall thinke fitt and when he shall thinke it fitt he will also draw the Soule out of it self as I haue sayd before Our Lord is very well pleased to see a Soule with Humilitie introduce his Sonne for her Intercessour and he loues her so very much that euen when his Diuine Maiestie shall haue an inclination to raise her-vp to great Contemplation the same Soule may yet hold her self vnworthie and cry out with S. Peter Depart from me O my Lord for I am a sinnefull man I haue tryed this verie thing by experience and thus hath God conducted my Soule Let others therefore goe by some other short cutt as they please but that which I haue been able to vnderstand is that all this Ciment of Prayer is grounded vpon Humilitie and that the more the Soule is abased in that holie exercise the more is it exalted by Almightie God Nor doe I remember that euer he shewed me anie of those singular Mercies of which I shall speake afterward but when I found my Soule euen as it were annihilated with obseruing my self to be so very wicked Yea and sometimes his Diuine Maiestie tooke care to giue me to vnderstand certaine things towards the making me know my self so much the better which I could neuer haue told how to
imagine But I am of opinion that when the Soule doth anie thing on her part to help her self on as afforesayd towards that Prayer of Vnion how soeuer for the present it may seem to doe good yet the building will quickly fall as wanting anie sound foundation and I am afrayd that she will neuer ariue to true Pouertie of Spirit which consists in not desiring so much as comfort or gust in Prayer for all those of this world are forsaken already except consolation in affliction and that for loue of him who euer liued in them but to remaine also quiet in those verie afflictiōs and aridities for though they faile not to haue some little trouble thereat yet is it not so farre as to giue them anie such disquiet and paine as some giue themselues by conceiuing that if they be not alwaies labouring with their Vnderstanding and to haue sensible deuotion all is lost as if they could deserue so great a good by the paines they take I say not that they should not procure and maintaine themselues with much care in the Presence of Almightie God but if yet they be not able to obtaine no not so much as one good thought as I haue sayd els where yet let them not torment themselues because we all are vnprofitable Seruants what can we conceiue that wee shall be euer able to doe Our Lord is much better pleased that we may come to know this truth and that we may hold our selues fitt to be treated like some poore little Asses to turne that wheele about whereby the sayd Water is to be gotten who though they be put in blindfold doe not so much as know what they doe will yet get-vp more water then the Gardner with all the diligences he can vse No we must walke in this way with libertie of Spirit put our selues into the hands of Almighty God If his Diuine Maiestie shall be pleased to aduance vs to be of his Chamber Councell we must goe with a good will but if not we must be content to serue in inferiour employments and not to seate our selues in the best place as I haue sayd els where Almightie God hath more care of vs then we haue of our selues and knowes for what euerie bodie is fitt and for what therefore doth it serue for him to gouerne himself when already the whole Will is disposed of and giuen away to Almightie God In my opinion it is lesse to be tollerated or endured heer then in the First Degree of Prayer and it doth vsmuch more harme if any such errour be committed by vs for these are Supernaturall blessings If a man haue an ill voice how much soeuer he shall enforce himself to sing the voice will not be made good by it but if God shall once haue made it good he needes not be crying out before hand Let vs therefore alwaies humbly pray him to shew vs fauour let the Soule be wholy resigned but yet withall confiding in the greatnes of God And now when she hath gotten leaue to remaine at the feet of Christ our Lord let her not stirre from thence but continue in what sort soeuer it may be and let her imitate the Magdalena for when he shall find her strong he will take her vp with him to the Desert So that your Reuerēce shall doe well to keepe your self in this way till you meet with some other who may haue more experience then I and may know it better Only if they be persons who were but beginning to haue gust in Almightie God doe not beleiue them for they conceiue that they profit themselues more and haue more gust when they helpe themselues in such sort as is declared before O how Almightie God comes clearly and openly enough in without these little prettie helpes when he hath a minde to it and so as that whether we will or no he eleuates and hurries-away the Spirit euen as some Giant would dispose of a straw and so as that no resistance can be thought of But what a kind of impertinency is it for a man to beleiue that whensoeuer he lists a Toade should be made able to flye of it self And I hold it to be a more difficult and absurd kind of thing that the Spirit should be able to raise and exalt it self without being exalted and raised by Almightie God for it is all loaden with earth and with a thousand impediments and it will proue to be of little vse to it that it haue a minde to flye for though flying be more naturall to a Soule then to a Toade yet this Soule is already all plunged in a great bed of dutt myre as haueing lost that other qualitie by her owne fault I will therefore conclude with this that whensoeuer we dispose our selues to thinke and meditate vpon Christ our Lord we must remember the loue wherewith he did vs so manie Fauours and now greatly Almightie God was pleased to shew it to vs by giuing vs so high a pledge and pawne of his loue for one loue begetts and breeds another And though we should he meer poore beginners in this holie exercise and though we should withall be very wicked yet let vs still procure to be looking vpon this Obiect and still be stirring our selues vp to loue For if once our Blessed Lord vouchsafe to imprint this loue into our harts all things will grow easie to vs and we shall quickly fall to worke and that without anie trouble to our selues at all I beseech his Diuine Maiestie that he will vouchsafe to bestow it vpon vs since he knowes how very much the same imports vs for we beggit by the great loue which he bore to vs and for the sake of his Glorious Sonne who also loued vs all so extreamly to his owne cost Amen One thing I would faine aske your Reuerence how our Lord beginning to doe Fauours to a Soule and those so eminent and high as to bring her to perfect Contemplation which Soule were therefore in all reason to grow and remaine entirely perfect euen at that instant for certainly it ought to be so since whosoeuer receiues so very great blessings from Heauē should be extreamly farre from careing for anie such delights as concerne this life can possibly bring to passe that when she growes to haue Rapts and so to receiue more Fauours higher Effects thereof and that so much the more as she falls-out to be more vntyed from the world and considering yet withall how in the very first instant when our Lord ariues to a Soule he can leaue her entirely sanctifyed how I say our Lord can abandon this Soule afterward in processe of time without maintaining it in the perfection of vertue This I say would I very faine know for I vnderstand it not yet though I know well that it is a very different case what proportion of strength Almightie God leaues in a Soule when his visitation at the first
lasts no longer then the opening as it were and shutting of an eye for then in effect it is scarce felt at all but only by the very effects which it leaues behind it and when on the other side this Fauour continues to be of much longer extent But it occurrs to mee often to doubt whether the cause of this may not be that the Soule disposes not her self entirely for God till his Diuine Maiestie bring her vp and breed her for himself by little and little and so bespeake her to resolue her self all at once and giue her the verie strength of a growne man to the end that she may cast all as it were a thousand miles off as he instantly did with S. Marie Magdalen and as he also doth with others after the rate of their co-operating with him and as they suffer his Diuine maiestie to dispose of them wholy according to his owne good pleasure for els we know not how to beleiue that euen in this life Almightie God giues a hundred for one I thought also of this Comparison That supposing the thing to be all one which is imparted both to Beginners and Proficients it would be like to some one only food whereof manie feed all at once and that they who eat little of it preserue no more memory and remaine with no more effect of it then only some little sauour or smack for a while but they who feed more largely it giues them helpe to subsist and they who feed plentifully on it receiue encrease of strength and spirit by it yea and a Soule may feed so often and so fully vpon this food of life that she may come not to endure anie thing at all which shall not tast iust like that For she findes the very great benefit which she receiues by it and she hath her tast already so wholy made to that sweetnes that she had rather euen leaue to liue then to feed vpon other things which were all to serue in fine for nothing but only to take away the good tast which the former excellent food left in her mouth Besides no conuersation with holie companie is wont to be of so much vse and benefit in one day as in manie but we may be in it so long as that we may grow to be euen like them our selues if our Lord will be pleased to doe vs so much fauour But to conclude the mayne busines consists in what his Diuine Maiestie vouchsafes to doe and to whome he will be pleased to allow it though yet withall it grow to import very much that whosoeuer will pretend to receiue this Fauour must fully resolue himself to be absolutly dis-engaged and vntyed from the whole world yea and to esteem that Fauour of our Blessed Lord as highly as the thing deserues It also seemes to me as if his Diuine Maiestie were resoluing to try who they are that loue him Namely whether it be this Soule or that and that he would also discouer who himself is by imparting so high and soueraigne a delight to quicken and fortifye their Faith if it should chance to be dead or weake in the beleif of those great blessings which he meanes to giue her saying Behold this is but a single dropp of that huge and vast Sea of benedictions which I meane to giue to such as I loue And when he sees that they receiue it as he giues it he giues not only it but himself with it In fine he loues them who loue him And O what a good Louer and good Beloned is he Othou the Lord of my Soule O that I could find anie fitt words whereby I might giue to be vnderstood what thou bestowest vpon such as trust thee home and what they loose who ariue to this condition and yet will needs remaine still with themselues But doe not O thou my Lord permitt this since already thou dost more then this for our sakes in coming to so base and wicked a lodging as this of my hart Blessed maist thou be for euer and for euer Amen And now I returne most humbly to beseech your Reuerence that if you meane to impart these things which I haue written concerning my Prayer they may be very Spirituall persons to whome yow doe it For if they vnderstand no more then some one way or if they haue remained in the half way they will neuer be so well able to hitt right Now there are some whome Almightie God carries instantly by a very sublime kind of addresse and they perhaps will conceiue that others may also profit there and may quiet and calme the Vnderstanding and not serue themselues at all of the meanes of anie Corporeall obiect but yet these creatures with all this shall come in fine to remaine as dry as a stick And some who haue growne to enioy a little Quiet grow also to thinke of this fancie that Why forsooth may not they be able to obtaine as well the one as the other But such as these in stead of aduancing in the way of profiting their Soules shall really disaduantage themselues as I haue sayd So that in all this busines there will be need both of experience and prudence and I beseech our Lord grant them to vs through his owne goodnes THE THREE AND TWENTIETH CHAPTER She returnes to declare the course of her life and hovv she first beganne to thinke of grovving to greater perfection and by vvhat meanes she did it This Chapter is very profitable for such as are to gouerne Soules in order to Prayer and to make them knovv hovv they are to behaue themselues in their beginnings and of the benefit she reaped by knovving it her self I will now returne to that place where I gaue ouer the Discourse of my Life for I haue detained my self perhaps longer then I ought to the end that yet that which followes may grow to be the better vnderstood From hence forward this will be another new Booke I meane another new Life for hitherto it was mine but the Life which I haue liued since I beganne to declare these things of Prayer is that when God liued in me forasmuch as I could conceiue since I hold it to be impossible otherwise for me to haue giuen ouer both such ill actions and conditions in so short a time Let our Lord be euerlastingly praised for deliuering me in such sort from my self But I beginning now to free my Soule from the occasions of ill and to giue my self more to Prayer our Lord beganne also to doe me Fauours as one who in all apparance desired but that I would be content to receiue them His Diuine Maiestie did therefore then very ordinarily giue me the Prayer of Quiet and manie times that also of Vnion which lasted very long fitts of time But now when I vnderstood that there had occurred great Illusions of certaine woemen and deceipts which the Diuel put vpon them I beganne to be afrayd as considering the delight and sweetnes
which I felt to be so very great yea and that manie times it was such that I could not auoyd it though yet withall on the other side I saw cause of very great securitie that it was God especially when I was in Prayer and I found also that I was much bettered by it and still remained with more strength of Minde towardes Vertue But yet whensoeuer I grew to be a little diuerted I returned againe to feare whether the Diuel might not haue a minde to make me conceiue that it were good for me to suspend the vse of my vnderstanding and so depriue my self of the exercise of Mentall Prayer and that I might not be able to thinke vpon the Passion of Christ our Lord nor to serue my self as I was saying of my Vnderstanding part which seemed to me a very great inconuenience But now when his Diuine Maiestie was pleased already to giue me light to the end that I might offend him no more and might also grow able to know how much I owed him for this goodnes this feare came now to encrease in such sort that it put me vpon a diligent search after some persons of Spirit with whome I might communicate my affaires and already I had gotten notice of some For by this time they of the Societie of IESVS were come hither to which Order though I yet knew no one of them I was very affectionate vpon the onlie reason of my vnderstanding what kind of life they led and what Prayer they vsed But I found not my self worthie enough to speake with them nor constant and strong enough to obey them And this gaue me yet greater feare for in fine to treat with them and yet to continue still what I was represented it self to me as an odd and ill-fauoured busines In these cogitations of mine did I passe some time till now by the much batterie which I made vpon my self and through the feares to which still I was subiect I resolued to treat with one who was a Spirituall person and to aske him what kind of Prayer that was which I vsed and to desire him to giue me light if he found me to be in errour and I resolued to vse all possible diligence not to offend Almightie God for the want which I found in my self of courage did continue me still in my feares O my deare God! how great a deceipt and errour was this in me to seperate my self from good that so I might grow to be good The Diuel it seemes is willing to labour much vpon this point in the beginning of our aspiring to Vertue for I could not in fine conquer my self heerin He well knowes that the meanes of doing good to a Soule consists in that she resolue to conferr in particular manner with such as are the freinds of Almightie God and therefore I would neuer sett anie time to resolue vpon this I expected to reforme my self first as I had also done before when I left my Prayer and perhaps I should neuer haue gone through with it for I was already declined so low towards certaine little things of ill custome and consequence which yet in fine I would not conclude to be ill that I was in need to be assisted by some other who might reach me out his hand to raise me vp And now Blessed be our Lord for in fine his owne was the first When now I saw that my feare came-on so farre for I proceeded and encreased in Prayer I conceaned that there was either some great good or els some excessiue mischeif inuolued in it for already I vnderstood very well that it was a Supernaturall aduantage which I had since sometimes I was not able to resist it and to obtaine it also when I would could not possibly be done Vpon this I grew to resolue that there would be no remedie for me if I procured nor to haue great puritie of Cōscience and if I quitted not all occasions of ill though it were but of Veniall Sinnes For if my exercise of Prayer were of the Spirit of Almightie God the benefit did very euidently appeare if it were of the Diuel yet he could doe me no hurt at all but rather would be put to sitt downe with losse if I should procure to please Almightie God and not offend him at all And now hauing resolued vpon this and euer humbly praying our Blessed Lord that he would assist me and taking the same course seuerall dayes I yet found that my Soule had not strēgth enough all alone to goe through with the obtaining so great perfection in regard of some inclination and liking which I carried to certaine things which howsoeuer they were not very ill of themselues yet they serued the turne to spoile all They told me then of a certaine Preist in this place who was a learned man and whose vertue and good life our Lord began to discouer to the world and I procured by meanes of a holie Cauallier dwelling in the same place to acquaint my self with him This Cauallier is a married man but yet leades a life so very full of example and vertue and he is of so great Prayer and Charitie that his perfection shines brightly in the eyes of all men and with much reason in regard of the great good which is growne to manie Soules by his meanes as also by his great talēts And though he be not forwarded a whitt by anie plentie in his Fortune yet he cannot choose but employ the meanes he hath that way He is of great vnderstanding and of an excellent nature His conuersation is no way troublesome but so agreable and delight full togeather with his being iust and holie that it giues gust to all such as treat with him He ordaines and gouernes all things for the great good of such Soules as he conuerses with and seemes indeed to haue no other endeauour or ayme then to doe good to all them whome he findes to be anie way capable thereof and finally to giue contentment to all Now this holie and blessed man doe I esteem to haue by his industrie and charitie layd the foundation for the saluation of my Soule And I am confunded to thinke of his humilitie in that he would be content to see me for there were as I conceiue little lesse then fortie yeares wherein he had exercised Mentall Prayer they might perhaps be fewer by two or three yeares and he led his life with all that perfection which his condition and state might seem to permit He hath a Wife who is so great a Seruant of Almightie God and a woeman so full of charitie that he looses nothing at all by possessing her In a word he chose her for such a kind of Wife as whome Almightie God knew to be fitt for so great a Seruant of his some of his kindred were married to some kinswoemen of mine And besides I was also acquainted with another great Seruant of God who was
married to one of my Cosen-Germans and I had much acquaintance there and by this meanes I procured that the Preist who was his great freind and withall so great a Seruant of God might come and speake with me for I intended to Confesse my self to him and to haue him for my Directour And now that Cauallier conducting him to me to the end that we might speake togeather and I remaining with extreame confusion to see my self in the presence of so holie a man gaue him some knowledge of my Soule and of the Prayer which I vsed for he excused himself from taking my Confession as telling me that he was very full of businesse and so indeed he was As for him he determined with a holie kind of resolution to conduct me as a person who was confirmed and strong for indeed I was to haue been so in all reason according to the Prayer which he saw I held that so I might no more offend Almightie God in the least degree But when I so quickly found his resolution concerning those little things from which as I sayd I had not the courage to depart instantly with so great perfection I was much afflicted and when I also found that he meant to carrie the busines of my Soule after such manner as if he would make an end as it were all at once by disposing and setling thereof I saw that I had need of much more consideration and care to be vsed towards me then that In a word I was of opinion that the meanes which he prescribed were not they whereby my remedie was to be procured for they were proper for a Soule which had been more perfect then mine But as for me though I had proceeded very farre in as much as might concerne the Fauours of Almightie God to my Soule yet for as much as concerned Vertue and Mortification I was but in the verie beginnings thereof And certainly I conceiue that if I had not been to treat with anie other then him my Soule would neuer haue improued and thriued For through the affliction which it gaue me to see how I did not yea and how as I thought I could not doe that which he prescribed it was enough to make me loose my hope and to giue-ouer the whole busines Sometimes I am apt to maruaile that Almightie God was not pleased to let this Scruant of his the holie Priest receiue a perfect knowledge of my Soule nor to encharge himself with the care thereof since he is a person who hath a particular facilitie and grace in beginning to gaine Soules to his Diuine Maiestie But I see that all this hapned for my greater good that so I might come to know and conuerse with so holie men as they of the Societie of IESVS are But in the meane time I remained in agreement with that Cauallier of whome I spake that now and then he should doe me the Fauour to visit me and heer I discerned his great humilitie since he would be contented to conuerse with so wicked a Creature as my self He beganne therefore then to visit me and to encourage me and to tell me that I must not thinke to deliuer my self from all my imperfections in one day but that by little and little Almightie God would doe it and that himself had remained some whole yeares in reforming some verie little light things as not being able to finish the worke sooner O Humilitie how great blessings dost thou bestow vpon them with whome thou remainest yea and euen vpon those others also who doe but euen approach to the possessours thereof This Saint for in my opinion I may well giue him this name with great reason related certaine particulars to me concerning himselfe which through his humilitie seemed weaknesses to him but he did it for my remedie and redresse and considering his condition and way of life they imported neither fault nor imperfection but as for me it was a very great one to be subiect to them Nor doe I say thus much by chance though perhaps I extend my self too farre in speaking of these verie little things but they import so much for bringing a Soule into the way of profiting in Spirit and for getting her out to flye which hath scarce gotten yet anie feathers that no bodie who hath not experience of it will beleiue it And I affirme these things heer the rather because I hope in Almightie God that this which I am saying now will doe much good For all my helpe and hope consisted in finding out the way how to cure me and in their exercising Humilitie and Charitie towards me yea and to haue patience also in perceiuing that I did not instantly and entirely amend my self And this man went with discretion by little and little and shewed me diuerse wayes how to ouercome the Diuel In the meane time I beganne to carrie so entire an affection to him that I could not receaue a greater ease and ioy then to liue that day when I might see him though they were but few When he delayed his Visits I was very much and very quickly troubled at it as doubting that he forbore to see me because I was so wicked When he came to know my so great imperfections yea and euen they might reach to be Sinnes though yet after I had begunne to treat with him I was somewhat mended and when I informed him also of the Fauours which Almightie God had been pleased to doe me to the end that he might giue me light he told me that all those seuerall things did not suite very well with one another and that those Regalo's were not belonging but to persons who were already very much improued and mortifyed That for his part he could not forbeare to be much afrayd because it seemed to him that there appeared an euill Spirit in some things though yet he would not absolutly resolue it but he wished that I should consider very well of whatsoeuer I vnderstood concerning my Prayer and so relate it to him Now heer the great trouble was that I could tell him nothing at all of what my Prayer was for indeed it is not long since Almightie God hath done me the Fauour of knowing either how to vnderstand it or declare it But as soone as he had expressed himself to mee the affliction which I had was great and the teares which I shed were manie through the feare I had For certainly I desired to serue and please Almightie God and I knew not how to perswade my self that it was of the Diuel only I feared least for my great sinnes our Lord might blind me so farre as that I could not vnderstand it But then turning ouer some Bookes to see if I could meet with anie thing concerning my Prayer I found in one which is called The Ascent to the Mountaine in that particular which concernes the Vnion of a Soule with Almightie God all those signes which I had in that state of my
not being able to thinke of anie thing for this was that of which I spake most that Namely I could not thinke of anie thing in distinct manner when I had that Prayer and I marked and noted those places with certaine lines wherein that passage was contained and then I deliuered him the Booke to the end that both himself and that holie Priest and Seruant of God of whome I spake before might consider it and make me know what I was to doe and whether perhaps they might be of opinion that I was to giue-ouer my Prayer altogeather For in fine to what purpose was I to thrust my self into those dangers if now after I had vsed this Prayer for almost twentie yeares togeather I had made no other benefit thereof but to be subiect to the deceipts of the Diuel and that therefore it were better for me not to vse this Prayer at all though yet it be also true that this shewed it self as a very sad and hard case to me since already I had found by experience how ill it went with my Soule without the exercise of Prayer So that now I could see nothing but miserie on all sides like one who were cast into a Riuer and to which side soeuer he should goe he might still haue the more danger to feare and were so come to the verie point as it were of drowning This is a very mightie affliction and of this kind I haue endured manie as I shall declare afterward For though perhaps it may seem not to import yet peraduenture it may indeed proue to be of vse towards the vnderstanding of how a Spirit is to be tryed For certainly the affliction which vses to be endured in these cases is very great and there is need of a nice hand and of a warye foot especially when men treat with woemen for our weaknes is very great and much mischeif may chance to ariue by telling vs that such or such a thing is certainly the Diuel without considering it first very well and remouing vs from those dangers which may occurr and aduising vs to keep things very priuate and that they also be carefull thereof themselues for this is fitt And heerin it is I who speake as one who haue endured affliction enough for not hauing had fitt persons with whome I might conferr about my Prayer but by asking first one and then another what might doe me good which hath done me hurt enough For now diuerse things haue growne to be publique which might well haue remained very priuate since they are not for euerie bodie 's vnderstanding and besides it may haue seemed as if they had been diuulged by me I well beleiue that those others did it without anie fault in them but that our Lord was pleased to permit it to the end that I might suffer by it I am farre from saying yea or so much as thinking as if anie of them related anie such particular as had passed from me to them in Confession for there was no such matter but yet in regard it came from me to such persons as to whome in the way of conference I gaue account of my feares to the end that they might assist me with giuing me light me thinkes they might haue kept my counsaile But how soeuer I durst neuer conceale anie thing from such persons in such occasions as those I say therefore that such as I was then must be counsailed with much discretion and animated and time must be expected for our Blessed Lord will helpe them as he did me which if he had not done the preiudice which I should haue suffered would haue been extreame by reason of my being so full of apprehensions and feares and especially considering to how great palpitations of hart I was subiect I wonder how this other accident did me not more hurt When therefore I had deliuered this Booke and made a relation of my Life and of my Sinnes the best I could though yet in grosse for I did it not in the way of Confession in regard he was a Secular person though yet still I made him vnderstand how wicked I was those two Seruants of Almightie God considered with great charitie and loue what might be conuenient for me to doe Now the Answer being readie which I expected with feare enough and I hauing recommended my self at that time to manie persons that they might recommend me ouer to Almightie God and my self also hauing been much in Prayer with affliction enough of hart to my self the Cauallier came to me at length and told me that in the opinion both of himself and of the other it was the Diuel and that the thing which would be fitt for me to doe was to treat about this busines with a certaine Father of the Societie of IESVS who if I would call him to me declare that I was in necessitie of his helpe would not faile to come and that I should giue him an account of my whole life by way of making a Generall Confession as also otherwise of my condition and that I must proceed in all things with much clearnes and that then in vertue of the Sacrament of Confession Almightie God would giue him more light where with to direct me and that they were men of great experience in matter of Spirit but that I should doe well to be very carefull not to swarue a whitt from what he sayd for that I would find my self in much danger if I wanted one to gouerne and direct my Soule As for mee he put me now into so great feare and paine that I knew not what to doe with my self and now there was nothing with me but weeping And being one day very much afflicted in an Oratorie I fell vpon reading a certaine Booke which it seemes our Lord brought to my hands and S. Paul is cited there saying That God is very faithfull and that he neuer suffers them vvho loue him to be tempted aboue their strength This comforted me very much and I beganne to consider about making my Generall Confession and to put in writing all the Sinnes and Blessings with the course and proceeding of my whole life the most clearly that I vnderstood and knew how to doe without leauing anie little thing out And I remember that when I read ouer what I had written and saw so manie Sinnes to haue been committed by me and in effect no good at all to haue been done it gaue me an extreame affliction and sorrow of hart It also put me to some trouble that they of the House should see me treat and conuerse with so holie people as they of the Societie of IESVS are for I was afraid of mine owne wickednes and me thought I should be obliged by that meanes to be wicked no more and to giue-ouer my entertainments and passe-times and that if I did not this it would be worse with me So that I procured both with the Portresse and with the Sacristin that
greatly feeling euerie offence which I might committ against Almightie God how light or small soeuer the same might be in such sort and to so high a proportion as that if I did but weare anie one little superfluous thing about me I was not able to recollect my self till I had put it off I made much Prayer to our Blessed Lord that he would be pleased to protect me still and that since I conuersed and treated the busines of my Soule with his Seruants he would neuer permitt that I should returne back againe for I conceiued that that would be a strange offence in me yea and that euen they would grow to loose credit by it vpon my occasion At this time came to this place Father Francis Borgia who had been Duke of Gandia and who already some yeares before had left all and had entred into The Societie of IESVS And now my Ghostlie Father as also the Cauallier of whome I spoke before came to me with desire that I would speake with Father Borgia and that I would also giue him account of the Prayer I held for they knew that the said Father Borgia was a person farre aduanced in being much fauoured and regaled by Almightie God and that as one who had left very much in this world for the loue of our Lord he was resolued to pay him for it euen here When Father Borgia had heard me he told me that it was the Spirit of Almightie God and that he was of opinion that now it was fitt no longer to resist his Fauours though yet till then he thought it to haue been well done But that I should alwaies beginne my Prayer with the consideration of some passage of the Passion and if afterward our Blessed Lord would eleuate the Spirit I should not resist it but suffer his Diuine Maiestie to carrie it away prouided alwaies that my self should not haue anie hand in procuring it But he in fine as being a man who had trauailed farre already in that way did giue me both counsaile and phisick For experience is a great matter in these affaires and he sayd it was an errour to resist the Fauours of Almightie God now anie longer My self was greatly comforted by this and so also was the Cauallier and he reioyced much to heare Father Borgia say that it was of Almightie God and he also aduised and assisted me in what he could which was very much About this time they changed my Ghostlie Father from that place to another which I resented extreamly for I thought I was to turne wicked againe as also I conceiued that it would not be possible that euer I should finde another like him My Soule was full of discomforts and feares euen as if it had been planted in a kind of Desert nor did I know in fine what to doe with my self A certaine Kinswoeman of mine procured then to carrie me along with her to her House and I procured also to goe the rather that so I might get another Confessarius of the Societie of IESVS Our Lord was also pleased then that I should make freindship with a certaine Ladie a Widdow who was both of much qualitie and of great Prayer and she conuersed very much with the Fathers of the sayd Societie and she drew me also to Confesse to her Confessarius I remained a good while in her house for she liued neer me and I was glad to treat much with those Fathers for euen by the only vnderstanding which I came to haue of the sanctitie of their conuersation and way of proceeding the profit which my Soule found and felt was great This Father beganne to addresse me and engage me vpon wayes of more Perfection He told me that for the giuing Almightie God entire contentment and gust there was nothing to be lest vndone But this he sayd with a great deale of prudence and sweetnes for my Soule was not yet anie thing strong but green and tender especially in the point of giuing-ouer certaine freindships which I maintained at that time for though I offended not Almightie God thereby yet the affection which I bore them was very great and I held it to be a kind of ingratitude to giue them ouer And so I also told him that since Almightie God was not offended by it what reason could there be why I should become vngratefull He sayd I should doe well to recommended it to Almightie God for some dayes and to recite the Hymne of Veni Creator Spiritus c that so the Holie-Ghost might giue me light to doe that which was best Hauing therefore been one day much in Prayer and humbly beseeching our Blessed Lord that he would assist me to please him in all things I beganne the Hymne and whilst I was saying it there came a Rapt vpon me so instātly and so suddainly that it tooke me as it were out of my self and of this I could not doubt for it was very euident and it was also the verie first time that our Lord shewed me the Fauour of Rapts and then I heard these words from him I vvill not haue thee novv hold conuersation vvith men but vvith Angells This gaue me a great amazement for the commotion of the Soule was great and those words were spoken to me in the verie interiour part of the Spirit so that they made me afrayd though yet on the other side they gaue me also great consolation which vpon the verie flight of that feare which had in my opinion caused that strange noueltie did still remaine with me The truth is that this Speech of our Lord hath been very well accomplished and performed for neuer haue I been euen able anie more to establish anie friendship at all nor to feele anie consolation nor entertaine anie particular loue towards anie other person then such as I vnderstand and know to loue Almightie God and to procure to serue him Nor is it now anie longer in my hand or power nor serues it a whitt to the purpose whether any of them be kindred or friends or no for if I vnderstand not that he is the Seruant of Almightie God or a person addicted to Prayer it is no lesse then a heauie crosse for me to conuerse much with anie Creature And this is certainly true to the vttermost of what I can iudge of my self From that day forward I haue remained full of courage and resolution to leaue the whole world for Almightie God in regard he had been pleased in that verie moment for it seemed no more to me then a verie moment to make this Seruant of his become wholy another Creature then what she had been So that now there was no longer need that they should command me in that particular anie more for when my Ghostlie Father had found me to be so fixed vpon this point he had not yet aduentured to will me expresly to doe it For he did without all doubt expect that our Lord should be pleased to
doe it himself as indeed he did nor yet could I euer imagine that it would proue to take effect with me as yet it fell out to doe because already I had vsed some endeauours that way and the affliction which I receiued by it was so great that I resolued to giue ouer the attempt as being a thing which I held not to be inconuenient to continue But now heer our Blessed Lord imparted both libertie and strength to me to put it in execution I told this verie thing to my Ghostlie Father and I gaue ouer that freindship according to what I had been commanded And it did them no little good with whome I had been wont to conuerse to see this resolution growne in me Almightie God be euer blessed and praised who gaue me that libertie and power in one moment which I had not been able to purchase and obtaine of my self by the multitude of those great diligences which I had vsed manie yeares in order to this end though yet I had employed my self so earnestly vpon this attempt that it had cost me a good part of my health But now this hauing been wrought and granted by him who is the Omnipotent and true Lord of all Creatures it put me not euen to the least paine or trouble at all THE FIVE AND TWENTIETH CHAPTER She treats heer of the vvay and manner of vnderstanding those vvords or speeches vvhich Almightie God is pleased to vtter to the Soule though yet vvithout hearing anie voice or sound and of some errours or abuses vvhich may happen heerin and hovv the right may be knovvne from the vvrong It is of much vse and profit for such as see themselues in this Degree of Prayer for it is declared very vvell and the Doctrine containes great instruction ME thinkes it should doe well to declare what kind of thing this Speech is which our Lord expresses to the Soule and what she also feeles to the end that your Reuerence may vnderstand it for from this verie time when our Lord did me this Fauour as I haue sayd the same thing is very vsuall with me euen till this verie present as I shall let you see by that which followes I say therefore that they are certaine Words very distinctly formed and that howsoeuer they be not heard with our eares of flesh and bloud yet are they vnderstood much more expresly and clearly then if they were so heard And to seeke to forbeare to vnderstand them yea and to resist the vnderstanding them how much soeuer it may be is a vanitie and a most impossible thing When in this world we haue a minde not to heare we may stopp our eares or els attend to other things if we will in such sort as that although peraduenture we may heare the words yet we shall not in that case vnderstand them But now in this discourse which Almightie God makes to the Soule there is no remedie at all but they make me harken to them whether I will or no they oblige the VnderstaÌ„ding to be very entire attentiue for the coÌ„prehending thereof For he who is able to doe all things is resolued that we shall vnderstand him and that which he resolues must be done and so he comes to be knowne to be the true Lord of vs all I haue very well experimented this truth for the resistance which I made him did last vpon the point of two yeares through the great feare wherein I was yea and euen now I make those tryalls sometimes but it serues me to little purpose I would faine declare the errours and abuses which may heer occurr though for a man who hath much experience me thinkes there should be few or none But indeed the sayd experience would be great as namely to know the difference when the Spirit is good and when it is ill and when perhaps the thing may also be but an apprehension of the verie Vnderstanding it self which may occurr or when the verie Spirit it self may speake to the verie self-same Spirit and I know not very well whether this may happen or no though euen this verie day I had a kind of opinion that it might When these Words are indeed of Almightie God I haue found the truth thereof in manie things which were told me two or three yeares before and they all fell out to proue true and till now not anie one of them failed There are also other things whereby it growes to proue very plaine that the Spirit is of God as I will declare afterward To me it seemes that a person recommending a thing to Almightie God with great earnestnes and apprehension may grow to make himself conceiue that he comes to vnderstand in some sort whether the thing shall be done or no and this I say is very possible but he who vnderstands things after this other manner will clearly discouer what it may be so great a difference there is between the two And if indeed it be a thing which the Vnderstanding deuises and makes how subtily and how delicately soeuer the matter goe he vnderstands that there is some part of himself in that which is ordained and sayd For it is no other thing then for a man to set a Discourse on foot or to harken to what another man sayes for then the Vnderstanding findes that it doth not harken then because it workes and the words which it goes framing in that case are as it were fantasticall and mute and confused and are not deliuered with that clearnes which those others haue And now heer it is in our owne power to diuert our selues or els to hold our peace when we speake but in this other case we haue no such power at all Another signe there is which is of more importance then all the rest for these things which are sayd by our selues haue no manner of operation and worke no effect at all But the other when our Lord is pleased to speake is not only of words but workes and though they be not words of deuotion but of reprehension they instantly dispose the Soule and they enable her and make her relent and they giue light and regale her and appease her And if she were in state of drynes and commotion and disorder these Words take all away as if it were with the hand yea and yet much better then so for it seemes that our Lord's busines is then to shew his mightie power and that his Words are deeds Me thinkes there is such a difference as there is between our speaking or hearing neither more â—orlesse For that which I speake I goe ordering as I was saying with my Vnderstanding but if another speake to me I doe no more then heare without anie trouble at all to my self One of these kindes of VVords is like some thing whereof we cannot well determine whether it be not as of a man who is half asleepe But this other is found to come from a voice so
hath anie experience will find that euerie word of this which I haue sayd is litterally certaine and I blesse Almightie God for enabling me to declare it as I haue done And now I end this part of the Discourse with saying that me thinkes when such Words proceed from our owne Vnderstanding we may easily come to know it if we haue a minde to it and euerie time that we are in Prayer we shall conceiue that we vnderstand them But in this other kind of Words or Speeches it is not so for it will be manie dayes wherein though I should desire to vnderstand somewhat of that kind it would be absolutly impossible and when at other times I haue no thought that way I must yet vnderstand it as I haue sayd And me thinkes that whosoeuer had a minde to deceiue others affirming himself to vnderstand that from Almightie God which is from himself might as well and it would cost him as little affirme that he heard it with his eares And it is a most certaine and reall truth that for my part I neuer thought that there was anie other way then that for the hearing and vnderstanding anie thing till I found in mine owne case that this which I haue now deliuered is true and it hath cost me as I sayd much trouble When these things proceed of the Diuel they doe not only not worke anie good effects but leaue also very ill ones behind them But this hath not hapned to me aboue twice or thrice and I haue instantly been aduertised by our Lord that they were of the Diuel And besides the great drynes which they leaue behind them they also giue the Soule much disquiet after the manner of those manie other times when our Lord hath permitted me to haue great temptations and troubles of Soule in different kindes and that I should often be tormented as I will declare heerafter But this is a certaine kind of disquiet of which we know not how to vnderstand from whence it comes but it seemes that the Soule resists it and is put into great disorder by it and is afflicted without knowing for what in regard that the Diuel saith that such or such a thing is not ill but good I conceiue that if one Spirit may be able to find and feele another the gust and delight which this Diabolicall Spirit giues is different in my opinion from the other after a most euident manner The Diuel may well deceiue some such person by giuing him gusts as neuer receiued anie before from Almightie God for these latter are gusts indeed which import a sweet strong well-imprinted quiet delightfull kind of pleasure and ioy for as for those little prettie deuotions of the Soule and certaine other slight feelings which be like little young flowers that are shaken off and lost vpon the least little wind of persecution I doe not call them Deuotions though yet they are good beginnings and holie motions but no way sufficient to determine whether the effects proceed from a good Spirit or a bad and therefore it will be very necessarie to walke in this kind of things with huge caution for such persons as shall not haue proceeded further in Prayer then thus farre may easily grow to be deceiued if they fall out to haue Visions or Reuelations For my part I neuer had of these last till God through his owne onlie goodnes gaue me Prayer of Vnion vnlesse it were that first time whereof I spoke and it hapned to me manie yeares agoe when I saw Christ our Lord and I would to God it had pleased his Diuine Maiestie that I had vnderstood at that time that it was a true Vision as I vnderstood it to be afterward for it would not haue been of small aduantage to me But now vpon these illusions of the Diuel there neuer growes any sweetnes or softnes and supplenes to the Soule but she remaines as if she were frighted and with much disgust And I hold it for very certaine that Almightie God will neuer permit the Diuel to deceiue anie Soule which puts no confidence at all in her self and which is fortifyed in the right Faith and resolues thus much for her part that she would dye a thousand deaths for the least Article thereof and who togeather with this Loue and Faith being infused into the Soule by Almightie God which is a Liuelie and strong Faith indeed procures alwayes to goe in conformitie with that which is taught by the Holie Catholique Church informing her selfe further by seuerall wayes as a person who is strongly seated in this truth That all the imaginable Reuelations of the whole world no not if she should see the verie Heauens open themselues could make her varie in the least point from the Doctrines and Decrees of the sayd Church But if she once come so farre as but to shake or wauer euen in one single thought against this or entertaine her self so farre as to say But novv if God himself say thus to me as he hath sayd such other things to Saints this may also be true I say not that she beleiue it but that the Diuel beginne to tempt her by this motion and that she be content to continue her self a little therein a bodie may see already that this is starke naught But for my part I beleiue that manie times euen these other first motions will hardly euer come so farre as euen but to set vpon such a Soule if she be already so strong as our Blessed Lord is wont to haue made such as to whome he vses to impart these Fauours For me thinkes she might be able to teare those Diuels euen to fitters whensoeuer there might be question of anie one single little Truth which the Church holds I say that if the Soule doe not find such a strength as this in her self and that the deuotion or Vision which she had doe not assist and help her-on therein let her not hold anie such Vision for safe because though the hurt of it be not instantly vnderstood it may perhaps grow by little and little to be great For to the vttermost of what I can discerne and know by experience the reputation and credit that such a thing is of the Spirit of God is setled and assured in such sort as that it also goes in conformitie to Holie Scripture And when it should be found to varie from this Rule though it were neuer so little I thinke I should be then much more sure without comparison that it were of the Diuel then now I haue assurance that it is of Almightie God how great soeuer I might find that assurance to be For in that case we should haue no need at all to goe in search after signes nor to enquire of what Spirit it were since this is so cleare a signe to make vs beleiue that it is of the Diuel that if all the world should endeauour to assure me that it were of God I would not beleiue it
and so make those Wretches tremble For already we know well enough that the Diuel is not able to stirre vnlesse our Lord permit him What then may be the ground of all these disorders It is certainly that I am more afrayd of them who are so frighted by the Diuel then of the Diuel himself for he is vtterly vnable to doe me hurt whereas these others especially if they be Ghostlie Fathers may put Soules to much disquiet and for my part I haue passed some yeares through so great trouble that now I am euen amazed to consider how I haue been able to endure it But Blessed be our Lord who hath assisted me in so good earnest Amen THE SIX AND TWENTIETH CHAPTER She prosecutes the same Discourse and goes relating and declaring such things as hapned to her vvhich made her loose feare and to be strengthned in a beleif that it vvas a good Spirit vvhich spake to her I Esteem the courage which our Lord hath vouchsafed to giue me against all the Diuels of Hell to be one of the great Fauours which it hath pleased his Diuine Maiestie to doe mee since for a Soule to goe cowardly on and to be fearefull indeed of anie thing but only to offend the Maiestie of Almightie God is an extreame inconuenience For since we haue a King who is Omnipotent and so great a Lord that he can doe what he listes and who brings all things into subiection vnder himself there is no feare at all to be had and therefore as I was saying we haue no cause to doubt so that we walke sincerely and with puritie of conscience in the presence of his Diuine Maiestie And in order to this end I shall be glad to haue all the feares in the world to offend him in anie one instant of my whole life who is able in the verie self-same instant to destroy and annihilate vs all As long as his Diuine Maiestie is pleased with vs there is no Creature who can stand against vs without hauing his head broken for his paines You will peraduenture say that this is very true but yet now on the other side where shall we find that Soule which stands so streight as that she may be wholy pleasing to him and because she is not so she is in feare I answer that I am sure that that pure and innocent Soule is none of mine which indeed is very wretched and vnprofitable and surcharged euen with a thousand miseries But yet still we haue this comfort that Almightie God doth not proceed with such rigours as men doe for he knowes and considers our frailties and the Soule hath wayes of vnderstanding and finding in it self by great coniectures whether really she loue his Diuine Maiestie or no for in such as ariue once to this state our loue to him is not now a kind of dissembled or disguised loue as it vses sometimes to be in the beginnings but it is accompanied with so great impulses and euen impetuosities of desire to see Almightie God as I shall afterward declare or rather as I haue declared already and all things are wont to afflict all things to wearie tyre and all things doe euen torment her vnlesse it be only God or for God There is not so much as anie repose which doth not displease her because she findes her self absent from her true repose and so it falls-out to be very euident that things passe not heer in a dissembling way It hath hapned to me in former times that I found my self in great tribulations and I was subiect to manie detractions by occasion of a certaine busines whereof I may haue cause to speake afterward from all that House where I liue yea and from my Order and I was afflicted vpon manie accidents which occurred then at which time it pleased our Lord to vtter these expresse words to me Of vvhat art thou afrayd Dost thou not knovv that I am Omnipotent I vvill accomplish all that vvhich I haue promised thee And indeed he accomplished it afterwards very well But euen instantly there remained such a kind of strength in me that me thought I could presently haue put my self to aduenture vpon other things though they should cost me much more trouble for the doing him seruice and could haue suffered also much more for him And this verie self same thing hath hapned to me so often that I am not able to count the times and he hath made me and makes me still such reprehensions by occasion of those imperfections which I commit sometimes that they are able euen as it were to annihilate the Soule At least they bring so much in their company as that she is mended by them for his Diuine Maiestie as I haue sayd doth not only giue vs the counsaile but the remedie At other times he brings back to me the memorie of the Sinnes of my former life and this he most ordinarily vses to doe whensoeuer he intends to vouchsafe me anie extraordinarie Fauour And he doth it in such sort that the Soule discernes her self as if she were really planted at the verie Day of the Last Vniuersall Iudgement and the truth is represented to her with such a kind of perspicuitie and claritie that she knowes not what to doe with her self At other times he is pleased to informe me of certaine dangers concerning both my self and others about things which doe not happen till three or fowre yeares after but they all were euer fulfilled and some of them might also be named if there were cause So that there are so manie particulars whereby it may be vnderstood that these things are of Almightie God as that in my opinion they cannot but be knowne and acknowledged The most secure proceeding consists in that such a person doe not faile to impart her whole Soule to her Ghostlie Father and that he be a learned man and that she doe entirely obey him At least this is the course which I take and without this I could haue no rest nor were it indeed fitt that we woemen should haue anie since we haue no learning and there can be no hurt at all in this but manie aduantages and benefits as our Lord himself hath told me manie times I say manie times I had once a Ghostlie Father who mortifyed me very much and sometimes he did euen afflict me and brought me a great deale of trouble and disquieted me in extraordinarie manner and yet it was he who in my opinion did me the most good of them all And though I loued him very much yet I had some temptations to leaue him for it seemed to me that I was much preiudiced by those inconueniences which he was wont to giue me concerning my Prayer But yet euer when I was determining to doe this I instantly vnderstood that I was to forbeare it and I receiued such a reprehension from our Lord as defeated and as it were annihilated me more then all that which my Ghostlie Father could
this end some little poore good workes which I did if I did anie I became deuoted to some Saints to the end that by their meanes I might be deliuered from the Diuel I performed the Deuotions of Nine Dayes I recōmended my self to S Hilarion and to S. Michael also the Archangell for I had lately applyed my self to him for this purpose and I importuned also mame other Saints that our Lord might be pleased by their intercession to conduct me in the way of Truth I say that they would find some meanes to perfect this busines of mine with his Diuine Maiestie In fine after the end of two yeares which both I and other persons had wholy employed with all their prayers and mine in order to this end that our Lord might be pleased either to conduct my Soule by some other way or els vouchsafe to declare that this way wherein I went was right for now those VVords and Speeches which I haue related that our Lord would be vttering to me sometimes were growne very ordinarie euen continuall that chanced and occurred to me which I will now declare As I was in Prayer one day and it was vpon the Festiuitie of the Glorious S. Peter I saw standing very neer me or rather to say better mee thought I felt for indeed I saw nothing at all with the eyes either of my Bodie or of my Minde that Christ our Lord was close by me and I found in fine that it was he in my opinion who was speaking to me But now I who was extreamly ignorant till then that there might be anie such thing in the world as such a Vision fell at the first into a mightie feare and I could doe nothing but weepe though yet through his giuing me assurance by his speaking but one onlie word I found my self as I had formerly been not only without feare and very quiet but euen with Regalo and delight Me thought that Christ Iesus our Lord went euer close to me on one side but the Vision not being Imaginarie or represented in any Forme I perceiued not in what shape he was But as for his being euer on my right side I found and felt that very clearly and that he was the witnes of whatsoeuer I did and that I could not be recollected though it were neuer so little or rather indeed vnlesse I were much diuerted or distracted but I must needs in fine vnderstand that he was very neer me I then went immediatly to my Ghostlie Father being sufficiently vexed and greiued that I must let him know it He asked me what Forme or Figure he had when I saw him and I told him that I had not seen him Vpon this he enquired then how I knew that it was Christ our Lord. To this I answered that I knew no more but that I could not possibly faile or forbeare to vnderstand and know that he was close to me and that I found and felt it plainly and that now the recollection of my Soule in Prayer of Quiet was farre greater and more continuall that the effects were very different from those others which I had formerly found and that the thing was very certaine and cleare For my part I could doe no more but bring diuerse Comparisons whereby to giue my self to be vnderstood but yet certainly in my opinion there is none which can suite very well to expresse this kind of Vision For as this is one of the highest kind as I was told afterwards by a certaine holie man and of great Spirit called Fray Pedro de Alcantara whome I shall mention afterward more at large and the same hath been also told me by other great learned men and that this is one of those Fauours where the Diuel can least intermeddle or intrude himself of all others so haue we heer no words or tearmes at all wherewith to declare it at least we who know so little though such as are learned will peraduēture be able to doe it better For when I say that I neither saw this with the eyes of the Bodie nor of the Minde because it was no Imaginarie Vision how come I to vnderstand and how can I vndertake and affirme more clearly certainly that Christ our Lord was standing neer me then if I had seen him with my verie eyes For it seemes indeed to be as if a person were in the darke who sees not another that stands by him or as if the same person were blind Some resemblance I say this carries though yet not very much For in this last case a man may come to know it by the way of seuerall Senses because he may heare the other speake or stirre or he may touch him But heer there is nothing of all this nor is there heer anie darknes at all but only the thing is represented to the Soule by a certaine notice which is more cleare then the Sunne I say not that anie Sunne is seen nor anie clearnes or brightnes at all but only a certaine light which illuminates and informes the Vnderstanding though yet without seing anie light to the end that the Soule may enioy so high a good Now this brings great benefits with it Yet is it not like such a Presence of God as manie times is felt in the Minde and especially by such persons as be ariued to Vnion and Quiet Prayer who in resoluing to beginne to make that Prayer seem to find the person readie at hand to whome to speake and we seem to vnderstand that he heares vs by the effects and spirituall feelings which we find of great Loue and Faith and other firme purposes and resolutions accompanied with much tendernes of Denotions This is a great Fauour of Almightie God and let him esteem it much who hath it for it is a very eleuated and high Prayer but yet it is no Vision but heer it is vnderstood that Almightie God is there by the effects which as I haue sayd he workes in the Soule for in this manner of Prayer doth his Diuine Maiestie vouchsafe to giue hemself then and there to be felt But now heer it is clearly found that Christ Iesus the Sonne of the Virgin is present In that other manner of Prayer there are certaine influences of the Diuinitie represented but heer togeather with them we find that the most Sacred Humanitie also of Christ our Lord doth accompanie vs to doe vs fauour My Ghostlie Father then asked me this question VVho told you that it vvas Iesus Christ Himself told me so answered I and that manie times but yet euen before he told me so it was im printed vpon my Vnderstanding that it was he yea and euen before this he told me so and yet still I saw him not If anie man whome I had neuer seen but only had heard newes of him should come to speake with me I being either blind or in the darke and should tell me who he were I should beleiue him and yet I could not so
resolutly affirme him to be that person as if I had seen him But yet now in this other case I could for heer there is imprinted so cleare a notice of him in the Minde without seeing him that it seemes a kind of impossibilitie to doubt it for our Lord will haue it so engrauen vpon the Vnderstanding that it can no more be questioned then euen that which we see no nor yet so much for in things which we see there remaines sometimes a suspicion whether we might not haue fancied such a thing and so mistaken it But heer though vpon the suddaine and as it were by way of surprise one may beginne to fall vpon a kind of suspicion or doubt yet still vpon the whole matter we remaine in so great a certaintie as that the doubt continues not to haue place And so also doth it fall out though yet in a different manner that God instructs the Soule speakes to it but yet without speaking at all in such sort as I haue already declared This is a certaine kind of language which hath so much of the Celestiall in it that it cannot well be giuen to be vnderstood by vs heer how much soeuer we may desire it vnlesse our Lord himself be pleased to teach it by experience For our Blessed Lord conueyes and places that in the most interiour part of the Soule which he is pleased that the same Soule shall vnderstand and know and there doth he represent it without either anie image of his person or anie forme of words but only after the way of that kind of Vision which I haue already touched And now let this manner of Almightie God's making the Soule vnderstād what he will in the way of great Truths and mysteries be much obserued For manie times that which I vnderstand when our Lord declares anie Vision which his Diuine Maiestie is pleased to represent to me is after this manner and me thinkes it is in such occasions as where the Diuel is least able to intermeddle or intrude himself for these reasons and if they be not found I am likelie enough to be deceiued Now this kind of Vision and language is so inwardly a thing of Spirit that heer there is no kind of springing or euen stirring in anie of the Powers of the Minde nor yet in anie of the Senses of the Bodie in my opinion by which meanes the Diuel may be able to make himself the gainer Thus I say it happens sometimes as namely when it lasts but a very little while For at some other times me thinkes that neither the Powers of the Minde are suspended nor yet the Senses of the Bodie disabled but that they are all at home and in vse The other happens not alwayes in this degree of Contemplation but rather very seldome I say that when they are so lost we neither operate anie thing nor doe anie thing but all seemes to be the worke of our Lord. It is as when a food is already conueyd into the stomack without either our hauing eaten it or so much as knowing who layd it there but only we vnderstand well that there it is though in that case it be neither knowne what the food is nor who carried it thither But heer it is very differet for here the food is knowne though yet how it got thither I cannot tell for neither did I see it nor vnderstand it nor was I euer moued to desire it nor had it euer come to my knowledge before that such a thing could possibly be In the Speech vpon which I touched before Almightie God makes the Vnderstanding obserue and reflect vpon that which is sayd whether it desire to vnderstand or no. For there it seemes that the Soule hath some other kind of eates wherewith to heare that he makes her harken and not the while to thinke of somewhat els as if one who could heare well were not suffered to stopp his eares and that they cryed out alowd to him who would therefore be faine to heare them whether he would or no but somewhat in fine he doth since he is attentiue to vnderstand what they say But heer the Soule doth inst nothing for euen that little which was done in the former way and which was only to harken is taken from her now for now she findes all dressed to her hand yea and all eaten by her too So that now there is nothing to be done by her but to enioy Iust so as anie one who without euer hauing learnt or so much as endeauoured to read and much more without anie studying at all should find that whole Science already possessed by himself and that without knowing at all either how or whence it came since he had neuer procured to acquire it with so much as learning his A. B. C. And this last Comparison me thinkes declares some part of this Celestiall guift for the Soule findes her self heer to be growne wise vpon a suddaine and that the Mysterie of the most Holie Trinitie and other most sublime Articles are so exactly declared to her that there is not anie Theologue or Diuine in the world with whome she might not aduenture to dispute concerning the truth of those high points The Soule remaines heer in such an amazement that some one such Fauour as this suffices to worke a totall change in her and to make her loue nothing but only him who without anie labour at all of hers hath made her capable of so vnspeakable blessings and to whome he communicates his secrets and whome he treats with arguments of so great and deare friendship and loue that they endure not so much as to be written For he doth some such kinds of Fauour as might euen bespeake a kind of suspicion and doubt in the hearer in regard that they are of so great admiration and haue been imparted to a person who hath deserued them so very ill And in fine if we bring not a very Liuelie and euen lusty Faith with vs they cannot be beleiued and therefore I resolue to speake of few of those which our Lord hath been pleased to vouchsafe me vnlesse I be expresly commanded and vnlesse it be of some few Visions which perhaps may ferue to doe good in some kind To the end that anie such persons as to whome our Lord may be pleased to impart the like may not wonder and thinke it impossible as I did or els that so I may declare the manner and way by which it hath pleased our Lord to conduct my Soule that being the verie thing which they haue commanded me to write Returning therefore now to this manner of vnderstanding these kinds of things me thinkes our Lord is pleased that by all meanes this Soule of ours should haue some notice heer euen of that which passes in Heauen and that as Soules doe there vnderstand one another really without speaking which for my part I neuer knew before and this is most certainly true till our
by procuring that few may haue the witt to vnderstand thee right But now to what a passe are we come since some will needs conceiue that God is the better serued by them when they get themselues to be held for discreet and wise yea this indeed must needs be so as now we are growne to vnderstand the word Discretion For now we will needs make our selues beleiue that it is matter forsooth of small edification not to goe vp and downe the world with great authoritie and composition of cloathing and dressing euerie one according to his condition Nay euen to the Fryer and Preist and Nunne some are now growne to be of opinion that to weare anie thing which is old or peiced were a kind of noueltie and a giuing scandall to the weake and so it is also now if they liue with much recollection and vse Mentall Prayer To such a passe the world is growne But the studie and practise of Christian Perfection the great impulses which the Saints were wōt to haue for the obtaining thereof is the thing which I beleiue doth more harme to the miserable wretched actions which are cōmitted by euill men in these times then it could possibly be of scandall to anie Creature that such as are Religious should publish that to the world by their workes of which they talke by their words to the end that so Mankinde might grow to hold this world in meane accoūt For out of such kindes of scandall as these our Lord would draw great seruice for himself good for them And if some men would needs be scandalized at it others would yet haue remorse at least we should remaine with some little designe or draught of that which Christ our Lord his Apostles endured for vs since we haue now more need of it then euer But O what an excellent example did Almightie God take lately from vs in the person of that Blessed man Fray Pedro de Alcantara The world was now no longer able euen to endure such a Perfection as his for now forsooth they say that the health of men is growne weaker and that now we doe not liue in those former times But that holie man liued in this time and yet he had as full and great Spirit towards Almightie God as men had in the dayes of old and so he trode the world downe vnder his feet And though euerie bodie doe not goe bare-foot nor performe so sharp and strict pennance as he yet are there manie other wayes as I haue sayd before whereby a man may treade the world vnder his feet and our Lord will teach vs these wayes when he findes that a man's minde is fitt and well-prepared for them And how great an one did Almightie God bestow vpon this Saint of whome now I speake to goe through seauen and fourtie yeares of his life with so sharp and rigourous pennance as is generally knowne And I will say some little thing of it because I know that it is all most certainly true He told me a certaine particular and so he also did an other from whome he was as little curious to conceale himself as from me but as for me the only reason why he did it was the loue he bore me because our Lord would haue it so to the end that he might help me and encourage me also in a certaine time of so great necessitie as I haue related And now I will declare how to the best of my remembrance he said that he had slept but one hower and a half in the foure and twentie howers of day and night for two and fourtie yeares togeather and that it was the greatest mortification and trouble of pennance that he had felt in those beginnings to ouercome himself in point of sleep and that in order also to this end he was alwaies at other times either standing vpon his feet or els kneeling and that only when he slept he satt and that with his head leaning aside vpon a certaine little peice of wood which was fastned for that purpose in the wall To extend his bodie at length in his Cell was not possible for him though he should haue a minde to it for it is knowne to haue had but foure foot and a half in length In all these two and fourtie yeares he neuer put on his Capouch or Hood how hot soeuer the Sunne or how great soeuer the rayne might be nor did he euer weare anie thing vpon his feet nor was his bodie clad but only with a Habit of thick course Sackcloath without anie other thing at all vpon him and this was so very straight as that he might be only able to put it on with a little short Mantle of the same vpon it He told me that when the weather was extreamly cold he was wont to put off his sayd Mantle and to leaue also the doore and the little window of his Cell open that so when afterward he put the Mantle on againe and shut his doore he might giue his bodie so much contentment by it as that it might be quieted without more cloathing It was a very ordinarie thing with him not to eat till the third day after he had eaten last and he told me by way of answer to the wonder in which I was at it that this was a thing very possible for one who would accustome himself to it And a certaine Companion of his also told me that it hapned for him sometimes not to eat anie thing at all in eight dayes but that perhaps might happen when he was in Prayer for he vsed to haue great Rapts and vehement impulses or impetuosities of the loue of Almightie God whereof my self was once an eye-witnes His pouertie was extreame and so also was his Mortification euen from his youth For he told me that in his time it had hapned to him to liue three yeares in some one House of his owne Order and yet not to know anie one of the Religious of the same House but only by their speech for he neuer lifted-vp his eyes and so whensoeuer he was to goe of necessitie to anie place either in the streets or vpon high-wayes he could by no meanes tell how to doe it but by following the other Religious As for woemen he neuer looked vpon anie of them for the space of manie yeares and told me that it was iust all one with him to see anie bodie or not to see them When I came at length to know him he was very old and his weaknes and leanenes so extreame that he seemed not to be composed made but as euen of the verie rootes of trees With all this sanctitie of his he was very affable though yet he were wont to expresse himselfe in very few words vnlesse it were by occasion of some questions which might be asked him and in that case he was excellent companie for he had a very choice Vnderstanding I could haue a minde to
was subiect to much trouble with me in seueral kinds And afterward I came to know that they wished him to take heed of me and to be carefull least the Diuel should deceiue him by making him beleiue anie part of that which I should tell him and to this purpose they would be alleadging the examples of some others to him All this gaue me vexation enough and by degrees I came so farre as to feare that I should grow scarce able to find anie bodie who would heare my Confessions but that euerie one would be flying from me in this kind So that for my part I did nothing but weepe and it was the prouidence of Almightie God that this Father would yet still continue to heare me But indeed he was so great a Seruant of our Lord that there was nothing which he would or suffer or his sake and so he would still be aduising me to be sure not to offend Almightie God nor to swarue from the directions which he gaue me and that I should not feare that he would faile me and still he would also be animating and quieting me and euer he would in particular command me that I should conceale nothing from him which I alwayes obserued and I doing thus he would alwaies tell me that the Diuel would be able to doe me no hurt but rather that our Blessed Lord would not faile to draw good out of that ill which the Diuel would be attempting to doe my Soule This Soule of mine did I procure to perfect to the vttermost of my power and as for my Ghostlie Father I did through the feare of Illusions wherein I was obey him in all things though yet but after an imperfect manner But he had trouble enough with me when I confessed my self to him in these difficult times which lasted aboue the space of three whole yeares for in the great persecutions which I had and in manie things wherein our Lord permitted that the world should make ill iudgements of me and manie of them without anie fault of mine I would euer be coming with them to him and he was blamed in respect of me whereas yet he was in no fault at all I thinke it would haue been wholy impossible that he should haue endured it so long if he had not been a man of much sanctitie but our Lord did animate him greatly and enable him to endure so very much For he was still to make answer to all them who held me to be a lost Soule but they beleiued him not and on the other side he was also to take care to quiet me and to recouer me out of that feare wherein I was by frighting me with a greater and besides he was also to endeauour to satisfye me in another respect in regard that vpon euerie Vision which was new to me our Lord was pleased to permit that afterward I should be subiect to very great feares Now as all this proceeded both from my being and haueing been a very great Sinner so yet would he comfort me still with much pietye and compassion But yet still if he had confided as much in himself as he might well haue done I had not suffered so much For our Lord gaue him to vnderstand the truth in all things and I am perswaded that the verie Sacrament of Pennance which I frequented with him gaue him light Those other Seruants of Almightie God who could not make themselues sure of my well-doing were wont to be very conuersant with me And when I would casually be speaking now and then of some things they would be vnderstanding them after a different manner Now there was one of these whome I particularly loued for my Soule was infinitly obliged to him and he was a very holie man For my part I was extreamly troubled to see that I could not make my self be vnderstood rightly by him whilst he also on the other side did extraordinarily desire my good and that our Lord might once vouchsafe to giue me light And so when I would be relating some things to them without much reflection vpon what I sayd it would seem to them to be a signe of little humilitie in me and as soone as afterward they discerned me to commit anie one single fault whereas they might very easily haue discerned manie all grew instantly to be condemned by them Sometimes they would be asking me certaine questions and I would answer them with plainenes and without much reseruation yea or euen reflection and then forsooth they would be thinking that I had a minde to teach them and that I held my self for some shrewd woeman and vpon this would they all goe instantly to my Ghostlie Father for certainly they desired my good but yet then would he grow to chide me And this lasted a long time I being afflicted manie wayes on the one side and yet being on the other so visited by the Fauours of out Blessed Lord as I found my selfe to be I was indeed very well able to endure that other miserye And now I relate all this to the end that it may the better be vnderstood how very great a trouble it is not to haue some such person at hand as hath experience in the way of Spirit So that really if our Blessed Lord had not fauoured me in such sort as he did I know not what would haue become of me at length since there were occasions enow to haue put me euen out of my witts and sometimes I saw my self in such tearmes that I knew not what to doe but only to lift-vp mine eyes to our Lord. For as the contradiction and opposition of such as were good and worthie men towards a poore weake and wicked woeman like my self and so timorous as I also was may perhaps seem to be scarce worth the relating so yet I hauing passed through very manie and great troubles in this life of mine I haue found this last to haue been of the greatest I humbly beseech our Blessed Lord that I may haue been able to doe his Diuine Maiestie some little Seruice euen in this for that they who accused and condemned me did him Seruice in it I am very sure and that it all hath turned to my good THE NINE AND TWENTIETH CHAPTER She prosecutes the Discourse vvhich she had begunne and relates some high Fauours vvhich our Lord vvas pleased to doe her and vvhat his Diuine Maiestie did further for the securing and encouraging her minde and for the enabling her to ansvver her Contradictours I Haue swarued very much from my purpose for I pretended to declare the reassons whereby to proue that the thing whereof I spoke was not matter of Imagination for how should we be able by meanes of anie endeauour or studie of ours to represent the Humanitie of Christ our Lord to our selues and to goe ordering and disposing of his great beautie for which there would be need of a large time if we would pretend to frame anie thing which
away as much as it had touched within me and left all that which remained wholy inflamed with a great loue of Almightie God The paine of it was so excessiue that it forced me to vtter those groanes and the suauitie which that extremitie of paine gaue was also so very excessiue that there was no desiring at all to be ridd of it nor can the Soule then receaue anie contentment at all in lesse then God Almightie himself This is no Corporall but a Spirituall paine though yet the Bodie doe not faile to participate some part thereof yea and that not a little And it is such a deare delightfull kind of entercourse which passes heer between the Soule and Almightie God as I beseech him of his infinit goodnes that he will giue some touch or tast of it to whosoeuer shall beleiue that I lye During the time when I was in this state I went vp and downe that world like an odd kind of transported Foole neither cared I either to see anie thing or to speake but contented my self to consume with burning-vp in my paine which was to be the greatest glorie for me that this whole world could affoard In this state was I now and then when our Blessed Lord was pleased that these so verie great Rapts should come vpon me which I was not able sometimes to resist euen when I was in presence of Secular people and so they grew to be publique and this gaue me a very great deale of trouble But since the time that I am growne to haue these Rapts I feele not this paine so much as that other whereof I spoke before though yet I cannot call the Chapter to minde But that paine is different in manie kindes and of more value also then this Or rather when this beginnes whereof I am speaking in this place it seemes that our Lord doth rauish and runne away as it were with the Soule and put her into Extasis out of hand and so no too me is left for the letting her feele anie paine because instantly the time of enioying comes in Let him be Blessed for euer who vouchsafes to impart so high Fauours to a person who corresponds with him so ill for so great benefits THE THIRTIETH CHAPTER She returnes to recount the course of her Life and hovv our Lord gaue remedie to manie of her troubles by bringing that holie man Fray Pedro de Alcantara of the Order of the Glorious S. Francis to the place vvhere she vvas And she declares the great temptations and invvard troubles vvhich sometimes she endured BVt now when I came to obserue the little or nothing which I was able to effect towards the enduring of those so great impulses or impetuosities whereof I was speaking I grew to be in great feare of hauing them for it was past anie power of mine to vnderstand how Paine and Ioy might be possibly able to consist togeather That Corporall paine and Spirituall ioy could be compatible I know well might be possible enough but that so excessiue a Spirituall paine should be compatible with so excessiue a Spirituall gust did put me half as it were out of my witts And still I did not giue-ouer to procure to resist the ariuall thereof though yet I had so little power that way that sometimes I grew wearie euen of the endeauour I defended my self by the Crosse and so procured to help my self by that meanes from him who gaue vs all defence and succour by the same Crosse I saw that no Creature vnderstood me and this I vnderstood very clearly though yet I durst not say so to anie bodie but my Ghostlie Father for that indeed might haue authorised them to say truly that I wanted humilitie But our Blessed Lord was pleased to recouer me from a great part of my trouble yea and euen at that time from it all by bringing that blessed man Fray Pedro de Alcantara thither of whome I made mention before when I spake somewhat of his great Pennance And now I also remember that amongst other things I haue been informed that for twentie yeares togeather he had worne vpon his bare Bodie a certaine Garment of Lattin in forme of a Haire Cloath This man was the Authour of certaine little Treatises concerning Prayer written in Spanish and they are now in the hands of manie For he as being a person who had accustomed himself much to that holie exercise wrote very profitably thereof for them who liue in the Obseruance of the First Rule of the Blessed S. Francis according to the full rigour of the same When therefore a certaine Widdow of whome I spoke els where who was a great Seruant of Almightie God and a particular freind of mine came to know that so great a man was there with me and knew also the great necessities wherein I was as hauing been the witnes of my afflictions and had comforted me in seuerall occasions for her Faith was euer so great that she could neuer in fine beleiue but that it was the Spirit of Almightie God which all the rest would needs haue to be the Diuel and considering also that she was a person of very good vnderstanding and of great secrecie withall and one to whome our Lord vouchsafed to doe great Fauours in Prayer his Diuine Maiestie was pleased to giue her knowledge of those things whereof they who were Learned were wholy ignorant My Ghostlie Fathers then gaue me leaue that I might ease my self in some things with her for she was capable manie wayes to vnderstand them for sometimes it had come to her turne to enioy euen some of those verie Fauours which our Lord had also vouchsafed to affoard me togeather with certaine aduertisments which he had also giuen her for the good of her Soule But now as soone as Fray Pedro came to know of my designe he did without saying anie thing to me desire and get leaue of my Prouinciall that I might remaine with her in her House for a matter of some eight dayes and so both there and in seuerall Churches I spoke with him diuerse times in that first occasion of my being there for I communicated my affaires with him also afterward in sundry occasions at which time I gaue him likewise account of my life though yet but in a Summarie way and of the manner of my proceeding in Prayer and this with the greatest claritie which I could possibly vse for this propertie I euer had to treat with all claritie and truth with them to whome I imparted my Soule yea and I still desired that euen the first motions of my hart might be made knowne to them and as for such things as might be subiect anie way to suspition or doubt I still was wont to argue them against my self with the strongest reasons that I could bring So that I imparted my Soule to this Father without anie manner of duplicitie or disguise at all and I found that he vnderstood me almost euen at
the verie first by experience which was indeed the onlie thing whereof I had need at that time for then I could not giue my self so well to be vnderstood as now I can at least not so farre as to expresse it home For since that time it hath pleased our Lord to enable me to vnderstand and to declare to me the Fauours which his Diuine Maiestie doth me but formerly it was necessarie enough for me to find a person who had passed through the same things by experience if I would hope that he should perfectly vnderstand me and declare to me what euerie thing was Now this Father gaue me very great light for I could not by anie meanes vnderstand what that could be which concerned those Visions which were not Imaginarie or represented by the Imagination and me thought also that I vnderstood as little of those others which I saw with the onlie eyes of my Soule for as I haue sayd before those only which were visible by our Corporeall eyes seemed to me to be indeed of importance and of these I had receaued none at all But now this holie man gaue me light in all and declared it to me and required me not to be troubled anie longer but that I should blesse and praise Almightie God and that I was to be very sure that these were true effects of his Spirit and that although it were no Article of Faith yet nothing could be more certainly true nor which I might more firmely beleiue And he comforted himself very much with me and shewed me all courtesie and fauour and euer after he had great care of me and he communicated diuerse of his affaires and businesses with me And finding that I had the self-same desires of those things which he had already put in practise for indeed in as much as concerned desires our Lord had giuen them to me with great resolution and finding also that I was so full of courage in order to that end he tooke particular contentment to treat with me For whensoeuer our Blessed Lord is pleased to bring one to this State there is no ioy or comfort which can be equall to the meeting with some such other person as to whome our Lord hath been pleased to vouchsafe some beginning thereof for then perhaps I had not much more then a beginning by what I may be able to conceiue And I beseech our Blessed Lord that I haue it vet But as for him he had extraordinarie compassion of me and told me that one of the verie greatest afflictions of this life was that which I had endured Namely the opposition and contradiction of good men and that still I would be a little obnoxious in the same kind because I must euer be in need of help and that he feared there was no bodie in that Cittie who would vnderstand me But that he would speake with my Ghostlie Father to one also of those others who was wont to giue me most discomfort which was that married Cauallier of whome I spoke before For he as being a person who loued me perhaps more then the rest did continually make warre vpon me and he was a man of a tender and holie Soule and considering how lately before he had found how wicked I was he knew not how to make himself sure that all was right But now the holle man Fray Pedro grew to talke with those two persons afforesayd and he shewed them causes and reasons why they should both quiet and assure themselues and disturbe me no more As for my Ghostlie Father there was no very great need of much diligence but as for the Cauallier it suffised not for him to heare what Fray Pedro sayd though yet it were a meanes to keep him from frighting me so very much as he had done before But then we resolued togeather that I should write to Fray Pedro of all that which might succeed to me afterward and to recommend one another much to Almightie God for so great was his humilitie as to make some little account of the prayers of this miserable Creature which gaue me confusion enough But he left me with extreame comfort and gust and directed me to proceed securely on with my Prayer and to make no doubt at all but that it was of Almightie God and that whensoeuer I might be in anie doubt for mine owne greater securitie I should impart whatsoeuer occurred to my Ghostlie Father and that then I should hold my self for safe But yet notwithstanding all this counsaile I was not able to be entirely secure because our Lord was pleased to guide me still by the way of feare which sometimes made me apt to doubt that the Diuel had a hand in the busines whensoeuer they would needs tell me that it was so And thus indeed vpon the whole matter no Creature was able to giue me either so much securitie or so much feare as to make me yeild more credit to either of them then our Lord was pleased to infuse into my Soule So that howsoeuer this holie man did helpe me both to quiet and comfort yet did I not so entirely beleiue him as to remaine without anie feare at all especially when our Lord came sometimes to leaue me in certaine troubles of minde which I shall instantly relate yet howsoeuer as I was saying my comfort was then much encreased But I could not then satisfye my self with giuing humble thankes enow to Almightie God and to that Glorious Father of mine S. Ioseph who as I was apt to thinke had brought Fray Pedro thither for he was Commissarie Generall of the Custodia of S. Ioseph to whome as also to our B. Ladie I vsed to recommend my self much Now it had hapned to me formerly sometimes yea and so it doth also yet though not so often to find my self in so excessiue troubles and afflictions of Mind togeather with feirce infirmities afflictions and torments of Bodie that I knew not which way to turne my self At other times I haue been subiect to corporall miseries which were more greiuous but yet not finding my self subiect then to the sense of such sorrowes of minde as now I haue I passed with much alacritie through them all But whensoeuer they of both kindes came togeather the miserie of it was so great as that it gaue me affliction enough And as for those great Fauours which our Lord had been pleased to doe me I then forgot them all and there only remained but such a kind of memorie of them as of a thing which I had dreamt and this serued but to giue me so much the more paine For the Vnderstanding growes in those cases to be all obscured and dulled in such sort as that it made me enter into a thousand suspicions and doubts as if I had not formerly vnderstood things well and that perhaps I followed fancies in stead of truths and that it might haue been miserie enough for me to be deceaued my self without seeking
in it as I am not well able to expresse for it is an interiour delight which comforts my whole Soule and this is no meer imagination or fancie nor a thing which hath hapned to me only once but very often and when I obserue it with most attention me thinkes it is as if a bodie who were much troubled with heat and thirst should drinke a draught of very cold water which should refresh him euen to his harts desire And heervpon I also consider that all those things which be ordained by the Church are of great importance and moment and it is matter euen of much Regalo to me that those words which the Church vses and sayes should haue the power to make Holie-water become of so very different a condition from such other as is not hallowed by the Church But in the meane time when my torment would not cease I told them so who were present that so they might not laugh at me and calling for Holie-water they brought me some and sprinkled me with it but it did me no good Vpon that I sprinkled some towards the place where the ill Spirit was and then he went instantly away and I grew as instantly well as if they had stroaked my hurt off from me with their hands saue that I found my self as wearie as if I had been cudgelled extreamly But now it did me a very great deale of good to find that when our Lord giues the Diuel leaue he is able to doe such a deale of mischief to a Creature both in Bodie and Soule euen when they are not his or absolutly in his power for then what would he be able to doe when they should be wholy left to his disposing This gaue me also a very great desire to free my self from so ill Companie as that of the Diuel is At another time and that was lately the self-same thing hapned to me though yet it lasted not long but I was then alone and then I also called for Holie-Water and two Religious Woemen who were very well worth the beleiuing and would by no meanes be induced to tell an vntruth came-in thither after the Diuel was departed from thence and declared that they felt a filthie stinke as of brimstone For my part I smelt it not but they say it continued so long that others might also perceiue it Another time I was in the Quire and I came into a very great depth of Recollection and I went away from thence for feare least somewhat might be obserued But the Religious in the Quire who were neer the place where I was heard a noyse of very great blowes which were giuen and for my part I also heard those Spirits talke togeather close to me as if they had been agreeing about some busines of theirs though I knew not what in particular it was for I found my selfe in such depth of Prayer that I vnderstood them not in expresse manner neither yet had I anie feare of them at all But these things did ordinarily not ariue but when some Soule or other did receiue benefit vpon my perswasion and aduise And it is certaine that a thing hapned to me once which I shall now relate and there are manie witnesses of it in particular my Ghostlie Father to whome I Confesse my self now for he saw it in a certaine Letter without my telling him who it was that wrote it though yet he chanced to know it otherwise But the thing was this There came once a certaine person to me who had been in Mortall Sinne about some two yeares and a balf and he had committed one which was of the most abominable that euer I had heard of in my whole life and during all that time he neither Confessed nor reformed himself and yet he sayd Masse all the while And though he then Confessed his other Sinnes yet concerning that one he was wont to aske himself how it could be possible that euer he should Confesse so fowle a thing and yet he had a desire to free himself from it but knew not in fine how to effect it For my part I had great compassion of the man and much greif to see Almightie God so offended and I promised him to beseech our Lord to giue him remedie and that I would also entreat diuerse others who were much more likelie to preuaile then my self to become suiters to his Diuine Maiestie for him and accordingly I wrote to a certaine person about it this man letting me know that he could conuey my letter And it is certaine that heervpon he instantly Confessed his Sinnes and Almightie God was pleased at the instance of those many other holie persons to whome the busines had been recommended to extend his mercie to this Soule and my self also as miserable as I am did not faile to sollicit it the best I could But the man wrote a Letter to me declaring that he was reformed so farre already as that some good time had incurred wherein he had returned no more to that Sinne but yet that the torment was so great by the temptation which sollicited him that way that he accounted himself to be almost as it were in a kind of Hell so extreamly was he put to suffer by it and therefore that I must help him still with Almightie God Vpon this I recommended him againe to my Sisters the Religious of our Monasterie by meanes of whose prayers it seemes our Lord was pleased to doe me this Fauour for they tooke the matter very much to hart This man was a person of whome no one could guesse who it was and I humbly besought the Diuine Maiestie to appease those torments and temptations to which he was subiect and that those Diuels might be suffered to torment me in his place prouided alwayes that I might not offend our Blessed Lord in anie thing by it And it is very certainly true that shortly after this I endured most greiuous torments for the space of a moneth And these two particulars which I haue now related did happen then But our Lord in the meane time was pleased that they should leaue to afflict that person anie more for so men sent me word because I had already signifyed to them what had occurred to me during that moneth And as for him his Soule got strength daily and he grew to be absolutly free nor could he satisfye himself with giuing thankes not only to our Blessed Lord but euen also to me as if I had done somewhat therein But the truth is that the opinion which he had that our Lord did sometimes shew me Fauours was of benefit to him for he sayd that whensoeuer he found himself to be much assaulted and pressed he vsed to read my Letters and that presently therevpon he should find himself ridd of the temptation He grew to be much amazed to vnderstand of what I had suffered and how also himself came to be free yea and euen I came also to wonder at it
vvhich vvas but a kind of shaddovv of such things as are suffered in that place She beginnes also to declare the vvay and manner hovv that Monasterie vvas founded in Auila vnder the name of S. Ioseph AFter a long time when our Blessed Lord had already done me manie of those Fauours which I haue heer related as others also which were very great I found one day whilst I was in Prayer though I could not tell how that I was placed in Hell And I vnderstood that our Lord was pleased that I should see the place which the Diuels had prepared for me and which I had deserued for my Sinnes This lasted but a very little space of time but yet if I should liue manie yeares I hold it for an impossible thing that euer I should be able to forget it The entrie thereof seemed to me to be after the manner of a long and straite Lane or rather as if it had been a low narrow long and darke Ouen The ground seemed to be as if it had been like water all thickned with durt and it was both very filthie and of a most pestilentiall smell and had a multitude of loathsome vermine as flyes and wormes and such other vglie creatures in it At the end of it there was a certaine hollow place as if it had been a kind of a little Presse in a wall into which I saw my self crowded with great constraint Now all that was euen delightfull to the sight in comparison of what I felt there and this which I haue sayd of it already I also find to be very imperfectly described But as for the Feeling part the verie beginning to say what it was is a thing which can neither be well no nor euen almost at all related as it was indeed in regard that I felt a certaine fire in my verie Soule though yet I know not how to declare it as indeed it was For all those almost insupportable torments which I haue felt with all extremi tie in this life and whereof the Physitians are wont to affirme that euen in the Corporeall way they are the greatest which can be suffered in this world as namely that shrinking-vp of all my Sinnewes when I instantly grew lame by it besides manie other torments in seuerall kindes as also that I haue been vexed much by the Diuel are all no more then absolutly iust nothing in comparison of what I felt in that place besides my knowing with all this that no part of it was euer to cease but to continue without euer haueing an end And yet euen all this which I haue sayd is also nothing in comparison of that continuall agonizing of the Soule that pressing that stifling which is so very sensible an affliction togeather with that desperate kind of discontent and disgust and repining which I am no way able to expresse For to say that it is a continuall tearing of the Soule into fitters is to say little since in that case it seemes that it must be some other bodie who teares it but in this the Soule it self is the verie Executioner which euen teares it self There is besides all that another strange Ingredient which is that interiour kind of fire and that vnspeakable despaire vpon those intollerable torments and sorrowes I saw not who it was that inflicted these things but me thought I found my self to be sliced and minced and prest and burnt all at once And I say and say againe that that interiour fire and despaire is the very worst of it all Whilst I was in this most pestilentiall place and that without anie possibilitie of euer so much as once hoping for anie comfort at all there was no such thing to be thought of as sitting or extending my self nor is there anie place voyd to receaue one though yet they had put me into that thing which is like a hole in a wall because euen those verie walls which are also most hideous to the sight doe euen presse their verie selues close towards and vpon one another and euerie thing there helpes to choake There is also no light in that place but all is grosse and euen palpable darknes For my part I vnderstand not how this can be for with hauing no light at all yet all that which may be able to giue anie vexation to the Sight is discerned and seen Our Lord was not pleased at that time that I should see anie more of Hell but afterward I had another Vision of most fearefull things and of the punishment of certaine particular vices And forasmuch as I might be able to discerne and iudge of by the sight these seemed to be euen more hideous then the former but yet in regard that I felt not the paine of it they made me not so much afrayd For in this other present Vision our Lord was pleased that I should really feele those torments and afflictions in Spirit euen as if my verie Bodie had been suffering them there I know not how all this could be but yet I vnderstood well enough that it was a very great Fauour and that our Lord was pleased that I should discerne as euen by the verie sight of mine owne eyes from whence his great mercie had deliuered me For it is nothing to haue heard talke of it nor that at other times I had considered seuerall sorts of torments though yet I did it not often for I liked not that very well in regard of the feare it gaue me nor yet that the Diuels are wont to teare men in peices with hot pincers nor anie other thing whereof I had read for all in fine is nothing if once it be compared to this Since this is wholy another kind of thing and the torments of this world compared with this are no more then a meer Picture in comparison of the Life the verie burning which is felt in this world being but a verie trifle in respect of that other For my part I remained astonished and amazed at it and so I am euen whilst I am writing these things though it hapned to me six yeares agoe And it is a most reall truth that euen now in the verie place where I am but thinking of them the naturall heate of my bodie beginnes to faile me euen for verie feare Not doe I euer remember what passed then but that all my afflictions and troubles and whatsoeuer can be suffered in this life seemed nothing to me and so also me thinkes it seemes that in part we complaine heer without reason And therefore I say againe that this was one of the greatest Fauours that I euer receaued in my whole life at the hands of our Lord. For it hath benefited me very much both towards the making me loose all feare and care concerning the tribulations and contradictions of this life as also to giue me strength towards the enduring them and finally to render thankes to our Blessed Lord for deliuering me as now I
to find that they resolued to carrie me away as conceauing that there was some goodnes in me For considering how wicked I knew my self to be I could by no meanes endure it but so recommending my self much to Almightie God I remained during all the time of Matins or at least the farre larger part thereof in a verie great Rapt Our Lord declared to me then that I should not faile to goe and that I was not to harken to the opinions of others for few would thinke without rashnes that they could aduise me to goe but that howsoeuer the iourney might be of much trouble to mee yet that he would be greatly serued thereby and that it would be also very conuenient that I should absent my self from hence till the Breue were come because the Diuel had a great plott prouided against the time when the Prouinciall should be there but yet that I must be afrayd of nothing for that in fine he should assist me in the busines Vpon this I was much comforted and encouraged and I related the whole Storie to the Rectour who told me that I must by no meanes forbeare to goe but others sayd that I must not doe it by anie meanes and that it was but an inuention of the Diuell to the end that some mischeife might happen to me and that my best way would be to reply vpon the Prouinciall But I obeyed the Rectour and considering also what had passed in Prayer I beganne my iourney without feare but yet not without extreame confusion to consider vnder what title and occasion they called for me And finding how much they were deceiued it made me euen importune our Blessed Lord so much the more not to forsake me Now it comforted me extreamly that there was in that place whither I was going a Colledge of the Societie of Iesus and that I might be subiect to that wherein they should direct me when I was there for by this meanes I conceaued that I was to be in a kind of safetie But when I ariued there our Blessed Lord was pleased that the Ladie should receaue so much comfort that her amendment was quickly seen for she was euerie day better and better And this was the more esteemed because as I sayd before the paine wherein she was did hold her in great difficulties and straights And it is likelie that our Lord graunted her ease at the instance of the manie prayers which certaine holie persons whome I knew did make in my behalfe that so all might succeed happily to me She had also euen in her self a great feare of Almightie God and was so full of vertue and goodnes that her much Christianitie and pietie supplyed for that which was wanting in me Now she grew into a great loue of me and I remained not a whitt in her debt when I saw her goodnes But yet in effect euen all was trouble to me there for the Regalo's which they gaue me were no lesse then so manie torments to me and their making so much account of me as they shewed did put me into a great deale of feare I therefore carried my Soule so restrained and so retired within my self that I durst not be anie way carelesse in that kind and so also was not our Lord vnmindefull of me For he did me whilst I was there most excessiue Fauours and they endued me with so true and so great libertie of Spirit as to make me vndervalue despise all those testimonies of estimation honour which I found there the more the more and so as that I failed not to treat with those Ladies who were so great with as much libertie as if I had been equall to them whereas yet they were of such qualitie that I might without anie dishonour at all to my self haue been euen their domestick Seruant I drew a great aduantage and benefit from thence and so I told her I found that she was subiect to some weaknesses and passions as my self am and how little she was in reason to esteem her greatnes and power which still the more it is so much the more trouble and care it drawes after it And they are faine to take such thought for liuing in such a forme and methode as is fitt forsooth for their greatnes and ranke that vpon the matter it scarce giues them leaue to liue For they eat out of time and out of order because all forsooth must goe in conformitie to the state which they hold and not with anie regard to their constitution and health nay sometimes they must feed vpon such meates as are more agreable to their greatnes then to their gust and so as that for my part I wholy abhorred so much as euen to desire to be a great Ladie God deliuer me from such ill-fauoured grauitie and greatnes as this for though the Ladie of whome I speake be one of the greatest of this Kingdome and I beleiue there are few more humble and more affable then she yet really I had and haue compassion of her to see how she passes manie times not in conformitie euen so much as with her owne inclination but to comply with her condition for euen in point of Seruants there is very little trust to be reposed and though she had them good yet must she not speake more confidently and kindly to one of them then to another and if she doe whosoeuer is most fauoured by her must be sure to be lesse beloued by others In fine this greatnes is a great subiection and indeed one of the greatest Lyes which euer the world can tell is when it calls such persons as these Lords and Ladies for as for me they all seem to be no other thing then euen Slaues and that a thousand times ouer Our Lord was pleased at that time whilst I remained with that Ladie in her House that the domesticks also there improued much in the seruice of his Diuine Maiestie though yet for my part I was not free from some troubles yea and certaine enuies also which were expressed to my disaduantage by certaine persons in regard of the great affection which that Ladie bore me and perhaps they were so ill aduised as to imagine that I had some thought of interest by what I did But our Lord was pleased to permit that they should giue me some few little troubles both in this kind and also in others least els I might perhaps haue growne to be intoxicated by the Regalo which was vouchsafed to me on the other side but he was pleased to fetch me out of all those accidents and aduentures with the aduantage and improuement of mine owne Soule Whilst yet I remained there a certaine Religious man and a very eminent person with whome I had treated sometimes though it were maine yeares before did chance to ariue in that place And I being one day at Masse in a Monasterie of his Order which was neer to the place where I kept was taken with a
And I beleiue it had been more then a moneth wherein I did almost nothing els but begg of Almightie God that he would bring this Soule back to himself And being in Prayer one day I saw a Diuel hard by me with certaine papers in his hand which he was tearing and he seemed to be in a very great rage But this put me into much comfort because I conceiued thereby that my Suite was granted and so it was as I came to know afterward For the Partie had been at Confession and had done it with great Contrition and he returned in so very good earnest to Almightie God that I hope in his Diuine Maiestie he will euer goe aduancing in his Seruice And let him be Blessed for euer Amen In this particular of procuring our Blessed Lord to bring Soules out of greiuous Sinnes vpon my humble suite and of others who were brought manie times to more perfection and of freing Soules also out of Purgatorie and of doing other things also of great importance the Fauours of our Blessed Lord haue been so great that I should both wearie my self and my Reader if I would pretend to relate them And these things haue hapned oftner to me for the benefit of Soules then of Bodies and this is so very well knowne that it hath manie witnesses But then instantly there grew a kind of Scruple vpon me since I could not choose but beleiue that our Lord was pleased to doe diuerse things through my Prayer for in this case and at this time I abstract from his goodnes and mercye which is euer the cheif cause of all things but for the rest these are now so manie particulars and so well knowne by others that I haue no difficulty at all to beleiue them and I blesse his Diuine Maiestie for the same and they put me to great confusion because I still find my self to be more and more a debtour But that consideration makes my desire to serue him encrease and reviues my loue And which yet amazes me more those things which our Lord findes not to be conuenient I can scarce begg of his Diuine Maiestie euen almost although I would and if I doe it is with so little strength and spirit and care that although I would faine force my self yet it is euen impossible for me to doe it in these as I doe it in those others which his Diuine Maiestie hath a minde to effect for such I see I am able to begg often and that with great importunitie and though I carrie not the particular care of them about me yet me thinkes they come before me of themselues So that the difference between these two wayes of asking is so very great as I am not able to declare For though I aske in one of these kinds of things wherein I forbeare not to vrge my self to begg them of our Lord howsoeuer I feele not that kind of feruour in my self which I doe in those other and though they chance to import mine owne particular very much yet is it in effect but as when a man chances to be toung-tyed who although he would faine speake yet he cannot doe it and if he speake it is but in such sort as that he sees it cannot be vnderstood whereas the other is as when a man speakes cleare and plaine to a man whome he findes very willing to heare him Or els let vs say that one of those Fauours is begged as by a Vocall Prayer and the other as in a way of Contemplation which is so very sublime that our Lord represents himself in such sort as that we vnderstand that he vnderstands vs and that his Diuine Maiestie is ioyed to see that we begg anie thing of him that so he may doe vs fauour Blessed be he for euer who giues vs so much and to whome I giue so little For what O my Lord doth anie man who doth not euen defeate himself wholy for thee and yet hovv much hovv much hovv much and a thousand times more I might say hovv much am I wanting heerin And now vpon this reason I should not so much as once desire euen to liue though yet I haue other reasons also not to desire it because I liue not according to my obligation towards thee Nay how full doe I see myself of imperfections and with what faintnes and basenes doe I serue thee And really me thinkes sometimes I wish that I were euen depriued of sense that so I might not vnderstand so very much ill of my self as I doe Yet I beseech him to redresse it all who knowes so well how to doe it But I remember I spake before of my being in the House of a certaine great Ladie where I assure you folkes had good reason to haue their witts well about them and alwaies to be considering the vanitie which worldlie things carrie with them For she was a person very much esteemed and very much praised and there were temptations enow towards lesse perfection through much distraction whereby one might easily haue been shrewdly taken if I had looked vpon nothing but my self But he who iudgeth rightly and lookes vpon vs with true sight indeed was carefull not to giue ouer the keeping me euer safe in his hands And now when I am speaking of hauing a true and reall sight of things I remember and consider the great trouble which anie such person as whome it hath pleased Almightie God to endue with a knowledge of that which indeed is Truth must needs be put to when he is forced to treat with others about things which concerne this transitorie and troublesome world where all in fine is much disguised and masked as our Lord himself told me once But in the meane time manie of those things which I write heer are by no meanes of mine owne head but they haue been told me by that Heauenlie Maister of mine And because in all those things which I am wont to affirme after a direct and positiue manner I vse to expresse my self by these words This I vnderstood or els Our Lord told me this I find my self with a very great scruple of either adding or anie way altering so much as anie one syllable thereof And so whensoeuer I doe not most expresly remember euerie circumstance of anie thing of this kind which is to be related by me I am wont to deliuer that alwaies as in mine owne name Or els because sometimes they proceed from mine owne particular dictamens I vse not to call anie thing mine which is good in itself because indeed I am farre enough from being ignorant that anie such thing as is in me is good but I affirme only those things as in mine owne name and they are deliuered as by my self which did not come into my vnderstanding and knowledge by way of Reuelation But O my deare Lord and my God! and how often doth it happen to vs heer that euen in the most spirituall occasions we are resolued manie
times to vnderstand things but iust so as we haue a minde to vnderstand them our selues and euen they are wrested much from the true sense And so we also doe in things of this world and we will needs make our selues beleiue that we must tax euen our owne profit in Spirit according to the measure of the time wherein we haue had anie exercise of Prayer Nay it seemes that we haue had a minde to put a tax and limit vpon him who by no meanes will be subiect to anie when there is question of imparting his Fauours which he is wont to dispose when he will and who can impart more benedictions to one in six moneths then to another in a great multitude of yeares And this is a most certaine truth which I haue seen so expresly verifyed euen with my verie eyes vpon the instance of manie persons that I wonder how we can so much as detaine our selues in the least doubt thereof But I am very apt to beleiue that a man who hath anie talent in trying and knowing Spirits and to whome our Blessed Lord shall haue giuen true Humilitie will not be able to fall and continue in this errour For such a man will iudge of things by the effects and by the strong purposes and firme resolutions and loue of the party who is chiefly concerned And besides our Lord is wont to giue such a person light whereby he may be able to vnderstand it and by that verie light he also discernes the profiting and proceeding forward of Soules and not by the number of yeares wherein they haue attended to these things Because some one Soule may as I sayd before haue obtained that in six moneths which another shall not haue been able to get in twentie yeares For as I sayd also before our Lord bestowes those things to whome he will and commonly he doth it to such as dispose themselues best to receiue them And in proofe heerof I see that there come now to this House of ours certaine Gentlewoemen and Ladies who are very young and yet when our Blessed Lord vouchsafes once to touch their harts and to giue them a little Light and Loue and when in a very short time he is pleased to allow and impart some Regalo and gust of Spirit to them they haue not stayed and pawsed nor was anie difficultie able to offer it self against them which could stopp them but they would be going on without so much as remembring that they were to liue by eating their meate and they shut themselues vp for euer in a House without hauing so much as anie Reuenue vpon which to liue like persons who put no manner of esteem vpon anie thing of this world for the loue of him who they know loues them And they giue ouer euen all things all at once nor haue they anie will at all which is meerly their owne nor doe they vnderstand it to be possible that euer they can receaue disgust by enduring such a straight shutting vp but all of them offer-vp their whole selues in Sacrifice to the honour and glorie of Almightie God And now how willingly and iustly doe I allow them to haue gotten the Start of me heerin and how mightily ought I to be ashamed and euen confounded in the presence of Almightie God to see that what his Diuine Maiestie could not finish in my Soule through my fault in such a multitude of yeares since I vsed Prayer and wherein he beganne to doe me Fauours he hath yet been able to accomplish in them within three moneths yea and euen with some of them in three dayes with doing them also farre lesse Fauour then to me Though yet withall it be very true that our Blessed Lord payes them so well for their paines that they are all very farre from being sorrie to haue done whatsoeuer they haue done for the loue of him For this purpose I could wish that we might call to minde how manie yeares they are since we made our Profession and haue vsed Mentall Prayer Not yet for the giuing them anie trouble by making them turne back who haue made a great deale of way in a short time and to get them to goe but our pace which is as much as it would be to make them who flye like Eagles through the Fauours which it hath pleased Almightie God to doe them to walke the slow dull pace of a shackled Hen but to the end that we may grow to carrie the honour of his Diuine Maiestie in our eye And then if we find these Sisters of ours to be humble whome we see to be so forward in the way of Spirit that we should giue them still the raynes For certainly our Blessed Lord who hath done them so great Fauours already will neuer suffer them to breake their necks by falling downe as from some dangerous rock They commit and trust themselues in the hands of Almightie God for this benefit doe they reape by the truth which Faith teaches them and shall not we also trust them there but must we limit and confine them by our narrow measure according to the meannesse straightnes of our owne poore mindes No no this must not be but rather if our selues cannot ariue to be owners of those strong affections and firme resolutions which abound in them for these things cannot be well vnderstood without experience let vs procure to humble our selues and not condemne them For els by seeming to haue a care of their aduantage and profit we shall depriue our selues of our owne and we shall also loose the occasion which our Lord shewes vs so faire for our owne greater humilitie and that we may the better vnderstand how much is wanting to vs as also how much more absolutly those other Soules are likelie to be vntyed and freed from worldlie things then ours and how much neerer they are approached to Almightie God then we since we see that his Diuine Maiestie is come so much closer vp towards them then vs. For my part I can vnderstand no more in this case neither indeed haue I anie desire to vnderstand more then that I had rather haue such Prayer as hauing been obtained and exercised but a short time might be found to haue great effects and which instantly appeare for it is impossible that a Creature should be content to throw away a whole world at once vpon the onlie reason of pleasing Almightie God without a mightie force of loue then such an other kind of Prayer as should haue continued manie yeares and yet neuer in fine haue made an end of resoluing vpon anie more at the last then at the first to doe aniething for the pure loue of Almightie God vnlesse it be some poore little fidling bable which is no bigger then a graine of Salt which hath neither bulke nor weight but is such as that anie Bird might be able to carrie it away in her Bill For I confesse we hold it not for a matter
in this Diamond it being such as that all things are shut-vp in it because there is nothing which can get out of that greatnes it was a thing extreamly to amaze me to be able to see in so very short a time so manie things togeather in this bright Diamond And so was it also matter of extreame compassion and greif for me euerie time that I remember my self to haue seen that things so very vglie and fowle as my sinnes were should be representted and shewed in that so clearnes of light And the truth is that whensoeuer I remember it I know not how it comes to be possible for me to endure it and I did really then remaine so extreamly out of countenance and ashamed that me thinkes I could not tell where to hide my head O that some Creature or other were able to giue this Truth to be well vnderstood by these people who commit dishonest filthie sinnes that so they might come to know that they are not secret and that Almightie God hath reason to be very sensible of those wrongs since they are acted so truly in the presence of his Diuine Maiestie and that we carrie our selues with so base irreuerence before him I saw heer also how iustly Hell is deserued for anie one Mortall Sinne because it is past our power to vnderstand what a most greiuous crime it is to commit it in the presence of so great a Maiestie and what an vnspeakable distance and dissimilitude is found between that which he is and that which our Sinnes are and how it appeares euen heerby so much the better how great his mercie is since notwithstanding he knowes all this he yet endures vs. It hath also made me consider that if such a Vision as this can leaue the Soule so extreamly astonished and amazed what kind of thing will the Day of Iudgement proue to be when this Maiestie of Almightie God will shew it self with all clearnes and so we shall also clearly see what kind of things our sinnes were which we committed against him O my deare God! what blindnes is this which hath seazed me And I haue often been amazed euen whilst I haue been writing this and your Reuerence need be amazed at nothing but how I am able euen to liue whilst I am looking both vpon these things and my self But let him be eternally blessed who hath vouchsafed to endure such things at my hands Being once in Prayer in very great recollection and with much quietnes and sweetnes me thought I was all emcompassed with Angells and very neer to Almightie God and I beganne to be an humble Suiter to his Diuine Maiestie for the benefit and aduantage of his Church And he gaue me to vnderstand the much good which a certaine Order should doe the world in these latter times and the great courage wherewith the Members thereof should defend and vphold the Catholique Faith Being once in Prayer neer the Blessed Sacrament there appeared to me a certaine Saint whose Order was in some decay He had a great Booke in his hands which he opened and willed me to read certains Letters in it which were very legible and large and they sayd thus In future times this Order shall flourish and haue manie Martyrs Another time being at Matins in the Quire six or seauen persons were represented and set before me and I held them to be of the same Order and they had Swords in their hands And I conceaue that I was giuen thereby to vnderstand that they should defend the Faith For being in Prayer another time and rapt in Spirit me thought I was in a very spauous feild where manie were who fought and they of this Order did also fight with great feruour They had their faces beautifull and much inflamed and they beate multitudes of men downe to the ground and killed others This battaile seemed to be giuen against Heretiques I haue seen this Glorious Saint diuerse times and he hath told me some things and giuen me thankes for the Prayers which I make for his Order and he hath promised that he will recommend me to our Blessed Lord. I specifye not the seuerall Orders heer least some should be offended at it and if our Lord shall thinke it conuenient he may declare them But euerie Order should procure and so should euerie particular man of euerie Order that in so great a necessitie as that wherein the Church is at this time they might be able to serue her For happie are those liues which may come to loose themselues vpon this occasion A certaine person desired me once to beg of Almightie God that I might vnderstand whether or no it would be for the Seruice of his Diuine Maiestie that he should take a Bishoprick I did so and our Lord made me this answer after I had Communicated VVhen he shall vnderstand vvith all clearnes and truth that true Dominion consists in possessing nothing he may take it then Giuing thereby to vnderstand that whosoeuer is to be a Prelate must be very farre from so much as desiring it and yet further from procuring it These Fauours and manie other also haue been and are still very ordinarily shewed by our Blessed Lord to this sinnefull Woeman which me thinkes are not very necesarie to be related since by those which are deliuered already my Soule togeather with the Spirit which our Lord hath giuen me may be vnderstood But let him be euer blessed who hath had so much care of me He told me once by way of comforting me that I must not afflict my self and this he did with most tender loue for that in this life of ours we could not possibly be alwaies after the same manner but that sometimes I would be in feruour and sometimes without it Sometimes with vnquietnes and temptations and Sometimes without them and in peace but that I must hope in him and feare nothing Being one day in thought and doubt whether it were not a kind of being tyed to Creatures to be glad to be with such persons as with whome I treat the busines of my Soule and to loue both them and others also whome I find to be the Seruants of Almightie God and to receaue comfort by being with them he told me that if when a man is dangerously sick the presence of a Phisitian seemes euen to restore him to health it would not be a vertue to forbeare to be glad of him and to loue him And what sayd he wouldst thou haue done if it had not been for such as they That he disliked not that conuersation should be held with such as were good but that my words must euer be well considered and holie and that so it would be rather profitable to me then hurtfull not to giue-ouer communication with them Now this imparted a particular comfort to me for sometimes it would seem to be a hauing too great a tye vpon creatures which made me once incline to giue-ouer the custome
had begunne to obey She also declares for hovv little purpose it serued to resist the Fauours of Almighty God and hovv his Diuine Maiestie vvent daily imparting them to her after a more compleat manner CHAP. 25. She treates heer of the vvay and manner of vnderstanding those vvords or Speeches vvhich Almighty God is pleased to vtter to the Soule though yet vvithout hearing any voyce or sound and of some errours or abuses vvhich may happen heerin and hovv the right may be knovvne from the vvrong It is of much vse and profit for such as see themselues in this degree of Prayer for it is declared very vvell and the Doctrine containes great instruction 26. CHAP. She prosecutes the same Discourse and goes relating and declareing such things as happened to her vvhich made her to loose feare and to be strengthned in a beleife that it vvas a good spirit vvhich spake to her 27. CHAP. She treates of another vvay hovv our Lord instructs a Soule and giues her to vnderstand his vvill after a very admirable manner vvithout any Speech at all She also declares a certaine Vision and great Fauour vvhich our Lord shevved her and this Vision vvas not Imaginarie This Chaepter is very much to be noted 28. CHAP. She treates of the great Fauours vvhich our Lord did her and hovv he appeared to her the first time She declares that it vvas a Vision vvhich shevved it selfe by vvay of the Imagination and discouers the great effects and testimonyes vvhich such things leaue in the Soule vvhen they are of Almighty God This Chapter is of great instruction and deserues to be noted much 29. CHAP. She prosecutes the Discourse vvhich she had begunne and relates some high Fauours vvhich our Lord vvas pleased to doe her and vvhat his Diuine Maiestie did futher for the securing and encourageing her minde and for the enabling her to ansvver her Contradictours 30. CHAP. She returnes to recount the course of her life and hovv our Lord gaue remedye to many of her troubles by bringing that Holy man Fray Pedro de Alcantara of the Order of the Glorious S. Francis to the place vvhere she vvas And she declares the great temptations and invvard troubles vvhich sometimes she endured 31 CHAP. She treates of certaine exteriour temptations and representations of the Deuill and of the torments vvhich he gaue her She speakes also of other things vvhich are very fitt for the aduise and instruction of such persons as are vvalking on in the vvay of Perfection 32. CHAP. She treates hovv it pleased our Lord to put her in Spirit into a place of Hell vvhich she said she had deserued for her Sinnes She relates vvhat vvas represented to her there vvhich vvas but a kind of shaddovv of such things as are suffered in that place She beginnes also to declare the vvay and manner hovv that Monastery vvas founded in Auila vnder the name of S. Ioseph 33. CHAP. She proceeds in the same Subiect of the Foundation of the Monastery of the Glorious S. Ioseph She declares hovv she vvas commanded to attend to that busines and of the time vvhen she forbore to follovv it and of some troubles vvhich she had and hovv she vvas comforted in them by our Blessed Lord. CHAP. 34. She declares hovv at this time she vvas necessarily to goe from that place and she shevves the cause thereof and hovv her Superiour commanded her to goe for the comfort of a certaine Lady vvho vvas much afflicted She beginns to treat of that vvhich hapened to her there and of the great Fauour vvhich it pleased our Lord to doe by her meanes in stirring-vp a very principall person to doe him very great Seruice and hovv aftervvard she receiued much Fauour and protection from him This is an admirable Discourse and very much to be noted 35. CHAP. She prosecutes the same Subiect about the Foundation of this Hovvse of our Glorious Father S. Ioseph She speakes of the Degrees by vvhich our Lord came to appoint that holy Pouertie should be ordained there and of the cause vvhy she came from that Lady vvith vvhome she vvas and of other things also vvhich succeeded 36. CHAP. She prosecutes the Subiect vvhich she had begunn and declares the finall conclusion of this Monastery of the Glorious S. Ioseph of Auila and of the great contradictions and persecutions vvhich the Religious vvoemen vvere put to suffer euen after they had taken the Habit and of the many troubles and temptations vvhich she vvas faine to vndergoe and hovv his Diuine Maiestie drevv her out of all vvith victorie to his ovvne praise and glorie 37. CHAP. She treates of the effects vvhich vsed to remaine in her Soule vvhen our Lord had done her any Fauour and she accompanies this Discourse vvith very profitable Doctrine She declares also hovv vvee are to procure and greatly esteem the gaining of one degree of glory more and hovv vvee must not for any trouble or paines forsake those benefitts blessings vvhich are euerlasting 38. CHAP. She treates of some great Fauours vvhich our Lord vvas pleased to doe her as vvell in acquainting her vvith certaine Secrets of Heauen as by giueing her other great Visions and Reuelations She declares also the effects vvhich they left in her Soule and the great benefitts vvhich she obtained by them 39. CHAP. She proceeds in the same Subiect of shevving the great Fauours vvhich our Lord had done her And she declares hovv he vvas pleased to promise his Fauour to them for vvhome she should begg it and she relates some important particulars vvherein his Diuine Maiestie had done her extraordinary Fauours of this kind 40. CHAP. She proceeds in the same Discourse by relating the great Fauours vvhich our Lord shevved her vvhereby good instruction is to be gotten And vvith the end of this Chapter she ends also the Discourse of her Life 41. A Letter vvritten by the GLORIOVS S. TERESA vvhich she sent together vvith the Booke to her Ghostly Father APPROBATIO HAec vita S. Teresae primùm Hispanico sermone à se conscripta postea taliter edita nunc verò felicissimè Anglicè reddita per Ill m virum M. T. iussu R mi Antuerpiensis à me attentè perlecta fuit in eadem nihil dum reperi vel contra fidem vel quod possit meo iudicio pias Christianas aures offendere imò cùm amorē eius seraphicum vndique lucentem ac inflammantem Lector experiatur censeo dignissimam vt in communem etiam Catholicorum Anglorum vtilitatem imprimatur Antuerpiae 5. Augusti M. DC XLII RICHARDVS WAKE I. V. L. Cap. 4. Cap. 5. Cap. 2. Cap. 8. Cap. 7. Cap. 6. Cap. 22. * Note this great most certaine Truth a Many vse to repeat the Creed in the presence and as in the person of such as are neer expiring by vvay of fortefying thē at that time against the temptations of the Diuell b VVhen persons are neer expiring attendants vse to be very
neer them vvith hallovved Candles * An excellent Aduise Take heed of this great danger * Consider this point much and often * Note this good Conclusion vpon the Praemises * Note this very vvell for nothing imports more thē this * A great and gross errour * A point of very great importance * Note * This vvas the beginning of many great blessings * Her entrance into the receaueing Supernaturall Fauours * It vvorkes not indeed by vvay of vsing Discourse or makeing Inferences but yet it vvorks by vvay of Contēplation and Admiration of the Infinite Obiect being God vvho is set before it * Note * A great foolish errour * Behold heer the true great impediment * This Saint is admirable in all the Comparisons vvhich the vses * This is a kind of Engine vvith certaine little leather Buckets fastned to the sides of a very great vvheele vvhich dra vves vp very much vvater vvith great ease In Spanish it is called a Noria * A good Lesson * A consideration of much comfort * A hard question most clearly and excellently ansvvered * Marke vvell these masculine and massye vvords * Note * This suspending of the Thought or Vnderstanding of vvhich the Saint speakes is a presenting a multitude of Supernaturall and Diuine Obiects before it together vvith a copious infusion of Light vvich is decerned by it after a kind of intuitiue vvay at once vvithout discourse or trouble And this Light rests not there but passes-on to the VVill and grovves to be as so much Fyre for the inflameing it in the Loue of our Lord. And the Soule doth more properly suffer heer then act And novv the Saint giues great vvarning that people be not so foolish as to offer at these things of themselues A great truth * A dangerous provvd foolish errour * Obserue the generous vvay of this great Saint * Note this very vvell * A great praise of a large hart * Hovv Saynts are to be imitated hovv admired * Note this vvell * A necessary Aduise * Our daily Bread * A description of a good Directour in matter of Spirit * Note * Hovv the VVill is to carry it selfe to the other Faculties of the Minde * The blessings of Quiet Prayer * Note * Note * Hovv the Soule is to carry it selfe in Quiet Prayer * Note * A true happy Comparison * The good Spirit very easily discerned from the bad * Note this point aboue all * A most necessary Document * A great blessing by meanes of this Prayer * These are the more generous mindes * As vvhen one is dyinge * This is an admirable State of Minde * The true State of the Povvers of the Minde in this Prayer Hovv there is an Vnion in this Prayer hovv there is none * The great effects of this high Prayer * The difference betvveē Eleuatiō and Vnion * She proceeds in declaring the great effects of this high Prayer * A Cōsideration of strange comfort * This is strange indeed * The strong Pillar of Prayer * Consider this very vvell * Take heed * A most dangerous temptation * Consider and admire this passage * The manner nature of Rapts * The Effects of Rapts * The strangest state of Minde vvhich perhaps is described in the vvhole Booke * The effect of Rapts * This Saynt it admirable in her Comparisons * Other great effects of true Rapts * Her great zeale for the conuersion of Kings * She alludes to Comets and blazing Starrs * A rare expression * Anopinion vvhich is more probable then true * This seems to haue been a foolish and ill-fauoured kind of errour in those others * That vvas by seuerall Visions * A svveet and iust cōplaint and vvorthie of the Saint vvho made it * By Vision * Beleiue and consider this most certaine Truth * A doubt vvhich cannot easily be solued * She grovves novv to make serious enquiry after a good Directour * The only excellent course * This holy mā enters often into the Story of our Saynt * This vvas no improbable opinion though it vvere no true one * So good a begining vvas almost a kind of perfecting the vvorke * The Saynt begann heer to be happy * This vvas a vvise man likely to vvorke vvonders vpon a Soule * He lost nothing by leaueing to be a Duke for Gods sake * This must needs haue been a holy and a vvise man * A little of this goes farr * So true it is that God is God * The mighty force and povver of any one Supernaturall vvord * The infinit differēce betvveē Supernaturall vvords of God all other * A strange encounter * Great povver of our Lord. * Hovv quickly she gott courage against the Diuells * A most certaine truth * This vvas a very ill aduise indeed * The incredible deare svveetnes of our B. Lord to a Soule * Obserue this vvell * This Saint yovv see vvas certainly no Protestant * The Masque of Pride * An admirable example of Pennance * Humane frailty and celestiall glory are not compatible * Imaginary Visions represented to by the senses are of the lovvest ranke most subiect to danger * The great effects of an admirable and most sublime Vision * The differēce is easily found both betvveen a true Vision and a false and betvveen a true Vision and a Fancy * A plaine demonstration * In order to the guideing of others a Directour may easily haue too meane an optnion of himselfe * This Saint vvas hugely vexed by the insatisfaction vvhich she receiued from many Spirituall men * This is very fitt to be knovvne * This is a true Fortiter sed Suauiter * This Saint vvas most strangely familiarly and supernaturally visited by our B Lord. * A strange Taske vvhich vvas put even by holy men upon this Saint * The more she vvas discountenanced euen by good men so much the more highly vvas she fauoured by our Lord. * A rare Comparison * Still more more excellent comparisons * An excellent most necessary Aduise * A strange mixture of affections but such as God knovves hovv to giue * This greife is after the rate of the loue * A very safe and vvise vvay of proceeding * This is a most certaine truth * Heer follovves a vvhole vvorld of sad temptations troubles * The differēce betvveē Diuine and Diabolicall greife of minde * The vvay manner of a great desolation * A pretty humour * A happy State * She makes along Discourse of the Diabolicall Temptations troubles to vvhich she vvas subiect * The excellency of Holy VVater * A great and iust consolation * A question vvorthy of him that askt it * This is a very great Truth but the Accent must be put vpon the vvord Indeed * And though she should haue continued to aske it I dare say our Lord vvould not haue graunted it * A must certaine truth * A vvise solid Truth * Exercise of Prayer and loue of Honour agree not vvell together * This is not to be litterally vnderstood for the Diuell can prepare no place for a Soule in Hell but by the Decree of Almighty God vpon the particular Iudgement giuen at the death of the Party * The Sinnes of Ingratitude discorrespondence and inordinate affection to Creatures vvhich she did committ and the greater and mortall Sinnes vvhich she vvould most certainly haue committed if the Mercy of our Blessed Lord had not preuented and vvithheld her * Hell is represented to her in Spirit after a most subtile manner and it vvas shevved to her and described by her in such sort as that such Creatures may be capable thereof as are indued not only vvith Mindes but vvith Bodyes * The excellent fruits vvhich this Saint did gather from this great Fauour vvhich seems to be the sole cause vvhy our B. Lord vvas pleased to impare this Fauour * The great benefit of this Fauour * Vide supra fol 471. * A svveet Effect of a sad Cause * A sad and strange proceeding * Hovv one suspition u vvont to thrid it self close vpon another * A holy vvise man * All these things and the like as namely Darts or Chaines or Crovvnes or Ievvells c. are not to be vnderstoood after a grosse materiall vvay but yet that really they haue truth in their being represented distinctly clearly to the Imagination of the Partyes and they cheifly serue as testimonies Signes of those interiour graces vertues vvhich vse to be imprinted vpon Soules at those very times by the mercy of our B. Lord. * She meanes her selfe * This Saint vvas an excellent person to make a freind of * A very strange demonstration of a most ciuill noble and freindly hart * Our Blessed Lord is still as good as his vvord * The great Charity Humility of the Saynt * Hovv deuout this deare Saynt is * They vvere very noble though they vvere poore * The Diuell is still himselfe * This is such a kind of vvorld as vvherein things vvill euer goe thus * A true ansvver to all the Diuells Obiections * Note the description vvhich the Saynt makes heer of her Religious * This Fast of the Order is not so strict and rigorous as that of the Church but is rather a forbearance of halfe the Meale then a Fast * This Point of haueing so very fevv in a Monastery vvas partly meant for them vvho vvere to liue in any place on Almes and partly because the Saint had seen some disorders by haueing too many Religious in other Hovvses and yet the Saint her selfe came aftervvard to admit of tvventy in stead of tvvelue and vvould perhaps haue admitted more if she had found reason for it * She inueighs vvith much reason against vaine Complements and especially amongst Religious people * An excellent most vsefull Document * A true noble most generous hart * Great effects of a Vision