Linguistic DNA - Concept Modelling Demonstrator

Word A	Word B	Word C	Word D	Occurrence	Frequency Band	MI	MI Band	Prominent
spirit_n	ability_n	able_a	know_v	86	3	3.3068	3	false

ID	Title	Author	Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication)	STC	Words	Pages
A64802	A wise virgins lamp burning; or Gods sweet incomes of love to a gracious soul waiting for him Being the experiences of Mrs. Anne Venn, (daughter to Col. John Venn, & member of the Church of Christ at Fulham:) written by her own hand, and found in her closet after her death. Wherein is declared her exceeding frequent addresses to the throne of grace, and how speedily answered. Written for the comfort of such as mourn in Sion, and quickning of saints by her blessed example.	Venn, Anne.	1658 (1658)	Wing V190; ESTC R219225	131,041	301

soul_n in_o former_a day_n in_o the_o night-season_n and_o how_o sweet_a my_o meditation_n of_o he_o have_v be_v night_n and_o morning_n upon_o my_o bed_n and_o how_o barren_a my_o heart_n have_v be_v for_o some_o time_n of_o late_a in_o these_o meditation_n and_o how_o the_o lord_n have_v seem_v to_o withdraw_v these_o thought_n do_v put_v i_o upon_o it_o the_o ten_o of_o this_o second_o month_n in_o the_o evening_n to_o beg_v of_o god_n that_o as_o he_o have_v former_o appear_v in_o such_o season_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o return_v that_o mercy_n even_o by_o those_o torch_n of_o his_o hand_n whereby_o my_o night_n be_v very_o wearisome_a to_o my_o body_n by_o reason_n of_o my_o extreme_a cough_n &_o true_o i_o do_v the_o more_o press_v it_o upon_o the_o lord_n in_o my_o desire_n have_v much_o groan_v to_o think_v that_o night_n will_v be_v very_o wearisome_a to_o i_o more_o than_o any_o former_o by_o reason_n of_o my_o distemper_n but_o my_o good_a god_n who_o work_v all_o thing_n after_o the_o counsel_n of_o his_o own_o will_n and_o not_o according_a to_o our_o thought_n or_o fear_n or_o hope_n so_o order_v it_o that_o what_o i_o have_v reason_n most_o to_o fear_n he_o give_v i_o least_o to_o feel_v and_o though_o i_o be_v much_o distemper_v in_o my_o head_n when_o i_o go_v to_o bed_n by_o reason_n of_o my_o cold_n that_o be_v so_o great_a yet_o do_v he_o give_v i_o very_o good_a rest_n all_o the_o forepart_n of_o the_o night_n which_o when_o i_o awake_v towards_o morning_n and_o begin_v to_o consider_v oh_o i_o can_v not_o but_o admire_v but_o withal_o begin_v to_o think_v that_o though_o my_o desire_n about_o this_o be_v answer_v and_o though_o i_o have_v rest_n of_o body_n yet_o no_o communion_n with_o my_o god_n or_o reason_v with_o my_o own_o heart_n which_o i_o intend_v to_o have_v parly_v a_o little_a with_o while_o i_o have_v these_o thought_n and_o the_o like_a lie_v in_o a_o slumber_a way_n there_o be_v this_o thought_n bring_v to_o my_o mind_n which_o mr._n cradock_n the_o four_o day_n of_o this_o second_o month_n mention_v upon_o another_o occasion_n the_o word_n be_v these_o that_o vain_a man_n will_v be_v wise_a that_o be_v bear_v like_o a_o wild_a ass_n colt_n these_o word_n run_v much_o in_o my_o mind_n and_o some_o thought_n be_v give_v in_o upon_o they_o with_o a_o great_a desire_n i_o may_v not_o forget_v they_o but_o may_v in_o the_o morning_n see_v and_o find_v out_o that_o place_n of_o scripture_n but_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o as_o i_o think_v a_o opportunity_n and_o so_o much_o strength_n as_o to_o go_v and_o hear_v mr._n cradick_n i_o haste_v as_o soon_o as_o i_o can_v get_v up_o to_o prepare_v for_o go_v but_o when_o we_o come_v there_o have_v pray_v to_o the_o lord_n in_o some_o few_o word_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o give_v i_o some_o sight_n of_o himself_o some_o transform_a sight_n and_o some_o kiss_n from_o his_o lip_n this_o day_n but_o go_v there_o we_o be_v disappoint_v for_o that_o exercise_n be_v for_o some_o occasion_n put_v off_o to_o next_o morning_n and_o so_o we_o come_v home_o again_o and_o come_v home_o be_v a_o little_a sadned_a in_o my_o spirit_n think_v of_o my_o morning-desire_n &_o when_o a_o answer_n shall_v be_v of_o they_o or_o how_o look_v for_o i_o sit_v i_o down_o and_o fall_v to_o read_v a_o little_a of_o mr._n cradock_n sermon_n before_o mention_v and_o meet_v with_o these_o word_n oh_o vain_a man_n that_o will_v be_v wise_a put_v i_o again_o in_o mind_n of_o my_o night-thought_n and_o fall_v to_o look_v the_o scripture_n and_o find_v it_o in_o job_n 11._o 12._o for_o vain_a man_n will_v be_v wise_a though_o man_n be_v bear_v like_o a_o wild_a ass_n colt_n some_o hint_n there_o be_v that_o fall_v upon_o my_o heart_n this_o night_n from_o these_o word_n vain_a man_n will_v be_v wise_a good_a god_n have_v not_o this_o be_v my_o condition_n this_o poor_a vain_a creature_n will_v i_o not_o fain_o be_v wise_a and_o think_v to_o be_v so_o and_o often_o pride_v myself_o in_o the_o thought_n of_o it_o for_o which_o the_o lord_n righteous_o show_v i_o now_o and_o then_o my_o folly_n yet_o how_o fain_o will_v i_o be_v wise_a in_o chalk_v out_o way_n for_o the_o lord_n to_o walk_v in_o towards_o i_o even_o as_o if_o i_o know_v better_a what_o be_v good_a for_o i_o then_o god_n or_o how_o to_o accomplish_v that_o work_n in_o my_o soul_n better_o than_o he_o and_o therefore_o be_o i_o so_o ready_a to_o prescribe_v to_o he_o way_n yea_o and_o if_o he_o refuse_v and_o reject_v they_o as_o for_o the_o most_o part_n he_o be_v please_v in_o mercy_n to_o do_v bless_a be_v his_o name_n oh_o how_o sad_o do_v it_o often_o lie_v upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o how_o apt_a be_o i_o to_o think_v hardly_o of_o the_o lord_n that_o true_o he_o do_v not_o mean_v i_o any_o good_a in_o deny_v i_o this_o or_o that_o i_o desire_v and_o for_o the_o late_a word_n though_o man_n be_v bear_v like_o a_o wild_a ass_n colt_n concern_v which_o i_o have_v some_o scatter_a thought_n but_o not_o so_o compose_v as_o afterward_o but_o after_o i_o have_v come_v home_o from_o james_n next_o day_n and_o have_v look_v this_o scripture_n and_o find_v it_o sit_v and_o pause_v a_o while_n upon_o it_o my_o spirit_n be_v very_o much_o sadn_v and_o unfit_a for_o any_o serious_a spiritual_a meditation_n at_o last_o i_o betake_v myself_o to_o some_o short_a request_n to_o the_o lord_n tell_v he_o that_o as_o he_o be_v please_v thus_o to_o disappoint_v my_o expectation_n of_o the_o public_a enjoyment_n yet_o in_o he_o there_o be_v a_o fullness_n of_o all_o power_n and_o ability_n thereby_o be_v as_o able_a to_o speak_v to_o i_o by_o his_o own_o spirit_n something_o that_o may_v be_v of_o spiritual_a advantage_n some_o transform_a word_n which_o he_o be_v able_a to_o do_v as_o well_o in_o private_a as_o in_o public_a which_o i_o do_v now_o beg_v of_o he_o and_o to_o that_o end_n beseech_v he_o to_o lead_v i_o by_o the_o hand_n this_o day_n and_o guide_v i_o into_o the_o way_n and_o put_v i_o upon_o the_o work_n and_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o appear_v to_o i_o with_o many_o other_o request_v both_o for_o my_o own_o soul_n and_o other_o in_o relation_n to_o i_o but_o not_o know_v what_o work_n to_o set_v upon_o this_o day_n or_o what_o to_o take_v in_o hand_n but_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n direction_n have_v many_o thing_n in_o my_o thought_n to_o do_v but_o desirous_a of_o some_o word_n from_o god_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n but_o this_o word_n in_o job_n 11._o 12._o follow_v i_o still_o i_o fall_v to_o some_o further_a thought_n of_o it_o and_o ruminate_v on_o the_o latter_a clause_n of_o be_v like_o the_o wild_a ass_n i_o begin_v to_o think_v what_o that_o scripture_n do_v record_n of_o this_o creature_n that_o i_o see_v do_v resemble_v i_o full_o and_o there_o these_o word_n of_o the_o prophet_n bring_v to_o my_o mind_n that_o it_o go_v up_o and_o down_o snuff_v up_o the_o wind_n and_o be_v ready_a to_o be_v find_v in_o her_o month_n which_o word_n i_o find_v in_o jeremiah_n 2._o 24._o a_o wild_a ass_n use_v to_o the_o wilderness_n that_o snuff_v up_o the_o wind_n at_o her_o pleasure_n in_o her_o occasion_n who_o can_v turn_v she_o away_o all_o these_o that_o seek_v she_o will_v weary_v themselves_o in_o her_o month_n they_o shall_v find_v she_o in_o which_o as_o also_o in_o most_o part_n of_o the_o chapter_n i_o find_v many_o thing_n that_o sit_v very_o close_o to_o i_o the_o lord_n begin_v thus_o it_o be_v with_o i_o for_o in_o v._o 2._o i_o remember_v say_v he_o the_o kindn_a of_o thy_o youth_n the_o love_n of_o thy_o espousal_n when_o thou_o wente_v after_o i_o in_o the_o wilderness_n in_o a_o land_n that_o be_v not_o sow_o in_o the_o time_n of_o thy_o darkness_n sorrow_n and_o tear_n and_o bondage_n when_o thou_o wente_v after_o i_o and_o often_o in_o the_o bitterness_n of_o thy_o soul_n resolve_v to_o follow_v i_o through_o this_o wilderness_n though_o thou_o shall_v perish_v in_o so_o do_v yea_o resolve_v so_o to_o follow_v i_o as_o that_o thy_o heart_n be_v then_o full_o as_o it_o be_v take_v off_o from_o all_o but_o i_o thou_o do_v desire_v nothing_o but_o myself_o but_o ver_fw-la 5._o what_o iniquity_n have_v your_o father_n find_v in_o i_o that_o you_o go_v from_o i_o to_o follow_v after_o vanity_n how_o righteous_o may_v the_o lord_n say_v thus_o to_o i_o be_v he_o not_o better_o to_o i_o by_o far_o then_o ever_o i_o expect_v or_o can_v have_v believe_v v._o 6._o neither_o say_v they_o where_o

that_o his_o soul_n abhor_v and_o lie_v under_o the_o apprehension_n of_o myself_o as_o one_o cast_v off_o by_o god_n who_o he_o never_o regard_v have_v pour_v out_o my_o soul_n before_o he_o and_o beg_v a_o soft_a heart_n and_o a_o renew_a and_o change_v nature_n urge_v he_o often_o with_o that_o similitude_n of_o a_o child_n come_v to_o his_o father_n to_o beg_v bread_n mat._n 7._o 9_o 10_o 11._o or_o rather_o in_o my_o apprehension_n find_v my_o heart_n grow_v more_o hard_a and_o my_o affection_n more_o cold_a and_o lukewarm_a i_o lay_v under_o another_o temptation_n from_o satan_n that_o sure_o i_o be_v but_o a_o hypocrite_n in_o all_o that_o i_o do_v and_o therefore_o shall_v but_o heap_v up_o wrath_n against_o myself_o as_o in_o job_n 36._o 13._o and_o this_o be_v set_v home_o upon_o my_o spirit_n upon_o several_a ground_n as_o 1._o because_o as_o he_o tell_v i_o i_o do_v not_o so_o much_o aim_v at_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n as_o at_o that_o happy_a estate_n which_o be_v to_o be_v enjoy_v in_o heaven_n 2._o because_o i_o can_v not_o find_v my_o love_n work_v so_o strong_o towards_o god_n as_o towards_o myself_o desire_v to_o be_v free_v from_o the_o torment_n of_o hell_n which_o i_o conceive_v to_o be_v intolerable_a as_o also_o 3._o find_v sometime_o a_o kind_n of_o secret_a desire_n that_o some_o body_n may_v hear_v or_o know_v of_o my_o performance_n of_o duty_n etc._n etc._n though_o i_o never_o dare_v act_n in_o any_o measure_n so_o as_o that_o it_o may_v be_v discern_v but_o always_o strive_v to_o my_o utmost_a ability_n to_o conceal_v what_o ever_o possible_o i_o may_v yet_o find_v sometime_o some_o such_o desire_n of_o vain_a glory_n in_o my_o spirit_n that_o though_o i_o do_v do_v it_o thus_o private_o yet_o if_o it_o can_v have_v be_v know_v and_o not_o by_o my_o mean_n i_o think_v i_o can_v be_v content_a and_o this_o also_o lay_v as_o a_o heavy_a weight_n upon_o my_o spirit_n to_o think_v that_o there_o shall_v such_o wicked_a vain_a and_o sinful_a thought_n and_o desire_n be_v suggest_v to_o i_o or_o for_o anytime_n though_o never_o so_o small_a lodge_v within_o i_o jer._n 4._o 14._o which_o when_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v sad_o of_o do_v but_o still_o renew_v and_o increase_v my_o trouble_n and_o fear_n be_v a_o discovery_n of_o the_o hypocrisy_n that_o be_v in_o my_o heart_n and_o for_o the_o most_o part_n of_o this_o my_o trouble_n i_o lay_v under_o such_o a_o sense_n of_o the_o wrath_n of_o god_n that_o i_o think_v that_o all_o i_o have_v and_o enjoy_v be_v curse_v to_o i_o often_o admire_v that_o every_o bit_n of_o bread_n i_o eat_v do_v not_o choke_v i_o or_o every_o creature_n do_v not_o put_v a_o end_n to_o my_o life_n often_o fear_v that_o the_o company_n i_o be_v in_o shall_v fare_v the_o worse_a for_o i_o in_o so_o much_o that_o if_o i_o go_v by_o water_n or_o the_o like_a i_o still_o conceive_v i_o may_v be_v a_o occasion_n of_o drown_v all_o those_o that_o be_v with_o i_o oh_o how_o desirous_a be_v my_o soul_n at_o this_o time_n of_o the_o help_n and_o counsel_n of_o my_o godly_a wise_a friend_n and_o christian_n but_o through_o many_o and_o sundry_a temptation_n still_o deprive_v myself_o of_o it_o and_o of_o the_o benefit_n i_o may_v have_v gain_v by_o it_o through_o my_o wicked_a silence_n in_o all_o company_n and_o loathness_n to_o impart_v my_o condition_n to_o any_o sometime_o my_o wicked_a corrupt_a heart_n will_v base_o suggest_v to_o i_o that_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o discourse_v or_o speak_v of_o any_o spiritual_a thing_n and_o therefore_o i_o shall_v but_o only_o thereby_o discover_v my_o own_o ignorance_n and_o no_o way_n advantage_v myself_o etc._n etc._n which_o when_o i_o be_v enable_v still_o to_o consider_v better_o of_o recollect_v my_o thought_n and_o call_v they_o into_o question_n as_o it_o be_v then_o come_v the_o devil_n and_o tell_v i_o that_o this_o do_v but_o note_v my_o hypocrisy_n and_o far_o when_o i_o have_v be_v trouble_v with_o it_o to_o think_v that_o i_o shall_v give_v way_n to_o such_o wicked_a thought_n as_o these_o then_o come_v in_o satan_n again_o on_o the_o other_o side_n and_o tell_v i_o that_o if_o i_o shall_v put_v myself_o forward_o in_o any_o discourse_n i_o shall_v but_o thereby_o cause_v other_o to_o have_v a_o better_a opinion_n of_o i_o than_o indeed_o i_o deserve_v and_o so_o deceive_v other_o and_o delude_v my_o own_o soul_n and_o this_o latter_a temptation_n be_v that_o which_o indeed_o do_v often_o prevail_v with_o i_o be_v ever_o most_o of_o all_o prone_a to_o fear_v the_o delusion_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n and_o so_o esteem_v my_o condition_n to_o be_v better_a than_o it_o be_v this_o go_v on_o in_o this_o way_n of_o wicked_a silence_n make_v many_o of_o my_o christian_a friend_n i_o do_v real_o believe_v not_o know_v what_o to_o think_v of_o i_o but_o be_v as_o it_o be_v estrange_v from_o i_o which_o i_o soon_o perceive_v it_o be_v a_o most_o heavy_a affliction_n to_o i_o &_o such_o as_o the_o searcher_n of_o heart_n know_v lay_v very_o sad_o upon_o my_o spirit_n which_o yet_o i_o can_v not_o in_o any_o measure_n make_v know_v to_o they_o but_o between_o god_n and_o my_o own_o soul_n condole_v this_o my_o miserable_a condition_n then_o be_v to_o remove_v out_o of_o london_n which_o be_v a_o exceed_a trouble_n to_o i_o to_o consider_v how_o we_o shall_v by_o it_o be_v deprive_v of_o those_o mean_n which_o we_o there_o may_v enjoy_v although_o indeed_o neither_o my_o father_n mother_n or_o myself_o can_v enjoy_v our_o health_n there_o and_o remove_v into_o the_o country_n about_o the_o year_n 1647._o i_o find_v the_o ministry_n under_o which_o i_o then_o be_v exceed_o dead_a and_o spiritless_a then_o when_o i_o come_v home_o i_o think_v i_o know_v as_o much_o and_o no_o more_o to_o my_o edification_n in_o that_o condition_n i_o be_v in_o than_o i_o do_v when_o i_o go_v the_o subject_n which_o be_v then_o and_o for_o a_o long_a time_n together_o treat_v on_o be_v that_o scripture_n gen._n 2._o 7._o the_o lord_n breathe_v into_o man_n the_o breath_n of_o life_n and_o man_n become_v a_o live_a soul_n the_o main_a scope_n of_o the_o minister_n be_v to_o show_v what_o the_o natural_a soul_n be_v that_o god_n have_v put_v into_o man_n handle_v it_o as_o i_o conceive_v more_o like_a a_o philosopher_n than_o a_o gospel-preacher_n which_o notional_a thing_n be_v not_o those_o which_o can_v satisfy_v my_o soul_n which_o want_v now_o some_o support_n from_o heaven_n in_o this_o sad_a droop_a condition_n i_o be_v in_o but_o meet_v with_o nothing_o suitable_a to_o my_o present_a estate_n and_o be_v here_o cast_v in_o a_o place_n where_o i_o be_v deprive_v of_o all_o other_o mean_n i_o grow_v still_o into_o a_o more_o sad_a condition_n every_o day_n then_o do_v i_o lie_v under_o a_o very_a sad_a and_o strange_a temptation_n to_o neglect_v the_o ordinance_n of_o preach_v which_o be_v ground_v upon_o the_o pretence_n that_o i_o may_v improve_v my_o time_n at_o home_n to_o my_o more_o spiritual_a advantage_n which_o temptation_n i_o often_o yield_v to_o and_o when_o i_o have_v any_o opportunity_n or_o seem_a excuse_n by_o reason_n of_o any_o small_a bodily_a distemper_n either_o the_o headache_n or_o the_o like_a i_o still_o take_v those_o occasion_n to_o stay_v at_o home_n and_o so_o yield_v to_o the_o temptation_n and_o thus_o i_o do_v often_o but_o when_o i_o come_v still_o at_o night_n to_o a_o review_n of_o what_o i_o have_v do_v and_o how_o i_o have_v spend_v my_o time_n in_o each_o of_o these_o day_n as_o also_o what_o i_o have_v gain_v i_o find_v it_o to_o be_v so_o little_a through_o one_o temptation_n or_o other_o that_o i_o now_o begin_v to_o conceive_v and_o fear_v that_o it_o be_v only_o a_o temptation_n of_o the_o devil_n to_o bring_v i_o out_o of_o love_n with_o the_o ordinance_n of_o god_n whereupon_o the_o lord_n also_o enable_v i_o to_o begin_v to_o take_v a_o view_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n endeavour_v to_o persuade_v myself_o that_o the_o fault_n be_v only_o in_o i_o and_o that_o sure_o i_o be_v some_o way_n or_o other_o prejudice_v against_o the_o man_n or_o his_o preach_n not_o look_v as_o i_o ought_v to_o the_o power_n of_o god_n which_o be_v able_a to_o bless_v that_o mean_n to_o i_o that_o he_o have_v now_o cast_v i_o under_o contrary_a to_o my_o desire_n and_o that_o it_o be_v therefore_o just_a with_o god_n to_o let_v it_o be_v to_o i_o according_a to_o my_o unbeleef_n whereupon_o i_o begin_v again_o to_o examine_v my_o own_o heart_n whether_o or_o no_o i_o have_v any_o kind_n of_o prejudice_n against_o the_o man_n which_o

the_o lord_n will_v be_v please_v to_o pardon_v all_o the_o unbelieved_a working_n of_o my_o corrupt_a heart_n and_o those_o hard_a thought_n i_o have_v have_v of_o god_n and_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o give_v in_o such_o clear_a vision_n of_o himself_o as_o may_v mighty_o increase_v my_o faith_n which_o desire_v of_o i_o be_v spread_v before_o the_o lord_n that_o day_n but_o have_v receive_v at_o this_o time_n some_o little_a refresh_n from_o those_o instruction_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v then_o to_o communicate_v by_o mr._n knight_n from_o heb._n 12._o 5-13_a from_o which_o scripture_n i_o be_v also_o convince_v that_o in_o most_o of_o the_o chastisement_n the_o lord_n have_v see_v meet_a to_o lay_v i_o under_o i_o have_v either_o despise_v his_o chastisement_n or_o else_o faint_v under_o they_o the_o lord_n i_o say_v have_v this_o day_n break_v in_o thus_o upon_o my_o heart_n by_o his_o spirit_n through_o his_o word_n the_o devil_n soon_o begin_v again_o with_o i_o take_v this_o opportunity_n i_o have_v set_v myself_o and_o endeavour_v to_o lay_v my_o heart_n to_o the_o word_n and_o see_v what_o comfortable_a ground_n i_o can_v take_v up_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v indeed_o afflict_v i_o in_o mercy_n etc._n etc._n the_o devil_n now_o begin_v to_o endeavour_v to_o puff_n up_o my_o spirit_n with_o a_o conceit_n that_o i_o be_v able_a to_o speak_v more_o in_o this_o kind_n than_o many_o other_o who_o be_v at_o that_o time_n also_o by_o he_o present_v but_o through_o mercy_n this_o do_v not_o pass_v many_o day_n before_o the_o lord_n sad_o show_v i_o my_o folly_n and_o weakness_n herein_o for_o a_o little_a while_n after_o there_o be_v a_o other_o day_n keep_v to_o which_o meeting_n i_o go_v and_o true_o after_o i_o come_v there_o the_o lord_n set_v home_o these_o wicked_a thought_n together_o with_o several_a other_o thing_n which_o wrought_v so_o upon_o my_o spirit_n that_o my_o heart_n be_v even_o overwhelm_v within_o i_o in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o can_v not_o keep_v it_o to_o myself_o but_o be_v constrain_v to_o discover_v it_o by_o my_o carriage_n which_o mr._n knight_n take_v notice_n of_o speak_v to_o i_o after_o the_o exercise_n at_o which_o time_n i_o be_v so_o far_o from_o that_o ability_n that_o satan_n possess_v i_o with_o thought_n of_o that_o i_o be_v not_o able_a in_o any_o measure_n to_o speak_v my_o heart_n to_o he_o but_o be_v as_o it_o be_v one_o who_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v up_o to_o a_o dumb_a spirit_n and_o think_v those_o three_o word_n which_o be_v all_o that_o i_o can_v then_o speak_v be_v through_o a_o mere_a mistake_n sad_o misconstrued_n by_o he_o yet_o have_v i_o not_o power_n to_o speak_v one_o word_n to_o clear_v my_o meaning_n suppose_v it_o may_v possible_o be_v that_o the_o lord_n have_v something_o to_o speak_v to_o i_o even_o through_o that_o mistake_n there_o be_v also_o this_o day_n a_o word_n set_v home_o very_o much_o on_o my_o heart_n from_o something_o mr._n milborn_n note_v to_o we_o which_o also_o add_v much_o to_o my_o sadness_n and_o it_o be_v this_o that_o i_o have_v pray_v and_o pray_v again_o and_o again_o but_o when_o i_o have_v do_v i_o never_o look_v after_o the_o return_n of_o they_o have_v never_o yet_o any_o experience_n make_v out_o to_o i_o that_o i_o dare_v acknowledge_v this_o or_o that_o to_o be_v a_o return_n of_o my_o prayer_n nay_o though_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v in_o a_o mercy_n that_o i_o have_v beg_v of_o he_o i_o be_v still_o for_o many_o year_n tempt_v to_o believe_v that_o it_o have_v be_v so_o though_o i_o have_v not_o pray_v and_o so_o it_o be_v not_o give_v in_o as_o a_o answer_n to_o prayer_n which_o do_v much_o eat_v out_o the_o sweetness_n of_o those_o mercy_n which_o i_o do_v enjoy_v in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o think_v i_o do_v now_o even_o stand_v and_o admire_v what_o it_o be_v that_o do_v at_o that_o time_n support_v my_o spirit_n &_o carry_v i_o on_o in_o a_o continue_a seek_v of_o god_n be_v not_o able_a then_o to_o record_v a_o answer_n of_o prayer_n at_o all_o that_o i_o can_v bring_v to_o mind_n however_o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v before_o this_o time_n to_o give_v i_o many_o gracious_a answer_n to_o my_o poor_a desire_n yet_o be_v my_o eye_n withhold_v from_o see_v they_o to_o be_v so_o and_o take_v the_o comfort_n thereof_o until_o a_o long_a after_o yea_o sometime_o some_o year_n after_o some_o of_o they_o be_v give_v in_o which_o yet_o afterward_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o make_v out_o unto_o i_o even_o before_o the_o write_n hereof_o but_o after_o all_o this_o the_o lord_n by_o the_o act_n of_o his_o providence_n seem_v much_o to_o cross_v these_o hope_n and_o desire_n of_o his_o people_n in_o join_v in_o fellowship_n together_o which_o when_o i_o hear_v of_o it_o be_v a_o great_a trouble_n to_o i_o who_o great_o desire_v the_o accomplishment_n of_o it_o sometime_o think_v that_o it_o may_v be_v even_o for_o my_o sake_n alone_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v do_v it_o other_o time_n be_v tempt_v to_o think_v that_o if_o it_o have_v be_v the_o lord_n act_v to_o work_v up_o my_o spirit_n to_o that_o pitch_n that_o i_o think_v i_o find_v it_o wrought_v up_o unto_o than_o he_o will_v also_o have_v go_v on_o to_o have_v perfect_v my_o desire_n but_o be_v again_o enable_v on_o the_o other_o side_n to_o reason_n thus_o with_o myself_o that_o it_o be_v my_o duty_n to_o wait_v patient_o upon_o the_o lord_n and_o submit_v to_o he_o as_o well_o for_o the_o time_n as_o for_o the_o matter_n i_o endeavour_v the_o lord_n assist_v i_o to_o quiet_v my_o spirit_n with_o such_o thought_n as_o these_o that_o the_o lord_n may_v delay_v it_o in_o much_o mercy_n that_o so_o i_o may_v be_v the_o more_o fit_a for_o it_o when_o he_o shall_v please_v to_o accomplish_v it_o apprehend_v that_o sure_o he_o see_v i_o not_o yet_o fit_a for_o such_o a_o mercy_n than_o do_v i_o again_o turn_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o thus_o desire_v to_o submit_v to_o he_o beg_v of_o he_o to_o fit_v i_o for_o such_o a_o mercy_n and_o if_o he_o see_v it_o good_a to_o afford_v i_o the_o mercy_n here_o if_o not_o that_o he_o will_v direct_v i_o where_o to_o join_v that_o may_v be_v more_o for_o his_o glory_n and_o my_o soul_n good_a thus_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o go_v on_o well_o nigh_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n still_o come_v in_o with_o more_o light_n and_o discovery_n of_o his_o love_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o clear_v up_o to_o i_o more_o and_o more_o that_o work_n which_o he_o have_v begin_v through_o his_o rich_a and_o free_a grace_n in_o my_o lord_n jesus_n in_o who_o i_o do_v now_o desire_v only_o and_o alone_o to_o be_v find_v and_o not_o in_o any_o of_o my_o own_o righteousness_n who_o have_v now_o enable_v i_o to_o see_v to_o be_v very_o loathsome_a and_o abominable_a though_o former_o i_o have_v too_o much_o dote_v upon_o they_o then_o in_o the_o three_o month_n in_o the_o year_n 1652._o mr._n knight_n be_v go_v into_o the_o north_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v by_o a_o mere_a providence_n as_o i_o desire_v to_o look_v upon_o it_o not_o know_v as_o yet_o but_o that_o i_o may_v also_o say_v as_o a_o return_n of_o many_o of_o my_o former_a poor_a desire_n to_o send_v mr._n rogers_n to_o the_o meeting_n at_o mr._n knight_n house_n have_v preach_v one_o lord_n day_n before_o at_o the_o chapel_n at_o hammersmith_n which_o occasion_v very_o strong_a and_o earnest_a desire_n in_o i_o to_o hear_v he_o again_o which_o now_o i_o do_v the_o lord_n direct_v he_o this_o time_n to_o speak_v unto_o we_o concern_v church_n discipline_n which_o i_o be_v yet_o very_o dark_a in_o which_o the_o lord_n enable_v he_o to_o give_v i_o very_o much_o and_o great_a satisfaction_n which_o otherwise_o i_o have_v cause_n to_o fear_v i_o may_v more_o inconsiderate_o have_v rush_v upon_o thus_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v i_o hope_v in_o answer_n to_o my_o poor_a desire_n yet_o far_a to_o clear_v up_o this_o way_n of_o he_o to_o i_o prove_v it_o clear_o to_o be_v the_o way_n of_o the_o gospel_n and_o that_o which_o every_o one_o ought_v to_o be_v full_o satisfy_v in_o before_o they_o enter_v upon_o this_o be_v now_o more_o clear_v unto_o i_o my_o desire_n and_o long_n after_o the_o enjoyment_n of_o god_n in_o this_o zion_n grow_v more_o strong_a and_o earnest_a i_o continual_o mention_v it_o before_o the_o lord_n after_o this_o real_o i_o can_v tell_v but_o that_o i_o shall_v rob_v the_o lord_n of_o his_o glory_n in_o this_o particular_a if_o i_o shall_v not_o also_o acknowledge_v he_o further_o by_o my_o poor_a

experience_n to_o be_v a_o god_n hear_v prayer_n for_o i_o find_v he_o now_o also_o as_o i_o hope_v i_o may_v to_o his_o glory_n speak_v come_v in_o very_o much_o as_o it_o be_v fit_v i_o for_o this_o mercy_n by_o give_v in_o out_o of_o his_o own_o free_a grace_n to_o his_o poor_a unworthy_a creature_n yet_o a_o more_o full_a and_o clear_a sight_n of_o his_o work_n upon_o my_o soul_n and_o so_o of_o my_o interest_n in_o he_o by_o mean_n whereof_o i_o may_v now_o the_o more_o comfortable_o offer_v up_o myself_o into_o the_o communion_n of_o his_o people_n without_o a_o sight_n of_o which_o i_o shall_v hardly_o i_o think_v have_v presume_v to_o have_v do_v which_o work_n of_o his_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o help_v on_o by_o several_a of_o his_o servant_n in_o mr._n knight_n absence_n as_o mr._n sidrach_n simpson_n and_o mr._n rogers_n who_o he_o be_v please_v to_o make_v instrumental_a for_o my_o soul_n advantage_n and_o comfort_n at_o this_o time_n which_o the_o lord_n thus_o carry_v on_o until_o it_o be_v towards_o the_o end_n of_o the_o seven_o month_n common_o call_v september_n in_o this_o year_n 1652._o at_o which_o time_n mr._n knight_n be_v return_v home_o and_o remove_n to_o fulham_n where_o the_o lord_n open_v a_o door_n for_o his_o people_n to_o join_v in_o communion_n together_o according_a to_o the_o gospel_n the_o lord_n now_o offer_v i_o this_o opportunity_n which_o i_o have_v so_o much_o long_v for_o and_o his_o servant_n mr._n knight_n to_o who_o i_o have_v former_o by_o a_o other_o friend_n intimate_v my_o desire_n he_o i_o say_v acquaint_v i_o with_o it_o i_o dare_v not_o rash_o deny_v to_o join_v with_o they_o but_o what_o fear_n and_o tremble_n there_o be_v upon_o my_o spirit_n at_o this_o time_n be_v know_v only_o to_o the_o lord_n for_o indeed_o i_o be_o not_o able_a to_o express_v it_o in_o which_o trouble_n my_o refuge_n as_o former_o be_v only_o to_o go_v to_o the_o lord_n beseech_v and_o earnest_o importune_v he_o now_o to_o appear_v and_o give_v in_o direction_n to_o his_o poor_a creature_n who_o be_v now_o in_o such_o a_o straight_a as_o that_o she_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v but_o so_o far_o as_o i_o know_v my_o own_o heart_n lean_v alone_o upon_o the_o lord_n and_o wait_v for_o his_o direction_n i_o go_v to_o the_o place_n appoint_v to_o meet_v in_o not_o know_v what_o i_o shall_v do_v in_o it_o take_v little_a or_o no_o rest_n all_o the_o night_n before_o but_o come_v there_o next_o morning_n and_o be_v still_o much_o oppress_v in_o spirit_n in_o the_o turn_n of_o a_o eye_n as_o it_o be_v i_o can_v not_o express_v how_o or_o which_o way_n my_o spirit_n be_v on_o a_o sudden_a wrought_v over_o to_o give_v my_o consent_n and_o so_o to_o join_v with_o they_o they_o be_v as_o they_o conceive_v well_o satisfy_v in_o the_o long_a knowledge_n they_o have_v have_v of_o each_o other_o and_o their_o frequent_a converse_v together_o some_o whereof_o be_v in_o order_n to_o this_o very_a work_n which_o have_v be_v much_o desire_v by_o those_o few_o person_n that_o then_o join_v and_o they_o so_o long_o interrupt_v and_o have_v put_v up_o many_o petition_n to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n concern_v it_o mr._n barker_n be_v then_o present_a and_o carry_v the_o intend_a work_n by_o prayer_n and_o counsel_n we_o join_v together_o in_o the_o fellowship_n of_o the_o gospel_n but_o this_o work_n be_v not_o perform_v in_o so_o solemn_a a_o manner_n as_o i_o for_o my_o part_n can_v have_v desire_v both_o in_o set_v more_o time_n a_o part_n to_o seek_v the_o lord_n together_o in_o it_o and_o to_o have_v endeavour_v to_o have_v give_v more_o full_a satisfaction_n to_o each_o other_o of_o the_o work_n of_o god_n in_o each_o other_o heart_n which_o lie_v as_o a_o burden_n upon_o my_o spirit_n which_o i_o often_o bewail_v before_o the_o lord_n and_o also_o move_v it_o to_o some_o of_o our_o friend_n that_o we_o may_v yet_o meet_v and_o set_v a_o part_n a_o day_n to_o this_o end_n which_o be_v not_o think_v meet_v at_o that_o time_n upon_o which_o i_o beseech_v the_o lord_n it_o may_v be_v no_o hindrance_n to_o his_o appearance_n among_o we_o for_o my_o spirit_n be_v oppress_v with_o fear_n of_o god_n not_o appear_v in_o the_o midst_n of_o we_o which_o fear_n be_v at_o the_o present_a heighten_v from_o the_o mighty_a rage_n of_o satan_n in_o the_o spirit_n of_o many_o yea_o of_o some_o good_a man_n at_o this_o our_o first_o entrance_n into_o communion_n lay_v many_o harsh_a censure_n upon_o we_o which_o still_o put_v i_o upon_o a_o more_o narrow_a search_n into_o my_o own_o heart_n thus_o see_v the_o rage_n of_o some_o against_o we_o to_o be_v very_o great_a and_o tremble_v in_o myself_o to_o think_v lest_o we_o by_o our_o miscarriage_n may_v give_v they_o some_o ground_n to_o speak_v evil_a of_o we_o it_o wrought_v a_o great_a sadness_n upon_o my_o spirit_n fear_v lest_o we_o may_v be_v a_o occasion_n of_o darken_n his_o glory_n to_o the_o world_n which_o cause_v i_o often_o to_o pour_v out_o my_o soul_n to_o the_o lord_n beseech_v he_o that_o if_o he_o have_v any_o delight_n in_o we_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o afford_v we_o his_o presence_n but_o in_o the_o very_a depth_n of_o these_o fear_n do_v the_o lord_n by_o a_o mere_a providence_n as_o i_o be_v open_v mr._n burroughs_n book_n cast_v my_o eye_n unexpected_o upon_o the_o 13_o p._n of_o the_o right_a manner_n of_o draw_v nigh_o to_o god_n in_o worship_n where_o i_o find_v this_o note_n that_o the_o beginning_n of_o thing_n of_o high_a concernment_n do_v meet_v sometime_o with_o great_a difficulty_n and_o interruption_n which_o he_o give_v some_o instance_n of_o and_o so_o advise_v we_o not_o to_o be_v offend_v though_o we_o shall_v have_v some_o sad_a accident_n to_o fall_v out_o at_o the_o begin_n of_o great_a thing_n for_o say_v he_o notwithstanding_o this_o god_n may_v yet_o prosper_v it_o afterward_o the_o serious_a consideration_n whereof_o do_v at_o the_o present_a a_o little_a refresh_v my_o spirit_n and_o support_v it_o with_o a_o desire_n to_o wait_v to_o see_v what_o the_o lord_n will_v please_v to_o bring_v out_o of_o it_o thus_o have_v for_o about_o 3_o month_n space_n enjoy_v the_o ordinance_n and_o the_o society_n of_o his_o servant_n and_o thereupon_o begin_v to_o examine_v my_o own_o heart_n what_o fruit_n or_o benefit_n i_o have_v find_v by_o they_o it_o lay_v somewhat_o sad_o upon_o my_o spirit_n for_o be_v able_a to_o discern_v very_o little_a then_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v by_o a_o letter_n from_o mr._n rogers_n to_o hand_n out_o something_o which_o for_o the_o present_a do_v a_o little_a support_n and_o cheer_v my_o spirit_n therein_o put_v i_o upon_o the_o consideration_n of_o this_o truth_n that_o a_o christian_a growth_n be_v not_o at_o all_o time_n sensible_a neither_o do_v the_o lord_n see_v it_o meet_v they_o shall_v always_o grow_v in_o one_o kind_n but_o that_o they_o grow_v in_o all_o part_n as_o well_o in_o humility_n and_o self_n abasement_n and_o in_o the_o sight_n of_o our_o own_o weakness_n barrenness_n and_o unprofitableness_n etc._n etc._n which_o be_v as_o true_a a_o growth_n as_o that_o of_o faith_n though_o not_o always_o so_o visible_a yet_o some_o trouble_n still_o lie_v upon_o my_o spirit_n want_v a_o full_a and_o clear_a sight_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n which_o as_o yet_o i_o have_v only_o some_o good_a hope_n of_o but_o no_o such_o settle_a assurance_n but_o that_o i_o be_v often_o totter_v backward_o and_o forward_o the_o lord_n have_v formal_o and_o continual_o through_o the_o ministry_n of_o his_o word_n dispense_v often_o by_o mr._n knight_n and_o very_o powerful_o to_o that_o end_n and_o sometime_o also_o by_o mr._n simpson_n by_o both_o which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v strong_o to_o convince_v i_o of_o the_o dishonour_n that_o i_o have_v bring_v he_o by_o my_o unbeleef_n which_o be_v now_o the_o great_a burden_n of_o my_o soul_n but_o find_v much_o weakness_n of_o faith_n in_o i_o and_o a_o inability_n to_o roll_n so_o full_o upon_o god_n and_o give_v glory_n to_o he_o by_o believe_v and_o take_v he_o upon_o his_o word_n etc._n etc._n often_o fear_v that_o sin_n and_o satan_n will_v yet_o prevail_v over_o i_o but_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v about_o the_o 10_o month_n 1652._o to_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n exceed_o to_o beg_v of_o he_o a_o large_a measure_n of_o faith_n even_o that_o i_o may_v be_v enable_v to_o honour_v he_o as_o much_o by_o believe_v as_o ever_o i_o have_v dishonour_v he_o through_o unbeleef_n but_o this_o same_o month_n i_o have_v this_o wicked_a thought_n or_o temptation_n throw_v with_o mighty_a force_n

world_n with_o i_o then_o do_v the_o lord_n enable_v i_o to_o see_v that_o all_o my_o former_a desire_n will_v have_v be_v nothing_o but_o that_o i_o may_v even_o then_o have_v go_v to_o hell_n as_o well_o as_o afterward_o whereupon_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v and_o very_o desirous_a to_o read_v and_o hear_v all_o the_o mark_n of_o a_o righteous_a man_n that_o shall_v go_v to_o heaven_n and_o according_o i_o get_v a_o book_n call_v mr._n roger_n evidence_n and_o a_o other_o call_v the_o touchstone_n of_o true_a grace_n a_o other_o call_v none_o but_o christ_n and_o divers_a other_o which_o i_o do_v daily_o read_v on_o for_o many_o hour_n together_o then_o come_v the_o devil_n upon_o i_o with_o this_o temptation_n that_o i_o shall_v keep_v all_o this_o my_o trouble_n to_o myself_o and_o not_o discover_v it_o to_o any_o although_o never_o so_o near_o or_o dear_a unto_o i_o which_o temptation_n i_o whole_o yield_v unto_o and_o that_o for_o many_o year_n together_o until_o i_o even_o 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spirit_n at_o such_o time_n more_o especial_o i_o begin_v much_o to_o long_o and_o desire_v to_o know_v whither_o they_o go_v and_o be_v very_o importunate_a with_o my_o mother_n to_o that_o end_n and_o at_o last_o prevail_v she_o be_v content_a to_o let_v i_o go_v along_o with_o they_o which_o be_v so_o please_v to_o i_o that_o ever_o after_o i_o continue_v to_o go_v with_o they_o every_o week_n almost_o and_o sometime_o often_o where_o i_o find_v often_o much_o refreshment_n especial_o bear_v up_o my_o heart_n under_o those_o eminent_a danger_n which_o in_o a_o especial_a manner_n we_o lie_v open_a unto_o which_o the_o devil_n perceive_v to_o be_v agreat_a encouragement_n to_o i_o in_o the_o way_n i_o now_o desire_v to_o walk_v in_o use_v many_o temptation_n work_v together_o with_o the_o corruption_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n in_o this_o estate_n of_o my_o childhood_n to_o hinder_v i_o from_o enjoy_v these_o opportunity_n as_o some_o time_n sleepiness_n be_v fain_o to_o go_v early_o in_o the_o morning_n and_o cold_a it_o be_v in_o the_o deep_a of_o winter_n etc._n etc._n with_o several_a other_o temptation_n as_o the_o danger_n if_o we_o shall_v be_v take_v as_o some_o have_v be_v and_o all_o this_o to_o discourage_v i_o which_o sometime_o he_o well_o nigh_o accomplish_v but_o ponder_v it_o sin_v my_o mind_n and_o be_v enable_v to_o conceive_v it_o to_o be_v but_o a_o temptation_n i_o dare_v very_o seldom_o if_o ever_o give_v way_n to_o they_o but_o be_v still_o enable_v to_o break_v through_o though_o true_o i_o have_v much_o admire_v since_o how_o my_o spirit_n be_v carry_v out_o in_o those_o day_n in_o join_v in_o prayer_n etc._n etc._n how_o exceed_o sometime_o my_o heart_n be_v wrought_v upon_o and_o constrain_v to_o pour_v forth_o tear_n and_o groan_n yea_o my_o heart_n be_v wrought_v up_o to_o such_o a_o frame_n and_o i_o find_v so_o much_o sweetness_n as_o i_o apprehend_v in_o the_o company_n of_o the_o saint_n and_o those_o enjoyment_n my_o soul_n feel_v in_o such_o duty_n that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v free_o and_o cheerful_o lay_v down_o my_o life_n with_o they_o more_o free_o than_o i_o fear_v i_o can_v long_o since_o master_n love_n then_o come_v to_o london_n and_o sometime_o meet_v he_o at_o these_o private_a meeting_n and_o so_o have_v some_o knowledge_n of_o he_o and_o be_v afterward_o choose_v chaplain_n to_o my_o father_n regiment_n and_o so_o go_v to_o windsor_n with_o we_o about_o the_o year_n 1642._o and_o so_o live_v in_o the_o house_n with_o we_o for_o 2_o year_n a_o half_a who_o at_o our_o first_o go_n perceive_v much_o sadness_n to_o lie_v upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o know_v by_o experience_n what_o a_o trouble_a spirit_n be_v he_o have_v former_o lie_v under_o it_o for_o divers_a year_n do_v at_o last_o serious_o burden_n i_o with_o it_o which_o come_v upon_o i_o in_o such_o a_o nick_n of_o time_n have_v but_o a_o little_a before_o be_v read_v in_o a_o little_a book_n that_o i_o have_v wherein_o i_o be_v direct_v that_o if_o any_o trouble_n lie_v upon_o my_o spirit_n i_o shall_v reveal_v it_o that_o so_o i_o may_v receive_v satisfaction_n which_o ponder_v with_o in_o myself_o i_o dare_v not_o deny_v it_o but_o tell_v he_o in_o some_o measure_n the_o ground_n of_o my_o trouble_n and_o he_o endeavour_v to_o satisfy_v i_o from_o the_o word_n which_o he_o have_v no_o soon_o do_v in_o any_o measure_n but_o still_o the_o devil_n begin_v with_o new_a and_o fresh_a temptation_n and_o when_o what_o have_v be_v say_v to_o i_o be_v a_o little_a out_o of_o my_o mind_n which_o he_o will_v soon_o find_v occasion_n to_o put_v out_o then_o come_v he_o over_o with_o the_o old_a temptation_n again_o work_v they_o fresh_a upon_o my_o thought_n endeavour_v still_o to_o drive_v i_o to_o despair_v of_o ever_o receive_v any_o mercy_n of_o god_n then_o stand_v i_o convince_v from_o the_o word_n and_o divers_a instruction_n i_o meet_v withal_o ground_v thereupon_o that_o it_o be_v my_o duty_n to_o perform_v private_a duty_n as_o well_o as_o public_a as_o prayer_n meditation_n examination_n and_o the_o like_a which_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o set_v about_o in_o a_o serious_a manner_n be_v every_o way_n unfit_a for_o it_o and_o unable_a to_o it_o so_o that_o often_o through_o neglect_n and_o mis-performance_n this_o also_o add_v to_o my_o trouble_n and_o sadness_n then_o hear_v mr._n love_n preach_v upon_o that_o scripture_n mat._n 5._o 20._o for_o i_o say_v unto_o you_o except_o your_o righteousness_n shall_v exceed_v the_o righteousness_n of_o the_o scribe_n and_o pharisee_n you_o shall_v in_o no_o wise_n enter_v into_o the_o kingdom_n of_o heaven_n and_o hear_v how_o far_o the_o pharisee_n go_v in_o the_o performance_n of_o duty_n and_o avoid_v of_o evil_n etc._n etc._n which_o i_o see_v myself_o so_o short_a of_o which_o make_v i_o conclude_v i_o shall_v also_o be_v short_a of_o heaven_n my_o eye_n &_o understanding_n be_v then_o withhold_v from_o the_o right_a understanding_n of_o the_o spiritual_a sense_n of_o that_o scripture_n which_o since_o the_o lord_n of_o his_o rich_a grace_n have_v enable_v i_o to_o see_v fulfil_v in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n who_o be_v i_o through_o faith_n a_o while_n after_o he_o do_v also_o preach_v upon_o that_o scripture_n in_o heb._n 12._o 15_o 16_o 17._o look_v diligent_o lest_o there_o be_v any_o fornicator_n or_o profane_a person_n as_o esau_n who_o for_o one_o morsel_n of_o meat_n sell_v his_o birthright_n for_o you_o know_v how_o that_o afterward_o when_o he_o will_v have_v inherit_v the_o blessing_n he_o be_v reject_v for_o he_o find_v no_o place_n of_o repentance_n though_o he_o seek_v it_o careful_o with_o tear_n upon_o the_o hear_n of_o which_o it_o be_v suggest_v to_o i_o that_o i_o have_v never_o seek_v the_o blessing_n so_o diligent_o careful_o and_o importunate_o as_o profane_v esau_n do_v and_o therefore_o shall_v much_o more_o go_v without_o it_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o scripture_n among_o divers_a other_o strike_v so_o deep_a in_o i_o that_o it_o much_o increase_v my_o sadness_n so_o that_o i_o can_v take_v little_a delight_n in_o any_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n but_o as_o often_o as_o i_o can_v refuse_v to_o go_v into_o any_o company_n choose_v rather_o a_o solitary_a life_n yet_o still_o endeavour_v to_o keep_v all_o to_o myself_o make_v nothing_o know_v but_o only_o those_o daily_a bodily_a weakness_n which_o do_v also_o accompany_v i_o in_o great_a measure_n in_o this_o condition_n i_o continue_v for_o that_o time_n i_o be_v at_o windsor_n be_v often_o condemn_v in_o my_o own_o conscience_n for_o my_o neglect_n of_o duty_n and_o commission_n of_o sin_n etc._n etc._n and_o what_o ever_o have_v at_o

spirit_n and_o keep_v it_o from_o utter_a despair_n and_o give_v up_o so_o as_o to_o be_v whole_o of_o satan_n mind_n for_o though_o my_o fear_n and_o trouble_n be_v great_a and_o indeed_o unutterable_a yet_o do_v the_o lord_n so_o secret_o support_v i_o that_o i_o do_v not_o know_v that_o ever_o he_o suffer_v i_o peremptory_o to_o conclude_v that_o i_o shall_v certain_o perish_v as_o satan_n continual_o suggest_v to_o i_o though_o i_o still_o fear_v it_o which_o fear_n be_v so_o great_a that_o they_o come_v well_o nigh_o unto_o despair_n which_o notwithstanding_o the_o lord_n enable_v i_o though_o in_o a_o poor_a weak_a and_o low_a measure_n yet_o to_o follow_v he_o still_o often_o tell_v he_o that_o if_o i_o do_v perish_v my_o desire_n be_v to_o perish_v come_v towards_o he_o follow_v of_o he_o and_o beg_a mercy_n from_o he_o then_o in_o the_o year_n 1650._o june_n the_o 28_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o lay_v a_o very_a sad_a and_o heavy_a affliction_n upon_o i_o in_o take_v from_o i_o my_o dear_a and_o precious_a father_n who_o be_v the_o chief_a comfort_n of_o my_o natural_a life_n and_o this_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o do_v it_o in_o so_o sad_a and_o so_o sudden_a a_o manner_n which_o make_v it_o take_v the_o deep_a impression_n upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o indeed_o add_v much_o to_o my_o inward_a as_o well_o as_o my_o outward_a trouble_n be_v also_o accompany_v with_o many_o sad_a temptation_n and_o suggestion_n to_o instance_n in_o one_o to_o two_o it_o be_v strong_o suggest_v to_o i_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v do_v this_o mere_o in_o just_a judgement_n to_o manifest_v his_o displeasure_n against_o i_o and_o show_v i_o that_o he_o be_v so_o far_o from_o hear_v my_o prayer_n wherein_o i_o do_v often_o much_o beg_v his_o life_n of_o the_o lord_n that_o now_o he_o will_v not_o only_o take_v he_o from_o i_o but_o even_o in_o this_o sad_a severe_a manner_n not_o once_o permit_v he_o to_o speak_v to_o i_o or_o i_o with_o he_o which_o be_v also_o further_o aggravate_v with_o these_o thought_n that_o it_o be_v the_o more_o just_a with_o the_o lord_n thus_o to_o deal_v with_o i_o because_o i_o have_v not_o give_v he_o due_a praise_n for_o such_o a_o mercy_n as_o i_o have_v in_o so_o long_o enjoy_v he_o nor_o yet_o have_v make_v that_o use_n of_o his_o fatherly_a counsel_n and_o advice_n in_o this_o time_n of_o my_o doubt_n and_o fear_n as_o i_o may_v have_v do_v thus_o be_v toss_v to_o and_o fro_o and_o as_o it_o be_v in_o a_o wilderness_n in_o my_o own_o thought_n to_o think_v what_o the_o lord_n mean_v by_o this_o sad_a dispensation_n or_o will_v have_v i_o take_v notice_n of_o at_o the_o last_o desire_v to_o satisfy_v myself_o that_o it_o be_v a_o affliction_n of_o which_o all_o be_v partaker_n and_o that_o to_o be_v without_o affliction_n be_v not_o a_o condition_n of_o sonship_n and_o also_o consider_v that_o it_o be_v no_o other_o for_o the_o matter_n than_o what_o i_o have_v for_o many_o year_n both_o expect_v and_o fear_v and_o indeed_o a_o wonder_n all_o thing_n be_v right_o weigh_v that_o i_o shall_v enjoy_v he_o so_o long_o as_o through_o mercy_n i_o do_v thus_o after_o some_o time_n of_o stubborn_a rebellion_n against_o god_n in_o not_o submit_v quiet_o to_o his_o will_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o enable_v i_o at_o the_o last_o to_o begin_v to_o bethink_v myself_o what_o that_o evil_a may_v be_v in_o i_o which_o the_o lord_n have_v now_o strike_v at_o and_o will_v i_o have_v sensible_a of_o by_o this_o his_o deal_n with_o i_o and_o upon_o examination_n find_v nothing_o wherein_o i_o can_v more_o charge_v myself_o than_o in_o immoderate_a affection_n to_o he_o and_o so_o put_v he_o in_o stead_n of_o god_n i_o do_v at_o last_o though_o with_o much_o repulse_n in_o my_o wicked_a spirit_n acknowledge_v it_o before_o the_o lord_n and_o beg_v of_o he_o that_o he_o will_v show_v i_o more_o and_o more_o what_o his_o mind_n and_o meaning_n be_v in_o this_o so_o heavy_a a_o stroke_n and_o that_o as_o he_o have_v now_o by_o his_o own_o immediate_a hand_n bring_v i_o within_o the_o letter_n of_o the_o promise_n be_v now_o fatherless_a that_o he_o will_v also_o make_v it_o good_a to_o i_o in_o reveal_v himself_o to_o be_v a_o father_n to_o i_o in_o jesus_n christ_n and_o thus_o i_o continue_v sometime_o toss_v to_o and_o fro_o with_o divers_a and_o sundry_a temptation_n have_v none_o to_o speak_v a_o word_n of_o comfort_n to_o i_o in_o this_o my_o distress_n i_o make_v none_o acquaint_v with_o this_o my_o condition_n but_o in_o this_o thing_n whole_o yield_v to_o satan_n to_o keep_v all_o to_o myself_o have_v no_o ease_n nor_o vent_v for_o my_o spirit_n but_o only_o when_o i_o be_v in_o any_o measure_n enable_v to_o pour_v out_o my_o soul_n before_o the_o lord_n in_o which_o my_o spirit_n be_v also_o oftentimes_o much_o bind_v up_o though_o sometime_o again_o enlarge_v then_o about_o 2_o or_o 3_o month_n after_o be_v towards_o the_o end_n of_o september_n 1650._o be_v the_o lord_n 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often_o experience_n that_o if_o i_o shall_v live_v never_o so_o long_o i_o shall_v live_v never_o the_o better_a nor_o gain_v any_o more_o assurance_n of_o my_o salvation_n and_o well-being_n therefore_o the_o desire_n of_o life_n be_v now_o whole_o take_v from_o i_o the_o lord_n enable_v i_o at_o the_o last_o to_o take_v up_o such_o thought_n as_o these_o that_o from_o the_o bottom_n of_o my_o heart_n i_o do_v and_o have_v for_o a_o long_a time_n desire_v to_o fear_v and_o serve_v the_o lord_n and_o that_o those_o many_o fail_n which_o accompany_v all_o my_o obedience_n be_v the_o burden_n of_o my_o life_n and_o that_o if_o the_o lord_n will_v have_v be_v please_v to_o have_v give_v i_o more_o freedom_n of_o spirit_n and_o set_v my_o soul_n more_o at_o liberty_n to_o have_v walk_v after_o his_o will_n it_o will_v have_v be_v as_o a_o heaven_n upon_o earth_n to_o i_o but_o contrary_o i_o see_v i_o be_v still_o press_v under_o with_o a_o body_n of_o death_n by_o reason_n of_o which_o i_o do_v nothing_o but_o offend_v night_n and_o day_n and_o that_o the_o long_o i_o live_v i_o do_v but_o aggravate_v my_o sin_n and_o condemnation_n i_o do_v therefore_o desire_v power_n to_o cast_v myself_o and_o the_o whole_a weight_n of_o my_o salvation_n upon_o jesus_n christ_n and_o although_o i_o can_v not_o confident_o believe_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v be_v good_a to_o i_o yet_o i_o see_v that_o there_o be_v no_o salvation_n any_o where_o else_o and_o therefore_o do_v desire_n to_o rely_v whole_o upon_o he_o acknowledge_v that_o i_o deserve_v nothing_o but_o hell_n and_o that_o if_o ever_o he_o bestow_v any_o thing_n else_o upon_o i_o it_o be_v infinite_a unspeakable_a mercy_n thus_o i_o continue_v for_o many_o day_n often_o long_v for_o the_o time_n of_o my_o dissolution_n wherein_o i_o shall_v sin_v and_o dishonour_n god_n no_o more_o which_o both_v myself_o and_o other_o about_o i_o think_v not_o to_o be_v far_o off_o yet_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v after_o some_o few_o weak_n in_o some_o measure_n to_o raise_v up_o my_o weak_a body_n which_o be_v nigh_o unto_o the_o dust_n and_o after_o some_o time_n to_o go_v on_o by_o degree_n perfect_v of_o my_o health_n all_o which_o time_n be_v accompany_v with_o many_o a_o sad_a thought_n my_o trouble_n still_o increase_v as_o fast_o as_o my_o bodily_a health_n at_o the_o last_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o turn_v my_o thought_n upon_o those_o expression_n of_o david_n in_o psal_n 42._o 5_o 11._o wherein_o he_o call_v his_o soul_n to_o account_v say_v why_o be_v thou_o cast_v down_o o_o my_o soul_n and_o

please_v the_o lord_n so_o to_o order_v it_o mr._n knight_n be_v absent_a mr._n barker_n come_v in_o that_o day_n who_o be_v altogether_o unknown_a to_o i_o who_o take_v a_o view_n of_o this_o paper_n among_o other_o do_v mention_v it_o before_o the_o lord_n both_o in_o the_o entrance_n as_o also_o in_o the_o close_a of_o that_o day_n service_n the_o lord_n put_v into_o his_o heart_n and_o mouth_n a_o very_a seasonable_a word_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n which_o be_v then_o speak_v from_o 2_o pet._n 2._o 3_o 4_o 5._o if_o so_o be_v that_o you_o have_v taste_v that_o the_o lord_n be_v gracious_a to_o who_o come_v as_o live_a stone_n dissallow_v indeed_o of_o man_n but_o choose_v of_o god_n and_o precious_a etc._n etc._n from_o which_o scripture_n and_o what_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v by_o he_o at_o that_o time_n to_o communicate_v from_o it_o do_v my_o soul_n receive_v very_o much_o refreshment_n and_o satisfaction_n then_o do_v the_o lord_n also_o direct_v the_o spirit_n of_o those_o that_o carry_v on_o that_o meeting_n to_o treat_v much_o about_o temptation_n from_o which_o there_o be_v many_o seasonable_a useful_a truth_n set_v home_o upon_o my_o heart_n find_v by_o this_o discourse_n that_o scripture_n in_o 1_o cor._n 10._o 13._o plain_o make_v good_a to_o my_o poor_a soul_n that_o no_o temptation_n have_v take_v i_o but_o such_o as_o i_o now_o see_v be_v common_a to_o other_o that_o i_o dare_v not_o think_v but_o to_o be_v the_o people_n of_o god_n now_o hear_v they_o complain_v of_o the_o same_o thing_n which_o together_o with_o the_o refreshment_n and_o support_a consideration_n under_o each_o of_o these_o which_o be_v hold_v out_o to_o we_o be_v my_o poor_a droop_a spirit_n mighty_o support_v after_o this_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n also_o to_o direct_v they_o in_o this_o meeting_n to_o treat_v about_o that_o great_a grace_n of_o faith_n and_o so_o afterward_o to_o answer_v many_o doubt_n and_o fear_n that_o lay_v upon_o many_o soul_n from_o all_o which_o be_v too_o large_a here_o to_o relate_v my_o soul_n receive_v very_o much_o refresh_v be_v in_o the_o close_a of_o that_o service_n put_v again_o upon_o it_o by_o the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n through_o these_o his_o servant_n to_o put_v the_o question_n to_o my_o soul_n at_o every_o turn_n doubt_v whence_o come_v thou_o or_o wherefore_o do_v thou_o doubt_v and_o true_o the_o lord_n have_v speak_v so_o much_o to_o my_o soul_n by_o all_o these_o mean_n and_o instrument_n former_o mention_v that_o the_o strength_n of_o my_o doubt_n and_o fear_n begin_v so_o to_o scatter_v that_o i_o can_v give_v very_o little_a account_n of_o the_o cause_n or_o ground_n of_o they_o be_v also_o now_o convince_v in_o some_o measure_n that_o i_o do_v by_o these_o doubt_n fear_n jealousy_n and_o hard_a thought_n of_o god_n much_o provoke_v and_o dishonour_v he_o so_o that_o though_o former_o i_o think_v it_o as_o it_o be_v a_o virtue_n in_o i_o to_o be_v doubt_v and_o question_v my_o estate_n i_o come_v now_o in_o some_o measure_n through_o grace_n to_o see_v that_o it_o be_v a_o heinous_a sin_n and_o therefore_o to_o endeavour_v strive_v and_o pray_v and_o do_v all_o i_o can_v against_o they_o yet_o do_v often_o i_o lie_v under_o many_o sad_a apprehension_n arise_v hence_o be_v convince_v by_o the_o word_n in_o read_v in_o one_o of_o mr._n burrows_n book_n that_o there_o be_v no_o worship_n acceptable_a to_o god_n but_o that_o which_o be_v tender_v up_o to_o he_o as_o a_o father_n and_o the_o father_n of_o our_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n now_o i_o not_o find_v myself_o able_a at_o that_o time_n to_o look_v upon_o god_n or_o look_v up_o to_o he_o under_o this_o relation_n of_o a_o father_n only_o look_v upon_o he_o as_o a_o gracious_a merciful_a and_o yet_o withal_o a_o just_a severe_a god_n this_o be_v a_o great_a trouble_n to_o my_o spirit_n than_o do_v the_o lord_n by_o the_o ministry_n of_o his_o word_n dispense_v by_o mr._n knight_n at_o the_o chapel_n at_o hammersmith_n put_v i_o upon_o the_o serious_a thought_n of_o that_o scripture_n in_o jer._n 3._o 1_o 4_o 12_o 13_o 14_o 15_o 19_o vers_fw-la which_o at_o that_o time_n take_v much_o upon_o my_o heart_n in_o this_o particular_a have_v no_o power_n to_o gainsay_v the_o duty_n require_v in_o it_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v by_o the_o ministry_n of_o his_o word_n dispense_v by_o mr._n knight_n and_o sometime_o some_o other_o to_o come_v in_o further_o carry_v on_o this_o work_n that_o he_o have_v thus_o begin_v in_o my_o soul_n enable_v i_o daily_o more_o and_o more_o to_o grow_v up_o towards_o a_o more_o full_a assurance_n and_o confident_a roll_v upon_o and_o give_v up_o my_o whole_a soul_n to_o jesus_n christ_n give_v i_o bodily_a to_o see_v more_o and_o more_o my_o own_o emptiness_n &_o nothingness_n &_o the_o conrinual_a need_n i_o stand_v in_o of_o he_o without_o who_o i_o now_o see_v that_o i_o be_v nothing_o have_v nothing_o and_o can_v have_v nothing_o but_o only_a sin_n as_o also_o that_o fullness_n that_o be_v in_o he_o together_o with_o a_o readiness_n to_o give_v forth_o and_o communicate_v out_o of_o it_o to_o poor_a creature_n who_o see_v the_o need_n they_o have_v of_o it_o and_o come_v to_o he_o for_o it_o which_o i_o now_o desire_v above_o all_o thing_n strength_n to_o do_v and_o that_o i_o may_v go_v whole_o out_o of_o myself_o and_o come_v to_o he_o for_o life_n then_o hear_v that_o mr._n knight_n and_o some_o few_o christian_n more_o be_v about_o gather_v into_o a_o communion_n together_o i_o be_v much_o rejoice_v in_o spirit_n at_o it_o suppose_v that_o happy_o the_o lord_n may_v please_v to_o make_v it_o a_o mercy_n to_o i_o if_o i_o can_v but_o see_v he_o clear_v up_o my_o way_n and_o open_v a_o door_n for_o i_o to_o join_v with_o they_o which_o work_n seem_v for_o a_o time_n to_o go_v on_o in_o their_o desire_n and_o intention_n yet_o there_o be_v much_o fear_n arise_v in_o my_o spirit_n concern_v it_o how_o i_o shall_v be_v enable_v to_o make_v out_o my_o condition_n so_o as_o that_o i_o may_v be_v approve_v of_o be_v full_a of_o ebbing_n and_o flow_n sometime_o hope_v a_o little_a and_o sometime_o again_o full_a of_o fear_n thus_o be_v at_o a_o great_a stand_n in_o myself_o not_o know_v what_o to_o do_v but_o often_o seek_v the_o lord_n concern_v it_o who_o be_v please_v at_o last_o to_o enable_v i_o to_o take_v up_o this_o resolution_n that_o through_o his_o grace_n assist_v of_o i_o i_o will_v put_v it_o upon_o the_o trial_n rely_v upon_o he_o to_o enable_v i_o to_o make_v out_o what_o himself_o have_v wrought_v in_o my_o soul_n though_o in_o much_o weakness_n yet_o i_o hope_v in_o truth_n and_o this_o i_o be_v the_o more_o willing_a unto_o that_o scripture_n or_o rule_n of_o the_o apostle_n be_v then_o much_o set_v upon_o the_o heart_n in_o the_o 1_o pet._n 3._o 15._o be_v ready_a always_o to_o give_v a_o answer_n to_o every_o man_n that_o ask_v you_o a_o reason_n of_o the_o hope_n that_o be_v in_o you_o with_o meekness_n and_o fear_n and_o though_o i_o be_v very_o sensible_a of_o my_o own_o disability_n hereunto_o yet_o rather_o than_o to_o deprive_v myself_o of_o such_o a_o benefit_n i_o be_v enable_v in_o some_o measure_n to_o submit_v yet_o not_o without_o many_o fear_n and_o that_o strong_a one_o too_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v accept_v of_o the_o lord_n now_o enable_v i_o to_o take_v up_o these_o thought_n that_o i_o will_v through_o his_o assistance_n do_v my_o duty_n and_o offer_v myself_o and_o if_o the_o lord_n shall_v so_o order_v the_o spirit_n of_o his_o people_n to_o deny_v i_o i_o do_v desire_v to_o see_v his_o mind_n and_o to_o expect_v strength_n from_o he_o to_o submit_v to_o his_o will_n manite_v through_o it_o acknowledge_v it_o no_o more_o nor_o so_o much_o as_o i_o have_v deserve_v consider_v with_o all_o that_o my_o desire_n be_v chief_o and_o in_o the_o first_o place_n to_o approve_v myself_o to_o the_o lord_n and_o if_o he_o see_v it_o good_a to_o his_o people_n also_o but_o if_o otherwise_o my_o desire_n be_v though_o i_o know_v not_o how_o i_o shall_v be_v enable_v to_o do_v it_o yet_o however_o to_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n and_o follow_v he_o still_o until_o he_o shall_v see_v good_a to_o make_v out_o a_o way_n for_o i_o then_o be_v there_o a_o day_n keep_v to_o seek_v the_o lord_n on_o the_o behalf_n of_o mrs._n arnal_a which_o by_o providence_n i_o hear_v of_o and_o have_v a_o desire_n to_o be_v at_o which_o according_o i_o do_v at_o which_o time_n my_o spirit_n be_v much_o stir_v up_o to_o crave_v the_o prayer_n of_o the_o people_n of_o god_n that_o

here_o i_o must_v needs_o say_v that_o though_o our_o pastor_n speak_v much_o to_o this_o purpose_n and_o that_o sweet_o a_o while_n since_o from_o 2_o cor._n 6._o 2._o behold_v now_o be_v the_o acceptable_a time_n behold_v now_o be_v the_o day_n of_o salvation_n yet_o do_v it_o not_o take_v upon_o my_o heart_n in_o that_o way_n as_o these_o few_o hint_n do_v for_o the_o lord_n have_v not_o then_o appear_v to_o my_o soul_n in_o those_o manifestation_n of_o love_n as_o he_o do_v afterward_o and_o how_o ever_o these_o scripture_n do_v chief_o refer_v as_o i_o conceive_v to_o the_o time_n of_o the_o gospel_n and_o god_n love_v to_o the_o soul_n of_o man_n in_o bring_v of_o they_o home_o to_o himself_o yet_o that_o truth_n which_o be_v at_o this_o time_n chief_o set_v upon_o my_o heart_n be_v from_o the_o consideration_n of_o this_o present_a hint_n of_o time_n wherein_o the_o lord_n through_o his_o rich_a grace_n in_o my_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n have_v be_v please_v to_o cause_v his_o face_n to_o shine_v upon_o my_o soul_n the_o very_a next_o day_n be_v the_o 13_o of_o this_o month_n in_o the_o morning_n when_o i_o be_v awake_v as_o i_o lie_v in_o my_o bed_n i_o have_v that_o scripture_n in_o luk._n 13._o 11._o bring_v fresh_a to_o my_o mind_n of_o that_o woman_n who_o satan_n have_v bow_v these_o eighteen_o year_n vers_fw-la 16._o who_o christ_n loose_v with_o a_o persuasion_n before_o ever_o i_o begin_v to_o count_v it_o that_o the_o time_n of_o my_o thraldom_n under_o satan_n and_o sin_n will_v run_v parallel_n with_o this_o as_o also_o my_o condition_n for_o say_v the_o text_n she_o have_v a_o spirit_n of_o infirmity_n and_o be_v bow_v together_o so_o as_o she_o can_v in_o no_o wise_a lift_n up_o herself_o and_o true_o thus_o i_o find_v it_o have_v be_v with_o i_o for_o many_o year_n i_o have_v be_v bind_v by_o satan_n under_o unbelief_n and_o the_o corruption_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n and_o so_o bow_v together_o as_o i_o can_v in_o no_o wise_a lift_n up_o myself_o so_o as_o to_o give_v glory_n to_o god_n by_o believe_v and_o as_o for_o the_o time_n when_o i_o come_v to_o count_v it_o from_o the_o first_o time_n that_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o touch_v my_o heart_n with_o a_o sight_n and_o sense_n of_o my_o wretched_a condition_n and_o thereupon_o to_o occasion_v much_o trouble_n of_o spirit_n which_o be_v as_o i_o conceive_v about_o the_o year_n 1635._o which_o reckon_v until_o the_o end_n of_o the_o year_n 1652_o which_o be_v the_o first_o time_n that_o ever_o the_o lord_n do_v upon_o real_a solid_a ground_n speak_v any_o abide_a word_n of_o comfort_n to_o i_o and_o so_o in_o any_o measure_n lose_v i_o from_o those_o band_n and_o i_o do_v find_v it_o to_o be_v just_a 18_o year_n this_o same_o morning_n also_o a_o little_a while_n after_o there_o fall_v a_o other_o scripture_n upon_o my_o heart_n which_o i_o find_v record_v in_o psal_n 129._o 1_o 2._o many_o a_o time_n have_v they_o afflict_v i_o from_o my_o youth_n may_v i_o srael_v now_o say_v many_o a_o time_n have_v they_o affict_v i_o from_o my_o youth_n yet_o have_v they_o not_o prevail_v against_o i_o and_o have_v it_o not_o be_v thus_o with_o my_o soul_n many_o a_o time_n have_v it_o be_v afflict_a with_o temptation_n and_o corruption_n but_o through_o mercy_n they_o have_v not_o yet_o total_o prevail_v over_o i_o there_o be_v also_o two_o other_o scripture_n immediate_o after_o this_o set_v upon_o my_o heart_n this_o morning_n as_o first_o that_o in_o psal_n 34._o 6._o this_o poor_a man_n cry_v and_o the_o lord_n hear_v he_o and_o save_v he_o out_o of_o all_o his_o trouble_n even_o so_o this_o poor_a soul_n of_o i_o have_v cry_v unto_o the_o lord_n in_o my_o fear_n and_o he_o have_v bless_v be_v his_o name_n hear_v i_o and_o gracious_o deliver_v i_o out_o of_o all_o the_o fear_n and_o trouble_n that_o ever_o yet_o lay_v upon_o i_o and_o to_o back_o this_o for_o the_o future_a there_o be_v immediate_o that_o scripture_n bring_v to_o my_o mind_n in_o joh._n 5._o 19_o he_o shall_v deliver_v thou_o in_o six_o trouble_n yea_o in_o seven_o there_o shall_v no_o evil_n touch_v thou_o the_o meditation_n whereof_o be_v exceed_v sweet_a to_o my_o soul_n but_o whilst_o my_o soul_n lie_v under_o these_o enjoyment_n from_o the_o lord_n which_o for_o a_o time_n even_o swallow_v up_o my_o heart_n in_o the_o admiration_n of_o he_o yet_o notwithstanding_o sudden_o after_o find_v my_o heart_n exceed_o straighten_v to_o bliss_n and_o praise_v the_o name_n of_o this_o my_o god_n in_o such_o a_o manner_n and_o measure_n as_o my_o soul_n desire_v for_o all_o these_o wonderful_a appearance_n to_o i_o i_o have_v this_o persuasion_n strong_o dart_v into_o i_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v some_o sharp_a affliction_n sudden_o to_o lay_v upon_o i_o which_o i_o be_v full_o possess_v with_o expectation_n of_o which_o cause_v i_o to_o pour_v out_o my_o soul_n before_o the_o lord_n beseech_v he_o to_o fit_v i_o for_o it_o and_o sanctify_v it_o unto_o i_o what_o ever_o it_o shall_v be_v not_o know_v in_o what_o way_n or_o manner_n for_o to_o expect_v it_o apprehend_v it_o to_o be_v some_o sore_a stroke_n than_o a_o little_a bodily_a affliction_n and_o because_o i_o apprehend_v that_o the_o sad_a outward_a affliction_n that_o can_v come_v to_o i_o be_v the_o part_n with_o my_o dear_a mother_n i_o do_v therefore_o straightway_o apprehend_v this_o will_v be_v the_o trial_n at_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o i_o be_v at_o the_o present_a somewhat_o startle_v but_o within_o a_o few_o day_n on_o the_o 23_o of_o this_o eleven_o month_n be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o visit_v my_o poor_a body_n with_o much_o bodily_a distemper_n which_o seize_v so_o upon_o my_o vital_a spirit_n and_o so_o overpoured_n they_o which_o together_o with_o other_o distemper_n lay_v somewhat_o heavy_a upon_o the_o flesh_n in_o and_o under_o which_o if_o i_o know_v my_o own_o heart_n the_o great_a part_n of_o my_o trouble_n be_v that_o i_o can_v not_o find_v out_o what_o the_o mind_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v in_o it_o in_o which_o inquiry_n there_o be_v some_o thing_n the_o which_o be_v then_o present_v to_o i_o as_o the_o ground_n of_o it_o as_o for_o instance_n the_o first_o thing_n that_o be_v dart_v into_o i_o be_v that_o the_o lord_n do_v it_o to_o put_v a_o stop_n to_o i_o in_o this_o very_a act_n of_o record_v the_o love_n of_o the_o lord_n to_o my_o soul_n who_o have_v carry_v i_o as_o upon_o eagle_n wing_n and_o as_o it_o be_v set_v i_o aloft_o exod._n 19_o 4._o so_o as_o no_o affliction_n or_o dispensation_n have_v be_v able_a to_o do_v i_o hurt_v but_o have_v bear_v yea_o forbear_v i_o and_o carry_v i_o all_o the_o day_n of_o old_a as_o he_o do_v his_o people_n israel_n notwithstanding_o all_o my_o rebellion_n esa_n 63._o 9_o 10_o 12_o 15_o 16._o and_o this_o suggestion_n for_o aught_o i_o know_v may_v come_v even_o from_o satan_n himself_o though_o i_o confess_v it_o be_v present_v upon_o a_o very_a fair_a account_n insinuate_v into_o i_o that_o it_o be_v out_o of_o the_o pride_n of_o my_o spirit_n which_o put_v i_o upon_o this_o action_n which_o cause_v my_o soul_n to_o make_v its_o address_n to_o the_o lord_n beseech_v he_o to_o search_v i_o and_o try_v my_o heart_n and_o my_o reins_n and_o withal_o beg_v of_o he_o that_o if_o there_o be_v any_o such_o corruption_n in_o the_o bottom_n which_o be_v not_o yet_o discover_v to_o i_o that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o reveal_v it_o and_o so_o put_v a_o stop_n to_o i_o in_o any_o act_n whatsoever_o upon_o any_o such_o account_n and_o though_o upon_o the_o strict_a search_n and_o inquiry_n that_o i_o be_v able_a to_o make_v into_o my_o own_o heart_n i_o can_v find_v little_a ground_n why_o i_o shall_v altogether_o conclude_v with_o satan_n in_o this_o yet_o the_o very_a fear_n of_o it_o do_v for_o the_o space_n of_o half_a a_o year_n at_o least_o if_o i_o mistake_v not_o cause_v this_o work_n to_o cease_v until_o it_o be_v again_o set_v with_o some_o weight_n upon_o my_o spirit_n as_o that_o which_o may_v make_v for_o the_o glory_n of_o my_o lord_n and_o perhaps_o though_o weak_o stammer_v out_o his_o praise_n when_o i_o shall_v be_v gather_v into_o into_o my_o dust_n who_o be_v so_o unable_a to_o speak_v it_o out_o in_o my_o life_n and_o this_o i_o both_o do_v and_o do_v the_o rather_o believe_v to_o proceed_v from_o satan_n the_o great_a enemy_n of_o soul_n because_o i_o find_v the_o saint_n through_o the_o scripture_n so_o ready_a to_o declare_v what_o great_a thing_n the_o lord_n have_v do_v for_o their_o soul_n psal_n 34._o 2._o

&_o 66._o 16._o 1_o tim._n 1._o 13_o 14_o 15_o 16._o act._n 22._o there_o be_v also_o sudden_o after_o this_o present_v to_o i_o as_o one_o thing_n that_o the_o lord_n may_v aim_v at_o in_o this_o touch_n of_o he_o even_o to_o mind_n i_o that_o i_o have_v not_o that_o degree_n of_o compassion_n or_o fellow_n feel_v as_o i_o ought_v of_o that_o affliction_n which_o in_o some_o respect_n in_o the_o same_o kind_n though_o in_o a_o great_a degree_n lie_v upon_o our_o sister_n arnat_a by_o reason_n of_o a_o great_a fever_n and_o doubtless_o there_o may_v be_v something_o in_o this_o though_o i_o shall_v also_o wrong_v myself_o shall_v i_o not_o acknowledge_v much_o and_o continue_a work_v in_o my_o heart_n for_o and_o towards_o she_o which_o oft_o occasion_v i_o to_o spread_v her_o condition_n before_o the_o lord_n according_a to_o my_o poor_a measure_n but_o upon_o the_o 25_o of_o this_o 11_o month_n in_o the_o night_n i_o have_v little_a or_o no_o rest_n by_o reason_n of_o the_o great_a distemper_n which_o lie_v upon_o i_o and_o real_o i_o do_v not_o well_o know_v whether_o the_o distemper_n of_o my_o body_n or_o my_o mind_n be_v the_o great_a but_o both_o meeting_n it_o lay_v somewhat_o heavy_a upon_o the_o flesh_n which_o think_v itself_o ready_a to_o give_v up_o under_o it_o but_o my_o thought_n be_v continual_o work_v i_o find_v in_o my_o spirit_n a_o great_a natural_a reluctancy_n against_o death_n which_o seem_v at_o time_n as_o it_o be_v to_o approach_v often_o think_v that_o it_o be_v not_o possible_a in_o natural_a reason_n that_o i_o can_v continue_v until_o morning_n yet_o say_v i_o nothing_o for_o fear_v of_o affright_v my_o mother_n yet_o have_v i_o also_o between_o time_n a_o great_a desire_n together_o with_o a_o kind_n of_o persuasion_n that_o for_o all_o this_o i_o shall_v be_v enable_v to_o hear_v mr._n knight_n next_o morning_n who_o turn_n it_o be_v to_o preach_v at_o the_o chapel_n at_o fulham_n thus_o i_o say_v find_v in_o my_o spirit_n some_o kind_n of_o reluctancy_n at_o death_n of_o which_o consider_v a_o little_a it_o be_v that_o corruption_n which_o i_o think_v have_v now_o be_v in_o some_o good_a measure_n crucify_v but_o find_v it_o still_o to_o work_v up_o be_v no_o small_a trouble_n to_o i_o which_o together_o with_o many_o other_o fear_n that_o lay_v upon_o my_o spirit_n as_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v enable_v to_o sanctify_v the_o name_n of_o god_n or_o honour_v he_o under_o this_o affliction_n which_o be_v indeed_o the_o ground_n of_o my_o trouble_n at_o the_o approach_n of_o death_n and_o if_o i_o know_v my_o heart_n in_o any_o measure_n that_o only_o which_o i_o resolve_v in_o myself_o to_o declare_v to_o some_o friend_n i_o shall_v meet_v at_o fulham_n next_o day_n if_o the_o lord_n shall_v please_v to_o enable_v i_o to_o go_v and_o so_o beg_v their_o remembrance_n at_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n but_o be_v enable_v to_o consider_v better_o of_o it_o i_o be_v give_v to_o see_v that_o it_o be_v nothing_o but_o a_o mere_a temptation_n to_o distrust_v the_o power_n and_o love_n of_o god_n to_o think_v as_o if_o he_o shall_v now_o bring_v i_o into_o that_o condition_n that_o he_o will_v not_o carry_v i_o through_o whereupon_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o gather_v up_o my_o spirit_n a_o little_a and_o in_o some_o better_a measure_n to_o submit_v to_o the_o hand_n and_o will_n of_o my_o father_n which_o i_o be_v now_o assure_v shall_v certain_o end_v in_o his_o glory_n and_o my_o good_a and_o to_o this_o end_n i_o be_v now_o also_o enable_v again_o to_o call_v over_o that_o bless_a promise_n in_o rom._n 8._o 28._o that_o all_o thing_n shall_v work_v yea_o work_v together_o for_o good_a to_o they_o that_o love_n god_n etc._n etc._n which_o promise_n i_o have_v often_o find_v by_o experience_n have_v be_v make_v good_a to_o my_o soul_n and_o be_v therefore_o much_o trouble_v that_o any_o distrustful_a thought_n shall_v arise_v in_o i_o concern_v it_o divers_z other_o promise_n also_o before_o mention_v be_v now_o bring_v to_o my_o mind_n and_o wrought_v afresh_o upon_o my_o heart_n which_o do_v exceed_o refresh_v my_o spirit_n so_o that_o the_o first_o refreshment_n which_o i_o find_v be_v in_o my_o spirit_n and_o after_o that_o be_v a_o little_a quiet_v i_o have_v a_o little_a short_a slumber_n and_o do_v the_o lord_n so_o far_o mitigate_v my_o bodily_a distemper_n as_o that_o it_o do_v not_o hinder_v i_o from_o that_o bless_a opportunity_n next_o day_n though_o accompany_v with_o much_o bodily_a weakness_n but_o upon_o the_o 2_o day_n of_o the_o 12_o month_n 1652._o i_o find_v my_o distemper_n of_o body_n much_o abate_v in_o so_o much_o as_o i_o think_v it_o be_v now_o quite_o go_v but_o that_o very_a night_n be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o return_v yea_o to_o heighten_v it_o constrain_a i_o to_o keep_v house_n certain_a day_n whereby_o i_o perceive_v that_o this_o work_n upon_o my_o soul_n be_v not_o yet_o accomplish_v nor_o i_o full_o acquaint_v with_o his_o mind_n and_o will_n in_o it_o which_o be_v some_o trouble_n to_o i_o whereupon_o i_o again_o beseech_v the_o lord_n to_o acquaint_v i_o with_o his_o mind_n and_o will_n in_o it_o and_o to_o sanctify_v it_o unto_o i_o give_v i_o a_o heart_n to_o submit_v to_o whatsoever_o he_o have_v yet_o further_o to_o lay_v upon_o i_o in_o which_o i_o also_o seek_v the_o prayer_n of_o his_o people_n upon_o the_o 6_o of_o this_o month_n but_o upon_o the_o seven_o day_n of_o this_o month_n providence_n offer_v some_o occasion_n whereby_o i_o be_v put_v upon_o the_o thought_n of_o part_v with_o my_o aunt_n dogget_n who_o be_v upon_o remove_n into_o the_o country_n with_o many_o thought_n there_o about_o which_o be_v now_o bring_v to_o my_o mind_n which_o occasion_v such_o a_o heavyness_n to_o possess_v my_o spirit_n upon_o other_o account_n also_o which_o come_v in_o to_o add_v to_o the_o other_o in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o be_v even_o as_o it_o be_v overwhelm_v with_o it_o until_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o vent_v it_o before_o the_o lord_n at_o which_o time_n he_o be_v please_v to_o discover_v to_o i_o that_o this_o be_v mere_o to_o return_v as_o it_o be_v from_o the_o lord_n to_o the_o creature_n for_o comfort_n and_o support_v as_o if_o he_o be_v not_o able_a abundant_o to_o make_v up_o in_o himself_o the_o want_n of_o such_o a_o comfort_n and_o relation_n if_o he_o see_v meet_v to_o deprive_v i_o of_o it_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o do_v much_o grieve_v i_o then_o do_v the_o lord_n also_o show_v i_o how_o i_o have_v continual_o provoke_v he_o in_o this_o kind_n by_o lean_v upon_o such_o poor_a reed_n and_o dige_v to_o myself_o such_o poor_a pit_n such_o break_a cistern_n as_o can_v indeed_o hold_v no_o water_n and_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n too_o much_o neglect_v he_o the_o fountain_n of_o live_a water_n jer._n 2._o 13._o yea_o while_o i_o be_v thus_o pour_v out_o my_o soul_n before_o he_o and_o lament_v my_o miserable_a and_o wretched_a folly_n he_o be_v please_v also_o to_o cast_v my_o thought_n upon_o that_o part_n of_o scripture_n i_o find_v record_v in_o 1_o king_n 11._o 9_o how_o the_o lord_n be_v angry_a with_o solomon_n because_o his_o heart_n be_v turn_v from_o the_o lord_n god_n of_o israel_n which_o have_v appear_v to_o he_o twice_o even_o so_o i_o see_v the_o lord_n have_v just_a cause_n to_o be_v angry_a with_o i_o that_o i_o shall_v thus_o again_o return_v to_o the_o creature_n and_o as_o it_o be_v make_v a_o god_n of_o it_o yea_o after_o such_o eminent_a appearance_n of_o his_o to_o my_o soul_n the_o same_o day_n do_v the_o lord_n bring_v to_o my_o mind_n that_o severe_a threaten_n against_o moab_n who_o have_v be_v at_o ease_n from_o his_o youth_n and_o be_v settle_v on_o his_o lees_n who_o have_v not_o be_v empty_v from_o vessel_n to_o vessel_n neither_o have_v go_v into_o captivity_n and_o therefore_o his_o taste_n remain_v in_o he_o and_o his_o scent_n be_v not_o change_v jer._n 48._o 11_o now_o find_v this_o give_v by_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n as_o the_o reason_n why_o his_o scent_n remain_v even_o because_o he_o have_v not_o be_v empty_v etc._n etc._n i_o can_v not_o but_o stand_v and_o wonder_n what_o reason_n can_v be_v give_v of_o the_o corruption_n in_o my_o heart_n who_o the_o lord_n have_v not_o leave_v at_o ease_n but_o have_v often_o empty_v from_o vessel_n to_o vessel_n as_o it_o be_v try_v always_o and_o mean_v with_o i_o and_o yet_o that_o i_o shall_v still_o savour_v so_o much_o of_o the_o earth_n and_o of_o the_o old_a man_n and_o shall_v still_o so_o incline_v to_o depend_v upon_o a_o arm_n of_o flesh_n 2_o chron._n 32._o

even_o for_o the_o full_a accomplishment_n of_o his_o own_o promise_n who_o have_v say_v sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n over_o he_o that_o be_v not_o under_o the_o law_n but_o under_o grace_n as_o also_o that_o he_o will_v tread_v down_o satan_n under_o his_o people_n foot_n short_o which_o my_o soul_n desire_v to_o wait_v upon_o he_o for_o and_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n desire_v to_o bless_v his_o name_n and_o that_o you_o will_v bless_v he_o together_o with_o i_o that_o he_o be_v please_v to_o open_v any_o fountain_n of_o love_n and_o mercy_n in_o this_o vale_n of_o tear_n so_o abundant_o fulfil_v to_o my_o poor_a soul_n that_o word_n of_o he_o which_o he_o be_v please_v no_o soon_o to_o set_v upon_o my_o heart_n with_o a_o persuasion_n in_o some_o measure_n that_o it_o shall_v be_v make_v good_a roll_v though_o weak_o upon_o he_o for_o it_o but_o that_o he_o be_v please_v so_o to_o do_v indeed_o that_o word_n i_o find_v isai_n 56._o 19_o when_o the_o enemy_n shall_v come_v in_o like_o a_o flood_n the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n shall_v set_v up_o a_o standard_n against_o they_o for_o which_o i_o desire_v to_o bless_v his_o name_n beseech_v he_o that_o those_o impression_n that_o he_o be_v please_v by_o his_o spirit_n through_o several_a word_n of_o he_o to_o make_v upon_o my_o heart_n may_v never_o be_v forget_v by_o i_o but_o that_o they_o may_v continual_o be_v as_o support_v to_o my_o poor_a weak_a faith_n that_o it_o may_v grow_v from_o strength_n to_o strength_n even_o till_o i_o shall_v meet_v my_o god_n bless_v for_o ever_o be_v that_o god_n that_o be_v please_v to_o know_v my_o poor_a soul_n in_o this_o hour_n of_o temptation_n and_o to_o take_v this_o poor_a lame_a soul_n and_o lead_v and_o carry_v it_o of_o be_v not_o able_a to_o go_v one_o step_n in_o any_o of_o his_o way_n without_o his_o hand_n but_o that_o it_o get_v one_o knock_n or_o bruise_v or_o other_o yea_o bless_v for_o ever_o be_v that_o god_n and_o saviour_n that_o will_v not_o suffer_v his_o poor_a creature_n to_o slip_v as_o he_o do_v other_o but_o be_v please_v in_o rich_a mercy_n to_o be_v ever_o awaken_n my_o poor_a drowsy_a spirit_n by_o one_o affliction_n or_o another_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o do_v much_o refresh_v my_o spirit_n and_o seem_v at_o present_a a_o special_a token_n of_o his_o love_n for_o which_o i_o desire_v to_o bless_v he_o and_o oh_o that_o i_o can_v praise_v the_o name_n of_o that_o god_n and_o father_n who_o be_v the_o father_n of_o all_o mercy_n and_o god_n of_o all_o consolation_n for_o true_o i_o must_v needs_o say_v i_o be_o persuade_v satan_n have_v not_o now_o be_v let_v loose_a to_o buffet_v i_o thus_o have_v i_o not_o be_v so_o sleepy_a and_o drowsy_a in_o spirit_n but_o bless_v be_v that_o rod_n that_o awake_v my_o poor_a soul_n from_o the_o sleep_n of_o any_o sin_n so_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v but_o please_v to_o work_v it_o out_o which_o i_o desire_v to_o wait_v on_o god_n for_o i_o shall_v for_o some_o respect_n have_v forbear_v this_o duty_n of_o praise_n but_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v let_v in_o the_o clear_a sight_n of_o this_o mercy_n as_o also_o lest_o i_o shall_v prove_v ungrateful_a for_o so_o large_a manifestation_n of_o mercy_n though_o all_o i_o can_v do_v in_o it_o be_v a_o mere_a nothing_o the_o great_a be_v the_o goodness_n of_o god_n that_o bow_v down_o to_o accept_v such_o break_a praise_n which_o i_o have_v cause_n even_o to_o lament_v over_o have_v too_o little_a spiritual_a life_n in_o they_o when_o as_o in_o truth_n my_o whole_a soul_n and_o body_n shall_v be_v a_o holy_a and_o lively_a sacrifice_n to_o god_n which_o the_o lord_n enable_v i_o to_o do_v to_o that_o god_n whence_o all_o my_o enjoyment_n come_v in_o who_o i_o desire_v to_o rest_v your_o unworthy_a but_o in_o desire_n and_o hope_v real_a friend_n for_o my_o lord_n sake_n finis_fw-la the_o second_o book_n of_o manifold_a experiment_n of_o god_n deal_v with_o my_o soul_n in_o hear_v prayer_n and_o other_o gracious_a income_n of_o love_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o help_v i_o very_o much_o in_o this_o search_n by_o mr._n knight_n who_o speak_v from_o this_o scripture_n at_o fulham_n the_o nine_o of_o this_o nine_o month_n in_o the_o 12_o of_o luke_n 42_o 43._o from_o which_o he_o show_v we_o have_v the_o lord_n set_v out_o the_o blessedness_n of_o that_o servant_n that_o be_v faithful_a in_o the_o work_n that_o his_o lord_n intru_v he_o about_o and_o who_o his_o lord_n when_o he_o come_v find_v to_o be_v so_o do_v as_o he_o appoint_v now_o o_o my_o soul_n what_o comfortable_a hope_n can_v thou_o gather_v out_o from_o the_o serious_a examination_n of_o thy_o own_o heart_n upon_o this_o point_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v thou_o faithful_a though_o thou_o be_v poor_a weak_a and_o unworthy_a every_o way_n to_o be_v the_o servant_n of_o such_o a_o lord_n what_o can_v thou_o say_v to_o this_o have_v the_o lord_n indeed_o make_v thou_o faithful_a ans_fw-fr 1._o i_o gather_v some_o hope_n of_o it_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v i_o in_o some_o measure_n faithful_a from_o that_o sincerity_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v put_v into_o my_o heart_n to_o aim_v pure_o at_o his_o glory_n in_o all_o i_o do_v in_o this_o world_n the_o contrary_a to_o which_o cause_v much_o bitterness_n in_o my_o spirit_n yet_o through_o the_o prevalency_n of_o the_o unregenerate_a part_n in_o i_o i_o be_o many_o time_n bias_v and_o carry_v aside_o to_o aim_v at_o other_o thing_n in_o many_o of_o my_o way_n but_o the_o glory_n of_o my_o lord_n be_v my_o principal_a aim_n for_o if_o i_o know_v any_o thing_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n through_o mercy_n i_o do_v find_v it_o set_v to_o seek_v the_o honour_n of_o christ_n and_o to_o walk_v in_o way_n well_o please_v to_o he_o though_o i_o do_v too_o often_o sad_o wander_v from_o these_o intent_n and_o desire_n which_o be_v discover_v to_o be_v the_o real_a burden_n of_o my_o life_n 2._o in_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o put_v into_o my_o soul_n i_o hope_v a_o real_a desire_n te_fw-la do_v his_o whole_a will_n and_o therein_o to_o appear_v faithful_a daily_o desire_v and_o beg_v of_o he_o that_o i_o may_v not_o at_o any_o time_n in_o any_o command_n of_o his_o be_v find_v consult_v with_o flesh_n and_o blood_n but_o that_o as_o soon_o as_o ever_o he_o discover_v his_o will_n in_o any_o thing_n whatever_o to_o i_o that_o he_o will_v also_o enable_v i_o to_o obey_v it_o ready_o find_v the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n i_o hope_v oftentimes_o breathe_v in_o my_o soul_n after_o this_o manner_n lord_n if_o thou_o will_v but_o discover_v thy_o mind_n &_o will_n to_o i_o in_o all_o my_o way_n that_o be_v it_o i_o beg_v of_o thou_o and_o though_o it_o be_v never_o so_o contrary_a to_o flesh_n and_o blood_n yea_o though_o i_o can_v see_v nothing_o but_o that_o it_o be_v lay_v out_o for_o to_o afflict_v i_o and_o to_o be_v a_o trial_n and_o exercise_v for_o i_o and_o so_o have_v nothing_o to_o induce_v i_o but_o thy_o will_n yet_o lord_n if_o thou_o will_v but_o discover_v thy_o mind_n in_o it_o to_o i_o what_o will_v i_o then_o beg_v of_o thou_o but_o only_o a_o ready_a frame_n to_o yield_v obedience_n to_o thy_o will_n and_o leave_v the_o success_n &_o sanctify_v of_o it_o to_o i_o to_o thyself_o and_o if_o on_o the_o other_o side_n i_o think_v any_o mercy_n to_o be_v never_o so_o good_a or_o for_o my_o advantage_n yet_o if_o thou_o see_v meet_v to_o discover_v to_o my_o soul_n that_o thy_o will_n be_v not_o in_o it_o will_v i_o not_o then_o if_o i_o know_v my_o own_o heart_n beg_v above_o all_o thing_n to_o have_v my_o will_n to_o be_v whole_o swallow_v up_o into_o thou_o lord_n and_o this_o hope_n be_v ground_v in_o some_o measure_n upon_o the_o abundant_a experience_n the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o of_o his_o goodness_n and_o mercy_n and_o abundant_a kindness_n in_o his_o often_o deny_v i_o of_o my_o will_n 3_o i_o hope_v the_o lord_n have_v in_o some_o measure_n make_v i_o a_o faithful_a servant_n in_o that_o he_o have_v set_v my_o soul_n upon_o the_o watch_n to_o know_v his_o mind_n and_o will_n endeavour_v and_o desire_v to_o keep_v my_o eye_n upon_o he_o and_o he_o only_o that_o i_o may_v see_v what_o his_o mind_n and_o will_n be_v who_o have_v say_v that_o he_o will_v guide_v he_o by_o his_o eye_n which_o cause_v my_o soul_n though_o with_o much_o weakness_n not_o only_o earnest_o to_o desire_v but_o also_o to_o endeavour_v to_o reflect_v upon_o all_o my_o motion_n and_o action_n and_o thought_n and_o word_n in_o this_o

degree_n of_o it_o which_o thou_o see_v through_o mercy_n by_o other_o though_o not_o visible_o to_o they_o thus_o do_v the_o lord_n bring_v a_o good_a issue_n out_o of_o their_o own_o speech_n and_o word_n cause_v thou_o to_o lie_v down_o at_o his_o foot_n expect_v the_o punishment_n of_o thy_o iniquity_n yea_o great_a difficulty_n than_o these_o have_v the_o lord_n carry_v thou_o through_o when_o all_o the_o power_n of_o hell_n and_o thy_o own_o corruption_n have_v combine_v together_o to_o keep_v thou_o from_o duty_n of_o prayer_n meditation_n and_o examination_n and_o the_o like_a and_o yet_o the_o lord_n have_v enable_v thou_o to_o break_v through_o all_o and_o to_o pour_v out_o thy_o soul_n to_o he_o when_o thou_o be_v even_o in_o thy_o own_o apprehension_n at_o the_o pit_n brink_n and_o yet_o resolve_v to_o cry_v to_o he_o and_o not_o to_o give_v over_o cry_v and_o call_v whilst_o thou_o live_v notwithstanding_o all_o temptation_n to_o the_o contrary_a yea_o the_o more_o strong_a the_o temptation_n be_v the_o more_o speedy_o be_v thou_o fain_o to_o address_v to_o the_o lord_n for_o his_o strength_n and_o power_n to_o assist_v thou_o in_o grapple_v with_o they_o yea_o when_o some_o time_n overcome_v as_o it_o be_v and_o beat_v down_o by_o satan_n and_o enter_v the_o very_a border_n of_o despair_n yet_o even_o thence_o from_o this_o belly_n of_o hell_n in_o which_o thou_o do_v apprehend_v thyself_o already_o enter_v do_v not_o the_o lord_n enable_v thou_o to_o cry_v to_o he_o &_o resolve_v to_o give_v he_o no_o rest_n yea_o when_o thou_o find_v no_o advantage_n or_o profit_n of_o all_o thy_o prayer_n and_o tear_n &_o sigh_n &_o croan_n but_o that_o the_o lord_n seem_v to_o turn_v a_o deaf_a ear_n yet_o do_v not_o the_o lord_n enable_v thou_o to_o go_v on_o and_o to_o tell_v he_o that_o all_o those_o comfort_n and_o enjoyment_n here_o below_o they_o be_v poor_a mean_a thing_n such_o as_o thou_o can_v not_o take_v for_o thy_o portion_n and_o therefore_o do_v beg_v with_o submission_n to_o his_o will_n that_o if_o he_o have_v no_o other_o for_o thou_o but_o the_o portion_n of_o this_o life_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o deny_v thou_o they_o also_o and_o never_o give_v they_o to_o be_v a_o snare_n but_o rather_o let_v thou_o end_v thy_o day_n in_o some_o desolate_a wilderness_n 3._o faithfulness_n appear_v in_o cheerful_a service_n now_o o_o my_o soul_n be_v thou_o not_o able_a to_o say_v before_o the_o lord_n the_o searcher_n of_o heart_n through_o his_o grace_n that_o so_o much_o faithfulness_n as_o thou_o can_v discern_v in_o thou_o in_o any_o service_n of_o thy_o lord_n be_v thy_o very_a joy_n and_o rejoice_n of_o thy_o heart_n but_o on_o the_o other_o side_n so_o much_o unfaithfulness_n as_o thou_o can_v discern_v in_o any_o service_n this_o be_v it_o that_o make_v thou_o go_v mourn_v all_o thy_o day_n because_o thou_o be_v no_o more_o fruitful_a 4._o o_o my_o soul_n thy_o faithfulness_n in_o some_o measure_n appear_v in_o that_o thou_o be_v rejoice_v real_o in_o spirit_n when_o any_o opportunity_n be_v put_v into_o thy_o hand_n and_o thy_o heart_n be_v enable_v in_o any_o measure_n to_o improve_v it_o to_o the_o service_n and_o for_o the_o glory_n of_o thy_o lord_n and_o be_v thou_o not_o on_o the_o contrary_a grieve_v that_o thou_o have_v so_o many_o opportunity_n offer_v before_o thou_o but_o like_o a_o fool_n have_v not_o a_o heart_n to_o improve_v they_o for_o the_o glory_n of_o thy_o lord_n be_v not_o this_o thy_o daily_a burden_n lord_n thou_o know_v it_o be_v &_o when_o through_o the_o subtlety_n of_o satan_n and_o deceit_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n i_o fool_n away_o many_o rich_a opportunity_n by_o not_o improve_n of_o they_o which_o after_o prove_v a_o sad_a burden_n and_o affliction_n to_o i_o 5._o o_o my_o soul_n do_v there_o not_o appear_v some_o degree_n of_o faithfulness_n to_o thy_o lord_n in_o that_o thy_o endeavour_n do_v come_v still_o beneath_o thy_o desire_n have_v not_o the_o lord_n real_o enable_v thou_o through_o grace_n to_o say_v with_o paul_n the_o good_a that_o i_o will_v do_v i_o do_v not_o but_o o_o that_o i_o can_v do_v it_o that_o i_o can_v serve_v the_o lord_n more_o and_o better_o but_o oh_o how_o low_o do_v i_o live_v and_o how_o poor_o do_v i_o walk_v but_o oh_o that_o i_o can_v come_v to_o prayer_n and_o read_v and_o hear_v and_o meditate_v and_o do_v all_o private_a and_o public_a duty_n and_o walk_v in_o all_o my_o relation_n in_o this_o world_n as_o may_v honour_v this_o my_o lord_n be_v not_o these_o the_o continual_a groan_n and_o breathe_n of_o my_o heart_n before_o the_o lord_n lord_n thou_o know_v it_o for_o i_o have_v none_o i_o desire_v to_o appeal_v unto_o but_o to_o thou_o the_o searcher_n of_o my_o heart_n 6._o lord_n do_v not_o some_o faithfulness_n appear_v to_o be_v wrought_v in_o my_o soul_n by_o thou_o in_o that_o thou_o have_v above_o all_o thing_n make_v i_o to_o delight_v in_o that_o work_n that_o no_o eye_n see_v but_o thyself_o thou_o know_v what_o a_o fear_n have_v be_v upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o be_v to_o this_o day_n in_o a_o great_a measure_n to_o appear_v before_o other_o thou_o lord_n know_v how_o many_o year_n this_o fear_n have_v be_v as_o a_o prison_n to_o keep_v in_o the_o working_n of_o my_o heart_n &_o as_o door_n to_o my_o mouth_n to_o keep_v it_o from_o lament_v itself_o not_o so_o much_o as_o in_o one_o word_n in_o the_o hear_n of_o other_o lest_o there_o shall_v any_o pride_n or_o hypocrifie_n act_n in_o it_o yea_o to_o this_o very_a day_n how_o many_o service_n wherein_o perhaps_o thy_o lord_n may_v be_v honour_v be_v thou_o prevent_v and_o dare_v not_o to_o act_v in_o upon_o this_o very_a account_n that_o it_o can_v be_v do_v in_o private_a can_v thou_o not_o say_v before_o the_o searcher_n of_o heart_n that_o such_o thought_n and_o apprehension_n and_o fear_n as_o these_o lest_o other_o shall_v esteem_v thou_o better_o than_o thou_o be_v or_o thy_o own_o spirit_n be_v lift_v up_o before_o the_o lord_n or_o any_o false_a end_n bias_n thou_o in_o it_o that_o such_o thought_n i_o say_v as_o thief_n do_v often_o as_o it_o be_v tie_v up_o thy_o tongue_n sow_v up_o thy_o mouth_n in_o all_o company_n even_o while_o at_o that_o instant_n thy_o heart_n be_v even_o ready_a to_o split_v or_o break_v in_o piece_n for_o want_n of_o vent_n sometime_o apprehend_v that_o those_o discovery_n that_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v sometime_o to_o make_v to_o thou_o and_o the_o rich_a grace_n he_o be_v please_v to_o manifest_v in_o thou_o in_o overcome_v all_o the_o unkindness_n in_o thou_o ought_v not_o to_o be_v put_v unnder_v a_o bushel_n but_o hold_v out_o to_o other_o and_o yet_o not_o dare_v to_o do_v it_o find_v my_o wretched_a heart_n so_o prone_a to_o be_v lift_v up_o upon_o all_o such_o occasion_n and_o so_o dishonour_n god_n that_o way_n and_o so_o deceive_v other_o and_o myself_o also_o and_o through_o both_o these_o fear_v my_o soul_n often_o walk_v sad_o before_o the_o lord_n fear_v to_o offend_v he_o and_o not_o be_v able_a to_o discern_v it_o whether_o way_n i_o may_v most_o honour_v he_o have_v make_v trial_n of_o both_o sometime_o silent_a and_o sometime_o speak_v and_o find_v the_o wickedness_n of_o my_o heart_n appear_v sad_o in_o both_o i_o know_v not_o sometime_o which_o be_v best_a the_o lord_n in_o mercy_n manifest_a and_o clear_v up_o to_o i_o o_o my_o soul_n thus_o may_v it_o probable_o and_o hopeful_o appear_v to_o thou_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v thou_o in_o some_o measure_n his_o faithful_a servant_n 1._o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o some_o hope_n that_o i_o trust_v i_o have_v no_o other_o master_n that_o i_o willing_o call_v rabbi_n or_o willing_o serve_v but_o my_o lord_n jesus_n nor_o have_v i_o any_o other_o work_n that_o i_o do_v upon_o which_o my_o heart_n be_v delightful_o set_v upon_o but_o only_o my_o lord_n work_v and_o this_o appear_v far_a to_o i_o in_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v i_o hope_v in_o some_o measure_n wrought_v my_o heart_n to_o this_o frame_n of_o spirit_n to_o desire_v above_o all_o thing_n to_o serve_v my_o lord_n christ_n in_o all_o the_o relation_n he_o have_v set_v i_o in_o in_o this_o world_n and_o to_o that_o end_n every_o fail_n in_o any_o of_o they_o either_o as_o a_o child_n or_o friend_n or_o any_o relation_n though_o i_o too_o sad_o fail_v in_o they_o all_o this_o be_v that_o which_o if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o above_o all_o thing_n break_v my_o heart_n to_o think_v that_o hereby_o i_o do_v dishonour_n my_o lord_n jesus_n and_o that_o profession_n of_o be_v his_o servant_n it_o be_v not_o

so_o much_o that_o i_o offend_v any_o relation_n as_o that_o i_o grieve_v the_o spirit_n of_o god_n in_o all_o my_o action_n and_o in_o all_o my_o relation_n in_o this_o world_n i_o hope_v that_o my_o soul_n be_v in_o the_o first_o place_n set_v to_o serve_v my_o lord_n in_o the_o duty_n to_o they_o as_o that_o which_o he_o require_v and_o my_o be_v for_o his_o honour_n if_o do_v right_o and_o though_o i_o do_v often_o transgress_v the_o command_n of_o my_o lord_n jesus_n yet_o i_o trust_v i_o do_v not_o make_v it_o my_o work_n but_o it_o my_o daily_a burden_n 2._o my_o desire_n and_o daily_a groan_n before_o the_o lord_n be_v that_o i_o may_v be_v whole_o devote_v and_o give_v up_o to_o jesus_n in_o my_o whole_a inward_a and_o outward_a man_n and_o i_o will_v that_o all_o my_o poor_a part_n and_o strength_n and_o time_n yea_o all_o my_o inward_a and_o outward_a talent_n shall_v be_v improve_v in_o his_o service_n whole_o how_o often_o do_v my_o soul_n breath_n before_o the_o lord_n after_o this_o manner_n oh_o father_n be_v it_o not_o long_a enough_o yea_o too_o too_o long_o that_o i_o have_v be_v too_o too_o much_o at_o satan_n beck_n and_o the_o world_n yea_o and_o my_o own_o oh_o that_o it_o may_v be_v thus_o no_o long_o and_o that_o i_o may_v no_o long_o live_v to_o myself_o or_o seek_v or_o please_v myself_o in_o any_o thing_n but_o that_o my_o whole_a soul_n may_v be_v set_v to_o please_v my_o lord_n jesus_n be_v it_o not_o my_o daily_a burden_n that_o i_o have_v too_o too_o much_o seek_v and_o serve_v myself_o both_o in_o natural_a and_o spiritual_a thing_n that_o i_o have_v have_v too_o many_o self-end_n and_o design_n which_o the_o lord_n crucify_v full_o for_o my_o lord_n sake_n and_o as_o for_o the_o service_n of_o the_o world_n if_o i_o know_v any_o thing_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n it_o be_v my_o daily_a desire_n prayer_n and_o endeavour_n to_o throw_v the_o world_n whole_o out_o of_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o may_v not_o do_v any_o service_n any_o long_o to_o sin_n or_o satan_n and_o if_o at_o any_o time_n they_o do_v get_v any_o little_a from_o i_o how_o grudge_o and_o repine_o be_v it_o do_v yea_o be_v it_o not_o the_o grief_n of_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o have_v have_v any_o expectation_n or_o desire_n after_o any_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n or_o of_o this_o world_n that_o my_o eye_n be_v not_o whole_o and_o real_o upon_o jesus_n christ_n for_o expectation_n provision_n and_o all_o what_o i_o need_v 3_o though_o i_o have_v a_o wretched_a heart_n that_o have_v and_o still_o will_v be_v pick_v its_o work_n think_v that_o other_o servant_n of_o christ_n they_o have_v a_o easy_a work_n and_o go_v through_o this_o world_n fill_v fill_v with_o the_o joy_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n yea_o and_o have_v their_o cup_n of_o earthly_a blessing_n overflow_a and_o hereupon_o my_o wicked_a heart_n have_v be_v carry_v disorderly_a to_o long_o after_o and_o wish_v for_o such_o a_o condition_n and_o think_v that_o i_o have_v a_o hard_a portion_n to_o be_v always_o afflict_v with_o inward_a and_o outward_a distemper_n and_o weakness_n trial_n in_o bodily_a affliction_n of_o most_o sort_n and_o inward_a weakness_n infirmity_n temptation_n of_o divers_a kind_n and_o in_o high_a degree_n suffer_v my_o name_n especial_o for_o my_o desire_n to_o walk_v in_o the_o way_n and_o service_n of_o my_o lord_n which_o my_o wicked_a heart_n think_v very_o hard_a and_o to_o this_o day_n be_v too_o ready_a sometime_o to_o murmur_v though_o through_o the_o goodness_n of_o my_o god_n it_o have_v not_o the_o power_n or_o strength_n that_o it_o have_v have_v yet_o the_o very_a rise_n of_o it_o cause_v my_o soul_n still_o to_o beg_v strength_n against_o it_o and_o a_o thorough_a victory_n over_o it_o beg_v daily_o a_o submissive_a frame_n of_o spirit_n to_o the_o will_n of_o my_o lord_n in_o all_o thing_n desire_v no_o more_o to_o pick_v and_o choose_v my_o condition_n and_o work_v but_o beg_v the_o lord_n to_o choose_v for_o i_o who_o know_v what_o be_v best_a for_o i_o and_o if_o he_o see_v meet_v that_o i_o shall_v serve_v he_o in_o the_o fire_n of_o affliction_n inward_a or_o outward_a that_o he_o will_v but_o subject_v my_o heart_n to_o his_o will_n &_o sanctify_v that_o condition_n to_o i_o and_o do_v with_o i_o what_o he_o please_v 7_o do_v there_o not_o appear_v some_o degree_n of_o faithfulness_n in_o thou_o in_o that_o thou_o love_v most_o who_o thou_o esteem_v to_o do_v most_o for_o christ_n and_o daily_o mourn_v that_o other_o do_v no_o more_o for_o he_o then_o thou_o do_v be_v it_o not_o a_o continual_a burden_n to_o thou_o that_o thou_o can_v do_v no_o more_o for_o christ_n and_o be_v employ_v no_o more_o by_o he_o may_v thou_o not_o say_v safe_o before_o the_o lord_n who_o know_v the_o truth_n of_o it_o that_o thy_o heart_n be_v not_o take_v with_o any_o creature_n in_o this_o world_n what_o ever_o it_o be_v and_o if_o upon_o any_o yet_o upon_o no_o other_o account_n whatever_o but_o only_o as_o they_o be_v servant_n to_o thy_o lord_n and_o what_o ever_o their_o other_o adjourning_n be_v whether_o beauty_n or_o part_n or_o riches_n and_o honour_n or_o whatever_o none_o of_o all_o these_o do_v to_o thy_o remembrance_n advance_v any_o creature_n in_o the_o esteem_n of_o thy_o soul_n 8_o will_v thou_o not_o glad_o o_o my_o soul_n be_v put_v on_o other_o yea_o and_o bless_v the_o lord_n if_o he_o will_v please_v to_o enable_v thou_o to_o this_o work_n that_o see_v thou_o can_v do_v so_o little_a for_o he_o thyself_o that_o he_o will_v enable_v thou_o to_o spur_v on_o other_o to_o do_v more_o for_o he_o then_o thou_o can_v and_o be_v it_o not_o thy_o burden_n that_o through_o one_o temptation_n or_o other_o thou_o be_v so_o much_o prevent_v in_o this_o bless_a work_n also_o to_o what_o end_n else_o be_v thy_o word_n and_o writing_n to_o other_o and_o continue_v beg_v of_o their_o remembrance_n of_o thou_o before_o the_o lord_n 9_o be_v it_o not_o thy_o daily_a grief_n that_o both_o thyself_o and_o other_o move_v so_o slow_o in_o this_o work_n to_o see_v man_n lose_v their_o first_o love_n and_o walk_v not_o so_o right_o and_o faithful_o with_o christ_n as_o former_o be_v not_o this_o thy_o daily_a grief_n and_o burden_n and_o that_o which_o sometime_o even_o overwhelm_v thy_o spirit_n 10_o o_o my_o soul_n do_v thou_o not_o desire_v continual_o to_o bless_v the_o lord_n that_o he_o have_v make_v thou_o his_o servant_n to_o serve_v he_o in_o any_o work_n for_o what_o be_v thou_o that_o the_o lord_n shall_v choose_v thou_o out_o to_o be_v his_o servant_n when_o he_o may_v have_v take_v other_o that_o may_v have_v do_v more_o service_n yea_o do_v not_o thou_o bless_v the_o lord_n o_o my_o soul_n more_o in_a that_o he_o have_v make_v thou_o his_o servant_n then_o that_o he_o have_v give_v thou_o riches_n or_o honour_n or_o esteem_v in_o the_o world_n be_v these_o any_o thing_n in_o thy_o eye_n in_o comparison_n of_o be_v make_v his_o servant_n do_v not_o the_o lord_n bring_v thou_o to_o that_o pass_n before_o he_o appear_v in_o way_n of_o comfort_n to_o thou_o to_o make_v thou_o beg_v of_o he_o upon_o thy_o knee_n that_o thou_o may_v but_o be_v make_v a_o servant_n of_o he_o whatever_o else_o thou_o underwente_v though_o thou_o shall_v be_v make_v as_o the_o offscouring_a of_o all_o thing_n or_o force_v to_o beg_v thy_o bread_n in_o this_o world_n yet_o that_o thou_o may_v but_o be_v his_o servant_n 11_o o_o my_o soul_n may_v thou_o not_o say_v that_o infirmity_n be_v more_o afflictive_a because_o impediment_n in_o the_o service_n of_o christ_n then_o because_o they_o be_v affliction_n upon_o thou_o be_v thou_o not_o more_o trouble_v when_o sick_a weak_a in_o body_n mind_n or_o understanding_n because_o these_o unfit_a thou_o for_o the_o service_n of_o christ_n then_o because_o weak_a sick_a or_o low_a in_o esteem_n of_o other_o lord_n thou_o know_v there_o be_v much_o tremble_n upon_o my_o spirit_n about_o this_o whether_o i_o may_v say_v this_o before_o thou_o or_o no_o but_o if_o it_o be_v not_o thus_o with_o i_o o_o lord_n i_o beg_v of_o thou_o to_o work_v this_o frame_n in_o i_o for_o it_o be_v that_o i_o desire_v to_o press_v after_o daily_o and_o be_o grieve_v that_o i_o be_o no_o more_o clear_a in_o yet_o methinks_v sometime_o it_o be_v in_o some_o measure_n evident_a to_o my_o soul_n that_o the_o defect_n that_o accompany_v my_o service_n be_v more_o grievous_a and_o burdensome_a to_o i_o than_o the_o want_n of_o success_n of_o comfort_n though_o sometime_o i_o be_o quite_o dark_a as_o to_o the_o clear_n of_o this_o

how_o glorious_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o unveil_v the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n to_o thou_o as_o a_o physician_n to_o poor_a sick_a soul_n which_o discovery_n of_o he_o as_o it_o be_v very_o glorious_a so_o most_o suitable_a to_o the_o present_a estate_n of_o thy_o spirit_n be_v as_o i_o trust_v i_o may_v true_o say_v sick_a of_o its_o self_n of_o all_o its_o way_n and_o doubt_n and_o fail_n to_o all_o my_o relation_n &_o conversation_n and_o o_o how_o sweet_a and_o seasonable_a be_v it_o now_o to_o hear_v of_o such_o a_o physician_n as_o he_o be_v glorious_o hold_v out_o to_o be_v from_o that_o 9_o matth._n 12._o and_o for_o the_o other_o suit_n in_o cause_v my_o soul_n deep_o to_o fall_v in_o love_n with_o he_o and_o to_o be_v real_o take_v off_o from_o all_o thing_n else_o even_o for_o this_o i_o desire_v to_o wait_v until_o the_o same_o lord_n shall_v please_v to_o give_v in_o as_o gracious_a a_o answer_n which_o i_o trust_v he_o will_v also_o do_v in_o his_o due_a time_n and_o for_o those_o request_n put_v up_o this_o morning_n i_o can_v not_o but_o acknowledge_v that_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v great_o to_o bow_v down_o and_o give_v i_o a_o sensible_a token_n of_o his_o glorious_a and_o gracious_a presence_n through_o which_o that_o present_a mercy_n in_o prayer_n every_o word_n come_v as_o it_o be_v from_o my_o very_a heart_n in_o both_o the_o prayer_n before_o and_o after_o sermon_n be_v the_o very_a groan_n and_o breathe_n of_o my_o soul_n before_o the_o lord_n and_o every_o word_n in_o the_o sermon_n almost_o be_v as_o it_o be_v speak_v from_o heaven_n to_o my_o heart_n so_o full_o and_o in_o those_o very_a thing_n that_o my_o heart_n be_v at_o that_o very_a time_n burden_a withal_o and_o i_o think_v to_o have_v vent_v to_o mr._n knight_n our_o dear_a pastor_n the_o day_n before_o which_o if_o the_o lord_n have_v not_o prevent_v i_o in_o i_o real_o fear_v that_o i_o shall_v not_o have_v have_v so_o clear_a and_o gracious_a a_o sight_n of_o god_n in_o this_o his_o appearance_n but_o shall_v have_v think_v sure_o he_o have_v speak_v those_o thing_n in_o relation_n to_o i_o but_o bless_v be_v that_o god_n that_o order_v thing_n so_o as_o to_o give_v his_o poor_a creature_n a_o more_o clear_a sight_n of_o the_o riches_n of_o his_o grace_n even_o as_o a_o prayer-hearing_a god_n and_o all_o this_o notwithstanding_o the_o rebellion_n of_o my_o spirit_n even_o under_o the_o hope_n of_o his_o appearance_n break_v out_o into_o that_o rash_a and_o sinful_a word_n be_v exceed_o weary_v go_v up_o and_o down_o westminster-hall_n and_o to_o whitehall_n and_o to_o and_o fro_o up_o and_o down_o then_o as_o i_o say_v do_v the_o passion_n of_o my_o wicked_a spirit_n cause_v i_o to_o break_v out_o into_o this_o foolish_a sinful_a expression_n say_v if_o i_o have_v know_v this_o i_o will_v not_o have_v come_v out_o this_o day_n when_o as_o perhaps_o the_o lord_n intent_n by_o it_o be_v to_o try_v i_o and_o make_v the_o folly_n of_o my_o heart_n appear_v to_o i_o and_o see_v how_o my_o faith_n can_v bear_v up_o against_o those_o discouragement_n and_o bodily_a trial_n for_o my_o body_n be_v much_o distemper_v and_o in_o this_o my_o walk_v up_o and_o down_o i_o have_v a_o pain_n take_v i_o under_o my_o side_n that_o strike_v through_o my_o breast_n to_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o look_v every_o moment_n when_o i_o shall_v fall_v down_o in_o the_o street_n as_o i_o go_v along_o and_o as_o i_o come_v back_o yet_o notwithstanding_o all_o this_o my_o rebellion_n and_o repent_v of_o my_o journey_n be_v the_o lord_n please_v not_o to_o do_v by_o i_o as_o righteous_o he_o may_v for_o he_o repent_v not_o of_o his_o intend_a kindness_n to_o i_o though_o i_o repent_v at_o my_o wait_v upon_o he_o for_o it_o and_o though_o i_o be_v full_a of_o change_n yet_o he_o change_v not_o but_o when_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o bring_v i_o back_o again_o to_o westminster_n and_o that_o in_o due_a time_n i_o be_v glad_a and_o begin_v to_o recover_v my_o spirit_n again_o o_o how_o be_v my_o heart_n fill_v as_o it_o be_v with_o this_o exceed_a appearance_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o in_o some_o measure_n enlarge_v that_o evening_n to_o bless_v his_o name_n who_o have_v so_o often_o appear_v and_o to_o all_o add_v the_o mercy_n of_o this_o day_n manifest_v self_n to_o be_v a_o god_n hear_v prayer_n but_o o_o that_o curse_a unbelief_n of_o my_o wicked_a heart_n that_o have_v have_v so_o much_o and_o so_o manifold_a appearance_n of_o god_n and_o of_o his_o goodness_n and_o shall_v yet_o trust_v he_o no_o more_o which_o also_o great_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n to_o beg_v of_o he_o to_o crucify_v my_o unbelief_n but_o i_o confess_v this_o be_v it_o that_o often_o give_v the_o turn_n and_o draw_v a_o cloud_n as_o it_o be_v before_o i_o even_o the_o mighty_a prevalence_n of_o corruption_n in_o my_o soul_n which_o make_v i_o often_o to_o cry_v out_o lord_n when_o shall_v i_o see_v this_o body_n of_o death_n and_o sin_n subdue_v and_o crucify_v and_o my_o soul_n full_o subject_v to_o thou_o this_o be_v the_o burden_n of_o my_o soul_n even_o then_o when_o the_o lord_n shine_v forth_o most_o clear_o upon_o my_o heart_n to_o think_v what_o a_o unsuitable_a frame_n of_o spirit_n be_v there_o in_o i_o to_o all_o those_o wonderful_a way_n of_o the_o lord_n towards_o i_o that_o by_o all_o the_o sight_n he_o give_v i_o of_o himself_o and_o his_o will_n i_o be_o no_o more_o change_v into_o his_o likeness_n the_o 15_o day_n of_o this_o twelve_o month_n at_o night_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v exceed_o to_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n to_o beg_v of_o he_o the_o root_n out_o of_o those_o corruption_n issue_v out_o of_o my_o heart_n to_o the_o creature_n and_o gather_v of_o it_o up_o into_o himself_o and_o order_v my_o affection_n and_o the_o like_a as_o also_o be_v great_o draw_v out_o to_o bless_v and_o praise_v he_o beseech_v he_o to_o enable_v i_o to_o it_o to_o bless_v he_o for_o his_o answer_n so_o often_o give_v i_o to_o the_o importunate_a desire_n and_o request_n of_o my_o soul_n when_o i_o have_v so_o often_o tempt_v he_o for_o it_o be_v not_o israel_n only_o that_o tempt_v he_o ten_o time_n but_o i_o have_v often_o tempt_v he_o so_o that_o he_o may_v have_v righteous_o give_v that_o i_o beg_v of_o he_o and_o a_o curse_n together_o with_o it_o but_o i_o do_v now_o great_o desire_v to_o bless_v he_o that_o hitherto_o he_o have_v deny_v i_o in_o it_o beseech_v he_o so_o to_o do_v still_o and_o subject_a my_o soul_n to_o he_o in_o all_o my_o way_n beg_v he_o earnest_o that_o he_o will_v once_o work_v my_o heart_n to_o such_o assurance_n that_o i_o may_v be_v careful_a in_o nothing_o and_o in_o nothing_o thoughtful_a for_o or_o studious_a about_o any_o thing_n here_o below_o and_o to_o give_v up_o myself_o whole_o to_o be_v at_o his_o dispose_n yea_o more_o than_o ever_o i_o have_v be_v to_o any_o bodily_a physician_n beseech_v he_o now_o that_o he_o will_v undertake_v to_o be_v my_o soul_n physician_n and_o to_o cure_v i_o of_o those_o soul-distemper_n in_o my_o affection_n and_o practice_n let_v the_o physic_n be_v what_o he_o will_v let_v it_o but_o be_v of_o his_o prescribe_v and_o to_o support_v my_o spirit_n under_o his_o hand_n and_o make_v it_o willing_a to_o submit_v to_o his_o will_n and_o then_o lord_n do_v with_o i_o what_o thou_o will_v and_o now_o father_n what_o be_v those_o request_n that_o thou_o will_v hear_v have_v thou_o not_o say_v what_o ever_o we_o ask_v in_o thy_o son_n name_n thou_o will_v hear_v why_o in_o thy_o son_n name_n i_o desire_v to_o come_v for_o i_o have_v nothing_o else_o to_o plead_v there_o be_v nothing_o in_o i_o but_o for_o thy_o son_n sake_n the_o son_n of_o thy_o bosom_n and_o love_n who_o die_v for_o poor_a sinner_n such_o as_o thy_o poor_a worm_n be_v for_o his_o sake_n and_o in_o his_o name_n i_o come_v unto_o thou_o and_o thou_o have_v say_v whatsoever_o we_o ask_v according_a to_o thy_o will_n thou_o will_v hear_v now_o lord_n be_v not_o this_o agreeable_a to_o thy_o will_n to_o be_v conform_v more_o to_o thou_o and_o have_v my_o will_n more_o subject_v to_o thou_o and_o my_o affection_n more_o place_v upon_o thou_o o_o then_o lord_n see_v thou_o say_v what_o we_o ask_v believe_v we_o shall_v have_v it_o lord_n increase_v my_o faith_n &_o help_v i_o to_o wait_v upon_o thou_o believe_o the_o eighteen_o of_o this_o twelve_o month_n have_v be_v these_o eight_o or_o nine_o day_n last_o pass_v somewhat_o distemper_v in_o body_n which_o distemper_n prevail_v more_o and_o

be_v bless_v discovery_n give_v to_o judge_v our_o estate_n we_o be_v also_o instruct_v in_o all_o our_o present_a affliction_n in_o this_o world_n still_o to_o remember_v it_o appear_v not_o yet_o what_o we_o shall_v be_v do_v you_o keep_v your_o eye_n on_o this_o how_o will_v it_o refresh_v you_o under_o all_o trouble_n keep_v your_o eye_n then_o on_o christ_n his_o appearance_n for_o there_o your_o fullness_n shall_v be_v but_o further_o to_o refresh_v the_o saint_n they_o be_v at_o present_a the_o son_n of_o god_n but_o know_v not_o the_o best_a of_o their_o estate_n you_o may_v be_v now_o under_o cloud_n and_o temptation_n but_o the_o best_a be_v behind_o it_o appear_v not_o now_o what_o you_o shall_v be_v and_o let_v this_o cheer_n up_o your_o heart_n the_o 8._o day_n of_o this_o ten_o month_n the_o lord_n draw_v out_o my_o heart_n in_o the_o morning_n be_v the_o day_n of_o our_o church-meeting_n to_o beg_v of_o he_o to_o go_v forth_o with_o we_o this_o day_n or_o else_o not_o to_o carry_v we_o out_o and_o withal_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o provide_v a_o bless_a word_n a_o seasonable_a word_n for_o every_o poor_a soul_n that_o shall_v in_o the_o sincerity_n of_o their_o spirit_n wait_v upon_o he_o that_o day_n and_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o speak_v some_o seasonable_a word_n to_o my_o soul_n that_o it_o may_v be_v a_o bless_a testimony_n that_o his_o presence_n be_v with_o i_o beg_v also_o the_o pour_v out_o of_o his_o spirit_n rich_o on_o they_o he_o shall_v please_v to_o send_v to_o speak_v among_o we_o with_o much_o to_o this_o effect_n the_o nine_o of_o this_o ten_o month_n at_o night_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v often_o to_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n with_o some_o sense_n of_o his_o appearance_n as_o also_o my_o unfruitfulness_n under_o all_o former_a appearanc_n beseech_v he_o to_o sanctify_v all_o his_o appearance_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o help_v i_o to_o walk_v more_o watchful_o and_o hearken_v more_o to_o the_o testimony_n of_o my_o own_o conscience_n in_o what_o ever_o i_o have_v do_v and_o not_o to_o sin_v against_o it_o with_o many_o such_o like_a desire_n beg_v this_o that_o as_o he_o have_v so_o sweet_o encourage_v my_o soul_n by_o these_o gracious_a hint_n the_o three_o of_o this_o month_n so_o that_o now_o he_o will_v please_v notwithstanding_o all_o my_o unworthiness_n and_o unfruitfulness_n yet_o to_o make_v good_a these_o gracious_a word_n of_o he_o wherein_o he_o have_v say_v sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n over_o his_o people_n and_o that_o he_o will_v bruise_v satan_n under_o their_o foot_n that_o he_o will_v never_o leave_v nor_o forsake_v they_o for_o which_o gracious_a bless_a word_n of_o his_o i_o endeavour_v to_o plead_v with_o he_o this_o evening_n even_o upon_o the_o account_n of_o the_o full_a satisfaction_n the_o lord_n jesus_n have_v make_v to_o he_o that_o therefore_o these_o bless_a word_n may_v be_v make_v good_a to_o my_o poor_a soul_n as_o also_o on_o the_o behalf_n of_o his_o servant_n our_o dear_a pastor_n who_o the_o eight_o of_o this_o eight_o month_n seem_v exceed_v sad_a which_o come_v with_o some_o power_n and_o sense_n upon_o my_o heart_n at_o this_o time_n beseech_v the_o lord_n if_o he_o have_v convince_v he_o of_o any_o evil_n in_o he_o that_o he_o will_v also_o work_v it_o out_o of_o he_o and_o if_o there_o be_v any_o other_o oppression_n upon_o his_o spirit_n which_o be_v know_v to_o he_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o ease_v refresh_v comfort_n and_o fit_v he_o for_o the_o great_a work_n he_o have_v call_v he_o to_o and_o also_o pour_v out_o his_o spirit_n upon_o he_o that_o he_o may_v have_v a_o real_a and_o sensible_a sight_n of_o the_o answer_n of_o those_o desire_n and_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v please_v to_o direct_v he_o what_o and_o how_o to_o speak_v so_o as_o may_v be_v to_o the_o advantage_n of_o every_o of_o our_o soul_n who_o sincere_o seek_v his_o face_n and_o presence_n and_o oh_o my_o soul_n how_o graciouslie_o do_v the_o lord_n appear_v the_o next_o day_n be_v his_o sabbath_n and_o give_v in_o a_o gracious_a answer_n to_o these_o desire_n and_o give_v forth_o far_o beyond_o they_o the_o 10_o of_o this_o 10_o month_n be_v the_o lord_n day_n in_o the_o morning_n i_o seek_v the_o lord_n for_o his_o most_o special_a presence_n in_o and_o with_o i_o this_o day_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o prepare_v a_o seasonable_a useful_a word_n for_o my_o soul_n and_o prepare_v my_o heart_n to_o meet_v with_o he_o that_o my_o soul_n may_v be_v enable_v to_o bless_v and_o praise_v his_o name_n for_o it_o and_o that_o he_o will_v please_v so_o eminent_o to_o appear_v that_o it_o may_v be_v write_v among_o the_o reward_n of_o his_o love_n yea_o that_o it_o may_v come_v into_o my_o soul_n even_o as_o a_o special_a pledge_n of_o his_o love_n yea_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o pour_v out_o his_o spirit_n upon_o his_o servant_n and_o appear_v so_o eminent_o through_o he_o as_o that_o also_o he_o may_v be_v enable_v to_o acknowledge_v it_o to_o his_o praise_n and_o oh_o my_o soul_n how_o rich_o and_o abundant_o and_o full_o do_v the_o lord_n answer_v all_o these_o desire_n yea_o every_o of_o they_o in_o particular_a which_o be_v spread_v before_o he_o more_o at_o large_a then_o i_o be_o able_a to_o set_v down_o and_o true_o the_o answer_n of_o they_o be_v much_o more_o large_a and_o full_a in_o which_o the_o lord_n bow_v down_o great_o even_o to_o the_o request_n also_o to_o do_v more_o abundant_o than_o i_o can_v ask_v or_o think_v and_o so_o he_o do_v begin_v even_o as_o soon_o i_o come_v to_o the_o congregation_n fill_v my_o heart_n with_o great_a joy_n and_o expectation_n of_o his_o mercy_n from_o he_o even_o in_o the_o psalm_n before_o sermon_n the_o psalm_n sing_v be_v psal_n 22._o 23._o on_o which_o my_o soul_n joyfullie_o run_v out_o and_o so_o both_o in_o prayer_n and_o in_o preach_v how_o abundantlie_o do_v the_o lord_n bow_v down_o and_o refresh_v my_o poor_a spitit_fw-la and_o the_o spirit_n of_o our_o dear_a pastor_n who_o in_o a_o most_o solemn_a manner_n again_o and_o again_o bless_v the_o lord_n for_o his_o appearance_n both_o in_o the_o dispensation_n of_o the_o word_n &_o also_o in_o the_o lord_n supper_n that_o be_v that_o day_n administer_v the_o scripture_n speak_v to_o we_o be_v psal_n 45._o 7._o thou_o hate_v iniquity_n whence_o he_o show_v that_o christ_n be_v lovely_a to_o his_o saint_n for_o hate_v iniquity_n in_o open_v hereof_o he_o show_v we_o what_o hatred_n be_v in_o man_n and_o what_o it_o be_v in_o christ_n which_o as_o he_o say_v be_v not_o a_o action_n or_o passion_n but_o his_o very_a nature_n and_o will_n which_o put_v forth_o all_o his_o other_o excellency_n as_o his_o power_n and_o his_o wisdom_n etc._n etc._n to_o repel_v all_o that_o be_v contrary_a to_o his_o nature_n and_o will_n which_o he_o further_o open_v at_o large_a show_v we_o that_o all_o the_o object_n of_o christ_n hatred_n be_v only_a sin_n which_o be_v true_o evil_a man_n hate_v that_o which_o they_o apprehend_v evil_a but_o christ_n hatred_n be_v proper_o neither_o against_o man_n or_o angel_n but_o only_o against_o sin_n and_o man_n only_o as_o he_o be_v under_o the_o power_n of_o sin_n and_o this_o hatred_n make_v he_o repel_v that_o which_o he_o hate_v with_o all_o his_o power_n put_v out_o all_o his_o excellency_n to_o the_o uttermost_a either_o for_o the_o destruction_n of_o sin_n in_o we_o or_o of_o we_o thus_o christ_n love_v the_o nature_n of_o man_n and_o take_v it_o upon_o he_o yet_o when_o this_o love_n be_v turn_v into_o hatred_n by_o reason_n of_o the_o overpower_v of_o sin_n which_o fight_v against_o the_o life_n of_o christ_n and_o when_o this_o love_n of_o he_o come_v to_o turn_v to_o hatred_n the_o hatred_n be_v the_o great_a now_o that_o christ_n hate_v sin_n appear_v both_o in_o the_o work_n of_o redemption_n and_o rejection_n in_o the_o work_n of_o redemption_n when_o he_o come_v to_o suppress_v sin_n in_o we_o he_o seem_v by_o this_o action_n to_o speak_v in_o this_o manner_n rather_o than_o sin_n shall_v live_v in_o thou_o i_o will_v die_v my_o blood_n shall_v rather_o go_v for_o it_o so_o in_o the_o rejection_n the_o hatred_n of_o christ_n shall_v kindle_v the_o fire_n of_o hell_n about_o they_o but_o that_o christ_n do_v thus_o hate_v sin_n appear_v further_a by_o these_o thing_n 1._o by_o his_o deal_n against_o it_o in_o the_o creation_n adam_n no_o soon_o make_v but_o he_o fall_v and_o so_o boil_a hot_a be_v god_n hatred_n against_o sin_n that_o before_o he_o give_v he_o time_n for_o repentance_n or_o any_o parley_n he_o present_o go_v to_o his_o posterity_n

Selected quad for the lemma: spirit_n

Text snippets containing the quad