the_o lord_n will_v be_v please_v to_o pardon_v all_o the_o unbelieved_a working_n of_o my_o corrupt_a heart_n and_o those_o hard_a thought_n i_o have_v have_v of_o god_n and_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o give_v in_o such_o clear_a vision_n of_o himself_o as_o may_v mighty_o increase_v my_o faith_n which_o desire_v of_o i_o be_v spread_v before_o the_o lord_n that_o day_n but_o have_v receive_v at_o this_o time_n some_o little_a refresh_n from_o those_o instruction_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v then_o to_o communicate_v by_o mr._n knight_n from_o heb._n 12._o 5-13_a from_o which_o scripture_n i_o be_v also_o convince_v that_o in_o most_o of_o the_o chastisement_n the_o lord_n have_v see_v meet_a to_o lay_v i_o under_o i_o have_v either_o despise_v his_o chastisement_n or_o else_o faint_v under_o they_o the_o lord_n i_o say_v have_v this_o day_n break_v in_o thus_o upon_o my_o heart_n by_o his_o spirit_n through_o his_o word_n the_o devil_n soon_o begin_v again_o with_o i_o take_v this_o opportunity_n i_o have_v set_v myself_o and_o endeavour_v to_o lay_v my_o heart_n to_o the_o word_n and_o see_v what_o comfortable_a ground_n i_o can_v take_v up_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v indeed_o afflict_v i_o in_o mercy_n etc._n etc._n the_o devil_n now_o begin_v to_o endeavour_v to_o puff_n up_o my_o spirit_n with_o a_o conceit_n that_o i_o be_v able_a to_o speak_v more_o in_o this_o kind_n than_o many_o other_o who_o be_v at_o that_o time_n also_o by_o he_o present_v but_o through_o mercy_n this_o do_v not_o pass_v many_o day_n before_o the_o lord_n sad_o show_v i_o my_o folly_n and_o weakness_n herein_o for_o a_o little_a while_n after_o there_o be_v a_o other_o day_n keep_v to_o which_o meeting_n i_o go_v and_o true_o after_o i_o come_v there_o the_o lord_n set_v home_o these_o wicked_a thought_n together_o with_o several_a other_o thing_n which_o wrought_v so_o upon_o my_o spirit_n that_o my_o heart_n be_v even_o overwhelm_v within_o i_o in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o can_v not_o keep_v it_o to_o myself_o but_o be_v constrain_v to_o discover_v it_o by_o my_o carriage_n which_o mr._n knight_n take_v notice_n of_o speak_v to_o i_o after_o the_o exercise_n at_o which_o time_n i_o be_v so_o far_o from_o that_o ability_n that_o satan_n possess_v i_o with_o thought_n of_o that_o i_o be_v not_o able_a in_o any_o measure_n to_o speak_v my_o heart_n to_o he_o but_o be_v as_o it_o be_v one_o who_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v up_o to_o a_o dumb_a spirit_n and_o think_v those_o three_o word_n which_o be_v all_o that_o i_o can_v then_o speak_v be_v through_o a_o mere_a mistake_n sad_o misconstrued_n by_o he_o yet_o have_v i_o not_o power_n to_o speak_v one_o word_n to_o clear_v my_o meaning_n suppose_v it_o may_v possible_o be_v that_o the_o lord_n have_v something_o to_o speak_v to_o i_o even_o through_o that_o mistake_n there_o be_v also_o this_o day_n a_o word_n set_v home_o very_o much_o on_o my_o heart_n from_o something_o mr._n milborn_n note_v to_o we_o which_o also_o add_v much_o to_o my_o sadness_n and_o it_o be_v this_o that_o i_o have_v pray_v and_o pray_v again_o and_o again_o but_o when_o i_o have_v do_v i_o never_o look_v after_o the_o return_n of_o they_o have_v never_o yet_o any_o experience_n make_v out_o to_o i_o that_o i_o dare_v acknowledge_v this_o or_o that_o to_o be_v a_o return_n of_o my_o prayer_n nay_o though_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v in_o a_o mercy_n that_o i_o have_v beg_v of_o he_o i_o be_v still_o for_o many_o year_n tempt_v to_o believe_v that_o it_o have_v be_v so_o though_o i_o have_v not_o pray_v and_o so_o it_o be_v not_o give_v in_o as_o a_o answer_n to_o prayer_n which_o do_v much_o eat_v out_o the_o sweetness_n of_o those_o mercy_n which_o i_o do_v enjoy_v in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o think_v i_o do_v now_o even_o stand_v and_o admire_v what_o it_o be_v that_o do_v at_o that_o time_n support_v my_o spirit_n &_o carry_v i_o on_o in_o a_o continue_a seek_v of_o god_n be_v not_o able_a then_o to_o record_v a_o answer_n of_o prayer_n at_o all_o that_o i_o can_v bring_v to_o mind_n however_o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v before_o this_o time_n to_o give_v i_o many_o gracious_a answer_n to_o my_o poor_a desire_n yet_o be_v my_o eye_n withhold_v from_o see_v they_o to_o be_v so_o and_o take_v the_o comfort_n thereof_o until_o a_o long_a after_o yea_o sometime_o some_o year_n after_o some_o of_o they_o be_v give_v in_o which_o yet_o afterward_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o make_v out_o unto_o i_o even_o before_o the_o write_n hereof_o but_o after_o all_o this_o the_o lord_n by_o the_o act_n of_o his_o providence_n seem_v much_o to_o cross_v these_o hope_n and_o desire_n of_o his_o people_n in_o join_v in_o fellowship_n together_o which_o when_o i_o hear_v of_o it_o be_v a_o great_a trouble_n to_o i_o who_o great_o desire_v the_o accomplishment_n of_o it_o sometime_o think_v that_o it_o may_v be_v even_o for_o my_o sake_n alone_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v do_v it_o other_o time_n be_v tempt_v to_o think_v that_o if_o it_o have_v be_v the_o lord_n act_v to_o work_v up_o my_o spirit_n to_o that_o pitch_n that_o i_o think_v i_o find_v it_o wrought_v up_o unto_o than_o he_o will_v also_o have_v go_v on_o to_o have_v perfect_v my_o desire_n but_o be_v again_o enable_v on_o the_o other_o side_n to_o reason_n thus_o with_o myself_o that_o it_o be_v my_o duty_n to_o wait_v patient_o upon_o the_o lord_n and_o submit_v to_o he_o as_o well_o for_o the_o time_n as_o for_o the_o matter_n i_o endeavour_v the_o lord_n assist_v i_o to_o quiet_v my_o spirit_n with_o such_o thought_n as_o these_o that_o the_o lord_n may_v delay_v it_o in_o much_o mercy_n that_o so_o i_o may_v be_v the_o more_o fit_a for_o it_o when_o he_o shall_v please_v to_o accomplish_v it_o apprehend_v that_o sure_o he_o see_v i_o not_o yet_o fit_a for_o such_o a_o mercy_n than_o do_v i_o again_o turn_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o thus_o desire_v to_o submit_v to_o he_o beg_v of_o he_o to_o fit_v i_o for_o such_o a_o mercy_n and_o if_o he_o see_v it_o good_a to_o afford_v i_o the_o mercy_n here_o if_o not_o that_o he_o will_v direct_v i_o where_o to_o join_v that_o may_v be_v more_o for_o his_o glory_n and_o my_o soul_n good_a thus_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o go_v on_o well_o nigh_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n still_o come_v in_o with_o more_o light_n and_o discovery_n of_o his_o love_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o clear_v up_o to_o i_o more_o and_o more_o that_o work_n which_o he_o have_v begin_v through_o his_o rich_a and_o free_a grace_n in_o my_o lord_n jesus_n in_o who_o i_o do_v now_o desire_v only_o and_o alone_o to_o be_v find_v and_o not_o in_o any_o of_o my_o own_o righteousness_n who_o have_v now_o enable_v i_o to_o see_v to_o be_v very_o loathsome_a and_o abominable_a though_o former_o i_o have_v too_o much_o dote_v upon_o they_o then_o in_o the_o three_o month_n in_o the_o year_n 1652._o mr._n knight_n be_v go_v into_o the_o north_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v by_o a_o mere_a providence_n as_o i_o desire_v to_o look_v upon_o it_o not_o know_v as_o yet_o but_o that_o i_o may_v also_o say_v as_o a_o return_n of_o many_o of_o my_o former_a poor_a desire_n to_o send_v mr._n rogers_n to_o the_o meeting_n at_o mr._n knight_n house_n have_v preach_v one_o lord_n day_n before_o at_o the_o chapel_n at_o hammersmith_n which_o occasion_v very_o strong_a and_o earnest_a desire_n in_o i_o to_o hear_v he_o again_o which_o now_o i_o do_v the_o lord_n direct_v he_o this_o time_n to_o speak_v unto_o we_o concern_v church_n discipline_n which_o i_o be_v yet_o very_o dark_a in_o which_o the_o lord_n enable_v he_o to_o give_v i_o very_o much_o and_o great_a satisfaction_n which_o otherwise_o i_o have_v cause_n to_o fear_v i_o may_v more_o inconsiderate_o have_v rush_v upon_o thus_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v i_o hope_v in_o answer_n to_o my_o poor_a desire_n yet_o far_a to_o clear_v up_o this_o way_n of_o he_o to_o i_o prove_v it_o clear_o to_o be_v the_o way_n of_o the_o gospel_n and_o that_o which_o every_o one_o ought_v to_o be_v full_o satisfy_v in_o before_o they_o enter_v upon_o this_o be_v now_o more_o clear_v unto_o i_o my_o desire_n and_o long_n after_o the_o enjoyment_n of_o god_n in_o this_o zion_n grow_v more_o strong_a and_o earnest_a i_o continual_o mention_v it_o before_o the_o lord_n after_o this_o real_o i_o can_v tell_v but_o that_o i_o shall_v rob_v the_o lord_n of_o his_o glory_n in_o this_o particular_a if_o i_o shall_v not_o also_o acknowledge_v he_o further_o by_o my_o poor_a
soul_n in_o former_a day_n in_o the_o night-season_n and_o how_o sweet_a my_o meditation_n of_o he_o have_v be_v night_n and_o morning_n upon_o my_o bed_n and_o how_o barren_a my_o heart_n have_v be_v for_o some_o time_n of_o late_a in_o these_o meditation_n and_o how_o the_o lord_n have_v seem_v to_o withdraw_v these_o thought_n do_v put_v i_o upon_o it_o the_o ten_o of_o this_o second_o month_n in_o the_o evening_n to_o beg_v of_o god_n that_o as_o he_o have_v former_o appear_v in_o such_o season_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o return_v that_o mercy_n even_o by_o those_o torch_n of_o his_o hand_n whereby_o my_o night_n be_v very_o wearisome_a to_o my_o body_n by_o reason_n of_o my_o extreme_a cough_n &_o true_o i_o do_v the_o more_o press_v it_o upon_o the_o lord_n in_o my_o desire_n have_v much_o groan_v to_o think_v that_o night_n will_v be_v very_o wearisome_a to_o i_o more_o than_o any_o former_o by_o reason_n of_o my_o distemper_n but_o my_o good_a god_n who_o work_v all_o thing_n after_o the_o counsel_n of_o his_o own_o will_n and_o not_o according_a to_o our_o thought_n or_o fear_n or_o hope_n so_o order_v it_o that_o what_o i_o have_v reason_n most_o to_o fear_n he_o give_v i_o least_o to_o feel_v and_o though_o i_o be_v much_o distemper_v in_o my_o head_n when_o i_o go_v to_o bed_n by_o reason_n of_o my_o cold_n that_o be_v so_o great_a yet_o do_v he_o give_v i_o very_o good_a rest_n all_o the_o forepart_n of_o the_o night_n which_o when_o i_o awake_v towards_o morning_n and_o begin_v to_o consider_v oh_o i_o can_v not_o but_o admire_v but_o withal_o begin_v to_o think_v that_o though_o my_o desire_n about_o this_o be_v answer_v and_o though_o i_o have_v rest_n of_o body_n yet_o no_o communion_n with_o my_o god_n or_o reason_v with_o my_o own_o heart_n which_o i_o intend_v to_o have_v parly_v a_o little_a with_o while_o i_o have_v these_o thought_n and_o the_o like_a lie_v in_o a_o slumber_a way_n there_o be_v this_o thought_n bring_v to_o my_o mind_n which_o mr._n cradock_n the_o four_o day_n of_o this_o second_o month_n mention_v upon_o another_o occasion_n the_o word_n be_v these_o that_o vain_a man_n will_v be_v wise_a that_o be_v bear_v like_o a_o wild_a ass_n colt_n these_o word_n run_v much_o in_o my_o mind_n and_o some_o thought_n be_v give_v in_o upon_o they_o with_o a_o great_a desire_n i_o may_v not_o forget_v they_o but_o may_v in_o the_o morning_n see_v and_o find_v out_o that_o place_n of_o scripture_n but_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o as_o i_o think_v a_o opportunity_n and_o so_o much_o strength_n as_o to_o go_v and_o hear_v mr._n cradick_n i_o haste_v as_o soon_o as_o i_o can_v get_v up_o to_o prepare_v for_o go_v but_o when_o we_o come_v there_o have_v pray_v to_o the_o lord_n in_o some_o few_o word_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o give_v i_o some_o sight_n of_o himself_o some_o transform_a sight_n and_o some_o kiss_n from_o his_o lip_n this_o day_n but_o go_v there_o we_o be_v disappoint_v for_o that_o exercise_n be_v for_o some_o occasion_n put_v off_o to_o next_o morning_n and_o so_o we_o come_v home_o again_o and_o come_v home_o be_v a_o little_a sadned_a in_o my_o spirit_n think_v of_o my_o morning-desire_n &_o when_o a_o answer_n shall_v be_v of_o they_o or_o how_o look_v for_o i_o sit_v i_o down_o and_o fall_v to_o read_v a_o little_a of_o mr._n cradock_n sermon_n before_o mention_v and_o meet_v with_o these_o word_n oh_o vain_a man_n that_o will_v be_v wise_a put_v i_o again_o in_o mind_n of_o my_o night-thought_n and_o fall_v to_o look_v the_o scripture_n and_o find_v it_o in_o job_n 11._o 12._o for_o vain_a man_n will_v be_v wise_a though_o man_n be_v bear_v like_o a_o wild_a ass_n colt_n some_o hint_n there_o be_v that_o fall_v upon_o my_o heart_n this_o night_n from_o these_o word_n vain_a man_n will_v be_v wise_a good_a god_n have_v not_o this_o be_v my_o condition_n this_o poor_a vain_a creature_n will_v i_o not_o fain_o be_v wise_a and_o think_v to_o be_v so_o and_o often_o pride_v myself_o in_o the_o thought_n of_o it_o for_o which_o the_o lord_n righteous_o show_v i_o now_o and_o then_o my_o folly_n yet_o how_o fain_o will_v i_o be_v wise_a in_o chalk_v out_o way_n for_o the_o lord_n to_o walk_v in_o towards_o i_o even_o as_o if_o i_o know_v better_a what_o be_v good_a for_o i_o then_o god_n or_o how_o to_o accomplish_v that_o work_n in_o my_o soul_n better_o than_o he_o and_o therefore_o be_o i_o so_o ready_a to_o prescribe_v to_o he_o way_n yea_o and_o if_o he_o refuse_v and_o reject_v they_o as_o for_o the_o most_o part_n he_o be_v please_v in_o mercy_n to_o do_v bless_a be_v his_o name_n oh_o how_o sad_o do_v it_o often_o lie_v upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o how_o apt_a be_o i_o to_o think_v hardly_o of_o the_o lord_n that_o true_o he_o do_v not_o mean_v i_o any_o good_a in_o deny_v i_o this_o or_o that_o i_o desire_v and_o for_o the_o late_a word_n though_o man_n be_v bear_v like_o a_o wild_a ass_n colt_n concern_v which_o i_o have_v some_o scatter_a thought_n but_o not_o so_o compose_v as_o afterward_o but_o after_o i_o have_v come_v home_o from_o james_n next_o day_n and_o have_v look_v this_o scripture_n and_o find_v it_o sit_v and_o pause_v a_o while_n upon_o it_o my_o spirit_n be_v very_o much_o sadn_v and_o unfit_a for_o any_o serious_a spiritual_a meditation_n at_o last_o i_o betake_v myself_o to_o some_o short_a request_n to_o the_o lord_n tell_v he_o that_o as_o he_o be_v please_v thus_o to_o disappoint_v my_o expectation_n of_o the_o public_a enjoyment_n yet_o in_o he_o there_o be_v a_o fullness_n of_o all_o power_n and_o ability_n thereby_o be_v as_o able_a to_o speak_v to_o i_o by_o his_o own_o spirit_n something_o that_o may_v be_v of_o spiritual_a advantage_n some_o transform_a word_n which_o he_o be_v able_a to_o do_v as_o well_o in_o private_a as_o in_o public_a which_o i_o do_v now_o beg_v of_o he_o and_o to_o that_o end_n beseech_v he_o to_o lead_v i_o by_o the_o hand_n this_o day_n and_o guide_v i_o into_o the_o way_n and_o put_v i_o upon_o the_o work_n and_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o appear_v to_o i_o with_o many_o other_o request_v both_o for_o my_o own_o soul_n and_o other_o in_o relation_n to_o i_o but_o not_o know_v what_o work_n to_o set_v upon_o this_o day_n or_o what_o to_o take_v in_o hand_n but_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n direction_n have_v many_o thing_n in_o my_o thought_n to_o do_v but_o desirous_a of_o some_o word_n from_o god_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n but_o this_o word_n in_o job_n 11._o 12._o follow_v i_o still_o i_o fall_v to_o some_o further_a thought_n of_o it_o and_o ruminate_v on_o the_o latter_a clause_n of_o be_v like_o the_o wild_a ass_n i_o begin_v to_o think_v what_o that_o scripture_n do_v record_n of_o this_o creature_n that_o i_o see_v do_v resemble_v i_o full_o and_o there_o these_o word_n of_o the_o prophet_n bring_v to_o my_o mind_n that_o it_o go_v up_o and_o down_o snuff_v up_o the_o wind_n and_o be_v ready_a to_o be_v find_v in_o her_o month_n which_o word_n i_o find_v in_o jeremiah_n 2._o 24._o a_o wild_a ass_n use_v to_o the_o wilderness_n that_o snuff_v up_o the_o wind_n at_o her_o pleasure_n in_o her_o occasion_n who_o can_v turn_v she_o away_o all_o these_o that_o seek_v she_o will_v weary_v themselves_o in_o her_o month_n they_o shall_v find_v she_o in_o which_o as_o also_o in_o most_o part_n of_o the_o chapter_n i_o find_v many_o thing_n that_o sit_v very_o close_o to_o i_o the_o lord_n begin_v thus_o it_o be_v with_o i_o for_o in_o v._o 2._o i_o remember_v say_v he_o the_o kindn_a of_o thy_o youth_n the_o love_n of_o thy_o espousal_n when_o thou_o wente_v after_o i_o in_o the_o wilderness_n in_o a_o land_n that_o be_v not_o sow_o in_o the_o time_n of_o thy_o darkness_n sorrow_n and_o tear_n and_o bondage_n when_o thou_o wente_v after_o i_o and_o often_o in_o the_o bitterness_n of_o thy_o soul_n resolve_v to_o follow_v i_o through_o this_o wilderness_n though_o thou_o shall_v perish_v in_o so_o do_v yea_o resolve_v so_o to_o follow_v i_o as_o that_o thy_o heart_n be_v then_o full_o as_o it_o be_v take_v off_o from_o all_o but_o i_o thou_o do_v desire_v nothing_o but_o myself_o but_o ver_fw-la 5._o what_o iniquity_n have_v your_o father_n find_v in_o i_o that_o you_o go_v from_o i_o to_o follow_v after_o vanity_n how_o righteous_o may_v the_o lord_n say_v thus_o to_o i_o be_v he_o not_o better_o to_o i_o by_o far_o then_o ever_o i_o expect_v or_o can_v have_v believe_v v._o 6._o neither_o say_v they_o where_o
a_o wise_a virgin_n lamp_n burn_v or_o god_n sweet_a income_n of_o love_n to_o a_o gracious_a soul_n wait_v for_o he_o be_v the_o experience_n of_o mrs._n anne_n venn_n daughter_n to_o col._n john_n venn_n &_o member_n of_o the_o church_n of_o christ_n at_o fulham_n write_v by_o she_o own_o hand_n and_o find_v in_o her_o closet_n after_o her_o death_n wherein_o be_v declare_v she_o exceed_v frequent_a address_n to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n and_o how_o speedy_o answer_v write_a for_o the_o comfort_n of_o such_o as_o mourn_v in_o zion_n and_o quicken_a of_o saint_n by_o her_o bless_a example_n psal_n 30.5_o weep_n may_v endure_v for_o a_o night_n but_o joy_n come_v in_o the_o morning_n psal_n 66.16_o come_v and_o hear_v all_o you_o that_o fear_v god_n i_o will_v declare_v what_o he_o have_v do_v for_o my_o soul_n psal_n 85.8_o i_o will_v hear_v what_o god_n the_o lord_n will_v say_v for_o he_o will_v speak_v peace_n to_o his_o people_n lam._n 3.25_o the_o lord_n be_v good_a to_o they_o that_o wait_v for_o he_o to_o the_o soul_n that_o seek_v he_o london_n print_v for_o e._n cole_n and_o be_v to_o be_v sell_v at_o the_o sign_n of_o the_o printing-press_n in_o cornhill_n 1658._o christian_n reader_n here_o may_v thou_o see_v the_o free_a frequent_a &_o familiar_a intercourse_n betwixt_o the_o lord_n &_o a_o godly_a soul_n her_o continual_a address_n to_o he_o and_o his_o gracious_a return_v to_o she_o doubtless_o she_o be_v one_o that_o as_o it_o be_v say_v of_o caleb_n follow_v god_n full_o and_o lay_v as_o much_o in_o the_o bosom_n of_o christ_n as_o any_o that_o i_o have_v hear_v of_o a_o rare_a pattern_n in_o these_o cold_a decline_a time_n wherein_o so_o many_o either_o turn_n aside_o from_o the_o truth_n or_o else_o lose_v their_o first_o love_n but_o her_o pious_a soul_n in_o a_o eminent_a manner_n keep_v truth_n and_o zeal_n warm_v she_o in_o heart_n even_o till_o she_o enjoy_v full_a communion_n with_o her_o belove_a in_o heaven_n as_o she_o begin_v to_o seek_v after_o god_n betimes_o about_o the_o age_n of_o nine_o year_n so_o she_o continue_v with_o her_o loin_n gird_v her_o lamp_n burn_v and_o her_o light_n shine_v more_o and_o more_o till_o the_o perfect_a day_n the_o tenderness_n of_o god_n the_o malice_n of_o satan_n her_o patience_n in_o wait_v on_o god_n for_o certain_a year_n to_o gether_o in_o her_o first_o conversion_n be_v remarkable_a the_o closeness_n of_o her_o spirit_n not_o open_v her_o condition_n to_o such_o as_o may_v have_v relieve_v she_o her_o seek_v to_o heal_v herself_o by_o duty_n and_o holy_a walk_n for_o a_o long_a time_n keep_v down_o her_o soul_n from_o look_v up_o to_o the_o free_a grace_n in_o christ_n till_o she_o be_v even_o tire_v out_o as_o noah_n dove_n by_o flutter_v upon_o the_o unsteady_a water_n but_o then_o the_o lord_n jesus_n put_v forth_o his_o hand_n and_o take_v her_o weary_a soul_n into_o the_o ark_n of_o his_o rest_n give_v she_o such_o a_o clear_a sight_n of_o himself_o that_o now_o have_v with_o the_o spouse_n find_v she_o belove_v she_o take_v he_o and_o catch_v he_o and_o hold_v he_o and_o will_v not_o let_v he_o go_v oft_o say_v with_o the_o spouse_n let_v he_o kiss_v i_o with_o the_o kiss_n of_o his_o mouth_n for_o his_o love_n be_v better_a than_o wine_n be_v able_a from_o that_o time_n to_o sing_v the_o sweet_a song_n of_o simeon_n long_v to_o be_v at_o home_n with_o her_o jesus_n oh_o the_o peace_n and_o or_o oh_o the_o bless_a reviving_n and_o quickning_n oh_o the_o prayer_n praise_n and_o admiring_n her_o precious_a soul_n be_v fill_v withal_o from_o that_o day_n forward_o though_o now_o aâ—d_v then_o some_o secret_a withdrawing_n to_o the_o last_o moment_n of_o her_o life_n her_o conversation_n be_v in_o heaven_n she_o walk_v with_o god_n her_o heart_n loosen_a from_o this_o world_n as_o this_o treatise_n full_o speak_v so_o much_o of_o her_o strength_n spirit_n affection_n and_o time_n she_o spend_v in_o closet-meeting_n with_o god_n in_o read_v pray_v meditation_n self-examination_n etc._n etc._n that_o it_o be_v a_o wonder_n her_o poor_a weak_a body_n be_v able_a to_o subsist_v and_o doubtless_o have_v not_o god_n renew_v her_o strength_n anoint_v she_o with_o fresh_a oil_n it_o can_v not_o have_v be_v i_o marvel_v i_o confess_v to_o see_v so_o many_o of_o her_o writing_n find_v in_o her_o closet_n as_o i_o do_v god_n give_v she_o a_o quick_a wit_n a_o large_a understanding_n a_o consider_a spirit_n and_o look_v much_o into_o herself_o teach_v she_o to_o put_v a_o high_a price_n on_o ordinance_n make_v she_o very_o diligent_a in_o the_o use_n of_o all_o mean_v lay_v she_o very_o low_a in_o she_o own_o eye_n with_o much_o self-emptiness_n &_o thus_o bespoko_fw-mi a_o la_fw-fr ge_fw-mi room_n in_o her_o heart_n that_o he_o may_v bestow_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o christ_n therein_o and_o so_o make_v she_o a_o vessel_n capable_a of_o a_o great_a measure_n of_o grace_n then_o i_o be_o persuade_v many_o other_o though_o true_o godly_a attain_v on_o this_o side_n heaven_n so_o exceed_v tender_a be_v her_o heart_n in_o point_n of_o sin_n that_o she_o will_v often_o and_o deep_o judge_v herself_o as_o this_o treatise_n abundant_o show_v for_o pride_n passion_n inordinate_a love_n to_o the_o creature_n neglect_v of_o duty_n to_o her_o relation_n etc._n etc._n whereas_o those_o that_o daily_a converse_v with_o she_o be_v of_o discern_a spirit_n can_v see_v no_o such_o appearance_n but_o the_o contrary_a frame_n of_o spirit_n eminent_o shine_v out_o in_o she_o she_o be_v so_o afraid_a of_o pride_n that_o she_o dare_v not_o wear_v such_o jewel_n &_o apparel_n as_o she_o have_v by_o she_o for_o feâ—r_v her_o heart_n shall_v be_v draw_v from_o god_n thereby_o and_o so_o fearful_a of_o vain_a glory_n that_o though_o she_o have_v this_o treatise_n of_o the_o income_n of_o god_n lie_v by_o she_o yet_o not_o any_o no_o not_o her_o dear_a parent_n ever_o know_v thereof_o till_o they_o find_v it_o in_o her_o closet_n after_o her_o death_n her_o sell_v leave_v this_o as_o the_o reason_n lest_o her_o wretched_a heart_n shall_v be_v lift_v up_o and_o other_o shall_v think_v better_o of_o she_o than_o be_v meet_v she_o be_v such_o a_o high_a prizer_n of_o ordinance_n that_o she_o forget_v the_o weakness_n of_o her_o own_o body_n the_o length_n of_o the_o way_n &_o many_o other_o obstructon_n will_v frequent_o break_v through_o all_o to_o enjoy_v they_o and_o when_o she_o be_v to_o hear_v she_o first_o be_v full_a of_o prayer_n to_o god_n to_o meet_v she_o therein_o and_o make_v out_o some_o discovery_n to_o her_o soul_n which_o the_o lord_n usual_o do_v and_o she_o straight_o observe_v god_n income_n return_v with_o praise_n her_o deep_a acknowledgement_n of_o the_o same_o no_o small_a importunity_n of_o very_a many_o godly_a that_o know_v she_o have_v force_v the_o publish_n of_o this_o treatise_n and_o other_o of_o long_o stand_v in_o christ_n and_o eminent_a grace_n who_o have_v see_v some_o of_o it_o in_o manuscript_n have_v free_o confess_v they_o never_o look_v into_o it_o but_o be_v much_o humble_v to_o so_o how_o short_a themselves_o come_v in_o such_o heart-searching_n self-judging_n close-walkings_a with_o god_n and_o such_o observe_n of_o the_o answer_n of_o their_o prayer_n as_o they_o read_v in_o this_o her_o daily_a practice_n i_o hope_v it_o may_v be_v useful_a in_o these_o decline_a time_n to_o convince_v some_o christian_n of_o their_o slackness_n and_o awaken_v other_o and_o show_v they_o how_o to_o make_v more_o heart-work_n by_o the_o example_n of_o one_o of_o the_o weak_a sex_n and_o if_o to_o thy_o knowledge_n it_o shall_v not_o add_v much_o yet_o to_o thy_o spirit_n and_o practise_v it_o may_v conduce_v not_o a_o little_a thou_o in_o our_o dear_a lord_n and_o head_n tho._n weld_n to_o all_o that_o love_v the_o appearance_n of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n grace_n and_o peace_n be_v call_v upon_o by_o the_o earnest_a importunity_n of_o many_o gracious_a soul_n to_o give_v forth_o my_o testimony_n of_o this_o bless_a servant_n of_o christ_n mr_n anne_n venn_n and_o have_v have_v many_o year_n converse_v about_o the_o great_a matter_n of_o eternal_a life_n with_o she_o and_o enjoy_v her_o society_n for_o some_o year_n in_o the_o holy_a fellowship_n of_o the_o gospel_n i_o can_v not_o but_o present_a to_o the_o saint_n the_o sweet_a savour_n of_o her_o holy_a walk_n in_o which_o she_o be_v a_o lively_a example_n to_o all_o that_o know_v she_o the_o lord_n first_o break_v in_o upon_o her_o heart_n by_o the_o frequent_a impression_n of_o the_o word_n as_o they_o be_v instill_v into_o she_o by_o her_o honour_a father_n who_o practice_n be_v to_o reinforce_v the_o truth_n public_o preach_v
that_o his_o soul_n abhor_v and_o lie_v under_o the_o apprehension_n of_o myself_o as_o one_o cast_v off_o by_o god_n who_o he_o never_o regard_v have_v pour_v out_o my_o soul_n before_o he_o and_o beg_v a_o soft_a heart_n and_o a_o renew_a and_o change_v nature_n urge_v he_o often_o with_o that_o similitude_n of_o a_o child_n come_v to_o his_o father_n to_o beg_v bread_n mat._n 7._o 9_o 10_o 11._o or_o rather_o in_o my_o apprehension_n find_v my_o heart_n grow_v more_o hard_a and_o my_o affection_n more_o cold_a and_o lukewarm_a i_o lay_v under_o another_o temptation_n from_o satan_n that_o sure_o i_o be_v but_o a_o hypocrite_n in_o all_o that_o i_o do_v and_o therefore_o shall_v but_o heap_v up_o wrath_n against_o myself_o as_o in_o job_n 36._o 13._o and_o this_o be_v set_v home_o upon_o my_o spirit_n upon_o several_a ground_n as_o 1._o because_o as_o he_o tell_v i_o i_o do_v not_o so_o much_o aim_v at_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n as_o at_o that_o happy_a estate_n which_o be_v to_o be_v enjoy_v in_o heaven_n 2._o because_o i_o can_v not_o find_v my_o love_n work_v so_o strong_o towards_o god_n as_o towards_o myself_o desire_v to_o be_v free_v from_o the_o torment_n of_o hell_n which_o i_o conceive_v to_o be_v intolerable_a as_o also_o 3._o find_v sometime_o a_o kind_n of_o secret_a desire_n that_o some_o body_n may_v hear_v or_o know_v of_o my_o performance_n of_o duty_n etc._n etc._n though_o i_o never_o dare_v act_n in_o any_o measure_n so_o as_o that_o it_o may_v be_v discern_v but_o always_o strive_v to_o my_o utmost_a ability_n to_o conceal_v what_o ever_o possible_o i_o may_v yet_o find_v sometime_o some_o such_o desire_n of_o vain_a glory_n in_o my_o spirit_n that_o though_o i_o do_v do_v it_o thus_o private_o yet_o if_o it_o can_v have_v be_v know_v and_o not_o by_o my_o mean_n i_o think_v i_o can_v be_v content_a and_o this_o also_o lay_v as_o a_o heavy_a weight_n upon_o my_o spirit_n to_o think_v that_o there_o shall_v such_o wicked_a vain_a and_o sinful_a thought_n and_o desire_n be_v suggest_v to_o i_o or_o for_o anytime_n though_o never_o so_o small_a lodge_v within_o i_o jer._n 4._o 14._o which_o when_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v sad_o of_o do_v but_o still_o renew_v and_o increase_v my_o trouble_n and_o fear_n be_v a_o discovery_n of_o the_o hypocrisy_n that_o be_v in_o my_o heart_n and_o for_o the_o most_o part_n of_o this_o my_o trouble_n i_o lay_v under_o such_o a_o sense_n of_o the_o wrath_n of_o god_n that_o i_o think_v that_o all_o i_o have_v and_o enjoy_v be_v curse_v to_o i_o often_o admire_v that_o every_o bit_n of_o bread_n i_o eat_v do_v not_o choke_v i_o or_o every_o creature_n do_v not_o put_v a_o end_n to_o my_o life_n often_o fear_v that_o the_o company_n i_o be_v in_o shall_v fare_v the_o worse_a for_o i_o in_o so_o much_o that_o if_o i_o go_v by_o water_n or_o the_o like_a i_o still_o conceive_v i_o may_v be_v a_o occasion_n of_o drown_v all_o those_o that_o be_v with_o i_o oh_o how_o desirous_a be_v my_o soul_n at_o this_o time_n of_o the_o help_n and_o counsel_n of_o my_o godly_a wise_a friend_n and_o christian_n but_o through_o many_o and_o sundry_a temptation_n still_o deprive_v myself_o of_o it_o and_o of_o the_o benefit_n i_o may_v have_v gain_v by_o it_o through_o my_o wicked_a silence_n in_o all_o company_n and_o loathness_n to_o impart_v my_o condition_n to_o any_o sometime_o my_o wicked_a corrupt_a heart_n will_v base_o suggest_v to_o i_o that_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o discourse_v or_o speak_v of_o any_o spiritual_a thing_n and_o therefore_o i_o shall_v but_o only_o thereby_o discover_v my_o own_o ignorance_n and_o no_o way_n advantage_v myself_o etc._n etc._n which_o when_o i_o be_v enable_v still_o to_o consider_v better_o of_o recollect_v my_o thought_n and_o call_v they_o into_o question_n as_o it_o be_v then_o come_v the_o devil_n and_o tell_v i_o that_o this_o do_v but_o note_v my_o hypocrisy_n and_o far_o when_o i_o have_v be_v trouble_v with_o it_o to_o think_v that_o i_o shall_v give_v way_n to_o such_o wicked_a thought_n as_o these_o then_o come_v in_o satan_n again_o on_o the_o other_o side_n and_o tell_v i_o that_o if_o i_o shall_v put_v myself_o forward_o in_o any_o discourse_n i_o shall_v but_o thereby_o cause_v other_o to_o have_v a_o better_a opinion_n of_o i_o than_o indeed_o i_o deserve_v and_o so_o deceive_v other_o and_o delude_v my_o own_o soul_n and_o this_o latter_a temptation_n be_v that_o which_o indeed_o do_v often_o prevail_v with_o i_o be_v ever_o most_o of_o all_o prone_a to_o fear_v the_o delusion_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n and_o so_o esteem_v my_o condition_n to_o be_v better_a than_o it_o be_v this_o go_v on_o in_o this_o way_n of_o wicked_a silence_n make_v many_o of_o my_o christian_a friend_n i_o do_v real_o believe_v not_o know_v what_o to_o think_v of_o i_o but_o be_v as_o it_o be_v estrange_v from_o i_o which_o i_o soon_o perceive_v it_o be_v a_o most_o heavy_a affliction_n to_o i_o &_o such_o as_o the_o searcher_n of_o heart_n know_v lay_v very_o sad_o upon_o my_o spirit_n which_o yet_o i_o can_v not_o in_o any_o measure_n make_v know_v to_o they_o but_o between_o god_n and_o my_o own_o soul_n condole_v this_o my_o miserable_a condition_n then_o be_v to_o remove_v out_o of_o london_n which_o be_v a_o exceed_a trouble_n to_o i_o to_o consider_v how_o we_o shall_v by_o it_o be_v deprive_v of_o those_o mean_n which_o we_o there_o may_v enjoy_v although_o indeed_o neither_o my_o father_n mother_n or_o myself_o can_v enjoy_v our_o health_n there_o and_o remove_v into_o the_o country_n about_o the_o year_n 1647._o i_o find_v the_o ministry_n under_o which_o i_o then_o be_v exceed_o dead_a and_o spiritless_a then_o when_o i_o come_v home_o i_o think_v i_o know_v as_o much_o and_o no_o more_o to_o my_o edification_n in_o that_o condition_n i_o be_v in_o than_o i_o do_v when_o i_o go_v the_o subject_n which_o be_v then_o and_o for_o a_o long_a time_n together_o treat_v on_o be_v that_o scripture_n gen._n 2._o 7._o the_o lord_n breathe_v into_o man_n the_o breath_n of_o life_n and_o man_n become_v a_o live_a soul_n the_o main_a scope_n of_o the_o minister_n be_v to_o show_v what_o the_o natural_a soul_n be_v that_o god_n have_v put_v into_o man_n handle_v it_o as_o i_o conceive_v more_o like_a a_o philosopher_n than_o a_o gospel-preacher_n which_o notional_a thing_n be_v not_o those_o which_o can_v satisfy_v my_o soul_n which_o want_v now_o some_o support_n from_o heaven_n in_o this_o sad_a droop_a condition_n i_o be_v in_o but_o meet_v with_o nothing_o suitable_a to_o my_o present_a estate_n and_o be_v here_o cast_v in_o a_o place_n where_o i_o be_v deprive_v of_o all_o other_o mean_n i_o grow_v still_o into_o a_o more_o sad_a condition_n every_o day_n then_o do_v i_o lie_v under_o a_o very_a sad_a and_o strange_a temptation_n to_o neglect_v the_o ordinance_n of_o preach_v which_o be_v ground_v upon_o the_o pretence_n that_o i_o may_v improve_v my_o time_n at_o home_n to_o my_o more_o spiritual_a advantage_n which_o temptation_n i_o often_o yield_v to_o and_o when_o i_o have_v any_o opportunity_n or_o seem_a excuse_n by_o reason_n of_o any_o small_a bodily_a distemper_n either_o the_o headache_n or_o the_o like_a i_o still_o take_v those_o occasion_n to_o stay_v at_o home_n and_o so_o yield_v to_o the_o temptation_n and_o thus_o i_o do_v often_o but_o when_o i_o come_v still_o at_o night_n to_o a_o review_n of_o what_o i_o have_v do_v and_o how_o i_o have_v spend_v my_o time_n in_o each_o of_o these_o day_n as_o also_o what_o i_o have_v gain_v i_o find_v it_o to_o be_v so_o little_a through_o one_o temptation_n or_o other_o that_o i_o now_o begin_v to_o conceive_v and_o fear_v that_o it_o be_v only_o a_o temptation_n of_o the_o devil_n to_o bring_v i_o out_o of_o love_n with_o the_o ordinance_n of_o god_n whereupon_o the_o lord_n also_o enable_v i_o to_o begin_v to_o take_v a_o view_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n endeavour_v to_o persuade_v myself_o that_o the_o fault_n be_v only_o in_o i_o and_o that_o sure_o i_o be_v some_o way_n or_o other_o prejudice_v against_o the_o man_n or_o his_o preach_n not_o look_v as_o i_o ought_v to_o the_o power_n of_o god_n which_o be_v able_a to_o bless_v that_o mean_n to_o i_o that_o he_o have_v now_o cast_v i_o under_o contrary_a to_o my_o desire_n and_o that_o it_o be_v therefore_o just_a with_o god_n to_o let_v it_o be_v to_o i_o according_a to_o my_o unbeleef_n whereupon_o i_o begin_v again_o to_o examine_v my_o own_o heart_n whether_o or_o no_o i_o have_v any_o kind_n of_o prejudice_n against_o the_o man_n which_o
spirit_n and_o keep_v it_o from_o utter_a despair_n and_o give_v up_o so_o as_o to_o be_v whole_o of_o satan_n mind_n for_o though_o my_o fear_n and_o trouble_n be_v great_a and_o indeed_o unutterable_a yet_o do_v the_o lord_n so_o secret_o support_v i_o that_o i_o do_v not_o know_v that_o ever_o he_o suffer_v i_o peremptory_o to_o conclude_v that_o i_o shall_v certain_o perish_v as_o satan_n continual_o suggest_v to_o i_o though_o i_o still_o fear_v it_o which_o fear_n be_v so_o great_a that_o they_o come_v well_o nigh_o unto_o despair_n which_o notwithstanding_o the_o lord_n enable_v i_o though_o in_o a_o poor_a weak_a and_o low_a measure_n yet_o to_o follow_v he_o still_o often_o tell_v he_o that_o if_o i_o do_v perish_v my_o desire_n be_v to_o perish_v come_v towards_o he_o follow_v of_o he_o and_o beg_a mercy_n from_o he_o then_o in_o the_o year_n 1650._o june_n the_o 28_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o lay_v a_o very_a sad_a and_o heavy_a affliction_n upon_o i_o in_o take_v from_o i_o my_o dear_a and_o precious_a father_n who_o be_v the_o chief_a comfort_n of_o my_o natural_a life_n and_o this_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o do_v it_o in_o so_o sad_a and_o so_o sudden_a a_o manner_n which_o make_v it_o take_v the_o deep_a impression_n upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o indeed_o add_v much_o to_o my_o inward_a as_o well_o as_o my_o outward_a trouble_n be_v also_o accompany_v with_o many_o sad_a temptation_n and_o suggestion_n to_o instance_n in_o one_o to_o two_o it_o be_v strong_o suggest_v to_o i_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v do_v this_o mere_o in_o just_a judgement_n to_o manifest_v his_o displeasure_n against_o i_o and_o show_v i_o that_o he_o be_v so_o far_o from_o hear_v my_o prayer_n wherein_o i_o do_v often_o much_o beg_v his_o life_n of_o the_o lord_n that_o now_o he_o will_v not_o only_o take_v he_o from_o i_o but_o even_o in_o this_o sad_a severe_a manner_n not_o once_o permit_v he_o to_o speak_v to_o i_o or_o i_o with_o he_o which_o be_v also_o further_o aggravate_v with_o these_o thought_n that_o it_o be_v the_o more_o just_a with_o the_o lord_n thus_o to_o deal_v with_o i_o because_o i_o have_v not_o give_v he_o due_a praise_n for_o such_o a_o mercy_n as_o i_o have_v in_o so_o long_o enjoy_v he_o nor_o yet_o have_v make_v that_o use_n of_o his_o fatherly_a counsel_n and_o advice_n in_o this_o time_n of_o my_o doubt_n and_o fear_n as_o i_o may_v have_v do_v thus_o be_v toss_v to_o and_o fro_o and_o as_o it_o be_v in_o a_o wilderness_n in_o my_o own_o thought_n to_o think_v what_o the_o lord_n mean_v by_o this_o sad_a dispensation_n or_o will_v have_v i_o take_v notice_n of_o at_o the_o last_o desire_v to_o satisfy_v myself_o that_o it_o be_v a_o affliction_n of_o which_o all_o be_v partaker_n and_o that_o to_o be_v without_o affliction_n be_v not_o a_o condition_n of_o sonship_n and_o also_o consider_v that_o it_o be_v no_o other_o for_o the_o matter_n than_o what_o i_o have_v for_o many_o year_n both_o expect_v and_o fear_v and_o indeed_o a_o wonder_n all_o thing_n be_v right_o weigh_v that_o i_o shall_v enjoy_v he_o so_o long_o as_o through_o mercy_n i_o do_v thus_o after_o some_o time_n of_o stubborn_a rebellion_n against_o god_n in_o not_o submit_v quiet_o to_o his_o will_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o enable_v i_o at_o the_o last_o to_o begin_v to_o bethink_v myself_o what_o that_o evil_a may_v be_v in_o i_o which_o the_o lord_n have_v now_o strike_v at_o and_o will_v i_o have_v sensible_a of_o by_o this_o his_o deal_n with_o i_o and_o upon_o examination_n find_v nothing_o wherein_o i_o can_v more_o charge_v myself_o than_o in_o immoderate_a affection_n to_o he_o and_o so_o put_v he_o in_o stead_n of_o god_n i_o do_v at_o last_o though_o with_o much_o repulse_n in_o my_o wicked_a spirit_n acknowledge_v it_o before_o the_o lord_n and_o beg_v of_o he_o that_o he_o will_v show_v i_o more_o and_o more_o what_o his_o mind_n and_o meaning_n be_v in_o this_o so_o heavy_a a_o stroke_n and_o that_o as_o he_o have_v now_o by_o his_o own_o immediate_a hand_n bring_v i_o within_o the_o letter_n of_o the_o promise_n be_v now_o fatherless_a that_o he_o will_v also_o make_v it_o good_a to_o i_o in_o reveal_v himself_o to_o be_v a_o father_n to_o i_o in_o jesus_n christ_n and_o thus_o i_o continue_v sometime_o toss_v to_o and_o fro_o with_o divers_a and_o sundry_a temptation_n have_v none_o to_o speak_v a_o word_n of_o comfort_n to_o i_o in_o this_o my_o distress_n i_o make_v none_o acquaint_v with_o this_o my_o condition_n but_o in_o this_o thing_n whole_o yield_v to_o satan_n to_o keep_v all_o to_o myself_o have_v no_o ease_n nor_o vent_v for_o my_o spirit_n but_o only_o when_o i_o be_v in_o any_o measure_n enable_v to_o pour_v out_o my_o soul_n before_o the_o lord_n in_o which_o my_o spirit_n be_v also_o oftentimes_o much_o bind_v up_o though_o sometime_o again_o enlarge_v then_o about_o 2_o or_o 3_o month_n after_o be_v towards_o the_o end_n of_o september_n 1650._o be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o cast_v my_o mother_n as_o also_o myself_o both_o at_o one_o time_n upon_o our_o bed_n of_o sickness_n visit_v we_o with_o very_o strong_a fever_n which_o be_v towards_o winter_n bring_v we_o very_o low_a which_o meet_v with_o the_o inward_a trouble_n of_o my_o spirit_n lie_v very_o sad_o upon_o i_o at_o which_o time_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o all_o my_o weakness_n i_o be_v bring_v to_o this_o resolution_n in_o my_o own_o thought_n be_v toss_v up_o and_o down_o in_o my_o spirit_n as_o well_o as_o in_o my_o body_n so_o that_o now_o i_o do_v no_o long_o desire_v any_o continuance_n of_o this_o natural_a life_n of_o i_o nor_o yet_o promise_v the_o lord_n any_o amendment_n of_o life_n as_o i_o have_v former_o do_v in_o all_o my_o other_o sickness_n though_o i_o can_v never_o make_v good_a any_o of_o these_o promise_n vow_n or_o covenant_n by_o i_o so_o make_v hereupon_o i_o consider_v though_o with_o much_o trouble_n of_o spirit_n that_o i_o have_v find_v by_o sad_a and_o often_o experience_n that_o if_o i_o shall_v live_v never_o so_o long_o i_o shall_v live_v never_o the_o better_a nor_o gain_v any_o more_o assurance_n of_o my_o salvation_n and_o well-being_n therefore_o the_o desire_n of_o life_n be_v now_o whole_o take_v from_o i_o the_o lord_n enable_v i_o at_o the_o last_o to_o take_v up_o such_o thought_n as_o these_o that_o from_o the_o bottom_n of_o my_o heart_n i_o do_v and_o have_v for_o a_o long_a time_n desire_v to_o fear_v and_o serve_v the_o lord_n and_o that_o those_o many_o fail_n which_o accompany_v all_o my_o obedience_n be_v the_o burden_n of_o my_o life_n and_o that_o if_o the_o lord_n will_v have_v be_v please_v to_o have_v give_v i_o more_o freedom_n of_o spirit_n and_o set_v my_o soul_n more_o at_o liberty_n to_o have_v walk_v after_o his_o will_n it_o will_v have_v be_v as_o a_o heaven_n upon_o earth_n to_o i_o but_o contrary_o i_o see_v i_o be_v still_o press_v under_o with_o a_o body_n of_o death_n by_o reason_n of_o which_o i_o do_v nothing_o but_o offend_v night_n and_o day_n and_o that_o the_o long_o i_o live_v i_o do_v but_o aggravate_v my_o sin_n and_o condemnation_n i_o do_v therefore_o desire_v power_n to_o cast_v myself_o and_o the_o whole_a weight_n of_o my_o salvation_n upon_o jesus_n christ_n and_o although_o i_o can_v not_o confident_o believe_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v be_v good_a to_o i_o yet_o i_o see_v that_o there_o be_v no_o salvation_n any_o where_o else_o and_o therefore_o do_v desire_n to_o rely_v whole_o upon_o he_o acknowledge_v that_o i_o deserve_v nothing_o but_o hell_n and_o that_o if_o ever_o he_o bestow_v any_o thing_n else_o upon_o i_o it_o be_v infinite_a unspeakable_a mercy_n thus_o i_o continue_v for_o many_o day_n often_o long_v for_o the_o time_n of_o my_o dissolution_n wherein_o i_o shall_v sin_v and_o dishonour_n god_n no_o more_o which_o both_v myself_o and_o other_o about_o i_o think_v not_o to_o be_v far_o off_o yet_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v after_o some_o few_o weak_n in_o some_o measure_n to_o raise_v up_o my_o weak_a body_n which_o be_v nigh_o unto_o the_o dust_n and_o after_o some_o time_n to_o go_v on_o by_o degree_n perfect_v of_o my_o health_n all_o which_o time_n be_v accompany_v with_o many_o a_o sad_a thought_n my_o trouble_n still_o increase_v as_o fast_o as_o my_o bodily_a health_n at_o the_o last_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o turn_v my_o thought_n upon_o those_o expression_n of_o david_n in_o psal_n 42._o 5_o 11._o wherein_o he_o call_v his_o soul_n to_o account_v say_v why_o be_v thou_o cast_v down_o o_o my_o soul_n and_o
to_o enable_v he_o to_o make_v out_o yet_o more_o clear_o that_o work_n that_o he_o have_v wrought_v in_o his_o soul_n if_o indeed_o there_o be_v any_o or_o else_o give_v we_o such_o a_o discern_a spirit_n as_o may_v teach_v we_o what_o to_o do_v in_o it_o that_o if_o it_o be_v his_o will_n there_o may_v no_o soul_n come_v in_o among_o we_o that_o may_v any_o way_n darken_v his_o glory_n but_o that_o those_o that_o be_v receive_v may_v be_v such_o as_o himself_o by_o his_o spirit_n shall_v receive_v nor_o none_o be_v detain_v but_o such_o as_o himself_o shall_v by_o his_o spirit_n through_o his_o poor_a servant_n detain_v as_o also_o beg_v of_o the_o lord_n and_o that_o with_o much_o earnestness_n that_o if_o there_o be_v no_o real_a work_n of_o he_o upon_o his_o heart_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o find_v out_o some_o way_n or_o other_o in_o his_o wisdom_n to_o keep_v he_o off_o april_n 24._o 1653._o be_v the_o lord_n please_v gracious_o to_o convince_v i_o yet_o further_o of_o my_o sinful_a passion_n and_o aptness_n to_o be_v angry_a either_o without_o a_o cause_n or_o upon_o a_o light_a ground_n and_o so_o to_o dishonour_v the_o lord_n which_o conviction_n be_v set_v home_o from_o mr._n knight_n expression_n of_o mat._n 5._o 22._o i_o say_v if_o you_o be_v angry_a with_o your_o brother_n without_o a_o cause_n you_o shall_v be_v in_o danger_n of_o judgement_n and_o whosoever_o say_v to_o his_o brother_n racha_n which_o word_n express_v their_o contemn_v of_o their_o brethren_n that_o be_v to_o have_v contemptible_a thought_n of_o they_o this_o be_v a_o great_a evil_n for_o this_o be_v in_o danger_n of_o the_o council_n but_o whosoever_o shall_v say_v thou_o fool_n that_o be_v one_o that_o have_v no_o understanding_n but_o be_v even_o as_o a_o beast_n this_o be_v in_o christ_n judgement_n a_o heinous_a sin_n for_o say_v he_o he_o shall_v be_v in_o danger_n of_o hell_n fire_n from_o all_o which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o set_v it_o home_o upon_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o have_v be_v exceed_o guilty_a even_o to_o this_o day_n in_o a_o great_a measure_n of_o those_o evil_n which_o conviction_n i_o desire_v may_v abide_v upon_o my_o heart_n to_o make_v i_o through_o the_o strength_n of_o christ_n more_o watchful_a over_o my_o own_o heart_n in_o this_o respect_n than_o ever_o i_o have_v be_v there_o be_v one_o conviction_n more_o this_o day_n set_v upon_o my_o heart_n from_o these_o word_n if_o thou_o remember_v thy_o brother_n have_v aught_o against_o thou_o he_o do_v not_o say_v if_o thou_o have_v aught_o against_o he_o but_o if_o he_o have_v aught_o against_o thou_o do_v thou_o seek_v reconciliation_n yea_o leave_v not_o till_o it_o be_v wrought_v out_o from_o which_o the_o lord_n not_o only_o convince_v i_o of_o this_o my_o duty_n and_o tell_v i_o i_o shall_v not_o suffer_v any_o prejudice_n to_o lie_v in_o my_o heart_n against_o any_o but_o also_o much_o comfort_v my_o heart_n under_o the_o sight_n of_o this_o as_o that_o which_o through_o grace_n i_o find_v the_o lord_n have_v real_o wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n and_o enable_v i_o daily_o to_o practice_v the_o same_o day_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v in_o the_o ministry_n of_o his_o word_n to_o convince_v my_o soul_n that_o it_o be_v not_o the_o performance_n of_o duty_n at_o set_a time_n this_o be_v not_o all_o require_v but_o when_o the_o soul_n be_v indeed_o pain_a under_o the_o sense_n of_o its_o want_n of_o inlargedness_n to_o christ_n and_o the_o like_a that_o it_o cry_v out_o as_o the_o infant_n after_o the_o breast_n &_o be_v not_o satisfy_v with_o any_o thing_n without_o it_o but_o the_o soul_n pant_v within_o itself_o and_o want_v some_o manifestation_n of_o christ_n and_o this_o put_v upon_o duty_n from_o which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o convince_v my_o soul_n that_o i_o have_v be_v sad_o guilty_a of_o the_o misperformance_n of_o duty_n in_o this_o respect_n many_o time_n which_o put_v my_o soul_n upon_o a_o search_n into_o itself_o whether_o i_o be_v not_o guilty_a in_o this_o respect_n after_o which_o i_o find_v i_o have_v be_v often_o guilty_a of_o the_o misperformance_n of_o duty_n do_v they_o many_o time_n especial_o heretofore_o without_o this_o strong_a pant_a and_o sense_n of_o my_o want_n april_n 27._o oh_o my_o soul_n be_v thou_o not_o able_a to_o say_v through_o grace_n before_o the_o lord_n the_o searcher_n of_o heart_n that_o there_o be_v hardly_o that_o word_n come_v out_o of_o thy_o mouth_n or_o that_o action_n do_v by_o thou_o in_o any_o place_n or_o company_n that_o pass_v by_o thou_o without_o a_o reveiw_n judge_v and_o condemn_v thyself_o for_o they_o the_o beginning_n of_o may_n though_o i_o can_v find_v little_a fruit_n or_o growth_n in_o my_o soul_n the_o sight_n and_o sense_n of_o the_o work_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o soul_n be_v as_o it_o be_v draw_v over_o with_o a_o cloud_n yet_o even_o then_o oh_o my_o soul_n have_v not_o the_o lord_n much_o refresh_v thou_o by_o enable_v thou_o in_o some_o measure_n to_o roll_n upon_o that_o gracious_a word_n which_o have_v be_v at_o seasonable_a time_n bring_v to_o thy_o view_n that_o in_o hos_n 4._o 8._o i_o be_o as_o a_o green_a firr-tree_n in_o i_o be_v thy_o fruit_n find_v now_o this_o tree_n be_v always_o green_a do_v not_o the_o lord_n sometime_o disappoint_v the_o expectation_n oh_o my_o soul_n even_o of_o the_o sensible_a enjoyment_n of_o his_o own_o presence_n in_o a_o duty_n or_o ordinance_n or_o society_n that_o he_o may_v the_o more_o sweeten_v it_o to_o thou_o when_o he_o be_v please_v to_o appear_v and_o the_o more_o to_o draw_v thou_o out_o to_o seek_v his_o appearance_n and_o to_o cry_v mighty_o after_o he_o o_o my_o soul_n why_o shall_v thou_o say_v thou_o can_v not_o find_v love_n to_o god_n when_o thou_o do_v so_o frequent_o and_o restles_o desire_v the_o presence_n and_o appearance_n of_o god_n in_o every_o ordinance_n and_o duty_n if_o it_o be_v not_o for_o his_o own_o sake_n why_o do_v not_o my_o soul_n sit_v down_o and_o rest_v content_v with_o the_o ordinance_n themselves_o two_o paper_n be_v give_v to_o mr._n knight_n to_o present_v before_o the_o lord_n at_o a_o private_a fast_o at_o fulham_n chapel_n in_o the_o behalf_n of_o the_o nation_n may_v 4_o 1653._o 1_o one_o who_o continual_o groan_v before_o the_o lord_n under_o the_o sense_n of_o the_o body_n of_o death_n and_o the_o continual_a issue_v of_o it_o out_o in_o the_o whole_a course_n of_o their_o conversation_n to_o the_o dishonour_n of_o that_o god_n that_o deserve_v for_o ever_o even_o by_o their_o soul_n to_o be_v admire_v and_o praise_v be_v a_o god_n that_o delight_v in_o mercy_n and_o in_o the_o manifestation_n of_o it_o to_o their_o poor_a soul_n notwithstanding_o all_o their_o rebellion_n against_o he_o the_o desire_n therefore_o of_o their_o soul_n be_v that_o you_o who_o love_n and_o feat_n the_o lord_n will_v improve_v your_o interest_n in_o he_o in_o their_o behalf_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v once_o be_v please_v to_o give_v they_o more_o power_n over_o all_o their_o corruption_n that_o however_o he_o see_v meet_v to_o deal_v with_o their_o body_n though_o he_o wound_n yet_o it_o be_v he_o that_o heal_v though_o he_o lay_v sickness_n weakness_n distemper_n whatever_o he_o please_v upon_o they_o that_o yet_o he_o will_v please_v to_o give_v they_o more_o strength_n in_o their_o inward_a man_n to_o subdue_v and_o mortify_v their_o corruption_n and_o resist_v all_o the_o fiery_a dart_n of_o satan_n enable_v they_o to_o walk_v with_o a_o holy_a awe_n and_o fear_v of_o his_o bless_a self_n in_o the_o whole_a course_n of_o their_o conversation_n in_o all_o their_o relation_n and_o under_o the_o dispensation_n of_o god_n to_o they_o that_o so_o if_o the_o lord_n please_v they_o may_v never_o prove_v by_o their_o uneven_a conversation_n any_o blot_n or_o blemish_n to_o the_o glorious_a gospel_n of_o god_n and_o their_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n the_o thought_n whereof_o be_v if_o their_o heart_n deceive_v they_o not_o more_o bitter_a than_o death_n 2_o one_o who_o earnest_o desire_v that_o those_o who_o fear_v the_o lord_n will_v wrestle_v mighty_o with_o he_o in_o the_o behalf_n of_o some_o poor_a dead_a dark_a soul_n who_o be_v near_o relate_v to_o they_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v once_o be_v please_v to_o speak_v so_o effectual_o to_o their_o heart_n that_o they_o may_v be_v cause_v to_o stand_v up_o on_o their_o foot_n and_o jesus_n christ_n may_v give_v they_o life_n that_o see_v he_o have_v say_v the_o dead_a shall_v hear_v the_o voice_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n and_o hear_v live_v that_o this_o bless_a word_n may_v be_v make_v good_a to_o their_o soul_n that_o so_o they_o
may_v have_v cause_n to_o praise_v he_o even_o to_o all_o eternity_n for_o this_o unspeakable_a mercy_n this_o latter_a be_v write_v in_o the_o behalf_n of_o one_o in_o near_a relation_n afterward_o it_o be_v exceed_o set_v upon_o my_o heart_n not_o to_o do_v it_o only_o in_o his_o behalf_n but_o also_o in_o the_o behalf_n of_o other_o poor_a dark_a soul_n in_o relation_n to_o i_o may_v the_o 4._o oh_o my_o soul_n must_v thou_o not_o needs_o acknowledge_v the_o lord_n a_o god_n hear_v the_o very_a groan_n of_o thy_o soul_n before_o they_o be_v effectual_o put_v up_o put_v in_o at_o the_o very_a time_n a_o seasonable_a word_n into_o the_o mouth_n of_o his_o servant_n suit_v to_o thy_o trouble_n and_o fear_n support_v thy_o spirit_n under_o they_o abundant_o and_o do_v not_o the_o lord_n that_o same_o day_n may_v 4._o by_o a_o letter_n that_o as_o soon_o as_o i_o come_v home_o come_v to_o my_o hand_n give_v my_o soul_n great_a hope_n of_o a_o begin_v work_n upon_o that_o poor_a soul_n which_o come_v as_o it_o be_v as_o a_o fresh_a return_n of_o prayer_n this_o very_a person_n be_v in_o my_o heart_n in_o these_o desire_n that_o be_v then_o put_v up_o may_v 21._o the_o lord_n be_v please_v one_o evening_n very_o much_o to_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n to_o beg_v his_o appearance_n to_o my_o soul_n in_o every_o ordinance_n in_o a_o more_o full_a and_o lively_a manner_n then_o former_o and_o next_o day_n be_v the_o first_o day_n of_o the_o week_n true_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v very_o much_o to_o appear_v in_o the_o morning_n to_o refresh_v and_o cheer_v my_o heart_n and_o so_o also_o in_o the_o ordinance_n of_o the_o supper_n for_o which_o bless_v the_o lord_n o_o my_o soul_n the_o four_o of_o the_o four_o month_n in_o the_o evening_n i_o find_v my_o heart_n very_o dead_a and_o dull_a to_o any_o spiritual_a service_n yet_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o draw_v it_o out_o in_o this_o request_n to_o he_o beg_v a_o special_a presence_n of_o his_o the_o next_o day_n both_o in_o prayer_n and_o preach_v and_o the_o ordinance_n of_o the_o supper_n beg_v the_o lord_n to_o appear_v through_o his_o servant_n that_o be_v to_o administer_v in_o his_o name_n that_o there_o may_v be_v such_o a_o lively_a presence_n and_o appearance_n of_o god_n through_o he_o as_o may_v be_v a_o token_n of_o good_a to_o my_o soul_n and_o true_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v the_o next_o day_n in_o a_o lively_a manner_n to_o appear_v not_o only_o suit_v his_o appearance_n to_o that_o dead_a dull_a frame_n my_o wretched_a heart_n be_v in_o to_o he_o but_o do_v abundant_o above_o even_o my_o expectation_n in_o some_o sense_n ride_v triumphant_o and_o glorious_o in_o the_o chariot_n of_o his_o word_n the_o 13_o of_o this_o four_o month_n in_o the_o evening_n the_o lord_n draw_v out_o my_o heart_n very_o much_o among_o other_o thing_n to_o plead_v with_o he_o to_o discover_v to_o i_o what_o the_o desire_n the_o hungring_n and_o the_o thirsting_n of_o my_o soul_n be_v indeed_o after_o tell_v he_o withal_o that_o as_o far_o as_o i_o know_v my_o own_o heart_n it_o be_v not_o after_o the_o world_n the_o profit_n pleasure_n or_o any_o thing_n in_o it_o beseech_v he_o to_o search_v and_o try_v i_o and_o if_o i_o be_v deceive_v in_o this_o to_o discover_v it_o to_o i_o and_o to_o be_v so_o far_o from_o satisfy_v any_o thirst_n of_o my_o soul_n after_o any_o thing_n beside_o himself_o as_o to_o blast_v it_o and_o to_o make_v i_o sensible_a of_o it_o and_o humble_a before_o he_o for_o it_o but_o tell_v he_o withal_o that_o he_o have_v promise_v that_o he_o that_o hunger_n and_o thirst_v after_o righteousness_n they_o shall_v be_v satisfy_v and_o fill_v and_o true_o if_o i_o know_v any_o thing_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n this_o be_v it_o my_o soul_n wait_v for_o and_o bray_v after_o to_o be_v make_v more_o like_o he_o more_o conformable_a to_o he_o to_o have_v the_o spirit_n of_o a_o child_n put_v upon_o i_o whereby_o i_o may_v be_v more_o like_a unto_o he_o and_o more_o dedicate_v and_o give_v up_o in_o all_o my_o way_n to_o he_o but_o that_o if_o it_o be_v not_o thus_o with_o i_o but_o that_o i_o be_v deceive_v in_o it_o i_o do_v then_o beg_v above_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v discover_v it_o unto_o i_o the_o 25_o of_o this_o four_o month_n my_o spirit_n wasdraw_v out_o to_o beg_v the_o lord_n appearance_n the_o next_o day_n and_o suit_v my_o heart_n to_o it_o which_o i_o find_v in_o a_o very_a dead_a &_o dull_a frame_n beseech_v the_o lord_n that_o his_o appearance_n may_v not_o answer_v that_o wretched_a frame_n my_o heart_n be_v then_o in_o but_o that_o my_o heart_n may_v be_v put_v in_o frame_n to_o meet_v with_o he_o as_o also_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v be_v please_v to_o provide_v a_o portion_n for_o every_o poor_a soul_n that_o desire_v to_o see_v his_o face_n and_o to_o seek_v his_o presence_n that_o they_o may_v find_v some_o word_n suitable_a to_o their_o condition_n and_o how_o rich_o and_o abundant_o do_v the_o lord_n answer_v each_o of_o those_o desire_n both_o in_o behalf_n of_o my_o own_o soul_n and_o also_o on_o the_o behalf_n of_o other_o how_o glorious_o do_v the_o lord_n appear_v and_o ride_v triumphant_o in_o the_o chariot_n of_o his_o word_n this_o day_n in_o the_o morning_n present_v very_o glorious_a useful_a truth_n seasonable_a to_o my_o poor_a soul_n which_o the_o lord_n enable_v i_o to_o practice_v and_o make_v use_n of_o enable_v i_o to_o improve_v the_o promise_n to_o this_o great_a work_n of_o clean_v from_o corruption_n yea_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v in_o a_o further_a way_n to_o answer_v my_o desire_n for_o other_o put_v in_o a_o very_a seasonable_a word_n of_o he_o to_o my_o cousin_n jefferson_n concern_v freewill_n who_o be_v much_o in_o my_o thought_n in_o my_o former_a request_n show_v how_o the_o promise_n be_v make_v in_o respect_n of_o our_o own_o weakness_n and_o nothingness_n for_o have_v the_o creature_n any_o power_n god_n need_v not_o promise_v to_o do_v all_o the_o lord_n have_v thus_o appear_v this_o morning_n there_o arise_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o question_n at_o noon_n whether_o i_o shall_v not_o public_o by_o mr._n knight_n offer_v up_o praise_n to_o the_o lord_n for_o this_o appearance_n of_o he_o but_o through_o many_o fear_n that_o arise_v upon_o my_o spirit_n lest_o it_o may_v be_v misconstrue_v as_o if_o i_o do_v desire_v to_o appear_v to_o be_v somebody_o with_o the_o like_a temptation_n be_v keep_v off_o yet_o notwithstanding_o some_o trouble_n to_o my_o spirit_n for_o i_o be_v great_o desirous_a to_o have_v bless_v the_o lord_n public_o for_o it_o yet_o how_o do_v the_o lord_n appear_v in_o answer_n to_o this_o secret_a desire_n of_o i_o for_o mr._n knight_n himself_o upon_o his_o own_o account_n do_v large_o bless_v the_o lord_n for_o his_o appearance_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o day_n and_o so_o throughout_o with_o which_o my_o heart_n do_v real_o close_a and_o so_o do_v our_o sister_n arnal_a as_o she_o say_v afterward_o as_o well_o as_o myself_o great_o rejoice_v that_o the_o lord_n draw_v out_o his_o heart_n in_o that_o wherein_o her_o heart_n and_o mind_n also_o do_v so_o abundant_o join_v our_o brethren_n have_v make_v some_o entrance_n into_o the_o private_a conference_n and_o somewhat_o of_o god_n appear_v from_o several_a of_o they_o my_o heart_n be_v much_o draw_v out_o to_o propound_v some_o question_n to_o they_o have_v two_o or_o three_o thing_n upon_o my_o spirit_n wherein_o i_o be_v much_o unsatisfied_a and_o have_v resolve_v upon_o the_o thing_n in_o general_n there_o arise_v a_o great_a dispute_n in_o my_o spirit_n which_o question_n to_o propound_v first_o for_o they_o all_o leave_v much_o weight_n upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o among_o other_o i_o have_v a_o very_a strong_a desire_n to_o propound_v this_o what_o mean_n may_v be_v best_o available_a for_o the_o subdue_a of_o pride_n and_o strong_a debate_n have_v i_o in_o my_o spirit_n before_o i_o can_v pass_v this_o over_o yet_o at_o the_o last_o my_o spirit_n be_v overcome_v to_o propound_v another_o which_o prove_v very_o suitable_a to_o many_o other_o spirit_n in_o which_o i_o see_v some_o hand_n of_o god_n yet_o do_v my_o heart_n earnest_o long_o after_o some_o resolution_n concern_v that_o of_o pride_n but_o how_o gloriou_o do_v the_o lord_n a_o while_n after_o the_o 26_o of_o this_o four_o month_n appear_v in_o answer_n to_o it_o show_v i_o that_o there_o be_v no_o way_n like_o to_o the_o take_n of_o the_o advantage_n of_o the_o ordinance_n which_o the_o lord_n enable_v i_o to_o do_v about_o the_o end_n of_o this_o four_o
degree_n of_o it_o which_o thou_o see_v through_o mercy_n by_o other_o though_o not_o visible_o to_o they_o thus_o do_v the_o lord_n bring_v a_o good_a issue_n out_o of_o their_o own_o speech_n and_o word_n cause_v thou_o to_o lie_v down_o at_o his_o foot_n expect_v the_o punishment_n of_o thy_o iniquity_n yea_o great_a difficulty_n than_o these_o have_v the_o lord_n carry_v thou_o through_o when_o all_o the_o power_n of_o hell_n and_o thy_o own_o corruption_n have_v combine_v together_o to_o keep_v thou_o from_o duty_n of_o prayer_n meditation_n and_o examination_n and_o the_o like_a and_o yet_o the_o lord_n have_v enable_v thou_o to_o break_v through_o all_o and_o to_o pour_v out_o thy_o soul_n to_o he_o when_o thou_o be_v even_o in_o thy_o own_o apprehension_n at_o the_o pit_n brink_n and_o yet_o resolve_v to_o cry_v to_o he_o and_o not_o to_o give_v over_o cry_v and_o call_v whilst_o thou_o live_v notwithstanding_o all_o temptation_n to_o the_o contrary_a yea_o the_o more_o strong_a the_o temptation_n be_v the_o more_o speedy_o be_v thou_o fain_o to_o address_v to_o the_o lord_n for_o his_o strength_n and_o power_n to_o assist_v thou_o in_o grapple_v with_o they_o yea_o when_o some_o time_n overcome_v as_o it_o be_v and_o beat_v down_o by_o satan_n and_o enter_v the_o very_a border_n of_o despair_n yet_o even_o thence_o from_o this_o belly_n of_o hell_n in_o which_o thou_o do_v apprehend_v thyself_o already_o enter_v do_v not_o the_o lord_n enable_v thou_o to_o cry_v to_o he_o &_o resolve_v to_o give_v he_o no_o rest_n yea_o when_o thou_o find_v no_o advantage_n or_o profit_n of_o all_o thy_o prayer_n and_o tear_n &_o sigh_n &_o croan_n but_o that_o the_o lord_n seem_v to_o turn_v a_o deaf_a ear_n yet_o do_v not_o the_o lord_n enable_v thou_o to_o go_v on_o and_o to_o tell_v he_o that_o all_o those_o comfort_n and_o enjoyment_n here_o below_o they_o be_v poor_a mean_a thing_n such_o as_o thou_o can_v not_o take_v for_o thy_o portion_n and_o therefore_o do_v beg_v with_o submission_n to_o his_o will_n that_o if_o he_o have_v no_o other_o for_o thou_o but_o the_o portion_n of_o this_o life_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o deny_v thou_o they_o also_o and_o never_o give_v they_o to_o be_v a_o snare_n but_o rather_o let_v thou_o end_v thy_o day_n in_o some_o desolate_a wilderness_n 3._o faithfulness_n appear_v in_o cheerful_a service_n now_o o_o my_o soul_n be_v thou_o not_o able_a to_o say_v before_o the_o lord_n the_o searcher_n of_o heart_n through_o his_o grace_n that_o so_o much_o faithfulness_n as_o thou_o can_v discern_v in_o thou_o in_o any_o service_n of_o thy_o lord_n be_v thy_o very_a joy_n and_o rejoice_n of_o thy_o heart_n but_o on_o the_o other_o side_n so_o much_o unfaithfulness_n as_o thou_o can_v discern_v in_o any_o service_n this_o be_v it_o that_o make_v thou_o go_v mourn_v all_o thy_o day_n because_o thou_o be_v no_o more_o fruitful_a 4._o o_o my_o soul_n thy_o faithfulness_n in_o some_o measure_n appear_v in_o that_o thou_o be_v rejoice_v real_o in_o spirit_n when_o any_o opportunity_n be_v put_v into_o thy_o hand_n and_o thy_o heart_n be_v enable_v in_o any_o measure_n to_o improve_v it_o to_o the_o service_n and_o for_o the_o glory_n of_o thy_o lord_n and_o be_v thou_o not_o on_o the_o contrary_a grieve_v that_o thou_o have_v so_o many_o opportunity_n offer_v before_o thou_o but_o like_o a_o fool_n have_v not_o a_o heart_n to_o improve_v they_o for_o the_o glory_n of_o thy_o lord_n be_v not_o this_o thy_o daily_a burden_n lord_n thou_o know_v it_o be_v &_o when_o through_o the_o subtlety_n of_o satan_n and_o deceit_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n i_o fool_n away_o many_o rich_a opportunity_n by_o not_o improve_n of_o they_o which_o after_o prove_v a_o sad_a burden_n and_o affliction_n to_o i_o 5._o o_o my_o soul_n do_v there_o not_o appear_v some_o degree_n of_o faithfulness_n to_o thy_o lord_n in_o that_o thy_o endeavour_n do_v come_v still_o beneath_o thy_o desire_n have_v not_o the_o lord_n real_o enable_v thou_o through_o grace_n to_o say_v with_o paul_n the_o good_a that_o i_o will_v do_v i_o do_v not_o but_o o_o that_o i_o can_v do_v it_o that_o i_o can_v serve_v the_o lord_n more_o and_o better_o but_o oh_o how_o low_o do_v i_o live_v and_o how_o poor_o do_v i_o walk_v but_o oh_o that_o i_o can_v come_v to_o prayer_n and_o read_v and_o hear_v and_o meditate_v and_o do_v all_o private_a and_o public_a duty_n and_o walk_v in_o all_o my_o relation_n in_o this_o world_n as_o may_v honour_v this_o my_o lord_n be_v not_o these_o the_o continual_a groan_n and_o breathe_n of_o my_o heart_n before_o the_o lord_n lord_n thou_o know_v it_o for_o i_o have_v none_o i_o desire_v to_o appeal_v unto_o but_o to_o thou_o the_o searcher_n of_o my_o heart_n 6._o lord_n do_v not_o some_o faithfulness_n appear_v to_o be_v wrought_v in_o my_o soul_n by_o thou_o in_o that_o thou_o have_v above_o all_o thing_n make_v i_o to_o delight_v in_o that_o work_n that_o no_o eye_n see_v but_o thyself_o thou_o know_v what_o a_o fear_n have_v be_v upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o be_v to_o this_o day_n in_o a_o great_a measure_n to_o appear_v before_o other_o thou_o lord_n know_v how_o many_o year_n this_o fear_n have_v be_v as_o a_o prison_n to_o keep_v in_o the_o working_n of_o my_o heart_n &_o as_o door_n to_o my_o mouth_n to_o keep_v it_o from_o lament_v itself_o not_o so_o much_o as_o in_o one_o word_n in_o the_o hear_n of_o other_o lest_o there_o shall_v any_o pride_n or_o hypocrifie_n act_n in_o it_o yea_o to_o this_o very_a day_n how_o many_o service_n wherein_o perhaps_o thy_o lord_n may_v be_v honour_v be_v thou_o prevent_v and_o dare_v not_o to_o act_v in_o upon_o this_o very_a account_n that_o it_o can_v be_v do_v in_o private_a can_v thou_o not_o say_v before_o the_o searcher_n of_o heart_n that_o such_o thought_n and_o apprehension_n and_o fear_n as_o these_o lest_o other_o shall_v esteem_v thou_o better_o than_o thou_o be_v or_o thy_o own_o spirit_n be_v lift_v up_o before_o the_o lord_n or_o any_o false_a end_n bias_n thou_o in_o it_o that_o such_o thought_n i_o say_v as_o thief_n do_v often_o as_o it_o be_v tie_v up_o thy_o tongue_n sow_v up_o thy_o mouth_n in_o all_o company_n even_o while_o at_o that_o instant_n thy_o heart_n be_v even_o ready_a to_o split_v or_o break_v in_o piece_n for_o want_n of_o vent_n sometime_o apprehend_v that_o those_o discovery_n that_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v sometime_o to_o make_v to_o thou_o and_o the_o rich_a grace_n he_o be_v please_v to_o manifest_v in_o thou_o in_o overcome_v all_o the_o unkindness_n in_o thou_o ought_v not_o to_o be_v put_v unnder_v a_o bushel_n but_o hold_v out_o to_o other_o and_o yet_o not_o dare_v to_o do_v it_o find_v my_o wretched_a heart_n so_o prone_a to_o be_v lift_v up_o upon_o all_o such_o occasion_n and_o so_o dishonour_n god_n that_o way_n and_o so_o deceive_v other_o and_o myself_o also_o and_o through_o both_o these_o fear_v my_o soul_n often_o walk_v sad_o before_o the_o lord_n fear_v to_o offend_v he_o and_o not_o be_v able_a to_o discern_v it_o whether_o way_n i_o may_v most_o honour_v he_o have_v make_v trial_n of_o both_o sometime_o silent_a and_o sometime_o speak_v and_o find_v the_o wickedness_n of_o my_o heart_n appear_v sad_o in_o both_o i_o know_v not_o sometime_o which_o be_v best_a the_o lord_n in_o mercy_n manifest_a and_o clear_v up_o to_o i_o o_o my_o soul_n thus_o may_v it_o probable_o and_o hopeful_o appear_v to_o thou_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v thou_o in_o some_o measure_n his_o faithful_a servant_n 1._o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o some_o hope_n that_o i_o trust_v i_o have_v no_o other_o master_n that_o i_o willing_o call_v rabbi_n or_o willing_o serve_v but_o my_o lord_n jesus_n nor_o have_v i_o any_o other_o work_n that_o i_o do_v upon_o which_o my_o heart_n be_v delightful_o set_v upon_o but_o only_o my_o lord_n work_v and_o this_o appear_v far_a to_o i_o in_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v i_o hope_v in_o some_o measure_n wrought_v my_o heart_n to_o this_o frame_n of_o spirit_n to_o desire_v above_o all_o thing_n to_o serve_v my_o lord_n christ_n in_o all_o the_o relation_n he_o have_v set_v i_o in_o in_o this_o world_n and_o to_o that_o end_n every_o fail_n in_o any_o of_o they_o either_o as_o a_o child_n or_o friend_n or_o any_o relation_n though_o i_o too_o sad_o fail_v in_o they_o all_o this_o be_v that_o which_o if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o above_o all_o thing_n break_v my_o heart_n to_o think_v that_o hereby_o i_o do_v dishonour_n my_o lord_n jesus_n and_o that_o profession_n of_o be_v his_o servant_n it_o be_v not_o