refuse the seal thereof I know I am vile I am vile but thou hast pardoned me Lord I have abused thy love a thousand times refused thy offered self and withstood the tenders of thy Grace but thou hast covered all my sins thou hast freely justified me by thy Grace and made a full attonement for me by thy blood this is that thou freely biddest me take and I have freely drunk it Never was Wine so full as this is Never was Bowl so full of pleasure as this I have swallowed down my life and pardon at one draught I took it from my Saviours hand it was a cup of his own preparing If ever drink was sugared this was I never tasted better rellisht Wine in all my life The richest Cordials cannot match this draught Divine Spirits of pearls dissolved would but dead this Wine Oh when my hopes but kist the purple dews they hung and cleaved so As if they were loth to let thee go They strove and strugled to get near my heart As if intending there to take a part I dare not say them nay blood from that bowl May the best room command within my soul What a sudden strange yet happy alteration do I find within my languid spirits are revived my winter is over Methinks I feel my life and joy to spring amain My Aarons Rod a dry stick but now doth bloom and flourish My newly ingrafted soul is full of Infant-clusters Blood at the root of Vines They say produceth richest Wines Oh! if my Lord will undertake to dress this Vine and trickle down his blood into my root then draw it up into each branch of Grace by the warming beams of his reviving love then let my Dearest come let him come as he hath promised and bring my Father and his Father with him and sup both with me and in me Let them come and I will bid them a welcome I shall have a fruit to present them with which they themselves shall say is pleasant I shall not send my Father away now so oft complaining I came to seek for grapes and fruit but behold wild ones The Conclusion Oh! how unwillingly do I rise methinks I could sit here and feast my heart and eyes for ever What running-Banquets doth my Lord afford me here surely he should not need to fear that I should surfeit on himself But alas I must be gone what shall I do in yonder hungry soul-starving world again I have been feeding on my Paschal Lamb and now I must go and eat my sowr herbs but if it be his will I must obey if it be so I must arise I know thou hast prepared the endless feast above where I shall ever sit and enjoy thy love and glut my hungry eye and heart on the Banquet of thy everlasting self As yet I am now on earth my toil and work lyes heavy on my hands I have yet an afternoon to labour out God knows my work is hard too hard for me my self to perform I scarcely should have lasted out so long but that sometimes at such seasons as this is he repaired my sinking spirits by pouring in the Cordials of his Blood Now I must go and perhaps find as sharp conflicts with my self as ever I know the World and Hell have been laying their snares and gins to catch my new-fledg'd soul and all conspire against my welfare Now it is well if I escape a fall a bruise a breaking of my bones in which sad plight I have so often lain that my Lord might have took me for dead but that my groanings told him loudly I lived Lord must I leave this feast must I go Take me then by the hand and lead me if I must walk let me see thee by me that I may know I walk with my God Lead me away and I will go with thee and let me not go till thou bringst me hither again I cannot will not live without thee And do thou Lord say I must not shall not If both our hearts in love so well agree What then shall separate my Christ from me A Meditation on the Death of Christ Preparative to the Sacrament Pen'd for his private use BUT is he dead Oh sad yet joyful news how strangely is my soul amazed and diversly mov'd and troubl'd by these contrary passions methinks I could pull up the floodgates of my sorrow and vent it out in tears but something bids me hold Shall I mourn for him that 's just now past his state of mourning He 's dead and what of that And so are all his griefs his bloody sweats his sighs and groans concluded He hath drunk on the brook in the way bitter while they were in his mouth and he was living but sweet now they have sunk into his belly and and he in Heaven Sweet to him because it was his work and he hath finisht it and sweet to me because it was the potion of sorrow death hell that I must have taken And canst thou mourn methinks if thou didst love thine heart should rather sympathize with his He is singing and shalt thou be sighing He is joying that his work is done and now is welcoming into Heaven by God his Father and shouting up by Angels voices as the great Conquerour of the hearts of men on earth and that now in triumph he is returned And will a mournful weed a wet eye and a cloudy brow become thee at these times of Festivals Shall the Heavenly Angels be joyful and thou sad How strangely will this be construed Will it not be said thou dost not love him or thou dost envy his recovered glory that he had left and now again hath taken Or that thou canst not endure to see him wear his Princes Crown in Heaven that for a time he had laid aside to come down to the earth to fetch thee thence to Heaven But ah my Lord thou wilt not sure interpret sorrow thus thou hast not sure forgot to give a meaning unto tears to teach a sigh to speak and then to know its language Hath my Lord forgot so suddenly that he was on earth and that he sweat and groan'd and wept and bled as well as I do now What though now all tears and sorrow and sighing is done away and he ceaseth to be any longer subject to our infirmities yet sure he knows it is not thus with us I am not yet in Heaven nor am I yet quite past the vale of sorrow and it cannot then be strange to him if he sees sometimes our faces look of a sadder hue than those that are in Heaven But why should thus my tears be check'd and my throbbing heart be chidden were it for a thing of nought I might be counted fool or child but shall my Saviour die and vent his soul in a stream of blood and all in love to me and shall he thus forsake the world and die and then be laid in the grave and I be denied the liberty of following
thee Friend how camest thou hither not having on thy Wedding-garment He sees thy heart and sees thou hast it on Oh he comes and it is but to whisper thee a welcome in thine ear it is but to fall about thy neck and kiss thy be-tear'd cheeks and bid thee a kind welcome to thy bleeding Lord. Soul Oh did I think to be thus much made of I thought he would not have minded me but I did no sooner appear and set my feet within the doors but he ran to meet me he took me in his arms he brought me hither and set me here Is this a house or is it a Palace Is this a Court for Princes or for Angels Never did place more ravish me into amazement than this place Beautiful are thy gates O Zion O how pleasant is the habitation of the most high Is it the place or the company that strikes me into astonishment Now I can say most feelingly say with David My delights are with the Saints of the most high and the most excellent of the earth Their poverty their disgrace their contempt amongst whom they live do not puzzle my quick-ey'd Faith these are the Kings Daughters that are all glorious within their garments are of needle-work imbroidered over with pure gold fine-spun gold These O these hovv poor and mean soever they are or may seem to be these shall sit vvith Christ to judg the World Oh! hovv my foul is ravished vvith delight to see and look on those with whom I shall live for ever If they are so lovely now what will they be hereafter when our God shall take them and scowr off their rust and wash their Garments bright in the Sun-shine of his countenance and change those mortal and corruptible bodies into immortal and glorious ones and set them upon Thrones about himself and lade their heads with Crowns of massy gold and when I shall hear them warbling out the everlasting Praises of the Lamb whose Body and Blood we all sit down to feed on Communion-Plate Never was Gold or Silver graced thus before To bring this Body and this Blood to us is more than to Crown Kings or be made Rings For Star-like Diamonds to glitter in The Bread Welcome Fairest take and eat 't is the sweetest dainties dearst morsel Heaven can afford thee Welcome my Dear to the Table of thy Lord. Welcome a thousand times I bid thee yea welcomer than thine own heart can wish Take eat this morsel it cost my life it 's a portion thy Father sent unto thee by me and bid me remember thee of his love to thee He bids thee remember a Fathers love I a Saviours He hath a heart to give thee and so have I. Take this in earnest of them both in one Take freely if thou wert not welcome I would have told thee I would have asked thee for thy Wedding-garment knew I not thy heart or if I were uncertain of thy love I would have scorn'd thee as unworthy of my presence did I know thou lovest any thing above me I would have hid my face and never have spoke thee a welcome so feelingly and kindly to thy soul Tell me O tell me dost thou not love me I know thou dost and above Father or Mother Wife or Child Lands or Living or Credit I know thou dost And wilt thou not take the Cross and follow me I know thou wilt I see and know the labour of thy love I remember the pains and travel of thy soul I saw thee follow me on thy knees in tears and begged my life rather than thy life I know thy heart I saw it bleeding before my Throne I took it in my arms and bound it up and in that breast I remember I put it up again I saw thee when no eye saw thee I heard thee and had compassion on thy groanings whilst thou wert complaining that I had shut out thy prayers I well remember since thy heart did first fall sick with love since the time thy flesh began to die and since thou laidst thy self in the grave down by me and wert willing to die to all this vain empty glory of the world because I died and left it I know thee well enough Thou art mine and I am thine Take it I charge thee eat it as thou lovest me and whilst thou feedest remember the love of thy dearest Redeemer Soul Oh 't is the sweetest meat that ever tongue did tast it sends a rellish to my very heart I find it digests as it deseends I feel my nerves and sinews strengthen I never knew that bread was the staff of life till now Oh how fit is my soul now for Christ How easie do I now find his yoke how light his burden Methinks I could watch or pray or read more earnestly resolvedly believingly than ever Oh! methinks I can take his Cross and bear it strongly and take the shame and despise it fully Oh 't is a feast of fat things The richest banquet of love that ever I was at it was but a little that I took and it fills me full my hungry stomack now crys 't is enough I find it now verified to my soul and spirit that he that eats of this bread shall never hunger more Well I need not starve when there is such bread in my Fathers house I need not I will not I cannot feed any longer on husks with the swine of the world I fed on air and smoak before I never tasted substantial bread till I tasted of this This is the staff of my life and upon this will I support my self to my very grave The Wine Christ Come my Dearest I have drunk and thou shalt pledg me I have broached my side and drew it on purpose for thee This is a Wine of mine own making when I trod the Winepress of my Fathers wrath It is my blood but take and drink it it was the cause of my wounding but to thy soul it shall prove healing I died and bled it was but to make this Banquet for thee I have brought thee into my Wine-cellar and my Banner over thee shall be love Fear not take and drink thou hast an ulcer in thy heart and this shall cure it spots and stains of guilt on thy soul and this shall purge them away thy spirits are faint this shall revive thee thou art afraid to see thy Fathers face this shall make thee to draw near the Throne of Grace with boldness Drink I charge thee drink on thy love and loyalty to me I command thee as thou wilt have thy heart to mend thy wounds to cure thy spirits to revive thy fears to scatter thy soul to love and obey me take O take this cup into thy hand taste it and praise my love Soul Lord I have taken I have drunk as thou hast bid me I neither could or dare deny thee Can I refuse thy blood when I have accepted thy self Or can I accept my pardon at thy hands and
God had not mixed a discovery of Love with Majesty I could not have been able to endure the sight of his glory Therefore it is the best way for a soul in this case to beg earnestly for a discovery of Love and Majesty leaving it to the wise God who knows how to compound these together for the comfort and establishment of his Saints to measure out the degrees of them Oh! I cannot I cannot but admire the greatness and goodness of God and the poorness and meanness of the creature and I can set my seal to that truth That They know not what to ask aright XI That Afternoon going to a friend with whom we met some others who discours'd of the aspersions which carnal men cast upon our meetings calling us Blockheads Sots despisers of learning mine heart did fly out into vanity in laughing at such things which should rather have drawn out my soul to mourning and sighing to consider how my God whom I professed so much love to should be dishonoured by wicked men After which being come home I was dead in prayer which I lookt upon as a check to the lightness of my spirit Yet before I went to bed God did as eminently raise me and draw me out in meltings for that forementioned vanity that I could not but say the Spirit of God helped me with sighs and groans unutterable for mine heart was so full that I could not utter it in words I was very much humbled and truly I may say to his honour God did lift up my soul in a great measure above mine humiliation so that I lookt upon it as nothing but as given in upon the account of Christ Oh my soul Praise the Lord XII It is very natural for young Converts to think they are never better than when doubting and calling their state in question Ah! poor souls let me ask you what do you get by these vexatious Questions If they come with power they terrifie and then those that have them desire heartily they might be off again instance O. Again what assurance of Gods love and comforts to your souls do you get by them If thou say'st thereby thou shakest off security Let me tell thee that in shunning that rock thou fallest upon one as bad For in cherishing of such doubts thou cherishest unbelief And I dare say there is no sin doth more vail that mystery of Justification of God in Christ reconciling the world unto himself than unbelief We are to live upon Christ above all fears and are not to cherish a doubt any more than a temptation XIII Object But you 'l say What use should we then make of the examination of our hearts Answ This should be the Vse By it learn thine own misery that by the sight of it thou maist the more exalt Free-grace For this is the great mystery of the Gospel to exalt the love and free grace of God In order to which mans self must be abased Now by this abasement is not meant a sorrowful troubled and vexatious temper but such an one as is joined with humility and for tears sobs and sighs they are but accidental or rather a consequent of this Humiliation and self-abasement and not essential Wherefore you shall observe that your highest Christians they can live cheerily and yet enjoy abundantly more of God than a doubting Christian Be careful therefore of being too solicitous for troubles of spirit XIV There is another miscarriage in Saints which keeps them from a full closing with Christ and that is the multitude of their sins If think they my sins bad been but petty sins I could have gone to Christ but they are aggravated sins against love I have had hard thoughts of God blasphemous risings of heart against God such had O. who after this manner reasoned I answer That thou lookest upon Gods pardoning of sins with too carnal an eye and thinkest that in this he is like to man that because it is hard to man who is unwilling to put up the third offence as he hath done the first and second therefore it is so to God Alas this is a most gross mistake wherefore know as there be no degrees of hatred in God who is infinite so God is as fully angry at one sin as at ten thousand and may as soon punish a man for one as for a million because he who is absolutely perfect admits no degrees of love or hatred Therefore when thou lookest upon thy self as offending love as sinning against mercy eye God as making the Covenant of Grace in Christ immediately and to thee in Christ and from that aspect thou maist draw this Inference That though I change yet God cannot change For the Covenant of Grace stands firm still for he with whom God made it taking in that which some call the Covenant of Redemption stands as firmly as himself and so unmovable Whereupon my state is firm by virtue of that Covenant Now this consideration is very rational for if God made his Covenant immediately with us every time we should sin God must renew his Covenant for we should lack still a New Mediator but saith God I have made an everlasting Covenant with you which is upon the consideration of an ever-standing Christ XV. If you would know whether there be security mixed with your Faith and your dependance upon God as for the welfare of your soul 'T will be a good way to put this Question to the soul Whether it could trust God with its body in case of exigency Suppose thou didst want outward sustinence suppose God should call thee out to lay thy body at the stake for him For this is very common to Saints they can find in themselves that they do fully resign up their souls to God yet in the proposals of such cases they will find their faith begin to stagger Wherefore if thou findest thy self in this case to doubt trust God And assure thy self that he who hath drawn out thy soul in dependance as for the one will also do it for the other See as to this case Psal 78. and compare the condition of the Israelites to thine and see whether thou couldest have believed God in those things which they did not XVI Sometimes Saints are still and quiet as to the risings of corruptions as passions viz. anger c. and think it is mortified because it 's still upon applying of the soul to the blood of Christ yet if so be that particular corruption do afterwards rise again they are apt to conclude that sin was not mortified Answ Yet first we may conclude That mortification and the rising of corruption are not wholly inconsistent but may be in the same subject in different degrees For this is certain that corruptions cannot be totally subdued in this life If thou saist Why may they not be totally mortified as to the risings of them as well as for a time For I remember they were still as to the risings of them
for a time Answ Thou hadst better conclude that thou wast blind rather as to the discovery of them than that they did not at all rise at that time But for more narrow search into this case consider whether thy corruptions now rising are resisted by thee more than they were before if so conclude then the mortification of them Secondly It is not best in this case to ask the question too deeply whether they were mortified before because the Devil hereby will take advantage of the soul to vex it but rather apply thy self to Christ by new acts of faith as to the mortificationof them XVII Often times souls are puzled in their enquiries into the mortification of corruptions and know not what to conclude of them For if they look upon their hearts they find corruptions either bubling and rising up and impetuous or else they are still If rising that makes against the mortification of them if they rise not they are apt to conclude they are rather still than mortified To resolve such a soul I think it is best for it to look upon that in the soul which is opposite to sin and to examine whether there is greater love to God in him whether he loves Saints more and is more desirous that his sins should be mortified than formerly If he find these things in him he may conclude that his sins are in a greater measure mortified For sins and grace or love to God are like two scales and if you can but discover that grace is higher or your love and breathings are greater you may conclude that sin is lower and mortified XVIII On Saturday August 17 1650. He records I was exceedingly troubled with risings of a proud heart and on Sabath-day in the morning I found the like accompanied with envying against the raisements of other Saints as if I would have none higher than my self Yea and in the afternoon was exceeding troubled with lightness of spirit so that I could scarce forbear laughing at Church and after when I came home for one of Trinity being with me I was fain to leave him in the Chamber and enter my Study lest I should betray the nakedness of mine heart Oh cursed heart But for this spiritual distemper mine heart was suddenly troubled and I had just such a sorrow as if I had lost some outward friend and I did exceedingly take on in mourning for my folly XIX On the 22d following I had an ingenuous melting possest my soul on a sudden reflecting upon my want of discovery of the love of God these three or four days and the day following I was in a pretty good frame of spirit Whereupon I came to consider if a man would know whether he lives above all his duties let him see whether or no in a search after Sanctification he doth not lay more stress upon one duty than another For this Souls are very apt to do especially on those duties which are extraordinary As for instance if thou keepest a private fast with some other Christians or else prayest at some part in the day different from the seâ—-times or prayest more times a day than ordinary either by thy self or with other Christians or such times as those above praying at the Chappel if thou dost it is a sign that there is a tincture of self-dependence Therefore it is the best way to make an equal conscience of them all as for performance of them and look on them all with the same eye and say that thou art unprofitable in them all And that thou maist attain to this temper after every duty examine what vanity of thoughts what formality in spirit thou hadst in the doing of them that thou maist see they are all nothing without Christ XX. What should I do in a dull and dead state Answ 1 Double the watch over thine own heart aâ—d affections it is common to see a soul dead and careless 2 Labour to strengthen faith in the Promises of Gods love and willingness to receive souls The Parable of the Prodigal and that if a child aâ—k his father bread will he give him a stone c. should be consider'd 3 Make this improvement of thy present deadness to humble thy soul and see thine own vileness that thou shouldst abuse such riches of grace as it may be thou hast done and by that sin shouldst cause that deadness Take heed of slighting the deadness of your heart if you do you grow careless of Gods anger for deadness is a sign that God is angry XXI What should a man do in enjoyments Answ It is common for such souls presently to grow so confident of themselves as to let go their watch and so oftentimes are betray'd by their enemies 1 Be then as earnest for the enjoying of more of God when thou art raised as thou wast to enjoy any thing of God when thou wast not Let not a discovery of love stop thy breathing Saints often sit down here and so fall back again 2 Seek to redouble thy faith to make it stronger than ever for time will be that thou maist have use of it 3 Labour to humble thy self under thine enjoyments Let not the thoughts of Sonship dry up thine eyes but be sure the more of self-abhorrency the more evidence of thy Sonship XXII On Saturday the 5th and Sabbath-day the 6th of Octob. 1650 He records The Lord humbled me much in the sight of unworthy dealings with God and I may say God was in me of a truth this grace was then so lively in me that I prest it much to the company But yet Oh wretched heart before I came out of the company that night I was taken with a violent passion of pride and anger Yet by this fall I may bless my God God humbled me more than I was before yea and it caused me to have more contemptible thoughts of my self than ever Whereupon we find this sell-abasing Christian student to set down how he may get the victory over head-strong Passions when he adds Humility of spirit is attainable by getting quick and sprightful apprehensions of self weakness to grace and discovering the evil of a carnal heart which may be discern'd in spiritual duties by its sallying often into the world and much suspected when it is readier to close with a promise of God that speaks comfort than with a command of God which speaks obedience Oh! pray against such a distemper as savours of self seeking and labour to get holy Principles such as love to God to be the spring of all thy words actions and walkings and then thou maist take comfort in them for if any other humility which is carnal be found prevailing in thee it will argue hypocrisie There is so much pride in men naturally that when God begins to work upon the soul he finds no greater an enemy to it than pride and of nothing more do Saints complain than it which makes them unfit for any company any discourse and therefore
well why only if it was for any thing it was to read of the Controversie of Mr. Goodwin Yet as it prov'd by the all disposing Providence it was indeed for another business For as soon as I was in my Chamber I was exceedingly melted for those former sins Oh happy time Oh blessed spirit that led me not with my Saviour into the Wilderness to be tempted but to the Table of my Lord to feed on his fat things Bless the Lord O my soul and all that is within me bless his holy name On Friday before Easter 1651 I had no small joy in prayer never to my remembrance found I such a spirit of indefatigability before O praise God my soul and hie to God! And elsewhere he writes I have found in the various dispensations of Gods love and his dealing with me such a temper as this I have gone to prayer and laboured under such indisposition of soul and hardness of mine heart that I could not tell how to speak to God all sparks of faith as to the casting of my soul upon God seem'd to be extinct all breathings after God and Christ seem'd to be dead sin seem'd as nothing I sought to lay them to my charge yea and according to their aggravations I laboured to set Hell as to its torments before me that by them I might be startled Mine heart was so hard sin and its aggravations did as it were rebound back and convictions would not stick Methought Hell and its torments in this case no more frighted me than a sword at a blind mans throat would startle him I sought indeed that mine heart might be softned yet then but in word desires came not kindly from mine heart and in such a case I left praying this being night The next morning I went to duty again with a perhaps God will be gracious but found my soul hard as before and having pray'd a while and finding no comfort in it I was thinking to break off and so I should had not God prevented me by putting such an argument into my mouth as this Lord canst thou that hast said thou art a Father of such tender bowels suffer thy poor child thy poor creature to plead thus with thee for a broken heart and thou with hold it so stifly from him Upon this mine heart was exceedingly full and broken dissolved even into tears Oh ye Saints remember that Gods workings are arbitrary XXV As he records the failings and comforts he had before in and after prayer so we have him noting It is a good means to keep a mans soul up in a constant frame If he every day call his soul to a question How he hath walked with God that whole day And those sins he finds he hath fallen into that day let him resolve to watch against more strictly the next day and beg strength against them and by doing of this he shall quickly find a growth in grace and victory over his corruptions He adds When thou art ever pleading with God against sins remember that they are Gods enemies as well as thine Tell God he hates sin and wickedness and these are the enemies that thou art conflicting with and assure thy self God will not stand as a neuter but will take thy souls part as David in the fifth Psalm And again consider that thy soul is as a Common-wealth Christ the King thy corruptions the enemies now you know that the King is as much or rather should be more engag'd against the enemies of his Kingdom than the subjects are because the destruction of them or their victory strikes more upon his honour XXVI It is an hard thing to believe that a mans prayers are heard except he finds some warmings in his spirit in prayer either in solid joy or an hearty mourning Here these cases came to be resolv'd viz. Seeing the Children of God are often drawn out in prayer at By times a poor soul begins to reflect upon his own experiences and finding no such matter perform'd by himself is apt to be discouraged and to doubt whether God ever loved him First Thou must know though such dispensations are ordinary yet not necessary The Spirit can work without them as doubtless he doth in many Secondly Perhaps it hath not been Christs want of love to thee but thy negligence towards him He hath knocked and thou hast not opened Oh! this is a repulse to the King of Glory a sad dealing with thy Jesus with a Christ that was all a-sweat for thee and had his sides running out water and blood for thee to let him stand and knock without and give him no lodging Object Yea but the soul may say I have often watcht mine heart and markt the breathings of my soul whither they tended Godward or no but alas I was hard and blind a sottish creature Ans First Let such a consideration as this serve to humble thee but not to deject thee Know that there is a time when God will not be found and that is upon thy slighting of his former tenders Oh! when ever thou findest thy self in such a case forementioned Go and bewail before God thine hard and rough dealings with him Secondly Consider that upon such a reflexion on thy self and finding thine heart dead and listless to prayer it is very probable that the Spirit of God calls thee out at that time to prayer against thine hardness thy listlesness and blindness as to the discoveries of thy self and Gods love towards thee Oh! take heed of slighting such a tender as this Perhaps thou maist never have more of such tenders as these are and that thou maist wrestle a blessing out of Gods hand urge God with his own promises in the 54th Chapter of Isaiah it is a most spiritual and raising Chapter Here it may be Queried How to know that God hides himself out of love to me This to me is a strong evidence that God hides himself out of love to me after some miscarriage of soul 1 When God by my fall into a sin makes me more cautious of that sin for the future 2 God by that sin discovers my base heart to me 3 When God draws out my soul to beg earnestly for strength of him against it But a man after he hath fallen into some sin may take up resolutions against it and yet fall into it again 'T is true there is scarce a Saint but hath experienc'd this very thing and the reasons of it are not dark 1 On Gods part he will make his Saints to know that resolutions nor prayers nor any duty else can conquer sin He would have them acknowledg when corruptions are subdued it came from God that so they may put the crown of mortification upon his head 2 On our part let us examine our selves whether we did resolve in the strength of Christ If not it 's no wonder if we fall If we say we did Let 's examine our souls whether we did apply our selves to God
you in this case and mark his dealings with you herein that you may admire him When a man begins first to set his sace Zion-ward yea and afterwards when he hath made some progress in those ways the Devil doth exceedingly labour with such a soul to afflight â—im from the ways of holiness in suggesting that his former company will despise him and in these new ways there must be more strictness of life more tentations and trouble of spirit which kind of arguments will be apt to stagger such a soul very much because as yet they are but weak and have not such powerful principles infus'd into them as may make them strong enough to find the yoke of Christ easie Therefore it will be the best way for such a soul to resolve still to go on and assure himself that there are more joys to be found in God than in all his former courses and withall pray earnestly for the strengthening of inward principles in his soul and more spiritually in his heart to carry him through the strait gate with ease XXXIII This may be the temper of some souls that have had some assurance of their good estate that if afterwards some sin is set home upon their souls they are exceeding loth to dive into their own hearts which is accompanied with this slavish fear lest they should find all their former hopes to be meer flashes and that they have been in a carnally secure state even until now some have div'd into their hearts at such a time and God hath shown them some hypocrisie or selfishness in their former walkings whence they have concluded that if God had let them die in such a condition they had been damn'd and so after this discovery if they have had a clearer discovery of the baseness of their heart they have concluded the like of that estate By this kind of reasonings there are these disadvantages happen to such a soul First He can by no means make Gods former dealings with him subordinate to the innervating of his present condition and without a special work of the divine Spirit a man shall not gather any ground for his present condition Secondly By this he loseth a praising Spirit and he also deals disingenuously with God in not owning all his gracious dispensations to the soul The direction that I would give such an one should be this Let him know that the least grace is true grace Grace in the seed is as true grace as grace in the bud and grace in the bud as true as grace in the blossom Shall the blossom contemn the bud because it is not so fragrant and so flourishing or the bud the seed Oh! take heed of a non entertainment of divine Love I have had such quick checks of conscience that they have forc'd me to Duty to Prayer to Church to Chappel private Conferences and now I am afraid lest all these actions come meerly from checks and not from inward principles Of this thing if thou wouldst satisfie thy soul ask it whether thou hast not a Will contrary to this fleshly temper and it carries thee out to pray earnestly against that I mean not to the stilling of conscience but that God would discover to you that your duties came from more filial principles of love Bless then God for the quickness of conscience and press for strength to obey whatever conscience dictates to be according to right reason and the mind of God but on the other hand take heed of daubing it with any light gloss from Scripture as some species of good if thou do'st thou sinnest XXXIV Seeing that all the mercies of Saints have divine Love mingled among them Now I enjoy worldly blessings I know not whether they are given to me out of love to me says some poor Saint I Answer There be these three marks whereby a soul may see whether his earthly blessings are mingled with spiritual love First Mark whether they were given to you upon the account of prayer Did you beg them of the Lord upon your knees So that you may say all your mercies are the children of your prayers the births of your entreaties your health your meat and drink were wrestled for at a Throne of Grace After this manner did Hannah procure her son Samuel as we may read 1 Sam. Chap. 1. reflect now upon your self and see whether your outward mercies come this way if they do O how sweet and comfortable will they be to you you shall never look considerately upon them but your heart shall be warmed with the love of God Here you may say is a mercy and there is a blessing which I pull'd out of the bosome of divine Love as it were with mine own hand this child and that child this crumb of bread and that drop of drink are all pledges of Gods love to me these are divine influences and sparks of the flames of Gods loving-kindnesses What Adamantine heart would not such discoveries melt into love towards God what soul would not such chains of gold enravish which were both made and put about its neck with the lovely fingers of Christs hands What soul would not such a Cordial comfort which is compounded of love and goodness Mine heart is enravish'd within me whiles I think of this love and every thought that I have of it bespeaks admiration this is that which Angels admire and in which glorified Saints are immers'd these are the Chrystal streams which run before the throne of the Lamb every drop of which presents a jewel of inestimable price It is a thing rather to be admir'd than talk'd of here I could be content to dwell to eternity but I am call'd off to the second mark to discover this love in outward mercies and that is this Ask your soul this Question Whether it hath been drawn out in praises for that which you have received of God Can you say that you love God the more for them and do they engage you to serve God more if they do you may assure your self that Gods love is in every mercy you receive Thirdly Can you see them given to you upon the account of Christ Can you say that God loves you in Christ therefore God gives you this and that mercy this is one of the highest attainments of a Saint on this side glory This speaks fulness of comfort O! how sweet is it to see a reconciled Father hold forth his hand full of mercies to hear him come and say Child take this mercy and that mercy and when ever thou lookest upon them remember that I love thee O how pleasant is such a voice This cannot but work up the soul to love God and to breathe after God more than ever It is hard to distinguish betwixt an holy waiting upon God for the answer of our prayers and a kind of security which is apt to seize upon mens souls after prayer Now for answer consider this That waiting doth not impair breathings of
improvement of spiritual knowledg even whiles at the Vniversity which might make him a Workman that needed not be ashamed We shall look upon him though then but a Batchelor of Art who yet had gain'd respect by his Collegiate and Academical exercises and was well furnish'd with abilities as call'd to be employ'd in that exercise to which the former were only preparatory and subservient For it seems about the latter end of 1652 when his Father being admonisht by age was summon'd by sickness to leave this Temporary life he was concern'd to be at home the place of his Nativity where his custom was to call his Fathers servants to an account about their Souls and to Catechise them in the main Principles of Religion Here when he had as a most dutiful Son perform'd the last offices to his dying and deceased Father and was comforting his sorrowful Mother and instructing the Family He was importun'd by some good Christians of his acquaintance who soon found what excellent gifts and endowments this young Timothy had to employ his Talents in Preaching the Gospel as occasion should offer This upon their invitation he readily embrac'd and by his Preaching gave such evident proofs of his experimental knowledg utterance and zeal for God that upon the death of Mr. Morton a very Reverend and Worthy Minister the Parishioners of Mary Newington-Butts having heard him Preach and being satisfied of his Learning Piety and Ministerial abilities as the Instruments shew and Petition'd for him He was Feb. 16. 1652 ordered to that Rectory by those then in power as a Godly and Orthodox Divine And this was very remarkable in his Election to that Charge that though the Parishioners were divided into two several Parties and both went with their Petitions to Westminster upon the foresaid vacancy to have a Minister setled amongst them neither party knowing the others mind yet they both pitch'd upon him for whom the unanimous Petitioners did easily obtain a grant XXXVIII Hereupon this observant young Divine who was ever ready to acknowledg God in all his ways doth in his book with his own hand record this seasonable Call viz. God called me very clearly as I thought to the charge of Newington in which I used no means but Prayer wherein I was carried out in abundance of calmness of mind grounded on Faith This is remarkable in it that for some two weeks before I heard of it I was exceedingly troubled in my thoughts about means for subsisting at the Vniversity till my profits came in And behold how God graciously silenc'd all them by a gracious Providence but I look higher than so For much about this time as we conceive he was also Chosen Fellow of Christs Colledge yet to the satisfaction of the Reverend Dr. Bolton the Master and his particular friend He resolv'd to accept of the Charge at Newington where He was so unanimously desired and where he might have a greater opportunity of doing good to souls which was most upon his heart and the working of God upon others hearts by his Preaching was much heeded by him For we have him noting Feb. 17. 1652 3. I Preach'd at Mary-Overees wherein God wrought so graciously by me upon T. W. that through the urgencies of his spirit He wrote a large Letter to me indeed very spiritually wherein He blessed God particularly that He had heard me and that God had counted me so worthy as to become an Ambassador of so glorious a Gospel This was the first occasion of the renewing our acquaintance Bless the Lord O my soul that He hath made use of thy foolishness to manifest his Wisdom and his Grace to others XXXIX Afterwards on March 6. and 11. we find him again recording these Observables I heard from one of Newington that a wicked man of that Parish should say to him That he was very glad that they had made such a choice of me which forc'd him to these expressions through my weak preaching that he was perswaded if the Devil himself should come and preach to men he would perswade them to seek heaven O my soul admire the new Hierusalem Further Mr. Diaper brought one of Newington to me they called Mr. Langleys Convert who told me in our Converse that he had lain under a deadness of heart for almost a quarter of a year but since my Preaching there his spirit was exceedingly refresh'd and quickned This is the Lords doings and it is wonderful in mine eyes The same night in our Conference both concurred I mean the forementioned parties in this experiment that they have kneeled down on their knees yet through straitness of heart have risen up again and Petition'd nothing of God March 12. saith he my soul was in an exceeding spiritual frame wherein God exceedingly deadned me as to worldly-mindedness with which through a little dallying with a day or two before I was somewhat bewitch'd Oh! my soul take heed of jesting with covetous expressions lest it prove thy snare On Saturday night April the 1st my spirit was very much refresh'd in the light of Gods countenance the actings of my faith being very visible in relation to Newingtons salvation A friend of mine told me of a very carnal wretch that at hearing of me concerning the unkindness of sinners to God was very importunate with the said party to write out my Sermon for him which importunity lasted for a week or more but at length the said importunate party waxed cold and he heard no more of him when he had written it out for him Note All convictions and all meltings are not converting For the searching of such like we have this experimental Preacher recording You shall find it in your dealings with some souls that it is very hard to bring them off their good meanings and wishes especially such as are any thing moral and haply do subdue some of their grosser sins Examine such thus First How doth your soul take it if you find not God in prayer if you can rise up as you kneel down find God or not find him suspect thine heart for all is not right within Secondly Whether doth the absence of God or the loss of a creature a child or a wife or a husband most trouble thee thou maiest by this search thine heart to the quick for the loss of whatsoever it is that troubles thee most that is thine heart most upon Indeed the heart of this choice servant of the Lord was much upon his Masters work for the good of Souls For on a time June 1651. we find he had noted that he was furpriz'd in spirit with joy unutterable breaking out Oh! how did my bowels earn when I thought of Souls at a distance from God and sitting upon the shadow of death Whereupon he communicated his experience to his Chamber-fellow XL. And now having after thorow examination and profession of his faith been solemnly set apart to his Ministerial office and Pastoral Charge by the laying on of the hands of
in several particulars 1. Sorrow is the proper consequent of sin Christians therefore so far as freed from sin are necessarily in a state of freedom from sinful sorrow slavish fear c. That liberty 2 Cor. 3. latter end is fixed to joy nothing so genuine and characteristically appendant to the state of an Adopted Child of God as joy because having the spirit he ought to rejoyce evermore and that with joy unspeakable and full of glory 2. I grant also that Saints ought to joy in one anothers society with a spiritual delight considering the Wisemans saying Prov. 15.16 Better is little with the fear of the Lord than great treasures and trouble therewith The company of such should be all their delight Psal 16.3 Christ himself speaks of his rejoycing in the habitable parts of his earth and his delights with the sons of men Prov. 8.31 This might be more at large evidenc'd from Scriptures 3. I must as I have had too sad a cause put in this much That as Christian liberty in other things through Satans policy is abused too too much for an occasion to the gratifying of the flesh and vanity of heart which should not be Gal. 5.13 so in this which I account if it be brought to the face vain laughter Which I shall describe in brief and then leave to spiritual judgments There is such a frame of heart in many precious Saints as this viz. Acertain sudden indeliberate and rash leaping of heart carelesly blindly and unadvisedly transported with fleshly apprehensions of some sensual ridiculousness in somewhat though never so spiritual without the soul an unreasonable jocundness a shameful discovery of the hearts nakedness and inconsiderable jovialty a carnal unaccountable tripudiation in cases never so serious yea sometimes when most serious a delightful frenzy an irregular itching of the laughing faculty Alas I cannot but say I have sound mine own heart sometime like a feather following the puff of any ridiculous object up and down according to the less or greater impression which any vain foolish matter made upon my sense I had occasion to cry out June 18. O the filthy emptiness of my weak heart arising from those troubled steams within me This I could then count nothing but a fuzze of vanity a bubble of corruption a carnal dancing of the careless sons the bane of reason and poyson of Religion Carnality therefore and vanity are the formal Constitutives of this distemper Vanity I say and lightness in an untameable predominancy The internal cause of it is the loosness and rottenness of such a soul as is void of the actual exercise or power of reason discretion and judgment but it is promoted cherished and enlarg'd from some particular circumstance in the object ab extra let into the unsetled mind and indisposed heart by the quick convoy of the bruitish senses which causes this lightness I speak of or an unaccountable or over-powerful frame of laughing upon the presentation of the imagination or understanding either of a very serious thing grace or carriage of a person apprehended under the notion of his being usually familiar or light or more nearly I mean spiritually related to the soul thus distempered having for its external rise or occasion ex parte objecti that very thing ordinarily which to a rectified and considerative mind should rather be a cause of sorrow or serious humble rejoycing namely sometimes 1. Anothers expression of the like vanity 2. The more precious serious or so apprehended Saint his casting his eyes fixedly upon thee 3. Such a familiar Saint his relation either of some great sin or some special act of divine grace in any spiritual working of soul or his putting a light soul on any more singularly advantageous duty suppose Prayer out of a serious heart 4. The external efficient cause of this distemper is Satan who perceiving the heart loose at the bottom easily disposed to lightness of spirit makes it more vain and causeth other objects to take 5. As the cause of this distemper is very bad because corruptio optimi est pessima so the effects are and proportionably worse Take it thus in the lump It 's scandalous and a temptation to others it makes one uncredible as to any spiritual thing done or urg'd by one in such a frame yea it renders a more serious mood suspicious upon the same account it grieves true Saints and delights the Devil In respect of ones self it causes accordingly as it is more prevalent a general indisposition to all acts of Religion and sense of God it deprives a man of all spiritual communion either with God or his Saints for it takes away seriousness which is the considerate fixedness of the soul as to acts of reliance on Christ for strength against it and lastly it hinders sympathizing with other Saints especially as to mourning 6. There be connexed with this distemper while it is in act upon the soul 1. Pride self-applauding no self-abasing apprehensions 2. Security of heart no sense of the Lords being dishonoured Having seen these particulars opening the nature of lightness or carnal laughter the concerning Question is XLVI How may I distinguish betwixt Christian joys and this kind of laughter Answ First Spiritual joy and the expressions thereof be it in smiles or other gestures is still competent and consistent with the hearts well-disposedness towards God and all spiritual things because it is the fruit of the spirit Gal. 5.22 This doth as it were oyl the Chariot-wheels of the soul disposing it better to communion with God and all spiritual activity Yea seeing it ariseth from some love of God and Christ in him darted into the soul it fits the soul more for Christ and inflames it towards him by this the apprehensions of God are not extinguished but sweetned not diminisht but rather enlarg'd Whereas è contra the frame before mentioned dims the light of grace which by the spirit hath been sown in the soul it quenches the spirit of divine Union and so estranges the soul from God it sets the door open to backsliding and profaneness of heart and we see it is the nurse of profaneness in our spiritual backsliding Get a soul into never so high an attainment this will cast him down and betray him so that the soul hereby is brought to a strange loss seeing the spirit through such vanity of mind is sent away with grief and sadness I could produce a most remarkable instance of one a most precious one amongst us who by this means and the subtilty of Satan was cheated of very much spiritual comfort Secondly Spiritual joy and the expression thereof in cheerfulness consists with prudence and discretion so that a man may be spiritually joyous and yet behave himself fuitably to occasions persons and circumstances but this laughing frame puts a soul upon absurd unbeseeming and unsuitable carriages as laughing when one goes to sympathize with a soul broken for sin See Partic. 3d. above Thirdly
Then in the afternoon some of his choice Christian friends Ministers and others met to seek the Lord with fervency on his behalf When again pinch'd with recurring pains he said He was in an agony but not a bloody one And what are all my pains to those Christ did undergo for me When they were earnest with God in prayer for faith and patience He would often be saying Though thou killest me yet will I trust in thee And expressing much humility when they were importunate for his restoration Ah! poor useless sinful wretched creature that I am that they should be so earnest for my life But when it pleased the Lord that his pains should continue and the joint and ardent prayers of his dearest Relatives and people were not prevalent for his recovery He would be ever and anon thus stilling and quieting himself What shall I say unto thee O thou preserver of men One minute in heaven would make amends for all this pain LVIII On Friday 27th his repeated pains did continue yet the Doctor of Physick said There was no danger Towards evening he had some intermission and then was reading some part of his own Book concerning the Immortality of the Soul and Faiths Triumph over the fears of Death That Friday night his friend that much lov'd him Mr. Jeofferies sate up with him When being again rack'd with grievous pain he spake to this purpose Oh! the wonderful mysteries of the Providence of God! who can see a Job cast out upon a dunghil filled with botches and biles for saken by his friends and worried by Satan and yet at that very time God had not a more choice servant on the face of the earth nor one more dear to him than he was To another of his Congregation come with his Wife that evening to visit him and saying If it should please God he should then dye they should be a scattered flock as sheep without a shepherd He said The great shepherd of his flock liveth still or eternally He doubted not but he would take care of them LIX On Saturday morning 28th he by the help of his intimate friend Mr. Obadiah Sedgwick Merchant made his Last Will and Testament constituting his Wife sole Executrix he then as one who had set his house in order taking leave of this world told his Wife He had now done with Wife and Children and not less than twice to the Question How it was with him as to soul-concerns He answered I bless the Lord I have no cloud upon my spirit yet if my God should give Satan leave he may put me into an Agony before I dye Reverend Mr. Bragg in his Sermon p. 24 25. hath more He then spake of this nature yet further he repeated that of Solomons The soul knows his own bitterness and a stranger intermedles not with his joy He told Mr. Parsons his fellow-labourer in the Ministry All my self-righteousness I disown and I trust only to Christ and hope I have a Gospel-righteousness This evening seeing his Wife to weep He said I prethee weep not but turn thy face with Hezekiah to the wall and pray The night after when he was weaker his pains grew stronger but when an acute pain was a little over He would ever and anon say Now this pain is over and I shall know it no more And to one that stood by who he thought had not walk'd acurately Now see the benefit of a good conscience Then when they had given him something from the Apothecary to dispose him to sleep though his speech was somewhat interrupted with pain and drowsiness He was much concern'd for the People of God in England After a little slumber he said I long to see a people rich in spiritual graces as well as spiritual priviledges but surely God hath here a peculiar people a royal priesthood that serve him day and night in sincerity LX. On the Lords-day morning 29th his Wife asking him whether he knew her What saith he not know thee not know my Wife Thou would'st make me to think I am going to triumph before I am However his triumph was not many hours after For though his people in the solemn assembly that holy day had been earnest again with the Lord if he had seen good to have spared him longer to them about one of the Clock that Lords-day on which blessed days he had used to be much in an heavenly frame as before this choice servant of the Lord expired his last breath and his holy soul entred those joys he had often been labouring to get a Pisgaghsight of and to shew them to others whiles he was here in the body Upon his death that being dissected there was a stone took out of his bladder figured like an Egg which then did weigh 'twixt three and four ounces It may yet be seen in the hands of his Sister He had a brother who though a very strong young man when he was not above 20 years of age dyed being cut of the stone which much affected our compassionate Author and made him all his life after pre-apprehensive of those pains which nextly caused his own dissolution LXI If upon their departure as Erasmus saith in the life of Hierome We are ready to kiss the very shooes and shirts though soyl'd of those Saints we lov'd we should certainly account their Books their best Reliques most useful and efficacious The Works of our Author much beloved by those who knew him well already published with good effect are 1. His serious Exhortation to an Holy Life wherein he doth with great strength and much affection from Mat. 5.20 put in a plea for the absolute necessity of inherent righteousness in those that hope to be saved This was written when he had been six years at Newington as he saith in his Epistle to it 2. The Immortality of the soul prov'd by Scripture and Reason to the Saints joy and the Sinners terror Printed much about the time of his last marriage 1670. To which is annext 3. The Triumph of Faith being in a tendency to the Practical improvement of the former from Phil. 1.21 answering fears upon the conceiv'd approach of death 4. â— Sermon in the Printed Book of Farewell-Sermons though it seems that was not the very last he preached before stinging Bartholomew on Rev. 2.5 Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen and do the first works or else I will come unto thee quickly and will remove thy candlestick out of his place except thou repent Published 1663. where he presseth England to repent Lest said he if God be provoked by sin to go the Devil come And he adds prophetically enough the Plague Pestilence and Sword and all other manner of Evils follow God doth not go alone neither doth God remove his candlesticks alone I do not tell you that God threatens you to pull down all your lights I would not terrifie you by telling you that God is a departing from you when he puts out
some of your lights But yet I must needs tell you that when God doth deprive you of so many hundreds of as Pious and Laborious and as learned Ministers some of them as any are in the Vineyard I say when God deals thus with you I cannot think that it is in mercy to you but in judgment The Church of England is a great people and there are many poor souls in it that are as firebrands in the fire that have great need to be pluckt out And as there are blessed be God many Eminent Ministers at this day in England to snatch poor souls as firebrands out of the fire yet I say that where there is one we have need of ten He liv'd to see the prediction verified in the great Plague the Dutch War and what succeeded till 1676. What evils have been since they who love the Lord Jesus in sincerity can well observe 5. A Sermon in the Supplement to the Morning-Exercise at Cripplegate about Practical Cases of Conscience viz. Sermon XII published 1674. wherein he hath clearly shew'd how it doth appear to be every Christians indispensable duty to partake of the Lords-Supper From 1 Cor. 11.24 This do in remembrance of me 6. A Sermon in the Morning Exercise against Popery viz. Sermon XXIII published 1675. on Heb. 10.12 But this man after he had offered one sacrifice for sins for ever sate down at the right hand of God Whence he made it evident against the Papists That Christ crucified is the only divine and proper sacrifice of the Gospel and being once offered was so compleatly efficacious as that it took away sins fully and for ever 7. Separation no Schism being a full and sober vindication of the Nonconformists from the charge and imputation of Schism in Answer to a Sermon preached before the Lord Mayor by J. S. This Printed 1675. 8. His Last warning to secure sinners being his two last Sermons concerning the certainty and dreadfulness of the future misery of all ungodly sinners wherein his fervency of spirit in serving of the Lord is very conspicuous This last was published shortly after his death LXII Concerning these Posthumous Remains which now appear abroad though they have not those Polishings which might have been given to them by the last hand of their excellent Author yet they should not be under valued 'T is very well known he was no slave to his syllables As to that which he himself published of the Souls Immortality in his Epistle to the Reader he there tells him He must not expect from him a fine set of words or flourish of phrases and that he was not for the pleasing of the fancy with such toys yea in a Epistle oâ— his to his Hearers prefix'd to his serious Exâ—ortation to an Holy Life He tells them in Print sometime before he left Newington I tell you I dare do any thing for your sakes yea hazard the reputation of my discretion rather than be thought defective in my care for your never-dying spirits Great souls regard the substance more than circumstances and the attaining their great end more than acquiring some trivial plumes of reward you may be assured there hath been all care and sincerity used in what in this Preface or elsewhere hath been transcribed out of his own Copies to give you his genuine sense in his own words But where there may be slips and defects discovered which the learned Author himself could have easily rectified had he been alive and design'd to have made these things useful in this way Candid Readers who have a love to the deceased will be ready to overlook them without any impeachments of the Authors worth or the Publishers integrity the doing of good to souls being the design of these last as well as of him whose Memory is blessed And if any hastily conceit some particulars might have been left out they would do well to consider that particulars are more pungent and affective than generals and how that the choicest Saints of God in the Scriptures did note their own infirmities and by what means they had helps against them and were victorious over their corruptions Further This may engage serious Christian Readers more especially Relatives to watchfulness and resolutions of practising according to such examples as have through Christ behav'd themselves acceptably to God For as one said well The lives of holy men do teach us what ought to be done and at once convince us that it may be done And therefore another hath pertinently observ'd That the Historical parts of the Scriptures are little other than Annals and Descriptions of the Lives of the Patriarchs Judges Kings Prophets c. The Meditations here published most of them were gotten into the hands of Booksellers two several Copies of which we have seen besides the Original These might with the Letters and some of the Poems which were also in several hands have crept abroad more to the disadvantage of the Author whose happy memory hath herein been sincerely consulted so were the two Sermons taken in Short-hand and offered for gain to be Printed being they were greatly desired by some of his dear friends and beloved people which things laid together with good hopes they may be useful occasion'd a yielding they should be Printed as they now are Errors of the Press excepted knowing the holy Author did evermore seek the profiting of others rather than any praise from them to himself In the close of his little Manual for an holy life his own words are I write not to please all but to profit some If the Lord shall please to bless it to that end it will content me though it doth not thee In his Meditations as you have them you find he is very Pathetical and in his Poetique vein we may easily discern he did all along breathe after that heavenly state he is gone to possess And who knows how much his sanctified fancies and holy ejaculations may raise the affections of others that read them to the life of God He being somewhat musical did compose and in private make use of these Hymns c. for that purpose In his own Memorials out of which much of this Preface is compos'd he hath left this general direction I shall here subjoyn in his own words viz. That soul who would be true to himself as to the enjoyments of God Let him labour to get up his heart into a praising temper For doubtless there is nothing speaks more pure Saintship and Holiness in the soul than when it is carried out in Praises My reason is this because Praises do purely terminate upon God without any reflexion upon such actions as are most purely holy And here examine this case whether a man can love God absolutely for himself or only relatively as he doth discover himself to a soul He wrote some other things as particularly an Answer to a piece of Mr. Pen and Whitehead at the instance of a Theobalds neighbour to whom he gave
a deformed one but a Virgin without wrinkle without spot when the Church is sanctified by the Spirit of Christ and nothing in your hearts but love fear and holiness then you have this beauty that is without spot or wrinkle sin does sully the soul but grace taketh away spots and wrinkles Likewise 2. The Church is compared to a Woman for her affection their affections ordinarily are more strong 'T is said of Jonathan his love did exceed the love of women The Holy Ghost compareth the Church to a Woman to signifie that all the members of Christ have a very ardent love and affection to Christ No love so strong as the love of a Saint to Christ and therefore 't is said That many waters cannot quench it There are few will be beggered for the sake of another or banished or hanged upon a Gallows for the sake of another burnt at a stake for anothers sake and yet the love of a Saint maketh nothing of all this it rejoiceth to see its goods spoil'd for Christ to think it self worthy to be whipt for Christ to go up a ladder and to be thrown down with a rope about its neck for Christ Water cannot quench a Saints love neither can fire hinder a Saint from Christ neither things present or things to come can sepaparate from Christ You would all be of this Church pray look that you have affections suitable for Christ You may have a time to try your affections if you want affections you are none of this Woman 3. The Church is compared to a Woman for her fruitfulness the Church of Christ is a fruitful Church that is the society of the Lord Jesus do bring forth daily children to God and as like the Father as they can look The Church does meet together to preach the Gospel and to pray and praise God together and God does so bless them with the Ordinances that they do convert sinners unto God they bring souls that were aliens in their mind they bring them to acquaintance with God The Church is always travelling and bringing forth and God does bless her to bring Sons and Daughters to himself and when they are born they are like Christ patient as Christ was patient meek as he was meek humble as he was humble and heavenly as he was heavenly Whoever pretend to be a Son or Daughter of this Woman and do not bear the Image of the Lord Jesus Christ they are bastards Barrenness under the Law 't was counted a very great curse So take this note to find out the Church of Christ upon earth and in England look upon the several societies professing the name of Christ see which look the most like him have they affections to Christ is there a beauty in their lives are they barren do they convert sinners to them Some cry with a loud voice The Temple of the Lord are we but I pray see if they are fruitful Are they travelling and bringing forth and have they Sons and Daughters brought forth daily to them or little conversion among them they are not fruitful they have not Sons and Daughters born to Jesus Christ and by that you may know where to find Christs Church Lastly The Church is compared to a Woman because of her weakness the Woman is the weaker sex she is not made for fighting but in case of danger for flying for this is the nature of the Church it is not of a domineering boisterous spirit but a womanly spirit modest humble and meek Where you see a people pretend to be this Woman pouring out malice and wrath a domineering people are they like this Woman that flyeth in time of danger but not from Christ vers 3. And there appeared another great wonder in Heaven behold a great red Dragon and that 's the Devil and the Dragon stood before the woman to devour her child as soon as it was born But what was the end did she fight no there were Angels stood to contend for her she took up no arms thought not upon fighting but presently the Angel rescued her vers 7. And there was war in Heaven Michael and his Angels fought against the Dragon and the Dragon and his Angels fought and prevailed not That is the host of Angels did contend with the Devil and his Angels and would not permit him to destroy her and she fled into the Wilderness vers 6. And she fled into the wilderness where she hath a place prepared of God that they should feed her there a thousand two hundred and threescore days She fled into a Wilderness but in a secure state she was secur'd in her Wilderness and God lookt after her and we are in this thousand two hundred threescore days She is a weak Church but strong in Christ and if so my brethren though you be weak and meek as a sheep and compared to a Woman the weaker sex yet notwithstanding fear not for I cannot stand to speak of all the things in this Chapter Great wings were given her to fly with the whole earth stept out to help her and swallowed up the flood which the Dragon cast out of his mouth and the Angels helped her Well now let us come to the attire I have shewn you the reasons why she is compared to a Woman and we will begin at her head and so come down to her foot On her head a Crown of twelve Sâ—arâ— and her body was clothed with the Sun and under her foot the Moon What was this Crown of twelve Stars if you do but mark the H. Ghost through this book of the Revelations you will find him take a great deal of pleasure in this number twelve and he does always use it when he speaketh of the true Church the new Jerusalem it had twelve Gates and the Tree of life in the midst of this new Jerusalem this Tree of Life bore twelve sorts of fruits this you have in the last Chapter And in the midst of the streets of it and of either side of the river was there the tree of life which bare twelve manner of fruits and yielded her fruit every month and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the Nations Why twelve Gates for the City and twelve fruits upon the tree and twelve Stars upon the Crown of this Church what is the meaning of this I will tell you what it is You know Jesus Christ when he went about to gather this Church out of the world he did chuse twelve men that were his Apostles and these twelve men he did acquaint with the whole mystery of the Gospel all the things that he would have them teach the world he gave them in commandment and they were to be under him the Fathers to beget this Church And Christ calleth them lights Ye are the lights of the world because they were to deliver forth this Doctrine of the Gospel this light from Heaven these truths that lead men like tapers through this dark Dungeon
setled up he mounts Upon his Royal Steed Who prancing through the streets is prais'd For his victorious deed Just so my glorious blessed Prince With vict'ry on his side Being won with ghastly gaping wounds In triumph he must ride Down with a Chariot made of clouds From th' Palace-yard on high His Father sent to setch his Son In great solemnity Before he steps up to his seat Like Royal Prince he gave Rich-wonder-working gifts to 's friends And then he took his leave Strait at command the foaming winds With prancings up they fly Proud of the burthen that they drew A load of Majesty When he got home Oh! with what shouts Of joy did Heav'n resound When th' Father sat him on his Throne And there himself him crown'd Angels and Saints do all at once The Song of the Lamb sing As worthy of all honour praise Yea worthy to be King Sit there thou great Victorious Prince At thy Fathers right hand Bring down thine en'mies to thy feet Rule all by thy command HYMN V. The Souls Access LOrd hear my knocking 's hark my crys Want drives me to thy door Oh! chide not do not say Away I was here once before Where shall I go thou only hast That life none gives beside I went about the world to beg For life but all deni'd Thou art my God and Saviour To thee I naked creep Besmear'd in blood and tears I lie Lord pity see I weep If I have sin'd Lord thou hast di'd To free me thou wast sent And thou hast said I shall not die If that I will repent Justice Oh hold a while thy stroke Suffer a sinner plead It 's for my life one word and then Strike on and make me bleed If I had sin'd and would not yield But stoutly stand it out Thy wrath might then have broacht my heart And let my life run out If I had heard a Christ was come With open arms to save Had I not run for refuge there Mercy I might not crave Now Justice strike 't is done but see Where I incircled lye Within the folds of Jesus arms Strike in his arms I 'le die Chear up my heart the storm is o're Justice is ris'n and gone All thy accusers creep away Thy Christ is lest alone What blessed voice was that I heard My Son rise off thy knees Thy sins are pardon'd thou art free And I have paid thy fees Lord what a quick dispatch hast thou In grace giv'n to my cause I am arraign'd acquit set free By thy most gracious Laws Had I not guilty dar'd to plead Though fraught with Angels skill How sure my impannel'd conscience would Have sought and found the bill HYMN VI. The descent of the Spirit WHO knows the winds from whence they come Or whither they do go The holy breathings we receive Are from the Spirit ev'n so Sometimes its cooling gales we feel On Conscience all on fire Sometimes its cooling heats we find Our nummed hearts inspire This is that Holy Ghost that Christ Did promise for to send This is that pow'rful Spirit that Our stubborn hearts must bend Jerusalem the City was Design'd for his descent Thither the Christians at th' command Of th' Heavenly Angel went No sooner were they set but straight A mighty tempest rose Shook the foundations of the house Which they for pray'rs had chose Struck with amazement soon there fell Flames shap't both flat and long Which hovering light upon each head Much like a Cloven-tongue Those little fiery bushes were But wonders for to shew That th' wonder-working Spirit was Come down to men below For straight he tun'd each Christians tongue All Languages to speak The Parthians Medes and Elamites To them their minds might break Thousands of Salem flock to see This strange unheard-of thing They flock too fast for they forget Good hearts with faith to bring Some are amaz'd but others scoff Some praise but others say They have too much of tongue they 'r drunk With much new wine to day Oh injur'd God! how can'st thou bear These dreadful Blasphemies These wonders speak thy Gospel true They say it 's nought but lyes Scarce fifty days now past thy Son With nails they Crucifi'd And now to heap up sin on sin Thy Spirit they deride Instead of wrath Gods bowels yern Yet thinks them thoughts of Grace The bleeding Christ while Peter preacht The Spirit gave them chace Three thousand hearts at once he struck Who bleeding came and cri'd What shall we do we do believe On Christ we Crucifi'd O holy conquering Spirit thou Those souls did'st captivate This is a second wonder wrought Which we with Songs relate Oh let me find thy heats within As a refiners fire Purge from my heart all dross and sin This this is my desire HYMN VII First Part. THOU dreadful Judg whose Majesty Angels themselves adore That can't with open face thee see But clap their wings before When thou with whispers dost but chide The arch of Heaven doth quake Big-bellied clouds forth lightning bring And into thunders break When that thy wrath it doth but breathe Great storms of whirlwinds rise Hail snow and rain come tumbling down Whilest th' trembling sinner flies The lofty mountains stoop their heads To hide them in their vales Great men and Princes shrink for fear Their hearts and courage fails Some high and mighty Angels hatcht Treason against his Crown He spar'd them not but from their Throne With vengeance pull'd them down He chains of darkness on them laid As pris'ners doth them keep Against the great and terrible day When hardest hearts shall weep When the old world thy name forgot And laid aside their fears The gentle wrathful Heavens wept Drowns it with showers of tears When Sodom and Gomorrah burnt With fires of wanton lust With flakes of fir'd brimstone thou Those Cities burnd'st to dust Sion it self that darling hill In Salem that did stand Them both for slaying of thy Son Thou mad'st a fire-brand Our bleeding carcasses thy sword leaves reeking on the ground Yet after this we no more fear Than men fall'n in a swound Second Part. When thou O mighty God shalt come Riding upon the wind To judg the world Oh! in what place Will th' wicked refuge find How shall we hear thy shrill voice't trump Cleaving th' air asunder To wake our ashes in their graves With noise like claps of thunder Lord what a glorious train is that That on their wings do ride Look how they post in full career Thronging on either side Oh! they 're the Angels of the Lord Egypt's first-born that slay'd That took poor Lazarus soul that di'd And him in bosom laid The Trump shall sound and Michael then Th' Archangel strait shall cry Arise you dead to judgment come The Lord your lives must try Look how the wicked's bodies crawl Like Toads out of their den What ghastly fearful looks they bear They look like frighted men Why do you sinners now thus quake Call for your
cups and sing Scoff laugh deride your Preachers now Care not for Christ your King You worldlings call upon your gods See what your Gold can do Ye proud ambitious of the earth Judg whether Gospel's true Fear not you humble holy Saints This is your Marriage-day Your night is past your tears dri'd up Your sorrows fled away This day you heard of and believ'd At it your hearts did melt This wrath now come you beg'd to ' scape Whilest on the earth you dwelt Third Part. Lord I astonisht stand to think What brightness will thy face That day put on when thou thy self To mortals wilt uncase How will the bleeding mangled Christ On earth that seem'd so poor Outshine the Sun and put it out For it shall shine no more Then to the wicked he shall say See him whom you have pierce't It 's I whom you did scorn to fear And bid me do my worst You sin'd yet would not bow your knee Though I you pardon could You would go on and have your way Though th' danger you were told I must not rule you you had got A better Lord than I I cri'd I call'd but you were deaf Why sinners will you die How long did I your leisure wait With hope you might repent Ah sinners now it is too late My patience is quite spent You hope 't to find a Lamb your Judg And of my love to share You shall me find a Lion now That can in pieces tare Go cursed cursed from my sight I 'le never see you more I would have wip't off all your debts Now you shall pay the score Ye Angels that attend my will Bind them in chains about Now cast them in the dreadful gulf They never shall come out Loaded with sins now get you hence Sink deep sink deep in flames Torments seize on your trembling joints I ever be free from pains Blow blow thou wrathful breath of God That kindlest Tophets fires Ye worms of conscience catch your hold Bite hard and never tire You poys'nous curled snakes arise Out of the sulphur'd Lake Torment them ever with your smells Their lives yet never take Bear witness sinners I your Judg Am free from cruelty I would have sav'd you from this death You rather chose to die Now you would leave your loved sins Have me at any rate Leave pride and drink and gold and life Ah! now it is too late Lord hear a trembling sinner cry While I on earth do dwell I thee will love and fear and serve Free me but from this Hell Oh! when I die grant me this wish That I thy face but see Gold honour pleasures here on earth I will forsake for thee HYMN VIII WHat if my Chests were cram'd with Gold My Chariots stood at Gate What if a thousand servants did Upon my pleasure wait What if my House a Palace were Its walls with Rubies shone My Chambers costly Tissue wore In-laid with Diamond-stone What if my Bed were cloath'd with Gold Befring'd with Pearls most bright What if some clouds of ruffled Silks Were Curtains for my light What if I drank the sp'rits of Pearl Eat of all sowls beasts fishes What if each day these were serv'd up In massie golden dishes What if I had espoused one So wise so good so fair That both in soul and shape she might With Angels well compare What if my numerous off-spring were Of Wits deeply profound Their outward carriage state did bear Yet all with meekness crown'd What if for one whole thousand years Our youth a spring-tide had What if that while no pains we knew That ever made us sad Yet ah my soul this thread of life At length would fret away A dark and sullen cloudy night Would rise upon our day This long-liv'd candle at the last Would to her socket burn Her flame would struggle for a life And then to smoke would turn My soul chuse rather to live well How long it matters not He that lives ill while he hath liv'd Hath done he knows not what Thou maist live well without this wealth Be good without this state Please but thy God and thou wilt think Thy death will come too late HYMN IX 53 Chap. of Isaiah Translated WHO hath believed our report Who hath the Lords arm seen When he his Son sends to the world By blood it to redeem He must spring up before his face As a most tender plant Out of dry ground he must shoot up Yet seem all form to want When one his visage shall behold He nothing there shall see Of that alluring beauty which May well desired be Men him despise and shall reject Add sorrows to his grief Of him asham'd they hide themselves So give him no relief Yet certainly he only was The man our griefs that bore But we thought he was smitt'n of God So paid but his own score For our transgressions he had wounds And for our sins was bruised By his chastisements we had peace For our health stripes he chused All we like sheep have gone astray And turn'd from God each one But God all our iniquities Hath laid on him alone He was afflicted and opprest Yet moved not his tongue Lay like a lamb when to be kill'd By butchers laid along From darksome prison he was took Who shall declare his birth For th' peoples sins he smitten was And cut off from the earth With wicked men he found a death Among the rich a tomb Because for ill nor done nor said He had receiv'd his doom Yet did it please the Lord to bruise And put him for to bleed Therefore he shall prolong his days And after see his seed Therefore the pleasure of the Lord Shall prosper in his hand The travel of his soul shall see His children at command By his knowledg my righteous Son Shall many justifie For he by suffering shall bear All their iniquity Therefore I him a portion With the great will divide Because to death his soul he pour'd His Kingdom shall be wide HYMN X. A Consolatory against the fears of Death THOU tyrant Death look not so stern Think not me to affright The giddy tumult thou maist awe With thy unconquer'd might I wear di'd in a Saviours blood A scarlet robe about Strike where thou wilt thy Serpents sting This robe shall fetch it out Were I to die but like a beast I think my heart would break But now I know my soul survives To fear it were but weak Were it not baseness for to think Of Saints souls though the least That after death they did enjoy No more than a poor beast If then I shall as joyful be And happier every way Than I am here why should I fear To bid that world good day But Oh! the fainting-fits and pains That I must needs go through Why what of that they 'r quickly o're Then what needs such ado They are not past some fourteen days Diseases come to height Be patient but for that small time Bid sorrows then
arise Out of a pit by which a Beldam lies Stirring her urine thence doth darkness fleet Baffling the light making the day retreat Clouds in the air ingender double charge Themselves with thunder then themselves enlarge In sheets of flame thence follow winds That strike amazement to the hearers minds What shall I say of Wizards that are whirl'd In cloudy chariots round the airy world What of Amantius and Rotarius set Perched on tops of Oaks bemir'd and wet Whence in a trice from out the shepherds sight A wind them snatches and then take their flight Like two cock-sparrows 't length were seen to hop Upon a towring lofty houses top One trembling th' other laughing bid him cheer It was as safe to be in th' air as there Thus was Mag. Warrin hackned on the back Of some foul Fien that made the welkin crack With storms and tempests as he her did rear A loft jolting along yet void of fear Lighting at last on th' top of a tall oak Was seen condemn'd and in a rope did choak Wondrous is' t easie tell me to conceive That air should thus condense it self then heave Such weighty bodies upward or bare words Or ceremonious charms make them as birds To course about the air ma'n't we with ease Rather imagin sp'rits t' produce all these Strike sail my muse thou 'rt now in sight of shore Laden with traffick hath inricht me more Than Indian voyage knowledg of sp'rits to me Is far more sweet than Arab spices be They may embalm the body what care I Let body rot and stink my soul can't die Spirits are all immortal so 's my soul It cannot wast nor die Bells they may toul Their mortal knells for Bodies but I have What the Father of Sp'rits alive will save Welcome ye Angels then 't is for your sake That I in part this tedious voyage make My undisturbed reason free from doubt Spirits hath seen in flesh and some without Lord when this prison falls and I am free Let me i' th' number of just spirits be FINIS The TABLE A Preface of the Authors Life and Death An Elegy on the Authors death Octob. 29. 1676. Verses on the Picture and Book The Contents of the Book viz. Three Preparatory Questions about the Sacrament Pag. 1 An example of Meditation about the sufferings of Christ Pag. 2 c. The causes of Christs death consider'd in that Meditation Pag. 6 c. A Colloquy 'twixt the Judg Sinner and Saviour Pag. 14 c. Objections about Gods love c. answer'd Pag. 20 c. The Sacrament particularly the Dress Pag. 31 c. The Presence-chamber Pag. 33 The Communion plate and the Bread Pag. 35 The Wine Pag. 37 The Conclusion Pag. 40 A Meditation on Christs death preparatory to the Sacrament for private use Pag. 42 Three pious Letters to his Sister when he was but a young Student at Christs Colledg Pag. 50 A Sermon on Rev. 12.1 Of the Church compar'd to a Woman Pag. 58 A Sermon on Amos 3.6 Preach'd Sept. 2. 1673. Pag. 81 A Meditation for raising his heart under slightings Pag. 123 POEMS Hymn 1. On the Souls Love-sickness Pag. 126 Hymn 2. The Souls Farewell to her Body Pag. 128 Hymn 3. The Resurrection of our Blessed Lord Pag. 130 Hymn 4. Of our Lords Ascension into Heaven Pag. 132 Hymn 5. The Souls Access Pag. 133 Hymn 6. The descent of the Spirit Pag. 135 Hymn 7. Of Gods Providence and Judgment Pag. 137 Hymn 8. The vanity of created enjoyments Pag. 142 Hymn 9. On Isaiah 53. Pag. 144 Hymn 10. A Consolatory against the fear of Death Pag. 146 Hymn 11. Comfortable at the death of a dear friend Pag. 150 Hymn 12. Of Thanksgiving for the restoration of health Pag. 153 Hymn 13. Remedies against discontentments in four Parts Pag. 156 Hymn 14. The desire of Assurance Pag. 161 The Welcome Pag. 166 Mortality Pag. 172 Self-estimation Pag. 174 Contempt A Dialogue 'twixt Flesh and Spirit Pag. 176 The Alarm Pag. 177 A Song of the Pilgrim Pag. 181 A Spiritual Song of Triumph Pag. 182 A description of Paul 's Shipwrack Act. 27. Pag. 184 A sinners unregenerate inside turn'd outside or the language of the Kingdom of darkness Pag. 192 The Rout of Demetrius Pag. 195 The Flint Pag. 200 A Divine Song of the Brides stay for her Beloved Pag. 202 A wounded Conscience Pag. 205 The Petition for a Prospect of Immortalities Pag. 207