praised and was gone I was troubled that he did not more question me and bring arguments against me for trial I know true gold is made more manifest by the touchstone and it is more purified in the Furnace and appears from dross But to tell you of the second coming of this Embassador of Christ now I beheld the Spirit of God moving in him to speak in a soul-searching manner though he told me I might be deluded and also telling me that many had been deluded and he therefore Exhorted me to have a care that I believed upon good grounds and told me I might make use of the means and partake of the creatures and to look up to God to give me sleep many Exhortations and Examinations he used to me which I much rejoyced in for my faith was the more confirmed and while I was upon the Tryal God came in with a mighty strength telling me that I was not deluded but he would raise me without means by his mighty power as he did Lazarus out of the grave at my first sickening I did use the means I took things but they did me no good I was the more tortured and felt my self the worse because God came not in the means it took no Effect God had a further work to shew to his people And the Lord bid me tell these things in Gath and publish them in Ashkelon fear not saith God to tell it to the greatest Monarch of the world if thou beest called to it For I thy God am with thee And I saith the Lord will strengthen thee in all difficulties that thou shalt meet withall But now I shall tell you Saints how God presented himself to me in many similitudes which I never heard mentioned before by any they were brought immediately from God and Scripture presented that I never took notice of before and God sweetly interpreted them to my spirit God first filled me with contemplation about the Trinity which was sweeter then the hony and the honycomb to my spiritual pallat it came in such a Majesty to me that I am not able to set it forth it swallowed up my spirits But in desiring to declare it to the Saints this similitude of a Tree was set before me God the root his Son Christ the Tree the Spirit the Sap and as the Root and Tree and Sap are but one in a natural sence for the Sap and Tree looked on in the Root there is but one substance which lies hid till such time as it puts forth it self in a Tree and then the Tree appears but it is covered with a Bark or Rinde and the Sap is discovered running from the Root through the Tree into the Branches which Sap is not so discovered as when the bark is peeled off the Tree yet then it cannot be discerned in the nature of it So the Father Son and Spirit are one in that glorious essential incomprehensible Being making themselves forth in thee 3 Joh. 5.7 God lies hid in the Root man is not capable to know what he is no more then man is capable to know what sweetness is in the Root of a Tree while it lies hid till it appear in the Tree and Sap so when this one God appears in the Tree the Lord Jesus then his sweetness begins to break forth and is made forth more by the Sap the Spirit But I desired the Lord to shew me this similitude by Scripture in which he opened the Trinity by way of Root Tree and Sap God is said to be love and he that dwelleth in God dwelleth in love So that from this God appeared as the Root of mans happiness being infolded in the first person in Trinity from Eternity by this Root which the Scripture calls love the first glorious person in Trinity appearing in the second person the Tree But how is he called a Tree in Scripture It was presently presented before me that he was that Tree spoken of in Paradise that Tree of life Gen. 2. But how may the spirit be called sap from Scripture Thus it is called a holy anoynting it is compared to Oyle To the Oyntment Psal 133.2 which was upon Arons head and ran down upon his beard and so to the skirts of his garment And from the word Oyl or Oyntment so the third glorious person in Trinity is likened unto sap and thus it appeared to me that as the sap runs from the Root through the Tree into the branches so the Spirit the holy Oyle runs from out of the Root which is the Father through the Tree which is the Son into the Branches For so the Saints are called in Scripture Branches of the Vine Christ Jesus and as the Sap drops into the branches and twigs of a Tree which causes them to live and appear green and the efficacy of this Sap produces fruit it is very Vertual it descends of its vertue into the leavs which else would wither as for instance in the fall of the leaf when the Sap returns into the Root the leaves wither and fail And as there is a Vertual Union of the Root Tree and Sap and Branches and Fruit and Leaves so there is a glorious Union and Congruity that the Saints have in the holy Trinity their life is in the Root and it appears in the Tree and manifested by the Sap to the Branches the Elect appear dead till the Spirit which is the sap quickneth them and no fruit is brought forth though they may have a profession yet it is but as dead leaves which falls and crumbles to dust So that from the spirit slows sweet waters it produces sound fruit it makes also professors green and lively and as when the bark is pilled of the Tree the Sap is more discerned so when the humanity of Christ is taken from the Saints view then the spirit was more discerned Therefore says Christ it is expedient that I go away that so you may have a fuller sight of the Spirit He that believes as the Scripture hath said Out of his belly shall flow rivers of living waters this spake he of the spirit which those should receive that believed that was not yet given because Christ was not yet glorified this Scripture appeared very glorious to me and I set the efficacy of it on my spirits and God told me that the time was not yet far off ere he would pour out his Spirit upon his Children and take away that skin of formality that hath lain so long upon their sights and that drowsiness or sleepiness of spirit that hath seized upon them and baptize them with the holy Spirit which should break forth as fire among them so that they shall be filled with the Song of the Lamb and they shall behold their King of Salem which is King of peace riding on his white horse of Triumph Conquering and to Conquer The Saints shall overcome by the Lamb by the word of his testimony Thus mightily God came into my spirits which was
least trespass my heart was smitten and though my godly mother did not see me offend that she might reprove me which she was ready to do being tender of the honour of her beloved Saviour even for the least secret sin that the world calls a trifle though I thought it nothing yet still the all-seeing eye watched my ways and he called to me though I knew him not yet he kept meâ— and his banner over me was love and though my nature was as corrupt as any a child of wrath as well as others and forward to do evill and backward to that which is good yet still I was under the awaking of Jehovah Further when I was about 14. years of age I began to be very eager and forward to hear and pray though in a very formall manner Thus I went on some years and then I rose to a higher pitch to a more spâ—rituâ—l condition as I thought and I followed after that Ministry that was most pressed after by the strictest Professors and I â—an with great violence having a great zeal though not according to knowledge and I appeared a very high grown Christian in the thoughts of many I had great parts in prayer great inlargements and in discouâ—sing and repeating of Sermons I was very forward and did it with great delight and affection and much trembling of spirit was upon me but I was in all this very legall and yet more legall providence ordered that I should hear Mr. Peters speak from those words in the 26. of Isaiah the 20. verse Come my people enter thou into thy chambers and shut thy doors about thee hide thy self as it were for a little moment until the indignation be overpast From these words he opened the marriage Covenant that is between God and his Spouse from that word Come he shewed the sweet compellation of God to his Covenanted people then I was convinced of the excellency of that condition to be in Covenant and to know it upon good grounds which I was very ignorant of and though I thought my self in a very good condition before yet now it seized upon my spirit that surely I was not in the Covenant and if I were I should know it and I still cryed out oh what shall I do to know it without the knowledge of God to be my God I am undone my spirit is filled with horror and the terrors of the Law exceedingly oppressed me and I ran from Minister to Minister from Sermon to Sermon but I could find no rest I could not be contented to hear once or twice in the week but I must hear from the first day to the last and thought that not enough neither and if I had not shed some tears in a Sermon I then went home full of horror concluding my self to be that stony ground Christ spake of in the parable of the sower I apprehended Divine displeasure against me leaving me in a feared condition giving me over to blindness of mind and hardness of heart for ever and when I have been hindred from hearing a Sermon which I desired to hear I have concluded that I might have received Christ in that Sermon which being shut out from I was shut out from Christ that being the time that Christ should have been tendred to me the which I mist and so should be without Christ for ever Such bondage I was under that had I neglected a duty or an opportunity of hearing though a lawfull occasion hindred and I could not be said to neglect yet it sorely seized upon me that I had And I was damn'd one set a part for destruction and I was strongly tempted to destroy my self which had not divine power prevented I had been a murderer of my own life and of their lives that I loved most intirely I have been waked in the night by the devill for this very purpose and directed where to have the knife and what knife I should take these assaults followed me not seldom but very often which made my poor soul and body exceedingly to tremble I was exceedingly hurried to duty to Ordinances so that I could not sleep in my bed was carried one while to draw forth a good condition from marks and signs and if they were not in view then my joy and comfort was gone and my spirit was full of horror love to the godly I thought had been an infallible sign to witness my good condition and my thoughts much dwelt upon those words I Joh 3.14 We know that we have passed from death unto life because we love the brethren Now then I came to examine my love and to compare it to that love which was among the Saints spoken of in Scripture which was not a first evidence neither This prop I was quite taken off from I was now as a cripple when his crutches are taken from him he falls so my spirit was laid flat on the ground and I was convinced that it was the Spirit alone that witnesseth to the creature its good condition and all witnesses were nothing if the Spirit did not witness I was as if I had never heard of a Spirit though I had profest much some years before but because I went about to establish a righteousness of my own as it were by the works of the Law therefore I was left in the dark concerning the righteousness of the Lord Jesus which I thought I had not denyed and if any that were Gospel enlightned Saints had said to me you rest in your good works and expect to be saved some other way then alone by Jesus Christ I looked upon them as doing me great wrong and speaking very false I thought and I would say so to them I am not so ignorant to look upon my works as any thing but I was made to acknowledge afterward that I had let up my own works in the room of Christ and the Lord stript me at last of all gifts and inlargements in duty and I was striken dumb or else fast asleep when I have set my self to pray and it was indeed self that the Lord struck dumb though I then beheld it not but was sore wounded being perswaded that I was for ever shut out from the presence of God which weight I could hardly bear it was so burdensom that I still cryed out what shall I do and all my prayer that was left me was this Give me Christ or else I die Now nothing but a Christ would serve my turn before it I could have had tears or any relentings for sin or inlargements in duty I was well enough but the onely wise God knew it was best for me to be deprived of these which I so much builded upon and made idols of I was as much troubled as Micah was when Israel carried away his God I am perswaded that bare Professors are the greatest Papists in the world spirituall idolatry is the worst and my experience teacheth me that one may be a great worshipper
terrors and perplexities and sore plunges I could make a large rehearsall I could tell you much of the sad apprehensions I had of my eternall condition which I have but as it were given you a little hint of my condition in the time of my bonds but my desire now is rather to tell you of my freedom unto which I hasten though I know that these mourning experiences may be of great use to the sorrowfull and troubled spirit that lyeth languishing for want of the light of assurance which God doth see good for a time to conceal from his beloveds that he hath loved with an eternall love which in time be draweth with loving kindness Therfore let not any poor soul despair there is free grace enough an ocean to swallow up not my sins onely but many more a fountain open for all manner of sins be they never so great poor souls you cannot out-sin mercy your sins are finite but grace is infinite do not think that any sin can shut thee out of divine love if it could it would have shut me out for certain I am that no heart could be more desperatly wicked then mine no ones sins could be of a more scarlet dye then mine strong unbelief continually departing from the living God as full of heart hypocrisie as I could hold Oh let sinners admire free grace with me that hath freed me from as stony as seared benummed sensless a condition as any could or can be in hearing or reading or Saints speaking to me was as to one deaf I still concluded my condition to be like theirs the Scripture speaks of that were given up by the Lord to blindness of mind and hardness of heart I thought confidently God had given me to know that I should perish for ever but Gods thoughts at length appeared higher then mine as the Heavens are higher then the Earth and when my Spirit had thus been upon the rack for a season and tossed up and down with the waves of a continual accusing troubled conscience And none spake any word that did in the least measure revive me till that voice sounded that I could not contradict but I did withstand it and repulse it as long as I could and when it spake as a stil small voice I rejected it a week before I felt heard and saw that glorious light and power sounded into my spirit which caused an eccho or answer from my spirit in believing the testimony of the Spirit but that small voice made such a report in my soul which made me to listen it was such a speaking that I had not heard before therefore it was very strange to me the word I had was this Christ is thine and thou art his and no word was spoken to my spirit for six or seven days but this it followed me where ever I went sometimes as I have been going along the streets I have looked behind me thinking I had heard some locall voice a voice without me but sure it was because I was unacquainted with the voice of the Spirit speaking in or to the soul I oft-times turned back when I have been going along the streets to see who it was that spake taking that for visible which was invisible I did not know that I had read such a word in the Scripture that the Spirit spake to me but before my heart was brought over to believing the same power that raised Christ from the grave appeared in destroying that strong unbelief that made me depart from the living God and as in the fulness of time Almighty power brought Christ into the world and into the grave it raised Christ also out of the grave this same power was a hand by Divine appointment leading me through varieties of inward bitter desolations untill it brought me not onely to the gates but into a heaven of sweet consolation Now I shall by the assistance of the Spirit tell the time when my heart was brought to believe the pardon of my sins past present and to come by an act of grave through the blood of the Lord Jesus which I clearly saw by the light of the Spirit bearing witness to my Spirit that Christ was mine and I was his The time the year 1642. the day the first of the first moneth called January it being the first day of the week commonly called the Sabbath day which was indeed a Lords day to my soul While Mr. John Simpson was preaching from that Scripture in the 8 of the Romans the words are these Now if any man have not the spirit of Christ be is none of his Many Sermons he preached from this Scripture and he had shewed that the Spirit might be in that soul that was very dark and much confused in its apprehensions of Christ as he proved from John 14.5 6 7. Thomas faith unto Christ Lord we know not whâ—ther thou goest and how should we know the way Christ in the 4. verse told them they knew whither he went and the way they knew and he tells them that they had known the Father and seen him and yet they said they knew not so that the Disciples of Christ had sometimes a confused knowledge of the Father and yet they had both seen and known so that from thence was proved that many poor souls might have the Spirit as was instanced in many particulars that the Spirit might be in the soul though it could not make it out through that exceeding hurry the soul lay in being still in a confusion its darkness being not dispelled by the glorious manifestation of the light of the spirit sealing it up to the day of Redemption My Spirit was under much trembling for fear it should still be said that I had none of the Spirit which often was a terrible sound within me which I still dreaded and my spirit cryed out to the Lord when this Sermon before mentioned upon that 8. of the Romans was almost ended I said Lord I have the Spirit in this confused manner as I found a witness within me that I had the Spirit in those particulars that were declared but my spirit strongly run out to the Lord for a clear manifestation of his love in Christ and suddenly my soul was filled with joy unspeakable and full of glory in believing the spirit witnessing in that word Christ is thy wel-beloved and thou art his my soul was now full of joy as it could hold now I saw all my sins laid upon Jesus Christ and when he was sacrificed all my sins were sacrificed with him oh what triumphing and songs of Hallelujah were in my spirit I knew not where I was nor how to get out of the place where I sat I apprehended nothing but a clothing of glory over my whole man I never beheld Saints as I did then I saw their faces like the face of Angels Oh what Angelicall creatures did they appear before me full of shining brightness oh what a heart inflamed now was mine filled
with the flame of Divine love there appeared now no smoak but a clear flame nothing now before me but christal appearances oh how my soul was enamoured with Christ Earth was now gone and heaven come the unclean spirit dispossessed the pure spirit now possest taking my soul from the dunghill and setting it upon the throne my naturall food I tasted not till now it was bitter to my taste but oh now every bit of bread I eat how sweet was it to my taste Christ sweetned every creature to me oh how sweet was the feasts of love that my soul was made partaker of in very creature oh what a rebound doth Divine love make in the soul I could not keep love in it would flame forth into a declaration I must now tell Saints what I had now received from the spirits testimony and that they might praise with me having mourned with me I told them I had now seen him whom my poor spirit doubted I should never have beheld I called to others to come and taste how sweet and loving Christ is to sinners now Sermons appeared living to me where Christ was preached most to sinners I delighted most in such a Ministry and still went away with melody in my heart for a whole year after I was sealed up to the day of Redemption I had exceeding raptures of joy very frequent little or no intermissions no questions or doubtings in the least measure but my seat was still for constancy a seat of joy and spirituall mirth though sometimes the golden trumpet sounded higher and sometimes lower yet it still was sounding and caused an eccho to follow it A sore combat after the Spirits testimony THe time of that glorious sealing me was after that testimony in which my spirit was set at liberty that day before mentioned being the first day of the week and year 1642. upon the third day of that week and year my occasions called me to Stepny where I lodged at my Uncles all night and my Aunt coming up into the Chamber to me she said to me Cosen the Lord hath taken your mother from you now labour to be married to Christ you have nothing to take up your time but to labour for Christ I answered I hope I am married to Christ but as soon as my Aunt was gone down stairs from me the Lord spoke to me and said I have made thee as sure of salvation as I am God in heaven why didst thou say thou hopest and didst not rather tell that thy God had assured thee that Christ was thine thou having such a clear testimony of the spirit witnessing with thy spirit in such a bright light of glory that thou couldst not but assent to it thou shouldst now have declared it Satan presently was let loose upon me as soon as the Lord had spoken these words which I am sure was from the Lord they came in such Majesty that caused all my joints to tremble and sore perplexed I was Satan buffetted and my own heart strongly set upon me perswading me that I had fallen from grace and I had denied the Spirits work in me and now I was nearer to perishing then ever very hideous thoughts I was filled with and nothing but blackness before me now I had sinned against the spirit and this was more dreadfull to me then all the time of my bondage for I thought now the unclean spirit would have torn me a pieces I was so terrified I could not go to bed till midnight but walked about the chamber hearing nothing nothing but damnation and hell set before me I thought my torment to be as great as any of the damned wherein it was a terrible hell to me for the time which time the indeared love of the Father suffered not to be long it was not above three hours my heavenly Father knew had that extremity of spirit lasted long it would have consumed my vitall spirits but as love moved my Father to speak kindly to my distressed spirit in taking away this unexpressible torment he gave me unexpressible glory and refreshing And when I gave up all that I had received for lost at the very nick of time and this night that was so dreadful to me before the morning light my spirit was full of light and a greater shining light then I saw before I now beheld And the spirit speaking that word in great power Christ is thine and thou art his and the gates of hell shall never prevail against thee all the power and policy of the devil shall not hurt thee so as to deprive thee of thy Saviour I had the representation of a seal set upon the wax the spirit as fire made my stony spirits pliable for it to leave its mark or impression and stamp was set on my spirit now I felt saw and heard that I never did before oh that Aâ—ras of glory that now was my clothing now was I made like my Saviour a crown given me not made with pearls or rich diamonds but far richer not to be valued earth cannot wear this crown it s onely the heaven of God that must injoy this prerogative it s those that are made Kings and Priests unto God that are thus honoured oh how transcendently glorious is the true sealing of the Spirit sure no tongue is able to speak it out the pen of the readiest writer cannot write this it may give some hints of this seal but for depth length and breadth who can give a full description or relation of it it is a thing impossible to be published Oh then you sealed ones come admire with me who can tell forth Sions glory Could not Paul tell what he saw in the third heavens How then shall we declare our heavens glory when we know not whether we are in the body or out Our joy is such when the spirit takes us up we know not where we are for that present though afterward it may be we are found in the Isle of Pathmos our bodies may be found amongst the Babylonians yea and our spirits too our communion taken away but not our union no doubting or questioning concerning that though there may be much dissertion and darkness as I shall tell you God willing he giving me life to accomplish my desire which is to leave the Saints a Legacy of experiences that they may read not my works but the spirits works and so admire him who is most worthy when I am gone hence and shall be no more seen And if I vary concerning some experiences in this in respect of doubting and questioning union after sealing it is my own experience I must not record anothers experience it may be some may scruple at it and therefore I thought fit to mention it After my Spirit received the seal of the Spirit I had abundance of raptures of joy some when I have gon along the street my raptures hath been such that I minded not the ground I went upon but divers times have been
I was not one by adherency though by imputation Antinomianism was not inherent in me or adhered to by me this name in plain terms is liberty to sin as the Divel nick names Saints so he nick names the doctrine of grace too and sin which is like himself he puts upon is a nick-name garment greater is he that is within Saints then he that is in the world Saints garment is Jesus Christ and nothing can rear or rent or defile this garment Saints clothing is the purest white no dirt throwed upon it can soil it oh Saints rejoyce with me shall we be found worthy to enter in at the straight gate and plucked into the house by the hand of the Angell of the new Covenant when they without shall be stricken with blindness and so not able to find he door Why must a Zoar be preserved for us and a Sodom set on fire Why must some be vessels of dishonour and some of honour some that are high-wayes and lyers about in the hedges fetched in to sup with Christ and the grave ones of the world must not so much as have a taste of Christs dainties Fâ—ee grace and nothing but free grace makes us to differ from others oh let the redeemed of the Lord say so let not Sion boast of her own righteousness which she hath done but let her look by whom she hath her dignity who strikes off all self-boasting the more free grace is apprehended the more self-righteousness is reprehended the creature can never learn the lesson of humiliation and self-denial till it hath been in the School of free grace that is the free School where the best learning is to be had the poor and fatherless here find mercy and here the Governor of this Free-school receiveth every poor Orphane he refuseth none that comes though they have not one friend to make suit for them nay such are soon entertained that trust wholly to this great Governors mercy they have the best learning here is no respect of persons but the poor begger that lyeth in the street that knows not where to have a bit of bread lath nothing but a clothing of tatters to outward view a very miserable creature such a one more respected then a rich Dives that goeth in his velvet and diadems of gold very day oh what manner of love is this that makes no difference between fools and learned ones preferring ideots before the wisdom of the world making the ignorant and erring Spirit to have the greatest understanding Surely such must needs magnifie free grace oh how low is that creature in its own eyes that lives in the spirit and fetcheth nothing from its own free will or from any work of his own but all from Christ he sticks no flower in his bosom but that which none can snatch from him his walks of delight is in no garden but where he may see his beloved walk before him the Saint that is throughly spiritual loves dearly to walk inclosed in the arms of its Saviour and to be imbraced by him and kissed with the kisses of his mouth for his love is better then wine the spirits of wine hath a great efficacy in quickning those that faint and sound away but of a stronger efficacy is divine love it makes dead souls live yea though they are as a tree twice dead and plucked up by the roots dead once and plucked up and set again and again and pruned and dunged and it becomes withered dead though sin hath killed the soul so as to make it wither no convictions no legall promises those are such promises that are made with conditions no such striving can fetch life into one dead in sin and trespasses all strugling and striving in this case is but like the pains which the gardner takes with dead plants that passeth his skill to recover but what the skill of the Gardner cannot reach Divine love can the dead withered soul though to its own view and to others view it appear irrecoverable Divine love lifts this dead soul though it hath lain in the grave of sin that in the thoughts of others it s quite putrified as they thought of Lazarus body Let not dead souls be discouraged for there is life enough for them when not appehended by them once my note was nothing but sorrowful complaining of a dead seared stony hard heart a Spirit I though nothing could have stuck upon it or have soaked into such a heart so hard as it was often my expression my heart nothing can possible enter it for it is as hard surely as the neather mil-stone I could not tell what to liken it to I thought it harder then any thing yet though it was very hard melting love wrought upon it Now I wrought from life and not for it the spirit makes every duty a pleasure whereas I sorely tugged to get up my heart in a duty when I looked upon it as a task which I must do and provide straw too it was a burden I greatly groaned under when I was put upon duties by a command and I had no frame of spirit suitable nor no words I had nothing to fulfill my task and yet I was prest to do it or else the threatning reached me and terrified but when my Mediator came he overcame all my enemies that kept me under and shewed them to me dead and drowned in that red Sea his blood which victory was a long time accomplished before I saw it but when Christ made known to me my freedom bringing me out of Egypt then I offered sacrifices without interruption now I had that brought to hand which wrought all in me and for me when duty is accompanied with priviledge there is then a delight in duties I was mightily taken with priviledge and it was meat and drink to me to be much in hearing praying and meditating and conversing and I could do little else for a year I now met with God in duties I made them not my Comforters but Christ in them and as they were priviledges given me by him so I enjoyed them giving Christ the preheminence which was due to him I having all from the father not of debt but by gift those that say they enjoy all from him they give all to him and rejoice in him as their onely Portion My Dear bosom friends with whom I have fellowship in the spirit from that ingagement of love that is upon me I am strongly moved to declare to you the sundry dealings of God with me the time of bondage and freedom from that bondage hath been declared though but in short Now after this hot Sun shine there arose a black cloud which appeared small at the first rising but it still spread bigger and bigger till it filled the heavens with blackness the heaven in which God had set up his throne in which the King of glory took delight which is the Saints this heaven was covered with clouds and this dark cloud had its
the apprehension of my self the greatest of sinners though brought up in the most strictest ways of God according to that light even from my Cradle never given to any licentious ways as I could say much to this purpose when I came to look on God as a consuming fire But I shall forbear to set forth the dealings of God with me before and after Conversion and in Conversion which my Conversion was four years ago wanting about a Quarter of a year and for a year I may say I lived in the Regions of Heaven being always rejoycing and praysing God but since that many Clouds of Darkness hath passed over my Spirits But to speak of the late dealings of God with me about half a year before my sickness my Spirits groaned after the pourings forth of the Spirit that so there might be a greater perfection break forth in my words thoughts and actions The Word perfect did much seize upon my spirits but the more I sought for it the further off it went to my apprehension God was at a distance from me yet in the greatest darkness I had the light of Union but my soul breathed after Communion with my God that though when I was among the Saints Enlargements were given in Yet when I was separated from them and thinking to have Communion with God alone my mouth hath been stopped and my spirits in a Prison not able to speak to God because God spake not to me For the Creature cannot speak till God speaks but I still thirsted and my soul panted as the Hart after the water brooks And the nearer the time of light grew the thicker I apprehended the Cloud But praised be my Father that hath wrought a deliverance in me for me a stregthening of the Inward man in decaying of the Outward I cannot but say a sickness but it was no more then a bodily weakness and though a great weakness and extream pain took hold of my body all pain and distemper was removed from my spirits in a moment The beginning of my distemper of body was about the seventeenth of June 1646. And from that time it waxed more and more upon me but I strove against it as long as I could and went abroad till the latter end of the forenamed moneth about the twenty eighth day I took my Chamber the feverish distemper growing still stronger and the beginning of July which is so called on the first day of that moneth which was the fourth day of the week in the morning I had thoughts to go forth thinking the Feaver had been wearing away but on a suddain that morning a great extremity of pain seized on my body that as soon as I was out of my bed I was fain to lye down again and it was in much pains and great heaviness of spirit and a rending of heart so that I watered my Couch with my tears and I lay very heavy in spirit all that day and much pained in body and by that time night came my strength of body was quite taken from me so that I could not help my self but friends were fain to help me into bed and assoon as I was laid I felt the knot unknit and the heaviness of my spirits removed and darkness expelled and Sathan fled and corruptions mortified and all distempers of spirit disbanded that now instead of a Chaos of Confusion a Fabrick of Glory was set before me And my spirit was so drawn forth in a view of God so much glory was presented before me such Visions of the Eternal God that tongue is not able to express the Raptures were so great that I was not sensible of a body whether in the body or out of the body God knows But these discoveries were as coals of fire within me which could not be kept in and these pourings forth of love had in them such a heat that it melted my frozen spirits which caused my eyes to drop tears that though in the morning my spirits were rended at evening the Son of Righteousness arose with healing in his wings and uttering his Voice telling me he was my beloved that would not leave me and thus renewing of my former Evidences I had from Scripture when the power of God enabled me to believe for my free Justification in the Lord Jesus and also giving in immediately from himself in Scripture Language as thus I am thy father that hath pardoned thy iniquity for my own names sake and I will never remember thy sins against thee any more for I thy God change not but rest in my love and rejoyce over thee with joy and singing as it is written And thus the Lord told me that though I had been as an untamed Heifer like Ephraim in my thoughts and words yet his bowels of love were not straitned towards me but he looked on me as one of his beloved ones in the Lord Jesus This speech from God came with a mighty lustre beyond what I am able to express and that Scripture mixed with it Hos 14 I have healed thy back-slidings and loved thee freely and I lay not this weakness on thy body to upbraid thee because thou hast lived so long in the flesh and walked so little in the spirit but this weakness on thy body is that the power of thy God may be made manifest And I saith the Lord wil teach and instruct thee and inform and reform thee by this my visitation which is in my love to thee and the Lord was pleased to tell me the reason why my reproofs took so little effect on the Saints that it was because I did not tell them of their faults in a way of love and in the meekness of my Saviour and he sweetly informed me and told me for the future how I should speak to the Saints and God â—lrried me out all the time of my sickness to speak suitable unto persons according to each conditions And thus God came in the first night the flood of Divine excellency shined down mightily that some Saints standing by me could not but conclude that certainly I was going out of the body thinking that ere long I should be in enjoyment of what I saw expresly flow from the Spirit which to them it appeared so glorious that they were amazed that stood by me and that night I still continued speaking or rather the spirit in me And the next day I was desirous to be out of the body I longed to be dissolved and while I continued pleading with God to be out of the body entreating to go hence that so I might be swallowed up in glory lest continuing in the body I should act in the flesh and so dishonour my loving father and in the midst of this and many other requests to God this Scriprure was presented Hosea 6.2 which voice was from God my thoughts not being on it nor none speaking of it but God alone it came thus after two daies I will revive thee and the third day
have but spoke a little of that I have been tyred so that I told them to speak of my body was but lost time but if they would hear of Divine things I was free from them I moved in the right sphear and was in my center it was my delight to tell of the unfoldings of God for as I told them it was my desire to spend and to be spent for the Lord Jesus and when they desired me to take to creatures I answered them I would but I could not they wished me to take the advice of the Physician I told them I had not faith to make use of him and whatever is not of faith is sin and besides I told them I could not get down any thing my stomack was so weak and closed up many arguments they brought to me but God gave in answers to all of them but after thus speaking they were about to go away and not to praise and pray with me but there was such an earnestness stirred up within me to entreat prayer that I never desired any with that eagerness and fervency of spirit to pray as I did Mr. Greenhil though he told me he would but that it would weaken my Tabernacle and he said the waters many times arise so high that they wash down the banks yet I could not let him go till he had joyned in praises with me and prayer for me and to me it appeared such a prayer of faith that I never heard him pray so and when the Spirit breathed in him for my recovery he said Lord strengthen thine hand-maids perswasion no sooner were these words gone forth which I am sure was from the Spirit and it was the purpose of God at that time to seal to that which was before spoken therefore God so stirred me up so to desire prayer because that was the time of Gods intentions to give me a farther testimony and as the words before mentioned came forth it was stampt upon my spirits in much glory and majesty in these words it is finished be it according unto thy faith then I was confident without staggering that I should recover though I saw no probability in body for that continued still weaker and like earth even the Sent of a dead carcase but God carried me up abundantly in believing that after this I said Friends now I dare not question any more because it is the voice of my God that hath spoken it and no delusion therefore I said I am not afraid to tell the whole world if I could see them that God would raise me up at the time that though the stript me of my strength of body he would restore it to me again even at that night as I said before God making it out to me by Scripture and after sealing it to me But to tell you how I was that night after Mr. Greenhil was gone about the ninth hour that night an extream pain seized on me and my throat was very sore and a swelling in my mouth which even stopt my breath and Satan violently seized on me tempting me strongly that my breath that night might be stopt and I might have a quincy in my throat and death take me away suddenly and then what will become of thy faith No sooner came this attempt though very strongly yet stronger was he that was within me then he that is of the world and God gave me a word to say to Satan immediatly which was this avoid Satan God is true and thou art a lyer it is the voice of my God I have heard and I know it is true and ere morning my throat and mouth was healed then I saw the love and power of God in that but the Fever continued very much burning my body outwardly like a clod of earth cold and yet in great sweats that I have been as in a reaking bath when I have done speaking that I have been removed from one side of the bed to the other yet nothing troubled me neither cold nor heat and it was a time of extream heat to others they could not tell how to endure it it was so faint a time yet I complained of nothing the carryings up of God were such that when company was restrained from me through the tender love of my friends yet I could not but utter my voice such a mighty spirit of prayer was poured on me in my weakness that when none were with me I could not keep silence what the Spirit spake in me as David saies so may I that when I thought to be silent I could not my spirits rejoyced exceedingly to be speaking of what I saw and heard and as I often said O Saints that you did but feel see and tast with me what unutterable joy would you have I could wish you all as I am except my weakness and if I could speak to you as it was spoken to me I told them it would appear far more glorious but it come from men at second hand which is as water running through the channel but it came to me as water out of a fountain that is from one it came not so swiftly into me now it came so fast from me to the astonishment of friends that one so weak not able to sit up in my bed a quarter of an hour but in great pain though they put pillows to keep me up and this was after God had sealed to his own word that I should recover for then I could have waited if it had been never so long and in never such great torture as I told the Saints now I could lye upon a Rock till the time of deliverance come had God set a longer time I could have been content it was such delight to me to wait after the Sealing For still when the tempter would tell me when I laid my eyes together I should be struck dead and when I said I should recover the Devil told me I should not but death should deprive me of my confidence yet no attempts startled me or weakned my faith in the least measure for God was still at hand to deliver Many times Sathan strove to shatter my confidence but as my Saviour prayed for me when he was here upon the earth in praying for all that should believe so he was ready to rescue me upon all occasions both night and day praised be his holy name which told me he would not fail my expectations but according as he had given me faith to believe it should be to me and still my Saviour encouraged me to believe and I should see his glory And the day after Mr. Greenhill was gone Mr. Simpson came he was with me the fourth day after I kept my bed and I told him how greatly God had appeared to me for which I desire to praise the great God and after this Trumpeter in Israel for I could not but give him that title so soon as I saw him come into the Chamber and assoon as he had
exceeding sweet to me which caused me to Exhort the Saints to study the Trinity more of which one thought is more worth then ten thousand words And further I shall tell you Saints in other Scriptures how God did present himsef as concerning Jacobs ladder as it is written In his sleep he saw a Vision a Ladder set upon the earth the top of it reached to heaven and he beheld the Angels of God Ascending and Descending on it and behold the Lord stood above it and this Mysterie was held forth in it the Ladder signifies Christ a Saviour the top reaching to heaven and from those words the Lord stood above it and it reached to the earth in that the humane nature of Christ was presented the Divine nature assumeing to it self flesh and whereas it is said the Angels of God Ascended and Descended on it in that was held forth the sweet recourse the Saints have in Jesus Christ in his Death in his Resurrection and Ascention to glory This appeared very sweet to me but I cannot set forth things so fully as they came in and God in the night set before me Sampsons Riddle of the Lyon and the hony out of the eater came forth meat and out of the strong came sweetness By Lyon is meant Christ who is called in Scripture the Lyon of the Tribe of Juda and by Honey is meant that sweetness that lies wrapt up in Jesus Christ considered as a Lyon yet full of sweetness And as it is said out of the eater come forth meat Christ is that eater which eats up the spirits as David said the Zeal of thine house hath eaten me up and the word might set out that vertue which comes from the Lord Jesus which is the bread of life in which we have life for ever and out of the strong came sweetness that is out of the Lyon of the Tribe of Juda flows all our sweetness and raptures of joy and as Sampson told them Except they had plowed with his Heyfer they could not have found out his Riddle So the great God spake to me in the whisperings of his Spirit and said in believing in my son Christ which is typed out by an Heyfer and Plowing may signifie believing that in believing in thy Saviour thou shalt understand my secrets God I may say spoke to me as a man speaks to his friend but in a far more transcendent manner and Ionathan spoken of in the 1 Sam. 14. it came thus to me that though he was so faint that he climbed on his hands and feet and his eyes were dim with faintness and no sooner had he taken of the hony that dropt out of the rock but his eyes were enlightned so as soon as there is a distilling from that rock Christ upon the spirits then it tastes such sweetness which strengthens the fainting spirits and this was that which made me say oh come Saints taste and see did you but know what I feel you would admire with me oh how strong am I in the Lord and in the power of his might When I have closed my eyes thinking to sleep they have on a sudden been forced open and upon the Sun shining in the room this was declared to me seest thou how the Sun shines in beams and streams accompanied with shadows and I said Lord why doth it not shine as in the body of it why doth it not shine so on the Earth as in the Firmament It was answered me should it shine on the Earth as it is in the Firmament it would suddenly burn up all things on the earth no fruits of the earth nor any creature could live or breathe and therefore that it might be for the comfort of the fruits of the earth and of all creatures it was spread forth in the beams and streams of it so the Lord said to me should I thy God dwell in thee as I am in my essentiall glory thou couldst not breathe in the body but immediatly thou wouldst dye in the body it could not bear such a weight of glory therefore I shine on thee on beams and streams of glory which produces those effects spoken of in Scripture I was filled with joy now I knew not wherefore God spake this to me till a while after I was going to speak of it and this voice came to me This was brought to thee for the rectifying of thy Judgement the erring spirit shall come to understand Isa 29. last now I considered how I had erred in that I had held forth before I sickned that God dwelt essentially in his Saints when I considered in Scripture where it is said God in us and likewise when I viewed Gal. 5. which holds out the fruits and operations of the spirit I was at a loss in my spirits concerning this nor could not make it out nor be convinced by any till God satisfied me and so in many other things none could give me light till the light of lights came and then my spirit was full of praises Another time when I laid my self to sleep something as it were pulled me by the shoulder with this voice it is better for thee to wake I will shew thee thy Saviour in the Mount then was set before me Jesus taking up Peter and Iohn into the Mount and his transfiguration before them which to me shined forth very glorious that I said as the disciples said Lord it is good to be here and that of Moses and Elias appearing in that was presented to me the glory of the Law of Moses and from Elias was discovered the glory of the Prophets and both these glories meeting in the glory of Jesus Christ Oh how this did enamour the spirits of the Disciples and herein they manifested the strength of their delight in saying And let us build here three Tabernacles one for thee one for Moses and one for Elias it was with them as it is with a man that delights and affects a place he desires to take up his abode there so the Disciples would fain have been continually beholding that glory but while he yet spake a bright cloud overshadowed them and behold a voice out of the cloud saying This is my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased hear you him The soul wrapt up in the glorious discovery of the brightness of God would fain be always in that condition but that God seeth it good to draw a cloud to overshadow them a cloud but not a thick black one but a bright one which noted thus much That let the greatest discovery of glory which caused the face to shine be withdrawn God doth not leave his without glory though in a cloud yet there appears brightness and a sweet voice telling the Saints that they shall hear and see that invisible glory sounded forth in the Son by that word hear ye him now we see him as in a glass but we shall see him as he is when we shall be lifted up for ever above all
clouds At another season when I have shut my eyes immediatly they have been unclosed and my Saviour presenting his speech to me that he said to his Disciples when he was to depart from them and that was this Verily verily I say unto you I will drink no more of the fruit of this Vine till I drink it new in my Fathers Kingdom This came in in such a mysterie that I was not able to understand it but it was discovered a little thus That the spirit was held out in an embleme of wine when as Christ was upon the earth but it shall after his Ascention break forth in a new and far more glorious manner like new wine more sweet and perspicuous so that it was made forth to me to be meant the pourings forth of the Spirit Now I shall tell you Saints of more illustrations and interpretations given in from the sight of hearbs and flowers as that of the sweet Bryar why sweet and yet thorny we see the most sweetest enjoyment that this world can present to the creature hath a thorn accompanying it and likewise Christ is a very sweet fragrant smell to his friends but to his enemies a thorn and concerning flowers this was given in the variety of smells proceeding from them and the variety of colours in which was held forth the variety of beauties and sweetness flowing from my Saviour one thing I minded in the marigold it being brought before my eyes I saw pleasures and honours and the greatest preferments here guilded outsides but black in the middle so I saw the Lord Jesus glory to the Saints but black to the wicked even as the marygold appears like gold in the middle black and so likewise concerning spice A few nutmegs being presented from a friend to me thus much was hinted forth mercy and love coming from the friend of friends not single but double mercies and this was presented also from the hardness of it being stony so Christ is the corner stone and as the nutmeg is barky without and gives but little smell till it be grated and then the smell is very fragrant and the oylness of it appears so Christ when he is grated upon the spirits that is when he is made known unto the soul by the spirit Oh what sweet fragrant smell comes into every faculty of the soul And the spirit that holy oyl or unction drops down upon the whole man even as there is a discovery of the oyl in the nutmeg when it is grated Truly Saints did you but feel in the reading of this that sweet odour that I found in my spirits you could not but praise with me And when I saw the fruits of the earth many instructions were given in as in the sight of Cherries I saw the blood of my Saviour and such fruits which was firm in the outside yet hollow and a stone in the middle of them so all things here below are hollow though they appear firm Isa 40. Last the erring spirit shall come to understand and the murmuring spirit shall learn doctrine The Lord made this Scripture very sweet to me and I was incouraged to comfort drooping Saints to cast their souls upon Jesus Christ who calls to the weary and heavy laden to come to him that is to believe in him whom the father hath sent And I also was filled with such a spirit of boldness as it is written the righteous are as bold as a Lion so that whereas I am of a fearful spirit by nature yet God then carryed me forth to speak abundantly to all that came to me whether they were of high or low degree And such relentings of spirit was in me towards backsliders that I desired to weep tears of blood if it had been possible to have gained them Oh friends how did I thirst after the welâ—are of every one that they that told me they lived in the spirit I told â—hem how sweet a thing walking in the spirit wâ—s which will teach to intreat when we are reviled and to be of a lamblike spirit when enemies reproach that so we might imitate that lamb which took away sin and sure had not the spirit of God gone along with exhortations they would not have took so much effect upon many spirits I think hardly any came but they went away affected both young and old such was the love of God thus to break forth which had I the tongue of Angels I could not express I desire it may shine forth in all my actions for truly the work of God is marvellous in my eyes and that Scripture of Christ telling his Disciples that they should set upon twelve thrones Judging the twelve Tribes of Israel by that word twelve thrones was much set forth to me the great dignity of the Saints The Lord acquaint us more with the Spirit in the letter then shall we be able to understand every truth and the erring spirit shall come to understand and the murmuring spirit shall learn doctrine as God much perswaded me that that spirit of formality which hath lain so long upon the Saints should be taken off and the Lord gave me faith to believe for the Saints and me thinks I see them groaning after the pourings forth of the spirit and surely the time shall not be long ere the Lord will satisfie the groaning soul and answer the expectations of the Saints for as in God are hid treasures of wisdom and knowledge so every treasure shall be opened to the Saints in the appointed time therefore the Saints shall wait for it Many times God appeared in visions of glory to me as I lay wrapt up in the spirit I beheld a glorious star shining exceeding bright and the bright morning star the Lord Jesus was much presented into my thoughts and concerning Fzekiels vision he saw by the River Chebar it is said he saw visions of God which word being brought immediatly from God to me it was very sweet this was given into me that when Saints are in affliction in respect of their outward man though they be in great straits yet nothing can deprive them of the breakings forth of their God nay then when the creature is at a low ebb in the outward man the Lord is pleased to visit the creature with a full Sea of glory and saith to the Saints be you open ye everlasting gates that the King of glory may enter in Oh how sweet this Scripture was spoken in the spirit to me I can but hint things forth and speak partly of what I found Saints I question not but in your own experiences what hath been declared will be more cleared to you by the spirit though I am able to declare them but stammeringly yet these things came plaâ—nly into my spirits and with a mighty fulness that I could evidently say these are the appearances of an infinite God and no delusion praised be the most high my mouth was full of praises and begged of all that