hope_v i_o desire_v to_o forsake_v all_o my_o sin_n now_o the_o scripture_n say_v 1_o joh._n 1._o 9_o if_o we_o confess_v our_o sin_n he_o be_v faithful_a and_o just_a to_o forgive_v we_o our_o sin_n and_o to_o cleanse_v we_o from_o all_o unrighteousness_n and_o prov._n 28._o 13._o whoso_o confess_v and_o forsake_v his_o sin_n shall_v have_v mercy_n i_o hope_v i_o do_v not_o allow_v myself_o in_o any_o sin_n but_o desire_v power_n against_o it_o as_o well_o as_o pardon_v of_o it_o yea_o the_o sin_n i_o be_o most_o incline_v to_o though_o my_o heart_n be_v often_o apt_a to_o go_v out_o after_o it_o the_o lord_n forgive_v it_o yet_o i_o hope_v it_o be_v my_o earnest_a desire_n that_o i_o may_v have_v strength_n against_o it_o the_o lord_n help_v i_o to_o say_v with_o david_n psal_n 18._o 23._o i_o be_v upright_o before_o he_o and_o keep_v myself_o from_o my_o iniquity_n i_o hope_v i_o desire_v from_o my_o soul_n to_o mourn_v for_o heart-sin_n as_o hardness_n and_o deadness_n and_o wander_n and_o distraction_n in_o duty_n etc._n etc._n i_o hope_v this_o be_v a_o good_a sign_n that_o i_o be_o if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o real_o trouble_v for_o secret_a sin_n which_o the_o world_n know_v nothing_o of_o and_o that_o i_o do_v not_o allow_v sinful_a thought_n i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o mourn_v for_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o land_n and_o to_o lay_v to_o heart_n the_o great_a dishonour_v do_v to_o god_n by_o other_o i_o hope_v there_o be_v a_o change_n wrought_v in_o i_o and_o that_o i_o be_o a_o new_a creature_n 2_o cor._n 5._o 17._o if_o i_o be_o a_o new_a creature_n than_o i_o be_o in_o christ_n i_o hope_v so_o because_o there_o be_v such_o strive_n and_o fight_n in_o i_o against_o sin_n such_o struggle_n between_o the_o flesh_n and_o the_o spirit_n there_o be_v certain_o a_o resist_n of_o sin_n if_o my_o heart_n do_v not_o wonderful_o deceive_v i_o now_o mr._n n._n use_v to_o say_v it_o be_v true_a grace_n to_o resist_v sin_n it_o be_v strong_a grace_n to_o conquer_v sin_n i_o consider_v how_o it_o be_v with_o paul_n rom._n 7._o he_o say_v there_o be_v a_o law_n in_o his_o member_n warring_n against_o the_o law_n of_o his_o mind_n and_o the_o evil_a that_o he_o will_v not_o do_v that_o he_o do_v methinks_v it_o be_v so_o with_o i_o sometime_o i_o hope_v this_o strive_v and_o struggle_v be_v a_o sign_n i_o be_o not_o dead_a in_o sin_n and_o trespass_n for_o a_o dead_a man_n strive_v not_o move_v not_o i_o beg_v of_o god_n often_o and_o hearty_o that_o i_o may_v be_v sincere_a and_o upright_a and_o hope_v i_o have_v from_o my_o heart_n many_o time_n pray_v with_o david_n that_o god_n will_v search_v i_o and_o try_v i_o in_o mercy_n and_o find_v out_o if_o there_o be_v any_o way_n of_o wickedness_n in_o i_o if_o there_o be_v any_o sin_n that_o lie_v hide_v in_o my_o soul_n and_o have_v be_v glad_a when_o minister_n have_v come_v to_o examination_n that_o so_o i_o may_v try_v myself_o especial_o in_o my_o young_a year_n when_o i_o hear_v mr._n n._n and_o use_v to_o try_v myself_o by_o character_n that_o he_o lay_v down_o and_o have_v then_o find_v comfort_n and_o great_a hope_n of_o a_o work_n of_o grace_n wrought_v in_o i_o and_o wonder_v how_o those_o that_o hear_v that_o soul-awakening_a minister_n can_v bear_v it_o if_o they_o do_v not_o find_v god_n have_v be_v at_o work_n in_o their_o soul_n i_o do_v remember_v when_o i_o be_v young_a what_o delight_n i_o take_v in_o hear_v that_o good_a man_n and_o have_v be_v as_o it_o be_v in_o a_o corner_n of_o heaven_n i_o have_v often_o have_v my_o heart_n quicken_v warm_v and_o much_o draw_v out_o to_o god_n now_o though_o to_o my_o shame_n i_o may_v write_v it_o i_o have_v abate_v much_o in_o my_o zeal_n and_o love_n to_o god_n and_o his_o way_n since_o i_o have_v have_v more_o to_o do_v with_o the_o world_n and_o a_o family_n to_o provide_v for_o yet_o i_o desire_v to_o remember_v the_o day_n of_o old_a the_o year_n of_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o the_o most_o high_a and_o hope_v i_o may_v take_v comfort_n from_o the_o experience_n i_o have_v have_v former_o remember_v where_o grace_n be_v once_o wrought_v it_o shall_v never_o be_v extinguish_v who_o christ_n love_v once_o he_o love_v to_o the_o end_n and_o that_o god_n never_o repent_v that_o he_o give_v grace_n to_o any_o i_o hope_v though_o by_o my_o sin_n i_o have_v cause_v the_o lord_n much_o to_o depart_v from_o i_o for_o many_o year_n that_o i_o do_v not_o meet_v with_o such_o quicken_a and_o comfort_n in_o duty_n as_o former_o yet_o that_o i_o do_v not_o content_v myself_o in_o this_o condition_n but_o desire_v to_o have_v my_o soul_n follow_v hard_o after_o god_n to_o lament_v after_o he_o and_o do_v i_o hope_v prize_v a_o smile_n from_o he_o and_o the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n above_o the_o whole_a world_n and_o do_v often_o pray_v with_o david_n psal_n 4._o when_o other_o say_v who_o will_v show_v we_o any_o good_a that_o god_n will_v lift_v up_o the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n upon_o i_o and_o i_o desire_v with_o the_o spouse_n to_o seek_v he_o who_o i_o hope_v i_o may_v say_v at_o least_o my_o soul_n desire_v to_o love_v i_o hope_v it_o be_v a_o good_a sign_n that_o i_o have_v frequent_a thought_n of_o god_n and_o do_v often_o lift_v up_o my_o heart_n to_o he_o as_o when_o i_o lie_v down_o at_o night_n and_o awake_v in_o the_o morning_n i_o desire_v my_o first_o and_o last_o thought_n may_v be_v with_o god_n i_o hope_v i_o may_v say_v with_o david_n i_o desire_v to_o set_v the_o lord_n always_o before_o i_o psal_n 16._o 8._o i_o hope_v i_o be_o desirous_a and_o willing_a to_o yield_v obedience_n to_o all_o the_o commandment_n of_o god_n and_o not_o to_o pick_v and_o choose_v i_o hope_v i_o will_v not_o allow_v myself_o in_o the_o omission_n of_o any_o duty_n now_o christ_n say_v you_o be_v my_o disciple_n if_o you_o do_v whatsoever_o i_o command_v you_o joh._n 15._o 14._o i_o hope_v i_o have_v from_o my_o heart_n pray_v many_o time_n that_o god_n will_v make_v know_v to_o i_o how_o i_o shall_v walk_v to_o please_v he_o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v patient_o to_o continue_v in_o well-doing_n and_o to_o wait_v upon_o god_n though_o i_o do_v not_o meet_v with_o he_o now_o there_o be_v a_o promise_n of_o blessedness_n to_o they_o that_o wait_v for_o he_o isa_n 30._o 18._o and_o the_o promise_n be_v rom._n 2._o 7._o to_o they_o who_o by_o patient_a continuance_n in_o well-doing_n seek_v for_o glory_n and_o honour_n and_o immortality_n that_o god_n will_v give_v eternal_a life_n i_o hope_v i_o desire_v my_o will_n may_v be_v according_a to_o god_n will_n and_o will_v do_v better_a than_o i_o do_v now_o if_o i_o be_o but_o real_o willing_a though_o i_o have_v many_o fail_n and_o fall_v infinite_o short_a yet_o it_o be_v say_v 2_o cor._n 8._o 12._o where_o there_o be_v a_o willing_a mind_n it_o be_v accept_v according_a to_o what_o a_o man_n have_v and_o not_o according_a to_o what_o he_o have_v not_o and_o our_o saviour_n speak_v gracious_o to_o his_o disciple_n when_o he_o find_v they_o asleep_o mat._n 26._o 41._o the_o spirit_n true_o be_v willing_a but_o the_o flesh_n be_v weak_a i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o be_v merciful_a to_o they_o who_o be_v in_o misery_n and_o have_v sometime_o be_v glad_a of_o a_o opportunity_n though_o the_o lord_n forgive_v too_o backward_o at_o other_o time_n now_o our_o lord_n say_v bless_a be_v the_o merciful_a for_o they_o shall_v obtain_v mercy_n mat._n 5._o 7._o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o cleanse_v myself_o from_o all_o filthiness_n of_o flesh_n and_o spirit_n to_o have_v my_o heart_n purify_v now_o it_o be_v say_v bless_a be_v the_o pure_a in_o heart_n for_o they_o shall_v see_v god_n mat._n 5._o 8._o i_o hope_v i_o have_v count_v the_o cost_n what_o it_o may_v cost_v i_o to_o be_v a_o christian_a indeed_o and_o be_o full_o resolve_v in_o the_o strength_n of_o christ_n to_o let_v all_o go_v for_o he_o it_o be_v my_o desire_n and_o earnest_a prayer_n i_o hope_v from_o my_o very_a heart_n that_o if_o god_n call_v i_o to_o it_o i_o may_v be_v enable_v to_o lay_v down_o my_o life_n for_o his_o sake_n now_o christ_n say_v he_o that_o forsake_v house_n or_o brethren_n or_o sister_n or_o father_n or_o mother_n or_o wife_n or_o child_n or_o land_n for_o his_o name_n be_v sake_n shall_v receive_v a_o hundred-fold_n and_o inherit_v everlasting_a life_n mat._n 19_o 29._o and_o he_o that_o lose_v his_o life_n shall_v find_v it_o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v if_o i_o be_o call_v to_o it_o to_o
by_o faith_n 6._o true_a faith_n work_v patience_n not_o only_a patience_n in_o wait_v but_o patience_n in_o suffer_v there_o be_v a_o patience_n in_o wait_v for_o the_o accomplishment_n of_o the_o promise_n faith_n say_v to_o a_o believer_n the_o thing_n thou_o wait_v for_o be_v worth_a thy_o wait_n for_o they_o the_o comfort_n thou_o desire_v the_o crown_n of_o glory_n thou_o expect_v be_v worth_a wait_a for_o again_o faith_n work_v patience_n in_o suffer_v heb._n 10._o 34._o they_o take_v joyful_o the_o spoil_n of_o their_o good_n know_v they_o have_v in_o heaven_n a_o more_o endure_a substance_n heb._n 11._o 36._o 37._o they_o endure_v the_o trial_n of_o cruel_a mock_n of_o scourge_n of_o bond_n and_o imprisonment_n they_o be_v stone_v saw_v asunder_o tempt_v slay_v with_o the_o sword_n they_o wander_v about_o in_o sheepskin_n and_o goatskin_n be_v destitute_a forsake_a torment_v and_o yet_o their_o faith_n in_o jesus_n christ_n carry_v they_o through_o all_o these_o suffering_n faith_n tell_v the_o soul_n the_o suffering_n of_o this_o present_a life_n be_v not_o worthy_a to_o be_v compare_v with_o the_o glory_n that_o shall_v be_v reveal_v 7._o true_a faith_n will_v work_v a_o undaunted_a profession_n of_o christ_n name_n he_o will_v profess_v christ_n open_o when_o call_v to_o it_o the_o disciple_n profess_v christ_n when_o it_o be_v death_n to_o do_v so_o i_o be_o not_o ashamed_a of_o the_o gospel_n of_o christ_n say_v the_o apostle_n i_o esteem_v the_o reproach_n of_o christ_n better_a than_o the_o glory_n of_o the_o world_n and_o the_o cross_n of_o christ_n better_a than_o the_o crown_n of_o the_o world_n i_o esteem_v his_o crown_n of_o thorn_n better_o than_o all_o other_o in_o this_o world_n i_o bear_v about_o i_o the_o mark_n of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n gal._n 6._o 17._o he_o call_v his_o sorrow_n and_o suffering_n the_o mark_n of_o christ_n i_o esteem_v they_o my_o great_a honour_n god_n forbid_v say_v he_o i_o shall_v glory_v in_o any_o thing_n but_o in_o the_o cross_n of_o jesus_n christ_n thus_o you_o see_v what_o fruit_n faith_n work_v in_o reference_n to_o jesus_n christ_n now_o there_o be_v fruit_n of_o faith_n in_o reference_n to_o ourselves_o as_o these_o follow_v 1._o true_a faith_n work_v abundance_n of_o inward_a peace_n and_o joy_n rom._n 5._o 1._o be_v justify_v by_o faith_n we_o have_v peace_n with_o god_n and_o it_o must_v needs_o be_v so_o because_o that_o faith_n tell_v the_o soul_n the_o bond_n be_v cancel_v that_o sin_n be_v pardon_v the_o burden_n be_v take_v off_o wound_v of_o conscience_n be_v heal_v with_o the_o wound_n of_o christ_n a_o believer_n can_v say_v in_o peace_n will_v i_o lay_v down_o my_o head_n in_o the_o bosom_n of_o christ_n when_o storm_n and_o wave_n arise_v a_o believer_n can_v sit_v in_o his_o ark_n christ_n and_o a_o good_a conscience_n be_v a_o ark_n for_o a_o poor_a soul_n where_o he_o be_v safe_a a_o true_a believer_n have_v always_o the_o ground_n of_o joy_n though_o not_o always_o the_o exercise_n of_o it_o 2._o another_o fruit_n of_o faith_n in_o reference_n to_o ourselves_o be_v boldness_n in_o come_v to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n we_o have_v boldness_n and_o access_n by_o faith_n in_o christ_n ephes_n 3._o 12._o a_o true_a believer_n can_v pour_v out_o his_o soul_n to_o god_n make_v his_o moan_n to_o his_o father_n it_o be_v his_o comfort_n he_o can_v go_v to_o his_o father_n with_o a_o childlike_a boldness_n and_o confidence_n 3._o another_o fruit_n of_o faith_n be_v contempt_n of_o the_o world_n act_v 4._o they_o sell_v their_o possession_n and_o bring_v the_o money_n and_o lay_v it_o down_o at_o the_o apostle_n foot_n they_o regard_v it_o no_o more_o than_o the_o dirt_n under_o their_o foot_n faith_n have_v a_o eagles_n eye_n it_o see_v thing_n a_o far_o off_o and_o a_o eagles_n wing_n to_o carry_v a_o man_n above_o the_o flattery_n and_o the_o frown_n of_o the_o world_n by_o faith_n moses_n fear_v not_o the_o frown_n of_o the_o king_n heb._n 11._o 27._o faith_n let_v a_o man_n see_v there_o be_v better_a to_o be_v find_v in_o christ_n than_o in_o the_o whole_a world_n he_o that_o can_v find_v a_o world_n in_o christ_n will_v be_v willing_a to_o part_v with_o all_o the_o world_n for_o he_o 4._o true_a faith_n will_v produce_v a_o strong_a desire_n of_o strengthen_v and_o increase_n it_o and_o that_o both_o in_o truth_n and_o growth_n it_o will_v make_v a_o man_n still_o be_v search_v his_o heart_n that_o he_o may_v be_v sure_a he_o have_v the_o truth_n of_o faith_n it_o make_v a_o man_n prize_v a_o soul-searching_a ministry_n that_o may_v plough_v up_o the_o fallow_a ground_n of_o his_o heart_n and_o it_o work_v a_o desire_n of_o growth_n also_o it_o make_v a_o believer_n pray_v lord_n increase_v my_o faith_n whether_o thou_o increase_v my_o trade_n and_o wealth_n or_o no_o however_o lord_n increase_v my_o faith_n after_o i_o have_v write_v these_o thing_n i_o go_v into_o my_o closet_n and_o there_o beg_v of_o god_n his_o help_n and_o assistance_n to_o try_v myself_o by_o these_o character_n and_o then_o spend_v a_o little_a time_n go_v over_o they_o and_o try_v my_o state_n by_o they_o and_o i_o bless_v the_o lord_n i_o now_o can_v but_o say_v to_o his_o glory_n that_o i_o find_v they_o in_o some_o measure_n in_o i_o i_o hope_v that_o those_o i_o can_v not_o so_o positive_o answer_v to_o yet_o i_o can_v in_o the_o desire_n of_o my_o soul_n i_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n i_o be_o not_o deceive_v if_o i_o be_o i_o beseech_v he_o for_o christ_n sake_n to_o undeceive_v i_o and_o let_v i_o know_v how_o it_o be_v with_o i_o but_o methinks_v god_n have_v begin_v some_o good_a work_n in_o i_o and_o wrought_v faith_n in_o my_o poor_a soul_n though_o it_o be_v very_o weak_a the_o lord_n humble_v i_o and_o the_o lord_n help_v i_o to_o bless_v his_o holy_a name_n for_o the_o least_o grace_n and_o earnest_o to_o endeavour_v and_o beg_v of_o he_o the_o increase_n of_o it_o i_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n i_o may_v have_v recourse_n to_o what_o i_o have_v do_v this_o day_n and_o what_o be_v enter_v before_o in_o a_o time_n of_o doubt_n and_o fear_n in_o a_o hour_n of_o trouble_n under_o god_n withdrawing_n yea_o that_o i_o may_v have_v comfort_n from_o it_o in_o a_o hour_n of_o death_n the_o lord_n grant_v i_o may_v not_o now_o be_v secure_a and_o careless_a but_o that_o i_o may_v walk_v very_o close_o and_o exact_o before_o he_o to_o his_o praise_n and_o glory_n here_o till_o at_o last_o i_o come_v to_o live_v with_o he_o in_o his_o heavenly_a kingdom_n may_v the_o 9th_o 1678._o i_o spend_v the_o day_n in_o a_o secret_a fast_o one_o end_n among_o other_o i_o propose_v to_o myself_o in_o it_o be_v to_o search_v into_o the_o state_n of_o my_o soul_n again_o also_o that_o i_o may_v be_v enable_v to_o suffer_v for_o christ_n if_o i_o be_o call_v to_o it_o etc._n etc._n i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o be_v sincere_a and_o hearty_a i_o try_v myself_o by_o the_o mark_n and_o character_n before_o set_v down_o i_o hope_v i_o can_v say_v upon_o search_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v wrought_v save_v grace_n in_o i_o it_o be_v i_o hope_v my_o hearty_a prayer_n that_o if_o it_o be_v not_o so_o i_o may_v not_o so_o enter_v it_o here_o but_o i_o turst_z the_o lord_n have_v turn_v i_o from_o darkness_n to_o light_n and_o that_o i_o be_o not_o dead_a in_o sin_n and_o trespass_n but_o there_o be_v a_o principle_n of_o life_n in_o i_o the_o lord_n grant_v i_o may_v not_o be_v deceive_v towards_o the_o close_a of_o the_o day_n i_o read_v over_o my_o covenant_n and_o hope_v i_o do_v from_o my_o very_a heart_n desire_v to_o bewail_v the_o breach_n of_o it_o and_o renew_v it_o with_o the_o lord_n which_o i_o do_v i_o hope_v in_o the_o strength_n of_o his_o grace_n desire_v christ_n may_v be_v my_o surety_n be_v much_o afraid_a of_o my_o be_v deceive_v lest_o it_o shall_v be_v with_o i_o as_o heretofore_o i_o hope_v i_o do_v hearty_o take_v the_o lord_n for_o my_o god_n and_o give_v up_o myself_o unto_o he_o and_o bind_v myself_o to_o forsake_v all_o sin_n and_o to_o live_v more_o to_o his_o glory_n according_a to_o the_o covenant_n i_o enter_v into_o with_o the_o lord_n about_o eleven_o year_n since_o take_v out_o of_o mr._n allen_n be_v book_n i_o bless_v god_n i_o be_v assist_v to_o day_n in_o the_o work_n i_o undertake_v the_o lord_n accept_v of_o i_o through_o christ_n and_o let_v not_o this_o day_n be_v lose_v o_o that_o i_o may_v not_o prove_v false_a and_o hypocritical_a with_o he_o but_o go_v away_o enable_v to_o live_v more_o to_o his_o praise_n here_o till_o i_o come_v
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of_o it_o the_o devil_n thanks_o be_v to_o god_n who_o have_v give_v he_o and_o assure_v we_o of_o the_o victory_n through_o our_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n to_o he_o be_v glory_n throughout_o all_o the_o church_n for_o ever_o amen_n the_o character_n and_o trial_n of_o a_o real_a christian_a now_o follow_v out_o of_o his_o own_o paper_n the_o manner_n of_o his_o examine_v his_o heart_n and_o life_n state_n and_o frame_n and_o the_o result_n thereof_o record_v and_o write_v for_o his_o support_n in_o after-difficulty_n some_o may_v be_v excite_v by_o it_o to_o a_o imitation_n and_o other_o find_v encouragement_n by_o what_o relieve_v he_o against_o his_o doubt_n and_o fear_n and_o enable_v he_o to_o persevere_v even_o without_o full_a assurance_n henry_n gearing_n though_o i_o have_v be_v under_o much_o hardness_n and_o deadness_n for_o many_o year_n yet_o i_o think_v good_a for_o my_o encouragement_n here_o to_o record_v god_n goodness_n to_o i_o sometime_o by_o look_v over_o my_o book_n in_o which_o i_o have_v write_v down_o in_o shorthand_n every_o night_n how_o it_o be_v with_o i_o in_o the_o day_n i_o find_v that_o i_o have_v sometime_o be_v quicken_v and_o affect_v in_o prayer_n often_o in_o family-prayer_n at_o night_n on_o the_o lord_n day_n though_o i_o begin_v very_o much_o indispose_v yet_o it_o please_v god_n to_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n in_o earnest_a desire_n and_o i_o have_v have_v some_o melt_n more_a than_o usual_a at_o other_o time_n in_o family-prayer_n at_o night_n i_o have_v be_v more_o than_o ordinary_o affect_v and_o sometime_o under_o the_o word_n preach_v once_o at_o the_o morning_n lecture_n when_o i_o hear_v a_o sermon_n of_o buy_v the_o pearl_n of_o price_n at_o other_o time_n i_o find_v i_o be_v affect_v great_o in_o family_n prayer_n so_o as_o scarce_o to_o be_v able_a to_o speak_v for_o weep_v at_o another_o time_n i_o have_v record_v how_o i_o be_v quicken_v by_o hear_v a_o sermon_n of_o mr._n swinnock_n on_o that_o text_n he_o 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psalm_n but_o for_o the_o most_o part_n i_o have_v be_v a_o great_a stranger_n to_o joy_n and_o comfort_n ever_o since_o the_o day_n of_o my_o youth_n these_o thing_n i_o write_v march_v 18._o 1689_o be_v remark_n in_o general_a of_o near_o twenty_o year_n past_a as_o to_o what_o i_o have_v write_v in_o this_o little_a book_n it_o be_v first_o in_o shorthand_n and_o never_o intend_v to_o be_v transcribe_v but_o afterward_o i_o consider_v that_o many_o thing_n in_o it_o may_v be_v of_o use_n to_o i_o by_o another_o read_n of_o it_o if_o it_o shall_v please_v god_n to_o lay_v his_o hand_n upon_o i_o that_o i_o can_v not_o myself_o read_v my_o shorthand_n and_o i_o know_v not_o but_o something_o in_o it_o may_v be_v useful_a to_o other_o i_o hope_v and_o pray_v it_o may_v be_v so_o unto_o many_o if_o the_o like_a serious_a spirit_n accompany_v every_o reader_n in_o the_o perusal_n of_o the_o follow_a paper_n as_o he_o have_v in_o write_v they_o beg_v it_o of_o god_n and_o then_o begin_v 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give_v and_o by_o some_o character_n my_o cousin_n calamy_n lay_v down_o and_o other_o of_o mr._n allen_n mr._n nalion_n and_o mr._n swinnock_n i_o spend_v a_o good_a deal_n of_o time_n herein_o and_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o deal_v impartial_o with_o myself_o and_o do_v beg_v of_o god_n hearty_o that_o i_o may_v make_v a_o right_a judgement_n of_o myself_o i_o endeavour_v to_o keep_v my_o heart_n close_o to_o the_o work_n and_o though_o i_o can_v not_o meet_v with_o great_a comfort_n yet_o upon_o serious_a search_n i_o can_v find_v but_o that_o god_n have_v wrought_v true_a grace_n in_o i_o bless_a be_v his_o name_n i_o hope_v i_o may_v have_v recourse_n to_o this_o day_n while_o i_o live_v for_o support_n in_o any_o case_n i_o do_v also_o read_v over_o the_o covenant_n i_o enter_v into_o with_o the_o lord_n about_o nine_o year_n since_o and_o renew_v my_o covenant_n and_o give_v up_o myself_o afresh_o to_o the_o lord_n and_o take_v he_o for_o my_o god_n and_o portion_n i_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n that_o i_o be_v sincere_a and_o upright_a i_o find_v some_o ease_n and_o quiet_v in_o my_o mind_n afterward_o o_o that_o i_o may_v not_o now_o grow_v careless_a but_o live_v answerable_o and_o remember_v i_o have_v renew_v my_o covenant_n with_o the_o lord_n and_o if_o he_o have_v in_o any_o wise_a speak_v peace_n to_o my_o soul_n let_v i_o not_o again_o return_v to_o folly_n for_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n sake_n an._n 1676_o july_n 27._o look_v over_o my_o book_n where_o i_o enter_v at_o night_n how_o it_o be_v with_o i_o every_o day_n i_o find_v i_o have_v be_v out_o of_o order_n many_o time_n in_o duty_n since_o the_o trial_n of_o myself_o mention_v here_o but_o hope_v i_o do_v desire_v to_o have_v my_o heart_n with_o god_n and_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v sometime_o in_o duty_n to_o draw_v out_o my_o soul_n in_o earnest_n and_o hearty_a desire_n after_o he_o my_o heart_n through_o mercy_n have_v be_v sometime_o though_o too_o seldom_o in_o a_o good_a frame_n the_o lord_n have_v mercy_n on_o i_o and_o grant_v i_o may_v be_v sincere_a and_o upright_a with_o he_o he_o be_v please_v still_o as_o for_o many_o year_n past_a to_o withdraw_v from_o i_o and_o i_o do_v not_o meet_v with_o much_o comfort_n in_o his_o ordinance_n but_o i_o remember_v what_o mr._n n._n use_v to_o say_v that_o grace_n be_v better_a than_o comfort_n god_n grant_v that_o i_o may_v make_v sure_a of_o grace_n and_o act_n and_o exercise_v grace_n and_o wait_v upon_o he_o for_o comfort_n it_o be_v worth_a wait_a for_o all_o the_o day_n of_o my_o life_n the_o lord_n help_v i_o though_o i_o sit_v in_o darkness_n and_o see_v no_o light_n to_o trust_v in_o the_o lord_n and_o stay_v myself_o on_o my_o god_n the_o lord_n help_v i_o to_o keep_v up_o faith_n and_o hope_n in_o he_o through_o christ_n to_o wait_v and_o trust_v and_o hope_v and_o believe_v still_o against_o hope_n of_o sense_n to_o believe_v in_o hope_n of_o a_o promise_n the_o lord_n make_v i_o careful_a to_o mind_v his_o glory_n and_o do_v my_o duty_n in_o the_o place_n in_o which_o he_o have_v set_v i_o for_o i_o be_o apt_a to_o be_v trouble_v lest_o i_o shall_v fail_v of_o my_o duty_n towards_o those_o commit_v to_o my_o charge_n the_o lord_n in_o mercy_n grant_v i_o may_v set_v to_o his_o work_n with_o all_o my_o may_v and_o get_v my_o work_n do_v before_o my_o day_n of_o life_n be_v end_v and_o that_o my_o heart_n may_v be_v thorough_o take_v off_o from_o this_o world_n and_o i_o may_v prepare_v for_o public_a calamity_n which_o be_v much_o fear_v by_o reason_n of_o the_o
abound_a of_o all_o sin_n and_o wickedness_n more_o and_o more_o the_o lord_n enable_v i_o to_o do_v and_o suffer_v his_o will_n and_o let_v i_o have_v his_o presence_n and_o his_o promise_n make_v good_a not_o to_o suffer_v i_o to_o be_v tempt_v above_o what_o he_o will_v enable_v i_o to_o bear_v 1_o cor._n 10._o 13._o and_o that_o i_o may_v ready_o let_v all_o go_v for_o christ_n if_o i_o be_o call_v to_o it_o the_o lord_n grant_v i_o may_v be_v make_v meet_a to_o be_v partaker_n of_o the_o inheritance_n of_o the_o saint_n in_o light_n and_o get_v my_o evidence_n for_o heaven_n ready_a which_o through_o the_o assistance_n and_o help_n of_o god_n i_o desire_v to_o go_v about_o the_o lord_n grant_v i_o may_v not_o be_v deceive_v but_o may_v gather_v such_o evidence_n as_o will_v hold_v out_o and_o bear_v i_o up_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o trouble_n and_o trial_n yea_o in_o the_o hour_n of_o death_n and_o the_o day_n of_o judgement_n the_o lord_n in_o infinite_a mercy_n sanctify_v to_o i_o the_o death_n of_o other_o god_n have_v of_o late_o take_v away_o many_o of_o my_o neighbour_n acquaintance_n friend_n and_o relation_n minister_n as_o well_o as_o other_o a_o little_a while_n since_o mr._n pledger_n and_o mr._n wells_n in_o one_o day_n o_o that_o all_o may_v be_v sanctify_v and_o especial_o the_o death_n of_o my_o wife_n that_o i_o may_v yet_o make_v such_o use_n of_o that_o providence_n as_o the_o lord_n will_v expect_v and_o be_v ready_a and_o prepare_v for_o my_o own_o departure_n hence_o whensoever_o it_o shall_v please_v my_o dear_a god_n and_o father_n to_o call_v i_o home_o be_v now_o about_o to_o enter_v here_o what_o i_o have_v to_o show_v for_o a_o work_n of_o grace_n in_o my_o heart_n and_o a_o right_n and_o title_n to_o heaven_n i_o desire_v of_o the_o lord_n to_o help_v i_o in_o this_o great_a affair_n that_o i_o may_v not_o be_v deceive_v but_o that_o what_o i_o here_o enter_v may_v be_v the_o true_a state_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o that_o which_o will_v hold_v out_o and_o yield_v i_o comfort_n in_o a_o hour_n of_o distress_n it_o have_v be_v in_o my_o thought_n several_a time_n to_o inquire_v what_o i_o have_v to_o show_v for_o my_o hope_n of_o heaven_n that_o which_o run_v most_o in_o my_o mind_n be_v faith_n and_o repentance_n which_o upon_o diligent_a search_n of_o my_o heart_n i_o hope_v i_o have_v first_o for_o faith_n if_o i_o have_v true_a faith_n i_o shall_v certain_o be_v save_v so_o say_v the_o holy_a scripture_n he_o that_o believe_v shall_v be_v save_v joh._n 3._o 16._o for_o god_n so_o love_v the_o world_n that_o he_o give_v his_o only_a beget_v son_n that_o whosoeever_n believe_v in_o he_o shall_v not_o perish_v but_o have_v everlasting_a life_n now_o faith_n in_o christ_n be_v describe_v in_o the_o assembly_n catechism_n to_o be_v a_o save_a grace_n whereby_o we_o receive_v and_o rest_n upon_o christ_n alone_o for_o salvation_n as_o he_o be_v offer_v to_o we_o in_o the_o gospel_n which_o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o do_v i_o hope_v i_o do_v most_o hearty_o desire_v to_o take_v christ_n on_o his_o own_o term_n as_o king_n priest_n and_o prophet_n in_o all_o his_o office_n and_o be_o willing_a to_o be_v rule_v by_o he_o as_o well_o as_o save_v by_o he_o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o rest_v upon_o jesus_n christ_n alone_o for_o salvation_n and_o own_o no_o other_o saviour_n but_o he_o i_o hope_v i_o have_v the_o faith_n of_o reliance_n to_o rest_v and_o centre_n in_o christ_n i_o hope_v i_o can_v with_o all_o my_o soul_n throw_v myself_o upon_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n and_o if_o i_o perish_v to_o perish_v there_o trust_v in_o he_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o perish_v bless_a be_v god_n i_o be_o often_o lift_v up_o my_o heart_n to_o christ_n o_o my_o dear_a jesus_n bless_a jesus_n on_o thou_o on_o thou_o alone_o i_o rest_v when_o i_o be_o in_o fear_n and_o doubt_n and_o trouble_n i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o say_v with_o the_o church_n in_o the_o lord_n have_v i_o righteousness_n and_o strength_n righteousness_n for_o justification_n and_o strength_n for_o sanctification_n and_o the_o subdue_a of_o sin_n i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o renounce_v any_o trust_n in_o my_o own_o righteousness_n and_o duty_n and_o whole_o to_o rely_v and_o rest_v upon_o jesus_n christ_n when_o i_o have_v perform_v any_o duty_n i_o desire_v to_o own_o that_o i_o deserve_v hell_n for_o the_o sinful_a imperfection_n of_o it_o yea_o for_o the_o best_a duty_n i_o can_v perform_v and_o to_o have_v my_o trust_n only_o in_o the_o death_n and_o merit_n satisfaction_n and_o intercession_n of_o christ_n though_o spiritual_a pride_n be_v very_o apt_a to_o rise_v in_o i_o yet_o i_o hope_v i_o do_v not_o allow_v it_o the_o lord_n set_v my_o heart_n more_o against_o it_o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v with_o the_o apostle_n phil._n 3._o 9_o to_o be_v find_v in_o he_o not_o have_v my_o own_o righteousness_n which_o be_v of_o the_o law_n but_o that_o which_o be_v through_o the_o faith_n of_o christ_n the_o righteousness_n which_o be_v of_o god_n by_o faith_n i_o hope_v christ_n be_v precious_a to_o i_o now_o that_o be_v a_o evidence_n of_o faith_n 1_o pet._n 2._o 7._o to_o you_o that_o believe_v he_o be_v precious_a i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o prize_n christ_n above_o all_o the_o world_n and_o if_o i_o know_v my_o heart_n i_o will_v not_o part_v with_o the_o hope_n i_o have_v by_o christ_n of_o heaven_n for_o ten_o thousand_o world_n i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o prize_n jesus_n christ_n as_o the_o chief_a of_o ten_o thousand_o altogether_o lovely_a the_o lord_n make_v i_o upright_o in_o this_o matter_n that_o i_o may_v see_v the_o worth_n and_o excellency_n that_o be_v in_o he_o so_o as_o to_o be_v in_o love_n with_o he_o second_o for_o repentance_n if_o i_o have_v that_o grace_n i_o be_o sure_a to_o be_v save_v act_v 3._o 19_o repent_v you_o therefore_o and_o be_v convert_v that_o your_o sin_n may_v be_v blot_v out_o when_o the_o time_n of_o refresh_a shall_v come_v from_o the_o 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come_v to_o the_o water_n be_v thou_o a_o thirsty_a soul_n thou_o be_v he_o that_o be_v invite_v say_v the_o spirit_n of_o god_n therefore_o stand_v out_o no_o long_o 4._o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n do_v work_v faith_n by_o bow_v the_o will_n make_v it_o pliable_a to_o come_v and_o taste_v how_o good_a christ_n be_v well_o say_v the_o soul_n i_o be_o resolve_v to_o come_v to_o christ_n though_o i_o know_v not_o how_o i_o shall_v speed_v i_o will_v cast_v my_o soul_n into_o the_o arm_n of_o christ_n and_o if_o i_o sink_v i_o will_v sink_v with_o a_o saviour_n in_o my_o
sin_n especial_o of_o lie_v and_o steal_v and_o play_v upon_o the_o sabbath-day_n i_o delight_v to_o read_v the_o word_n of_o god_n and_o good_a book_n to_o other_o but_o i_o do_v not_o apply_v it_o to_o myself_o as_o when_o i_o read_v that_o scripture_n that_o except_o we_o repent_v we_o shall_v all_o perish_v except_o we_o be_v bear_v again_o we_o can_v see_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n that_o the_o wicked_a shall_v be_v turn_v into_o hell_n etc._n etc._n i_o think_v these_o do_v not_o concern_v i_o because_o i_o be_v guilty_a of_o no_o gross_a sin_n i_o reckon_v my_o condition_n be_v good_a and_o i_o be_v ready_a to_o pity_v other_o but_o i_o be_v not_o sensible_a of_o the_o corruption_n and_o defilement_n of_o my_o nature_n i_o do_v not_o see_v the_o need_n of_o a_o change_n i_o be_v not_o sensible_a of_o my_o undo_a condition_n without_o christ_n i_o see_v not_o his_o excellency_n nor_o have_v any_o desire_n after_o he_o i_o know_v not_o upon_o what_o term_n i_o must_v take_v he_o 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grave_a and_o hell_n it_o be_v of_o the_o lord_n mercy_n that_o i_o be_o spare_v so_o long_o and_o that_o he_o give_v i_o space_n to_o repent_v that_o he_o shall_v afford_v i_o the_o mean_n of_o grace_n and_o send_v his_o holy_a spirit_n to_o strive_v with_o i_o and_o give_v i_o many_o conviction_n and_o all_o to_o reclaim_v i_o and_o bring_v i_o home_o to_o himself_o and_o that_o he_o shall_v not_o only_o give_v i_o space_n to_o repent_v but_o a_o heart_n to_o repent_v that_o he_o shall_v not_o only_o stand_v wait_v and_o knock_v at_o the_o door_n of_o my_o heart_n so_o many_o year_n call_v on_o i_o to_o repent_v but_o that_o he_o shall_v give_v i_o the_o grace_n of_o repentance_n this_o be_v undeserved_a love_n and_o distinguish_a mercy_n for_o i_o be_v dead_a in_o trespass_n and_o sin_n and_o have_v nothing_o but_o my_o misery_n to_o move_v his_o compassion_n i_o walk_v according_a to_o the_o course_n of_o this_o world_n i_o be_v insensible_a of_o my_o danger_n though_o ready_a to_o drop_v into_o hell_n every_o moment_n and_o i_o shall_v certain_o have_v perish_v have_v not_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o open_v my_o eye_n and_o to_o pluck_v i_o as_o a_o firebrand_n out_o of_o the_o burn_a and_o set_v i_o in_o the_o way_n to_o heaven_n for_o which_o i_o can_v never_o sufficient_o adore_v and_o praise_v his_o glorious_a grace_n in_o christ_n to_o i_o a_o vile_a sinful_a creature_n great_a be_v his_o mercy_n towards_o i_o for_o he_o have_v deliver_v my_o soul_n from_o the_o low_a hell_n which_o make_v i_o say_v with_o david_n come_v and_o hear_v all_o you_o that_o fear_v the_o lord_n and_o i_o will_v declare_v what_o he_o have_v do_v for_o my_o soul_n and_o the_o way_n and_o means_n whereby_o he_o be_v please_v to_o work_v upon_o my_o heart_n the_o manner_n of_o my_o conversion_n which_o i_o hope_n be_v true_a and_o real_a be_v as_o follow_v it_o please_v the_o lord_n by_o a_o sad_a providence_n viz._n the_o sickness_n at_o london_n to_o bring_v my_o uncle_n gearing_n and_o his_o family_n from_o thence_o to_o my_o father_n house_n where_o they_o continue_v about_o half_a a_o year_n my_o uncle_n be_v a_o good_a man_n i_o can_v not_o but_o take_v notice_n of_o his_o strict_a and_o circumspect_a walk_v and_o be_v much_o affect_v with_o it_o and_o i_o begin_v to_o think_v sure_o the_o way_n that_o i_o be_o in_o will_v never_o bring_v i_o to_o heaven_n i_o think_v i_o must_v live_v another_o manner_n of_o life_n if_o ever_o i_o will_v be_v save_v i_o have_v many_o conviction_n but_o there_o i_o stay_v but_o go_v no_o further_o i_o keep_v on_o in_o my_o former_a careless_a course_n when_o it_o please_v god_n to_o put_v a_o stop_n to_o the_o plague_n at_o london_n my_o uncle_n return_v with_o his_o family_n and_o i_o go_v with_o he_o and_o continue_v at_o his_o house_n about_o two_o month_n in_o which_o time_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o follow_v i_o with_o new_a conviction_n partly_o by_o the_o good_a example_n of_o my_o uncle_n partly_o by_o many_o excellent_a sermon_n which_o i_o hear_v when_o i_o be_v there_o so_o that_o i_o begin_v in_o good_a earnest_n to_o look_v after_o the_o salvation_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o to_o say_v with_o the_o gaoler_n what_o must_v i_o do_v to_o be_v save_v i_o begin_v to_o be_v very_o desirous_a to_o hear_v the_o word_n i_o take_v all_o opportunity_n to_o hear_v and_o give_v attention_n to_o what_o be_v preach_v after_o another_o manner_n than_o i_o be_v wont_a to_o do_v and_o labour_v to_o make_v application_n of_o it_o to_o myself_o i_o hear_v mr._n vincent_n preach_v upon_o heb._n 12._o 14._o follow_v holiness_n without_o which_o no_o man_n shall_v see_v the_o lord_n urge_v the_o necessity_n of_o it_o as_o the_o only_a way_n to_o heaven_n i_o be_v much_o affect_v therewith_o and_o begin_v to_o think_v i_o must_v set_v about_o the_o work_n of_o a_o thorough_a repentance_n i_o begin_v to_o be_v sensible_a of_o my_o original_a corruption_n and_o that_o i_o have_v be_v guilty_a of_o thousand_o of_o actual_a sin_n those_o which_o before_o i_o count_v small_a i_o now_o look_v upon_o as_o great_a and_o upon_o myself_o by_o reason_n of_o sin_n to_o be_v in_o a_o lamentable_a condition_n i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o get_v out_o of_o this_o sinful_a miserable_a state_n and_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o that_o there_o be_v no_o name_n under_o heaven_n by_o which_o i_o can_v be_v save_v but_o only_o by_o jesus_n christ_n i_o think_v if_o i_o can_v have_v a_o interest_n in_o he_o and_o his_o favour_n i_o shall_v be_v save_v but_o i_o fear_v god_n will_v not_o thus_o have_v mercy_n upon_o i_o because_o i_o have_v go_v on_o so_o long_o in_o sin_n i_o hear_v a_o excellent_a sermon_n upon_o mat._n 11._o 28._o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o be_v weary_a and_o heavy_a load_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_v prove_v first_o that_o sin_n be_v a_o burden_n and_o second_o that_o burden_a sinner_n be_v invite_v to_o come_v to_o christ_n and_o then_o that_o those_o that_o come_v to_o he_o shall_v find_v rest_n for_o their_o soul_n this_o be_v a_o suitable_a word_n to_o my_o soul_n i_o be_v much_o affect_v in_o the_o hear_n of_o in_o for_o i_o feel_v sin_n to_o be_v a_o burden_n no_o my_o conscience_n and_o i_o will_v fain_o have_v rest_n to_o my_o soul_n i_o be_v sensible_a of_o my_o want_n of_o jesus_n christ_n and_o of_o the_o absolute_a necessity_n to_o be_v interest_v in_o he_o i_o begin_v to_o see_v his_o worth_n and_o excellency_n as_o the_o chief_a of_o ten_o thousand_o altogether_o lovely_a and_o then_o and_o not_o till_o then_o i_o have_v hungering_n and_o thirsting_n after_o he_o so_o that_o i_o can_v say_v none_o but_o christ_n give_v i_o christ_n or_o else_o i_o die_v thus_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n by_o his_o spirit_n to_o work_v upon_o my_o heart_n by_o degree_n to_o open_v my_o eye_n and_o to_o let_v in_o some_o spiritual_a light_n into_o my_o understanding_n which_o be_v dark_a before_o and_o to_o give_v some_o spiritual_a life_n to_o my_o affection_n which_o be_v dead_a before_o but_o o_o the_o enemy_n that_o do_v then_o labour_n to_o hinder_v my_o conversion_n and_o stop_v this_o work_n the_o world_n by_o allurement_n and_o discouragement_n seek_v to_o keep_v i_o off_o from_o christ_n my_o own_o deceitful_a heart_n and_o corrupt_a disposition_n within_o i_o be_v no_o small_a enemy_n and_o hindrance_n to_o the_o work_n of_o grace_n in_o my_o soul_n the_o devil_n the_o great_a adversary_n of_o god_n glory_n and_o our_o happiness_n come_v like_o a_o roar_a lion_n ready_a to_o devour_v i_o so_o that_o i_o
righteousness_n be_v more_o satisfactory_a and_o please_a unto_o god_n than_o all_o the_o sinner_n wickedness_n be_v injurious_a and_o displease_v to_o he_o o_o this_o be_v a_o very_a sweet_a and_o comfortable_a consideration_n indeed_o there_o be_v no_o such_o evil_a in_o sin_n to_o damn_v thou_o as_o there_o be_v merit_n in_o christ_n blood_n to_o save_v thou_o ix_o to_o despair_v of_o mercy_n be_v a_o great_a sin_n than_o all_o thy_o other_o sin_n this_o make_v thou_o like_o the_o devil_n himself_o it_o be_v the_o glory_n of_o divine_a grace_n to_o triumph_v over_o all_o the_o sinner_n unworthiness_n resolve_v therefore_o i_o will_v yet_o follow_v god_n though_o i_o have_v offend_v he_o come_v on_o i_o what_o will_v i_o know_v he_o be_v god_n and_o not_o man_n who_o can_v help_v nay_o will_v help_v if_o i_o come_v unto_o he_o isa_n 57_o 16._o i_o will_v not_o contend_v for_o ever_o nor_o be_v always_o wroth_a for_o the_o spirit_n will_v fail_v before_o i_o and_o the_o soul_n that_o i_o have_v make_v isa_n 41._o 17._o when_o the_o poor_a and_o needy_a seek_v water_n and_o there_o be_v none_o and_o their_o tongue_n fail_v for_o thirst_n i_o the_o lord_n will_v hear_v they_o i_o the_o god_n of_o israel_n will_v not_o forsake_v they_o when_o it_o come_v to_o fail_v faint_a sink_a die_a then_o come_v help_v be_v much_o in_o prayer_n and_o hold_v on_o wait_v god_n may_v make_v you_o seek_v and_o wait_v a_o long_a time_n aye_o but_o he_o will_v certain_o come_v and_o that_o will_v make_v amends_o for_o all_o x._o how_o shall_v one_o be_v willing_a to_o die_v that_o have_v not_o a_o sense_n of_o god_n love_n i_o answer_v when_o we_o can_v see_v our_o love_n to_o god_n though_o we_o can_v see_v god_n love_n to_o we_o what_o be_v the_o act_n of_o our_o soul_n towards_o god_n when_o we_o can_v see_v no_o love_n in_o his_o dispensation_n towards_o we_o as_o that_o good_a man_n under_o great_a affliction_n and_o dissatisfaction_n about_o the_o love_n of_o god_n at_o last_o break_v out_o if_o i_o do_v not_o love_n god_n why_o do_v i_o follow_v he_o and_o mourn_v after_o he_o if_o thou_o love_v god_n here_o be_v ground_n of_o comfort_n thou_o can_v not_o love_v god_n if_o he_o do_v not_o first_o love_v thou_o it_o be_v a_o memorable_a answer_n of_o mr._n dod_n to_o a_o godly_a minister_n that_o say_v to_o he_o a_o little_a before_o his_o death_n what_o will_v you_o say_v to_o i_o who_o be_o go_v out_o of_o the_o world_n and_o can_v find_v no_o comfort_n he_o reply_v what_o will_v you_o say_v to_o our_o saviour_n that_o be_v go_v out_o of_o the_o world_n and_o find_v no_o comfort_n but_o he_o cry_v out_o my_o god_n my_o god_n still_o this_o speech_n much_o refresh_v that_o godly_a minister_n other_o of_o god_n child_n have_v want_v sensible_a comfort_n at_o their_o death_n yet_o they_o have_v be_v able_a to_o act_v faith_n and_o to_o say_v my_o god_n my_o god_n still_o though_o god_n sensible_a presence_n be_v not_o still_o the_o same_o yet_o his_o word_n and_o promise_n be_v he_o speak_v as_o comfortable_o in_o his_o word_n as_o ever_o he_o can_v deny_v his_o own_o word_n god_n sometime_o withdraw_v comfort_n that_o we_o may_v prize_v his_o word_n more_o and_o depend_v more_o upon_o that_o you_o please_v and_o honour_n god_n most_o when_o you_o can_v venture_v your_o soul_n on_o his_o bare_a word_n and_o promise_n a_o faith_n of_o recumbency_n on_o christ_n in_o the_o want_n of_o comfort_n do_v more_o honour_n god_n than_o the_o high_a faith_n of_o assurance_n why_o shall_v death_n be_v a_o terror_n to_o they_o that_o fear_v god_n none_o need_v to_o fear_v death_n that_o be_v escape_v from_o the_o dominion_n of_o sin_n and_o the_o devil_n can_v you_o say_v you_o do_v not_o love_n christ_n and_o that_o you_o do_v love_n sin_n then_o there_o be_v cause_n enough_o for_o fear_n but_o this_o be_v to_o bely_v the_o bless_a spirit_n the_o godly_a have_v hope_n in_o his_o death_n a_o hope_n of_o life_n even_o at_o the_o point_n of_o death_n a_o godly_a man_n hope_n can_v never_o fail_v he_o he_o may_v want_v sensible_a comfort_n but_o he_o do_v hope_n still_o death_n it_o be_v a_o go_n to_o god_n and_o shall_v a_o godly_a man_n be_v afraid_a of_o go_v to_o his_o god_n again_o it_o be_v a_o sleep_n a_o rest_n be_v weary_a man_n afraid_a of_o rheir_a rest_n and_o of_o go_v to_o sleep_v if_o death_n be_v a_o enemy_n it_o be_v a_o slay_a enemy_n christ_n have_v be_v the_o death_n of_o death_n and_o why_o shall_v that_o have_v terror_n in_o it_o that_o have_v no_o life_n in_o it_o a_o godly_a man_n be_v a_o real_a gainer_n by_o death_n he_o gain_v more_o by_o his_o death_n than_o ever_o he_o get_v all_o his_o life_n long_o viz._n happiness_n and_o joy_n that_o shall_v never_o end_v again_o though_o death_n separate_v relation_n here_o yet_o death_n can_v never_o separate_v the_o godly_a man_n soul_n and_o body_n from_o christ_n both_o still_o continue_v unite_v unto_o christ_n they_o sleep_v in_o jesus_n god_n be_v still_o their_o god_n and_o therefore_o let_v not_o the_o saint_n of_o god_n be_v afraid_a of_o death_n xi_o psal_n 147._o 11._o the_o lord_n take_v pleasure_n in_o they_o that_o fear_v he_o in_o they_o that_o hope_v in_o his_o mercy_n then_o our_o prayer_n please_v god_n when_o they_o be_v put_v up_o to_o he_o in_o faith_n and_o hope_n of_o his_o mercy_n poor_a tremble_a soul_n that_o meditute_v nothing_o but_o terror_n little_o think_v how_o it_o will_v please_v god_n to_o see_v they_o to_o hope_v in_o his_o mercy_n they_o be_v conscious_a to_o themselves_o how_o they_o have_v displease_v god_n but_o hope_v in_o god_n mercy_n and_o he_o will_v take_v pleasure_n in_o thou_o they_o bring_v most_o honour_n to_o god_n that_o be_v most_o admire_a and_o magnify_v of_o his_o mercy_n his_o heart_n be_v most_o set_v on_o mercy_n in_o all_o the_o manifestation_n of_o it_o therefore_o let_v poor_a droop_a soul_n still_o maintain_v hope_n in_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n through_o christ_n xii_o this_o be_v certain_a in_o every_o afflictive_a providence_n to_o believer_n there_o be_v more_o mercy_n than_o wrath_n nay_o it_o be_v all_o mercy_n in_o the_o issue_n and_o not_o in_o revengeful_a wrath_n but_o paternal_a anger_n they_o have_v support_v under_o all_o sometime_o they_o may_v be_v under_o desertion_n and_o no_o comfort_n of_o god_n come_v into_o their_o soul_n they_o be_v ready_a to_o say_v lord_n why_o cast_v thou_o off_o my_o soul_n but_o then_o they_o have_v this_o to_o support_v they_o they_o can_v love_v god_n and_o mourn_v after_o his_o favour_n though_o he_o seem_v to_o be_v go_v from_o they_o they_o can_v look_v after_o he_o and_o long_o for_o his_o return_n and_o this_o be_v such_o a_o effect_n of_o grace_n that_o be_v more_o worth_a than_o the_o whole_a world_n sustentation_n say_v mr._n baines_n i_o thank_v god_n i_o have_v though_o suavity_n i_o have_v none_o sickness_n and_o sorrow_n and_o death_n that_o be_v the_o fruit_n of_o sin_n none_o can_v be_v exempt_v from_o but_o grace_n do_v this_o for_o believer_n the_o curse_n the_o hurt_a the_o venom_n of_o all_o be_v take_v away_o they_o be_v gainer_n by_o all_o 2_o cor._n 4._o 16._o though_o our_o outward_a man_n etc._n etc._n all_o work_n for_o their_o good_a other_o have_v comfort_n with_o a_o curse_n but_o believer_n have_v cross_n with_o a_o blessing_n the_o gild_n of_o sin_n the_o grace_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n do_v quite_o take_v away_o from_o all_o believer_n heb._n 8._o 12._o pardon_v mercy_n clear_v the_o soul_n of_o gild_n what_o comfort_n be_v this_o to_o such_o that_o by_o the_o grace_n of_o justification_n through_o christ_n they_o be_v in_o god_n account_n righteous_a and_o upon_o the_o account_n of_o christ_n their_o righteousness_n they_o may_v come_v into_o god_n presence_n with_o as_o assure_a welcome_n as_o adam_n in_o paradise_n or_o the_o angel_n now_o in_o heaven_n this_o thou_o may_v be_v assure_v of_o that_o christ_n will_v not_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n nor_o quench_v the_o smoke_a flax._n though_o thy_o faith_n be_v so_o small_a that_o it_o yield_v not_o light_a to_o other_o nor_o heat_v to_o thy_o own_o heart_n yet_o christ_n discern_v and_o accept_v it_o but_o can_v a_o man_n have_v the_o exercise_n of_o grace_n and_o not_o know_v it_o fear_v god_n and_o not_o discern_v it_o i_o answer_v yes_o some_o grace_n may_v then_o be_v act_v and_o discern_v by_o other_o as_o well_o as_o at_o any_o other_o time_n he_o may_v fear_v god_n as_o true_o and_o as_o much_o as_o ever_o and_o yet_o his_o grace_n may_v not_o have_v light_a to_o discover_v itself_o to_o he_o it_o may_v have_v a_o be_v and_o work_v in_o the_o heart_n when_o it_o be_v not_o clear_a in_o thy_o apprehension_n xiii_o harken_v unto_o the_o voice_n of_o god_n o_o poor_a doubt_v disconsolate_a sinner_n why_o do_v thou_o pass_v sentence_n against_o thyself_o thou_o say_v o_o my_o sin_n be_v very_o many_o well_o but_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n be_v far_o more_o o_o but_o my_o sin_n be_v very_o great_a true_o but_o the_o meroy_n of_o god_n be_v far_o great_a o_o but_o my_o sin_n be_v of_o long_a continuance_n true_o but_o yet_o thy_o sin_n be_v but_o sin_n of_o time_n his_o mercy_n be_v the_o mercy_n of_o eternity_n o_o but_o my_o sin_n be_v great_a than_o you_o be_v aware_a of_o they_o be_v crimson_a scarlet_a sin_n how_o great_a be_v they_o be_v they_o as_o great_a as_o the_o sin_n of_o manasseh_n that_o be_v a_o wizard_n that_o fill_v jerusalem_n with_o blood_n yet_o god_n pardon_v he_o be_v they_o great_a than_o the_o sin_n of_o mary_n magdalen_n out_o of_o who_o be_v cast_v seven_o devil_n and_o yet_o god_n have_v mercy_n for_o she_o o_o but_o i_o fear_v the_o stock_n of_o mercy_n be_v quite_o spend_v no_o his_o mercy_n endure_v for_o ever_o it_o be_v from_o everlasting_a to_o everlasting_a but_o i_o have_v exceed_o abuse_v mercy_n yet_o remember_v that_o though_o thou_o have_v sin_v against_o his_o mercy_n yet_o thou_o have_v not_o sin_v above_o his_o mercy_n isa_n 55._o 8._o my_o thought_n be_v not_o as_o your_o thought_n nor_o my_o way_n as_o your_o way_n as_o the_o heaven_n be_v above_o the_o earth_n so_o be_v my_o thought_n above_o your_o thought_n and_o my_o way_n above_o your_o way_n finis_fw-la finis_fw-la my_o honour_a friend_n mr._n joshua_n gearing_n sen._n