fires and flames of zeale for it is a vertue that best agrees with coldest natures and such as are complexioned for humility But how shall we expect charity towards others when we are uncharitable to our selves and charity beginnes at home in the voyce of the world yet is every man his owne greaâ—est enemy and as it were his owne executioner Non occides is the Commandement of God yet scarce observed by any man for I perceive every man is his owne Atropos and lends a hand to cut the thred of his owne dayes Cain was not therefore the first murtherer but Adam who brought in death wherof he beheld the practise and example in his own son Abel and saw that verified in the experience of others which faith could not perswade him in the Theory of himselfe There is no man that apprehends his owne miseries lesse than my selfe and no man that so nearely apprehends anothers I could lose an arme without a â—eare and with few groanes me thinkes be quartered into pieces yet can I weep most seriously at a Play and receive with a true passion the counterfeit griefs of those knowne and professed impostures It is a barbarous part of inhumanity to adde unto any afflicted parties misery or endevour to multiply in any man a passion whose single nature is already above his patience and this was the greatest affliction of Iob and those oblique expostulations of his friends a deeper injury then the downe-right blowes of the Devill It is not the teares of our owne eyes onely but of our Friends also that doe exhaust the current of our sorrowes which falling into many streames runne more peaceably and are contented with a narrow channel It is an act within the power of charity to translate a passion out of one brest into another and to divide a sorrow almost out of it selfe for affliction like a dimension may be so divided as if not indivisible at least to become insensible Now with my friend I desire not to share or participate but to ingrosse his sorrowes that by making them mine owne I may more easily discusse them for in mine owne reason and within my selfe I can command that which I cannot entreat without my self and within the circle of another I have often thought those noble paires and examples of friendship not so truly Histories of what had beene as fictions of what should be but I now perceive nothing in them but easie possibilities nor any thing in the Heroick examples of Damon and Pithias Achilles and Patroclus which I could not performe within the narrow compasse of my selfe That a man should lay down his life for his friend seemes strange to vulgar affections and such as confine themselves within that worldly principle Charity beginnes at home For mine owne part I could never remember the relations that I held unto my selfe nor the respect that I owe unto mine owne nature in the cause of God my Country and my Friends Next to these three I doe emprace my selfe I confesse I doe not observe that order that the Schooles orâ—aine our affections to love our Parents Wifes Children and then our Friends â—or excepting the injunctions of Religion I doe not find in my selfe such a neâ—essary and indissoluble Sympathy to â—hose of my bloud I hope I doe not â—reake the fifth Commandement if I confesse I love my Friend before the nearest of my bloud even those tâ— whom I owe the principles of life I neâ—ver yet cast a true affection on a Womaâ— but I have loved my Friend as I doe veâ—tue my soule my God From hence mâ— thinkes I doe conceive how God love man what happinesse there is in the loâ—â— of God Omitting all other there aâ— three most mysticall unions 1. Two natures in one person 2. Three persons in one nature 3. One soule in two bodies For though indeed they be really dâ—â—vided yet are they so united as theâ— seeme but one and make rather a dualâ—â—ty then two distinct soules There are wonders in true affections it is a body of Aenigmaes mysteries anâ— riddles wherein two so become one 〈◊〉 they both become two I love my frienâ— before my selfe and me thinkes I doâ— not love him enough some few monthâ— hence my multiplyed affection wiâ—â— make me beleeve I have not loved hiâ— at all when I am from him I aâ— dead till I be with him when I am with him I am not satisfied but would still be nearer him united soules are not satisfied with embraces but desire to be â—ruly each other which being impossible their desires are infinite and must proceed without a possibility of satisfaction Another misery there is in affection that whom we truely love like our owne selves we forget their lookes nor â—an our memory retain the Idea of their â—aces and it is no wonder for they are our selves and our affections makes â—heir lookes our owne This noble affection fâ—ls not on vulgar and common â—onstitutions but on such as are marked â—or vertue he cannot love his friend â—ith this noble ardor that will in a comâ—etent degree affect all Now if we can â—ring our affections to looke beyond the â—ody and cast an eye upon the soule we â—ave found out the true object not onâ—y of Friendship but Charity and the greatest happines that we can bequeath the soule is that wherein we al do place â—ur last felicity salvation which though it be not in our power to bestow it is in our charity and pious invocations to desire if not procure and further I cannot frame a Prayer for my selfe in particular without a catalogue for my friends nor request a happinesse wherein my sociable disposition doth not desire the fellowship of my Neighbour I never heare the Toll of a passing Bell though in my mirth and at a Taverne withouâ— my prayers and best wishes for the departing spirit I cannot goe to cure the body of my Patiâ—nt but I forget my profession and call unto God for hiâ— soule I cannot see one say his Prayers but instead of imitating him I fall intâ— a zealous oration for him who perhapâ— is no more to me then a common nature and if God hath vouchsafed aâ— eare to my supplications there are surely many happy that never saw me anâ— enjoy the blessing of mine unknownâ— devotions To pray for enemies that is for their salvation is no harsh precept but the practise of our daily ordinarâ— devotions I cannot beleeve the story oâ— the Italian our bad wishes and uncharitable desires proceed no further than this life it is the devill and the uncharitable votes of hell that desire our misery in the world to come To doe no injury nor take none was a principle which to my firme yeares and impatient affections seemed to containe enough of morality but my more settled yeares and Christian constitution have salne upon more securer resolutions I hold there is no such thing as injury that if there be there is no such
〈…〉 their proper natures and without a miracle that the soules of the faithfull as they leave earth take possession of Heaven thaâ— those apparitious and ghosts of departed persons are not the wandring soules oâ— men but the unquiet walkes of Devilsâ— prompting and suggesting us unto mischiefe bloud and villany instilling and stealing into our hearts that the blessed spirits are not at rest in their graves buâ— wander solicitous of the affaires of the world that those phantasmes appeare often and doe frequent Cemiteries Charnell houses and Churches it is because those are the dormitories of the dead where the Devill like an insolent Champion holds with pride the spoiles and Trophies of his victory in Adam This is the dismall conquest we all deplore that makes us often cry O Adam quid fecisti I thanke God I have not those strait ligaments or narrow obligations to the world as to dote on life or be convulst and tremble at the name of death Not that I am insensible of the dread and horrour thereof or by raking into the bowâ—ls of the deceased continuall sight of Anatomies Skeletons or Cadaverous reliques like Vespilloes or Grave-makers I am become stupid or have forgot the apprehension of mortality but that marshalling of the horrours and contemplating the extremities thereof I find not any therein able to daunt the courage of a man much lesse a resolved Christian and therefore am not angry at the errour of our first parents or unwilling to beare a part of this common fate and like the best of them to dye that is to cease to breathe to take a farewell of the elements to be a kind of nothing for a moment to be within one instant a spirit When I take a full view and circle of my selfe but with this reasonable moderator and equall piece of justice death I doe conceive my selfe the miserablest person extant were there not another life that I hope for all the vanities of the world should not intreat a moments breath from me could the Devill worke my beliefe to imagine I could never die I would not out-live that very thought I have so abject a thought of this common way of existence this retaining to the Sun and elements I cannot thinke this to be a man or to live according to the dignity of my nature in expectation of a better I can with patience embrace this life yet in my best meditations do often desire death I honour any man that contemnes it nor can I love any that is afraid of it this makes me naturally love a Souldier and honour those tattered and contemptible Regiments that will dye at the command of a Sergeant For a Pagan there may be some motives to be in love with life but for a Christian to be amazed at death I see not how he can escape this Dilemma that he is too sensible of this life or carelesse of the life to come Some Divines count Adam 30. years old at his creation because they suppose him created in the perfect age stature of man surely we are all out of the computation of our age every man is some moneths elder then he bethinkes him for we live move and have a being and are subject to the actions of the elements and the malice of diseases in that other world the â—ruest Microcosme the wombe of our moâ—her for besides that generall and common existence that we are conceived in our Chaos and whilst we sleepe within the bosom of our causes we enjoy a being â—nd life in three distinct worlds wherein we receive most manifest gradations In â—hat obscure world and womb of our moâ—her our time is short computed by the Moone yet longer then the dayes of maâ—y creatures that behold the Sunne our â—elves being not yet without life sense and reason the manifestation of its actions it awaits the opportunity of obâ—ects and seemes to live there but in its â—oote and soule of vegetation entring afâ—erwards upon the scene of the world we â—rise up and become another creature performing the reasonable actions of man and obscurely manifesting that part of Divinity in use but not in complement and perfection till we have once more cast our secondine that is this flough of flesh and are delivered into the last world that â—s that ineffable place of Saint Paul that â—bi of spirits The smattering that I have of the Philosophers stone which is nothing else but the perfectest exaltation oâ— gold hath taught me a great deale of Divinity and instructed my beliefe how thaâ— immortall spirit and incorruptible substance of my soule may lie obscure and sleepe within this house of flesh Thosâ— strange and mysticall transmigrations thaâ— I have observed in Silkewormes turned my Philosophy into Divinity There is iâ— these workes of nature which seeme to puzzle reason something Divine and hatâ— more in it then the eye of a common spectator doth discover I am naturally bashfull nor hath conversation age or travell beene able to effront or harden me yet I have one part of modesty which I have seldome discovered in another that is to speake truely I am not sâ— much afraid of death as ashamed thereof to the very disgrace and ignominy of ouâ— natures that in a moment can so disfigurâ— us that our nearest friends Wife Children stand afraid and stare at us The Birds and Beasts of the field that before iâ— a naturall feare obeyed us forgetting allegiance begin to prey upon us this very â—nceit hath in a tempest disposed and left â—e wisling to be swallowed up in the aâ—ysse of waters wherein I had perished â—sâ—ene unpityed without wondring eyes â—ares of pity Lectures of mortality and one had said Quantum mutatus ab illo â—ot that I am ashamed of the Anatomy â—f my parts or can accuse nature for playâ—â—g the bungler in any part of me or my â—wne vitious life for contracting any â—â—amefull disease upon me whereby I â—ight not call my selfe as wholesome a â—orsell for the wormes as any Some upâ—n the courage of fruitfull issue wherein â—s in the truest Chronicle they seeme to â—utlive themselves can with greater patiâ—nce away with death This conceit and â—ounterfeit subsisting in our progenies â—eemes to me a meere fallacy unworthy the desirâ—s of a man that can but conâ—eive a thought of the next world who â—n a noble ambition should desire to live â—n his substance in Heaven And therefore at my death I meane to take a Totall â—diew of the world not caring for a Monument History or Epitaph not so mucâ— as the bare memory of my name to bâ— found anywhere but in the universall Register of God I am not yet so Cynicall aâ— to approve the Testament of Diogenes noâ— doe altogether allow that Rodomantado oâ—Lucian Coelo tegitur qui non habet urnam He that unburied lies wants not a Herse For unto him a tombe's the universe But commend in my calmer judgement those ingenuous intentions that desire to sleep
Scripture is silent the Church is my Text where that speakes it is but my comment where there is a joynt silence of both I borrow not the rules of my Religion from Rome or Geneva but the dictates of my own reason It is an unjust scandall of our adversaries and grossâ— error in our selves to compute the Nativity of our Religion from Henry the eighth who though he rejected the Pope confuted not the faith of Rome and effected no more than what his owne Predecessours deâ—ired and assayed in ages past and was conceived the State of Venice would have attempted in our dayes It is as uncharitable a point in us to fall upon those popular scurrilities and opprobrious scoffes of the Bishop of Rome to whom as to a temporal Prince we owe the duty of a good language I confesse there is cause of passion betweene us by his sentence I stand excommunicated Heretick is the best language he affords me yet can no â—are witnesse I ever returned to him the name of Antichrist man of sin or whore of Babylon It is the method of charity to suffer without reaction those usuall Satyres invectives of the Pulpit may perchance produce a good effect on the vulgar whose eares are opener to Rhetoricke than Logicke yet doe they no wise confirme the faith of wiser beleevers who knowes that a good cause needs not to be patronized by a passion but can sustaine it selfe upon a temperate dispute I could never divide my selfe from any upon the difference of an opinion or be angry with his judgement for not agreeing with me in that from which perhaps within a few dayes I should dissent my selfe I have no Genius to disputes in Religion and have often thought it wisdome to decline them and especially upon a disadvantage or when the cause of Truth might suffer in the weaknesse of my patronage where we desire to be informed it is good to contest with men above our selves but to confirme and establish our opinions it is best to agree with judgments below our owne that the frequent spoiles and victories over their reasons may settle in our selves an esteeme and confirme opinion of our owne Every man is not a proper Champion for Truth nor fit to take up the Gantlet in the cause of Verity Many from the Ignorance of their Maximes and an inconsiderate zeale to Truth have too rashly charged the troubles of error and remaine as Trophees to the enemies of Truth A man may be in as just possession of Truth as of a City and yet be forced to surrender t is therefore farre better to enjoy with peace than to hazzard her on a battell If therefore there rise any doubts in my way I doe forget them or at least defer them till my better setled judgement and more manly reason be able to resolve them for I perceive every mans owne reason is his best Oedipus and will upon a reasonable truce find a way to loose those bonds where-with subtilties of errour have enchained our more flexible and tender judgements In Philosophy where truth seemes double forced there is no man more paradoxicall than my selfe but in Divinity I keep the road and though not in an implicite yet in an humble faith follow the great wheele of the Church by which I move not reserving any proper poles or motion from the epicycle of my owne braine by this meanes I leave no gap for Heresies Schismes or Errors of which at present I shall injure Truth to say I have no taint or tincture I must confesse my greener studies have beene polluted with two or three not any begotten in the latter Cenâ—uries but old and obsolete such as could never have been revived but by such extravagant and irregular heads as mine for indeed Heresies perish not with their Authors but like the River Arethusa though they lose their currents in one place they rise up againe in another one generall Councell is not able to extirpate one single Heresie it may be canceld for the present but revolution of time and the like aspects from heaven will restore it when it will flourish till it be condemned againe for as though there were a Mâ—teâ—pâ—uchoâ—is and the soule of one man passed into another opinions do find after-revolutions men and mindes like those that first begat them To see our selves we need not looke for Plato's yeare every man is not onely himselfe there have been many Diogâ—nes and as many Timons though but few of that name men are lived over againe the world is now as it was in the age past there was none then but there have beene some since that paralels him and is as it were his revived selfe Now the first of mine was that of the Arabians that the soules of men perished with their bodies but yet should be raised againe at the last day not that I did absolutely conceive a mortality of the soule but if that were which faith nor Philosophy can throughly disprove and that both entred the grave together yet I hold the same conceit thereof that we all doe of the body that it shall rise againe surely it is but the merits of our unworthy natures if we sleepe in darknesse untill the last alarme A serious reflex upon my own unworthines did make me backward from challenging this prerogative unto my soule so I might enjoy my Saviour at the last I would with patience be nothing almost unto eternity The second was that of the Chiliast that God would not persist in his vengeance for ever but after a definite time of his wrath he would release the damned soules from torture which error I fell into upon a serious contemplation of the great attribute of Gods mercy and did a little cherish it in my self because I found therein no malice and a ready weight to sway me from the other extreame of despaire wherunto melancholy and contemâ—lative natures are too easily disposed A â—hird there is which I did never positively maintaine or practice but have often wished it had beene consonant to Truth and not offensive to my Religion and that is the prayer for the dead whereunto I was enclined by an excesse of charity whereby I thought the number of the living too small an object of devotion I could scarce containe my prayers for a Friend at the ringing of a Bell or behold his corps without an oration for his Soule It was a good way me thought to be remembred by Posterity and far more noble than a History These opinions I never maintained with pertinacy or endeavoured to inveagle any mans beliefe to mine nor so much as ever revealed or disputed them with my dearest friends by which meanes I neither propagated them in others nor confirmed them in my selfe but suffering them to flame upon their owne substances without addition of new fuell they went out insensibly of themselves therefore those opinions though condemned by lawfull Councels were not Heresies in me but bare Errors and single Lapses
Heterogeneous parts which in a manner multiply the natures cannot subsist without the concourse of God and the society of that hand which doth uphold â—heir natures In briefe there can be nothing truely alone and by its self which is not truely one and such is onely God All others doe transcend an unity and so by consequence are many Now for my life it is a miracle of thirty yeares which to relate were not a History but a piece of Poetry and would sound to common eares like a fable for the world I count it not an Inn but an Hospital and a place not to live but to dye in The world that I regard is my selfe it is the Microcosme of mine owne frame that I cast mine eye on for the other I use it but like my Globe and turne it round sometimes for my recreation Men that looke upon my outside perusing onely my condition and fortunes doe erre in my altitude for I am above Atlas his shoulders Let me not injure the felicity of others if I say I am the happiest man alive I have that in me that can convert poverty into riches adversity into prosperity I am more invulnerable than Achilles fortune hath not one place to hit me Coelum ruat come what will Fiat voluntas tua salves all so that whatsoever happens it is but what our daily prayers desire In briefe I am content and what should providence adde more Surely this is it we call happinesse and this do I enjoy with this I am happy in a dream and as content to enjoy a happinesse in a fancy as others in a more apparent truth and reality There is surely a neerer apprehension of any thing that delights each of us in our dreames then in our waked â—enses with this I can be a King without a Crowne rich without Royalty in heaven tho on earth enjoy my friend and embrace him at a distance without which I cannot behold him without this I were unhappy for my awaked judgement discontents me ever whispering unto me that I am from my friend but my friendly dreames in the night requite me and make me think I am within his armes I thanke God for my happy dreames as I doe for my good rest for there is a reflection in them to reasonable desires and such as can be content with a fit of happinesse and surely it is not a melancholy conceit to thinke we are all asleepe in this world and that the conceits of this world are as meare dreames to those of the next as the Phantasmes of the night to the conceit of the day It is an equall delusion in both the one doth but seem to be the embleme or picture of the other we are somewhat more then our selves in our sleepes and the slumber of the body seemes to be but the waking of our soules It is the ligation of our â—ense but the liberty of reason our awaking conceptions doe not march the fancies of our sleeps At my Nativity my Ascendant was the earthly signe of Scorpio I was borne in the Planetary houre of Saturne and I thinke I have a piece of that Leaden Planet in me I am no way facetious nor disposed for the mirth and galliardize of company yet in one dreame I can compose a whole Comedy behold the action in one dreame apprehend the jests and laugh my selfe awake at the conceits thereof were my memory as faithfull as my reason is there fruitfull I would never study but in my dreames and this time also would I chuse for my devotions but our grosser memories have then so little hold of our abstracted understandings that they forget the story and can onely relate to our awaked soules a confused and broken tale of that that hath beene past Aristotle who hath written a singular tract of sleepe hath not throughly defined it noâ— yet Galen though he seeme to have corrected it for those Nocteaâ—nbulones though in their sleepe doe yet enjoy the action of their senses we must therefore say that there is something in us that is not in the jurisdiction of Morpheus and that those abstracted ecstarick soules doe walke about in their owne corps as spirits with the bodies they assume wherein they seeme to heare see and feele though indeed the organs are destitute of senses and their natures of those faculties that should inform them Thus I observe that men oftentimes upon the houre of their departure doe speake and reason above themselves For then the soule beginnes to be freed from the ligaments of the body begins to reason like her selfe and to discourse in a straine above mortality We tearme death a sleepe and yet it is waking that kils us and destroyes those spirits that are the house of life It is that death by which we may be literally said to dye daily a death which Adam dyed before his mortality a death whereby we live a middle and moderating point betweene life and death in fine so like death I dare not trust it without my prayers and an halfe adiew unto the world it is a fit time for devotion I cannot therefore lay me downe on my bed without an oration and without taking my farewell in a Colloquie with God The night is come like to the day Depart not thou great God away Let not my sinnes blacke as the night Eclipse the lustre of thy light Keepe still in my Horizon for to me The Sun makes not the day but thee Thou whose nature cannot sleepe On my temples centry keepe Guard meâ— 'gainst those watchfull foes Whose eyes are open while mine close Let not dreames my head infest But such as Jacobs temples blest While I doe rest my soule advance Make me sleepe a holy trance That I may take my rest being wrought Awake into some holy thought And with as active vigor run My course as doth the nimble Sun Sleepe is a death O make me try By sleeping what it is to dye And downe as gently lay my head On my Grave as now my Bed Howere refresh'd great God let me Awake againe at last with thee And thus assur'd behold I lie Securely or to wake or die These are my drowsie dayes in vaine I doe now wake to sleepe againe O come that houre when I shall never Sleepe thus againe but wake for ever This is the dormitory I take to bedward use no other Laudanum to sleepe after which I close mine eyes in security content to take my leave of the Sun and to sleepe unto the Resurrection The method I would use in distributive justice I also observe in commutative and keepe a Geometricall proportion in both whereby becomming equable to others I become unjust to my self and supererogate that common principle Doe as thou wouldst be done unto thy selfe I was not borne unto riches neither is it my Starre to be wealthy or if it were the freedome of my mind and franknesse of my disposition were able to contradict and crosse