filiall fear idâ—e thoughts for holy thoughts vaiâ— words for holy and wholsome words flâ—shly works for works of righteousnesse even hating what I formerly loved and loving what I formerly hated But alas I have heard the Gospell day after day and year after year which is the strong arm of the Loâ—d and the mighty power of God to salvation That is quick and powerfull and sharper then any two-edged-sword and yet stood it out and resisted instead of submitting to Christs call even refusing the free offer of grace and salvation I have heard the word faithfully and powerfully preached for forty years yet remain'd in my naturall condition unregenerate without which new birth there is no being saved as our Saviour affirms John 3. 5. I had not troden one step in the way to conversion for the first part of conversion is to love them that love God 1 John 3. 10 11 14. I should dayly have grown in grace and in the knowledg of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ but I was so far from growing in grace that I had not one 〈◊〉 of grace or holinesse without which 〈◊〉 man shall see the Lord Heb. â—2 14. I was all for observing the second Table without respect to the first or all for outward conformity not at all for spirituall and inward holinesse of the heart Sect. XXXI Either what I did was not morally good for the matter or not well done for the manner nor to any right ends as out of duty and thankfulness to God and my Redeemer and out of love to my fellow members Without which the most glorious performances and rarest virtues are buâ—shining sins or beautifull abominations Gods glory was not my principall end nor to be saved my greatest care I was a good civill morall honest hypocrite or infidell but none of these graces grew in the Garden of my heart I did not shine out as a light by a holy conversation to glorifie God and win others Now onely to refrain evill except a man hates it also and does the contrary good is to be evill still because honesty without piety is but a body without a soul All my Religion was either superstition or formallity or hypocrisie I had a form of Godliness but denied the power thereof I often drew near unto God with my mouth and honoured him with my lips but my heart was far from him Isay. 29. 13. Mark 7. 2. to 14. Matth. 15. 7 to 10. All which considered viz. the means which God had afforded me and the little use I had made thereof left me in a far worse condition then the very heathen that never heard of Christ So that it was Gods unspeakable mercy that I am not at this present frying in Hell flames never to be freed God hath sent unto us all his Servanes the Prophets rising up early and they have been instant in preaching the Gospell both in season and out of season but my carnall heart hath ever been flint unto God wax to Satan you shall dye if you continue in the practice of sin I heard but you shall not dye as saith the divell I believed Sect. XXXII Besides all this suppose I had none of these to answer for neither sins of Commission nor sins of Omission yet Originall sin were enough to damn me no need of any more and yet my actuall transgressions have been such and so many and my ingratitude therein so great that it might have sunk me down with shame and left me hopelesse of ever obataining pardon for them As see but some small part of my monstrous divelish ingratitude to so good a God so loving and mercifull a Saviour and Redeemer that hath done and suffer'd so much for mee even more then can either be expressed or conceived by any heart were it as deep as the Sea Touching what God and Christ hath done for me in the first place he gave mee my self and all the Creatures to serve for my use yea he created me after his own Image in righteousness and holiness and in perfect knowledg of the truth with a power to stand and for ever to continue in a most blessed and happy condition But this was nothing in comparison for when I was in a sad condition when I had forfeited all this and my self when by sin I had turned that Image of God into the Image of Satan and wilfully plunged my soul and body into eternall torments when I was become his enemy mortally hating him and to my utmost fighting against him and taking part with his onely enemies sin and Satan not having the least thought or desire of reconcilement but a perverse and obstinate will to resist all means tending thereunto hee did redeem me not onely without asking but even against my will so making of me his cursed enemy a Servant of a Servant a Son of a Son an Heir and Coâ—-hâ—ir with Christ Gal. 4. 7. But how have I requited this so great so superlative a mercy All my recompence of Gods lâ—ve unto me hath been to do that which he hates and to hate those whom he loves Christ the fountain of all good is my Lord by a manifold right and I his servant by all manner of obligations First he is my Lord by the right of Creation as being his woâ—kmanship made by him Secondly by the right of Redemption being his purchase bought by him Thirdly of preservation being kept upheld and mainteined by him Fourthly his by Vocation even of his family having admitted me a member of his visible Church Fifthly his also had it not been my own fault by sanctification whereby to possesâ— me Lastly he would have me of his Couâ—t by glorification that he might crown me so that I was every way his God had raised me from a beggar to a great estate but how did I require him I would not if possible suffer a godly and conscientious Minister to be chosen or to abide where I had to do but to bring in one that would flatter sin and flout holiness discouraâ—e the godly and incourage the wicked I used both my own and all my friends utmost abilitie Much more might be mentioned buâ— I fear to be tedious Now argue with all the world and they will conclude that there is no vice like ingratitude But I have been more ingraceful to God then can be exprest by the best Oratour alive It was horrible ingratitude in the Jews to scouâ—ge crucifie Christ who did them good every way for he healed their diseases fed theiâ— bodies inlightned their minds of God became man lived miserably amongst them many years that he might save their souls but they fell short of my ingratitude to God in that most of them were not in the least convinc'd that he was the Mâ—ssias sent from God and promised from the beginning But I have not onely denied this Lord that bought me but I hated him yea most spiâ—efully and maliciously fought on Satans and sins
side against him and persecuted his children and the truth with all my might and all this against knowledge and conscience after some measure of illumination which cannot be affirmed of the Jews Yet miserable wretch that I was if I could have given him my body and soul they should have been saved by it but he were never the better for â—hem Sect. XXXIII Lastly to tell you that which is more strange Notwithstanding all this that hath been mentioned and much more Yet I thought my self a good Christian forsooth yea with that young man in the Gospel I thought I had kept all the commandements Nor was I a whit troubled for sin either original or actâ—al but my conscience was at quiet and I was at peace neither did any sin trouble me Yea I would applâ—ud my self with that Phariâ—â—e Luke 18. 9 to 15. and say I was not like other men not once doubting of my salvation I ever refused to do what my Makes commanded and yet confidently hoped to escape what he threatned Noâ— did I doubt of having Christ my Redeemer and Advocate in the next lifâ— when I had been a bitter enemy to him and his mâ—mbers in this life Hâ—re was blindnesse with a witnesse as it is not to be believed how blind and blockish men are that have onely the flesh for their guide espeâ—â—ally if â—hey have hardned their hearts and seaâ—ed theiâ—coâ—sciences with a customary sinning As I could give you for instance a large catalogue of rare examples how sin hath besotted men and what stark fools carnal men are in spiritual things he they never so wise for mundane knowledge But least iâ— should be taken for a digression or excursion you shall have a list of them by themselvs the which I will add as an Appendix to this Discourse or Dialogue In the mean time I have given you a brief of my manifold provocations and great ingratitude to my Maker and Redeemer for otherwise I might be endlesse in the prosecution thereof It remains that I should in like manner lay open my original defilement which is the fountain whence all the former whether sins of commission or sins of omission do flow But touching it be pleased to peruse that smal Tract intituled A short and sure way to Grace Salvation Or Three Fundamental Principles of Christian Religion by R. Y. from page 4 to page 10. Sect. XXXIV Loose Libertine If this hath been your case no wonder it hath startled you for to deal plainly with you as you have done with me what I have heard from you makes me also tremble For if such honest moral men that live so unreprovably as you had done go not to heaven what will become of me that have been openly profane and notoriously wicked all my time Yea it contented me noâ— to do wickedly my self and so damne my own soul but I have been the occasion of drawing hundreds to Hell with me by seducing some and giving ill example to others the infection of sin beiâ—g much worse then the act As how many have I drawn to be Drunkardâ— and swearers and who emongers and profane persons insomuch that the blood of so many souls as I have drawn away will be required at my hands Yea my life haâ—h been so debauched and licentious that I have brought a scandal upon the Gospel and made it odious to the very Turks and Infidels Rom. 2. 24. Convert Alass what I did that was morally good or what evil I refrained was more for self endâ— or more for fear of men's Laws then for love of Christ's Gospel True I went under the notion of an honest man and a good Christian I was baptized into the faith and made a member of Christ's visible Church but I was so far from indeavouring to performe what I then promised that in effect I even renounced both Christ and my Baptisme in persecuting him and all that sincerely professed his name thinking I did God good service therein Joh. 16. 2. Gal. 1. 13 14. Phil. 3. 6. Nor was it for want of ignorance that you thought so of me for by nature be we never so milde and gentle we are all the seed of the Serpent Gen. 3 15 and children of the Divel Joh. 8. 44. Yea the very best moral man is but a tame Divel as Athanasius well notes But it is a true proverb the blinde eat many a flie and all colours are alike to him that is in the dark Loose Libertine So much the worse is my condition for my conscience tells me there is not a word you have spoken of your self but I can justly apply the same unto my own soul and a great deal more For whereas you have been a moral honest man so that none except your self could tax you for breaking either God's Law or man's I have been so wicked and profane that I could most presumptuâ—usly and of set purpose take a pride in my wickednesse commit it with greedinesse speak for it deâ—end it joy in it boast of it tempt and inforce to it yea mock them that disliked it As if I would send challenges into Heaven and make love to destruction and yet did applaud my self and prefer my own condition before other men's saying I was no diâ—â—embler yea I hated the hypocrisie of Professors I do not justifie my self and despise others like the Puritanes I am not factious schismatical singular censorious c. I am not rebellious noâ— contentious like the Brownists and Anabaptists I am a good fellow and love an honest man with my heart c. and as touching a good conscience I was never troubled in minde as many scrupulous fools are I have a good heart and mean as well as the precisest But now I see the Divel and my own deceitful heart deluded me so that my whole life hitherto hath been but a dream and that like a blind man I was running headlong to Hell when yet I thought my self in the way to heaven Just as if a beggar should dream that heweâ—e a King or as if a traitor should dream of his being crowned when indeed he was to be beheaded the case of Laodicea Rev. 3. 17. the young man in the Gospel Luk. 18. 20 21. and that Pharisee spoken of Luke 18. 11. 12. Sect. XXXV Convert It was not your case alone but so it fares with the worst of sinners Onely it much rejoyces me that it hath pleased God to open your eyes to see all this in your self For flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto you Yea wee are naturally so blind and deaf and dead in sin and in soul that wee can no more discern our spirituall filthinesse nor feel sin to bee a burden then a blind Ethiopian can see his own blackness or then a dead-man can feel the weight of a burthen when it is laid upon him Acts. 28. 27. Isay. 6. 9 10. And this common experience shewes for if you observe it who more socond confident and
worst of men Wherefore if you are truly sensible of your wretchedness it is a good sign that you are in some forwardness to be recovered and really to become so good as formerly you but dream'd or imagined your self to bee And indeed the very first step to grace is to feel the want of grace and the next way to receive mercy is to see your self miserable Therefore our constant and most diligent search should be to find out the naughtiness of our own hearts and to get strenght from God against our prevailing corruptions Sect. XXXVII Loose Libertine But is there any hope for one so wicked as I who have turned the grace of God into wantonesse applying Christs passion as a warrant for my licenciousness not as a remedy and taking his death as a licence to sin his â—ross as a Letters pattent to do mischief As if a man should head his dâ—um of rebellion with his pardon For I have most spiâ—efuâ—ly and maliciously taken up arms against my Maker and fought against my Redeemer all my daies Convert Do but unfainedly repent you of your sins and forsake your former evill wayes and lay held upon Christ by a trueâ— and lively â—aith my soul for yours God iâ— very â—eady to forgive them bee they neveâ— so many and innumerable for multitude never so haâ—nous for qualitie magâ—itude Yea I can shew you your pardon from the great King of Heaven for al that is past the which you may read at large Isai. 55 7. Ezek. 18. 21. to 29. and 33. 11. Jo l. 2. 12 13 14. Yea read 1 Cor. 6. 10 11. together with the story of Manâ—sses Mary Mâ—gdelen the Thief and the prodigall Son you shal see presidents thereof Yea the very murtherers of the Son of God upon their serious and unfained repentance and stedfast believing in him received pardon and salvation And indeed dispaiâ— is a sin which never knâ—w Jesus True every sin deserves damnation but no sin shall condemn but the â—â—ing and contiâ—uing in it True Repentance is ever blest with forgiveness And know this that Gods mercy is greater then thy sin what ever it bee you cannot be so infiâ—ite in sinning as he is infinite in pardoning if you repent yea sins upon repentance are so remitted as if they had never been committed I will put away thy transgressions as a cloud and thy sins as a mâ—â—t Isay. 44. 22. And what by corruption hath been done by repentance is undone As the former examples witness Come and let us reason togâ—ther saith the Lord though your sins be as scarlet they shall be as white as snow Isai 1. 18. Yea whiter then snow For the Prophet David laying open his blood guilâ—inâ—ss and his Originall impurity useth these words Puâ—geme with Hysop and I shall be clean wash me and I shall be whiter then snow Psal. 51. 7. And in reason did Christ come to call sinners to repentance and shall he not shew mercy to the penitent O who would not cast his burthen upon him that desires to give ease As I live saith the Lord I would not the death of a sinner Ezek. 18. 32. and 33. 11. Onely apply not this sâ—lve before the ulcer be searcbed to the bottom Lay not hold upon mercy untill you be throughly humbled The onely way to become good is first to believe that you are evill and by accusing our selvs wee prevent Satan By judging our selvs wee prevent God Are wee as sick of sorrow as wee are of sin then may wee hopefully go to the Physitian of our souls who came into the world onely to cure the sick and to give light to them onely who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death God does not power the oyl of grace but into a broken and contrite heart Wouldest thou get out of the miserable estate of nature into the blessed estate if grace and of Satan's bondslave become the childe of God and a member of Christ Wouldest thou truly kâ—ow thine own heart and he very sensible how evil and wicked it is that so thou maist have a more humble conceit of thy self lay to heart these three particulars 1. The corruption of our nature by reason of Original Sin 2 Our manifold breach of God's righteous Law by actual sin 3. The guilt and punishment due to us for them both This being done thou wilt see and find thy necessity of a Redeemer And it is thirst onely that makes us relish our drink hunger our meat The full stomach of a Pharisee surcharged with the superfluities of his own merits will loath the hony-comb of Christ's righteousness This was it which made the young Prodigâ—l to relish even servants fare though before wanton when full fed at home No more rellish feels the Pharisaicall heart in Christs blood then in a chip But O how acceptable is the fountain of living waters to the chased hart panting braying The blood of Christ to the wearie and tyred soul to the thirsty conscience scorched with the sence of Gods wrath hee that presents him with it how welcome is hee even as a speciall choise man one of a thousand And the deeper the sence of misery is the sweeter the sence of mercy is Sect. XXXVIII Then if you would be satisfied for time to come whether your Repentance and conversion be true and sound these particulars will infallibly informe you If you shall persevere when this trouble for sin is over in doing that which now you purpose it is an infallible sign your repentance is found otherwise not If thou dost call to minde the Vow which thou madest in baptisme and dost thy indeavour to perform that which then thou didst promise If thou dost square thy life according to the rule of Gods word and not after the rudements of the world If thou art willing to forsake all sin without reserving one for otherwise that one sin may prove the bane of all thy graces even as Gidion had Seventy sons and but one Bastard and yet that bastard destroyed all the rest that were Legitimate Judg. 9. 5. Sin is like the Ivie in the wall cut off bow branch body stump yet some strings or other will sprout out again Till the root be pluck't up or the wall be pulled down and ruined it will never utterly die Regeneration or new birth is a creation of new qualities in the soul as being by nature onely evil disposed God's children are known by this mark they walk not after the flesh but after the spirit Rom. 8. 1. If Christ have called you to his service your life will appear more spirituall and excellent then others As for your fails 't is a sign that sin hath not gained your consent but committed a rape upon your soul when you crie out to God If the ravished Virgin under the Law cried out she was pronounced guiltlesse A sheep may fall into the mire but a swine delights to wallow in the mire Great difference between a
woman that is forced though she cries out and strives and an alluring Adulteress Again the thoughts of the godly are godly of the wicked worldly and by these good and evil men are best and truliest differenced one from another Would we know our own hearts and whether they be changed by a new birth examine we our thoughts words actions passions especially our thoughts will inform us for these cannot be subject to hypocrisie as words and deeds are Sect. XXXIX Then by way of caution know that a child may as soon create it self as a man in he state of Nature regenerate himself We cannot act in the least unlesse God bestowes upon us daily privative grace to defend us from evil and daily positive grace inabling us to do good And those that are of Christs teaching know both from the word and by experience that of themselvs they are not onely weak but even dead to what is good moving no more then they are moved that their best works are faulty all their sins deadly all their natures corrupted originally You hath he quickned that were dead in trespassâ—s and sins Ephes. 2. 1. Yea we are altogether so dead in sin that we cannot stir the least joint no not so much as feel our own deadness nor desire life except God be pleased to raise and restore our souls from the death of sin and grave of long custom to the life of grace Apt we are to all evil but reprobate and indisposed to all grace and goodness yea to all the means thereof My powers are all corrupt corrupt my will Marble to good but wax to what is ill Insomuch that we are not sufficient of our selves to think much lesse to speak least of all to do that which is good 2 Cor. 3. 5. Joh. 15. 4 5. If we have power to choose or refuse the object to do these well we have no power We have abilitie we have will enough to undo our selvs scope enough hell-ward but neither motion nor will to do good that must be put into us by him that gives both power and will and power to will Finally each sanctified heart feels this but no words are able sufficiently to expresse what impotent wretches we are when we are not sustained So that we have no merit but the mercy of God to save us nothing but the blood of Christ and his mediation to cleanse and redeem us nothing but his obedience to enrich us As for our good works we are altogether beholding to God for them not God to us nor we to our selvs because they are onely his works in us Whatsoever thou art thou owest to him that made thee what ever thou hast thou owest to him that Redeemed thee Therefore if wee do any thing amiss let us accuse our selvs if any thing well let us give all the praise to God And indeed this is the test of a true or false Religion that which teacheth us to exalt God most and most to depresse our selves is the true that which doth most prank up our selvs and detract from God is the false As Bonaventure well notes Sect. XL Now to winde up with a word of exhortation if thou beest convinced and resolvest upon a new course let thy resolution be peremptory and constant and take heed you harden not again as Pharaoh the Philistins the young man in the Gospel Pilate and Judas did resemble not the iron which is no longer soft then it is in the fire for that good saith Gregory will do us no good which is not made good by persevarance If with these premonitions the Spirit hath vouchsaâ—ed to stir up in thine heart any good motions and holy purposes to obey God in letting thy sins go quench not grieve not the Spirit 1 Thes. 5. 19. Return not with the Dog to thy vomit least thy latter end prove seven-fold worse then thy beginning Matth. 12. 43 45. O it is a fearful thing to receive the grace of God in vain and a desperate thing being warned of a rock wilfully to cast our selves upon it Neither let Satan perswade you to defer your repentance no not an hour least your resolution proves as a false conception which never comes to bearing Besides death may be sudden even the least of a thousand things can kill you and give you no leisure to be sick Thirdly if thou wilt be safe from evil works avoid the occasions have no fellowship with the workers of iniquity neither fear their scoff for this be sure of if your person and waies please God the world will be displeased with both If God be your friend men will be your enemies if they exercise their malice it is where he shews mercy But take heed of losing God's favour to keep theirs Bâ—da tells of a great man that was admonished by his friends in his sicknesse to repent who answered He would not yet for that if he should recover his friends and companions would laugh at him but growing sicker and sicker they again prest him but then his answer was that it was now too late for I am judged and condemned already A man cannot be a Nathanaël in whose heart there is no guile but the world couâ—ts him a fool But Christ saies Verily except ye be converted and become as little children ye shall not enâ—er into the Kingdome of Heaven Mat. 18. 3. Again Satan and your deceitfull heart will suggest unto you that a Religious life is a dumpish and mellancholly life but holy David will tell you that light is sown to the righteous and joy to the upright Psal. 97. 11. Isa. 65. 14. And experience tells that earthly and bodily joyes are but the body or rather the dregs of that joy which Gods people feel and are ravished with As O the calm and quietness of a good conscience the assuraâ—ce of the pardon of sin and joy of the Holy Ghost the honesty of a virtuous and holy life how sweet they are Yea even Plato an Heathen could say that if wisdome and virtue could but represent it self to the eies it would set the heart on fire with the love of it And the like of a sinners sadness as hear what Seneca sayes if there were no God to punish him no Divell to torment him no Hell to burn him no man to see him yet would hee not sin for the ugliness and filthiness of sin and the guilt and sadness of his conscience But experience is the best informer wherefore take the councell of holy David Psalm 34. 8. O tast and seek that the Lord is good blessed is the man that trusteth in him To which accordeth that of holy Bernard Good art thou O Lord to the soul that seeks thee what art thou then to the soul that finds thee As I may apeal to any mans conscience that hath been softned with the unction of grace and truly tasted of the powers of the world to come to him that hath the love of God shed abroad in his