therefore the grievousnesse of thy sin if anie such be amaze thee You say right replyed he the divell hath possest mee and God hath left me to his power for I finde I can neither beleeve the Gospel nor trust in Gods mercie I have sinned against the holy Ghost and God by his immutable Decree hath bound mee over to perpetuall punishment without anie hope of pardon It is true that the greatnesse of sin or the multitude of them cannot bind Gods mercie all those manie sins that in the former part of my life I have committed then did not so much trouble mee for I trusted that God would not lay them to my charge but now having sinned against the holy Ghost God hath taken away from me all power of repentance now brings all my sins to remembrance and thus guiltie of one guiltie of all And therefore it is no matter whether my sinnes be great or small few or many they are such as Christ's bloud nor Gods mercie belongs to mee God will have mercie on whom hee will have mercie and whom he will he hardneth this is it that gnaws my heart hee hath hardned mee and I finde that he daily more and more doth harden mee and therefore I am out of hope I feele it and therefore cannot but despaire I tell you there was never such a monster as I am never was man alive a spectacle of so exceeding misery I knew that justification is to be expected by Christ and I denied and abjured it to the end I might keepe this fraile life from adversitie and my children from povertie and now behold how bitter this life is to mee and God only knowes what shall become of this my family but surely no good is likely to betide it but rather daily worse and worse and such a ruin at the length as that one stone shall not be left on another But why should you said Gribauldus conceit so deepely of your sinne seeing you cannot but know that manie have denied Christ yet never fell into despaire Well said hee I can see no ground of comfort for such neither can I warrant them from Gods revēging hand in wrath though it pleaseth God yet to suffer such to bee in peace and besides there will a time of change come and then they shall be throughly tryed and if it were not so yet God is just in making mee an Example to others and I cannot justly complain there is no punishment so great but I have deserved it for this so heinous offence I assure you it is no small matter to denie Christ and yet it is more ordinary then commonly men doe conceive of it is not a deniall made before a Magistrate as it is with mee for as often as a Christian doth dissemble the knowne truth as often as hee approves of false worship by presenting himselfe at it so often as hee doth not things worthy of his calling or such things as are unworthy of his calling so often hee denies Christ thus did I and therefore am justly punished for it Your estate quoth Gribauldus is not so strange as you make it Iob was so farre gone that hee complained God had set him as a marke against him and David that was a man after Gods owne heart complained often that God had forsaken him and was become his enemy yet both received comfort againe comfort your selfe therefore God will come at length though hee now seeme farre off O Brother answered Spira I beleeve all this the divels beleeve and tremble but David was ever elected and dearely beloved of God and though he fell yet God tooke not utterly away his holy Spirit and therefore was heard when he prayed Lord take not thy holy Spirit from mee but I am in another case being ever accursed from the presence of God neither can I pray as he did because his holy Spirit is quite gone and cannot be recalled therefore I know I shall live in continuall hardnesse so long as I live O that I might feele but the least sense of the love of God to mee though but for one small moment as I now feele his heavie wrath that burnes like the torments of hell within mee and afflicts my Conscience with pangs unutterable verily desperation is hell it selfe Heere Gribauldus said I doe verily beleeve Spira that God having so severely chastised you in this life correcteth you in mercie heere that he may spare you hereafter and that he hath mercies sealed up for you in time to to come Nay said Spira hence doe I know that I am a reprobate because he afflicteth mee with hardnesse of heart Oh that my body had suffered all my life long so that hee would bee pleased to release my soule and ease my Conscience this burthened Conscience Gribauldus being desirous to ease his minde from the continuall meditation of his sinne as also to sound how for the present he stood affected to the Romish Church asked him what hee thought became of the soules of men so soone as they departed out of the bodie to which hee answered Although this bee not so fully revealed in Scripture yet I verily beleeve that the soules of the Elect goe presently to the Kingdome of glory and not that sleep with the bodie as some doe imagine Verie well said one of the spectators why doe the Scriptures then say that God brings downe to hell and raiseth up seeing it cannot be meant of the estate of the soule after death which as thou sayest either goeth to heaven without change or to hell without redemption it must be understood of the estate of the soule in this life like that wherein thou art at this present and oftentimes wee see that God suffers men to fall into the jawes of despaire and yet raiseth them up again and therefore despaire not but hope it shall bee even thus with thee in his good time This is the worke quoth Spira this the labour for I tell you when I at Venice did first abjure my profession and so as it were drew an Indenture the Spirit of God often admonisht mee and when at Cittadella I did as it were set to my seale the Spirit of God often suggested to mee Doe not write Spira do not seale yet I resisted the Holy Ghost and did both and at that very present I did evidently feele a wound inflicted in my very will so although I can say I would beleeve yet can I not say I will beleeve God hath denied mee the power of will and it befalls mee in this my miserable estate as with one that is fast in irons and his friends comming to see him doe pitie his estate and doe perswade him to shake off his setters and to come out of his bonds which God knows hee would faine doe but cannot this is my very case you perswade me to beleeve how faine would I doe it but cannot O now I cannot Then violently grasping his hands together and raising
terrible alteration that lately had hapned in Germanie where by the means of one onely Luther the Romish Religion had suffered such a blow as that it could neither bee cured by dissimulation nor defended by power but the Clergie must either mend their manners or lose their dignities on the other side when hee saw how propense the common people inhabiting in the bordering countries of Italy vvere to entertaine those new opinions hee now thought it no time to dispute or perswade but with speed repaires to the Senate and procures authoritie from them to send for Spira Spira by this time had considered vvith himselfe of the nature of his carriage how evident and notorious it vvas and therefore subject to bee envied by such as neither liked his person nor Religion hee perceived that his opinions were neither retyred nor speculative but such as aymed at the overthrovv of the Romish Faction and at change of Policie vvherein at the best he could expect but a bloudy victory and that his enemies vvanted neither povver nor occasion to call him to account in publique vvhen he must either Apostatize and shamefully give his former life yea his ovvn conscience the lye or endure the utmost malice of his deadly enemies or forsake his wife children friends goods authoritie yea his deare Countrey and betake himselfe to a forraigne people there to endure a thousand miseries that do continually waite upon a voluntary exile Being thus distracted and tossed in the restlesse waves of doubt without guid to trust to or haven to flye to for succour on the sudden Gods Spirit assisting hee felt a calme and began to discourse with himselfe in this manner Why wandrest thou thus in uncertainties unhappy man cast away feare put on thy shield the shield of faith Where is thy wonted courage thy goodnesse thy constancie remember that Christs glorie lies at the stake suffer thou without feare and hee will defend thee hee will tell thee what thou shalt answer hee can beat downe all danger bring thee out of prison raise thee from the dead consider Peter in the dungeon the Martyrs in the fire if thou makest a good confession thou mayest indeed goe to prison or death but an eternall reward in heaven remaines for thee What hast thou in this world comparable to eternall life to everlasting happinesse if thou dost otherwise thinke of the scandall common people live by example thinking what ever is done is well done feare the losse of peace and joy feare hell death and eternall wrath or if thy flesh be so strong as to cause thee to doubt of the issue flie thy Countrie get thee away though never so far rather then denie the Lord of Life Now was Spira in reasonable quiet being resolved to yeeld to these weightie reasons yet holding it wisedome to examine all things hee consults also with flesh and bloud thus the battaile doth renew and the flesh beginnes in this manner Bee well advised fond man consider reasons on both sides and then judge how canst thou thus overweene thine owne sufficiencie as thou neither regardest the examples of thy Progenitors nor the judgment of the whole Church dost thou not consider what miserie this thy rashnesse will bring thee unto thou shalt lose thy substance gotten with so much care and travell thou shalt undergoe the most exquisite torments that malice it selfe can devise thou shalt bee counted an heretique of all and to close up all thou shalt die shamefully What thinkest thou of the loathsome stinking dungeon the bloudie axe the burning fagot are they delightfull Bee wise at length and keepe thy life and honour thou maist live to do much good to good men as God commands thee thou maist be an ornament to thy Countrie and put case thy Countries losse would bee of small esteeme with thee Wilt thou bring thy friends also into danger thou hast begotten children wilt thou now cut their throats inhumanely butcher them which may in time bring honor to their Countrie glorie to God helpe and furtherance to his Church goe to the Legate weake man freely confesse thy fault and helpe all these miseries Thus did the cares of this world and the deceitfullnesse of riches choke the good Seed that was formerly sowne so as fearing hee faints and yeelds unto the allurements of this present world being thus blinded he goes to the Legate at Venice and salutes him with this news Having for these divers yeares entertained an opinion concerning some Articles of faith contrary to the Orthodox and received judgement of the Church and uttered many things against the authoritie of the Church of Rome and the universall Bishop I humblie acknowledge my fault and errour and my folly in misleading others I therefore yeeld my selfe in all obedience to the Supreme Bishop into the bosome of the Church of Rome never to depart again from the Traditions and Decrees of the holy See I am heartily sorry for what is past and I humbly begge pardon forso great an offence The Legate perceiving Spira to faint he pursues him to the utmost hee causeth a recitation of all his Errours to be drawne in writing together with the Confession annexed to it and commands Spira to subscribe his name there which accordingly he did then the Legate commands him to return to his owne Towne and there to declare this Confession of his and to acknowledg the whole Doctrine of the Church of Rome to be holy and true and to abjure the Opinions of Luther and other such Teachers as false hereticall Man knowes the beginnings of sinne but who bounds the issues thereof Spira having once lost footing goes downe amaine he cannot stay nor gaine-say the Legate but promiseth to accomplish his whole will and pleasure he soone addresseth himselfe for his Iourney and being onward in the way bethinks himselfe of large spoyles hee had brought away from the Conflict with the Legate what glorious testimony hee had given of his great faith and constancie in Christs cause and to be plaine how impiously hee had denyed Christ and his Gospell at Venice and what he promised to do further in his owne Country and thus partly with feare and partly with shame being confounded he thought he heard a voyce speaking unto him in this manner Spira What dost thou heere whither goest thou hast thou unhappy man given thy hand-writing to the Legate at Venice yet see thou dost not seale it in thine owne Countrey dost thou indeed thinke eternall life so meane as that thou preferrest this present life before it dost thou well in preferring wife and children before Christ is the windie applause of the people better indeed then the glorie of God and the possession of this worlds good more deare to thee then the salvation of thine owne Soule is the small use of a moment of time more desireable then eternall wrath is dreadfull Thinke with thy selfe what Christ endured for thy sake is it not equall thou shouldest suffer
somewhat for him Remember man that the sufferings of this present life are not comparable to the glorie that shall bee revealed if thou sufferest with him thou shalt also raigne with him thou canst not answer for what thou hast alreadie done neverthelesse the gate of mercie is not quite shut take heed that thou heapest not sinne upon sinne lest thou repent when it will be too late Now was Spira in a wildernesse of doubts not knowing which way to turne him nor what to doe yet being arrived in his owne Countrey and amongst his friends with shame enough hee relates what he had done and what he had further promised to doe and how the terrors of God on the one side and the terrour of this world on the other side did continually racke him and therefore hee desired of them advise in this so doubtfull a case his friends upon small deliberation answered that it was requisite hee should take heed that hee did not in any wise betray his wife and children and all his friends into danger seeing that by so smal a matter as the reciting of a little Schedule which might bee done in lesse space then half an houre he might both free himselfe from present danger and preserve many that depended upon him adding moreover that hee could get no Credit in relenting from that which he had already in greatest part performed before the Legate at Venice and that in the perfect accomplishing thereof little or no discredit could arise more then what by the former action already he had sustained on the other side if hee did not performe his promise made to the Legate hee could neither discharge himselfe of the shame which he had already incurred nor avoyd farre more heavy and insupportable injuries then probably he should have endured if hee had persisted obstinately in his former Opinions This was the last blow of the battaile and Spira utterly overcome goes to the Praetor and proffers to performe his foresaid promise made to the Legate who in the meane time had taken order to have all things ready and had sent the instrument of abjuration signed by Spira to the Praetor by the hands of a certaine Priest All that night the miserable man ware out with restlesse cares without any minute of rest the next morning being come he gets up and being ready he desperately enters into the publique Congregation where Masse being finished in the presence of friends and enemies and of the whole Assembly being by estimation neere two thousand people yea and of Heaven it selfe he recites that infamous abjuration word for word as it was written it being done he was fined at thirtie pieces of gold which he presently paid five whereof were given to the Priest that brought the abjuration the other twentie five were imployed towards the making of a Shryne to put the Eucharist in then was he sent home restored to his Dignities goods wife and children No sooner was hee departed but he thought hee heard a direfull voyce saying to him thou wicked wretch thou haste denyed mee thou hast renounced the covenant of thy obedience thou hast broken thy vow hence Apostate beare with thee the sentence of thy eternall damnation hee trembling and quaking in body and mind fell down in a swoune reliefe was at hand for the body but from that time forwards he never found any 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 minde but 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 in uncessant torment 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 professed that he was captived under the revenging hand of the great God that hee heard continually that fearefull sentence of Christ that just Iudge that hee knew he was utterly undone that he could neither hope for grace nor Christs intercessiō w th God the Father in his behalfe thus was his fault ever heavy on his heart and ever his Iudgement before his eyes Now began his friends some of them to repent too late of their rash counsell others not looking so high as the Iudgement of God laid all the blame upon his Melancholicke constitution that overshadowing his judgment wrought in him a kinde of madnesse every on censured as his fancy led him yet for remedy all agreed in this to use both the wholesome helpe of Physicians and the pious advise of Divines and therefore thought it meet to convey him to Padua an Vniversitie of note where plenty of all manner of meanes was to be had this they accordingly did both with his wife children and whole family others also of his friends accompanying him and being arrived at the house of one Iames Ardin in Saint Leonards Parish they sent for three Physicians of most note who upon due observation of the effects of other Symptomes of his disease and some private conference one with another among themselves returned their verdict in this manner viz. That they could not discerne that his body was afflicted with any danger or distemper originally from it selfe by reason of the over-ruling of any humour but that this Maladie of his did arise from some griefe or passion of his minde which being overburthened did so oppresse the spirits as they wanting free passage stirred up many ill humours whereof the body of man is full these ascending up into the braine troubled the fancie shadowed the seat of the judgment and so corrupted it this was the state of his disease and that outward part that was visible to the eye of nature this they endeavoured to reforme by purgation either to consume or at least to divert the course of those humors from the braine but all their skil effected nothing which Spira noting said Alas poore men how farre wide are you doe you thinke that this disease is to be cured by potions beleeve mee there must bee another manner of medicine it is neither potions plaisters nor drugs that can helpe a fainting soule cast downe with sense of sinne and the wrath of God it is onely Christ that must bee the Physician and the Gospel the sole Antidote The Physicians easily beleeved him after they had understood the whol truth of the matter and therfore they wished him to seeke some spirituall comfort By this time the fame of this man was spred over all Padua and the neighbour Countrey partly for that he was a man of Esteeme partly because as the disease so the occasion was especially remarkeable for this vvas not done in a corner so as daily there came multitudes of all sorts to see him some out of curiositie onely to see and discourse some out of a pious desire to try all meanes that might reduce him to comfort againe or at least to benefit themselves by such a spectacle of misery and of the justice of God Amongst these Paulus Vergerius Bishop of Iustinopolis and Mattheus Gribauldus deserve especially to bee named as the most principall labourers for this mans comfort They finde him now about fiftie years of age neither affected with the dotage of old age nor with the unconstant headstrong passion of youth but in