nature_n but_o yet_o notwithstanding_o my_o heart_n be_v somewhat_o i_o think_v affect_v with_o those_o desire_n before_o the_o lord_n yet_o oh_o with_o what_o sadness_n i_o may_v speak_v it_o how_o soon_o be_v they_o out_o of_o mind_n even_o before_o i_o get_v to_o tulham_n in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o quite_o forget_v my_o own_o desire_n and_o not_o at_o all_o look_v after_o any_o answer_n of_o they_o but_o how_o do_v the_o lord_n raise_v and_o rouse_v up_o my_o dead_a heart_n even_o upon_o the_o name_a of_o the_o psalm_n that_o be_v call_v to_o be_v sing_v in_o the_o morning_n which_o be_v the_o 145._o psalm_n which_o at_o the_o first_o name_a of_o my_o heart_n leap_v as_o it_o be_v think_v what_o shall_v we_o sing_v that_o psalm_n mr_n knight_n text_n be_v in_o though_o for_o the_o present_a i_o mistake_v for_o his_o text_n be_v in_o the_o 45_o psalm_n but_o this_o be_v the_o 145._o psalm_n &_o the_o two_o last_o staff_n which_o as_o soon_o as_o we_o begin_v to_o sing_v my_o heart_n 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from_o psalm_n the_o 50._o 26_o this_o thou_o do_v and_o i_o keep_v silence_n where_o he_o show_v that_o by_o silence_n be_v mean_v a_o refrain_v from_o motion_n or_o action_n whence_o he_o observe_v that_o word_n and_o action_n be_v all_o one_o with_o god_n it_o be_v as_o easy_a with_o god_n to_o do_v as_o to_o speak_v it_o be_v but_o for_o he_o to_o speak_v and_o the_o work_n be_v do_v yea_o it_o be_v as_o easy_a for_o god_n to_o do_v as_o for_o we_o to_o speak_v and_o beg_v of_o he_o and_o much_o more_o and_o what_o a_o mighty_a encouragement_n be_v this_o to_o thy_o faith_n o_o my_o soul_n which_o be_v the_o improvement_n he_o make_v of_o it_o by_o application_n and_o also_o hint_v more_o that_o as_o all_o god_n word_n be_v action_n and_o so_o pardon_v action_n and_o administration_n be_v as_o so_o many_o word_n and_o oh_o of_o what_o use_n be_v this_o to_o my_o soul_n what_o thing_n have_v god_n speak_v to_o my_o soul_n from_o and_o by_o his_o various_a administration_n to_o thou_o for_o these_o many_o year_n how_o have_v the_o lord_n by_o his_o providence_n often_o as_o it_o be_v convince_v thou_o and_o yet_o thy_o base_a heart_n will_v not_o leave_v to_o go_v on_o to_o tempt_v the_o lord_n though_o he_o have_v so_o evident_o appear_v in_o cross_v thou_o and_o this_o day_n be_v a_o sign_n of_o it_o that_o thou_o will_v put_v on_o thy_o best_a clothes_n in_o that_o pride_n and_o vanity_n of_o thy_o heart_n thou_o know_v do_v thou_o not_o by_o a_o strange_a providence_n as_o it_o be_v get_v a_o spot_n in_o thy_o coat_n to_o check_v thou_o and_o do_v not_o the_o lord_n by_o it_o show_v thou_o thy_o pride_n vanity_n and_o folly_n but_o oh_o how_o gracious_a be_v the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o show_v thou_o this_o in_o so_o mild_a and_o gentle_a a_o way_n the_o 10._o of_o this_o 7_o month_n be_v the_o lord_n day_n i_o seek_v the_o lord_n in_o the_o morning_n but_o in_o a_o formal_a way_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o appear_v to_o i_o that_o day_n through_o his_o servant_n as_o also_o to_o give_v in_o a_o gracious_a answer_n to_o these_o desire_n that_o mr._n knight_n put_v up_o to_o he_o the_o last_o day_n namely_o to_o unveil_v the_o grace_n of_o our_o lord_n jesus_n to_o he_o that_o he_o may_v so_o taste_v and_o feel_v it_o as_o may_v enable_v he_o to_o declare_v it_o to_o his_o praise_n which_o i_o do_v now_o also_o beg_v of_o the_o lord_n and_o that_o though_o i_o be_v altogether_o unworthy_a of_o this_o mercy_n or_o of_o any_o more_o appearance_n from_o the_o lord_n which_o have_v make_v so_o little_a improvement_n of_o so_o many_o gracious_a favour_n yet_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o overcome_v my_o rebellion_n and_o unfruitfulness_n with_o his_o love_n and_o at_o the_o last_o overpower_v my_o soul_n anâ—_n bring_v it_o to_o a_o more_o full_a subjection_n to_o himself_o and_o that_o which_o i_o desire_v now_o to_o record_v to_o the_o praise_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v before_o he_o and_o that_o yet_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v most_o particulary_a to_o unveil_v the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n in_o the_o riches_n of_o his_o grace_n the_o lord_n help_v thou_o o_o my_o soul_n to_o improve_v all_o those_o wondefull_a appearance_n of_o his_o praise_n and_o glory_n the_o 13._o of_o this_o 7_o month_n appoint_v by_o this_o new_a parliament_n for_o a_o day_n of_o humiliation_n and_o seek_v the_o lord_n i_o seek_v the_o lord_n in_o the_o morning_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o put_v my_o heart_n into_o some_o measure_n of_o suteableness_n to_o that_o business_n and_o to_o make_v i_o real_o sensible_a of_o all_o my_o rebellion_n unfruitfulness_n and_o unthankfulness_n to_o he_o for_o all_o his_o glorious_a appearance_n and_o that_o he_o will_v pour_v out_o his_o spirit_n upon_o his_o servant_n that_o be_v to_o be_v his_o and_o our_o mouth_n this_o day_n as_o also_o beg_v the_o lord_n to_o let_v some_o hint_n from_o himself_o fall_v with_o power_n upon_o my_o heart_n this_o day_n and_o there_o abide_v and_o bless_a god_n how_o gracious_o be_v thou_o please_v to_o appear_v and_o with_o what_o sensible_a and_o suitable_a truth_n press_v my_o soul_n to_o get_v into_o christ_n and_o dwell_v there_o than_o which_o there_o be_v no_o truth_n more_o needful_a to_o be_v press_v upon_o my_o wretched_a heart_n be_v so_o miserable_o shatter_v about_o and_o upon_o other_o thing_n and_o my_o affection_n so_o sad_o divide_v that_o in_o truth_n i_o do_v not_o dwell_v in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n as_o i_o ought_v which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v in_o great_a mercy_n to_o my_o soul_n to_o
to_o which_o i_o have_v a_o great_a desire_n to_o go_v which_o according_o i_o do_v though_o with_o some_o outward_a inconvenience_n and_o bodily_a danger_n desire_v of_o the_o lord_n that_o as_o he_o have_v begin_v in_o some_o good_a measure_n to_o shine_v in_o upon_o my_o heart_n this_o week_n so_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o make_v this_o bless_a opportunity_n let_v my_o soul_n have_v a_o sight_n of_o himself_o through_o that_o word_n that_o shall_v be_v hold_v out_o to_o i_o thus_o wait_v and_o depend_v upon_o the_o lord_n for_o his_o appearance_n through_o this_o instrument_n of_o he_o i_o go_v to_o london_n at_o which_o time_n mr._n simpson_n contrary_a to_o the_o expectation_n of_o most_o of_o his_o hearer_n and_o as_o i_o be_v tell_v to_o his_o own_o intention_n the_o week_n before_o have_v his_o eye_n and_o meditation_n turn_v and_o fix_v upon_o that_o grand_a promise_n in_o gen._n 3._o 15._o which_o i_o do_v not_o know_v but_o that_o i_o may_v look_v upon_o as_o a_o special_a providence_n in_o which_o the_o lord_n may_v aim_v even_o at_o the_o establishment_n of_o my_o poor_a and_o unsettle_a spirit_n which_o but_o the_o week_n before_o be_v exceed_o cast_v down_o the_o lord_n have_v as_o i_o conceive_v much_o disappoint_v my_o expectation_n even_o of_o his_o own_o appearance_n in_o the_o entrance_n upon_o which_o scripture_n and_o open_n of_o it_o he_o show_v we_o that_o these_o word_n in_o gen._n 3._o be_v speak_v and_o denounce_v as_o a_o severe_a threaten_n to_o the_o devil_n and_o not_o at_o all_o speak_v either_o to_o the_o man_n or_o to_o the_o woman_n yet_o do_v they_o contain_v in_o they_o a_o most_o bless_a promise_n yea_o all_o the_o promise_n which_o the_o lord_n leave_v both_o for_o adam_n and_o eve_n to_o lay_v hold_n upon_o from_o the_o consideration_n of_o which_o he_o take_v occasion_n to_o provoke_v we_o to_o lay_v hold_n upon_o all_o the_o hint_n of_o god_n and_o to_o let_v none_o of_o they_o slip_v in_o any_o dispensation_n 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and_o shadow_n of_o death_n shut_v up_o as_o it_o be_v in_o darkness_n and_o in_o a_o estate_n of_o nature_n show_v i_o how_o the_o lord_n even_o then_o come_v in_o with_o light_n and_o life_n to_o i_o as_o also_o when_o i_o be_v under_o dark_a affliction_n and_o sad_a apprehension_n of_o the_o wrath_n of_o god_n from_o whence_o i_o conceive_v they_o to_o proceed_v in_o which_o estate_n also_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v sweet_o to_o visit_v my_o soul_n as_o also_o when_o i_o lie_v under_o darkness_n of_o unbeleese_n be_v full_a of_o doubt_n and_o fear_n and_o jealousy_n of_o god_n etc._n etc._n at_o this_o season_n and_o from_o this_o scripture_n luk._n 1._o 78_o 79_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o unfold_v my_o soul_n that_o which_o i_o never_o have_v such_o a_o sight_n of_o how_o he_o have_v indeed_o visit_v my_o soul_n in_o all_o these_o estate_n as_o also_o what_o the_o issue_n of_o these_o his_o visitation_n be_v how_o he_o come_v in_o with_o light_n and_o life_n in_o all_o these_o condition_n which_o the_o lord_n now_o be_v please_v to_o open_v my_o eye_n to_o see_v my_o soul_n be_v even_o swallow_v up_o in_o the_o apprehension_n of_o it_o not_o know_v how_o to_o bless_v and_o praise_v his_o name_n sufficient_o for_o these_o his_o appearance_n thus_o do_v the_o lord_n follow_v on_o with_o one_o mercy_n and_o discovery_n upon_o the_o neck_n of_o another_o which_o all_o depend_v upon_o and_o as_o it_o be_v open_v one_o another_o for_o this_o last_o day_n do_v the_o lord_n discover_v in_o particular_a to_o my_o soul_n what_o those_o hint_n and_o gracious_a visitation_n on_o my_o soul_n wherein_o all_o these_o condition_n which_o the_o day_n before_o he_o teach_v i_o i_o be_v to_o take_v such_o special_a notice_n of_o in_o the_o remain_a part_n part_n also_o of_o the_o week_n be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o go_v on_o to_o settle_v and_o far_o open_v these_o truth_n and_o give_v i_o to_o see_v his_o mighty_a hand_n and_o outstretch_a arm_n all_o along_o in_o it_o the_o next_o lord_n day_n be_v the_o nine_o of_o this_o eleven_o month_n 1652._o the_o lord_n be_v please_v also_o to_o come_v in_o through_o that_o ministry_n he_o have_v place_v we_o under_o at_o fulham_n with_o a_o seasonable_a word_n to_o back_o all_o this_o which_o be_v speak_v by_o our_o pastor_n mr._n knight_n from_o heb._n 2._o 2._o that_o the_o word_n of_o god_n they_o be_v steadfast_a word_n abide_v word_n word_n that_o shall_v certain_o abide_v and_o be_v accomplish_v in_o their_o season_n thus_o in_o these_o eight_o day_n now_o last_v past_a have_v the_o lord_n through_z and_o by_o his_o word_n and_o spirit_n be_v please_v to_o give_v into_o my_o soul_n a_o discovery_n of_o his_o gracious_a visitation_n of_o i_o for_o 〈◊〉_d many_o year_n past_a and_o true_o i_o think_v i_o shall_v much_o rob_v the_o lord_n of_o his_o glory_n if_o i_o shall_v not_o acknowledge_v he_o a_o god_n hear_v prayer_n who_o be_v please_v even_o at_o this_o time_n in_o my_o apprehension_n so_o 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36._o &_o joh._n 9_o 4._o yea_o to_o do_v good_a in_o this_o time_n and_o opportunity_n while_o god_n thus_o shine_v upon_o the_o heart_n gal._n 6._o 10._o yea_o and_o to_o improve_v it_o to_o this_o end_n to_o lay_v up_o in_o store_n a_o good_a foundation_n for_o time_n to_o come_v even_o as_o man_n do_v in_o their_o trade_n in_o the_o matter_n of_o this_o world_n 1_o tim._n 6._o 17_o 18_o 19_o yea_o to_o redeem_v this_o time_n ephes_n 5._o 16._o to_o think_v nothing_o too_o much_o to_o buy_v it_o out_o of_o the_o hand_n of_o huckster_n out_o of_o the_o hand_n of_o all_o other_o business_n what_o ever_o in_o this_o world_n and_o
in_o the_o world_n in_o his_o providential_a kingdom_n that_o be_v both_o a_o offenlive_v and_o a_o defensive_a war_n first_o a_o offensive_a war_n against_o sin_n guilt_n and_o satan_n you_o against_o all_o spiritual_a wickedness_n in_o the_o heart_n col._n 2._o 15._o yea_o in_o rom._n 8._o 3._o he_o be_v say_v to_o condemn_v sin_n in_o the_o flesh_n that_o be_v he_o have_v put_v it_o out_o of_o his_o office_n he_o have_v take_v away_o the_o weapon_n of_o sin_n sin_n be_v our_o ruler_n before_o christ_n come_v but_o when_o he_o come_v he_o put_v it_o out_o of_o office_n take_v away_o not_o only_o the_o power_n but_o the_o guilt_n yea_o make_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o difference_n between_o a_o neighbour_n and_o a_o master_n as_o long_o as_o you_o be_v here_o below_o you_o will_v find_v sin_n a_o neighbour_n it_o will_v be_v visit_v of_o you_o and_o come_v into_o your_o heart_n often_o yea_o and_o it_o be_v well_o if_o you_o converse_v not_o too_o much_o with_o it_o but_o if_o christ_n 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the_o lord_n jesus_n which_o be_v open_v in_o six_o thing_n which_o afford_v abundant_a matter_n of_o consolation_n to_o my_o soul_n if_o where_o he_o come_v to_o rule_v he_o rule_v as_o a_o man_n of_o strength_n there_o be_v nothing_o too_o hard_o for_o he_o micah_n 7._o 18_o 19_o he_o will_v subdue_v our_o iniquity_n thou_o will_v cast_v all_o their_o sin_n into_o the_o depth_n of_o the_o sea_n great_a sin_n as_o covetousness_n pride_n and_o that_o curse_a sin_n of_o unbelief_n be_v all_o subdue_v by_o jesus_n christ_n therefore_o if_o sin_n do_v at_o any_o time_n bear_v sway_n in_o thy_o soul_n it_o be_v because_o christ_n for_o a_o time_n suspend_v and_o let_v his_o power_n lie_v still_o and_o leave_v you_o a_o while_n to_o see_v your_o own_o weakness_n but_o when_o he_o come_v again_o and_o engage_v your_o soul_n to_o he_o then_o be_v the_o put_v out_o of_o his_o power_n as_o a_o strong_a man_n second_o he_o carry_v himself_o as_o a_o man_n of_o great_a authority_n he_o have_v 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and_o bind_v himself_o over_o to_o justice_n than_o god_n prepare_v himself_o for_o vengeance_n now_o jesus_n christ_n he_o come_v &_o untie_v this_o and_o set_v his_o soul_n at_o liberty_n that_o sin_n shall_v not_o again_o prevail_v he_o will_v defend_v that_o soul_n to_o the_o end_n and_o make_v it_o more_o than_o conqueror_n over_o all_o its_o enemy_n six_o where_o christ_n come_v as_o a_o warrior_n to_o conquer_v there_o he_o also_o come_v as_o king_n to_o reign_v he_o will_v rule_v over_o they_o and_o in_o they_o to_o give_v law_n to_o that_o soul_n and_o to_o give_v a_o heart_n to_o obey_v they_o christ_n have_v be_v haply_o a_o long_a time_n pull_v down_o in_o your_o soul_n well_o he_o will_v come_v &_o reign_v also_o there_o &_o destroy_v all_o the_o work_n of_o the_o devil_n in_o you_o and_o come_v and_o rule_v you_o and_o give_v you_o law_n and_o a_o heart_n to_o obey_v they_o and_o that_o as_o your_o king_n oh_o then_o see_v here_o the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o give_v 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you_o give_v up_o yourselves_o if_o not_o to_o christ_n this_o may_v also_o discover_v the_o perverseness_n of_o those_o that_o will_v not_o be_v rule_v by_o jesus_n christ_n and_o then_o have_v jesus_n christ_n take_v possession_n of_o any_o of_o your_o heart_n rule_v for_o you_o in_o your_o soul_n bring_v down_o the_o pride_n of_o your_o heart_n lay_v low_o the_o tower_n of_o your_o righteousness_n govern_v you_o in_o any_o measure_n then_o give_v he_o the_o glory_n of_o it_o and_o beg_v of_o he_o further_o to_o do_v it_o you_o find_v much_o amiss_o he_o only_o can_v mend_v all_o who_o be_v give_v for_o a_o ruler_n and_o
christ_n heart_n and_o see_v with_o what_o bowel_n of_o affection_n he_o speak_v how_o free_o himself_n offer_v the_o riches_n of_o mercy_n take_v why_o what_o or_o who_o shall_v we_o take_v but_o himself_o possess_v himself_o thus_o he_o stand_v call_v and_o cry_v take_v i_o love_v i_o receive_v i_o eat_v i_o drink_v i_o let_v i_o be_v you_o oh_o high_a love_n he_o do_v not_o bid_v the_o soul_n take_v wrath_n vengeance_n death_n or_o hell_n but_o take_v i_o second_o his_o command_n be_v more_o to_o pleasure_v you_o then_o himself_o why_o shall_v we_o take_v christ_n why_o this_o be_v my_o body_n that_o be_v break_v for_o you_o my_o blood_n that_o be_v shed_v for_o you_o take_v i_o for_o your_o own_o sake_n for_o you_o need_v i_o to_o refresh_v your_o heart_n therefore_o take_v i_o not_o that_o i_o shall_v be_v the_o better_a by_o it_o but_o that_o you_o may_v have_v more_o pleasure_n and_o delight_n in_o i_o that_o may_v do_v you_o all_o good_a oh_o high_a love_n three_o observe_v christ_n see_v our_o need_n better_o than_o ourselves_o there_o be_v bowel_n of_o compassion_n in_o he_o what_o for_o a_o man_n that_o enjoy_v much_o to_o look_v out_o for_o they_o that_o want_v much_o yet_o so_o it_o be_v here_o you_o have_v not_o the_o disciple_n cry_v oh_o christ_n give_v we_o thyself_o and_o blood_n but_o here_o be_v a_o christ_n who_o have_v it_o and_o know_v that_o we_o stand_v in_o need_n of_o it_o offer_v it_o free_o take_v oh_o admirable_a love_n four_o observe_v he_o be_v not_o content_a till_o you_o be_v full_o supply_v he_o set_v no_o bound_n but_o take_v and_o eat_v as_o much_o as_o your_o heart_n will_v hold_v take_v what_o who_o will_v i_o all_o of_o i_o my_o spirit_n blood_n mediation_n with_o the_o father_n all_o my_o righteousness_n take_v all_o he_o stint_v no_o man_n but_o open_v wide_o the_o treasure_n of_o his_o grace_n five_o observe_v hence_o christ_n be_v well_o acquaint_v with_o the_o fear_n of_o his_o saint_n heart_n therefore_o say_v he_o 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break_v for_o you_o will_v you_o throw_v away_o that_o which_o be_v for_o you_o but_o you_o be_v unworthy_a why_o this_o be_v that_o which_o make_v you_o worthy_a because_o this_o be_v that_o out_o of_o which_o issue_v out_o all_o righteousness_n to_o you_o and_o though_o they_o may_v cry_v out_o they_o be_v unfit_a he_o command_v they_o to_o remember_v how_o fit_a christ_n be_v for_o they_o for_o who_o be_v bread_n fit_v but_o for_o they_o that_o be_v weak_a and_o need_v nourishment_n for_o who_o be_v that_o wine_n but_o he_o that_o be_v of_o a_o sorrowful_a heart_n for_o who_o be_v that_o act_n of_o christ_n but_o for_o that_o soul_n that_o cry_v lord_n i_o be_o unworthy_a thou_o shall_v come_v under_o my_o roof_n seven_o he_o say_v take_v which_o be_v a_o give_v a_o man_n a_o propriety_n and_o possession_n of_o himself_o and_o this_o be_v that_o indeed_o this_o ordinance_n give_v forth_o when_o a_o man_n so_o take_v christ_n as_o that_o christ_n be_v his_o take_n eat_z this_o be_v my_o body_n that_o be_v break_v for_o you_o show_v that_o the_o saint_n ought_v in_o the_o communication_n of_o this_o divine_a mystery_n to_o take_v christ_n whole_o &_o by_o this_o to_o claim_v propriety_n because_o nothing_o can_v be_v more_o we_o then_o a_o thing_n that_o be_v give_v we_o and_o we_o sin_n against_o he_o if_o we_o take_v he_o not_o o_o therefore_o take_v he_o as_o your_o own_o he_o say_v not_o only_o take_v but_o eat_v you_o take_v in_o order_n to_o eat_v so_o that_o your_o acceptation_n of_o christ_n be_v that_o you_o may_v be_v satisfy_v with_o christ_n and_o fill_v for_o he_o be_v not_o only_o to_o gaze_v on_o as_o the_o brazen_a serpent_n be_v but_o to_o feed_v on_o as_o the_o manna_n be_v therefore_o say_v christ_n take_v and_o eat_v render_v himself_o in_o the_o most_o easy_a way_n of_o administration_n nothing_o under_o heaven_n a_o man_n be_v more_o easy_o draw_v to_o then_o to_o eat_v a_o hungry_a man_n need_v not_o be_v much_o persuade_v to_o eat_v yet_o behold_v here_o first_o that_o you_o have_v need_v to_o be_v entreat_v to_o eat_v and_o feed_v on_o christ_n else_o what_o need_v this_o word_n but_o to_o note_v that_o the_o saint_n be_v apt_a to_o stand_v still_o when_o they_o shall_v be_v feed_v on_o christ_n therefore_o say_v he_o take_v and_o eat_v second_o this_o be_v of_o all_o other_o the_o most_o easy_a way_n of_o partake_v be_v a_o natural_a act_n for_o that_o a_o man_n eat_v put_v he_o to_o no_o pain_n yea_o the_o pain_n within_o be_v supply_v &_o the_o hunger_n satisfy_v three_o he_o set_v no_o bound_n but_o take_v and_o eat_v it_o be_v a_o command_n that_o lie_v on_o we_o for_o the_o supply_n of_o want_n and_o the_o cheer_v of_o our_o heart_n for_o so_o far_o we_o may_v eat_v and_o no_o further_o christ_n bid_v you_o take_v what_o you_o need_v imply_v 1._o that_o there_o be_v enough_o in_o christ_n for_o any_o saint_n to_o eat_v else_o it_o will_v not_o become_v christ_n to_o bid_v they_o but_o he_o say_v take_v and_o eat_v imply_v that_o no_o saint_n can_v say_v lord_z i_o have_v a_o desire_n to_o eat_v but_o here_o be_v not_o enough_o they_o can_v say_v i_o have_v sin_n and_o guilt_n but_o can_v find_v no_o pardon_n no_o christ_n bid_v you_o eat_v imply_v there_o be_v enough_o to_o feed_v on_o 2._o he_o set_v you_o no_o time_n neither_o but_o eat_v as_o long_o as_o you_o live_v yea_o until_o his_o come_n again_o o_o how_o abundant_o do_v those_o hint_n take_v upon_o my_o heart_n and_o even_o swallow_v up_o my_o soul_n in_o the_o admiration_n of_o that_o love_n the_o lord_n grant_v it_o may_v abide_v upon_o my_o spirit_n for_o ever_o march_v the_o 30_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v in_o some_o measure_n to_o give_v in_o a_o answer_n to_o that_o desire_n put_v up_o march_v 25._o for_o the_o pour_v out_o of_o his_o spirit_n upon_o the_o brethren_n through_o who_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o appear_v lively_a in_o my_o apprehension_n and_o in_o a_o spiritual_a manner_n in_o he_o who_o spirit_n seem_v to_o melt_v under_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o weight_n of_o that_o exercise_n march_v the_o 30_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v exceed_o to_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n in_o the_o behalf_n of_o my_o mother_n who_o i_o apprehend_v to_o lie_v under_o some_o sadness_n in_o respect_n of_o the_o want_n of_o the_o clear_a sight_n of_o her_o interest_n in_o god_n beseech_v he_o that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o wean_v she_o more_o from_o the_o world_n and_o all_o thing_n here_o below_o and_o that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o manifest_v himself_o to_o she_o and_o let_v down_o the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n upon_o she_o and_o show_v she_o his_o face_n and_o not_o his_o back_n that_o as_o he_o have_v be_v please_v to_o shine_v upon_o my_o poor_a heart_n and_o the_o heart_n of_o other_o of_o his_o saint_n through_o prayer_n so_o that_o he_o will_v also_o be_v please_v at_o this_o time_n to_o let_v this_o request_n come_v up_o in_o remembrance_n before_o he_o and_o give_v in_o a_o gracious_a answer_n to_o it_o as_o also_o that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o pour_v out_o his_o spirit_n upon_o she_o and_o let_v it_o be_v a_o spirit_n of_o grace_n and_o supplication_n in_o the_o sense_n of_o the_o want_n of_o which_o her_o spirit_n groan_v for_o before_o he_o as_o also_o under_o the_o sight_n of_o her_o unprofitableness_n under_o all_o ordinance_n beseech_v he_o that_o as_o it_o be_v he_o and_o he_o alone_o that_o cause_v his_o people_n to_o profit_n so_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o give_v out_o to_o this_o his_o
may_v prove_v the_o real_a advantage_n of_o spiritual_a good_a to_o my_o soul_n yet_o fear_v whether_o it_o do_v indeed_o come_v from_o he_o or_o no_o cause_v some_o tremble_n upon_o my_o spirit_n how_o to_o act_v if_o it_o be_v a_o plot_n of_o he_o it_o be_v a_o fair_a one_o arise_v after_o this_o manner_n have_v often_o find_v great_a appearance_n of_o god_n as_o i_o hope_v i_o may_v say_v to_o his_o praise_n i_o have_v in_o other_o of_o his_o ordinance_n but_o find_v my_o heart_n oftentimes_o very_o much_o shut_v up_o as_o it_o be_v and_o give_v over_o to_o deadness_n dulness_n and_o heaviness_n of_o spirit_n which_o be_v no_o way_n suitable_a to_o a_o spiritual_a heart_n and_o soul-quickning_a ordinance_n and_o find_v this_o very_a much_o to_o prevail_v even_o at_o this_o present_a desire_v your_o prayer_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v direct_v i_o what_o to_o do_v by_o discover_v to_o my_o soul_n whether_o indeed_o it_o do_v arise_v from_o a_o subtlety_n of_o satan_n yea_o or_o no_o or_o whether_o it_o be_v a_o lively_a alarm_n from_o heaven_n to_o my_o soul_n thus_o tremble_v in_o myself_o whether_o my_o forbearance_n may_v not_o be_v find_v a_o yield_n to_o satan_n or_o whether_o on_o the_o other_o side_n i_o may_v not_o attempt_v and_o provoke_v the_o lord_n by_o rush_v unprepared_o upon_o his_o holy_a thing_n thus_o desire_v to_o give_v up_o myself_o into_o the_o hand_n of_o the_o lord_n wait_v for_o the_o breathe_n of_o his_o spirit_n through_o the_o help_n of_o your_o prayer_n i_o beseech_v the_o lord_n alone_o to_o guide_v and_o lead_v my_o soul_n in_o all_o its_o motion_n and_o action_n in_o this_o present_a world_n until_o he_o shall_v bring_v it_o to_o a_o full_a enjoyment_n of_o himself_o in_o the_o perfection_n of_o holiness_n which_o my_o soul_n wait_v and_o long_v for_o where_o i_o shall_v full_o enjoy_v what_o now_o my_o poor_a soul_n have_v but_o a_o transient_a taste_n of_o which_o the_o lord_n accomplish_v in_o his_o own_o time_n and_o make_v i_o willing_a to_o wait_v my_o appoint_a time_n until_o my_o change_n come_v that_o when_o ever_o my_o lord_n come_v i_o may_v be_v find_v watch_v the_o 10_o of_o this_o 8_o month_n oh_o my_o soul_n do_v not_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o a_o gracious_a answer_n and_o return_v to_o this_o desire_n and_o prayer_n foremention_v even_o while_o thou_o be_v pour_v out_o thy_o soul_n before_o the_o lord_n wherein_o thou_o do_v lament_v the_o corruption_n of_o thy_o heart_n beg_v of_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v subdue_v this_o wicked_a frame_n of_o spirit_n this_o deadness_n and_o dulness_n in_o his_o service_n and_o continue_v issue_v out_o of_o corruption_n plead_v and_o argue_v it_o out_o with_o the_o lord_n after_o this_o manner_n that_o though_o thou_o be_v unworthy_a altogether_o to_o beg_v any_o mercy_n from_o he_o or_o this_o mercy_n yet_o be_v there_o not_o other_o of_o his_o poor_a servant_n that_o be_v plead_v with_o he_o for_o my_o poor_a soul_n nay_o be_v not_o my_o lord_n jesus_n now_o at_o his_o right_a hand_n plead_v for_o i_o that_o i_o may_v not_o be_v pull_v out_o of_o his_o hand_n for_o how_o can_v the_o lord_n endure_v wickedness_n any_o lust_n or_o corruption_n to_o possess_v my_o heart_n and_o take_v the_o sceptre_n out_o of_o his_o hand_n and_o so_o to_o rule_v and_o reign_v over_o i_o nay_o can_v my_o soul_n bear_v it_o to_o be_v thus_o overpowred_n and_o to_o have_v my_o heart_n thus_o draw_v from_o christ_n and_o thus_o captivate_v by_o sin_n and_o satan_n when_o one_o word_n of_o his_o mouth_n can_v set_v my_o soul_n at_o liberty_n beseech_v the_o lord_n to_o search_v i_o and_o to_o try_v i_o for_o he_o know_v whether_o those_o desire_n and_o tear_n and_o groan_n come_v from_o my_o heart_n yea_o or_o no_o yea_o i_o know_v thou_o do_v search_v i_o and_o know_v my_o heart_n but_o lord_n discover_v also_o to_o i_o and_o if_o there_o be_v any_o hypocrisy_n in_o my_o spirit_n in_o this_o regard_n oh_o that_o thou_o will_v answer_v i_o so_o by_o fire_n to_o consume_v that_o dross_n and_o corruption_n in_o my_o soul_n yea_o whatsoever_o thyrighteous_a eyesee_v in_o i_o that_o be_v darken_v to_o thy_o glory_n and_o withal_o tell_v the_o lord_n how_o like_o a_o flood_n of_o mighty_a water_n this_o corruption_n come_v in_o upon_o i_o one_o wave_z following_z another_z that_o i_o have_v no_o power_n to_o withstand_v it_o though_o he_o have_v discover_v much_o of_o himself_o to_o my_o sonl_n and_o of_o the_o riches_n of_o his_o grace_n and_o emptiness_n of_o all_o other_o thing_n that_o yet_o my_o soul_n shall_v so_o run_v after_o vanity_n beseech_v the_o lord_n to_o give_v a_o real_a turn_n to_o all_o the_o affection_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o to_o fix_v they_o upon_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n where_o they_o shall_v be_v sure_a to_o be_v return_v this_o be_v in_o the_o morning_n of_o the_o 10._o day_n than_o do_v the_o lord_n further_o satisfy_v and_o quiet_v my_o heart_n in_o my_o evening_n sacrifice_n that_o same_o day_n his_o spirit_n breathe_v in_o my_o soul_n after_o this_o manner_n dear_a lord_n oh_o that_o thou_o will_v suppress_v this_o spirit_n of_o murmur_a under_o thy_o hand_n and_o if_o thou_o will_v have_v thy_o poor_a creature_n still_o to_o wrestle_v and_o strive_v under_o a_o body_n of_o death_n and_o corruption_n and_o temptation_n and_o snare_n and_o entanglement_n oh_o that_o thou_o will_v help_v i_o in_o this_o work_n that_o i_o may_v not_o yield_v under_o it_o but_o may_v hold_v out_o in_o a_o continual_a resistance_n and_o sigh_v and_o never_o give_v over_o or_o make_v any_o peace_n with_o sin_n and_o though_o thou_o do_v not_o see_v meet_a utter_o to_o root_v out_o sin_n yet_o oh_o lord_n give_v it_o its_o deadly_a blow_n let_v it_o be_v still_o die_v and_o wither_v and_o decay_v and_o work_v in_o my_o soul_n grow_v and_o increase_v even_o until_o thou_o have_v full_o perfect_v it_o about_o the_o ten_o of_o this_o eight_o month_n this_o experience_n be_v give_v in_o to_o my_o soul_n by_o the_o lord_n concern_v satan_n deal_n with_o my_o soul_n and_o some_o refreshment_n to_o support_v my_o spirit_n under_o it_o oh_o my_o soul_n have_v not_o satan_n deal_v with_o thou_o concern_v this_o great_a ordinance_n of_o the_o lord_n supper_n even_o as_o he_o have_v former_o do_v concern_v the_o great_a duty_n of_o prayer_n how_o often_o have_v he_o suggest_v to_o thou_o that_o it_o be_v to_o no_o end_n to_o pray_v to_o the_o lord_n reason_v thus_o with_o thou_o oftentimes_o do_v thou_o think_v there_o be_v any_o such_o god_n as_o thou_o pray_v to_o do_v he_o ever_o hear_v thou_o or_o give_v thou_o any_o token_n of_o answer_n why_o then_o do_v thou_o continual_o appeal_v to_o he_o and_o pour_v out_o thy_o soul_n before_o he_o and_o have_v he_o not_o do_v just_o thus_o about_o this_o ordinance_n of_o the_o lord_n supper_n thou_o wicked_a spirit_n how_o often_o have_v thou_o be_v prove_v a_o liar_n what_o eminent_a token_n have_v god_n give_v i_o of_o his_o hear_n prayer_n from_o time_n to_o time_n both_o concern_v myself_o and_o other_o and_o therein_o have_v prove_v thou_o a_o liar_n and_o why_o then_o oh_o my_o soul_n shall_v thou_o not_o believe_v that_o satan_n will_v also_o prove_v a_o liar_n in_o this_o be_v not_o the_o lord_n yesterday_o and_o to_o day_n and_o for_o ever_o be_v his_o arm_n shorten_v or_o his_o hand_n weaken_v that_o he_o can_v save_v and_o deliver_v and_o appear_v to_o thou_o in_o as_o glorious_a a_o manner_n as_o ever_o oh_o then_o wait_v for_o he_o and_o what_o if_o thou_o wait_v until_o thy_o dissolution_n it_o will_v be_v happiness_n more_o than_o thou_o do_v deserve_v to_o be_v find_v wait_v yet_o thou_o do_v not_o know_v how_o soon_o he_o may_v appear_v to_o thou_o about_o the_o middle_n of_o the_o eight_o month_n 1653_o o_o my_o soul_n what_o be_v thy_o continue_a fear_n be_v they_o not_o lest_o any_o thing_n shall_v withdraw_v or_o steal_v away_o thy_o heart_n from_o the_o lord_n do_v not_o thou_o daily_o beg_v of_o he_o rather_o to_o crucify_v all_o thy_o earthly_a desire_n what_o ever_o than_o any_o way_n to_o satisfy_v any_o of_o they_o a_o letter_n to_o mr._n knight_n the_o sixteenth_o of_o the_o eight_o month_n 1653._o in_o answer_n to_o the_o former_a desire_n to_o he_o the_o nine_o of_o the_o same_o month_n to_o bless_v the_o lord_n for_o the_o answer_n dear_a sir_n have_v former_o in_o the_o time_n of_o my_o sadness_n desire_v your_o remembrance_n before_o the_o lord_n who_o have_v appear_v in_o prayer_n both_o public_a and_o private_a as_o also_o many_o other_o way_n thereby_o stay_v my_o poor_a spirit_n to_o wait_v upon_o he_o
world_n to_o see_v with_o what_o countenance_n my_o lord_n look_v upon_o this_o and_o the_o other_o action_n be_v i_o hope_v desirous_a i_o be_o sure_a if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o to_o see_v the_o will_n of_o my_o god_n in_o every_o promise_n providence_n and_o administration_n 4_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v i_o faithful_a in_o that_o he_o have_v put_v into_o my_o soul_n this_o earnest_a desire_n that_o my_o end_n in_o all_o i_o do_v may_v only_o be_v to_o seek_v the_o advancement_n of_o he_o my_o lord_n who_o i_o desire_v only_o to_o serve_v daily_o beg_v of_o he_o i_o may_v no_o more_o live_v to_o myself_o as_o i_o have_v too_o much_o and_o have_v too_o long_o do_v yea_o when_o i_o find_v any_o thing_n of_o myself_o or_o self-end_n to_o appear_v or_o break_v forth_o though_o but_o in_o the_o bud_n be_v it_o not_o bitter_a to_o my_o soul_n and_o such_o as_o imbitter_v the_o best_a action_n to_o i_o though_o otherwise_o never_o so_o good_a and_o this_o desire_n of_o serve_v the_o lord_n i_o may_v upon_o experience_n say_v i_o find_v to_o differ_v not_o only_o from_o that_o slavish_a fear_n that_o be_v in_o other_o i_o will_v not_o say_v so_o though_o i_o suppose_v it_o to_o be_v true_a also_o but_o from_o that_o slavish_a fear_n that_o do_v too_o much_o predominate_v in_o my_o own_o poor_a soul_n which_o do_v in_o the_o time_n of_o my_o bondage_n cause_v i_o to_o fear_v rather_o than_o love_v he_o but_o now_o the_o lord_n have_v in_o some_o measure_n be_v screw_v up_o my_o obedience_n to_o a_o high_a note_n or_o pin_n that_o it_o be_v now_o to_o a_o lord_n and_o father_n who_o at_o last_o i_o will_v love_v and_o i_o do_v also_o lament_v before_o he_o in_o the_o sincerity_n of_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o can_v love_v he_o no_o more_o who_o have_v so_o much_o loveliness_n in_o he_o yea_o nothing_o but_o loveliness_n yea_o it_o be_v a_o service_n of_o a_o lord_n who_o will_v all_o and_o make_v the_o law_n and_o make_v it_o to_o be_v just_a because_o he_o can_v do_v no_o evil_n and_o i_o will_v i_o can_v continual_o meditate_v upon_o this_o his_o will_n but_o this_o be_v it_o i_o daily_o press_v after_o and_o mourn_v under_o the_o want_n of_o the_o clear_a sight_n of_o this_o that_o there_o shall_v be_v so_o much_o fear_n in_o my_o heart_n concern_v the_o issue_n or_o event_n of_o any_o thing_n wherein_o my_o lord_n shall_v be_v please_v at_o any_o time_n to_o declare_v his_o will_n to_o lie_v in_o further_a discovery_n of_o faithfulness_n 1._o faithfulness_n appear_v in_o the_o reality_n of_o the_o heart_n serve_v the_o lord_n with_o all_o the_o heart_n soul_n and_o strength_n and_o so_o faithfulness_n in_o prayer_n lie_v not_o in_o the_o pour_v out_o of_o word_n though_o with_o some_o affection_n but_o do_v it_o with_o all_o the_o heart_n soul_n and_o strength_n and_o a_o full_a exercise_n of_o every_o grace_n to_o the_o utmost_a in_o every_o service_n i_o do_v for_o christ_n and_o o_o my_o soul_n be_v not_o this_o that_o thou_o daily_o presse_v after_o though_o thou_o can_v not_o full_o attain_v unto_o it_o what_o else_o make_v thou_o to_o mourn_v over_o thy_o prayer_n and_o duty_n but_o that_o thou_o find_v no_o more_o of_o thy_o heart_n and_o strength_n in_o they_o be_v not_o thy_o constant_a desire_n that_o all_o thy_o soul_n and_o strength_n may_v be_v offer_v up_o to_o god_n in_o every_o service_n thou_o do_v he_o 2._o they_o be_v faithful_a servant_n of_o christ_n that_o do_v all_o they_o do_v in_o order_n to_o a_o trust_n from_o christ_n who_o intru_v they_o with_o his_o ordinance_n with_o their_o health_n wealth_n comfort_n enjoyment_n all_o i_o have_v be_v but_o a_o trust_n from_o christ_n now_o to_o be_v faithful_a be_v to_o improve_v this_o trust_n to_o god_n to_o do_v all_o the_o good_a that_o possible_a i_o can_v by_o his_o ordinance_n to_o do_v every_o service_n to_o he_o as_o they_o that_o indeed_o exercise_v a_o point_n of_o trust_n he_o entrust_v i_o with_o his_o glory_n in_o this_o world_n faithfulness_n be_v to_o make_v the_o utmost_a advantage_n to_o raise_v up_o his_o glory_n in_o this_o world_n &_o make_v he_o appear_v great_a and_o so_o faithfulness_n in_o improve_n all_o the_o grace_n that_o god_n and_o christ_n intru_v i_o with_o by_o improve_n of_o they_o to_o make_v the_o utmost_a advantage_n for_o he_o and_o so_o for_o health_n and_o all_o outward_a comfort_n now_o o_o my_o soul_n have_v not_o the_o lord_n write_v this_o in_o thy_o very_a heart_n that_o all_o that_o ever_o thou_o have_v and_o enjoy_v both_o spiritual_a and_o temporal_a whether_o ordinance_n grace_n comfort_n all_o thy_o enjoyment_n that_o thou_o have_v by_o trust_n from_o christ_n and_o must_v be_v improve_v for_o he_o and_o not_o spend_v upon_o thyself_o or_o this_o world_n and_o do_v not_o the_o thought_n of_o this_o make_v thou_o daily_o mourn_v before_o the_o lord_n that_o thou_o can_v not_o improve_v they_o better_o that_o he_o have_v so_o little_a revenue_n of_o glory_n from_o thou_o and_o by_o thou_o but_o that_o so_o much_o of_o his_o stock_n lie_v as_o it_o be_v dead_a and_o unimproved_a do_v not_o the_o sight_n of_o this_o cause_n thou_o to_o mourn_v daily_o before_o he_o that_o he_o shall_v intrust_v thou_o with_o so_o much_o and_o receive_v from_o thou_o so_o little_a now_o o_o my_o soul_n do_v not_o the_o thought_n of_o this_o make_v thou_o cry_v daily_o out_o to_o the_o lord_n beseech_v he_o to_o reveal_v his_o mind_n &_o will_n to_o thou_o how_o he_o will_v have_v thou_o improve_v this_o or_o that_o other_o mercy_n or_o trust_v commit_v to_o thou_o and_o not_o only_o teach_v thou_o his_o will_n in_o it_o but_o also_o help_v thou_o to_o improve_v it_o to_o his_o glory_n continual_o yea_o o_o my_o soul_n be_v there_o not_o a_o continue_a fear_n upon_o thy_o heart_n which_o cause_v thou_o often_o time_n to_o pour_v out_o strong_a cry_n before_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v help_v thou_o to_o give_v he_o the_o glory_n of_o all_o the_o mercy_n and_o good_a thing_n he_o betru_v thou_o with_o at_o any_o time_n as_o also_o that_o there_o may_v never_o be_v find_v in_o thou_o any_o backwardness_n or_o unwillingness_n to_o give_v up_o thy_o trust_n in_o any_o thing_n whatever_o into_o his_o own_o hand_n when_o ever_o he_o see_v meet_v to_o call_v for_o it_o which_o seem_v to_o note_v a_o further_a degree_n of_o faithfulness_n further_a discovery_n of_o faithfulness_n at_o the_o same_o time_n 1_o faithfulness_n appear_v in_o the_o generality_n of_o it_o when_o a_o man_n be_v faithful_a in_o all_o that_o he_o have_v though_o all_o that_o he_o have_v be_v but_o a_o little_a and_o true_o herein_o i_o have_v great_a cause_n to_o lament_v before_o the_o lord_n for_o in_o the_o stead_n of_o be_v faithful_a in_o all_o that_o i_o have_v there_o be_v much_o unfaithfulness_n in_o i_o that_o appear_v in_o all_o that_o the_o lord_n trust_v i_o with_o and_o yet_o o_o my_o soul_n may_v thou_o not_o also_o say_v that_o there_o be_v some_o degree_n of_o this_o faithfulness_n or_o at_o least_o a_o desire_n after_o it_o in_o thou_o and_o may_v thou_o not_o say_v by_o this_o law_n of_o thy_o lord_n as_o paul_n do_v of_o the_o law_n of_o god_n in_o general_a with_o my_o mind_n i_o even_o myself_o serve_v this_o law_n of_o god_n in_o faithfulness_n though_o in_o my_o flesh_n i_o do_v too_o often_o rebel_v against_o it_o which_o be_v my_o daily_a burden_n from_o which_o evil_a in_o thy_o own_o time_n deliver_v i_o oh_o my_o god_n and_o this_o i_o desire_v to_o wait_v for_o 2._o faithfulness_n appear_v in_o be_v faithful_a notwithstanding_o all_o difficulty_n that_o accompany_v they_o in_o their_o service_n now_o o_o my_o soul_n have_v thou_o not_o abundant_o cause_v to_o give_v glory_n to_o god_n that_o have_v be_v please_v to_o make_v thou_o thus_o faithful_a in_o any_o degree_n or_o measure_n in_o this_o respect_n who_o by_o his_o own_o hand_n &_o power_n have_v carry_v thou_o through_o many_o a_o reproach_n and_o scoff_n and_o scorn_v and_o by_o word_n make_v thou_o like_o isaac_n who_o be_v still_o persecute_v by_o ishmael_n and_o have_v not_o this_o be_v thy_o lot_n by_o some_o ever_o reproach_v thou_o scoff_v deride_v thou_o backbiting_a speak_v evil_a abundant_o of_o thou_o and_o yet_o false_o do_v their_o utmost_a to_o bring_v thou_o out_o of_o favour_n with_o those_o who_o love_n thou_o high_o prise_v and_o have_v reason_n for_o it_o and_o how_o do_v the_o lord_n make_v thou_o to_o lie_v down_o under_o this_o when_o other_o tax_v thou_o of_o hypocrisy_n and_o the_o like_a to_o search_v thy_o own_o heart_n and_o bemoan_v before_o the_o lord_n the_o
how_o glorious_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o unveil_v the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n to_o thou_o as_o a_o physician_n to_o poor_a sick_a soul_n which_o discovery_n of_o he_o as_o it_o be_v very_o glorious_a so_o most_o suitable_a to_o the_o present_a estate_n of_o thy_o spirit_n be_v as_o i_o trust_v i_o may_v true_o say_v sick_a of_o its_o self_n of_o all_o its_o way_n and_o doubt_n and_o fail_n to_o all_o my_o relation_n &_o conversation_n and_o o_o how_o sweet_a and_o seasonable_a be_v it_o now_o to_o hear_v of_o such_o a_o physician_n as_o he_o be_v glorious_o hold_v out_o to_o be_v from_o that_o 9_o matth._n 12._o and_o for_o the_o other_o suit_n in_o cause_v my_o soul_n deep_o to_o fall_v in_o love_n with_o he_o and_o to_o be_v real_o take_v off_o from_o all_o thing_n else_o even_o for_o this_o i_o desire_v to_o wait_v until_o the_o same_o lord_n shall_v please_v to_o give_v in_o as_o gracious_a a_o answer_n which_o i_o trust_v he_o will_v also_o do_v in_o his_o due_a time_n and_o for_o those_o request_n put_v up_o this_o morning_n i_o can_v not_o but_o acknowledge_v that_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v great_o to_o bow_v down_o and_o give_v i_o a_o sensible_a token_n of_o his_o glorious_a and_o gracious_a presence_n through_o which_o that_o present_a mercy_n in_o prayer_n every_o word_n come_v as_o it_o be_v from_o my_o very_a heart_n in_o both_o the_o prayer_n before_o and_o after_o sermon_n be_v the_o very_a groan_n and_o breathe_n of_o my_o soul_n before_o the_o lord_n and_o every_o word_n in_o the_o sermon_n almost_o be_v as_o it_o be_v speak_v from_o heaven_n to_o my_o heart_n so_o full_o and_o in_o those_o very_a thing_n that_o my_o heart_n be_v at_o that_o very_a time_n burden_a withal_o and_o i_o think_v to_o have_v vent_v to_o mr._n knight_n our_o dear_a pastor_n the_o day_n before_o which_o if_o the_o lord_n have_v not_o prevent_v i_o in_o i_o real_o fear_v that_o i_o shall_v not_o have_v have_v so_o clear_a and_o gracious_a a_o sight_n of_o god_n in_o this_o his_o appearance_n but_o shall_v have_v think_v sure_o he_o have_v speak_v those_o thing_n in_o relation_n to_o i_o but_o bless_v be_v that_o god_n that_o order_v thing_n so_o as_o to_o give_v his_o poor_a creature_n a_o more_o clear_a sight_n of_o the_o riches_n of_o his_o grace_n even_o as_o a_o prayer-hearing_a god_n and_o all_o this_o notwithstanding_o the_o rebellion_n of_o my_o spirit_n even_o under_o the_o hope_n of_o his_o appearance_n break_v out_o into_o that_o rash_a and_o sinful_a word_n be_v exceed_o weary_v go_v up_o and_o down_o westminster-hall_n and_o to_o whitehall_n and_o to_o and_o fro_o up_o and_o down_o then_o as_o i_o say_v do_v the_o passion_n of_o my_o wicked_a spirit_n cause_v i_o to_o break_v out_o into_o this_o foolish_a sinful_a expression_n say_v if_o i_o have_v know_v this_o i_o will_v not_o have_v come_v out_o this_o day_n when_o as_o perhaps_o the_o lord_n intent_n by_o it_o be_v to_o try_v i_o and_o make_v the_o folly_n of_o my_o heart_n appear_v to_o i_o and_o see_v how_o my_o faith_n can_v bear_v up_o against_o those_o discouragement_n and_o bodily_a trial_n for_o my_o body_n be_v much_o distemper_v and_o in_o this_o my_o walk_v up_o and_o down_o i_o have_v a_o pain_n take_v i_o under_o my_o side_n that_o strike_v through_o my_o breast_n to_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o look_v every_o moment_n when_o i_o shall_v fall_v down_o in_o the_o street_n as_o i_o go_v along_o and_o as_o i_o come_v back_o yet_o notwithstanding_o all_o this_o my_o rebellion_n and_o repent_v of_o my_o journey_n be_v the_o lord_n please_v not_o to_o do_v by_o i_o as_o righteous_o he_o may_v for_o he_o repent_v not_o of_o his_o intend_a kindness_n to_o i_o though_o i_o repent_v at_o my_o wait_v upon_o he_o for_o it_o and_o though_o i_o be_v full_a of_o change_n yet_o he_o change_v not_o but_o when_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o bring_v i_o back_o again_o to_o westminster_n and_o that_o in_o due_a time_n i_o be_v glad_a and_o begin_v to_o recover_v my_o spirit_n again_o o_o how_o be_v my_o heart_n fill_v as_o it_o be_v with_o this_o exceed_a appearance_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o in_o some_o measure_n enlarge_v that_o evening_n to_o bless_v his_o name_n who_o have_v so_o often_o appear_v and_o to_o all_o add_v the_o mercy_n of_o this_o day_n manifest_v self_n to_o be_v a_o god_n hear_v prayer_n but_o o_o that_o curse_a unbelief_n of_o my_o wicked_a heart_n that_o have_v have_v so_o much_o and_o so_o manifold_a appearance_n of_o god_n and_o of_o his_o goodness_n and_o shall_v yet_o trust_v he_o no_o more_o which_o also_o great_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n to_o beg_v of_o he_o to_o crucify_v my_o unbelief_n but_o i_o confess_v this_o be_v it_o that_o often_o give_v the_o turn_n and_o draw_v a_o cloud_n as_o it_o be_v before_o i_o even_o the_o mighty_a prevalence_n of_o corruption_n in_o my_o soul_n which_o make_v i_o often_o to_o cry_v out_o lord_n when_o shall_v i_o see_v this_o body_n of_o death_n and_o sin_n subdue_v and_o crucify_v and_o my_o soul_n full_o subject_v to_o thou_o this_o be_v the_o burden_n of_o my_o soul_n even_o then_o when_o the_o lord_n shine_v forth_o most_o clear_o upon_o my_o heart_n to_o think_v what_o a_o unsuitable_a frame_n of_o spirit_n be_v there_o in_o i_o to_o all_o those_o wonderful_a way_n of_o the_o lord_n towards_o i_o that_o by_o all_o the_o sight_n he_o give_v i_o of_o himself_o and_o his_o will_n i_o be_o no_o more_o change_v into_o his_o likeness_n the_o 15_o day_n of_o this_o twelve_o month_n at_o night_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v exceed_o to_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n to_o beg_v of_o he_o the_o root_n out_o of_o those_o corruption_n issue_v out_o of_o my_o heart_n to_o the_o creature_n and_o gather_v of_o it_o up_o into_o himself_o and_o order_v my_o affection_n and_o the_o like_a as_o also_o be_v great_o draw_v out_o to_o bless_v and_o praise_v he_o beseech_v he_o to_o enable_v i_o to_o it_o to_o bless_v he_o for_o his_o answer_n so_o often_o give_v i_o to_o the_o importunate_a desire_n and_o request_n of_o my_o soul_n when_o i_o have_v so_o often_o tempt_v he_o for_o it_o be_v not_o israel_n only_o that_o tempt_v he_o ten_o time_n but_o i_o have_v often_o tempt_v he_o so_o that_o he_o may_v have_v righteous_o give_v that_o i_o beg_v of_o he_o and_o a_o curse_n together_o with_o it_o but_o i_o do_v now_o great_o desire_v to_o bless_v he_o that_o hitherto_o he_o have_v deny_v i_o in_o it_o beseech_v he_o so_o to_o do_v still_o and_o subject_a my_o soul_n to_o he_o in_o all_o my_o way_n beg_v he_o earnest_o that_o he_o will_v once_o work_v my_o heart_n to_o such_o assurance_n that_o i_o may_v be_v careful_a in_o nothing_o and_o in_o nothing_o thoughtful_a for_o or_o studious_a about_o any_o thing_n here_o below_o and_o to_o give_v up_o myself_o whole_o to_o be_v at_o his_o dispose_n yea_o more_o than_o ever_o i_o have_v be_v to_o any_o bodily_a physician_n beseech_v he_o now_o that_o he_o will_v undertake_v to_o be_v my_o soul_n physician_n and_o to_o cure_v i_o of_o those_o soul-distemper_n in_o my_o affection_n and_o practice_n let_v the_o physic_n be_v what_o he_o will_v let_v it_o but_o be_v of_o his_o prescribe_v and_o to_o support_v my_o spirit_n under_o his_o hand_n and_o make_v it_o willing_a to_o submit_v to_o his_o will_n and_o then_o lord_n do_v with_o i_o what_o thou_o will_v and_o now_o father_n what_o be_v those_o request_n that_o thou_o will_v hear_v have_v thou_o not_o say_v what_o ever_o we_o ask_v in_o thy_o son_n name_n thou_o will_v hear_v why_o in_o thy_o son_n name_n i_o desire_v to_o come_v for_o i_o have_v nothing_o else_o to_o plead_v there_o be_v nothing_o in_o i_o but_o for_o thy_o son_n sake_n the_o son_n of_o thy_o bosom_n and_o love_n who_o die_v for_o poor_a sinner_n such_o as_o thy_o poor_a worm_n be_v for_o his_o sake_n and_o in_o his_o name_n i_o come_v unto_o thou_o and_o thou_o have_v say_v whatsoever_o we_o ask_v according_a to_o thy_o will_n thou_o will_v hear_v now_o lord_n be_v not_o this_o agreeable_a to_o thy_o will_n to_o be_v conform_v more_o to_o thou_o and_o have_v my_o will_n more_o subject_v to_o thou_o and_o my_o affection_n more_o place_v upon_o thou_o o_o then_o lord_n see_v thou_o say_v what_o we_o ask_v believe_v we_o shall_v have_v it_o lord_n increase_v my_o faith_n &_o help_v i_o to_o wait_v upon_o thou_o believe_o the_o eighteen_o of_o this_o twelve_o month_n have_v be_v these_o eight_o or_o nine_o day_n last_o pass_v somewhat_o distemper_v in_o body_n which_o distemper_n prevail_v more_o and_o
those_o that_o be_v his_o subject_n from_o whence_o we_o be_v far_o exhort_v to_o look_v out_o what_o it_o be_v that_o we_o have_v that_o be_v everlasting_a tell_v we_o that_o wife_n and_o child_n and_o estate_n and_o the_o like_a they_o be_v not_o everlasting_a they_o and_o you_o must_v part_v oh_o therefore_o do_v not_o reckon_v these_o everlasting_a but_o if_o you_o have_v a_o christ_n or_o grace_n etc._n etc._n that_o shall_v be_v everlasting_a if_o god_n have_v begin_v any_o good_a work_n in_o your_o soul_n that_o shall_v be_v everlasting_a your_o infirmity_n weakness_n corruption_n they_o be_v not_o everlasting_a they_o shall_v die_v and_o wither_v and_o satan_n shall_v short_o be_v tread_v under_o your_o foot_n though_o satan_n and_o sin_n have_v domineer_v and_o make_v a_o stir_n in_o thy_o soul_n yet_o it_o shall_v not_o reign_v for_o ever_o there_o but_o grace_n shall_v reign_v by_o righteousness_n to_o eternal_a life_n therefore_o though_o your_o pain_n be_v great_a trouble_v sore_o temptation_n many_o yet_o know_v they_o be_v not_o everlasting_a and_o this_o may_v much_o comfort_v the_o saint_n yea_o if_o christ_n reign_v this_o may_v comfort_v the_o saint_n that_o their_o affliction_n shall_v pass_v only_o from_o christ_n not_o from_o the_o son_n of_o man_n not_o from_o the_o world_n nor_o satan_n nor_o the_o law_n without_o he_o no_o nor_o the_o restless_a motion_n of_o your_o heart_n that_o often_o misgive_v and_o terrify_v you_o your_o judgement_n shall_v pass_v from_o christ_n who_o throne_n be_v for_o ever_o and_o ever_o o_o my_o soul_n how_o abundant_o have_v the_o lord_n bow_v down_o to_o refresh_v as_o well_o as_o convince_v thou_o this_o day_n the_o lord_n grant_v it_o may_v abide_v upon_o thy_o spirit_n and_o help_v thou_o to_o live_v continual_o to_o his_o praise_n the_o 29._o of_o this_o 9_o month_n i_o seek_v the_o lord_n to_o appear_v to_o my_o poor_a soul_n and_o speak_v some_o seasonable_a word_n that_o may_v be_v for_o my_o spiritual_a advantage_n and_o true_o though_o i_o be_v disappoint_v of_o he_o that_o i_o expect_v to_o hear_v yet_o do_v the_o lord_n by_o our_o btother_n lemall_a hand_n out_o a_o most_o seasonable_a word_n to_o my_o soul_n which_o i_o desire_v may_v abide_v which_o be_v not_o to_o quench_v the_o spirit_n which_o the_o lord_n do_v real_o convince_v i_o that_o i_o have_v often_o do_v even_o of_o late_a which_o i_o desire_v the_o lord_n will_v help_v i_o against_o and_o make_v this_o a_o bless_a word_n to_o the_o end_n unto_o my_o soul_n the_o 30._o day_n of_o this_o 9_o month_n the_o lord_n draw_v out_o my_o heart_n that_o morning_n to_o beg_v of_o he_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o prepare_v my_o heart_n to_o meet_v with_o he_o and_o to_o manifest_v his_o presence_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n through_o his_o word_n that_o it_o may_v be_v a_o bless_a season_n wherein_o my_o soul_n may_v enjoy_v communion_n with_o himself_o and_o that_o to_o that_o end_n he_o will_v please_v to_o remove_v out_o of_o my_o soul_n whatever_o may_v make_v i_o unfit_a to_o meet_v with_o he_o desire_v much_o in_o my_o heart_n and_o endeavour_v to_o express_v it_o before_o the_o lord_n that_o my_o heart_n may_v once_o be_v gather_v out_o from_o all_o thing_n here_o below_o and_o fix_v only_o upon_o himself_o and_o jesus_n christ_n and_o that_o there_o may_v be_v something_o add_v to_o this_o work_n this_o day_n and_o o_o my_o soul_n how_o glorious_o do_v the_o lord_n appear_v both_o for_o thy_o conviction_n and_o comfort_n in_o send_v his_o messenger_n as_o if_o it_o be_v on_o purpose_n with_o a_o errand_n from_o heaven_n to_o my_o soul_n it_o be_v a_o strange_a that_o preach_v this_o day_n and_o the_o subject_a he_o be_v upon_o be_v the_o loveliness_n of_o jesus_n christ_n canticle_n 5._o 16._o he_o be_v altogether_o lovely_a whence_o he_o full_o clear_v that_o there_o be_v nothing_o below_o christ_n that_o can_v be_v lovely_a or_o desirable_a and_o whatsoever_o can_v be_v desire_v it_o be_v abundant_o in_o he_o from_o whence_o the_o lord_n do_v real_o convince_v i_o of_o my_o folly_n in_o suffer_v of_o my_o affection_n to_o run_v out_o so_o strong_o on_o such_o vain_a object_n and_o so_o little_a on_o my_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n and_o in_o the_o close_a speak_v by_o way_n of_o comfort_n he_o have_v this_o passage_n that_o when_o ever_o any_o poor_a soul_n do_v come_v into_o the_o presence_n of_o the_o lord_n in_o prayer_n or_o hear_v or_o any_o ordinance_n with_o a_o desire_n to_o have_v such_o a_o corruption_n mortify_v though_o for_o end_n best_a know_v to_o the_o lord_n he_o may_v for_o the_o present_a suffer_v it_o in_o he_o yet_o will_v he_o record_v it_o in_o heaven_n as_o if_o it_o have_v be_v mortify_v for_o say_v he_o it_o be_v in_o the_o desire_n of_o that_o poor_a soul_n and_o though_o i_o suffer_v it_o yet_o i_o look_v upon_o it_o as_o if_o the_o soul_n have_v mortify_v it_o real_o and_o so_o for_o all_o other_o gracious_a desire_n the_o lord_n look_v upon_o they_o as_o he_o and_z as_o do_v though_o never_o attain_v as_o he_o do_v abraham_n offering_n up_o his_o son_n isaac_n and_o therefore_o he_o leave_v it_o upon_o record_n to_o posterity_n that_o he_o do_v offer_v he_o up_o though_o yet_o he_o do_v not_o do_v it_o because_o it_o be_v in_o his_o heart_n and_o intent_n to_o do_v it_o have_v not_o the_o lord_n prevent_v which_o together_o with_o many_o other_o precious_a hint_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o leave_v with_o i_o this_o day_n which_o i_o beseech_v he_o to_o bless_v i_o and_o make_v i_o to_o improve_v they_o to_o his_o praise_n and_o glory_n the_o second_o day_n of_o this_o 10._o month_n i_o seek_v the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v if_o he_o see_v meet_v to_o add_v one_o other_o day_n to_o i_o to_o vouchsafe_v his_o face_n and_o presence_n to_o i_o and_o give_v my_o soul_n some_o sight_n of_o he_o and_o prepare_v my_o heart_n to_o meet_v with_o he_o empty_v out_o of_o it_o what_o ever_o may_v unfit_a i_o to_o come_v before_o he_o after_o which_o there_o fall_v a_o great_a damp_n upon_o my_o spirit_n consider_v that_o i_o have_v only_o in_o a_o formality_n seek_v this_o of_o he_o but_o can_v not_o expect_v that_o he_o shall_v continue_v always_o so_o gracious_o to_o a_o poor_a soul_n as_o i_o have_v beg_v of_o he_o be_v such_o a_o unworthy_a unfruitful_a creature_n that_o do_v so_o little_o improve_v all_o his_o appearance_n but_o o_o my_o soul_n how_o glorious_o do_v the_o lord_n break_v through_o all_o thy_o unbelief_n and_o go_v beyond_o all_o thy_o expectation_n in_o provide_v a_o most_o bless_a glorious_a and_o seasonable_a word_n for_o thy_o soul_n answer_v the_o desire_n of_o thy_o heart_n also_o on_o the_o behalf_n of_o his_o servant_n that_o be_v to_o speak_v in_o his_o name_n this_o day_n shine_a forth_o glorious_o in_o and_o through_o he_o insomuch_o that_o himself_o do_v bless_v the_o lord_n for_o his_o appearance_n that_o day_n for_o which_o bless_v the_o lord_n o_o my_o soul_n and_o oh_o that_o all_o that_o be_v within_o i_o can_v bless_v his_o holy_a name_n oh_o the_o sensible_a truth_n that_o be_v hint_v to_o my_o soul_n this_o day_n which_o i_o desire_v of_o the_o lord_n i_o may_v never_o forget_v which_o be_v hint_v from_o psal_n 45._o 7._o from_o which_o our_o pastor_n sweet_o open_v the_o love_n of_o christ_n to_o righteousness_n which_o love_n he_o show_v we_o be_v that_o that_o make_v he_o lovely_a to_o god_n and_o to_o his_o saint_n now_o that_o he_o do_v love_n as_o he_o show_v we_o appear_v in_o that_o this_o love_n to_o it_o be_v his_o very_a nature_n and_o therefore_o he_o be_v call_v the_o righteous_a and_o the_o lord_n our_o righteousness_n yea_o it_o appear_v in_o that_o he_o have_v through_o all_o kind_n of_o difficulty_n fulfil_v all_o righteousness_n therefore_o with_o desire_n i_o have_v desire_v say_v he_o to_o eat_v this_o passover_n that_o so_o he_o may_v be_v ready_a to_o suffer_v and_o so_o to_o satisfy_v divine_a justice_n which_o be_v one_o part_n of_o his_o fulfil_a righteousness_n yea_o he_o show_v that_o he_o love_v righteousness_n in_o that_o salvation_n that_o he_o have_v wrought_v for_o we_o merit_v by_o a_o full_a satisfaction_n to_o justice_n that_o so_o justice_n may_v glory_v in_o our_o salvation_n as_o well_o as_o mercy_n for_o however_o wereceive_v all_o by_o grace_n yet_o christ_n wrought_v it_o out_o by_o justice_n and_o pay_v a_o full_a price_n for_o it_o which_o show_v his_o love_n to_o righteousness_n and_o justice_n so_o that_o what_o ever_o god_n have_v promise_v believer_n in_o his_o word_n it_o be_v a_o merit_a promise_n that_o christ_n have_v buy_v and_o pay_v
be_v bless_v discovery_n give_v to_o judge_v our_o estate_n we_o be_v also_o instruct_v in_o all_o our_o present_a affliction_n in_o this_o world_n still_o to_o remember_v it_o appear_v not_o yet_o what_o we_o shall_v be_v do_v you_o keep_v your_o eye_n on_o this_o how_o will_v it_o refresh_v you_o under_o all_o trouble_n keep_v your_o eye_n then_o on_o christ_n his_o appearance_n for_o there_o your_o fullness_n shall_v be_v but_o further_o to_o refresh_v the_o saint_n they_o be_v at_o present_a the_o son_n of_o god_n but_o know_v not_o the_o best_a of_o their_o estate_n you_o may_v be_v now_o under_o cloud_n and_o temptation_n but_o the_o best_a be_v behind_o it_o appear_v not_o now_o what_o you_o shall_v be_v and_o let_v this_o cheer_n up_o your_o heart_n the_o 8._o day_n of_o this_o ten_o month_n the_o lord_n draw_v out_o my_o heart_n in_o the_o morning_n be_v the_o day_n of_o our_o church-meeting_n to_o beg_v of_o he_o to_o go_v forth_o with_o we_o this_o day_n or_o else_o not_o to_o carry_v we_o out_o and_o withal_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o provide_v a_o bless_a word_n a_o seasonable_a word_n for_o every_o poor_a soul_n that_o shall_v in_o the_o sincerity_n of_o their_o spirit_n wait_v upon_o he_o that_o day_n and_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o speak_v some_o seasonable_a word_n to_o my_o soul_n that_o it_o may_v be_v a_o bless_a testimony_n that_o his_o presence_n be_v with_o i_o beg_v also_o the_o pour_v out_o of_o his_o spirit_n rich_o on_o they_o he_o shall_v please_v to_o send_v to_o speak_v among_o we_o with_o much_o to_o this_o effect_n the_o nine_o of_o this_o ten_o month_n at_o night_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v often_o to_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n with_o some_o sense_n of_o his_o appearance_n as_o also_o my_o unfruitfulness_n under_o all_o former_a appearanc_n beseech_v he_o to_o sanctify_v all_o his_o appearance_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o help_v i_o to_o walk_v more_o watchful_o and_o hearken_v more_o to_o the_o testimony_n of_o my_o own_o conscience_n in_o what_o ever_o i_o have_v do_v and_o not_o to_o sin_v against_o it_o with_o many_o such_o like_a desire_n beg_v this_o that_o as_o he_o have_v so_o sweet_o encourage_v my_o soul_n by_o these_o gracious_a hint_n the_o three_o of_o this_o month_n so_o that_o now_o he_o will_v please_v notwithstanding_o all_o my_o unworthiness_n and_o unfruitfulness_n yet_o to_o make_v good_a these_o gracious_a word_n of_o he_o wherein_o he_o have_v say_v sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n over_o his_o people_n and_o that_o he_o will_v bruise_v satan_n under_o their_o foot_n that_o he_o will_v never_o leave_v nor_o forsake_v they_o for_o which_o gracious_a bless_a word_n of_o his_o i_o endeavour_v to_o plead_v with_o he_o this_o evening_n even_o upon_o the_o account_n of_o the_o full_a satisfaction_n the_o lord_n jesus_n have_v make_v to_o he_o that_o therefore_o these_o bless_a word_n may_v be_v make_v good_a to_o my_o poor_a soul_n as_o also_o on_o the_o behalf_n of_o his_o servant_n our_o dear_a pastor_n who_o the_o eight_o of_o this_o eight_o month_n seem_v exceed_v sad_a which_o come_v with_o some_o power_n and_o sense_n upon_o my_o heart_n at_o this_o time_n beseech_v the_o lord_n if_o he_o have_v convince_v he_o of_o any_o evil_n in_o he_o that_o he_o will_v also_o work_v it_o out_o of_o he_o and_o if_o there_o be_v any_o other_o oppression_n upon_o his_o spirit_n which_o be_v know_v to_o he_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o ease_v refresh_v comfort_n and_o fit_v he_o for_o the_o great_a work_n he_o have_v call_v he_o to_o and_o also_o pour_v out_o his_o spirit_n upon_o he_o that_o he_o may_v have_v a_o real_a and_o sensible_a sight_n of_o the_o answer_n of_o those_o desire_n and_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v please_v to_o direct_v he_o what_o and_o how_o to_o speak_v so_o as_o may_v be_v to_o the_o advantage_n of_o every_o of_o our_o soul_n who_o sincere_o seek_v his_o face_n and_o presence_n and_o oh_o my_o soul_n how_o graciouslie_o do_v the_o lord_n appear_v the_o next_o day_n be_v his_o sabbath_n and_o give_v in_o a_o gracious_a answer_n to_o these_o desire_n and_o give_v forth_o far_o beyond_o they_o the_o 10_o of_o this_o 10_o month_n be_v the_o lord_n day_n in_o the_o morning_n i_o seek_v the_o lord_n for_o his_o most_o special_a presence_n in_o and_o with_o i_o this_o day_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o prepare_v a_o seasonable_a useful_a word_n for_o my_o soul_n and_o prepare_v my_o heart_n to_o meet_v with_o he_o that_o my_o soul_n may_v be_v enable_v to_o bless_v and_o praise_v his_o name_n for_o it_o and_o that_o he_o will_v please_v so_o eminent_o to_o appear_v that_o it_o may_v be_v write_v among_o the_o reward_n of_o his_o love_n yea_o that_o it_o may_v come_v into_o my_o soul_n even_o as_o a_o special_a pledge_n of_o his_o love_n yea_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o pour_v out_o his_o spirit_n upon_o his_o servant_n and_o appear_v so_o eminent_o through_o he_o as_o that_o also_o he_o may_v be_v enable_v to_o acknowledge_v it_o to_o his_o praise_n and_o oh_o my_o soul_n how_o rich_o and_o abundant_o and_o full_o do_v the_o lord_n answer_v all_o these_o desire_n yea_o every_o of_o they_o in_o particular_a which_o be_v spread_v before_o he_o more_o at_o large_a then_o i_o be_o able_a to_o set_v down_o and_o true_o the_o answer_n of_o they_o be_v much_o more_o large_a and_o full_a in_o which_o the_o lord_n bow_v down_o great_o even_o to_o the_o request_n also_o to_o do_v more_o abundant_o than_o i_o can_v ask_v or_o think_v and_o so_o he_o do_v begin_v even_o as_o soon_o i_o come_v to_o the_o congregation_n fill_v my_o heart_n with_o great_a joy_n and_o expectation_n of_o his_o mercy_n from_o he_o even_o in_o the_o psalm_n before_o sermon_n the_o psalm_n sing_v be_v psal_n 22._o 23._o on_o which_o my_o soul_n joyfullie_o run_v out_o and_o so_o both_o in_o prayer_n and_o in_o preach_v how_o abundantlie_o do_v the_o lord_n bow_v down_o and_o refresh_v my_o poor_a spitit_fw-la and_o the_o spirit_n of_o our_o dear_a pastor_n who_o in_o a_o most_o solemn_a manner_n again_o and_o again_o bless_v the_o lord_n for_o his_o appearance_n both_o in_o the_o dispensation_n of_o the_o word_n &_o also_o in_o the_o lord_n supper_n that_o be_v that_o day_n administer_v the_o scripture_n speak_v to_o we_o be_v psal_n 45._o 7._o thou_o hate_v iniquity_n whence_o he_o show_v that_o christ_n be_v lovely_a to_o his_o saint_n for_o hate_v iniquity_n in_o open_v hereof_o he_o show_v we_o what_o hatred_n be_v in_o man_n and_o what_o it_o be_v in_o christ_n which_o as_o he_o say_v be_v not_o a_o action_n or_o passion_n but_o his_o very_a nature_n and_o will_n which_o put_v forth_o all_o his_o other_o excellency_n as_o his_o power_n and_o his_o wisdom_n etc._n etc._n to_o repel_v all_o that_o be_v contrary_a to_o his_o nature_n and_o will_n which_o he_o further_o open_v at_o large_a show_v we_o that_o all_o the_o object_n of_o christ_n hatred_n be_v only_a sin_n which_o be_v true_o evil_a man_n hate_v that_o which_o they_o apprehend_v evil_a but_o christ_n hatred_n be_v proper_o neither_o against_o man_n or_o angel_n but_o only_o against_o sin_n and_o man_n only_o as_o he_o be_v under_o the_o power_n of_o sin_n and_o this_o hatred_n make_v he_o repel_v that_o which_o he_o hate_v with_o all_o his_o power_n put_v out_o all_o his_o excellency_n to_o the_o uttermost_a either_o for_o the_o destruction_n of_o sin_n in_o we_o or_o of_o we_o thus_o christ_n love_v the_o nature_n of_o man_n and_o take_v it_o upon_o he_o yet_o when_o this_o love_n be_v turn_v into_o hatred_n by_o reason_n of_o the_o overpower_v of_o sin_n which_o fight_v against_o the_o life_n of_o christ_n and_o when_o this_o love_n of_o he_o come_v to_o turn_v to_o hatred_n the_o hatred_n be_v the_o great_a now_o that_o christ_n hate_v sin_n appear_v both_o in_o the_o work_n of_o redemption_n and_o rejection_n in_o the_o work_n of_o redemption_n when_o he_o come_v to_o suppress_v sin_n in_o we_o he_o seem_v by_o this_o action_n to_o speak_v in_o this_o manner_n rather_o than_o sin_n shall_v live_v in_o thou_o i_o will_v die_v my_o blood_n shall_v rather_o go_v for_o it_o so_o in_o the_o rejection_n the_o hatred_n of_o christ_n shall_v kindle_v the_o fire_n of_o hell_n about_o they_o but_o that_o christ_n do_v thus_o hate_v sin_n appear_v further_a by_o these_o thing_n 1._o by_o his_o deal_n against_o it_o in_o the_o creation_n adam_n no_o soon_o make_v but_o he_o fall_v and_o so_o boil_a hot_a be_v god_n hatred_n against_o sin_n that_o before_o he_o give_v he_o time_n for_o repentance_n or_o any_o parley_n he_o present_o go_v to_o his_o posterity_n
world_n with_o i_o then_o do_v the_o lord_n enable_v i_o to_o see_v that_o all_o my_o former_a desire_n will_v have_v be_v nothing_o but_o that_o i_o may_v even_o then_o have_v go_v to_o hell_n as_o well_o as_o afterward_o whereupon_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v and_o very_o desirous_a to_o read_v and_o hear_v all_o the_o mark_n of_o a_o righteous_a man_n that_o shall_v go_v to_o heaven_n and_o according_o i_o get_v a_o book_n call_v mr._n roger_n evidence_n and_o a_o other_o call_v the_o touchstone_n of_o true_a grace_n a_o other_o call_v none_o but_o christ_n and_o divers_a other_o which_o i_o do_v daily_o read_v on_o for_o many_o hour_n together_o then_o come_v the_o devil_n upon_o i_o with_o this_o temptation_n that_o i_o shall_v keep_v all_o this_o my_o trouble_n to_o myself_o and_o not_o discover_v it_o to_o any_o although_o never_o so_o near_o or_o dear_a unto_o i_o which_o temptation_n i_o whole_o yield_v unto_o and_o that_o for_o many_o year_n together_o until_o i_o even_o destroy_v my_o bodily_a health_n with_o continual_a trouble_n fear_n and_o sadness_n but_o not_o discover_v any_o cause_n of_o it_o so_o that_o all_o the_o support_n i_o have_v be_v what_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o hand_n out_o to_o i_o by_o hear_v and_o read_v which_o he_o be_v please_v to_o make_v effectual_a still_o to_o lead_v i_o on_o though_o with_o much_o trouble_n and_o sadness_n then_o in_o the_o begin_n of_o these_o trouble_n be_v in_o the_o year_n 1638._o or_o 1639._o i_o be_v some_o 12_o or_o 13_o year_n old_a which_o be_v time_n of_o great_a fear_n and_o sadness_n the_o people_n of_o god_n meet_v often_o and_o speak_v one_o to_o a_o other_o and_o keep_v day_n of_o humiliation_n and_o seek_v the_o lord_n in_o the_o behalf_n of_o the_o nation_n and_o his_o poor_a people_n in_o it_o my_o parent_n often_o go_v to_o these_o meeting_n but_o not_o dare_v to_o tell_v i_o it_o the_o time_n be_v so_o dangerous_a at_o last_o have_v often_o observe_v the_o frame_n of_o their_o spirit_n at_o such_o time_n more_o especial_o i_o begin_v much_o to_o long_o and_o desire_v to_o know_v whither_o they_o go_v and_o be_v very_o importunate_a with_o my_o mother_n to_o that_o end_n and_o at_o last_o prevail_v she_o be_v content_a to_o let_v i_o go_v along_o with_o they_o which_o be_v so_o please_v to_o i_o that_o ever_o after_o i_o continue_v to_o go_v with_o they_o every_o week_n almost_o and_o sometime_o often_o where_o i_o find_v often_o much_o refreshment_n especial_o bear_v up_o my_o heart_n under_o those_o eminent_a danger_n which_o in_o a_o especial_a manner_n we_o lie_v open_a unto_o which_o the_o devil_n perceive_v to_o be_v agreat_a encouragement_n to_o i_o in_o the_o way_n i_o now_o desire_v to_o walk_v in_o use_v many_o temptation_n work_v together_o with_o the_o corruption_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n in_o this_o estate_n of_o my_o childhood_n to_o hinder_v i_o from_o enjoy_v these_o opportunity_n as_o some_o time_n sleepiness_n be_v fain_o to_o go_v early_o in_o the_o morning_n and_o cold_a it_o be_v in_o the_o deep_a of_o winter_n etc._n etc._n with_o several_a other_o temptation_n as_o the_o danger_n if_o we_o shall_v be_v take_v as_o some_o have_v be_v and_o all_o this_o to_o discourage_v i_o which_o sometime_o he_o well_o nigh_o accomplish_v but_o ponder_v it_o sin_v my_o mind_n and_o be_v enable_v to_o conceive_v it_o to_o be_v but_o a_o temptation_n i_o dare_v very_o seldom_o if_o ever_o give_v way_n to_o they_o but_o be_v still_o enable_v to_o break_v through_o though_o true_o i_o have_v much_o admire_v since_o how_o my_o spirit_n be_v carry_v out_o in_o those_o day_n in_o join_v in_o prayer_n etc._n etc._n how_o exceed_o sometime_o my_o heart_n be_v wrought_v upon_o and_o constrain_v to_o pour_v forth_o tear_n and_o groan_n yea_o my_o heart_n be_v wrought_v up_o to_o such_o a_o frame_n and_o i_o find_v so_o much_o sweetness_n as_o i_o apprehend_v in_o the_o company_n of_o the_o saint_n and_o those_o enjoyment_n my_o soul_n feel_v in_o such_o duty_n that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v free_o and_o cheerful_o lay_v down_o my_o life_n with_o they_o more_o free_o than_o i_o fear_v i_o can_v long_o since_o master_n love_n then_o come_v to_o london_n and_o sometime_o meet_v he_o at_o these_o private_a meeting_n and_o so_o have_v some_o knowledge_n of_o he_o and_o be_v afterward_o choose_v chaplain_n to_o my_o father_n regiment_n and_o so_o go_v to_o windsor_n with_o we_o about_o the_o year_n 1642._o and_o so_o live_v in_o the_o house_n with_o we_o for_o 2_o year_n a_o half_a who_o at_o our_o first_o go_n perceive_v much_o sadness_n to_o lie_v upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o know_v by_o experience_n what_o a_o trouble_a spirit_n be_v he_o have_v former_o lie_v under_o it_o for_o divers_a year_n do_v at_o last_o serious_o burden_n i_o with_o it_o which_o come_v upon_o i_o in_o such_o a_o nick_n of_o time_n have_v but_o a_o little_a before_o be_v read_v in_o a_o little_a book_n that_o i_o have_v wherein_o i_o be_v direct_v that_o if_o any_o trouble_n lie_v upon_o my_o spirit_n i_o shall_v reveal_v it_o that_o so_o i_o may_v receive_v satisfaction_n which_o ponder_v with_o in_o myself_o i_o dare_v not_o deny_v it_o but_o tell_v he_o in_o some_o measure_n the_o ground_n of_o my_o trouble_n and_o he_o endeavour_v to_o satisfy_v i_o from_o the_o word_n which_o he_o have_v no_o soon_o do_v in_o any_o measure_n but_o still_o the_o devil_n begin_v with_o new_a and_o fresh_a temptation_n and_o when_o what_o have_v be_v say_v to_o i_o be_v a_o little_a out_o of_o my_o mind_n which_o he_o will_v soon_o find_v occasion_n to_o put_v out_o then_o come_v he_o over_o with_o the_o old_a temptation_n again_o work_v they_o fresh_a upon_o my_o thought_n endeavour_v still_o to_o drive_v i_o to_o despair_v of_o ever_o receive_v any_o mercy_n of_o god_n then_o stand_v i_o convince_v from_o the_o word_n and_o divers_a instruction_n i_o meet_v withal_o ground_v thereupon_o that_o it_o be_v my_o duty_n to_o perform_v private_a duty_n 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in_o i_o that_o it_o much_o increase_v my_o sadness_n so_o that_o i_o can_v take_v little_a delight_n in_o any_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n but_o as_o often_o as_o i_o can_v refuse_v to_o go_v into_o any_o company_n choose_v rather_o a_o solitary_a life_n yet_o still_o endeavour_v to_o keep_v all_o to_o myself_o make_v nothing_o know_v but_o only_o those_o daily_a bodily_a weakness_n which_o do_v also_o accompany_v i_o in_o great_a measure_n in_o this_o condition_n i_o continue_v for_o that_o time_n i_o be_v at_o windsor_n be_v often_o condemn_v in_o my_o own_o conscience_n for_o my_o neglect_n of_o duty_n and_o commission_n of_o sin_n etc._n etc._n and_o what_o ever_o have_v at_o
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whether_o hear_v prayer_n meditation_n examination_n etc._n etc._n that_o then_o i_o may_v more_o comfortable_o look_v up_o unto_o the_o lord_n and_o also_o find_v in_o myself_o divers_a qualification_n annex_v to_o several_a promise_n which_o may_v much_o comfort_v i_o which_o work_n i_o begin_v to_o set_v about_o endeavour_v to_o tie_v myself_o strict_o to_o it_o and_o according_a as_o i_o be_v able_a desire_v the_o lord_n assistance_n and_o withal_o make_v he_o many_o promise_n that_o if_o he_o will_v make_v out_o love_v to_o i_o i_o will_v be_v and_o do_v thus_o and_o thus_o but_o upon_o trial_n find_v myself_o to_o fail_v in_o every_o thing_n sometime_o through_o temptation_n to_o neglect_v or_o put_v off_o duty_n for_o a_o time_n which_o be_v occasion_v many_o way_n sometime_o be_v in_o company_n i_o can_v not_o well_o leave_v or_o the_o like_a all_o which_o weigh_v in_o my_o mind_n do_v still_o augment_v and_o increase_v my_o trouble_n find_v this_o strict_a course_n though_o 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much_o strife_n in_o myself_o whether_o to_o join_v with_o they_o in_o it_o or_o no_o and_o so_o to_o partake_v of_o the_o ordinance_n whereby_o i_o may_v come_v to_o have_v my_o interest_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n seal_v up_o unto_o i_o be_v exceed_v fearful_a lest_o if_o i_o shall_v slight_v or_o put_v off_o such_o a_o opportunity_n it_o may_v be_v lay_v to_o my_o charge_n another_o day_n that_o i_o have_v it_o offer_v i_o but_o will_v not_o accept_v of_o it_o so_o that_o at_o last_o i_o resolve_v to_o join_v with_o they_o and_o partake_v of_o the_o ordinance_n that_o so_o i_o may_v come_v to_o have_v my_o grace_n strengthen_v and_o my_o corruption_n weaken_v and_o also_o come_v to_o enjoy_v more_o communion_n with_o jesus_n christ_n which_o i_o have_v some_o weak_a distract_a though_o no_o abide_n hope_n of_o thus_o have_v be_v before_o the_o elder_n &_o there_o examine_v somewhat_o touch_v my_o knowledge_n etc._n etc._n and_o the_o time_n of_o administration_n of_o the_o lords-supper_n draw_v nigh_o i_o endeavour_v for_o some_o day_n before_o in_o a_o serious_a and_o solemn_a manner_n to_o set_v myself_o in_o the_o lord_n presence_n beseech_v he_o to_o fit_v i_o for_o it_o together_o with_o the_o examination_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n both_o touch_v my_o duty_n and_o grace_n as_o also_o touch_v my_o sin_n and_o want_n which_o i_o desire_v a_o supply_n of_o still_o beg_v of_o the_o lord_n in_o all_o this_o time_n of_o my_o trouble_n that_o he_o will_v not_o give_v i_o over_o to_o a_o deceive_a heart_n what_o ever_o he_o do_v with_o i_o so_o as_o to_o think_v better_o of_o my_o condition_n than_o indeed_o it_o be_v but_o that_o he_o will_v please_v thorough_o to_o discover_v my_o condition_n and_o heart_n to_o i_o and_o thus_o with_o some_o small_a hope_n yet_o mix_v with_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o fear_n i_o do_v that_o time_n partake_v of_o the_o ordinance_n the_o which_o i_o have_v no_o soon_o almost_o do_v but_o satan_n begin_v to_o suggest_v to_o i_o that_o i_o have_v now_o eat_v and_o drink_v my_o own_o damnation_n in_o receive_v that_o whereto_o i_o have_v no_o right_n through_o so_o many_o fear_n and_o doubt_n in_o my_o own_o spirit_n and_o that_o therefore_o now_o in_o stead_n of_o receive_v strength_n i_o shall_v be_v everyday_n more_o and_o more_o harden_v and_o have_v my_o damnation_n seal_v up_o to_o i_o instead_o of_o my_o salvation_n but_o pause_v here_o a_o while_n and_o consider_v that_o i_o have_v endeavour_v to_o do_v my_o duty_n according_a to_o my_o knowledge_n and_o power_n in_o examine_v my_o own_o heart_n what_o my_o end_n aim_n desire_n and_o want_n be_v and_o according_a to_o my_o ability_n desire_v the_o lord_n to_o make_v it_o a_o strengthen_n and_o seal_v ordinance_n to_o i_o endeavour_v to_o satisfy_v myself_o with_o these_o and_o such_o like_a thought_n that_o my_o desire_n be_v to_o serve_v and_o walk_v with_o the_o lord_n though_o i_o can_v not_o do_v it_o thus_o i_o continue_v between_o hope_n and_o fear_n about_o a_o month_n space_n intend_v not_o to_o partake_v of_o the_o ordinance_n the_o next_o time_n fear_v myself_o not_o to_o be_v fit_a for_o it_o find_v my_o heart_n as_o i_o think_v in_o a_o very_a unfitting_a frame_n but_o manifest_v this_o intent_n to_o some_o friend_n they_o put_v i_o upon_o these_o thought_n that_o the_o way_n to_o be_v fit_a for_o duty_n or_o ordinance_n be_v not_o to_o neglect_v they_o as_o also_o rell_v i_o that_o if_o i_o be_v unfit_a for_o that_o ordinance_n i_o be_v as_o well_o unfit_a to_o live_v and_o therefore_o that_o be_v no_o just_a plea_n thus_o be_v trouble_v yet_o fear_v to_o omit_v it_o i_o again_o partake_v of_o it_o where_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v through_o the_o ministry_n of_o his_o word_n that_o day_n to_o hint_n out_o to_o i_o that_o among_o other_o there_o be_v two_o sort_n of_o man_n that_o may_v safe_o and_o comfortable_o partake_v of_o that_o ordinance_n as_o 1._o all_o those_o that_o have_v long_v desire_n after_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n 2._o all_o doubt_v fear_v christian_n that_o come_v with_o doubt_n &_o fear_n to_o it_o it_o be_v ordain_v of_o god_n to_o be_v a_o strengthen_n seal_v ordinance_n etc._n etc._n which_o though_o it_o afford_v i_o some_o small_a refreshment_n for_o the_o present_a yet_o do_v it_o not_o abide_v but_o my_o trouble_n still_o continue_v yea_o increase_a be_v thereby_o unfit_a for_o any_o earthly_a employment_n and_o yet_o weary_a of_o duty_n read_v and_o write_v etc._n etc._n in_o which_o i_o spend_v my_o chief_a time_n yet_o thus_o go_v on_o in_o a_o road_n of_o duty_n and_o performance_n sometime_o find_v some_o affection_n and_o assistance_n and_o sometime_o not_o which_o when_o i_o do_v find_v in_o any_o measure_n oh_o how_o be_v my_o wretched_a heart_n ready_a to_o be_v puff_v up_o and_o rejoice_v in_o it_o and_o begin_v to_o think_v that_o now_o i_o have_v do_v somewhat_o and_o that_o sure_o now_o the_o lord_n will_v hear_v i_o but_o beginning_n to_o consider_v 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the_o lord_n will_v be_v please_v to_o pardon_v all_o the_o unbelieved_a working_n of_o my_o corrupt_a heart_n and_o those_o hard_a thought_n i_o have_v have_v of_o god_n and_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o give_v in_o such_o clear_a vision_n of_o himself_o as_o may_v mighty_o increase_v my_o faith_n which_o desire_v of_o i_o be_v spread_v before_o the_o lord_n that_o day_n but_o have_v receive_v at_o this_o time_n some_o little_a refresh_n from_o those_o instruction_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v then_o to_o communicate_v by_o mr._n knight_n from_o heb._n 12._o 5-13_a from_o which_o scripture_n i_o be_v also_o convince_v that_o in_o most_o of_o the_o chastisement_n the_o lord_n have_v see_v meet_a to_o lay_v i_o under_o i_o have_v either_o despise_v his_o chastisement_n or_o else_o faint_v under_o they_o the_o lord_n i_o say_v have_v this_o day_n break_v in_o thus_o upon_o my_o heart_n by_o his_o spirit_n through_o his_o word_n the_o devil_n soon_o begin_v again_o with_o i_o take_v this_o opportunity_n i_o have_v set_v myself_o and_o endeavour_v to_o lay_v my_o heart_n to_o the_o word_n and_o see_v what_o comfortable_a ground_n i_o can_v take_v up_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v indeed_o afflict_v i_o in_o mercy_n etc._n etc._n the_o devil_n now_o begin_v to_o endeavour_v to_o puff_n up_o my_o spirit_n with_o a_o conceit_n that_o i_o be_v able_a to_o speak_v more_o in_o this_o kind_n than_o many_o other_o who_o be_v at_o that_o time_n also_o by_o he_o present_v but_o through_o mercy_n this_o do_v not_o pass_v many_o day_n before_o the_o lord_n sad_o show_v i_o my_o folly_n and_o weakness_n herein_o for_o a_o little_a while_n after_o there_o be_v a_o other_o day_n keep_v to_o which_o meeting_n i_o go_v and_o true_o after_o i_o come_v there_o the_o lord_n set_v home_o these_o wicked_a thought_n together_o with_o several_a other_o thing_n which_o wrought_v so_o upon_o my_o spirit_n that_o my_o heart_n be_v even_o overwhelm_v within_o i_o in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o 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which_o also_o add_v much_o to_o my_o sadness_n and_o it_o be_v this_o that_o i_o have_v pray_v and_o pray_v again_o and_o again_o but_o when_o i_o have_v do_v i_o never_o look_v after_o the_o return_n of_o they_o have_v never_o yet_o any_o experience_n make_v out_o to_o i_o that_o i_o dare_v acknowledge_v this_o or_o that_o to_o be_v a_o return_n of_o my_o prayer_n nay_o though_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v in_o a_o mercy_n that_o i_o have_v beg_v of_o he_o i_o be_v still_o for_o many_o year_n tempt_v to_o believe_v that_o it_o have_v be_v so_o though_o i_o have_v not_o pray_v and_o so_o it_o be_v not_o give_v in_o as_o a_o answer_n to_o prayer_n which_o do_v much_o eat_v out_o the_o sweetness_n of_o those_o mercy_n which_o i_o do_v enjoy_v in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o think_v i_o do_v now_o even_o stand_v and_o admire_v what_o it_o be_v that_o do_v at_o that_o time_n support_v my_o spirit_n &_o carry_v i_o on_o in_o a_o continue_a seek_v of_o god_n be_v not_o able_a then_o to_o record_v a_o answer_n of_o prayer_n at_o all_o that_o i_o can_v bring_v to_o mind_n however_o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v before_o this_o time_n to_o give_v i_o many_o gracious_a answer_n to_o my_o poor_a desire_n yet_o be_v my_o eye_n withhold_v from_o see_v they_o to_o be_v so_o and_o take_v the_o comfort_n thereof_o until_o a_o long_a after_o yea_o sometime_o some_o year_n after_o some_o of_o they_o be_v give_v in_o which_o yet_o afterward_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o make_v out_o unto_o i_o even_o before_o the_o write_n hereof_o but_o after_o all_o this_o the_o lord_n by_o the_o act_n of_o his_o providence_n seem_v much_o to_o cross_v these_o hope_n and_o desire_n of_o his_o people_n in_o join_v in_o fellowship_n together_o which_o when_o i_o hear_v of_o it_o be_v a_o great_a trouble_n to_o i_o who_o great_o desire_v the_o accomplishment_n of_o it_o sometime_o think_v that_o it_o may_v be_v even_o for_o my_o sake_n alone_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v do_v it_o other_o time_n be_v tempt_v to_o think_v that_o if_o it_o have_v be_v the_o lord_n act_v to_o work_v up_o my_o spirit_n to_o that_o pitch_n that_o i_o think_v i_o find_v it_o wrought_v up_o unto_o than_o he_o will_v also_o have_v go_v on_o to_o have_v perfect_v my_o desire_n but_o be_v again_o enable_v on_o the_o other_o side_n to_o reason_n thus_o with_o myself_o that_o it_o be_v my_o duty_n to_o wait_v patient_o upon_o the_o lord_n and_o submit_v to_o he_o as_o well_o for_o the_o time_n as_o for_o the_o matter_n i_o endeavour_v the_o lord_n assist_v i_o to_o quiet_v my_o spirit_n with_o such_o thought_n as_o these_o that_o the_o lord_n may_v delay_v it_o in_o much_o mercy_n that_o so_o i_o may_v be_v the_o more_o fit_a for_o it_o when_o he_o shall_v please_v to_o accomplish_v it_o apprehend_v that_o sure_o he_o see_v i_o not_o yet_o fit_a for_o such_o a_o mercy_n than_o do_v i_o again_o turn_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o thus_o desire_v to_o submit_v to_o he_o beg_v of_o he_o to_o fit_v i_o for_o such_o a_o mercy_n and_o if_o he_o see_v it_o good_a to_o afford_v i_o the_o mercy_n here_o if_o not_o that_o he_o will_v direct_v i_o where_o to_o join_v that_o may_v be_v more_o for_o his_o glory_n and_o my_o soul_n good_a thus_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o go_v on_o well_o nigh_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n still_o come_v in_o with_o more_o light_n and_o discovery_n of_o his_o love_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o clear_v up_o to_o i_o more_o and_o more_o that_o work_n which_o he_o have_v begin_v through_o his_o rich_a and_o free_a grace_n in_o my_o lord_n jesus_n in_o who_o i_o do_v now_o desire_v only_o and_o alone_o to_o be_v find_v and_o not_o in_o any_o of_o my_o own_o righteousness_n who_o have_v now_o enable_v i_o to_o see_v to_o be_v very_o loathsome_a and_o abominable_a though_o former_o i_o have_v too_o much_o dote_v upon_o they_o then_o in_o the_o three_o month_n in_o the_o year_n 1652._o mr._n knight_n be_v go_v into_o the_o north_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v by_o a_o mere_a providence_n as_o i_o desire_v to_o look_v upon_o it_o not_o know_v as_o yet_o but_o that_o i_o may_v also_o say_v as_o a_o return_n of_o many_o of_o my_o former_a poor_a desire_n to_o send_v mr._n rogers_n to_o the_o meeting_n at_o mr._n knight_n house_n have_v preach_v one_o lord_n day_n before_o at_o the_o chapel_n at_o hammersmith_n which_o occasion_v very_o strong_a and_o earnest_a desire_n in_o i_o to_o hear_v he_o again_o which_o now_o i_o do_v the_o lord_n direct_v he_o this_o time_n to_o speak_v unto_o we_o concern_v church_n discipline_n which_o i_o be_v yet_o very_o dark_a in_o which_o the_o lord_n enable_v he_o to_o give_v i_o very_o much_o and_o great_a satisfaction_n which_o otherwise_o i_o have_v cause_n to_o fear_v i_o may_v more_o inconsiderate_o have_v rush_v upon_o thus_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v i_o hope_v in_o answer_n to_o my_o poor_a desire_n yet_o far_a to_o clear_v up_o this_o way_n of_o he_o to_o i_o prove_v it_o clear_o to_o be_v the_o way_n of_o the_o gospel_n and_o that_o which_o every_o one_o ought_v to_o be_v full_o satisfy_v in_o before_o they_o enter_v upon_o this_o be_v now_o more_o clear_v unto_o i_o my_o desire_n and_o long_n after_o the_o enjoyment_n of_o god_n in_o this_o zion_n grow_v more_o strong_a and_o earnest_a i_o continual_o mention_v it_o before_o the_o lord_n after_o this_o real_o i_o can_v tell_v but_o that_o i_o shall_v rob_v the_o lord_n of_o his_o glory_n in_o this_o particular_a if_o i_o shall_v not_o also_o acknowledge_v he_o further_o by_o my_o poor_a
here_o i_o must_v needs_o say_v that_o though_o our_o pastor_n speak_v much_o to_o this_o purpose_n and_o that_o sweet_o a_o while_n since_o from_o 2_o cor._n 6._o 2._o behold_v now_o be_v the_o acceptable_a time_n behold_v now_o be_v the_o day_n of_o salvation_n yet_o do_v it_o not_o take_v upon_o my_o heart_n in_o that_o way_n as_o these_o few_o hint_n do_v for_o the_o lord_n have_v not_o then_o appear_v to_o my_o soul_n in_o those_o manifestation_n of_o love_n as_o he_o do_v afterward_o and_o how_o ever_o these_o scripture_n do_v chief_o refer_v as_o i_o conceive_v to_o the_o time_n of_o the_o gospel_n and_o god_n love_v to_o the_o soul_n of_o man_n in_o bring_v of_o they_o home_o to_o himself_o yet_o that_o truth_n which_o be_v at_o this_o time_n chief_o set_v upon_o my_o heart_n be_v from_o the_o consideration_n of_o this_o present_a hint_n of_o time_n wherein_o the_o lord_n through_o his_o rich_a grace_n in_o my_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n have_v be_v please_v to_o cause_v his_o face_n to_o shine_v upon_o my_o soul_n the_o very_a next_o day_n be_v the_o 13_o of_o this_o month_n in_o the_o morning_n when_o i_o be_v awake_v as_o i_o lie_v in_o my_o bed_n i_o have_v that_o scripture_n in_o luk._n 13._o 11._o bring_v fresh_a to_o my_o mind_n of_o that_o woman_n who_o satan_n have_v bow_v these_o eighteen_o year_n vers_fw-la 16._o who_o christ_n loose_v with_o a_o persuasion_n before_o ever_o i_o begin_v to_o count_v it_o that_o the_o time_n of_o my_o thraldom_n under_o satan_n and_o sin_n will_v run_v parallel_n with_o this_o as_o also_o my_o condition_n for_o say_v the_o text_n she_o have_v a_o spirit_n of_o infirmity_n and_o be_v bow_v together_o so_o as_o she_o can_v in_o no_o wise_a lift_n up_o herself_o and_o true_o thus_o i_o find_v it_o have_v be_v with_o i_o for_o many_o year_n i_o have_v be_v bind_v by_o satan_n under_o unbelief_n and_o the_o corruption_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n and_o so_o bow_v together_o as_o i_o can_v in_o no_o wise_a lift_n up_o myself_o so_o as_o to_o give_v glory_n to_o god_n by_o believe_v and_o as_o for_o the_o time_n when_o i_o come_v to_o count_v it_o from_o the_o first_o time_n that_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o touch_v my_o heart_n with_o a_o sight_n and_o sense_n of_o my_o wretched_a condition_n and_o thereupon_o to_o occasion_v much_o trouble_n of_o spirit_n which_o be_v as_o i_o conceive_v about_o the_o year_n 1635._o which_o reckon_v until_o the_o end_n of_o the_o year_n 1652_o which_o be_v the_o first_o time_n that_o ever_o the_o lord_n do_v upon_o real_a solid_a ground_n speak_v any_o abide_a word_n of_o comfort_n to_o i_o and_o so_o in_o any_o measure_n lose_v i_o from_o those_o band_n and_o i_o do_v find_v it_o to_o be_v just_a 18_o year_n this_o same_o morning_n also_o a_o little_a while_n after_o there_o fall_v a_o other_o scripture_n upon_o my_o heart_n which_o i_o find_v record_v in_o psal_n 129._o 1_o 2._o many_o a_o time_n have_v they_o afflict_v i_o from_o my_o youth_n may_v i_o srael_v now_o say_v many_o a_o time_n have_v they_o affict_v i_o from_o my_o youth_n yet_o have_v they_o not_o prevail_v against_o i_o and_o have_v it_o not_o be_v thus_o with_o my_o soul_n many_o a_o time_n have_v it_o be_v afflict_a with_o temptation_n and_o corruption_n but_o through_o mercy_n they_o have_v not_o yet_o total_o prevail_v over_o i_o there_o be_v also_o two_o other_o scripture_n immediate_o after_o this_o set_v upon_o my_o heart_n this_o morning_n as_o first_o that_o in_o psal_n 34._o 6._o this_o poor_a man_n cry_v and_o the_o lord_n hear_v he_o and_o save_v he_o out_o of_o all_o his_o trouble_n even_o so_o this_o poor_a soul_n of_o i_o have_v cry_v unto_o the_o lord_n in_o my_o fear_n and_o he_o have_v bless_v be_v his_o name_n hear_v i_o and_o gracious_o deliver_v i_o out_o of_o all_o the_o fear_n and_o trouble_n that_o ever_o yet_o lay_v upon_o i_o and_o to_o back_o this_o for_o the_o future_a there_o be_v immediate_o that_o scripture_n bring_v to_o my_o mind_n in_o joh._n 5._o 19_o he_o shall_v deliver_v thou_o in_o six_o trouble_n yea_o in_o seven_o there_o shall_v no_o evil_n touch_v thou_o the_o meditation_n whereof_o be_v exceed_v sweet_a to_o my_o soul_n but_o whilst_o my_o soul_n lie_v under_o these_o enjoyment_n from_o the_o lord_n which_o for_o a_o time_n even_o swallow_v up_o my_o heart_n in_o the_o admiration_n of_o he_o yet_o notwithstanding_o sudden_o after_o find_v my_o heart_n exceed_o straighten_v to_o bliss_n and_o praise_v the_o name_n of_o this_o my_o god_n in_o such_o a_o manner_n and_o measure_n as_o my_o soul_n desire_v for_o all_o these_o wonderful_a appearance_n to_o i_o i_o have_v this_o persuasion_n strong_o dart_v into_o i_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v some_o sharp_a affliction_n sudden_o to_o lay_v upon_o i_o which_o i_o be_v full_o possess_v with_o expectation_n of_o which_o cause_v i_o to_o pour_v out_o my_o soul_n before_o the_o lord_n beseech_v he_o to_o fit_v i_o for_o it_o and_o sanctify_v it_o unto_o i_o what_o ever_o it_o shall_v be_v not_o know_v in_o what_o way_n or_o manner_n for_o to_o expect_v it_o apprehend_v it_o to_o be_v some_o sore_a stroke_n than_o a_o little_a bodily_a affliction_n and_o because_o i_o apprehend_v that_o the_o sad_a outward_a affliction_n that_o can_v come_v to_o i_o be_v the_o part_n with_o my_o dear_a mother_n i_o do_v therefore_o straightway_o apprehend_v this_o will_v be_v the_o trial_n at_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o i_o be_v at_o the_o present_a somewhat_o startle_v but_o within_o a_o few_o day_n on_o the_o 23_o of_o this_o eleven_o month_n be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o visit_v my_o poor_a body_n with_o much_o bodily_a distemper_n which_o seize_v so_o upon_o my_o vital_a spirit_n and_o so_o overpoured_n they_o which_o together_o with_o other_o distemper_n lay_v somewhat_o heavy_a upon_o the_o flesh_n in_o and_o under_o which_o if_o i_o know_v my_o own_o heart_n the_o great_a part_n of_o my_o trouble_n be_v that_o i_o can_v not_o find_v out_o what_o the_o mind_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v in_o it_o in_o which_o inquiry_n there_o be_v some_o thing_n the_o which_o be_v then_o present_v to_o i_o as_o the_o ground_n of_o it_o as_o for_o instance_n the_o first_o thing_n that_o be_v dart_v into_o i_o be_v that_o the_o lord_n do_v it_o to_o put_v a_o stop_n to_o i_o in_o this_o very_a act_n of_o record_v the_o love_n of_o the_o lord_n to_o my_o soul_n who_o have_v carry_v i_o as_o upon_o eagle_n wing_n and_o as_o it_o be_v set_v i_o aloft_o exod._n 19_o 4._o so_o as_o no_o affliction_n or_o dispensation_n have_v be_v able_a to_o do_v i_o hurt_v but_o have_v bear_v yea_o forbear_v i_o and_o carry_v i_o all_o the_o day_n of_o old_a as_o he_o do_v his_o people_n israel_n notwithstanding_o all_o my_o rebellion_n esa_n 63._o 9_o 10_o 12_o 15_o 16._o and_o this_o suggestion_n for_o aught_o i_o know_v may_v come_v even_o from_o satan_n himself_o though_o i_o confess_v it_o be_v present_v upon_o a_o very_a fair_a account_n insinuate_v into_o i_o that_o it_o be_v out_o of_o the_o pride_n of_o my_o spirit_n which_o put_v i_o upon_o this_o action_n which_o cause_v my_o soul_n to_o make_v its_o address_n to_o the_o lord_n beseech_v he_o to_o search_v i_o and_o try_v my_o heart_n and_o my_o reins_n and_o withal_o beg_v of_o he_o that_o if_o there_o be_v any_o such_o corruption_n in_o the_o bottom_n which_o be_v not_o yet_o discover_v to_o i_o that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o reveal_v it_o and_o so_o put_v a_o stop_n to_o i_o in_o any_o act_n whatsoever_o upon_o any_o such_o account_n and_o though_o upon_o the_o strict_a search_n and_o inquiry_n that_o i_o be_v able_a to_o make_v into_o my_o own_o heart_n i_o can_v find_v little_a ground_n why_o i_o shall_v altogether_o conclude_v with_o satan_n in_o this_o yet_o the_o very_a fear_n of_o it_o do_v for_o the_o space_n of_o half_a a_o year_n at_o least_o if_o i_o mistake_v not_o cause_v this_o work_n to_o cease_v until_o it_o be_v again_o set_v with_o some_o weight_n upon_o my_o spirit_n as_o that_o which_o may_v make_v for_o the_o glory_n of_o my_o lord_n and_o perhaps_o though_o weak_o stammer_v out_o his_o praise_n when_o i_o shall_v be_v gather_v into_o into_o my_o dust_n who_o be_v so_o unable_a to_o speak_v it_o out_o in_o my_o life_n and_o this_o i_o both_o do_v and_o do_v the_o rather_o believe_v to_o proceed_v from_o satan_n the_o great_a enemy_n of_o soul_n because_o i_o find_v the_o saint_n through_o the_o scripture_n so_o ready_a to_o declare_v what_o great_a thing_n the_o lord_n have_v do_v for_o their_o soul_n psal_n 34._o 2._o
want_n of_o grace_n for_o look_v in_o the_o book_n of_o god_n and_o there_o they_o that_o make_v the_o great_a moan_n over_o their_o own_o heart_n and_o their_o want_n of_o grace_n they_o be_v the_o most_o eminent_a of_o all_o other_o as_o we_o see_v in_o paul_n and_o david_n this_o i_o speak_v say_v he_o not_o to_o encourage_v any_o in_o a_o careless_a lazy_a way_n but_o to_o comfort_v droop_a spirit_n and_o the_o rather_o because_o there_o be_v no_o way_n under_o heaven_n so_o like_a to_o make_v you_o real_o holy_a as_o to_o be_v embolden_v thus_o to_o go_v to_o jesus_n christ_n and_o the_o soul_n see_v what_o full_a and_o free_a grace_n come_v from_o jesus_n christ_n the_o love_n of_o christ_n will_v constrain_v the_o soul_n to_o walk_v holy_o and_o thankful_o towards_o he_o thus_o know_v there_o be_v all_o fullness_n in_o christ_n as_o in_o the_o head_n for_o the_o use_n of_o all_o the_o member_n then_o according_o as_o soon_o as_o ever_o you_o find_v any_o defect_n in_o 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sit_v down_o and_o rest_v content_v with_o the_o ordinance_n themselves_o two_o paper_n be_v give_v to_o mr._n knight_n to_o present_v before_o the_o lord_n at_o a_o private_a fast_o at_o fulham_n chapel_n in_o the_o behalf_n of_o the_o nation_n may_v 4_o 1653._o 1_o one_o who_o continual_o groan_v before_o the_o lord_n under_o the_o sense_n of_o the_o body_n of_o death_n and_o the_o continual_a issue_v of_o it_o out_o in_o the_o whole_a course_n of_o their_o conversation_n to_o the_o dishonour_n of_o that_o god_n that_o deserve_v for_o ever_o even_o by_o their_o soul_n to_o be_v admire_v and_o praise_v be_v a_o god_n that_o delight_v in_o mercy_n and_o in_o the_o manifestation_n of_o it_o to_o their_o poor_a soul_n notwithstanding_o all_o their_o rebellion_n against_o he_o the_o desire_n therefore_o of_o their_o soul_n be_v that_o you_o who_o love_n and_o feat_n the_o lord_n will_v improve_v your_o interest_n in_o he_o in_o their_o behalf_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v once_o be_v 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heart_n deceive_v they_o not_o more_o bitter_a than_o death_n 2_o one_o who_o earnest_o desire_v that_o those_o who_o fear_v the_o lord_n will_v wrestle_v mighty_o with_o he_o in_o the_o behalf_n of_o some_o poor_a dead_a dark_a soul_n who_o be_v near_o relate_v to_o they_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v once_o be_v please_v to_o speak_v so_o effectual_o to_o their_o heart_n that_o they_o may_v be_v cause_v to_o stand_v up_o on_o their_o foot_n and_o jesus_n christ_n may_v give_v they_o life_n that_o see_v he_o have_v say_v the_o dead_a shall_v hear_v the_o voice_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n and_o hear_v live_v that_o this_o bless_a word_n may_v be_v make_v good_a to_o their_o soul_n that_o so_o they_o
magnify_v the_o name_n of_o our_o prayer-hearing_a god_n a_o god_n that_o delight_v in_o mercy_n and_o in_o the_o manifestation_n of_o it_o to_o his_o poor_a worthless_a creature_n beseech_v he_o further_a to_o increase_v my_o faith_n and_o help_v i_o to_o act_v it_o lively_a at_o this_o present_a in_o a_o plentiful_a feed_n upon_o the_o lord_n jesus_n that_o so_o my_o soul_n may_v find_v abundant_a strength_n heal_v and_o cleanse_v to_o issue_n from_o he_o in_o who_o all_o my_o hope_n and_o help_n lie_v the_o same_o ten_o of_o this_o six_o month_n the_o second_o paper_n that_o i_o put_v up_o this_o day_n be_v in_o relation_n to_o our_o communion_n which_o i_o thus_o express_v one_o of_o this_o despise_a handful_n desire_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v be_v please_v to_o humble_v our_o soul_n before_o he_o that_o we_o have_v be_v guilty_a before_o he_o of_o rashness_n and_o inconsiderateness_n together_o with_o want_n of_o love_n and_o tenderness_n to_o each_o other_o which_o the_o lord_n 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before_o the_o lord_n and_o to_o spread_v the_o sad_a condition_n of_o one_o in_o near_a relation_n to_o she_o that_o conceive_v himself_o in_o a_o happy_a condition_n when_o there_o be_v ground_n enough_o to_o fear_v the_o contrary_a she_o desire_v you_o together_o with_o she_o to_o beseech_v the_o lord_n to_o discover_v it_o to_o he_o that_o so_o he_o may_v have_v no_o rest_n in_o his_o soul_n till_o he_o be_v bring_v home_o and_o build_v upon_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n that_o only_a foundation_n the_o same_o ten_o of_o this_o six_o month_n 1653._o one_o who_o be_v compass_v with_o such_o a_o body_n of_o death_n and_o corruption_n under_o which_o the_o party_n sad_o mourn_v pollute_v all_o that_o ever_o she_o put_v her_o hand_n unto_o therefore_o she_o desire_v your_o earnest_a prayer_n to_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v come_v and_o dwell_v in_o her_o soul_n and_o be_v as_o a_o refiner_n fire_n and_o as_o full_a soap_n to_o cleanse_v she_o and_o to_o burn_v up_o whatsoever_o be_v contrary_a to_o himself_o or_o any_o way_n darken_v his_o glory_n the_o 13_o of_o the_o six_o month_n the_o lord_n draw_v out_o my_o heart_n exceed_o to_o beg_v a_o increase_n of_o faith_n even_o beyond_o sight_n &_o sense_n that_o though_o i_o can_v not_o see_v corruption_n dead_a yet_o that_o i_o may_v believe_v that_o it_o shall_v be_v so_o in_o god_n time_n as_o also_o to_o beg_v for_o our_o sister_n harris_n her_o mother_n and_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v please_v to_o cure_v she_o of_o the_o fear_n of_o death_n who_o have_v be_v subject_a to_o this_o bondage_n and_o help_v she_o to_o commit_v her_o soul_n to_o he_o as_o a_o faithful_a creator_n and_o a_o everlasting_a love_a tender-hearted_a father_n the_o fifteen_o day_n of_o the_o six_o month_n be_v discover_v to_o i_o that_o i_o have_v often_o think_v that_o if_o i_o have_v but_o assurance_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n than_o nothing_o can_v trouble_v i_o but_o i_o shall_v be_v swallow_v up_o with_o joy_n and_o even_o overcome_v with_o it_o but_o oh_o my_o soul_n have_v it_o be_v thus_o with_o thou_o since_o the_o lord_n appear_v abundant_o in_o way_n of_o refreshment_n to_o thou_o or_o rather_o quit_v contrary_a since_o thou_o have_v be_v set_v free_a from_o from_o the_o fear_n of_o hell_n and_o wrath_n oh_o how_o sad_a to_o think_v that_o ever_o thou_o shall_v live_v to_o rebel_v against_o such_o a_o god_n a_o father_n of_o so_o much_o mercy_n about_o the_o end_n of_o the_o seven_o month_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o lay_v some_o light_a affliction_n upon_o my_o poor_a body_n thereby_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n after_o this_o manner_n to_o he_o bless_a lord_n what_o may_v thy_o end_n be_v in_o thy_o fatherly_a chastisement_n oh_o that_o thou_o will_v discover_v it_o and_o rather_o let_v this_o affliction_n abide_v continue_v yea_o be_v increase_v and_o augment_v what_o thou_o will_v rather_o than_o that_o the_o corruption_n shall_v not_o be_v discover_v and_o purge_v out_o which_o request_n be_v still_o continue_v then_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v in_o some_o measure_n in_o answer_n hereunto_o to_o discover_v those_o thing_n follow_v to_o i_o which_o i_o know_v not_o but_o that_o he_o may_v much_o aim_n at_o as_o may_v not_o the_o lord_n have_v some_o respect_n to_o thy_o want_n of_o pity_n and_o compassion_n to_o one_o in_o misery_n may_v not_o the_o lord_n lie_v his_o hand_n upon_o thou_o though_o not_o in_o that_o kind_n nay_o be_v he_o not_o righteous_a if_o he_o shall_v lay_v the_o same_o stroke_n have_v not_o thou_o deserve_v it_o as_o well_o as_o she_o may_v not_o the_o lord_n do_v it_o to_o call_v thou_o home_o and_o quicken_v thou_o from_o thy_o sloth_n deadness_n &_o dulness_n and_o the_o estrangement_n of_o heart_n that_o be_v so_o fast_o a_o grow_n between_o thy_o soul_n and_o the_o lord_n o_o bless_a father_n say_v my_o soul_n let_v my_o corruption_n be_v wrought_v out_o and_o thy_o poor_a creature_n quicken_v be_v not_o thy_o heart_n and_o affection_n exceed_o run_v out_o from_o the_o lord_n to_o the_o creature_n oh_o blened_a be_v that_o stroke_n that_o call_v thou_o back_o so_o that_o this_o work_n be_v but_o do_v by_o it_o the_o three_o day_n of_o the_o eight_o month_n be_v much_o oppress_v in_o spirit_n with_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o dishonour_n that_o will_v come_v to_o god_n and_o scandal_n to_o the_o gospel_n by_o the_o sad_a fall_n of_o one_o of_o our_o brethren_n and_o the_o fear_n that_o be_v upon_o my_o heart_n touch_v he_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n this_o evening_n to_o beg_v of_o he_o to_o discover_v to_o our_o soul_n in_o general_a and_o to_o my_o soul_n in_o particular_a what_o his_o end_n be_v in_o gather_v this_o poor_a handful_n together_o tell_v he_o i_o hope_v he_o do_v not_o do_v it_o to_o make_v we_o the_o instrument_n of_o his_o dishonour_n to_o the_o world_n and_o withal_o i_o be_v put_v upon_o it_o i_o very_o believe_v by_o the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n in_o that_o same_o day_n to_o reflect_v back_o upon_o my_o own_o soul_n what_o my_o end_n be_v enjoin_v in_o that_o communion_n and_o as_o i_o be_v press_v the_o lord_n to_o show_v i_o why_o or_o to_o what_o end_n he_o have_v direct_v i_o to_o join_v in_o that_o society_n tell_v he_o withal_o that_o sure_o my_o desire_n be_v to_o attend_v upon_o direction_n in_o it_o and_o that_o if_o any_o other_o thing_n what_o ever_o do_v bias_n my_o spirit_n in_o the_o act_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v please_v to_o discover_v it_o to_o i_o whereupon_o i_o beg_v of_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v help_v i_o to_o examine_v my_o heart_n about_o it_o and_o that_o if_o i_o be_v bias_v by_o any_o wrong_a respect_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v convince_v i_o of_o it_o and_o humble_a my_o soul_n deep_o for_o it_o and_o pardon_v it_o in_o christ_n blood_n now_o o_o my_o soul_n deal_v impartial_o in_o this_o work_n of_o examination_n in_o this_o thing_n and_o spread_v it_o before_o he_o this_o letter_n be_v give_v to_o master_n knight_n what_o to_o seek_v the_o lord_n about_o upon_o the_o nine_o of_o this_o month_n 1653._o dear_a sir_n sathan_n have_v often_o beset_v my_o soul_n to_o endeavour_v to_o keep_v it_o from_o a_o present_a participate_v in_o this_o holy_a ordinance_n upon_o several_a pretence_n and_o have_v again_o now_o attempt_v it_o i_o dare_v no_o long_o keep_v his_o counsel_n but_o in_o the_o impart_v of_o it_o i_o crave_v that_o help_n of_o your_o prayer_n at_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v be_v please_v to_o disappoint_v he_o in_o all_o his_o vice_n that_o wherein_o he_o seek_v to_o do_v i_o hurt_v
even_o for_o the_o full_a accomplishment_n of_o his_o own_o promise_n who_o have_v say_v sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n over_o he_o that_o be_v not_o under_o the_o law_n but_o under_o grace_n as_o also_o that_o he_o will_v tread_v down_o satan_n under_o his_o people_n foot_n short_o which_o my_o soul_n desire_v to_o wait_v upon_o he_o for_o and_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n desire_v to_o bless_v his_o name_n and_o that_o you_o will_v bless_v he_o together_o with_o i_o that_o he_o be_v please_v to_o open_v any_o fountain_n of_o love_n and_o mercy_n in_o this_o vale_n of_o tear_n so_o abundant_o fulfil_v to_o my_o poor_a soul_n that_o word_n of_o he_o which_o he_o be_v please_v no_o soon_o to_o set_v upon_o my_o heart_n with_o a_o persuasion_n in_o some_o measure_n that_o it_o shall_v be_v make_v good_a roll_v though_o weak_o upon_o he_o for_o it_o but_o that_o he_o be_v please_v so_o to_o do_v indeed_o that_o word_n i_o find_v isai_n 56._o 19_o when_o the_o enemy_n shall_v come_v in_o like_o a_o flood_n the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n shall_v set_v up_o a_o standard_n against_o they_o for_o which_o i_o desire_v to_o bless_v his_o name_n beseech_v he_o that_o those_o impression_n that_o he_o be_v please_v by_o his_o spirit_n through_o several_a word_n of_o he_o to_o make_v upon_o my_o heart_n may_v never_o be_v forget_v by_o i_o but_o that_o they_o may_v continual_o be_v as_o support_v to_o my_o poor_a weak_a faith_n that_o it_o may_v grow_v from_o strength_n to_o strength_n even_o till_o i_o shall_v meet_v my_o god_n bless_v for_o ever_o be_v that_o god_n that_o be_v please_v to_o know_v my_o poor_a soul_n in_o this_o hour_n of_o temptation_n and_o to_o take_v this_o poor_a lame_a soul_n and_o lead_v and_o carry_v it_o of_o be_v not_o able_a to_o go_v one_o step_n in_o any_o of_o his_o way_n without_o his_o hand_n but_o that_o it_o get_v one_o knock_n or_o bruise_v or_o other_o yea_o bless_v for_o ever_o be_v that_o god_n and_o saviour_n that_o will_v not_o suffer_v his_o poor_a creature_n to_o slip_v as_o he_o do_v other_o but_o be_v please_v in_o rich_a mercy_n to_o be_v ever_o awaken_n my_o poor_a drowsy_a spirit_n by_o one_o affliction_n or_o another_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o do_v much_o refresh_v my_o spirit_n and_o seem_v at_o present_a a_o special_a token_n of_o his_o love_n for_o which_o i_o desire_v to_o bless_v he_o and_o oh_o that_o i_o can_v praise_v the_o name_n of_o that_o god_n and_o father_n who_o be_v the_o father_n of_o all_o mercy_n and_o god_n of_o all_o consolation_n for_o true_o i_o must_v needs_o say_v i_o be_o persuade_v satan_n have_v not_o now_o be_v let_v loose_a to_o buffet_v i_o thus_o have_v i_o not_o be_v so_o sleepy_a and_o drowsy_a in_o spirit_n but_o bless_v be_v that_o rod_n that_o awake_v my_o poor_a soul_n from_o the_o sleep_n of_o any_o sin_n so_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v but_o please_v to_o work_v it_o out_o which_o i_o desire_v to_o wait_v on_o god_n for_o i_o shall_v for_o some_o respect_n have_v forbear_v this_o duty_n of_o praise_n but_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v let_v in_o the_o clear_a sight_n of_o this_o mercy_n as_o also_o lest_o i_o shall_v prove_v ungrateful_a for_o so_o large_a manifestation_n of_o mercy_n though_o all_o i_o can_v do_v in_o it_o be_v a_o mere_a nothing_o the_o great_a be_v the_o goodness_n of_o god_n that_o bow_v down_o to_o accept_v such_o break_a praise_n which_o i_o have_v cause_n even_o to_o lament_v over_o have_v too_o little_a spiritual_a life_n in_o they_o when_o as_o in_o truth_n my_o whole_a soul_n and_o body_n shall_v be_v a_o holy_a and_o lively_a sacrifice_n to_o god_n which_o the_o lord_n enable_v i_o to_o do_v to_o that_o god_n whence_o all_o my_o enjoyment_n come_v in_o who_o i_o desire_v to_o rest_v your_o unworthy_a but_o in_o desire_n and_o hope_v real_a friend_n for_o my_o lord_n sake_n finis_fw-la the_o second_o book_n of_o manifold_a experiment_n of_o god_n deal_v with_o my_o soul_n in_o hear_v prayer_n and_o other_o gracious_a income_n of_o love_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o help_v i_o very_o much_o in_o this_o search_n by_o mr._n knight_n who_o speak_v from_o this_o scripture_n at_o fulham_n the_o nine_o of_o this_o nine_o month_n in_o the_o 12_o of_o luke_n 42_o 43._o from_o which_o he_o show_v we_o have_v the_o lord_n set_v out_o the_o blessedness_n of_o that_o servant_n that_o be_v faithful_a in_o the_o work_n that_o his_o lord_n intru_v he_o about_o and_o who_o his_o lord_n when_o he_o come_v find_v to_o be_v so_o do_v as_o he_o appoint_v now_o o_o my_o soul_n what_o comfortable_a hope_n can_v thou_o gather_v out_o from_o the_o serious_a examination_n of_o thy_o own_o heart_n upon_o this_o point_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v thou_o faithful_a though_o thou_o be_v poor_a weak_a and_o unworthy_a every_o way_n to_o be_v the_o servant_n of_o such_o a_o lord_n what_o can_v thou_o say_v to_o this_o have_v the_o lord_n indeed_o make_v thou_o faithful_a ans_fw-fr 1._o i_o gather_v some_o hope_n of_o it_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v i_o in_o some_o measure_n faithful_a from_o that_o sincerity_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v put_v into_o my_o heart_n to_o aim_v pure_o at_o his_o glory_n in_o all_o i_o do_v in_o this_o world_n the_o contrary_a to_o which_o cause_v much_o bitterness_n in_o my_o spirit_n yet_o through_o the_o prevalency_n of_o the_o unregenerate_a part_n in_o i_o i_o be_o many_o time_n bias_v and_o carry_v aside_o to_o aim_v at_o other_o thing_n in_o many_o of_o my_o way_n but_o the_o glory_n of_o my_o lord_n be_v my_o principal_a aim_n for_o if_o i_o know_v any_o thing_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n through_o mercy_n i_o do_v find_v it_o set_v to_o seek_v the_o honour_n of_o christ_n and_o to_o walk_v in_o way_n well_o please_v to_o he_o though_o i_o do_v too_o often_o sad_o wander_v from_o these_o intent_n and_o desire_n which_o be_v discover_v to_o be_v the_o real_a burden_n of_o my_o life_n 2._o in_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o put_v into_o my_o soul_n i_o hope_v a_o real_a desire_n te_fw-la do_v his_o whole_a will_n and_o therein_o to_o appear_v faithful_a daily_o desire_v and_o beg_v of_o he_o that_o i_o may_v not_o at_o any_o time_n in_o any_o command_n of_o his_o be_v find_v consult_v with_o flesh_n and_o blood_n but_o that_o as_o soon_o as_o ever_o he_o discover_v his_o will_n in_o any_o thing_n whatever_o to_o i_o that_o he_o will_v also_o enable_v i_o to_o obey_v it_o ready_o find_v the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n i_o hope_v oftentimes_o breathe_v in_o my_o soul_n after_o this_o manner_n lord_n if_o thou_o will_v but_o discover_v thy_o mind_n &_o will_n to_o i_o in_o all_o my_o way_n that_o be_v it_o i_o beg_v of_o thou_o and_o though_o it_o be_v never_o so_o contrary_a to_o flesh_n and_o blood_n yea_o though_o i_o can_v see_v nothing_o but_o that_o it_o be_v lay_v out_o for_o to_o afflict_v i_o and_o to_o be_v a_o trial_n and_o exercise_v for_o i_o and_o so_o have_v nothing_o to_o induce_v i_o but_o thy_o will_n yet_o lord_n if_o thou_o will_v but_o discover_v thy_o mind_n in_o it_o to_o i_o what_o will_v i_o then_o beg_v of_o thou_o but_o only_o a_o ready_a frame_n to_o yield_v obedience_n to_o thy_o will_n and_o leave_v the_o success_n &_o sanctify_v of_o it_o to_o i_o to_o thyself_o and_o if_o on_o the_o other_o side_n i_o think_v any_o mercy_n to_o be_v never_o so_o good_a or_o for_o my_o advantage_n yet_o if_o thou_o see_v meet_v to_o discover_v to_o my_o soul_n that_o thy_o will_n be_v not_o in_o it_o will_v i_o not_o then_o if_o i_o know_v my_o own_o heart_n beg_v above_o all_o thing_n to_o have_v my_o will_n to_o be_v whole_o swallow_v up_o into_o thou_o lord_n and_o this_o hope_n be_v ground_v in_o some_o measure_n upon_o the_o abundant_a experience_n the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o of_o his_o goodness_n and_o mercy_n and_o abundant_a kindness_n in_o his_o often_o deny_v i_o of_o my_o will_n 3_o i_o hope_v the_o lord_n have_v in_o some_o measure_n make_v i_o a_o faithful_a servant_n in_o that_o he_o have_v set_v my_o soul_n upon_o the_o watch_n to_o know_v his_o mind_n and_o will_n endeavour_v and_o desire_v to_o keep_v my_o eye_n upon_o he_o and_o he_o only_o that_o i_o may_v see_v what_o his_o mind_n and_o will_n be_v who_o have_v say_v that_o he_o will_v guide_v he_o by_o his_o eye_n which_o cause_v my_o soul_n though_o with_o much_o weakness_n not_o only_o earnest_o to_o desire_v but_o also_o to_o endeavour_v to_o reflect_v upon_o all_o my_o motion_n and_o action_n and_o thought_n and_o word_n in_o this_o
out_o of_o my_o heart_n these_o bitter_a root_n pride_n passion_n and_o inordinate_a affection_n in_o a_o special_a manner_n that_o of_o passion_n he_o first_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n in_o this_o address_n to_o god_n find_v it_o so_o sad_o prevail_v tell_v the_o lord_n that_o he_o have_v often_o show_v i_o the_o evil_n of_o this_o both_o from_o the_o scripture_n time_n after_o time_n come_v sometime_o with_o mighty_a power_n upon_o my_o heart_n &_o yet_o go_v off_o again_o yea_o he_o have_v appear_v against_o all_o these_o evil_n in_o many_o experience_n of_o the_o folly_n and_o vanity_n of_o they_o especial_o those_o of_o pride_n and_o inordinate_a affection_n how_o often_o have_v he_o show_v i_o the_o emptiness_n of_o all_o creature_n yea_o in_o the_o very_a thing_n i_o expect_v most_o from_o and_o how_o often_o have_v he_o blast_v my_o pride_n by_o these_o continual_a scoff_v i_o meet_v mithal_o and_o by_o all_o those_o infirmity_n upon_o my_o body_n for_o all_o which_o i_o desire_v to_o bless_v his_o name_n beseech_v he_o once_o to_o speak_v effectual_o to_o my_o heart_n to_o the_o utter_a ruin_n of_o these_o evil_n in_o i_o the_o 24._o day_n of_o this_o four_o month_n be_v in_o my_o closet_n the_o lord_n draw_v out_o my_o heart_n to_o pray_v that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o manifest_v his_o presence_n and_o drop_v something_o upon_o my_o heart_n that_o may_v be_v for_o my_o spiritual_a good_a and_o advantage_n in_o answer_n thereunto_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v unexpected_o to_o cast_v i_o upon_o this_o scripture_n the_o 40._o of_o isaiah_n 1._o where_o the_o lord_n begin_v with_o a_o command_n to_o comfort_v his_o church_n yea_o to_o comfort_v they_o at_o the_o very_a heart_n but_o thou_o may_v say_v what_o do_v he_o comfort_v they_o withal_o 2._o first_o tell_v she_o her_o warfare_n be_v accomplish_v 2._o her_o iniquity_n be_v pardon_v yea_o he_o add_v she_o have_v receive_v of_o the_o lord_n hand_n double_a for_o all_o her_o sin_n twice_o as_o much_o mercy_n as_o she_o have_v sin_n 3._o he_o go_v on_o with_o a_o gracious_a promise_n that_o god_n will_v have_v a_o way_n make_v for_o he_o in_o the_o desert_n 4._o and_o that_o every_o valley_n shall_v he_o exalt_v and_o every_o high_a hill_n make_v low_a and_o the_o crooked_a make_v straight_o and_o that_o the_o glory_n of_o the_o lord_n shall_v be_v reveal_v and_o all_o flesh_n see_v it_o which_o glory_n of_o he_o shall_v so_o darken_v all_o the_o creature_n glory_n that_o he_o add_v 6._o all_o flesh_n be_v grass_n nay_o it_o shall_v now_o appear_v to_o be_v but_o wither_a grass_n 7._o all_o which_o shall_v wither_v away_o and_o the_o word_n of_o god_n only_o abide_v then_o 8._o the_o lord_n call_v upon_o his_o people_n to_o rise_v from_o these_o wither_a thing_n 9_o get_v you_o up_o say_v he_o to_o the_o mountain_n second_o lift_v up_o your_o voice_n and_o three_o be_v not_o afraid_a as_o if_o the_o lord_n will_v secret_o intimate_v that_o he_o see_v his_o people_n too_o apt_a to_o grubble_v upon_o the_o earth_n and_o take_v content_a in_o these_o fade_a flower_n of_o the_o field_n not_o have_v their_o heart_n raise_v to_o so_o glorious_a a_o expectation_n of_o his_o appearance_n and_o revelation_n of_o his_o glory_n therefore_o it_o be_v observable_a he_o double_v it_o lift_v up_o your_o voice_n they_o be_v much_o averse_a to_o it_o yea_o say_v he_o fear_v not_o but_o why_o shall_v we_o not_o fear_v why_o behold_v your_o god_n a_o word_n of_o application_n and_o admiration_n 10._o yea_o he_o double_v it_o behold_v the_o lord_n god_n behold_v he_o will_v come_v and_o how_o with_o a_o strong_a hand_n and_o his_o arm_n the_o strength_n of_o his_o hand_n shall_v rule_v for_o he_o then_o he_o add_v 11._o his_o reward_n be_v with_o he_o he_o shall_v feed_v his_o flock_n like_o a_o shepherd_n yea_o he_o gether_v the_o lamb_n with_o his_o arm_n and_o carry_v they_o in_o his_o bosom_n and_o gentle_o lead_v those_o that_o be_v with_o young_a then_o 12._o he_o go_v on_o the_o 27._o verse_n show_v the_o mighty_a power_n of_o his_o god_n above_o all_o creature_n 15._o how_o creature_n be_v to_o he_o but_o as_o a_o drop_n of_o a_o bucket_n and_o as_o the_o small_a dust_n of_o the_o balance_n 17._o yea_o as_o nothing_o and_o as_o a_o thing_n of_o nought_o when_o he_o have_v thus_o abundant_o set_v forth_o his_o mighty_a power_n he_o challenge_v all_o that_o unbelief_n in_o the_o heart_n of_o his_o people_n to_o come_v forth_o and_o meet_v he_o 27._o why_o say_v thou_o o_o jacob_n and_o israel_n my_o way_n hide_v from_o the_o lord_n and_o have_v thou_o any_o reason_n for_o such_o thought_n 28._o have_v thou_o not_o know_v neither_o hear_v that_o the_o everlasting_a god_n the_o creator_n of_o the_o end_n of_o the_o earth_n see_v what_o glorious_a title_n here_o be_v to_o strengthen_v faith_n he_o faint_v not_o neither_o be_v weary_a poor_a creature_n be_v apt_a to_o think_v sure_o they_o have_v weary_v the_o lord_n with_o their_o continual_a backslide_n and_o revolting_n but_o say_v hâ—_n have_v you_o not_o know_v that_o i_o be_o a_o everlasting_a god_n yea_o that_o i_o faint_v not_o neither_o be_o weary_a and_o he_o add_v that_o there_o be_v no_o search_v his_o understanding_n and_o not_o only_o be_v he_o thus_o glorious_a in_o himself_o but_o 29._o he_o give_v power_n to_o the_o faint_a yea_o to_o they_o that_o have_v no_o might_n he_o increase_v strength_n o_o bless_a encouragement_n poor_a soul_n may_v say_v well_o be_v it_o so_o that_o notwithstanding_o all_o my_o rebellion_n the_o lord_n be_v not_o weary_a nor_o faint_v in_o his_o arm_n or_o love_n to_o i_o yet_o i_o be_o a_o poor_a feeble_a creature_n and_o be_o ready_a to_o faint_v and_o not_o able_a to_o hold_v up_o the_o head_n but_o he_o give_v power_n to_o the_o faint_a also_o yea_o he_o eacrease_v their_o strength_n even_o 30._o the_o youth_n shall_v faint_v and_o be_v weary_a and_o the_o young_a man_n utter_o fall_v i.e._n they_o that_o trust_v in_o their_o own_o strength_n shall_v utter_o fail_v 31._o but_o they_o that_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n shall_v renew_v their_o strength_n they_o shall_v mount_v up_o as_o engles_n they_o shall_v run_v and_o no_o be_v weary_a walk_v and_o not_o fainâ—_n when_o they_o that_o can_v do_v nothing_o that_o have_v no_o strength_n or_o might_n but_o only_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n for_o strength_n from_o he_o shall_v have_v this_o glorious_a promise_n make_v good_a to_o they_o o_o my_o soul_n wait_v thou_o only_o upon_o the_o lord_n because_o thy_o expectation_n be_v only_o from_o he_o wait_v i_o say_v upon_o he_o isaiah_n 41._o 8._o 8._o he_o go_v on_o with_o rich_a encouragement_n to_o poor_a weak_a soul_n thou_o o_o israel_n art_n my_o servant_n jacob_n my_o choose_a this_o seed_n of_o abraham_n my_o friend_n sweet_a familiar_a title_n 9_o who_o i_o have_v take_v from_o the_o end_n of_o the_o earth_n and_o call_v thou_o from_o the_o chief_a man_n thereof_o and_o say_v thou_o be_v my_o servant_n bless_a lord_n have_v thou_o not_o do_v this_o for_o my_o poor_a soul_n have_v thou_o take_v i_o when_o i_o be_v run_v even_o to_o the_o end_n of_o the_o earth_n from_o place_n to_o place_n and_o thing_n to_o thing_n bewilder_v in_o all_o yea_o have_v not_o thou_o call_v i_o from_o the_o chief_a man_n thereof_o from_o the_o chief_a desirable_a thing_n of_o this_o world_n o_o lord_n enable_v my_o soul_n to_o follow_v this_o call_n of_o thou_o and_o make_v i_o indeed_o thy_o servant_n yea_o the_o lord_n add_v thou_o be_v my_o servant_n i_o have_v choose_v thou_o he_o do_v not_o say_v thou_o chose_v i_o but_z i_o have_v choose_v thou_o yea_o i_o have_v not_o choose_v and_o turn_v thou_o away_o again_o no_o i_o have_v choose_v thou_o and_o not_o cast_v thou_o off_o then_o he_o go_v on_o with_o more_o bless_a encouragement_n 10._o fear_v thou_o not_o why_o may_v they_o say_v why_o i_o be_o with_o thou_o be_v not_o dismay_v for_o i_o be_o thy_o god_n add_v withal_o i_o be_o not_o only_o present_a with_o thou_o and_o that_o as_o thy_o god_n but_o i_o will_v strengthen_v thou_o yea_o i_o will_v help_v thou_o yea_o i_o will_v uphold_v thou_o and_o that_o with_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o my_o righteousness_n a_o bless_a encouragement_n answer_v all_o objection_n in_o the_o soul_n as_o if_o the_o lord_n have_v say_v be_v thou_o a_o poor_a feeble_a weak_a creature_n unable_a to_o any_o spiritual_a service_n well_o i_o will_v strengthen_v thou_o be_v thou_o still_o afraid_a why_o i_o will_v help_v thou_o and_o as_o it_o be_v work_v together_o with_o thou_o and_o be_v not_o this_o enough_o why_o i_o will_v uphold_v thou_o too_o and_o that_o