An Alarme FOR SINNERS Containing The Confession Prayers Letters and last Words of Robert Foulkes Late Minister of Stanton-Lacy in the County of Salop who was Tryed Convicted and Sentenced at the Sessions in the Old Bayly London January 16 th 1678 9 and Executed the 31 st following With an Account of his LIFE Published from the Original Written with his own hand during his Reprieve and sent by him at his Death to Doctor Lloyd Dean of Bangor Let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall 1 Cor. 10. 12. Licensed Jan. 29. 1678. LONDON Printed for Langley Curtis on Ludgate-Hill 1679. TO THE Right Reverend and Honourable MY LORD BISHOP of LONDON May it please your Lordship AS it was an Act of the Highest Charity and Condescention in your Lordship upon Dr. Lloyd's Motion so speedily and effectually to Address your self to his Majesty for a Reprieve of my Body from Death for some small time in order to the Preparation of my Soul for that Eternity I am ready to enter on so that I think my self in Duty and Gratitude obliged not only to give some Account to the World how that time is Employed but also to submit this Account to be Ordered and Disposed of as shall seem best to your Lordships great Wisdom If it be thought useful as I hope it may be a loud Caveat against bold and daring Impiety I humbly desire it may not steal abroad but take along with it the Honour as well as authority of your Lordship 's Imprimatur That Learned and Charitable Person which Presents it to your Lordship has promised to Order and Dispose of the confusion of these loose Papers so as shall be least troublesome to your Lordship in the Perusal and to make my Apology for Presenting them to such an Honourable Hand in such a Rude and Disorderly Form The Circumstances of my present Condition will not suffer me to put them in any better But what I have now Presented to your Honour is sincerely the Truth and there is not a Tittle here but what is the Exact Transcript of those Impressions I find upon my Conscience I hope they may in some measure contribute to the Advancement of His Glory whom I have so beyond all Example dishonoured and convince all that are not willing to catch at irrational Inferences to support themselves in their Atheisme and Debauchery That our Excellent Religion and this Sacred and Honourable Profession are not to be Judged and disparaged for the Miscarriages of such unsound Members as I have been This gives me also some Ground to hope that I shall obtain your Lordships Pardon and Prayers together with that of the numerous Clergy under your Lordship's Government in this great and populous City which I most humbly and heartily begg God continue your Honour to be what you are as great an Ornament to the Protestant Profession as I have been a Scandal to it In a deep Sense of your abundant Charity I shall not cease to improve that Breath you have borrowed for me as for my Own so for Your Lordship 's Eternal Happiness Robert Foulkes An Alarme FOR SINNERS THAT they who have seen the former ill Example of my Life and do now look on this dismal Conclusion of it might not be Spectators disappointed as I had great Reason so I had a good Occasion to encourage me in this following Account That Great God that brings Good out of Evil so ordered it that that very Evening after my Condemnation I received a very seasonable Visit from a Reverend Person Indeed the Visit was but short and our Discourse also interrupted with Matter not so pertinent to that Lamentable Occasion so that being under great Disturbance I could make little or nothing of it but as I lay on my Bed that Night about one or two of the clock it came into my thoughts again and upon the search of my Memory I recollected two things which in Answer to my earnest Request for his Assistance that Worthy Person had directed me to The first was to Glorifie God The other as a means to promote that Chief End to wipe off all I could of the Scandal and Reproach which my Vicious Life and Ignominious Death reflected upon my Function and both these He told me could not be more Effectually performed than by a full Confession of my manifold Enormities I then resolved upon it and as soon as I could procure Pen and Paper set about it being willing with all my Heart to Justifie the Holy and Righteous God and all I can to Vindicate that Reverend Employment from unjust Aspersions though it redounds never so much to my own Shame and Reproach and cannot otherwise be imputed to my Profession but as the Effect of great Ignorance of or great Malignity against Canons and Constitutions so Regular and Orderly in every Circumstance such as strictly oblige to great Circumspection and Exact Walking from which Excellent Rules I wretchedly departed as appears by the following Audit of my Life and Actions I had made no considerable Progress in that Work but I found my self interrupted by that Consideration That God would not Approve or License David's Intention of Building him a Temple to Glorifie his Name in because his hands had been too deeply concerned in Blood 'T was of no Difficult but of very discouraging Application but whether this were a Design of Satan or a plot of my own Corruption or a Concurrence of both I will not stand to Examine The Advice of another Able Person so Encouraged me and baffled the Objection that it vanished of it self That removed I considered that being now summoned to a speedy Appearance before the Impartial and most Dreadful Tribunal of the Just and Righteous Judge of all the Earth there to Answer for those many and heinous Sins visible in my Vicious and Ill-led Life I hold my self obliged to enter into a narrow Search and a very close Inspection of my Heart and all my Wayes And though my Crimes be so Crying and Publick the Aggravations of them such as make them s exceeding sinful that the shame of them doth cover me my Horrour for them and the just Reward due to them here on my Body hereafter on my Soul in the more dreadful and terrible Miseries of Eternal and unquenchable Burnings that these Sins must needs draw upon me if the hand of Infinite Mercy does not snatch me as a brand out of the Flame though I say these General Considerations have almost distracted my Thoughts yet I cannot find any rest till I have made a more diligent Scrutiny a more distinct and particular discovery of all that Wickedness that was damm'd up in my Heart as the Spring and Fountain and burst out thence into such Rapid and impetuous Streams of Prophaneness in my Life Such were my Irregularities that I have just Cause and had long ago reason to smart under the severity of David's Reproofor rather of David's God So the
Evil if there were any sharpness of Expression I attribute it to their Zeal against my Crimes and not to any prejudice against my person The day after my Sentence there came to visit the Prisoners one Mr. Smith the Ordinary of Newgate He was pleased to tell me but in Private that he observed me at my Tryal Gazing about the Court and the Galleries where Sate several Gentlewomen I confess I was formerly too apt to delight in such sights and let in abundance of Sin at those windows of my Soul but at that time I had other thoughts and Apprehensions the cause of that diversion was to spy out some Witnesses I thought Material which though they were in Court I could not find and so lost their Evidence This 't is very probable may have been the observation of others as well as Mr. Smith therefore I insert this just Apology My Partner in the Guilt and Tryal though not in the Condemnation was pleased to load me with several Calumnies I will only Note those that the Court insisted on and I hear are yet discoursed to my prejudice in the City First it was Alledged that she was committed to my Charge and Government by her Father in her Minority and Childhood This Report is so generally spread and indeed sounds so ill that several since my Tryal have discoursed it as a great Aggravation to commit so foul a thing against so Great a Trust and some have repaired to me for Satisfaction to whom I then gave as I do now the World this Account That Her Father was a Gentleman whom I never saw or had the least Intercourse with There are two more Accusations which I would not so much as name but that I found them the only Ingredients that Imbittered my Cup both at my Trial and at my Sentence The one was That I should attempt and endeavour to vitiate her at Nine years old The other That I had for that purpose corrupted her Judgment and misinformed her Conscience to believe Polygamy lawful Impeachments highly Criminal against the Law of God and as I am told Capital against the Laws of Man I confess I have Sins that exceed them yet I never was guilty of either of these and in the midst of abundance of Guilt I find a little Comfort in this That I never prostituted the Word or any Ordinance of God to serve the turn of Lusts There is some offence taken as I hear at my Charging her with what she denied at our Trial she did indeed say That she knew Nothing of the Fact for which we were Questioned which she demonstrated by Arguments that could not modestly be spoken in that place without such unsavoury and noisom demonstrations I affirm Upon the word of a dying Man That both her Eyes did see and her Hands did Act in all that was done I am dead in Law and I know my sayings are no Evidence against her but the next time we meet at the Bar which we shall infallibly do and two thousand Witnesses shall be produced against us that is Her Conscience and Mine these things will be found to be true and as such I assert them as I shall suddenly answer it before the All-seeing and Heart-searching God Thus I have satisfied the desires of some of my Friends done my self Right without doing her or any person in the world wrong As to the World after excusing my self of things with which I am unjustly charged I shall charge my self with one thing which every one does not consider It is indeed a great Aggravation of my Sin against that poor Infant That I whose concern it was to provide for its safety in all Respects should in all deprive it as far as in me lay For by that barbarous Act upon its Body I have done what in me lay to Murther its Soul by depriving it of the ordinary means which God had ordained for its Salvation The Sacrament of Baptism Though I am not of his Opinion who for his severity in this Case was called Durus Pater Infantum yet by the judgment of my own Conscience I find my self to be Durus Pater that I never once so much as considered this so that the poor innocent and harmless Babe is only beholding to the Mercy of its Heavenly and not at all to that of its Earthly Parent for the Happiness I hope it now enjoys I have done with the World of which I have no more part and I praise God that he has chosen this way to take me out of it I ought not to let so great a Mercy pass without a due acknowledgment If God had not by this severe Course opened my Eyes and alarum'd me to Repent and given me time considerable and great Assistances to perform it I might have been surprised with some sudden Death and infallibly sunk headlong into Hell from which I have good hopes to be preserved through the Mercy of God and the Merits of my blessed Saviour and Redeemer Jesus Christ who I hope does graciously accept of the Truth and Reality though weak degrees of Faith and Repentance which his Holy Spirit hath wrought in my Soul Though this Mercy was handed to me in a very sharp and bitter Providence yet I read a great deal of the Wisdom and Goodness of God in it His Wisdom foresaw that more gentle Applications would not work upon a Disease grown so headstrong and inveterate his Goodness which makes Correction a foreign work to him for he goes out of his place to punish his People has prevailed with him to apply this Corrosive rather than suffer his Creature eternally to perish Therefore his glorious Name be eternally praised And now to him I turn in Prayer A PRAYER relating to the foregoing Confession O Lord The Great and Dreadful God the Impartial Judge of all Men I blush to lift up my Face to thee my God Righteousness belongeth to thee for thou art Just and Holy in all thy Wayes But I am a Vile and Miserable Sinner the Reproach of men and therefore nothing belongs to me but Shame and Confusion of face Thou O Lord hast dealt Mercifully and exceeding Bountifully with me I was Early taught to seek and serve thee I felt the motions of thy Grace and the Powers of the World to come to awaken my Conscience Thou didst call me to thy Service to stand and minister at thy Altar and thou didst give me such a measure of the good things of this life as was not only beyond my Deserts but Expectations But I have forsaken thee and rebelled against thee I waxed wanton in my plenty and kicked against that light and Easie Yoke which I should have taught Others to bear I drew near to thee with my lips but my heart was far from thee and with my polluted hands I have presumed to compass thine Altar and to touch the holy things thereof therefore it was just with thee to give me up to my own Hearts Lusts
words run Psal 50. 16. But unto the wicked saith God What hast thou to do to declare my Statutes or that thou should'st take my Covenant into thy mouth seeing thou hatest Instruction and castest my words behind thee and hast been partaker with Adulterers but then Consuetudo peccandi tollebat sensum peccati I was of proof against the stroaks of Divine Comminations But now that my Sins have found me out and Gods Justice has overtaken and arrested me so that I am to be a Spectacle to the World I may be heard to publish my Sin and leave this Warning behind me that all that shall hear or see it may fear and do no more so Wickedly And in particular that they who by my ill Life have been led to ill thoughts of that Holy Profession and Calling so dishonoured or of that pure Church of which I was an unworthy Member and a more unworthy Teacher may no more blaspheme the Function of the Ministry the Christian Faith or the Church of England but be rather struck with Horror at my base Apostacy and Impiety and that by my Example He that stands may take heed lest he fall and such as are fallen may be moved to Remember their first Love and doe their first Workes lest the like Horrible Judgments pursue and overtake them Let the Circumstances of my Condition add weight to my Words Dying men have no Temptation to warp them from Sincerity they cannot then be suspected either to Lye or Deceive And though my former preaching was blasted by my Scandalous Living and could not be of any Worth or Consideration yet these my last Words together with my sad Condition will I hope so Affect all Persons as to engage their Consideration of what I say I confess then to Gods Glory and my own Shame that the Hand of Heaven had been exceeding bountiful to me that great God that filleth with his Blessing every living thing had loaded me with Benefits of his Fulness I received Grace for Grace John 1. 16. that is Copia Abundantia Gratiae he had given me all things richly to enjoy I had no Reason to Murmur as if my Portion had been sparing and penurious either in Temporals or Spirituals 1. I had my Birth and Education not amongst them that are Aliens from the Common wealth of Israel and Strangers to the Covenant of Promise c. But in the Pale of the Church and not in a Church stuffed with Error and Superstition but in a Church so refined and reformed that it is become the purest upon Earth A Church that teacheth no other Doctrine but what Christ and his Apostles delivered derives none of its Principles from the puddled Fountain of vain and uncertain Tradition but a sure Word of Prophecy is that Spring that sends forth all her Doctrines a Church that gives no Encouragement to Sin nor Countenance to such vicious Persons as Alas I have been all her Articles all the Parts of her Worship all her Cannons and Constitutions are Pure and Holy and such as all they that sincerely observe them shall certainly be saved In this Church I lived though not according to its Rules and in this by Gods Assistance I shall dye 2. But this was not all God by the outward Ministration of his Word and the inward Operation of his Spirit wrought so on my Heart that for some time his Fear was before my Eyes so that I walked tenderly and endeavoured to keep my Conscience void of Offence towards God and towards Man I served him in Secret and Studyed to glorifie him in my whole Conversation In this Path I walked when I was dedicated more immediately to his Service and by Imposition of Episcopal hands was in Anti-Episcopal times ordained a Minister of his Holy Gospel This should have been my Crown and my Joy but is now my Shame and Reproach that I knew God and was an Instructor of the Foolish and a Teacher of the Simple to me therefore it may be said Thou who teachest another teachest thou not thy self Thou that sayest a man should not commit Adultery doest thou commit Adultery 3. God also blessed me with competent abilities for the discharge of that Function so that had I prosecuted my studies with that industry and diligence as I did other vanities I might have attained to greater improvements of my own and others understandings 4. God provided plentifully for me by the favour of a noble and an honourable Patron I was setled very comfortably as to all the concerns of humane life My lot was fallen in a very fair ground yea I had a goodly heritage my portion was so far from being scanty that I had enough and to spare and till of late I was beloved of my Parishioners and respected in my Neighbourhood 5. The same bountiful Providence blessed me with as worthy Relations a very faithful affectionate Wife tender of my person careful and industrious about my affairs one that had a very good right to Solomons Character Prov. ult One that blessed me with four sweet Children and brought me within the reach of that promise Like a fruitful vine Thus in all respects God dealt graciously with me so that I was happy as any of my Neighbours and now how much have I to answer for who had receiv'd so many Talents but instead of employing them in my Masters service did not so much as lay them up in a napkin but like a prodigal child wasted all this in riotous living And now I come to the last and worst of my condition wherein without any favour or partiality to my self I shall make a discovery of my shame and expose my vicious practices to the eye of the Sun That tenderness that was on my Conscience was not long-liv'd my own corruptions with the Devils temptations soon overcame it then returned the Devil attended with seven more worse than himself into my swept and garnished soul An unclean a filthy Devil he was Then I violated my Baptismal Vows and my Ordination Engagements and the Faith of Wedlock and delivered my self to work all uncleanness with greediness I had eyes full of adultery that could not cease from sin The Devil had prepared for me a sad companion and partner in my debaucheries she was easily tempted by me and proved afterward a constant temptation to me and has been the great occasion of this dismal conclusion of our wretched course of life This being so remarkably the sin of this present Age I will enlarge a little to conjure all Married persons to keep that Bed undefiled When that Faith is once broken the comforts of the married life quickly expire and come to an end nor is there any stop but such persons soon pass over all the stages of sin they run from one wickedness to another till at last they ruin both soul and body Open your eyes therefore and not only look but contemplate upon these dreadful and tragick instances oh Adulterers and Adulteresses and
be not ensnared with a Whores charms trust not to her kindnesses though confirmed with her Oaths and Execrations and Tears they lead on to all manner of sin they will waste your Estate divide your Family ruin your Health destroy your Soul and if ever you need her friendship she will most perfidiously betray you But on no sort of men shall the judgments of God more certainly fall than on the Hypocrites who think either to hide or perhaps to gild over their abominations so as to make the most monstrous and deformed of their lusts and vices peeping under the vizor and mask of Religion look to deluded eyes with the beauty and comeliness of real virtues I thought my sin well secured under the protection of one of these I vainly fancied it was done in secret and that it should never be brought to light but I was deceived the scandal of it became so publick that my Right Reverend Diocesan the present Lord Bishop of Hereford came to the knowledg of it reproved and admonished me for it and ordered his Court to take cognizance of it It burst out with that violence like water long dammed up that all took notice of it the love of my friends the malice of my enemies alarm'd me with it and what I thought to be an Arcanum between my partner and my self is now become Vox populi the Neighbourhood rings and ecchoes again with it To this I opposed my confident denials and those confirmed with Oaths and Execrations which I too frequently used for my own purgation I stood also upon points and forms of Law which I thought would have born me out But all this while though a very slave to my lust and in absolute vassalage to my flesh yet I briskly receiv'd the assaults of all that opposed my impious practices and with that success that I promised my self as complete a conquest over them as I had obtained over my own Conscience whose accusations I had almost perfectly stifled so that it made but few and very feeble Attempts upon me Once indeed it charged me very furiously and having the advantage of a great fit of sickness it made such assaults upon me that sin had like to have lost its hold for I was driven into great fears and deep apprehensions Oh that I had still continued such a Convert those fears extorted confessions the confessions begat vows and promises but wo is me they all proved abortive for I soon returned to my vomit and the health of my body renewed the disease of my soul the tyrant Sin soon recovers its dominion and ever since Conscience has been kept under hatches And to palliate and hide my sin the more I studied to be more elaborate and zealous in my Preaching to the great satisfaction of my Hearers only I seldom medled with or but very tenderly touched my own beloved sin I went about all the parts of my Ministerial duty so carefully and discharged them with such approbation that the judgments of many charitable and well-meaning persons not only acquitted me of the vices I stood charged with but I deluded their good opinion into some thoughts of my innocency and virtue As in the case of Abraham the fowls of the air fell on the carkases of the beasts that were offered in sacrifice so unclean and vicious thoughts haunted all my duties and performances only with this difference Abraham drove away those but these I fed and entertained generally without the least disturbance to my Conscience Indeed at the Sacrament some fears would arise and the consideration of the Exemplary execution of Nadab and Abihu whereby they became monuments of Divine vengeance in the very place where they committed their sin would sometimes arrest my confidence and fill me with apprehensions lest some like judicial proceeding should be served upon me also for daring to present my false fires upon Gods Altar which engaged me in some short liv'd restraints that seldom exceeded two or three days by these arts I built me a house without a foundation I procured to my self some false quiet and so deceived my self as well as others for now that the storms and tempests the winds and floods of affliction beat against it I am very sensible how it shakes and is ready to fall on my head now I have most need of shelter and protection Not that I despair that I shall yet through the Grace and mercy of God and those excellent assistances he hath sent me stick to the Rock of my Salvation 'T is of dreadful consideration I know what the Scripture says of the Hypocrites portion But now God hath taken off the mask I can't be considered under that notion an open sinner a very great and hainous one is my Character and I am sure Christ came to call such to repentance Although I never grew to that proficiency in sinning as to be of the Head-form and to herd my self amongst them that say There is no God no Judgment to come yet I must confess I had suppressed if not utterly laid aside the thoughts of those things and all my care and contrivance was how to hide my sin from the eyes of man 'T is my wonder now though then I thought not of it how I should so baffle and besot my Reason and Understanding as well as Conscience and run so counter to what I demonstrated to and inculcated on my Neighbours in a Discourse on Eccles 11. 9. where I considered and argued and at last concluded in reason the necessity of Judgment and in the close shewing the Qualifications of the Judg I insisted sufficiently for that occasion upon his Omnipresence and Omniscience and that he does commonly make signal discoveries even in this life bring to light our closest contrivances and yet the impressions of that quickly wore out of my own memory But I find and in my instance you may read That nothing is so secret but shall be revealed and what is done in closets shall be published upon the house-top Be not deceived therefore God is not mocked He will not suffer sin to lye always concealed but will bring to light the hidden things of dishonesty and when once sin is detected he will much less indemnifie it and suffer it to go unpunished what though the world commend you if your own Conscience condemn you and God who is greater than your Conscience knoweth all things Whither shall I fly from his presence Who when I said the darkness shall cover me made the darkness to be light about me for the darkness and the light are both alike to him I am now arrived at the height and by many lower steps mounted even to the top of impiety to which by a long course of many Adulteries I have been fitting my self so successfully have I fought the battels of this hellish Commander that now he thinks me courageous enough to be led into a more bloody field Having by many former repeated acts arrived at last to
a habit in sinning my Conscience became so seared and past feeling that I was not afraid to commit this horrid Murther for which the Law has so justly judged me a crime of a crimson complexion of a scarlet tincture a crime that not only bids defyance to God and Religion but the very Dictates and Principles of Nature and Humanity would abhor and even startle at the suggestion to it a crime indeed not to be thought on without horrour so formidable and affrighting that abstracted from its aggravating-circumstances it required a conscience of full proof in Satans service to attempt it To destroy an innocent Babe had cruelty enough in it but to offer violence to the fruit of ones own body was such a monstrous piece of barbarity as admits not of a parallel I cannot remember another instance God grant the Repentance may bear some proportion to the vast dimensions of the sin When I first entred on this dissolute course of life if any body could have suggested to me where it would have ended I should certainly have answered with the Syrian Am I a dog that I should do this yet I am the Dog that did it Sin in its minority is easily opposed at first to resist it requires not so much labour but there is no withstanding when it has attained to maturity the heights of wickedness appear so monstrous at a distance to one that is but newly entering upon it that he flatters himself he shall never come thither but after long continuance in it and suppressing many Convictions violating our Vows and Resolutions after many Evasions to shift off the imputation apologies to excuse or lessen it Oaths and Execrations to deny it a man becomes strangely altered he is not what he was but is insensibly brought more and more into the snare of the Devil who leads him captive at his pleasure and one sin draws on another and each of a more deformed production than another Like the Serpents of Africa who by their promiscuous Copulations have engendered such strange and ugly Monsters as Nature never intended Whoso allows and licenses himself in the practice of any one sin though he think it never so small that man involves himself in a fatal kind of necessity to admit of a train to attend and support it Try not thy self but trust my words who with sorrow confess I find the Experiment to be true And if thou art under any temptation to drive a trade in sin though never so small and hast made some ventures already and perhaps hast receiv'd some returns of profit or pleasure Oh! consider and learn from me to conclude what a horrible wrack and devastation it will bring upon thee at the last Oh remember the precious Soul is aboard the Vessel and if the tempestuous wrath of God and the Hurricanes of his severe but righteous Judgments should overtake and sink thee then would it appear to thee how great thy folly was and how irreparable thy loss consider the pleasures of sin are but for a season and those in low degrees hazzard not therefore for them a fulness of joy and those pleasures that are for evermore resist the first beginnings crush the Cockatrice Every step thou makest in sin brings thee in greater danger repentance may be denied or come too late Nor ought any man to expect that when he hath yielded himself up to the power of his lusts it may not end as infamously and miserably as mine has now done Thus far I have gone and truly here I thought to have stopt but my Prison-walls how close soever cannot keep out the Report That I am represented in this City where for many years I have been a stranger under no better notion than that of a common Drunkard a soul and scandalous charge which as all other imputations admits of a deep dye from my person and profession and as it makes way for all other sins to which the Devils temptations shall prompt our forward natures is a vice of pernicious consequence But how far I am concerned is not time now to conceal I remember the time and I believe 't is not forgot in my late Neighbourhood when I had a very competent share of temperance and sobriety I can truly attest that an Alehouse or a Tavern had none or but a very little of my custome If at any time my occasions invited me to them or their necessity urged me I went not in without reluctancy I thought not them places for me therefore while I stay'd I was uneasie and I hastned my departure and this was my practice for several years He that considers my circumstances can't in charity suspect I need Witnesses But alas I too well remember the time and I can give but too good an account of the occasion of my fall in any degree into a sin so contrary to my nature I the rather reflect on it and I wish I may do it with a proportionable sorrow because it was the Child of what was too much the sin of my nature Lust and Uncleanness these involved me in quarrels and contentions I had suits depending both in the Civil and Ecclesiastical Courts and to support the credit and interest of the Causes I spent I confess too much of my time too much of my Money in publick Houses to treat the friends and favourers of the Suits especially those whose interest it was to promote and continue them there I staid long and drank to intemperance and this I came to do about two or three years since but I have examined and humbled my self and I thank God do not find my self burdened with any extraordinary guilt upon that account Let not therefore the people by their unjust detentions of dues force their Ministers to legal severities upon any account what is due part with willingly and let it not be wrung out by Suits and Law-contentions I can't certainly in these circumstances be suspected of any selfish design to promote my own interest in any pleadings of this nature I have received my last I expect no more 'T will be their advantage therefore not mine to admit of these perswasions you can't tell what influences you lose what inconveniences you incur by any such injustice I will leave it to your own collection Mal. 3. 8 9 10 11. Besides a blast upon the Estate it leaves a blot upon the Name such people as strive with the Priest being by the Prophet stiled the worst of men Hos 4. 4. But as to the people whether they will hear or whether they will forbear I have done my duty in leaving this Writing behind me Let it not be thought presumption by the Clergy in one who in his life-time had too many experiences of the ill effects and inauspicious consequences of such differences now at his death to leave his advice against them you know where they begin but you can't tell either where or when they will end They are fires which a small matter
kindles but commonly improve themselves into such a flame as a whole Neighbourhood affords not water enough to extinguish and sometimes are not quenched till they consume to ashes the subjects that feed them Not to reckon up all the mischiefs it does there is too much in this one the hindrance of the success of your Ministry As you will be tempted to Preach to the advantage of your Cause so the people will receive all your duties with prejudice and while you quarrel about the Tythe the Devil takes the advantage to ruin those souls of which you must give a severe account The securing or regaining of the Churches Rights was the answer wherewith I stopped the mouths of all objections But now I find to my sorrow that the gaining of souls the rights of Christ which he purchased with his own blood is upon no account to be neglected or prejudiced Thus far have I gone and in all probability much farther had I proceeded if my merciful God by a strong and irresistible providence had not stood in the way and resisted me for nothing less would conquer my stubborn and masterless Nature As I desire to submit to it with silence and contentedness so through the aid of his grace I hope to improve it to his Glory and to such spiritual advantages for my self as will administer great cause of eternal gratitude and thankfulness Now what more can I say I am become the reproach of men all that see or hear of me either shoot out the lip or shake the head at me they either insult upon my fall or are much troubled at it for no body can be indifferent upon this occasion You workers of iniquity be afraid of the judgments of God and take no advantages or encouragements from my fearful backsliding but rather tremble at it Let this my Confession reach your Consciences believe it Religion is true the terrors of sin are the most insupportable things even in this world but how much more shall they be so in that blackness of darkness for evermore If you felt those agonies I have been under that Raok I have been on you would certainly loath the pleasures of sin and abhor the thoughts of it Pray credit my experience To be brought to the Bar of an Earthly Tribunal there to be Arraigned for the precious life before a Judge that will not spare thee to hear thy Jury find thee Guilty and thereupon the Judge proceed to Sentence against thee These are affrighting and amazing Considerations But I am able to give you assurance that these are by vast degrees inferiour to that consternation that seizes the guilty Soul in consideration of its sudden summons to appear before the Judgment-seat of Christ Think not the worse of Religion or of this Church or of the Ministry for what I have done Christ close twelve and one of them was a Devil Be not hardned in sin by what you have heard of me but be terrified rather by what is now befallen me And for such as have not known these depths of Satan yet are under temptations and make light of some sins especially the too too fashionable sin of Uncleanness stay in time as you love your Souls delude not your selves with these vain thoughts and argumentations I will onely go so far in sin to such a stage in wickedness and no farther by these stairs am I come up to this dreadful height that it amazes my thoughts to look down the fearful precipice I stood upon When once men have forsaken God and cast his fear behind their backs there is no force can keep such from running into excesses of riot Trust not therefore to your selves but by me learn that you who do forsake God may be forsaken of him and delivered up to the snares of a whorish woman out of which all your strength shall not disintangle you and there is no wickedness of so black and swarthy a complexion but such a man is capable of committing it Had you but a prospect of the slavery or would be but persuaded of the thraldom of that condition and convinced with what labour and care and diligence they run on the Devils errand and do his drudgery filling every corner of their life with trouble and anxieties and that attended on with extreme hazard and danger which as in my case most commonly ends too in utter and irreparable ruine and then bursts out the filth and shame that was hitherto concealed with that strength as is noisom and offensive to all men Certainly these Considerations but seriously adverted to especially when proved by such dreadful and lamentable instances would leave some impressions and contribute towards a reformation And as for you that tremble at the judgments of God while you stand take heed lest you fall Give diligence to make your Calling and Election sure Work out your salvation with fear and trembling take heed and beware of falling from God and of slacking in much more of an utter slighting and rejection of Religious duties for such an Apostacy is often attended with some strange desertion God had done so well for me that it might have been justly said What more could have been done for him and you have heard how in all circumstances I lay in the Sunshine of his favour being replenished with Divine blessings I could have said with the Prophet He maketh me to lie down in green pastures he prepared a table for me in the presence of mine enemies my cup ran over Indeed my pasture was onely too rank and surfeiting Jesuron-like I waxed fat and kicked for want of applying to my own practise what I oft inculcated upon others Moses his caution to the Israelites I degenerated into Israels sin instead of acknowledging I forgat God my Saviour and my mind becoming earthly and sensual I lightly esteemed the Rock of my salvation Therefore he in his most just judgment delivered me up to the lusts of my own heart And you see what a course I have run and where it ended You therefore that know his name dread his judgments walk humbly before him and in all your ways acknowledge him not trusting your own understanding or your own hearts with the government and direction of your ways There is another sort of persons I shall humbly presume to leave a warning for Not that I think my self able to teach or instruct their understandings but the sad circumstances of my present condition encourage my hope I may have a perswading influence upon them that what they know may be reduced to practise I have indeed been such a reproach unto them that I may be afraid and ashamed to name them yet I know their charity is such that they will bear with me in this liberty I take to speak and to be free in my speech unto them You therefore that are the Pastors of the flock of God which he hath purchased with his own blood Feed that flock let your light
and to deliver me over to Judicial hardness that seeing I might see and not perceive and hearing I might hear and not understand I have served divers Lusts and Pleasures My Eyes and Heart were full of Adultery so that I could not cease from Sin Nor have I sinned alone O Lord for I have drawn many with me into the snare of the Devil so that my Sins are Innumerable and Aggravated by many Circumstances but most of all that I was called by thy Name so that thy Enemies do blaspheme it upon my account I have to all this added that Execrable Sin of shedding Innocent Blood and done what I could to stifle the motions of thy Good Spirit But now my Sins and thy Righteous Judgments have found me out I acknowledge this is in great Mercy to my Soul that I might not lye and perish in my Sins I am Confounded and Ashamed I Abhor my self in dust and ashes I Confess I do not only deserve to die this Infamous death but to be cast out of thy sight into Outer-darkness for thou art of purer Eyes then to behold Iniquity and the Deceitful and Blood-Thirsty man thy Soul abhorreth so that I may justly fear my Prayers are Abomination to thee yet whither shall I flye from thy Presence thy Hand hath overtaken me and I am now to appear at thy Judgment Seat My Soul is full of Terrour and I am afraid of thy Judgments The Remembrance of my Sins is Grievous to me the Burden of them is Intolerable Yet my only Hope is that thou art Gracious and Merciful Slow to Anger Ready to Forgive and thy Son gave Himself to die and bore our Sins on his own Body He ever lives and maketh Intercession for Sinners and is able to save to the uttermost all that come to thee O God by Him I confess I come at the last Moment when I have nothing else left me and so thou mayst justly reject me Yet O most Merciful God take pity on the Work of thine own Hands Beget in me for Christ his sake a deeper Sense of my Sin and Guilt that I may Tremble for fear of thy Judgments and Cry to thee Night and Day Let none of this little time that is given me to Repent be lost For thy Name sake pardon mine Iniquity for it is great And deliver me from Blood-guiltiness O God thou that art the God of my Salvation Open my Heart and Lips that my Mouth may shew forth thy praise That Sinners seeing thy Judgments and my Repentance may be Converted unto thee That I who by my vitious Life have so much Dishonoured Thee may by my Death Glorifie Thee O hear and have Mercy on me Pity and Pardon O most Merciful Redeemer wash my defiled Soul with thy most Pretious Blood and for the Glory of thy Mercy send down upon me thy free Spirit to Convince me of Sin and of Righteousness and of Judgment And Grant me a Wretched and Forlorn Sinner some of those Comforts that may Support me under those Agonies that are so terrible O Visit me with thy Salvation Speak Comfortably to me say to my Soul Thy Sins are forgiven thee Lord deliver me from the fears of Death and be with me in my last passage Give me some Glimpse of Hope that I may die with Assurance of thy Favour and Pardon I humbly submit to thy Justice in my Death but I most Faâ—nestly pray that I may be delivered from Eternal Death and Everlasting Burnings and when my Soul is departed from this vile Body Let it be brought into thy Presence that I may Bless and Glorifie thy Name Eternally for the Riches of thy Grace and Mercy which has so Abounded towards me And for thy Names sake role away the Reproach from thine Heritage and thine own Tribe which I have brought upon it Preserve thy Church Let her Priests be Clothed with Righteousness and let her Saints sing with Joyfulness Be Gracious to the Nursing Father of it our Dread Soveraign Lord the King 's Most Excellent Majesty Protect his Person Prosper his Affairs As for his Enemies Cloth them with shame but upon Himself let his Crown flourish Grant that he knowing whose Minister he is may above all things seek thy Honour and Glory And that all his Subjects duly Considering whose Authority he hath may faithfully serve honour and humbly obey him in Thee and for Thee according to thy Blessed Word and Ordinance Be Merciful O Lord be Merciful to my Afflicted Family Comfort my Desolate Wife according to the Evil that I have caused her to see Teach my Poor Children by my Example not to sin against thee Give true Repentance to all whom I have tempted to Sin in particular to that miserable person who was my Partner in so much wickedness thou hast given her time to repent Lord give her grace to do it lest a worse thing befall her Provide a faithful Pastor for that Flock I have scandalized that may build up what I have pulled down And now into thy hands I commit my Soul and Conclude in his words who taught me when I pray to say Our Father c. Having thus shaken hands with the World I am too deeply Concerned to take a particular leave of my Friends especially my Dear tho distressed Relations I have done them little Good in my Life They may Live to Reap Benefit and Advantage from these my Dying Directions To my Good Wife Dear Wife IT is too late to make wishes that I had admitted of thy Counsels But 't is not too late nor unprofitable to Observe That thy Comminations have proved too Prophetical The God of Heaven is a Just and Righteous God and has clearly discovered which was in the right and which in the wrong Thee or I Dear Heart I am not now to Confess my Sins against thee Nor am I now to receive thy pardon and forgiveness I Rejoyce in the Entireness of thy Affection which all the cold Water I threw upon it could not quench The Constancy of it especially in this Extremity has given me the Comfort and thee the Character of being one of the best of Wives In order of Nature I might have longer enjoyed the happiness of thy Affections and I was resolved to have made it my only Happiness in that sense but my Sins and God's righteous Judgments hurry me hence yet before we part I will leave with thee a few Directions which is all the Legacy my vicious Courses have left me power to bequeath they proceed from entire though too late love to thee Therefore lay them up and peruse them now and then First For thy self thy constant course of private Devotion Reading the Scriptures according to the direction of the Church Fasting and Meditation before the blessed Sacrament save me the labour of any further or other Advice save that of the Apostle Be not weary of well-doing c. Only now thou must be sure to add to thy private Devotion what I too
Parishioners It may seem to commence and bear no longer date but in my time but I know 't is much more Ancient almost Hereditary to some of them Cut off the Entail if you can and so having cleared the passage by removing their prejudices then apply your self to your work I will not presume to direct you but I desire you to make a work and not a play or jest of it you will find employment for both your hands for your utmost diligence There is no man so stirring and active but may admit of the Gentle Spur I am sure if you well consult it you will find that the very necessities of your People may serve to whet your endeavours I am so acquainted with their State that though it be contrary to my Resolution yet I can't forbear to offer my opinion take it I pray with the same Candor as it comes I suppose that either frequent I had almost said constant Catechizing or Catechistical Preaching is the most proper for them I am certain they are such as have more need of Milk than of strong Meat for though such points have been often inculcated upon them yet they have been such slow Proficients in the School of Christ that they have need to be taught again which are the very first Principles of the Oracles of God In the delivery whereof you are to be industriously plain St. Pauls aim was to speak words easie to be understood apta non alta which if you observe not after many years you will find you have frustrated your own design and besides beating the Air have done nothing at all and will be no otherwise than as a sounding Brass or a tinkling Cymbal 'T were easie to enlarge even to a Surfeit but I hope you have little need I am sure I have less time I have no more to add but my Prayers That you may be in that Place the Spiritual Father of a numerous Offspring by begetting many Sons and Daughters unto God and enjoy more Comfort and Tranquillity there than did Your Predecessour R. Foulkes To the Parishioners of Stanton-Lacy Dear Friends and late good Neighbours I Am now in view of Death and have my Grave in prospect I cannot therefore charitably be suspected in the few following and my last directions to be acted by any other motive but my Charity or to aim at any other end but your Good I have been of late amongst you the occasion of some Contention I hope to obtain my pardon of God and I believe you will not deny me yours as I do freely and heartily grant you mine I beseech you contribute vigorously to the sudden ending of that and all other differences and close with the first offer of your Minister in that happy and most necessary Work 'T is high time to lay aside Wrath and Clamour and Anger and evil speaking with all Malice and to be kindly Affectioned one to another tender Hearted Forgiving one another even as God for Christ his sake hath also Forgiven you My time grows shorter and shorter else I could easily enlarge and great need there is of some strong perswasion to this Duty Read and Meditate 1 Cor. 13. all over I will insert only one qualification you will find it Rom. 12. 9. Dear Friends there is abundance of that love that is from the Teeth outwards I pray let yours be Cordial and Hearty I must be abrupt and take my leave in two words 1. My Prayer for you is the conclusion of Moses his Blessing to the Twelve Tribes Deut. 33. 27. Let the Eternal God be your Refuge and underneath you be his everlasting Arms. 2. My advice to you I borrow of St. Paul 2 Cor. 13. 11. Finally my Brethren farewel be perfect be of good Comfort be of one Mind live in Peace and the God of Love and Peace shall be with you The Conclusion FRom both Minister and People and all that knew me or may hear of me and whose hands these papers shall reach especially the Clergy unto whom I have given too just and too great an occasion of offence and scandal I beg heartily beg their pardon and forgiveness and while I live I shall pray that you may be all delivered from the infectious influence of my vile and filthy practices and example and I charge you all as you love your Souls guard and defend your selves against them and take not the least encouragement from them let the instance of my shameful end effectually convince you that Vicious and Ungodly Courses however concealed or guilded over with Hypocrisie God will detect nay your very sins will find you out and expose you to certain vengeance Oh that it had Recoiled on my self what I often urged upon others Tarditatem supplium gravitate compensat The slowness of the blow God will make up by the heaviness of it when it comes You see I am crushed all to pieces with it take warning by me it will else prove the Aggravation both of your Sins and Punishments Mine you see are great exceeding great scarcely to be parallel'd but yours will surmount even mine should you venture on them after such loud warning What were it but a Challenge to Divine Justice and a Defiance of his Omnipotency Beware therefore of such dangerous paths for if after such signal instances of Gods Wrath and Displeasure you should dash against the same Rocks they will certainly grind you to Powder Let your own Meditatition make up the Conclusion St. Paul will furnish you with a subject very proper for your thoughts to well and enlarge upon 1 Cor. 10. 6 7 8 9 10 11. there I leave you the Lord direct and assist you Amen A Prayer frequently used by me during my Reprieve O Most Holy and Righteous Judge of the whole World give a sinful and miserable Wretch leave to prostrate himself before the Throne of thy Grace and implore that Mercy which I have formerly despised and abused I am not worthy I confess to lift up my eyes towards Heaven and it becomes me in the greatest dejection of Spirit to sigh and groan under the load of my sins which have been so great and many so bold so presumptuous and shameless that when with an awakened Mind I reflect upon them I am ready to sink into Hell and despair of any Mercy O God how have I hated instruction and my heart despised reproof and have not obeyed the voice of my Teachers nor inclined mine ear to them that admonished me How swift have my feet been to run into evil and how backward and averse have I been to any thing that is good O the injuries which I have done my Neighbours the abuse of my Wife and Children my self and thy good Creatures the prophane neglect nay contempt of thee and the Duties of thy Worship and Service The remembrance of all this is dreadful the burden is intolerable How shall I appear before Thee at whose rebuke the mountains quake