not what I wou'd be at When Young I cou'd have cur'd these am'rous stings With Carrots Radishes or such like things Now there 's no pleasure in such Earthly cures I must have things apply'd as warm as yours Where lyes the blame art thou not strong and young Who wou'd not gather fruit that is well hung Or who can call 't a Sin when we have done Mayn't I have leave to hug my Husband's Son Suppose our Landlord Iove that gallant Wight Had a months mind to lodge with me a night Nay if his Lady too should give consent For you I 'd quit him though hee 'd quit his rent Since you 'l not hunt in this my softer place Where I should get the better of the chase Since the large Fields and Woods you rummage thorough Disdaining my poor little Cunny borough I 'll follow you o're Ditches and throu ' Boggs And whoop and hollow after all the Dogs I 'll speak to th' hounds so well hey Iowler Bowman That none but you shall know I am a Woman I 'll praise your Greyhound Delia when you course She shall my Mistress be and I 'll be yours Under a hedge I 'll squat down like a Hare And you alone shall find me sitting there Sometimes upon a Horse I 'll get astride And after you as I were mad I 'll ride For all our Generation have been so When they 're in Love they know not what they do You 've heard that Mistress Europe was my Grandam She went away with Iupiter at Random Pasiphae my Mother was so full Of strange Vagaries that she suck'd a Bull. My Husband with my Sister lay or rather I should have told you that it was your Father Poor Adne was stark mad for him and now I am God knows as mad in Love with you So that between the Father and the Son There are two Sisters like to be undone I never shall forget with what a Grace You drest your self in order for the chase Your Visage not too red but only tan'd Of the same colour with your brawny hand An ancient Bever on your head you put Like a three Pegeon Pye in corners cut A little Jacket made of blewish green Which had the Death of many a Badger seen Your hair your own which shew'd you not debauch'd Not nicely trim'd for here and there 't was notch'd I hate your Fellows with your powder'd Wigs As m' Husband us'd to say they look like Prigs You 'd lasting Breeches made of Buckskin Leather To keep the fundamental parts from weather But when you reach'd your hanger from the Bed Another Weapon came into my head Not all your dayes can give you such delight Or half the Sport I 'll shew you in a Night Delia's your Joy Delia does you bewitch Can you neglect a Christian for a Bitch Cephalus your Companion and old Crony Valu'd a Dog better than ready money Hee 'd get upon a Horse though half asleep Ready to hunt before the Day did peep But when h 'ad once tasted Aurora's sweets He found out better Game between the sheets For then unless she pleas'd he durst not say Nor did he wish that it would e're be day Why should not we consent to try our skill I 'm certain you and I can do as well Therefore dear Poll I offer very fair Under Barn-Elmes I 'll meet you if you dare Since none but Countrey Sports can humour you I 'll wrastle wi' you there a fall or two Though o' my Conscience I believe you 'l throw me But if you shou'd perhaps it won't undo me And when you have me down among the Trees You wanton Rogue you may do what you please Wee 'd no such opportunity before Your Father is at London with his Whore Therefore I think 't is but a just design To cuckold him and pay him in his coin Besides he ne're was marry'd to your Mother He first whor'd her and then he took another What kindness or respect ought we to have For such a Villain and perfidious Knave This should not trouble but provoke us rather With all the speed we can to lye together I am no kin to you nor you to me They call it Incest but to terrifie Lovers Embraces are Lascivious Tricks 'Mongst musty Puritans and Schismaticks Did not our Master Iove chuse him a Mistress Who should it be but one of his own Sisters There 's no engendring can be truly good But when we fancy that we 're of a blood Under the names of Mother and of Son What pretty pleasant actions may be done All they will say because I 'm kind to thee I 'm Mother both in Law and Equity Take heart of Grace be not afraid of Spyes I care not if there were Ten thousand Eyes I 'll leave the door without a Bolt or Lock What if they saw us in our Shirt and Smock Nay I 'll suppose we should be seen in Bed What can there to our prejudice be said That you came wet and dripping from the chase And I 'd a mind to give you my warm place I did not think to 've said so much in hast But Love like Murther must come out at last The Fort lyes open therefore scorn it not But come with speed and enter on the spot Let us imagine now the worst can happen Suppose that you and I were taken napping And Theseus sayes Begone you filthy Whore Away you Rogue and so he shuts the door What if he does why then for France with speed We shall be there supply'd with all we need My Father dwells at Paris in good credit And well to pass is he though I have said it There he 's well known as Beggar knows his dish We 'll live as bravely then as Heart can wish Therefore make haste dream not of any harms Thou 'lt be secure enough within my arms When you go out may you be sure of Game May your horse never tire nor happen lame At a default may the Dogs never be May Delia bring forth Whelps as good as she May you i' th' Field ne're want a draught of Beer Or Bread and Cheese or such like hunting cheer While I sit pining for you here at home When I have cry'd out both my Eyes you 'l come HYPSIPYLE to IASON Lately translated out of OVID Now BURLESQU'D The ARGUMENT Jason a quondam Foot-man with some others the nimblest of the same Function joyn'd their Stocks and purchas'd a Silver-Bowl which they ran for from Barnet to St. Albans but before the day of the Match one Medaea a Gipsey and Strouler in those Parts took a more then ordinary fancy towards Jason whom she so dieted with new laid Eggs or what the Devil it was else she being suspected of Withcraft that he won the Plate and beat two famous Foot Jockeys Whipping-Tom and Teage Hypsipyle his Wife whom he had deserted hearing of his good success and withall of his Love-intrigue with Medaea caused this Epistle to be sent to him
back again I hate the Noise of a tumultuous Sea Give me a Tempest rais'd by you and me A Storm in which all Parts about us shake When we can hear the Bed beneath us crack At Gravesend when we took our last Adieu The Parting Kiss remember I gave you I like a shitten Girle began to cry I had no mind methoughts to say God b'w'y I heard Tarpaulins roar out Hoise up Sail On Board on Board here comes a merry Gale In such brisk Gales poor Women don't delight They blow away the Pleasures of the night As you went off I could not bear the Loss A Qualm came o'er my Stomach quite-a-cross Old Mother Crump a very subtle Croan Saw by my Looks that I was almost gon A Pint of Brandy presently she brought And made me drink a very hearty draught She shew'd her Love but what great good has't done How can I live with comfort now you 're gone I wake and find no Husband by my side I often think 't were better I had dy'd Till you return I 'll ne'er be drest agen I have not comb'd my Head the Lord knows when A Glass of Wine sometimes my heart does cherish Wer 't not for that I fansie I shou'd perish Because I go so taudry like a Punk Some that don't know me think that I am drunk My Neighbours often tell me Mistress Protes You go so strangely all the Street takes notice Says one You do your Husband's Friends disgrace For shame Put on a Petticoat with Lace Why should they think that I would wear a lac'd-coat When my poor Husband 's in a Seaman's wastecoat Should I adorn my Head with Curles and Towers When a poor Skipper's Cap does cover yours These Plaguy Dutch that they should break the Peace And not submit to us in English Seas Though for my own particular I swear If I could once again but have you here Let Dutch have Liberty to fish and foul I would not care a Farthing By my Soul Methinks I see you now and by your looks You are engaging with a Butter box Methinks just now a Bullet did escape And hit my Neck just in the very Nape But oh I swoon when I do think of Trump His Ship 's now giving yours a bloudy Thump Bless us said I Now you are dispatch'd That Dog has been at Sea 'fore you were hatch'd For Heaven's sake avoid him if you can He 's certainly the Devil of a Man If any Ship does make up toward you You may be sure Van-Trump's among the Crew There 's not a Shot does to your Vessel come But I receive the Pain on 't here at home What am I better if you beat the Dutch And you come hopping hither on a Crutch How finely 'mong the Neighbourhood 't would show To see you strut upon a timber Toe To rout the Foe is some great Adm'ral's Office In these Engagements you are but a Novice Your single Valour 's nothing on the Sea Your Combate should be hand to hand with me Would I were in the Fleet with Trump or Ruyter To them I would become an humble Suiter And point out to them where your Squadron lay Directing them to shoot another way I 'd speak t'em thus Great Souls of Amsterdam Pray hear a silly Woman as I am And let your Cannon my poor Husband shun He knows not to discharge a little Gun If you were Women as you 're Warlike Men He would perform great Actions wi' you then Your Fighting Skirmishing and Breaking Bones Are onely fit for Men that want their Stones Just as you were commanded to your Ship Remember at the Stairs your Foot did slip Think on that Slip and when the Dutch are shooting Duck down your Head as if you wanted footing I wish your Captain some great Coward were And durst not bring the Vessel up for fear I wish to God he would not fail too fast You 'll come too soon although you come the last When you return they 'll ask how Matters stand I hope you 'll know no more than we at Land All the day long I smell no scent but Powder Each minute Guns go louder off and louder Most marry'd Women long till it be night But for my part I hate the thoughts of it Unless by chance I sleep and dream of you Fancy's the kinder Husband then o' th' two And when I wake and feel the Linnen wet I find I 've wept for joy upon the Sheet This to Enjoyment gives but half content When shall we meet together by consent Oh how I long to hear you tell in Bed Some strange Romantick Tale of what you did But when you find you can't prolong the Jest And being at Stand kiss out the rest Against both Wind and Tide why will you go You 'd scarce come home if Wind and Tide said No You fight methinks about so mean a thing Which should have Privilege of catching Ling Old-Ling I hate worse than a Common Whore Would you lov'd Fighting with the Dutch no more I ate it once and that against my will And sometimes fancy that I smell no't still But though thou art expos'd to Seas and Wind It is some Ease unto my troubled Mind To see thy comely Picture in the Hall Drawn to the Life with Charcoal on the Wall I prattle to it as if thou wert here 'T is late Pr'ythee let 's go to Bed my Dear Methinks thou say'st I 'll humour thee for once Thou 'lt work me at the last to Skin and Bones I kiss the Wall and do my Cheeks besmear And ope my Mouth as if your Tongue was there By all the pleasant Postures of Delight By all the Twines and Circles of the Night By the First minute of our Nuptial Joys When you put fairly for a Brace of Boys I do conjure you have a special care And let not faucy Danger come too near For when I hear that thou art knock'd o' th' head I 'll hold you ten to one that I am dead OENONE to PARIS The ARGUMENT Paris was the Son of Priam a Wealthy Old Citizen and Alderman of London When Hecuba his Mother was big with Child of him she dream't a foolish conceited Dream which occasion'd Old Priam to consult Lilly who told him That Paris in process of time would occasion his house to be burnt down Therefore the credulous Alderman sends him into the Countrey far North to be dispos'd of as a By-blow When be grew fit for Service he was entertain'd in a Gentleman's House where he contracted a Bosom-acquaintance with Oenone a Young Wench and fellow Servant with him in the same house His Father began to come to himself and hearing where he was sent for him and own'd him as his Son but before that he had disengaged himself from Service and ran away with one Hellen who was Wife to Menelaus Oenone being inform'd of All these proceedings writes to him this Letter AFter my hearty Love to you remember'd Hoping you are not in Body
distemper'd More than my self at the writing hereof If it be so we are both well enough Your Usage has been such to poor Oenone That none but such a fool as I would own'e'e I hear you 're run away with Menels Wife I pitty her she 'll lead a blessed Life What mighty mischief have I done I wonder You 'l never have a younger nor a sounder If by my means y' had met with some disaster Had I procur'd you Anger from your Master If I had giv'n you that they call a Clap You 'd had some small Excuse for your Escape But now you 've had your ends away to sneak Come come these things wou'd make a body speak You were not then so Uppish when you said A Dutchess was a T t' a Servant Maid You were a Groom your self you know 't is truth Not all your Greatness not can stop my mouth If you were able to keep house you swore You 'd marry me for all I was your Whore We were together on a Summers day Both in the Stable on a Truss of Hay You can't forget some pretty pastimes there No body saw us but the Chesnut Mare You said such glorious things the very Beast Prick'd up her Ears and thought you were in Jest But I did prove the verrier Beast o th' two For like an Ass I thought that all was true Soon after you were taken from the Stable To wait upon my Master at his Table To undertake it you seem'd very loath Did I not teach you then to lay a Cloath There 's no man but must have his first beginning Who learnt you then to fold your Table Linnen Did you not often when the Cloath was spred Just in the middle put your Salt and Bread You have been threatned oft to lose your place Because you knew not how to fill a Glass You pour'd in Wine up to the very top I told you you should fill but to the knob Did I not shew you how to broach your Drink And tilt the Vessel when 't began to sink I was your dearest Honey all that while There was not such a Girle in Forty mile You carv'd my name upon the Trencher-Plates And on the Elmes before the outward Gates And as we see in time those Elmes encrease So will my name grow greater with the Trees And any one that stands but at the doore May see Oenone your obedient Whore You never have been well since those three Maids Rather those impudent and bold-fac'd Jades Differ'd among them selves which it should be That had the cleanliest shape of all the Three To you they came when you were in the Close The Little Field that was behind the House Stark naked did they come from top to toe Paris say they we will be Judg'd by you Heavens preserve your eye-sight how you gaz'd Nor could you speak a word you were so ' maz'd At last you Judg'd with many a hum and haw Venus the finest Wench that e're you saw This was a Whitson Frolique as they said A pretty prank to shew you all they had To see how naked Women are bewitching Since that y' have minded nothing else but bitching Soon after that your project was of stealing That over-ridden Whore that Mistress Hellen I must be gone a little while you said Then was this Bus'ness brooding in your head You kist me hard as if I cou'd not feel And swore that you wou'd be as true as steel Said you Doubt nothing for the case is plain I 'm prov'd the Son of an Old Alderman And sent for home my Father 's very ill I must be by at making of his Will Oh that we cou'd but bury the old Cuff Then marry you all wou'd be well enough You may've a richer Wife but not a better For I am no such despicable Creature Not to disparage your good Lady Mother I can behave my self as well's another No Wife like me was there in Christendom When you were honest Pall Squire Sheepheard's Groom My Father 's but a plain Old Man 't is true But 's Daughter h'as been bred as high as you He is an honest Man what e'r I am And may be sav'd as soon as Master Priam. Were I your Wife my carriage shou'd not shame Your Mother Hec. tho' shee 's a stately Dame What though these hands have us'd a Dripping-pan Yet on occasion they can furle a Fan. Now on a little Folding Bed I lye Tho' in that Bed sometimes lay you and I Yet I know how perhaps to hold my head If I were carry'd to a Damasque Bed If you had marry'd me y' had met with quiet What can y' expect from her but noise and riot You now have caught a most notorious Strumpet Besides 't is known as if y 'ad blown a Trumpet Where e're you come you 'l meet with frumps and Jeers Her Husband too will be about your Ears In little time from you she will be budging She 'l lye with any body for a Lodging When first of all we closely were acquainted Which now it is too late I have repented Cassandra was a Gipsey in the Town Who went a Fortune-telling up and down I gave her broken meat which we cou'd spare Shee 'd tell me all my Fortune to a hair You love sayes she a Man not tall nor squat But a good hansome Fellow mark ye that This Youth and you 't is likely may do well If he escape but one they call her Nell But if they two should chance to lye together Hee 'll break the heart of you and of his Father Who this Nell was I cou'd not chuse but wonder But now I know who 't is a Pox confound her I 'll make Cassandra ' Liar tho' in part You 've vex'd me but you ne're shall break my heart This very Whore I speak on ran-away With such another Fellow t' other day And when her cloaths were gone and money lavish'd She came and told her Husband she was ravish'd I 'm sure I 'm true for here since you were gone Hath been some loving Boobyes of the Town One of the Fellows surely is a Satyr He follows me and swears hee 'l watch my water We have a Servant come pretends to Physick He hath a Cure for any one that-is sick He cures the Tooth-ach if your Finger's cut A Plaister to it presently hee 'l put Freckles i' th' face he cures and takes off Pimples ' Hath taught me too the use of Herbs and Simples But I must beg my fellow-Servant's pardon 'Gainst Love there is no Herb nor Flow'r i' th' Garden For this Disease I must rely upon ye Come and live here again you 'l cure Oenone PENELOPE to VLYSSES Lately translated out of OVID Now BURLESQU'D The ARGUMENT There hapning a Rebellion in Scotland in that Army which went under the Command of the Duke Ulysses went Voluntier The Rebels being quell'd the Army return'd home but Ulysses lay loitring at some Inn on the Road which when his Careful Wife