as we commit them to the trust of men As our fields to the Husbandmen our Heards to the Pastors our Gardens to the Gardiners our house to our men-seruants our chambers to our Maid-seruants our secrets to our friends our writings to the Notaries out Robes to the Aduocates our Merchandizes to the Mariners our sons to their Tutors our daughters to their friends our heads to the Barbers our liues to the Phisicians But our honour which is more precious then all these we commit into the hands of a silly woman in such sort as we must neuer againe demand it neuer can release it nor neuer can be sure of it Thou canst not be called a Blasphemer if thou didst neuer curse nor a periured companion if thou didst not sweare in that which is false nor a despiser if thou didst not contemne the gods nor an homicide if thou neuer committedst murther nor a thiefe if thou didst neuer steale nor a coozener if thou didst neuer deceiue nor a trecherous person if thou didst neuer deale falsly with thy friends nor an adulterer if by no meanes thou didst neuer attempt another mans wife neither can any of these faults bee imputed vnto thee if thou didst neuer offend nor desire to commit them But thou maist be iniuried by a greater matter then all these if though without thy will or without thy fault another man goeth with desire to thy wife O wretched man it is a wonder to see what danger thou art come in All other things are seene and considered on before they are bought A house if it be to be bought is marked and obserued the Instruments are heard the Melons are smelled vnto the wine is tasted of the cloth is felt the timber is fitted the glasses are touched to see if they be found on all fides the Lute is chosen the strings are stretched the wood is measured the shooes are pulled on the Horse is backed the Cow is chosen out and to bee briefe all things are proued when we buy them to gaine by them But if in our marriage the bargaine be once concluded then art thou married to the Sunne thou canstineuer refuse whilst thou liuest but must remaine with thy wife euen vutill death she is taken blind-fold as men vse to play at blinde as the Cat or rather the Cat in the sacke she is not proued lest she should be refused vpon the triall neither is shee seene for that if shee were she would sooner be refused then accepted Whoso will buy flesh they may goe to the Shambles and pay for it and if they will haue fish they may haue it in the Fish-market And she that will be married let her pay her husband first for taking of her It is maruaile if shee should stand and be fresh new It is strange that her friends should haue such desire to hunt her out of the house and that she is so willing oftentimes to returne againe Looke how much the greater thy bargaine seemes to be so much the worse is the flesh and looke by how much the richer thy wife is in dowry so much the poorer is shee in vertue If thy Garments do not fit thee well thou mayst cause them to be made againe If thou hast a Ring that is either too great or too little for thee thou mayst cause it to be new cast If the money thou hast like thee not thou mayst change it If one house like thee not thou mayst remoue to another If thy field please thee not thou canst sell it away If a seruant be not for thy purpose thou mayst dismisse him If thou hast a sister that is offensiue vnto thee thou mayst marry her to a husband But thy wife howsoeuer she come vnto thee thou must of necessity keepe her vntill her death If her friends would bid thee marry her for a touch as when we buy Capons O for a taste as we vse to buy Millions Or for a proofe as we vse to buy Shooes Or for a time as we vse to buy our Cattell Or for so long as she shall remaine good as we vse to buy horses Or vntill wee might change her as we doe our money Then would I counsell thee to take her and to proue her if she like thee to hold her if not refuse her and all she brought euen as thou wert married to her But the law is ouer-strict and for this cause is it ouer-strict for that if the second day thou shouldest refuse her and all thou hadst with her then no woman will euer care for thee againe Thy friends will neuer more speake for thee thy enemies will begin to reioyce at thee thy parents wil be sorry for thee thy daughters will diminish thy substance thy house will increase thy trauell the honour of thy family will begin to die thy wife will begin to shorten thy life thy sonnes will begin to desire thy death thy dowry will not serue to begin another contract Thy wife can bee no more assured to thee for that shee belongs to another man Thy Children may bee taken from thee because they are not thine owne What a foole shall he be accounted that buyeth a house to the doore whereof euery man hath a key Is not he such a foole that taketh a wife Is there not any man in the world that keepeth a key for the honesty of any woman There are foure things that deceiue a man out of his owne house smoke fire a rotten roofe and a churlish wife The smoke is remedied by putting out the fire The fire is quenched by casting on water The roofe is amended by laying on new Tyles But for the frowardnes of a wife there is no remedy can be found that is intolerable for euer But I end lest that thou thinke I make a history CHAP. V. Wherein is recollected diuers examples of Women that haue murdred their husbands FOr the proofe and example and confirmations of this there shall be brought the examples of things not onely past but also to come for that the Stars in contemplating vpon which I am wont to spend many a faire night do prognosticate vnto me a thousand grieuous euents to happen and amongst others great plenty of such as these to happen which makes so infinit a number of husbands to go to their wiues sorrowing Agamemnon was slaine by his wife Clitemnestra the sonnes of Aegistus of the daughters of Danaus and so it hapned to the husbands of the sisters of Albina Alexander Fereus of his owne wife Albinus of Rosamond Antioch of Laodicea so it hapned in like manner to Antonius being murdred of Lucilla Gandulph also of his owne wife Saleotus of his spouse Ninus Fabius of Fabia Tybertus Caesar of Agrippina and a thousand more which to collect would be too long The greater of those either had beene or after should haue beene kings CHAP. VI. Wherein is shewne how hard and difficult a thing it is to keepe the honesty of a woman DOst thou
her paces of motions of her gestures of the signes she maketh of her writings of her speeches yea euen of the turning of her eies If thou makest the suspition known how art thou pointed at as an infamous man if thou keepest it secret thou art condemned as an ignorant person And if she be dishonest shamelesse she will publish her owne shame If thou sufferest her to liue so by that meanes she becommeth worse for she who once loseth her honor there is as much hope of amendment as there is of wooll that once was died blacke euer to become white againe If thy wife be a widdow shee will alwaies be either praising or praying for her first husband If a maide she is then vnacquainted with thy conditions and vnexpert in wiues duty and businesse If simple then must thou bee beholding to thy neighbours to gouerne thy house If witty then her husband must euen commend himselfe to God the simplicitie of the one suffreth houshold matters to go vp and downe The wittines of the other will almost make the husband distract of his little wit If barren the husband liues then in great discontent esteeming himselfe to be in hatred with God and nature in being denied that comfort for which chiefly he married And not giuing him the fruite of that blessing the want whereof maketh him reproachfull whereby he shameth to accompany with men as seeming himselfe to be lesse then a man And seeing other mens children hee grecueth and wisheth that the worst of them were his and so seeketh carefully to adopt some other mans child If thy wife he fruitfull so that she hath many children that increase much both the charge in bringing of them vp and thy trouble in looking to them should make busmes for thy selfe thou must then prouide dainty meates rich apparell and other strange delights diligent Nurses worshipfull Gossips and learned Schoolemasters thou must satisfie her fantasticall desires in her time of being with child and her troublesome frowardnesse night-cries of children and the importunate demands of Nurses and oftentimes the negligence of Seruants losing more then the diligence of the master can gaine If thy children be good and it fortune that they die that greeueth thee much If they proue ill and liue that greeueth thee more If they be good and die the father must comfort himselfe and the mother from the fatherly sorrow of such mishaps as are befalne to them then shall the father know that all his passed ioyes giue place to those piercing sorrowes If the children being good doe liue then the father greeueth he cannot bring them vp according to his desire or their desert also hee greeueth that hee hath not so many possessions as sonnes If they liue and proue euill the father lamenteth that euer hee had begot them and sighes that euer he married If hee chance to haue daughters he can neither chuse nor so gouerne them but that they wil be beloued sued vnto and followed If they be faire it is hard to keepe them if they be foule it is hard to bestow them If they be noble it behoueth the father to seeke husbands of like degree If they want their dowry or honour the father hath then all the care to him onely remaineth trouble and trauaile If the daughters marry against the will of their fathers the father is dishonoured If they stay and marry with their fathers consent he then resteth in bonds and when he hopeth to be quit of trouble hee then falles into great troubles by them or their children c. he must supply all their wants the daughters are alwaies complayning and sometimes returne to the father The sonnes bring their wiues to the father and which is more intolerable the grand-child hopeth to be made heire If the wife be sharpe and hasty thou imaginest shee loueth others besides thee If shee fawne vpon thee then thou maist well perswade thy selfe that either formerly shee hath deceiued thee or now intendeth to deceiue thee If shee be merry thou thinkest it is because shee hath receiued some good newes from her Louers If she be sad thou thinkest some new loue tormenteth her If shee be good thou fearest she will die before thee If shee be ill thou desirest her death euery day If she be brauely apparelled then art thou iealous If she be carelesly apparelled then art thou offended If thou apparellest her gallantly thou makest her to be the more gazed at If thou keepest her meanly she disdaineth it for the one thy neighbours and friends will accuse thee of too much softnesse and for the other they wil condemne thee for very couetousnesse If shee conuerse with men thou fearest they be adulterers If with women thou imaginest they be Bawdes If she conuerse with her kinred thou suspectest thy goods If with strangers then art thou iealous of thine honour If thou leauest her without a watch thou art perswaded that shee seekes by meanes of opportunitie which maketh thecues whðilde it is offered them If thou beest watchfull ouer her thy selfe she shall be constrained to erre for want of necessaries which thou perhaps deniest her For it is the nature of women to be quieted with abundance wheras they are discontented with scarcity If thou settest others to watch her then they themselues doe that which they prohibit others for which there must bee others to watch also ouer them but howsoeuer thy wife is either honest or else shee is dishonest If honest she ought not to be guided if dishonest shee cannot be guided enough If thou giuest her the gouernment of thy whole house thou must then serue her at command If thou reseruest any part thereof to thy selfe shee then complaineth of the little trust thou reposest in her If thou makest her gouernour of all thou maist not doe any thing thou canst not be in any place thou canst not inuite any friend thou canst not giue any thing but she knoweth of it must first giue thee leaue nay often-times therein shee breakes with thee and so causeth that thou canst not be so good as thy word constraining to haue saw for that wherin thou art not faulty If thou giuest her a limited gouernment either she will not accept it or else she will not execute it finding her selfe discontent seeing that there is no difference made betwixt her and thy seruants If shee praise any thou fearest that she loueth him whom she praiseth If she blameth any thou thinkest she dissembles for that it often happens that wit in women blames most those whom they best loue If she can write and read shee then writeth vnto her Louers and receiueth lettets from them also If shee can neither read nor write shee causeth others to read and write for her and when thou art from home and doest but write to her others must see what thou writest If shee can read printed Bookes in reading shee mingleth that of the Serpent with that of the Scorpion If shee
a Walnut is a faire iuyce that hee that keepeth it in his hands is defiled therewith so a woman with her beauty hurteth whomsoeuer beholdeth her He that is vnmarried is called Callibas as it were Coelestis and remaineth free from bands But marriage is called Ligam because it bindeth a knot because it knitteth a string and because it tyeth and a yoke because it burdeneth yet is it farre better to carry a yoke then to marry a wife for that a yoke is borne in the day but laid downe at night but a woman must bee endured euen to the death In the Italian tongue marriage is called Maritarice as Tarse il marie to commit to the Sea and Spousuer in which language the letter S vndoeth the signification of the very posure with which it is compounded into a contrary meaning as the one signifies to depose being compounded with S is to be without repose so hee that will marry must bee sure to forsake all pleasure and delight And very well is marriage in the same language called Rote as Dotansa doubting that those that are inticed to marry do alwayes liue in feare doubting a womans Dowry is giuen in Cuffes in Garments in Chaines and such like But if it bee called for gaine it must bee restored in Vineyards in Lands in Houses it is receiued slowly but restored quickly A wife with her children quickly consumeth the apparell she brought and the goods shee found in the house and if it chance she dye her Dowry must bee restored which is sure neuer to be lost But let the Patrimony of her husband be consumed there is none to restore that againe Yet a man should thinke it better with reason that children should rather coÌ„sume the goods of the mother then those of the father for that they are alwayes more surely her children then his He therefore that will be married to a wife let him first think with himselfe for what cause hee marrieth her If thou marriest her to gouerne thy house why thereby thy seruants which thou maist leaue behinde thee or take thou maist change them at thy disposition reprehend them after thine owne will looke vnto them at thine owne pleasure and without controlement giue or take from them thy keyes If thou marriest her for desire of children thou maist adopt sonnes to thy selfe and discharge them after thine owne pleasure and heart But if thou couetest to haue them legitimate and thine owne neither can this desire of thine bee fulfilled by hauing a wife and it is better for thee that more reprehend the folly of thy seruants then of thy wife If thou desirest to haue children of thine owne I wil tell thee what thou shalt doe Cause the mother that beares them to bestowe them as a gift vpon thee wherupon thou maist then without lying say they are thine owne If thou marriest thinking with thy wiues Dowry to pay thy debts thou hadst then better take vp money at interest though thou shouldst pay a hundred for a hundred If yet thou thinkest with these Dowries to match thy daughters it is better for thee to keepe them thy selfe then to commit them to other solkes custody And to be briefe If thou wouldst marry for loue remember that thy wife hath eyes blinded that her yeres are childish and vndiscreet her hands stinging her father perhaps an old limping man and her mother a wanton and lasciuious womaÌ„ her shoulders are winged her hands polluted her body vncleane CHAP. VIII Wherein is shewed diuers examples of witty men that haue reprehended Marriage NOw that I haue bound vp all in so small a Faggot these my speeches would seeme too long if I should by example endeuour to prooue all that I haue before spoken I will therefore for breuity sake content my selfe with a fewe A certaine young man liued reprehended for taking a wife of a very small stature excused himselfe by saying Of many euils he had made choyse of one of the least A certaine man being counselled to marry by a Philosopher who himselfe had neuer beene married desired him to bestowe of him one of his daughters Some haue beene of opinion that the gods would descend and dwell with vs if it were not that women liued amongst vs. There is no man but remembred that Phoromis the King and Law-maker of the Argiues vsed to say that if hee had not a wife hee should haue all felicity Socrates one of the chiefest Philosophers had nothing that so much annoyed him as his wife Xantippa A certaine Philosopher who whiles hee was yong was often demaunded why hee married not alwayes answered that it was too soone of whom the same being asked when hee was old then replied that it was too late A wise man that was poore being requested of an exceeding rich woman to marry her hee refused saying that she being rich would thinke to be a husband and mistris of him that was poore One being reprehended for giuing his daughter in marriage to his enemy said that he knew not how to be better reuenged of him There is nothing in the world more proud then a woman Socrates of whoÌ„ we spake before was requested of one that he wold giue him leaue to marry He said that whether he married or not he would after repent him Onely this difference there was If saith he thou repentest of not taking a wife thou mayst mend thy selfe when thou wilt but if thou repentest when thou hast taken her thou canst not any way finde redresse Arriâ—s being himselfe a married man and seeing one lamenting and making great moane that three of his wiues one after another had all hanged themselues in one tree in his Garden he with great desire requested a branch thereof maruailing that the man should sorrow for so good successe bade him proyne and dresse that tree well which brought him forth so good fruite as to rid him of that which so much annoyed him I remember that before I compared the wife to an Owle that is the gazing stocke and wonder of all that passe by her I will now compare her husband to a Cuckow who is wont to couer and hide the egges of other birds for that some woman will rather be content with one eye and one hand then with one man Marchants being at Sea and seeing their Shippe in danger to miscarry resolued to cast forth some of their heauiest wares Whervpon one cast forth his wife saying It was hard for the Ship to sustaine such a weight A wise man repented him of three things of a day lost a voyage made by sea when hee might haue gone by land and a secrete reuealed to his wife The conclusion of the Letter I Should haue a long web to weaue if I should produce examples out of all those sayings which confirme these my speeches If I should onely repeate the examples of children that most cruelly haue tortured and murdered their parents I will therefore conclude telling thee onely one thing That the first night that thy wife shall enter into thy marriage bed she will beginne to hope for thy death which thou shalt better beleeue if thou doest but obserue one suspitious custome that women haue That the first night she lies with thee will withall diligence obserue whether they or their husbands fall first asleepe prognosticating thereby that their death is neerest If I should repeate vnto thee all the secrets and vanities of women what strange things shouldst thou then heare of me But I refuse to relate them because indeed it is a shame to know them Some I know will condemne me for that I haue spoken which will be such as then are newly married or doe intend to marry But let them goe on and in the end they shall blame themselues for beleeuing me no better The first moneth that a man is married I know he will thinke me a foole The second moneth he will call my name in question The third moneth hee will contend with me The fourth moneth hee wil withdraw the sentence The fift moneth he will pay the charges accounting me a wise man and himselfe a foole But thou wilt say I am no competent Iudge hauing neuer had experience what a woman is I answere thee that when two men wrastle together he that looketh on beholdeth the game better then themselues But let mee say what I will I know thy resolution is wholly bent vpon marriage and to a man deliberate we seldome vse to giue counsell Yet let mee aduise thee that with thine eyes shut thy nose stopt thy fist closed thy stomack armed thou wilt take thy wife as a medicine of Rubarbe And so I desire the gods to giue thee grace to beleeue this my letter and to keep thee from euil which thou shalt best do if thou keepe thee from a wife FINIS