Daughter Mistriss Odd-Humour Two Fathers of the Church Gentlemen Maid-Servants Men-Servants A Nurse THE RELIGIOUS ACT I. Scene 1. Enter two Maid-Servants Kate and Joan. KAte My Masters Nephew and my Ladyes Daughter are the kindest lovers for so young ones as that ever I knew Ioan. I believe you never knew such young ones for she is not above ten years of age and he but thirteen or fourteen Kate He addresseth himself in that Country manner and pleads his Love-sure with such affectionate respect and she gives Audience with such modest attention as one would think they were older by a douzen years a-piece than they are Ioan. They have been bred together and they have not been acquainted with the Vanityes and Vices of the World which makes love the more pure Kate My Lady desires my Master that he would give consent his Nephew may marry her Daughter Ioan. She hath reason for he is the only Son of his Father my Masters Brother the Lord Dorato who is very rich and is in great favour with the Arch-Prince of the Country Kate Why so is my Ladyes Daughter the only Child of her Parents and she is Heir to her Fathers Estate Ioan. Yes but her Father left so many Debts when he dyed as the Estate will not be so great as it is thought to be Kate But by that time she is of Age the Debts may be paid Ioan. But my Lady hath a great Jointure out of it that will be a hindrance to the payment ôf Debts Kate Well I believe whether they have their friends consent or not they will marry they love so very much each other Ioan. Perchance so and then repent when they come to elder years that they marryed so young Kate Faith that they may do if they were double their Age for few marry that repent not Ioan. Well come away and leave them to repentance Kate Nay stay they are not married yet Exeunt Scene 2. Enter Sir Thomas Gravity and his Lady LAdy Pray Husband give your Nephew leave to marry my Daughter Sir Thomas Gravity Time enough Wife they are young and may stay this seven years and indeed they are so young as it is not fit they should marry besides I have not absolute power to dispose of my Nephew for though my Brother left him to my care and breeding when he went Ambassadour to the Emperour because his Wife was dead and none so fit to leave him with as I yet to marry him without his Fathers Knowledge or Consent will not be taken well nay perchance he may be very angry Lady Come come he will not displease you with his anger for fear he may lose that you have power to give from him which is your Estate which you may leave to him or his Son having no Children of your own wherefore pray Husband grant my request Sir Thomas Gravity Well wife I will consider it Lady Nay if you consider you will find so many excuses as you will deny my request with excuse Sir Thomas Gravity Faith if I do consent to this marriage it will be to be rid of my Nephews and your importunity Lady You may be sure we will never let you be quiet Sir Thomas Gravity I believe you Exeunt Scene 3. Enter MIstriss Odd-Humour and her Maid Nan Mistriss Odd-Humour Nan give me my work and my little armed Chair The Maid goeth out and strait enters with a little low wicker armed Chair she sits in it but is forced to crowd her self into it the Chair being too little for her seat Nan Lord Mistriss you take great pains to crowd into that Chair I wonder you can take delight to sit so uneasily Mistriss Odd-Humour O custome is a second Nature for I using to sit in this Chair from my Childhood I have a Natural Love to it as to an old acquaintance and being accustomed to sit in it it feels easier She works the whilst she sits and speaks than any other seat for use and custome makes all things easy when that we are unaccustomed to is difficult and troublesome but I take so much delight to sit and work or Sing old Ballads in this Chair as I would not part from it for any thing Nan Yes you would part with your little old Chair for a proper young Husband who would set you on his knees Mistriss Odd-Humour By my faith but I would not for I should find more trouble and less case on a young Husbands knees than on my old Chairs Seat Nan But if you should sit in this Chair when you were marryed your Husband must kneel down if he would kiss you Mistriss Odd-Humour Why then this Chair will learn a Husband humble submission and obedience which Husbands never knew but Nan prethee fetch me some of my old Ballads to sing for I am weary of working One calls Nan in another room Nan Mistriss your Mother calls you She strives to get out of the little Chair hitching first on one side and then on the other side wringing her self by degrees out the whilst speaks Mistriss Odd-Humour I had as lieve be whipt as stir Nan You have reason you labour so much and ring your self so hard as whipping would be less pain for your Chair is now sitter for your Head than your Britch Mistriss Odd-Humour Not unless to break my head for a Chair is not a fit rest for the head for then the heels would be upwards and so I might be thought a Light-heeld wench for light things fly or ly upwards Nan Why the head that is the uppermost part of the body is not light Mistriss Odd-Humour Yes when 't is mad or drunk Exeunt Scene 4. Enter the Lord Dorato Ambassador and a Man with Letters LOrd Dorato How doth my Brother and my Son Man Very well my Lord The Lord reads a Letter Lord Dorato How is this my Son marryed to my Brothers Wives Daughter without my Knowledge or Consent to a Girl whose Estate hath more Debts than Lands and who knows how she will prove when she is a woman and my Son to marry a wife before he hath wit to govern a wife to put a clog to his heels to hinder his Travell for Knowledge sure my Brother is mad dotingly mad to be perswaded by a foolish woman his wife for I know it was her insinuating perswasions that made him agree to the marriage O I could curse the time I sent my Son to him and my self for trusting him to educate and govern him who hath bred him to be as foolish as himself O foolish Son and more foolish Brother by how much being older but I will break the marriage-knot asunder or disinherit my Son or marry and get another that may prove more wise and happy to me Do you know of my Sons marriage Man Yes Sir for t is much talk'd of and of the extraordinary love betwixt the young couple Lord Dorato A couple of young Puppyes and their Unckle an old Al 's O the
or Wife to the Lord de L'amour 6. Passive the Lady Innocences maid 7. Falshood an informer to maids of the Lady Incontinent Physitians Natural Philosophers Moral Philosophers young Students Souldiers Lovers Mourners Virgins Servants and others ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Sir Thomas Father Love and his wife the Mother Lady Love MOther Love Husband you have a strange nature that having but one child and never like to have more and this your childe a daughter that you should breed her so strictly as to give her no time for recreation nor no liberty for company nor freedom for conversation but keeps her as a Prisoner and makes her a slave to her book and your tedious moral discourses when other children have Play-fellows and toyes to sport and passe their time withall Father Love Good wife be content doth not she play when she reads books of Poetry and can there be nobler amiabler finer usefuller and wiser companions than the Sciences or pleasanter Play-fellows than the Muses can she have freer conversation than with wit or more various recreations than Scenes Sonets and Poems Tragical Comical and Musical and the like Or have prettier toyes to sport withall than fancie and hath not the liberty so many hours in the day as children have to play in Mother Love Do you call this playing which sets her brain a working to find out the conceits when perchance there is none to find out but are cheats and cozens the Readers with empty words at best it fills her head but with strange phantasmes disturbs her sleep with frightfull dreams of transformed bodyes of Monsters and ugly shaped vices of Hells and Furies and terrifying Gods of Wars and Battles of long travels and dangerous escapes and the pleasantest is but dark groves gloomy fields and the happiest condition but to walk idly about the Elizium fields and thus you breed your daughter as if your Posterity were to be raised from a Poets phantastical brain Father Love I wish my Posterity may last but as long as Homers lines Mother Love Truly it will be a fine airey brood No no I will have her bred as to make a good houswife as to know how to order her Family breed her Children govern her Servants entertain her Neighbours and to fashion herself to all companies times and places and not to be mewed and moped up as she is from all the World insomuch as she never saw twenty persons in one company in all her life unless it be in pictures which you set her to stare on above an hour everyday Besides what Father doth educate their Daughters that office belongs to me but because you have never a Son to tutor therefore you will turn Cotqucan and teach your daughter which is my work Father Love Let me tell you Wife that is the reason all women are fools for women breeding up women one fool breeding up another and as long as that custom lasts there is no hopes of amendment and ancient customs being a second nature makes folly hereditary in that Sex by reason their education is effeminate and their times spent in pins points and laces their study only vain fashions which breeds prodigality pride and envie Mother Love What would you have women bred up to swear swagger gaming drinking Whoring as most men are Father Love No Wife I would have them bred in learned Schools to noble Arts and Sciences as wise men are Mother Love What Arts to ride Horses and fight Dewels Father Love Yes if it be to defend their Honour Countrey and Religion For noble Arts makes not base Vices nor is the cause of lewd actions nor is unseemly for any Sex but baseness vice and lewdnesse invents unhandsome and undecent Arts which dishonours by the practice either Sex Mother Love Come come Husband I will have her bred as usually our Sex is and not after a new fashioned way created out of a self-opiniated that you can alter nature by education No no let me tell you a woman will be a woman do what you can and you may assoon create a new World as change a womans nature and disposition Enter the Lady Sanspareille as to her Father as not thinking her Mother was there Sanspareille O Father I have been in search of you to ask you a question concerning the Sun When she sees her Mother she starts back Mother What have you to do with the Sun and lives in the shade of the Worlds obscuritie Sansp. VVhy Madam where would you have me live can I live in a more serene aire than in my Fathers house or in a purer or clearer light than in my Parents eyes or more splendrous than in my Parents company Mother I would have you live at Court there to have honour favour and grace and not to lose your time ignorantly knowing nothing of the VVorld nor the VVorld of you Sansp. Can I live with more honour than with my Father and You or have more favour than your loves or is there a greater grace than to be Daughter of vertuous Parents can I use or imploy my time better than to obey my Parents commands need I know more than honesty modesty civility and duty As for the VVorld mankind is so partial to each self as they have no faith on the worth of their Neighbour neither doth they take notice of a Stranger but to be taken notice of Mother Love Yes yes your beauty will attract eyes and ears which are the doors to let in good opinion and admiration Sansp. Had I a tongue like a Cerces-wand to charm all ears that heard me it would straight transform men from civil Obligers to spitefull Detractors or false Slanderers my beauty may only serve but as a bribe to tempt men to intrap my youth and to betray my innocency Mother To betray a fools-head of your own Lord Lord how the dispositions of Youth is changed since I was young for before I came to your Age I thought my Parents unnaturall because they did not provide me a Husband Sanspareille If all youth were of my humour their dispositions are changed indeed for Heaven knows it is the only curse I fear a Husband Mother Love Why then you think me curst in Marrying your Father Sansp. No Madam you are blest not only in being a Wife a condition you desired but being marryed to such a man that wishes could not hope for Mother Love Why then my good Fortune may encourage you and raise a hope to get the like Sansp. O no! It rather drives me to dispair beleiving there is no second Mother Love Come come you are an unnatural Child to flatter your Father so much and not me when I endured great pains to breed bear and nurse you up Sansp. I do not flatter Madam for I speak nothing but my thoughts and that which Love and duty doth allow and truth approve of Father Love Come come Wife the Jeerals wit will out-argue both ours Ex. Scene 2. Enter the
a Non-pluss they would be glad to be quit of each other yet are ashamed to part so soon and are weary to stay with each other long when a Play entertaines them with Love and requires not their answers nor forceth their braines nor pumps their wits for a Play doth rather fill them than empty them 2. Gentleman Faith most Playes doth rather fill the spectators with wind than with substance with noise than with newes 1. Gentleman This Play that I would have you go to is a new Play 2. Gentleman But is there newes in the Play that is is there new wit fancyes or new Scenes and not taken our of old storyes or old Playes newly translated 1. Gentleman I know not that but this Play was writ by a Lady who on my Conscience hath neither Language nor Learning but what is native and naturall 2. Gentleman A woman write a Play Out upon it out upon it for it cannot be good besides you say she is a Lady which is the likelyer to make the Play worse a woman and a Lady to write a Play fye fye 3. Gentleman Why may not a Lady write a good Play 2. Gentleman No for a womans wit is too weak and too conceived to write a Play 1. Gentleman But if a woman hath wit or can write a good Play what will you say then 2. Gentleman Why I will say no body will believe it for if it be good they will think she did not write it or at least say she did not besides the very being a woman condemnes it were it never so excellent and care for men will not allow women to have wit or we men to have reason for if we allow them wit we shall lose our prehemency 1. Gentleman If you will not goe Tom farewell for I will go set this Play let it be good or bad 2. Gentleman Nay stay I will go with thee for I am contented to cast away so much time for the sake of the sex Although I have no saith of the Authoresses wit 3. Gentleman Many a reprobate hath been converted and brought to repentance by hearing a good Sermon and who knowes but that you may be converted from your erroneous opinion by seeing this Play and brought to confesse that a Lady may have wit Loves Adventures Play The Lord Fatherly The Lord Singularity His Sonne Sir Serious Dumbe Sir Timothy Complement Sir Humphry Bolde Sir Roger Exception Sir Peaceable Studious Foster Trusty The Lady Orphant The Lady Ignorant wife to Sir Peaceable Studious The Lady Bashfull The Lady Wagtaile The Lady Amorous Mrs. Acquaintance Nurse Fondly Foster Trusties wife Lady Orphans Nurse Mrs. Reformers woman to the Lady Bashfull Two Chamber-Maydes Prologue NOble Spectators you are come to see A Play if good perchance may clapped be And yet our Authoresse sayes that she hath heard Some playes though good hath not been so preferr'd As to be mounted up on high raised praise And to be Crown'd with Garlands of fresh hayes But the contrary have been hissed off Out from our Stage with many a censuring scoff But afterwards there understanding cleer'd They gave the praise what they before had jeer'd The same she sayes may to her Play befall And your erroneous censures may recall But all such Playes as take not at first sight But afterwards the viewers takes delight It seemes there is more wit in such a Play Than can be understood in one whole day If for she is well content for her wits sake From ignorance repulses for to take For she had rather want those understanding braines Than that her Play should want wits flowing veynes ACT I. Scene 1. Enter the Lord Fatherly and the Lord Singularity his Son LOrd Singularity Pray Sir do not force me to marry a childe before you know whether she will prove vertuous or discreet when for the want of that knowledge you may indanger the honour of your Line and Posterity with Cuckoldry and Bastardry Lord Fatherly Son you must leave that to fortune Lord Singularity A wise man Sir is to be the maker or spoiler of his own fortune Lord Fatherly Let me tell you Son the wisest man that is or ever was may be deceived in the choosing a wife for a woman is more obscure than nature her self therefore you must trust to chance for marriage is a Lottery if you get a prize you may live quietly and happily Lord Singularity But if I light of a blank as a hundred to one nay a thousand to one but I shall which is on a Fool or a Whore her Follies or Adulteries instead of a praise will found out my disgrace Lord Fatherly Come Come she is Rich she is Rich Lord Singularity Why Sir guilded I Horns are most visible Lord Fatherly 'T is better Son to have a rich whore than a poor whore but I hope Heaven hath made her Chast and her Father being an honourable honest and wise man will breed her vertuously and I make no question but you will be happy with her Lord Singularity But Sir pray consider the inequality of our ages she being but a Child and I at mans Estate by that time she is ready for the marriage bed I shall be ready for the grave and youths sharp appetites will never rellish Age wherefore she will seek to please her pallat else where Lord Fatherly Let me tell you Son should you marry a woman that were as many years older than she is younger than you it were a greater hazard for first old women are more intemperate than young and being older than the husband they are apt to be jealouse and being jealouse they grow malitious and malice seeks revenge and revenge disgrace therefore she would Cuckold you meerly to disgrace you Lord Singularity On the other side those Women that are marryed young Cuckholds there Husbands fames dishonouring them by their ignorant follyes and Childish indiscretions as much as with Adultery And I should assoon choose to be a Cuckhold as to be thought to be one For my honour will suffer as much by the one as the other if not more Lord Fatherly Heaven blesse the Sonne from jealousy for thou art horrible afraid of being a Cuckold Lord Singularity Can you blame me Sir since to be a Cuckhold is to be despised scorned laught and pointed at as a Monster worse than nature ever made and all the Honour that my birth gave me and my education indued me my vertue gained me my industry got me fortune bestowed on me and fame inthron'd me for may not only be lost by my wifes Adultery but as I said by her indiscretion which makes me wonder how any man that hath a Noble Soul dares marry since all his honour lyes or lives in the light heels of his wife which every little passion is apt to kick away wherefore good Sir let me live a single life Lord Fatherly How Son would you have me consent to extinguish the light of my Name and to pull out the root
of my posterity Lord Singularity Why Sir it were better to lye in dark oblivion than to have a false light to devulge your disgrace and you had better pull out the root than to have a branch of dishonour ingrafted therein Lord Fatherly All these Arguments against Marriage is because you would injoy your Mistresses with freedom fearing you should be disturbed by a wife Lord Singularity That needs not for I observe married Men takes as much liberty if not more than Batchellors for Batchellors are affraid they should challenge a promise of Marriage and married Men are out of that danger Lord Father Then that is the reason that Batchellors Court Married wives and Married Men Courts Maides but howsoever Son if all Men should be of your mind there would be no Marring nor giving in Marriage but all must be in Common Lord Singularity That were best Sir for then there could be no Adultery committed or Cuckolds made Lord Fatherly For shame take courage and be not afraid of a Woman Lord Singularity By Heaven Sir I would sooner yield up my life to death thau venture my honour to a womans management Lord Father Well Son I shall not force you with threates or commands to marry against your will and good likeing but I hope Heaven will turn your mind towards marriage and sent thee a loving vertuous and discreet wife Scene 2. Enter the Lady Wagtaile the Lady Amorous Sir Timothy Compliment Sir Humphrey Bold and Sir Roger Exception SIr Timothy Compliment Bright beauty may I be Servant Lady Amorous If I have any beauty it was begot in your Eyes And takes light from your commendations Sir Timothy Compliment You are Lady the Starre of your Sex Lady Amorous No truely I am but a Meteor that soon goeth out Lady Wagtaile Preethy Sir Timothy Compliment and Lady Amorous do not stand prating here but let us go a broad to some place to devert the time Lady Amorous Dear Wagtaile whether shall we goe Sir Timothy Compliment Faith let us go to a Play Sir Humphrey Bold Let 's go to a Tavern Sir Roger Exception What with Ladyes Sir Humphrey Bold Why Ladyes have been in Tavernes before now Sir Roger Exception It were as good to carry them to a Bawdy-house Sir Humphrey Bold As good say you faith now I think of it better it were the only place to pass a way idle time Come Ladyes shall we go Lady Amorous Whether Sir Humphrey Bold To a Bawdy-house Lady Amorous O sve sve Sir Humphrey Bold how wantonly you talk Lady Wagtaile But would you carry us in good earnest to a Bawdy-house Sir Humphrey Bold Why do you question it when every house is a secret Bawdy-house Na Let me tell you there be many Right Worshipfull Nay Right Honourable and most Noble Pallaces made Bawdy-houses Sir Roger Exception Some perchance that are old and ruinous and the right owners out Sir Humphrey Bold No some that are new large and finely furnished and the owners stately proud scornfull and jeering living therein Sir Roger Exception They should take heed of jeering least they be jeered and of being scornfull least they be scorned Sir Humphrey Bold What say you Ladyes are you resolved Lady Wagtaile No No we will not go with you to such places now but I will carry you to a young Lady whose Father is newly dead and hath left her all his Estate and she is become a great heir Sir Roger Exception Perchance Lady she will not receive our visit if her Father be newly dead Lady Wagtaile I perceive you are ignorant of Funerall customes for widdowes heires and heiresses receives visits whilst the Corpes lyes above ground And they will keep them so much the longer to have so many more visitants nay sometimes they will keep them so long as there dissembling is perceived or so long as they stink above ground for if they bury not the Corpes and set empty Coffins for want of imbalming their miserableness will stench up the Nostrils of their vanity Sir Roger Vanity Nay by your savour Lady there are some that are buried whilst they are steeming hot Sir Humphrey Bold Those are only such whose Executors widdowes or widdowers seares they may revive again and rather than that they should do so they will bury them alive Lady Wagtaile You say rightly true Sir Humphrey Bold Sir Timothy Compliment Sweet beautyes let us go to see this Rich heiress Lady Amorous Content Sir Roger Exception But Ladyes are you acquainted with her Lady Wagtaile O no! But you may know that all women rather than want visits they will go to those they never saw nor spoak to but only heares of them and where they live and I can direct the Coachman to this Ladyes Lodging wherefore let us go Sir Humphrey Bold I shall not deny to visit a Rich heiress Sir Roger Exception I shall waite upon you Ladyes but Lady Wagtaile Nay never make buts but let 's go Lady Amorous Pray let us call Sir Serious Dumb to go along with us Lady Wagtaile Faith Amorous you love his Company because he can tell no tales Sir Humphrey Bold Pray call him not but let him alone for I dare sweare he is inventing of some useless and foolish Art Sir Timothy Compliment Is he so inventive say you but if his inventions is useless he invents in vain Sir Roger Exception Why may not a Dumb mans Inventions be as good as a blind for the most usefullest Artes were invented as the learned saith by one born blind Lady Wagtaile Me thinkes a dumb man should not have much wit for by my troath one that is dumb seemes to me like a fool nay one that speakes but little I cannot for my life but condemn him or her for an Ass Sir Humphrey Bold He may be a fool although he may chance to light on some inventions for Artes are oftner produced from chance than wit but let us go and leave him Lady Wagtaile whispers to Sir H. Bold Lady Wagtaile Faith Sir Humphrey Bold we must call him or otherwise my friend Amorous will be out of humour Sir Humphrey Bold Doth she love silence so well Lady Wagtaile No no it is that she loves secrecy so well Exit CHORUS In a minutes time is flown From a Child to Woman grown Some will smile or laughing say This is but a foolish Play By Reason a Comedy should of one dayes action be Let them laugh and so will I At there great simplicity I as other Poets brings Severall Nations Subjects Kings All to Act upon one stage So severall times in one Age Scene 3. Enter the Lady Orphant and Mrs. Acquaintance MIstriss Acquaintance How do you know the Lord Singularity is such a gallant man For he hath been out of the Kingdom this 7. yeares wherefore you could have no acquaintance you being yet very young Lady Orphant Although I have no acquaintance by sight or experienced knowledge yet by report I have for I remembred I heard my Father
I will teach you Mall Mean If your Honour will take the pains to teach a poor ignorant Country Maid I will do the best I can to learn forsooth but will it not be too much pains for your Honour do you think Lo. Title No no it will be both for my Honour and my pleasure and for the pleasure of my Honour Mall Mean-bred Blesse us how the Lords doe It backward and forward at their pleasure the finest that ever was but what would your Honour have of me Lo. Title By this kiss I le tell you He goes to kiss her she seems nice and coy Mall Mean O fie fie good your Honour do not scandalize your lips to kisse mine and make me so proud as never to kisse our Shepherd again He offers Mall Mean No fie Lo. Title I will and must kisse you He strives Mall Mean-bred Nay good your Honour good your Honour He kisses her What are you the better now But I see there is no denying a Lord forsooth it is not civil and they are so peremptory too the Gods blesse them and make them their Servants Lo. Title This kisse hath so inflamed me therefore for Loves sake meet me in the Evening in the Broom close here Mall Mean I know the Close forsooth I have been there before now Lo. Title Well and when we meet I will discover more than yet I have done Mall Mean So you had need forsooth for nothing is discovered yet either on your side or mine but I will keep my promise Lo. Title There spoke my better Angel so adiew Mall Mean An Angel I will not break my word for two angels and I hope there will be no dew neither God shield you forsooth Ex. Here ends my Lord Marquesse Scene 18. Enter Sir Effeminate Lovely following Poor Virtue Sir Effeminate Lovely Fair Maid stay and look upon my person Poor Virtue Why so I do Effem. Love And how do you like it Poor Vir. As I like a curious built house wherein lives a vain and self-conceited owner Effem. Love And are not you in love with it Poor Vir. No truly no more than with a pencilled Picture Effem. Love Why I am not painted Poor Vir. You are by Nature though not by Art Effem. Love And do you despise the best and curiousest Works of Nature Poor Vir. No I admire them Effem. Love If you admire them you will admire me and if you admire me you will yield to my desires Poor Vir. There may be admiration without love but to yield to your desires were to abuse Natures VVorks Effem. Love No It were to enjoy them Poor Vir. Nature hath made Reason in man as well as Sence and we ought not to abuse the one to please the other otherwise man would be like Beasts following their sensualities which Nature never made man to be for she created Virtues in the Soul to govern the Senses and Appetites of the Body as Prudence Justice Temperance and Conscience Effem. Love Conscience VVhat is that natural fear Poor Vir. No it is the tenderest part of the Soul bathed in a holy dew from whence repentant tears do flow Effem. Love I find no such tender Constitution nor moist Complexion in my Soul Poor Vir. That is by reason the Fire of unlawful Love hath drunk all up seared the Conscience dry Effem. Love You may call it what Fire you will but I am certain it is your Beauty that kindles it and your Wit that makes it flame burning with hot desires Poor Vir. Pray Heaven my Virtue may quench it out again Poor Virtue goes out Lovely alone Effem. Love I am sure Nature requires a self-satisfaction as well as a self-preservation and cannot nor will not be quiet without it esteeming it beyond life Ex. Scene 19. Enter the Lady Ward and Nurse Careful Lady Ward I wonder my Lord Courtship he being counted a wise man should make me his Baud if he intends to make me his Wife and by my troth Nurse I am too young for that grave Office Nurse Careful How ignorantly you speak Child it is a sign you have been bred obscurely and know little of the world or rather it proves your Mother dyed before you could speak or go otherwise you would be better experienced in these businesses Lady Ward My Mother Nurse Heaven rest her soul she would never have made me a Baud Nurse Careful No why then she would not do as most Mothers do now a dayes for in this age Mothers bring up their daughters to carry Letters and to receive messages or at lest to watch at the door left their Fathers should come unawares and when they come to make some excuse and then the Mother laughs and sayes her daughter is a notable witty Girle La. Ward What for telling a lye Nurse Careful Yes when it is told so as to appeare like a truth Lady Ward But it is a double fault as to deceive the Father and be a Baud to the Mother Nurse Careful Why the Mother will execute the same Office for the daughter when she is marryed and her self grown into years for from the age of seven or eight years old to the time they are maryed the Daughter is a Baud to the Mother and from the time of their marriage to the time of their Mothers death the Mother is a Baud to the Daughter but if the Mother be indifferently young and hath a young tooth in her head as the old saying is they Baud for each other Lady Ward But why doth not the Mother Baud for her Daughter before she is marryed Nurse Care O there is reason for that for that may spoil her fortune by hindering her marriage for marriage is a Veile to cover the wanton face of adultery the like Veil is Baud-mothers and bawd-Baud-daughters for who would suspect any lewdnesse when the Mother and the Daughter is together La. Ward And are not Sons Pimps for their Fathers as Daughters are for their Mothers Nurse Careful No saith Boys have facility or ingenuity as Girles have besides they are kept most commonly so strictly to their Bookes when Girles have nothing else to do but when they have cast away their Books and come to be marryed men then they may chance to Pimp for their Wives Lady Ward O fie Nurse surely a man will never play the Pimp to Cuckold himself Nurse Care O yes if they be poor or covetous or ambitious and then if they have a handsome woman to their wife they will set her as a bait to catch their designs in the trap of Adultery or patient quiet simple fearful men will if they have a Spritely wise they will play the Pimp either for fear or quiet for such men to such wives will do any thing to please them although it be to Cuckold themselves La. Ward But surely Nurse no Gentleman will do so Nurse Gare. I know not who you call Gentleman but those that bear up high and look big and vant loud and walk
us go then Exeunt Scene 4. Enter Monsieur Malateste to his Wife Madam Bonit MAlateste Lord how ill-favour'd you are drest to day Bonit VVhy I am cleanly Malateste You had need be so for if you were ill-favour'dly drest and sluttish too it were not to be endur'd Bonit VVell Husband I will strive to be more fashionably drest Exeunt Scene 5. Enter Monsieur Pere and Monsieur Frere as newly come from Travelling MOnsieur Pere Well Son but that you are as a stranger having not seen you in a long time I would otherwise have chid you for spending so much since you went to travel Frere Sir travelling is chargeable especially when a man goeth to inform himself of the Fashions Maners Customs and Countries he travelleth through Enter Madam la Soeur and Monsieur Marry her Husband where they salute and welcome their Brother home Pere Look you Son I have increas'd my Family since you went from home your Sisters Beauty hath got me another Son Soeur And I make no question but my Brothers noble and gallant Actions will get you another Daughter Pere Well Son I must have you make haste and marry that you may give me some Grand-children to uphold my Posterity for I have but you two and your sister I hope will bring me a Grand-son soon for her Maids say she is sick a mornings which is a good sign she is breeding although she will not confess it for young marry'd Wives are asham'd to confess when they are with Child they keep it as private as if their Child were unlawfully begotten Monsieur Frere all the while looks upon his Sister very stedfastly Marry Me thinks my Brother doth something resemble my Wife Frere No sure Brother so rude a made face as mine can never resemble so well a shap'd face as my sisters Marry I believe the Venetian Ladies had a better opinion of your face and person than you deliver of your self Soeur My Brother cannot choose but be weary comming so long a Journey to day wherefore it were fit we should leave him to pull off his boots Pere Son now I think of 't I doubt you are grown so tender since you went into Italy as you can hardly endure your boots to be roughly pull'd off Frere I am very sound Sir and in very good health Pere Art thou so Come thy ways then Exeunt Scene 6. Enter Monsieur Malateste and Madam Bonit his Wife MAlateste Wife I have some occasion to sell some Land and I have none that is so convenient to sell as your Joynture Bonit All my Friends will condemn me for a fool if I should part with my Joynture Malateste Why then you will not part with it Bonit I do not say so for I think you so honest a man that if you should die before me as Heaven forbid you should Malateste Nay leave your prayers Bonit Well Husband you shall have my Joynture Malateste If I shall go fetch it She goes out and comes back and brings the writings and gives it him and then he makes haste to be gone Bonit Surely Husband I deserve a kiss for 't Malateste I cannot stay to kiss Enter Madam Bonits Maid Joan. Ioan. Madam what will you have for your supper for I hear my Master doth not sup at home Bonit Any thing Ione a little Ponado or Water-gruel Ioan. Your Ladyships Diet is not costly It satisfies Nature as well as costly Olio's or Bisks and I desire onely to feed my Hunger not my Gusto for I am neither gluttonous nor lickerish Ioan. No I 'll be sworn are you not Exeunt Scene 7. Enter the Sociable Virgins and two Grave Matrons MAtron Come Ladies what discourse shall we have to day 1 Virgin Let us sit and rail against men 2 Matron I know young Ladies love men too well to rail against them besides men always praise the Effeminate Sex and will you rail at those that praise you 2 Virgin Though men praise us before our faces they rail at us behind our backs 2 Matron That 's when you are unkind or cruel 3 Virgin No 't is when we have been too kind and they have taken a surfet of our company 1 Matron Indeed an over-plus of Kindness will soon surfet a mans Affection 4 Virgin Wherefore I hate them and resolve to live a single life and so much I hate men that if the power of Alexander and Caesar were joyn'd into one Army and the courage of Achilles and Hector were joyn'd into one Heart and the wisedom of Solomon and Ulysses into one Brain and the Eloquence of Tully and Demosthenes into one Tongue and this all in one man and had this man the Beauty of Narcissus and the youth of Adonis and would marry me I would not marry him 2 Matron Lady let me tell you the Youth and Beauty would tempt you much 4 Virgin You are deceiv'd for if I would marry I would sooner marry one that were in years for it were better to chuse grave Age than fantastical Youth but howsoever I will never marry for those that are unmaried appear like birds full of life and spirit but those that are maried appear like beasts dull and heavy especially maried men 1 Matron Men never appear like beasts but when women make them so 1 Virgin They deserve to be made beasts when they strive to make women fools 2 Virgin Nay they rather think us fools than make us so for most Husbands think when their Wives are good and obedient that they are simple 1 Virgin When I am maried I 'll never give my Husband cause to think me simple for my obedience for I will be crose enough 3 Virg. That 's the best way for Husbands think a cross and contradicting Wife is witty a hold and commanding Wife of a heroick spirit a subtil and crafty Wife to be wise a prodigal Wife to be generous a false Wife to be beautiful And for those good qualities he loves her best otherwise he hates her nay the falser she is the fonder he is of her 4 Virgin Nay by your favour for the most part Wives are so inslav'd as they dare not look upon any man but their Husbands 1 Matron What better object can a woman have than her Husband 1 Virgin By your leave Matron one object is tiresome to view often when variety of objects are very pleasing and delightful for variety of objects clear the senses and refresh the mind when only one object dulls both sense and mind that makes maried wives so sad and melancholy when they keep no other company but their Husbands and in truth they have reason for a Husband is a surfet to the Eyes which causes a loathing dislike unto the mind and the truth is that variety is the life and delight of Natures works and Women being the only Daughters of Nature and not the Sons of Iove as men are feigned to be are more pleased with variety than men are 1 Matron Which is no honour to the Effeminate Sex
declared she will never marry Malicious That is all one for men will persue their desires and live of Hopes so long as there is any left Spightfull Well the worst come to the worst we shall only live old Maids Tell-truth But not old Virgins Exeunt Scene 20. Enter Madamoiselle Grand Esprit her two Sisters Madamoiselle Amor and Madamoiselle La Belle as Brides and Monsieur Nobilissimo and Monsieur Heroick his Brother as Bridegrooms and a Company of Bridal guests all as her Audience GRand Esprit Great Hymen I do now petition thee To bless my Sisters not to favour me Unless I were thy subject to obey But I am Diana's and to her do pray But give me leave for to decide the cause And for to speak the truth of marriage laws Or else through ignorance each man and wife May rebels prove by Matrimonial strife Noble and Right Honourable From the root of Self-love grows many several Branches as Divine Love Moral Love Natural and Sympathetical Love Neighbourly and Matrimonial Love Divine Love is the Love to the Gods Moral Love is the Love to Virtue Natural Love is the Love to Parents and Children Sympathetical Love is of Lovers or Friendships Neighbourly Love is the Love of Acquaintance and true Matrimonial Love is the Love of United Souls and Bodyes but I shall only insist or discourse at this time for my Sisters sakes of Matrimonial Love this Matrimonial Love is the first imbodyed Love that Nature created for as for Divine Love and Moral Love they are as incorporeal as the Soul and Sympathetical and Matrimonial Love which I will joyn as Soul and Body were before Natural or Neighbourly Love for Marriage beget Acquaintance and none lives so neer nor converses so much as man and wife and there was a Sympathy and Conjunction of each Sex before there were Children and there could be no Parents before there were Children thus Matrimonial Love was the first substantial Love and being the Original and producing Love ought to be honoured and preferr'd as the most perfect and greatest Love in Nature but mistake me not Noble and Right Honourable when I say the greatest Love in Nature I mean not the Supernatural Love as Divine Love as to the Gods but this Matrimonial Love I say is to be the most respected as the Original Love like as Nature is to be honoured and preferred before the Creatures she makes so Matrimonial Love ought to be respected first as being the cause of Friendly Sociable Neighbourly and Fatherly Love wherefore man and wife ought to forsake all the world in respect of each other and to prefer no other delight before each others good or content for the Love of Parents and Children or any other Love proceeding from Nature ought to be waved when as they come in Competition with the Love man and wife for though Matrimonial Love is not such a Divine Love as from man to the Gods yet it is as the Love of Soul and Body also it is as a Divine Society as being a Union but Right Honourable to tell you my opinion is that I belive very few are truly married for it is not altogether the Ceremony of the Church nor State that makes a true marriage but a Union and indissoluble Conjunction of Souls and Bodyes of each Sex wherefore all those that are allowed of as man and wife by the Church State and Laws yet they are but Adulterers unless their Souls Bodyes and Affections are united as one for it s not the joyning of hands speaking such words by Authentical persons nor making of vows and having Witnesses thereof that makes a true marriage no more than an Absolution without a Contrition makes a holy man wherefore dear Sisters and you two Heroick Worthies marry as you ought to do or else live single lives otherwise your Children will be of a Bastard kind and your associating but as Beasts which are worse than Birds for they orderly chuse their Mates and lovingly fly and live together and equally labour to build their nest to feed their young and Sympathetically live and love each other which order and love few married persons observe nor practice but after all this even those marriages that are the perfectest purest lovingest and most equallest and Sympathetically joyned yet at the best marriage is but the womb of trouble which cannot be avoided also marriage is the grave or tomb of Wit for which I am resolved for my part to live a single life associating my self with my own Thoughts marrying my self to my own Contemplations which I hope to conceive and bring forth a Child of Fame that may live to posterity and to keep a-live my Memory not that I condemn those that marry for I do worship married persons as accounting them Saints as being Martyrs for the good cause of the Common-wealth Sacrificing their own Happiness and Tranquillity for the weal publick for there is none that marries that doth not increase their Cares and Pains but marriage Unites into Familyes Familyes into Villages Villages into Cities Cities into Corporations Corporations into Common-wealths this increase keeps up the race of Mankind and causes Commerce Trade and Traffick all which associates men into an Agreement and by an Agreement men are bound to Laws by Laws they are bound to Punishments by Punishments to Magistrates and by Magistrates and Punishments to Obedience by Obedience to Peace and Defence in which Center of Peace my dear Sisters I wish you may live and be guarded with the Circumference of Defence that nothing may disturb or indanger you or yours and that you may live in true marriage and increase with united love blest with Virtuous Children and inrich'd with prudent Care and Industry also I wish and pray that Jealousy may be banished from your Thoughts Pains and Sickness from your Bodyes Poverty from your Familyes evill Servants from your Imployments Disobedience from your Children And that Death may not rob you of your breed But after your life your Children may succeed FINIS An Epilogue spoken by the Lady True-Love O How my heart doth ake when think I do How I a modest Maid a man did woo To be so confident to woo him here Upon the publick Stage to every Ear Men sure will censure me for mad if not To be in some unlucky Planet got Or else will tax me of dishonesty As seeming like a bold immodesty Well I have woo'd yet am I not despis'd But am by Virtuous honour highly priz'd Because my Love was spotless pure and Chast And on a noble worthy man was plac'd Then why should I blush weep or yet repent Or shun the wooing part to represent But rather joy and glory in my choice If you approve my Act pray giv 't a voice THE ACTORS NAMES The Arch-Prince The Lord Dorato The Lord Melancholy the Lord Doratoes Son Sir Thomas Gravity the Lord Doratoes Brother The Lady Gravity Sir Thomas's Wife The Lady Perfection the Lady Gravities
very thought doth almost make me mad especially when I remember the hopes I had to advance my Son by marriage but you shall go back to carry Letters that shall declare my anger and my command for my Sons repair unto me since I cannot return home as yet I le dispatch you strait Exeunt Scene 5. Enter the two Maids Joan and Kate KAte It is a very pleasing sight to see the new marryed Children I may say for so are they yet they behave themselves so gravely and so formally as if they were an Ancoret couple for there is no appearance of Childishness in their behaviour Ioan. But I wonder my Master and Lady will suffer them to bed together Kate My Master did perswade his Nephew to ly by himself but he would not be perswaded Ioan. Truly he is a very fine youth and she a very pretty young Lady I dare say she will make a very handsome woman Kate I believe she will and a virtuous woman and he a handsome and gallant man Exeunt Scene 6. Enter Sir Thomas Gravity and his Lady SIr Thomas Gravity So Wife by your perswasions to this marriage I have lost the love of my only Brother Lady And I am like to lose my only Child through the grief of the departure of her Husband for she looks so pale and is so weak with crying and fasting for she feeds only on grief and her tears quenches her droughth I think she will dy Sir Thomas Gravity It is your own fault for you would never be quiet nor let be at rest untill they were married Lady Would I and my Child had never seen your Nephew Sir Thomas Gravity All the hopes we have is that my Brother will be pacified with time Exeunt Scene 7. Enter the two Maids Joan and Kate KAte I never saw so much affectionate grief as at the parting of the young married couple Ioan. O passionate tears flow naturally from Childrens Eyes Kate When they were to part they did kiss weep and imbrace so close as their tears mixt together Ioan. They will weep as much for joy when they meet again as they do now for grief at parting Kate But absence and time doth waste Love Ioan. Absence doth rather put out the flame of Love than waste the Lamp but their Love was lighted so soon that if it be not put out it will last a long time Kate Nay faith the sooner it is lighted the sooner it will burn out but to make Love last long is sometimes to put it out and then to re-inkindle it for a continual fire doth waste the fuell and a Candle will soon burn out although it be lighted but at one end but absence is an extinguisher which saves it and return is relighting it Ioan. Are Lovers like Candles Kate Yes faith for as there are Candles of all sorts and sizes so there are Lovers of all degrees some are like Torch-light that flame high and bright but soon waste out others like watch Candles that give but a dim dull light but will last a long time and some that give but a little light and are strait burnt out Ioan. But what is á snast in a Candle which is like a blazing Star with a stream or tail that mels a Candle and makes it run out Kate Faith a snast is like a Mistriss as a Courtizan or servant that makes waste of Matrimonial Love it makes Matrimonial Love fall into a snuf but prudent discretion and chast kisses are as snuffers to clip of those snasts before they get power or are in a blaze or like a Bodkin that picks or puls them out with the point of a sharp tongue Ioan. By your similizing you make love Greace Kate You say right for there is nothing so apt to flame and melt as Greace and Love it is there natural properties to waste in flame Ioan. Well but let us not waste our time in idle talk but go about our imployments Kate Why talking is the greatest or most imployment women use but indeed love is idle Exeunt ACT II. Scene 8. Enter two Men 1 MAn My Lord is extremely troubled for the marriage of his Son 2 Man He is so and so very angry with his Son as he would not give him his blessing when he came although he hath not seen him in seven years for so long hath my Lord been Embassadour here 1 Man Sometimes Embassadours are many years imployed out of there own Country 2 Man They are so but my Lord is sent for home which I am very glad of 1 Man Doth his Son return home with him 2 Man No for he sends him to travel into several Countryes for as many years as my Lord hath been from his Country 1 Man Why doth he command him so long a time to Travel having no more Sons 2 Man To have him Travel out the remembrance of his Wife at least his affections to her 1 Man Why would not my Lord have his Son love his Wife now he is marryed 2 Man No for my Lord saith that the marriage is not a true marriage for the Lady is not of marrigable years and that is not untill the Female is past twelve 1 Man Why so 2 Man I know not but so it is according to our Canon and Common Laws Exeunt Scene 9. Enter Sir Thomas Gravity and his Lady SIr Thomas Gravity I hear my Brother hath sent his Son to Travel for seven years Lady Pray do not let my Daughter know it for it will kill her if she hears it Sir Thomas Gravity I hear also that he will endeavour to break the marriage Lady The Devill break his heart Sir Thomas Gravity Why do you say so Lady Have I not reason to say so when he endeavours to break my Childs heart and so my heart a dishonest man he is to offer to part man and wife Sir Thomas Gravity But if the marriage will not hold good in law they are not lawfull man and wife Lady I perceive you will take your Brothers part against me Exeunt Scene 10. Enter Mistriss Odd-Humour and her Maid Nan NAn Mistriss I hear there is a Suter preparing to come a wooing to you Mistriss Odd-Humour What preparations doth he make Nan Why he hath been with your Father to treat with him concerning your Portion Mistriss Odd-Humour That is not a Suters preparation that is a Merchants Trafficking that is to make a bargain not to woo a Mistriss but the preparations of a Suter are fine Clothes Coaches and great Attendance with rich presents otherwise a woman is not wooed but a Husband bought Nan Or a Wife sold Mistriss Odd-Humour No the woman or her friends are the purchasers for Husbands never give any thing for a VVife but the woman or her friends pay down ready money for a Husband although they sell Land for it Portions portions undo a Family Nan Nan But for all that you had rather undo a Family than want a Husband Mistriss Odd-Humour Self-love
is prevalent Nan but what manner of man is this man that my Father is treating with is he handsome or rich or famous or honoured with title for I would not put my father to charges and not have a Husband worth my Portion Nan He is rich and a thriving man Mistriss Odd-Humour That is to say a rich miserable man and when I am marryed to him I shall be his poor miserable wife for he will not allow me any thing to spend hardly to eat Nan Then your Chair will be big enough for you Mistriss Odd-Humour Or I shall be little enough for my Chair for a spare diet will make bare bones Nan If you be lean you will want a Cushion unless your Husband will allow you one Mistriss Odd-Humour A miserable Husband will never do that for they think ease breeds Idleness Nan If he be miserable he will be pleased you shall be idle for exercise doth cause a hungry Stomack but if he be a jealous Husband he will not be pleased you should be idle for idleness breeds wantoness Mistriss Odd-Humour A jealous Husband and a miserable is to a woman much a-like for the one bars a wife from Company the other from Meat the one will not allow her fine Cloathes the other dares not let her wear fine Clothes the one will not maintain Servants to wait on her the other dares not trust Servants to wait upon her lest they should be corrupted to be Pimps or Bawds also a miserable Husband and a Prodigal one is a-like to a wife the one keeps all his wealth and spends none the other spends all and keeps none the one will give his wife none the other will spare his wife none from himself and Vanities and Vices thus a wife is poor or unhappy either in a spender or a sparer but if my Father would not cast me and my Portion a-way is to marry me to a man whose bounty or liberality is within one part of his wealth as three parts liberality and four parts wealth and one that hath more love than jealousy more merit than title more honesty than wealth and more wealth than necessity Nan But if you never marry till your Father get you such a Husband you will dy an old Maid Mistriss Odd-Humour I had rather dy an old Maid than be an unhappy Wife Exeunt Scene 11. Enter Sir Thomas Gravity and his Lady SIr Thomas Gravity Why are you angry with me because my Brother is an enemy to the marriage I was a Friend to it and did my part consenting to what you desired and why are you angry with me because the Laws have disanulled the marriage I cannot alter the Laws Lady But your Brothers power with the Arch-Prince and the Arch-Princes power on the Judges and Lawyers Divines and Church-men hath corrupted the Laws and caused Injustice Sir Thomas Gravity That 's none of my fault I have not power to mend them but let me have so much power with you as to perswade you to be patient in matters where your impatience will do you no good also let me Counsel you to advise your Daughter to endeavour to forget my Nephew at least not to love him as a Husband but to place her affections upon some other man for she being freed by the law may marry again who she shall think best to chuse And to draw her off from her Melancholy humour you must perswade her to divert her self and thoughts with variety of Company and to take delight in such things as other Ladyes use as fine Dressing rich Cloathing sportfull Dancing merry Meeting and the like and she being very handsome since she is grown to womans years will be admired praised and sued too in which admirations and praises women take glory and are proud to be wooed for it is the pleasure of their life and the life of their pleasure Lady But how if I cannot perswade her to associate her self with young Company like her self or to wear fine Cloaths or to take pleasure in sports and plays Sir Thomas Gravity Command her to adorn her self bravely and to go to Balls Playes and Masks and those pleasures will steal on her unawares and no question but a little time will make her take such delight therein as she will be so fond of Company and Bravery as you will find it difficult if not impossible to perswade her from it Lady I will take your Counsel and follow your advice Exeunt Scene 12. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. My Lord hath sent for his Son to come home for to marry with the Arch-Prince's Neece 2 Gent. She is a Lady that hath more Wealth than Beauty and more Title than Wit 1 Gent. My Lord cares not to marry his Son to Beauty or Wit but to Riches and Honour 2 Gent. My Lord is Covetous and Ambitious 1 Gent. So are all wise men for they know that Wealth and Honour are the Pillars and Supporters to hold up their Familyes that makes Fathers desirous and industrious to marry their Sons to great Fortunes and not to great Beautyes that their successors may not be buryed in Poverty for Beauty is only for delight but not for continuance Beauty lives only with fond Youth Riches with wife Age and Dignity Crowns antient Riches for a long and rich succession is a Gentlemans Pedigree 2 Gent. I thought Merit had been the foundation of a Gentleman 1 Gent. So it is sometimes but not always for where Merit Dignified one Family Riches Dignified a hundred poor Merit is buryed in Oblivion unless Fame builds him a Monument whereas Riches build Monuments to Fames Palace and bring Fame down to his Palace but Merit without the assistance of Riches can neither feed nor cloth nor sustain nor cannot buy Houses to live in nor Lands to live on it cannot leave anything for Antiquity but the memory of it self wherefore my Lord is wise to chase Riches for his Son 1 Gent. But 't is a question whether his Son will take them and leave the Lady be once was marryed too for 't is said that she is grown an extraordinary Beauty Exeunt Scene 13. Enter Lady Gravity and Lady Perfection her Daughter in black very handsome LAdy Gravity Will not you obey my commands Lady Perfection Yes Madam so far as it is my duty Lady Gravity Then do as I command you dress fine and keep Company Lady Perfection Gay Cloths Madam and my mind will not be suitable my indisposed humour and Company will not be agreeable neither know I how to behave my self in this condition I am in nor how to associate my self for since my marriage is disanull'd I am neither Maid Virgin Widow nor Wife Lady Gravity Come come you are my Daughter that 's sufficient Exeunt Scene 14. Enter two Men 1 MAn Faith I pitty my young Lord for since he is returned from his tedious travels he is kept Prisoner at the Court for the Arch-Prince and his Father will not suffer
consent makes a happy marriage wherefore I desire your free consent but know if you refuse it t is in my power to have you without your consent either for a Mistriss or for a Wife Lady Perfection You have no power the power lives within my self for I can take away my life and a dead Mistriss or a dead Wife would neither be conversable nor pleasurable death is not amiable 't is rather a terrour than a delight Arch-Prince I will leave my Sute to your consideration ponder on it well and take good advice my Sute is honest and just a deniall may inveterate my passion and turn my pure love into a raging flame Exeunt Scene 22. Enter the Lord Melancholy he walks about the Room with his Hat pull'd over his forehead his Arms foulded his Eyes bent towards the ground then enters his Father to him the Lord Dorato LOrd Dorato Why how now Son shall I never find you with Company but always alone in a musing Melancholy posture Lord Melancholy I never did love much Company Sir Lord Dorato But methinks in honesty you might love the Company of your Wife Lord Melancholy Were my liberty equal to my Love I should not be often from her Lord Dorato Why who bars you from that liberty Lord Melancholy The Laws Sir Lord Dorato So I perceive you are discontented because you are barr'd from your Whore Lord Melancholy You are my Father but should another man have said so much I would make him prove it with his blood Lord Dorato Why the Laws have proved it Lord Melancholy Oh Heavens that Fathers should be so cruell have not you made me unhappy by forcing me to those actions that neither Conscience Honesty nor Honour can approve of and yet will you disturb my Life trouble my Thoughts and torture me with words Lord Dorato No no I love you so well as I would have you so happy as to be delighted with mirth and not to bury your self in Melancholy and despise those blessings Heaven bestows upon you as Wealth and Honour besides the blessing of Posterity for your Lady proves to be fruitfull being big with Child Lord Melancholy I am so unhappy my self I desire none but to please you Lord Dorato Come come pray let me perswade you to go to your wife the Princess and sit and talk with her for she is displeased she hath no more of your Company she complains and sayes she seldome sees you Lord Melancholy Her humour and mine are so different that we are happyest when we are fardest asunder Lord Dorato Let me tell you Son that all women love to be flattered and when they are not they are peevish cross and froward and therefore you must flatter her Lord Melancholy I must have a Tutor first to teach me Sir for I understand not the Art of flattery I never practise it Lord Dorato Time and Company Ambition and Covetousness will teach you that but the best Tutor is Cupid and the best Tutoress is Venus and you have been a lover Son Lord Melancholy Yes Sir in Hymens Court and there they use not much flattery Lord Dorato Not so much as in Venus and Cupids Courts but yet there are flatterers enough in Hymens both Male and Females but pray Son go to the Princess your wife Exeunt Scene 23. Enter Lady Perfection and her Nurse LAdy Perfection Nurse I hear the Arch-Prince is resolved to have me if not by fair perswasions by force Nurse And what woman would not be perswaded to be an Arch-Princess they need no inforcement Lady Perfection Not I unless I could be perswaded to be an Arch-Whore and if you went about to perswade me you would be an Arch-Bawd Nurse Come come there is none durst call you so is you were the Arch-Princesses nor call me Bawd neither Lady Perfection But they would think me so and think you a Bawd Nurse Thoughts are free and every one may think their pleasure and therefore let me perswade you in spite of thoughts to be an Arch-Princess Lady Perfection If I thought you did not speak in jest I should hate you in earnest Nurse What for giving you good Counsel Lady Perfection No for giving me wicked Counsel but I will give you better Counsel and my self too Nurse What Counsel is that Lady Perfection To forsake the World and to go to Heaven Nurse Faith I would not go to Heaven unless the Gods call me I love this World very well I have been long acquainted with it and I would not willingly part from an old friend Lady Perfection The World did never befriend any Body besides thou art so old as thy friend the World is run away from thee Nurse But howsoever I will stay in it as long as I can The Nurse goes out Enter the Lady Gravity Lady Gravity Daughter I am come to perswade you not to reject a good fortune for Fortunes favours are not profered every day Lady Perfection Nor are her favourites surer to continue in her favour long Lady Gravity But if I should command you to receive the Arch-Princes addresses and to consent to be his wife I hope you will not be less obedient to me than the Lord Melancholy hath been to his Father Lady Perfection If he to obey his Father forgot or neglected his obedience to Heaven you must pardon me if I do not follow his precepts not that I accuse him for perchance his Conscience hath acquitted him and set him free from fault and so from blame but mine doth not acquit me wherefore dear Mother do not perswade me against my Conscience I have had misfortunes enough to trouble my life I shall not need to add the guilt of Conscience and what can outward Title do me good what pleasure can I take when that my Mind or Soul is tortured with black guilt Lady Gravity No Heaven forbid I should perswade you against your Conscience but how will you avoid or escape the Princes inforcement Lady Perfection I have thought of a way that best suits with my Condition and Disposition which is to take a Religious habit and enter into a Religious Order for though I cannot vow Virginity nor a single life having a Husband and been used as a VVife yet I can vow Chastity and retirement and if I could be permitted into an Nunnery as perchance I cannot yet I would not go into any of them for there is too much Company in ordinary Nunneryes and I love solitariness wherefore I will live a kind of a Hermits life only my Nurse and I and that- little Tower my Father built for pleasure shall be my Cloyster and before it is publickly known I will send or go to the Fathers of the Church and acquaint them and strait Incloyster my self and there I shall be safe for the Prince dares not commit Sacrilege for Gods and men would rise against him if he did Lady Gravity Nor I dare not oppose your holy design Lady Perfection Dear Mother
Husband is taken away from her as his wife was from him but leaving this siege let us return to our own homes Exeunt Scene 33. Enter the Lord Melancholy as the Grate of the Cloyster of the Lady Perfection then she draws the Curtain before the Grate and appears to him LOrd Melancholy Madam yesterday when you were pleased to speak with me as now through this Grate you were pleas'd to tell me your Vows were so binding as they could not be dissolved wherefore I am not now come to examine or perswade nor to trouble your Devotions or to hinder your Meditations but to take my last leave for I shall never see you more at least not in this VVorld Lady Perfection Are you going to Travel Lord Melancholy I cannot say my body is going a far Journey I know not what my Soul may do Lady Perfection Shall not they go together Lord Melancholy No Death will make a divorce as the Law did betwixt you and I Lady Perfection Are you resolved to dye Lord Melancholy Yes Lady Perfection VVhy so Lord Melancholy To be at rest and peace for know that ever since I was last married my life hath been a Hell my Mind was tortured with thoughts of discontent and though I am releast from what I did dislike my mind is restless still for what it would enjoy this resolution is not new it hath been long considered for since I cannot live with that I love better than life I le try whether the passions of the Soul doe with the Body dye if so Death will be happy because it hath no sense nor feeling Lady Perfection How long have you been resolved of leaving life Lord Melancholy I have pondered of it ever since I was last Married but was not resolved untill you enter'd into this Order Lady Perfection Can I not perswade you to live Lord Melancholy Not unless you break your Vow Lady Perfection That I may not do Lord Melancholy Nor can I perswade you for I love your Constancy Lady Perfection Will you grant me one request before you dy Lord Melancholy Yes any thing but what may hinder my dying Lady Perfection Swear to me you will Lord Melancholy I swear by Heaven and Love I will Lady Perfection Then the time you are resolved to dye come hither and dye here that I may bear you Company dying the same minute if I can that you do Lord Melancholy How Lady Perfection Nay you have sworn it and if it be best for you it will be so for me for when you are dead I shall possess those torments that you in life feel now and if you love me so well as you express you do you will not desire to leave me to endure that you cannot suffer Lord Melancholy 'T is fit you should live to be a President to the World Lady Perfection Were I a President fit for the World to follow yet the World would not practice my precepts it is too bad to follow what is good and since my life cannot better the World and Death will ease my life of that which will trouble and afflict it I am resolv'd to dye And in the grave will bear you Company Lord Melancholy I do accept of thy dear Company Heaven so joyn our Souls they never may be separated and to morrow we will leave the World Lady Perfection Let me advise you concerning the manner of our Deaths get a Sword pointed sharp at both ends and when we are to dye put one end of the Sword through this grate and just when you set your heart to the end towards you I will set mine to the end towards me and thrusting forward as to meet each other the several points will make several passages or wounds into our several or rather our own united hearts and so we dye just together Lord Melancholy I shall follow your advice and be here to morrow at the time Which time will seem to me like as an Age Till that our Souls be fled forth from their Cage Lady Perfection My Soul will fly your Soul to imbrace And after Death may hope a resting place Exeunt ACT V. Scene 34. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. You here the match is concluded betwixt the Emperors Daughter and our Prince 2 Gent. Yes and I hear that the Lord Dorato was a great Instrument to help the match forward 1 Gent. Methinks they should need no other Instrument to forward the match than the Princes interest 2 Gent. 'T is true but the Princes affection being placed upon another Lady it was hard first to draw off those affections and then to place them anew besides the Death of his Neece was some hinderance 1 Gent. All great Princes doe soon cast off all Funeral sadness but the Lord Dorato methinks takes the Death of his Daughter to heart 2 Gent. 'T is a doubt whether he will continue in such great favour with the Prince now his Neece is dead 1 Gent. There is no likelyhood he should be in less favour since the Princess Death for it was the favour he had with the Princess that caused the match with his Son besides he hath left a Son which the Prince no doubt will favour the Grandfather the more for the Childes sake 2 Gent. I wonder whether the Lord Melancholy the Princesses Husband will marry again for he had ill fortune with his Wives 1 Gent. Methinks he hath had good Fortune for the Laws have quitted him of one and Death of the other but that Husband hath ill fortune that neither Law nor Death will free him from Exeunt Scene 35. Enter the Lord Melancholy at the Grate the Curtains open and appears the Lady Perfection he takes the Sword out of the sheath LOrd Melancholy Sweet here 's that will quit us of all trouble Lady Perfection Indeed life is a trouble and nothing is at rest but what lyes in the grave Lord Melancholy Are you not affraid of the sight of a murthering Sword Lady Perfection No more than you are affraid of the sight of the glorious Sun Lord Melancholy You seem to have a courage above you Sex Lady Perfection My love is above Life as far as my Courage is beyond Fear I neither fear Death nor consider Life but can imbrace the one and fling away the other for Loves sake Lord Melancholy Then dear Wife for so you are my heart did never own another I wish our breaths and bloods might intermix together and as Deaths Ceremonies might joyn our Souls Whilst he speaks he puts one end of the Sword through the Grate she takes hold of it Lady Perfection They 'r joyned already by love and Death's sufficient to bring them both together and our bloods 't is like will run in trickling streams upon this Sword to meet and intermix Whilst he holds the Sword in one hand he unbuttons his Doublet with the other hand so she unties her Cord about her Gown Lord Melancholy These Buttons are like troublesome guests at
be empty Comical Dutchess Indeed I am obliged to them more than any other Nation for they give me all the due Respects and Homage to my Greatness for which I love that Nation very well 2. Attendant You have reason but I do observe there is nothing doth keep up a Court more than Dancing and several sorts and kinds of merry pastime for wheresoever there is Dancing and Sport Company will flock together 3. Attendant You say true Comical Dutchess I find my self full of pain I believe I shall fall in Labour 4. Attendant I hope then we shall have a young Prince or Princess soon Exeunt Scene 14. Enter three Gentlemen 1. Gent. I Saw Prince Shaddow 2. Gent. What Prince is he 1. Gent. Why he is the Creating Princess's Husband who made him a Prince 3. Gent. I thought no women could give Title to their Husbands unless they had been Soveraigns 2. Gent. O yes all women can give their Husbands Titles if they please 3. Gent. What Title 2. Gent. Why the title of Cuckolds 1. Gent. Indeed most women do magnifie their Husbands by those Titles 2. Gent. But let me tell you that those women that have Inheritary Honours although not Soveraigns may indue their Husbands with the same Honour but it is not generally so but his Children begot on her are indued and not the Husband yet some Husbands are As for Example a Lord Vicount Earl Marquiss Duke King or Emperor if the Honour as Title goeth to the Female for default of a Male in some Nations their Husbands are indued with their Titles but not commonly known to be so in England as a VVife with her Husband which is only during life and not Inhereditary but if their Titles are only during life and not Inhereditary it cannot derive to another that is not an Successor's for Inhereditary Honour goe like Intailed Lands it goeth only to the next Heir but those that are the dignified are like those that have Joynters or Annuitles for life so when a Husband receives a Dignity from a VVife or a VVife from a Husband it is but so much Honour for life 1. Gentleman But if they have Children those Children inherit the Honour 2. Gentleman Yes as having a right from that Parent that is the Dignifyer but if there be none of the line of the Dignifyer the Honour dies neither is the root of the Honour left to any more than one for though the branches of Honour spread to all the Children yet the root remains but with one For say a King have many Children they are all Princes but yet there can be but one that can inherit the Crown and Royaltie So if a Marquiss or Duke have many Children they are all Lords and Ladies if they be lawfully and in true VVedlock born otherwise they are not neither doth any more but one of the Legitimate Children inherit the Root as to be Marquess or Duke Dutchess or Marchioness neither do the Daughters inherit if there be Sons 1. Gent. But cannot a Dukes Daughter make her Husband a Prince 2. Gent. No not except she hath the Inhereditary Honour for if a Kings Daughter should marry a private Gentleman he would remain as only in the Title of a Gentleman unless the King did create a Title for him or bestow a Title on him 1. Gent. VVhy put case the Inhereditary Honour lay in the people and they elect a King hath that King no power to Create or to give Honour 2. Gent. No they may chuse Officers but not give Titles unless the people did dispossess them of their hereditary power and give it to any man and then the root of Honour lyes in him 1. Gent. Nor doth his Children receive no Titles from their Father 2. Gent. No for the Title he hath is none of his he hath it but during life unless the people will give a Lease as for two or three Lives yet they nominate those two or three Lives So neither can they dispose of their Leases or alter them but at the peoples pleasure like as those that are made Governors they cannot dispose of their Governments to whom they please as without the leave of those that placed them in the Government neither do his Children receive any Titles therefrom like as a Lord Mayor his Son is not my Lord Mayor after him unless he is made one nor his children have no place by his Office and an elective Prince is but as a Lord Mayor or rather like as a Deputy Governor who as I said may dispose of Places or Offices but not give Dignities Honours or Titles 1. Gent. I thank you for your Information for I was so ignorant as I knew nothing of Heraldry Exeunt Scene 15. Enter two Gentlemen 1. Gent. HAve you seen the Imaginary Queen yet 2. Gent. What Imaginary Queen 1. Gent. VVhy a Great Queen that every one goeth to kiss her hand 2. Gent. From what parts of the VVorld came she 1. Gent. From the North parts 2. Gent. And doe so many go to kisse her hand 1. Gent. Yes throngings of Common people 2 Gent. They would kiss the Dogs Tail if it were turned up and presented to them but do any of the Nobles and Gentry kiss her hand 1 Gent. Some few that are newly come out of the Country to see sights in the City 2 Gent. Pish in this Age there are so many of these kind of Bedlams as I am weary to hear of them as the Comical Dutchess the Creating Princess and the Created Prince Prince Shaddow and now the Imaginary Queen 1 Gent. Why Faith it is as good a sight as to see a Play 2 Gent. A puppet Play you mean but the truth is it is a disgrace to all noble persons and great dignities and true titles to be thus mocked by imitators it is a sign that all Europe is imbroiled in Wars so much as every one doth what they list 1 Gent. VVhy they are so far from being checkt or discountenanced for it as there are many true Princes great and noble persons as give the same respect and homage as if they were real Princes indeed and in truth 2 Gent. Then it if it were in my power I would divest those that had the right and true dignities and titles and put them upon those that only acted princely and royal parts since the Actors bear up so nobly and the Spectators do creep and crouch so basely but indeed both sides are Actors both the Spectators and Players only the one side Acts noble parts the other side base parts the one Acts the parts of Princes the other of Servants but I am sorrow to see True Honour wounded as it is 1 Gent. The truth of it is True Honour lies a bleeding and none doth offer to power in Balsimum Exeunt Scene 16. Enter the Imaginary Queen her Gentleman Usher bare headed leads her her Page holds up her Train her Woman follows her and that is all her Train a Company of
Inquirer Indeed the strange ridiculousness and folly and mad presumption is that the Apocriphal Ladies take more State or at least as much as sacred Royaltie Lady True Honour But if Royaltie will suffer such Heresies and Hereticks in the Court of Honour they are not to be lamented if their Courts fall to utter ruine for it is with Titles and Dignities as with Laws if there were no Laws there would be no Government and if there were no Degrees and dignities there would be no Royalty so likewise if the Laws be corrupt and abused Government will fall to ruin and if Honour be abused and usurpt Royaltie will fall from its Throne but howsoever I keep up the Right of my place because it is the cause and interest of all the Nobility of my Country so that if I should give place I should be a Traytor to true Honour and dignified Persons Scene 21. Enter two Women of the Comical Dutchess's 1. Woman VVEll now the Duke of Inconstancy hath forsaken our Lady his Comical Dutchess all our State must down 2. Woman Yes and we must lose our places in going before others as being Dutchess's women 1. Woman The Dutchess cryed all night 2. She had no more reason to cry than she had for the matter of Dignity for pray consider her Highness may keep the same State as being Dutchess still as well as she did before for she possess'd the Honour no more than she doth now and so now no less than she did then 1. Woman That is true but the Duke did help to countenance her State so long as he did live with her as a Husband whereas now she will be hist off the Stage 2. Woman Faith Confidence and a Resolution will bear her up wherefore let us perswade her not to be daunted or put out of countenance and she having the same Estate she had may maintain her self as high as she hath done 1. Woman You say true and the flanting shew will dazle the eyes and delude the understanding of the Spectators 1. Woman Yes of the Vulgar Exeunt Scene 22. Enter two Gentlemen 1. Gent. HOnour goes a begging 2. Gent. Why 1. Gent. Why there is an Ale Wife made a Countesse 2. Gent. As how 1. Gent. Why the Earl Undone hath married Mistriss Tip-tape 2. Gent. But he hath a Wife living 1. Gent. That is all one for did not the Duke of Inconstancy marry a Lady and made her a Dutchess although he had a Dutchess to his Wife before by whom he was a Duke 2. Gent. I perceive Great Noble Persons may do what they will for if a poor mean man should have two Wives at one time they would be surely punished nay in some Kingdoms they would be hanged Exeunt Scene 23. Enter two Scriveners Wives 1. Wife DO you hear that the Duke of Inconstancy hath forsaken his Comical Dutchess 2. Wife Yes but that is nothing 1. Wife Have you been with her Highness since 2. Wife Yes 1. Wife And how looks she upon her misfortunes 2. VVife Why she appears the same and keeps greater State than ever she did yea even her Children are served more royally than ever 1. VVife Faith she is to be commended if it will hold out 2. VVife As long as she hath money it will hold 1. VVife O money doth all things Exeunt FINIS THE EPILOGUE Noble Spectators IN Britain Land long long ago I say There were such persons as are in my Play In Chronicle you 'l find a story plain A Britain Queen that happily did Raign At last did marry one below her State Which merited not a Crown or Kingly Fate For he when Power got did put away His Royal Wife and married as they say Another Lady She and he did live Like lawfull King and Queen till God did give The wronged Queen her Kingdom back again For in a Battel she her husband slain And of the rest in Stories you shall read Such persons as my Play presents indeed THE ACTORS NAMES Two Grave Matrons belonging to the Female Academy Two or three Antient Ladies Two or three Citizens Wives A Company of young Gentlemen and others THE FEMALE ACADEMY ACT I. Scene 1. Enter two Antient Ladies 1 Lady IF you would have your Daughter virtuously and wisely educated you must put her into the Female Academy 2 Lady The Female Academy what is that 1 Lady Why a House wherein a company of young Ladies are instructed by old Matrons as to speak wittily and rationally and to behave themselves handsomly and to live virtuously 2 Lady Do any men come amongst them 1 Lady O no only there is a large open Grate where on the out-side men stand which come to hear and see them but no men enter into the Academy nor women but those that are put in for Education for they have another large open Grate at the other end of the Room they discourse in where on the out-side of that Grate stand women that come to hear them discourse 2 Lady I will put my Daughter therein to be instructed 1 Lady If your Daughter were not of honourable Birth they would not receive her for they take in none but those of antient Descent as also rich for it is a place of charges 2 Lady VVhy then they will not refuse my Daughter for she is both honourably born and also rich Exeunt Scene 2. Enter a Company of young Ladies and with them two Grave Matrons where through the Hanging a company of men look on them as through a Grate 1 MAtron Come Lady 't is your turn this day to take the Chair All sit and she that speaks sits in an adorned Chair Lady Speaker Deliver your Theam 1 Matrod You speak Lady like a Robber when he sayes deliver your Purse but you must say propound your Theam Lady Speaker VVhy then propound your Theam 1 Matron I present to your opinion whether women are capable to have as much VVit or VVisdome as men Lady Speaker First I must define what VVit and VVisdome are as for VVit it is the Daughter of Nature and VVisdome is a Son of the Gods this Daughter of Nature the Lady Wit is very beautifull and for the most part her Countenance is very Amiable and her Speech delightfull in her Acoustrements she is as all other of the Female Sex are various as sometimes in plain Garments and sometimes in glittering Garments and sometimes she is attired in Garments of as many several Colours as the Rainbow and she alters in their Fashions as often as in their Substances or Trimmings as for her humour it is according to the nature of her Sex which is as various and changing as her Acoustrements for that sometimes she is merry and jesting other times pleasing and delightfull sometimes melancholy sometimes fantastical other times spightfull and censorious and oft times wild and wanton unlesse discretion rules and leads her who keeps her within the bounds and pales of Modesty also her discourses are various as sometimes