THE CITYE MATCH A COMOEDYE PRESENTED TO THE KING and QVEENE AT WHITE-HALL ACTED SINCE AT BLACK-FRIERS BY HIS MAIESTIES Servants HORAT de Arte Poet Versibus exponi Tragicis res Comica non vult OXFORD Printed by LEONARD LICHFIELD Printer to the UNIVERSITY Anno Dom. M. DC. XXXIX TO THE READER THe Author of this Poem knowing how hardly the best things protect themselves from censure had no ambition to make it this way publique Holding workes of this light nature to be things which need an Apologie for being written at all Nor esteeming otherwise of them whose abilities in this kinde are most passable then of Masquers who spangle glitter for the time but t is through tinsell As it was meerly out of Obedience that he first wrote it so when it was made had it not been commanded from him it had died upon the place where it took life Himselfe being so averse from raysing fame from the stage that at the presentment he was one of the severest spectators there nor ever show'd other signe whereby it might be knowne to be his but his liberty to despise it Yet he hath at length consented it should passe the Presse not with an Ayme to purchase a new Reputation but to keep that which he hath already from growing worse For understanding that some at London without his Approbation or allowance were ready to print a false imperfect Coppy he was loth to be libell'd by his owne worke or that his Play should appeare to the world with more then its own faults Farewell THE PROLOGVE TO THE KING AND QUEENE THE Author Royall Sir so dreads this Night As if for writing he were doomd to th' sight Or else unlesse you doe protect his fame Y' had sav'd his Play and sentenc'd him to th' flame For though your name or power were i th' reprive Such workes he thinks are but condemn'd to live Which for this place being rescued from the fire Take ruine from th' advancement and fall higher Though None he hopes sit here upon his wit As if he Poems did or Playes commit Yet he must needs feare censure that feares prayse Nor would write still wer 't to succeed i th' Bayes For he is not o th' trade nor would excell In this kinde where t is lightnesse to doe well Yet as the Gods refin'd base things and some Beasts foule i th' Heard grevv pure i th' Hecatombe And as the Oxe prepar'd and crowned Bull Are Offerings though kept back and Altars full So Mighty Sir this sacrifice being neere The Knife at Oxford which y' have kindled here He hopes t will from you and the Queene grow cleane And turne t' Oblation what He meant a Scene THE PROLOGVE AT BLACK-FRIERS WEre it his trade the Author bid me say Perchance he 'd beg you would be good to th' Play And I to set him up in Reputation Should hold a Bason forth for Approbation But praise so gain'd He thinks were a Reliefe Able to make his Comoedy a Briefe For where your pitty must your judgement be T is not a Play but you fir'd houses see Look not his quill then should petitions run No Gathering 's heere into a Prologue spun Whither their sold Scenes be dislikt or hit Are cares for them who eat by th' stage and wit He 's One whose unbought Muse did never feare An Empty second day or a thinne share But can make th' Actors though you come not twice No Loosers since we act now at the Kings price Who hath made this Play publique and the same Power that makes Lawes redeem'd this from the flame For th' Author builds no fame nor doth aspire To praise from that which he condemn'd to th' fire He 's thus secure then that he cannot winne A Censure sharper then his own hath beene The Persons of the Play Warehouse An old Merchant Frank Plotwell His Nephew Cypher His Factor Baneswright Old Plotwell disguised Madam Aurelia Penelope Plotwell his daughter Seathrift A Merchant Ms. Seathrift His Wife Timothy His Sonne Dorcas Susan Seathrift his daughter Bright Two Templers Newcut Two Templers Ms. Scruple A Puritan Schoolemistresse Ms Holland A Seamster on the Exchange Quartfield A Captaine Salewit A Poet Roseclappe One that keeps an Ordinary Mill His wife Prentice Two Footmen Boy that sings The SCENE LONDON ACTVS I. SCENA I. Ware-house Seathrift I Promise you 't will be a most rare plot Ware-h. The Citty Mr Seathrift never yet Brought forth the like J would have them that have Fin'd twice for Sheriffe mend it Seath. Mend it Why T is past the wit o th' Court of Aldermen Next Merchant Taylor that writes Chronicles Will put us in Ware-h. For since I tooke him home Though Sir my Nephew as you may observe Seeme quite transfigur'd be as dutifull As a new prentice in his talke declaime Gainst revelling Companions be as hard To be entic'd from home as my doore posts This reformation may but be his part And he may act his vertues I have not Forgot his riots at the Temple You know Sr Seath. You told me Mr Warehouse Ware-h. Not the sea When it devour'd my ships cost me so much As did his vanities A voyage to th' Indyes Has been lost in a night His dayly suits Were worth more then the stock that set me up For which he knew none but the Silk-mans book And studied that more then the Law He had His Loves too and his Mistresses was enterd Among the philosophicall Madams was As great with them as their Concerners and I heare Kept one of them in pension Seath. My sonne too Hath had his Errours I could tell the time When all the wine which I put off by whole sale He took againe in quarts and at the day Vintners have paid me with his large scores But He is reformed too Ware-h. Sr we now are friends In a designe Seath. And hope to be in time Friends in Allyance Sir Ware-h. I le be free I think well of your sonne Seath. Who Timothy Believ 't a vertuous boy and for his sister A very Saint Ware-h. Mistake me not I have The like opinion of my Nephew Sir Yet he is young and so is your sonne nor Doth the Church-book say they are past our feares Our presence is their bridle now T is good To know them well whom we doe make our Heires Seath. It is most true Ware-h. Well and how shall wee knowe How They will use their fortune or what place We have in their affection without tryall Some wise men build their own Tombes let us try If we were dead whether our Heires vvould cry Or their long clokes this plot vvill do 't Seath. T will make us Famous upon the Exchange for ever I le home And take leave of my vvife and sonne Ware-h. And I le Come to you at your Garden house vvithin there Ex. Seath Enter Cypher SCENA II. Warehouse Cypher NOvv Cypher where 's my Nephew Cyph. In the Hall Reading a letter vvhich a
heare to find a wife out For my young sprightly Uncle Banes Sir he has Retain'd me to that purpose I just now Came from him Plotw. And doe you meane the match Shall then proceed Banesw. I have a Leiger wench In readinesse he 's gone to put himselfe Into fit ornaments for the solemnitie I 'me to provide the Priest and Licence we goe Some two houres hence to Church Qu. Death you Pander Forbid the banes or I will cut your wizzell And spoile your squiring in the dark J 've heard Of your lewd function Sirrah you preferre Wenches to Bawdy-houses Rascall Banesw. Good Sir Threaten me not in my vocation Plotw. Why Baneswright you can be but paid say I Procure the wench a friend of mine and double Your bargaine such a faire reward me thinks Should make thee of my project Thou dost know My fortunes are ingaged and thou maist be The happy instrument to recover 'em Be my good Angell once I have a plot Shall make thee famous Quartf. By Mars deny and I Will act a Tragoedy upon thee Banes Gentlemen I am a friend to wit but more to you Sir Of whose misfortunes I will not be guilty Though then your Uncle have imploid me and Have deeply sworne to wed this afternoone A wife of my providing if you can O'rereach the angry Burgesse Sir and bring His wisdome to the Ginne show me the way I 'le help to lay the trap Quartf. Now thou art An honest hearted pimp thou shalt for this Be drunk in Vine Dee Rascall I 'le begin A Runlet to thee Plotw. Gentlemen lets in I 'le tell you my designe you Salewit must Transforme your selfe to a French Deacon J have parts for Bright and Newcut too Mischiefe Upon their absence Salew. Wee 'l send for 'em Plot. And For Mr Timothy J have a project Shall make his father everlastingly Admire his wit and aske him blessing Quart Come Le ts in and drink a health to our successe Tim. I 'me for no healths unlesse the glasse be lesse Exeunt ACTVS IIII SCENA I. Seathrift Ms Seathrift Ms Holland Ms Scruple Seath. I did commit her to your charge that you Might breed her Ms Scruple and doe require Her at your hand Here be fine tricks indeed My daughter Susan to be stolne a week And you conceale it you were of the plot I doe suspect you Ms Scru. Sir will you but heare Me meekly Seath. No I 'le never trust againe A woman with white eyes that can take notes And write a Comment on the Catechisme All your devotion 's false i st possible She could be gone without your knowledge Ms Scru. Will you Attend me Ms Seathrift If my husband To weane her from love courses did not take More paines with her then with his Tuesday Lectures And if J did not every day expound Some good things to her gainst the sinne o th' flesh For feare of such temptations to which fraile girles Are very subject let me never more Be thought fit to instruct young Gentlewomen Or deale in Tent-stitch Who ere t was that seduced her She took my daughter Emlins gowne and ruffe And left her owne clothes and my Schollers say She often would write Letters Seath. Why t is right Some silenc't Minister has got her that J Should breed my daughter in a Conventicle Ms Seath. Pray husband be appeas'd Seat You are a foole Ms Seath. You heare her Ms could not help it Seath. Nor Your sonne help being a fish Ms Holl. Why Sir was he The first that was abus'd by Captaines Seath. Goe You talke like prating Gossips Ms Holl. Gossips slight What Gossips Sir Ms Seath. What Gossips are we speak Seath. I 'le tell you since you l know my wife and you Shrill Ms Holland have two tongues that when Th' are in conjunction are busier and make More noise then country faires and utter more tales Then blind-folkes Mid-wives Nurses Then no show Though 't be a Jugler scapes you You did follow The Elephant so long and King of Sweden That people at last came in to see you Then My sonne could not be made a Fish but who Should I finde there much taken with the sight But you two I may now build Hospitals Or give my mony to Plantations Exit Seath Ms Seath. Le ts follow him come Ms Scruple Ms Holl. Just As your Sue left her Schoole-mistresse my Pen Left me Ms Scru. They 'l come againe J warrant you Exeunt SCENA II. Plotwell Aurelia Plotw. SIster t is so projected therefore make No more demurres the life of both our fortunes Lies in your carriage of things well think therefore Whither you will restore me and advance Your own affaires or else within this week Fly this your lodging like uncustomd sinners And have your Coach-horses transformd to Rent Have your apparell sold for properties And you returne to Cut-work By this hand If you refuse all this must happen Aur. Well Sir Necessitie which hath no Law for once Shall make me o th' conspiracy and since We are left wholy to our wits Let 's show The power and vertue of 'em if your Baneswright Can but perswade my Uncle I will fit Him with a Bride Plotw. The Scene is laid already I have transformd an English Poet into A fine French Teacher who shall joyne your hands With a most learned legend out of Rablais Aur. But for my true groom who you say comes hither For a disguised Knight I shall think I wed His Fathers Counting-house and goe to bed To so much Bullion of a man Faith I 've No minde to him brother he hath not wit enough To make 't a lawfull marriage Plot. Y' are deceivd I 'le undertake by one weekes Tutoring And carrying him to Plaies and Ordinaries Engaging him in a quarrell or two and making Some Captaine beat him to render him a most Accomplisht Gallant Or say he be borne sister Under the City planet pray what wise Lady Desires to match a wise Knight you 'd marry some Philosopher now that should every night Lye with you out of Aristotle and loose Your maiden-head by Demonstration Or some great statesman before whom you must sit As silent and reservd as if your looks Had plots on forreine Princes and must visit And dresse your selfe by Tacitus What he wants In Naturals his fortunes will make up In Honours Pen when hee 's once made a Lord who 'l be so sawcey as to think he can Be impotent in wisdome She that marries A foole is an Hermaphrodite the Man And wife too sister Besides t is now too late He 'l be here presently and comes prepar'd For Hymen I took up a footman for him And left him under three tyremens hands besides Two Barbers Aur. Well Sir I must then accept him With all his imperfections J have Procur'd a Sir Iohn yonder Plotw Who i st Aur. One That preaches the next parish once a week Enter a Footman A sleep for thirty pounds a yeare Foot
Here is A Knight desires your Ladiship will give Him audience Aur. T is no Knight Embassadour Foot He rather lookes like a Knight o th' Sun Pl. T is He Aur. Let him come in Plot. If you be coy now Pen Ex. Foot You spoile all Aur. Well Sir I 'le be affable SCENA III To them Timothy fantastically drest and a Footman Plotw. HEre he comes Tim. Sirrah wait me in the Hall And let your feet stink there your ayre 's not fit To be endured by Ladies Plotw. What quarrell with Your Footman Sir Tim. Hang him he casts a sent That drownes my perfumes and is strong enough To cure the Mother or Palsie Doe I act A Knight well Plotw. This imperiousnesse becomes you Like a Knight newly dubd Sir Tim. What saies the Lady Plotw. Speak lower J 've prepar'd her show your selfe A Courtier now she 's yours Tim. If that be all I 'le Court her as if some Courtier had begot me i th' Gallery at a Masque Plotw. Madam this Gentleman Desires to kisse your hands Tim. And lips too Lady Aur. Sir you much honour both Tim. I I know that Else I de not kisse you Yesterday J was In company with Ladies and they all Long'd to be toucht by me Aur. You cannot cure The Evill Sir nor have your lips the vertue To restore ruines or make old Ladies young Tim. Faith all the vertue that they have is that My lips are knighted J am borne sweet Lady To a poore fortune that will keep my selfe And Foot-man as you see to beare my sword In Cuerpo after me I can at Court If J would show my gilt i th' Presence look After the rate of some five thousands Yearely in old rents and were my Father once Well wrapt in seare-cloth I could fine for Sheriffe Plotw. Heart you spoile all Tim. Why Plot. She verily believd Y 'had nere a father Aur. Lives your father then Sir That Gentleman told me he was dead Tim. T is true I had forgot my selfe he was drownd Lady This morning as he went to take possession Of a summer house and land in the Canaries Plotw. Now y'have recoverd all Tim. D' you think I have Not wit enough to lye Plotw. Break your minde to her She does expect it Tim. But Lady this is not The businesse which J came for Aur. I 'me at leisure To heare your businesse Sir Plotw. Mark that Tim. Indeed Sweet Lady I 've a motion which was once Or twice this morning in my mouth and then Slipt back againe for feare Aur. Cowards nere won Ladies or Forts Sir Tim. Say then I should feele Some motions Lady of affection might A man repaire Pauls with your heart or put it Into a Tinder-box Aur. How meane you Sir Tim. Why is your heart a stone or flint Aur. Be plain Sir I understand you not Tim. Not understand me Y' are the first Lady that ere put a man To speak plaine English some would understand Riddles and signes say J should love you Lady Aur. There should be no love lost Sir Tim. Say you so Then by this aire my teeth eene water at you I long to have some Off-spring by you we Shall have an excellent breed of wits J meane My youngest sonne shall be a Poet and My Daughters like their Mother every one A wench o th' game And for my eldest sonne He shall be like me and inherit Therefore Le ts not deferre our joyes but goe to bed And multiply Aur. Soft Sir the Priest must first Discharge his office I doe not mean to marry Enter Dorcas out of her Puritan dresse Like Ladies in New England where they couple With no more ceremony then birds choose their Mate Upon St Valentines day Dor. Madam the Preacher Is sent for to a Churching and doth aske If you be ready he shall loose he saies His Chrysome else Aur. O miracle out of your litle Ruffe Dorcas and in the fashion Dost thou hope to be saved Dor. Pray Madam doe not Abuse me J will tell you more anon Plotw. Tell him shee s comming Aur. Sir please you partake Of a slight banquet Pl. Just as you are sate Exit Dorcas I 'le steale the Priest in Tim. Doe Pl. When you are joind Be sure you doe not oversee but straight Retire to bed she 'l follow Tim. T is not three A clock i th' afternoone Plotw. T is but drawing Your Curtaines and you doe create your night All times to Lovers and New married folkes May be made dark Tim. J will then By this Roome She 's a rare Lady J doe almost wish I could change sexe and that she might beget Children on me Plotw. Nay will you enter Tim. Ladie Pray will you show the way Plotw. Most Citie like 'Slid take her by the arme and lead her in Tim. Your arme sweet Lady Exeunt SCENA IV. Bright Newcut Br. BUt are you sure th' are they New I 'le not believe My treacherous eies againe but trust some dog To guid me if J did not see his Uncle Comming this way and Baneswright with him Br. Who The fellow that brings Love to banes and banes To bare thighes 'bout the towne New The very same Sir The Citie Cupid that shoots arrowes betwixt Partie and partie All the difference is He has his eyes but they he brings together Sometimes doe not see one another till Till they meet i th' Church Br. What say you now if Ware-house Should in displeasure marry New T is so this fellow In 's company confirmes me T is the very businesse Why Plotwell has sent for us Br. Here they come Prithee le ts stand and overheare 'em New Stand close then SCENA V. Enter Ware-house Baneswright Ware-h. MAdam Aurelia is her name Ban. Her father Was Sir an Irish Baron that undid Himselfe by house-keeping War As for her birth I could wish it were meaner As many Knights And Justices of peace as have been of The Family are reckoned into th' portion She 'l still be naming of her Ancestors Aske Jointure by the Heralds booke and I That have no Coat nor can show azure Lions In Fields of Argent shall be scornd she 'l think Her Honour wrongd to match a man that hath No Scutcheons but them of his Company Which once a yeare doe serve to trim a Lighter To Westminster and back againe Ban. You are Mistaken Sir This Lady as she is Descended of a great house so she hath No Dowrie but her Armes She can bring only Some Libbards heads or strange beasts which you knowe Being but Beasts let them derive themselves From Monsters in the Globe and lineally Proceed from Hercules labours they will never Advance her to a husband equall to Her selfe in birth that can give Beasts too She Aimes only to match one that can maintaine Her some way to her state She is possest What streames of gold you flow in Sir Ware-h. But can she Affect my age Banes I askt her that and told her You were about some
redeeme My selfe commit some outrage O O O. SCENA III To him Plotwell and Roseclap Plotw. SIr I am sorry such a light offence Should make such deep impressions in you But that which more afflicts me then the losse of my Great hopes is that y' are likely to be abus'd Sir Strangely abus'd Sir by one Baneswright I heare You are to marry War Did you heare so Plotw. Madam Aurelia's woman War What of her Sir Plotw. Why Sir I thought it duty to informe you That you were better match a ruind Bawd One ten times cured by sweating and the Tub Or paind now with her fiftieth Ach whom not The power of Vsquebaugh or heat of feavers Quickens enough to wish one of such looks That Judges of Assize without more proofe Suspect arraigne and burn for witchcraft War Why pray Plotw. For she being past all motions impotence Will be a kinde of chastity and you Might have her to your selfe but here is one Knowes this to be War An arrant whore Ros. I see You have heard of her Sir Indeed she has Done pennance thrice War How say you pennance Rosc. Yes Sir And should have sufferd War Carting should she not Ros. The Marshall had her Sir War I sweat I sweat Ros. She 's of knowne practice Sir the clothes she weares Are but her quarters sinnes she has no linnen But what she first offends for War O blest Heaven Look downe upon me Plotw. Nay Sir which is more She has three children living has had foure War How Children Children say you Plot. Ask him Sir One by a French Man Ros. Another by a Dutch Plotw. A third Sir by a Moore borne of two colours Just like a Sergeants Man War Why she has known then All Tongues and Nations Ros. She has been layne with farther Then ever Coryat travaild and layne in By two parts of the Map Afrique and Europe As if the State maintaind her to allay The heat of Forrainers VVar. O O O O. Plotw. What aile you Sir War O Nephew I am not well J am not well Plot. I hope you are not married War It is too true Ros. God help you then War Amen Nephew forgive me Ros. Alas good Gentleman Plot. Would you trust Baneswright Sir War Nephew in Hell There 's not a torment for him O that I could But see that cheating Rogue upon the rack now I 'de give a thousand pound for every stretch That should enlarge the Rogue through all his joints And but just show him hell and then recall His broking soule and give him strength to suffer His torture often J would have the Rascall Think hanging a reliefe and be as long A dying as a chopt Eele that the Divell Might have his soule by peeces who 's here a Saylor Enter Cypher like a Saylor SCENA IV. To them Cypher Cyph. ARe you Sir Ware-house the rich Merchant war Sir My name is Ware-house Cy. Then you are not Sir So rich by two ships as you were VVar. How meane you Cyph. Your two ships Sir that were now comming home From Ormus are both cast away the wrack And burden on the place was valewd at Some forty thousand pound All the men perisht By th' violence of the storme only my selfe Preserv'd my life by swimming till a ship Of Bristoll took me up and brought me home To be the sad reporter VVar. Was nothing sav'd Cyph. Two small Caskes one of blew Figs the other Of pickeld Mushromes which serv'd me for bladders And kept me up from sinking T was a storme Which Sir J will describe to you The Winds Rose of a sudden with that tempestuous force VVar. Prithee no more I have heard too much Would I Had been i th' tempest Cyph. Good your worship give A poore sea-faring man your charitie To carry me back againe I 'me come aboue A hundred mile to tell you this VVar. Goe in And let my Factor if he be come in Reward thee stay and sup to Cyph. Thank your Worship VVar. Why should I not now hang my selfe Or if Ex. Cyp. It be a fate that will more hide it selfe And keep me from discredit tie some weight About my neck to sink me to the bottome o th' Thames not to be found to keep my body From rising up and telling tales Two wracks And both worth forty thousand pound there why That landed here were worth an hundred J Will drown my selfe I nothing have to doe Now in this world but drown my selfe Plotw. Fie these Are desperate resolutions Take heart Sir There may be waies yet to relieve you VVar. How Plotw. Why for your lost ships say Sir I should bring Two o th' Assurance Office that should warrant Their safe returne t is not knowne yet Would you Give three parts to secure the fourth War I 'de give Ten to secure one Plotw. Well Sir and for your Wife Say J should prove it were no lawfull match And that she is another Mans you 'd take the peece of service well War Yes and repent That when I had so good an Heyre begot Unto my hand I was so rash to aime At one of my own dotage Plot. Say no more Sir But keep the Saylor that he stir not Wee 'l Exit Plotwell Roscl About it straight War How much I was deceiv'd To think ill of my Nephew In whose revenge I see the Heavens frowne on me Seas and Winds Swell and rage for him against me But J will Appease their furies and be reconciled SCENA V. To him Sea-thrift Ms Sea-thrift Ms Holland Ms Scruple Ms Sea MUch joy to you Sir you have made quick dispatch I like a man that can love wooe wed All in an houre my husband was so long A getting me so many friends consents Were to be askt that when we came to Church T was not a Marriage but our times were out And we were there made free of one another Ms Holl. I lookt to find you abed and a young Sheriffe Begot by this My husband when I came From Church by this time had his Cawdle I Had not a Garter left nor he a point Ms Scru. Surely all that my husband did the first Night we were married was to call for one Of his wrought Caps more to allay his Rheume Ms Holl. We heare y'haue matcht a Courtier Sir a Gallant One that can spring fire in your Bloud and dart Fresh flames into you Ms Sea Sir you are not merry Me thinks you doe not look as you were married Ms Holl. You rather look as you had lost your Love Ms Scru. Or else as if your Spouse Sir had rebukt you Sea How is it Sir you feel have brought along My Fidlers with me my Wife and Ms Holland Are good winde Instruments T is enough for me To put on sadnesse War You Sir have no cause Seath. Not I aske Ms Scruple I have lost My Daughter Sir she 's stolne Then Sir I have A spend thrift to my sonne Warch. These are felicities