might have reigned as well as he Consider Fathers Conscript what a Monster sues to be made a God will you now make him Behold his body form'd to despight the Gods In brief let him pronounce but three words together in any reasonable sort and I will be content to become his slave Who will adore this God who will believe him to be so In conclusion while you make such Gods you your selves are not thought to be Gods The summe of all is grave Fathers if I have behaved my self honestly among you if I have not been uncivil to any revenge my wrongs I for my part pronounce this as my opinion and then read out of a Table-book Since divine Claudius hath slain Appius Syllanus his Father in law his two Nephews Pompey the Great and Lucius Syllanus Crassus Father in law to his Daughter an honest man and as like him as one egge is to another Scribonia Mother in law to his Daughter and Messalina his Wife and so many beside that it is endlesse to recount them he ought to be severely punished and to be allowed no appeal but to be carried hence and within thirty dayes to leave Heaven and within three Olympus All the Gods rose to confirm this judgement and without expecting further order Cyllenius took him by the wry neck and dragg'd him towards Hell From whence they do maintain None can return again While they descended by the broad way Mercury askt what that concourse of people meant whether it were Claudius his Funeral And truly it was as glorious a shew as could be seen set out with so much pomp that it appeared the Funeral of a God Such variety there was of Trumpets Cornets and Hoeboys Claudius heard the noise All men rejoyced and were merry the People of Rome found they were at liberty Agatha and a few Petty-foggers heartily lamented the Lawyers came out of their holes pale and meager scarce able to breath like men newly recovered from a trance One of the company seeing the Lawyers lay their heads together bewailing their fortune drew near and said I told you Saturn 's Feast would not alwayes last Claudius when he saw his Funeral perceived himself to be dead for they chanted with a loud voice this Funeral Elegy Let your sighs and tears abound Let cryes fly the Palace round At least feign a mournful sound Since so brave a man whose head Was with wisdome fraught is dead The Earth none like him eveâ— bred In swift Races he excell'd His light dart the Persians quell'd And the Parthians who rebell'd He his foes did overthrow Taught the Medes his strength to know And their Painted backs to show Britans and the Irish plae'd Beyond known Seas he soon chas'd They to bear his yoke made hast The Ocean which no bounds saw To Obedience he did draw And to yield to Roman Law Plenteous tears for him provide Who though hearing but one side Sometimes neither Causes try'd What Iudge will there now be found That will sit the whole year round And give Sentence without ground Minos Iudge of Souls below T' whom a hundred Cities owe Homage will his Seat forgo But O you of Venal race Lawyers now in this sad case Beat your breasts and weep apace Poets too who â—aeke great pains Though alas with little gains Vent your Sorrows in fresh strains You 'bove all grown rich by Play Shaking th'elbow night and day Never put your grief away Claudius was much delighted with his praise and would fain have heard more But Talthybius Messenger of the Gods laid hands on him and covering his head that he might not be known led him by Campus Martius and between Tiber and the close way descended towards Hell Narcissus his enfranchis'd Servant went before the direct way to entertain his Patron and when he came near he ran to him all neat and trim as out of a Bath and said What do Gods mix with Men Hasten said Mercury and give advertisement of our coming Narcissus would have complemented longer with his Lord but Mercury admonished him with his Rod and again bid him make hast No sooner had he spoken but Narcissus hastned as if he haâ— flown The passage is steep and easie of descent and therefore though he were gouty he came in a moment to the Gates of Plutâ—â— where lay as Horace sayes that hundred-headed Beast which presently rose and shook his bristled crest Narcissus who used to play with a little white Beagle was in a kind of fear when he saw a Dog so black and shaggy that one would be loath to meet him in the dark and cry'd Claudius Caesar is come And behold a multitude came singing with acclamations We have him let us rejoyce In this Company were C. Silius design'd Consul Iunius Praetorius Sextus Trullus Marcus Helvius Trogus Cotta Teclus Valens Tabius whom Narcissus had caused to be Executed In the midst of this troop of Singers was Maestor the Pantomime whom Claudius for comlinesse sake had made leaner The news was presently carry'd to Messalina that Claudius was arrived First of all came flocking his freed-men Polybius Miron Harpocras Ampheus and Pheronactes whom he had sent before that he might not want Servants in any place After them came two Praefects Iustus Catonius and Ruffus Pompey's Son Then came his friends Saturnius Luscius Pedo Pompeius Lupus and Celer Asinius who had been Consuls And last of all his Brother's Daughter his Sister's Daughter his Father in law his Mother 〈◊〉 law all his near allies came to meet him whom wheâ— Claudius saw he cry'd out Behold all places are full of my friends How came you hither Pedo Pompeius replyâ—d What say'st thou bloody man do'st thou ask how who but thy self hath sent us hither thou murderer of all thy friends Come let us go I 'll shew thee the Iudgement-Seat and then brought him to the Tribunal of Aeacus He it was who by virtue of the Cornelian Law enacted against murderers inform'd against them and made their processe and now desir'd to have his name Register'd as the accuser of Claudius that he had murdered thirty Senators three hundred and fifteen Roman Knights and of other People The number infinite like Sand or Dust. Claudius being much dismay'd cast his eyes about to find an Advocate to speak for him but found at present none At length Publius Petronius who was wont to eat at his Table a man well vers'd in the Claudian language appeared and desir'd to be admitted his defender but was refus'd Pedo Pompeius accus'd him with great vehemency Petronius seemed willing to answer for him Aeacus a most just man having heard but one side condemned him and said If he suffer what he hath done to others the judgement is just A great silence was made All were astonish'd and wondred at the newnesse of the thing saying the like was never done Claudius thought it more just then new It was long debated what kind of Punishment should be inflicted Some mov'd that if the Gods would be pleased to release the punishment of one either Tantalus might be freed of his Thirst whereof he would else die or Sisyphus of the burthen of his Stone or Ixion have his Wheel stopt But it was resolv'd that none of the Condemned persons should be discharg'd lest Claudius himself might afterwards expect like favour They agreed that a new punishment should be devis'd That some fruitlesse labour should be impos'd upon him and a kind of Desire without End or Effect Then Aeacus pronounced that he should play at Dice with a bottomlesse Box And now he began to cast Dice to no purpose for they still dropt out at the wrong end As oft as he prepared was to cast Shaking the Box the Dice fell out as fast And putting them into the Box again Like one that play'd he found he play'd in vain For still the Dice slipt thorough and were gone So Sisyphus with many a heavy grone To the Hill-top bears his returning Stone Caius Caesar now appeared and claimed him in â—ight of Bondage producing witnesses who saw him box'd and beaten with Rods and Cudgels by him He was adjudg'd to Caius Caesar to whom Aeacus gave him He gave him to Menander his manumitted Servant to help him to frame Indictments FINIS Here Seneca was but an ill Augur * After he had put her to death he sent for her to Supper
ΑΠΟΚOΛΟKÎ¥ÎΤOΣΙΣ OR A MOCKERY UPON The DEATH and DEIFICATION OF Claudius Caesar. Written in Latine by LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECA the Philosopher Imprimatur Iunij 17. 1664. ROGER L'ESTRANGE LONDON Printed by William Godbid 1664. To the READER THis Book is Intituled ΑΠΟΚΟΛΟΚΥÎΤΟΣΙΣ wherein Seneca exceedingly derides the pretended Deification of Claudius Caesar and by the way scoffs at the whole Apotheofis of the Romans and Graecians upon occasion of that of Claudius who fell into a lingring Consumption by eating Mushroms his usual dish poysoned with Coloquintida by the instigation of his Wife Agrippina but by the subtlety of a Noble woman Mistris of that Art Claudius Son of Drusus Germanicus succeeding Caius in the Empire of Rome is recorded to have been a Prince no lesse Cruel than Foolish insomuch that his Mother Antonia was wont to call him a Monster of Men whom Nature had begunâ— not perfected and when she tax'd any man of much foolishnesse would say He was more sottish than her Son Claudius His Grandmother Augusta alwayes thought him most despicable would never admonish him but by messages or by short sharp Letters His Sister Livilla when she heard he was to be Emperour would openly lament the deplorable condition of the People of Rome This man Lucius Annaeus Seneca hath here painted forth in his proper colours and perhaps was the more bitter in revenge of the banishment he sustained under him though afterward Agrippina being then marriâ—â— â—o Claudius that she might not be famous only for wickâ—d acts interceded for Seneca and obtained not onely â—is release but his preferment to the Praetorship conâ—eiving it would be no lesse grateful to the Publick in â—egard of his fame for Learning then advantageous to â—er intending to use his help in the Education of her Son Domitian and his advice in advancing him to the Empire for she believed as Tacitus sayes he would be a friend to her in respect of that benefit and an eneâ—y to Claudius in regard of that injury This may serve â—o declare the Authour's scope in writing this facetious Tract which is so opposite to the usual gravity of Seâ—eca that it hath been doubted by some to be his but â—he unquestionable assertions of so many ancient testimoâ—ies must needs remove that scruple And because the Book hath never yet worn an English Livery but hath â—een totally omitted by the Translator of the rest of his Works as a Tract more busy and difficult interwoven â—ith various and acute verses it was the rather underâ—aken for satisfaction of some private Friends without â—hought of troubling the World with it The Copies â—hich are transmitted to us do without all doubt so differ â—rom the Original that they will scarce admit of sense â—n many places and they who attempt the reconciliatiâ—n do but quarrel among themselves yet in the most difâ—â—cult passages the present Translator makes use of some â—f their Castigations not with much approbation but for â—ant of better being unwilling to be too laborious in â—â—ifles ΑΠΟΚΟΛΟΚΥÎΤΟΣΙΣ OR A Mockery upon the Death and Deification of CLAUDIUS CAESAR c. WHat pass'd in Heaven before the third day of the Ides of October Asinius Marcellus and Acilius Aviola being Consuls in that New year which gave beginning to a most happy Age I will now declare nor shall any thing proceed either from Injury or Favour But if I be ask'd how I know it to be true First unlesse I please I will not answer Who shall constrain me I know I recover'd my liberty when he dy'd who verifi'd the Proverb He must be born a Tyrant or a Fool. If I list to answer I 'll speak what comes in my head Who ever required an Oath of an Historian But if I must needs produce my Authour ask him who saw Drusilla ascend to Heaven the same saw Claudius take his journey thither though not with equal pace Whether he will or not he must see what 's done in Heaven He is the Supervisor of the Appian way which thou knowest Augustus and Tiberius took when they went to the Gods If thou enquir'st of him he 'll whisper to thee alone but if others be present will not speak a word for since he swore in the Senate he saw Drusilla ascend to Heaven and no man gave any credit to so good news he affirm'd in plain terms that if he saw a man kill'd in the very Market-place he for his part would not tell it What I heard from this man I relate for truth so happy and sincere do I esteem him Now Phoebus had abridg'd his rising light And the time sooner did to sleep invite And now prevailing Cynthia her reign Improv'd and fruitfull Autumn did complain Of Winter's sad approach which so bereft The Vines few Grapes the Vintager found left I think it would be better understood if I said the Month of October or the third day of the Ides thereof I cannot tell justly the hour Philosophers agree more easily then Clocks but it was between Six and Seven Poets are too tedious in their descriptions they cannot be content to describe the rising and setting of the Sun but they will also disturb Mid-day Wilt thou also thus pass over so good an hour Sol now had pass'd the middle part of Heaven And to his bending Steeds the reins had given And towards Night his flaming Charriot driven The Soul of Claudius began to forsake his Body but could not find the way out when Mercury who ever delighted in his Wit calling forth one of the Three Fatal Sisters said Why cruel VVoman dost thou suffer this wretched man to be so tormented who alas never deserv'd it It is now the sixty and fourth year since he struggled with his Soul VVhy does thy envy deny him death Permit Astrologers to tell at last the truth who from the time he was made Prince every year every month have been carrying him to his grave And it is no wonder they err'd no man knew the hour of his Nativity For indeed no man ever thought him born Do what ought to be done Give him to Death and in a better sort To reign permit him in an empty Court But Clotho reply'd I was willing I confesse to respite his death till he had made those few that remain Citizens of Rome For he resolv'd to see all the Graecians French Spaniards and Britans become Cown-men But since thou art pleased that some strangers be left to propagate their race and that thou so commandâ—st it shall be done Then opened she a Box and took out three Spindles the fiâ—st belonged to Augurinus the second to Baba the third to Claudius These three said she in one year and in a little distance of time I will command to die For I will not send him away unaccompany'd It is not fit that he who lately saw so many thousand people before behind and round about him should be suddenly left alone In the mean time he must be content with the
Months of Iuly and October and thou know'st how much misery I endured in sitting to hear the Lawyers plead night and day into whose hands hadst thou fallen though thou beest very stout thou wouldst rather have cleans'd again the Augean Stables so much more dung did I rake up Well said Hercules I am content to be thy Patron because I will and then brake into the Assembly of Demi-gods who were consulting about Claudius who murmuring at it said It is no wonder thou rushest into the Court no place is shut from thee But tell us now what God thou would'st have him An Epicurean he cannot be for he has no employment himself nor gives any to others A Stoick God how can he be as Varro says round and perfect having neither head nor prepuce 'T is true he hath something of a Stoick for we see he hath neither brains nor head yet he might justly have desired this favour of Saturn whose feast he celebrated all the year long But Caius Caesar would never endure it in regard he sought what he could to kill Lucius Syllanus his Son in Law whom he condemned of Incest And why I pray Because he desir'd that his Sister being one of the sprightfull'st women in the City and was therefore called Venus should be styl'd Iuno He would not seem to tolerate Incest at Rome though it were permitted in the half degree at Athens and in the whole at Alexandria because as he said at Rome Mice lick Mil-stones This man would teach us to make crooked things straight What he does in his Chamber we know not but he searches all the corners of heaven and would be made a God He thinks it a small matter to have a Temple in Britain where the Barbarians give him Divine honour erecting as it were an Altar to his eternal Dominion At length Iupiter finding the matter agitated with confus'd interlocutions among inferiour Gods advis'd them to dispute no longer and wish'd every one that had interest in that Assembly to declare his opinion I Fathers Conscript saith he have permitted you to deliver your judgements in this sublime Court which you have made no better then a Thatch'd house I will have the ancient discipline observ'd This man whatsoever he is what will he think of us Claudius being withdrawn first Father Ianus was ask'd his opinion who being very subtle was made Afternoon-Consul in the Calends of Iuly and alwayes looks both before and behind at once He having been conversant in Courts of Justice was very Eloquent and spake so much that the Scribe of the Court could not set down all and therefore I do not repeat it lest I should put what he said into other words He spake much of the Greatness of the Gods and that so high honour ought not to be given promiscuously It was wont to be counted a great matter to be made a God you have lessened the reputation of it And therefore said he that I may not in my sentence look so much upon the person as the matter I advise that none henceforth be made a God that eats the fruits of the earth or whom the fertile earth in any sort nourishes Whosoever contrary to this Act shall be made feign'd or be painted a God let him be thrown to Hobgoblins and at the next Prize to be play'd by the new Fencers let him be soundly whipt The next that delivered his judgement was the Son of Vica Pota who was also design'd a small Bankier Consul formerly he subsisted by Traffique and in petty Cities sold Jars of Oyle Hercules stept handsomely to him and rounded him in the ear He then said Since divine Claudius was near in blood to divine Augustus who no less then he did sollicit the Deification of his Grandmother Augustae and did indeed far excel all mortal men in wisdome and that it is expedient for the common good to have one who can with Romulus devour boyling turneps My judgement is that Claudius be made a God in as ample manner and with as good right as others were made before him and that this miracle be added to the Metamorphoses of Ovid. The opinions were various and Claudius seemed to have most votes For Hercules who saw his own iron in the fire ran up and down from one to another saying Envy not me the honour of this work I am concern'd in it when you have occasion I shall requite the courtesie one hand washes another Then stood up sacred Augustus to deliver his opinion which he did with very much Eloquence Fathers Conscript said he I call you to witnesse that since I was made a God I have not spoken a word here I always mind my owne businesse But I can no longer dissemble nor contain my sorrow which my modesty makes greater For this cause I made peace at Land and Sea furnish'd the City with Laws and adorn'd it with stately Buildings What to say grave Fathers I cannot tell no words are sufficient to dâ—clare my indignation I must make use of the expression of Messala Corvinus an eloquent man He hath cut in sunder the Majesty and Jurisdiction of the Empire This man Fathers Conscript that seems to us scarce able to fright away a fly has chopt off mens heads with as much facility as a dog eats tripes But how can I relate his many cruelties I have not leisure to lament publick calamities when I look upon my own domestick miseries Those therefore I will omit and these rehearse Though Phormea understands little Greek yet I doe and remember the Proverb Indignation hardly grows old He whom you see lurking so many years under my name in requital hath kill'd two Julia's my Nephew's Daughters the one with the sword the other with famine and also my Nephew's Nephew Lucius Syllanus Consider Jupiter the cause being so wicked and which concerns you near whether this man shall remain with us Tell me divine Claudius why thou didst condemn any of these of either sex without hearing or taking cognizance of the cause Has this been usually done in heaven Certainly it was never done We know that Jupiter who hath reign'd here so many years only broke the thigh of one Vulcan and taking him by the foot threw him out of heaven and being angry with his Wife hung her between heaven and earth to punish her But did he kill her Thou slew'st Messalina to whom I was great Vncle as well as to thee Thou wilt say thou know'st not The curse of the Gods light on thee so much more shameful it is that thou know'st not then that thou didst it This man ceased not to prosecute Caius Caesar after his death he slew his Father in law this his Son in law Caius Caesar would not permit the Son of Crassus to be styled the Great This man restor'd his name and took off his head He slew in one house Crassus the Great Scribonia Tristonia and Assario all Nobles But Crassus such a fool as he