and troubles are at an end Thr. Law ye now you would be wiser than the Father that begot you would you did not I always say you should marry Mr. Gripes daughter But you do not know your Sister Luce Oct. Unlook'd for blessing why she 's my friend Leander's Wife Thr. How Leander's Wife Gr. What my Son Leander Oct. Yes Sir your Son Leander Gr. Indeed well Brother Thrifty 't is true the Boy was always a good natur'd Boy Well now am I so overjoyed that I could laugh till I shook my shoulders but that I dare not they are so sore But look here he comes Enter Leander Lean. Sir I beg your pardon I fiâ—d my marriage is discovered nor would I indeed have longer concealed it this is my Wife and l must own her Gr. Brother Thrifty did you ever see the like did you ever see the like Ha Thr. Own her quoth a why kiss her kiss her Man oddsboddikins when I was a young fellow and was first married I did nothing else for three months O my conscience I got my Boy Octi there the first night before the Curtaines were quite drawn Gr. Well 't is his Fathers nowne Child Just so Brother was it with me upon my Wedding day I could not look upon my dear without blushing but when we were a Bed Lord ha mercy upon us but I le say no more Lean. Is then my Father Reconcil'd to me Gr. Reconcil'd to thee why I love thee at my heart man at my heart why 't is my Brother Thrifty's daughter Mrs. Lâ—ce whom I always design'd for thy Wife and that 's thy Sister Clara married to Mr. Octa. there Lean. Octavian are we then Brothers there is nothing that I could have rather wisht after the Compleating of my happiness with my charming Lucia Thr. Come Sir hang up your complements in the Hall at home they are old and out of fashion Shift go to the Inn and bespeak a Supper may cost more Money than I have ready to pay for 't for I am resolved to run in debt to night Sh. I shall obey your commands Sir Thr. Then d' you hear send out and muster up all the Fidlers Blind or not Blind Drunk or Sober in the Town let not so much as the Roaster of Tunes with his crack'd Cymbal in a Case escape ye Gr. Well what would I give now for the fellow that sings the Song at my Lord Mayors Feast I my self would make an Epithalamium by way of Sonnet and he should set a Tune to it 't was the pretty'st he had last time Enter Sly Sly Oh Gentlemen here is the strangest accident fallen out Thr. What 's the matter Sly Poor Scapin Gr. Ha! Rogue let him be hang'd I 'le hang him my self Sly Oh Sir that trouble you may spare for passing by a place where they were building a great stone fell upon his head and broke his Scull so you may see his Braines Thr. Where is he Sly Yonder he comes Enter Scapin between two his Head wrap'd up in Linnen as if he had been wounded Scap. Oh me Oh me Gèntlemen you see me you see me in a sad Condition cut off like a Flower in the prime of my years But yet I could not dye without the pardon of those that I have wrong'd yes Gentlemen I beseech you to forgive me all the injuries that I have done but more especially I beg of you Mr. Thrifty and my good Master Mr. Gripe Thr. For my part I pardon thee freely go and dye in peace Scap. But 't is you Sir I have most offended by the inhumane Bastinadoes which Gr. Prithee speak no more of it I forgive thee too Scap. 'T was a most wicked Insolence in me that I should with Vile Crab-tree Cudgel Gr. Pish no more I say I am Satisfied Scap. And now so near my death 't is an unspeakable grief that I should dare to lift my hand against Gr. Hol thy Peace or dye quickly I tell thee I have forgot All Scap. Alas how good a man you are But Sir d' you pardon me freely and from the bottom of your Heart those mercyless drubâ— that Gr. Prithee speak no more of it I forgive thee freely here 's my hand upon 't Pulls off his Cap. Scap. Oh! Sir how much your Goodness Revives me Gr. How 's that Friend take Notice I pardon thee but 't is upon Condition that you are sure to dye Scap. Oh me I begin to faint again Thr. Come fie Brother never let Revenge imploy your thoughts now forgive him forgive him without any Condition Gr. A dewce on 't Brother as I hope to be sav'd he beat me basely and scurvily never stir he did But since you will have it so I do forgive him Thr. Now then let 's to supper and in our mirth drown and forget all troubles Scap. Ay and let them carry me to the Lower End of the Table Where in my Chair of State I 'le sit at ease And eat and drink that I may dye in Peace A Dance The End Epilogue Spoken by Mrs. Mary Lee when she was out of Humour HOv little do you guess what I'm to say I 'm not to ask you how like Farce or Play For you must know I 've other bus'ness now It is to tell ye Sparks how we like you How happy were we when in humble guise You came with honest Hearts and harmless Eyes Sate without Noise and Tumult in the Pit Oh what a pretious Iewel then was Wit Tho now 't is grown so common let me dye Gentlemen scorn to keep it company Indulgent Nature has too bounteous been Your too much Plenty is become your Sin Time was ye were as meek as now y' are proud Did not in curst Cabals of Criticks croud Nor thought it witty to be very loud But came to see the Follies you would shun Tho now so fondly Antick here y' are grown Yâ—invert the Stages purpose and its Rules Make 〈◊〉 Speâ—tators whilst you play the Fools Equally witty as some valiant are The sad defects of both are expos'd here For here you 'll Censure who disdain to write As some make Quarrels here that scorn to fight The rugged Souldier that from War returns And still wiâ—th ' heat of former Action burns Let him but hither come to see a Play Proceeds an Errant Courtier in a dayâ— Shall steal from th' Pit and fly up to the Box There hold impertinent chat with Tawâ—ry Maux Till e're aware the Blustâ—rer falls in love And Hero grows as harmless as a Dove With us the kind remembrance yet remains When we were entertain'd behind our Scenes Though now alas we must your absence mourn Whilst nought but Quality will serve your turn Damn'd Quality that uses poaching Arts And as 't is said comes mask'd to prey on hearts The proper use of Vizors once was made When only worn by such as own'd the Trade Though now all mingle with 'em so together That you can hardly know the one from t'other But 't is no matter on pursue your Game Till we aried you return at last and taâ—e Know then 't will be our turn to be severe For when y 'ave left your Stings behind you there You lazy Drones ye shan't have harbour here FINIS The Courtiers Calling Shewing the Art of Living at Court according to the Maximes of Policy and Morality By a Person of Honour 12. Price 1 sh. 6 â— The Art of making Love Or Rules for the Conduct of Ladies and Gallants in their Amours 12. Price 1 s. Don Carlos Prince of Spain A Tragedy Actâ—d at the Dukes Theatre Written by Tho. Otway Price 1 s. Published this Term. The Portugal History Or A Relation of the Troubles that hapned in the Court of Portugal in the Years 1667 and 1668. By S. P. Esq. All Sold by Richard Tonson at his Shop under Grays-Inn-Gate next Grays-Inn-Lane
look you now Sir In his own Voyce He Affront the Captain he meddles with no Man 〈◊〉 Sir look you and hâ—r will give you beatings aud chastisements for your Contradictions when hur Wells ploods up look you and hur will Cudgel your Packs and your Nottles for it take you that pray you now His own Voyce Beat the Sack Hold hold will you Murder me I know not where he is not I. Hur will teach sawâ—y Iacks how they profook Hur Welse ploods and hur Choller 's and for the old Rogue hur will have his Guts and his plood â—ook you Sir or hur will never wear Leek upon St. Taffyes day more look you His own Voice Oh! He has mawl'd me a damn'd Welch Rogue Gr. You The Blows fell upon my Shoulders Oh! Oh! Scap. 'T was only the end of the Stick fell on you the main substantial part of the Cudgel lighted on me Gr. Why did you not stand further off Scap. Peace Here 's another Rogue In a Lancashire Dialect Scap. Yaw Fellee wi'th Sack theere done yaw knaw whear th'aâ—d Rascast Graip is Not I but here is no Rascal Yaw Leen yaw Dogue yaw knawn wee l eenuh whear he is an yawden teel and that he is a foo Rascatt as any is in aw the Tawn I's tell a that by 'r Lady Not I Sir I know neither Sir not I. By th' Mess an ay tack thee in hont ay's raddle th'bones on thee ay's keeble thee to some tune Me Sir I don't understand ye Why Th'awrt his Mon thaw Hobble Iâ—ll snite th' Nase o' thee Hold hold Sir what would you have with him Why I mun knock him dawne with my Kibbo the first bawt to the grawnt and then I mun beat him aw to pap by th' Mess aud after Ay mun cut off the Lugs and Naes on en and Ay wot he 'll be a pratty swatley Fellee bawt Lugs and Naes Why truly Sir I know not where he is but he went down that Lane This Lone sayn ye Ays find him by 'r Lady an he be above grawnt So he 's gone a damn'd Lancashire Rascal Gr. Oh good Scapin go on quickly Hold here 's another Gr. pops in his Head In an Irish Tone Dost thou hear Sack-man I pridee fare is de dam Dog Gripe His own Voice Why What 's that to you What know I. Fat 's dat to me Ioy By my soul Ioy I will lay a great Blow upon thy Pate and de Devil take me but I will make thee know fare he is indeed or I 'l beat upon till thou dost know by my salvation indeed Scap. I 'll not be beaten Now the Devil take me I swear by him that made me if thou dost not tell fare is Gripe but I will beat thy Father's Child very much indeed What would you have me do I cann't tell where he is But what would you have with him Fat would I have wid him By my soul if I do see him I will make Murther upon him for my Captain 's sake Murther him He ll not be murther'd If I do lay my Eyes upon him gad I will put my Sword into his Bowels de Devil take me indeed Fat hast dow in dat Sack Ioy by my salvation I will look into it But you shall not What have you to do with it By my soul Ioy I will put my Rapier into it Gr. Oh! Oh! Scap. Faâ—t it does grunt by my salvation de Devil take me I will see it indeed You shall not see my Sack I will defend it with my life Den I will make beat upon thy Body take that Ioy and that and that upon my soul and so I do take my leave Ioy. Beats him in the Sack A Plague on him he 's gone he had almost kill'd me Gr. Oh! I can hold no longer the Blows all fell on my Shoulders Scap. You cann't tell me they fell on mine Oh my Shoulders Gr. Yours Oh my Shoulders Scap. Peace th' are a coming In a â—oarse Sea-man's Voice â—here is the Dog Iâ—ll lay him on fore and aft swinge him with a Cat oâ—nine tails Keel-hale and then hang him at the Main Yard In broken French-English If dere be no more Men in England I vill kille him I vill put my Rapire in his Body and I vill give him two tree push'e in de gutte Here Scapin Acts a Number of e'm together We mun go this way o' th' right hand no to th' left hand lye close search ev'ry where by my salvation I will kill the dam Dog and we do catch en we 'll tear ' en in pieces an I do heer he went thick way no streight forward Hold here is his Man where 's your Master Dam me where in Hell speak hold not so furiously and you don't tell us where he is we 'll murder thee Do what you will Gentlemen I know not Lay him on thick thwack him soundly Hold hold do what you will I 'll nere betray my Master Knock'en down beat'en zoundly to'en at'en at'en at As he is going to strike Gripe peeps out and Scapin takes to his heels Gr. Oh Dog Traitor Villain Is this your Plot Would you have murder'd me Rogue Unheard of Impudence Enter Thrifty Oh Brother Thrifty You come to see me loaden with disgrace the Villain Scapin has as I am sensible now cheated me of 200 l. this beating brings all into my memory Aside Th. The impudent Varlet has gull'd me of the same Sum Gr. Nor was he content to take my Money but hath abus'd me at that barbarous rate that I am ashamed to tell it but he shall pay for it severely Th. But this is not all Brother on Misfortune is the forerunner of another Just now I received Letters from London that both our Daughters have run away from their Governesses with two wild debaucht young Fellows that they fell in Love with Enter Lucia and Clara. Luc. Was ever so malicious Impudence seen Hah Surely if I mistake not that should be my Father Cla. And the other mine who Scapin has us'd thus Luc. Bless us Return'd and we not know of it Cla. What will they say to find us here Luc. My dearest Father Welcome to England Th. My Daughter Luce Luc. The same Sir Gr. My Clara here too Cla. Yes Sir and happy to see your safe Arrival Th. What strange destiny has directed this happiness to us Enter Octavian Gr. Hey day Th. Oh Son I have a Wife for you Oct. Good Father All your Propositions are vain I must needs be free and tell you I am engaged Th. Look you now is not this very fine Now I have a mind to be merry and be friends with you you 'l not let me now will you I tell you Mr. Gripe's Daughter here Oct. I 'le never marry Mr. Gripe's daughter Sir as long as I Live No yonder 's she that I must Love and can never Entertain the thoughts of any other Cla. Yes Octavian I have at last met with my Father and all our fears
to my Father Scap. To you Father I have not so much as seen him since his return and if you 'd ask him he 'll tell you so himself Leand. Yes he has told me himself and told me all thou hast said to him Scap. With your good leave Sir then he ly'd I beg your pardon I mean he was mistaken Enter Sly Sly Oh Sir I bring you the most unhappy news Leand. What 's the matter Sly Your Mistress Sir is yonder arrested in an Action of 200 l. They say 't is a debt she left unpaid at London in the hast of her escape hither to Dover and if you do not raise money within this two hours to discharge her Shee 'l be hurried to prison Leand. Within this two hours Sly Yes Sir within this two hours Leand. Ah my poor Scapin I want thy assistance Scapin walks about Surlily Scap. Ah my poor Scapin Now I'm your poor Scapin now you 've need of me Leand. No more I pardon thee all that thou hast done and worse if thou art guilty of it Scap. No no never pardon me run your Sword in my Guts you 'l do better to Murder me Leand. For Heaven's sake think no more upon that but study now to assist me Oct. You must do something for him Scap. Yes to have my bones broken for my pains Leand. Would you leave me Scapin in this severe extremity Scap. To put such an affront upon me as you did Leand. I wrong'd thee I confess Scap. To use me like a Scoundrel a Villain a Rascal to threaten to run your Sword in my Guts Leand. I cry thy Mercy withall my Heart and if thou wilt have me throw my self at thy Feet I 'le doo 't Oct. Faith Scapin you must you cannot but yield Scap. Well then But d' yee mark me Sir another time better words and gentler blows Leand. Will you promise to mind my business Scap. As I see convenient Care shall be taken Leand. But the time you know is short Scap. Pray Sir don't be so troublesome How much money is 't you want Leand. Two hundred pounds Scap. And you Oct. As much Scap. No more to be said It shall be done For you the Contrivance is laid already and for your Father though he be covetous to the last degree Yet thanks be to Heaven hee 's but a shallow person To Leander his parts are not extraordinary do not take it ill Sir for you have no resemblance of him But that y' are very like him Begon I see Octavians Father coming I 'le begin with him Exeunt Oct. and Leand. Enter Thrifty Here he comes mumbling and chewing the Cud to prove himself a clean Beast Thr. Oh audacious Boy to commit so insolent a Crime and plunge himself into such a mischief Scap. Sir your humble Servant Thr. How do you Scapin Scap. What you are ruminating on your Sons rash Action Thr. Have I not reason to be troubled Scap. The life of man is full of troubles that 's the truth on 't But your Philosopher is alwaies prepared I remember an Excellent Proverb of the Ancients very fit for your Case Thr. What 's that Scap. Pray mind it 't will do ye a World of good Thr. What is 't I ask you Scap. Why When the Master of a Family shall be absent any considerable time from his home or Mansion he ought rationally gravely wisely and Philosophically to revolve within his mind all the concurrent Circumstances that may during the Interval conspire to the Conjunction of those misfortunes and troublesome accidents that may intervene upon the said absence and the interruption of his Oeconomical inspection into the remissness negligences frailties and huge and perillous Errours which his Substitutes Servants or Trustees may be capable of or liable aud obnoxious unto which may arise from the imperfection and corruptness of ingenerated Natures or the taint and contagion of corrupted Education whereby the Fountain-head of Man's Disposition becomes muddy and all the Streams of his Manners and Conversation run consequently defiled and impure These things premised and fore-considered arm the said prudent Philosophical Pater Familias to find his House laid waste his Wife murdered his Daughters deflowred his Sons hang'd Cum multis aliis qua nunc perscribere longum est and to thâ—nk Heaven 't is no worse too D' ye mark Sir Thr. S'deatâ— Is all this a Proverb Scap. Ay and the best Proverb and the wisest in the World Good Sir get it by heart T' will do ye the greatest good imaginable and don 't trouble your self I 'le repeat it to you till you have gotten it by heart Thr. No I thank you Sir I 'll have none on 't Scap. Pray do you 'l like it better next time hear it once more I say When the Master of a Thr. Hold hold I have better thoughts of my own I 'm going to my Lawyer I 'll null the Marriage Scap. Going to Law Are ye mad to venture your self among Lawyers Do you not see every day how the Spunges suck poor Clyents and with a company of foolish non-sensical terms and knavish tricks undo the Nation No you shall take another way Thr. You have reason if there were any other way Scap. Come I have found one The truth is I have a great compassion for your grief I cannot when I see tender Fathers afflicted for their Sons miscarriages but have bowels for 'em I have much ado to refrain weeping for you Thr. Truly my Case is sad very sad Scap. So it is tears will burst out I have a great respect for your person Counterfeits weeping Thr. Thank you with all my heart in troth we should have a fellow-feeling Scap. Ay so we should I assure you there is not a person in the World whom I respect more than the Noble Mr. Thrifty Thr. Thou art honest Scapin Ha' done ha' done Scap. Sir Your most humble Servant Thr. But what is your way Scap. Why In brief I have been with the Brother of her whom your wicked Son has Married Thr. What is he Scap. A most outragious roaring Fellow with a down-hanging Look contracted Brow with a swell'd red Face enflam'd with Brandy one that frowns puffs and looks big at all Mankind roars out Oaths and bellows out Curses enough in a Day to serve a Garrison a Week bred up in blood and rapine used to slaughter from his youth upwards one that makes no more conscience of killing a Man than cracking of a Lowse he has killed sixteen four for taking the Wall of him five for looking too big upon him two he shot pissing against the Wall In short he is the most dreadful of all the Race of Bullies Thr. Heav'n How do I tremble at the Description But what 's this to my Business Scap. Why He as most Bullies are is in want and I have brought him by threatning him with all the Courses of Law all the assistance of your Friends and your great Purse in which I ventur'd my