powerful musick must affect the heart and set the soul afloat Mel. Come Gentlemen Ceremonies are now dangerous because tedious I 'm fairly resolv'd to go with ye Tim. And I. They run off Mel. Tim. Sir John and Ned Decoy following Capt. You 'll stay behind I suppose Madam Flo. Why faith Captain I doubt whether I shall or not Capt. If you do Madam then I must sleep a Batchellor to night Flo. No hang it that 's a dull comfortless life I 'll rather try the Fool 's Paradise and for once be married Capt. That 's well thought of the Gentleman in Black I suppose has conjur'd Sir John already half way into the Circle let us succeed and get the second or third cast of his Office Exeunt hastily Enter Sir Anth. Choll and Dick. Sir Anth. Body o' me the Rogues shall be severely punish'd why they had not a Writ against the Young-man Dick. By Ovid I 'm sick the Rogues have frighted me so I shan't be able to show my self a man to night again Choll Villains Vagabonds Rakes Rascals Sons of Gâ—d forgive me they had almost spoil'd our mirth Rogues Sir Anth. Sincerely 't is no matter all 's well again now to our business ha where are the Lawyers gone hoa who waits there Enter Servant Where are the Lawâ—ers the Parson and my Daughters Choll And my Niece my Niece I ask Ser. All gone abroad Sir Sir Anth. Body o' me we 're betray'd cheated ruin'd and undone Dick. Pox on your House-keepers Lawyers I say Choll 'T is rare work and Ned has a hand in 't that young Dog must have a finger in the pye I 'll have him hang'd I 'll have him hang'd Tyburn is too good for the Rogue O that Villâ—â—n Dick. By Jupiter I 'm finely serv'd I 've lost my Supper just when my Appetite had taught me to long for it Sir Anth. Run Sirrah run cry stop the Thieves the Murderers the Robbers the any-things body o' me all 's lost Enter Sir John Captain Ned Mel. Flo. and Tim. Ned. No Sir 't is not lost that is on a friend bestow'd Choll So Sirrah I knew the Rogue was one at this mischief I knew 't you dog you I 'll make you let me come at him this Caâ—e and his Shoulders must renew their acquaintance Sir Anth. holds him Sir Anth. Body o' me we have entertain'd Wolves in Sheeps-cloathing Dick. By Jupiter two of them were in Fox's Cloathing but uds so I hope they are not married Sir-father Mel. Thus low I kneel to beg your Blessing this Gentleman is your Son and my Husband Dick. A damn'd confounded Rogue is he Sir Anth. Body o' me the young Woman has out-witted me but since she 's married to a Knight's Son I forgive her I ever esteem'd your Father Sir Thomas Rise Daughter prove an obedient Wife and my Blessing shall never be wanting Ned. This sudden Change speaks the goodness of your Nature nor shall my duty if possible ever show it self less than your kindness this Gentleman too deserves your pardon and esteem Sir Anth. How body o' me Flo. married Flo. Yes faith Sir I long'd to taste the sweet Sin of Rebellion and now the fact is committed I want a Remission Dick. Uds so Sir father the Jades are all mad Choll Ned Sirrah Rascal are you really married to this Woman Durst you use your Unkle thus 'T was a needless question the graceless Villain wou'd stick at nothing but I 'll be reveng'd I will Sirrah let them all starve Sir Anth. What 's past can't be recall'd the Girl was ne'er it seems ordain'd for a Nun and the method she has pursu'd perswades me she has Wit I wish you Sir all that happiness you desire may you be envied by none and esteem'd by all Capt. This indeed alone cou'd add to my happiness your friendship and this young Lady's love exalt me above the reach of Fâ—rtune's malice shou'd she now â—rown I 'd laugh at her weakness she can give no more for this mighty gift has exhausted all her treasure Sir Jo. I 've presum'd without your Consent to marry your Niece my Choll Well well Sir and starve with her when you 've done my Consent was worth nothing the blessing of a thousand pounds was a meer trifle the Parson 's was enough for you but no matter let that buy your Dinner I 'll see you all starve like so many Rats in a ruinous house Sir Jo. No Sir this secures me from that plague you threaten Choll What 's that Sirrah I profess I long to swinge this Rogue Sir Jo. Ten thousand pounds Alderman Chollerick gave me with his Niece I suppose 't was all her own Choll Oh Dog oh Villain oh Wretch I 'm chous'd ruin'd and but 't is no matter I 'll be reveng'd I 'll have Law I 'll spend all I have in the recovery of my right I will let me come at him Sir Anth. Have patience Neighbour body o' me I begin to think that I 'm no better us'd than I shou'd be Capt. Why faith Sir I 've made bold with eight thousand pounds instead of that design'd for your Son Sir Anth. And body o' me I suppose you 've been such another Counsellor Ned. Yes faith Sir I presume ye know these Letters to be of your own making Sir Anth. Sinceely speaking 't is so I hope however I 've got discrcet Creditors who won't sue a Commission of Bankrupt against me Choll Look ye Ned you 're a Rogue a confounded unlucky Villain Dick. Uds so so he is and us'd me once very Scurvily but by Iupiter I dare not complain lest he renew his kindness Ned. I 'm now master of Ten thousand pounds I remember your old Maxim Law for Money and if it hold you 'll add another Ten to 't Choll Look ye now the Rogue has me already on the sore hip Ned Ned why Ned I am thy Uncle and thy best friend I 've a great kindness for thee and wou'd not willingly put thee to charges banish my dear boy Ned all thoughts of Law and live happy with thy present fortune Sir Anth. No disputes on a bridal night the business shall be amicably compos'd at another time Enter Freelove and Lucy Decoy following Choll Now now look ye whom have we here if he 's one of Ned's Companions he 's a Rogue and she a Jilt Free Gentlemen I wish you much Joy and you fair Ladies I was inform'd of your good fortunes and cou'd be no longer absent I 'm happy too and blest as you are Capt. This Sir is a Gentleman and my friend Sir Anth. You 're very welcome Sir Body o' me my Son â— in-Law's friend is no less than a Member of my family and may confidently claim my Service Free Sir I 'm your very humble Servant Dick. Uds so he has got a delicate Wench wou'd I had married her Sir Jo. How long Freelove hast thou been acquainted with this young Lady Free Not above two days 't was by Madam
Sir Anth. Body o' me my Son shall be no Monster ha Mistress Decoy Enter Decoy De. Sir The Alderman desires you 'd be at home Madam To Flora. Sir Anth. Body o' me I 'm at home just now De. He designs to wait upon your Daughter when he has dispatch't some affairs that call him abroad The Capt. dyes for you and Sir Anth. Had he no other Gommands De. Yes Sir he bid me ask if your Son was come to Town The young Lover must see you To Melintha delivers two Letters to the Ladies Sir Anth. Then tell him my Son is come Daughter go instantly and prepare for his reception 'T is fitting you appear gay before the man I have design'd for your yoke-fellow De. Lincolns-in-fields whispers the Ladies Sir Anth. I must go and look after my business 't is dangerous to be negligent and I remember half a dozen Lines made by a City Poet of my acquaintance which are very much to the purpose Care in Affairs brings Wealth then Friends encrease From Friendship Power then from our Labour ease Thus to be Rich is to be Honest too For Men in Power are Just what e're they do Poor Cheats in wanting Riches lose success For Art and Money make all Crimes seem less Exeunt omnes preter Decoy Enter Freelove opening his Pocket-book De. Ha! This may be a prize let me see I must think and quickly too what or whom shall I personate I have it I 'le be religious and ignorant that never fails to take with those who know not the Cheats of this Age Sir your humble Servant Speaks with a Cant. Free I 've a Bill here Madam upon Alderman Collerick De. Why truly Sir he is not at home at present he 's gone I suppose to the Meeting-house to hear Mr. Jugler a man that has coupl'd many a Pair and is a most dexterous Joyner Free What a Devil does the Hag mean Well Madam but when shall I find the Alderman at home De. Indeed Sir I cannot be positive but as I was saying Mr. Jugler is a sweet Man he has married forty of my Friends within these late Years Are you a Batchelour Sir Free I am Madam if you please De. Good Lord if I please truly why not Sir But yet Sir you must know I 'm sorry to see so fine a young Gentleman without the Comforts of Matrimony and out of pure Love to that handsome Face which speaks so much of good Nature I wou'd help you to a Young Lady of my acquaintance worth twelve thousand pounds chaste as a religious Nun and innocent as a Dove or Lamb I 'm sure she wou'd be happy with you Free Madam I can't flatter my self so far as to believe I merit that Fortune you offer Beauty is not easily won and where 't is supported by Wealth the conquest is much more difficult yet I own my thanks are due De. O dear Sir no Complements I am but a plain ignorant Woman and a Stranger to the Tricks of the Town yet you may safely leave the difficulty of the Enterprize to my care for tho' I appear mean in this dress I keep good Company and have an Interest in a great many fine Ladies Are you acquainted with Sir John Winmore Free Yes Madam De. And is not he a very fine Gentleman He makes use of my Friendship too But Sir I am oblig'd by my hard Fortune to let Gentlemen pay all the Expences which happen in carrying on Affairs of this kind Free That was a needless caution Madam no man can be so much an Enemy to his own Interest as to scruple the payment of a trifle on which his Fortune might depend De. A credulous easie Fool I find indeed Sir you say very well your Face speaks a great deal of Wit and Judgment I hope you know Sir where to find me I 'm the Alderman's House-keeper Free Madam I 'm now in haste but in the mean time accept of this small Compliment and let me hope you won't forget the business you mentioned concerning the Young Lady Gives Mony De. O dear Sir d' ye think I cou'd forget such a one as you are Well adieu So this is a very lucky morning Sir John gave me five Guineas his Friend three and this Gentleman two I 've no less than four Couple of Lovers and I must find a Plot that will bring them all together without the consent of their respective Guardians In the mean time this last Customer shall prove the Cully he 's a Coxcomb fitted for my purpose as appears by his liberality to a Stranger and I 'm resolv'd how to bestow him To deal with Fools I find's my surest way They all believe and never fail to pay But with the wise my Trade wou'd soon decay Exit ACT II. SCENE I. The Alderman's House Enter Alderman Chollerick and Ned. Choll WELL said well said very fine Twelve a Clock was a seasonable hour was it Sirrah was it The Constable was a. Rogue a Villain and a Rascal had he been diligent in his Imployment you had not lodg'd in my House last night the Counter was more fitting for such a Prodigal A Fire kindl'd so late besides Sirrah a Man may be undone in farthing Candles but your Uncle 's an Ass am I Sirrah speak Ned. Pray Sir Choll I am then a mere Ass in your Books look ye Sirrah Ned. Pray Sir hear me with patience Choll Patience Sir Ned. Yes Patience Sir Choll Ay Patience you say Sir Why Patience is the virtue of an Ass Sirrah but d' ye hear Come me sooner home at Night go to Bed in the dark eat half-penny Rolls and Cheshire Cheese and drink small Beer or expect I 'le say no more you Rogue expect my displeasure and consequently to be turn'd out of Doors Ned. I presume I 've spent nothing hitherto but my own my Father left me Choll Your Father Sirrah Why what of your Father Wou'd you abuse the dead Sirrah What have you spent you Rogue you nothing but your own very good wondrous fine and when did my Money become yours I 'de have you know Sirrah I have maintain'd you these three Years I 've paid a double price for your Estate your own Sir Why look ye now ye young Dog you I 've lent you some thousands upon your Estate even when your Title was by my Lawyer disputed for it 's You 're a Rogue Sirrah and there 's an end on 't Ned. I hope the Law will yet allow my Title good to all I once possest you know too I ne're spent half the Interest on 't Choll Why what an unlucky Rogue this is Law Sirrah Why the Law you Fool will allow nothing Where 's your Money Ay where 's your Money But you can have Law without Money You mistake the World young Man you must pay for every thing Ned. I 've heard of a Court of Conscience Sir Choll Conscience Why look ye Sirrah what have I to do with Conscience ha Ned. Very
little it seems Sir Choll Look ye d' ye see now there 's a Villain is your Uncle a Rogue Sirrah Has he no Conscience What wou'd this young Rake have prov'd if I had not clipt his Wings betimes Ned. I confess Sir my Folly is now evident to my self the easiness of my Nature has betray'd my Interest and I 've arm'd you with my own Weapons the better to secure your Victory Choll Why what Weapons Sirrah I profess he wou'd provoke me and I cou'd swear bloody Oaths did not Religion and good Manners restrain me Look ye Friend look ye now how long will my good Nature last Not very long not very long Sirrah Ned. Why Sir I hope you don't think of losing what you ne're possest Choll I 've no good Nature then you say Very well I can suffer your frequent Extravagancies see you often drive to the Court-end of the Town pick up a black-fac'd Whore but of a blacket Conscience ramble to a Tavern get drunk and then come home at midnight swear like a Bully commend an affected Fop protest he delivers himself handsomely and with a good grace because he makes mouths when he speaks swear this a pretty Gentleman ' cause he sung a smutty Catch or two the other a brave Fellow ' cause he roar'd over his Glass the fourth witty because he ridicul'd things sacred or towr'd so high that he became unintelligible to himself and others for Madness Sirrah goes often current for the height of Wit Ned. It does so Sir Choll Does it Sirrah The fifth a man of Judgment because he was a solemn grave Fool spoke little and understood less The sixth well bred because he knew how to flatter how to dissemble how to bow and cringe and at first meeting to borrow Money with the same assurance as if you had been his Cash-keeper or at least his intimate Acquaintance for twenty years past Now you Rogue I have no good Nature yet can suffer all this No! no! not a grain of good Nature that 's very fine very fine indeed Ned. My Judgment informs me in my choice of Friends Choll Well no matter Sirrah Judgment or no Judgment I 'le be reveng'd I 'le have a Wife Sirrah Heirs of my own Body Sirrah you shan't o're-rule me or my House Sirrah No you shan't Sirrah Timandra Niece Timandra Enter Timandra Tim. Now for my share in this Morning Lecture Sir Choll Ay Sir come here Sir Look ye here I 've been telling Ned part of my Mind but he 's too wise to rely upon the Judgment of his Uncle he has Wisdom enough of his own and so I 've done with him but I shou'd be sorry if thou wert lost too I always had a kindness for thee and consulted thy Interest as my own Tim. So it seems Sir and judg'd my Fortune yours Choll How How This Rogue 's Madness has infected her I profess ingeniously he has debauch'd her Nature and o're-turn'd her Obedience But d'ye see young Baggage no words no words I 'm your Uncle nay more I'm Master of your Fortune Tim. Sir I 'm sensible of your Power of which that last Article is the greatest prop. Choll No matter Look ye I 've resolv'd on a Match between you and my Friend Sir Anthony's Son 't is a virtuous Youth the Hier of a Rich rather bend your stiffn'd Inclinations and comply with my Commands d' ye see expect no mercy from me else study how to receive him according to his Merit for he will be here this Afternoon In the mean time Sirrah I 'le be your Enemy I will Sirrah I know how to be reveng'd Sir Anthony's Daughter d' ye hear that Sirrah I 'le have a Wife I warrant you A Rogue a Exit Enter Decoy De. Sir I 've been an Ear-witness of your Uncle's Unkindness and am sorry the old Gentleman shou'd be so much a Slave to his Passions but I hope Fortune will be more your Friend than hitherto she has been Tim. Heaven grant it may be so De. He 's gone now to Sir Anthony's to court Melintha I 've plumm'd the depths of that young Lady's Heart and tho' she appears intirely devoted to Heaven yet she has that esteem for a handsom Young Man which those of her Years can hardly avoid Her Father's Humour keeps her uneasie at home your Uncle's Addresses are still more troublesome and to shun these two Plagues she 'll run into the Arms of some kind Deliverer You may be the happy Man and if you 'll rely upon my Conduct and Skill the business is already half perfected Ned. If you assist me in this you confirm me yours believe me 't is a Service I never can forget propose therefore a Reward and 't is given as soon as askt Gives Money De. 'T is not reasonable I should play the Souldier and take Money e're I actually serve but truly I always thought it ill Manners to refuse what any Gentleman offers 't is the duty of poor People to be obedient to their Commands especially in such Cases as these but your business shall be the end of all my Labours Ned. Thank ye Madam remember my good or bad Fortune depends upon your management Exit Tim. Where was it you saw Sir John De. At his Lodgings I stole thither when your Uncle was abroad Tim. And did he remember Timandra De. Remember you Why truly he remembers nothing else he drank your health sigh'd when he pronounc'd your Name swore imperfect Oaths grew silent on a sudden and as suddenly started into the other Extream I 've a Plot which if it succeed will produce Effects answerable to all your Wishes Really and fairly speaking he 's a notable Gentleman he must see you this Afternoon for 't is impossible he shou'd live a whole day without you Tim. I 'm oblig'd to him for his good opinion but inform me concerning my new Lover Sir Anthony's Son De. The Squire Madam very much resembles Sancho Pancha in his Shapes and Don Quixot in his Intellects Heaven I hope has design'd you Madam a better Husband for Sir John Winmore if any man can well deserves your Love That assurance your Uncle has of my Fidelity gives me an Opportunity of being instrumental in promoting your mutual Happiness 't is in this as in all other Affairs the Weakness of one creates the Power of another Tim. Your kindness so far exceeds my merit 't is in vain to offer payment in words and my Circumstances are such as deny me the liberty of expressing my Gratitude handsomely but accept of these few Sentences and let their Eloquence attone for the defects of mine Gives Money De. Truly Madam you are charmingly eloquent and if you always speak so half the Beaus in Town would die for you pardon my abrupt departure but I am oblig'd by my Promise to manage an Affair for a Gentleman that requires expedition Adeiu Madam Match-making is a rare Imployment a Counsellor takes a Fee from one of the Parties and